Dear Madeleine,

I manage R&D for a large medical device company. I am at the tail end of my work life. I wanted to retire at the end of this year, but our executive team is encouraging me to stay until I feel comfortable that someone on my team can step into the role.

Right now, I am not seeing a likely replacement. The job requires a wide mix of skills and activities. Although I have shared development ideas with my direct reports, I don’t see anyone doing anything differently.

I just sense that no one really cares much about the job or has the ambition to do anything other than the bare minimum. How can I light a fire under these people?

Where Is the Spark?

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Dear Where Is the Spark?

It might be you, my friend. It sounds like you have made some suggestions that your folks may not quite know what to do with. And they may not know why they should bother.

Getting your people fired up to develop themselves for a senior leadership role requires you to intentionally and systematically tap into their dreams and aspirations, understand their identity—how they see themselves, and convince them of their agency—the extent to which they are empowered to go beyond where they think they can go. It’s up to you to create an environment where each of your people sees what’s possible, why it matters, and how they can grow into it.

Here are some ideas for how you might approach creating such an environment:

1. Share a Vision of What Leadership in Your Organization Can Be

You can do this with your entire team, in small doses.

• Describe what great leadership looks like in your organization—not just in competencies, but in impact.
• Share examples of leaders in your company who are admired. Why are they effective?
• Talk about the difference leaders can make at a senior level. Tell stories. You might say something like: “Leadership here isn’t about position—it’s about shaping direction, driving culture, and building something bigger than yourself.”

The challenge with this idea is that you will also be held to the standards you talk about.

2. Spot and Call Out Potential

People rarely see leadership potential in themselves unless someone points it out.

• Tell individuals specifically what strengths or behaviors you’ve seen in them that signal leadership potential.
• Make it personal and credible: “I see you as someone who could be a strategic leader here because you consistently…”

Don’t wait for them to ask. Plant a seed anytime you see something a person can build on.

3. Connect to Personal Purpose

Deep motivation comes from alignment with identity and values. Who is each team member, at their core? How do they see themselves? What matters most to them?

• You might ask: “What kind of impact do you want to have?” or “What problems do you care most about solving?” or “What interests you most about what we do here?
• Once you get some answers, you can connect to ways that senior leadership might offer them a bigger lever to engage in activities that mean the most to them.

4. Share Responsibility

Growth accelerates when people feel responsible for something bigger than their job. Look at what you do daily and figure out what you can delegate. Start out small, and build.

• Assign stretch responsibilities that align with senior leadership competencies, such as cross-functional work, strategy development, or mentoring others.
• Let them lead change, not just manage tasks.
• Frame it: “This is a great chance to build the skill set senior leaders need.”

5. Make Development Visible and Structured

If development feels fuzzy or unsupported, it can easily fall by the wayside—which is what has been happening for your people.

• Build or recommend a clear pathway: rotational projects, leadership coaching, mentoring, strategic courses. Build on strengths or identify specific gaps they can work on.
• Use individual development plans (IDPs) tied to specific leadership competencies. If your organization already has these, use them. If it doesn’t, create the ones you think are most critical. Start with one or two and be careful not to overpower people with too much, too soon. The key is to start with low-hanging fruit. What is a small thing that might be possible and would make a big difference?

6. Celebrate Progress and Model the Way

People need to see development as a rewarding investment; otherwise, it just feels like extra work.

• Acknowledge each person’s accomplishments and growth in public settings. This reinforces motivation and can inspire others in the group to rise as well.
• Share your own development journey, including struggles. This normalizes growth and makes leadership feel attainable. It would require you to be vulnerable, which could be uncomfortable. But it will humanize you and remind your people that you weren’t always the boss.

You will learn a lot about your people as you try some of these suggestions. The obstacles will become much clearer. You may uncover irrational fears that you can allay. You may find that some of your folks are already overwhelmed by their workload and don’t have the bandwidth to take on anything else. You may uncover some cynicism; e.g., you may hear that the organization is perceived as very political. Cynicism is data that can help you pinpoint assumptions about falsehoods that you can dispel, or about realities you hadn’t noticed or considered important. You can help everyone shift their mindset and support them in navigating obstacles.

This will be a lot more work for you—and, of course, for them. But if they know you care and are paying attention, I guarantee a few will rise to the top. And then you can retire!

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services as well as a key facilitator of Blanchard’s Leadership Coach Certification course. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I work in a company that directly supports several industries that have been affected by the changes that are being made in Washington—financial services, supply chain, manufacturing, etc. Many of our contracts have been put on hold, which is clear at least. In some cases, though, when we try to contact our partners to find out what is going on, we get no return calls or emails. We aren’t sure if people have been laid off or what services they are still expecting. The bills we sent them months ago are going unpaid.

My team is in chaos. Everyone is in a state of dread, expecting our entire business to fail. This seems even worse than COVID; I can’t put my finger on why, exactly. Some of my people’s spouses have been laid off from their jobs. One person lost her parents in that awful plane crash on the Potomac, which I know has nothing to do with the changes at work but it casts a pall. I do get how some people feel like the world is ending.

Thankfully, we still have plenty of work, but I can’t seem to get people to stay focused. How do I stop this spiral and help everyone get back on an even keel?

Negative Spiral

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Dear Negative Spiral,

I am so, so sorry for the distress you and your people are going through. You are not alone—I have heard similar anguish from many people in many sectors. Big change is always destabilizing and scary. Our brains are not built to respond rationally to uncertainty.

I have a few ideas that may help, but first I will caution you to adjust your goal to “get people back on an even keel.” My Spidey sense tells me things are going to get more tumultuous before they settle, and whatever was an even keel (a.k.a. normal life) will end up being a new normal. My point is that, just as with COVID, it will take years for everyone who is affected by all the changes in regulations to find their footing.

As a leader, job one for you is to stay calm. Your people will take their cues from you, so if you can demonstrate that the sky is not, in fact, falling, that will help.

Another thing you can do is listen. Let people share their distress and help them brainstorm how they might respond to their misfortunes and changes in circumstance. You can’t fix anything for people, but you can listen with empathy and let them know you care. No one wants to hear “everything is going to be okay” until they have had a chance to share all the reasons they don’t believe it. You will find it takes more time than you want it to take, but you will immediately experience the value of it.

Perhaps your company has an Employee Assistance Program that your people can take advantage of. Many EAPs will provide at least some appointments with a therapist so that people can fully express their distress and potentially learn some coping strategies.

Finally, it may help if you share that despite the uncertainty with some contracts, there is still “plenty of work.” An approach I have seen to be very effective is when leaders share, clearly and succinctly:

1. What I know for sure (today);
2. What I believe will happen (based on experience); and
3. What I don’t know and we will all have to wait and see.

This is a slightly modified version of listing what is within our control, what is somewhat within our control that we might be able to influence, and what is most definitely outside our control. The “sphere of control” exercise might be a helpful framework for some of your most deeply affected folks.

It is much more likely that sailors will weather a storm when their captain appears to believe they all can. It sounds like you do believe your organization will be okay, so it can’t hurt to share that reassuring point of view with your people.

Finally, after every conversation in which you listen and reassure people, you can redirect their focus on what they can do in the next hour, today, and this week. Research shows that switching from ruminating, which can deepen and strengthen negative thoughts (and requires that the brain be in the default mode network), to focusing on and accomplishing a discrete task that requires full concentration (which requires the brain to be in the task positive network) interrupts the downward spiral. It’s because these modes are mutually exclusive—the brain cannot be in both modes at once. This is why, when we become paralyzed by our negative thoughts, it can help to simply make the bed or perform administrative tasks. There is a reason that humans often have the instinct to stay busy in the face of challenging and unpleasant emotions.

For the foreseeable future, it is possible that the best you can hope for is to help stop the spiraling and keep people at least semi-functional. Stay calm and optimistic yourself. Stay focused on what is working and what can be done.

You will be a hero.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services as well as a key facilitator of Blanchard’s Leadership Coach Certification course. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I run a commercial retail real estate firm in a big city in the Midwest. We have some seasoned senior brokers, all of whom have done well working with junior brokers, training them while also benefiting from their help.

The model has worked really well, except in the case of one senior broker. He does very well financially, but has developed a reputation in town of not following through. Also, he sometimes fails to show up for meetings with landlords and even prospective renters.

He has gone through several junior brokers in quick succession because he treats them like trash and does not properly share commissions. He was a lot of fun our first ten years in business, but as the business has grown and we have all matured, he seemingly hasn’t grown up.

I am the owner of the business, but other than overseeing legal compliance and providing basic guidelines, I have been hands-off—not really a boss. I have pointed out some of this person’s more extreme behavior to him, but it is getting to the point of no return. Everyone knows everyone in our town, so people know his antics are not a reflection on me or my firm, but it is getting out of hand.

How do I get someone in their mid-40s to stop behaving like a child? I really need him as a senior broker to develop the juniors so that they want to stay and grow. And I need to stop the gossip about his partying and the impression that our entire firm is filled with people who are not serious about their profession. I should mention that he and I are longtime friends. He has been with me since the beginning, which complicates things.

Man-child Mayhem

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Dear Man-child Mayhem,

It can be hard when you outgrow longtime friends—and when they work for you, it can make things downright impossible. I am struggling with finding a way to say what I want to say without offending you, so please forgive me in advance if I miss the mark. Here goes.

You need to face two essential truths:

1. You are the boss.
2. People don’t change until the cost of not changing becomes too high to bear. This applies to both you and Man-child.

Some food for thought based on these two truths:

You may not want to be the boss, but you are. The whole “not really the boss” thing can work as long as everybody behaves themselves, but not so much (as you are currently experiencing) when they don’t. It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt, and that someone is going to be you. Again—you are the boss. The only way you are going to get the Man-child to grow up is to insist on it and enact appropriate consequences if he fails to comply.

There is a chance that he just doesn’t know how to be a grownup. If that is the case, you can give him very clear instructions on what is grownup behavior and what isn’t. And when I say clear, I mean literally put his dos and don’ts in writing so that you can pull up the document when you have to discuss it. Give him a few chances to get used to acting like a grownup at work.

If he does know but just doesn’t care, well, you have a choice. You can choose to tolerate the unacceptable or you can choose to part ways. If you need to part ways, you can certainly share that you hope not to lose the friendship—but you should be ready for that eventuality.

It is up to you. It is your business and your reputation on the line here. Way back when, people in your town were in the know and were able to separate the Man-child from you. But as you grow and he crosses paths with new people, they will absolutely wonder what kind of an operation you are running.

You have grown up—well, almost. You are suffering from the effects of not having completely grown up. Now is time for you to take full responsibility for your business or suffer the consequences. You know what you need from your people and you seem to be getting it from everyone but Man-child. You might consider taking it to the next level by checking out the work of Henry Cloud, an expert on boundaries. His book Boundaries for Leaders: Results, Relationships and Being Ridiculously in Charge might give you just the step-by-step direction you need to step fully into being a real boss.

Look, I hate making anyone comply with anything, so if you are having an allergic reaction to what I am saying, I get it. But part of being a grownup means accepting reality. And reality can be a harsh taskmaster.

Have the hard conversation. Don’t sugarcoat anything. Reward good behavior and do not, I repeat, do not look the other way when Man-child acts like an idiot. Give him a few chances and then—if he cannot or will not raise his standards—pull the plug exactly the way you said you would. Your business is at stake.

I’m sorry. I hope I am wrong about this. If you get a better idea from someone else, please share it with me.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services as well as a key facilitator of Blanchard’s Leadership Coach Certification course. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I think I have a generational disconnect going on. I am a millennial (though I was born in 1981, so many people think I am GenX) and I supervise a lot of young people right out of college—classic GenZ people.

I am really struggling with this notion of privilege. When I was a kid, privileged basically meant people who had special advantages and tended to be oblivious about how much easier that made their lives, and how easily opportunities fell into their laps. To me, anyway, it almost always meant wealth.

Now, however, the term privilege seems to be used pejoratively about anyone who has something that somebody else doesn’t have. I feel like the young people I supervise are always looking around for things they see as unfair or offensive.

Just last week, I was explaining that a big project had gone to another group. Someone said the reason we didn’t get it was that the other group’s supervisor has a friend on the executive team. I replied that the choice was made because it is a global project and the other team has a lot more members on the East Coast, which makes the multiple time zones easier to manage. Some people seemed mollified, but others doubled down on their discontent.

My point here is: who cares? There are plenty of projects to go around, and there is no value whatsoever in investing in the whys and wherefores of how decisions get made. I don’t understand the knee-jerk reaction to assume that when someone else gets an opportunity you wanted, it is for a nefarious reason. It seems as if young people automatically assume the game is rigged and they will always be on the losing end.

I keep reiterating the only thing that matters is that we work hard, stay out of trouble, and produce good work. At least in our organization, my experience tells me we are created equal. If we strive to be competent and keep our commitments, that’s what matters.

Am I simply from a generation that is overly optimistic? What am I missing here?

Gen Z Confusion

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Dear Gen Z Confusion,

There is a lot to unpack here: generational differences, notions about privilege, taking offense from—well—pretty much everything. I started doing some research on all of it, went down a massive rabbit hole, and got myself in a muddle. Then, to reboot my brain, I read your letter about five more times. Here is what I have for you.

I don’t think this is a generational difference. I don’t think this is about privilege. I think what you are dealing with are some individuals in your group who have developed the habit of looking for stuff to rail against. This habit is not limited to any one generation. It has probably been part of the human condition since the advent of Homo habilis—roughly 2.8 million years. For every innovative early man celebrated for figuring out how to use a stone as a new tool, you can bet there was someone throwing shade. This insidious habit is a little like pinkeye—extremely contagious and just as nasty.

This might help you better understand what you are dealing with: the behavior you are experiencing is resentment. Brené Brown (whom my colleagues and I call “Auntie Brené” because she is such a font of wisdom) says this about it:

“Resentment is the feeling of frustration, judgment, anger, “better than,” and/or hidden envy related to perceived unfairness or injustice. It’s an emotion that we often experience when we fail to set boundaries or ask for what we need, or when expectations let us down because they were based on things we can’t control, like what other people think, what they feel, or how they’re going to react.”

                                                                                    Atlas of the Heart, pg. 33

Some of your people are putting a lot of energy into pointing out the ways life isn’t fair. There are definitely those who will swear this is a defining feature of Gen Z, but I can attest that plenty of Boomers did it. It may be more common among the young. As people get older, they tend to develop some equanimity around the sad truth that life is not fair and learn to get on with things. At least the lucky ones do.

The question is: what can you do about it? The key is to identify the people who are infecting the whole crew and keep them from doing it.

You might start with a candid conversation with each of them, individually. As you prepare, there might be some value in understanding the part you play in the dynamic. I understand your question “Who cares?” means you don’t really care and you don’t think anyone else should, either. It is a valid point, and you are the boss, but being right isn’t going to help you here. The more you resist caring, the more resistance you will get from people who think you should care. So step one is to get curious.

You can start with some questions to better understand the grievers’ grievances. They may have some valid ones—and you might find yourself caring more than you expected to. Even if that isn’t the case, simply listening can be perceived as caring and can often diffuse negative feelings. Questions you might ask are:

• Do you think there is a lot that goes on around here that is unfair or unjust?
• How does this affect you in your day-to-day work?
• What do you think can be done about it?
• Do you think you should be getting more of something (choice projects, pay, time off, influence) that you are not getting? How might I support you in getting it?
• Do you think there is anything within my control that I should be doing something about?
• Do you see how your focusing on perceived unfairness might not be useful in group settings?
• What might be different if you focused on what is working well for the team instead of what isn’t?

This conversation alone may change the dynamic. If it doesn’t, you can make a request. Ask the most vocal grumblers to stay focused on the positive and keep their complaints limited to conversations with you so that you can troubleshoot them together.

You can also share with your entire team that you have noticed a tendency to over-focus on real or potential negatives, which bogs everything down, and you would like to experiment with how to shift it. You probably aren’t the only one to notice this tendency. You might be surprised by ideas generated by others on the team.

Consider working together to come up with a shared vision and credo for the team. It would be made up of the possibility of excellence and the team’s shared values—essentially what everyone on the team thinks is most important in terms of working well together, doing the best possible job at any given time, and what makes the team especially valuable to the organization. There might be someone on your HR or Learning and Development team who can help you conduct a workshop to do this. If you are on your own, you will find some guidance here. When the whole team has agreed on what behaviors are out of bounds, there is a much better chance you won’t be the only one having to shut down behavior that derails conversations.

Your best bet is to stop worrying about labels and treat each person on your team as an individual with a world view informed by their beliefs and experiences. Meet each person where they are. Influence them by role-modeling fairness, caring, and using any privilege you may have to advocate for those who don’t have it.

You may just win over the doom-and-gloomers to the sunny side of the street.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a large team of accounting professionals for a company of about 4800 employees. I have worked very hard to create a great team, and I have excellent, dedicated people.

My problem is our payroll manager (PM). He is generally very easy-going and a hard worker. He is a whiz at working with our software provider. He catches errors and has proved invaluable.

The issue is this: PM can be very off-putting when an employee calls with a problem—and when it is an executive with a huge salary, he is at his very worst. We have received complaints from enough people that my boss is on my case now. I have tried to offer him feedback and have recommended that he take a customer service class that is in our online learning library.

Recently, PM said something insulting to a regional VP of sales. I didn’t hear it because I was in a conference room, but we have an open office plan and a bunch of people did hear it. I am just waiting for a complaint to come in. When I approached him about the incident, he admitted that he had been triggered by the VP’s attitude, which he perceived as condescending and abusive.

He appears to resent how much money some people make, and he has told me several times that he thinks everyone in accounting is underpaid, especially him. All of us (including me) are paid proper market rate for people in our profession. It is true that jobs in accounting don’t pay as well as they once did.

I told PM that his growing reputation is not going to help me make the case to get him a raise. He got mad at me, cut the conversation short, and walked -away shaking his head. Since then he has been very cranky with everyone. On one hand, I am afraid he will quit. On the other hand, I kind of wish he would quit, because if he can’t change his attitude I will have to fire him.

I keep trying different angles to help him, but can’t seem to find anything that works. I don’t know what to do. How can I help PM deal with his resentment and stop being rude to our customers?

Want to Help

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Dear Want to Help,

I appreciate your desire to help. The rule I will remind you of right out of the gate is that you can’t save people who don’t want to be saved. In my darker hours, I am almost 100% certain that you can’t save people, period. Though I could be wrong about that.

It can be hard to face the ugly truth that the profession you trained for doesn’t pay as well as others. This might come as a surprise to PM if he got into accounting because he liked it and was good at it, but didn’t research compensation before he made his choice. It can be a huge challenge to offer impeccable customer service to people who are jerks and who make (what might be judged as) entirely too much money. Money is simply a big, fat trigger for a lot of people—certainly for many people who feel underpaid and/or undervalued.

Customer service takes a special kind of person, and I am not sure an online course is going to help someone who simply isn’t cut out for it. If you Google personality traits of excellent customer service representatives, you will find words like empathy, positivity, friendliness, and approachability. I am not saying it is impossible for PM to develop these, but it is probably a long shot.

I do have some ideas for you:

• Go super direct. Ask PM if he wants to stay in the job and find a way to make it work. That might speed up what happens next. If the answer is yes, tell him he can be mad and cranky all he wants but it isn’t going to change the requirements of the job, which is that he treat any company employee who needs his help with civility and respect. You can share that he is an excellent technical professional, you want to make it work, you believe in second chances, and you are okay with giving him one last chance—but if there is one more incident, you will have to let him go. If the answer is no, well, you know what to do.
• Change the job. If it is at all possible, look into changing PM’s job so he doesn’t have to work directly with customers. Find someone on the team who is naturally kind, caring, non-judgmental, and service oriented to field customer calls. That person can then troubleshoot with PM and get back to the customer. I understand this may prompt a change in job descriptions, which can be a pain in the neck.  The practice of re-designing jobs to suit the people in them rather than hiring the right person for the job can wreak havoc, especially in huge companies.  It all depends on how confident you are in your ability to find someone who can be good at all aspects of the job.
• Let the chips fall where they may. Continue to give feedback and wait for PM to do something that will get him fired. This won’t reflect well on you, but you wouldn’t be the first manager to resort to this option.

Once PM has calmed down, you might consider having a heart-to-heart. If you think he trusts you enough, you can remind him that you are on his side, you care, and you want to set him up to win. You might suggest that he work with a coach or therapist to help him rethink his professional options if he is so bitterly disappointed with the pay—or, at least, to help him deal with whatever triggers him so he can gain more self-control.

It is obvious that you want to help. It makes sense that you want to retain someone who is so technically capable. But, in the end, it will be up to PM to decide if he wants to change. If he can’t—or won’t—there is not a whole lot you can do.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I have been managing people for decades. With the advent of Covid, I put a lot of focus on getting better at managing hybrid teams. (This blog really helped me.) I have some people who come to the office and about half the group works remotely. I go in four days a week.

I have developed a reputation for being fair, working with individuals to find challenging opportunities and being flexible with work preferences. But lately I have begun to wonder if I am being too flexible, at the expense of the functioning of my team. For example, I have one direct report who has informed me that he intends to move to Australia. He just assumed I would be okay with it. I am not.

I really wish he had approached me with this as a request and not presented it as a fait accompli. I never would have approved this move. But now all the plans have been made—and if I were to say no at this point, it would cause a lot of turbulence. My biggest issue is that we already work with multiple time zones, and adding another one on the opposite side of the world is going to increase complexity. I haven’t even begun the process of talking to HR about the laws governing employment in Australia, and that worries me. This person is a good employee, but there have been some issues with accountability and entitlement. I wouldn’t mind letting him go and hiring someone new for the job.

What I really want to do is ask him if we can roll back this decision, but I worry that he only behaved the way he did because I sent mixed messages. How much of this is my fault? What can I do now?

Not OK

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Dear Not OK,

Wow, this is so relatable. As a manager, I often have erred on the side of giving people too much freedom (which is crucial to me) and have suffered similar mix-ups. I applaud your willingness to consider the part you might have played in creating the situation and your desire to take responsibility for it. But, at least from the information you provided, it does seem like your employee took some liberties.

In the blog post you mention, Real Talk About Leading Hybrid Teams, Randy Conley points out that with hybrid teams, it is even more critical to make the implicit explicit. I think that point might be the one to focus on now.

Blanchard just sent out an updated employee handbook that outlines very clearly how employees should proceed if they wish to relocate. It begins with a conversation with one’s manager to obtain explicit permission. I can only imagine that your company has something similar. So there might be a chance that your direct report ignored precise direction.

Even if you don’t have such a handbook, you are within your rights as a manager to have a serious conversation with your world traveler. It is completely fair for you to point out that you would have preferred that he consult you, rather than inform you, before making such a huge decision. It is also fair to tell him that you need to do your homework—both with HR to see if it is feasible, and with your team to see if the time difference will correspond with the team’s workflow. Finally, assuming you have talked about accountability issues already, it is fair to express your concerns about how the distance and time difference will affect this person’s ability to stay on top of his deliverables.

I appreciate your worry that your flexibility has led to a misunderstanding, but I think a line was crossed here, and you can push back. You would need to do so even if the employee were a superstar performer. It is never too late to be explicit when needed. It really is not your fault that your employee jumped the gun. And if you can’t make it work, he will reap the consequences.

Do your due diligence. Decide one way or the other if you can make this work for you and the team. Share your thinking. You can own your part in this situation but you can also insist that your employee own his. If it can work, outline the parameters of how. If it can’t—well, it might be a hard conversation.

Be clear, be direct, and be kind.

You can use this as an opportunity to get ahead of any other non-negotiables you haven’t shared with your team. Examine additional assumptions your direct reports might be making, and make the implicit explicit.

Most people crave certainty, so the more you can give them, the better.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a Boomer who is three or four years away from retirement (I hope). Over the last few years I have been working with many people who are much younger than my own children. I went from noticing that I was old enough to be the parent of my direct reports to now realizing I could be their grandparent.

I was comfortable navigating people who were the age of my own kids—after all, I was heavily involved in how the world was changing as they came of age. However, now I find myself a bit at sea. I am always worried about saying the wrong thing or doing something that will be interpreted as clueless. (I even worry that words like clueless are passé!)

I wonder what wisdom you might share that will help me relate more effectively to the kids just now entering the workforce.

Okay Boomer

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Dear Okay Boomer,

First of all, thank you for reaching out and for being open to learning and adapting! It’s awesome that you’re actively seeking ways to connect with younger coworkers. I can totally understand why it might be hard to connect with my generation, especially because the development of new technologies played such an integral part in our growing up. I’d love to share with you a few ideas on how you can develop stronger relationships with your younger co-workers.

One extremely important thing my generation values is authenticity. We are very big on being real and we see insincerity as a poor quality in anyone. When a young professional senses that someone is insincere, it can be a huge block in developing a relationship with them.

I get that you may want to connect with us—and we want to connect with you! So if there’s something you don’t know about us, it’s perfectly okay to ask. Most of us appreciate when someone makes an effort to understand us rather than pretending to know us. Being upfront about your experience and expressing a genuine interest in learning from us can create a strong foundation for positive interactions.

Bouncing off that, keeping somewhat up to date with current events, pop culture, and technological trends can be a great way to start a casual conversation with us. You definitely don’t need to be an expert, but having a general awareness can help you relate to conversations and references. We get a lot of our information from resources online, especially through social media. If you haven’t already, you may want to consider creating a social media account for yourself and following some popular new sources. If not, no biggie—a quick Google search on current events can go a long way!

On the other hand, we want to get to know you! We value your insights and can learn a lot from your career and life story. Don’t shy away from sharing your wisdom and experiences—but please do so in a way that is open to discussion.

Being a mentor to a younger colleague can provide them with guidance and insights, and it also allows you to learn from their perspective. It’s a mutually beneficial relationship that can foster deeper understanding and respect on both sides.  Reverse mentorship, where younger employees share their knowledge on emerging trends and technologies, can be a great way to bridge the generational gap. For example, when giving advice on a work-related project, share what you have done in the past but allow the other person to make suggestions as well.

In regard to communication, clarity and directness are essential. We value straightforwardness and appreciate when feedback is given honestly and constructively. Avoiding language that might be outdated or overly complex helps in maintaining clear and effective communication. Words like clueless aren’t necessarily passé, but it’s good to be mindful of context and the evolution of language. Additionally, utilizing digital communication tools such as instant messaging or project management platforms can help streamline interactions and make collaboration more efficient.

It’s important to recognize and celebrate achievements, both big and small. Acknowledging the hard work and accomplishments of younger co-workers can boost morale and create a positive work environment. Whether it’s through formal recognition programs or simply expressing thanks in day-to-day interactions, showing appreciation and gratitude can go a long way in building strong relationships.

Flexibility, adaptability, and ability to understand our values are also significant qualities we look for. The workplace is changing rapidly, and being open to new ways of doing things can make a big difference. For example, many of us are accustomed to using various apps and software for everything from task management to team collaboration. Showing an interest in these tools can help you stay connected and integrated with the team’s workflow. Additionally, understanding that my generation highly values diversity, inclusion, and mental health is powerful knowledge. Recognizing and supporting these values can create a more inclusive and harmonious work environment. Simple actions, like ensuring everyone’s voice is heard in meetings or supporting initiatives that promote well-being, can show that you’re in tune with what matters to us.

Remember, the goal isn’t to completely change who you are. It’s to find common ground and build mutual respect. So don’t worry too much about making mistakes. Everyone does, and what matters is the effort to connect and improve. Your willingness to adapt and learn is already a significant step toward building better relationships with the younger workforce. By being authentic, communicative, flexible, and supportive, you can create a more inclusive and collaborative workplace that benefits everyone!

Best of luck!

Maci Kate the Intern

Editor’s Note: While Madeleine enjoys a well-deserved summer break for the next several weeks, instead of “Ask Madeleine,” we will “Ask the Intern.” We will field questions like yours and present ideas and solutions from several of our Blanchard interns and their peers in other companies. 

This week’s response is from Maci Kate Rehborg, Blanchard Community Experience Intern.

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a team of customer support specialists. The job requires in-depth knowledge of our products (outdoor/climbing gear, some of it very technical), so we have provided a lot of training and oversight.

In the past year we lost two of our best people, and the executive team refused to let me replace them. Things have gone okay since then; we have had to extend wait times for customers and haven’t received a ton of complaints—but now I am feeling the pinch.

Our company offers unlimited PTO and I have two employees who submitted their time-off request at around the same time. I know my team can barely cover when one person goes out on vacation, let alone two people. Normally I would just approve PTO for the first person who got their request in, but one of them is getting married and the other has a daughter who is getting married.

I just can’t say no, obviously. But the situation is not good: summer is our busiest season and I am really worried about how we are going to manage the volume. If one of my people gets sick, we will have a full emergency on our hands.

I just don’t see how this minimum staffing policy is sustainable. The whole thing is stressing me out. I am having nightmares and waking up in the middle of the night with my heart racing.

I like the company. I think our products are amazing, I love our people, and I’ve always loved my job. I get calls from headhunters all the time—which I have always politely declined—but now I’m feeling like maybe I should pay attention.

I know I need to convince the higher-ups that it would be in the best interests of the company to restore the original size of the team, but I am not sure how. I would appreciate your thoughts on this.

Squeezed

____________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Squeezed,

This sounds tough—and familiar. The days of do more with less are clearly here to stay. In your case, it sounds like it has passed that point and now you are expected to pull a rabbit out of a hat. And it is taking a very real toll. People (including you) need to take vacations and attend big family events.

I appreciate that you are eyeing potentially greener grass, but learning to how to make and argue a business case is a skill that will serve you well.

In my experience, executives tend to not be that receptive to emotional distress. But they do pay attention to math and to issues that threaten the brand’s reputation—essentially, anything that could affect revenue.

Start tracking the data on wait times and complaints. It might also be smart to check your reviews to see if comments about slow service are showing up or have significantly increased. You say you haven’t received “a ton” of complaints, which implies you are receiving more than usual. Do a little research. Find data about wait times for support and what people are willing to tolerate. How much is too much time?

If your brand promise is built on customer service, increased wait times will absolutely erode the company’s reputation. Do whatever you can to clearly show that reduced access to customer service will eventually hurt sales, if it hasn’t already. The key is to use facts and data to create a compelling narrative. Include charts and graphs to influence the visual executives.

When it is time to make your case, be ready to state your position: customer service is understaffed and it is hurting our business and our reputation. Then concisely share how you arrived at your position. Be prepared for questions and pushback. Know what is stated in the employee handbook regarding PTO and vacation time. Practice with a friend to ensure that you stick to the facts—and keep emotion out of it.

This might get you one more person.

It would also behoove you to brainstorm other ideas with your team for how to solve the problem, so that you can offer solutions other than increased headcount. Ideas might include:

• Cross-train others in the organization so that they can cover when your people are out on PTO.
• Train temps who are willing to come in on a substitute basis. Perhaps the people who left might be willing to fill in on occasion.
• Use technology (AI, increased information on the website) to help your team manage the load with fewer people.

I found a very interesting report on customer service that might expand your thinking about solutions. It wouldn’t hurt to sharpen your own expertise in order to be as informed as possible about what other companies are doing. The more you know and are able to demonstrate you have done your homework, the greater the chance your senior team will listen to you.

Most companies have been focused on reducing expenses and becoming as lean as humanly possible. It doesn’t occur to anyone that it all works fine until someone needs a day or a week off. There must be extra coverage to account for the fact that you (inconveniently) employ humans.

Try your hand at advocating for what you need to keep your part of the business running smoothly, Squeezed. Get as smart as you can about your business to see how you might get creative.

If you can’t make headway, maybe it would be smart to take some of those calls from headhunters. If you must leave the company to maintain your own sanity, your company will have no one to blame but themselves.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I recently hired a new member for my team. She was great in the many rounds of interviews, seemed to have the skills we needed, and was unanimously the first choice of the hiring committee.

She is now about six weeks in, and I keep waiting to see the person I met in the interviews.

She has not completed any of her onboarding training. When I look in our LMS, she seems to have made it through only about 40% of some of the required modules. I have had to show her several times how our Teams site is set up (she was used to the Google Docs system), and she keeps asking questions that she would know the answers to if she had looked at the different files I have assigned to her. I can see in people’s files the last time they were opened, and she has only opened about a quarter of what I expected.

It’s like she can’t remember anything we talk about from one day to the next.

I asked her to submit a short report on all the calls she is attending with her teammates so that I can keep track of what she is picking up. She submitted one short report and then nothing. (I should have at least fifteen by now.) We meet every other day and I have brought this up several times. She assures me she is working on them. I know she has plenty of free time but I have no idea what she is doing with it.

I’m so confused. I don’t want to come down on her like a ton of bricks, but I need to get to the bottom of what is going on. I think I may have made a terrible mistake. What should I do?

Terrible Mistake

____________________________________________________________________________

Dear Terrible Mistake,

Oh dear. I am sorry. It is so strange when people come across one way all through the interview process, and then turn out to be not at all what you were led to expect.

The only thing to do is tackle this head on. Share with your newbie what you expected compared to what she has managed to accomplish and ask her what is going on. The question is: “What has gotten in the way of your being able to meet these expectations in the past six weeks? Is it too much work? Is it lack of clarity? Is there something you need from me that you aren’t getting?”

She will either be honest and tell you, or she won’t. If she does, then you’ll know what you are dealing with. Much as I hate to speculate, it might help you to prepare for different scenarios.

• If something totally unexpected has happened, she might need help to arrange for a short-term leave.
• If it turns out she has no idea how to prioritize all of the tasks, you might offer to break down the tasks you expect to see completed day by day.
• If she is feeling so behind now that she has become paralyzed, you might re-negotiate her deliverables and offer a fresh start.
• If she is second-guessing her own interpretation of what a good job looks like, you can offer more clarity. Your newbie may very well need a list of what you expect laid out as daily tasks until she finds her footing.

It would be smart to involve your HR business partner if you have one. If your newbie has a learning difference and needs extra time or help, there may be provisions for that. If she is dealing with an unforeseen challenge, she may need to take some time to deal with it.

She may decline to tell you the truth about what is going on and try to head you off with more promises to catch up, so you should be prepared to not accept that. The key is for you to tell the truth as kindly as possible, without judgment or blame. It might sound something like: “Look, let’s not worry about catching up. I’m okay with letting go of the reports I asked for—those were to help you keep track of what you are learning. But I do need to see x, y, z by the end of the week. Is that something you think you can commit to?”

You will also want to be prepared to share the potential consequences if it becomes clear that she is not able to do the job the way it needs to be done. Maybe you won’t have to share those just yet; but if she commits to something you think is eminently doable and then doesn’t come through, you may have to at that time.

It sounds like you have been patient. It also sounds like she may think she can fly under the radar with substandard work. It is time to get the cards out on the table—to be clear that you are paying attention but also that you are invested in helping her succeed. But for you to help, you have to understand what is going on.

Being direct and telling the truth can be challenging, but it doesn’t have to mean “coming down on her like a ton of bricks,” It just means—well, being direct and telling the truth. Not doing that won’t serve either of you. If she is ultimately not capable of doing the job, keeping things in limbo will just make things worse.

Be kind. Be respectful. Be truthful.

Give her step-by-step instructions if you both agree it will help. Give her an out if there doesn’t seem to any help for it.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a team of mostly young people, all of whom manage internal communications for a global manufacturing company. A few years ago the company went to an unlimited paid time off policy. I have read a lot about the effects of unlimited PTO, and note that the biggest risk is that people don’t take enough time off, whereas in the past they were required to take their PTO or risk losing it.

My general approach has been that if your work is done to the expected standard, taking PTO is fine. I guess it never occurred to me that anyone would take off more days than what I consider to be reasonable unless they had medical issues or were taking care of a family member. It also never occurred to me that my idea of reasonable is not necessarily what others may interpret as reasonable.

My problem is that I have one person who takes entirely too much time off. And it isn’t to deal with problems—she is off larking about with her friends. (Note: this is not my opinion; she shares openly.)

Her performance is excellent, so I can’t really make the case that she shouldn’t take PTO—except other team members are noticing and judging. She often is not available to discuss work assignments or to help others on the team when they need something from her.

I think she would be eminently promotable if it weren’t for the fact that she never seems to be around. How do I tell her that it just isn’t a good look? Her overuse of PTO is causing me, and others, to question her commitment to the job. Do you think that is fair?

Questioning Judgment

___________________________________________________

Dear Questioning Judgment,

Boy, isn’t this interesting? It highlights what happens when rules are open to interpretation and when we make assumptions.

My first thought is if Larking About can get her work done with plenty of time left over, she could be doing so much more if she buckled down and put some elbow grease into it. But I suspect that would be interpreted as old-school thinking. And we all know that the reward for excellent work is—more work.  This is how we have collectively created the hamster wheel we all perpetually bemoan. So my second thought is wow, Larking About might be on to something. My third thought, based on my experience that you never know what hard thing is coming at you, is that we should all save up as much goodwill as we can regarding PTO for when we really need it.

But seriously, as her manager, it is up to you to help LA understand the impact of her choices on her career, as well as the impression her choices are having on both her reputation and her options when it comes to optimal work assignments and advancement opportunities.

I imagine your employee handbook has some guidelines about how people should use “unlimited” paid time off. For example, my own company requires that all team members submit their time-off requests in advance to their manager for approval, collaborate with their team to ensure proper coverage, and limit their consecutive out-of-office days to no more than 15 at a time. It might be useful to find the handbook and see what is laid out in black and white that might support you when the time comes for a conversation.

Because that is where this is leading. A conversation. The first order of business is to find out what LA’s hopes and dreams are when it comes to her career. She may not think of her work as a career; she may simply think of it as a job. If that is the case, other than making sure she complies with whatever rules do exist, there may not be much you can do. LA may be just fine having a job and doing it well. No harm in that.

However, if LA does want a career, which would mean development projects and advancement, she needs to know how the intangibles—what I think of as “personal public relations”—are going to affect her future.

You can keep personal judgment out of it and simply share that perception is important and taking excessive PTO can create an impression of a lack of commitment to work. When it comes to advancement, it’s a fact that HR and leadership teams tend to favor those employees who exceed expectations over those who simply meet expectations. So if LA has ambitions to advance, she might consider taking on volunteer roles or more work for the team, which would limit her PTO and bring it in line with expectations. This, of course, would require you to define what you believe to be reasonable. I suspect what is reasonable in your mind is roughly the amount of vacation time that employees were afforded before you went to the new model. If your company does not provide guidelines, you might find some in this article: Paid Time Off Practices Around the World.

Do I think it is fair that LA’s behavior is causing others to question her commitment? It doesn’t matter what I think. That’s what is happening, fair or not. Perception is everything, and LA needs to understand that. Once she recognizes the impact of her choices (with your help), she can decide to change them. Or not. And she will reap the consequences of those choices.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I work in a large global organisation. The president for EMEA (UK and all of Western Europe) is my boss’s boss. I recently hired his son into my team.

He gave a good interview and seemed totally committed to the role. Since then, I find him very challenging. He mimics his father, who is several levels above me. He doesn’t show up for team meetings (or gives a weak excuse why he can’t join) and he challenges the way we operate within the organisation with phrases I assume he has heard from his father. I need him to perform his role, not his father’s, and I feel that he thinks he is protected.

Recently I had a special project where his father intervened unexpectedly and unusually for someone so high up in the organisation, at a time I had briefly discussed the project with his son. How should I deal with this behaviour? I don’t want his conduct to spread like contagion through the team, and I also don’t want to give him special privileges just because of his father’s position.

Hired The Boss’s Son

__________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Hired The Boss’s Son,

Isn’t this a can of worms! I wish I could wave a magic wand and send everyone back to the starting line so that clear agreements about how to proceed when family members join an organization could be designed before you got started. But of course that isn’t very helpful, is it?

You have two choices here, and the direction you go will probably be informed by your own sense of how much power you have in the situation and to what extent you feel secure in your job.

Choice One: You nip the unacceptable behaviour in the bud. Have a serious sit-down with The Prince and explain:

• That your job is to help him be as successful as possible in his current role, and that you look forward to seeing him advance quickly so that he can implement all of his ideas about how things should be done when he is in the position to do so.
• The chain of command and the inappropriateness of his going over your head.
• Your expectations of all of your team members, including him, that everyone attend team meetings.
• Your expectations of anyone in his role: what the job is and is not.
• Your commitment to fairness; your belief that privilege is earned, not granted because of family connections; and your need to see a marked change in his behaviour.
• That his performance evaluation is at stake, and that if he cannot control himself and show appropriate respect for the team and for you as his manager, he will not be successful in the organisation. (Be sure to be crystal clear on this one.)

If you feel safe enough to do so, you may ask for a meeting with the father to enroll him in your quest to help The Prince be as successful as possible in his current role. If the father can’t see how wrong his son’s behavior is, and doesn’t have your back, this route will probably not go well. Finally, you also need your human resources business partner to know what is going on, so HR may be able to intervene as well. It was up to your HRBP to see this coming and provide the necessary extra preparation before you hired, but I guess the practice of nepotism must be new to everyone. It is one of those things you don’t know until you find out the hard way.

