Communication – Blanchard LeaderChat

Dealing with a Disorganized Boss? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 21 Jun 2025 11:15:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

My boss is driving me nuts. I work in corporate communications at a complicated global corporation with a fast-paced, high-pressure environment. I am often given assignments with tight deadlines on top of my regular day-to-day work.

My boss will send me emails with assignments, using a request format that I thought was smart when I started. If only my boss would pay more attention when she fills it out.

The request calls for details about the audience, key messages, preferred tone, urgency level, and timing. I make the effort to weave in the company values and I put a lot of thought into each draft.

Lately, my boss has had an issue with every single piece I’ve written—but it is always because she left out something critical. Her comments contain some variation of “Oops, I forgot to mention such and such; could you redo this and weave that in?”

This throws off my schedule for the day and creates a last-minute fire drill. I feel like (1) she must have forgotten how much I have on my plate; (2) she doesn’t care enough to put thought into the original request; or, on my worst days, (3) she is trying to sabotage me.

I like the company and my co-workers, but I now dread my boss’s feedback. I have completely lost faith in her. I don’t really want to try to find another job, but I find myself fantasizing about doing just that.

How can I get her to cut it out?

Just So Annoyed

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Dear Just So Annoyed,

I hear your frustration, and I can relate—but you aren’t going to like this, so put on your seat belt.

My experience is that people who quit their job to escape an unresolved communication issue will encounter a new version of the exact same problem in their next job. You can certainly choose to jump ship, but this won’t be the last time you have to deal with an imperfect, distracted boss so you might as well use this opportunity to learn how to deal with it.

The question, as I understand it, is: how can you get your boss to give you all the information you need the first time so that you can deliver exactly what is needed?

First, it might help you to find a bit a grace for your boss by putting yourself in her shoes. I suspect this is a recent problem, as you noted that this behavior has shown up “lately.” It is possible that she also has too much on her plate, or perhaps she is wrangling with some personal problems. Regardless, the more she feels your judgment and annoyance, the higher the chance that she will make errors when working on a brief for you and eventually will start assigning the tasks to someone more easy-going so she can avoid your ire. That is a career-limiting eventuality that you probably want to avoid because, if you do decide to leave your position, you want to make sure you do it in good standing.

Once you make the choice to help your boss give you what you need in a timely manner, the next step is to figure out how to do that. One idea is to schedule a quick chat, which will give her the mental space she needs to capture all of the details before you start the work. Repeat what has been requested, and simply ask “What else?” or “Is there anything missing?” Many people think out loud, and when they become accustomed to working with someone super competent, they can start to believe (or at least hope) that you can read their minds.

If you can’t get fifteen minutes on her calendar, you might change your work style and spend less time making the first draft perfect, knowing it will need a second pass. If you go with this option be sure to mention that, in light of the recent need for revisions, you are switching up your approach and will polish the piece once you are sure that all points are captured.

Finally, I recently read somewhere that anyone who isn’t using AI in their work is almost certainly going to be replaced by someone who is. I’d like to think that isn’t true, but I suspect it is. The kind of work you are doing is exactly the kind of thing AI can help you with—so I highly recommend that you learn how to leverage it. Of course, you should check your company’s policy and use only the AI the company allows. I have spoken to many people who have avoided AI because they feel threatened by it, but that is also a career-limiting attitude.

Instead of getting mad at your boss, try a collaborative approach. Experiment with how you can help her give you what you need to do the best possible job you can. Helping her to help you will build trust—and it won’t go unnoticed. Change your work protocols to accommodate your boss’s absent-mindedness, and leverage technology to take time and effort out of your tasks. The world is only spinning faster, so anything you can do to make things go more smoothly for yourself, your teammates, and your boss will serve you well.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services as well as a key facilitator of Blanchard’s Leadership Coach Certification course. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Just Been Asked to Take Over the Company Blog? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 14 Jun 2025 11:30:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I recently joined a marketing team for a not-quite-startup in the technology space. It has been going well.

My boss recently asked me if I would take over writing a weekly blog for our website. I didn’t say “no” right out of the gate—I asked if I could look at what has been done and think about it.

I have reservations. I feel like blogs are old news (no offense) and we should be focused on video on social media. We do have someone doing that, but I think I could do a better job. Also, I don’t think I can replicate the way the previous person did the blog. I would have to come up with a new approach, but I don’t know what it would be. And I am extremely concerned about getting writer’s block, which happened all the time when I was in school.

How do you deal with it? I don’t see how I can come up with something new every week. I think saying “no” might be career-limiting, but the whole thing scares me. Would love your thoughts.

Yikes

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Dear Yikes,

I take no offense. Video is in; the written word is out. I can’t argue with you there. However, you somehow found this blog, so that tells you something. Your department must be tracking the metrics on the blog, and they probably wouldn’t bother keeping it if there weren’t some engagement. Maybe you can find out more about the demographic that reads the blog. I’ve always assumed it is people over 40, but I’ve been wrong about that. Many people find video too slow and can read much faster than people talk, so they will skip video.

There is a lot to unpack here. I will start with how to approach it with your boss, and then deal with the writing aspect.

First, good on you for asking your boss if you could think about it! So many feel pressure to respond right away, but that is often self-imposed. What if you were to keep up the thoughtful approach and negotiate a trial run for, say, a three-month period? This will give you time to find your feet. After three months, you may decide that it isn’t for you or that you enjoy it and are good at it. You may find out you can comfortably manage only every other week, and ask to share the responsibility with someone else.

You are right that if you were to take on the task, you would have to find your own voice, angle, and, of course, what the heck you are going to say. It is, in fact, daunting, but the only way to do it is to, well—do it.

There might be some value in thinking about what you want your brand to be. There is an opportunity to represent your organization, of course, and presumably that brand work has been done. But if your name is attached to the work, it will serve you to think about your own values and purpose. You will want to develop a consistent tone that gets connected to you and how you are perceived. There is also a chance to develop yourself as an expert and maybe even a thought leader.

So—what interests you about what your company does and how people use its products? What is going on in the industry? What new research is being done? You may find that you have all kinds of things to say. What will make writing a little easier, besides discipline, is having a strong and consistent point of view.

I think it is fair to share with your boss that you have some ideas for the social videos. You probably know better than to trash the colleague currently in charge of it—but might there be a way to dovetail the blog with the video? I am just making this up, but why not try to create something brand new? Maybe you could create short videos that go with each blog. You will have more ideas than I will, so seize the opportunity to get the company to change things up and experiment.

Now let’s talk about writer’s block and the relentless pressure of a weekly column. I will tell you the truth: the only thing I think more about than my weekly blog is what I am going to make for dinner. I think about it in my sleep. I never don’t think about it. But I have also developed a ritual and a routine, which I learned from working with a client who was once responsible for the #1 technology newsletter in the pre-internet era. He was nearly driven mad, so we worked diligently to develop a sequence of habits and practices that kept him on track and eliminated the devastating emotional toll of procrastination and the intense cramming at the end of the month.

Here are some tips:

In his book Put It In Writing, Albert Joseph contends that a lot of what stops writers is getting tangled up between the “what” to say and the “how” to say it. When the writer separates the two – the point that needs to be made and exactly how to make the point – everything becomes easier.
Keep a document where you can jot down ideas as they occur to you. You think you will remember, but you won’t. If you are really stuck at crunch time, hopefully there will be something in your idea log that sparks. One advantage of an advice column is that the ideas come from the readers, but it can take a while to get a decent flow of interesting letters going.
If you are stuck, go for a walk, dedicating the time to the writing task and recording your thoughts as you go. Nobody even notices anymore when people walk along talking at their phone, so you don’t have to worry about looking like a lunatic. Let your word app transcribe your voice recording and see what you have that you may be able to work with. Walking almost always does the trick. In fact, research shows that getting outside in nature and moving increases creative problem-solving capacity by a staggering 50 percent.
If you already have a good idea but can’t get the jumble of points to flow, try mind mapping. You can find a step-by-step primer on how to mind map here—but you don’t need software to do it. Just a blank piece of paper will do—old school and cost free!
To generate ideas, identify the people in your organization who seem to be up to interesting things and ask if you can interview them about what they are paying attention to, what they are struggling with, or what they have learned recently. This approach has the added benefit of meeting and developing relationships with more people in the company, which is always good, never bad.
Find a reliable thought partner. Some people don’t know what they are thinking until something pops out of their mouth. You may have someone in mind already, or you may have to test out a few likely candidates.
Finally, if the company blog has been around long enough, go through the archive to see if you can find anything that could use an updated take. Things in technology change fast, and adding to a conversation that has already been started can be valuable.

The only way to find out if you are up to the task is to try. Share your reservations with your boss and build yourself an out if you find it just isn’t your jam. There are a lot of opportunities that come with success, though, and you may be really glad you took the chance.

Good luck!

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Need Help Advocating for Yourself? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 12 Apr 2025 12:21:00 +0000

Hello Madeleine,

I am 44, a devout Christian, on the autism spectrum, and working on my PhD at a seminary. From the day I came here I have had one job: I work at the campus post office. The pay is horrible, but I have a Patreon so I don’t need as much as others. I mainly like to interact with the students, especially in the hope of meeting a lady someday to remarry.

Generally, I get along pretty well with my boss. She helps me in many areas with social relationships. Working with me I think has really informed her on autism.

Some time ago, I told her I wanted to learn how to count the money we receive at the end of the day. I was extremely nervous doing this, fearing I would fail, but at the same time I wanted to impress. I always had her check my work before submitting anything. One day, the account came out $200 over. We don’t know what happened, but I wasn’t allowed to help anymore.

Then we hired a new girl. Did she get to do that? Yep. Did it stab me in the heart every time? Yep. Now that girl is gone and we have hired another new girl. I heard my boss tell her that no one would handle the money but my boss. Then a few weeks ago, I saw the new girl being trained on it.

It devastated me. Not only that, but this girl and I have clashed repeatedly. She is a Miss Manners type who is highly extroverted and expects me to answer questions that I consider small talk. I never respond. I work with her only on Wednesdays and I dread them. Last Wednesday was the worst—I could hear her counting the money in the back and it caused me terrible pain.

I don’t want to be here when that girl is here. Every time I see her, I feel ashamed and get another reminder that I am seen as incapable.

My philosophy is you should never give up on someone who wants to learn. I have been given up on, and it hurts. I know I can do the job, regardless of what anyone says. I know I can. It’s data entry. I do that regularly. If I can’t do a simple job like that, I might as well quit PhD work right now because that’s a lot tougher.

I am talking with my therapist about this and writing out a response. Until then, what can I do? My therapist says there is a triangulation in relationship now. I go to work and I feel like the outsider.

I don’t think this is malicious at all. My boss has even said it’s not personal, but I wish it was. I would rather be told “You’re not doing the money because I don’t like you” than “You’re not doing the money because I think you’re incapable.”

I know this might sound like a small thing compared to many other business struggles, but for me, it’s huge, and it’s something I’m considering as I look ahead to my career as a teacher. I never want to give up on a student who wants to learn.

Devastated

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Dear Devasted,

Thank you for sharing your experience, I think it will resonate with many people. The first thing I want to say is that this does not sound like a small thing. I think it is painful and distracting for everyone when their boss (1) passes unilateral judgment and writes them off as limited; (2) does not communicate openly when an error is made; and (3) blatantly favors other employees.

This is your job, a significant part of your life, and it’s about being seen, heard, and respected as a human being. I might even go so far as to say that it is huge. I also think if something like this happened to anyone, including me, it would be incredibly upsetting.

My first instinct when I read your letter was to go to my books and reach out to colleagues who are neurodivergent for their perspective. One in particular had this to say: “They weren’t told they made a mistake—they were shown, silently, when someone else got a chance that they didn’t. And that silent message effectively told them: I don’t trust you.

“As someone on the autism spectrum, I can relate to this. We typically experience social interactions differently, sometimes more directly, sometimes more deeply, sometimes with a heightened sensitivity to fairness, consistency, or unspoken rules.

“And it’s not a flaw—it’s a way of perceiving and processing that is valid and valuable. But it can also make situations like this one—where there’s ambiguity, unspoken judgment, or subtle shifts in trust—feel especially painful or confusing. It’s not just about what happened. It’s about what wasn’t said, and the space that leaves for hurt.”

This made perfect sense to me. I agree that when the error was made, it doesn’t sound like any effort was made to discuss it or to go back and figure out how it happened.

Mistakes are to be learned from, not punished. Your boss simply ducked responsibility as the person supervising you to get to the bottom of what happened and make sure it would never happen again.

I share your philosophy that no one should ever give up on someone who wants to learn. And I agree that if you are pursuing a PhD you must have enough going for you from a brain power standpoint to master the task in question.

You say that working with you has “informed her on autism,” but clearly not enough. I am speculating here, but I suspect that the reason she dodged telling the truth about the error is that she was afraid to get it wrong. Little does she know that her dodge has caused a much bigger issue, which is almost always the case—for anyone.

I understand that you would probably prefer to walk on coals than have the hard conversation with your boss. But I also know learning to have difficult conversations with colleagues and bosses—and, in time, with your students—is going to help you in the long term to advocate for yourself when people don’t understand how your brain works differently from theirs.

If having the conversation is simply too daunting, which I understand, perhaps you can write your boss a note explaining how this whole situation has affected you and ask for a second chance at mastering the task. If you go this route, refrain from blaming. Simply explain how you feel and that you are committed to constantly learning and improving—and the only way you can do that is with her feedback and support.

Almost everyone who works with others needs to learn to advocate for themselves, which helps bosses and coworkers understand what their strengths and communication preferences are. It can take time, sometimes years, for most people to increase their comfort level with this.

Let’s talk about the new girl (TNG). I think your strong allergy to her is based on two separate things:

she is oblivious to your difference and her apparently natural behavior feels like an attack to you, and
she was given the task you want.

The first thing you can do something about, and the second thing is not her fault, but your boss’s. I can’t speak to the triangulation issue as that is outside of my expertise. But I will share that it probably isn’t fair for you to blame the new girl for your boss’s poor communication and avoidance of her duty as your boss to be clear with you.

You can continue to try to avoid TNG, or you could practice advocating for yourself with her. The worst thing that can happen is that it doesn’t go well and you will be totally justified in seeking to avoid her.

I asked ChatGPT to help me with an example of what you might say (based on what you shared in your letter) or what you might put in writing to give to her. This is what it came up with.

“Hi! I’m on the autism spectrum, which means I process information and social interactions a bit differently from other people. I really appreciate clear, direct communication—things like being specific, saying what you mean, and avoiding sarcasm or vague hints. I also tend to be very introverted, so I can feel overwhelmed or drained in high-energy, fast-paced social settings or when interacting with very extroverted personalities. Slower-paced, one-on-one conversations help me stay grounded and engaged. I may need a bit of time to respond or ask for clarification, but I truly value connection and appreciate your patience and understanding.”

Of course this may be all wrong, but you get the gist. I got this idea from my daughter who had surgery on her vocal cords and couldn’t talk for an entire month. She created little note cards to help others understand and navigate her limitation. She would hand them out when she needed to interact with people, and they were very understanding and kind.

Finally, and I would never do this if you hadn’t shared that you are a devout Christian, I will remind you that Jesus spoke often about giving grace to others—through forgiveness, compassion, and mercy—even when it’s hard. While He didn’t often use the exact word grace, His teachings and actions were all about extending it. Jesus urged us to forgive generously:

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’” (Matthew 18:21–22 NIV)

I in no way want to minimize the pain you have endured by pointing out that the real opportunity here is for you to practice and get better at advocating for yourself by explaining to people how you are different from them and teaching them how to get the best from you. It may be the hardest task you assign yourself, and you may spend the rest of your life mastering it. But the combination of giving people grace and getting good at helping them understand you will make an appreciable difference in all areas of your life.

Love, Madeleine

PS: I just have to tell you that I once had a job in a flower shop where I had to count the money in the register at the end of the day to make sure it matched the total on the register ticket and it was a nightmare, so your predicament strikes very close to my heart.

The only way I could do it was to close the shop and go in the back room and not let anyone talk to me until I got it right. My boss always wanted to chat during this time, and she could count and chat at the same time, so she called me an idiot. TO MY FACE! People still used that language in the 80s. I thought I was one, too, at some level. I barely made it through school because of math.

It turns out that I have a learning disability called dyscalculia, but nobody knew anything about that back then. I only mention it because I had a lot of mean teachers, some of whom accused me of being lazy or willfully stupid. Nevertheless, I managed to run my own business, get a master of science degree, and I now keep the books for my family. So, keep the faith!

About Madeleine

Not Sure When to Let Your Boss Know You’re Leaving? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 05 Apr 2025 11:44:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I am a senior leader in a highly specialized digital publishing organization and I have about 14 direct reports. Organizationally, I’m third in seniority. My plan is, by the end of 2025, to transition out of this role and into my own coaching and consulting business. I’d be working with some clients, but primarily in an adjacent field.

I am currently working on building up the coaching business on nights, weekends, and off hours. I’ve been able to grow what had been a side hustle into what looks to be a successful final chapter for me (I’m 60 years old) without it affecting my productivity in my current role. My boss is aware that I do this coaching and consulting work, but at this point he is not aware of my plan to transition into coaching full-time in early 2026.

My questions are: when is the appropriate time to tell my boss I’m planning to exit, and how do you recommend I share the news? I want to give him adequate lead time as I think this news will create some significant disruption, and I would like to be involved in handing off the baton to whomever is next to step into my role. But I don’t want to risk my boss overreacting and ending our relationship before I am ready to go.

Thanks for your wisdom. I just want to be—

Smart

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Dear Smart,

First, congratulations on creating a successful side hustle while working full-time. That takes a lot of focus and energy, and it is a huge accomplishment. And welcome to the coaching profession. I hope it brings you all the fulfillment it has given me.

I am struck by how thoughtful you are about your transition out, as you clearly have the success of your company at heart. Your question is interesting on many levels, and it is hard to give you a definitive answer without knowing your company’s culture and your boss. But just the fact that you are concerned about what to me sounds like an irrational overreaction is a clue that your boss values loyalty over proper planning. So, not to be annoying, but as a coach you will recognize the approach: Given what you know, what advice would you give a friend in your position?

I have such a high value for clarity, communication, and planning that it’s hard for me to get my head around a boss who wouldn’t appreciate the heads up, welcome your help in preparing your successor, and wish you Godspeed when you are ready to go. In fact, most leaders I work with would appreciate knowing what someone they depend on is thinking about the future. But you do have concerns, and they come from somewhere, so I encourage you to heed them.

It is the norm in most companies to encourage senior leaders to create a succession plan and actively develop their successors. It doesn’t sound like that is true in your company, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still do exactly that. I urge you to identify any likely candidates among your 14-ish direct reports. Once you’ve got your short list, you might delegate parts of your job or assign these folks tasks that will ensure they learn and develop. At least one or two of them will show evidence that they can take on your job.

The rule of thumb for senior executives is 60 days’ notice—ideally, 90 days for a super smooth transition. If you are really worried that your boss will fly off the handle and retaliate, I would suggest that you wait until you are ready to go and offer a range of transition time from two weeks (which is standard) to 60 days. That way you take care of yourself, you don’t run the risk of being ejected before you are ready, and you can flex as needed if you are asked to craft a sensible transition. Be ready with recommendations and your supporting reasoning for likely replacements. That would be the sane, responsible thing to do, and you’ll be able to hold your head high no matter what happens. You may or may not get to participate in the passing of the baton—that will be up to your boss.

I wish you continued stamina and lots of luck in this next chapter you are creating.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Confused by a Direct Report’s Poor Performance? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 29 Mar 2025 11:48:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I am a fairly new manager, and I really like managing. My issue is that a young woman I hired a few years ago either cannot or will not meet expectations.

She excelled at the job during her six-month probationary period, and then went off a cliff. She has been on one performance plan after another. She often will improve in the area under scrutiny, but something else always suffers.

She seems to accept feedback and seems to be eminently clear about what needs to be done. She doesn’t miss meetings, but she just can’t seem to hit a deadline no matter how much support I offer or how much I have stressed the importance of the deadline.

It is confusing because she was so great at first. It is obvious that she can do the job. I can’t tell if she is simply lazy or maybe has personal problems she doesn’t feel comfortable mentioning.

It would be easy to simply let her go. The problem is that she has endeared herself to everyone on the team and many people across the organization. I know many people will be upset with me. I feel like I’m a failure and people will hate me.

Task Master

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Dear Task Master,

It can be so confusing when someone provides credible evidence that they are able and willing to do a job only to stop performing for no apparent reason. I caution you against the impulse to use the L word. Not because it isn’t possible that your low performer (LP) might be lazy, but because she will intuit any judgment you have about her character—and it has probably already made her feel unsafe about telling you the truth about what is going on. So let’s start with giving LP the benefit of the doubt. It will vastly increase your chances of success here.

I think you have two challenges: the first is to pull out all the stops to get the bottom of what is going on, and the second is to stop trying to win a popularity contest. Let’s tackle them in order.

I know you say LP went off a cliff right after her probationary period ended, but there is a good chance that something else changed for LP at around that same time. We can speculate all day long, but you are never going to find out unless you set aside the time, explain what is at stake (her continued employment), and make sure she feels safe enough with you to be candid about what is going on.

The list of things that might be affecting LP includes but is not limited to the following:

Personal Issues

Health problems (mental or physical)
Family issues or caretaking responsibilities
Burnout or exhaustion—especially if she had been overperforming
Life changes—divorce, loss, moving, financial stress

Workplace-Related Issues

Conflict with coworkers or you
Feeling unrecognized or undervalued
Perceived unfairness (pay, promotions, workload)
Toxic work environment or sudden shift in culture
Micromanagement or loss of autonomy
Lack of challenge or feeling stuck

Motivational Drop

Loss of purpose or disconnection from the work
Mismatch between her values and company direction
Boredom or lack of growth opportunities
She checked out because she’s job hunting

Change in Role or Expectations

Role drift—maybe the job morphed into something she didn’t sign up for. Even a small change can be destabilizing.
Overload—expectations increased without support. These may have been so small that you thought they wouldn’t make a difference, and you may have even forgotten about them.
Poor communication about priorities or goals.

Leadership or Management Changes

New manager, new policies, or new direction could cause a shift in behavior, especially if trust was lost. This seems like unlikely based on your letter.

I am hoping this list gives you some ideas about what you might be missing.

Prepare carefully for your conversation: stick to questions, be open and curious, and refrain from being defensive or explaining your own position until you have brought all the issues to the table. Essentially, go into it ready to listen to learn something new. Once you have done that, your path forward will become clear.

Now. Let’s talk about your concern that people will hate you if you can’t find a way to help LP get back on track and you let her go. This is one of those things that makes being a manager so tricky: you are always balancing the needs of the organization, the needs of the team, and the need to create the best possible environment for each individual to thrive.

But here is a truth that may help: team members know when someone is a low performer. And as much as they may like the person, they inevitably will come to resent them. Why? Because our brains are wired to constantly look for and fight against unfairness. There is always that little voice in the back of our heads that wonders “Why am I killing myself over here when so-and-so is slacking off?” And when the manager of the team allows a low performer to get away with doing poor work, or not as much work as everyone else, the team members will eventually lose respect for the manager.

So if you do your due diligence, create a safe space to understand what is going on, use the information to help LP get back on track, and still can’t get her to where she needs to be, you must let her go. Some folks may be bummed about it but they probably won’t hate you. If you do it appropriately, are careful about how you share the news (meaning you don’t say anything derogatory about LP), and stick to the facts, people will almost certainly respect and appreciate the decision.

If it is any consolation, this kind of scenario is the bane of all managers no matter how experienced. You stand to learn an awful lot from it, painful though it may be.

Good luck!

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Am I Working for a Toxic Leader? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 15 Feb 2025 12:19:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I read your last blog with interest. My boss and I have worked together for four years and, generally speaking, I have done well with her. She shows appreciation for my work and has been warm and supportive of my career aspirations.

However, there are moments when something she does or says puts me into a tailspin that takes me a long time to recover from. It often is an offhand comment. I have spent a fair amount of time talking colleagues off the ledge for the same thing.

We all put up with it because she is brilliant and we learn so much from her. She challenges us to do great work, which we are all proud of. But she is A LOT, and we never quite know what to expect from her.

We have nicknamed her “Toxy” and have made a game of finding examples of toxic leaders on IG and debating which kind she is. At times I have thought about seeking a job elsewhere, but I feel like I may be learning how to navigate her. Also, there are enough great things about the work and the company that make it worth staying.

I hope you can explain this phenomenon and advise me on what I might do to manage it even more effectively.

How Toxic Is Too Toxic?

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Dear How Toxic is Too Toxic?

First, thanks for making me laugh—your nickname for your boss is darkly funny. It’s also sad. I am sorry for you, your colleagues, and your boss.

I dedicated my first coaching company to helping creative geniuses, which included people with unusually high IQs and many others who were extraordinarily gifted in some way. One of the first things creative geniuses need to do is learn how the world looks to people who aren’t them. This can be an insurmountable challenge for some. When these people become leaders, they are often oblivious to the effect the combination of their personality, their high standards, and their increased power has over others. It can create a difficult environment.

Now let’s define toxic. When we talk about toxic leaders, we usually mean people who create a harmful, destructive, or abusive work environment. Toxic leaders tend to prioritize their own power, control, or personal gain over the well-being of their team or their organization.

It would actually be a lot easier if leaders who unwittingly create a difficult or even toxic environment were, indeed, 100% evil. Unfortunately, what is more often the case is the leader is simply 100% human—that is, flawed—and lacks awareness of their impact on others. To confuse matters further, a leader’s personality traits will be interpreted differently by each individual on their team. A boss who is perceived as a bully by one person might be perceived by another as simply tough. A boss who seems controlling to one person might be seen by another as caring a lot about accuracy or quality.

It sounds to me like your boss is mostly guilty of being inconsistent, unpredictable, and unconscious of how her behavior affects people.

There is a distinction here between an actual, full-fledged, toxic leader—someone who has consciously chosen to win at all costs no matter the collateral damage—and a flawed leader who inadvertently creates a toxic work environment.

Here are some common traits of a toxic leader:

Manipulative and self-serving: They use deception, favoritism, or power plays to maintain control.
Micromanaging and controlling: They don’t trust their employees and constantly interfere with their work.
Emotionally abusive: They belittle, humiliate, or gaslight employees. They remember mistakes and bring them up in perpetuity. They seek out ways to make others doubt themselves.
Blame-shifting: They refuse to be accountable and often scapegoat others.
Lacking empathy: They disregard the feelings, concerns, or professional growth of their team.
Playing favorites/nepotism: They reward loyalty over competence, which leads to unfair treatment.
Encouraging a toxic culture: They tolerate or even promote workplace bullying, competition, and fear.

Some examples of toxic leadership styles include but are not limited to:

The bully, who uses intimidation and fear to control employees.
The narcissist, who cares only about their own success and recognition and believes they are the only one whose feelings matter.
The incompetent leader, who has little knowledge, skills, or experience, but lacks the humility required to listen to others or learn anything new.
The workaholic martyr, who expects others to sacrifice work-life balance like they do, refuses to push back on unrealistic expectations from above, avoids responsibility for prioritizing (because everything is urgent), and behaves like a victim.
The passive-aggressive leader, who undermines employees subtly rather than addressing issues directly, and avoids giving useful feedback.
The unpredictably moody and explosive leader, who keeps everyone around them guessing about their emotional state, walking on eggshells, and avoiding interactions for fear of being ambushed.

So here is my question to you: do you think Toxy has any of these traits? Does her consistent style fit any of the profiles? If the answer is yes, encourage your teammates to keep records of inappropriate behavior or egregious incidents for eventual reporting to HR—and, of course, do the same yourself. You also may want to explore your options for another position.

If the environment Toxy has created still allows you to do your best work, there is a chance she isn’t truly toxic, just difficult. You may consider two specific things:

Learn to set boundaries. If something she does sends you into a tailspin, wait until you have calmed down and then tell her. Use “I” language; e.g.: “When this happens, it throws me for a loop.”

The keys to setting boundaries with anyone are:

Strike when the iron is cool. Meeting strong emotion with your own strong emotion will not yield the desired result.
Get clear on what you want.
State your request and describe it clearly and concisely.
Acknowledge the person when they meet your terms, or be ready to calmly point out when they don’t.

Next time you find yourself in a tailspin, try to figure out what triggered you and formulate a request to avoid such a trigger in the future. You may be able to help your boss understand the impact she has on you, which is possibly not her intention.

Practice taking nothing personally. It sounds like your boss throws everyone on the team off their game, so her behavior probably isn’t actually personal to you. She almost certainly does the same thing to her friends and family. This means it isn’t about you, it’s about her.

The best description of this truth can be found in the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. He says: “What others say and do is a reflection of their own reality, not yours.” If you feel yourself spinning out, ask yourself this question: “Am I taking this personally? And if I am, what might be different if I stopped doing that?”

This might be something you can help your teammates do as well.

So there you have it. Either your boss really is toxic—in which case, fight back, involve HR, and get out as soon as you can. If she is simply complicated and thorny, give her the benefit of the doubt and gently teach her how to get the best from you.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

CEO Is Derailing Your Communication Plan for a Change Initiative? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 01 Feb 2025 12:49:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I work in communications in a multi-national, publicly owned company. I report to our CHRO with a dotted line to marketing. My job is to make sure our messaging is consistent across all our countries.

Our CEO and his executive team recently rolled out a complex strategic vision for the next five years, which included a small but significant reorganization and some new plans. I created the initial coms plan, which my boss took to the executive team. They made a few tweaks and signed off on it. I was so proud of the plan—I used research about change management to create it.

The big vision and the plans were announced at a town hall meeting. It went fine. Some people were freaked out, but that was to be expected. The next week I delivered the follow-up script and deck to the executive team for the FAQ meeting that had been scheduled, only to be told it had been canceled and that I should reschedule it for a month out. I complied, only to have it canceled again. I asked what date might work and got crickets. I have had it on my 1×1 agenda every week, but my boss cancels often as there are always more pressing issues. In the meantime, the entire coms plan is now a full quarter behind. In my last meeting with my boss, he informed me that the CEO doesn’t really see what he is trying to make happen as a “change” and doesn’t see the need to continue focusing on it. Our CEO apparently said, “If we keep talking about it, it will just encourage people to complain more. I want people to just get on with it.”

I get multiple emails a day from department heads asking when the FAQs are going to be ready, along with other questions I don’t have answers to. It is not my place to send anything without my boss’s say so. I feel completely helpless to influence what is looking to me like a train headed off a cliff.

I have been working in companies long enough to know anything that’s different from the status quo is a change, and change needs to be managed carefully and supported with lots of information and conversation. How can I influence my boss to influence the CEO? I am so frustrated.

Helpless

_______________________________________________________________________________

Dear Helpless

Yours is not the first CEO to be a technically brilliant, gifted strategist who is utterly clueless about how humans operate. Nor is he the first who fails to listen to the people hired to help them accomplish their goals. Is it ego? Self-regard? Hubris? Who knows?

Your CHRO should know better than to allow what is certainly a huge change to go unmanaged. I hate to say it, but it is on his head if the whole thing flops miserably. Cold comfort, I know. But you did your job. You created the plan—it really is not your fault if it is ignored.

You must ask yourself what is within your control here. What if you were to suggest creating a site on the company’s intranet in which you can post the FAQs? Perhaps you could create an email address where people can send questions, just so you can show your boss that the problem is escalating. Instead of waiting for a 1×1, email him to suggest these things, and let him know that unless you hear otherwise, you will go ahead. That way, you take care of people who need answers and you have covered your tail in case your CEO gets upset. There is a good chance he won’t even notice.

Part of me wants to suggest that you write a letter to your CEO explaining that sharing suggestions for what he can do to vastly improve the chances that his people will “get on with it”. But I know in my heart that it will probably not result in anything positive for you. If you thought it had a chance of working, you would have already done that. Continue to surface the issue with your own boss until he tells you to stop. Maybe you could send him a letter outlining the best practices, with supporting research and statistics making the case that he could use with the CEO. But you must guard against being too attached to an outcome.

I am sure you have plenty of other work to do, so figure out what you can do without burning a bridge and let it go. If you continue to nurse your disappointment, it will only end up hurting you.

You might, of course, consider finding work at a company where the leadership is better and you think you can make an impact. There are some decent leaders out there—just not very many.

You can’t take it to heart when people in power refuse to listen to reason. Just do your best. That’s all you can do. Chalk it up to experience, try to find the humor, and move on.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Disappointed with Your Work Situation? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 25 Jan 2025 12:21:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I took some business and leadership courses in college and graduated with a degree in accounting. Last spring I got a job in the finance department of a mid-sized manufacturing company. I like the work and I am learning practical stuff.

What surprises me most is just how bad the management is. Not terrible, per se—just non-existent. Our CEO never talks to us and neither does our CFO. And my boss seldom tells me what he expects from me.

I am pretty scrappy. I’ve made friends in the department and I know who to go to for what, so I am figuring it out. We have team meetings, but there doesn’t seem to be a reason for them. We just talk about problems that come up and how to solve them. These meetings usually devolve into complaining sessions and feel like a waste of time.

My boss has told me to put time on his calendar to have one-on-one meetings with him. We have had a few, but they are awkward. He usually seems distracted and it is obvious his heart isn’t in it. He asks me how I’m doing and I use the time to ask questions. I have very little incentive to make these meetings happen. To be honest, I dread them and could easily find other ways to get the answers I need.

I can get my job done in about 30 hours a week and I’m toying with investing the other time in a side gig, although that doesn’t really feel right. I feel like I could and should be doing more here but I have no idea what it would be. I’m afraid if I were to surface this concern, my boss would pile on so much more work that it would stress me out.

I guess I thought leaders in businesses that do well would actually lead more. How can I get more value out of my current experience?

Disappointed

____________________________________________________________________________

Dear Disappointed,

I appreciate how disappointing it is to have believed that out in the big wide world, professionals knew what they were doing. I, too, have suffered from this many times. The bald truth is that when companies do well, it is usually because their product or service is in high demand and the mechanics required to make it all work are barely adequate. More often than not, the long-term vision and strategy are left to chance and the people who make the organizations run are an afterthought, if they are thought of at all.

The question is: what do you do now? Your options are the standard three that we all have when any situation isn’t working for us.

1. Keep Things as They Are

You could maintain the status quo and just enjoy your extra time windfall. Is it dishonest to use time at work to do other things? Many managers feel that if the employee is getting their work done properly and on time, it’s all good. Others want to know if the person has the capacity to do more or different work. The signals your manager is sending you seem to be in the no-news-is-good-news category.

Another thought: there may be a cycle in the company that you aren’t aware of yet. Perhaps there is a busy season when everyone is slammed. There might be some wisdom in taking a wait-and-see approach.

2. Make an Effort to Change Things

This option involves a little more dedication, but might be good practice for the future. It would involve taking full responsibility for getting something out of your one-on-one meetings with your boss. Most people don’t realize the original idea behind one-on-ones is that they are for the employee and need to be driven by the employee. How? Write down what you think your goals, tasks, and commitments are. Keep a running record of everything you do between meetings as it relates to each goal, commitment, or task, so that you can update your boss on your progress. You may discover you aren’t doing everything your boss expects you to do. You may also discover you’re doing some things your boss doesn’t expect you to do, which may enhance his opinion of your performance. It may also provide context for the questions you ask. For more detail on how to supercharge your one-on-one meetings, you can find an e-book here.

All the effort you put into preparing for one-on-ones will provide both you and your boss much needed clarity—and will be especially useful when performance reviews roll around. This may shift how you and your boss are relating.

3. Leave the Situation

In my experience, when people jump ship without making sincere efforts to change the situation they are in, they end up with almost the exact situation in their next job. I am not saying this is all your fault, but you are part of the equation, so figuring out the part you are playing in the state of things can’t hurt.

If nothing changes, eventually you will get bored and it will be time to seek better leadership and more growth elsewhere. You’ll know when it is time.

I am sorry you are feeling disillusioned, but now you know the truth: people are, for the most part, just stumbling along trying not to screw up too badly. It is the rare human who sets sights on becoming a good person and a great leader, and it appears you might be one of them. So—YAY.

Keep on growing!

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Being Really Smart Is Also Making You Really Annoying? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 23 Nov 2024 11:45:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I don’t quite know how to say this without sounding like a total jerk, but I am really, really smart. It was useful getting through school—I got the highest possible scores on standardized tests without even trying. I have an almost photographic memory, and forget nothing. I got through college in three years and now have a great job in finance and data analysis while going to grad school for data science.

My problem: nobody listens to me.

There are ways we do things that could be done much more easily. There are computer shortcuts nobody here seems to know about that could speed things up. All my coworkers call me “the kid” and tease me constantly about being a know-it-all. All I am trying to do is help them get their work done faster. We have several software systems, but only three of these would be necessary to achieve everything we need. Apparently, no one understood the capabilities of what we already had when they were trying to figure out how to accomplish something new that was needed.

I have tried to share several thoughts with my boss—but he has no time for me and usually has no idea what I am talking about. He has made it clear that I am annoying him.

I am not such an out-of-touch brainiac that I don’t know I need to somehow improve my emotional intelligence. I’ve heard that feedback my whole life. But I am not sure where to start.

I was hoping you could point me in the right direction.

Smarty Pants

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Smarty Pants,

It can be so shocking to find out that smart, highly functional adults can blithely ignore inefficiencies and outdated processes. It is common, so much more than you’d think, until you become aware of myriad ways attention gets hijacked by the way our brains work.

There are so many cognitive biases you are up against trying to get people to make changes that seem like straightforward common sense. As human beings:

We have a strong tendency to focus on getting things done by completing things we’ve invested time and energy in.
We maintain focus by favoring the immediate, relatable thing in front of us, and deferring to doing things the way we already know works.
We notice details that confirm our own existing beliefs.

And that is just for starters. To learn more about the way unconscious cognitive biases affect behavior, you can find a beautifully organized, in-depth map of them here.

I will caution you ahead of time to not use your extraordinary recall to tell people the bias they are suffering from at any given moment, because it will not win you any friends.

I think there are two courses of action here. The first is to learn the basics of emotional intelligence, which I guarantee will serve you well for the rest of your life. The second is to create a plan to apply what you have learned to the situation you are currently in.

The resource to start with to learn more about Emotional Intelligence is Daniel Goleman’s seminal book Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More than IQ. Goleman’s research outlines exactly why you have received the feedback you have—it is because high IQ and a practically perfect memory will get you so far and no further. His framework makes good sense, as there are skills you need to build your own EIQ that first involve increasing self-awareness and learning how to regulate oneself, then building awareness of others, and then getting better at moderating your own behavior to effectively communicate with people. This is the primer to start with—don’t let the fact that it was published in 2005 deter you.

Once you have laid the groundwork, you will be ready for the advanced course. There are so many great books on influencing others, but my favorites come from Craig Weber. Craig’s approach zeroes in on how to get better at engaging people in conversation by being curious about what they are thinking and then sharing your own thoughts in a way that others will be open to. His methods work for people who struggle with a lack of confidence and shyness as well as people who suffer from alienating others by being the smartest person in the room. His first book will help you to have better conversations, and his second will help you to influence people.

In the end, Smarty Pants, no one is so smart that they are going to accomplish great things by themselves. Not even you. It just doesn’t work that way. But for someone as smart as you are, who can engage the brilliance of others as well, the possibilities are infinite. You won’t be called “the kid” forever—time will take care of that. And as you practice your new skills, people will stop finding you annoying and calling you a know-it-all.

I have heard it said that navigating humans isn’t rocket science and I agree, because it is actually much harder. Humans should only be as straightforward as math and physics. But there are some rules you can learn that will make navigating them more manageable.

Your towering intelligence is a great gift, and, like all gifts, it is a double-edged sword. And you are experiencing its shadow side. I am confident that if you apply your smarts to expanding your awareness of yourself and others, and learn new skills, there will be no stopping you.

Good luck!

Madeleine

About Madeleine

Trouble Managing a Resentful Team? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 16 Nov 2024 13:33:32 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I think I have a generational disconnect going on. I am a millennial (though I was born in 1981, so many people think I am GenX) and I supervise a lot of young people right out of college—classic GenZ people.

I am really struggling with this notion of privilege. When I was a kid, privileged basically meant people who had special advantages and tended to be oblivious about how much easier that made their lives, and how easily opportunities fell into their laps. To me, anyway, it almost always meant wealth.

Now, however, the term privilege seems to be used pejoratively about anyone who has something that somebody else doesn’t have. I feel like the young people I supervise are always looking around for things they see as unfair or offensive.

Just last week, I was explaining that a big project had gone to another group. Someone said the reason we didn’t get it was that the other group’s supervisor has a friend on the executive team. I replied that the choice was made because it is a global project and the other team has a lot more members on the East Coast, which makes the multiple time zones easier to manage. Some people seemed mollified, but others doubled down on their discontent.

My point here is: who cares? There are plenty of projects to go around, and there is no value whatsoever in investing in the whys and wherefores of how decisions get made. I don’t understand the knee-jerk reaction to assume that when someone else gets an opportunity you wanted, it is for a nefarious reason. It seems as if young people automatically assume the game is rigged and they will always be on the losing end.

I keep reiterating the only thing that matters is that we work hard, stay out of trouble, and produce good work. At least in our organization, my experience tells me we are created equal. If we strive to be competent and keep our commitments, that’s what matters.

Am I simply from a generation that is overly optimistic? What am I missing here?

Gen Z Confusion

________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Gen Z Confusion,

There is a lot to unpack here: generational differences, notions about privilege, taking offense from—well—pretty much everything. I started doing some research on all of it, went down a massive rabbit hole, and got myself in a muddle. Then, to reboot my brain, I read your letter about five more times. Here is what I have for you.

I don’t think this is a generational difference. I don’t think this is about privilege. I think what you are dealing with are some individuals in your group who have developed the habit of looking for stuff to rail against. This habit is not limited to any one generation. It has probably been part of the human condition since the advent of Homo habilis—roughly 2.8 million years. For every innovative early man celebrated for figuring out how to use a stone as a new tool, you can bet there was someone throwing shade. This insidious habit is a little like pinkeye—extremely contagious and just as nasty.

This might help you better understand what you are dealing with: the behavior you are experiencing is resentment. Brené Brown (whom my colleagues and I call “Auntie Brené” because she is such a font of wisdom) says this about it:

“Resentment is the feeling of frustration, judgment, anger, “better than,” and/or hidden envy related to perceived unfairness or injustice. It’s an emotion that we often experience when we fail to set boundaries or ask for what we need, or when expectations let us down because they were based on things we can’t control, like what other people think, what they feel, or how they’re going to react.”

Atlas of the Heart, pg. 33

Some of your people are putting a lot of energy into pointing out the ways life isn’t fair. There are definitely those who will swear this is a defining feature of Gen Z, but I can attest that plenty of Boomers did it. It may be more common among the young. As people get older, they tend to develop some equanimity around the sad truth that life is not fair and learn to get on with things. At least the lucky ones do.

The question is: what can you do about it? The key is to identify the people who are infecting the whole crew and keep them from doing it.

You might start with a candid conversation with each of them, individually. As you prepare, there might be some value in understanding the part you play in the dynamic. I understand your question “Who cares?” means you don’t really care and you don’t think anyone else should, either. It is a valid point, and you are the boss, but being right isn’t going to help you here. The more you resist caring, the more resistance you will get from people who think you should care. So step one is to get curious.

You can start with some questions to better understand the grievers’ grievances. They may have some valid ones—and you might find yourself caring more than you expected to. Even if that isn’t the case, simply listening can be perceived as caring and can often diffuse negative feelings. Questions you might ask are:

Do you think there is a lot that goes on around here that is unfair or unjust?
How does this affect you in your day-to-day work?
What do you think can be done about it?
Do you think you should be getting more of something (choice projects, pay, time off, influence) that you are not getting? How might I support you in getting it?
Do you think there is anything within my control that I should be doing something about?
Do you see how your focusing on perceived unfairness might not be useful in group settings?
What might be different if you focused on what is working well for the team instead of what isn’t?

This conversation alone may change the dynamic. If it doesn’t, you can make a request. Ask the most vocal grumblers to stay focused on the positive and keep their complaints limited to conversations with you so that you can troubleshoot them together.

You can also share with your entire team that you have noticed a tendency to over-focus on real or potential negatives, which bogs everything down, and you would like to experiment with how to shift it. You probably aren’t the only one to notice this tendency. You might be surprised by ideas generated by others on the team.

Consider working together to come up with a shared vision and credo for the team. It would be made up of the possibility of excellence and the team’s shared values—essentially what everyone on the team thinks is most important in terms of working well together, doing the best possible job at any given time, and what makes the team especially valuable to the organization. There might be someone on your HR or Learning and Development team who can help you conduct a workshop to do this. If you are on your own, you will find some guidance here. When the whole team has agreed on what behaviors are out of bounds, there is a much better chance you won’t be the only one having to shut down behavior that derails conversations.

Your best bet is to stop worrying about labels and treat each person on your team as an individual with a world view informed by their beliefs and experiences. Meet each person where they are. Influence them by role-modeling fairness, caring, and using any privilege you may have to advocate for those who don’t have it.

You may just win over the doom-and-gloomers to the sunny side of the street.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Direct Report Has a Chip on Their Shoulder? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 19 Oct 2024 11:57:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a large team of accounting professionals for a company of about 4800 employees. I have worked very hard to create a great team, and I have excellent, dedicated people.

My problem is our payroll manager (PM). He is generally very easy-going and a hard worker. He is a whiz at working with our software provider. He catches errors and has proved invaluable.

The issue is this: PM can be very off-putting when an employee calls with a problem—and when it is an executive with a huge salary, he is at his very worst. We have received complaints from enough people that my boss is on my case now. I have tried to offer him feedback and have recommended that he take a customer service class that is in our online learning library.

Recently, PM said something insulting to a regional VP of sales. I didn’t hear it because I was in a conference room, but we have an open office plan and a bunch of people did hear it. I am just waiting for a complaint to come in. When I approached him about the incident, he admitted that he had been triggered by the VP’s attitude, which he perceived as condescending and abusive.

He appears to resent how much money some people make, and he has told me several times that he thinks everyone in accounting is underpaid, especially him. All of us (including me) are paid proper market rate for people in our profession. It is true that jobs in accounting don’t pay as well as they once did.

I told PM that his growing reputation is not going to help me make the case to get him a raise. He got mad at me, cut the conversation short, and walked -away shaking his head. Since then he has been very cranky with everyone. On one hand, I am afraid he will quit. On the other hand, I kind of wish he would quit, because if he can’t change his attitude I will have to fire him.

I keep trying different angles to help him, but can’t seem to find anything that works. I don’t know what to do. How can I help PM deal with his resentment and stop being rude to our customers?

Want to Help

________________________________________________________________________

Dear Want to Help,

I appreciate your desire to help. The rule I will remind you of right out of the gate is that you can’t save people who don’t want to be saved. In my darker hours, I am almost 100% certain that you can’t save people, period. Though I could be wrong about that.

It can be hard to face the ugly truth that the profession you trained for doesn’t pay as well as others. This might come as a surprise to PM if he got into accounting because he liked it and was good at it, but didn’t research compensation before he made his choice. It can be a huge challenge to offer impeccable customer service to people who are jerks and who make (what might be judged as) entirely too much money. Money is simply a big, fat trigger for a lot of people—certainly for many people who feel underpaid and/or undervalued.

Customer service takes a special kind of person, and I am not sure an online course is going to help someone who simply isn’t cut out for it. If you Google personality traits of excellent customer service representatives, you will find words like empathy, positivity, friendliness, and approachability. I am not saying it is impossible for PM to develop these, but it is probably a long shot.

I do have some ideas for you:

Go super direct. Ask PM if he wants to stay in the job and find a way to make it work. That might speed up what happens next. If the answer is yes, tell him he can be mad and cranky all he wants but it isn’t going to change the requirements of the job, which is that he treat any company employee who needs his help with civility and respect. You can share that he is an excellent technical professional, you want to make it work, you believe in second chances, and you are okay with giving him one last chance—but if there is one more incident, you will have to let him go. If the answer is no, well, you know what to do.
Change the job. If it is at all possible, look into changing PM’s job so he doesn’t have to work directly with customers. Find someone on the team who is naturally kind, caring, non-judgmental, and service oriented to field customer calls. That person can then troubleshoot with PM and get back to the customer. I understand this may prompt a change in job descriptions, which can be a pain in the neck. The practice of re-designing jobs to suit the people in them rather than hiring the right person for the job can wreak havoc, especially in huge companies. It all depends on how confident you are in your ability to find someone who can be good at all aspects of the job.
Let the chips fall where they may. Continue to give feedback and wait for PM to do something that will get him fired. This won’t reflect well on you, but you wouldn’t be the first manager to resort to this option.

Once PM has calmed down, you might consider having a heart-to-heart. If you think he trusts you enough, you can remind him that you are on his side, you care, and you want to set him up to win. You might suggest that he work with a coach or therapist to help him rethink his professional options if he is so bitterly disappointed with the pay—or, at least, to help him deal with whatever triggers him so he can gain more self-control.

It is obvious that you want to help. It makes sense that you want to retain someone who is so technically capable. But, in the end, it will be up to PM to decide if he wants to change. If he can’t—or won’t—there is not a whole lot you can do.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Potential CEO Lacks Humility? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 05 Oct 2024 12:02:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I am the founder and CEO of a specialty investment services company, which I started—for fun—after retiring from my first career in investment banking. My executive team is amazing. Since we are so specialized and the field is super technical, I have had to find the best and the brightest.

My problem is that I am ready to retire—for real—sometime soon. The guy who is slated to succeed me is a genius but, unfortunately, a jerk. He is perfectly capable of not being a jerk: he is downright warm and charming with clients, but he is horrible to the people he works with. He is extremely smart, has never failed at anything, and has no humility.

I trust him implicitly when it comes to strategy, advising clients, and making decisions. But I am afraid if he becomes CEO, people will quit in droves and the whole company will fold.

I don’t want to see all my hard work go down the drain. How do I approach this with him?

Ready to Go

______________________________________________________________________________

Dear Ready to Go,

Head on, my friend! That is the only way. Tell the truth, lay out the crossroads choice that Junior has before him, make some demands, and hold the line.

Is there no one else you can trust to take your place? That is my first question. If the answer is an unequivocal no, you are going to have to bite the bullet and demand to see some change—and soon. And there must be consequences for your successor if you don’t see the changes you need to see.

I do think many people who end up in the investment banking industry are accustomed to having bosses who are whip smart but not very—shall we say—nice. This is based on my own experience working in the field and the many anecdotes I have heard over the decades. It is universally acknowledged that investment banking is a little like trench warfare.

Given that, I wonder what worries you so much about Junior taking over. What does he do, exactly, that you think will cause people to quit in droves? I suspect you have plenty of examples. Use them. You must be specific if you are going to give him feedback and demand change—and even more specific about the exact changes you need to see, so that you can track and measure the changes. You will want to come up with a list of do’s, don’ts, and non-negotiable never ever agains.

The good news is you know he knows how to act like a decent human being because you have seen him do it with clients. He just needs to figure out how to keep it up with his peers and employees.

If you have any stated company values, you might be able to use those to point to the ways Junior is not a role model for them. You could also give examples of his good behaviors with clients that are aligned with the company values that he might use to replace some of his not-so-nice behaviors with colleagues.

Another thought is to share this article with him: Level Five Leadership: The Triumph of Humility and Fierce Resolve. It is based on Jim Collins’ research about the leaders of companies who stand the test of time. An oldie but goodie, it outlines the long-term advantages of humility as an unbeatable leadership trait.

You might also share something Ken Blanchard has often said about humility: “Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less.” People can learn to be more humane, kind and considerate to others. It isn’t easy and it takes practice, but it is doable.

Will this be the first time Junior has heard feedback about what a jerk he is to the people he works with? It may come as a surprise to him. But if he is as smart as you think he is, hopefully he will see the value of making an effort. If you give the feedback and ask for clear concrete evidence that he can change his ways, and you are met with a blank stare or a straight-up unwillingness to even try, you may want to consider closing down the business or selling it to a competitor that has a decent leader who knows how to treat people. I think if Junior knows you are seriously considering both options, he might be motivated to head off those possibilities.

Humility is a tricky character trait to develop. If a person doesn’t come wired with humility, it is usually acquired through facing excruciating life circumstances such as catastrophic failure of some kind. So Junior is going to have to either fail as a leader, or be imaginative enough to see the dire consequences of possible failure. You, in your quest to help him, will need fierce resolve. Don’t take the path of least resistance if you want to retire with no worries.

You obviously think there is some hope for Junior, or you wouldn’t have written. The question is: will you be persuasive enough to get him to rise to the challenge? Leverage everything you know about him, what is interesting to him, and how much he enjoys winning to get him to see the benefits. Your restful retirement depends on it.

Good luck with your last leadership test.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Unsure How Gen Z Perceives You? Ask the Intern

Blanchard Associate — Sat, 31 Aug 2024 11:00:00 +0000

Dear Intern,

I’ve appreciated watching the interns in our company work on different projects in different departments. I’m always amazed by how fast the interns work, how well they collaborate as a team, and the high quality of the work they deliver.

My question is this: How do we, the current employees, look to them? Do we look slow, with poor teaming skills, for example? I hope not. How would interns compare the culture in their workplace with what they experience at school and in other areas of their life?

Curious Employee

____________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Curious Employee,

Let me first say that in my experience as an intern, I ask myself the question “How do they see me?” all the time! I think it’s a fairly universal question across generations in the workplace.

Although I don’t speak on behalf of all of Gen Z—I’m only one person, limited to my own experience—I can confidently say that I don’t perceive other generations as having poor teamwork skills or working at a slow pace. However, I have noticed that each generation in the workplace carries with them a defining skillset. For this reason, I think it’s essential for companies to strive for generational diversity. It’s the key to bringing in talented people with diverse sets of skills and perspectives that build off one another.

As an example, many emerging Gen Z workers are highly skilled in digital writing or creating digital content such as texts, images, videos, social media posts, etc. We are the “tech savvy” generation, aka “digital natives.” So, when a project calls for those skills, we might be able to naturally get the job done more quickly and efficiently than our team members who represent older generations. At the same time, I’d say Gen X and Boomer workers are often naturally gifted at face-to-face communication, which is arguably just as important as being tech savvy in the workplace. In other words, we all need, and can learn from, each other.

Going back to your initial question, it can feel equally tempting to dismiss the contributions of other generations (whether older or younger) as inadequate, irrelevant, or unnecessary in the workplace. I’ve interned for multiple organizations and have had plenty of experiences where I would present what I thought were new and exciting ideas to my former manager, only for my ideas to be shot down and altogether disregarded. And while I could blame the manager’s reaction on their bias against me as a Gen Z worker, I recognize that feeling unheard at work isn’t all that uncommon, unfortunately. And it hurts, regardless of the generation you grew up in.

I tried to reframe the rejection I experienced to make it feel less personal, with the understanding that we each grow up around one specific generation during our formative years of development. We naturally will think “It’s my way or the highway” until we’re prompted to think otherwise. However, considering that you’re asking these important questions, it seems that you’ve already begun to challenge this narrative, so I’d say that puts you ahead of the curve!

All this to say, as a Gen Z intern, here’s my advice in answering this question of “How do they perceive me?” You’re actually already doing it. Ask us! Openly communicate with us and encourage us to do the same with you. You asked about ties between the culture we experience at work compared to what we experience at school. I think it comes down to this: we all want to feel seen and heard by our manager at work in the same way that we feel seen and heard by our instructors in the classroom. Fostering an open channel of communication is the first step.

And that’s it! I’ll be the first to admit that the generational communication gap can be incredibly difficult to traverse at times. It may feel like walking on eggshells at first. For instance, I can have incredible anxiety when talking with a manager or employee of an older generation. I find myself wondering “Did I do something wrong? Am I supposed to say something? Am I being too quiet?” But I truly believe that an established line of communication can make all the difference in quieting these self-doubts and fostering a safe space with Gen Z interns like me. I know this because I’ve experienced it firsthand with my current manager, who validates me when I perform well and supports me when I have room to grow.

Many of us have brilliant ideas, insightful questions, or important feedback that we want to share, but often lack the confidence or sense of belonging to share them. Sometimes all we need is a gentle nudge (or perhaps a kind push) in the right direction, even if it’s simply saying, “Okay intern, what are your thoughts on this?”

I hope this helps! Best of luck!

Cas the Intern

Editor’s Note: While Madeleine has enjoyed a well-deserved summer break, “Ask Madeleine” has become “Ask the Intern” where we have presented your questions to several of our Blanchard interns and their peers in other companies.

This week’s response is from Cas Podgorski, Podcast Intern at ifyouaskbetty, LLC.

Madeleine will return next week.

Feeling Out of Touch with Younger Work Colleagues? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 03 Aug 2024 10:21:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I am a Boomer who is three or four years away from retirement (I hope). Over the last few years I have been working with many people who are much younger than my own children. I went from noticing that I was old enough to be the parent of my direct reports to now realizing I could be their grandparent.

I was comfortable navigating people who were the age of my own kids—after all, I was heavily involved in how the world was changing as they came of age. However, now I find myself a bit at sea. I am always worried about saying the wrong thing or doing something that will be interpreted as clueless. (I even worry that words like clueless are passé!)

I wonder what wisdom you might share that will help me relate more effectively to the kids just now entering the workforce.

Okay Boomer

______________________________________________________________________________

Dear Okay Boomer,

You have come to the right place! You are not the only one struggling—there is a fair amount of friction in the workplace for everyone trying to connect with others whose life experiences and perspectives are worlds apart. Blanchard’s philosophy—which is atypical—is that it is the job of the leader to understand and adapt to the needs of their people, not the other way around. So I appreciate that you seek to expand your awareness.

To assist with your quandary, my colleagues and I have decided to shift the focus of this column for a while in order to hear from the exact population you are struggling to understand. For the next several weeks, instead of “Ask Madeleine,” we will “Ask the Intern.” We will field questions like yours and present ideas and solutions from several of our Blanchard interns and their peers in other companies.

Also, I want to take this opportunity to make a plug for a podcast I have been lucky enough to be a part of called Mad & Lucy Mind the Gap, which explores all kinds of tricky workplace topics through the eyes of multiple generational and other diverse lenses.

So stay tuned! I am sure we will provide you with some ideas and maybe even some reassurance that we are all still just humans trying to make our way in the world.

Let’s all keep learning together!

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Having Trouble with Someone Who’s Become Selfish, Small-minded and Nasty? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 27 Jul 2024 11:02:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I have a high performer on my team (HP) who does very good transactional work. They work with speed and most people outside our team like them.

HP has managerial ambition but does not have capabilities to be a manager. We are a small, lean team after two rounds of layoffs, and there is simply no opportunity to promote anyone in the foreseeable future. When the time does come to promote someone, it won’t be an option for HP, as they have squandered every opportunity I have given them so far.

I have been invested in HP’s growth since the beginning. In the past, I’ve given them some dotted-line reporting opportunities for more junior team members, which did not go very well. Several of the junior members on the cross-functional team mentioned that HP bossed them around and was unpleasant.

I had high hopes for this person. Unfortunately, they took my positive encouragement as a promise. I have made the situation clear and have also told them directly that they should use special projects and other growth opportunities to develop their skills. My peers have reported that they experience HP as having a fixed-mindset. HP is never interested in the growth opportunities we have on the team where I could use their help. It seems the only option that will make them happy is a promotion and a raise.

I have tried other methods: encouraging talent mobility, giving unique assignments, investing in leadership training, giving extra attention and recognition, trying to build a deeper relationship, and being vulnerable. But nothing is working!

At one point, HP said “You are dumping this job on me because no one else can do it.” So I picked another team member who successfully completed the project with a great attitude.

I am equally fair with all my direct reports, but when I recognize anyone else, HP gets very jealous. They haven’t given me bad feedback directly, but because we are so small I know that on our last two annual surveys they were the person who gave me the worst scores on my effectiveness as a leader and wrote nasty comments. HP has shown themselves to be selfish in their actions. They show team spirit and alignment outwardly, but behind the scenes they say mean things and disagree with everything. I am finding them becoming more and more unfair, manipulative, and not appreciative of opportunities given to them.

It wasn’t always like this. Everything changed when it became clear that we don’t have a business need for another manager on our lean senior team. I am trying to keep things in perspective but am deeply hurt.

The first thing I want to do is look inward and see if I can change something or do anything else to revive my relationship with this team member and help them grow in other ways. Could you share two or three growth tips for me as a leader? I am at a loss and would love a word of advice.

Hurt

____________________________________________________________________________

Dear Hurt,

My first thought is this: if a friend you admire and respect were to put this case to you, what would you say?

I very much appreciate your desire to improve and grow as a leader. Some qualities you seem to have in spades: a growth mindset, an impulse to take personal responsibility, generosity of spirit, and a desire to help others on their journey.

Your High Potential (HP) had a lot of promise and did well at first. This early potential is clouding your vision, making it hard for you to see the current reality that HP’s most recent behavior betrays a rather staggering lack of character:

Refusing work assignments that would help you;
Displaying a fixed mindset (one of the hardest things to help others shift, in my experience);
Displaying jealousy when others are recognized;
Essentially not taking advantage of opportunities that you take pains to arrange;
And, finally, retaliating against you with nasty feedback for circumstances beyond your control.

In short: this person is selfish, small-minded, and nasty.

It sounds like your organization has been through a lot, which curtailed HP’s potential trajectory. People show their true colors when they are under pressure. I am glad for you and your organization that HP’s pettiness was revealed before they got into a position to do some real damage.

We can speculate about what caused HP to fail to rise to their best self, but there is no way to really know. It doesn’t matter in the end. You have given them every opportunity—which, as you say, they have squandered, blaming you for their own failures.

Clearly, you err on the side of giving people the benefit of the doubt, and you’re a big believer in second—not to mention third and fourth—chances. Which is to your credit. In this case, however, you are still giving them everything you’ve got while they haven’t been bothered to meet you at all, let alone halfway.

I have only growth tip for you: You must not be more generous with others than you are with yourself. You can be generous, kind, and caring while maintaining a standard for civility and decency.

What should you do about HP? You didn’t ask me that, but I can’t help myself.

Take off your rose-colored glasses and stop taking HP’s behavior personally. I understand why you feel hurt after all your efforts, but this isn’t about you. This person has declined every opportunity to do the right thing and needs to go. The sooner you replace them and eliminate the toxicity they bring to the team, the better. More to the point: the risk you run by letting HP’s antics continue is that you could lose the respect of the rest of your people. Don’t let that happen.

I wish you luck.

With admiration, respect, and, as always, love,

Madeleine

About Madeleine

Disappointed with a New Executive Hire? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 13 Jul 2024 11:46:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I am a regional president for a global services company. One of my executive team members recently retired, leaving rather suddenly as the result of an unexpected health issue. We interviewed some candidates to replace him but, ultimately, I took his recommendation to go with the person who had been his chief of staff/second in command.

She interviewed well, outlined her vision and plans, and referred to herself as “strategic” multiple times. She has a lot going for her. But she has been in the role six months now and is just not stepping up the way I had been led to expect. I’m not seeing the strategic capability I need.

I know I’ve been spoiled by having a mature, experienced executive team for a long time. But I find I have little patience when providing detailed direction to someone who I think should not need it at this level. I struggle to explain exactly what she should be doing differently, but I think I’ll know it when I see it.

There are days I want to just call it a bad hire and try again—but I also don’t want to waste more time getting someone from outside the organization up to speed. Part of me feels like I should give her a chance to prove herself.

We are located in South America, so things get slow with vacations, etc. She is out for the next two weeks, and I want to be ready with a plan when she comes back. Any ideas?