Choice Two: If you don’t have support from HR and the big boss, you will probably need to suffer the annoying behaviour until you can shuffle the kid upward and away from you. It wouldn’t be the first time a problem child got promoted so that someone could avoid conflict. I hate to even suggest it, because this is exactly the kind of responsibility-ducking that contributes to the weakening of organisations. But if you believe your own job could be at stake, you may not feel like you have a choice. The risks with this are that you might lose the respect of the rest of your team (although they may understand how untenable your position is)—and you may also endanger your reputation with whoever his next boss is when they realize that you fobbed off a disruptive, entitled brat onto them. Then again, if the big boss can’t or won’t see the problem, everyone will have to suffer together.

This conversation is close to home for me as a family member who works in a family-owned business. We actively practice nepotism, in that we are delighted to offer opportunities to our own friends and family, and those of our employees, who have the requisite skills and experience. The key, however—and we have indeed learned this the hard way—is that there is no preferential treatment when it comes to performance and adherence to the company values. Maybe the most important message we have learned to share with the folks who come into the company with privilege (whether it is real or simply perceived) is this: Privilege comes with increased responsibility to demonstrate alignment with the company values and be an unimpeachable performer and a contribution to one’s team.  You might want to add this message to the list of bullet points above.

You inadvertently stepped into a bit of quicksand and will have to proceed very carefully to extricate yourself without losing your self-respect, possibly your reputation, and of course, at the very worst, your job.  Get as much support as you can, and feel out the power dynamic to decide your path. Keep your wits about you. And be deliberate whether you choose to go into battle or duck and wait it out.

The one thing I can say for sure is this: even if The Prince doesn’t learn a little humility at this stage of his working life, he will at some point. Life humbles all of us eventually. Would it be better for him to get the memo now, while he is young enough to really benefit? Of course it would. It just may not be your job to make sure that happens.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

This letter came to Lucy Dannewitz and me as a result of our podcast, “Leaders Who Influence,” in Blanchard Community. Blanchard Community is a space created for all who are interested in Blanchard, where you can sign up for groups that suit you, network with others, and access special events. Lucy’s and my podcast is designed to explore how generational differences affect leadership. I will provide my take on the question, and then Lucy and I will discuss it in our next podcast.

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Dear Mad and Lucy,

I find myself in a tough situation as a manager. There’s a person on my team who is a talented kid, but lately the quality of their work has taken a pretty serious nosedive. They’ve also been snapping at their coworkers. Someone told me that their father is in the hospital, so I’ve been trying to give them some room to sort things out. But yesterday they missed an important deadline, and I know I need to say something.

I’m at a loss, though. Here’s the kicker—this person has been open in the past about having serious struggles with mental health issues in their previous job.

I still need to keep them accountable, but I don’t want to push them over the edge. I want to support them. I guess I’m part of the typical Boomer generation—I have no idea how to talk about mental health. Am I even the one who should be doing that? If so, where do I start?

Not a Therapist, Just a Worried Manager

_______________________________________________________________

Dear Not a Therapist, Just a Worried Manager,

It can put a lot of pressure on work systems when people’s lives blow up. I had a question similar to this recently, although the employee wasn’t a “kid.” I am trying to figure out how much of this issue is generational and how much of it is just regular manager stuff. I will address each separately.

Let’s talk about how this is a generational issue. You call the employee who is falling short of expectations a “kid.” To me, a Boomer like you, that could mean anyone under 35! So if this person really is a kid—just out of college, somewhere between 21 and 25, say—there is a good chance they are overwhelmed, afraid of losing their job, and not feeling equipped to sit down and have the hard conversation with you about what is going on. On second thought, this could be true of someone at any age.

Clearly, they felt comfortable enough to mention past issues with mental health to you, so at least they trusted you on what might have been a good day. They may have succumbed to magical thinking—and there is no age limit on this coping mechanism. It goes something like “I know things have slid downhill, but I am going to get it together soon and go back to being good at my job, and we can all pretend this never happened.”

I see two ways the generational divide might be at play here:

1. Your employee is young and inexperienced and does not know how to broach the topic with you about what is going on.
2. You, as a Boomer, are not comfortable navigating what may or may not be a mental health issue.

The first may help provide a little bit of context for you to be empathetic and let your employee know that your job is to help them be as successful as possible in their job.

The second, forgive me, is a story you are telling yourself. It’s probably based on what you have heard in the media, which, in my opinion, is a massive generalization and untrue. I would submit to you that your discomfort with talking about mental health is due to a lack of knowledge and experience with people who struggle with it. All that means is that you are lucky, not old. This particular instance is a perfect opportunity for you to educate yourself and expand your frame of reference.

One piece of good news about the changes since you and I were kids is that mental health issues are now, by and large, seen the same way as physical health issues. The secrecy and shame that used to be associated with mental health issues are simply no longer a norm. This is a positive generational shift, I think, because almost everyone’s life is affected by mental health concerns. Just ask people you know if they have a loved one who is affected, or if they are personally. You may be surprised. When I started speaking openly about a loved one who struggles with mental illness, it turned out that every single person I spoke to had more experience than I could have known.

Now, the manager stuff.

 I am a huge fan of the adage from Max De Pree: “The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality.” And the current reality is that your employee is not meeting deadlines and is unpleasant to work with. The worst thing you could do is pretend that nothing is going on. So an observation of reality might be “You have not been yourself,” and the questions are “What is going on?” and “How can I help?”

You don’t have to be a therapist, but this does involve being willing to talk about the human condition and how challenging it can be sometimes. It is perfectly acceptable for you to admit that you do not have experience with mental health issues and that you need your employee to help you help them. Teaching people how to help them is one of the first skills anyone with a challenge or disability needs to learn. You can admit that the last thing you want to do is to make things worse. You can state that your intention is to do everything in your power to help your employee get back to a place where they can bring their best. And you can do all of this without your employee having to share more than they are comfortable with.

Our company is a small one, and there are at least five pages of our employee handbook detailing how an employee should proceed if they need to take a short-term, flexible / intermittent, or long-term leave to deal with their own health issues or to care for a family member. I suspect yours is similar. Locate your company’s employee handbook and find out.

Detailed information about the health challenge is not required. There is always an emphasis on privacy. A note from a medical professional is required, however, so what is not allowed is employees who are not getting any help at all who claim they can’t work. You can consult with your HR representative to get clear on what benefits might be available to your employee, such as counseling, therapy, etc. Since there is such a large uptick in mental health issues among all generations, many companies are providing much more generous EAP benefits. If it turns out that your company isn’t, you can share the National Alliance on Mental Illness website and the NAMI Teen and Young Adult HelpLine. There is help available. You may want to use the website yourself to increase your understanding of and comfort level with mental health difficulties—not as a professional, but as someone who cares and seeks to be informed.

Be prepared to present the options to your employee and then help them craft a plan to get them back on an even keel. And (yay!) you can do all this without ever having to delve into the gory details.

Are you the one who should be talking about mental health with your employee? Good question. And no. Are you the one who should be talking to them about what steps they might take to take care of themselves and their loved ones, and how to keep their job and get back to the kind of performance they demonstrated they are capable of? Yes. That is a manager’s job.

If simply having the conversation about reality and how to make it tenable pushes your employee “over the edge,” as you say, then they are not fit to be working and you will have to consult with HR to figure out what to do next. If, in fact, the kid has put their head in the sand and is engaging in magical thinking, I suspect they will be grateful for the opportunity to tell the truth and for the help in making arrangements that will ensure their long-term success.

The next time an employee shares that they have had difficulty with mental health, you can take the opportunity to ask how it shows up, what the effect is on them, and how they want to deal with it if it happens again. You can create some clear agreements of how you should both proceed in the event that difficulties rear their head in the future, just as you might with someone who manages a chronic illness or neurological difference. It is all part of creating a workplace where people can bring their whole selves every day.

You are obviously compassionate and thoughtful. This is not a huge stretch for you—you can prove the stereotype about Boomers wrong.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a mid-level manager in a global software company. I have been working here for about ten years and I lead three teams. Right now I am working with my manager on our goals for 2024 and I can already tell that there is no way my teams are going to be able to deliver on all of them.

We have been pushing like crazy all this year with a promise that the pressure would let up at the end of the year. As it is, I have to talk someone off the ledge daily. Now I am looking down the barrel of another year of nonstop work. I feel terrible about this—like I am breaking a promise to my people.

My boss isn’t a jerk. I know she is being pressured from above. She would never say it, but I can sense the unspoken “if you can’t get this done, I will find someone who can.” There has to be some way to manage my people’s and my boss’s expectations more effectively, but I don’t know what it is.

What do you think? I am beginning to think that I can’t live with the kind of anxiety that is building up with no relief in sight. How do I manage this relentless tension?

Pressure Cooker

_____________________________________________________________________

Dear Pressure Cooker,

Well, this sounds like situation normal. Almost everyone I speak to is feeling this way. Here are the choices you have to consider:

• Negotiate for more (or more skilled) resources.

Carefully break down each goal into discreet tasks and estimate the time required to complete it. If you can show the math of what it will take to complete all of the required work, and how it will be physically impossible for your existing people to do it, you may be able to get more help. It is hard to argue with math.

You may get countered with “work smarter, not harder.” If you think that might be the case, be prepared to request the kind of training that would help your people to do that. (There might not be any.) With your experience, you probably know how long it should take people to do certain things—and some things just take the time they take. Doing this will also help you pinpoint if you have any team members who cannot get the work done in a reasonable timeframe. You may need to upskill or replace some folks. This can be hard, but honestly, sometimes people are in the wrong job and it isn’t doing them any favors to not address that. You can take a stand as long as you can show that you have really thought it through.

• Negotiate a reduction in distractions.

Of course I don’t know how much of an issue this is, but if your company is like anyone else’s, you and your people are probably asked to join any number of meetings that don’t contribute directly to getting the job done. Look at what those are, and do everything you can to get a few of those items off of the required list.

• Negotiate to reduce the deliverables.

This is the most obvious, and the one your boss is expecting from you. This is probably the least effective option for you at this time. However, I do urge you to check out the boss’s unspoken threat—you might be making it up. This is a classic way for people to needlessly ratchet up their stress levels. You can literally ask your boss what the consequence would be of not being able to deliver on everything.

You absolutely can and should:

• Work with your boss to prioritize.

In the spirit of wanting to under-promise and over-deliver, you can ask your boss to put each required outcome in order of priority. The hard truth is that if everything is a priority, that means nothing is a priority. I suspect your boss knows this as well as you do. So as long as you know your people are focused on the must-haves and will get to the nice-to-haves, that should help you manage your stress level.

• Work with your team to design sprints.

Since no one can go full-out all the time, work with your team leads to design one week of go-hard sprints and then one week of regular work. It isn’t a new idea, but I have seen it work well. You can read more about that here.

In the meantime, I hate to say it, but the intensity in most workplaces seems to be here to stay. You must decide whether you are going to live with it or try to find a more forgiving environment. If you choose to live with it, you have to find ways to take care of yourself and encourage the same for your people. Find one thing you can do to help you manage your stress and commit to it. Meditation, exercise, yoga—whatever has worked for you in the past. You also need to get some perspective. Breathe, do your best, remember that nobody dies in software development and that what gets done is what gets done, and be okay with that. A little perspective can go a long way.

I know it feels like you are breaking a promise, but the fact is that you have limited control over your environment. You can explain that to your people and share what you are doing to advocate for sanity. And at least now you know to be a little more cautious with your promises in the future.

Part of being a leader is choosing one’s attitude and what to focus on. This is your opportunity to do that. Your people will follow your lead.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I lead a team that provides services to the professionals in my company. In my last performance review, my boss told me I needed to find new ways to add value to the organization.

At first I thought, okay, I can do that. But then I realized I really have no idea what “adding value” really means.

My boss is extremely busy and rarely shares insights about the organization. I feel like I can’t come up with good ideas in a vacuum, but I am also trying to figure out how to exceed expectations for my next performance review.

What do you think my boss means by this? Where should I start?

No Clue

___________________________________________________________________________

Dear No Clue,

The tricky thing about trying to exceed expectations is that it often involves being able to read people’s minds. For many high performers, it can be hard to know how to do that without going out of your swim lane and potentially causing chaos.

I agree that it is hard to tell what “add value” means to your boss. And without some idea of what your actual job is, it is hard for me to provide ideas. But when has that ever stopped me?

The question is: how can you get clues that are not forthcoming from your boss? They will have to come from your own experience, your team, and the people you serve.

You don’t want to launch into action without clarity about what a good job would look like. So start with yourself. Ask yourself: “What ideas have I had about how we might be more useful to our stakeholders? What perpetual issues keep cropping up? What do people complain about around here that my team and I might be able to do something about?” You may be surprised by how many ideas come to you.

Then ask your team: “In the course of your work, what do people seem to need or want that is currently not on our radar screen?” As the people closest to your customer base, they probably hear things you may not.

Finally, you might think about creating a survey to send to the people who use your services. Ask questions about what you currently do to assess whether their expectations are being met. Ask what might improve their experience. Then ask what other services might be useful to them. Of course, you may hear suggestions that fall outside of your remit, but you might also get some ideas of how you might “add value” to them. Those you ask will at least get the impression that you care enough to ask them.

Take all of the ideas that make sense to you and that you think might be viable for your team, and share them with your busy manager. Maybe put them in order of priority of what is simplest to implement while providing the most value. What could you offer at the lowest cost for the highest worth? She hopefully will be attracted to one or two of them, and, even better, may provide some suggestions of her own. At the very least, she will know you heard what she said and you are acting on her vague request.

If the whole effort is way off base, with any luck she will redirect you and you will have a little more to go on. Either way, I don’t think you will feel like your efforts are wasted.

It seems to me that it would be your boss’s job to provide strategic direction for your team’s performance. There is a chance she is too far removed from what you do to have any good ideas. We can speculate but we have no way of knowing. You can show initiative by doing something.

It takes a certain kind of confidence to take initiative in the absence of any direction. It shows leadership qualities. You may very well have more intuitive awareness than you give yourself credit for, but have not given yourself permission to trust it.

Make your plan and execute it slowly, keeping your boss updated as you go. Take any and all feedback under advisement and revise your plan accordingly. Action begets action, and that is what creates momentum.

Good luck.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a few teams—data scientists, bio engineers, research fellows, project managers—in a fast-growing biotech company. I have teams in Southern California, Canada, Eastern Europe, and Indonesia. The teams pass work off between time zones; if one person doesn’t complete their piece during the workday, it puts their counterpart behind. The pressure is tremendous. When we hire, I am very candid about the nature of the work and the expectations. We only hire people who have completed grueling academic programs, so they are used to the pace.

Lately, things are more intense than usual. We are very close to reaching our goal but our last round of funding is nearly exhausted and we have missed some deadlines.

I recently heard from our HR person that someone has filed a complaint against me, saying I have been bullying them. I am not sure who made the complaint or what I am supposed to have done and I am not at all clear about the potential repercussions. Our HR person is new, does not seem particularly competent, and has never worked in a global company as far I can tell. I live and work in Eastern Europe and am not sure what laws apply, as the company is headquartered in the US.

I admit I am very tough on my people and we have all been under a lot of pressure. I have been called a lot of things—demanding, exacting, even harsh. But I have always tried to be fair and have never thought of myself as a bully.

What is the difference between having high standards and being results-oriented, and being a bully? What can I do about the accusation? How should I protect myself? How can I stop this kind of perception? Maybe what I am really trying to figure out is:

Am I a Bully?

__________________________________________________________________________

Dear Am I a Bully?,

This is a big, complicated topic, and I encourage you to discuss all of these questions with the HR representative—especially what you can do about the accusation and how you can protect yourself.

The question I can help you with is how you can change the perception. I can only imagine that all of the reflection prompted by this event and the conversations you will be having will help you decide for yourself whether or not you are a bully. That is not for me to judge.

The truth is that someone who intends harm, plots ways to make others miserable, and derives pleasure and a feeling of power from doing so is most definitely a bully. A person who feels compelled to exert power or belittle others for reasons conscious or unconscious but feels terrible about it afterwards may also be a bully. Ultimately, however, the experience of being bullied is the singular and subjective reality of the person having the experience. So, the exact behavior that is registered as a direct conversation by one person might be experienced by another as an aggressive attack. When you are navigating multiple cultures and everyone is under a great deal of pressure, the situation becomes extremely complex.

Let’s take a look at a definition of bullying from The Workplace Bullying Institute: “Workplace bullying is repeated mistreatment and a form of ‘abusive conduct.’ Bullying is a non-physical form of workplace violence.” Another more universal definition from The Centers for Disease Control and Department of Education includes three core elements:

• unwanted aggressive behavior
• observed or perceived power imbalance
• repetition or high likelihood of repetition of bullying behaviors

At work, this would mean a perpetrator targeting someone for repeated mistreatment. This mistreatment can take the form of making threats, intimidating, humiliating, or shaming (either in private or in front of others), sabotaging or stealing another’s work, or verbal abuse. This is not the definitive list, just the usual suspects.

Does any of this sound familiar? I can only assume that you have never intended to be hurtful, but it does stand to reason that there might be people who experience a boss who is, in your words, “very tough, demanding, exacting, even harsh” as hurtful.

In my experience, leaders can get away with being all those things when every team member trusts that the leader has good intentions, has their backs, and acknowledges good work as often as they redirect subpar performance. Notice in the definition is says “unwanted aggressive behavior”.  One might wonder what kind of aggressive behavior is ever wanted, but, I guess, to each their own.

• Ask yourself: Is it possible that I have a negative judgment or attitude about a team member that is revealed though my words or actions? If the answer is yes, this is something you need to deal with. Revise your judgment, check your attitude, have the hard conversation—do something. If you are tolerating poor performance or lack of competence but are hoping it will go away, this could be tripping you up.
• Ask yourself: Do I give negative feedback to anyone in front of others? If the answer is yes, cut it out. This can cause intense suffering for the toughest among us.
• Ask yourself: Do I ever make disparaging remarks about people (even those who aren’t present), use demeaning language, or call people names? If the answer is yes, there might be team members who think it is only a matter of time until they are in your cross hairs.
• Ask yourself: Do I ever raise my voice in conversation with people who have less power than I do? If the answer is yes, just know that this behavior may roll off the backs of some, but others will find it destabilizing.

It sounds as if there is more than enough adrenaline and cortisol being produced within your teams. To get the results you need, you are going to have to balance your demanding and exacting nature with efforts to ensure that people feel safe enough to think properly. You can find some tips on how to do that here.

Once you get more details about what you are being called to account for in the complaint, you might consider discussing the whole matter openly with your teams. To get some insight into why this might be a smart move, and how to go about it, read this article.

You are who you are. You can develop awareness about the impact you have on different kinds of people, and you can change your behaviors. You can also help your team better understand you, your intentions, and how you are working on yourself, so no one experiences you as a bully. Download this very cool e-book about Building Trust that will give you a sense of some things you can try immediately to change perceptions about you.

If you were truly a bully, I don’t think you would have bothered to ask this question. But it is going to take some work to make sure your intentions match the impact you have on people. The more power you have, the more amplified your impact is—so getting that part right matters more than ever. And the more pressure you are under, the more important it is for you to ensure that you don’t inadvertently affect the care with which you treat your people.

If this all makes sense to you, now is the time for you to embark on a journey of personal transformation. You may choose not to, of course—but then I suspect this complaint will be the first of many to come. That will, eventually, seriously limit your career goals. If you decide to up your game, it won’t be easy and it won’t be comfortable, but you will never regret it.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a fully remote team and have one member who is wonderful—when he is able to focus on work. His contribution is valuable, he is easy to get along with, and other team members depend on his experience and wisdom. But he is always dealing with some kind of personal crisis.

He has had several health challenges, as have his family members. His partner is an ER nurse who is 100% focused when she is at her job, so all the appointments—and childcare—fall on him.

He has multiple pets, all of whom have special needs. He was affected by serious flooding in one of the last big weather events (his car literally floated away) and his home now has black mold in the walls. His remaining parent needs a lot of care. The list goes on and on.

I want to be empathetic, but with the advent of Covid and everyone working from home, I feel like work is last on his list of priorities. He often fails to deliver on deadlines but always has a logical reason. And, to be fair, he is good at managing expectations and communicating when he is not on track with deliverables.

How can I continue to be empathetic while helping him increase his commitment to work?

Torn

________________________________________________________________________

Dear Torn,

Boy, does this sound familiar. We managers all seem to have a fantasy in which our employees have partners whose job it is to manage the home, the kids, the pets, and the aging parents. This may have been the norm several decades ago, but most households today are only kept afloat with two full-time jobs. And that only really works when everything goes perfectly—another fantasy world in which no one gets sick, pets don’t age, parents remain completely independent, and fierce hurricanes don’t wash our cars away.

It is one thing to deal with one predicament at a time; quite another to have a laundry list of never-ending crises with no end in sight. Flooding is no joke. It is a traumatic event. I think your employee probably needs to focus on stabilizing before he can increase his commitment to work. It seems that you have a valuable team member who is in a pitched battle to just get through each day, and that it would serve you both to sit down and have a serious discussion about reality.

Perhaps there needs to be a conversation about making a change, at least temporarily, while your employee gets his own health challenges and the disaster recovery activities under control. Here are some ideas to consider:

• Have your employee consider going part-time, or even taking some time off and applying for disability.
• Talk to your HR person and get clear on the company policies related to paid time off, emergency leave, or other benefits that might be applicable in his situation. Ensure he is aware of his rights and options.
• Brainstorm a shift in workload/task assignments.
• Look into your company’s Employee Assistance Program. There may be therapy or coaching available to help your person talk through all of his responsibilities and help him get organized.
• Check into support resources that might be available for dealing with the aftermath of flooding—disaster relief organizations or government agencies that could provide assistance.

It is clear that your employee’s current situation is untenable, and it isn’t fair to either of you to not face the facts. You can remind him how valuable he is to the team, and how much you appreciate his contribution, and that it is your job to help him so he can bring his best.

Be clear, kind, and direct that something has to give or he is on track for increased health problems. Craft a plan together that you both can live with.

Remember to maintain confidentiality about what you come up with, but also share with your team that their teammate is working to manage his circumstances. They must be wondering.

Life can be hard, and sometimes really hard. Do everything you can to support your employee to help him through this particularly hard patch.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I work for a national mortgage company and recently took over a team from a leader who had led it for 37 years. Every single person on the team is more experienced in the business of the team than I am. And every one of them is very disengaged because their former leader clearly had checked out a long time before he left.

A lot of the processes—some of them possibly of no use whatsoever—are outdated and labor-intensive. When I ask why things are done the way are done, the answer is always a variation on “that’s just how we’ve always done it.” There are some time- and labor-intensive tasks where the owners aren’t clear why they are done or who cares about them.

All of my questions seem to be making people nervous. I am confused as to how this happened. The other parts of the company I have worked in are well run and up to date, and we were always asked to look for efficiencies. My manager has no explanation for me, and precious little guidance.

I am intensely frustrated with the condition of the team. It feels like everyone is lost in the land that time forgot. It needs a massive overhaul. I am pretty sure we don’t even need half the people on the team. I don’t want to scare anyone, but as the team leader, I can’t let things go on like this.

Any suggestions for how to approach this mess?

Need a Reboot

_______________________________________________________________

Dear Need a Reboot,

I understand your frustration and your confusion. It is uncommon these days to uncover parts of a business that have not been forced to slim down or to leverage technology to do more with less. For reasons you may never know, your predecessor was left to his own devices with little to no oversight. The people he left behind probably are either delighted to have a job they can coast through, completely burned out, or too bored and worn down to care.

I think you have a great opportunity here to rebuild your team from the ground up. At Blanchard, we define team leadership as an influence process focused on helping the team reach and sustain high performance. We define a team as two or more people working interdependently to achieve a common purpose with shared accountability for results. Let’s not call this group of people a “team” until they actually behave like one. You can find more detail on our thinking about teams here.

The thing that will trip you up is a deadly combination of too much, too soon, too fast. Slow and steady wins the race. It doesn’t sound like your manager is paying attention anyway, so why rush?

You might start by sharing your vision for the team with the team. This will be personal and sound something like, “Our team is an energetic and creative group that adds value to the organization by providing x, y and z.” You can share your plan to make some changes, but that you are committed to carefully planning each step so that all points of view are considered, nobody feels overwhelmed or left behind.

Next, outline some high-level goals—the first of which is to really understand all critical deliverables, who in the organization wants/needs them, and the purpose of each one. Once you have that figured out, you can brainstorm ways to go about delivering on them.

Then, get to know each individual on the team. Get detailed information about what they do, what they are good at, what they like to do, and how they see themselves contributing moving forward. You can assign specific tasks like research around software or updated ways to accomplish things to match skills and interests.

Create a first draft of a plan, get input from everyone on the team, tweak, and refine. Once you have a plan, you might think about creating a Team Charter.

A Team Charter is a co-created document that outlines:

• Your company’s vision
• Your company’s values
• Your company’s purpose: What does the organization do? For whom do they do it? Why do they do it?
• Team Purpose: What do we do? For whom do we do it? Why do we do it?
• Team Goals: What are the measurable outcomes the team is responsible for in order to achieve the team’s purpose?
• Team Roles: What are the key responsibility areas of each team member for achieving the team goals?
• Behavioral Norms: What are the behavioral expectations and team practices (strategies and processes) that the members agree the team should follow? What are the ground rules? These can include but are not limited to: communication, decision making, problem solving, and accountability.

Along the way, your group of employees will either be excited by the opportunity to make a tangible contribution to your company or they won’t. If you are vastly overstaffed for the work required of the team, this process will make it easy to identify the people you can probably get along without.

Stay focused on moving forward and let go of your distress about the past. Make a concerted effort not to criticize anyone or anything done in the past—the person responsible for it is gone, and it will just make people feel like you blame them. Let people know you have the backs of those who are all in on creating a future together. Put a road map together and move deliberately, step by step, toward your milestones. You will definitely have some bumps, but at least you will be acting as a team and creating a landscape that makes sense.

It will be an adventure, but it sounds like you are ready for one!

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I have been offered a promotion and need to make a recommendation for the team member who will be promoted into my job.

I have one very likely candidate: my most promising employee. She is consistent with her deliverables and has led some projects for the team with great results. She gets along well with her peers and is well respected all around.

The interesting thing is that this person does not seem very ambitious. Whenever the topic of her career comes up, she claims to be “very happy” right where she is. I can’t tell if that is really the case, or if she just lacks confidence to aim higher.

I don’t want to apply too much pressure and end up demotivating her. What is the best way to approach this? I don’t want to be…

Too Pushy

_________________________________________________________________________

Dear Too Pushy,

First, kudos to you for being sensitive enough to care about Very Happy (VH). The key here is get to the bottom of what her “very happy” means. It could mean “very happy for now” or “very happy for the foreseeable future/ you don’t have to worry about me wanting more and seeking an opportunity elsewhere,” or it might very well mean “very happy forever.”

It can be a mistake to assume anything, because your idea of what being ambitious looks like might not match someone else’s. VH may be the kind of person who doesn’t envision a possibility for herself until it is tangible. It might be that she is also worried about coming off as too pushy. You just won’t know until you investigate.

It is generally accepted that all managers need to develop a successor, so you might start by stating that as a fact and asking if she would like to be considered. You could also share that, in your opinion, she is the most likely candidate, but that you don’t want to pressure her. Let her know you are exploring and are open to the outcome.

There is a good chance that VH will ask exactly what the job would entail, so anything you can share about the job description and expectations around ramp-up time would be good to have at the ready. You may think she knows what the job is—but remember, she only sees what you do from where she is sitting.

It is possible, as you mentioned, that VH may not feel she is ready. If so, you will want to be prepared with observations about her strengths and how they would serve her in a more senior role. You might share the challenges you anticipate she would face, and how her experiences so far will have prepared her to rise to them.

If VH would continue to report to you, obviously you would be there to help her get settled in the role. If that is not the case, you might think about offering to mentor her through the transition.

It can be hard for people who have a strong drive to achieve and make no bones about it to understand those who are, by nature, more cautious and guarded with their aspirations. You already are receptive to how VH might play things close to the vest. Honor her nature and continue to be thoughtful, candid, and kind. You might just be able to draw her out enough so she will consider taking what, to her, might feel like a risk.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I have an employee who is very dependable and is doing an excellent job. I am certain he will do very well here, long term. He has been with the company about a year, has developed confidence, and often catches errors before it is too late. He is trusted and his peers go to him to brainstorm and troubleshoot.

I have noticed that he stays silent in meetings but will share his thoughts with others after the meeting. This causes extra work and adds time to the process of making the best decisions. I have encouraged him to speak up in group settings, but he is not rising to the occasions as they are presented.

I see great things for this person, and this is an important step in his development. I am not sure how to help him make this leap. Would appreciate some ideas.

Challenged

__________________________________________________________________

Dear Challenged,

Getting the quiet ones to speak up in the moment is a tricky one. The key will be to first get him on board. It may take a lot for him to “rise,” as you say, so he needs to understand the difference it will make for him. He also needs to understand what it will cost him if he fails to even try.

This will require a one-on-one conversation that is private with no interruptions. Then paint the picture of what you see going on.

Start by explaining what compels you to insist on his development. If you didn’t see such promise, you wouldn’t bother, right? He needs to know that you know the value he brings.

Then explain why it is so important for him to speak up in the moment, not after the meeting. Use an example of a recent case where it added time and needless complexity to a decision process. There is a good chance he has no idea it is causing static.

Remind him that you have encouraged him in the past and have not seen any change.

Then ask questions that will help you understand what is going on:

• Do you see how important it is that you speak up in the moment?

• What keeps you from speaking up in the moment?

• Is there anything or anyone (including me) in the meetings that make you feel unsafe?

• What can I do to make it feel safer for you?

• How can you overcome whatever is getting in your way of speaking?

Ask each question and let him take his time to answer. You may have to be in silence together for a while, and that’s okay. If it makes you uncomfortable, breathe.

You can speculate all day long as to why your high potential person is staying quiet, but only he knows. To be fair, he may not even know himself, so you may not get a clear answer the first time you ask. Be prepared to have him go away and think about it. If this happens, schedule a follow-up so he knows you are not going to let it drop.

You may end up hearing something unexpected. Maybe he was punished or ridiculed for speaking up in his last job. Maybe he needs time to think about things. Maybe he just doesn’t think anyone cares what he thinks, despite what you have said to him. Who knows?

But extend the invitation to partner with him to help him rise. Give it time. It may require incremental experiments. Or you may unleash something—for better or for worse.

He is lucky to have a manager who cares enough to bother. I salute you.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I read last week’s column with interest and it sparked a question for me.

I am hiring right now for a position that requires someone to simply keep their head down and get the job done. Our company isn’t growing very fast, so there won’t be much room for advancement.

I have a number of good applicants—some young people who clearly want to grow and some middle-aged folks who seem happy to get into a swim lane and stay in it.

My boss is advocating for me to focus on the younger, ambitious ones, but I think that is just setting people up for frustration. I think it makes more sense to hire someone who will not be disappointed with the lack of a career path.

What do you think?

Race Horse or Work Horse?

________________

Dear Race Horse or Work Horse?

This is such an interesting question! I suspect your instincts must be based on experience. I would ask what caused the last person in this job to leave. If it was because there was no room to grow, then you have your answer, don’t you?

The fact is that companies need workers who enjoy their work, are content leaving their work at work at the end of day, maybe go the extra mile on occasion (but not all the time), and aren’t gunning for their boss’s job. After all, there is only so much room at the top.

The last thing you want is someone who will be disappointed; you are right about that. I think you want to focus on finding someone who has the right skills, will be a good fit for your culture, and fully understands the nature of job and its lack of potential for growth. I think it has more to do with life goals, hopes, and dreams than age.

It sounds like you have a good grasp of the kind of person you are looking for. The age thing is a red herring that muddled the issue.

Trust your gut on this one.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I lead a business unit for a global manufacturing company and have been in the role for about 18 months. I took over for someone who was completely checked out and it was a bit of a mess. It has taken me this long just to untangle the log jams and uncover all of the critical tasks that weren’t getting done. I had to replace a few key managers who weren’t enthusiastic about being held accountable.

All of the processes and systems are now up and running, and things are smooth enough that I have devoted some time to doing skip-level meetings with people who report to my executive team members. These have been enlightening, to say the least. It has become clear to me that one of my team members, who has delivered stellar results, has also created a toxic work environment. He yells at people in front of others and his team members live in fear of making a mistake. I believe it is only a matter of time before they start quitting in droves.

I was put in this job because my strength is process, so I am a little at sea about what to do about this situation. My instinct is to call him out in front of the rest of the team so he knows what that feels like, because that’s exactly what he is doing. I am so mad that this is the only thing I have come up with so far. Any ideas would be appreciated.

Process Master

___________________________________________________________________________

Dear Process Master,

Congratulations on your success.

Skip levels can indeed be illuminating. You have somehow earned enough trust in the organization that people are willing to tell the truth about their experience. The problem is now that you know, and people know you know, you do need to do something about it or you risk losing that trust.

The question is: what?

Your instinct is understandable and your hesitation is smart. You don’t want to role model the exact behaviors you are trying to curtail. You have already shifted the culture of the organization to be process focused. What else do you think is important to the culture? If culture is values in action, what are the values you want to see? There are clues in your allergic reaction to the way your direct report is treating his people.

If you see yelling at people—especially in front of others—as unacceptable, what should replace that behavior? Possibly this indicates that you think leaders should treat their people with respect and should give feedback in private. What exactly would that look like?

If people live in fear of making a mistake, how should mistakes be dealt with? The way you answer this question reveals the value you want your leaders to embody. Perhaps you think that mistakes reveal a lack of competence that needs to be addressed. This might represent the value of preparedness. Possibly you feel people have too much on their plates and need help to balance their workload. That might represent the value of fairness, say, or load balancing.

What else did you hear from your skip levels that leads you to diagnose the environment their leader has created as toxic? What exact specific things did you hear that the leader does that makes you believe people will quit in droves? This is the only way to shape the requests you can make of your direct report. It should be direct and straightforward, so that there is no confusion about the message you are sending.

It might sound something like this:

• “I understand you routinely yell at your people in front of their peers. That is not an effective way to build trust among your people. I request that you never raise your voice and offer redirection in private. Keep things matter of fact, never personal.”
• “I heard your people live in fear of making mistakes. I request that you treat people with respect and treat mistakes as information that something is not quite right. Get to bottom of what is causing the mistakes and fix it.”
• “Your results have been excellent, but you won’t be able to sustain them if everyone quits. So I need to see if you can produce the same results while creating an environment that people enjoy working in.”

Write down your requests, and, if possible, practice with someone safe. Do not allow yourself to make room for excuses or get drawn into a debate. That will take you down a road that will not serve you.

Once you make clear requests, make sure your direct report knows you will be following up to check on his compliance with them. Be ready to share the consequences he will face if he does not change his behavior. He has already seen that you will not tolerate lack of accountability, so that should work in your favor.

As the leader of your unit, it is your responsibility to share the values you expect your team to use as they lead their people. You seem to have gotten the message across that process alignment and task completion are the most important. Now you can add other values—maybe respect, or kindness, or appreciation for employees. One leader I worked with had a value he called “No Jerks.” His people knew exactly what that meant.

I can’t tell you what your values are—only you can sleuth those out by noticing what you don’t want. That will help you to articulate what you do want, what is most important, and what is unacceptable. Those are your values. Once you figure them out, share them with your people regularly. Use them to shape the feedback you give. Track the extent to which your leaders are guided by those values in performance reviews. As you know, anyone can get great results through bullying in the short term, but it will tank results in the long term.

I suspect you will rise to this new leadership challenge.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

What do I do if I just can’t connect with one of my direct reports?

I was recently promoted and inherited a whole new team in addition to the one I had before. The team is good and was well led (the leader left for another opportunity).

I get along really well with everyone on the team—except for one person. She never smiles. In my efforts to get to know her better, she has offered monosyllabic answers to questions. For example, when I asked her what she does for fun, or to relax, she literally said “nothing.” When we do our social connection stuff on team calls, she never contributes.

I have never encountered this kind of thing before. I am thinking maybe she doesn’t like me or maybe just doesn’t like men. (Her former boss was female.)

I find myself avoiding having one on ones with her and not thinking of her when it comes to giving out assignments, which I know isn’t fair. I am supposed to have career development conversations with all of my people, and I am dreading trying to do that with her.

Any thoughts on this?

Shut Out

________________________________________________________________________

Dear Shut Out,

There are any number of things potentially going on here. But no matter what, there is one rule of thumb that will help you as you sort through it:

Do. Not. Take. Anything. Personally. Ever.

Especially other people’s personalities or behavior. Especially anything your direct reports do.

OK. Now we are clear on that.

There are a couple of ideas you might consider. Get in touch with her former leader and ask if there is anything you should know. If that isn’t an option, call your HR business partner and ask if there is anything you need to know about the folks on your new team. If your employee who is making you uncomfortable is in fact Neurodivergent, someone in HR probably knows about it and possibly forgot to give you a heads up. If that is the case, there may be some recommendations or guidelines for you there. If that is not the case, you may very well be dealing with someone who is exceptionally introverted and/or shy. Maybe both. I know many introverts for whom the social aspect of team calls is a nightmare. I know many introverts who take a very long time to trust and warm up to new people. When people are introverts, it is simply a personality trait. It is not about you.

The question is: how is this person’s work—is it up to par? Does she meet deadlines? Does she work cooperatively with others? You don’t mention this, so I am assuming the answer to all of the questions is yes. It doesn’t sound like anyone on the team has complained about her. If this is the case, there is no reason to dread having a career conversation with her.

You can ask the questions, maybe provide them to her in writing before the conversation so she doesn’t feel put on the spot. Perhaps even give her the option of providing her answers in writing so she doesn’t have to deal with the discomfort of a video call. The questions might be something like:

• Are you engaged and satisfied in your current job?
• Do you think you are able to use your skills and strengths in your job?
• Do you see yourself moving or changing jobs in the company? If so, where?
• What/who is going to slow you down or stop you from getting there?
• What/who is needed to facilitate your getting there?
• Is there anything about you that you think I should know?
• Is there anything else you want me to know?

Possibly your company has given you a format for career conversations—you can certainly use that.

In the end, you don’t need your employee to like you, to smile, or to be friendly. You just need to build trust so she respects you, and let her get on with doing her job. I suspect the harder you try to get her to conform to the kind of behavior that makes you feel good, the more she will resist.

So relax. Let her be herself. Trust that she won’t attend the office bowling party and that it doesn’t have to mean anything, and be okay with it. Remember: the way people behave is not about you, it is about them.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

Is it naïve to want people to like me? I have been very successful at sales and developing partnerships in my job, partially because I am so good at knowing how to relate to people and getting them to like me.

But recently I am beginning to wonder if having people like me—and being good at it—is really helping me. I have started to manage people and I am having a rough time giving them feedback and holding them accountable. My boss says it is because I have too great a desire for people to like me and I need to get over it. What do you think?

Need to Be Liked

__________________________________________________________________

Dear Need to Be Liked,

First of all, being great at knowing how to relate to people and getting them to like you is a superpower to be thankful for. If it comes naturally, you are lucky—it is a beautiful trait, and the many people who don’t have it work very hard to develop it as a skill.

Is it naïve to think you can make anyone like you? It might be, but as long as it isn’t hurting you, I say enjoy it while you can. As you are experiencing, it may already be hurting you as a manager because giving clear feedback and keeping people accountable is part of your job description. But there are ways to do it that can build relationships instead of eroding them. We’ll get to that in a minute.

I used to think the same thing about myself until a couple of relationships proved me wrong in extremely painful ways. I suspect you will run into some of those. It will have more to do with an imbalance of power combined with conflicting goals than with how the person feels about you. The truth is, when push comes to shove, not everybody is going to like you all the time. And that is okay.

You need to understand something important about needs: Needs will get themselves met. So it is up to you to make sure they get met appropriately. Let me explain.

If your need to be liked is, in fact, a core psychological need instead of just a preference, you need to understand it, notice how it drives your behavior for better and for worse, and learn how to manage that need so it doesn’t get in the way of what you are trying to achieve. There is tons of research about needs, and a lot of theories. Among them is one that psychologists and researchers seem to agree on: Every human being tends to have similar needs for competence, relatedness, and autonomy. Beyond that, individuals differ—but everyone seems to come hardwired with needs that (1) don’t change and (2) will drive behavior to get met. You must find out how to get people to like you in ways that don’t cost you.

How might getting this need met cost you? If it causes you to either choose friends who aren’t good to you or stay in relationships that drag you down, or if it keeps you from being effective in your job. Awareness of your self and your needs is critical so you can make the best choices and thereby protect yourself from your own unconscious behaviors.

You can still be liked as a manager—but the most important thing to remember about being an effective manager is this: Leadership is not about you. It is about the people you are managing. The most important thing you need your people to feel is trust. They must trust that you know what you are doing, that you will give them clear direction and everything else they need to be successful in their jobs, and that you will be fair and consistent. They may or may not like you as a person, but they will definitely trust you.

You can tell your people that it’s your job to give them feedback and you’ll do so whenever it is needed, and that it’s also your job to hold everyone on the team accountable and you’ll be doing that as well. Once you have set the stage for what is expected, it is much easier to follow through on a consistent basis.

Ultimately, the job of a manager is to help their people be as successful as possible in their jobs. You can only do that by giving people feedback—all kinds of feedback—not only, of course, when things go well so they can keep it up, but also when things could be different or better.