Disappointed

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Disappointed,

At the risk of insulting you, “I’ll know it when I see it” is just not good leadership. It is possible your new person won’t have what it takes to succeed, but I can guarantee that if you continue to make her guess what that is, you will both be miserable.

The leap from second in command to executive in charge of an entire business function is notoriously fraught for anyone. Based on my experience coaching clients who have been promoted into executive roles, the biggest shock is that they are expected to make recommendations and decisions. Most people, prior to becoming a senior executive, have spent their entire careers enjoying the luxury of knowing someone else is responsible for making decisions that will be either the right ones or the wrong ones. Mistakes at this level have massive consequences, and to suddenly be the one potentially making them can be terrifying enough to cause paralysis.

In addition, I think it can be especially challenging to join an intact executive team that has been together for years. You all have a shared history, language, and way of operating together that will take a newcomer a while to learn how to navigate.

I have some ideas that will help you be ready for your newbie’s return from holiday and get you both on a promising trajectory.

I agree that bringing someone in from the outside will take more time than getting your new exec where you want her to be. It will solve some issues and present a set of new ones. Either way, there are things you will need to do for a brand-new person and/or your existing person.

1. Integrate the Person into the Executive Team

Work with your HR Business partner to create a new Team Charter that lays out the mission of your executive team, the exact roles of each team member, and the behavioral and communication norms you can all agree to. You had this with your former team: a set of implicit rules you all abided by that probably developed organically over time. It is so subtle you didn’t even realize what you had until it was gone—but if you want to get it back, you will have to be intentional about it.

If you are like most senior leaders you will find this kind of work unbearably tedious, but I promise it will be worth it. It will give everyone on your executive team a chance to reboot and create clarity about what is expected by and of each member of the team. For more detail about that, here is an eBook that may help. This will lay the foundation for the next step.

2. Find a Way to Express Exactly what a Good Job Looks Like

I know you struggle with practicing patience, which I can understand, but putting a little effort into articulating what you need will pay off. It will either provide the clarity your new executive needs to succeed, or it will provide you with the evidence you need to replace her.

To get the kind of detail required, ask yourself some questions:

What did your former exec do that made him so great?
What did he not do?
What are you hoping for that you are not seeing?
What do you wish your new exec would do more of? Less of? Start doing? Stop doing?
What needs doing that you take for granted and you think is obvious to everyone?

You have been a senior leader for so long, you and your team have forgotten how you got to be so competent. Consider these strategic management behaviors:

Articulating and sharing vision and overall objectives
Formulating goals
Assessing internal environment and external threats
Creating action plans to achieve goals
Planning organizational structures and resource allocation
Process re-engineering
Providing direction and support to one’s own team
Being a role model for organizational values and culture
Leading change initiatives
Evaluating results and responding accordingly

Use this to create your own list. What is missing from this list? What is on this list that isn’t important to you? Hopefully, getting to this level of detail will help you identify the exact areas where your new executive is falling behind.

Once you have made it crystal clear to your new team member what you need from her, only then will you know if she will be able to rise to the job. Otherwise, you are expecting her to read your mind, which isn’t clear to begin with. I expect if you hired a new person for this role, you would find yourself with the exact same problem.

After you have done a little bit of re-chartering with your senior team and have made clear what a good job looks like, you will need to bolster your newbie’s confidence. It will take time for her to get her feet under her, to trust what she knows, and to develop the courage of her own convictions. If you have done your part, she will feel more integrated with her new peers and be able to hear and respond to your direction.

I hope, for both of you, that she surprises you.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Need to Influence Senior Leaders about Staffing? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 06 Jul 2024 10:47:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a team of customer support specialists. The job requires in-depth knowledge of our products (outdoor/climbing gear, some of it very technical), so we have provided a lot of training and oversight.

In the past year we lost two of our best people, and the executive team refused to let me replace them. Things have gone okay since then; we have had to extend wait times for customers and haven’t received a ton of complaints—but now I am feeling the pinch.

Our company offers unlimited PTO and I have two employees who submitted their time-off request at around the same time. I know my team can barely cover when one person goes out on vacation, let alone two people. Normally I would just approve PTO for the first person who got their request in, but one of them is getting married and the other has a daughter who is getting married.

I just can’t say no, obviously. But the situation is not good: summer is our busiest season and I am really worried about how we are going to manage the volume. If one of my people gets sick, we will have a full emergency on our hands.

I just don’t see how this minimum staffing policy is sustainable. The whole thing is stressing me out. I am having nightmares and waking up in the middle of the night with my heart racing.

I like the company. I think our products are amazing, I love our people, and I’ve always loved my job. I get calls from headhunters all the time—which I have always politely declined—but now I’m feeling like maybe I should pay attention.

I know I need to convince the higher-ups that it would be in the best interests of the company to restore the original size of the team, but I am not sure how. I would appreciate your thoughts on this.

Squeezed

____________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Squeezed,

This sounds tough—and familiar. The days of do more with less are clearly here to stay. In your case, it sounds like it has passed that point and now you are expected to pull a rabbit out of a hat. And it is taking a very real toll. People (including you) need to take vacations and attend big family events.

I appreciate that you are eyeing potentially greener grass, but learning to how to make and argue a business case is a skill that will serve you well.

In my experience, executives tend to not be that receptive to emotional distress. But they do pay attention to math and to issues that threaten the brand’s reputation—essentially, anything that could affect revenue.

Start tracking the data on wait times and complaints. It might also be smart to check your reviews to see if comments about slow service are showing up or have significantly increased. You say you haven’t received “a ton” of complaints, which implies you are receiving more than usual. Do a little research. Find data about wait times for support and what people are willing to tolerate. How much is too much time?

If your brand promise is built on customer service, increased wait times will absolutely erode the company’s reputation. Do whatever you can to clearly show that reduced access to customer service will eventually hurt sales, if it hasn’t already. The key is to use facts and data to create a compelling narrative. Include charts and graphs to influence the visual executives.

When it is time to make your case, be ready to state your position: customer service is understaffed and it is hurting our business and our reputation. Then concisely share how you arrived at your position. Be prepared for questions and pushback. Know what is stated in the employee handbook regarding PTO and vacation time. Practice with a friend to ensure that you stick to the facts—and keep emotion out of it.

This might get you one more person.

It would also behoove you to brainstorm other ideas with your team for how to solve the problem, so that you can offer solutions other than increased headcount. Ideas might include:

Cross-train others in the organization so that they can cover when your people are out on PTO.
Train temps who are willing to come in on a substitute basis. Perhaps the people who left might be willing to fill in on occasion.
Use technology (AI, increased information on the website) to help your team manage the load with fewer people.

I found a very interesting report on customer service that might expand your thinking about solutions. It wouldn’t hurt to sharpen your own expertise in order to be as informed as possible about what other companies are doing. The more you know and are able to demonstrate you have done your homework, the greater the chance your senior team will listen to you.

Most companies have been focused on reducing expenses and becoming as lean as humanly possible. It doesn’t occur to anyone that it all works fine until someone needs a day or a week off. There must be extra coverage to account for the fact that you (inconveniently) employ humans.

Try your hand at advocating for what you need to keep your part of the business running smoothly, Squeezed. Get as smart as you can about your business to see how you might get creative.

If you can’t make headway, maybe it would be smart to take some of those calls from headhunters. If you must leave the company to maintain your own sanity, your company will have no one to blame but themselves.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

CEO Is Making A Colossal Mistake—and You’re Holding the Bag? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 08 Jun 2024 14:19:57 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I am the COO for a medium sized, mostly US-based specialty product business. Our CEO was always the idea guy and I was execution. Our business used to be straightforward, but we recently expanded with services and a couple of storefronts—against my recommendation.

Our CEO is a visionary and expects his executive team to figure things out. I thought we might be okay until I realized our CFO and the person who leads our IT department are completely in over their heads. The CFO has no experience at all with the complexities of offering services, how to get people paid, etc., and our technology guy keeps suggesting new software platforms, none of which seem to work with one another. We are spending more money than we anticipated. I feel like we are in a free fall, but my CEO has no interest in details.

I am at my wits’ end. I can’t possibly solve all our problems by myself. We had a perfectly good business, and I am furious with my CEO for blowing it all up. I told him making these big moves before we had some infrastructure in place was going to be a train wreck, but he becomes less reasonable by the day.

Part of me just wants to throw my hands up and walk away. I would lose equity but the way things are going, it will be a share of not much. The CEO and I were friends but the friendship seems to have gone down the tubes. I’m just not sure any of this can be salvaged. Thoughts?

Free Fall

____________________________________________________________________________

Dear Free Fall,

Well, you won’t be the first person in history to not be able to stop someone from making colossal mistakes only to end up holding the bag, and you won’t be the last. I am so, so sorry.

I think you already know what you are going to do, Free Fall. What you read next will only confirm it.

There are a few separate issues here. I will list them out and I don’t claim to have the priorities in the right order. Some of these things are more fixable than others.

Your people do not have the skill sets required to lead the new parts of the business. (This can be fixed. Not as quickly as you’d like, but still.)
There was not enough time spent planning and getting the right resources in place to pull off these big plans. (This is blood under the bridge—you can’t change the past.)
Your CEO seems to have abdicated all responsibility, possibly after having lost his mind. (I suspect this is not something you can influence, since you have already tried.)
The relationship between the two of you seems to be damaged beyond repair (unless, over time, you decide to let bygones be bygones).
It sounds like you have a very lean operation with no other executives to support you. (It is hard to tell from your letter. If there are, in fact, some competent folks who can help, now is the time to call on them.)
Your anger and frustration are clouding your ability to think straight. (This you have control over. The sooner you get hold of yourself, the better.)

Does that sound right?

I think your first job is to find a way to calm down so that you can make your first big decision: Is this worth fighting for or not? Whatever you normally do to calm yourself down will work: meditation, prayer, exercise, listening to opera. Turn off your phone. Take a night off and calm yourself down. Get a decent night’s sleep. Then if, as you have expressed, you are truly on your own here, ask yourself whether you have it in you to tackle this situation and get it turned around. If the answer is a hard no, there you have it.

If you do think you might have it in you, decide exactly what you are willing to do and for how long. The length of time matters; otherwise you will be stuck seeing the whole mess through to either success or failure, and who knows how long that will take. You’ll want to be at your best, and if you are overcome by your anger and frustration, you will need to find a way to park that or let it go.

Accepting the stark reality of the situation is the only way you will see what needs to be done. I am not saying your CEO isn’t to blame for your pain and suffering—I am saying putting a lot of energy into placing blame is not a good use of your time.

You might consider getting your CEO to agree, in writing, to a hefty bonus if you are able to turn things around. That might help you find the motivation to save the day.

Let’s say you put a stake in the ground and decide “Okay, I am going to give this my all for three months.” Then make a list of everything that needs doing. You are smart enough to know most of what needs to be done even if you don’t know how to do it. These things might include:

Get help: call on a friend or mentor with business savvy for advice.
Hire someone who knows what they are doing, or at the very least a consultant who can work on a contract basis.
Make a plan of what to do and in what order.
Delay anything that can be delayed.
Tackle the big problems first and knock them down, one by one.

If this all makes you feel the kind of despair that makes you want to go to bed for the rest of your life, again you have your answer: either this has gone too far to fix or you just don’t care anymore.

Once you get all the emotion out of the way, it will be much easier to see the full reality and assess your willingness and ability to rise to the challenge.

At this point you are either thinking “I can do this” or “Run, don’t walk away from this mess.”

I wish you clarity, and the courage of your convictions.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Afraid of Being Labeled a Micromanager? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 18 May 2024 12:25:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

My company offers a lot of classes, and about six months ago I learned SLII^®. I have been managing people for about a decade and honestly, learning SLII^® changed everything for me. I realized my biggest issue was that I hold back when it comes to giving people crystal clear direction or providing close oversight when people are starting a new task or embarking on a goal that is new to them.

Early in my career, I read a lot about the horrors of micromanagement—and I have always hated being micromanaged myself—so I think I have often over-corrected to avoid ever being accused of it. But now in hindsight, I see that caused any number of problems.

Here is my situation: I work from home a couple days a week, and quite recently my husband got a new job which allows him to do the same. The other day, he was walking by my office and overheard a conversation I was having with a new hire. We hired this person specifically to have someone tackle a massive technical job that has been backlogged for a long time. It is critical that the job be done in a way that doesn’t mess up a bunch of other systems. So I have been using a Style 1 with her—giving her very clear direction and giving her daily checklists for practicing in a demo system before I let her loose on the real thing. She is picking it up very fast, but the system was custom built for our company, so she has never worked in it.

Later in the day, my husband casually remarked that I am “really bossy.” He was kind of teasing me, but it threw me for a loop. I tried to explain that the person I was speaking to is new and really needs the clarity I was trying to give her.

I am now back in the uncertainty and fear of all the negative things that come with the word bossy. We had a joke about Bossy Cow in our house when our kids were little, but I am not laughing.

Am I a—

Bossy Cow?

____________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Bossy Cow,

Oh, my dear, I hear your pain and confusion.

Before we dive in, I just want to provide a little context about SLII^® and what Style 1 means. SLII^® is a leadership model that helps managers offer their team member the best mix of clear direction and support as they tackle a specific task, depending on their mix of competence and confidence on that task. In that context, a Style One (or S1), means giving clear directions and painting a picture of what a good job looks like—with step-by-step instruction, if needed. For a deeper dive on this, here is an e-book that will provide more detail for those who want it.

Okay my friend, I will not call you Bossy Cow, because you are not one. What you are is someone who is clearly setting your new employee up to crush it. You are, in short, someone who is doing her job.

Please forgive me for succumbing to my own frustration around gender stereotyping and bias that tends to be a sore spot for many women. There is a meme that’s been around forever that points out that when little boys boss people around they are showing leadership ability, but when little girls do it, they are just bossy. It is so tiresome. And you know what? I think your husband could have inadvertently poked at that sore spot. This may not even be true for you, but now I have gotten it out of my system so I can move on.

Part of what causes burnout or apathy for people in organizations is when they don’t really know what is expected of them at work, or aren’t getting enough feedback to know whether they are doing a good enough job or how to get better.

One recent study found that only 45% of younger workers (those under 35) clearly know what is expected of them at work. Seriously, how can anyone be expected to do a good job if they aren’t sure what the job is?

Another one found that 96% of employees say getting regular feedback is a good thing.

Setting people up to be successful takes a lot of time and attention. You are clearly providing your newbie with plenty of both. This is a good thing. But, more important, you are establishing a partnership with your employee and sending the message that you care about her and her success.

Finally, if you are really worried that you might be micromanaging inappropriately, remember a key tenet of SLII^®: you must partner with each of your direct reports to establish exactly what they need from you on each task or goal. Giving direction is only micromanaging if the person being managed doesn’t need it. Not giving direction to people who really need it is just—bad management. Or no management.

Ultimately, the only accurate arbiter of whether or not you are giving the right amount of direction and support is the person who is getting it. So if you are concerned that you are being too bossy, ask your employee questions like “Am I telling you stuff you already know?” or “Will you be sure to tell me if I am over-explaining stuff?”

The more you ensure that your people feel safe letting you know if they need more or less from you, the more secure you will feel. And when your new kid hits D2—the stage of being disillusioned and realizing the job is harder than she thought it would be—she will tell you and you will be ready to add plenty of support. She will be a strong, independent performer before you know it!

You obviously care, and you are doing it right. Next time your husband calls you bossy, just laugh and say “Moo.”

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Think You Made a Terrible Hiring Mistake? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 11 May 2024 14:28:35 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I recently hired a new member for my team. She was great in the many rounds of interviews, seemed to have the skills we needed, and was unanimously the first choice of the hiring committee.

She is now about six weeks in, and I keep waiting to see the person I met in the interviews.

She has not completed any of her onboarding training. When I look in our LMS, she seems to have made it through only about 40% of some of the required modules. I have had to show her several times how our Teams site is set up (she was used to the Google Docs system), and she keeps asking questions that she would know the answers to if she had looked at the different files I have assigned to her. I can see in people’s files the last time they were opened, and she has only opened about a quarter of what I expected.

It’s like she can’t remember anything we talk about from one day to the next.

I asked her to submit a short report on all the calls she is attending with her teammates so that I can keep track of what she is picking up. She submitted one short report and then nothing. (I should have at least fifteen by now.) We meet every other day and I have brought this up several times. She assures me she is working on them. I know she has plenty of free time but I have no idea what she is doing with it.

I’m so confused. I don’t want to come down on her like a ton of bricks, but I need to get to the bottom of what is going on. I think I may have made a terrible mistake. What should I do?

Terrible Mistake

____________________________________________________________________________

Dear Terrible Mistake,

Oh dear. I am sorry. It is so strange when people come across one way all through the interview process, and then turn out to be not at all what you were led to expect.

The only thing to do is tackle this head on. Share with your newbie what you expected compared to what she has managed to accomplish and ask her what is going on. The question is: “What has gotten in the way of your being able to meet these expectations in the past six weeks? Is it too much work? Is it lack of clarity? Is there something you need from me that you aren’t getting?”

She will either be honest and tell you, or she won’t. If she does, then you’ll know what you are dealing with. Much as I hate to speculate, it might help you to prepare for different scenarios.

If something totally unexpected has happened, she might need help to arrange for a short-term leave.
If it turns out she has no idea how to prioritize all of the tasks, you might offer to break down the tasks you expect to see completed day by day.
If she is feeling so behind now that she has become paralyzed, you might re-negotiate her deliverables and offer a fresh start.
If she is second-guessing her own interpretation of what a good job looks like, you can offer more clarity. Your newbie may very well need a list of what you expect laid out as daily tasks until she finds her footing.

It would be smart to involve your HR business partner if you have one. If your newbie has a learning difference and needs extra time or help, there may be provisions for that. If she is dealing with an unforeseen challenge, she may need to take some time to deal with it.

She may decline to tell you the truth about what is going on and try to head you off with more promises to catch up, so you should be prepared to not accept that. The key is for you to tell the truth as kindly as possible, without judgment or blame. It might sound something like: “Look, let’s not worry about catching up. I’m okay with letting go of the reports I asked for—those were to help you keep track of what you are learning. But I do need to see x, y, z by the end of the week. Is that something you think you can commit to?”

You will also want to be prepared to share the potential consequences if it becomes clear that she is not able to do the job the way it needs to be done. Maybe you won’t have to share those just yet; but if she commits to something you think is eminently doable and then doesn’t come through, you may have to at that time.

It sounds like you have been patient. It also sounds like she may think she can fly under the radar with substandard work. It is time to get the cards out on the table—to be clear that you are paying attention but also that you are invested in helping her succeed. But for you to help, you have to understand what is going on.

Being direct and telling the truth can be challenging, but it doesn’t have to mean “coming down on her like a ton of bricks,” It just means—well, being direct and telling the truth. Not doing that won’t serve either of you. If she is ultimately not capable of doing the job, keeping things in limbo will just make things worse.

Be kind. Be respectful. Be truthful.

Give her step-by-step instructions if you both agree it will help. Give her an out if there doesn’t seem to any help for it.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

One of Your Managers Is Nasty to His People? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 27 Apr 2024 12:08:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I have been a student of leadership ever since I became a supervisor in my first job in the early 90s. I am now a VP of services for a collection of call centers across the UK.

I have practiced to the best of my ability everything I have learned from Ken Blanchard’s books and all of the content available over the years from Blanchard newsletters, blogs, and webinars. My company offers no training whatsoever for managers, so I have done my best to share what I’ve learned with managers who have reported to me.

I strive to seek the best in people, give them the proper mix of direction and support, help them to find opportunities, etc. Since my company has values up on the walls that have no meaning to anyone, I have come up with my own values: consistency, civility, accountability, and fairness. I share them regularly with my team and even have them on my email signature. The outcomes in my area speak for themselves, I am happy to say—until now, anyway.

I am facing a situation with a manager who reports to me. I have tried everything. He is downright nasty to his people and uses fear tactics to get results—which, predictably, have been suffering.

The last time I met with him to point out the dip in his units, he retorted that he didn’t think it was fair for me to hold him responsible for his team’s performance. He pointed out that one of my values is fairness, blatantly throwing my core beliefs in my face. I was so aghast that I was quite literally speechless. I pretended I had another meeting and told him we would take this up at his next one on one.

I have tried to be a role model for managing people and inspiring their best work. With this person, it seems all for naught. I feel confident about what I need to do here, but am writing to you to double check my instincts.

Speechless

_________________________________________________________________________

Dear Speechless,

First, my hat is off to you for your dedication to being the kind of boss we all wish we had.

Well, not all, I guess, but most.

You didn’t mention exactly what you think you need to do, but I, too, was rendered momentarily speechless by your employee’s response. I wonder who he thinks should be held responsible for the performance of a team if not the manager? That might be a question to ask in the conversation you have where you tell him it is time to part ways. (If that is not your instinct, might I be so bold as to suggest it should be.)

I know in the US, when a manager lets someone go, it is helpful to have documentation of poor performance, lack of civility, and insubordination. I don’t know if that is as necessary in the UK.

Either way, though, it does sound like you have done your utmost, and it is time to offer the opportunity to someone who at least seems to care about people and is willing to take responsibility.

Part of me is curious as to how he got the job in the first place, because he must have shown some promise—at something. But there is no telling how the sudden acquisition of power will change people. It can be truly startling.

Something Scott Blanchard (our CEO) says all the time is how mystified he is by managers who think it is okay to treat their people in ways they themselves would never tolerate. But this behavior is remarkably common. Apparently though, not on your watch.

You’ve gone to the trouble of defining your values, and I think you can lean on them to make the right decision here.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Team Member Is Overusing PTO? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 20 Apr 2024 11:35:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a team of mostly young people, all of whom manage internal communications for a global manufacturing company. A few years ago the company went to an unlimited paid time off policy. I have read a lot about the effects of unlimited PTO, and note that the biggest risk is that people don’t take enough time off, whereas in the past they were required to take their PTO or risk losing it.

My general approach has been that if your work is done to the expected standard, taking PTO is fine. I guess it never occurred to me that anyone would take off more days than what I consider to be reasonable unless they had medical issues or were taking care of a family member. It also never occurred to me that my idea of reasonable is not necessarily what others may interpret as reasonable.

My problem is that I have one person who takes entirely too much time off. And it isn’t to deal with problems—she is off larking about with her friends. (Note: this is not my opinion; she shares openly.)

Her performance is excellent, so I can’t really make the case that she shouldn’t take PTO—except other team members are noticing and judging. She often is not available to discuss work assignments or to help others on the team when they need something from her.

I think she would be eminently promotable if it weren’t for the fact that she never seems to be around. How do I tell her that it just isn’t a good look? Her overuse of PTO is causing me, and others, to question her commitment to the job. Do you think that is fair?

Questioning Judgment

___________________________________________________

Dear Questioning Judgment,

Boy, isn’t this interesting? It highlights what happens when rules are open to interpretation and when we make assumptions.

My first thought is if Larking About can get her work done with plenty of time left over, she could be doing so much more if she buckled down and put some elbow grease into it. But I suspect that would be interpreted as old-school thinking. And we all know that the reward for excellent work is—more work. This is how we have collectively created the hamster wheel we all perpetually bemoan. So my second thought is wow, Larking About might be on to something. My third thought, based on my experience that you never know what hard thing is coming at you, is that we should all save up as much goodwill as we can regarding PTO for when we really need it.

But seriously, as her manager, it is up to you to help LA understand the impact of her choices on her career, as well as the impression her choices are having on both her reputation and her options when it comes to optimal work assignments and advancement opportunities.

I imagine your employee handbook has some guidelines about how people should use “unlimited” paid time off. For example, my own company requires that all team members submit their time-off requests in advance to their manager for approval, collaborate with their team to ensure proper coverage, and limit their consecutive out-of-office days to no more than 15 at a time. It might be useful to find the handbook and see what is laid out in black and white that might support you when the time comes for a conversation.

Because that is where this is leading. A conversation. The first order of business is to find out what LA’s hopes and dreams are when it comes to her career. She may not think of her work as a career; she may simply think of it as a job. If that is the case, other than making sure she complies with whatever rules do exist, there may not be much you can do. LA may be just fine having a job and doing it well. No harm in that.

However, if LA does want a career, which would mean development projects and advancement, she needs to know how the intangibles—what I think of as “personal public relations”—are going to affect her future.

You can keep personal judgment out of it and simply share that perception is important and taking excessive PTO can create an impression of a lack of commitment to work. When it comes to advancement, it’s a fact that HR and leadership teams tend to favor those employees who exceed expectations over those who simply meet expectations. So if LA has ambitions to advance, she might consider taking on volunteer roles or more work for the team, which would limit her PTO and bring it in line with expectations. This, of course, would require you to define what you believe to be reasonable. I suspect what is reasonable in your mind is roughly the amount of vacation time that employees were afforded before you went to the new model. If your company does not provide guidelines, you might find some in this article: Paid Time Off Practices Around the World.

Do I think it is fair that LA’s behavior is causing others to question her commitment? It doesn’t matter what I think. That’s what is happening, fair or not. Perception is everything, and LA needs to understand that. Once she recognizes the impact of her choices (with your help), she can decide to change them. Or not. And she will reap the consequences of those choices.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Questioning the Work Ethic of New Hires? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 06 Apr 2024 12:01:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I read your last blog Not Sure How to Address Burnout? with interest. I work in consulting with one of the big five consulting firms. We hire go-getters and work them hard. The competition is fierce and only the most driven get promoted. The rewards are, shall I say, significant—but I won’t lie, the workload is intense. We never pretend otherwise.

We hire kids straight out of the best business schools because we know they’re the brightest and are used to brutally hard work. Yet, in the last few years, I have noticed a lot more complaining about workload. There seems to be an expectation among our newbies that they should get to have lives outside of work. WTH?

Frankly, that just isn’t the way it works. I keep referring them back to what was shared with them before they signed on: There is quite literally—I mean, in writing—the expectation set that, at least for the first couple of years with us, people should expect to not be able to do much other than work. I don’t know how we could be more explicit.

I find this very tiresome. What happened to paying your dues? What happened to sucking it up and devoting oneself to high performance? What happened to dedication? I know I should be more empathetic, but when I try to empathize I always go back to feeling resentful. The voice in my head says, “Well, I worked like a dog for umpteen years, I figured it out, I never whined like a big baby, which is why I make the big bucks and get to boss your sorry ass around.” I know that attitude is not getting me anywhere, but I am not sure what to do with it.

Any insight around this?

Exasperated

________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Exasperated,

If you found my blog, you must have an interest in leadership—which is good, because ultimately it is your job to figure out how to lead these young people. Your long-term success and the continuation of the big bucks, as you say, depends on it.

At the risk of offending you, may I point out that you sound like every boomer and Gen Xer who complains about millennials and Gen Zers? To be fair, you sound like every member of every generation who has reached middle age and complains about “kids nowadays.” You probably have trouble getting your head around their music, their fashions, and the way they use social media. And I can just hear you rant on the topic of gender politics. But that’s okay. It is only human.

Let’s take a look at your industry. Like high finance, medicine, and the law, many people were attracted to your kind of work back in the day because of the promise of status, money, and material success. Most of the millennials I know today are attracted to professions that are likely to afford them some stability and a shot at achieving or sustaining what you and I once thought of as middle class, let alone the opportunity to build generational wealth. The specter of student loans is big, dark, and chilling. That is how radically the world has changed.

The generations you now manage are also much more interested in meaningful work, personal fulfillment, and life/work balance, possibly because they witnessed their parents work like dogs and take very little pleasure in life. Just to provide some clarity about what younger people today don’t want, envision someone watching their dad devote thirty-five years to paying down the mortgage and trying to put something away for the kids’ college tuition only to see him drop dead a week after retiring. It’s a bracing cautionary experience.

These generations have also grown up with constant one-upmanship and unrealistic expectations set by the fairytale lives they see on social media. By the time they arrive on your doorstep, they’ve been under absurd amounts of pressure since middle school. If you are exasperated by their behavior, imagine what it must feel like to them to be judged and found wanting at every turn.

You say they are complaining. To whom, I wonder? About what? Did you never complain when you were in their shoes? I’ll bet you did. And I’ll bet that if your superiors heard about it, they ignored it. It is a normal thing to do, it is a way of letting off steam, and in no way does it indicate burnout. Complaining vociferously about how hard you work is a time-honored form of boasting—what the kids call “humble bragging.” If you are actually worried about burnout, watch for symptoms such as a radical reduction in productivity in someone who was once a star performer, unusual amounts of absenteeism, or an uncharacteristic lack of civility.

I appreciate your attempt to be empathetic. That is a great impulse. You are right that the voice in your head (which made me laugh btw, thanks for that) isn’t helping you. But if you think people can’t hear that voice, you are dead wrong. They hear it loud and clear, and it is eroding their trust in you. I encourage you to find another talk track for the voice. Perhaps a curious voice; one that asks “What might be motivating to this person? What are they looking for that they aren’t getting?”

Seek to understand what your people are really saying. Ask questions like:

Can you tell me more to help me understand what is really going on right now?
What exactly would you want to be different?
What would work better for you if we could make changes?
What does it mean to have a life? How is that different from what you have now?
What is missing that would make a big difference to your quality of life at work?
What strengths do you bring to the table that you might be underutilizing?
What else do you want me to know?

Listen for what is real. There is a good chance you will find it much easier to empathize. It is entirely possible that, like most young people, your employees are perfectly happy to work incredibly hard as long as they have the flexibility to do the other things that are important to them. It is possible that just being asked the question and having a chance to talk out the answers will be all they need to go back out there and crush it.

One thing every person from every generation has in common is that no one wants to be judged. Chris Argyris, a Harvard professor and an influential authority on organizational behavior, said in the 90s that the secret to the success of the big five consulting firms—including yours, presumably—was that they identified and hired “insecure overachievers.” (I can’t find the exact quote, so it might be an apocryphal anecdote I heard from someone who worked at Boston Consulting Group.) You’ll know if that was true when you were a newbie, and if it is still true now. The reason it matters is that there is a fine line between harnessing anxiety and fear of failure to drive successful behaviors and letting it reduce you to a quivering mess. If it is still true, your job is to help your people walk that fine line to ensure their own success and, therefore, your own.

Your job as a leader is to influence your people; to help them connect to the meaning of what they are engaged in and what matters most to them. If they are in it for the money, that is an easy motivator. But many of your people may be driven by other things. Find out what they are and have conversations in which you brainstorm how to connect the work with what drives them. Listening without blame or judgment will send the signal that you care. Wait till you see how people perform when they think their manager actually cares about them. You may see a radical turnaround. Ask yourself the question “What do these kids bring that we didn’t have, and how can we leverage that?”

If you resent that nobody ever cared about you, and you had to soldier through with horrible bosses, well, okay, I am very sorry about that. But isn’t that all the more reason not to inflict those experiences on anyone else?

So suck it up, Exasperated. Cut out the judgment, get curious, and see what there is to learn in all of this. There is a good chance you could become an expert at this approach and even influence others in your company. Wouldn’t that be something?

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

CEO Doesn’t See Flaws in His Executive Team? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 09 Mar 2024 12:46:00 +0000

Portrait of a man in a mask for sleeping. He stands in the airport terminal and spreads his hands in disbelief. The concept of travel, insurance, large airlines. Mixed media

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Dear Madeleine,

I am an HR generalist working at a REIT (Real Estate Investment Trust). Our CEO started the company about eight years ago, and I have been his right hand since the beginning. He is a genius in many ways—high IQ, a deep intuitive understanding of the real estate markets, a complete whiz with spreadsheets and how money works. He has a dazzling intellect and charismatic personality.

When I first started working with my CEO, I thought he had a flair for hiring. He spots talent and goes to a lot of trouble to pursue people and persuade them to come and work with us. He now has an executive team that he has hand-picked over time, and he depends on them.

The problem is that he falls in love with these people and can’t see any of their flaws. He refuses to hear anything negative about anyone he’s hired (although he can be ruthless with everyone else).

We have a chief financial officer who started out amazing, but is now wildly inconsistent. She comes in looking like a million bucks, prepared, and brilliant one day, and disheveled and semi-coherent the next. I suspect a serious substance abuse problem or possibly a mental health issue. Our industry is highly regulated and having our books in order is critical. I believe our CFO’s erratic behavior is going to cause some real headaches in the future.

Our chief revenue officer clearly has something shady going on. He disappears for days at a time and his direct reports must either wait for him to show up to make pricing decisions or make decisions on their own. They are often frustrated because they are held accountable for closing deals, and, in many cases, they can’t move forward without him. This is now impacting our numbers—and when troubleshooting conversations happen, the fact that our CRO is AWOL most of the time never seems to come up. His direct reports come to me to ask if I know where he is, and I never do. I swear he has another full-time job.

Our head of IT has multiple personalities. He is amazing at what he does, but all of his people are terrified of him. I am also afraid of him. You never know who you are going to get—sometimes he is perfectly normal and other times he is downright mean. It is only a matter of time before someone files a hostile work environment claim.

There’s more, but you get the idea.

I have tried to raise these issues with the CEO. I have shared my observations in writing and set meetings with him to brainstorm how to approach these problems. He is now skipping our regular one-on-one people review meetings, not opening my emails, and essentially ignoring me.

I truly care about my boss. We built this company together and he has always trusted my input. I know he doesn’t want to hear what I am saying, but I am afraid at this point that he actually may be risking everything he has worked so hard to build.

How can I get through to him? I feel like a train is coming at us and he refuses to get off the tracks.

My warnings are falling on—

Deaf Ears

__________________________________________________________________

Dear Deaf Ears,

Well, this sure sounds frustrating. The Curse of Cassandra, familiar to anyone who is paying attention, describes the frustration experienced by someone seeing disaster ahead and not being able to influence those who need to heed the warning to listen.

I think many are also familiar with the personality profile of your CEO. I have worked with many executives like this.

At the risk of offending you, I am hearing that you have a fantasy that you should simply be able to walk into your CEO’s office and dump all these problems on his desk for him to deal with. Part of what is happening is that he doesn’t want to see what is in front of his nose because he already has too much going on. I suspect he also doesn’t want to face the unpleasantness of having to hold people accountable—especially if he is still operating under his initial impression of them, which no doubt didn’t include the reality that everyone, no matter how great, has flaws and frailties.

You have been with your guy from the beginning, and yet you call yourself an HR generalist. I wonder why you aren’t CHRO? Are you not a member of the executive team? If you’ve been there since the beginning, do you not have equity in the business? If not, why not? You didn’t ask me about this, but it might be part of the problem. If you haven’t earned the CEO’s respect after all the work you have done together, it might explain why he is ghosting you at this point.

I’m really not trying to make you feel bad, just trying to get to what is really going on here. If what I’m saying resonates with you, and you can spot the pattern of letting your CEO overlook your contribution, it may be time to cut your losses and find a new environment where your experience and smarts are appreciated and properly rewarded.

If I am way off on this, please forgive me, and let’s try another angle.

I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard a senior executive say “Don’t bring me problems without some ideas for solutions.” I would be able to pay for a two-week vacation in the Caribbean. This leads me to suggest that you send your boss an email with the subject line: Some Problems I See and What I Think We Should Do About Them. Volunteer to do most of what you think needs to be done; e.g., the hard conversations that go something like “This is what I am seeing; what is going on here?” And if he doesn’t respond to that, it may be time to decide that someone must be an adult—and tackle the bad behavior yourself.

The question is: how much power do you have? If key employees are having problems, especially problems that are going to impact the organization, aren’t they in your wheelhouse? Are you not taking responsibility for what is going on because these people don’t technically report to you?

If the CFO is acting strange, what is getting in the way of your sitting down with her and pointing out what you see and how it concerns you? Wouldn’t you say something if you smelled alcohol on an employee?
If the CRO is AWOL and his people are coming to you, what keeps you from calling him and saying, “Where on earth are you and what the heck is going on?”
If your CIO is awful, especially to you, where are your boundaries? As the head of HR and the employee with the longest tenure, it seems perfectly reasonable to me that you would say “You are acting kind of scary, and I request that you cut it out—and, for that matter, that you do not behave this way with anyone else in the company.”

Are you afraid these people will all go running to the CEO to have him provide cover? If that’s the case, it is time for you to leave him at the mercy of the train.

It sounds like you have given up all of your power. This has probably happened slowly over time. You have had your common sense and authority overridden for so long, you have gotten used it.

Oh. Oops. We’re back here again.

This is not the answer you wanted. I’m sorry. But somehow you have lost your power to influence your CEO. Either you have lost his respect (and because he is obviously loathe to confront anyone, he has not shared that with you), or perhaps he is waiting to see what you will do. Maybe he thinks it is your job to confront these people.

If your CEO won’t give you the time of day, you have to confront that. If you make yourself impossible to avoid, you will probably get a straight answer. Then at least you’ll know.

You have some big decisions to make. They aren’t fun or easy ones. But at least you are smart enough to get off the train tracks yourself. So, if all of your efforts fail, please do that.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

People Wasting Their Potential? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 02 Mar 2024 11:55:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I am a senior manager and have managed people for decades. I am a student of leadership and work every day to be a better leader. Here is something I am having trouble putting into words, but I hope you have some inspiration for me.

I make a big effort to help my people develop their skills so they can achieve their career goals. I put a lot of time in, most of it listening and offering guidance. Many of my team members have gone on to great things, both in my own company and elsewhere. But just as many, if not more, have not. It is frustrating to see so much potential wasted. Everyone has their reasons for not taking advantage of the opportunities in front of them. Sometimes I know what the reasons are, sometimes I don’t.

It didn’t dawn on me until recently, as I watched a brilliant and gifted young person self-sabotage despite my best efforts, that I am tired of being disappointed. It is making me second guess the value of the investments I make in people. I wonder if I should bother.

Appreciate any thoughts you have.

Disappointed

_______________________________________________________

Dear Disappointed,

Well, you did a good enough job of putting your thoughts into words to make my heart ache. I have heard this kind of vague sadness from others, and have felt it myself, but I think you hit the nail on the head. This is one of the reasons managing people is hard. And the more you care, the harder it is.

Disappointment literally makes our brains hurt. The research reveals that disappointment produces a significant chemical response in the brain that makes us feel terrible. The brain stops releasing dopamine and serotonin suddenly and the result feels intense. The higher the expectation—and thus the extent of the disappointment—the more dramatic the yuck. You are not imagining it.

It kind of makes you want to tell people when they first start working with you, “Look kid, I am going to give you all I’ve got, so don’t disappoint me, okay?” But you won’t. And you shouldn’t, because it wouldn’t work. Why? Because it is your own expectations that are setting you up for the letdown.

There is no blame or shame in having expectations, but if they continue to cause you so much pain, you might think about finding ways to temper them. Some ways to temper your expectations:

Gain clarity. Spell out for yourself what your expectations are. Perhaps have conversations with your people in which you find out what their own expectations of themselves are. There may be gaps in both your and their expectations that will help you to modify your outlook.
Ponder a distinction. There is a difference between having a big hopeful vision for someone else and expecting something of them. Sharing a big hopeful vision—what you see as possible for someone—can be a huge gift. It can shift how someone sees themselves in a transformational way. But it is simply a gift, given with no expectation or pressure. If someone requires pressure to achieve what is possible for them, that needs to come from within.
Work on your attachment. It might help you to reframe your call to go the extra mile for your people as a mitzvah. Mitzvah is a Hebrew word that means “good deed” or acts of empathy and kindness. Right now it seems you are expecting something in return for your generosity—which, don’t get me wrong, is totally normal. It just isn’t making you happy. Take something Nelson Mandela said as a guide: “There is no greater gift than that of giving one’s time and energy to others without expecting anything in return.”
Remember that everyone has choice. Ultimately, no matter how valuable the gift of your time and attention, every person on whom you bestow your gift is going to choose what they do with it. In the end, it is completely out of your hands and out of your control. You are letting yourself get really upset about things that are entirely uncontrollable. You, too, have a choice.

Your conundrum reminds of a wonderful poem, “On Children,” from Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet. I know you are not a parent, but many see the parallels between managing and parenting. I hope this excerpt might resonate for you:

“You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

This may provide the perspective you need to sustain your kindness. Your other option is for you to just give up and decide to not bother anymore. That would be cynical and it sounds like you are no cynic.

So take pleasure in the wins, but remember they are really other people’s wins. You may mourn the losses as well, briefly, but remember that they also belong to others.

Love, Madeleine

PS: I will take this opportunity to encourage anyone who reads this and is reminded of a manager who made a big difference in their life to reach out and say thanks. Just a brief note on LinkedIn would do the trick—or, of course, a handwritten note is always welcome if you have the address. I know—so retro.

About Madeleine

Working from Home and Feeling Left Out? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 20 Jan 2024 11:11:00 +0000

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Dear Madeleine,

I work on a team where I am the only member who is remote. Pre-Covid we all worked together at the office, but during the shutdown I took advantage of my company’s remote-work option and moved back to my hometown to be closer to my parents who need help.

Many of our meetings are still on Zoom because several team members still work from home a couple of days a week. But other times, everyone is together in a room and I am the only one on Zoom. There are often several side conversations going on at once, as happens when people are together in person. I have trouble hearing everything, and the group often forgets I am there. This past week, two people left the room and had a conversation about a situation that I should have been a part of. I know it wasn’t intentional, but it still doesn’t feel good.

What can I do about this? I am worried I am going to start missing more important things and my contribution may start to seem less important as time goes on.

Feeling Left Out

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Feeling Left Out,

Well, this sounds like no fun. You are suffering a bit from a collection of natural human unconscious biases. Primacy or recency bias, in-group favoritism, and others can easily add up to an effect that might be summed up as “out of sight, out of mind”. It isn’t personal, so the first thing you can do is try to not take it personally.

There are two specific avenues for you to consider. The first is to discuss your experience with your manager and enroll them in helping you to change this dynamic. It is incumbent on your manager to arrange things so that you feel included; but of course, they may not see it that way. So you may need to make it easy for them to help you.

To do that, you need to let your manager know that you frequently feel excluded during the meetings where everyone is face to face except you. You will want to be prepared with ideas about how the manager, the team, and you can all navigate these meetings differently. Any changes will require discipline—and your manager will need to role model any behaviors that will make a difference. If it is feasible given the situation with your parents, you might also propose coming to the office for a few days every month or every six weeks. The company may be willing to pay the cost of travel or split the cost with you.

The other thought is that it wouldn’t hurt if you could engage in regular one-on-ones with everyone on the team. The thing that happens when people are together in person is a natural water cooler-type informal connection. All the human stuff: “How are you doing? How are the kids? Is the puppy house-trained yet? Did you complete the marathon? Hey, is that a new car I saw you getting out of?” You know—just the small talk that results in people bonding. Even a 15-minute coffee break with each of your team members on a regular basis would make a difference. This practice helped virtual teams get through Covid and was naturally dropped when people felt the one-on-ones were no longer needed. But you do still need that connection, so you will need to be proactive to nurture your relationships in this “new normal” time.

You might consider asking someone on your team to be your in-room partner, who can take responsibility for actively including you in the meeting. Having an active advocate for you will always help. If that isn’t feasible, you will have to do it yourself. Don’t be shy about reminding people that you are still in the meeting when it becomes apparent that they have forgotten. This used to happen back in the days before video meetings, when there was one lone person on the speaker phone.

I can’t imagine you are alone in dealing with this situation. There are more hybrid teams today than ever before—and managers need to up their game to make sure everyone feels like part of the team. But you can also rise to the challenge by getting help, making requests, and piping up even when it might be uncomfortable.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Concerns about an Upcoming Performance Review? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 06 Jan 2024 11:50:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a global team of extremely talented scientists. It is clear how the work we do benefits our organization. I got a new boss about nine months ago, and I’m pretty sure my unit was the only one that wasn’t a dumpster fire.

I have been left completely to my own devices. I don’t know if my boss even knows what my team does—and he hasn’t shown evidence that he cares. I was given my budget for 2024, which is fine since it is almost exactly what I had for 2023 and nothing is changing. All our goals are the same because they are all phased out over multiple years.

My annual review is coming up in a month. I want to prepare, but I have no idea what the boss is looking for or what he is going to want to know. I’m not sure how to operate in a vacuum like this. Any ideas would be appreciated.

Left Alone

__________________________________________________________________________

Dear Left Alone,

In some ways, this is a best-case scenario. So many people wish they could just be trusted to do their jobs without constant interference. The downside to this situation would only become apparent if you needed resources you couldn’t get, or if you were hoping for recognition you might need to be considered for promotion. If neither of those two things is an issue, I would say no news is good news.

That being said, I think this moment might be an opportunity to:

Make sure your boss knows what you do and how critical your team’s work is to the business.
Reassure him that you have everything you need to continue your stellar performance.
Find out what else he wants to know.
Plant some seeds for future plans, if you have ideas.

You might consider writing an email or even creating a presentation that outlines what your team accomplished in 2023 and how those accomplishments contributed to the company’s strategic imperatives. Include answers to questions you think he might have. Then share your goals for 2024. It might also be a good idea to give your boss monthly updates on what has been accomplished, what obstacles you face, and what, if anything, you need from him.

In preparation for your review, send your boss a list of topics you think he might want to hear about from you and ask if it is accurate.

If you do all this, no one can accuse you of not keeping up your end of the manager/employee compact. And you might learn a little bit about how your boss thinks and what is important to him.

You don’t seem to require a ton of affirmation or acknowledgement, which means this kind of arrangement could go on indefinitely. So that’s good. But you don’t want to be surprised, either, so a bit of advance scouting to ascertain what is going on in your boss’s head wouldn’t hurt.

Happy New Year to you!

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Accountability Issue with a Team Member? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 16 Dec 2023 15:36:08 +0000

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This letter came to Lucy Dannewitz and me as a result of our podcast, “Leaders Who Influence,” in Blanchard Community. Blanchard Community is a space created for all who are interested in Blanchard, where you can sign up for groups that suit you, network with others, and access special events. Lucy’s and my podcast is designed to explore how generational differences affect leadership. I will provide my take on the question, and then Lucy and I will discuss it in our next podcast.

_______________________________________________________________

Dear Mad and Lucy,

I find myself in a tough situation as a manager. There’s a person on my team who is a talented kid, but lately the quality of their work has taken a pretty serious nosedive. They’ve also been snapping at their coworkers. Someone told me that their father is in the hospital, so I’ve been trying to give them some room to sort things out. But yesterday they missed an important deadline, and I know I need to say something.

I’m at a loss, though. Here’s the kicker—this person has been open in the past about having serious struggles with mental health issues in their previous job.

I still need to keep them accountable, but I don’t want to push them over the edge. I want to support them. I guess I’m part of the typical Boomer generation—I have no idea how to talk about mental health. Am I even the one who should be doing that? If so, where do I start?

Not a Therapist, Just a Worried Manager

_______________________________________________________________

Dear Not a Therapist, Just a Worried Manager,

It can put a lot of pressure on work systems when people’s lives blow up. I had a question similar to this recently, although the employee wasn’t a “kid.” I am trying to figure out how much of this issue is generational and how much of it is just regular manager stuff. I will address each separately.

Let’s talk about how this is a generational issue. You call the employee who is falling short of expectations a “kid.” To me, a Boomer like you, that could mean anyone under 35! So if this person really is a kid—just out of college, somewhere between 21 and 25, say—there is a good chance they are overwhelmed, afraid of losing their job, and not feeling equipped to sit down and have the hard conversation with you about what is going on. On second thought, this could be true of someone at any age.

Clearly, they felt comfortable enough to mention past issues with mental health to you, so at least they trusted you on what might have been a good day. They may have succumbed to magical thinking—and there is no age limit on this coping mechanism. It goes something like “I know things have slid downhill, but I am going to get it together soon and go back to being good at my job, and we can all pretend this never happened.”

I see two ways the generational divide might be at play here:

Your employee is young and inexperienced and does not know how to broach the topic with you about what is going on.
You, as a Boomer, are not comfortable navigating what may or may not be a mental health issue.

The first may help provide a little bit of context for you to be empathetic and let your employee know that your job is to help them be as successful as possible in their job.

The second, forgive me, is a story you are telling yourself. It’s probably based on what you have heard in the media, which, in my opinion, is a massive generalization and untrue. I would submit to you that your discomfort with talking about mental health is due to a lack of knowledge and experience with people who struggle with it. All that means is that you are lucky, not old. This particular instance is a perfect opportunity for you to educate yourself and expand your frame of reference.

One piece of good news about the changes since you and I were kids is that mental health issues are now, by and large, seen the same way as physical health issues. The secrecy and shame that used to be associated with mental health issues are simply no longer a norm. This is a positive generational shift, I think, because almost everyone’s life is affected by mental health concerns. Just ask people you know if they have a loved one who is affected, or if they are personally. You may be surprised. When I started speaking openly about a loved one who struggles with mental illness, it turned out that every single person I spoke to had more experience than I could have known.

Now, the manager stuff.

I am a huge fan of the adage from Max De Pree: “The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality.” And the current reality is that your employee is not meeting deadlines and is unpleasant to work with. The worst thing you could do is pretend that nothing is going on. So an observation of reality might be “You have not been yourself,” and the questions are “What is going on?” and “How can I help?”

You don’t have to be a therapist, but this does involve being willing to talk about the human condition and how challenging it can be sometimes. It is perfectly acceptable for you to admit that you do not have experience with mental health issues and that you need your employee to help you help them. Teaching people how to help them is one of the first skills anyone with a challenge or disability needs to learn. You can admit that the last thing you want to do is to make things worse. You can state that your intention is to do everything in your power to help your employee get back to a place where they can bring their best. And you can do all of this without your employee having to share more than they are comfortable with.

Our company is a small one, and there are at least five pages of our employee handbook detailing how an employee should proceed if they need to take a short-term, flexible / intermittent, or long-term leave to deal with their own health issues or to care for a family member. I suspect yours is similar. Locate your company’s employee handbook and find out.

Detailed information about the health challenge is not required. There is always an emphasis on privacy. A note from a medical professional is required, however, so what is not allowed is employees who are not getting any help at all who claim they can’t work. You can consult with your HR representative to get clear on what benefits might be available to your employee, such as counseling, therapy, etc. Since there is such a large uptick in mental health issues among all generations, many companies are providing much more generous EAP benefits. If it turns out that your company isn’t, you can share the National Alliance on Mental Illness website and the NAMI Teen and Young Adult HelpLine. There is help available. You may want to use the website yourself to increase your understanding of and comfort level with mental health difficulties—not as a professional, but as someone who cares and seeks to be informed.

Be prepared to present the options to your employee and then help them craft a plan to get them back on an even keel. And (yay!) you can do all this without ever having to delve into the gory details.

Are you the one who should be talking about mental health with your employee? Good question. And no. Are you the one who should be talking to them about what steps they might take to take care of themselves and their loved ones, and how to keep their job and get back to the kind of performance they demonstrated they are capable of? Yes. That is a manager’s job.

If simply having the conversation about reality and how to make it tenable pushes your employee “over the edge,” as you say, then they are not fit to be working and you will have to consult with HR to figure out what to do next. If, in fact, the kid has put their head in the sand and is engaging in magical thinking, I suspect they will be grateful for the opportunity to tell the truth and for the help in making arrangements that will ensure their long-term success.

The next time an employee shares that they have had difficulty with mental health, you can take the opportunity to ask how it shows up, what the effect is on them, and how they want to deal with it if it happens again. You can create some clear agreements of how you should both proceed in the event that difficulties rear their head in the future, just as you might with someone who manages a chronic illness or neurological difference. It is all part of creating a workplace where people can bring their whole selves every day.

You are obviously compassionate and thoughtful. This is not a huge stretch for you—you can prove the stereotype about Boomers wrong.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Don’t Want to Overcommit? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 09 Dec 2023 11:35:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I work in a call center that delivers customer service for highly technical products. I have been a supervisor for about six months. I have a great manager and a great team.

My problem is that I overcommit. I work much longer hours than I should. Everything I have read on the topic of managing tasks and time suggests I need to get better at saying no.

I am confused, because I have been told that one of the reasons I was promoted was because I am so helpful, jump in to fix things, and generally go the extra mile. I see it as a success strategy. I watch as some of my peers duck responsibility—one of them actually has acquired the nickname “Teflon” because nothing ever seems to end up on his desk. I don’t want that to be me.

How do I know when the extra mile is one mile too many? How do I know what to say no to?

Overcommitted

___________________________________________________________________

Dear Overcommitted,

I would bet that your manager is grateful for you. You make some excellent points—going above and beyond is indeed one of the habits that can ensure job security and career growth.

“Teflon’s” reputation is a cautionary tale you have taken to heart. At some point you will hit the wall and have to draw a line. You are clearly close enough to reaching your limit to be asking these very good questions.

You say your problem is that you overcommit. What does that mean? Do you take on work that should really be done by others? Do you end up doing things that aren’t your job, or that you aren’t good at, or that you hate? Is it that you are helping others, or is it that the task is critical and there isn’t anyone else to do it? Or is it really because you don’t know how to say no?

These distinctions are critical because if you are, in fact, being used by others, that cannot stand. Slackers have radar for people who will bail them out—so you must be clear about the criteria you use to decide whether you will cheerfully pitch in. If you do need to decline, you can practice simply saying that you have other plans or you are not available. If you are allowing others to take advantage of you, you will eventually come to resent it. You can try on a few ways to say no by practicing these statements out loud:

I’ve made other plans; I’m so sorry I can’t help you out this time.
I’m currently focused on completing a report and can’t commit to anything else right now.
I think _______ (someone else) might be better qualified to assist you with that.
I’m not available right now; I’m sorry I can’t help with that.
I wish I could help, but unfortunately, my current workload doesn’t allow for additional tasks outside my responsibilities.

Getting comfortable with and being ready to decline something that isn’t your job (especially if it doesn’t sound like fun) will make it easier for you go the extra mile in ways that make sense.

When trying to make up your mind about what to say no to, it might be helpful to consider the criteria for what you say yes to. These include but are not limited to:

Helping someone who is having a rough day, especially if you know they would do the same for you.
Doing tasks that are interesting, that you will learn something from, or that are fun and easy for you.
Jumping in to assist when it looks like your boss will end up holding the bag, and she is already overloaded.
Volunteering for tasks that will enable you to meet other people in the organization and expand your network.

Using this kind of litmus test will ensure that you are investing your time and energy wisely, not just indiscriminately trying to please everyone.

If you find yourself unable to say no even when you want to, ask yourself what core need you are getting met by doing this. It might be that you need to be liked. Or you need to be the hero. Or you need to avoid conflict. If so, you will want to build your awareness of that need and find ways to get it met that won’t hurt you in the long run.

You say you work longer hours than you should. Who is the judge of that? The only rule around this is the one you make. The question is: what is the cost to you? If you have a lot of energy and don’t have a ton of commitments outside of work, maybe working long hours is appropriate for you right now. It probably won’t always be that way, but if isn’t hurting you I am not sure what the problem is. Are you disappointing family members or friends? Are you forgoing proper rest, exercise, or healthy meals? The key is to articulate your own standards for what you need to stay healthy, whole, and energized.

If others in your life are complaining about your work hours, find out what their complaint really means. Do they want to spend more time with you? If this is the case, ask yourself if you want to spend more time with them and make a choice. But if others are applying their rules to you, frankly, it is just an opinion—and most likely an unsolicited one. It is meaningless. Sometimes people who enjoy working a lot are threatening to people who don’t. I know one young woman who left a job because her boss said her work ethic was making the rest of the team feel bad! Just when I think nothing can surprise me, that sure did.

So who is the judge and what is the judgment based on? Answer that, and you will have your own rules for how much work is the right amount for you. Clarify your own standards. Define what you say yes to. Defend yourself against people who see you as a softy. Be your own judge and set your own rules.

Don’t worry, you will never be a “Teflon.” I promise.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Concerned about a Teammate’s Commitment to Work? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 30 Sep 2023 10:49:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a fully remote team and have one member who is wonderful—when he is able to focus on work. His contribution is valuable, he is easy to get along with, and other team members depend on his experience and wisdom. But he is always dealing with some kind of personal crisis.

He has had several health challenges, as have his family members. His partner is an ER nurse who is 100% focused when she is at her job, so all the appointments—and childcare—fall on him.

He has multiple pets, all of whom have special needs. He was affected by serious flooding in one of the last big weather events (his car literally floated away) and his home now has black mold in the walls. His remaining parent needs a lot of care. The list goes on and on.

I want to be empathetic, but with the advent of Covid and everyone working from home, I feel like work is last on his list of priorities. He often fails to deliver on deadlines but always has a logical reason. And, to be fair, he is good at managing expectations and communicating when he is not on track with deliverables.

How can I continue to be empathetic while helping him increase his commitment to work?

Torn

________________________________________________________________________

Dear Torn,

Boy, does this sound familiar. We managers all seem to have a fantasy in which our employees have partners whose job it is to manage the home, the kids, the pets, and the aging parents. This may have been the norm several decades ago, but most households today are only kept afloat with two full-time jobs. And that only really works when everything goes perfectly—another fantasy world in which no one gets sick, pets don’t age, parents remain completely independent, and fierce hurricanes don’t wash our cars away.

It is one thing to deal with one predicament at a time; quite another to have a laundry list of never-ending crises with no end in sight. Flooding is no joke. It is a traumatic event. I think your employee probably needs to focus on stabilizing before he can increase his commitment to work. It seems that you have a valuable team member who is in a pitched battle to just get through each day, and that it would serve you both to sit down and have a serious discussion about reality.

Perhaps there needs to be a conversation about making a change, at least temporarily, while your employee gets his own health challenges and the disaster recovery activities under control. Here are some ideas to consider:

Have your employee consider going part-time, or even taking some time off and applying for disability.
Talk to your HR person and get clear on the company policies related to paid time off, emergency leave, or other benefits that might be applicable in his situation. Ensure he is aware of his rights and options.
Brainstorm a shift in workload/task assignments.
Look into your company’s Employee Assistance Program. There may be therapy or coaching available to help your person talk through all of his responsibilities and help him get organized.
Check into support resources that might be available for dealing with the aftermath of flooding—disaster relief organizations or government agencies that could provide assistance.

It is clear that your employee’s current situation is untenable, and it isn’t fair to either of you to not face the facts. You can remind him how valuable he is to the team, and how much you appreciate his contribution, and that it is your job to help him so he can bring his best.

Be clear, kind, and direct that something has to give or he is on track for increased health problems. Craft a plan together that you both can live with.

Remember to maintain confidentiality about what you come up with, but also share with your team that their teammate is working to manage his circumstances. They must be wondering.

Life can be hard, and sometimes really hard. Do everything you can to support your employee to help him through this particularly hard patch.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Boss Is Having a Hard Time Letting Go of the Details? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 19 Aug 2023 14:00:31 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I am the director of ecommerce marketing for a fairly new and innovative global digital logistics company. The marketing team is huge; there are three other directors for other kinds of marketing and we are all very busy.

My problem is with my boss, our CMO. She is brilliant, she does a great job with strategy, and all her teams have clear mandates—and apparently, we are all getting great results. The problem is that she often gets into the weeds. She has a huge job, and yet she insists on reading every blog, looking at every word of copy, and vetting every little thing we do. We end up losing a lot of time waiting for her to approve everything, which sometimes interferes with our timelines.

Things move fast in our business. We need to be able to make decisions and move quickly. Our value statements and messaging tracks have been carefully crafted, and there is very little chance that we are going to make any huge errors. But my boss always seems stressed and overwhelmed, and I am sure her insistence on micromanaging is at least partially responsible.

It just doesn’t make any sense to me. Sometimes I want to ask her if she doesn’t have better things to do than watch us like a hawk. I admire her and we have a good relationship, but I don’t know how to share this feedback with her.

Boss in The Weeds

_______________________________________________________________

Dear Boss in The Weeds,

It is incredibly common for senior leaders to have a hard time letting go. The attention to detail and dedicated oversight you describe is what got your boss promoted to her executive job. Somehow she didn’t get the memo that she can’t, and shouldn’t, do things the same way she used to. She will have to figure this out soon or she will alienate her directors or simply burn out. I recently included that exact point in an article published on the CLO website: 12 Things Your Executive Coach Wants You to Know. You may want to share it with your boss. Here is the excerpt:

“What got you here (really) won’t get you there. Marshall Goldsmith wins the award for best book title because truer words have never been said. Most people are promoted to managing others because they are exemplary individual contributors, which does not predict management talent. The next move from managing individuals to managing managers requires an entirely new perspective and a different set of skills. And the same is true when leaders move from managing managers to managing businesses. When people are promoted, they often believe they can rely on what they have always done that has made them successful. In fact, doing those things will get in the way of trying and getting good at new things.”

It is hard for a subordinate to give the kind of feedback you want to give. I understand why you want to ask her the question you mention, but that won’t get you the result you are looking for.

You could, however, try another approach; something along the lines of “Hey, I want you to know that I think my job is to make your job easier. I notice you seem to have a hard time trusting me and my team. I wonder what evidence you would need to be able to trust that we know what we are doing and we won’t disappoint you. I would love for you to be able to focus on the 90 shmillion other things you need to be paying attention to.”

You may learn something. Your boss may share concerns she has—what she is afraid might happen. She may take the opportunity to articulate for you the evidence that would make a difference for her. Or she may take a moment to think about it and change the way she supervises you and your team. It is entirely possible that the two of you will come up with some kind of weekly review that will maintain her comfort level and let you get on with things. Consider drafting an example of what one could look like.

Then again, she may not bite.

To solve your immediate conundrum, you could start letting her know her deadlines for signing off on things so that your deliverables aren’t late. Ultimately, though, this isn’t really your problem. She has to figure out for herself out how to let go. If she is willing to let you help her with that, great! If she isn’t, well, she will get the life she has.

It is nice that you care. It’s worth taking a shot.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Work Colleague Said Things at a Party She Shouldn’t Have? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 12 Aug 2023 10:45:00 +0000

Upset young woman sitting alone at corporate bar party on background with cheerful colleagues

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Dear Madeleine,

I am a partner in a medium-sized professional services organization headquartered in a large metropolitan city. I was recently at a private social function that some employees of my company also attended. It was quite a party, and pretty much everyone had way too much to drink, including me.

One employee, a person I have known and liked for a long time, made an error in judgment and approached me about a professional work issue late in the proceedings. She said a lot of things she really shouldn’t have said—things I wish I hadn’t heard—including critical pieces of information that affect the business.

I feel an obligation to report some of what she told me to the rest of the executive team. This essentially would reveal her as the source, which could seriously hurt her reputation.

I am torn. It was not a company event. If it had been, the decision would be a no-brainer.

What would you do?

Bad Hangover

_________________________________________________________________________

Dear Bad Hangover,

Just when I think I have heard everything, something new shows up. This is a perfect example of why work and alcohol never mix.

I honestly don’t know what I would do—but I can share the options I would consider carefully before doing anything rash. This is a tough one. As a partner, you are presumably an agent or officer of the organization. Your knowing something and not sharing could come back to haunt you if this were to become a legal problem. The fact that you just happened to find out at a private event may not be relevant.

The first thing to do might be to talk to Loose Lips and share your concerns with her. Chances are she won’t even remember having said what she did. She will probably be embarrassed and horrified. Explain the quandary she has created for you. If what she revealed is true, you can ask her to consider sharing what she knows with the appropriate person(s) in a suitable way. If nothing else, it will alert the employee to her irresponsible behavior so she can prepare herself for whatever consequences might be in store for her.

If she declines to escalate the issue, I think your next step would be to bring it to your head of HR and get their input.

You will be tempted to share what you heard with others, and I encourage you not to do that. Don’t tell anyone who doesn’t need to know. It will ignite gossip and could wreak havoc.

Ultimately, you are going to need to find a balance between guarding the best interests of the organization and mitigating the damage that might come to the employee who made a mistake.