Here is an excellent article: Are You a Trustworthy, Self-Aware Leader? by Ken Blanchard with a little bit of detail on our excellent Trust Model and, more to the point, how the need to be liked (which he has in spades) can get in the way of being trustworthy.

The confusing thing about having the need to be liked is that it can be one of the reasons you are successful. It almost certainly is in your case. But there is a moment at which this particular need can become an overused strength and backfire, causing unintended consequences. You are already quite a few steps toward self-awareness, so just keep going. Pay attention, notice, and modulate, taking it one step at a time.

In the meantime, enjoy those relationships—especially your personal ones, where you can be unabashedly yourself with no concern about consequences, with people who love you just the way you are. This way, you can get your need to be liked met with enough people to be satisfied.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a team that has been working together for a long time, although one person recently left. Her replacement is a new high performer who is settling nicely into the job. He has all the experience and skills we were looking for, but he hasn’t quite figured out our culture or the accepted communication norms in our organization.

When I give him feedback on his communications to make them more aligned with expectations, he gets really defensive. The last time I did this he said, “I do good work; I think you’re too picky.” I was taken aback and didn’t say anything, because nothing I could think of saying would have been appropriate. I am not used to an employee talking to me that way.

Ultimately, it is my job to give him feedback to help him be successful here, and I don’t think it is appropriate for him to make personal observations about me. I am not picky, really, but I know my boss and the executive team are. They have expectations about the way my team does things that they have made clear.

How do I approach this? I am not sure quite where to start.

Dealing with a Defensive Direct Report

_________________________________________________________________________

Dear Dealing with a Defensive Direct Report,

You are right on both counts: it is your job to give your people feedback so that they can be as successful as possible in their jobs, and it is not appropriate for anyone at work to make personal observations about you.

Shut. It. Down.

It is your job to swiftly and clearly put up the hand and make clear that you will not tolerate that kind of response in the future. If you don’t, your new team member will assume that what feels normal to him is okay with you.

You were wise not to get defensive right back. (I can’t believe you didn’t say “excuse me?”) You are obviously thoughtful and have good self-regulation.

Now leverage that thoughtfulness to prepare for a conversation with your direct report. Think through the messages you want to get across. Choose the most important points and start with them. In your case, it might look something like this:

1. My job is to give you feedback so that you can be as successful as possible in your job. I need to be able to offer you the guidance you need to be successful without being worried that you are going to get defensive and make personal observations about me.
2. If you are not willing to take feedback and use it, we may have a problem.
3. You are certainly allowed to disagree with me, but you must treat me with respect.
4. Of course you do good work—if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be working here. But there is a difference between my giving you feedback on details and my giving you a wholesale critique of your work in general.
5. The feedback I give you is directly related to the expectations and standards of my boss and the executive team. Yes, I am picky around things that I know others in the organization are picky about.
6. Our team’s purpose is internal customer service, and it is important that we all use a consistent approach with all of our communications.

I am sure I got some details wrong in these examples; suffice to say the more to the point and succinct you can be, the easier it will be for you to get through the feedback and for him to understand it. It might also be a good idea to write it all out and send him the summary in an email, so you begin a record of the interactions.

If it turns out that your direct report refuses to use feedback to meet expectations and continues his defensiveness and hostility, you will want a clear trail of evidence. No matter how good someone’s work is, there is no reason to tolerate disrespect.

You could take another approach entirely, of course, and go in with questions to get to the bottom of the defensiveness and possibly get insight into what is prompting the behavior.

Questions:

• How might I frame feedback for you in a way that makes it easier for you to accept?
• Clearly it is important to you to do good work; how can I help you to make sure it is exceptional?
• Help me understand what makes you think I am too picky.

But on second thought, no. I think the questions might be the continuation of point #2:

• If you are not willing to take feedback and use it, we may have a problem. We can talk about what I can do differently to make that easier for you.

I really think the first order of business is to be unequivocally clear about what is and what is not okay with you. You are the boss and no one else can do it for you. If you don’t do it now, your new DDR will just keep pushing you around until you have no influence over the quality of his work. And you will have allowed it to happen.

Harsh? Probably. There are very few things we have control over in life, but this situation is one of them.

Good luck.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I get no feedback.

I like my job, my boss, the team I work with, and my company. At every annual review I write my own review first and my manager adds her two cents, always pointing out ways I contribute that I hadn’t thought about or had forgotten. So I do get feedback, and it is always positive, which is nice.

I realize this sounds crazy, but I want more constructive feedback so I can grow and get better. I guess I want to be more challenged.

How can I go about getting more feedback without seeming dissatisfied?

Wanting More

__________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Wanting More,

You don’t sound crazy. You sound lucky. Let’s all take a moment to appreciate your position, because it is a rare one: Your boss obviously thinks you are great and is totally happy with the job you are doing.

And—I get it. It sounds like you might be a little bored.

I think your first stop is your boss. Tell her you are looking for a challenge and you either want to get better at the job you are doing or maybe take on something new. You can be crystal clear that you aren’t unhappy or dissatisfied, just wanting to shake things up a little. The ideal time for this is at your annual review; but if that seems too far away, you can ask for a meeting. I am surprised your manager hasn’t checked in with you about your dreams, your job satisfaction, your career aspirations.

Another thought is to ask your colleagues, teammates, and internal and (if applicable) external customers for feedback to see if there is anything you could do that would make working with you easier. You could simply ask:

• Is there anything you wish I would start or stop doing?
• Is there anything you wish I did more or less of?
• Is there anything you think I should know that could make me more effective or help me add more value?

You never know what you might find out.

I guess it is always possible that there is something you do that stops people from offering suggestions or developmental feedback. Is it possible that in the past you have become defensive? Only you can know the answer to that, and it will serve you to admit the truth to yourself. If you think this might be the case, make sure you go into asking for feedback with an open mind. It takes some grace to accept feedback that might be a surprise or feel personal.

Prepare to respond to anything you hear with one of three options:

• Thank you.
• I understand.
• Tell me more.

This will ensure that people who have the courage to tell you something they think you need to hear will feel heard and won’t feel punished for going out on a limb.

There is also a big difference between seeking/hearing feedback and making a decision to actually do something with it. One way of rewarding people for giving you feedback is to loop back with them and let them know what you are doing with their advice. If you choose not to do anything, you can just tuck it away for future reference.

Remember also that feedback always says more about the person giving it than the person getting it. So write everything down. Give yourself some space and time to absorb, process, and decide what is going to make a difference to your success and what isn’t. Resolve to take nothing personally.

You might be opening a can of worms here, so you will want to be prepared for that. Or maybe you are like Mary Poppins—“practically perfect in every way”—wouldn’t that be grand? If that is the case, your next step will be to figure out if you are, in fact, bored and what goals you might set next to create your next challenge.

Thanks for asking such a surprising question.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I run a large team for a media company. The CEO has a lot of strengths but is inconsistent and often irrational. My team is constantly on the hook to respond to endless PR issues, so we never quite know what is coming at us.

Before Covid we all came to the office early and stayed late—it was just a given. My job is global, so it is literally 24/7. Now the CEO has told his management team he wants everyone back in the office, but he won’t make it company policy because he is afraid people will quit en masse. Instead, he has tasked his management team with lowering the boom and insisting that people come back to the office.

My team members and I managed remotely through Covid. I think we are far more effective in person, but none of them have an interest in coming back to the office. In fact, they seem emboldened with their newfound freedom to the degree that they are now telling me what hours they will be working.

It would be so much easier for me if the company would just create a back-to-office policy instead of forcing all the managers to be the bad guys.

How should I approach this?

Hate Being the Heavy

_________________________________________________________________________

Dear Hate Being the Heavy,

It is so easy to blame upper management for things people don’t like. I understand your resenting being left holding the bag on this issue; however, I think the opportunity here is to create a hybrid environment that works for everyone on your team. If your senior team won’t insist that everyone come into the office every day, you don’t have to either. You can’t be held accountable for something your senior team refuses to say out loud.

What was it, do you think, that made you more effective pre-Covid? It’s true that when working remotely you lose the opportunity for quick after-meeting chats and catch-ups in the hallway—so think about how you might build those into your remote day schedules.

It is not appropriate for your employees to inform you what their working hours will be—but it does make sense for you to speak with each team member to get insight into what would work best for them. You can be clear that you are gathering intel to make the best possible plan and you can’t promise your final plan will suit every individual perfectly. As long as your people feel heard and understood, and they trust you to use your best judgment, you should be okay.

Once you have heard from everyone, you can create a plan for your team. Maybe everyone comes in the same two days every week, each person can choose which day will be their third day, and everyone WFH on Fridays. Do whatever you think will work best.

You can make almost anything work if you follow these tips:

• Have at least one all-hands meeting in person per week. Maybe include a lunch to sweeten the deal. Use lunch time as an opportunity to socialize, letting people catch up on personal news.
• Make sure everyone is crystal clear about deliverables and deadlines. Provide ways for people to keep you up to speed on what they are working on. Anything you can do using technology to increase visibility into workflow will increase trust and communication.
• Create some rules about communicating and being available on chat during working hours.
• Have a dedicated office hours time each day where you can be free for a quick check-in with whoever might need one.
• Have team members choose one day a week to be on call, since part of the job is crisis management at all hours.
• Send the message that “showing up” can mean either in person or virtually—but showing up is an expectation.

Once people have a taste of the freedom that comes with remote work, it is hard to go back. In fact, I suspect there is no going back to the way things were. But this is an opportunity for you to get input and create something new that will afford some of the freedoms your people have become accustomed to even as you insist on some new norms.

A lot of leading indicators point to what we are going through as not so much The Great Resignation as The Great Switcheroo. People are taking advantage of the opportunity to move to jobs that are more aligned with their passions and values, with the kind of flexibility they have become accustomed to. So the more you can include your people in the design of your new work structure, the more successful you will be.

Do your research and then be bold and clear. You are the boss of your team, even if some of your team members may have forgotten.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

People want an empathetic leader. Many managers strive to be one. But ask someone to define the term, and you’re likely to be met with silence.

Let’s start with the definition. According to Merriam-Webster, empathy means “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another.”

The logical question is: why is being empathetic an important quality of a leader? It seems to have nothing in common with achieving tasks or succeeding in the workplace.

The importance of being an empathetic leader starts with the simple truth that leadership is about people. If you’re going to lead effectively, you must be attuned to your people’s thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. This translates into creating real partnerships rather than exerting power. It means walking alongside your team members and guiding them in the direction you need them to go.

Why Empathetic Leaders Are Needed Now

The topic of empathetic leadership has been getting a lot of press lately, mostly due to the adverse effects of the pandemic. COVID has bruised people in many ways: losing a loved one, losing a job, pay cuts, health problems, and on and on.

People are reevaluating their relationship with work in the wake of the pandemic. Some are deciding life’s too short to leave their spirit at the door and endure long workdays just to bring home a paycheck. They want an environment that nourishes them in a profound way.

The Empathy Deficit

Forbes says empathy is the most important leadership skill, but only 40% of people rate their leaders as being empathetic. It’s tricky to single out one skill as being the most important—anyone can argue that other skills deserve top billing. That qualifier aside, this statistic reveals a huge disconnect between what people want and what their leaders are providing.

But leading with empathy isn’t easy. If empathetic leadership were part of a college curriculum, it would be a 200-level class. It presumes that people have all the basics down—and many leaders don’t.

Leaders are often promoted to their roles based on their success as an individual contributor. But being a first-time manager requires a whole new set of skills—for example, emotional intelligence—that are more important than technical expertise. Many managers either haven’t had the opportunity to develop these skills, are resistant to doing so, or don’t have an interest in them.

When you add up all these reasons, it’s easy to see why we have an empathy deficit among leaders and their people.

Know Thyself

Becoming an empathetic leader starts with having excellent self-awareness. This requires doing inner work on understanding your motivators, your temperament, and your personality style. It also includes knowing your communication style, your reaction to feedback, and how your values shape your behavior.

The first step in your journey is investing in your own development. Once you are more self-aware, you can begin to adjust your leadership style to the needs of your people.

Senior executives play a pivotal role in this. They must put organizational resources behind self-awareness initiatives to show they are serious about developing empathetic leaders. Investing in training is an example. Just as important, they need to model the behaviors they want the organization’s leaders to demonstrate. They also should have caring conversations with managers who don’t appear to be growing into empathetic leaders.

Understand Others

The second part of empathetic leadership is striving for a good understanding of your team members. This includes improving your communication skills, such as being curious in conversations instead of being defensive or aggressive. It also includes learning how to eliminate fear in your interactions with your people—trust cannot survive if there is fear in a relationship.

Building trust with your people is essential if you’re to be an empathetic leader. They must know you are on their side and you mean them no harm. You must show them your role as a leader is to help them succeed. The better you understand your people, the better you’ll be able to serve them in a meaningful way.

Be Helpful

Finding practical ways to serve others is a concrete example of empathetic leadership. Our Self Leadership course teaches five points of power you can use to help your people succeed:

• Position Power: Having the title or authority to make certain decisions
• Task Power: Having control over a task or particular job
• Personal Power: Having interpersonal and leadership skills, passion, inspiration, or a personal vision of the future
• Relationship Power: Being connected or friendly with other people who have power
• Knowledge Power: Having relevant experience, expertise, or credentials

Empathetic leaders use these points of power to build up their people, help them feel safe and secure, and increase their confidence. When leaders do this, their people know they care about them. This opens many doors of possibility.

Be Compassionate

Empathetic leaders are compassionate and extend grace to others. They know how to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. But remember: organizations have goals that must be accomplished. Leaders must balance compassion with clear expectations that are understood by every team member.

Leaders who are empathetic place great importance on creating psychological safety—an environment where a person feels free to speak their mind, take risks, and admit mistakes without fear of being punished or reprimanded.

Empathetic leaders also balance great relationships with great results. Ken Blanchard and I share how to navigate this tricky intersection in our new book, Simple Truths of Leadership: 52 Ways to Be a Servant Leader and Build Trust. 

Simple Truth #1 in our book is “Servant leadership is the best way to achieve both great results and great relationships.” Many people have an either/or mindset when it comes to leadership—they focus on either achieving results or developing relationships. You can get both if you set a clear vision and direction for your people, then work side by side serving them in ways that help them accomplish their goals.

Set Boundaries

Empathetic leaders know how to set clear boundaries that benefit everyone, such as letting people know how many hours a day they’re supposed to work or that sending late-night emails is inappropriate.

When everyone has clarity on work boundaries—including rules and expectations—there is tremendous safety and freedom. Boundaries create a guardrail so people don’t unduly sacrifice themselves to accomplish something. Boundaries also promote autonomy. They let people know what they can and can’t do. 

An Empathetic Leader in Action

Seeing an empathetic leader in action turns philosophy into concrete reality. Try to imagine yourself as an empathetic leader who practices the following behaviors on a daily basis.

An empathetic leader:

• Asks rather than tells
• Listens rather than speaks
• Serves rather than commands
• Cares about people’s concerns
• Is receptive to feedback
• Doesn’t overact to people’s questions or concerns
• Doesn’t interpret concerns as resistance

When you demonstrate these behaviors, your people will be loyal to you. They’ll be engaged. They’ll give their best effort. They’ll be more innovative. And they’ll speak highly about your organization to their friends and colleagues.

Call to Action

At its core, empathetic leadership is about being an others-focused leader. It’s about leaders being in tune with the needs of their people and responding in tangible ways that demonstrate their care and concern. And how do people respond when their leaders act this way? They pledge their loyalty, trust, and commitment to that leader, which results in greater productivity, innovation, and creativity. Who wouldn’t want that?

Dear Madeleine,

I am a VP in an organization and I have a decent team, all of whom I inherited when I joined the organization two years ago. Everyone on my team is experienced and considered senior.

I have done everything I can think of to make everyone’s role and responsibilities crystal clear—yet I find myself constantly disappointed in my people. Examples of shenanigans I run across: one team member consistently fails to upload a weekly report that is required and needed by others and has to be reminded. Another creates emergencies where no emergency should be. And yet another recently failed to prepare adequately for a presentation to a team of my peers and my boss.

Am I overly critical? Are my standards too high? Should I be giving passes when I know people have a lot on their plate? Is it me? Is it my team? What is going on? Any light you are able to shed would be great.

Disappointed

_______________________________________________________________________________

Dear Disappointed,

It’s you. Sorry.

You know this isn’t personal because I don’t know the details. But it is always the leader. Always. When a leader is complaining about their people, it is time for the leader to look in the mirror. You’re the leader, so, yeah, it’s you.

So let’s look in that mirror. Have you always been disappointed in people on your previous teams? If the answer is yes, it means you have high standards that you have not properly shared with the people who work for you. If the answer is no, it means you have not done a good enough job of sharing your standards with this particular team. It isn’t that your expectations are too high; it’s that your people aren’t aware of what they are.

Somehow, although you have been clear about roles and responsibilities, you have not been explicit enough about your expectations. Somehow, you have sent the message that it is OK to miss deadlines with reports; you have sent the message that creating an emergency where none should exist is a judgment call that can be made without your input; and you have allowed your team members to think that showing up inadequately prepared is acceptable.

It is a common mistake to think that just because people are experienced and, as you say, “senior,” it means they will have the same professional standards as you. That just is not the case—standards for professionalism are all over the board. If you want your team members to rise to yours, you must tell them what they are.

I recently had a client ask “Do I really need to tell people I expect them to show up on time to meetings?” The answer is yes. Yes, you do. These days there is such diversity of culture, context, generations, and backgrounds that you just can’t expect everyone to read your mind. There is a good chance your team’s last boss either had different standards than yours or didn’t hold people accountable for the same things you think are important.

Just because something is obvious to you does not mean it is obvious to everyone else. So here are some examples of expectations you might want to share with your people:

• If you are presenting to people outside the team, please schedule time to review the content with me and make sure you do a practice session with the technology before go time.
• If you are considering escalating anything to emergency status with another department, please consult with me on the tactical approach first.
• Do what you say you are going to do.
• This report needs to be submitted on time and here’s why ________________.
• Submit all work at or before deadline or inform me you will be delayed and negotiate for more time.
• Be on time for meetings or let me know you will be late.
• Proof all final work before sharing it with anyone outside the department.

I just kind of made these up based on what you shared and some whoppers I have heard from clients. The beauty of disappointment is that it is data—it is information about something you think is obvious to others that, in fact, is not. Every time you are disappointed, it points to a standard you have that you have not made explicit.

Assuming you have good rapport with your people and they know you have their back, you can share your expectations and remind them as needed without judgment. In most organizations, people have more work than they can handle, so they will always look for places where they can cut. If they know you are paying attention, they won’t choose the places that matter to you if they know what they are.

Your job is to help your people do their best work and help them shine. As long as your standards are designed to do that, you will be just fine.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

There’s been a flood of articles lately about psychological safety—and for good reason. It is essential if people are to be engaged and productive. It is the foundation for a dynamic, vibrant workplace. And it is woefully missing at most companies.

Psychological safety happens in a workplace when people feel free to speak their mind, take a risk, or admit to mistakes without fear of being punished. The pandemic has made it a hot topic. Many people have felt psychologically battered and bruised over the last couple of years. They’re raw and they need a work environment where they feel safe.

The Great Trust Experiment

The pandemic has been a great trust experiment. Literally overnight, organizations were forced to extend massive amounts of trust to their people by letting them work from home.

We all know what happened. By and large, remote work has been a great success. Many employees have proven more productive than they had been in the workplace. This has shined a spotlight on how relatively unproductive things had been prior to the March 2020 shutdown.

Post-Pandemic Psychological Safety

Sometimes you don’t realize you’re missing something until right after you get a taste of it. In the last two years, many people have developed a taste for freedom and autonomy. Companies trusted them to work from home—without supervision—and to bring their brains to work. Now that offices are slowly reopening, these people, understandably, don’t want to return. They don’t want to go back to the way things were.

What’s the lesson here? People experienced a world where the boss was no longer a few steps down the hall, checking in to make sure they’re doing their work—and they liked it. The Great Trust Experiment showed people the importance of psychological safety.

The thought of returning to a psychologically unsafe environment has many people on edge. Considering that about three out of four people don’t feel psychologically safe at work, every leader should be asking “How do I create a psychologically safe environment?”

Seven Keys to a Psychologically Safe Workplace

Ken Blanchard and I share ways to create a psychologically safe environment in our new book, Simple Truths of Leadership: 52 Ways to Be a Servant Leader and Build Trust.  Here are a few choice strategies you can use to create the culture you want in your workplace.

Eliminate fear: Fear is the enemy of trust. Lack of trust destroys psychological safety. People flourish in a safe and trusting environment.

People must know there won’t be repercussions if they share ideas or their perceptions of the truth or if they make a mistake. Your job as a leader is to live this truth.

Praise often: Unfortunately, we are hardwired to focus on the negative—so much so that it takes five praisings to counteract one criticism. For example, our natural inclination is to interpret emails in the worst possible light. The takeaway for leaders is to praise your people often and keep your communications positive.

Share yourself: People tend to form one-dimensional caricatures of their leaders from short interactions. “So-and-so was short with me, which means they are uncaring in every situation.” You can overcome this mental kink by helping your people understand that you are a multifaceted person, just like they are.

I’m not suggesting you share deeply personal information. It is, however, completely appropriate to talk about your values, what’s important to you, what motivates you, etc. Doing this builds trust with your people, which is essential for psychological safety.

Create clear boundaries: Everyone in the workplace must know what is and isn’t acceptable. Everyone must agree to abide by the same rules. No one should get a free pass because of position or seniority. Everyone must treat each other with respect and decency.

Keep a level playing field: People sometimes think a leader will rush to their defense in a moment of conflict. But if that happens, all the other team members will be fearful of making a mistake or stepping out of line. In a psychologically safe workplace, there are no favorites and there are no scapegoats.

Allow curiosity: At your workplace, do people feel secure enough to try new things, to explore unusual ideas, to express alternate views? Or do they hold back, afraid of possible negative consequences? When people feel fearful, their engagement plummets. But when you give them permission to be curious, you’re providing an open, safe space for them to experiment without fear of repercussion. When they make a mistake, reframe it as a learning opportunity.

Think about this from an employee’s perspective. Instead of bracing yourself for a tongue-lashing, you receive honest, encouraging feedback. How would that make you feel about your workplace?

Be clear about your expectations: Research shows that many people don’t know what’s expected of them. This is a recipe for mistakes and misunderstandings, which undermine psychological safety. You can circumvent all this with a simple activity: Have your people write down what they think their responsibilities are and you do the same. Then compare. Chances are you’ll be quite surprised by the differences between the two lists.

You can also use this tactic for aligning your people’s priorities with yours: Have them write down what they consider their most important tasks, and you do the same. Then compare notes and discuss. A little exercise like this can clear up lots of confusion.

There’s no magic bullet for creating an environment of psychological safety. It takes lots of intentional effort on the part of leaders and it takes time to build the bonds of trust. But the rewards are great.

Unleash the potential of your people. Help them feel comfortable returning to work. Turn the Great Resignation into the Great Renewal!

About the Author

Randy Conley is Vice President of Professional Services and Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies. His award-winning blog, Leading with Trust, has influenced over 4 million viewers since its inception in 2012. His LeaderChat posts appear the fourth or last Thursday of every month. You can follow Randy on Twitter @RandyConley or connect with him on Linked-In.

It’s Women’s History Month—time to celebrate women’s accomplishments in the workplace! It’s essential to take a moment to recognize our contributions when you consider that in 2020 women still made just 84% of what men earned for the same job and were significantly underrepresented in leadership roles, according to Pew Research.

The argument about whether women can be great leaders is one that needs to be put to rest. Research has long shown that women excel in leadership roles. To empower women colleagues and to reassure anyone who may have an unconscious bias against women who apply for leadership positions, I share these findings:

• Women leaders are rated as being more competent than men on 11 out of 12 dimensions of leadership, according to Forbes.
• Women leaders score higher than men in 17 of 19 leadership competencies, according to Harvard Business Review.
• And 33% of people who work for a female manager are engaged at work, compared to 27% who work for male managers, according to Gallup.

There’s more: Female managers are more likely than male managers to encourage employee development, check in frequently on their employees’ progress, have regular conversations about their performance, and praise their people.  They are also better at collaborating and are perceived as being more empathetic and trustworthy. And they are significantly better listeners.

Perhaps Forbes best summed up the facts:

Having women in senior leadership roles also translates into greater profitability. A study by Credit Suisse found 25% of women in decision making roles had a 4% higher average return on investment—and companies with 50% of women in senior leadership had a 10% higher cash flow return on investment.

“With incontrovertible evidence like this, organizations not aggressively pursuing the cultivation of women executives are making the expressed, intentional choice to disregard evidence, severely undermining performance and compromising their organization’s potential.”

It’s crystal clear that your unique voice is needed to help people thrive! So, as a way of encouraging dynamic women such as yourself to climb the leadership ladder, my acronym WOMEN shares five strategies you can use to create the future of your dreams!

W = Ask WHO Questions

From my experience, successful women are fabulous at focusing on what they need to do, when they need to do it, and why they need to do it. Then they go out and get it done!

We’ve got the what, when, and why down. Now, as more women seek to move into leadership positions, we might want to focus on who. Here are some who questions you can ask to rocket your career to new heights!

• Who can help me do this task?
• Who can I delegate this to, so I can protect my time and build competence in others?
• Who do I want to meet?
• Who can I observe to see how the best and brightest do this task?
• Who do I want on my personal board of directors?
• Who can I endorse and build their confidence, so they are ready to step into a leadership position?
• Who do I want as a mentor?
• Who can I partner with who energizes me?
• Who can I and other leaders champion to help them get more visibility?

O = Be OTHER-Focused

Great women leaders are other-focused while keeping their eye on their own work. If someone asks them for help, they are immediately of service. They think of that person and what is important to them, and ask themselves, “How can I best help them?” They never lose sight of what that person wants to accomplish, sending them articles and ideas, checking in on their progress, and being an accountability buddy to ensure the person is successful.  

Other-focused women leaders know when to tell people how to do a task and when to ask someone to share how they think they would like to do a task. They know this because, just like a good doctor, they diagnose the task and the person’s demonstrated competence before responding. They are mindful of individual differences and communicate, recognize, and encourage people in a way that is meaningful to them.

M = Use MOMENTUM to Make Things Happen

Inspiring women leaders are energized by momentum. They are always seeking to do things better and faster, help the greatest number of people to succeed, and drive organizational vitality. They are always learning, reflecting on their actions, analyzing what they think would be best, and sharing their insights with others.

Momentum comes in many different forms such as speaking up in meetings. Here’s a helpful tip to ensure people listen to your ideas: Instead of giving your suggestions or recommendations in the form of a question such as “What if…” or “How about…,” be direct and say, “Here’s what I think we should do.” That way, people don’t think you are asking a question that drives their need to problem solve.

When you present your ideas, remember: if you hear no, it doesn’t necessarily mean no. No can mean lots of things such as “I’m hungry” or “I’m too busy today and don’t have the bandwidth to consider it.”

Here’s a funny anecdote that some of you may have experienced, between my very rational husband and me. We were driving home with the kids from a long hike, and everyone was hungry. My husband said, “Let’s go out to dinner!” Then he asked me, “Where would you like to go?” I said, “How about that new place?” He thought for a minute and said, “Nooo.” Then I said, “Well, how about the ABC restaurant?” And he thought for a few seconds and said, “Nooo.” And then I said, “I’ve got it! How about if we go to the place everybody loves, the XYZ restaurant?” And again, he said, “No I’m not really feeling that tonight.”

At this point, I thought to myself how come we never get to go where I want to go? So I decided to address that. I asked, “How come you never want to go where I want to go?” He said, “Well, you didn’t say where you wanted to go.” What’s the moral of that story? He was right. I just kept asking questions—and, being a rational guy, he just gave me his answers. Remember this when you’re pitching ideas in the boardroom. State your recommendation (like I should have): “Let’s get off at the next exit and go to Buca de Beppo.” Which I did, and we went, and it was delicious.

One last tip. If you have to say something that might upset someone, don’t start your sentence with “I’m sorry.” Say something like, “Thanks for taking the time to chat.”  This expression of gratitude makes the listener more receptive to what you’re about to say. 

E = Be Comfortable with EMOTIONS

Awesome women leaders realize that emotions should be acknowledged and embraced. Leveraging emotional intelligence is one of their superpowers.

When I was in my doctoral program, I read In a Different Voice by Carol Gilligan of Harvard. It was revolutionary for me. I did have a different voice—a woman’s voice. When I was a school administrator, colleagues would often tease me by saying, “Oh Vicki, you’re so sensitive! Do you always have to ask how this will impact the students (or teachers or parents)?”  This often triggered a sense of shame and powerlessness that came from my childhood admonitions. When I was little, I was often told I was too emotional. If I got excited or upset, I would constantly hear negative comments from my parents that sent the message “People like you don’t make it in the real world!” In other words, they felt expressing emotions would hinder my success.

The truth is the opposite. Now, in a time when people are feeling so strongly about everything, the ability to be aware of and acknowledge your emotions and the emotions of others is the ultimate relationship builder. Creating a place where your people can release negative emotions and amplify positive ones is a special gift. It’s what makes women leaders such a tremendous benefit to an organization.

N = NURTURE Yourself and Others

Nurturing is a profound concept. It encompasses mindfulness, boundaries, and caring for ourselves and others. Fabulous women leaders realize that our bodies are the holding tanks for our brilliance. No bodies, no brilliance.

Because of this, women leaders protect their time, helping their people take brain breaks and look after their bodies. They run effective meetings so that people are energized, not drained. They stop every hour for a “mindfulness minute” to drink water, exercise for a minute, call someone, or praise someone. They know self-care renews their energy, their ability to be compassionate, and their ability to focus. And they know it’s much harder to be compassionate when you’re drained.

Last, women leaders watch their thoughts carefully. As Margie Blanchard, one of my favorite women leaders, says: “Don’t say it unless you want it!” They realize there is a profound connection between their thoughts, physiology, and outcomes. Since the brain stores information in images, which the body reacts to, they keep their minds filled with desired outcomes and a vision of what they want.

For example, if I say, “I’m exhausted,” what happens in my body? It wilts. But if I say, “I am so energized and excited to go into this meeting and learn something from everyone,” my body becomes energized.

Embrace Yourself. Embrace Success.

Women leaders: the world needs your unique point of view and your energy—for unleashing the power and potential of others!

Keep on leading. Keep on inspiring. Keep on challenging yourself to take even better care of yourself than you already are! Let others hear your powerful voice. Model for others the gifts of clarity, influence, and autonomy. And watch the world return it to you in abundance.

The hybrid/virtual work world presents many challenges for leaders. One of them is creating a culture of accountability.

Some leaders still think accountability equals “butts in seats.” But that outdated belief has become completely antiquated during the pandemic. People have proven they can succeed in a remote work environment.

Considering how quickly the workplace is evolving, creating a culture of accountability requires leaders to develop a new skill set. Here are things you can do to achieve this.

Psychological Safety is Essential

Accountability starts with psychological safety. People need to feel comfortable telling their leaders that they are struggling with an assignment without fear of being reprimanded. An atmosphere of trust is essential.

An environment that isn’t psychologically safe undermines a culture of accountability. If leaders don’t trust their people, they’ll micromanage them. If people don’t trust their leaders, they won’t share.

Leaders lay the groundwork for accountability by extending trust. This can be more difficult in a virtual environment where they may not be able to see someone’s body language. Then there are some leaders who are habitually cautious. They won’t trust their team members until their leaders demonstrate that they are trustworthy.

Considering our times, leaders must take extra steps to ensure their people feel psychologically safe.

Praise Often. Redirect Judiciously.

Accountability and engagement are interdependent. One way to create engagement is to praise your people when they do something well.

Most leaders believe they give their people plenty of praise. But research shows the opposite—people don’t think their leaders praise them enough. The ideal praise-to-criticism ratio is 5:1. We’ve evolved as a species to identify danger, so we are wired to dwell on the negative. When leaders criticize, it stings more than they might think. A generous amount of praise is needed to counteract this natural tendency.

How we give feedback should be even more nuanced. I recommend leaders use our SLII® leadership development model to determine what kind of praise will be most impactful.

When someone is new to a task and either an Enthusiastic Beginner or a Disillusioned Learner, it’s your job as a leader to recognize any progress the person is making. Celebrate progress. Praise them in front of the team. Confidence is a prerequisite for mastery, and by recognizing people’s victories you’ll help them develop the self-confidence needed to tackle even more difficult projects.

When someone has demonstratable skills and is either a Capable but Cautious Contributor or a Self-Reliant Achiever, giving them increasing autonomy will deepen accountability. The person has proven they can do the task and you want to recognize and reward their achievements. As they become more experienced, your job is to ask open-ended questions and listen to their responses. Be explicit about how proud you are that they have reached this level of expertise.

No matter who you are sharing feedback with, your mindset as a leader is critical. Never act in a way that can be interpreted as punitive or demeaning. Make sure your people know that your purpose is to help them win. This helps to maintain a culture of accountability.

SMART Goals Create Accountability

Everyone is more accountable when they have SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound). People need to know what is expected of them and SMART goals can keep them on track. You can help your people attain their goals by showing them what success looks like for a specific job. This is particularly critical when you’re not in a face-to-face setting.

Regular check-ins are also a part of helping people achieve their SMART goals. If you and your team members are in the same place, you should have one-on-one check-ins at least once every two weeks. If your team is virtual, check in with each person more often—at least once a week. People working in a virtual environment need this. It ensures alignment, prevents feelings of isolation, and creates accountability.

Know Your Digital Body Language

Our digital body language, which is revealed in all our communications, affects accountability. The words we use reveal our intentions, our attitudes, and our feelings. But we often don’t take enough time to make sure we are understood. In fact, emotions in emails are misunderstood a great deal of the time. We need to be much more intentional about what we say and how we say it.

Try to make sure your communications aren’t just transactional if you want to drive accountability. Every communication should have a human element to it to demonstrate that you care for your people.

Here’s a tip I learned from experience. Don’t ever send a text message or an email without reading it through several times. Ask yourself, “Am I clearly saying what I want to say? Am I sharing my position and the thinking behind that position?” Doing these things helps ensure you have effective digital body language, which creates the psychological safety needed for accountability.

Be Available

Your availability and responsiveness are key to creating an environment of accountability. They are even more important in a virtual or hybrid environment than in a face-to-face workplace. People can see what you’re doing when you share a workspace, so they know when you’re busy. In a virtual environment, we don’t have this information and can come to any conclusion. For example, if you don’t respond to an email in three or four hours, the trust people have in you may take a hit, which can affect accountability.

One way to prevent these kinds of miscommunications is to set norms with your team. For example, discuss what constitutes a timely response. Get clear agreement and have everyone abide by it.

Good Leaders Create Accountability

Our changing workplace requires new ways of creating a culture of accountability—especially when so many leaders and their people are no longer in the same workspace. But the use of good leadership skills will inspire people to be accountable. And when that happens, your team will reach new heights of success!

In my new book Simple Truths of Leadership: 52 Ways to Be a Servant Leader and Build Trust—cowritten with my colleague, trust expert Randy Conley—we take a look at some practical, day-to-day leadership principles leaders can apply in their organizations.

Simple Truths of Leadership is broken down into 52 concepts/quotes, half on the topic of servant leadership and half on trust. Each concept has descriptions and activities that will result in increased trust, collaboration, innovation, and engagement in relationships involving leaders and their team members.

A focus on both servant leadership and trust is an important consideration in today’s work environment. It’s a one-two combination that Randy and I believe will bring renewed focus to the importance of empathy and the human touch in workplace relationships.

Here’s a sample of the first three Simple Truths we cover in the first half of the book.

SIMPLE TRUTH #1: Servant leadership is the best way to achieve both great results and great relationships.

Organizational leaders often have an either/or attitude toward results and people. For example, leaders who focus only on results may have trouble creating great relationships with their people and leaders who focus mainly on relationships may have trouble getting desired results.

Yet you can get both great results and great relationships if you understand the two parts of servant leadership:

• The leadership aspect focuses on vision, direction, and results—where you as a leader hope to take your people. Leaders should involve others in setting direction and determining desired results, but if people don’t know where they’re headed or what they’re meant to accomplish, the fault lies with the leader.
• The servant aspect focuses on working side by side in relationship with your people. Once the vision and direction are clear, the leader’s role shifts to service— helping people accomplish the agreed-upon goals.

MAKING COMMON SENSE COMMON PRACTICE

This one-two punch of the aspects of servant leadership enables you to create both great results and great relationships:

1. Let your people know what they’re being asked to do by setting the vision and direction with their help. In other words, vision and direction, while the responsibility of the leader, is not a top-down process.
2. During implementation, assure your people you are there to serve, not to be served. Your responsibility is to help them accomplish their goals through training, feedback, listening, and communication.

It’s important for servant leaders to establish this both/and mindset toward results and relationships.

SIMPLE TRUTH #2: Every great organization has a compelling vision.

When I explain what a compelling vision is to some leaders in organizations, they either give me a blank look or say something like “I’m sure we have one on the wall somewhere.” So what is a compelling vision?

According to my book with Jesse Stoner, Full Steam Ahead! Unleash the Power of Vision in Your Work and Your Life, a compelling vision includes three elements: your purpose (what business you are in), your picture of the future (where you are going) and your values (what will guide your journey).

A compelling vision is alive and well in companies that are leaders in their field, such as Disney, Southwest Airlines, Nordstrom, Wegmans, and Starbucks.

MAKING COMMON SENSE COMMON PRACTICE

Here’s how you can incorporate the three elements of a compelling vision in your organization:

• Make sure the people in your organization know what business they are in. For example, when Walt Disney started his theme parks, he said, “We are in the happiness business.”
• Confirm that your people know where they are going—what good results would look like. At Disney, the picture of the future is that all guests of the parks would have the same smile on their faces when leaving as when they entered.
• Find out if the people in your organization are clear on what values will guide their journey. Disney’s first value is safety. Its next values are courtesy and “the show,” which is about everyone playing their parts perfectly, whether they are a ticket taker or Mickey Mouse. Disney’s final value is efficiency—having a well-run, profitable organization.

If you can share your compelling vision as clearly as Disney does, congratulations! You have just made common sense common practice.

SIMPLE TRUTH #3: Servant leaders turn the traditional pyramid upside down.

Most organizations and leaders get into trouble during the implementation phase of servant leadership if the traditional hierarchical pyramid is used. When that happens, whom do people think they work for? The people above them.

The minute you think you work for the person above you, you assume that person—your boss—is responsible and your job is to be responsive to your boss’s whims or wishes. “Boss watching” can become a popular sport where people get promoted based on their upward-influencing skills. As a result, all the energy of the organization moves up the hierarchy, away from customers and the frontline folks who are closest to the action.

Servant leaders know how to correct this situation by philosophically turning the pyramid upside down when it comes to implementation. Now the customer contact people and the customers are at the top of the organization, and everyone in the leadership hierarchy works for them. This one change makes a major difference in who is responsible and who is responsive.

MAKING COMMON SENSE COMMON PRACTICE

To make servant leadership come alive, implementation is key:

• Communicate to your people that you work for them, not the other way around. Your job is to serve, not to evaluate.
• Empower your people by letting them bring their brains to work. In this way, they become responsible— able to respond—to their internal and external customers. Your job is to be responsive to them, helping them accomplish their goals.

This creates a very different environment for implementation and makes it clear to everyone who is responsible, and to whom.

I hope I’ve piqued your interest in learning about how you can introduce our commonsense leadership practices into your organization. If I have, check out the free eBook we’ve put together that shares a little more information about Simple Truths of Leadership—and check out what others are saying about the book through retail booksellers such as Barnes & Noble or Amazon.com.

The world is in desperate need of a new leadership model—one that focuses on results and people. Trusted servant leadership is the approach Randy and I believe in. Let us know what you think!

Effective leadership is an influence process where leaders implement everyday, commonsense approaches that help people and organizations thrive. Yet somehow, many of these fundamental principles are still missing from most workplaces.

In their new book, Simple Truths of Leadership: 52 Ways to Be a Servant Leader and Build Trust, legendary servant leadership expert Ken Blanchard, whose books have sold millions of copies worldwide, and his colleague Randy Conley, known and recognized for his many years of thought leadership and expertise in the field of trust, share fifty-two Simple Truths about leadership that will help leaders everywhere make commonsense leadership common practice.

The book covers a wide-ranging list of leadership skills certain to bring out the best in people. One of the things that make Blanchard and Conley’s approach different is the down-to-earth practicality of what they recommend. Instead of outcome or trait statements, the authors share leadership behaviors that get results.

How about you? What day-to-day leadership behaviors have made a big difference in your effectiveness as a leader?

Below are five examples from Blanchard and Conley. Are any of these on your list of simple leadership truths? Which of these have been powerful in your life as a leader? Which do you wish you would have learned earlier? What else would you include?

1. See Feedback as a Gift

Giving feedback to the boss doesn’t come naturally to most people, so getting honest feedback from your team members may be difficult. They may fear being the messenger bearing bad news, so they hesitate to be candid.

If you are lucky enough to receive feedback from one of your team members, remember—they’re giving you a gift. Limit yourself to three responses. Make sure the first thing you say is “Thank you!” Then follow up with “This is so helpful,” and “Is there anything else you think I should know?”