I am sorry for you, and sorry for her. Proceed with caution, try not to judge, and be kind.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Direct Report Doesn’t Want to Be On Camera for Meetings? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 08 Jul 2023 12:28:11 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a business unit for a medium-size business. I have a group of six regional managers who report to me. We have been working remotely since long before Covid and have been using video conference for our team meetings forever.

I have a direct report who has begun to refuse to be on camera for our weekly team meetings. About a year ago, we did a team charter where we all agreed that having everyone on camera improved the meetings. We are pretty informal, and we all get tired of sitting at our desks, so some people stand and do yoga poses, some people pace, etc. Certainly if anyone needs a quick bio break, they go off camera for a few minutes. Everyone has kids and dogs they must deal with when they work from home and coworker interruptions when they are in the office. That is just normal.

I have spoken to this team member about the issue a couple of times, and she doesn’t seem to have a good explanation for her choice. She just says she is sick of being on camera all day. I do sympathize; I also think it is tiring. She runs an office, though, and many of her people come in, so she has plenty of in-person time with people. She doesn’t seem to have a problem being on camera for our regular 1×1’s. I am flummoxed.

This situation is affecting the team, and I don’t know what to do next.

Thoughts?

Shut Out

______________________________________________________________________

Dear Shut Out,

It is funny when, with no explanation, someone just decides to not comply with a rule they had agreed to follow. We could speculate all day long about what is going on, but it wouldn’t help us much. Try once more to discuss it with her. This time, be candid about the importance of her being on camera for the team meeting. Make it clear that if there is no real reason, it is not acceptable for her to be off camera.

Perhaps you could prepare some details about how you see this affecting the team. Ask some questions to get your camera-shy person to gain some insight into how her choice impacts the team. Some ideas:

Is there something I need to know about what is going on with you?
Is there something happening within the team that is making you feel unsafe or uncomfortable?
What impact do you think it might have that you are choosing to go against what the team agreed to?
Is there something we could all do together that might reduce your on-camera fatigue?

You haven’t said anything about this person’s performance, so I assume all is well in that area. If, in fact, there is a significant performance issue, that might be part of the problem. If she is feeling bad about her performance, that is something you can address head on.

If you press the issue, she might choose to share her reason(s), which could help you understand. If she says something that helps you make sense of her decision, you can make a call, and then share it with the team. That seems like a long shot, though. My personal experience is that people who consistently choose to be off camera in regular meetings do themselves a disservice, since it makes it easy to forget that they are even present.

In the end, as the boss, you will probably have to insist on compliance with the group’s decision. Of course, she may refuse, and then you have that to deal with. You may have to decide if this issue is worth losing an employee. That will be up to you. The most important thing to know is that whatever happens will set a precedent—and it will send a message to the whole team about what is important to you and what isn’t. Your leg to stand on here is that being on camera was the team’s decision, not some arbitrary rule that you are enforcing to assert your power.

You might think about bringing up the whole matter with the team and revisiting the on-camera rule together. Maybe the whole team is sick of it.

Everyone is finding their way in this new era of hybrid teams. You will want to tread lightly and be sensitive to individual needs, while also keeping the best interests of the team at heart. It is always a bit of a balancing act.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Old People with Old Ideas Got You Down? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 01 Jul 2023 11:55:58 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I am fairly new to the workforce. I have a degree in accounting and got a great job right out of college, working in the finance department. I’ve been in this job for almost two years now. I like the company, the products we make, my manager, and my work.

My issue is that I feel there is so much more our company could be doing to appeal to people my age. Our CEO and our head of marketing are the age of my grandparents. I hate to be ageist, but we could be so much more successful if they were willing to expand their view of the market and to use social media. I don’t have a degree in marketing or even work in marketing, but I don’t need to be an expert to see the missed opportunities.

I hear a lot about generational differences, and I worry if I say something that I will be seen as a know-it-all or worse. Do you think I should say something?

Big Ideas

____________________________________________________________________

Dear Big Ideas,

I can’t really say. But I can propose some ways you can look at this that might help you think it through and come to a decision that feels right.

The first thing to consider is the company culture, values, and overarching strategy. Are there stated values? If so, is there anything about innovation or continual improvement? Does your CEO communicate about where he sees the company going and the goals that are going to help it get there? You might find some clues there as to how open senior leadership might be to new ideas. You can connect any ideas you want to share to the values and strategy of the organization.

Your next stop would be a conversation with your manager. Generally, people in finance aren’t thinking much about marketing, but your manager should be able to offer some guidance of who might be open to hearing your insights. There could be a young counterpart of yours in the marketing department who sees things the same way you do. It wouldn’t hurt to develop a relationship with someone like that.

Finally, you might think about framing your ideas in compelling terms, depending on who you are talking to. Anything you can do to get to know people and what is important to them will help. You can check out their social media to see what interests them, and then tailor your pitch to leverage that. Some people will be interested in market share, others in revenue, and still others in creativity and the reputation of the company.

Be ready to ask questions and listen carefully to the answers. If you ask “what ideas have you had?” you can weave others’ thinking into subsequent pitches so it doesn’t sound like you are only sharing your ideas.

The more you get people talking, the more they will end up thinking any ideas that get adopted were theirs. This would be a win! Start slow, with just a few people, and build from there.

I love big ideas! And, being a grandparent myself, I find that my world view is vastly enriched by engaging with the younger generations. But, of course, that’s me. Start by enlarging your network and developing relationships with as many people as you can. Find ways to connect your ideas to what interests them. Take your time and be respectful. You might just be able to spark some interest that becomes a fire. As long as you aren’t worried about controlling the outcomes, or being seen as the owner of whatever happens, you might be surprised at the impact you can make.

Having vision for what is possible is a leadership trait, Big Ideas, and figuring out how to influence people to see what you see is a critical leadership lesson. There are great things in store for you, my friend!

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Boss Keeps Denying PTO? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 27 May 2023 12:32:00 +0000

Man spending summer vacations at home alone, he is sitting on the deckchair in the living room and working with a laptop

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Dear Madeleine,

I have been working for a company for a few years now. They moved to an Unlimited PTO policy just as I joined. It was heavily promoted in the recruiting stage.

Things went fine the first couple of years. I took the typical PTO breaks—December holiday time, a couple of days in the spring when my kids had a break, around 10 to 14 days in the summer—nothing that exceeded the number of vacation days I would have taken in the old model.

I work on a great team. We have always talked about time off and who would cover for the person who was out. We also have generally checked in and made ourselves available when we’ve been on PTO if there is potential for a problem. There has never been an issue.

We got a new boss about a year ago. He is a stickler for clearing PTO, which is fine—except that whenever I put in for time off, he denies my request. This has happened a couple of times now.

He always has a different reason—the launch of a new project, heavy workloads, someone else had already requested that time (even though no one said they had). Everyone on our team has experienced this. It’s getting to the point that instead of asking, some colleagues are simply calling in sick when they need to be out.

This is stressing me out. My mother-in-law is planning a big family reunion late this summer, and my wife has made it clear that attending is not optional. But now I am afraid to even ask. Help!

Denied PTO

__________________________________________________________________

Dear Denied,

This sounds frustrating indeed. Some managers get very anxious at the prospect of a team member being out. If I have this right, it sounds like you would be asking for this time about two and a half months beforehand. It would be absurd for your boss to deny you.

So, I say, ask now. The longer you wait, the greater the risk of being denied. Make it clear that you need the time for a family event and that it will create a real problem if you don’t attend. Explain that the team has always been super cooperative when it comes to covering for each other when they take PTO, and that you will make sure to cover all contingencies before you go.

If that fails, the next step would be to have a conversation with your manager to understand the reasoning behind the denial. If he claims that somebody has already asked (unlikely), ask who it is, and maybe you can negotiate the dates with that person, if their plans aren’t set in stone.

If that gets you nowhere, it will be time to go to HR. The statistics show that employees tend to take less time under the new Unlimited PTO policies than they did under the old model that set the number of days off. The fact is that people need to take vacation. Not just taking time away from work but still checking in; I mean a real don’t-even-think-about-work vacation . Any decent HR group will know this and should offer proper guidance and support to your manager.

It is possible that your manager doesn’t understand the PTO policy or he worries that if his team appears to take too much time it will reflect badly on him. We can speculate all day long, but it would be up to the HR business partner to get to the root of your manager’s reluctance to let anyone take time off.

Based on what I have read, asking for time off with plenty of notice should work to get you the time you need. You can read here about your rights, but remember that every state and country has different laws.

Don’t let your previous experience delay your making the request. Ask now and get HR involved quickly if you are denied. Lean on the recruiting promises if you need to. If you get no joy, you might consider working for a company that sees their employees as human beings, not machines.

There are already enough reasons to get stressed out these days. Adding the potential wrath of your spouse and her family to it just makes no sense at all. If your company will not support your need to take care of yourself, find one that will.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Interpersonal Tension with a Coworker? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 20 May 2023 13:16:51 +0000

Two figures march inside endless treadmills.
These are unique and original figures and accessories, created and owned by the photographer.

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Dear Madeleine,

There is a woman on my team who is driving me crazy. I am on the young side and she is nearing the end of her career, but I don’t think it is just about generational differences. In fact, she drives everyone crazy.

She always thinks she knows best and assumes I know nothing. She explains things I already know—and at length. She corrects me when I am talking and is sometimes right, but more often she is not. She even corrects our boss in meetings, and he is very graceful. I really wish he would shut her down.

I find myself getting worked up about it, probably way more than I should. It is just so annoying.

What do you think I should do?

Perpetually Annoyed

_________________________________________________________________

Dear Perpetually Annoyed,

I think we can all agree that possibly the most common source of stress at work is interpersonal tension. I have some ideas for you, and you probably aren’t going to love them.

First, some don’ts:

Don’t complain about this coworker to others on the team or in your company. That just makes you look like a complainer.
Don’t be rude to her. Don’t even roll your eyes unless you are by yourself.

What you might do:

Pay attention to the way your boss handles the situation. It sounds like he knows better than to “shut someone down” in front of the whole team. You have no way of knowing what he says to her in private. But, if he can be graceful, so can you.
Interrupt long explanations that you don’t need by saying something like “May I stop you? Thanks, I have what I need right now, and I need to get to it.”
When she corrects you, say “Thank you, I’ll have to look into that.”
If you categorically disagree, simply say “Maybe you’re right.”

“Maybe you’re right” is one of those phrases that can get you out of any number of potentially ugly scrapes with people who are not interested in a discussion. I agree, this is not generational. It is really just a personality issue. It is a classic case of someone whose need to be right supersedes everything else.

We all have different core needs—to be liked, to be included, to be noticed, and to be right are a few examples. I would say the true value of this for you might be to examine your own needs and ask yourself if the way you try to get those needs met at work is making you successful or costing you relationships. If nothing else, the bothersome coworker is a perfect role model of how you don’t want to show up. Watch and learn.

You can be forgiven for fantasizing about stabbing her with a coffee stirrer. (I am doing that right now!) But you won’t actually do it. And you probably aren’t going to get her to change, either—not unless you respect and care about her enough to risk having a very hard conversation with her. It doesn’t sound like that is a likely scenario.

To sum it up: let it roll off your back. Breathe, smile, draw a boundary when you must, and let it go. It is an annoyance, not a real problem. You could certainly turn it into one, but I imagine you have much more important things to do with your time and attention.

Every time you get yourself worked up, remember that whatever you pay attention to will grow. So choose to pay attention to what matters most. I guarantee it isn’t your poor coworker’s lack of awareness.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Need to Coach Executives Who Are Terrible On-Camera? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 06 May 2023 12:55:23 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I work in the communications media studio for a large company. I’m kind of entry level here, but I have a lot of experience directing video. I often end up working with very senior people to get short videos made for client work, proposals, stuff for the website, etc.

Many high level people who come in are—how do I say this?—terrible on camera. They don’t know what to wear, they are almost always unprepared, they haven’t read the script beforehand. Often they ask to use a teleprompter but don’t know how to use it, so it is obvious they are reading. If they choose not to use a teleprompter, we then get the dreaded “umm” which diminishes the authority of the speaker.

As a very junior person, how do I help these people help themselves? I’m not shy but I’m very aware that these people could get me fired if I cross the line.

Trying to Help

_____________________________________________________________

Dear Trying to Help,

Umm…

Just kidding, haha.

I can’t believe this is a new problem, so I would say your first stop to get help with this situation is your boss. There must be a precedent. In theory, when a video shoot is booked, people get a list of guidelines so they will be prepared. These should include ideas for what looks good on camera and what doesn’t. You might suggest to your boss that you invest in some clothing in a range of sizes so you have options for people who show up wearing something that doesn’t work.

If your experience is like that of many clients I work with, it’s possible that either your boss is AWOL or so many people have been laid off that these systems exist but no one is around to tell you. Find out. If you do have a functioning boss, they can give you some pointers on just how directive you can be with people. If you don’t, well, you are on your own.

It sounds like it is your job to set people up to win and make the best possible video they can make. The thing you have going for you is that nobody wants to look bad on camera. Tell people that your job is to make them look and sound great—then ask them if they mind if you give them some pointers as you go.

Many senior leaders are overbooked, and lack of preparation is not unusual. It might help if you print out scripts so that people can read them out loud several times before trying to shoot. You can give them the script and say something like, “Why don’t you take a moment to read through this out loud while they are getting the lights right?” The more practice they get, the better they will sound.

Using a teleprompter is wildly unnatural and takes a lot of practice to get right. Here is a link to an article I found that makes a lot of sense. It offers good tips you can share with people who are struggling. I’ve found a good way to settle into using a teleprompter is to run through the whole thing five times really fast. Then try it normal speed. There is something about doing speed-throughs that gets the words settled in the brain—and then the speaker can just be themselves, use their hands, and sound relaxed.

Filler words are probably the most common issue for everyone. Filler words aren’t just limited to umm. They include “so,” “you know,” “like,” “and,” etc. Some folks get stuck on phrases especially during transitions, such as when moving to a new topic, and they have trouble with an abrupt ending. “It’s really interesting” is an example of this. For folks who use a lot of filler words, here are several tips to help eliminate them:

Most people are not aware of their filler word habit. Tell your talent they are using too many filler words and their delivery will be stronger without them. You can let them know this is very common and can easily be fixed.
Most people are terrified of pauses and silence, so let them know pauses can be edited out if need be. Let people know a little moment of silence is OK.
Ask the person to raise their volume just a notch above normal. This tends to help people eliminate filler words.
Allow for multiple takes, with several practice takes so people can raise their comfort level with what they are saying and how they want to say it.
Encourage the speaker to breathe. Everybody must, and taking a quiet moment to breathe will help your speaker stay centered.

I think you might be overfocused on—or at least unnecessarily freaked out about—hierarchy. Yes, your customers here are extremely senior to you. But you still have a job to do, and it is to make them look and sound great in every video you are responsible for.

It might help to refocus on what your job is. Setting the stage at the beginning of a shoot and getting permission to offer direction and pointers will give you the leeway you need to help. Stay super positive—each time you need to stop and redo something, you can say “that was great, let’s try it a couple more times.” The more you make practice and repetition seem normal, the more normal it will feel. The more practice and repetition people get in a supportive environment, the better they will get. Only trained performers who have practiced and prepared get things on the first take. Set the expectation that great finished videos require lots of takes.

Worst case, you will have a cranky person who is too harried to care and will not allow you to give them the help they need. You do need to be sensitive to that and let the chips fall where they may. If people refuse help, it is on them if they show up badly in their videos.

It sounds like you have the best of intentions. Practice asking for permission and being concise with pointers. Don’t be shy about asking for several takes. Stay positive and point out what is going well. Your speakers will thank you. And those who don’t will have no one to blame but themselves.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Not Sure Team Member Is “Very Happy”? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 29 Apr 2023 13:25:56 +0000

Young girl in backyard smiling looking up

" data-medium-file="https://i0.wp.com/leaderchat.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/Not-sure-that-employee-is-happy.jpg?fit=300%2C163&ssl=1" data-large-file="https://i0.wp.com/leaderchat.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/Not-sure-that-employee-is-happy.jpg?fit=700%2C381&ssl=1" src="https://i0.wp.com/leaderchat.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/Not-sure-that-employee-is-happy.jpg?resize=500%2C272&ssl=1" alt="" class="wp-image-16965" width="500" height="272" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/leaderchat.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/Not-sure-that-employee-is-happy.jpg?w=1000&ssl=1 1000w, https://i0.wp.com/leaderchat.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/Not-sure-that-employee-is-happy.jpg?resize=300%2C163&ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/leaderchat.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/Not-sure-that-employee-is-happy.jpg?resize=150%2C82&ssl=1 150w, https://i0.wp.com/leaderchat.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/Not-sure-that-employee-is-happy.jpg?resize=768%2C418&ssl=1 768w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px" />

Dear Madeleine,

I have been offered a promotion and need to make a recommendation for the team member who will be promoted into my job.

I have one very likely candidate: my most promising employee. She is consistent with her deliverables and has led some projects for the team with great results. She gets along well with her peers and is well respected all around.

The interesting thing is that this person does not seem very ambitious. Whenever the topic of her career comes up, she claims to be “very happy” right where she is. I can’t tell if that is really the case, or if she just lacks confidence to aim higher.

I don’t want to apply too much pressure and end up demotivating her. What is the best way to approach this? I don’t want to be…

Too Pushy

_________________________________________________________________________

Dear Too Pushy,

First, kudos to you for being sensitive enough to care about Very Happy (VH). The key here is get to the bottom of what her “very happy” means. It could mean “very happy for now” or “very happy for the foreseeable future/ you don’t have to worry about me wanting more and seeking an opportunity elsewhere,” or it might very well mean “very happy forever.”

It can be a mistake to assume anything, because your idea of what being ambitious looks like might not match someone else’s. VH may be the kind of person who doesn’t envision a possibility for herself until it is tangible. It might be that she is also worried about coming off as too pushy. You just won’t know until you investigate.

It is generally accepted that all managers need to develop a successor, so you might start by stating that as a fact and asking if she would like to be considered. You could also share that, in your opinion, she is the most likely candidate, but that you don’t want to pressure her. Let her know you are exploring and are open to the outcome.

There is a good chance that VH will ask exactly what the job would entail, so anything you can share about the job description and expectations around ramp-up time would be good to have at the ready. You may think she knows what the job is—but remember, she only sees what you do from where she is sitting.

It is possible, as you mentioned, that VH may not feel she is ready. If so, you will want to be prepared with observations about her strengths and how they would serve her in a more senior role. You might share the challenges you anticipate she would face, and how her experiences so far will have prepared her to rise to them.

If VH would continue to report to you, obviously you would be there to help her get settled in the role. If that is not the case, you might think about offering to mentor her through the transition.

It can be hard for people who have a strong drive to achieve and make no bones about it to understand those who are, by nature, more cautious and guarded with their aspirations. You already are receptive to how VH might play things close to the vest. Honor her nature and continue to be thoughtful, candid, and kind. You might just be able to draw her out enough so she will consider taking what, to her, might feel like a risk.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Dealing with Impending Layoffs? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 22 Apr 2023 11:07:00 +0000

Worried young businesswoman at corridor office

" data-medium-file="https://i0.wp.com/leaderchat.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/Ask-Madeleine-Impending-Layoffs.jpg?fit=300%2C163&ssl=1" data-large-file="https://i0.wp.com/leaderchat.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/Ask-Madeleine-Impending-Layoffs.jpg?fit=700%2C381&ssl=1" src="https://i0.wp.com/leaderchat.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/Ask-Madeleine-Impending-Layoffs.jpg?resize=500%2C272&ssl=1" alt="" class="wp-image-16950" width="500" height="272" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/leaderchat.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/Ask-Madeleine-Impending-Layoffs.jpg?w=1000&ssl=1 1000w, https://i0.wp.com/leaderchat.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/Ask-Madeleine-Impending-Layoffs.jpg?resize=300%2C163&ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/leaderchat.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/Ask-Madeleine-Impending-Layoffs.jpg?resize=150%2C82&ssl=1 150w, https://i0.wp.com/leaderchat.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/Ask-Madeleine-Impending-Layoffs.jpg?resize=768%2C418&ssl=1 768w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px" />

Dear Madeleine,

I am an executive leader for a giant global organization. Last week, massive layoffs were announced. I have a team of twelve direct reports with hundreds of people reporting up to them. I don’t know every person, but I know a lot of them.

Layoffs are going to be devastating for these people. There is a hush now when I come into the office. The sidelong glances, checking to see if I know something, are awful. I’m not even sure if I will have a job at the end of all of this.

What can I do to keep myself on an even keel? And how can I help people soldier on until the ax drops?

I have heard about this kind of thing, but have never experienced it myself.

Waiting for the Ax

____________________________________________________________

Dear Waiting for the Ax,

I am sorry. This is one of the great pain points that goes with working in large organizations. The neuroscience research shows that our brains hate uncertainty and function less well in the face of it.

An organization that chooses to announce massive layoffs with absolutely no other information and plans to help leaders manage the process verges on irresponsibility. Sometimes there is a CHRO who works very hard to manage the emotional fallout of massive layoffs. More often, though, managers are on their own. It sounds like you are one of them—unless, of course, you can get some insights and/or direction from your boss, who is alarmingly absent from your scenario. That would be your first stop for help unless you already know there is no help to be found there. I hate how common this is.

You must take care of yourself so that you can take care of others. If there is anything you can do to make that happen, now is the time. Get exercise, eat properly, get some sleep, meditate. If it will make you feel better, update your LinkedIn and get started on an updated resume. Maybe get in touch with former colleagues and other members of your professional network in case you will be job hunting soon. Get support from family and friends.

In the absence of information, all you can do is try to make things as comfortable as possible. Pull your team together and surface all of their concerns, so at least people are talking and not just exchanging sidelong looks. You don’t want the conversation to devolve into a complaint session, but it will help people to have a safe place to vent. You can set up the discussion by requesting that no one share rumors, but simply share what they are feeling.

You can always re-direct with questions such as:

What can you do to stay focused in the face of this uncertainty?
What can I or another team member do to help you right now?
How can we stay focused on what is working right now?
Who is doing something that is helping them feel resilient that they can share with the group?

Let your people know what you know and what you don’t know and assure them that you will share any intel you get as soon as you get it. Encourage them to take care of themselves as much as they can. Give clear direction on what they need to stay focused on in order to keep moving toward team goals. Don’t let anyone get caught up in panicked overperforming because they think it might save their jobs. That will just add fuel to the fire.

Breathe. Tell your people to breathe.

Remember, you are intelligent and capable and you will be okay. Remind your people they are intelligent and capable and they will be okay.

Stay calm because it will help your people stay calm. Come what may.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Need to Set Boundaries with People Asking for Money? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 15 Apr 2023 11:35:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

This isn’t really a work problem, it is a life problem caused by success at work. I am the CEO of a respected company and have been successful beyond my wildest dreams. I was the first in my family to go to college, let alone get an advanced degree. I am incredibly persistent and have worked hard—but, to be fair, I have also been lucky.

My problem is that my success is visible, so my family members and friends constantly ask for financial support. I am a single mother of two kids. I pay for their secondary schooling and am trying to save for them to go to university as well as for my retirement. I already contribute to the school fees of all my nieces and nephews and pay rent for some of my aunts and uncles. Once I have paid my own bills and all the others, there isn’t much left for savings.

People see that I drive a good car and have nice clothes and they think I am made of money. My own assistant recently asked me to help with her mother’s medical care. People always say they will pay me back, and we all act as if the money is a loan, but I can’t see how anyone will ever be able to pay me back.

I know that the things people ask me to help with are legitimate. It isn’t that I feel taken advantage of—it is simply more than I can pay. I recently made a loan by putting something on a credit card, so now I am paying interest on that loan and I just hate it. I am really struggling with saying no.

Victim of My Success

__________________________________________________________

Dear Victim of My Success,

This is such a classic conundrum. It makes it hard to enjoy your success when it puts you in such an uncomfortable position. I think you might be able to apply a couple of principles here that will help. You will have to gather your courage to be tough and firm, but it sounds like you are tired enough of the situation and are ready to do that. You aren’t going to like what I am going to say, but I am going to say it anyway.

Your suspicion that none of what you give away is truly a “loan” is dead right. Unless you have some kind of payment plan that you are willing to hold people to, you are really just giving money away. The way people who officially loan money (like banks or loan sharks) get unpaid loan money back most of the time is to seize assets or terrify people into compliance. Of course you are not going to do that.

So the first thing you need to do is change your language when you do offer help. Call it a gift. Then when people insist they will pay you back, you can say they are welcome to do that, but you don’t expect it. You never know, someone may repay your generosity when you need it most in the future. I call that pennies from heaven. But you must construct your financial life as if that will never happen. It takes a lot of pressure off the relationship. Everybody wins, you get your need to share and be generous met, and people get help when they need it.

Then, you need to clarify your own boundaries: how much money must you protect for yourself, your children, and the commitments you have already made? It is simply math. You know what comes in every month, and you know what goes out. With anything left over, you decide what goes into savings and what is left over to give away. You can literally build a giveaway fund—and when it is exhausted, that’s that. No more. The well is dry. Until you decide to replenish the fund.

And, unless you are committed to being in debt for anyone other than your children, such as to pay for education or co-sign a mortgage, I highly recommend that you first use the fund to pay off your credit card debt. I am no financial planner, but I know enough to know that credit card debt is brutal and is to be avoided at all costs.

This will be hard for you. You help people because their needs are legitimate, and you care for them. But legitimate need is infinite. It will never shrink. You will be on this vicious and exhausting cycle until you put a stop to it. No one can do it for you.

People will stop asking only when there is nothing—and I mean nothing—left to give. You really don’t want that. Sometimes people are victims of circumstances beyond their control. This is not the case for you.

You have choices here.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Quiet Employee Reluctant to Speak Up in Meetings? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 08 Apr 2023 13:34:33 +0000

He is feeling trapped in all the work.

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Dear Madeleine,

I have an employee who is very dependable and is doing an excellent job. I am certain he will do very well here, long term. He has been with the company about a year, has developed confidence, and often catches errors before it is too late. He is trusted and his peers go to him to brainstorm and troubleshoot.

I have noticed that he stays silent in meetings but will share his thoughts with others after the meeting. This causes extra work and adds time to the process of making the best decisions. I have encouraged him to speak up in group settings, but he is not rising to the occasions as they are presented.

I see great things for this person, and this is an important step in his development. I am not sure how to help him make this leap. Would appreciate some ideas.

Challenged

__________________________________________________________________

Dear Challenged,

Getting the quiet ones to speak up in the moment is a tricky one. The key will be to first get him on board. It may take a lot for him to “rise,” as you say, so he needs to understand the difference it will make for him. He also needs to understand what it will cost him if he fails to even try.

This will require a one-on-one conversation that is private with no interruptions. Then paint the picture of what you see going on.

Start by explaining what compels you to insist on his development. If you didn’t see such promise, you wouldn’t bother, right? He needs to know that you know the value he brings.

Then explain why it is so important for him to speak up in the moment, not after the meeting. Use an example of a recent case where it added time and needless complexity to a decision process. There is a good chance he has no idea it is causing static.

Remind him that you have encouraged him in the past and have not seen any change.

Then ask questions that will help you understand what is going on:

Do you see how important it is that you speak up in the moment?

What keeps you from speaking up in the moment?

Is there anything or anyone (including me) in the meetings that make you feel unsafe?

What can I do to make it feel safer for you?

How can you overcome whatever is getting in your way of speaking?

Ask each question and let him take his time to answer. You may have to be in silence together for a while, and that’s okay. If it makes you uncomfortable, breathe.

You can speculate all day long as to why your high potential person is staying quiet, but only he knows. To be fair, he may not even know himself, so you may not get a clear answer the first time you ask. Be prepared to have him go away and think about it. If this happens, schedule a follow-up so he knows you are not going to let it drop.

You may end up hearing something unexpected. Maybe he was punished or ridiculed for speaking up in his last job. Maybe he needs time to think about things. Maybe he just doesn’t think anyone cares what he thinks, despite what you have said to him. Who knows?

But extend the invitation to partner with him to help him rise. Give it time. It may require incremental experiments. Or you may unleash something—for better or for worse.

He is lucky to have a manager who cares enough to bother. I salute you.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Older Former Colleague Is Now Reporting to You? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 04 Mar 2023 11:03:10 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I recently recommended a former colleague for a job in my company. Months have gone by since then, and our company has restructured. The job she applied for was recently offered to her, and she has accepted. When I made the recommendation, she would have been joining a different department so would have reported to someone else. Since then, we have restructured and now she is going to report to me.

When I worked with her ten years ago, she was senior to me. She is at least fifteen years older and I was just getting started. She has remained at the same level. I know this because she was vocal about how she didn’t want to trade her family life for work advancement. I, on the other hand, have basically done that because I am super ambitious.

I recommended her because I know she is smart and competent, but it never crossed my mind that I would be her boss. God knows I need the help, so I don’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth. But I am really worried and not sure how to handle the weirdness of this.

What would you recommend?

The Junior Is Now the Boss

__________________________________________________________________

Dear The Junior Is Now the Boss,

You’re right. Weird indeed. But not unheard of. You don’t have to apologize for your ambition or your success, so don’t do that. But you don’t have to lord it over anyone either. Just the fact that you are concerned about the potential awkwardness of the situation makes me suspect that you wouldn’t. You both made choices, and that’s okay.

I think the only way to approach the situation is to initiate a conversation about it. Be honest about how you feel and encourage her to be honest about how she feels. You should be ready to share your desire to help her be as successful as possible in her new job and invite her ideas about how you can do that.

Help her understand the culture of this company and specifically how it might be different from where she came from. Make sure she fully grasps her job responsibilities, how to prioritize, and when to escalate when she is unsure. She obviously brings a lot of solid experience—so you can assess together what skills you think might be transferable and what might be new to her.

If you aren’t familiar with our SLII® Model, which will help you partner with your former colleague and give her what she needs when she needs it, you can find a handy e-book here. This will make it easy for you to let her fly in the areas that make sense and offer the right mix of direction and support in areas where she may need to find her feet.

The last thing you want is an elephant in the room that you both tiptoe around. Get all the cards out on the table, show respect for her experience and skills, and you will be fine.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Trying to Stop Interrupting Others? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 25 Feb 2023 13:28:26 +0000

Word stop on a stack of pink wooden blocks interrupting collapsing dominos in a conceptual image of proactive approach to critical situation. Over pastel blue wooden background.

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Dear Madeleine,

I struggle with interrupting people—and I hate doing it. I usually realize it after it is done.

What are some ways to help me overcome this habit and make personal improvements?

Interrupter

___________________________________________________________________________

Dear Interrupter,

I applaud your self-awareness, which is always the first step to any kind of personal improvement. My first question is: how much of a problem it this for you? And how do you know?

You say you usually realize you have done it after the fact. How? Is it that you remember the look on someone’s face? Is it that you remember you cut someone off and now realize you want to know how they were going to finish their sentence? How often do you hear someone say “please let me finish my thought”?

Your first step, since you are already aware of the behavior, is to understand the impact it may be having on others. If you can honestly say it doesn’t bother people, that is important data. If you realize it might be hurting you or the projects you are working on because not everyone gets a hearing, that is another piece of data. The clearer you are about the impact of the behavior and what it is costing you, the more you will be able to tap into the motivation to self-regulate.

The thing about interrupting—and almost any habit we want to curtail—is that it is triggered by something. A few recognizable types of interrupting come to mind:

Just excited: A common type of interrupting that springs from the excitement of a new idea. This tends to be grounded in the best of intentions. Although annoying, it is forgivable.
Getting a word in edgewise: In many fast-paced environments, interrupting is the only way to get air time and everyone has to do it. This tends to be a cultural feature and you are probably in good company. Survival tactics are forgivable—and, indeed, often required.
In my own head: Another kind of interrupting is simple obliviousness to other people. This tends to be less forgivable. Taking notes is a good way to get out of your head and into the flow of conversation.
Shutting people down: The kind of interrupting—when someone is saying something you think is simply stupid or irrelevant—is the least forgivable and will eventually affect your relationships and your success. The only way to shift this kind of interrupting is to examine your attitude about others and work to change it. This might uncover a bigger problem, such as you are on the wrong team or in the wrong job or you routinely judge perfectly competent people and find them wanting. Useful to know.