2. Help People Win

It’s hard for people to feel good about themselves if they are constantly falling short of their goals. That’s why it’s so important for you as a leader to do everything you can to help people win—accomplish their goals—by ensuring the following:

• Make sure your people’s goals are clear, observable, and measurable.
• As their leader, work together with your people to track progress.
• When performance is going well or falling short of expectations, give them appropriate praising, redirecting, or coaching—or reexamine whether your leadership style matches the person’s development level on a specific goal.

3. Admit Your Mistakes

If you make a mistake, own it. Admit what you did, apologize if necessary, and then put a plan in place to not repeat the mistake. Here are some best practices you can follow:

• Be prompt. Address the mistake as soon as possible. Delay can make it appear you’re trying to avoid or cover up the issue.
• Accept responsibility. Own your behavior and any damage it caused.
• Highlight the learning. Let your team know what you’ve learned and what you’ll do differently next time.
• Be brief. Don’t over-apologize or beat yourself up. Mistakes happen.

4. Extend Trust

Many leaders are afraid to give up too much control for fear that something will come back to bite them. They think it isn’t worth the risk to give up control. Are you willing to give up control and trust others? If you struggle to relinquish control and trust others, start with baby steps:

• Identify low-risk situations where you feel comfortable extending trust.
• Assess a person’s trustworthiness by gauging their competence to handle the task, integrity to do the right thing, and commitment to follow through.
• As you become more comfortable giving up control and learn that others can be trusted, extend more trust as situations allow.

5. Rebuild Trust When Broken

Leaders inevitably do something to erode trust—and when that happens, it’s good to have a process to follow to rebuild it. Trust can usually be restored if both parties are willing to work at it. If you have eroded trust in a relationship, follow this process to begin restoring it:

• Acknowledge. The first step in restoring trust is to acknowledge there is a problem. Identify the cause of low trust and what behaviors you need to change.
• Apologize. Take ownership of your role in eroding trust and express remorse for the harm it has caused.
• Act. Commit to not repeating the behavior and act in a more trustworthy way in the future.

Blanchard and Conley’s new book is being released on February 1. Would you like a sneak peek? Download this eBook summary of Simple Truths of Leadership.

Interested in learning more? Join Blanchard and Conley for a special webinar on January 26 where the authors will be highlighting key concepts from their book. The event is free, courtesy of The Ken Blanchard Companies. Use this link to register.

Have you noticed that some people in your organization can be counted on in critical situations to consistently deliver a stellar performance? These people seem to play the game at a higher level. Liz Wiseman calls them Impact Players. In her latest book, Impact Players: How to Take the Lead, Play Bigger, and Multiply Your Impact, Wiseman explains what these people are doing differently to offer peak performance.

Based on the kind of extensive research we’ve come to expect from Wiseman, she identifies five ways Impact Players are different from other people.

1. While others do their job, Impact Players figure out the real job to be done.
2. While others wait for direction, Impact Players step up and lead.
3. While others escalate problems, Impact Players move results across the finish line.
4. While others attempt to minimize change, Impact Players learn and adapt to change.
5. While others add to the load, Impact Players make heavy demands feel lighter.

Furthermore, Wiseman reports that when leaders offer a little coaching, all employees can develop the mindset they need to begin to contribute their best. The book includes 25 stories of top performers in action that will inspire you—and make Wiseman’s book impossible to put down.

For more information about Liz Wiseman, visit www.thewisemangroup.com

To hear host Chad Gordon interview Liz Wiseman, listen to the LeaderChat podcast and subscribe today.

Dear Madeleine,

I read your column on an employee who is too emotional. I have a similar problem, with some big differences. I don’t know why everyone says it is women who tend to be too emotional. I have a male colleague who is constantly melting down.

I’m not sure where he got the idea that everything he says or does should be met with 100% enthusiasm and support, but whenever he gets any kind of critique or has an idea that gets turned down, he just loses it. Anytime he is treated as anything less than a total star, his response is anger. And when he gets angry, he refuses to respond to emails and drops any number of balls that others depend on his catching so they can move forward. When I or any of several other team members have brought up this ridiculous behavior to our team lead, she acts as if she’s powerless.

I’ve kind of figured out how to work around him, which sometimes means doing tasks he should be doing. My biggest frustration is that he sits next to me, so I hear about his perceived injustices all day long. I also have to listen to him whining to his wife on the phone. I can’t fathom how she puts up with it.

It is a miracle that I haven’t told him to suck it up and stop griping. I am so sick of it I am actively looking for another job, even though I really like my company, my team, and my job. I would really like to stay but I don’t know how much longer I can keep myself from doing or saying something I regret.

How do I get this guy to grow up and stop acting like a big whiny baby?

Sick to Death of a Colleague

__________________________________________________________________________

Dear Sick to Death of a Colleague

Oh dear. This is a pickle indeed. It would be tragic for you to leave your job because of one annoying colleague. So right now, let’s think about just lowering the level of your frustration. It sounds as if you are almost looking for reasons to hate Big Whiny Baby (BWB) by letting his conversations into your consciousness—so first you need to tune him out. Get an excellent pair of headphones to wear so you can listen to music and put your attention on your work.

Then you’ll need a longer-term plan. I see a few possibilities here:

Option 1: Start with Yourself

This is your safest bet, because this is where you have the most control. Something about this person has triggered you and there might be some value in asking yourself what exactly is at the root of that. The more you can own the size—and frankly, the emotional quality (sorry)—of your reaction to BWB, the less of an impact his shenanigans will have on you. Maybe he reminds you of an annoying sibling. Maybe you take on too much and resent others who shirk. Maybe you grew up in a family where complaining was forbidden. What is it that has you lighting up instead of shaking your head and chuckling at the absurdity of BWB?

Once you pinpoint the source of your reaction, you can manage it. Choose to decide that you just don’t care enough to try to fix the situation. Tune BWB out; ignore him completely. Let this all just roll off your back and get on with things that really matter to you.

One crazy thought here: you might consider showing some true compassion to BWB by asking him if he would allow you to help him manage his frustration and take things less personally. This would be a sort of spiritual development program for you that would require you to somehow shelve your judgment and put yourself in service to him. I think this is a long shot, but I’ll add more on this topic as a part two, next week.

Option 2: Take a Stand with Your Manager

Go to your team lead and clearly lay out the extent of your frustration, focusing on BWB’s inability to do his job which forces you to work around him or sometimes even do his job. Make it clear that if you have to tolerate the situation much longer, you will be looking elsewhere for opportunities—but do not, under any circumstances, pull that card unless you truly intend to follow through.

If your direct supervisor refuses to do anything (it really is her job) or is simply incapable of doing anything, you might go up a level—but, of course, this is tricky. It could be a political faux pas in your company’s culture, or it could damage the relationship between you and your supervisor (although it sounds like you have already lost respect for her). However, if you do end up leaving, the reason would probably come out in the exit interview, so either way it will be a bit of a ding for her. It all depends on your level of relationship with your boss’s boss and your confidence that your own excellent work carries enough weight to make this feasible.

Option 3: Make a Direct Request of Your Coworker

Have a wildly uncomfortable but courageous conversation with BWB. If this option seems doable, use these guidelines:

DO:

• Ask if you can share your observations about what it is like to work with him, and ask if you can be frank.
• Keep your tone neutral. Stay, calm, cool and collected.
• Start all of your sentence steps with “I” vs. “you,” which can seem accusatory
• Stick with direct observations of his behavior and how they impact you; e.g., when he allows his emotions to distract him, it keeps him from completing critical tasks that you depend on; when he complains to you or to his wife on the phone, you get frustrated because it distracts you from your work.
• Make clear requests for how he might change his behaviors—but only the ones that directly affect you.
• Frame it that you find your working relationship with him suffering and that you are asking for changes to make it go more smoothly.
• Be sure to keep your judgment about gender or maturity out of it.
• Prepare by practicing clear statements that you simply repeat.

DON’T:

• Fall for his attempts to get you to say more.
• Reveal that “everybody feels the same way.”
• Let yourself get dragged into an argument—it will not go well.

Make your observations and/or requests and then clam up. You can literally say, “I have shared my requests with you and I am not saying anything else about it. I hope we can find a smoother way of working together.” And walk away. BWB will almost certainly want to turn it into another drama about him, so be stoic and strong.

As I write this, it is feeling like a terrible idea, because this would be an example of advanced boundary setting. If you don’t think you can keep your wits about you and stay composed, it probably won’t go as planned. I am not even sure that I would be able to do this—not that I am some boundary black belt, but I have been managing people for 30+ years and have raised four kids, so I do have some experience. It will help if you are first able to defuse your own anger and your attachment to your appraisal of BWB (which I guess I must share, since I keep calling him BWB). Either way, do not attempt it off the cuff. Only try it if you can prepare extensively.

The argument for this approach is that sometimes people have no idea whatsoever of the impact their behavior has on others. It sounds like BWB lives in his own little world and gets caught up in his own drama and is oblivious. Possibly a little straight talk will be a gift to him. Possibly not. There really is no way of knowing. Part of me even wonders if things could shift by you simply saying what you want to say: “Oh stop complaining; no one wants to hear it; suck it up, bub,” and be done with it. It’s not really mean, just straight and to the point. Clearly, his wife isn’t going to do this.

The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that finding a way to shift your own attitude about this situation seems, at the very least, the best first step. Water off a duck’s back. This won’t be the last coworker who drives you mad. It’s just part of life, so learning to let people be who they are without letting it bug you will be a skill that will serve you well.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a small group of what we call WMS professionals—Website Marketing Specialists. They all work remotely, and the group has developed into an extremely effective team.

I am very proud of our work; together we have found a way to really add value to sales and to the company. Taken individually, each woman (the team is all female, totally randomly) is delightful, professional, and easy to work with.

My problem is that, together, they fan the flames of their worst instincts, and—there is no other way to say it—they are a group of “mean girls.”  I have gotten several complaints; from other marketing teams, from salespeople, even from our service representatives, who are responsible for serving the contracts when we land them.

On our weekly team calls, the WMS women talk smack about other people in the company. They have nothing nice to say about anyone. As a group, they send out rude emails when colleagues don’t do things the way they think things should be done. Several have been forwarded to me with “WTH” and multiple question marks.

On a recent call with our head of sales—who is my boss—they were goofing around in the chat and paying no attention at all to the presentation. I was amazed—this was their boss’s boss. He mentioned that he noticed it and was put off.  It was just straight up bad behavior that none of these women would tolerate from their children, let alone colleagues.

I don’t want to de-motivate anyone by criticizing, but the reputation of the team is starting to suffer and undermine our excellent work. I need to do something; I just don’t know what. Where would you start?

Mean Girls Running Amok

_________________________________________________________________________

Dear Mean Girls Running Amok,

Although the Mean Girl reference made me laugh, I would argue that you have a slightly different problem. A little research on the Mean Girl phenomenon revealed that the term defines the behavior as “relational aggression” or using friendship as weapon. So, if a couple of bullies on the team were terrorizing one of its members, that would technically be a Mean Girl situation. The good news here is that you have a powerful intact team versus a potentially trickier situation, where some of the women on the team are ganging up on other team members. The bad news, of course, is that your team has closed ranks against other teams. I would describe your phenomenon as one where a team has formed such a strong, even tribal bond and feels so great about itself that it sets itself apart, above and beyond other teams and others in the organization. This is the dark side of strong team bonding. You may think I am splitting hairs here, but I believe the distinction is important. Plus, most adult women would object to being called girls, regardless of the context.

You are right not to criticize—the last thing you want is for your team to gang up on you, which is a very real risk.  But you must have the hard conversation—with the whole team. If there is clear ringleader, you might be tempted to start with her. But that could backfire by undermining the cohesion of the group—which you want to continue to maximize. So that means having the conversation with the whole group. For that you will want a model for how to have a challenging conversation, and my favorite one comes from Conversational Capacity by Craig Webber.

Blanchard’s Conversational Capacity program defines conversational capacity as the ability of an individual or a team to engage in open, balanced, non-defensive dialogue about difficult subjects and in challenging circumstances. It is also the sweet spot where innovation happens.

Craig says that to get yourself into the right mindset, you need to find the sweet spot between minimizing behaviors and winning behaviors. Minimizing in your case might sound like: “Hey team, I think we have a pattern that might be hurting us,” while winning might sound like: “Team, you are all behaving badly, and you need to fix it or else.” You are going to want to find that sweet spot between the two that might sound something like: “Team, I have observed some behaviors—and have gotten feedback from others—that some things being done are tarnishing our reputation and undermining our great work. I want to share those with you and think through together what we might do differently.”

You will want to strike a balance between candor and curiosity. You can rely on candor to outline the problem as you see it and the potential negative consequences you all face. Then, you can apply your curiosity to understand the underlying reasons for the damaging behaviors and really hear all points of view on the topic. Craig says we can achieve this balance by:

• Stating our clear position
• Explaining the underlying thinking that informs our position
• Testing our perspective
• Inquiring into the perspective of others. (pg. 78)

Some sample inquiries might be:

• How do you guys see this situation?
• What is your take on this?
• What is your reaction to what I have just laid out?
• Does what you are hearing sound like the way you want to be perceived as a team?

There is a good chance that some members of your team will be appalled and embarrassed, and you will need to be okay with that. You will also need to be okay with the person who minimizes by getting defensive and claiming that people are too sensitive and should get over themselves.

Once you have gotten some input and allowed your team reflect a little, you will have to make an official request for a change in behavior. You may be able to lean on the company values, if they exist. In our company we have a value we call Kenship (I know, isn’t it adorable?), which is defined as: “We value Ken [Blanchard]’s spirit of compassion, humility, and abundance. Kenship describes a sense of connectedness, a commitment to serve others, and a desire to have fun.” We also have the value Trustworthiness, which is described as: “We do the right thing. We are fair and ethical and do what we say we’re going to do.” Values like these make it easy to call out behaviors that are not aligned and help to keep the conversation objective. If your company doesn’t have stated values, now might be the time to craft a team charter, working together to define team values that will serve to guide everyone’s conduct moving forward. You obviously have a lot going for you already, so this could be a great way to develop the team into something even better.

Trashing everyone outside of the team is a way for the team to build connection; it is a habit the group has formed together. It is also a form of unhealthy entertainment. The key will be to help them shape new, good habits to replace the old bad habits, while continuing to nurture their connection.

What you can’t do is nothing. It is up to you to work with your team to repair the damage that has been done and lead them to become a team whose success is celebrated across the whole organization. It sounds like your team members are all fundamentally good and decent people. Once they see their dysfunctional behaviors reflected back to them, they will probably be willing to change. Lead on!

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

The Great Resignation. The Great Attrition. The Mass Exodus.

The historic turmoil taking place in today’s workplace has been given many names—and for good reason. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, a record-breaking 10.9 million jobs were open at the end of July 2021.[1]

This unprecedented turnover will stretch long into the future. Some 41% of the global workforce is “considering leaving their employer in the current year,” while “95% of workers are contemplating a job change.”[2]

All this turnover comes at a staggering cost: 30%–40% of the annual salary for entry-level employees; 150% for mid-level employees; and up to 400% for highly skilled employees.[3]

The costs are particularly steep for the sales function:

• The average salesperson needs 15 months before becoming a top performer.^[4]
• A company spends on average $106,374 for a salesperson’s salary, health care, etc., before the person starts to reach their quota.[5]
• The annual turnover rate for salespeople is 27%—twice that of the overall labor force.[6]

A little reflection reveals a sobering conclusion: A company cannot succeed if there is significant turnover in its sales force. The cost of the investment, the long lead time before success, the risk of a salesperson quitting, and the opportunities lost along the way are financially crippling.

The Pivotal Role of the Sales Manager

Sales managers have an oversized influence on the struggles and successes of a salesperson.

Gallup found that managers account for at least 70% of the variance in employee engagement scores across business units.[7] An article in Harvard Business Review went even further:

High-performing sales leaders reported an overall average annual quota attainment of 105% compared to 54% for underperforming sales managers.[8]

The same article stated that when salespeople rate their manager as being excellent or above average, 69% of them exceed quota.[9]

So how can sales managers help their new hires?

Using SLII® with New Hires

SLII®, the world’s most taught leadership development solution, is a proven way to help salespeople succeed. It categorizes a person’s capability for a given task or goal into four categories:

• D1—Enthusiastic Beginner. You’re usually at D1 when you’re starting to learn something new.
  • Remember how you couldn’t wait to ride a bike? You were at D1 on that goal.
• D2—Disillusioned Learner. You inevitably discover that what you’re trying to learn is harder than you first thought.
  • Pedaling, steering, and keeping your balance was trickier than it looked at D2.
• D3—Capable, but Cautious, Contributor. You need to build your confidence in using the new skill.
  • At D3 you could now ride around the block, but your first outing to a crowded park was a bit intimidating.
• D4—Self-Reliant Achiever. You’re highly competent at a task and committed to doing an excellent job.
  • When you reached D4, you could help your younger sibling learn to ride!

SLII® teaches managers to match their leadership style to an employee’s needs by using the appropriate directive and supportive behaviors. The four leadership styles are S1 (Directing), S2 (Coaching), S3 (Supporting), and S4 (Delegating). When leaders match their leadership style with an employee’s development level on a particular task or goal, the person develops competence, motivation, and confidence. And because their development leads to new career opportunities, they stay with your company.

New salespeople are at D1 or D2 on many tasks. They have considerable commitment (motivation and confidence) but little competence, even if they were a top performer at their previous job.

Here are examples of Style 1 leadership that sales managers can use to get new hires off to a fast start:

• Give clear goals
• Set timelines for accomplishing them
• Prioritize tasks
• Create a step-by-step learning plan
• Show what a good job looks like
• Give access to resources
• Share generous feedback on progress

Sales managers should also acknowledge a new hire’s transferable skills and commitment. People at D1 on a specific task or goal are receptive to direction when you acknowledge their commitment.

Sales managers can also paint a picture of success. That means showing the new hire what a good job looks like instead of letting the person develop bad habits as they struggle to find their own way. This tactic works because brain stores information as images, not words.

Time Well Spent

Millions of people worldwide are reevaluating their careers because of the pandemic. Competition for talented sales professionals is fierce. What’s a sales manager to do?

Take the time to invest in your new hires. Use SLII® when you lead. It will pay returns for years to come.

You can learn more about the impact that SLII® can have in your organization by downloading the new eBook Turning New Hires into Top Performers… Quickly. Looking for more content specific to sales management? Check out Meeting the Quota Challenge: Critical Skills Every Sales Manager Needs to Excel. Both downloads are free courtesy of The Ken Blanchard Companies.

ENDNOTES

[1] https://hbr.org/2021/09/who-is-driving-the-great-resignation?utm_medium=email&utm_source=newsletter_daily&utm_campaign=dailyalert_actsubs&utm_content=signinnudge&deliveryName=DM150635

[2] https://www.microsoft.com/en-us/worklab/work-trend-index/hybrid-work#:~:text=Today%2C%20our%20research%20shows%20that,major%20pivot%20or%20career%20transition.

[3] https://www.clickboarding.com/employee-turnover-what-is-it/

[4] https://www.indeed.com/career/salesperson/salaries

[5] https://www.sba.gov/blog/how-much-does-employee-cost-you#:~:text=There’s%20a%20rule%20of%20thumb,little%20harder%20to%20pin%20down.

[6] https://hbr.org/2017/07/how-to-predict-turnover-on-your-sales-team

[7] https://www.gallup.com/workplace/231593/why-great-managers-rare.aspx#:~:text=Companies%20fail%20to%20choose%20the,of%20the%20time%2C%20Gallup%20finds&text=Managers%20account%20for%20at%20least,severely%20low%20worldwide%20employee%20engagement.

[8] https://hbr.org/2015/09/the-7-attributes-of-the-most-effective-sales-leaders

[9] https://hbr.org/2015/09/the-7-attributes-of-the-most-effective-sales-leaders

It’s a common workplace belief: You should be able to handle anything that lands on your desk.

The specifics don’t matter. You’re a professional and you can tackle the challenge, no matter how long you’ve been at a job. Admitting you need help in a competitive work environment can be career suicide.

But this belief ignores reality.

Let’s start with new hires. According to Training Industry Quarterly, a new hire will need one to two years to become “fully productive.”[1]

So anyone who’s been at a job for less than 24 months is almost guaranteed to struggle at times.

Longevity at a job also doesn’t make one immune to needing help. The increasing pace of change almost guarantees that knowledge and skills will quickly become obsolete. Here’s what McKinsey & Company said about the steamroller of change: “Compared with the Industrial Revolution, we estimate that […] change is happening ten times faster and at 300 times the scale, or roughly 3,000 times the impact.”[2] 

Then there’s the speed at which knowledge accumulates. The amount of knowledge doubled about every 100 years, until 1945, when it started to double every 25 years. It now doubles every 13 months and will double every 12 hours once the Internet of Things becomes widespread.[3]^,[4]

What about the 10,000-hour rule (the amount of practice needed to reach mastery)?

The 10,000-hour rule has been misrepresented. According to researchers, the rule may be a predictor of success for activities with fixed rules (like chess). But it falls apart when applied to entrepreneurship and artistic endeavors.[5]

These facts are not meant to be discouraging, but they do reveal an important truth:

Being able to learn and grow is essential for success.

SLII®, the world’s most taught leadership development solution, recognizes that organizations and teams succeed as people get what they need to grow, learn, and succeed. It categorizes our capability for a given task into four categories:

• D1—Enthusiastic Beginner. We’re usually at D1 when we’re starting to learn something new. Remember how you couldn’t wait to ride a bike?
• D2—Disillusioned Learner. We inevitably discover that what we’re trying to learn is harder than we first thought. Pedaling, steering, and keeping your balance is trickier than you thought.
• D3—Capable, but Cautious, Contributor. We need to build our confidence in using the new skill. You can now ride around the block, but your first outing to a crowded park is a bit intimidating.
• D4—Self-Reliant Achiever. You’re highly competent at a task and committed to doing an excellent job. Now you can help your younger sibling learn to ride.

When someone asks you to do something at work and you freeze, you may be at D2 at the task.

People at D2 often feel anxious and neglected. They may think their progress is slow and they’re not getting the help they need. It’s such a lousy feeling that it can make people want to give up on the tasks and even quit their jobs.

But there’s help ahead. Here are some tips for not getting stuck in the D2 rut.

• Know when you’re feeling you’re at D2. Doing this can take the edge off and the discomfort out of the situation. A good leader who knows SLII will understand this and give you the support and direction you need.

• Minimize the power of D2 by knowing it is a natural stage of development. It will pass and you will eventually attain mastery.

• Know that your colleagues are going through these stages. It can be helpful to recognize that everyone is having a similar experience. You are not alone.

• Remember your past successes. Think of the many times when you’ve felt you were at D2 and how you overcame those challenges.

• Celebrate being at D2. It means you’re learning and growing. That’s hard work—you’re rewiring your neural network. But your effort will result in a better you.

We sometimes hear our clients say, “We hire only those at D4.” Given the unrelenting pace of change, that strategy seems quaint. Everyone is going to be at D2 at something. It is unavoidable.

The ability to learn and grow is a skill required for success. Becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable—the D2 dip—is the best way to survive and soar.

Editor’s Note: To learn more about helping others grow and succeed in today’s changing work environment, be sure to download the new eBook, Turning New Hires into Top Performers… Quickly. It’s free, courtesy of The Ken Blanchard Companies.

[1] https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/trainingindustry/tiq_2012winter/index.php?startid=40#/p/40

[2] https://www.mckinsey.com/business-functions/strategy-and-corporate-finance/our-insights/the-four-global-forces-breaking-all-the-trends

[3] http://www.ega.edu/images/uploads/College_Readiness_Tour_February_2015.pdf

[4] https://lodestarsolutions.com/keeping-up-with-the-surge-of-information-and-human-knowledge/

[5] https://www.businessinsider.com/new-study-destroys-malcolm-gladwells-10000-rule-2014-7

Robert “Bo” Brabo learned early in his military career that values drive results. Committing fully to admirable organizational values up, down, and across the organization, every day and in every way, is a powerful formula for success. In his latest book, From the Battlefield to the White House to the Boardroom, Brabo shares examples of how values-based leadership in the military, government, for-profit, and not-for-profit sectors has led to success.  

The book is full of practical lessons and inspiring case studies to help leaders and aspiring leaders develop, embrace, and strengthen a values-based approach to leading people, projects, and organizations. The keys are to make sure your behaviors are in alignment with your values and to focus on your team members and colleagues. Brabo believes when you help people tackle their problems as if they were your own, you form a partnership that creates a culture of trust and leads to success. This level of commitment to helping people reach their goals is the ultimate example of servant leadership.

Brabo challenges you to have the courage it takes to be a values-based leader—and introduces steps you can follow to make values-based leadership a reality.

For more information about Robert “Bo” Brabo, visit www.robertbrabo.com

To hear host Chad Gordon interview Bo Brabo, listen to the LeaderChat podcast and subscribe today.

Dear Madeleine,

Before COVID, I led a high performing, intact team. There are twelve of us and we all used to work in one office. I hired three new people just as the stay-at-home order was instituted, and I worked hard to do everything I could to onboard them and get them up and running using virtual meetings.

Among the twelve of us, we had almost every possible scenario: one single mom homeschooled three young kids, one had two college kids who moved home but not enough internet bandwidth to cover everyone’s needs, one was extremely ill with COVID and couldn’t work for two months, and one was in a rocky marriage that deteriorated steadily under the pressure of being together 24/7. Another person, whose spouse was laid off, was faced with needing to bring in more money or they would potentially lose their house. I was able to successfully lobby for a substantial raise for her (she was due anyway). One was able to bust her mom out of the memory care home she was in, but then needed to be on call at all hours to take care of her.

It was one thing after another. Not a day went by without some new challenge. The crazy thing is that we made it through the worst of the pandemic with no appreciable impact on our results. Now my organization is planning to bring everyone back to the office and I am worried that we may not make it through this particular test.

I have a couple of anti-vaxxers on my team who refuse to come to work until the Delta variant danger is past. The parents need to work from home until they can make safe arrangements for their kids. And the rest don’t think it is fair for them to have to have come back when the others don’t.

I don’t see the problem here. We have managed beautifully through this; why is everyone acting like  five-year-olds NOW? I am exhausted from the constant change and the need to manage everyone’s needs. I am trying to stay reasonable, but at what point do I just tell people to shut up and grow up?

Fried

______________________________________________________________________

Dear Fried,

It sounds like you have been nothing short of heroic and you could really use a break. So my first question is: have you planned some vacation for yourself? I think taking some time off from the constant drama—and your workload—would go a long way toward helping you get back to your very service-oriented, understanding self. When you are ready to say things you know you will regret, it is time to step away. Like so many others, you are probably thinking that you can’t take vacation—but you must.

I will also ask the next obvious coach-y question: How are you taking care of yourself? Are you getting the exercise you need? The rest and sleep? Are you able to get support and direction from your own manager? It sounds like you are on your own with this situation, so if your own manager is unresponsive or simply MIA, perhaps you might find support and direction elsewhere in the organization. Reach out to your partners in HR and see what they have to offer you. We have created a treasure trove of resources for leaders just like you that might help.

Ultimately, though, you must take care of yourself so that you have the energy and grace to take care of others.

Why are people melting down now? Well, for starters, much as we wish it were, this isn’t over. From what I can tell, there are still risks and people are tired of worrying. The messages from the media are very confusing and concerning. Our leaders are even confused. It is hard to know who to listen to or trust. Uncertainty on this scale is exhausting for everyone. It taxes our brains and makes it hard to think straight and control ourselves. You’re tired. Everyone is tired. People are sick of finding silver linings and being good sports. So this is the time to dig deep to find those extra resources of empathy and compassion.

It looks like you are going to have to design a go-forward plan with a hybrid approach. It clearly isn’t going to work for you to simply mandate how the team will function moving forward. The first step would be to have everyone on the team weigh in about their preferences, needs, and wants. Speak to each person individually first, and then brainstorm as a team. Some folks will want to come in more than others, but you can all agree to come in on the same day one or two days a week. Given how well you all managed to get through the last 16 months, there is no reason you can’t collectively craft a plan that allows for flexibility and fully leverages the fact that it seems safer to gather in person now than it did a year ago. Those who are worried can continue to wear masks. Or, if necessary, stick with your virtual model until you are 100% certain that it is safe for everyone to go to the office every day. No one should feel pressured or feel like others are getting special treatment if you have been able to operate well up until now.

The opportunity here is to find a new way to work—not like before the pandemic, not like during the worst of it, but something fresh that takes peoples’ reality into consideration. If people feel heard and understood they will be much more likely to make the effort to make everything work for the whole team.

You have made it this far, Fried. Take some vacation, get some rest, and put yourself first for a change. You will be surprised at how much easier it is to be patient, kind, and considerate, and how easily a plan falls into place.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Hybrid teams are nothing new. Pre-COVID, many hybrid virtual teams existed. Some team members worked from the office full time, some worked from home or from the road full time, and others did a mix of the two. So what’s so different as we look ahead to work in the future?

What’s different is the sheer volume of people who are looking to work either full time or part time from home. One of the lessons we’ve learned from the grand global experiment is that both individuals and organizations can be far more productive when people work from home at least part time.

To be effective hybrid team leaders in today’s world, we need to adopt three fresh mind shifts and four skills to guide our team members as we embrace the new future of work.

The 3 Mind Shifts

1. Remote first. Whatever we do as leaders, we must think about the potential impact on remote team members. Among other things, this means all meetings should be virtual. No more having some of the team in a conference room while others dial in. Make everyone connect remotely.
2. Recognize and mitigate proximity bias. We naturally favor those team members who are physically around us on a regular basis. This issue existed before the pandemic. Remote team members often felt left out of new projects or growth opportunities.
3. Continually experiment and learn. We saw this happening in abundance throughout the last year and a half. Let’s keep trying new things and learn from the experience.

The 4 Skills

1. Make the implicit explicit. Leaders must express their expectations to their people clearly and in detail, leaving no room for confusion or doubt. What are the core hours the leader expects everyone to be available? What are the expectations if the leader will be away from their computer during core hours? What are the expected response times for chat and email? These are just a few of the things that need to be made explicit.
2. Foster community. Many teams did this well during the pandemic. Pre pandemic you rarely saw remote team members on camera and things like virtual coffees and happy hours were unheard of. Teams have learned to be creative in the way they have fun and celebrate virtually. We need to learn from those experiences and continue to make this a priority.
3. Promote well-being. Well-being was and will continue to be an important issue in our hybrid teams. As leaders, we need to pay attention to our own well-being and promote activities that will encourage others to do the same.
4. Ensure hybrid meetings are effective and engaging. We are meeting way too much and many of these meetings are an ineffective use of our time. As leaders, we need to plan our hybrid meetings so that they are engaging. We should meet to discuss, collaborate, and do the work of the team—not just present information. Every meeting should have a clear purpose and agenda. Keep them short and end at least 10 minutes before the hour or half hour to provide time for employees to have a break between meetings.

We have learned a lot from the worldwide work-from-home experiment that is COVID. Now we need to take these lessons and apply them to our work. The future won’t wait!

Editor’s Note: Would you like to learn more about successfully leading in a hybrid work environment? Join The Ken Blanchard Companies for a free webinar series designed for leadership, learning, and talent development professionals looking to upskill their leaders for a new world of work. Learn more here.

I’m excited to announce that The Ken Blanchard Companies has just made available a free ebook that provides practical information and easy-to-use tools to increase your leadership effectiveness.

If you’re familiar with my work, you know I’m a big believer in “different strokes for different folks”—meaning that I believe there is no best leadership style; the most effective leaders adapt their style to the development level of the person being led. This is the essence of SLII®.

Here are some of the assets you’ll receive in the free ebook:

• Leadership Style Quiz: Becoming aware of your default leadership style can help you improve your ability to influence others. Do you tend to be a more directive leader or a more supportive leader? Take our quiz to find out.
• Summary of SLII® Leadership Styles, Skills, and Micro Skills: The ebook summarizes the four SLII® leadership styles, the three SLII® leadership skills, plus the fourteen SLII® micro skills—a very handy overview for busy managers!
• Strengths and Weaknesses Quiz: SLII® teaches that people go through four development stages on any goal or task: Enthusiastic Beginner, Disillusioned Leader, Capable But Cautious Contributor, and Self-Reliant Achiever.

Blanchard research conducted with tens of thousands of leaders has found that only 1 percent of leaders are able to successfully match the needs of all four development stages. A majority of leaders—54 percent—use their default style with everyone. As you might imagine, this is not terribly effective!

Our Strengths and Weaknesses Quiz will improve your effectiveness by raising your awareness about your own leadership style and showing you when and how to adapt your style to the situation.

Concise and loaded with insights, our new SLII® ebook is a valuable tool for every leader. To download your free copy, follow this link: https://resources.kenblanchard.com/ebooks/are-you-a-directive-or-supportive-leader

Dear Madeleine,

I was promoted to VP of sales a few months before the pandemic hit. I feel like I have been in an industrial washing machine ever since, and am just starting to come up for air. There was a lot of training at the beginning but then our entire book of business and go-to-market strategies shifted. It has been mayhem, but things are starting to settle now.

I have an amazing team. I physically moved in order to take over a new region, so all of my people are relatively new colleagues, which is nice. About two years ago, our company changed CRM (Customer Relationship Management) systems. [Note: This is the system that sales leaders and marketing use to gain visibility into prospects, contact info, opportunities/pipeline, forecasting, account plans, competitive intelligence, etc.]

The new system is fine; not any worse or better than the old one. My people have figured out how to make it work for them and comply with requirements. But there are exceptions.

One sales rep, who creates amazing relationships with his customers and crushes his quota, cannot for the life of him get his info into the system. It’s great when he suddenly brings in huge projects, but then there is a scramble to deliver on the contract. Then there’s another rep who puts everything into the system beautifully but can’t seem to get anything done other than that—and she certainly can’t close.

My boss is giving me a hard time about both of them, but very little guidance on how to get them to where they need to be. Thoughts?

CRM Conundrum

______________________________________________________________________________

(If you missed last week’s blog, Part 1 of the response can be found here. This is Part 2 of the response.)

Dear CRM Conundrum,

Last week we discussed how to deal with the rep who won’t use the CRM. Now let’s take a look at the other two situations you are dealing with.

1. One rep who is very good at CRM management but doesn’t seem to know how to actually sell.
2. A boss who isn’t very helpful.

Your rep who can’t sell probably needs some training on mechanics as well as a ton of support to boost her confidence. If she already has been through training, and can tell you what she should be doing but can’t seem to do it, you have a confidence issue. Perhaps she used to be good at selling and something happened that made her start doubting herself.  

However, if she’s never been successful, she probably doesn’t know exactly what to do and how to do it. Whatever your company’s sales training is, she will need to attend. She will also need super clear direction from you, and then extra time. If you can attend some of her sales calls with her as a fly on the wall and then give her feedback, that would be ideal. Or, if she could tag along with some of your superstars and see how they do it, that would also be great.

In the last post, I floated the idea that this rep might apprentice with your sales rock star who can’t (or won’t) use the CRM, and they could tutor each other on their strengths. Role play is also a terrific tool—it is much easier to say certain things if we’ve practiced.

If she was once great and lost her mojo, you’ll need to ask some open-ended questions to help her talk things through so that you can gain some insight into what is getting in her way. Ask questions like:

• What happened that shook your confidence?
• What do you think might be going on?
• What might help you get back on track?
• What would be helpful to you right now?
• What kind of help would feel right?

Make sure your employee knows that you are on her side, you really want her to win, and you’ll do anything in your power to help her get there. Help her build a step-by-step action plan that will get her to her goal.

If there is still no improvement over time, just as with your other situation, there will need to be consequences. Not everyone is cut out for sales and it won’t serve you to belabor things. If that is the case, the faster everyone comes to terms with a mismatch, the better off everyone will be.

Now. Let’s talk about the fact that your boss offers neither direction nor support, just a “hard time.” That isn’t a shocker, but it does mean you are probably on your own. If you are like most managers, you were promoted because you were an amazing salesperson, not because you demonstrated skill at managing people. The sad and kind of scary fact is that most managers are in their jobs for ten years before they get any kind of training. You sound like you have great instincts, but why learn by trial and error if you really don’t have to? There is no shortage of brilliant advice out there for new managers. Of course, I think ours is top notch, but I wouldn’t want to limit you. I guarantee your organization has some kind of training available. Attend. Pay attention. Take notes. Formulate intentions and practice new skills.

You are probably thinking you don’t have time. You won’t remember the opportunity cost of the time you took, and you will remember three or four tidbits that will change your work life. Your people will thank you and you won’t regret it. I promise.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a manager at a fairly new and fast growing software-as-a-service company. I have been managing people forever and nothing like this has ever happened to me.

I recently gave some feedback to a new employee I’ll call LK. Despite having received step-by-step directions on a certain task, she had done it completely wrong. The feedback was standard and simple—specifics on how to do the task: “Do it this way, not that way, for these reasons.”  She seemed to take it fine.

The next day I received a call from HR saying LK had complained that I am micromanaging and mean. It was like she had been part of a completely different conversation. I am a big user of SLII®, so after she was hired I let her know I would be giving her lots of specific direction and re-direction over the first few months until she got the hang of the job. Also, I made it clear if she ever has an issue she should come to me right away.

I am just blown away that instead of coming to me to talk about it, she went straight to HR. Is this a generational thing? I have always received good feedback from my people and have never had a complaint. I feel like she must be nuts, or maybe she has some kind of vendetta against me. What should I do now? If I try to talk to her, who knows what she might do? This has left me shaken.

Thrown for a Loop

_____________________________________________________________________________

(Note: For the uninitiated, SLII® is my company’s flagship management model that helps managers figure out what combination of direction and support an employee needs to competently achieve a specific goal or task.)

Dear Thrown for a Loop,

Wow. I can see how this would be upsetting. I am not going to give you a primer on giving feedback—it sounds like you know what you are doing. But somehow, things have gone sideways.

It is always my job to ask what part you might have played in creating this situation. It is easy to think someone might be “nuts” when they experience a shared event differently from the way we do. And I guess that is possible—there are, in fact, people with mental health problems who wreak havoc in the workplace. I have had a front row seat to some spectacular wreckage myself. But that isn’t going to be helpful as a starting place for you. Assumptions can be such a trap. You might assume that you look and sound like LK’s Mean Aunt Mabel and she got triggered. Or maybe she’s having issues at home, wasn’t sleeping well, and the conversation was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Or maybe she was just having a spectacularly bad day. It happens. Is it possible that you missed some signs? Did you, in fact, ask “Hey LK, is now a good time to go over the process for …”? I know sometimes I get so task focused that I blow right by the signs that now is not the moment to offer a re-direction.

It is also true that some people simply have a really hard time receiving feedback. People who are perfectionists and expect themselves to do everything perfectly right out of the gate can really suffer when getting feedback. Younger people who are entering the workplace and are used to getting straight As in school may experience any feedback as a personal attack. Be sure when you do re-direct, the critique is of the actions, not the person; for example, “This way of doing it can cause inaccuracies” vs. “You are causing inaccuracies.”

Before you do anything, you probably need to loop back with HR to find out exactly what LK’s complaint was and what they think you should do about it. But, in the long run, if you are going to salvage the working relationship, you are going to have to have the hard conversation. I am a fan of our Conversational Capacity program, and you can also check out this book by Craig Weber. The whole idea is that you have to balance candor with curiosity. And remember, the person who has the power (you) has to create the safe environment.

Prepare for the conversation by parking your defensiveness and assumptions. Make sure you have privacy and enough time for the conversation. Get grounded however you can: take a walk, do some deep breathing, pray. Prepare to listen—and by listen, I mean NO TALKING. You can say your initial piece to set up the conversation, ask a few questions, and then just listen.

Start with candor:

My job is to do everything possible to help you be terrific at your new job. That’s what is important here.

• I am sorry you were so upset.
• I am sorry you didn’t feel comfortable coming to me to tell me you were upset.
• I really care about you and your success.

And then move to curiosity:

• Help me understand what I did that made you so upset.
• Please tell me what would make it easier for you to accept necessary direction from me in the future.
• What can I do to make it easier for you to trust me?

Make sure to share what you hear LK saying—not only so that she knows you are really listening, but also to make sure you are getting it right. Hopefully, you can both commit to some shared practices moving forward.

If you don’t feel safe, if she doesn’t feel safe, or if you believe there may be some underlying issue, you can certainly ask someone from HR to sit in on the meeting. You will need to take the high road at every possible choice point. If she truly is unbalanced and emotionally unable to function at work, it will reveal itself. Or—best case scenario—if it is all a big misunderstanding, you and LK could end up with a great working relationship and laugh about this someday.

Don’t you just love being a manager? Just when you think you know what you are doing—BAM, it turns out there are new adventures to learn from.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Over the years, I’ve talked with thousands of people about servant leadership. Every so often somebody will come up to me after a speech and say to me, “You know, Ken, the style of leadership you just talked about is exactly the way I’ve been leading people for years—I just didn’t know there was a name for it! I’m a servant leader!”

Are you one of those people who think they might be a servant leader but aren’t sure? Let’s find out.

What Is Servant Leadership?

Robert Greenleaf first coined the term servant leadership in 1970 and published widely on the concept for the next twenty years. Mahatma Gandhi, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., and Nelson Mandela are examples of great leaders who practiced this philosophy. If you think you couldn’t be in that kind of company, read on!