Can you find yourself in one of these? The more you can understand what drives your behavior, the easier it will be to manage it.

The process that works for behavior change is to take the following steps:

Notice the behavior and the impact it has on others.
Decide that the behavior is making enough of a negative impact on your effectiveness with others that it is worth making the effort to change. Remember, it must be a choice.
Pay attention to what is happening when you engage in the behavior. Watch for the spark that sets you off.
Practice what you might do the next time a spark presents itself in a safe environment. Specifically for interrupting, it might be as simple as putting your hand over your mouth. If managing your energy is a problem, try doing something with your hands—knit, draw, needlepoint—anything that might help you to stay present. If you often interrupt because you get excited about an idea, always have a notebook on hand so you can make a note and not worry about forgetting your question or brilliant idea.
Share your quest to change your behavior with your colleagues. This can only work with people you trust. If you notice that you interrupt because that is the only way to get any airtime, you can ask the meeting leader to make sure all are heard. Sharing that you are working on your tendency to interrupt may also garner you some feedback about the impact you have. You may find out that nobody minds—although that will probably not be the case.
Experiment. Be kind to yourself when you fail or when you try something that isn’t effective. At least people will know you are trying.
Keep track of your progress and what you did when you were successful. Discard methods that don’t work and keep repeating what does work.
Before long, you will notice you have made a change. Don’t let your guard down, though. Stay alert to what might cause a relapse.

I recommend you don’t try to change anything else about yourself while you are actively working on your tendency to interrupt. Set your mind to making a shift and give yourself a good three months. I’ll bet you will see a big difference.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

CEO Is Driving You Insane? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 21 Jan 2023 14:33:02 +0000

large pile of document folders and stack of ring binders flooding office workplace with pc and skyline view; question mark; overworked concept; 3D Illustration

" data-medium-file="https://i0.wp.com/leaderchat.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/CEO-is-a-mystery.jpg?fit=300%2C163&ssl=1" data-large-file="https://i0.wp.com/leaderchat.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/CEO-is-a-mystery.jpg?fit=700%2C381&ssl=1" src="https://i0.wp.com/leaderchat.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/CEO-is-a-mystery.jpg?resize=500%2C272&ssl=1" alt="" class="wp-image-16727" width="500" height="272" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/leaderchat.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/CEO-is-a-mystery.jpg?w=1000&ssl=1 1000w, https://i0.wp.com/leaderchat.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/CEO-is-a-mystery.jpg?resize=300%2C163&ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/leaderchat.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/CEO-is-a-mystery.jpg?resize=150%2C82&ssl=1 150w, https://i0.wp.com/leaderchat.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/CEO-is-a-mystery.jpg?resize=768%2C418&ssl=1 768w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px" />

Dear Madeleine,

I work for a bioengineering company that was a successful startup. It is now well into its seventh year and we still have our founding CEO. As the fairly new COO, I report directly to him and he is driving me insane. Every time he and the other leaders in the organization meet, we have new conversations but never follow up on past conversations. The agenda for these meetings is never clear, much less sent out in advance so that we can prepare.

I knew working for a founding CEO was going to be a challenge, but I just don’t see how anything is going to get done the way we are operating. Any tips for corralling our CEO?

Trying to Get a Grip

_______________________________________________________________

Dear Trying to Get a Grip,

It sounds like your boss fits the classic profile of the entrepreneur CEO: action oriented, risk taking, fast moving, and wildly creative. I grant these kinds of leaders can be maddening for others who are process and detail oriented. Since you are at the executive leadership level, would it be crazy for you to take on organization of leadership team meetings? Obviously you would want to ask your CEO first and get his agreement. He might just be waiting for someone else to take it on.

You could organize the meetings into sections:

Old action items, with updates on actions taken and obstacles to be aware of
New topics, with clearly stated owner of each topic and desired outcomes
News and announcements

This is just off the top of my head, but these are fairly standard. If you feel strongly about having an agenda, you will probably have to put it together yourself. If your CEO has a chief of staff it would be that person’s job, but it doesn’t sound like that is the case. You would have to ask your fellow leaders to give you their agenda items in time for you to put them on the agenda.

Another thing that might help you to gain some clarity on all of the conversations is some distinction for the kind of conversation you are having at a given time. When talking about possibilities, there are three kinds of conversations:

Speculative: When you are brainstorming possibilities or an idea for something you might take on.
Planning and evaluation: When you are attracted to an idea and are now playing it out and poking at what it might look like to execute if you decided it was worthwhile. You are playing devil’s advocate, sharing examples, anticipating obstacles, and evaluating whether a course of action would achieve the desired outcome.
Decision making: You are deciding on a project or course of action and determining whether or not you will go ahead with it. This is where, as a team, you can use a RACI chart to make sure everyone knows (1) who is ultimately responsible for execution and achieving the outcome, (2) who needs to be accountable to that person for specific action items, (3) who needs to be consulted, and (4) who needs to be kept informed. For this conversation, you can flag specific milestone dates to put into that week’s meeting agenda so that the responsible team member can share updates.

I don’t know where these distinctions came from, but I learned them from my husband who is the president of our company and who fits your CEO’s profile. He would throw out ideas only to find out weeks later, to his dismay, that someone had started to execute them. He had to train his leadership and extended leadership team to recognize the difference between speculation conversations, planning and evaluation conversations, and decision making conversations. You might consider sharing these distinctions with your CEO so at any given moment you can ask what kind of conversation you are having.

If you try just these two ideas, I suspect you will feel a little more sane. Your CEO will still be himself, but there will be a bit more discipline in place so that the whole team will feel more grounded.

It sounds like you have your hands full but are in a position to add value and make an impact. Good luck.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Need to Successfully Manage a Reorganization? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 14 Jan 2023 12:36:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I am in leadership development and talent management for a global manufacturing firm. A reorganization initiative will take place early in the second quarter of this year, causing some redundancies and a reduction in personnel. We know this change will bring a lot of anxiety and we’re trying to put some resources in place to help people understand and prepare for what’s going to happen.

Very specific parts of the business will be affected, which will create stress across the organization. Most of the resources I’ve seen are framed around managing a crisis. But we don’t view this reorganization as a crisis—we see it as part of our cost reduction and growth story.

How do we help leaders support their teams in this challenging time? How can we still retain our best talent and keep them engaged and focused on our long-term objectives?

It would be great to have your perspective on this topic.

Managing the Reorg

_____________________________________________________________________

Dear Managing the Reorg,

You are right—if you can help people feel that a reorganization is simply a normal part of business life, everyone will be better off. And, ultimately, the more information you can share with people, the better.

In our change model (you can find an e-book on the topic here), the first stage of concern is Information Concerns. Managers can often handle most of these concerns in groups, which can be a time saver.

People with Information Concerns want to know:

What’s really going on?
What’s wrong with the way things are now?
What do we hope to accomplish?
Why now?
What opportunity will I have to raise questions and voice my concerns?
How do people I respect feel about this change?

The next stage, which is often overlooked or given short shrift, is Personal Concerns. Managers might perceive employees at this stage to be overly self-absorbed or even whiny, so the urge to avoid conversations is strong; however, people may need a safe forum to share difficult emotions such as fear or guilt. Managers may also be tempted to avoid tackling personal concerns because they may not have answers to all the questions being asked. If that’s the case, they should tell the truth and commit to brainstorming and design thinking sessions to figure things out.

It can be a challenge to surface these concerns in group settings, so time-starved managers will need to schedule additional one-on-one conversations. This is an excellent investment of time early in the process, because addressing personal concerns early and well will prevent unpleasant surprises down the road. Allowing people to express their feelings generally diffuses their fears.

People with Personal Concerns want to know:

How will the change impact me personally?
Will I win or lose?
Will my workload increase?
How will my relationships be impacted?
Will I be able to figure out how to get things done in a new way?
How do I find the extra time I will need?

Our CHRO, Kristen Costello, invented a novel approach to ensuring that we retain our best people. It is called the Triple R Conversation. It is a powerful, focused, and detailed take on a stay conversation. The three Rs stand for Reflect, Reconnect, and Revisit. This conversation requires that manager and employee have a trusting relationship.

The employee is asked to prepare by reflecting on why they have stayed, how invested they are in the mission of the organization, what they enjoy most about their job, and what their biggest challenges are. In the conversation, the manager gets more detail about the person’s career goals and their hopes and dreams. The manager also shares ideas and plans that might be considered. They continue to show an interest in the person’s growth and evolution after the meeting. It is critical that the manager not make promises they aren’t certain they can keep—that will do more harm than good.

For more detail and some excellent questions, read this article: Take a “Triple R” Approach to Stay Interviews by Kristen Brookins Costello. The best time to start having these kinds of conversations is right now. They create an outstanding foundation that will serve to help everyone weather any storm that might be coming.

One thing I have observed over years of working with senior leaders managing change is that by the time the change is announced, they have been thinking about it and discussing it with their peers for so long that they are bored with the whole thing. It is easy to forget how disconcerting it was—and the sheer volume of adrenaline that was released—when they first heard about the change. It is easy to forget that they have had a chance to process their own concerns for months, and just because they are over it and ready to move on doesn’t mean others are. This is especially true for leaders who are not only accustomed to a lot of change but who thrive on change. It can be hard for them to remember that most of their employees are not like them at all.

To sum it up, here are some do’s and don’ts for change conversations:

Managers must:

Share as much information as they can
Stay positive about the reasons for the change
Draw attention to the mission of the business and how the change will help fulfill that mission
Trust that any employees who leave the organization will get proper support and will most likely find comparable work in other companies
Listen for the stages of concern from the employee, reflect back what they hear, and give the person a chance to experience emotions without judging
Answer questions when they can and commit to finding answers or coming up with an answer as a team when they can’t
Remember that many individuals can become very alarmed in the face of change, even if the reasons for the change make sense to them
Express empathy for how hard change can be for some people
Prioritize group and one-on-one conversations about the change
Show an interest in each individual who reports to them and demonstrate a willingness to help each person grow and develop by asking thoughtful questions

Managers must not:

Allow their workload or their attitude about the tedium of change management to interfere with helping everyone understand the details and implications for the change
Reveal negative opinions about the change – their own or other leaders
Blame or demonize any one person or group of people for requiring the change
Cast doubt on decisions that have been made
Overdramatize the situation by using language that casts people who still have jobs as lucky or those who don’t as doomed
Try to get away with superficial check-ins; e.g., asking someone how they are doing and not really paying attention to the response
Show impatience with how much time some people need to process
Judge voicing concerns to be naysaying or a challenge to the change
Give in to the impulse to tell people to get on with it—people will come around at different speeds and pushing will only spark resistance

Just as we were all getting used to living in a VUCA world (Volatile, Uncertain, Complex, and Ambiguous), now we are tasked with operating in a BANI world (Brittle, Anxious, Non-linear, and Incomprehensible). If this language is new for you, or intriguing, you might like: What BANI Really Means. As a student of history, I would submit that the BANI moments are more a part of our common experience than we believe. We are all just muddling through, grappling with the human condition.

The best things a leader can do to take care of their people during a change are pay attention, listen a lot, reassure when they can, and be kind.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Ambiguity Making You Crazy? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 07 Jan 2023 14:57:12 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I have risen through the ranks of my organization very quickly. Last year I took on a lot of new responsibilities with almost no direction, did a good job, and got a raise and a promotion. My boss, the president of the company, has told me several times that he sees me as partner material.

One of my superpowers is figuring things out—but I fear I have reached my limit in one area.

I keep asking my boss for more clarity on what is expected of me to be able to reach partner. And he keeps saying I need to become “more comfortable with ambiguity.” It is maddening. If I knew what I was supposed to be doing, I would be doing it. But he won’t tell me.

Any ideas for me on how to break through this impasse?

Flying Blind

______________________________________________________________________

Flying Blind,

You have just described the exact conundrum of making the leap from operational leadership to strategic leadership. When you reach the top ranks of any organization, the biggest shift is that there is no longer anyone to tell you what to do. What your boss is trying to express is that at the level you are playing, it is up to you to use your best judgment and make it up.

What most people don’t realize (until they are doing it) is that executive leadership is a wildly creative—and risky—business. When people are young, a little naïve, and lacking in experience, it can be incredibly exciting. When people have suffered the pain of making expensive mistakes, it can be terrifying.

Here is an article published recently: “The Ultimate Test: What I learned about leadership from Covid-19” that lays out exactly what I mean.

Managing ambiguity literally means figuring out how to get things done when things are not clear, nothing is certain, and there is no road map. It means looking at the whole picture and envisioning the path from where things are now to where you and the other senior leaders say you want to be.

Almost nothing you have been good at or thought you knew up till now is going to help you much, but it can be a good foundation. You will be required to let go of your addiction to checking tasks off your list and get comfortable with moving from incomplete task to incomplete task. For people who define themselves by their ability to get things done, this is a mind-bending transition. Get used to spending your time sharing your vision for the direction your people need to go and experimenting with approaches. Be prepared to adapt as new information comes in, and to pivot if necessary.

The metaphor that has been helpful to many is instead of checkers, you are now playing chess. Instead of moving all your pieces across the board quickly in a day or a week, you will now be lucky to make one or two moves in that time. Each move will require a lot of thought and consideration, frequent checking with others on the team, and possibly accepting a temporary fix until new information is revealed. It is dealing with constant change—and the job is never done.

One thing you can’t do on your own is decide on strategic imperatives. If your boss cannot articulate those, you can push for the leadership team to make decisions on what they are. Once you have those, and a sense of a budget, you will have to make up the rest.

Hopefully, you have organizational values to guide your decisions. If you don’t, you will have to decide on your own leadership values. That means you must know what is most important. That is a whole can of worms in itself and you can find more on that here . If your organization has not spent the time to articulate its values, you can advocate for putting some attention on that. Get some arguments for doing that here.

To be a partner means to be a co-owner with the other partners. Your boss is waiting for you to be brave. So be brave.

Make a plan for what you think needs to be done for you and your people to achieve, or even exceed, the strategic goals that have been set. Do you have the right people in the right seats? (Do they have the skills to do the job the way it needs to be done?) If not, how will you address that issue? Do you have all the resources you need? What hasn’t been thought about yet? What obstacles need to be cleared?

Let me be clear here: this is not a plan for how you will make partner. It is a plan for how you will lead your people to accomplish what needs to be done for the organization. It isn’t about you, it is about the success of your team and the organization.

Lay out the path for how you will do everything. Make a list of the unknowns and the obstacles you can see today. You will be worried that you’ve made mistakes, that you’ve missed something, and that it won’t be perfect—which will almost certainly be the case. That’s OK. No one and nothing is perfect right out of the gate.

Take your plan to your boss as your best guess of what you think you should be doing in the next 12 to 18 months and see what he says. Talk it through, get feedback, and share it with other leaders in the organization. If you think you are right about something that others disagree with, have the courage of your convictions and make your case. Or, if you think someone else’s point of view makes sense, let yourself be influenced. Then tweak the plan, share it with your team, and go.

You have passed the point of studying for the quiz and getting 100% and a gold star. You are now in unknown territory where you have to make your own map, and the test is about making decisions in the absence of enough information. Not only are there no gold stars on offer now, you will be surrounded by people who think they could do it better if they were in your shoes.

You say you have reached your limit for figuring things out? I say you are just getting started. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. You are signing up for a bumpy but exciting ride!

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Ask Madeleine: The Top 5 of 2022

David Witt — Sat, 24 Dec 2022 14:38:10 +0000

2022 will be remembered as a year of continued change as workers adapt to a post-COVID, hybrid work environment. This was reflected in the questions Madeleine received from her readers. Here is a list of this year’s top five, most-viewed columns. Madeleine will be back on January 7^th with a new year of questions from well-meaning managers—possibly yours?

Feel Like a Fraud?

A reader who started at an entry-level position, got an MBA, and rose steadily in her company shares being dogged by a feeling that she isn’t quite as good or quite as smart as others think she is. Madeleine shares how imposter syndrome troubles many well-meaning leaders and how to address it. https://resources.kenblanchard.com/blanchard-leaderchat/feel-like-a-fraud-ask-madeleine

Serious “Resting Face” Issues?

Madeleine helps a friendly, but somewhat serious, manager who has been told she told she has a resting b*%*# face. Madeleine commiserates and shares some strategies. https://resources.kenblanchard.com/blanchard-leaderchat/serious-resting-face-issues-ask-madeleine

Boss Is Always Criticizing You?

Madeleine offers practical tips for a reader dealing with a new boss who is constantly criticizing everything they do and seems to be trying to make them feel terrible in small and large ways. https://resources.kenblanchard.com/blanchard-leaderchat/boss-is-always-criticizing-you-ask-madeleine

Not Sure about Blowing the Whistle?

A reader asks a COVID-related question that begs a bigger discussion of what to do when you face an ethical dilemma. https://resources.kenblanchard.com/blanchard-leaderchat/not-sure-about-blowing-the-whistle-ask-madeleine

Considering Working with a Coach?

Madeleine helps a reader sort through the pros and cons of working with a coach—including some key questions to ask. https://resources.kenblanchard.com/blanchard-leaderchat/considering-working-with-a-coach-ask-madeleine

Do you have a question for Madeleine? Send an email to madeleine.blanchard@kenblanchard.com. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each email personally. Questions will be edited for clarity and length.

Best Wishes for the New Year!

About Madeleine

Direct Report Going Too Far with Unlimited PTO? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 12 Nov 2022 13:35:26 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a team in a large company that recently went to an Unlimited PTO policy. I am glad, because tracking and trying to get people to take their PTO was a pain.

So far, it has worked pretty well. The policy is that people need to request holiday time in advance, mainly so I can cover for people and not have too many people out at the same time. As a team we try to stagger summer holidays and take turns being on call for the big ones that everyone takes, summer Fridays, etc.

My problem is one of my team members—I will call her “S”—who calls in sick almost every Monday. I didn’t really notice it until it started to happen regularly. I also have noticed that she never accepts Monday meetings. Other team members are making jokes about how we can’t have certain meetings on Mondays if S needs to be there.

When S comes in on Tuesdays, I can smell the alcohol on her. I suspect she is partying so hard on the weekends that it bleeds into Mondays and she thinks that is okay. I actually don’t know if that’s true, but something really feels off about this. Thoughts?

Monday Madness

______________________________________________________________

Dear Monday Madness,

Something is off. When other team members start cracking jokes about something, it is your cue that it is long past time to address it.

I can only assume you have an HR business partner, so you need to check in with that person to get the details on the Unlimited PTO policy. Most require the employee to clear PTO with the manager in advance (as you mentioned), and a doctor’s note is required for extended time off due to illness. The whole idea behind PTO is to give people the flexibility and freedom they need to manage their lives and choose how to manage their time to get their work done.

The fact that you and your team are having to schedule around S is an indication that she is using the policy incorrectly—so you must step in. Her cavalier “I just don’t work on Mondays” thing is way out of bounds and you need to put a stop to it pronto. The reasons ultimately don’t matter. If S actually is dealing with an illness, she needs to tell you and work with you to manage her schedule and properly support her in getting the help she needs.

The question of her smelling of alcohol is a separate issue. If she is partying like a maniac, it isn’t really your business unless it keeps her from showing up to work. And you don’t know if that is the case, even though it might seem that way. You can be prepared to share information about mental health and substance abuse support if your company has an EAP program in case S reveals anything that makes that appropriate.

There is a good possibility S is just confused about what Unlimited PTO really means.

Get the facts, get some solid language from HR, practice if you feel shaky, and then say what needs to be said without blame or judgment. Be clear with S about what is required and what is unacceptable. And offer appropriate help if it is needed.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Struggling with a Matrix Environment? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 05 Nov 2022 13:10:51 +0000

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Dear Madeleine,

I work in a company that has recently gone to a matrix environment. It is kind of a disaster because no one seems to know what that means. Trying to get anyone to make a decision so I can move forward with projects on a deadline is making work incredibly stressful. I pride myself on getting things done on time, and I am going to be late on several key deliverables through no fault of my own.

I have at least two bosses now and am not sure which person to go to for what. One of them is not at all interested in letting go of her previous unilateral authority and is resisting my efforts to get the buy-in I need from her before I move ahead with things.

I am really struggling. Any ideas would be helpful.

Matrix Madness

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Matrix Madness,

Yours isn’t the first (and won’t be the last) company to adopt a shift to a matrix organizing structure without properly preparing everyone. (For details on matrix organizations, click here.) It is a source of universal suffering—and until things get worked out, you will have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Essentially, your company (like many others) is trying to get everyone in the organization to be more included, which will eventually help all of you manage the complexity of your business. Moving to a matrix is supposed to break down silos and solve the problem of the right hand not knowing what the left hand is doing. And it can—it just causes a fair amount of chaos first.

I have a few ideas, all of which come from working with clients who have been through a similar change.

First, try to relax. Everyone is upside down, not just you. Identify the projects you are responsible for that are critical and time sensitive. Ask yourself: Will a customer be upset if the project is late? Will other projects be held up if things are delayed on my end? Once you have identified those, communicate with anyone who may be affected by your delays. Anything you can do to avoid disappointing people and to manage expectations on your deadlines will help relieve your anxiety.
Try to escalate the extent of the confusion to the company leadership. Your organization has adopted a massive change effort without taking the steps to educate and bring people along, which is why one boss is not onboard and is causing static for you. Maybe there is a way for you to ask for more training or more direction on what it means to work in a matrix.
A matrix will force you to act more like a leader. Communicate in writing all decisions and all intel you have to anyone who needs to be involved in a decision. Provide deadlines for feedback along with your own recommendations. Make clear when you will be moving forward, so that everyone knows their input is needed by a certain time.
Half your problem is that the change has been implemented as you are mid-project with many things, so that makes it harder. In the future, at the beginning of new projects, use a RACI chart so you know who to involve at what step. A RACI is a time honored way for setting up a project that clarifies who needs to be involved and how. I know a lot of people learn this in business school—it seems to be immediately forgotten, but is incredibly useful.

A RACI chart identifies the following:

R — Responsible – who is responsible for doing the work on a daily basis and making sure each item that needs to get done has an owner and is tracked.

A — Accountable – who is ultimately accountable for getting a goal or task completed, has the power to approve or veto actions or final product.

C — Consulted – who needs to have input into how the task gets done, whose opinion must be sought through two-way conversation. This step is often overlooked, which can cause a lot of problems.

I — Informed – who has an interest in the work because it will affect them in some way and needs to be kept up to date and notified of results. This can usually be a one-way communication.

Just because you are midstream with some of your projects doesn’t mean you can’t at least try to figure out the RACI now.

Dealing with your recalcitrant boss is a whole separate issue. You might want to have a one on one with her to explain why you feel the need to loop more people into decision making. Certain kinds of managers who experience having certain kinds of information and making decisions as a form of power can really struggle in a shift to a matrix. You might share this article with her and maybe even the RACI chart idea. You may end up having to go around her—which will certainly decrease her power and relevance—but you can’t really control her behavior.

You are obviously a dedicated and responsible contributor. Learning to navigate this disruption without letting yourself get upset will serve you well. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You are going to be fine.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Boss Is Driving You Nuts? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 24 Sep 2022 12:26:14 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I am at my wit’s end. I am pretty sure my boss has ADHD. She jokes that she doesn’t have it but causes it in others, but it isn’t funny—because ever since I started reporting to her, my life has been total chaos.

On every project, no sooner is the plan written up and sent out than the ideas come flying in. She second guesses the plan, adds action steps (most of which have already been considered and discarded), and adds more big ideas that are not in the scope of what was discussed. These ideas come at me on Slack, text, and email, and she calls me at all hours of the day and night with more. I put my phone on silent when I go to bed and wake up to a slew of random thoughts from her.

I can’t get through an hour of focused work time without at least three interruptions from her. I feel like I have to respond because she is my boss. She is always moving 100 miles an hour and asking questions she doesn’t give me time to answer. She is driving me nuts.

Otherwise, I like the job and the company. What can I do to get control of this situation?

Driven Mad

__________________________________________________________________

Dear Driven Mad,

I did a spit take at your boss’s joke because I once worked for someone who made the same one. Like you, I found it funny at first and then I wasn’t at all amused. I can relate to your situation—so let me first say I am sorry for how hard this is for you.

That being said, it might be helpful to remind yourself of some of your boss’s good qualities. The positive aspects of people who fit her profile are often intense creativity, the ability to be flexible, excellent troubleshooting and problem solving skills, and more than average amounts of energy. Clearly, she does some things well enough to have come as far as she has. But if she is wreaking havoc with your ability to concentrate, you have to find a way to protect your own sanity. Your boss obviously knows she drives people nuts, so at least she has some awareness. I think you must involve her in crafting a working relationship that you can live with.

It’s not so much about giving her feedback—she has already heard it all, I am certain. But you can get clear about exactly what she expects from you in terms of how you respond to her. It could be a series of questions. Some examples might be:

You have a lot of ideas, which I appreciate. I wonder if you expect me to respond to each and every one of them, or are you simply hoping that I will weave them into the plan and deliverable as I see fit?
When you send me thoughts and ideas, how do I know which ones you want me to respond to directly vs. which are simply FYI’s?
I often plan focused work time to get things done. When you ping me during those times, I feel obliged to respond because you are my boss—but would it be okay with you if I respond when I take a break between focused work time sessions? What is your thought on this?
It is hard for me to distinguish which communications you expect me to take action on and which are just tips you think might be helpful in my work. How do you suggest I do this?
Is this fun speculation or is this something you want me to flesh out and include in the deliverable?

I think people like your boss just expect that others are like them—fueled by lots of activity. It might be helpful to talk about the difference in your work styles and how she expects you to navigate those differences.

It sounds like your boss’s heart is in the right place and that she is probably unaware of the impact she is having on you. The joke she made does signal that she doesn’t expect you to take her firehose style to heart. So one thing you can do when she comes at you is just breathe and listen. When she asks questions that she doesn’t give you time to respond to, it probably means she doesn’t need you to answer but is just thinking out loud. That’s okay. It isn’t personal. Just breathe, listen, take notes if she says something truly brilliant, and let the rest go.

So have that conversation. Steer away from blame or judgment—“you are driving me nuts” might not work very well as a starter. But something like “you and I have very different work styles, and I would like to find a happy medium where we both get what we need to be productive.” Create some rules of the road together and let everything else roll off your back so you can simply focus. Bosses like her depend on direct reports like you to transform great ideas and creativity into executable actions, and she probably knows that.

In my experience, a lot of very successful people with a genius level IQ behave the way your boss behaves. It’s okay. You can learn to navigate it as long as you don’t expect her to change and don’t take it personally.

Harness your sense of humor, keep being good at what you do, and protect that focused work time so you can keep your head on straight.

Breathe. Listen. Learn to ignore what you should ignore and pick out what matters most.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Not Connecting with One of Your Direct Reports? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 13 Aug 2022 10:45:00 +0000

Business Concept.Young Asian businesswoman is working happily.Young businesswoman working in a cafe.Young businesswoman is relaxation in a coffee shop.

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Dear Madeleine,

What do I do if I just can’t connect with one of my direct reports?

I was recently promoted and inherited a whole new team in addition to the one I had before. The team is good and was well led (the leader left for another opportunity).

I get along really well with everyone on the team—except for one person. She never smiles. In my efforts to get to know her better, she has offered monosyllabic answers to questions. For example, when I asked her what she does for fun, or to relax, she literally said “nothing.” When we do our social connection stuff on team calls, she never contributes.

I have never encountered this kind of thing before. I am thinking maybe she doesn’t like me or maybe just doesn’t like men. (Her former boss was female.)

I find myself avoiding having one on ones with her and not thinking of her when it comes to giving out assignments, which I know isn’t fair. I am supposed to have career development conversations with all of my people, and I am dreading trying to do that with her.

Any thoughts on this?

Shut Out

________________________________________________________________________

Dear Shut Out,

There are any number of things potentially going on here. But no matter what, there is one rule of thumb that will help you as you sort through it:

Do. Not. Take. Anything. Personally. Ever.

Especially other people’s personalities or behavior. Especially anything your direct reports do.

OK. Now we are clear on that.

There are a couple of ideas you might consider. Get in touch with her former leader and ask if there is anything you should know. If that isn’t an option, call your HR business partner and ask if there is anything you need to know about the folks on your new team. If your employee who is making you uncomfortable is in fact Neurodivergent, someone in HR probably knows about it and possibly forgot to give you a heads up. If that is the case, there may be some recommendations or guidelines for you there. If that is not the case, you may very well be dealing with someone who is exceptionally introverted and/or shy. Maybe both. I know many introverts for whom the social aspect of team calls is a nightmare. I know many introverts who take a very long time to trust and warm up to new people. When people are introverts, it is simply a personality trait. It is not about you.

The question is: how is this person’s work—is it up to par? Does she meet deadlines? Does she work cooperatively with others? You don’t mention this, so I am assuming the answer to all of the questions is yes. It doesn’t sound like anyone on the team has complained about her. If this is the case, there is no reason to dread having a career conversation with her.

You can ask the questions, maybe provide them to her in writing before the conversation so she doesn’t feel put on the spot. Perhaps even give her the option of providing her answers in writing so she doesn’t have to deal with the discomfort of a video call. The questions might be something like:

Are you engaged and satisfied in your current job?
Do you think you are able to use your skills and strengths in your job?
Do you see yourself moving or changing jobs in the company? If so, where?
What/who is going to slow you down or stop you from getting there?
What/who is needed to facilitate your getting there?
Is there anything about you that you think I should know?
Is there anything else you want me to know?

Possibly your company has given you a format for career conversations—you can certainly use that.

In the end, you don’t need your employee to like you, to smile, or to be friendly. You just need to build trust so she respects you, and let her get on with doing her job. I suspect the harder you try to get her to conform to the kind of behavior that makes you feel good, the more she will resist.

So relax. Let her be herself. Trust that she won’t attend the office bowling party and that it doesn’t have to mean anything, and be okay with it. Remember: the way people behave is not about you, it is about them.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Team Member Accused Another of Sabotaging Their Work? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 06 Aug 2022 10:41:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I manage three large global teams. They do similar customer service, but for different product lines. They all have very seasoned team leads and produce excellent results.

Our business really took off because of the pandemic and we implemented a data-driven way to measure results that has worked well. For a long time there was friendly competition among the three teams, but we always felt like one department. People would cover for each other and even go out of their way to help colleagues on other teams when appropriate.

Recently, though, it seems that the competition has gotten less friendly—to the point that one team lead just accused another of sabotaging his team’s big push for the end of Q2.

It is very hard to assess whether or not the accusation is true. To really get to the bottom of things I would have to mount an inquiry, interview people, and probably get HR involved. I don’t know if I really want to do that. I’m not sure I have the skills or want to spend time on it. I also wonder if something else is going on here. All three teams had excellent Q2 results, regardless.

Would appreciate your thoughts on this.

Out of My Depth

_________________________________________________________________

Dear Out of My Depth,

You can never underestimate the capacity of human beings to find ways to create tribal conflict with groups perceived as “other.” In the paper Tribalism is Human Nature, the researchers state: “We conclude that tribal bias is a natural and nearly ineradicable feature of human cognition and that no group—not even one’s own—is immune.”

Without knowing details about the actual accusation, any evidence that was provided to support it, or any harm done, it is hard for me to formulate an intelligent response. I wonder, for instance, what exactly the accuser wants you to do about the allegations. What redress is sought?

The whole thing puts you in an untenable position of referee—or worse, judge and jury. If, in fact, the accuser is expecting some kind of retribution, you will have to get HR involved. You could be at risk of a lawsuit.

If it is more at the level of he-said-she-said petty squabbling, perhaps you can choose to pull all three team leads together. Do a big reset in an attempt to get past this and back to the more cooperative all-for-one, one-for-all culture you had before. You might take the time with your leads to walk through the tenets of trustworthiness. Here is a terrific article on the behaviors you could all commit to moving forward: The 10 Commandments of Communication to Build Trust.