When some people hear the phrase servant leadership, they are confused. They think it means managers should be working for their people, who would make all the decisions. If that’s what servant leadership is all about, it doesn’t sound like leadership to them at all. It sounds more like the inmates running the prison, or trying to please everyone.

The problem is that these folks don’t think you can lead and serve at the same time. But you can, if you understand that servant leadership has two parts: vision/direction and implementation. In the visionary role, the traditional hierarchical pyramid is in place. Leaders are responsible for communicating what the organization stands for and what it wants to accomplish. While these leaders should involve experienced people in shaping direction, the ultimate responsibility cannot be delegated to others. This visionary role is the leadership aspect of servant leadership.

Implementation is where the servant aspect of servant leadership comes into play. Once people are clear on where they are going, the role of an organizational leader shifts to a service mindset for implementation. If you are a servant leader, you now philosophically turn the traditional pyramid upside-down and you work for your people. Your purpose is to help them accomplish established goals, solve problems, and live according to the vision.

Sound familiar yet?

Two Examples of Servant Leadership

To me, servant leadership is the only way to guarantee great relationships and great results. That became even more clear when I realized that the two leadership approaches I am best known for around the world—The One Minute Manager^® and SLII^®—are both examples of servant leadership in action.

If you’re familiar with the book The One Minute Manager, you may remember that his First Secret is One Minute Goals. All good performance starts with clear goals—part of the leadership aspect of servant leadership. Once people are clear on goals, an effective One Minute Manager wanders around, trying to catch people doing something right and deliver the Second Secret: One Minute Praisings. If someone is not performing as well as agreed upon, a One Minute Re-Direct—the Third Secret—is appropriate. When an effective One Minute Manager delivers praisings and re-directs, they are engaging in the servant aspect of servant leadership—working for their people to help them accomplish their goals.

SLII^® also has three keys that lead to great relationships and great results: goal setting, diagnosis, and matching. Once clear goals are set, an effective SLII^® leader works situationally with each direct report to diagnose that person’s development level (competence and commitment) on each specific task or goal. Then the two work together to determine the leadership style (amount of directive and supportive behavior) that matches the direct report’s development level so that the person can accomplish their goals. The key here is for managers to remember they must use different strokes for different folks and also different strokes for the same folks, depending on the goal and the person’s development level.

Why are the concepts of The One Minute Manager and SLII^® so widely used around the world? Because they exemplify servant leadership in action. Both concepts recognize that the leadership aspect of servant leadership—vision/direction—is the responsibility of the traditional hierarchy, and the servant aspect of servant leadership—implementation—is all about turning the hierarchy upside down and helping people achieve their goals. If you think about how many people have learned and put into practice the leadership lessons from The One Minute Manager or from SLII^® training, it’s easy to envision innumerable servant leaders serving people all over the world—and many of them still unfamiliar with the term.

Are You a Servant Leader?

If you’re still on the fence about your status, here’s a quick and fun way to determine whether you have been unconsciously practicing some of a servant leader’s qualities and behaviors.

You might be a servant leader—IF you…

• listen more than you talk
• think more about other people’s success than your own
• know all the brains aren’t in your office
• ask others for feedback on a regular basis
• empower others to make decisions without you
• love to catch people doing things right
• share information about yourself with others
• love to celebrate success
• empathize when things get tough
• consider mistakes to be learning opportunities
• wouldn’t ask your people to do something you wouldn’t do yourself

If you had a few “aha” moments while reading this blog post, it’s likely you are already a servant leader or well on your way to becoming one. Welcome! As you can see, servant leadership is not just another management technique. I call it an “inside-out job” because it is a way of life for people with servant hearts. In organizations run by servant leaders, servant leadership becomes a mandate, not a choice—and the byproducts are better leadership, engaged employees, raving fan customers, and a high performing organization. In other words, servant leadership is the best way to get both great relationships and great results.

Want to learn more about our people-centered approach to leadership? Download a free 60-page summary of Leading at a Higher Level. It’s available for free on The Ken Blanchard Companies’ website and it contains the best thinking from the founding associates and consulting partners of our company.

Use this link to access the summary.

Dave McKeown’s new book The Self-Evolved Leader is, at its essence, a roadmap to leadership excellence. Presented in four sections, this practical handbook guides leaders along the journey, covering everything from building a foundation of effective leadership to sustaining their newfound skills.

McKeown believes leaders are caught in a cycle of mediocrity—and he says it’s time to break that cycle by stepping up to lead with authenticity and purpose.

In the book’s first section, the author says leaders need to stop trying to be heroes who step in and take care of everything. He encourages them instead to equip and empower their people to manage day-to-day projects. This allows time for self-evolved leaders to focus on long-term strategies for their teams and organizations. Leaders must spend less time taking care of little details and more time developing, inspiring, and encouraging their staff.

In section two, McKeown introduces three key actions that aspiring self-evolved leaders must take:

• They must create a compelling team vision that aligns with the corporate vision. This provides alignment and purpose for the team.
• They must develop an implementation plan that brings the team vision to life. This plan must be clear to everyone and must come with a design—a pulse—to proactively track the team’s progress. This pulse provides focus so that the team can stay on track as it advances toward the goal.
• They must develop a discipline for focusing on their own tasks while empowering team members to perform at their highest levels.

Learning how to master leadership discipline is the focus of section three. McKeown offers specific guidelines that show leaders how to facilitate the workflow of their team while still concentrating on their own goals and tasks. He recognizes that leaders sometimes take on tasks they should delegate to direct reports because it is faster to do the task themselves. But self-evolved leaders understand that time invested in delegating and teaching is worth it. It not only adds to the skill set of the direct report, it also allows the leader to remain focused on leadership strengths they bring to the overall team effort.

Section four offers leaders advice for sustaining their new skills and continuing to make improvements in their leadership practices. Ultimately, McKeown advises leaders to take control of the things they can control—and not fall victim to the things they can’t.

The Self-Evolved Leader is a guidebook for changing the way you lead. It is rooted in decades of experience and filled with wisdom and simple techniques that will help any leader become a self-evolved leader.

To hear host Chad Gordon interview Dave McKeown, listen to the LeaderChat podcast and subscribe today. For more information about Dave McKeown, go to www.selfevolvedleader.com or www.davemckeown.com.

Dear Madeleine,

Every time I hear the word “feedback” I have a strong, negative response. This comes from a recent experience with a manager. Going into the relationship, I had always been someone who asked for feedback. This manager, however, gave me feedback so often there was no need to ask for it. She seemed to enjoy it—like wielding power over me—and would sometimes mockingly comment “feedback is a gift!” She also would share gossip she had heard about me and call it feedback.

On a couple of occasions, this manager’s feedback about how she felt I was showing up at meetings—the way I sat, the fact that I read from the slides too much—caused me to cry. I am not sure if it was because in the beginning I felt safe to let my guard down, because she was a woman and we had been considered friends before I reported to her, because I was feeling shame, or because it has always been very important to me to show up well. It was likely a combination of all of the above.

A few months ago, this manager was passing along feedback from my skip-level. When I asked for some clarification and suggested that I might talk with him directly, she told me that he didn’t feel comfortable giving me direct feedback because he was afraid it might make me cry. Ouch! He could have known about this only if she had shared it with him. Essentially, my manager had labeled me as a crier. To her boss. Fantastic.

This experience taught me that processing my emotions with this manager wasn’t safe at all—and that she wasn’t as comfortable with my emotions as I thought she was. In that conversation, I told her that never in my 20 years at our large company had anyone given me the kind of harsh feedback she gave. But rather than hearing the feedback I was now giving her, her response was “Wow, you really haven’t received much feedback, have you?” Total deflection on her part.

I have since moved to a new company. I am in a senior role where I am expected to give feedback to my direct reports. Needless to say, I am now gun-shy about giving feedback. In fact, if I were to hear someone ask “May I give you some feedback?” I fear I would run down the hallway, screaming “No thank you!!”

I don’t feel everyone necessarily wants or needs feedback, and I’m looking to find a balance so I am not traumatized by this forever. I want to be a manager who gives helpful feedback, but I don’t want to upset anyone in the process. Also, I want to continue to ask for and receive feedback from my own supervisor in order to continue growing—but what if I cry again and am further humiliated?

What advice can you offer on how I might (1) develop some comfort with giving feedback? and (2) speed this healing process along?

Traumatized by Feedback

__________________________________________________________

Dear Traumatized,

I hope you found my response to your first question useful. For anyone who might have missed it, in the last post I addressed how to develop some comfort with giving feedback. In this (Part 2) post, I will address your second question: How do you speed the healing process of wounds received by a psycho manager so you can ask for feedback in the future? Clearly, you once trusted others to provide useful input to help you grow. So how can you find your way back to that?

“Why bother?” you might ask. Well, that’s a good question. After all, you have risen to a senior position in a new organization. You could just try powering through with a bulletproof protective shell.

But here’s the thing: research shows that feedback becomes less frequent and less consistent the higher people go. So if you aren’t actively seeking feedback, you’re probably not going to get much. The only problem with this is that if you’re doing things that aren’t effective, you might not know until it’s too late. You could end up being surprised in a bad way. It won’t serve you to live in a vacuum—and no (wo)man is an island.

First, take some time to heal. Shame, regret, and humiliation feel poisonous—and once you get a negative thought loop in your brain, it can be hard to interrupt that pattern. As neuroscientists say: “Neurons that fire together, wire together.” That’s why it takes so much repetition to build and embed a habit.

Here are a couple of excellent techniques that have been shown to be effective at interrupting negative neural patterns.

Labeling: There is a misconception that talking about a difficult experience will only rub salt in the wound, but this is only true if you ruminate—revisit events with no tools to transform their impact. One way to change your response to past experience is to articulate how events made you feel, and then label the emotions. You can do this with a therapist, a sympathetic HR professional, or a friend who is a good listener. You’ve already started doing it by writing your letter. That’s a good first step.

The more detailed you can get and the more specifically you can label how you felt, the less sting you will feel over time. It might sound something like this: “In my last job, I had a manager who I thought was a friend. She started belittling me by saying mean things about my looks, body language, and competence. I was really hurt—but even worse, I felt betrayed and abandoned.” You can loosen the grip you experience instead of feeling like it has power over you.

Distancing techniques: Another tool to diminish the emotional turmoil you’re dealing with is to tell yourself the story of the events that happened but do it in the third person, as if it happened to someone else. For example, you might start the story with “I once knew this person who was badly bullied by her manager. Because she thought they were friends, she didn’t really know what was happening until it was too late and the damage was done. Here’s what happened…” It may sound hokey, but it really works to help you not only get some perspective but also rewire the circuits in your brain.

Reappraisal or reframing: Right now you’re still seeing yourself as the person who had an inappropriate emotional reaction. It’s really important to get your head wrapped around the fact that in the circumstances you described, anyone would have had that reaction. In fact, your emotional reaction was entirely appropriate. So in this case, I would encourage you to take your newfound labels—and your little bit of distance—and use them to look at your situation and see how you might reframe your interpretation of events. Consider how your nasty manager contributed to the situation, set you up to be vulnerable, and manipulated you.

These techniques, by the way, are useful for dealing with all kinds of deeply felt negative emotions that get in your way. Do not skip this step. This step puts you back on an even keel and sets you up to take charge of how you ask for feedback in the future and what you do with it. I guarantee it will not include tears or running down the hallway screaming “No thank you.”

Once you have done some processing, find your people. Identify those in your new workplace who will be on Team No Longer Traumatized, Now Healed. Find people you respect who have a stake in your success and who share your interests—the ones you like and feel you can trust. Click here for some information on our Trust Model – it may be my all-time favorite—that makes something layered and complex stunningly simple. Make a pact with these folks that they will come to you with input—and that when you ask for feedback they will give it to you straight, when it matters.

Ask your boss to give you very specific feedback having to do with how you are progressing on your goals and how to be most successful at influencing in the organization. If and only if you think you can trust her, share your negative experience with feedback. Ask her to be especially kind but not hold back when it’s something she believes will make a real impact on your success.

Encourage your direct report team to give you feedback, especially when it comes to creating an environment that brings out their best. You can make an explicit request of each person that you expect them to tell you if you have done something that has had a negative impact on them.

As a senior leader, you can create the feedback culture in your department—so it’s up to you to be clear about what is expected and what is out of bounds. Go back to last week’s post, write up your own rules concerning feedback, and share them with your team. Examples might be:

• Go direct: Give each other feedback. Don’t complain to others or go to the boss until you have tried to have a conversation.

• Ask yourself: Do I need to say it? Do they really need to hear it?

The thing you couldn’t do in your last job was set boundaries. It’s time for you to be ready to push back when someone crosses the line. When someone says something mean, you are allowed to say: “That’s mean, and my feelings are hurt.” If you get feedback that hurts from someone you trust, sit with your feelings about it, ask yourself “What if this were true,” and then take what you can and move on.

Finally, never forget that feedback says more about the person giving it than anything else. Take it all with a grain of salt. When in doubt, check it out with your people, then take what you can and let the rest go.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is the co-founder of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 16,000 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

Dear Madeleine,

Every time I hear the word “feedback” I have a strong, negative response. This comes from a recent experience with a manager. Going into the relationship, I had always been someone who asked for feedback. This manager, however, gave me feedback so often there was no need to ask for it. She seemed to enjoy it—like wielding power over me—and would sometimes mockingly comment “feedback is a gift!” She also would share gossip she had heard about me and call it feedback.

On a couple of occasions, this manager’s feedback about how she felt I was showing up at meetings—the way I sat, the fact that I read from the slides too much—caused me to cry. I am not sure if it was because in the beginning I felt safe to let my guard down, because she was a woman and we had been considered friends before I reported to her, because I was feeling shame, or because it has always been very important to me to show up well. It was likely a combination of all of the above.

A few months ago, this manager was passing along feedback from my skip-level. When I asked for some clarification and suggested that I might talk with him directly, she told me that he didn’t feel comfortable giving me direct feedback because he was afraid it might make me cry. Ouch! He could have known about this only if she had shared it with him. Essentially, my manager had labeled me as a crier. To her boss. Fantastic.

This experience taught me that processing my emotions with this manager wasn’t safe at all—and that she wasn’t as comfortable with my emotions as I thought she was. In that conversation, I told her that never in my 20 years at our large company had anyone given me the kind of harsh feedback she gave. But rather than hearing the feedback I was now giving her, her response was “Wow, you really haven’t received much feedback, have you?” Total deflection on her part.

I have since moved to a new company. I am in a senior role where I am expected to give feedback to my direct reports. Needless to say, I am now gun-shy about giving feedback. In fact, if I were to hear someone ask “May I give you some feedback?” I fear I would run down the hallway, screaming “No thank you!!”

I don’t feel everyone necessarily wants or needs feedback, and I’m looking to find a balance so I am not traumatized by this forever. I want to be a manager who gives helpful feedback, but I don’t want to upset anyone in the process. Also, I want to continue to ask for and receive feedback from my own supervisor in order to continue growing—but what if I cry again and am further humiliated?

What advice can you offer on how I might (1) develop some comfort with giving feedback? and (2) speed this healing process along?

Traumatized by Feedback

Dear Traumatized by Feedback,

Wow. Ken Blanchard does say “Feedback is the breakfast of champions” but this is not what he means.

First, let me say how sorry I am that your former manager was just mean. You aren’t really traumatized by feedback per se; you are traumatized by the fact that your manager used the idea of feedback to bully you. And she masqueraded as a friend and then used your vulnerability against you, which is manipulative and probably a sign of a personality disorder. (Wait, let me get out my DSM-5 for a quick diagnosis! Just kidding, but it is tempting.)

It sounds like you left your former company, so at least you got away from your very nasty manager.

I’m going to share with you our Coach Approach to Feedback. Linda Miller and I developed it as a special add-on to our Coaching Skills course because so many people equate coaching with feedback. (They are not at all the same thing, but that distinction is for another time.) For now, it might be helpful to read Marcus Buckingham’s take on it, which I agree with.

A couple of universal principles to get us started:

Feedback says more about the person giving it than the person receiving it. (I learned this from What Did You Say? by Charles and Edie Seashore—an oldie but goodie.)

The job requirement “give feedback” is not the same as “declare open season to share any personal opinion, no matter how potentially hurtful, that comes into my head.”

It is part of a manager’s job to share observations and information that will help people be as successful as possible.

The best managers always have as their intention “to do no harm.”

The manager must decide exactly what kind of feedback is being given, and the purpose for giving it. The more clear the manager is going in, the more clear the employee will be on what to do with the feedback. There are five distinctly different types of feedback:

1. Celebration Feedback: Acknowledgment of superior performance or marked improvement on a critical, difficult task.
2. Positive Feedback: Information about what is going well when performance meets expectations.
3. Observation Feedback: Information shared without any attachment to change.
4. Performance Request: Information in proper context with a clear, specific request for change.
5. Performance Demand: An escalation of a request to a demand for change with clear, specific consequences for lack of compliance.

Any feedback should be carefully crafted to meet the following criteria. Feedback must be:

Immediately relevant. All feedback should be grounded in a specific task, goal, or development area. Feedback is most relevant to performance needed for success when individuals:

• need to move to a new level of performance
• are new to a task or goal
• are not delivering on tasks or goals
• have conduct that is not aligned with policy

Managers may also want to give feedback to support development; for example, when someone is doing well and ready for the next steps or wants to be more fully rounded in their current role.

General or random feedback that is unrelated to the job at hand or the long-term success of the employee is just noise (e.g., the way you’re sitting at a meeting). At best, it can feel inappropriately personal and cause confusion. At worst, it makes the employee feel picked on.

Timely. The manager should take the time they need to think through the purpose and form of the feedback, but not so long that the moment passes and it gets lost in the scrum of the next big project. If the feedback will make a difference to a deliverable coming up soon, the manager should share it in plenty of time so it can be processed.

If you as the manager are angry, resentful, incredulous, or otherwise emotionally lit up, STOP. Stop, breathe, step back, step away, sleep on it, write (but don’t send) an email, don’t pick up the phone. If you are storming off, looking for the offender to give them a piece of your mind, STOP. It takes hundreds of teeny positive interactions to build trust and only one misstep to break it. Make sure you have your facts straight and are totally calm before going into the fray.

Thoughtful. Think long and hard about how important it is to give feedback. Ask yourself: Is this likely to resolve itself on its own? Did my team member already suffer the pain of their error and will probably never make the same mistake again? If the answer is no and the employee is likely to continue or even double down on something that is hurting them, go ahead and take the plunge. If you have to say something really difficult, write out what you want to say and practice with someone neutral. Getting the language right can make all the difference.

Non-judgmental. Feedback needs to be delivered with a neutral tone and behaviors must be separated from the person. When you want to say: “Wow, you were unprepared and under-rehearsed for that presentation—you seemed disjointed and lost credibility,” flip it and say: “In the future, it would be good to spend more time preparing. Run your content outline by me or some other trusted team members to make sure you are covering all the bases. And do a couple of dry runs with a safe audience—you’ll gain confidence with your material, which will vastly enhance the credibility of your presentations.”

Focused on the future. We can’t go back and fix the past; we can only learn and improve in the future.

Specific and descriptive. We tend to think people know how they have fallen short when that is often not the case. The more specific you can be, the better.

Based on personal experience. In our coaching team, our motto is go direct. We all commit to giving each other feedback as it relates to working together or how a colleague might be more effective. It isn’t always possible—it depends a lot on the culture of the team and the organization—but I think it’s unfair to expect a manager to give a direct report someone else’s feedback. If someone comes to you with feedback for one of your direct reports, consider whether the message is important to your person’s success. If you think it will really matter, encourage the source to go direct. Let them practice with you if they want—and you can help them make sure their feedback matches the above criteria.

Under no circumstances should gossip ever be shared as feedback. Gossip is toxic and should be stopped in its tracks. Gossip, fun as it may be, is never good, always bad. The best thing you can do as a manager is become an anti-gossip bulwark.

Finally, if you have any doubt about whether or not you should share an observation, ask yourself, “Do I need to say it, or do they need to hear it?” If you need to say it, stop. If they need to hear it, go. It is fiendishly difficult to keep our opinions to ourselves, but I have found that exercising that discipline has vastly improved my quality of life. At least I have to apologize a lot less.

Stay tuned for next week, where I will tackle your question about how to receive feedback and offer some ideas about how to heal from your experience with the nasty manager. The first step to healing is dedicating yourself to being the polar opposite of the meanie. If you follow the guidelines, you will probably not traumatize any of your people. It does take practice—which will take time—so cut yourself some slack.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is the co-founder of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 16,000 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

Dear Madeleine,

I am the EVP of sales for a global professional services and SAS company. As you can imagine, we are reeling from the pandemic and the economic train wreck that seems to be coming at us. In the midst of this chaos, I have a long-tenured sales professional—let’s call her G—who is running amok. For many years, G has exceeded huge sales goals; therefore, she has a huge base salary. But for the past five years or so, G has fallen way short of goal.

About 18 months ago, her manager worked with G to recalibrate her goals and she agreed to all the points. She has achieved almost none of what was decided. Instead, she has been focusing on customers outside of her regional mandate. She has also put far too much time into developing strategic partnerships that are not useful to the organization. There are other problems I won’t get into.

The executive team agrees that G is a valuable employee and is willing to get her an executive coach. How would you recommend we go about it? We have provided coaching in the past without seeing quite the results we wanted. How can we ensure that the exorbitant expense will be worthwhile?

Need a Fix!

Dear Need a Fix,

I am so glad you asked. We have a lot of experience with this kind of thing. With clients, we call this Turnaround or Targeted coaching—but internally (don’t tell anyone) we call it Problem Child coaching. Even though our business is designed to offer coaching on a large scale, most clients who request this kind of thing want just one person coached. They want to fix someone who has been valuable but who has run into trouble. This used to be the definition of coaching: bringing in an outside professional to fix people. It was usually kicked off with assessments, which in my opinion do have their place in development but can’t be a substitute for a boss who is too spineless to tell it like it is.

Coaching has since evolved to be an invaluable tool for high performers and high potential employees who need to speed up their development. It almost always adds value and delivers exceptional results. We still do turnaround work, but we charge a lot because it is dangerous: it is time consuming and rarely yields the desired result. We really try to avoid selling expensive approaches that may very well not work—because, frankly, it’s bad for business. But when clients insist, we go in with eyes wide open and we are very upfront about the hazards.

At the risk of offending you, we would probably suggest you get a little coaching yourself to see if you can make the needed impact without the expense and potential insult of essentially forcing a coach on G. Ask yourself:

• What part have I played in this situation? What might I have done differently?
• How did I let this go on for so long? What kept me from setting proper boundaries and making direct requests?
• Are there any other situations where I might be doing this right now?
• How might I nip this kind of thing in the bud in the future?
• What changed for G—one minute she was a rock star and then she wasn’t? Did the market change? The company processes? Did she have some kind of personal problem she wasn’t able to recover from?
• Did G lose a key personal motivator? The science of motivation has taught us that we need the right mix in the areas of autonomy, relatedness, and competence. Was G suddenly tasked with learning a new software she just couldn’t master? Did she lose her best friend at work? Did she get a new boss who started breathing down her neck and micromanaging in such a way that put her on tilt?
• Am I willing to have a brutally honest conversation with G in which I just ask the questions and listen deeply to her answers?

In any event, working with a coach yourself will not be wasted time or effort.

Now, back to the problem of G. Why is Turnaround coaching such a rocky road? So many reasons.

Lack of clarity: We are often asked to have the coach give the client—in this case, G—feedback they have never heard before. Managers—in this case you—are often convinced that feedback and requests have been shared and clarified, but that is rarely the case. You may have said things clearly, but you would be surprised at how easy it is for some people to tune out what they don’t want to hear. What you think sounds like a request might have sounded like a suggestion to G. Your observations about unacceptable behaviors might have been mistaken for input rather than clear requests. Many managers are so worried about damaging the relationship that critical requests can easily end up soft-pedaled and unclear. So for the coaching to make a real difference, you must be prepared to give G crystal clear feedback on what she is doing or not doing that is not working, with crystal clear examples of what would be acceptable. Ask G to repeat it all back to you. Then have her put it in writing.

Lack of measurement: Often the boss is unable to identify desired results that are measurable. They claim they “will know success when they see it.” This is a madly waving red warning flag for us! The results we are looking for must be black and white. Either something is done correctly or it’s not. There can’t be any room for subjective opinions. We like to suggest an “always/never” list. Always do this. Never do that. It lends some real grit to the task at hand.

Lack of consequences for noncompliance: Change is hard. Most people need to truly understand the rationale behind the desired change—and even when they do, they need to feel the discomfort or even the pain of not changing. The neuroscience of goal achievement tells us that we are likely to take actions to avoid pain. The negative consequence for G not making the desired changes needs to be real—and dire. Demotion or actual termination is what I am talking about here. And it can’t be just a threat. You must be ready to do it.

Do you hate me yet? I kind of do. Did I say this was hazardous? Yes, I did.

It is hard to change perception: People tend to commit to their opinion of those who annoy them. Even if G does make significant changes, it might be hard for those around her to see and acknowledge the changes. It is very difficult to change stakeholders’ impressions, even in the face of direct evidence. So if you need to see changes in the way G works with others in the organization, she is going to have to discuss her coaching with each person and ask them for help—not only constant feedback when she reverts to old behaviors, but also a chance to shift on the fly. G is going to need to involve others in her quest to improve. This takes an awful lot of courage. She may or may not have it.

Sometimes it’s the fit: There is always a good chance that G is simply in the wrong job or the wrong organization. Maybe there have been so many changes around G that it will never be right. Some clients really should consider that what they need to be successful is a different environment. You need to be prepared for the possibility that the safe environment and soul searching she finds in coaching may result in her choosing to leave the organization. Sometimes this actually the best-case scenario.

Some people are not willing or able to change: There are many potential reasons why G is underperforming. Maybe she is trying to get back at someone. Maybe she has serious personal problems. Speculation is a waste of time, but the truth is that maybe G either isn’t willing to step up and do the work or just can’t. The coach will know within the first three months if G is committed—and G needs to know that the coach will have that conversation with her. Good coaches know when they are being “yessed.” The coach, in all good conscience, should end the coaching if that happens.
Nobody wants to think they need to be fixed: Do you? I sure don’t. So the whole thing needs to be set up carefully and G needs to know you have her best interests and her career success at heart.

Need a Fix, you might want to start by having a bona fide heart-to-heart with G. You may be able to avoid the whole coaching thing this way, especially considering you’ve already tried it. Maybe if G feels safe enough to explore what is true for her, you can reach some kind of resolution. It is worth a try.

Good luck—this is a tough one.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is the co-founder of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 16,000 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

Marcus Buckingham believes some basic assumptions about work are simply no longer true in today’s business environment. He shares his insights in his latest book, Nine Lies About Work: A Freethinking Leader’s Guide to the Real World, coauthored with Ashley Goodall.

Lie #1: People care which company they work for.

Many companies use their corporate culture as a recruitment tool. Although it is true that people will join a company for their projected culture, people will stay—or leave—because of the team they work with every day. Team members who truly care about one another and have each other’s backs create their own culture. Leaders who observe and understand what makes teams perform well, and then encourage that behavior in other teams, will create a stronger organization.

Lie #2: The best plan wins.

Executives spend months developing a strategic plan, getting it approved by the board, and then disseminating it through the entire organization. The more rigorous and detailed the plan, the longer it takes to develop—and during that extended amount of time, reality probably changes. Planning is a good way to scope a problem, but what leaders really need is intelligence. Smart leaders empower their frontline people to deal with situations immediately and then check in regularly to see how they can help. Buckingham’s research indicates that this method lowers turnover and improves productivity while it builds an intelligence system that outperforms a complicated planning system.

Lie #3: The best companies cascade goals.

It has been common practice for a CEO to have annual goals that are cascaded first to the executive team, then through each department structure, to the individual level. The problem? Things can change over a year—but fewer than 5 percent of people go back to look at the goals or recalibrate their need. Truth be told, goals work only if you set them yourself. Freethinking leaders know what they need to accomplish, take the responsibility to explain it to team members, and then set goals they can achieve. The best practice is to cascade meaning—not goals.

Lie #4: The best people are well rounded.

Companies spend time defining competencies they want employees to develop—and then spend more time trying to improve people’s weakest competencies. This practice creates employees with just-average performance. Freethinking leaders look for the skills that people do well and leverage those skills. High performers usually do something a little differently than others—and that difference, when used intelligently, can be a competitive advantage.

Lie #5: People need feedback.

Feedback is a tricky subject. On one hand, if you don’t give any feedback and ignore someone, it destroys them. On the other hand, if you approach someone saying you want to give them feedback, their brain pattern looks almost exactly like fight-or-flight brain waves. The person feels like they are being attacked. Many times, feedback isn’t helpful because it isn’t delivered in a way that helps the person learn how to change a behavior. When freethinking leaders see someone doing something that works, they ask the person what they think worked well and why. This line of questioning as a method of feedback serves as the learning moment. The interrogation of the action—good or bad—is the most important conversation.

Lie #6: People can reliably rate other people.

Forty years of research shows that ratings of the performance of others is more a reflection of the person doing the rating than the person being rated. We simply can’t rate other humans on things like strategic thinking, creativity, business knowledge, or overall performance. Accurate rating of other people’s performance takes a much deeper conversation based on observations—it’s not about selecting a number on a scale.

Lie #7: People have potential.

Of course people have potential. The danger comes in identifying certain people as high potential, because doing it presupposes that others are low potential. By creating these designations, we are deliberately not seeing 85 percent of our people. The truth is that everyone has potential—but we have never found a way to measure just how much potential they have.

Lie #8: Work-life balance matters most.

Work-life balance is a great aspiration, but it is important to remember that balance is stationary. So, if you feel like you are totally in balance, you are probably stagnant. The trick is to find activities that give you strength in work and in life, and then spend as much time as possible on those things. Of course, none of us can spend 100 percent of our time being happy. But if we are deliberate about spending time doing things that invigorate us, it lessens the chance of us burning out and increases the chance of us being happier and more productive.

Lie #9: Leadership is a thing.

The main thing Buckingham wants leaders to know about the power of human nature is that each human’s nature is unique. If we see this as a problem that needs to be fixed, that’s a shame. But if we make a home for the unique individuals, we can build work environments where people are seen and challenged to become a better version of themselves.

You may completely agree with what Buckingham has to say in this book, or you may question some of it. Either way, once again, he’ll give you something to think deeply about.

To hear host Chad Gordon interview Marcus Buckingham, listen to the LeaderChat Podcast, and subscribe today. Order Nine Lies About Work on Amazon.com.

For more information on Marcus Buckingham, go to www.freethinkingleader.org

Dear Madeleine,

My team is losing it. I have eleven employees, all of whom are used to coming into the office daily with the occasional WFH day for doctor appointments, big deliveries, that kind of thing. When we all were told to WFH a few weeks ago, I thought getting everyone set up with the technology would be the biggest hurdle. I was wrong.

It. Is. Not. Going. Well.

• Two employees have young children who are supposed to be doing school at home. The kids are running amok.

• A few people have high school or college kids who are out there running around, doing God-knows-what and making their parents sick with worry.

• Two employees are taking care of elderly parents because the regular caregivers stopped showing up. They are trying to figure out how to keep the folks safe and in groceries.

• One person is quarantined with a new boyfriend who, it turns out, is not a nice guy.

• Two people live alone and are so lonely, I can feel the loneliness vibrating through the phone. They IM me in the middle of the day and ask what I am doing.

• I am almost 100% certain that one person is day drinking. Others have talked about problems with eating junk food while they are stuck at home and have gained weight and feel cruddy about it.

How do I know all of this? Because they all tell me. Everything. I’m not sure how it happened, but suddenly I feel like a full-time therapist. This has not always been the case. I’ve always maintained proper boundaries when we were all at work. But now life and work are all scrunched together and it is messy. I feel like my historically very solid team is made up of a bunch of lunatics who can’t get a hold of themselves.

We are all sick of conference calls where everyone is on camera. I am tired of looking at people’s messy hair and sweatshirts. I am tired of hearing cats, dogs and screaming children in the background of every call. BOY, am I sick of people’s children.

Frankly, I am sick of people’s lives interfering with their work. What can I do to stop the madness?

Sick of It All

Dear Sick of It All,

All of life is certainly being thrown into the blender right now, all on camera, and messy is right.

I worked from home for many years, and people would always ask me how I stayed focused and managed to not just watch TV all day. I always just treated my working hours like working hours—and it never crossed my mind to not just work during my working hours. My kids were trained, literally from birth, that when Mommy was working, she was not to be disturbed. My team was made up of professionals who behaved the same way. I never realized until this new WFH explosion how much most people rely on the structure of coming to work to manage themselves as human beings in relation to all of their other commitments.

But it makes sense. We create daily routines, practices, habits, and boundaries to be successful at work. When all of those get blown up in one fell swoop, well, you get what you’ve got—which is a 3-ring circus.

You’re already doing something very right, which is listening. People will tell you stuff only if you listen—so if you feel like your group’s therapist, at least you know you have their trust. This is not nothing. It is a really good thing to have going for you. Well done.

Now you need to step up as a leader and rise to this occasion. It’s time for you to stop judging and blaming your people—who, to be fair, have no prior experience in how to handle themselves in this new environment. It’s time for you to put yourself in service to your people. It’s time, Sick of It All, for you to suck it up and lead.

Stop complaining about the chaos. It’s your job to create order. You’ve allowed your team to drop their professionalism and default to just scraping by. It’s your job to call on your people to get a grip and step up to meet this new challenge. It’s time for you to step into the ring and be the ring master. Put on the top hat; pick up the megaphone. And keep the whip and chair handy. You may need them.

Here are some ideas for how to tackle this situation:

• Call a mandatory team meeting as soon as possible. Make the entire meeting about chartering the team to function at its best under the current circumstances. Share your observations about the reality you’re observing; i.e., how messy things have become. Say that you need to call a time out, get a re-do, and start over with some new rules. Share that you have some ideas for some possible rules but that you want the team to create them together. Have everyone on the team share their biggest challenges and brainstorm as a group how you might help each other overcome each one. No blame, no judgment, just reality. Discuss what would work best as norms that each team member can adhere to. The more you can agree as a team, the more likely everyone will make the effort to comply with the team standards.

• Reduce the number of group meetings to a bare minimum. The fewer meetings you all have, the easier it will be to be on best behavior for each one. Here’s an article you can share with your folks about how to best manage the home situation to meet the needs of working parents.

• Request that every team member come to any and all required meetings dressed for work. You can be a role model for looking like you are at work. My own boss—who is easily putting in 12-to-14-hour days—showed up on a 6:30 am call this morning in full makeup, superb hair and her usual elegant professional outfit, complete with jewelry. I guarantee that all 127 employees on the call noticed and sat up a little straighter. It makes a difference.

• Try experimenting with shifting work hours. Some of your people may find it easier to go back to work after the kids have gone to bed. It might help to give some of your employees the flexibility they need to meet all of their responsibilities.

• Have one meeting a week that’s just for connection and fun. Presumably, you are all in the same time zone, so you could do a coffee hour, lunch time, or maybe a happy hour where everyone comes dressed as their favorite rock star, animal, etc. And everyone gets to introduce their significant others, kids, or pets. One of our sales leaders recently showed up to a web conference as Britney Spears before her famous meltdown. It will be talked about forever and become part of company lore.

• Work with each individual to tackle their more private challenges. Be in touch with your HR leader to get details on your company’s Employee Assistance Program—it almost certainly has one. EAPs can address a broad and complex body of issues affecting mental and emotional well-being, such as stress, grief, family problems, psychological disorders, or alcohol/other substance abuse. As a lifelong addict (cigarettes—I’m not proud of it and have used the AA system to manage it my entire adult life), I can attest that addictions are skulking in the corner waiting for just the right crisis to pounce. I’m grateful to have an addiction, because it has given me a lot more compassion than I would otherwise have. I think it would be nearly impossible for someone to understand just what a struggle addiction can be if they’ve never experienced it themselves. If you don’t have any experience with managing one of your own, I encourage you to dig deep to find some compassion. I think it’s fair to share your suspicions with your day drinking employee and simply request that they wait until the end of the workday to indulge. Maybe it would be as simple as saying “I notice the work you do toward the end of the day tends to have more errors. I wonder if you might think about taking a stretch break in the afternoon?” It’s easy to rationalize behavior when we think no one notices, so just making the person aware that someone is paying attention might do the trick. Of course, if you’re worried that bringing it up may damage the relationship, don’t do it. You’ll use your best judgment. The thing that matters most is the quality of the work, so stay focused on that.

• Be clear with each of your people that if there’s ever a time for them to call in the cavalry, it’s now. There’s no shame in asking for help. I just saw an interesting article today about the dangers of extreme loneliness. Combined with the toxic effects of anxiety and depression, it’s no joke and should be taken very seriously. Don’t be the only one that your lonesome, stressed employees lean on—it’s too much for one person.

The fundamental requirement for being successful at work is that your people be:

1. Crystal clear on expectations and deliverables; and
2. Constantly reminded how vital they are and how valuable their contribution is.

Your job is to make sure that each team member stays focused on their daily tasks and is clear about how they add value. This will keep them more engaged and also set the stage for you to re-charter the way your team operates under these new, extremely challenging conditions.

A fun e-book about the qualities of High Performance Teams can be found here—and any practices you glean from it will help you under any circumstance. But for now, you need immediate help on how to rally your troops, right this minute. Here is a useful article on leading in a virtual environment—and there is a free webinar on the topic coming up on April 16.

I really do hear your frustration. It’s hard. You’re probably reading all these suggestions and thinking “OMG, this is so much more work for me.” Yes. Yes, it is. Leadership is figuring out what to do when there’s no one to tell you what or how to do it. Leadership is going the extra mile (or ten) to help your people thrive and shine. No one is going to fix this for you. You’ve got yourself and your team and you’re going to have to muddle through it together. It’s up to you to call the reality as you see it and extend the invitation to your team to pull it together and re-group. You can be firm with your expectations as long as you are also patient, kind, and generous.

Remember to do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself so that you can be the leader your people need right now. The good news is that by the end of this experience, you’ll be a stronger leader in general and you’ll have a whole new set of skills. This is your chance to become the leader you were truly meant to be.

Love, Madeleine

PS: I know, children are annoying. And Other People’s Children (referred to as OPCs in our household, along with OPDs—Other People’s Dogs) are even more so. Just remember that they are the future. Somebody’s ten-year-old is going to do your hip replacement in 30 years, or will be your dependable plumber, mayor, or dentist. And your employees or someone just like them had to raise her. So when you hear one in the background sounding like a howler monkey, you can console yourself with that thought.

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am an attorney in a government office. I was just promoted and have inherited four new direct reports. Although I have trained interns in the past, I am feeling overwhelmed with the fact that I still have my full time job and am now managing people. My first week was essentially all meetings, and I had to go home and work another full day to stay on top of my own work. How on earth do people do this?

It feels like, instead of a promotion, I now have …

Two Jobs

Dear Two Jobs,

You feel like you have two jobs because you do. The days of middle managers who get to just manage and not have a full workload of their own deliverables are long gone. I have never met anyone in your position who didn’t feel overwhelmed pretty much all the time.

My first recommendation is to get used to choosing what is less important so that you can focus on the most critical tasks. It will take a while to get used to this, especially if you are the kind of person who needs to check off everything on their list.

There are a ton of books written specifically for folks in your position—and, as a matter of fact, we have a training program designed exactly for you. So you can add a book or three to your towering pile, or beg your leadership to send you to a class. I recommend both. In the meantime, I will give you my first-time manager survival kit.

• Get clear about your key deliverables: Make sure your leader has been clear about what a good job looks like. Ask them to list their top five priorities in order of importance. Don’t try to guess. Research shows that when managers and direct reports are asked separately to make a list of their top five priorities, there is only about 25% agreement. Also, some things just aren’t going to get done. So make sure you are focused on the most critical things.

• Arrange for the same clarity in your entire department: Do the “top five” exercise with each of your direct reports. Ask yourself whether each of them knows exactly what is expected of them—what you think is most important. Of course, to do that, you have to decide what is most important. You are going to say “It’s all important,” and I am going to say “Yes—and some things are more important than others.”

• Arrange for resources: Once your reports have clarity about each of their goals and tasks, make sure they have what they need to deliver on those tasks.

• Be religious about having one-on-ones with each of your people. You can do this weekly or bi-weekly, but you must do it. Make sure each of your direct reports knows this is their time to discuss their agenda. Encourage them to send you an agenda in advance so they are forced to organize their thoughts prior to the meeting. This will set them up to get the most out of their time alone with you.

• Be ruthless about eliminating, delegating, and shortening meetings. Examine the meetings you are in. There are two kinds of meetings: the ones you don’t call (which you have very little control over) and the ones you do call. Decide if it is humanly possible to send someone else to the meetings you do not call. Sometimes it can be a way to develop another person on your team: task them with taking excellent notes and reporting back anything you need to know.

Meetings you call, you rule. Make sure there is a crystal clear agenda and focus relentlessly on the outcomes you seek. Keep a list of tangential issues that crop up and don’t let your group get off track. Shorten all meetings: most hour-long meetings can really be done in 40 minutes.

• Do not accept tasks someone else can do. You have enough on your plate! If someone else has the competence and skills to do something, give it away.