Another thought: I learned a long time ago from a pair of gifted coaches, Paul and Layne Cutright, that people are never upset for the reason they think they are. This means your accuser may be upset about something his co-lead did that he either hasn’t admitted to himself or is having a hard time articulating. To get to the bottom of it, you could ask questions like:

What upsets you most about what happened?
What do you think might be done to prevent something like this in the future?
What do you think was going on that caused things to go the way they did?

Just keep asking questions until something useful is revealed. When people perceive a lack of fairness, they often behave irrationally. You might learn that the accuser felt he was being treated unfairly in some way.

The one thing you don’t want to do is ignore the situation. You will have to assess whether things are ugly enough to bring in the professionals (HR) or whether it would make sense to have both team leads engage in dialogue to find a way to get back on an even keel. The Cutrights developed an excellent process to use for a heart-to-heart conversation that can help both parties get all thoughts and feelings out on the table. I will put that process at the end of my response.

Once you have addressed the situation, you will need to rebuild with your team leads and make clear that anything other than cooperation will not be tolerated. That is your job as a leader.

Good luck!

Love Madeleine

PS: Here’s more on the Heart to Heart Process by Paul and Layne Cutright.

Heart-to-Heart Talks, adapted from Layne and Paul Cutright’s book Straight From the Heart

If the participants are committed to the health and success of the relationship and approach this process with a desire to be authentic and vulnerable, this can be a powerful way to discuss difficult issues and allow everyone to be heard.

The process involves three rounds of discussions and the speaker and listener have very specific roles. The speaker has to use a series of lead-in statements that structure the context of how they express their thoughts and emotions. In order to let the speaker know they have been heard and understood, and to allow additional information to be shared, the listener can only respond with the following statements:

The first round involves a series of Discovery statements designed to create openness among the participants and to learn more about each other’s perspectives. The speaker can use the following sentence starters:

The second round comprises Clearing statements that allow for the release of fears, anxiety, and stress, and to increase trust. The speaker can use the following sentence stems:

The third round involves Nurturing statements that create mental and emotional well-being in the relationship. These statements allow the participants to put closure to the difficult issues that were shared and to express appreciation for each other that sets the stage for moving forward in a positive fashion. The speaker can use the following phrases:

The facilitator can structure the process in a number of ways, but the important thing is to establish a rhythm for each round where the speaker gets a defined amount of time to share (using the lead-in statements) and the listener responds after each statement. It’s important for the listener to respond each time because it sets the proper rhythm for the discussion and validates the thoughts being shared by the speaker. The speaker should be encouraged to share whatever comes to mind without censoring their thoughts or saying what they think the other person wants to hear. If the speaker can’t think of anything to share, they can say “blank” and then repeat one of the sentence starters. Encourage the participants to keep the process moving and the thoughts will flow more quickly. At the conclusion of the three rounds, it’s important to close the discussion with a recap of the desired outcomes and any action items the participants want to pursue.

About Madeleine

Tired of Telling Little Lies to Smooth Things Over? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 25 Jun 2022 10:45:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I have a problem with lying. Yes. I am a liar.

But I’m not a compulsive liar by any means. What I mean is for a long while I’ve been thinking about little lies that most everyone I know so easily uses—and it bugs me a lot. I’ve analyzed how these “little white lies” suck energy out of the people who use them, meaning the actual liars.

Now I’ve developed a kind of comfort in telling little white lies. Then sometimes, a little bigger lie slips in out of fear of hurting a coworker or family member, or losing a client (new fees or increase in prices).

It is bothering me. What do you think? Should I just roll with it, or is it a problem?

Liar Liar

_______________________________________________________________________________

Dear Liar Liar,

First, can I say how much I appreciate your self-awareness and being willing to tell yourself the truth. That might be half the battle. I think a lot of people who lie are lying to themselves first.

It really is not for me to say. I am not the judge or jury, or in the position to take some kind of moral stance. I do want to point out the language you use: “I have a problem with lying,” and “it is bothering me.” Language is revealing. If you think you have a problem, you have a problem. If it is bugging you, it is bugging you.

Lying just becomes a habit for some people. The original reflex is rooted in the mistaken thought that lying makes life easier, smooths the way, keeps the peace. And that might be true, short term. There are some white lies that just grease the wheels of life. But if you lie once to your Aunt Mildred about loving her meatloaf, you can count on seeing that meatloaf for the rest of Aunt Mildred’s life. If I were your Aunt Mildred, I would much prefer to serve you something that actually gives you pleasure.

So in terms of your white lies, you need to think of the long-term consequences and how important it is that the people you care about trust that what you say is true.

Trust is the bigger issue. I had a dear lifelong friend who I realized early on was a compulsive liar. I just knew to never believe a word he said. So I loved him, but I didn’t trust him. I never depended on him for anything. In some ways, I could see how it served him: he designed his life so that he never had to think about anyone but himself. I get that. It is one way to go. But if your own lies are bugging you, it is probably not the right way for you.

You have to decide for yourself if it is important, in terms of your self-concept, that family, friends, and business partners really trust you. Do you want to be a WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get) person? It could mean a short-term hit, but may be better in the long run.

When my kids were little, I learned about the concept of under promise/ overdeliver in my coaching program. Essentially, it leads to situations in which you will never disappointment someone. My kids would wheedle me to promise stuff, and I would always say “Look, I can’t make that promise. I’ll do my best to ensure it will actually happen, but a lot of details are out of my hands. When I do make a promise, you can be sure I’ll keep it unless I am in the ER or dead.” I think it gave them a sense of security because they knew with certainty what they could and could not expect.

The other to thing to think about is your memory. I always thought I would never be a good spy because my memory is so weirdly selective and I am much more likely to remember the truth and lose track of my lies. So I just decided at a certain point in my life not to lie, because it was the only way I could be 100% certain that I would never be caught out and embarrassed.

There are ways to tell the truth that will minimize hurt feelings. You don’t have to say “I hate meatloaf,” you can just say, “I prefer your lemon chicken.” My husband is a genius—he figured out early on never to answer the “do I look fat in these pants” question. Some questions just have no winning answer. He came up with “those pants aren’t doing you any favors.”

In terms of clients, and pricing, you might want to think about always telling the truth but making special deals for long-term customers. Something along the lines of “We are raising the rates for all new customers but will be offering you your same rate for the next six months because you are such a great customer.”

From a coaching point of view, it is ultimately about choice and cost. Who do you choose to be? What do you want to be responsible for remembering? Do you want to go short-term easy or long-term trusted relationship? What does it cost you to lie? What would it cost you to tell the truth? Is the cost worth the payoff? Right now it seems like the cost may not be worth it to you because it is taking some kind of toll.

In the end, I am a fan of decisions that will decrease the noise in my head even if they inconvenience someone else. Take all of this into consideration and make some decisions.

I think you already know what you want to do.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Relationship Has Turned Sour at Work? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 18 Jun 2022 13:08:59 +0000

Thoughtful mature businesswoman commuting in subway train. Confident female business professional is looking away. She is in public transportation.

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Dear Madeleine,

I have a new friend at work, and she is so great. At least she was. We met when we volunteered to be on a committee for a big company community outreach event. We work in different areas of the company. I have been here a lot longer, and am senior to her, but we really hit it off and have gotten together socially a few times.

At first our conversations were mostly about our lives—partners, kids, hobbies (we both love gardening, baking, and knitting). We are both African Americans who married non-African Americans (my spouse is white and hers is Asian). I have always had friends at work, but very seldom have I had this much in common with someone.

My issue is that lately, when she talks about work, it is all complaints. She bad-mouths her peers and is not happy with her workload . Most problematic is that she doesn’t respect her boss, whom I know well and respect a lot.

I think a lot of her assessments of people are unfair and her workload seems normal to me. Sometimes I wonder if she is complaining to me because she thinks that, as an executive, I might have the power to change things for her—which is not at all the case.

I am not sure how to respond here. I find myself avoiding her, which isn’t going to work long-term because we are both still on the event committee. And I really believed she was, and is, special.

I think I know what I need to do but I’d appreciate any thoughts you might have.

Maybe Not BFFs

______________________________________________________________________________

Dear Maybe Not BFFs,

I wish I knew what you think you should do! It is a funny dynamic I have observed; sometimes just taking the time to write a letter like this is all people need to get the clarity they are seeking.

This is one of those universal and perennial tricky situations—and it is especially tricky when there is a difference in seniority. The difference in seniority can cause an imbalance of power, or even just a perception of one. The classic advice is that we should always maintain a professional distance with colleagues, but I have never been able to do that. I honestly think we all spend too much time at work to avoid developing close relationships, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. In addition, Gallup’s research has shown that engagement at work is vastly increased when people have a best friend at work. But it can get complicated.

Everybody has different definitions of friendship. You have to decide what yours is. To me, true friends are who you call to bail you out of jail or bring you food when you are bedridden. They also tell the truth when it matters; e.g., when my friend says something nasty about another friend, I will take exception, but I won’t share my opinion of her salmon loaf. If your definition includes being honest with each other when something that is said or done makes you uncomfortable, you have to come clean. It might sound something like this: “Hey, I have been thinking about some of the things you’ve been sharing with me, and I have to admit that it makes me a little uncomfortable. Would you be willing to hear my perspective on some of your observations?”

You can also ask what she is hoping for from you. Is she just venting? Or does she want you to do something to help her? Or does she want advice on how to handle certain situations—insight you might be able to share based on your longevity in the organization? This way, you honor your side of the implicit agreement we all make when we think of someone as a friend.

Her response will do one of two things:

It will reassure you that her intentions are good and she is just loosening up and showing her true self. If you decide you can get past this aspect of your new friend, you can always ask to avoid work as a topic of conversation. You will also want to ask yourself if this deeper insight into her character is building your attraction to her or pushing you away.

It will confirm your suspicions. You already may have some certainty about your intuition that she has developed her relationship with you to gain some kind of edge and she is trying to manipulate you. If that is the case, I think it is always wise to go with your gut. If you decide she is not who you thought she was, and you want to distance yourself a bit, you can be perfectly cordial when you are together and simply decline any further invitations to socialize outside of work. I am not a big fan of lack of directness, but I do think, in some cases, simply taking one’s foot off of the friendship-building accelerator can work nicely. You can remain friendly acquaintances at work. I am sure you have plenty of those.

As a family member in a family-owned business, I was once told by a former business owner that I could never be true friends with any employees of the company. I have been testing that out for more than a decade now, and I just don’t think it is true. But I am a lot more careful than I once was.

Please do let me know what happens!

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Direct Report Got Defensive When You Offered Feedback? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 04 Jun 2022 12:42:15 +0000

view of a man showing his hand hiding his face

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Dear Madeleine,

I manage a team that has been working together for a long time, although one person recently left. Her replacement is a new high performer who is settling nicely into the job. He has all the experience and skills we were looking for, but he hasn’t quite figured out our culture or the accepted communication norms in our organization.

When I give him feedback on his communications to make them more aligned with expectations, he gets really defensive. The last time I did this he said, “I do good work; I think you’re too picky.” I was taken aback and didn’t say anything, because nothing I could think of saying would have been appropriate. I am not used to an employee talking to me that way.

Ultimately, it is my job to give him feedback to help him be successful here, and I don’t think it is appropriate for him to make personal observations about me. I am not picky, really, but I know my boss and the executive team are. They have expectations about the way my team does things that they have made clear.

How do I approach this? I am not sure quite where to start.

Dealing with a Defensive Direct Report

_________________________________________________________________________

Dear Dealing with a Defensive Direct Report,

You are right on both counts: it is your job to give your people feedback so that they can be as successful as possible in their jobs, and it is not appropriate for anyone at work to make personal observations about you.

Shut. It. Down.

It is your job to swiftly and clearly put up the hand and make clear that you will not tolerate that kind of response in the future. If you don’t, your new team member will assume that what feels normal to him is okay with you.

You were wise not to get defensive right back. (I can’t believe you didn’t say “excuse me?”) You are obviously thoughtful and have good self-regulation.

Now leverage that thoughtfulness to prepare for a conversation with your direct report. Think through the messages you want to get across. Choose the most important points and start with them. In your case, it might look something like this:

My job is to give you feedback so that you can be as successful as possible in your job. I need to be able to offer you the guidance you need to be successful without being worried that you are going to get defensive and make personal observations about me.
If you are not willing to take feedback and use it, we may have a problem.
You are certainly allowed to disagree with me, but you must treat me with respect.
Of course you do good work—if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be working here. But there is a difference between my giving you feedback on details and my giving you a wholesale critique of your work in general.
The feedback I give you is directly related to the expectations and standards of my boss and the executive team. Yes, I am picky around things that I know others in the organization are picky about.
Our team’s purpose is internal customer service, and it is important that we all use a consistent approach with all of our communications.

I am sure I got some details wrong in these examples; suffice to say the more to the point and succinct you can be, the easier it will be for you to get through the feedback and for him to understand it. It might also be a good idea to write it all out and send him the summary in an email, so you begin a record of the interactions.

If it turns out that your direct report refuses to use feedback to meet expectations and continues his defensiveness and hostility, you will want a clear trail of evidence. No matter how good someone’s work is, there is no reason to tolerate disrespect.

You could take another approach entirely, of course, and go in with questions to get to the bottom of the defensiveness and possibly get insight into what is prompting the behavior.

Questions:

How might I frame feedback for you in a way that makes it easier for you to accept?
Clearly it is important to you to do good work; how can I help you to make sure it is exceptional?
Help me understand what makes you think I am too picky.

But on second thought, no. I think the questions might be the continuation of point #2:

If you are not willing to take feedback and use it, we may have a problem. We can talk about what I can do differently to make that easier for you.

I really think the first order of business is to be unequivocally clear about what is and what is not okay with you. You are the boss and no one else can do it for you. If you don’t do it now, your new DDR will just keep pushing you around until you have no influence over the quality of his work. And you will have allowed it to happen.

Harsh? Probably. There are very few things we have control over in life, but this situation is one of them.

Good luck.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Hungry for Constructive Feedback? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 14 May 2022 10:45:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I get no feedback.

I like my job, my boss, the team I work with, and my company. At every annual review I write my own review first and my manager adds her two cents, always pointing out ways I contribute that I hadn’t thought about or had forgotten. So I do get feedback, and it is always positive, which is nice.

I realize this sounds crazy, but I want more constructive feedback so I can grow and get better. I guess I want to be more challenged.

How can I go about getting more feedback without seeming dissatisfied?

Wanting More

__________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Wanting More,

You don’t sound crazy. You sound lucky. Let’s all take a moment to appreciate your position, because it is a rare one: Your boss obviously thinks you are great and is totally happy with the job you are doing.

And—I get it. It sounds like you might be a little bored.

I think your first stop is your boss. Tell her you are looking for a challenge and you either want to get better at the job you are doing or maybe take on something new. You can be crystal clear that you aren’t unhappy or dissatisfied, just wanting to shake things up a little. The ideal time for this is at your annual review; but if that seems too far away, you can ask for a meeting. I am surprised your manager hasn’t checked in with you about your dreams, your job satisfaction, your career aspirations.

Another thought is to ask your colleagues, teammates, and internal and (if applicable) external customers for feedback to see if there is anything you could do that would make working with you easier. You could simply ask:

Is there anything you wish I would start or stop doing?
Is there anything you wish I did more or less of?
Is there anything you think I should know that could make me more effective or help me add more value?

You never know what you might find out.

I guess it is always possible that there is something you do that stops people from offering suggestions or developmental feedback. Is it possible that in the past you have become defensive? Only you can know the answer to that, and it will serve you to admit the truth to yourself. If you think this might be the case, make sure you go into asking for feedback with an open mind. It takes some grace to accept feedback that might be a surprise or feel personal.

Prepare to respond to anything you hear with one of three options:

Thank you.
I understand.
Tell me more.

This will ensure that people who have the courage to tell you something they think you need to hear will feel heard and won’t feel punished for going out on a limb.

There is also a big difference between seeking/hearing feedback and making a decision to actually do something with it. One way of rewarding people for giving you feedback is to loop back with them and let them know what you are doing with their advice. If you choose not to do anything, you can just tuck it away for future reference.

Remember also that feedback always says more about the person giving it than the person getting it. So write everything down. Give yourself some space and time to absorb, process, and decide what is going to make a difference to your success and what isn’t. Resolve to take nothing personally.

You might be opening a can of worms here, so you will want to be prepared for that. Or maybe you are like Mary Poppins—“practically perfect in every way”—wouldn’t that be grand? If that is the case, your next step will be to figure out if you are, in fact, bored and what goals you might set next to create your next challenge.

Thanks for asking such a surprising question.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Managing Negativity at Work

Britney Cole — Tue, 26 Apr 2022 14:06:46 +0000

“Between stimulus and response lies a space. In that space lie our freedom and power to choose a response. In our response lie our growth and our happiness.”

This is one of my favorite quotes, most often attributed to Viktor E. Frankl, Holocaust survivor and author of Man’s Search for Meaning. It holds an answer to managing negativity in the workplace. But first, I want to be clear about negative thoughts and emotions.

It’s okay to feel anger, worry, and sadness. It’s okay to be mad. It’s okay to get upset. We all experience a spectrum of feelings throughout the day. It’s normal. Besides, the more we squash negative emotions, the more they appear. But we can learn how to respond when we want to hold onto those negative emotions.

The first step is to acknowledge that we all feel big feelings, then feel compassion for yourself when you have them and, eventually, for others when they do.

Recognize Negative Tendencies

We all have natural negative tendencies and thought patterns. So don’t beat yourself up—or at least try not to. Recognize these leanings and attempt to catch yourself before you go into your habitual swirl of doom. You know what that looks like. You might be one of those who identify what’s wrong before you recognize what’s going well. Perhaps you like to vent—a lot. Or, if you are like me, you get defensive when you get feedback and see it as a criticism. These knee-jerk reactions can go completely unnoticed by us because they are ingrained habits and impulses—learned behaviors we acquired long before we were functioning adults.

The key is to acknowledge a feeling and then identify if your reaction to it will be helpful or unhelpful. We obviously don’t want to act out negatively or do something that’s hurtful. But sometimes our natural tendency does exactly that.

I’ll give you an example. Last week I was triggered by one of my colleagues who provided input on a strategy document I wrote. The comments, I felt, were not useful. Instead of dismissing them as a reflection of the person’s own issues, I was triggered and unleashed. I felt annoyed and wanted others to feel my irritation and validate my frustration. So I immediately texted and called a couple of my closest colleagues and complained. I distracted myself from the issue at hand and got wrapped up in a negative cycle of judgment and griping. And while my peers understood and empathized, I can only imagine that my rant did not put a positive spin on their day; perhaps it even impacted them later on. It was not an issue that I was triggered, but it was that I let it play out with my teammates and truly created a negative work environment. Not helpful and not fair—to myself, my peers, or that clueless colleague who was trying to give me some honest feedback.

Don’t Gossip

Here is a confession: I struggle with gossip. I want to follow the Golden Rule. If I hear someone speaking negatively about someone or something else, I don’t want to participate or share a juicy story of my own. But I usually do. I sympathize and likely continue enabling the rumor mill. Why? I also struggle with being direct, so gossip is an easier way for me to process my feelings. Great job, Brit, on being self-aware. But I need to take this a bit further.

Really, the better course of action is to either not participate or change the subject. Have more empathy and compassion for those who are at the center of the story. We are all just trying to do the best we can with the information we are presented with at the time.

Goodbye to Toxic Positivity

Toxic positivity is as bad as gossiping. It can be used to gloss over any unpleasant truths in the workplace. Rarely are statements such as “it could be worse” or “don’t stress” or “look on the bright side” helpful to the individual who is having a bad day, for whatever justified or unjustified reason. Toxic positively feels a bit like gaslighting—as if the other person’s feelings don’t matter or aren’t appropriate.

As with gossip, the answer is empathy and compassion. How do you show empathy and compassion? Through listening with the intent to understand, validating those strong emotions, and offering support—even if it’s just an ear.

Flip the Negative Script

A very close friend of mine and I work together. We use a technique to manage negativity so we can help each other share strong feelings but also get some forward momentum. If this person calls wanting to air out grievances, I ask, “Do you want to talk to Work Britney or Friend Britney?” My response is different based on who this person wants to talk to. If it’s Work Britney, I’ll say something like, “Want to work out a solution together?” If she is looking for a friend, I’ll say, “Dude, that stinks. I’m here for you.”

You can use this technique with your people. Let them know you’re going to wear different hats based on their need. This way, you can either play the role of boss or lend a friendly ear. I’ve asked my leaders in the past to do this. It’s helped me be able to share my feelings and then make a plan–which often means being more direct with the object of my aggravation.

Find a Release Valve—A Healthy One

People call work a “pressure cooker” for good reason—we all need a release valve. But you need to find one that works for you. Maybe it’s journaling, or exercise, or yoga—whatever helps you process the big feelings. But watch out. Doom scrolling, gossip, toxic positivity, and other nefarious habits that cause more self-harm may seem to be effective release valves, but they clearly only perpetuate the negative cycle on yourself and others.

Set the Tone

Leaders have more influence than they realize. Just consider that a poor relationship with a leader is the top reason people leave a job. You can flip this dynamic on its head by asking people how they are doing, what problems they are facing, what’s their biggest challenge.

Just as important, you can set the tone for these conversations. Instead of focusing on the negative, you can ask people about their big wins in the past week. I recently asked my people what their best day at work was in the past six months. Smiles began appearing on every face. Their brains were working hard. Then they shared great stories—and the whole nature of the conversation changed.

You Be the Example

A leader’s job is to manage the energy in the workplace. If there is negativity everywhere, notice it, acknowledge your role in creating or perpetuating that environment, and make a conscious decision to do something different.

It’s an unrealistic attitude to think every day is going to be unicorns and rainbows. Just do your best to be more mindful of negative patterns. Craig Weber calls it “Catch It, Name It, Tame It.” Meanwhile, “Catch people doing things right,” as Ken Blanchard would say. Celebrate the small wins. Celebrate when things go well. And little by little, you’ll change the environment.

It all goes back to the Frankl quote. “Between stimulus and response lies a space. In that space lie our freedom and power to choose a response. In our response lie our growth and our happiness.”

We have a choice. Do we want to bring people down or lift them up? Do we want to share the latest gossip or simply move on with our day? Negative emotions are shared by all of us, but a negative environment doesn’t have to be. We have the power to create more shared experiences that are positive. It’s about asserting our freedom and remembering that we have a choice in our response—and then choosing the path that leads to our growth and happiness.

Six Keys for Setting Team Priorities and Delegating

Jay Campbell — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 14:30:01 +0000

The business world is only going to keep moving faster, which is forcing leaders to become increasingly adept at managing their team’s priorities and delegating tasks. But that can be a tricky undertaking.

The way leaders manage their team’s priorities and delegate runs the spectrum. On one end are leaders who don’t know what their people are working on, can’t set priorities, and have delegated to the point of abdicating their responsibility. This style is obviously dysfunctional. On the other end are leaders who are doing the work of their employees, micromanaging them, and disempowering them. This style denies people the chance to learn and grow on the job. It makes employees dependent on their managers.

You want to be in the sweet spot when managing your team’s priorities and delegating, adjusting the direction and support each person needs in each case. That will balance performance with learning while helping your people develop and be successful. It’s a place where your people truly work as a team and you provide inspiring leadership.

Here are some tips for getting there.

Define Priorities and Goals

Defining goals and objectives with your people is the first step. This might sound obvious until you consider that only 50% of employees strongly agree that they understand what is expected of them at work.

A useful practice is to ask your people to listen to the goals you verbalize and restate them in their own words. It sounds simple, but there are many layers of interpretation, storage, recall, and reinterpretation that can change the meaning of even simple goals. How well can you expect someone to fulfill a goal if they don’t even start out on the same page as you?

Defining goals and objectives shouldn’t be done just at the start of a project. For most of us, goals will evolve along the way as new information becomes available. That means revisiting the goals regularly to keep people on track.

Collaboration is Key

Prioritization should be done collaboratively. Great managers treat their people as intellectual peers, discussing tricky choices with them and debating tradeoffs. This includes empowering them to make their own decisions. Even if people don’t have answers at the ready, they feel highly respected when their leaders treat them as equals.

The key is to make your people real partners when setting priorities. When you do this, you show you care what they think. This inspires them to be more invested in their work. These exchanges also give you an opportunity to emphasize timelines and stakeholder needs.

Delegation Depends on Follow-Up

Delegation isn’t a one-and-done affair. Assigning a job and not following up on the task isn’t a successful strategy. The better practice is for the leader to check in on the assignment and offer support when needed. Your goal is not to hover or micromanage but to show you are still aware and interested about the assignment. If your people know something is important to you, it will be more important to them.

Praise Regularly

Praising people when they do a good job is one of my favorite practices Ken teaches. It makes the receiver feel good, drives engagement, and brings a host of other benefits. It also plays an important part in delegation.

When you’ve delegated a big project, praising is a great way to sustain a person’s enthusiasm. Think of praising as a way of locking in the best behaviors of your staff to leverage in every future task they take on. You’ll help them be more successful in the future if you recognize praiseworthy behaviors now.

Delegation and Trust

As a leader, delegating a task requires a certain amount of trust on your part. You are trusting people to complete a project without much oversight. But what can you do when your trust level is moderate or variable?

It helps to view trust as an analog variable—ask yourself “how much can I trust them?” rather than “Do I trust them?”

For most tasks and projects, delegation doesn’t have to be a black or white request. For instance, if the project is to create a final report, you can ask people to complete tasks ranging from small (e.g., pull together some talking points) to medium (e.g., draft some slides) to large (e.g., deliver the final presentation on your own).

It’s also helpful to consider the stakes. Does this task have a high-risk profile? Are the consequences significant? If the stakes of a task are low, little trust is required to delegate. You might decide to hand the task off and make it a learning opportunity for the individual. If the stakes are high, you would more likely need to have considerable trust in the person and may want to check in regularly.

Leading from the Sweet Spot

Managing your team’s priorities and delegating work requires skilled leadership. If you do it well, you’ll empower your people with new skills and confidence. And you’ll have more time to work on other projects.

It might be challenging, but the rewards are worth it.

Make Career Conversations a Regular Agenda Item in One-on-Ones

Kristin Brookins Costello — Thu, 14 Apr 2022 13:28:07 +0000

Businesswoman in discussion with coworker at office workstation

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Why would anyone want to be a career builder when they risk losing the people they develop?

It’s a provocative question many leaders answer by not developing their people. But this strategy doesn’t work—because people who aren’t nurtured by their leaders end up leaving anyway.

Career development is about the employee experience. It’s about the leader learning what’s important to the individual on a very personal level and discovering their strengths. It’s about understanding that people are happiest when they are growing and when they are respected for their skills and strengths.

When leaders recognize what’s personally important to the individual, the individual’s performance improves. Every employee wants to use their strengths through the course of the day. It feeds and energizes them. It helps them feel good about who they are and what they contribute.

The best leaders know putting in the time and effort to cultivate their people is always a smart investment. While they may end up losing someone in the end, they know they are gaining the loyalty of the person they are helping. And, in the process, they’ll earn the respect of all of their people.

Have Ongoing Conversations

Smart leaders partner with their people and have ongoing conversations about career development. This includes asking “Where do you want to be and how can I support you in that way?”

This shouldn’t be just a single conversation. It should be a living, breathing dialogue. Leaders should constantly be checking in with their people. When possible, they should partner with HR to create a potential pathway and provide necessary resources such as classes or certification.

Career development doesn’t have to mean leaving for another job. A leader seeking growth can become a mentee of an executive in another department or they can mentor someone who’s more junior.

The right course of action is to give an individual the space and resources to grow and learn more about themselves. The goal is to place a priority on the person, not just have them accomplish tasks. And if there isn’t room for the person to thrive, help them find the next step in their professional development.

Dealing with Doubts

Many leaders find career development conversations intimidating because it’s outside of their day-to-day duties. There’s also fear of the unknown. Leaders wonder if they are opening a Pandora’s Box. An employee could go through a career development journey and decide their current job isn’t for them.

The best way to handle this is to have ongoing conversations monthly, or at least quarterly. Your job as a leader is to make sure there is time on the meeting agenda where you can ask questions such as:

How are you doing?
Where are you in your career journey?
How can I help you?

Making this conversation a standing agenda item normalizes it, which can help eliminate discomfort. Anxiety dissipates because the topic becomes a familiar one. The individual becomes excited and feels like their leader truly respects and trusts them. They come to a place of understanding and clarity. All a leader needs to do is operationalize whatever decision the person reaches—be it staying or leaving for another opportunity.

Happy Employees Are Productive Employees

One effective technique is to list all of an employee’s strengths and create a plan that aligns with their goals. This is powerful because it produces both short-term and long-term results. People get to use their strengths on a regular basis, which translates into happy and productive employees. As for the long term, people who do what they love can make a tremendous difference when leaders assign them to mission-critical tasks. This is one way a company can achieve its strategic goals.

When there’s a mismatch between a person’s strengths and their job duties, they experience little joy at work and the company doesn’t get their best effort. Productivity issues can arise. It’s a lose-lose situation. Making sure a person’s strengths and tasks are aligned can eliminate this problem.

Create Milestones

Effective leaders create milestones that help people reach their career development goals. When you track their progress, individuals feel like they are part of a formalized process.

Creating milestones is an important way to operationalize career development. The individual has a yardstick to measure their growth. The leader shows they want to create a real partnership.

The Gift of Career Development

When you look back at your life, you undoubtably have fond memories of the people who believed in you, encouraged you to cultivate your talents, and put your interests before theirs. They made a lasting impression on you and helped you become the person you are.

Career development is your opportunity to be a mentor who changes someone’s life for the better. What more could a leader want?

Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace

Courtney Harrison — Tue, 12 Apr 2022 12:32:21 +0000

Feeling psychologically safe in the workplace has never been more important. The storm of the past two years has generated tidal waves of competing priorities and pressing demands, all vying for urgent attention. Hurricane-force winds of unrelenting and pervasive change continue to swirl around us. Without the critical lifeline of psychological safety, employees can feel as though they are drowning.

Leaders who create an environment of psychological safety do more than toss their people a life raft—they hop in alongside them and grab an oar of their own.

The Benefits of Psychological Safety

Cultivating a bedrock of psychological safety allows for honest communication. It creates a space where team members can feel safe enough to speak up—to share concerns, challenges, and questions with their leader and to voice when they are overwhelmed or burned out.

Conversely, an atmosphere depleted of psychological safety will foster secrecy and shame while the team member reports everything is fine—until they cannot pretend any longer. And who is usually left cleaning up the ensuing mess? The leader. Creating an environment where team members are secure enough to be candid can save the massive pain of rework, dropped balls, and valued employees leaving the organization.

Psychological safety is a requirement for innovation. When someone feels secure in their role with their team, and especially with their leader, it will translate into a greater willingness to take risks, think outside the box, expand beyond their comfort zone, and share creative ideas. In today’s fast-moving business world, this type of innovative ideation can be a game changer. It gives one permission to—in the words of Brené Brown—“dare greatly.”

Psychological safety is paramount to fostering a sense of community. We all know isolation is a pervasive and destructive force that can be especially acute in remote or hybrid teams. People need psychological safety to support one another and band together in solidarity and spirit. Deep-rooted connections with colleagues can act as a powerfully stabilizing force to protect morale and solidify loyalty across the team.

Best of all, psychological safety lets people be their best selves. When your team members feel safe, they can flourish—boldly sharing their most creative ideas, courageously and candidly talking about their workloads, and taking care of themselves and their teammates.

Model Psychological Safety

One of the most powerful ways to cultivate psychological safety with your people is to model it. A leader is like a master clock by which everyone else sets their watch. Your people listen to what you say, but, more importantly, they watch what you do. And what you do as a leader will be the single greatest determining factor of the level of psychological safety experienced by your team.

A critical aspect of this practice is to volunteer your own struggles, frustrations, fears, and failures. Talk about the experiences that shaped you as a leader. Tell people how you’ve grown from your challenges. Let them know what you’ve learned from your battles and what you’re still learning today.