You are going to feel overwhelmed for awhile, Two Jobs, and that’s okay. You’ll settle in and be fine—just remember that you are in charge now, and that means making hard decisions about where your focus goes and how you invest every precious minute of your time.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I have an amazing team except for one person. I’ve provided ample opportunities for this person to step up and she just isn’t picking up on them. I can’t tell what is going on. She seems bright enough. She can work hard—I’ve seen it—so I don’t think it is laziness.

Also, I’m about to hire a few more people and am wondering how to avoid hiring someone like her.

Exasperated

Dear Exasperated,

I have always said that a manager must not be more interested in an employee’s development than the employee is. And that may be the case here—but let’s check it out first.

The first order of business is to have a conversation with your person in which you explain your point of view. This is going to require you to be direct but kind. It is entirely possible that she hasn’t picked up on opportunities because she was waiting for explicit direction from you. Not everyone picks up on cues, especially if they are implied versus direct.

Be more directive and provide more touchpoints regarding her professional growth. The key here is for you to properly communicate and partner with your employee so that you understand her hopes and dreams and can allow her to drive her own development. Give this a serious try for at least a couple of months. You might feel as if you are micromanaging, but in some cases that’s what people need.

What if, after you have tried this approach, your employee still doesn’t show any ambition? One option may be to change her title to technical specialist or something similar and just stop worrying about her career path. Lots of organizations are filled with people who are perfectly happy to stay right in their lane without much growth or change—but in some organizations, the trajectory is “up or out.” If you know you’ve really given it a shot, and it just doesn’t seem to be in the cards, then you can decide what to do about it.

Now about your prospective hires. It sounds like you are looking for some key traits in your candidates. Research supports the idea that job seekers with the following four attributes are predicted to have significantly higher levels of success in any new job.

1. Work attitude
2. A sense of accountability
3. Prior related job success
4. Culture fit

Work attitude can be described as a positive disposition or attitude toward work that persists across employment experiences. Candidates who demonstrate high degrees of work attitude:

• will go out of their way to describe negative experiences in the positive,
• find it hard to describe negative situations without sharing how the situation made them stronger, and
• have a deep need to work hard and produce results that make them proud.

A sense of accountability means the extent to which a person believes they have control over their own outcomes—also called locus of control. Candidates who demonstrate a high sense of accountability:

• are 40% more likely to succeed in any role,
• believe in themselves, and
• will stand up under pressure and refuse to play the victim.

Prior related job success—the degree to which the candidate has met formal goals in past jobs that are similar to the job at hand. This is, of course, the most obvious factor and the one hiring managers pay the most attention to. It is important, but not the only important thing.

• Candidates who have achieved success in prior jobs, athletics, academics, or other meaningful pursuits are significantly more likely to succeed.
• Both success and failure become habits throughout a career.

Culture fit is the degree to which the candidate shares similar values with the organization and demonstrates an authentic interest in the job at hand. In this case, you clearly are creating the culture in your group and you need to hire people who will fit your standards for ambition and desire to develop.

• Effective hiring processes attract candidates who have similar values and repel candidates who do not.
• It is imperative for interviews and testing in the hiring process to identify honest, hardworking, and positive candidates.

You are going to want to do behavioral interviewing to find out an applicant’s history and assess for these four traits. For an in-depth guide on behavioral interviewing, look here.

Ideally, you have HR professionals who can help you with this. If not, you will be on your own to do your own crash course in hiring! In my experience, hiring is 90% of the battle when it comes to getting the right people in the right jobs. Everything else is tweaking the details.

Good luck on both challenges!

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I have a long-time employee named Tom who has more than 25 years’ experience in our field—but he totally lacks confidence. He is very timid in response to questions from other less experienced professionals on staff. He doesn’t take the lead even when it’s in his area of expertise. For example, recently one of Tom’s direct reports told him he couldn’t do something that was well within his scope and ability to decide. He listened and didn’t do what he wanted to do, then told me about the situation.

He doesn’t take initiative to get things done. He is always contacting me for little things such as telephone numbers that he can easily obtain from other people or records. In meetings with our staff, he contributes very little and doesn’t seem comfortable with the give and take.

What do I do? I don’t like to micromanage, but he is taking up a lot of my time and energy.

Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

Don’t you feel bad for someone who has so little confidence? I sure do. You have to wonder what on earth happened to your timid, skittish employee to make him so uncertain—not that speculation will get us anywhere.

I highly recommend that you consider using the model our company has been teaching for over 35 years. It is called SLII®. The goal of SLII® is to match your leadership style to an individual’s development level on a task. Learning how to do this requires the ability to diagnose a person’s development level and deliver the right leadership style (one of four) for each situation.

When you match your leadership style to the individual’s development level, their competence, motivation, and confidence grow. On the other hand, over-supervising or under-supervising can have a negative impact on performance, confidence and motivation.

While SLII® may be considered common sense, it is not common practice. Only 1% of managers use all four leadership styles. SLII® teaches leaders how to manage the development of individuals, which allows the leader to stay in close touch with each person’s performance.

What does this mean to you? It means you have to break down all of Timid Tom’s tasks and goals and assess the extent to which he needs more direction to eventually fly solo, or whether he simply needs a boost in confidence. You can share with him that your goal is to help him feel exceptionally competent and confident so that he can trust his own judgment. To get more detail on the topic, you can download this white paper. Once you have a clear sense of Tom’s tasks and goals, you can discuss with him what he needs and agree on how to move forward.

So once again, this is a hard conversation—but in this case, it is a planning one. Then it will be regular 1×1 check-ins where you review all Tom’s tasks and goals and make sure you are providing the right leadership style for each one. You can share the SLII® model and white papers with him and remind him that your intention is to have his back and help him be successful in his job. He may never be a superhero, but with enough focused attention on the right things, he should become more independent.

If you provide Tom with the right leadership style at the right time for a significant period of time (say six months) and there is still no change, you may have to resign yourself to the fact that he is either in the wrong job or simply not psychologically strong enough to rise to the occasion. It happens. At that point you will have to make a decision about what to do.

Good luck.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I run a very lean team and one of my people is a hypochondriac. Every week there is a new reason he needs to go to the doctor. Any cold that comes through he gets, and it is worse for him than for anybody else. He gets the flu every year. It is always something with him—he is tired, he is on some new medication that makes him have brain fog—he always has a health excuse for why he is a little behind or doing a little less than the others. He uses all of his PTO for medical situations but there is never anything visibly wrong. He has never brought in a doctor’s note, although I have asked.

I am sick of it. I recently saw a team member roll her eyes in a meeting when he was looking the other way, so I know I am not alone. We are all bored with his excuses.

I feel bad and worry that I am being a judgmental jerk because I am hardy and rarely get sick. What if he really is sick all the time? What do you say?

Sick and Tired of Sick and Tired

Dear Sick and Tired,

I hear you. It is much harder to empathize with constant health challenges when you are gifted with glowing good health and strong stamina. You are only a jerk if you act on your opinions and are mean or cruel.

A rule of thumb you might consider is that you have to be able to trust your people and give them the benefit of the doubt—that is, until too much doubt creeps in. Then you have to talk about it. To talk about it, you must separate the two different issues: the constant health complaints are one thing, and the fact that he does not carry a full workload is another. One is simply irritating but the other is unacceptable. You have to address the unacceptable first, which is the classic hard conversation. State the facts as you see them and make a request for specific change.

Here is something I have tested with both myself and clients. It is a 7-step process for a conversation, taken from the book Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott. This approach is a good way to call out behaviors that aren’t working.

1. Name the issue; e.g., “You aren’t carrying the same workload as everyone else on the team, and the issue of fairness needs to be addressed.”
2. Select 2 or 3 specific examples of the behavior or situation you want to change.
3. Describe your emotion about this issue (e.g., you are frustrated and are having trouble planning and assigning work tasks because you don’t know what you can expect of him).
4. Clarify what is at stake—and be very clear about this. What is the problem exactly and what is the negative consequence of not addressing it?
5. Identify your contribution to the problem. Is it possible you have allowed the bad behavior to go on too long? Be honest.
6. Indicate your wish to resolve the issue, being specific about what resolved looks like to you. This is critical and will provide you both with a measure so that you will know if the fix is successful.
7. Invite your employee to respond.

The thing I like most about this process is that it forces you to prepare for a conversation about one problem, and one problem only. Once the workload issue is addressed, you can embark on the one about the health complaining, which is a different kind of conversation. In that case, you are sharing an observation and making him aware that he is creating a reputation. You can leave to him what he decides to do about it, which will be his choice.

I once worked with a young man who was a little bit negative about everything. I shared with him that everyone on the team called him Eeyore. I thought he would get upset and try to change the perception, but instead he laughed and said, “Oh that is so perfect, I am totally Eeyore.” Your employee has a whole narrative going and he can decide to change it or not. It may be completely fine with him that people are rolling their eyes at him. Once you have helped him gain awareness, unless you plan to make a request for a change, your job is done.

Finally, there is an opportunity here for you to practice compassion. Next time you do feel under the weather, you might ask yourself what it would be like to feel that terrible all the time. Some people really do struggle with terrible health and you have to give them credit for carrying on under difficult circumstances.

And—the work needs to get done, so you are going to have to do whatever is needed to help him get the work done or change his schedule and workload to reflect what he can manage. To do that, you will probably have to HR involved, and a diagnosis and a doctor’s note, which nobody wants, but getting clarity will be key. Otherwise, resentment will build among the team and you will have a real problem on your hands.

Get clear. Deal with the work situation and raise awareness about the complaining. Continue to notice your own judgment and practice putting yourself in his shoes. Be persistent in getting clarity and kind all along the way.

I hope your own health continues to be excellent!

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I have a long-time employee who is very smart, understands his job, and gets things done. He manages a small but powerful team of individual contributors and his people really like and respect him.

We recently invited him to join an elite group in the company to do visioning and strategy work. It was believed his experience would give him valuable perspective.

He is not doing well. He starts talking and we can’t shut him up—and worse, no one can follow what he is saying half the time. He does not seem to notice when people’s eyes glaze over. He talks in circles and repeats himself. It’s almost like once he gets the floor, he is afraid to give it up.

I have never seen this side of him. He is not impressing anyone and I am worried that this opportunity will backfire for him. I am not quite sure how to help him without shutting him down completely.

Stymied

_______________________________________________________________________

Dear Stymied,

I am so sorry that your protégé is not rising to the occasion. It is amazing that a person can be so good at so many things and then—well, not at all good at others.

My guess is that he is nervous and inexperienced with these kinds of meetings. As his manager, it is your job to intervene, unfortunately; but better to shut him down completely now than to let him continue to alienate people and possibly do irreparable damage to his reputation.

I think you need to just tell him. Be brief and to the point. You can open the conversation with a warning that you need to share an observation that might be hard to hear. Then tell him exactly what you told me. “You are talking in circles, you are repeating yourself, your points are unclear, and you are not adding value to these meetings. I need you to take a step back and stop speaking in the meetings until you can do it effectively.”

Yes, this is harsh—but you aren’t doing him any favors by letting him ramble on. Ask him to hold off on speaking until he can develop some self-awareness and restraint. That will be the first step. Next, he will have to experiment with participating appropriately.

Most of us are not born being able to do this—it takes experience and lots of practice. I spend literally days in meetings like the ones you describe, and I am often at a loss for how to make points I think will matter, when to make them, and how to be concise and impactful. It is fiendishly difficult. Writing is so much easier because you can back up and delete the ten sentences it took to get you to a clear thought! But it will be a big favor to your rambler if you give him an alternative to try. Perhaps you can work on a signal to share with him when he goes off track?

I recently learned a model that is part of our new Teams program—it’s called Conversational Capacity and it has rocked my world a little bit. I’ve been using it and it’s making a big difference in my own confidence and, I hope, my effectiveness.

The idea behind the Conversational Capacity model (which is nicely laid out by Craig Weber, a contributor to the program, in his book Conversational Capacity) is that when communicating, there is a sweet spot between candor and curiosity.

When using candor, one must:

• State a clear position
• Be direct and to the point
• Explain the thinking that supports your position
• Use a relaxed tone and body language

In my experience, even excellent communicators have a hard time stating a clear position—most people need to speak their ideas aloud to even have a clue about what they are thinking. I use note taking and mind mapping to try to figure out what my position is so I can be clear. Stating a clear position briefly and then explaining the two or three points that show how you got to the position will hold and keep people’s attention and move the conversation forward.

When practicing curiosity, one must:

• Ask thoughtful questions
• Listen attentively
• Consider other perspectives openly
• Have an attentive, non-defensive body posture

People can be big contributors to meetings simply by listening well and asking questions that reveal more insights. We don’t all have to have strong positions all the time to add value.

Contributing effectively in big meetings where abstract ideas are being discussed is a skill that can be developed. Self-awareness is the first step—and, uncomfortable as it may be, you will be doing your employee a real favor by helping him take that first step.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I lead a business for a global company. I am very bright and hardworking, have risen fast, and continue to rise. I will probably end up being a senior leader for the company someday—if not here, then in another area.

My problem: I am a jerk. I have heard others describe me as such when they thought I wasn’t around. This isn’t news to me; I know I have a real problem connecting with others. People usually fail to live up to my expectations. In fact, my direct reports disappoint me regularly—so do my peers—and I make no bones about how I feel. I also have a hard time staying present in meetings because I am so busy matching what I think should be happening with what is actually happening.

I have read up on authenticity—but seriously, if I were to be truly authentic, I would be run out of town. Trying not to be nasty takes virtually all of my self-control.

How can I stop being so judgmental? How can I lighten up and be more present? How can I be nicer?

Rhymes with Witch

____________________________________________________________

Dear Rhymes with Witch,

Wow. It sounds like it’s hard to be you right now. But here’s the good news: you are aware that you have a problem, which is half the battle. You possess valuable self-awareness and apparently have also developed some handy self-control. These are excellent prerequisites for change.

The next step is to get some clarity on why it is so important for you to be less judgmental, more present, and more kind. I use kind instead of nice because I believe there is a distinction. Here is an excerpt from Owen Fitzpatrick’s blog:

Being nice is when you are polite to people and treat people well. Being kind is when you care about people and show you care. Sometimes you can be kind to someone even though you aren’t nice to them—and you can certainly be nice to someone but also be unkind.

Here’s why the distinction between kind and nice is significant: Niceness is all fine and well, but it is superficial. It only requires a change in your behavior. You can Google “How to be nicer” and about a million good ideas will pop up for you. (I know this because I just did it.)

Kindness, though, has more depth, will help you go the distance, and will require a change in your character. If you are really signed up for the job of changing your character, you must first establish what makes it such a critical goal. Because it is hard work, my friend—worth it, but hard.

So what is the point for you? You are a superstar who could probably get away with being awful for the rest of your career. There is quite a bit of research that proves cleaning up your act would help ensure your rise to the top; but there are also plenty of rotten meanies at the top, everywhere.

In your case, your motivation may lie in how exhausted you get trying to control yourself and how hard it is to stay present as you indulge in your “judgy” ways. Or is it possible that it might actually bother you that people call you names when you aren’t around? If that happened to me, I would be crying in the ladies’ room. How did you feel when it happened to you? Either way, in order to change, you will need to hook into your motivation.

Once you have done that, you will really need to get help. You are striving for something hard and you will need a lot of support. Don’t ignore this part. You have come this far on your innate gifts, which has been relatively easy for you—if you had struggled mightily to overcome your shortcomings in the past, you probably wouldn’t be so judgmental. So do not try to go on this journey alone.

• Work with a therapist to get to the bottom of what may have shaped your meanie habits. Possibly you were judged harshly in your family of origin? There could be some value in going back to explore what got you here.
• Hire a coach to help you sift through all of the possible ways you could be more present and more kind, and to support you in finding a few methods that work for you.
• Discuss the whole thing with a friend who has your trust and respect.
• Look around for someone at work who might mentor you on this journey—someone who matches you in IQ, work ethic, and high standards, but who is warm and well liked.

It wouldn’t be overkill if you tried all of the above.

Once you get your support system set up, you might consider learning how to meditate or practice mindfulness to quiet your busy monkey brain. Think about small ways to manage yourself more effectively by building some new habits. But now I’m jumping the gun.

Begin by discovering what is so important about your becoming a better person. That will help you formulate the first step of how you are going to do it. This journey will humble you and it will be painful. You will get the stuffing beaten out of you as you walk this road, which will help you be more compassionate and empathetic toward others—and that’s the actual point, is it not?

I’m impressed you have come this far, RWW. Now comes the really hard part. Apply that formidable intellect and that implacable will, get a lot of help, and you might just make it.

You will need good luck, too, but I find that fortune favors the brave and those who genuinely want to be better.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

“I don’t have enough hours in the day to get my work done.”

It’s a common complaint I hear from my coaching clients—especially those who are newer to a management role. Very often when we are talking about their workload I notice that they are taking on “monkeys” that aren’t theirs.

Monkeys? you might be thinking. What? Several years ago, Ken Blanchard coauthored a book with William Oncken, Jr. and Hal Burrows called The One Minute Manager Meets the Monkey. The “monkey” represents the ownership or responsibility for an unsolved problem or an incomplete task.

Let me give you an oversimplified example—one I sometimes share with my coaching clients—about taking on monkeys. Picture this:

A manager is in their office trying to work on their strategic plan for next year. One of their direct reports drops by. The direct report says, “Hey boss, I can’t get hold of Steve to get the numbers for the report I’m compiling for next week’s off-site meeting.” (This is the unsolved problem or incomplete task.) The boss says something like, “Well leave it with me and I’ll try to reach Steve.” In an instant, the boss has taken on the direct report’s “monkey.” The direct report skips down the hall with that monkey off their back. Over the course of a day, this happens with other direct reports. Soon the manager is weighed down with monkeys and no longer has time to work on their own strategic plan.

More often than not, the person I’m coaching relates to this and sees themselves in the story. The question follows: What to do?

Here are a couple of strategies I’ve developed with my clients as they learn to deal with their own office monkeys.

Slow down and reflect. When a direct report drops by with a problem, ask yourself whose problem, job, or task it is. Most of the time, the problem belongs to the direct report.

Ask a few open-ended questions. Help the direct report think through the situation. For example, ask, “How are you reaching out to Steve? Might there be another way?” Maybe the direct report is emailing Steve when it might be better to pick up the phone or go by and see Steve. Another question might be, “If you can’t reach Steve, what are other ways you can get the data?” If more help is needed, you could brainstorm with the direct report to figure out other options. Helping them think things through will often get things moving and keep the monkey firmly with its owner—the direct report.

Make sure your direct report knows their next move. Before the conversation is over, confirm the action the direct report is going to take with their monkey so you can get back to your own work.

I’m not proposing that managers abdicate their responsibility for providing direction and support. I’m just suggesting that managers help direct reports find ways to solve their own problems and tasks.

The reality is that consistently following this procedure will help your direct reports grow into self-reliance—which makes this a win-win situation for everybody!

About the Author

Joanne Maynard is a senior coach with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a regional VP for a global services company. I get excellent performance reviews, have been promoted regularly, and have had some employees tell me I’m the best boss they’ve ever had. I am ambitious and on track to be a senior leader in the company.

Five directors report to me. Our organization has been growing fast and they all need to get up to speed more quickly than they have been doing, so we are all working long days and the work is intense.

My problem is one of my guys I will call M. His mother’s health started failing about nine months ago and he asked for a transfer so her could be closer to her. He is an only child and is all his mother has. I pulled a lot of strings, moved a lot of puzzle pieces, and made it happen for him.

This would all be fine and well—but now, six months later, M is in way over his head. He can’t possibly do what is necessary to both do his job and take care of his mother. He is making mistakes because he is so stressed. I’ve been covering for him and asking his peers to pick up the slack, but I’m getting exhausted. I just can’t keep up with the work. The rest of the team feels the same way.

I worry that M won’t be able to get by financially if I ask him to take a leave of absence (our company doesn’t have paid long-term family leave). I don’t know what to do. I’m going to feel like a terrible person if I force him to take leave, but I can’t go on this way. Help.

Man Down

Dear Man Down,

I’m late with my column this week because I’ve thought about this, dreamed about it, and talked to five people about it. This is heartbreaking, and I’m so sorry you are under so much pressure.

I can’t help but wonder where your boss and your HR business partner are in all of this. It appears that you are expected to deal with this all by yourself, which doesn’t seem fair. So, first things first: you need to get some other folks involved here, because something’s gotta give. I would very surprised if your HR person doesn’t have some options they can share with you. This kind of situation is a constant in HR. Ask for help, right this minute. This is an emergency.

Next, let’s take a look at how you got here. Sounds like you are over-functioning for everyone around you. I suspect you’ve done this before and, in fact, have a long track record of doing it. Over-functioning works very well—especially for the people you are doing it for—until it starts to hurt you. What would happen if you just stopped? Well, I can tell you: you’d get a very clear picture of reality.

At least you are clear on the fact that this situation is unsustainable. (May I repeat your own words back to you? “I can’t go on this way.” You’re right; you can’t.) Get help. Get a temp. Hire some backup. Call in the cavalry. Yes, it will cost a little extra—too bad. You’ll never be a senior leader if you don’t take the opportunity to learn this lesson now. And you can never let things devolve like this again.

Let’s talk about M now. Was he an amazing performer before this situation? If so, then you need to do everything possible to keep him through this terrible time. Jim Collins, a researcher on what makes great companies and great leaders, talks about getting the right people on the bus. You can’t get where you want to go by doing everything yourself; you can only do it with the right people in the right roles. If M was a perfect fit and a star performer before this situation, get him some help. Be creative—lobby for extra budget with your boss. If he wasn’t that great a fit, maybe you can find him another role he might be better suited for in the organization that he can do part time.

Is that the meanest thing you have ever heard? It might be. It feels like kicking someone when they are down. But seriously, he must be feeling the pressure of not being able to properly do his job and of watching you and the rest of the team suffer. You aren’t doing him any favors letting things go on this way. The stress is not going to go away. You are ducking the hard decisions and the even harder conversation, Man Down, and it is time for you to step up.

When you try to solve everyone’s problems for them, you create new ones. Stop being a hero and face reality head on before the rest of team starts hating you and you start having panic attacks. You are the leader here, and you are responsible for finding a way to make the situation manageable and sustainable for as many people as possible—including yourself.

Being a leader is really hard. That is so harsh, I am so sorry. But it is the truth.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

During my time as a coach, I have often utilized SWOT analyses to help teams analyze their organization’s Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats. This is a simple, user-friendly method to help a team or a board focus on key issues affecting their business. This type of analysis often can be used as a precursor to a more comprehensive strategic planning session.

One benefit of the SWOT process is that it encourages teams to not only brainstorm ideas but also face untapped opportunities and potential threats. Consistent use of this framework can give an organization a competitive advantage through dialogue regarding brand, culture, new products or services, and capabilities.

What some people don’t realize, though, is that SWOT analysis can also be an effective personal strategic planning tool. Crafting your personal SWOT matrix is a powerful technique that can be used, for example, when you are seeking a career change or facing a major shift in your life.

Here are three steps to get started:

Step 1 – Identify what exists now. List all strengths that exist now. List all weaknesses that exist now. Be honest.

Step 2 – Look to the future. List all opportunities (potential strengths) that may exist in the future. List all threats (potential weaknesses) that may occur in the future.

Step 3 – Create a matrix/get a plan. Enter your ideas in the appropriate quadrant (see figure). Notice that strengths and weaknesses are internal forces; opportunities and threats are external. See how each quadrant has a relationship with another? What strengths exist that could overcome weaknesses? What weaknesses need to be overcome in order to embrace a new opportunity? Review your matrix and think about a plan.

Here are a few helpful questions to increase your awareness around internal and external factors:

• What skills and capabilities do you have?
• What qualities, values, or beliefs make you stand out from others?
• What are the skills you need to develop?
• What personal difficulties do you need to overcome to reach your goal?
• What external influences or opportunities can help you achieve success?
• Who could support you to help you achieve your objectives?
• What external influences may hinder your success?

A SWOT matrix can provide a foundation to help you create goals and action steps. You may consider addressing your weaknesses by building skills or self-leadership capabilities. Carefully review your opportunities, as they may be used to your advantage. And consider how threats could be minimized or eliminated by shifting personal priorities or gaining new knowledge.

It’s common for people to experience blind spots around their own strengths and weaknesses, so don’t hesitate to seek out opinions from friends, family members, and colleagues. Also, be willing to share your SWOT matrix with a partner who will hold you accountable for action steps and celebrate your progress.

Best of luck—and happy personal planning!

About the Author

Patricia Sauer is a coaching solutions partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world.

Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

Dear Madeleine,

I work in a very matrixed organization. My actual boss works remotely and I seldom interact with him one-on-one, but we have a team lead on every project.

In my work group, we all work on different projects as they come in. One of my peers in another group is causing real problems for me. He never keeps his agreements and tends to hold up every project he is involved with. I’ll call him B.

He agrees to his role and then makes excuses, but no one in charge seems to know or care. It isn’t my job to give B feedback—and I wouldn’t know what to say—but it’s getting to the point that everyone in my group tries to avoid working with whatever group he is in.

I was just invited to be on a really fun and interesting project that I said yes to, but I heard B will be on it. I have a good relationship with that team lead, and I’m thinking of giving him the heads up about the chaos B causes.

What do you think? I hate to tattle, but I also hate knowing what’s going to happen and doing nothing.

Tattler

Dear Tattler,

This sounds like mayhem. The only way the matrix can work is if there is some solid oversight and everyone can be trusted to pull their weight. The fact that you are having this conundrum is an indication of poor leadership—because sometimes if everyone is a leader, no one actually has to step up and take responsibility. There’s a lot to be gained in terms of nimbleness and creativity with matrix organizing principles, but this is a classic example of one the potential downsides.

I understand this doesn’t really help you.

This might: Think about your basic values. What you are reacting to is the general unfairness of the situations caused by B. Unfairness essentially reduces all of us to four-year-olds. It literally affects brain function. It is important to be aware of this so that you don’t do something that is not aligned with your values and that you may regret. You may think that reporting someone’s past bad behaviors to an authority is the right thing to do, but your choice of label for yourself – “tattler”—indicates that you would judge yourself poorly. Frankly, you seem to be judging yourself for even thinking about it.

I sense some real doubts there, which leads me to say: don’t do it. I’m not sure what you would have to gain, but you definitely would have the respect of the team lead to lose. Because, as you well know, nobody likes a tattle tale.

Here’s what you can do. As the assignments are being divvied up, ask the group what the consequences are for slipping on deadlines. Agree as a group how you will behave. Keep your own commitments and acknowledge when others keep theirs. The first time B shows up with an excuse, call out that his lateness is going to slow everyone down and refer back to original agreements of the group. If the group doesn’t step up, then you can talk to the team lead and mention it isn’t the first time you have seen this behavior from B. You don’t have to be mean about it, just truthful and factual. Then it is the team lead’s problem.

Also, I would recommend that you make it a priority to develop a relationship with your actual boss. He is probably so busy that he figures no news is good news and that if you needed him, he’d hear about it. But you don’t want to be in touch only when there is a problem.

In my world view, it is your boss’s job to know his people and make sure they have what they need to succeed—but since that isn’t happening, you need to step up and be on his radar. Get on his calendar and be prepared with a list of all your projects so that he knows who you are and what you’re up to. To the extent possible, research his goals and priorities and ways you might be able to help him. Maybe then, when you really need his influence, he’ll have your back.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Most people will tell you they are working as hard as they can, says bestselling business author Vicki Halsey. “The problem is, they still aren’t able to keep up with the workload. Today, people need to work smarter, not harder,” says Halsey.

“That means leaders need to (1) be sure direct reports are clear on what they have to do; (2) diagnose where they are on each task; and (3) get them the resources they need to succeed. People are doing activities—and lots of them. But the activity may not be targeted toward the critical goal, task, skill, or strategy that is actually needed for the organization to hit the target.”

According to Halsey, productivity improvement begins with observation. She likes to compare behaviors of the most productive people in organizations and the ones who struggle to keep up. One difference is that the former group has a laser focus on the work that needs to be done to achieve strategic goals.

“As Ken Blanchard says, all good performance begins with clear goals. So begin with clear expectations such as what someone needs to achieve, and by when. This is the essence of smart goal setting. Your goal is to create a crystal clear picture of what a good job looks like.”

It’s also important to check for understanding, says Halsey.

“As we think about setting clear expectations with people, it’s important to remember our differences in communication and learning styles. I teach a graduate class at the University of San Diego and also gave the same learning preference survey to my MBA students that measures if they are visual, auditory, kinesthetic, tactile kinesthetic, or auditory verbal. Results from students representing 35 different cohorts showed only 5.4 percent in the category of strong auditory learners. Consider going beyond telling—to showing. For example, in addition to explaining what a good job looks like, provide a video so that learners can actually see the behavior in action.”

Once goals are set, next comes diagnosing competence and commitment, says Halsey.

“Help people see where they are on a specific task in terms of ability and motivation, which we at The Ken Blanchard Companies® describe as competence and commitment. A person can be high or low on either scale. When these measurements are combined, the person will end up in one of four different development levels including Disillusioned Learner (low on commitment, low on competence) and Self-Reliant Achiever (high on commitment, high on competence.)

With an accurate diagnosis, a leader can put together a clear plan to accelerate the person’s productivity, says Halsey. But it requires a rethinking of the SMART goal setting model.

“I love the SMART acronym—Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Trackable. But for it to be most effective, change the “M” in the model to motivating instead of measurable.

“People want to see the impact of their work and they want to know they are making a difference. The original version of SMART begins with Specific and Measurable, which works well for identifying what needs to occur by when. But it doesn’t take into account the very human need of doing work aligned with our purpose, values, and who we want to be in the world.

“Sometimes leaders wonder why they should care how committed a direct report is to a task. When I am training a group of leaders and I hear that, I ask, ‘How many of you have something on your to-do list that you’re not motivated to do?’ Everyone raises their hand! And what happens to those things on our to-do lists? They go to tomorrow’s to-do list. And the next day’s. And what does that do to productivity? It impacts the quality and quantity of work done. So it’s critical that a leader has a very finely tuned sense of observation. They are observing their direct reports either moving toward what needs to happen, or moving away from it.”

That’s the commitment part of the equation, says Halsey—but remember it is critical to also diagnose competence.

“In its simplest definition, competence answers the question Has a person done this before successfully? If a direct report is new to a task with very little experience, the leader will need to provide a lot of direction and access to resources. If the person has accomplished the task successfully with high levels of reliability, the leader can delegate the task to them confidently. If the person is somewhere in between, the leader needs to adjust the mix of direction and support to match the person’s development level.

“So as a leader, you listen and observe very carefully. If the person is a learner, you help solve the problem for them. If they’ve had some demonstrable success but they’re a little hesitant, you flip the conversation and ask them how they think they should solve the problem.”

Halsey says in all cases, the leader needs to stay involved.

“If you leave people alone, that’s when they will move the task to the next day’s to-do list. If you want to keep accelerating their performance, you have to stay with it. Are they letting you know their status on a task, or have they gone dark? Go and check with them. If you notice you’re not seeing the person as much as you used to, you need to connect with them, figure out where they’re stuck, and get them back on track.

“Your goal as a leader is to keep the conversations flowing. That’s the secret to productivity—clear goals, people aligned on performance, and being able to diagnose then give what is needed to ensure they get the job done. When you accomplish that, you begin to work in a highly productive, aligned manner,” says Halsey. “That’s good for you, your people, and your organization!”

Would you like to learn more about creating a culture of high productivity in your organization? Join us for a free webinar!

3 Keys to Creating a High Productivity Work Culture
Tuesday, April 30, 2019, 9:00 – 10:00 a.m. Pacific Time

Research shows that most organizations operate at only 65 percent of their potential productivity. In this webinar, bestselling business author Vicki Halsey shows leadership, learning, and talent development professionals how to reduce the productivity gap in their organizations by improving the performance management skills of their leaders. Halsey will share how to improve leadership skills in three key areas:

• Collaborative goal setting—how leaders create a partnership approach that improves accountability and gets results
• Diagnosing development level—how leaders identify the skills and motivation level of a person being asked to take on a new task
• Providing a matching leadership style—how leaders flex the amount of direction and support they provide to create the perfect environment for goal achievement

Don’t miss this opportunity to learn how to equip leaders with the skills they need to align and coach people to higher levels of performance and productivity. The event is free, courtesy of The Ken Blanchard Companies.

Register today!

Dear Madeleine,

I heard somewhere that as a manager I should reward good behaviors and coach negative ones. I have been trying to do this, but I realize I’m not really sure what it means. While we are on the topic, how many times do I let someone make the same mistake before I stop the coaching and just let them go?

Confused About a Bad Apple

Dear CABA,

It is confusing—the term coaching is used in so many different ways. In your case, you are using the word to represent what I might call giving a reprimand, a redirection, or feedback about performance.

I use the term in a more positive sense: as a technique that a boss or manager might use to develop a valuable employee. Coaching takes care and time and is an investment in an employee. In a best case scenario, it is driven by the employee’s agenda. We have some interesting research and information on that here.

Honestly, though, the way you use the word is beside the point. The point here is that it sounds like your bad apple is either unwilling or unable to do the job the way it needs to be done. They need a combination of what we would call clear direction and a lot of support; in other words, crystal clear direction plus some open-ended questions to get to the bottom of what is getting in the way.

If you have an HR department, ask for help documenting each attempt at having these conversations where you give feedback and direction. If you don’t have HR, keep a record for yourself. Make sure you check your confirmation bias—a way we all have of seeking evidence to support what we already believe to be true—as best you can.

How many repeated mistakes should you tolerate? Well, that’s up to you. The thing is, everyone makes mistakes—you make mistakes, I make mistakes, and our best people make mistakes. It happens. That is just normal work. People get overwhelmed by their to-do list and are moving too fast, or maybe they are doing a small part of their job they aren’t naturally great at.

When the same mistake happens repeatedly, though, there has to be a conversation about what is going on and how can it be avoided in future. I personally feel like three solid attempts is about right, because after that it starts to feel like Groundhog Day. Almost every manager I have ever worked with has given an employee entirely too many chances and suffered the consequences. I have never once, in twenty-five years of coaching managers, seen anyone regret letting a person go who either wouldn’t or couldn’t do the job. It is nothing short of liberating.

One last thing you need to consider: none of this happening in a vacuum. Your other employees are watching how you deal with this situation and taking note of what you let others get away with. Some may have to do extra work to pick up the slack around Bad Apple. They will start to resent and judge you if you let it go on too long. I know that one from painful personal experience.

So first, be kind. Give your potential Bad Apple a little extra direction and support and one more chance—and then, if you need to, call it. I guarantee you will have no regrets.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Want a more purposeful, aligned, and engaged organization? “Make sure managers and direct reports are taking a collaborative approach to performance,” says Susan Fowler, senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies and coauthor of the company’s Self Leadership training program.

“It starts with agreed-upon goals,” Fowler continues.

“In my early days as a consultant, I was asked by leaders of an organization to help improve telephone communication skills. I soon realized that the organization wasn’t actually interested in general telephone skills but only wanted to address the mistakes being made at their front desk—especially the negative feedback from employees and customers about one telephone operator in particular. I decided to work directly with the operator on goal setting.

“She had been in her role for a long time but her manager had never attempted to work with her on setting goals—he had only expressed frustration about the complaints. Her service position was primarily reactive and the manager had found it too challenging to set goals for a job where there was little control.

“She and I tackled the negative feedback regarding mistakes by setting a goal to reduce mistakes by 50 percent over the next two months. We identified actions she could take to improve accuracy and customer service. We also asked company employees to monitor their messages for mistakes and to report any customer complaints.

“After a couple of months, I checked in and was dismayed to learn that inaccuracies and complaints had actually increased! We attributed the bad news to the fact that we had brought attention to the problems and asked for feedback. We decided to consider the feedback a gift and began analyzing the data we’d received.

“Together, we discovered that most of the mistakes were occurring between the hours of 2:00 and 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time. When the business day ended in the Eastern and Central Time zones, calls were routed to the California office. The extra volume was too much for one person to handle, putting an unreasonable expectation on the operator and her ability to deal with calls in a friendly and effective manner.

“The data gave us the evidence we needed to ask for help. We asked the operator’s manager to put a second person at the switchboard for those two hours. Two months later, the operator had not only achieved but exceeded her goal,” says Fowler. “It was a simple solution—but without a collaborative goal-setting approach, we never would have understood the underlying cause of her poor performance. She would have continued to get negative feedback—and maybe lost her job.”

That’s why Fowler is so adamant about approaching goal setting as a joint responsibility where managers and team members work together to clarify expectations, identify challenges, and develop a plan for accessing the resources each person needs to succeed.

“Managers and direct reports need to sit down and talk about what it would look like if each of them were doing the best possible job. It is a rich, deep conversation that clarifies expectations on both sides about what the job is and how they can work together to create alignment in a way that is effective, engaging, and worth pursuing.”

Rethinking SMART goals

Fowler says this type of approach requires tweaking the SMART goal criteria used in most organizations.

“Most people know SMART as specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and trackable. At Blanchard, we recommend changing the M to motivating.”

Fowler explains that if managers don’t explore a team member’s motivation and create a way for each individual to connect their work to personally meaningful values, the manager ends up having to hold them accountable.

“Managers who focus on only being specific and measurable in goal setting end up spending their time holding people accountable. Why? Because the goals weren’t personally inspiring to the direct report. Help people be accountable so you don’t have to hold them accountable.”

Fowler teaches managers to make sure they have a conversation with each direct report where they explore the individual’s self motivation to achieve each goal. This ensures the person’s motivation isn’t dependent on external factors they can’t control.

“When someone can connect a goal to their personal values, the result will be a person who is accountable—because they have clarified, negotiated, or reframed the goal in a way that is personally meaningful and important. That’s a key learning objective in our Self Leadership program. We teach individual contributors that when they are given a goal, it is their responsibility to:

• Clarify the goal if it is unclear
• Negotiate if they don’t believe the goal is fair or relevant to their job
• Reframe a goal if it’s not personally compelling or in line with their values or sense of purpose

“Working collaboratively to clarify, negotiate, or reframe goals sets up a joint accountability between manager and direct report that leads to goal achievement.”

From goal setting to goal achievement

Clear goals set the stage and make it easier for the manager to provide the appropriate levels of direction and support a person needs to get the job done, says Fowler.

“The reality is that most managers have their own work goals at the same time they are managing the work of others. I’m always surprised when organizations expect managers to be aware of what is going on inside the heads of every one of their direct reports while they are each working on their different tasks.  We know from experience that even our loved ones—the people we are closest to—often don’t know what we are thinking. Why would we expect managers to know what each of their direct reports is thinking?

“At Blanchard, we teach managers and direct reports how to use a shared language to describe the four stages of development everyone goes through when presented with a new goal or task. This ranges from enthusiastic beginner when someone is just starting out, through the motivational dip we describe as disillusioned learner, to capable, but cautious contributor as they build competence and commitment, and finally, to self-reliant achiever when they’ve mastered the task.

“When managers and direct reports have a shared understanding of development levels, it provides them with a means to have effective conversations every step of the way. Now a person can go to their manager and say, ‘I’m at the D1 level of development (or the enthusiastic beginner stage) on this goal. I’m excited about the challenge but since I’ve never done it before, I need direction from you.’”

A shared language also makes it easier for the manager to respond appropriately and more effectively, says Fowler.

“If an individual needs direction, a manager can immediately provide it or find a resource that can. This same shared language can make it easier for a manager to say, ‘I don’t know how to do that either—let’s find a resource for you.’

“When goal achievement is pursued as a collaborative responsibility, it gives the manager permission to talk about other resources and ways of getting the team member what they need.”

An important twist when engaging in one-on-ones

One additional recommendation Fowler has for managers is to share ownership of one-on-one meetings.

“A lot of people think the one-on-one should be driven by the manager.  What we’re saying is that the agenda for the one-on-one should be directed by the direct report. If the manager is leading the one-on-one, it’s pretty hard to distinguish it from other kinds of performance management discussions, such as goal setting or feedback conversations. When the direct report sets the agenda, they are saying, ‘I understand this is my goal. Here is the progress I’m making and here is what I need, either from you or from another resource, to keep moving forward.”

A key skill for today’s successful organizations

Fowler encourages leadership, learning, and talent development professionals at companies of all sizes to consider how they can bring a more collaborative approach to leadership in their organizations.

“In the last 15 years I have seen a tremendous increase in research that identifies the importance of self leadership. In fact, increasing the proactive behavior of individual contributors has been identified as the single most important ingredient for the success of organizational initiatives.

“Teaching people how to use a shared language to self diagnose and partner with their managers is a great way to get started. It creates an engaging and motivating environment for the individual and helps the manager and the entire organization move forward more quickly to succeed.

“Don’t delay—start using a more collaborative approach today!”

____________________________________________________________________________

Would you like to learn more about taking a collaborative approach to performance management? Join Susan Fowler for a free webinar!

Partnering for Performance: 3 Ways to Help Your Managers and Direct Reports Collaborate to Achieve Goals

March 27, 2019 / 9:00 a.m. Pacific / 12:00 p.m. Eastern / 4:00 p.m. UK Time / 4:00 p.m. GMT

If you are a leadership, learning, or talent development professional, you know that it takes two to optimize performance—the manager and the direct report. As their leader, your dilemma is how to encourage and facilitate the crucial relationship between the two.

In this webinar, bestselling business author Susan Fowler shares how you can promote a collaborative approach to performance management that has been proven to get results with high levels of engagement. Fowler reveals the latest research-based strategies on self motivation and how to combine it with the time-tested principles of Situational Leadership® II (SLII®)—the most widely-taught leadership development model in the world.

Participants will learn how to position performance management as a joint responsibility—with managers and direct reports working together to make sure they set clear, motivating goals and effectively diagnose competence and commitment on key tasks so that everyone has what they need to succeed.

You will explore how to help managers and team members:

• Take a top-down, bottom-up approach to SMART goal setting with a focus on motivation and task competence
• Build mutual accountability for achieving agreed-upon goals
• Take a situational approach to performance management where direct reports self diagnose their development level and ask for the direction and support they need to succeed

Fowler will share how this joint approach achieves outcomes faster, more efficiently, and with a greater sense of engagement. It’s a 1+1 = 3 approach that yields much better results than when managers and direct reports work independently.

Don’t miss this opportunity to get your managers and direct reports collaborating for goal achievement!

Use this link to register today!

Dear Madeleine,

I was recently hired into a manufacturing company in the engineering department. I am leading two different teams. One of the teams is running smoothly, and the other one is a disaster.

Disaster team is in constant turmoil— to the degree that some members of team are not even speaking to each other. The work output isn’t a complete mess yet, but we seem to be headed that way. I am leading both teams in the same way, so I can’t identify what I should be doing differently. What to do?

A Tale of Two Teams

_____________________________________________________

Dear A Tale of Two Teams,

Wow. The good news is that you aren’t responsible for creating the mess. The bad news is that once a team has gotten off on the wrong foot, it can be really hard to put things right. But there are some things you can do—and everything you learn from this experience will serve you well.

It sounds as if you are on your own when it comes to becoming a better team leader. This is not unusual. Our research shows:

• Over half of all work is done on teams, and most of us are on five or six teams at any given time. It is how the really complicated work gets done.
• Most teams are suffering—only 27 percent of people would say that their teams are high performing.
• Just 1 in 4 people think they have been well trained by their organization to lead teams.

The top obstacles to teams working well are familiar to all of us. Teams fall apart because of:

• Unclear purpose of team and/or unclear goals
• Murky roles and decision rights
• Lack of accountability (some people pull their weight and others don’t), which leads to resentment.
• Lack of candor and openness, which leads to the death of constructive conflict
• Poor tracking and no celebration of wins and progress

All of these complications undermine trust and collaboration. Not surprisingly, lack of clarity is the ultimate undermining factor. If you look carefully at your team that is working, you will probably find that its members have somehow created clarity around the team’s purpose, goals, and behavioral norms, and that they know how to solve problems and resolve disagreements. Those areas might be a good place to start with your disaster team. Call out that they are in crisis, and request that you all go back to the beginning and start over to get clarity on all of the above dimensions

It might be helpful for you to know about the study that Google did on teams that work well. They found these to be the most important elements for high performing teams:

• Psychological safety: Team members feel safe to fully express themselves, share ideas, and take risks free of the fear of humiliation, punishment, or judgment.
• Dependability: Team members can depend on each other to do what they say they will do, mean what they say, and have each other’s backs.
• Structure and clarity: Everyone on the team is crystal clear about the overarching objectives of the team and their own individual goals and tasks for the team.
• Meaning: Each person must find their own emotional connection to the work or the outcomes of the work. It will vary for each individual.
• Impact: Each individual, and the team as a whole, must have a clear line of sight between their own work, the work of the team, and the big picture strategic goals of the organization.

As the team leader, you can help create or increase psychological safety by role modeling certain behaviors—the behaviors you seek in your team members.

• Pay close attention to each individual, use active listening techniques, don’t interrupt, and acknowledge all contributions.
• Be fully present and engaged while with the team.
• Be accessible, share information about yourself, and encourage others to do the same.
• Include all team members in decision making and explain your final decisions in detail so that everyone understands your thinking.
• Show that you will not tolerate bad behavior by stepping in when you see it.

It all starts with you. Creating psychological safety is a tall order, so I would recommend starting with the behaviors that make sense to you and come easily. Then drive for clarity, clarity, clarity. My experience tells me it’s very possible you have one person on the team who benefits from creating chaos and keeping things muddy. You know the adage: one bad apple spoils the barrel. If this is true, it will be revealed as you drive for clarity and you can remove that person from the team. If it isn’t true, clarity will reduce the friction and the team will balance out.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

How do you guide a recent graduate—someone new to the work world—to not be so confident of his own work? How do you convince him to check his work, question his solutions, and search for the best answer instead of the first one?

I don’t want to tear down anyone’s confidence, but this person’s cockiness seems to be a surefire recipe for disaster. Plus, you really can’t learn if you think you already know. I appreciate your thoughts on this.

Want to Guide

________________________________________________

Dear Want to Guide,

You have to love it when a young new employee is an enthusiastic beginner and is cheerfully ignorant of the massive amount he doesn’t know! I’m not sure how long this newbie has been in your care, but of course there is no way to go back to the beginning to set the expectation that you will be watching carefully and giving feedback. (Note: It is always much easier to closely supervise a new hire and then loosen up as they demonstrate competence than to start loose and later attempt to tighten up. Tuck that piece of advice away for future reference.)

For your situation right now, I would suggest you go at it with subtlety. Next time the recent graduate turns work in, set up fifteen minutes to go over it with him. Call out what works with his first draft and then ask him some questions that will help him go deeper for the second draft. This way, it isn’t so much that you are criticizing as acknowledging the positives of his work so far and now asking him to go deeper.

Here are some examples:

• What don’t you know about this topic? Is there a way to find out what aspects of this topic you might be leaving out?
• What if you were to question the assumption in your first point?
• Let’s try looking at this from another point of view.
• What if you were to take nothing as face value?
• What arguments might you use to support your point here?
• How might you expand on the implications of this?

Hopefully, your new hire will gain some ground in the discussion and you can ask him to put himself through the same list of questions for his next presentation.

You can also proofread his work, track your changes, and ask that he proof his own work in the future. (He must have had to proof his work in school, no?) Here are some fundamental rules you can remind him of.

• Leave time between a first draft and subsequent edits. It is much easier to see errors with fresh eyes.
• Ask a peer to do the proofing. It’s always much easier to catch errors in work that isn’t your own.
• In a slide presentation, first go through it in “presentation mode.” Errors will stick out like a sore thumb in that format, and it is much better if there isn’t an audience for the discovery!

If you need to go at it directly, start by sharing your regret that you didn’t set the expectation up front that part of your job is to develop your people and that you would be giving feedback. You can also share that it isn’t your intention to demotivate him or shake his confidence, and that your input is designed to help him to grow and to achieve his full potential.

The key is to be clear that it’s fine for him to be where he is in terms of his development in the new job—but now it’s time to sharpen his skills. Make it all about the work, not about the person. Be kind, clear, concise, and relentless. Don’t let anything egregious get by you—this way he will know you are paying attention, and pay more attention himself.

Most employees report that they don’t get enough feedback. You would be doing him no favors by letting him skate by. Eventually, he will have to clean up his act, so he might as well get started now. Someday he will thank you for it.

You can do this!

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am serious person. I was a serious child, raised by very thoughtful and serious immigrant parents. I have always had high expectations and standards for myself.

I am now a manager of a large group of people and I am continually frustrated that almost none of them live up to my expectations. The typos in people’s emails make me tense and it is almost impossible for me to point out the mistakes without being mean.

I am in a constant state of agitation, with an equal amount of energy going into self-regulation. I know I should let people be themselves and be more accepting, and that most errors ultimately don’t really matter.

I am trying to be more at peace, and in fact, I have started a mindfulness program. But I keep circling back to taking it personally when my people turn in substandard work or miss deadlines.

How can I stop being so rigid?

Too Serious

Dear Too Serious,

You are who you are. It’s a combination of nature and nurture—and no matter how hard you try, you are not going to achieve a personality transplant. I know. I have been trying my entire conscious life.

Your foray into mindfulness training is an excellent step. Mindfulness is defined by researchers as “self-regulation of attention so that it is maintained on immediate experience thereby allowing for increased recognition of mental events in the present moment,” and “adopting a particular orientation toward one’s experiences in the present moment, an orientation that is characterized by curiosity, openness, and acceptance.” *

The practice of curiosity, openness, and acceptance will help you to relax a little bit. However, you are still going to wake up tomorrow and be yourself. So here is another idea.

Clearly, thoroughly, and honestly, share with your people who you are, what you expect from them, and what they can expect from you.

At our company we call this sharing your Leadership Point of View (LPoV). In essence, it is an examination of your leadership values—the values that inform your standards for yourself and others. These often come from your parent role models, but also from the observation of leaders you admire and from your own life experiences.

In your LPoV you tell the very human stories that explain and give context for your leadership standards. This information will help your people to understand you better and to know what your rules are. Almost everybody wants to make their boss happy, so giving them the very clear roadmap of how to do that is usually appreciated.

The act of creating your Leadership Point of View will help you to define, for yourself and others, what you will insist on and where you are willing to let things slide. You already know which battles aren’t worth fighting. Making it explicit for yourself will help you choose when to give feedback and when it just doesn’t matter.

When you present your LPoV, you share these expectations explicitly. Right now, your expectations are probably mostly implicit, and you are hoping your people will read your mind.

Instead, spell it out. For example, as surmised from your message to me, you could share:

• I expect all written communication to be well organized and free of errors.
• I expect all team members to meet deadlines, or, if this is not possible, to re-negotiate deadlines before the actual deadline.

Our coaches and I have worked on LPoV with countless clients and it makes a big difference for them. I use it myself and I share it in writing whenever I onboard a new employee. It will feel very risky to you, but do it.

On the topic of taking things personally, I am reminded of a book by Don Miguel Ruiz titled The Four Agreements. It is essentially a code of conduct based on ancient Toltec wisdom that can help to unwind deep seated self-limiting beliefs. In short, the Four Agreements are:

1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don’t take anything personally.
3. Don’t make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.

You are probably already impeccable with your word, and clearly doing your best. However, you are taking too much personally, and you are almost certainly making assumptions.

Mr. Ruiz’s prescription for not taking things personally starts with a reminder that nothing is actually about you. You might share this book with your team and encourage discussion about it. A lot could change if everyone on the team agreed to use the Four Agreements as a guide.

In the meantime, keep up that mindfulness training, and breathe. Next time you are annoyed at someone around you acting like the human being they are, just take a deep breath in and let it out slowly.

Craft and share your LPoV. Let your people in on how hard it is to be you. Be clear about your standards. Be persistent with holding them to your standards but also be curious, generous, and kind. They will come around.

Love, Madeleine

*Bishop, S.R., et al; “Mindfulness: A Proposed Operational Definition”; Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, V11 N3, 2004, pp. 232

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

In his work consulting with business leaders at top organizations around the world, best-selling author Ken Blanchard explains that for best results, leaders need to combine a focus on people with a simultaneous focus on results.  It’s this one-two combination that delivers the greatest impact.

Managers need to have a shared responsibility with direct reports for achieving goals, explains Blanchard.  As an example, Blanchard points to the philosophy of Garry Ridge, CEO of WD-40 Company and Blanchard’s coauthor on the book Helping People Win at Work.  At WD-40, if a manager is considering an unfavorable review for a direct report, the first question asked of the manager is: “What have you done to help that person succeed?”

One of the benefits of this mutual accountability approach is that it gives leaders permission to step in when tough love is called for—for example, when performance or behavior is off-track.

Colleen Barrett, former president of Southwest Airlines, shares her organization’s philosophy about joint accountability: “We are very clear in telling our people what our expectations are. We hold them and ourselves accountable for meeting those expectations every day. Sometimes this means having a real heart-to-heart with someone and reminding them what our values are. If we have been intentional and firm in explaining what our expectations are, that gives us the opportunity to point to specific examples where the person hasn’t exhibited the required behaviors.”

Blanchard believes that this approach to management requires a special kind of leader—a person who sees leadership as an opportunity to serve instead of being served.

“We have all seen the negative consequences of self-centered leadership,” says Blanchard.  “Today we need a new leadership model—one that is focused on accomplishing the goals of the organization as a whole, with an equal emphasis on people and results. The best leaders identify the hidden strengths in people and organizations and lead them to a place they couldn’t get to on their own.  In this way, they truly serve.  And when the leader’s work is done—to paraphrase Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu—the people will say, ‘We did it ourselves.’

“The most effective leaders realize that leadership is not about them—they are only as good as the people they lead. It’s what servant leadership is all about. Once a vision has been set for the organization, servant leaders move to the bottom of the hierarchy, acting as cheerleaders, supporters, and encouragers for the people who report to them.

“The best organizations don’t see relationships and results as an either/or proposition,” says Blanchard. “They know if they focus on both people and profits, success will follow.”

Would you like to learn more about creating an others-focused culture in your organization?  Join Ken Blanchard for a free webinar on September 12,

Servant Leadership: 4 Keys to Leading at a Higher Level.

The event is free, courtesy of The Ken Blanchard Companies.

I head up one of several R&D teams at a global consumer goods company. My team is amazing—brilliant, eccentric, creative, fun people who are blowing away their goals. (It takes a certain type of person to be good at what we do.)

Here is my problem. Some of my folks are good at the basics—showing up on time for meetings, submitting expenses, dressing appropriately, filling out paperwork, etc. But the others not so much. I am constantly on them to comply with the bare minimum of what is required to operate in this large system. Case in point: conducting performance reviews.

I know some managers who can throw all the rules to the wind and allow their creatives to operate as they please, but I just can’t do it. I have spoken to my own boss and my peers to get some ideas about how to get people to toe the line, but they all just laugh and say I’ll figure it out. I don’t have kids but I am starting to feel like a parent. It is making me really…

Cranky

Dear Cranky,

Presumably, you manage these people because you are one of them.  Are you not eccentric and creative yourself? How did the person previously in your position handle this problem? You must have leadership skills to have been so attractive to the best. Your people are doing well because you have created an environment in which they can thrive—and yet, you have also led them to think that they can get away with, well, acting like children.

Something you are doing—possibly not having proper boundaries—is sending the wrong signal. Henry Cloud is an expert on this. You may want to take a look at his work.

I am married to an eccentric creative, I manage a bunch of wildly creative people, and I am a parent. And still, my least strong suit is getting people to do tedious stuff they have to do, so I really do feel your pain. I must be clear, concise and relentless about what is necessary. Repetition and reminders without judgment are helpful. And however strong the temptation might be, I do not shield other adults from the consequences of their choices.

Your job as a manager is to clearly inform your people of the consequences of not complying with requirements. Putting a time limit on getting the performance review done might work: if something isn’t done in a certain time frame, they don’t get a raise. You may have already thought of this. I know with my huge team, we have finally resorted to not paying expenses that are submitted more than 30 days after the event. That works for some, but others just don’t care about money.

Another idea is to go to HR and see what special dispensation you might be able to get for your team. It may not be possible, but I know a lot of the large global companies are trying to be more flexible about these things. Maybe you could be a pilot program for some new, easier methods in this area.

Finally, leverage the genius of your team. Put this conundrum in front of them to solve. This is not your problem alone. It is draining you now and will begin to drain the energy of your team soon as well. Let them apply some of their brilliance and creativity—maybe even some old-fashioned peer pressure—to shift this situation.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

“In this model,” says Blanchard, “Leaders assume a traditional role to set the vision, direction, and strategy for the organization—the leadership aspect of servant leadership. After the vision and direction are set, the leaders turn the organizational pyramid upside down so that they serve the middle managers and frontline people who serve the customer. Now the leader’s role shifts to a service mindset for the task of implementation—the servant aspect of servant leadership.”

Many organizations and leaders get into trouble during implementation, warns Blanchard.

“When command-and-control leaders are at the helm, the traditional hierarchical pyramid is kept alive and well. All of the organization’s energy moves up the hierarchy, away from customers and frontline folks who are closest to the action. When there is a conflict between what customers want and what the boss wants, the boss wins.”

Blanchard suggests that leadership, learning, and talent development professionals correct this situation by philosophically turning the traditional hierarchical pyramid upside down—putting customer contact people at the top of the organization and top management at the bottom.

“This philosophical mind-shift reminds everyone in the organization that when it comes to implementation, leaders serve their people, who serve the customers. This change may seem minor, but it makes a major difference between who is responsible and who is responsive.”

The next step, according to Blanchard, is to align policies, practices, direction, and support to remove barriers for the people who are taking care of customers. This high-investment approach to talent management is designed to bring out the best in everyone.

“Servant leaders are constantly trying to find out what their people need to perform well and live according to their organization’s vision. In top organizations, leaders believe if they do a good job serving their people and showing them they care, the employees will, in turn, practice that same philosophy with customers.”

The Biggest Barrier to Servant Leadership

In looking back at all of the organizations he has worked with over the years, one of the most persistent barriers to more people becoming successful servant leaders is a heart motivated by self-interest, says Blanchard.

“As a leader, you must ask yourself why you lead. Is it to serve or to be served? Answering this question in a truthful way is so important. You can’t fake being a servant leader. I believe if leaders don’t get the heart part right, they simply won’t ever become servant leaders.

“Managers who somehow have themselves as the center of the universe and think everything must rotate around them are really covering up not-okay feelings about themselves. This is an ego problem that manifests as fear or false pride. When you don’t feel good about yourself, you have two options. You can hide and hope nobody notices you, or you can overcompensate and go out and try to control your environment. I always say that people who feel the need to control their environment are really just scared little kids inside.”

“I learned from the late Norman Vincent Peale that the best leaders combine a healthy self-acceptance with humility.  As I learned from Norman, “Leaders with humility don’t think less of themselves—they just think about themselves less.”

An Old Model for a New World of Work?

Blanchard explains that leaders with a servant heart thrive on developing people and helping them achieve their goals. They constantly try to find out what their people need to perform well. Being a servant leader is not just another management technique. It is a way of life for those with servant hearts.

“When I first began to teach managers back in the late 1960s I met Robert Greenleaf, who was just retiring as a top AT&T executive. Bob talked about servant leadership—the concept that effective leaders and managers need to serve their people, not be served by them. It was entirely new thinking then. In many ways, Bob is considered the father of the term servant leadership.”

It is much easier for people to see the importance and relevance of servant leadership today than it was back then, says Blanchard.

“Today when people see you as a judge and critic, they spend most of their time trying to please you rather than accomplishing the organization’s goals and moving in the direction of the desired vision. ‘Boss watching’ becomes a popular sport and people get promoted on their upward-influencing skills. That role doesn’t do much for accomplishing a clear vision. People try to protect themselves rather than move the organization in its desired direction.

“Servant leaders are constantly trying to find out what their people need to be successful. Rather than wanting their people to please them, they want to make a difference in the lives of their people—and, in the process, impact the organization.”

Servant Leadership: The Power of Love, Not the Love of Power

A few years ago, Blanchard received a letter from a man in New Zealand with a line that he believes sums up his leadership philosophy.

“The man wrote that he felt I was in the business of teaching people the power of love rather than the love of power.

“I believe the world is in desperate need of a different leadership role model. We need servant leadership advocates. Spread the word to everyone who will listen! And remember: your job is to teach people the power of love rather than the love of power.”

Would you like to learn more about creating a servant leadership culture and leading at a higher level?  Join us for a free webinar with Ken Blanchard!

Servant Leadership: 4 Keys to Leading at a Higher Level

Wednesday, September 12, 2018, at 9:00 a.m. Pacific Time / 12:00 p.m. Eastern / 5:00 p.m. UK / 4:00 p.m. GMT

In this special event for leadership, learning, and talent development professionals, best-selling business author Ken Blanchard looks at servant leadership and how to create an others-focused culture in your organization.  You’ll learn how to:

• Set your sights on the right target and vision. Great organizations focus on three bottom lines instead of just one. In addition to financial success, Ken will share how leaders at great organizations measure the satisfaction and engagement levels of their employees as well as their customers.
• Treat your customers right. To keep your customers today, you can’t be content to just satisfy them. Ken will share how to create raving fans—customers who are so excited about the way you treat them that they want to tell others.
• Treat your people right. You can’t treat your people poorly and expect them to treat your customers well. Ken will share how treating your people right includes setting clear, meaningful goals, providing day-to-day coaching, and finally, setting up performance reviews so that there are no surprises.
• Develop the right kind of leaders. The most effective leaders recognize that leadership is not about them and that they are only as good as the people they lead. Ken will share how servant leadership principles can guide the design of your leadership development curriculum.

Ready to take your organization to the next level?  Don’t miss this opportunity to explore how to create an others-focused culture and leadership development strategy based on the principles of servant leadership. The event is free courtesy of The Ken Blanchard Companies.

REGISTER USING THIS LINK

As a professional coach, I often give feedback to my clients. I also give feedback to coaches I work with who are delivering coaching to our Blanchard clients. I’ve learned four valuable lessons that can make feedback something to be treasured rather than feared.

Lesson 1: What you believe is as important as what you say. If I’m annoyed with someone for flubbing up in front of a client, and now I’m in the hot seat hoping to save an account, I’m likely to rain down on my team with fire and brimstone. Oops! I’ve just terrified everyone into flight or freeze. On the other hand, if I genuinely believe people don’t make mistakes on purpose, I’m more likely to explore with my team what happened and how we might recover—and treat the mistake as a learning moment. In this way, we have participated together in a genuine learning experience that will help the team grow and keep them from making the same mistake again.

Lesson 2: Assume the best. This is a riff on lesson 1. Assume your team wants to perform well. Assume mistakes will be made. Help your team understand when to get you involved and give them the autonomy to make course corrections without you.

Lesson 3: Be specific in your redirection.  It’s not enough to point out a mistake. The mistake is often obvious. What’s sometimes not so clear is exactly what you want them to do differently in the future. For example, I recently told one of my team members that it wasn’t necessary to send a long introductory communication to a new client. But then he kept doing it.  I learned he interpreted my “not necessary” as meaning “Okay to do if it makes you feel good.”  What I should have said to him was “Don’t send an email with the same information that has already been sent. Let’s craft together a better message for you to send.”

Lesson 4: Water the flowers. You read that right. Watering the flowers is a metaphor for recognizing the hard work your team is putting in. Thank them often, and publicly. Be specific here, too—acknowledge what’s going well. As Ken Blanchard says, praise is free. And, like flowers in the rain, we thrive when we get enough.

How do these four lessons support a coach approach?  Because to be a great coach you have to know your own mind and adjust, flex, and control your thoughts (some would call this emotional intelligence). Giving feedback is life’s blood to a coach. Without the ability to do so, we would simply be cheerleaders for our clients—which would be fun but not nearly as effective. And as coaches, we are in service to our clients. We do what needs to be done in order to help the client grow, learn, and achieve desired outcomes. Don’t we owe that to our teams, too?

About the Author

Patricia Overland is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

Dear Madeleine,

I started a new job about six months ago. My boss warned me about one of my direct reports—he said she was argumentative and difficult.

For the first few months I thought she was okay, but now I’m beginning to see what my boss meant. She is hostile in meetings. She agrees to things and then tells others how much she disagrees with me. She does not keep her commitments and then gives me lame excuses when I call her on it.

Yesterday she sent me an email calling me names that made my jaw drop. She was rude and inappropriate to the point where I wonder if she might have a mental problem.

In the meantime, my boss was let go—and I don’t really feel comfortable taking this to my new boss. I am just blown away by this woman’s insubordination and I honestly don’t know what I should do next.

Tolerating Insubordination

Dear Tolerating,

Stop tolerating. Draw some boundaries. But first, do some research and groundwork.

I always recommend starting by giving folks the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she has good reasons to behave the way she is behaving. It’s possible that your former boss’s attitude toward her has put her on the defensive. You can certainly call for a sit-down. Share your experience and ask how you might be able to craft a more productive working relationship. For more direction on having a hard conversation, you can refer to a previous post in this column. See how that goes. Maybe you can turn this around.

I think as the new manager, it is your job to give it your best effort to make this work by making clear requests for changes and giving her a chance to improve her behavior. But if you get no traction, you have to be fierce and decisive or you risk getting dragged down very quickly. She can easily poison other employees against you and the company if she hasn’t already.

Call out unacceptable behaviors as soon as they happen and provide redirection. If you find yourself unable to do so, ask yourself what you are afraid of. What power does she have that she has been getting away with this nonsense since long before you arrived at the company? Probably none, but she has somehow cowed your former boss and is now doing it to you.

Put up the hand and make it stop. Talk to your new boss and your HR partner and start the process of documenting every time she does something that undermines the team. There is no reason for you to put up with nastiness and lack of productivity—how can you possibly get your work done? Maybe she will back down—people who are just plain bullies often do when challenged. But if she keeps it up, call the game and replace her with someone who will do the job, have a good attitude, and be a pleasure to work with. As you well know, you can teach skills but you must hire for attitude.

It is my experience that managers who spend the bulk of their time on bad apples like your direct report never, ever regret showing them the door. Get your ducks in a row and keep a record of the bad behavior—how beautiful that you have concrete evidence in an email!

Sometimes people behave so badly that we question our own assessment and even our sanity or theirs. You are at that point, which is way too far past the pale. So give it one last shot to get on the same page—and if it doesn’t work, just say no. No, no, no. No.

Love,

Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

One element within the feedback conversation—redirection—tends to be especially challenging for managers. It focuses on those times when a manager must provide feedback that a direct report’s current performance is off-track.

In their book The New One Minute Manager, coauthors Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson lay out a time-tested approach to help managers deliver needed feedback. Here are 4 key takeaways you can use to improve your feedback skills.

1. Do your homework

Before you rush to deliver feedback, make sure clear agreements about goals, norms, roles, and expectations have been established. Often the root cause of poor performance is a lack of clarity around goals. Verify with your direct report that the two of you are operating from the same set of expectations. Many performance issues can be rectified at this stage.

2. Focus on behavior

If goals are clear but there is a gap between expectations and observed performance, talk about it with your direct report. Describe their behavior in specific, not general, terms. Use a neutral tone to ward off any sense of blame or judgment—remember, you are addressing the behavior, not criticizing the person. The goal is not to tear people down; it is to build them up. As Blanchard and Johnson explain, “When our self-concept is under attack, we feel a need to defend ourselves and our actions, even to the extent of distorting the facts. When people become defensive, they don’t learn.”

3. Let it sink in

After giving feedback, pause for a moment so you both can process the situation. Let your direct report feel your concern as well as their own.

4. Move on

When it’s over, it’s over. Don’t dwell on the experience. Be sure to reaffirm your belief, trust, and respect for your team member so that when your meeting is over they are thinking about how they can improve their performance, not about how you mistreated them. Expect that the feedback will be received and acted upon. And be ready to endorse and praise performance when you see improvement.

Giving performance feedback is a critical job responsibility of any manager, but it can be a daunting task for many people—especially when the feedback is less than positive. Managers don’t want to generate negative emotions, damage relationships, or make a bad situation worse. As a result, managers often delay or avoid giving necessary feedback, allowing poor performance to continue.

Don’t let that happen to you or to the people in your organization. With a little practice you can develop the skill of delivering feedback in a way that changes behavior while keeping the relationship intact. Feedback is an essential managerial skill. Take an extra minute to improve your skills in this important area!

Would you like to learn more about improving the quality of performance management conversations in your organization? Join Ann Phillips for a complimentary webinar on Performance Management 101: 3 Conversations All Managers Need to Master. The event is free courtesy of The Ken Blanchard Companies. You can learn more and register using this link.

My wife is a big fan of TV cooking shows. You name it, she likes to watch it: IronChef, TopChef, Great American Food Truck, and MasterChef, just to name a few. Since she owns the TV remote control in our house, I’m pretty much forced to watch all these shows with her (I know, I should turn in my man card now!). Might it be I secretly like watching them as well? The answer is ‘yes.’

While recently watching an episode of MasterChef Junior, the show featuring young children displaying their culinary talents in competition with each other, I was struck by how the show illustrates the three fundamentals of effective performance management: goal setting, coaching, and evaluation.

Goal Setting

The young chefs are presented with various challenges that test their culinary expertise. The challenges are all unique. One may require the contestants to create an exact replica of a dish made by an adult chef, or another may be to create a dessert using a few specific ingredients, or yet another may be to create their own signature dish that follows a certain theme. Regardless of the unique challenge, the goal is clear. All good performance starts with clear goals. When goals are fuzzy or non-existent, energy is diffused and productivity suffers. But when goals are clearly defined, people’s focus is sharp, effort is purposefully directed, and productivity accelerates.

Gordon Ramsay Setting a Clear Goal on How to Cook Filet Mignon

Coaching

Once clear goals have been established, the second fundamental of effective performance management is day to day coaching. People need direction, support, and feedback in real-time to help them address competency gaps, make course corrections, or consider alternative approaches. In MasterChef Junior, this is illustrated when the judges connect with each of the chefs during the preparation of their dishes. They ask questions that get the youngsters thinking about the vision and strategy of their meal, or the judges will give advice if they notice something is not up to par, or they’ll offer warnings of things to pay attention to or avoid. The goal of coaching is to help the individual produce the best outcome possible.

MasterChef Judges Coaching a Contestant

Evaluation

Dumping the once a year formal performance evaluation is all the rage right now. What gets lost sometimes in this popular trend is the need remains to do some sort of performance evaluation with your employees. The timing, frequency, and format of the evaluation may change, but evaluation is still a critical component of the performance management process. It allows both the leader and employee to assess the effectiveness of the employee’s efforts, what worked well, and what could be done better. In MasterChef Junior, the judges offer each contestant a critique of their dish. I’m surprised, yet pleased to see, the candid nature of the judges’ comments. Rather than falling into the trap of over-praising effort to the neglect of constructive criticism, the judges deliver feedback in a factual, straightforward manner. The young chefs know clearly what they did well, where they came up short, and how they can get better in the future. Isn’t that how it should be in our workplaces?

Example of MasterChef Junior Performance Evaluation

Life at work doesn’t fall into the neat, 1-hour, edited format of a TV show, but the principles of effective performance management we see in MasterChef Junior are still valid. Good performance starts with clear goals that enable individuals to understand what they’re trying to achieve. Good leaders provide real-time coaching on an as-need basis to help employees stay on course, get back on course if they’ve strayed, or to consider ways to improve their performance along the way. And finally, once the goal or project has been completed, the leader and employee review the performance and celebrate things done well, and if needed, discuss how to improve performance in the future.

Randy Conley is the Vice President of Client Services and Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies. His LeaderChat posts appear the fourth or last Thursday of every month. For more insights on trust and leadership, visit Randy at his Leading with Trust blog or follow him on Twitter @RandyConley.

Do’s and Don’ts When Creating a Servant Leadership Curriculum

You have to resist the temptation to treat a servant leadership initiative as just a training intervention, says Blanchard senior consulting partner Bob Freytag. “Instead see it, ideally, as a gradual way of being.”

You can check out the entire June issue here. Want Ignite delivered to your InBox each month?  You can subscribe for free using this link.

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a fairly large group in engineering.  My team has a good reputation with the rest of the company and works well together. 

Except for one person. 

I have one direct report that I just don’t know what to do with.  “K” has always been a little bit prickly and unpredictable, but people put up with it because she is bright and creative and always brings—or rather, brought—fresh perspectives to the table.

Over the last few months though, things have gotten worse.  A couple of my other employees have mentioned that they are avoiding working with her.  I tried to give her feedback, but she literally got up and walked out of my office.  She is rude to her team mates, and to me.   I am going to have to put her on a performance plan but the fact is that I am really worried that she is having some kind of break down and I feel like I should somehow be able to help her.

Want to Help

Dear Want to Help,

When a good employee starts behaving erratically it is almost always a sign that something has gone severely sideways in their personal lives.   A scary health problem for the employee or one of their loved ones, substance abuse that has gotten out of control, a deterioration in a relationship with a significant other.

If you are lucky, your employees will let you know what is going on so you can assist with connections to appropriate HR support, and helping to manage workload and workflow.  But so many folks come from work environments that punish them for needing support or assistance that they might have trust issues.  If the employee isn’t talking it is hard to know how to help, although I applaud your desire to.

First of all, do your homework. Start keeping a record of all incidents in which K’s actions affect the success of the team.  Find out from HR what kind of assistance is available to K. So many good workers are promoted to management without any training whatsoever about what to do when an employee’s personal life affects their ability to work, so this is your opportunity to get a crash course.

Then, go at it head-on with K.  You will want to express that you are committed to keeping K’s wellbeing in mind as you also try to balance that with the success of the team. Tell K that her behavior is keeping team mates away and that she is no longer adding value to the team, and that things need to change right away if she wants to avoid consequences.

Be clear about what the consequences might be – it isn’t mean, or kicking someone while they are down to share the truth of the situation.  Share that your intention is to help in any way that you can, if she is willing to accept help.  Share whatever information you get from HR about what kind of help might be available through your EAP, if any.  Possibly offer K paid or unpaid leave so she can take the time she needs to get back on an even keel.

So many employees who are suffering in their personal lives are paralyzed by their inability to cope, or they are ashamed, or they are simply so private that it just doesn’t occur to them to tell anyone about what is going on, let alone their boss.

K may just not be able to receive help from you, no matter how kind you are or how much you try.  Do your best—that is all you can do.  Ultimately, your job is to do everything in your power to help your whole team succeed so you will have make decisions based on that in the long run.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Editor’s Note: This guest post is by Hunter Young.

Think about this past week. Did you go to a business where you received below average customer service? Did it make you feel unwanted? Did you feel like leaving right then? If you answered “yes” to these questions, you’re not alone. Thousands if not millions of customers receive poor customer service every day.

Customers should always be the top priority for every business. Whether you are selling cheeseburgers or Louis Vuitton purses, your main focus should be your customer. Why? Because customers fuel your business—in fact, without them, there is no business.

In her webinar Taking a Top-Down, Bottom-Up Approach to Service in Your Organization, Vicki Halsey explains the importance of Legendary Service®—the title of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ customer service training program as well as the book coauthored by Halsey, Kathy Cuff, and Ken Blanchard. The focus of the webinar is the importance of caring for your customers. Halsey and Cuff use the acronym CARE for qualities needed in a service provider: Committed, Attentive, Responsive, and Empowered. These four elements of Legendary Service® are the core values everyone should follow when dealing with customers—whether you are a manager behind the scenes or a customer-facing service provider on the front lines.

First, you must have a clear goal in mind, Halsey explains. “All good performance starts with clear goals.” Your goals give you a service vision that sets the stage for how you will treat your customers. And remember: you must Commit to serving both your internal and external customers.

Although it is extremely important to give your external customer the best experience possible, serving your internal customers—your peers and direct reports—is just as crucial. Because as a manager, if you don’t demonstrate a sense of caring for your employees, how can you expect your employees to care about your customers? “You have to treat your people the way you want them to treat your customers,” says Halsey. It starts with the top leaders and goes all the way to the front line.

Attentive is the next element in the Legendary Service® model. Once you have clear goals in mind for your service vision, you must identify your customers’ wants and needs. Attentive service providers ask questions, actively listen, and then confirm that they understand.

The next step is to be Responsive. Actions speak louder than words. Doing what you say you’ll do will exceed a customer’s expectations and increase the chance they will return. And don’t forget to express your appreciation to the customer. After all, they could have easily gone to one of your competitors instead of to your business.

The last element in the Legendary Service® CARE model is Empowerment. As a manager, you should empower people to take initiative, ask for the help they need to succeed, and share innovative ideas. You will unleash the full extent of your power when you empower others. Even when it seems impossible, turn that “I can’t” into “How can I…?”

Halsey explains that the best leaders are situational. The Situational Leadership® II model can help a manager identify the amount of direction and support an employee needs at their current development level on a particular task or goal.

Here are some takeaways from Halsey’s webinar:

• The most effective leadership is a partnership.
• Work together with your employees to set a service vision.
• Teaching is very different from telling.
• Set goals, stay connected, and give feedback.
• If your employee does not know the most effective way to complete a task, first work with them to find the best way to do it effectively and then build a platform for them to be able to work through the task in the future.

Following these simple guidelines with your employees will go a long way for individuals, customers, and the business as a whole. Providing Legendary Service will have a more positive impact than you can imagine.

If you would like to learn more about Legendary Service® and Situational Leadership® II, follow this link to view Halsey’s webinar presentation.

Servant Leadership: 20 Tips & Strategies from Today’s Top Leaders

In a recent Servant Leadership in Action Livecast, over 3,200 leadership, learning, and talent development professionals had an opportunity to hear from 20 of the contributing authors in a new book co-edited by Ken Blanchard and Renee Broadwell. The book, Servant Leadership in Action: How You Can Achieve Great Relationships and Results features 44 short articles that take a fresh look at servant leadership principles and how they can be applied in today’s organizations.

You can check out the entire March issue here. Want Ignite delivered to your InBox each month?  You can subscribe for free using this link.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a trainer in a call center. It is fast, loud, and chaotic—and I love it. I take total newbies and train them to start at the most basic levels.

Once they leave me, they go on to other trainers who train them in more specialized work. They all have managers who, in theory, are supposed to give them feedback. The problem is that managers have anywhere from 20-30 direct reports at any given time and there is no way on earth for them to monitor everyone.

As I walk around, I hear my former students making basic errors and I can’t stand it. My problem is that my desire to correct them is almost out of my control. I heard one big error happening the other day, so I stuck my nose in and gave some feedback, nicely. The next thing I knew, that person’s manager (a peer, technically) was upset and complained to their own boss … well, big mess.

Should I just let people make mistakes? I trained these people in the first place, so I feel a certain pride in their performing well. Am I too much of a perfectionist? How should I handle this?

Once a Trainer

Dear Once a Trainer,

As a person who often calls in to call centers, I thank you for your commitment! I could tell you to let it go, that it isn’t worth the hassle, but I am not sure you could live with that.

The other option is to try to shift the training culture in the organization. The first step is to discuss your concerns with your own boss. See if they can use their influence to position you and other basic trainers as roving monitors 100 percent of the time. I can’t imagine that the senior leaders in the organization would object to all employees keeping an eye on quality at all times. You can also socialize the idea with other managers who are your peers, making it clear that your intention is not to step on anyone’s toes but to maintain the quality of the customer experience.

Even if you can’t get buy-in, you could position your role as basic trainer and giver of feedback for all operators always. Tell your newbies that even when they leave you, if you overhear them you will give them feedback—either praising or redirection—for the duration, as that is your job. That way, all of your trainees will expect feedback from you and won’t go running to their managers when you give it. The biggest problem will arise if you give feedback that is different from what another manager would give—so make sure the processes and procedures are clear and consistent. If your feedback is based on your opinion and the person’s manager’s opinion is different … well, big mess.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Coaches at Blanchard have learned a few things over the years about performance coaching.

• Instead of asking for help early, managers tend to either go it alone in trying to improve performance or they spend too much time documenting problems and talking to HR about their frustrations. By the time they call for a coach, they are hoping for a miracle.
• When performance coaching is done too late, it does not work. Often at this point an employee is interested only in seeking another position within the firm or even creating an exit strategy to get out of the organization altogether.

When we arrive late in the process to coach valued employees who are struggling with performance, we often find a seriously damaged relationship between boss and employee that simply can’t be repaired with a few sessions. In this situation there are 3 options.

1. Coach the employee – but with realistic expectations. Coaching does not offer a personality transplant. If the employee isn’t a good fit for the organization, recognize it, discuss it, and help the employee find a better fit.
2. Coach the manager – it is a better investment and can have positive impact on leader growth. Put the investment with the person who will stay, not the person who will probably leave.
3. Get clear about the ideal outcome. If the manager feels in their gut or heart that the employee’s performance will never be up to par, then do what needs to be done so all parties can move on.

The best time to work with a coach is well before performance slips far enough to warrant an improvement plan. If you really truly need and want to save an employee, review the information above and bring in a coach early on, when performance problems are still able to be resolved.

About the Author

Patricia Overland is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

Dear Madeleine,

I have been described as a high achiever—and a lone wolf—for much of my career. After more than 20 years as an individual contributor, I finally succumbed to the pressure to become a people manager.

Here’s my problem. Most of my people are fewer than five years away from retirement and not very interested in growing and developing. It is clear to me that not everyone is as driven as I am or as willing to put the time in to produce the quality of work I expect. Am I too demanding?

Driven

Dear Driven

I understand your frustration. Of course, I wonder what leeway you might have to replace a couple of your worst offenders. You don’t mention that as an option but I have never, not once, experienced a client having regret after letting go of a low performer. Jim Collins, in his research of companies who do well over decades talks about getting the right people on the bus, which sounds simple, but it is in fact really hard. So, shaking up your team and adding a little new blood might be an option. You will probably have to document substandard performance over a period of time to do this which means performance expectations would need to be crystal clear.

You might benefit from understanding temperament theory. It outlines the way in which people are different, why it matters, and what to do about it. I suspect you are a very specific personality type and your employees are not like you at all. Understanding how you approach work and communication—and how you are perceived by others—will almost certainly clarify things for you.

Your people might be roused by a compelling goal. Do they know how they are contributing the greater good? How important their hard work is? Do they know the why? It’s possible they are not in touch with the bigger picture—in which case, you might share it. Bear in mind if this is what’s missing, you will have to share it on a regular basis. It’s human nature to forget the long term in favor of focusing on short-term rewards.

You also might consider articulating and sharing your Leadership Point of View, in which you outline your values and what you expect of your people. In it you can state your standards—perhaps they have not been made explicit?

Finally, maybe you do need to chill out. I have worked with many perfectionist clients who have had to ratchet back their standards because they were causing themselves (and everybody else) unnecessary pain without adding any value. Are you too demanding? Very possibly. The person who might be able to help you with this is your boss. You might as well ask and see what he or she says about it.

You may not be able to stand being a manager for long unless you can inspire your people to be the best they can be. But if you can harness your drive to do just that, what a win that would be!

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I run a small team for a large nonprofit. One long-term member of the team really knows the ins and outs of the organization and can be really helpful.

The problem is, he does a couple of things that drive everybody crazy. He often decides to do things—presentations, publications, project plans—differently from the way the team has decided or I have instructed. He over-focuses on details and tends to go off on tangents that take up valuable time in meetings and add no value.

He doesn’t report to me, but everybody is looking at me to stop his behaviors because his direct boss is a big softie. I don’t feel it’s my place to reign him in or give him feedback. And if I went out on a limb and gave him feedback, I might damage the relationship and lose the value he does bring to the team.

Do you agree?

Annoyed

Dear Annoyed,

I understand that you are not this person’s direct boss, but you are his superior and he does in fact create work product for you. Your team members are going to lose respect for you if don’t at least try to change the behavior that is annoying everyone. You need to take control here. Forget his actual boss—you can give him feedback on what you observe and the work he does for you and your team.

Many leaders are skittish about giving feedback. I understand it is uncomfortable, but it is part of the job. There is no shortage of advice out there about how to give feedback—and it is often belabored so I will keep it simple.

• This will help you to cut out unnecessary words and get to the point. Think about the offending behavior, the impact it has on you and the team, and the change you are requesting.
• Be brief, clear and direct. Don’t give vague second-hand feedback such as “People on the team think that…” Take responsibility. Share your own observations and leave everyone else out of it.
• Keep your tone warm, friendly, and neutral. The idea is not to criticize, it is to be clear and increase your chances of catalyzing change.
• Tell the person you are asking for the meeting so that you can give them some feedback and make a request for a change.
• Meet in private. No one wants an audience when being taken to task.

Now for the actual meeting.

• Share that giving feedback makes you uncomfortable, that your intention to is help him be more effective, and that you see it as your job to have the conversation.
• Ask if this is a good time for him to have the conversation. Most people say yes, but if he says no, schedule another time to do it. You never know when someone is having a terrible day, has other things on their mind, or just needs to prepare themselves emotionally. It can really derail the hard conversation when you find out that your direct report’s dog died that morning and they are ready for the teeniest thing to push them off balance and fall apart.
• Share your observation and make a request; e.g., “In the weekly planning meeting you are always well prepared, but often, like yesterday, you go off on a tangent and tell elaborate stories that are not relevant to the task at hand. It is my job to keep the meetings short and efficient, so I must ask you to stop doing that.”
• You may want to limit it to no more than 3 items—presumably, they will all be related. If you see the person getting overwhelmed, tell him you have more feedback but you will save it for another time after he has digested what he has heard.
• Share how you will respond the next time you experience the offending behavior; e.g., “The next time you go off on a tangent in the planning meeting, I will politely ask you to stop and refocus the conversation.”
• Give the person a chance to respond. They may act defensive, hurt, or otherwise emotional. Or they might be perfectly even keeled. They will ask questions and want more information. Do not elaborate—if pressed, repeat what you have already prepared and do not deviate. The more you go off script, the more you may seem to be negotiating the request, which you are not willing to do. This is not a negotiation, so do not let the person think it is. You may be a dotted line, but you are still the boss.

Sound like a lot? It is. Being a manager is hard—I am sorry.

You may lose the relationship. This is always a risk, but frankly it may be worth it to increase the effectiveness of the team. And if you are kind, clear, and direct, the person getting the feedback can choose to get upset and take it personally—but you are just telling the truth, not being a big meanie. Your actual direct reports will know that you give feedback when it is warranted and will trust you more. They will also be grateful, because who wants to be regularly annoyed? Life is hard enough without having to dread the planning meeting because one person is oblivious. So make it stop.

Be strong. You can do it. Or, do nothing and continue to pay the price.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

In working with clients on setting One Minute Goals, Blanchard would often have managers and their direct reports identify their top five goals separately and then compare them.

As Ken Blanchard tells it, “Any similarity between the two lists was purely coincidental—especially later in the year.” In most cases, the work priorities were rank ordered quite differently by manager and direct report, with some important goals missing.

Digging into causes, Blanchard found that a day-to-day emphasis by managers on tasks that were urgent, but not necessarily important, was often to blame. Managers tended to focus on short-term issues when delivering feedback, which caused important long-term goals to fade into the background. Only when performance review came around were the long-term goals reidentified. Of course, by then it was often too late to make any real progress. The result was missed targets and, often, hard feelings.

Don’t let this happen with your team. In addition to setting clear goals at the beginning of the year, take some time, at least quarterly, to check in on what you are emphasizing as urgent.  Maybe priorities have changed.  Maybe the goals are outdated.

Good goal setting is not a once-a-year process.  In the best organizations, goals are reviewed on a regular basis and updated as needed.  Once goals are set, be sure to continually manage and review performance to stay on track throughout the year.

The challenge is knowing when each conversation is most appropriate. Without clear distinctions it is easy for these conversations to blend together and overlap. And once that happens, managers may find themselves attempting to play all three roles—manager, coach, and mentor— simultaneously, and that rarely (if ever) turns out well.

Here are the distinctions that can help leaders and managers identify the best conversation to use based on the questions people ask.

The Management Conversation—for questions about what the job is, how to do it, and how to produce the best results. The management conversation is most appropriate when the goal or task is clear and when manager and direct report have shared responsibility for results. Management conversations solve problems and produce results, with and through others, that benefit the organization.

The Coaching Conversation—for questions about things that are affecting a direct report but aren’t necessarily related to their job or their performance. The coaching conversation works best for creating clarity when goals are not crystal clear. It is also used when the direct report has higher interest than the manager in the outcome or when the manager does not have enough expertise to provide optimal benefit to the employee. Coaching conversations promote discovery, generate insights, and clarify purposeful action for the employee in ways that may or may not benefit the organization.

The Mentoring Conversation—for questions about professional development and career support. The mentoring conversation is used when a mentee—whether or not they are a direct report—is seeking advice and willing to assume responsibility for a mentor/mentee relationship. The mentor must have suitable experience and useful advice to provide about the company or industry.  The mentor also must be willing to invest time and energy in ways that go above and beyond the requirements of their regular job. Mentoring conversations enable the sharing of expertise based on personal experience, which may or may not benefit the organization.

Being all things to all people is impossible. The manager who knows exactly where they are and what role they are playing at any given moment will be able to serve their people best.

In upcoming posts, I’ll share ways to be more effective with each of these conversations. For now, consider these three distinctions. What types of conversations are you and your leaders most often engaging in?  Are you identifying different outcomes—or are you trying to be everything to everyone?

About the Author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is the co-founder of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Some might say, “This is where coaching comes in!”  Wrong.

This is, however, a scenario in which organizational sponsors—a person’s leader and an HR partner—may call on a coach as a last-ditch effort to fix someone they see as a problem employee.  How unfortunate for coaching to be framed as some kind of desperate measure!  The employee hasn’t been trained well, hasn’t been clearly communicated with, likely knows they are failing, and probably feels anxious.

The purpose of coaching is not to “fix” people. People don’t want to be fixed. Even attempting such a thing would be a misuse of coaching. The value of coaching is it accelerates the achievements of capable people through partnership with a professional coach.

So, what should a coach do in the scenario above? Tell the truth. Have a compassionate truth-telling session with the organizational sponsors before the individual in question is even involved.

• In considering the opportunity, a skilled coach needs to make sure the sponsors have given the person crystal-clear feedback on what is not working, behavioral examples of what a change would look like, and some clear consequences if the employee fails to change.
• The sponsors need to know that they may not ask a coach to tell the person being coached something that person has never heard before.
• Even if the person being coached does make significant changes, people around them may not see or acknowledge the changes. It is difficult to change stakeholders’ impressions, even in the face of direct evidence.
• There is always the possibility that the employee is in the wrong job or the wrong organization. Some people realize through coaching that they need a different environment in order to be successful. The sponsors should know that one of the results of coaching may be the employee choosing to leave the organization. Conversely, if it is determined thorough coaching that the employee simply is not capable of making the necessary changes, they may need to be let go.

A capable professional coach will courageously address all these points with the organizational sponsors and ask them to honestly consider the viability of coaching success at this point. If sponsors and coach agree to proceed, all stakeholders must work together up front to identify and agree to clear and measurable outcomes (i.e., success measures), which the sponsors would share with the employee prior to the launch of coaching.

Finally, for all concerned, there should be a check-in meeting between the coach and the organizational sponsors 45 days into the coaching. At this meeting, the coach would offer to stop the coaching if they feel the employee is not willing, ready, or able to make the required changes.

Unfortunately, turnaround coaching is often proposed too late for an employee’s success. However, with true partnership between the coach and organizational sponsors in creating clarity, the coach can provide exceptional service and value to both the organization and the employee receiving coaching.

About the Author

Mary Ellen Sailer, Ed.D., is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 120 coaches have worked with over 15,000 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

A core concept of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Situational Leadership® II model can help leaders and managers get over this hurdle by making sure that feedback is focused on a specific task or goal, not on the person themselves.

Focusing solely on the task will pinpoint the type of feedback that is needed and help to keep an individual’s personality out of the equation.

For example, managers who use Situational Leadership® II begin by setting clear goals with employees—they identify each specific goal or task and what a good job would look like. With these clear goals in place, during a feedback session the manager can provide redirection if they see a gap between the direct report’s development level on the task and the agreed-upon ideal.  Focusing on the task itself helps the manager determine what the direct report can do to move toward closing that gap. Feedback is then focused on finding solutions to close the gap instead of blaming or attacking the direct report.

There are many benefits to framing feedback this way.

• Feedback is more easily given, since it is not a personal criticism of the receiver. The giver can be specific about the goal or task and paint an image of the ideal that the receiver can work toward.
• Feedback is more easily heard. Instead of the receiver feeling they must defend their position or blame others, they are more likely to hear and appreciate the feedback. This improves the chance that they will make a positive change.
• Feedback presented this way fosters further dialogue. Giver and receiver can fully discuss the task and what a good job looks like so they can walk away with clear agreement of what that ideal is.  When both manager and direct report know what the target is, they are much more likely to partner together to hit it.
• Providing feedback this way has the receiver witnessing the giver being honest and direct, which often accelerates higher levels of trust, performance, and development.

Have you been avoiding a feedback conversation? Focusing feedback on goals and tasks lessens the pressure on both the giver and receiver.  We’d love to hear your thoughts on providing feedback this way!

About the Author

Joanne Maynard is a senior coach with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

“Some people in organizations don’t realize that the quality of their work experience depends on their being a good follower,” says Fowler. “They don’t know how to manage up—to help their leaders give them what they need to get their work done.

“As a result, leaders are left to guess what their people need, and they often don’t guess correctly.  Direct reports must accept responsibility for knowing and communicating to their manager what they need to succeed.”

In a recent video interview, Fowler explains that organizations need to develop more self leaders—people who take responsibility for working together with their managers to set clear goals, diagnose development level, and get the day-to-day coaching they need to succeed.

“Our Situational Leadership® II program helps leaders understand that they need to be flexible and match their leadership style to the development needs of their direct reports.  In our Self Leadership program, we teach individual contributors the mindset and skillset to communicate what they need.  When direct reports can meet their leader halfway, the potential for achieving goals and peak performance improve exponentially.”

Fowler admits that seeing leadership as a partnership is going to require a mind shift in organizations—especially organizations that still see the primary responsibility for the performance management equation as being the manager’s sole responsibility.

“The focus on the manager as the seat of power is a relic of the old command-and-control approach to leadership,” Fowler explains. “When top leaders believe the only people who need training are those in a position of authority, it limits opportunities for creativity, innovation, and optimally motivated employees. Why not train both sides of the equation? Continue to invest in your managers, but leverage your investment by training the other side of the partnership—the direct reports. Don’t ignore half the equation. Make effective leadership everyone’s job.”

Would you like to learn more about leadership as a partnership?  Join Susan Fowler for a free webinar!

Self-Leadership: The Rest of the Story

Online—September 28, 2017

In this webinar, best-selling author Susan Fowler reveals three key strategies for taking advantage of your organization’s greatest secret weapon–individual contributors. Research finds that organizations using Situational Leadership® II as the foundation of their leadership culture generate real results. But, current and compelling research also finds that success is maybe even more dependent on the proactive behavior and self leadership skills of individuals you depend on to execute and achieve organizational goals. The good news is that proactive self leadership is a trainable skill.

Susan Fowler will share how combining Situational Leadership® II training for managers with Self Leadership training for direct reports creates a 1 + 1 = 3 impact. Leadership is best served as a partnership. Managers and direct reports both have a role to play. Don’t suffer the opportunity loss of just training one half of the equation. Discover the power of equipping both managers and direct reports with the mindset and skillset to set goals, diagnose development level, and match leadership style. Learn the rest of the story for improving alignment, communication, and performance.

Register today!

Leadership as a Partnership

“It’s unfair to expect a manager with multiple direct reports to figure out what each individual needs, let alone always provide it,” says leadership expert Susan Fowler. “Continue to invest in your managers, but leverage your investment by training the other side of the partnership—the direct reports. Don’t ignore half the equation. Make effective leadership everyone’s job.”

You can check out the entire September issue here. Want Ignite delivered to your InBox each month?  You can subscribe for free using this link.

At The Ken Blanchard Companies, we define coaching as a deliberate process using focused conversations to create an environment that results in accelerated performance and development.

Let me say that again: coaching accelerates performance and development through a deliberate process of focused conversations. It doesn’t say how much time coaching should take or where coaching needs to happen. The reality is that coaching can be used on the job, in any conversation—planned or unplanned, long or short.

There is only one requirement. You must first learn, and then intentionally practice, coaching skills so that they become a permanent tool in your toolkit. A good way to begin is by using formal coaching on a regular basis.

Formal Coaching

Regularly scheduled meetings, such as one-on-ones, are a great opportunity to formally practice coaching skills. Because these meetings are planned, you can be intentional about how you show up. You can even ask the other person to let you know ahead of time what specific development topics they may want to discuss. During the meeting, you can practice getting clear agreement on a specific topic. As you explore the topic, if you recognize that the person you’re working with is capable of finding a solution, you could then use the coaching process. At that point you would intentionally avoid being directive and instead would ask open-ended questions to allow the individual to surface options and ideas.

As you continue to identify coachable moments in these formal conversations and to practice using the coaching process, you and the other person will begin to anticipate how conversations will play out. You will get into a rhythm that will really help when the need for informal coaching arises.

Informal Coaching

The coaching process and skills you use in your formal conversations are equally useful in brief, spontaneous interactions you have with people throughout your day. As with formal coaching, you slow down to get clear agreement on the focus for the conversation. Once that is established, you ask the person what their options and ideas are for moving forward. Again, if you sense the person you’re working with can find a solution on their own, avoid being directive and just ask a couple of questions to draw out their own brilliance.

Whether you are in a formal or informal coaching conversation:

• Get clear agreement/clear focus on the specific subject
• Consider this a potential growth opportunity for the other person
• Don’t jump in with solutions—instead, encourage the person you’re working with to explore their own ideas for how to move forward.

Remember: it’s about coaching with the time you have—not about how much time it takes to coach. The small investments of time involved in having focused conversations can often result in high yields.
Coaching also creates an increasing level of self-reliance. Managers who coach provide a win for the organization, a win for the person being coached, and a win for themselves! I think that’s a good thing—wouldn’t you agree?

About the Author

Joanne Maynard is a senior coach with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Dear Madeleine,

I run a large team of developers. I am really concerned about one young man who has been with me for about a year. 

My crew seems to party pretty hard on the weekends, which I figure is none of my business.  The guy I am worried about negotiated at his first big review to work from home, which a lot of people do on occasion. I agreed because his work is consistently good and he is faster than almost everyone else.

One day last week, he wasn’t responding to my texts. I finally called him and when he picked up the phone he sounded like he was high.  On top of this, he often texts me in the wee hours of the morning with thoughts and ideas that are not necessarily coherent. 

I think the kid may have a substance abuse problem.  I guess I am supposed to go to HR, but I prefer to warn him and not involve the official people.

What do you think?

Worried

Dear Worried,

Well, you might start by reviewing your manager’s manual to ascertain when exactly you need go to HR.  There may be a link on your intranet that you have never visited.  At the very least, start documenting the odd behaviors—dates, times, specifics.

And then, absolutely, talk to him. That is your job.  Be direct.  Be sure you don’t accuse—just share your observations.  You don’t know if he has a problem. What you do know is that he is not all there during work hours.  You can tell him you don’t feel he is on his game when he works from home, and insist that he be accessible by IM or text during work hours.  Tell him that his after-hours texts seem odd to you, and request that he submit any thoughts or ideas in a coherent format during working hours. The 24/7 thing should be reserved for deadlines and emergencies.  Just be direct. Tell your truth without blame or judgment.  If he is smart, he will understand that it is a warning and he will clean up his act.  If he isn’t, or if it becomes obvious he is an addict, you will have to involve HR.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

“We have to look at leadership as a two-sided coin,” says Fowler. “Some people in organizations don’t realize that the quality of their work experience depends on their being a good follower. They don’t know how to manage up—to help their leaders give them what they need to get their work done.

“As a result, leaders are left to guess what their people need, and they often don’t guess correctly.  Direct reports must accept responsibility for knowing and communicating to their manager what they need to succeed.”

Fowler believes communication is important in every relationship—and especially those in the workplace.

“The importance of communication in our personal lives can’t be overstated. But we don’t expect our significant others or our friends to always know what we need—we have to communicate it,” says Fowler. “So why do we expect our leaders, who don’t know us nearly as well, to always understand exactly what we need?”

In a work environment where managers have two or more direct reports, each working on different tasks, it can be even more difficult for managers to know the needs of their people.  “It’s unfair to expect a manager with multiple direct reports to figure out what each individual needs, let alone always provide it.”

The key to effective leadership is to see it as a partnership process and to use a common language, says Fowler.

“The good news is that we can teach people how to be good partners in leadership. We can teach individuals to ask for feedback, collaborate on making goals SMART, and go beyond problem spotting to problem solving.

“Our Situational Leadership® II program helps leaders understand that they need to be flexible and match their leadership style to the development needs of their direct reports.  In our Self Leadership program, we teach individual contributors the mindset and skillset to communicate what they need.  When direct reports can meet their leader halfway, the potential for achieving goals and peak performance improve exponentially.”

Having direct reports become more active in the management process can take some getting used to. After all, it can be a little unsettling when people start telling you what they need from you.  But Fowler says that managers whose direct reports have gone through Self Leadership training actually experience a profound sense of relief.

“Imagine,” Fowler says, “if a direct report comes up to a manager and explains, ‘I’m clear on what you want from me, but given that I’ve never done this task before, I need clarity, direction, and an action plan on how to do it.’ Everyone wins when people have the mindset and the skillset to diagnose their situation and ask for what they need. You avoid wasted time and missed expectations.”

Fowler shares three skills from the Self Leadership program that direct reports can use to meet their managers halfway. These skills are parallel with what is taught in Blanchard’s Situational Leadership® II program.

Goal Setting. “Self leaders learn how to clarify a goal that isn’t specific, measurable, or trackable, how to negotiate a goal if it is not attainable or relevant, and how to reframe a goal if it isn’t optimally motivating for them.”

Diagnosing Development Level. “Who better to diagnose an individual’s development level than the individual themselves? Self leaders learn how to diagnose their own competence and commitment on a goal and how to share their development level with their manager.”

Asking for what you need. “This means being able to say ‘Here is my development level and here is the matching leadership style I need from you.’ Self leaders learn how to use the same language and the same model as their managers, which makes one on one conversations more effective.”

“When direct reports become better at self leadership, they enable their managers to be better leaders,” says Fowler. “Research has proven that when the direct report proactively asks for feedback, the feedback is more likely to be received and acted upon in real time.”

Fowler admits that seeing leadership as a partnership requires a shift in perception—especially within organizations that believe managers have primary responsibility for the performance management equation.

“The focus on the manager as the seat of power is a relic of the old command-and-control approach to leadership,” Fowler explains. “When top leaders believe the only people who need training are those in a position of authority, it limits opportunities for creativity, innovation, and optimally motivated employees. Why not train both sides of the equation? Continue to invest in your managers, but leverage your investment by training the other side of the partnership—the direct reports. Don’t ignore half the equation. Make effective leadership everyone’s job.”

Interested in learning more about leadership as a partnership?  Join Fowler for a free webinar!

Self Leadership: The Rest of the Story

Online—September 28, 2017

In this webinar, bestselling author Susan Fowler reveals three key strategies for taking advantage of your organization’s greatest secret weapon—individual contributors. Leadership works best when it is a partnership. Managers and direct reports both have roles to play. Don’t suffer the opportunity loss of just training one-half of the equation. Discover the power of equipping both managers and direct reports with the mindset and skillset to set goals, diagnose development level, and match leadership style.

Register for this free webinar today!

Eventually people get there—but it comes with a cost, says Ann Phillips, a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies.

“It’s one of the toughest types of issue to address because on the surface everyone’s putting on a brave face and pretending that everything is okay. But if you scratch a little underneath you’ll see the level of dissatisfaction that’s costing organizations billions of dollars in untapped productivity, creativity, and innovation.

The biggest problem getting in the way of managers delivering the direction and support people need is an overestimation of their current skills.  As Phillips explains, “Leaders often believe they are providing direction when they tell people to ‘Do this, and then do that, and be sure to get it done by this date,’ but that is only part of providing direction—and probably the lowest form of the behavior.”

The same is true when it comes to supportive behavior, says Phillips. “Managers feel as if they know what supportive behavior is and usually have their own ideas about what it looks like. But without instruction, most people default to behavior that consists mainly of encouragement.

“People are good at encouraging others with phrases such as, ‘You can do it. We’re glad you’re here. We believe in you. Use your best judgment.’ But they miss out on all of the other supportive behaviors that are just as important such as listening, sharing information, and facilitating self-directed problem solving.”

“So folks are good at telling people what to do and then cheerleading them on to accomplish the task. And that is the one-two, ‘I want you to do this, and I know you can handle it’ combination that most people are getting in terms of direction and support from their managers. On the surface this may seem reasonable, but it is a style that only works well for direct reports who are already accomplished at the task. For people who are new to a task or are running into problems or are unsure of themselves, it’s a style that actually hinders progress—and can be damaging to overall growth and development.”

For managers looking to increase their ability to offer direction and support for their people, Phillips has three key recommendations.

Recognize your own default settings. Most leaders are unaware that they have a default setting when it comes to leadership even though assessments show that 54% of managers use only one style when it comes to providing direction and support for their people—either Directing, Coaching, Supporting, or Delegating. Each of these styles is great if it is a match for what a direct report needs. Each is also a hindrance if it is the wrong style for the situation. 

Expand your repertoire of directive behaviors. Leaders need to think beyond just issuing directives and holding people accountable. Phillips encourages leaders to become more skillful at goal setting and putting in the time to provide day-to-day coaching as needed..

Expand your repertoire of supportive behaviors.   Leaders need to improve listening skills and be willing to share information to facilitate self-directed problem solving. This includes listening with the intent to learn, to be influenced, and to understand—not just respond. People recognize that information is power, yet many managers still try to maintain control by keeping information to themselves even though it undermines employee development.

Start today

Phillips notes that, “Managers have the ability to bring out so much more from their people. Find out where your people are at with their tasks. What do they need from you in terms of direction and support? Improve your skills in both of these areas and see what a difference it makes.”

You can learn more in the new Blanchard eBook, Why It’s Crucial for Your Leaders to Take a Situational Approach to Management. It’s available as a part of the Blanchard resource library for leadership, learning, and talent development professionals.

But there are times when using a coaching style is not appropriate—when, in fact, it can be counterproductive and cause the other person to become frustrated.

First let’s look at a couple of instances when coaching is exactly what a manager should do.

• When the team member knows what to do, but needs assurance they are on the right track.
• When the person’s task is not at a critical juncture and there is time for a little trial and error in service of their growth and development.
• When the manager feels confident the direct report has what they need to make good decisions about how to move forward.

On the flipside, managers need to know when the more open-ended, supportive style of coaching does not work. Here are some examples.

• When the task is completely new. If this is the first time the person will be completing a task or goal – regardless of whether they have lots of transferrable skills – they are a learner who needs direction.  Asking them to define what good would look like or to come up with how to get the task done can cause a deer-in-the-headlights reaction.  Additionally, it might cause them to question their ability but keep that doubt to themselves.  Neither of these situations would foster learning.  Once the direct report demonstrates an improved skill level, the manager can turn to a more coach-like style.  For those with solid transferrable skills they will likely arrive at that place fairly quickly.  For someone newer it may take more time.
• When a decision needs to be made immediately. If the stakes are high or a situation is urgent, there often isn’t time for the brainstorming or trial and error aspect of coaching.
• When the direct report is not receptive. Not everyone is coachable.  Some people are reluctant to brainstorming with their boss.  For instance, it might be very important to some to always appear to have the answers—and others may see the give and take of a coaching conversation as too touchy-feely.

There is a place for facilitating coaching conversations. When the direct report is self-reliant, coaching is a preferable style to directing. It can help direct reports move forward and may draw out new and wonderful ideas. But when the person is new to a task and really doesn’t know what to do, specific direction is a more appropriate first step. Using a coaching style in this instance would reap a minimal—or even negative—return on investment.

Determining when training and direction are more appropriate than coaching is critical. Managers should ask themselves: Does this person know what they’re doing and just need a sounding board? Or do they really need direction because the task is new?

The best leadership style to use in different circumstances is not always obvious, but with a little practice any manager can become skilled at recognizing the right time to coach.  What’s been your experience? If you have any tricks to know when to coach and when not to coach, please share!

About the Author

Joanne Maynard is a senior coach with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

The nature of teamwork in today’s organizations is evolving. Our research shows that both team leaders and team members have a key role to play in this evolution. As a part of our survey we asked people to identify the conditions that impact the level of effort they put into the teams they work on. (See Figure 1: My Personal Effort Depends On))

When it came to conditions that affect how much personal effort individuals put into their role as a team member, the top three statements respondents most agreed with were:

• Whether I trust the other team members
• The level of support I get from my team leader
• Whether or not team members are allowed to share opposing opinions and disagree with each other

 Figure 1: My Personal Effort Depends On 

Implications for Leadership, Learning, and Talent Development Professionals

The amount of support a team receives also impacts overall effectiveness. The survey found that the highest performing teams enjoy greater levels of support in general, as well as higher levels of training for both team members and team leaders. (See figure 2.)

Figure 2: Training and Support

For organizations looking to improve team training, Dr. Eunice Parisi-Carew, a founding partner and teams expert with The Ken Blanchard Companies, suggests training and development professionals be proactive and model an inclusive learning attitude.

“Involve others in crafting a clear purpose, as well as values and goals, for your teams. Have leaders follow through by reinforcing what was agreed upon, demonstrating supportive behaviors, and walking the talk,” she explains.

“Talk openly. Create an environment of safety and trust where people are comfortable speaking out about improving team performance without worrying about upsetting the status quo.

“Take action. Some leaders need to learn how to let go. Don’t wait for someone else to decide it’s time to collaborate—everyone is responsible for creating a collaborative environment.”

When people are busy, it’s normal for them to want to focus on getting their individual work done. To combat this urge, Parisi-Carew reminds us of an old adage: “If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

You can learn more about the results of the Blanchard/Training magazine survey by accessing the full article in the July/August issue. After studying the survey results, training and development professionals will have not only a target to shoot for but also recommended first steps to take as they look to create or enhance team training programs in their organizations.

I am a senior leader in a large commercial services organization. I spent many years learning how to make good use of an assistant and I’ve always made sure I had a great one. Over the last few years, the company has been reducing the size of the administration group and I have had to share an assistant with other executives. That was okay because I was self-sufficient, had my act together, and would set things up so my stuff always got done.

Until now. Two other executives and I were recently given a new assistant and he is a walking disaster.

He doesn’t write things down, he doesn’t remember anything, and he doesn’t seem to understand the most basic office software—for example, I had to teach him some basic calendaring skills and then he didn’t remember. Some days I think he is on some kind of drug because he is so laid back and spaced out.

My problem is I have started to take back all the tasks I would usually delegate, which is adding an extra 90 minutes to my already packed days. Why not just go to HR and replace him, you ask? He is the nephew of the CEO and sucks up shamelessly to the other two executives, who don’t really know how to use an assistant so they don’t really care that he is incompetent.

I need help! What do you think?

My Assistant is Terrible

Dear My Assistant is Terrible,

Wow—I am so sorry. I tell my clients all the time that they are only as good as their assistant, so I can certainly understand your predicament. It sounds like you are dealing with a bunch of different issues here—and one of them is political.

Your first line of defense is to sit down with your new assistant, explain what a good job looks like, and create a step-by-step plan for him to get up to speed. Be kind and patient—we can’t have nephew Fred reporting negative things about you. Document each and every interaction, task, and goal, every dropped ball, every instance of incompetence. You might be surprised that he is not the numb nut you think he is when he has proper direction. On the other hand, if he IS what you think he is, you will have flawless documentation to support your case. The most entrenched nepotism can’t ignore terrible performance, but you must have your documentation.

In the meantime, do meet with HR to lodge your initial complaint and let them know what you are doing. You can ask nicely to be reassigned to a real assistant as well. Are there any terrific assistants working for others? Maybe get yourself moved to one of them. You might also make the case for needing your own full-time assistant if you can show how much more you produce when you have the right kind of help. That 90 minutes a day adds up to more than a week’s work each month—and goodness knows what else you could be doing with that 45 hours. One more option, and I know this sounds nuts but I have seen it done: consider hiring a virtual assistant outside of the organization and paying for that person yourself. It may be impossible because it would require access to calendars and email, so the organization would have to approve, but there may be a variation on the idea that could work.

Don’t despair. If the nepotism situation is as out of control as you think, your guy will be promoted soon. If it isn’t, he will be gone, and you will still have your reputation.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Who? What? Where? When? Why? How?

Each of these one-word questions can push organizational leaders and their team members toward the clarity they need to achieve success. In this post I’d like to focus on who and what.

When leaders set clear expectations, outcomes are much more likely to hit the mark. And it’s just as important for leaders to set milestones en route to the outcome. Doing so keeps people on track by helping them get the support and redirection they need when they need it, which sets them up for success so that they do their best work and hit their deadlines.

At this point it is helpful for a coach to ask what questions, such as:

• What are we trying to accomplish?
• What is the scope?
• What will it cover?
• What is left out?
• What are we not doing?

Stating clear expectations, however, is just the start. The next step is for leaders to create clear agreements with others about what is expected. This is where who questions come into play. Let me share a recent example.

I coached a leader who acknowledged that when setting expectations, her team often sees things differently than she does. So instead of just addressing what, she also expands her discussions with team members by including who questions. Some great who questions include:

• Who will be responsible for what?
• Who will talk to whom?
• Who will report to whom?
• Who will follow up with whom?
• Who will be left holding the bag?

By using both what and who questions, leaders can provide better clarity, accountability, and agreement—all of which provide the foundation for shared success!

Rather than be annoyed with team members, or just doing the work yourself, consider how a combination of what and who questions can help you fill the gap between your perspective and the perspective of others to provide clarity and shared agreement.

About the Author

Mary Ellen Sailer, Ed.D., is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 120 coaches have worked with over 15,000 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a large team of graphic artists for a popular online magazine. A few of my people are employees who do other tasks for the magazine, but most of my artists are independent contractors.

On the whole, they are professional and easy to work with—but a couple are simply a pain in my neck. They don’t take feedback, they try to re-negotiate the fee after we have signed the contract, and one routinely misses his deadline.

Of course I like to give the bulk of the work to the ones who are easy to work with. One of the difficult ones called me recently and challenged me on giving preferential treatment to a favored few. I was tongue tied and didn’t know what to say. I basically ended up stammering that I would pay more attention in the future. Am I being fair?

Feeling Unjust

Dear Unjust,

You are clearly a very nice person who worries about fairness. I am really trying to understand what it must be like to be you, and I am having a hard time—because I am not nice and I am pretty sure that nothing in life is fair. So bear with me, because I am going to give it to you straight here.

You are absolutely, 100 percent, no arguments about it, within your rights to choose who you want to work with. If all of these folks were full-time employees, you would have a different situation on your hands. If you were an evil genius who lived to negotiate professionals down on their fees by playing on their fears and making promises you didn’t intend to keep, you would be tempting karma.

But these folks are independent professionals—presumably adults—and you seem to be reasonable and kind. Your answer to the difficult person is this:

“I choose the best person for the job by considering style, professionalism, and how easy the person is to work with.”

Period. Full stop. That’s it.

It is not the place of anyone but your boss to challenge how you make your staffing choices. Your difficult artist is out of line and there is absolutely no reason for you to work with him ever again. If he were to ask for feedback, you could certainly give it to him—but to be honest, feedback is a gift and it is hard to give. So if he doesn’t ask, you don’t have to tell.

What I want for you, Feeling Unjust, is an entire group of artists who can get the job done on time, on budget, and with a relentless service orientation. Because you are the customer—and for most professionals, 100 percent of their income comes from customers.

You are probably going to feel like a big meanie, but you owe it to yourself to surround yourself with people who do high quality work and who are fun and easy to work with. You owe it to your company to choose the best people for the job. And you owe the people who do great work your gratitude, a good recommendation, and more work should it be available. You don’t owe anyone else anything at all.

Stand strong.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

A visionary/direction, or strategic, role—the leadership aspect of servant leadership; and

An implementation, or operational, role—the servant aspect of servant leadership.

The visionary role involves establishing a compelling vision that tells people who you are (your purpose), where you’re going (your picture of the future), and what will guide your journey (your values).

When Walt Disney started his theme parks, he was clear on his purpose. He didn’t say “We’re in the theme park business,” he said “We’re in the happiness business.” Why the distinction? Because being in the happiness business helps keep Disney cast members (employees) aware of the company’s primary goal.

Disney’s clear purpose for his theme parks also helps his people understand the company’s picture of the future, which is “To keep the same smile on people’s faces when they leave the park as when they entered.” After all, they are in the happiness business!

The final aspect of establishing a compelling vision for Disney theme parks was to identify values that would guide staff and management on their journey. Disney parks have four rank-ordered values, called the Four Keys: safety, courtesy, the show, and efficiency. Why is safety the highest ranked value? Walt Disney knew if a guest was carried out on a stretcher, that person would not have the same smile on their face leaving the park that they had when they entered.

The traditional hierarchical pyramid is effective here in the leadership aspect of servant leadership. People look to their organizational leaders for vision and direction. While these leaders may involve others in the process, the ultimate responsibility remains with the leaders to establish a compelling vision and define strategic initiatives for their people to focus on.

After the vision and direction are set, it’s time to turn the organizational pyramid upside down and focus on implementation—the servant aspect of servant leadership. Nordstrom excels at this. Their leaders work for their people—and now the focus and the energy flows toward the customer, not toward leadership. This one change in mindset makes all the difference. Nordstrom’s servant leaders help their people live according to the company’s vision, solve problems, and achieve their goals.

Our daughter, Debbie, worked at Nordstrom when she was in college. After she had been there about a week, I asked her how the job was going.

She said, “It’s going well, Dad, but I have a really strange boss.”

“Oh?” I said.

“At least three times a day, he says to me, ‘Debbie, is there any way I can help you?’ He acts like he works for me.”

“He does,” I said to Debbie. “That’s the Nordstrom philosophy—they’re all about serving rather than being served.”

For years, Nordstrom employees were given a card with just 75 words printed on it. It read:

Welcome to Nordstrom

We’re glad to have you with our Company. Our number one goal is to provide outstanding customer service. Set both your personal and professional goals high. We have great confidence in your ability to achieve them.

Nordstrom Rules: Rule #1: Use your good judgment in all situations. There will be no additional rules.

Please feel free to ask your department manager, store manager, or division general manager any question at any time.

I love to tell the story about a friend of mine who went to Nordstrom to get some perfume for his wife.

The salesperson said, “I’m sorry; we don’t sell that brand in our store. But I know where I can get it. How long will you be in the store?”

“About 30 minutes,” he said.

“Fine. I’ll go get it, bring it back, gift wrap it, and have it ready for you when you leave.”

That’s exactly what she did. And she charged him the same price she had paid at the other store. Nordstrom didn’t make any money on the deal, but what did they make? A raving fan customer.

So you see, servant leadership isn’t a strange concept at all. Large organizations like Disney and Nordstrom have been practicing it for years and doing pretty well. How about you and your company? Give servant leadership a try—you’ll be surprised at how it will help you achieve great relationships and great results.

But most organizations only focus on one half of that partnering equation, says Susan Fowler, a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies.

“Managing the performance of two or three direct reports is challenging enough,” says Fowler. “But for managers who have seven or more people reporting to them, it becomes critical to have direct reports skilled in asking for what they need to succeed.”

Goal setting, identifying the amount of direction and support needed, and learning how to ask for a certain leadership style are key components built into the new Self Leadership training program Fowler helped design for The Ken Blanchard Companies. The new program teaches the skills of Situational Leadership® II (SLII®)—the company’s world-renowned leadership model—from a self leader’s perspective.

“Our intent is to equip the self leader with a parallel understanding of the same SLII® model their manager uses, so that true partnering can happen between them. The energy that gets sparked when people are speaking the same language leads to real results,” says Fowler.

“With a top-down only approach, even leaders with the best of intentions are sharing the SLII® model from their own perspective. While helpful, the opportunity that’s lost is teaching individual contributors the mindset or the skillset required to put it into action. If the leader is the only one who knows the model, how do the manager and individual come to agreement on development level? Armed with the skill of self-diagnosis, individuals can effectively reflect their interpretation of their own competence and commitment. A manager may diagnose me being at the self-reliant achiever level of development, not realizing that I’ve regressed to the capable but cautious level of development. But, if I know the language and have the skill to proactively conduct a conversation about how my needs have changed, everyone wins.”

Organizations invest a substantial amount of time and money teaching their leaders the Situational Leadership® II model. From Fowler’s perspective, it only makes sense to leverage that investment by investing in the other half of the equation.

“Leadership is a two-sided coin. When you invest in both sides, you create something truly valuable. Most HR professionals and leaders would admit that training individual contributors makes sense, but only recently has academic research validated the wisdom of not neglecting individual contributors. Hopefully the C-suite is waking up to the opportunity losses that come from investing in a one-sided coin.”

Fowler is confident that as more and more organizations adopt this dual approach, others will see the benefits—and training in self leadership will spread from early adopters to become commonplace in every industry.

“The research shows that self leadership matters. The proactive behavior of individual contributors is the essential ingredient in the success or failure of organizational initiatives. The research also concludes that self leadership skills are teachable.

“We want to help organizations leverage the money, time, and effort that they have already put into leadership training by extending training to individual contributors. Blanchard’s own impact studies have proven that when organizations train self leaders, they experience measurable increases in retention, productivity, and customer satisfaction scores. More importantly, it’s the right thing to do. The only way your organization succeeds if when your people succeed.”

PS: Would you like to learn more about taking a dual approach to leadership development?  Fowler is conducting a webinar on June 21, Taking a Top-Down, Bottom-Up Approach to Leadership. The event is free courtesy of The Ken Blanchard Companies!

Here are five of the most important techniques coaches use in their conversations with clients.

Consider how these techniques could help the managers in your organization be more coach-like in their communication style.

• Be fully present. Practice being fully present in your conversations with people. Avoid distractions, give undivided attention, and show you care. Of course, we all know this is easier said than done—but this alone can go a long way toward building trust.

• Get, and keep, the conversation focused. It is easier to help a direct report move forward, faster, if they are the one who declares a specific focus for the discussion. Having them establish a focus creates a more deliberate and intentional conversation. Keep in mind there will be times when the conversation goes off topic. When it does, the manager is expected to get the conversation back on track.

• Ask mostly open-ended questions, especially those starting with what and how. Open-ended questions promote discovery for the other person. The most essential questions coaches ask are what and how questions that help direct reports discover their own answers or course of action.

• Stay action focused. Help the direct report create a plan of action that will move them forward. Share coaching questions such as “What do you think you need to do now?” As much as possible, keep the ownership of the plan, and any actions, in the direct report’s court. Actions they take may turn out to be excellent growth opportunities. Keeping the ball in the other court allows managers to get on to other things on their to-do list.

• Follow up. Check in with direct reports on their progress, their learnings, and any challenges they might be facing. Doing this helps them keep what they said they would do top of mind. It also shows them again that you care—which is never a bad thing.

There are many ways for managers to incorporate a coaching style to help people develop more competence and confidence. The ideas above are in no way a complete list, but I encourage you to have the managers in your organization give them a try. Practicing coach-like behaviors in your conversations creates a learning environment not only for those you coach, but for you as well.

Let me know how it goes!

About the Author

Joanne Maynard is a senior coach with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.