Remember that trust can be counterintuitive; as a leader, you’ll often need to bravely gift it to someone before receiving it from them. Harness your own vulnerability as a superpower and watch it infuse every member of your team with safety, empowerment, and trust.

Have Regular Check-Ins

Another vital habit to promote psychological safety in the workplace is to check in regularly with your people. Make it a priority—and make it real. Don’t ask, “How are you doing?” Instead, ask, “How are you really doing?” Be willing to dive beneath the waterline to talk about their emotional climate. The depth of feelings shared will likely vary from person to person, and that’s okay. Meet people where they are. Allow your actions to intentionally communicate that you care about them as a person first; that you don’t see them as a human doing, but as a human being.

There’s a myriad of ways to do this other than in one-on-one meetings. For example, you can start a meeting with a slide that asks people to share how they are currently faring—kind of like an internal weather forecast. If people aren’t comfortable talking, they can share how they are feeling by picking an emoji. Cracking the door to meaningful dialogue can make all the difference in strengthening psychological safety.

Promote Wellness

Wellness and performance at work are closely linked—and a sense of well-being depends on psychological safety. That’s why, again, it is critical that you first model wellness behaviors in your own practices. A simple tactic is to start meetings five minutes past the hour and end them early, which gives people the permission to do this with their own schedules.

Remember that what you do is so much more important than what you preach. Don’t just tell people to take care of themselves; show them how you take care of yourself. Consider sharing a picture of yourself walking your dog in the middle of the day or eating lunch with your family.

Are you good about reminding your team members to unplug after work hours or during vacations? Here’s a harder one: do you send emails during off hours or on PTO days? Remember the master clock: everyone is watching you set the tone. Your people are going to imitate the example you set. Make it a sacred priority to share your wellness practices and witness how it liberates your team to do the same.

A Final Thought

Consider Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. The goal may be self-actualization—ascending the pyramid—but you can’t grab that elevator without first building out the lower levels. Psychological safety is the vital foundation of the entire structure, allowing for transformative growth, rich team connections, and powerful self-awareness.

As a leader, if you architect an environment of psychological safety, you are giving your people a spectacular gift. This gift will manifest in their attitude, sense of camaraderie, effectiveness, commitment to the team, and spirit of innovation. The world could certainly use more psychological safety these days, and it starts with leaders like you.

Boss Wants You to Tell People They Have to Come Back to the Office? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 09 Apr 2022 10:48:02 +0000

Indian businesswoman explaining her situation to her coworker

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Dear Madeleine,

I run a large team for a media company. The CEO has a lot of strengths but is inconsistent and often irrational. My team is constantly on the hook to respond to endless PR issues, so we never quite know what is coming at us.

Before Covid we all came to the office early and stayed late—it was just a given. My job is global, so it is literally 24/7. Now the CEO has told his management team he wants everyone back in the office, but he won’t make it company policy because he is afraid people will quit en masse. Instead, he has tasked his management team with lowering the boom and insisting that people come back to the office.

My team members and I managed remotely through Covid. I think we are far more effective in person, but none of them have an interest in coming back to the office. In fact, they seem emboldened with their newfound freedom to the degree that they are now telling me what hours they will be working.

It would be so much easier for me if the company would just create a back-to-office policy instead of forcing all the managers to be the bad guys.

How should I approach this?

Hate Being the Heavy

_________________________________________________________________________

Dear Hate Being the Heavy,

It is so easy to blame upper management for things people don’t like. I understand your resenting being left holding the bag on this issue; however, I think the opportunity here is to create a hybrid environment that works for everyone on your team. If your senior team won’t insist that everyone come into the office every day, you don’t have to either. You can’t be held accountable for something your senior team refuses to say out loud.

What was it, do you think, that made you more effective pre-Covid? It’s true that when working remotely you lose the opportunity for quick after-meeting chats and catch-ups in the hallway—so think about how you might build those into your remote day schedules.

It is not appropriate for your employees to inform you what their working hours will be—but it does make sense for you to speak with each team member to get insight into what would work best for them. You can be clear that you are gathering intel to make the best possible plan and you can’t promise your final plan will suit every individual perfectly. As long as your people feel heard and understood, and they trust you to use your best judgment, you should be okay.

Once you have heard from everyone, you can create a plan for your team. Maybe everyone comes in the same two days every week, each person can choose which day will be their third day, and everyone WFH on Fridays. Do whatever you think will work best.

You can make almost anything work if you follow these tips:

Have at least one all-hands meeting in person per week. Maybe include a lunch to sweeten the deal. Use lunch time as an opportunity to socialize, letting people catch up on personal news.
Make sure everyone is crystal clear about deliverables and deadlines. Provide ways for people to keep you up to speed on what they are working on. Anything you can do using technology to increase visibility into workflow will increase trust and communication.
Create some rules about communicating and being available on chat during working hours.
Have a dedicated office hours time each day where you can be free for a quick check-in with whoever might need one.
Have team members choose one day a week to be on call, since part of the job is crisis management at all hours.
Send the message that “showing up” can mean either in person or virtually—but showing up is an expectation.

Once people have a taste of the freedom that comes with remote work, it is hard to go back. In fact, I suspect there is no going back to the way things were. But this is an opportunity for you to get input and create something new that will afford some of the freedoms your people have become accustomed to even as you insist on some new norms.

A lot of leading indicators point to what we are going through as not so much The Great Resignation as The Great Switcheroo. People are taking advantage of the opportunity to move to jobs that are more aligned with their passions and values, with the kind of flexibility they have become accustomed to. So the more you can include your people in the design of your new work structure, the more successful you will be.

Do your research and then be bold and clear. You are the boss of your team, even if some of your team members may have forgotten.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Leading with Empathy

Randy Conley — Thu, 07 Apr 2022 10:45:00 +0000

Counseling and conversation in group therapy or meeting. Man sharing story to community. Casual business people in discussion. Peer support, trust and empathy. Treatment together in help center.

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People want an empathetic leader. Many managers strive to be one. But ask someone to define the term, and you’re likely to be met with silence.

Let’s start with the definition. According to Merriam-Webster, empathy means “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another.”

The logical question is: why is being empathetic an important quality of a leader? It seems to have nothing in common with achieving tasks or succeeding in the workplace.

The importance of being an empathetic leader starts with the simple truth that leadership is about people. If you’re going to lead effectively, you must be attuned to your people’s thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. This translates into creating real partnerships rather than exerting power. It means walking alongside your team members and guiding them in the direction you need them to go.

Why Empathetic Leaders Are Needed Now

The topic of empathetic leadership has been getting a lot of press lately, mostly due to the adverse effects of the pandemic. COVID has bruised people in many ways: losing a loved one, losing a job, pay cuts, health problems, and on and on.

People are reevaluating their relationship with work in the wake of the pandemic. Some are deciding life’s too short to leave their spirit at the door and endure long workdays just to bring home a paycheck. They want an environment that nourishes them in a profound way.

The Empathy Deficit

Forbes says empathy is the most important leadership skill, but only 40% of people rate their leaders as being empathetic. It’s tricky to single out one skill as being the most important—anyone can argue that other skills deserve top billing. That qualifier aside, this statistic reveals a huge disconnect between what people want and what their leaders are providing.

But leading with empathy isn’t easy. If empathetic leadership were part of a college curriculum, it would be a 200-level class. It presumes that people have all the basics down—and many leaders don’t.

Leaders are often promoted to their roles based on their success as an individual contributor. But being a first-time manager requires a whole new set of skills—for example, emotional intelligence—that are more important than technical expertise. Many managers either haven’t had the opportunity to develop these skills, are resistant to doing so, or don’t have an interest in them.

When you add up all these reasons, it’s easy to see why we have an empathy deficit among leaders and their people.

Know Thyself

Becoming an empathetic leader starts with having excellent self-awareness. This requires doing inner work on understanding your motivators, your temperament, and your personality style. It also includes knowing your communication style, your reaction to feedback, and how your values shape your behavior.

The first step in your journey is investing in your own development. Once you are more self-aware, you can begin to adjust your leadership style to the needs of your people.

Senior executives play a pivotal role in this. They must put organizational resources behind self-awareness initiatives to show they are serious about developing empathetic leaders. Investing in training is an example. Just as important, they need to model the behaviors they want the organization’s leaders to demonstrate. They also should have caring conversations with managers who don’t appear to be growing into empathetic leaders.

Understand Others

The second part of empathetic leadership is striving for a good understanding of your team members. This includes improving your communication skills, such as being curious in conversations instead of being defensive or aggressive. It also includes learning how to eliminate fear in your interactions with your people—trust cannot survive if there is fear in a relationship.

Building trust with your people is essential if you’re to be an empathetic leader. They must know you are on their side and you mean them no harm. You must show them your role as a leader is to help them succeed. The better you understand your people, the better you’ll be able to serve them in a meaningful way.

Be Helpful

Finding practical ways to serve others is a concrete example of empathetic leadership. Our Self Leadership course teaches five points of power you can use to help your people succeed:

Position Power: Having the title or authority to make certain decisions
Task Power: Having control over a task or particular job
Personal Power: Having interpersonal and leadership skills, passion, inspiration, or a personal vision of the future
Relationship Power: Being connected or friendly with other people who have power
Knowledge Power: Having relevant experience, expertise, or credentials

Empathetic leaders use these points of power to build up their people, help them feel safe and secure, and increase their confidence. When leaders do this, their people know they care about them. This opens many doors of possibility.

Be Compassionate

Empathetic leaders are compassionate and extend grace to others. They know how to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. But remember: organizations have goals that must be accomplished. Leaders must balance compassion with clear expectations that are understood by every team member.

Leaders who are empathetic place great importance on creating psychological safety—an environment where a person feels free to speak their mind, take risks, and admit mistakes without fear of being punished or reprimanded.

Empathetic leaders also balance great relationships with great results. Ken Blanchard and I share how to navigate this tricky intersection in our new book, Simple Truths of Leadership: 52 Ways to Be a Servant Leader and Build Trust.

Simple Truth #1 in our book is “Servant leadership is the best way to achieve both great results and great relationships.” Many people have an either/or mindset when it comes to leadership—they focus on either achieving results or developing relationships. You can get both if you set a clear vision and direction for your people, then work side by side serving them in ways that help them accomplish their goals.

Set Boundaries

Empathetic leaders know how to set clear boundaries that benefit everyone, such as letting people know how many hours a day they’re supposed to work or that sending late-night emails is inappropriate.

When everyone has clarity on work boundaries—including rules and expectations—there is tremendous safety and freedom. Boundaries create a guardrail so people don’t unduly sacrifice themselves to accomplish something. Boundaries also promote autonomy. They let people know what they can and can’t do.

An Empathetic Leader in Action

Seeing an empathetic leader in action turns philosophy into concrete reality. Try to imagine yourself as an empathetic leader who practices the following behaviors on a daily basis.

An empathetic leader:

Asks rather than tells
Listens rather than speaks
Serves rather than commands
Cares about people’s concerns
Is receptive to feedback
Doesn’t overact to people’s questions or concerns
Doesn’t interpret concerns as resistance

When you demonstrate these behaviors, your people will be loyal to you. They’ll be engaged. They’ll give their best effort. They’ll be more innovative. And they’ll speak highly about your organization to their friends and colleagues.

Call to Action

At its core, empathetic leadership is about being an others-focused leader. It’s about leaders being in tune with the needs of their people and responding in tangible ways that demonstrate their care and concern. And how do people respond when their leaders act this way? They pledge their loyalty, trust, and commitment to that leader, which results in greater productivity, innovation, and creativity. Who wouldn’t want that?

Seven Strategies for Creating an Environment of Psychological Safety

Randy Conley — Thu, 24 Mar 2022 12:33:07 +0000

There’s been a flood of articles lately about psychological safety—and for good reason. It is essential if people are to be engaged and productive. It is the foundation for a dynamic, vibrant workplace. And it is woefully missing at most companies.

Psychological safety happens in a workplace when people feel free to speak their mind, take a risk, or admit to mistakes without fear of being punished. The pandemic has made it a hot topic. Many people have felt psychologically battered and bruised over the last couple of years. They’re raw and they need a work environment where they feel safe.

The Great Trust Experiment

The pandemic has been a great trust experiment. Literally overnight, organizations were forced to extend massive amounts of trust to their people by letting them work from home.

We all know what happened. By and large, remote work has been a great success. Many employees have proven more productive than they had been in the workplace. This has shined a spotlight on how relatively unproductive things had been prior to the March 2020 shutdown.

Post-Pandemic Psychological Safety

Sometimes you don’t realize you’re missing something until right after you get a taste of it. In the last two years, many people have developed a taste for freedom and autonomy. Companies trusted them to work from home—without supervision—and to bring their brains to work. Now that offices are slowly reopening, these people, understandably, don’t want to return. They don’t want to go back to the way things were.

What’s the lesson here? People experienced a world where the boss was no longer a few steps down the hall, checking in to make sure they’re doing their work—and they liked it. The Great Trust Experiment showed people the importance of psychological safety.

The thought of returning to a psychologically unsafe environment has many people on edge. Considering that about three out of four people don’t feel psychologically safe at work, every leader should be asking “How do I create a psychologically safe environment?”

Seven Keys to a Psychologically Safe Workplace

Ken Blanchard and I share ways to create a psychologically safe environment in our new book, Simple Truths of Leadership: 52 Ways to Be a Servant Leader and Build Trust. Here are a few choice strategies you can use to create the culture you want in your workplace.

Eliminate fear: Fear is the enemy of trust. Lack of trust destroys psychological safety. People flourish in a safe and trusting environment.

People must know there won’t be repercussions if they share ideas or their perceptions of the truth or if they make a mistake. Your job as a leader is to live this truth.

Praise often: Unfortunately, we are hardwired to focus on the negative—so much so that it takes five praisings to counteract one criticism. For example, our natural inclination is to interpret emails in the worst possible light. The takeaway for leaders is to praise your people often and keep your communications positive.

Share yourself: People tend to form one-dimensional caricatures of their leaders from short interactions. “So-and-so was short with me, which means they are uncaring in every situation.” You can overcome this mental kink by helping your people understand that you are a multifaceted person, just like they are.

I’m not suggesting you share deeply personal information. It is, however, completely appropriate to talk about your values, what’s important to you, what motivates you, etc. Doing this builds trust with your people, which is essential for psychological safety.

Create clear boundaries: Everyone in the workplace must know what is and isn’t acceptable. Everyone must agree to abide by the same rules. No one should get a free pass because of position or seniority. Everyone must treat each other with respect and decency.

Keep a level playing field: People sometimes think a leader will rush to their defense in a moment of conflict. But if that happens, all the other team members will be fearful of making a mistake or stepping out of line. In a psychologically safe workplace, there are no favorites and there are no scapegoats.

Allow curiosity: At your workplace, do people feel secure enough to try new things, to explore unusual ideas, to express alternate views? Or do they hold back, afraid of possible negative consequences? When people feel fearful, their engagement plummets. But when you give them permission to be curious, you’re providing an open, safe space for them to experiment without fear of repercussion. When they make a mistake, reframe it as a learning opportunity.

Think about this from an employee’s perspective. Instead of bracing yourself for a tongue-lashing, you receive honest, encouraging feedback. How would that make you feel about your workplace?

Be clear about your expectations: Research shows that many people don’t know what’s expected of them. This is a recipe for mistakes and misunderstandings, which undermine psychological safety. You can circumvent all this with a simple activity: Have your people write down what they think their responsibilities are and you do the same. Then compare. Chances are you’ll be quite surprised by the differences between the two lists.

You can also use this tactic for aligning your people’s priorities with yours: Have them write down what they consider their most important tasks, and you do the same. Then compare notes and discuss. A little exercise like this can clear up lots of confusion.

There’s no magic bullet for creating an environment of psychological safety. It takes lots of intentional effort on the part of leaders and it takes time to build the bonds of trust. But the rewards are great.

Unleash the potential of your people. Help them feel comfortable returning to work. Turn the Great Resignation into the Great Renewal!

About the Author

Randy Conley is Vice President of Professional Services and Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies. His award-winning blog, Leading with Trust, has influenced over 4 million viewers since its inception in 2012. His LeaderChat posts appear the fourth or last Thursday of every month. You can follow Randy on Twitter @RandyConley or connect with him on Linked-In.

Five Strategies to Strengthen and Leverage the Voice of Women Leaders

Vicki Halsey — Tue, 15 Mar 2022 10:45:00 +0000

It’s Women’s History Month—time to celebrate women’s accomplishments in the workplace! It’s essential to take a moment to recognize our contributions when you consider that in 2020 women still made just 84% of what men earned for the same job and were significantly underrepresented in leadership roles, according to Pew Research.

The argument about whether women can be great leaders is one that needs to be put to rest. Research has long shown that women excel in leadership roles. To empower women colleagues and to reassure anyone who may have an unconscious bias against women who apply for leadership positions, I share these findings:

Women leaders are rated as being more competent than men on 11 out of 12 dimensions of leadership, according to Forbes.
Women leaders score higher than men in 17 of 19 leadership competencies, according to Harvard Business Review.
And 33% of people who work for a female manager are engaged at work, compared to 27% who work for male managers, according to Gallup.

There’s more: Female managers are more likely than male managers to encourage employee development, check in frequently on their employees’ progress, have regular conversations about their performance, and praise their people. They are also better at collaborating and are perceived as being more empathetic and trustworthy. And they are significantly better listeners.

Perhaps Forbes best summed up the facts:

Having women in senior leadership roles also translates into greater profitability. A study by Credit Suisse found 25% of women in decision making roles had a 4% higher average return on investment—and companies with 50% of women in senior leadership had a 10% higher cash flow return on investment.

“With incontrovertible evidence like this, organizations not aggressively pursuing the cultivation of women executives are making the expressed, intentional choice to disregard evidence, severely undermining performance and compromising their organization’s potential.”

It’s crystal clear that your unique voice is needed to help people thrive! So, as a way of encouraging dynamic women such as yourself to climb the leadership ladder, my acronym WOMEN shares five strategies you can use to create the future of your dreams!

W = Ask WHO Questions

From my experience, successful women are fabulous at focusing on what they need to do, when they need to do it, and why they need to do it. Then they go out and get it done!

We’ve got the what, when, and why down. Now, as more women seek to move into leadership positions, we might want to focus on who. Here are some who questions you can ask to rocket your career to new heights!

Who can help me do this task?
Who can I delegate this to, so I can protect my time and build competence in others?
Who do I want to meet?
Who can I observe to see how the best and brightest do this task?
Who do I want on my personal board of directors?
Who can I endorse and build their confidence, so they are ready to step into a leadership position?
Who do I want as a mentor?
Who can I partner with who energizes me?
Who can I and other leaders champion to help them get more visibility?

O = Be OTHER-Focused

Great women leaders are other-focused while keeping their eye on their own work. If someone asks them for help, they are immediately of service. They think of that person and what is important to them, and ask themselves, “How can I best help them?” They never lose sight of what that person wants to accomplish, sending them articles and ideas, checking in on their progress, and being an accountability buddy to ensure the person is successful.

Other-focused women leaders know when to tell people how to do a task and when to ask someone to share how they think they would like to do a task. They know this because, just like a good doctor, they diagnose the task and the person’s demonstrated competence before responding. They are mindful of individual differences and communicate, recognize, and encourage people in a way that is meaningful to them.

M = Use MOMENTUM to Make Things Happen

Inspiring women leaders are energized by momentum. They are always seeking to do things better and faster, help the greatest number of people to succeed, and drive organizational vitality. They are always learning, reflecting on their actions, analyzing what they think would be best, and sharing their insights with others.

Momentum comes in many different forms such as speaking up in meetings. Here’s a helpful tip to ensure people listen to your ideas: Instead of giving your suggestions or recommendations in the form of a question such as “What if…” or “How about…,” be direct and say, “Here’s what I think we should do.” That way, people don’t think you are asking a question that drives their need to problem solve.

When you present your ideas, remember: if you hear no, it doesn’t necessarily mean no. No can mean lots of things such as “I’m hungry” or “I’m too busy today and don’t have the bandwidth to consider it.”

Here’s a funny anecdote that some of you may have experienced, between my very rational husband and me. We were driving home with the kids from a long hike, and everyone was hungry. My husband said, “Let’s go out to dinner!” Then he asked me, “Where would you like to go?” I said, “How about that new place?” He thought for a minute and said, “Nooo.” Then I said, “Well, how about the ABC restaurant?” And he thought for a few seconds and said, “Nooo.” And then I said, “I’ve got it! How about if we go to the place everybody loves, the XYZ restaurant?” And again, he said, “No I’m not really feeling that tonight.”

At this point, I thought to myself how come we never get to go where I want to go? So I decided to address that. I asked, “How come you never want to go where I want to go?” He said, “Well, you didn’t say where you wanted to go.” What’s the moral of that story? He was right. I just kept asking questions—and, being a rational guy, he just gave me his answers. Remember this when you’re pitching ideas in the boardroom. State your recommendation (like I should have): “Let’s get off at the next exit and go to Buca de Beppo.” Which I did, and we went, and it was delicious.

One last tip. If you have to say something that might upset someone, don’t start your sentence with “I’m sorry.” Say something like, “Thanks for taking the time to chat.” This expression of gratitude makes the listener more receptive to what you’re about to say.

E = Be Comfortable with EMOTIONS

Awesome women leaders realize that emotions should be acknowledged and embraced. Leveraging emotional intelligence is one of their superpowers.

When I was in my doctoral program, I read In a Different Voice by Carol Gilligan of Harvard. It was revolutionary for me. I did have a different voice—a woman’s voice. When I was a school administrator, colleagues would often tease me by saying, “Oh Vicki, you’re so sensitive! Do you always have to ask how this will impact the students (or teachers or parents)?” This often triggered a sense of shame and powerlessness that came from my childhood admonitions. When I was little, I was often told I was too emotional. If I got excited or upset, I would constantly hear negative comments from my parents that sent the message “People like you don’t make it in the real world!” In other words, they felt expressing emotions would hinder my success.

The truth is the opposite. Now, in a time when people are feeling so strongly about everything, the ability to be aware of and acknowledge your emotions and the emotions of others is the ultimate relationship builder. Creating a place where your people can release negative emotions and amplify positive ones is a special gift. It’s what makes women leaders such a tremendous benefit to an organization.

N = NURTURE Yourself and Others

Nurturing is a profound concept. It encompasses mindfulness, boundaries, and caring for ourselves and others. Fabulous women leaders realize that our bodies are the holding tanks for our brilliance. No bodies, no brilliance.

Because of this, women leaders protect their time, helping their people take brain breaks and look after their bodies. They run effective meetings so that people are energized, not drained. They stop every hour for a “mindfulness minute” to drink water, exercise for a minute, call someone, or praise someone. They know self-care renews their energy, their ability to be compassionate, and their ability to focus. And they know it’s much harder to be compassionate when you’re drained.

Last, women leaders watch their thoughts carefully. As Margie Blanchard, one of my favorite women leaders, says: “Don’t say it unless you want it!” They realize there is a profound connection between their thoughts, physiology, and outcomes. Since the brain stores information in images, which the body reacts to, they keep their minds filled with desired outcomes and a vision of what they want.

For example, if I say, “I’m exhausted,” what happens in my body? It wilts. But if I say, “I am so energized and excited to go into this meeting and learn something from everyone,” my body becomes energized.

Embrace Yourself. Embrace Success.

Women leaders: the world needs your unique point of view and your energy—for unleashing the power and potential of others!

Keep on leading. Keep on inspiring. Keep on challenging yourself to take even better care of yourself than you already are! Let others hear your powerful voice. Model for others the gifts of clarity, influence, and autonomy. And watch the world return it to you in abundance.

Not Sure Whether to Stay or Go? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 12 Mar 2022 11:45:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I am an EVP of sales for a US-based fitness and weight loss website that is in hypergrowth. I started with the company about eight years ago and rose through the ranks, figuring things out as I went.

About 18 months ago, my regional counterpart (I was East, he was West) quit suddenly when someone else was promoted to chief sales officer over him. The amount of regional VPs I managed suddenly doubled and I had a new boss. She came from sales operations, has never sold so much as a Girl Scout cookie, and depends on me for everything.

Since she started, my work has been nothing but a slog. In 2021, I got no recognition or appreciation from my new boss when—despite the doubling of my workload and the crazy COVID disruption—we crushed our sales quotas for 2020. This past year, in addition to my ten regular direct reports, I covered for someone who went out on a six-month medical leave. When I asked for a promotion to senior executive VP, my boss couldn’t understand why that mattered to me and denied me the title change. Then just a couple of weeks ago, without any discussion or explanation, she changed my comp plan. I did the math and discovered I essentially got a pay cut.

It seems like the harder I try and the better I do, the less I am making and the less they care about me. I have tried several times to share with my boss what motivates me (title, money), but she doesn’t listen and doesn’t care. I have received no feedback at all on what I might be doing wrong, so it isn’t a performance issue.

I don’t want to leave my people high and dry, but I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. How do I make the decision to stay or go? I get calls from headhunters all day long, the industry I am in is exploding, and I have an amazing track record. All my friends think I am nuts for staying. What do you think?

Stay or Go?

_____________________________________________________________________________

Dear Stay or Go?

This sounds really hard. It is hard to imagine what your boss is thinking. Why, if you are doing so well, would she be lowering your comp and denying you something (a title) that costs her nothing when it is so clearly important to you?

I guess my question is: What is keeping you where you are? You don’t want to leave your people high and dry—that’s it? You don’t mention how much you love the company, or the product/service you are selling and the difference it makes in the world. That tells me you will probably be much happier in an environment where your boss appreciates your skills, cares about what matters to you, and has the professionalism to manage conversations like a change in comp properly. I mean, seriously, a change in compensation for a sales professional requires delicacy, tact, and lots of negotiation. I am not in sales, but I know something like that shouldn’t just be an announcement.

Is it possible that because you started in the company early and rose up, you feel a strong sense of ownership that is keeping you stuck somewhere you aren’t appreciated?

What if you were to give yourself one last quarter to do your utmost to prepare your team to be as successful as possible without you, then respond to those headhunters and find a company that will recognize your value and treat you better?

I think when everything becomes an uphill battle, your boss sends messages that you don’t matter, and you are asking yourself every day how much longer you can hold on, those are clues that it might be time to go.

Did I miss something? Only you will know.

Good luck.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Not Sure How to Answer, “Why Did You Leave That Company?” Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 05 Mar 2022 11:45:00 +0000

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Dear Madeleine,

If relationships fail and one decides to pivot away from a toxic organization or situation, what is the best way to tell that story in a job interview?

For example, I may be asked “Why did you leave that company?” My true feeling is it was all about the toxic culture. The objective truth might be more likely that I failed—ran out of patience, failed to make breakthroughs in those relationships, etc. Ultimately, it was a personal decision to leave based on my mental, emotional, and professional health and career choice.

What do you think?

Preparing for My Next Step

______________________________________________________________________

Dear Preparing for My Next Step,

First, congratulations for having the guts to jump ship. So many just suck it up and stay miserable. It takes real courage to recognize an intractable situation and do what is needed to take care of yourself.

I consulted our Trust expert and coauthor of the just-published book Simple Truths of Leadership (with Ken Blanchard), Randy Conley, on this one. He says:

“I’d encourage you to be honest in a respectful way that doesn’t disparage your former employer or boss. I’ve conducted hundreds of interviews and have heard the good, bad, and ugly from people sharing reasons for leaving a past employer. The people who impressed me the most have been those whose integrity shined through in the way they explained their departure.

“A good way to get the message across is by using ‘I’ language to take ownership of your decision to leave, while clearly and diplomatically explaining that there was a misalignment between your values and theirs or the culture didn’t provide the type of environment in which you could flourish.

“Yours is a very common reason why people leave jobs, so I wouldn’t get too self-conscious about discussing it in a respectful and professional manner. Remember, your response shapes your reputation.”

I really can’t say it better than that. The only thing I would add is that it might be a good idea to prepare in advance some brief concise remarks about what you are looking for in the culture of your next job. Also, maybe add a little more detail about what you learned about yourself from the experience and what you might do differently in the future should you run into a similar bind. Your last gig made you hyper aware of what you don’t want, so how exactly can you use that experience to define what you do want? And if you are ready to own your part in having to leave, how might you apply that knowledge to build stronger relationships in your next job?

That will keep things on a lighter note—a positive vision of the future is always attractive. And you are ready for the inevitable behavioral interview question: “How might you deal with a perceived lack of values alignment in the future?” It will also assist your interviewer in assessing culture fit for your next potential opportunities.

Both Randy and I wish you the best of luck finding the exact right spot for your next career chapter.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Building Trust with VR? Yes, Please!

Britney Cole — Thu, 24 Feb 2022 11:45:00 +0000

There has long been a serious trust deficit between leaders and their people, and the pandemic has exacerbated it. But before examining this, let’s explore the meaning of trust and COVID’s effect on it.

Trust is often a misunderstood concept. People often say things like “I don’t trust that person,” making it sound like our decision to trust is a gut feeling or emotion. But we actually make our judgment to trust or not trust based on another person’s behaviors. When people don’t trust their leaders, it’s because there are untrustworthy behaviors happening, intentionally or unintentionally.

COVID and Trust

The pandemic has pushed the issue of trust to the forefront. We are no longer connecting at the proverbial water cooler, at lunch, or during happy hour. Our lack of face-to-face interactions has weakened our ability to connect. This has a cascade effect that also weakens the other three elements of trust. (See sidebar.)

Trust is the foundation of every relationship. If you don’t think your leader is there for you, there’s no real possibility for commitment, engagement, or collaboration. And being there during the pandemic is vastly different from the pre-COVID world.

Consider this example. Now that we have so little contact, it’s easy for a person to wonder if their leader really has their back. And if someone questions this fundamental need for a leader to stand up for their people, it’s extremely challenging to coach, have difficult conversations, manage performance, help someone navigate their career, or give meaningful feedback. The rift between the leader and their people grows.

In the pre-pandemic world, it was assumed good managers held weekly one-on-ones with their people where they gave them their undivided attention. But if leaders weren’t doing that before the pandemic, it’s not likely they’re doing it now. In this difficult moment, leaders have to be especially intentional. They must make it a point to communicate and connect if they are to build trust. They must show their people they care about them.

An Example from My Life

I’ll share an example from my life that shows how actions can be misconstrued and how leaders need to connect intentionally. I really worked to master my craft as an instructional designer and solution architect. I tend to get so excited about my work that it’s easy for me to overcommit.

What does overcommitment look like in terms of trust and untrustworthy behavior? I often have back-to-back calls (because it’s hard to say no), and when that happens, I’m habitually late. That’s a ding on my dependability, which breaks one of the four elements of trust.

When you’re not dependable, it can undermine trust. My people may begin to think “Britney’s always putting something else before me. Is there something more important than our time? If she’s not dependable, does she really care about me?” So even something as simple as being late to meetings can profoundly impact relationships with people.

How Immersive Learning Closes the Trust Gap

Trust has been taught as a central principle of good leadership for as long as leadership development has been around. But it’s not a simple thing. No one willingly says “Hey, I’m a total jerk. I’m untrustworthy and I need your help.” So subjective assessments about our trustworthiness are the norm. And when it comes up in training, learners gloss over it. They click through the module, multi-task during the virtual session, or scroll through the PDF. They think “Yeah, I got this! It’s easy to understand.” They aren’t wrong—it is easy to understand. But it’s hard to practice.

Immersive learning and VR, on the other hand, provide the objectivity needed for self-awareness. It helps the learner understand that trust is built on behaviors. It has nothing to do with how long you’ve been a leader. It forces people to consider whether they are intentional with what they say and do during a conversation. The focus is on behaviors: how they care about their people; how dependable they are; how authentic they are; how competent they are. Learning through immersing in scenarios and relevant situations in a realistic setting shows that there are many factors that contribute to a strong relationship built on trust.

Blanchard’s Building Trust Immersive Learning modules give individuals the opportunity to talk to Sherri, a leader who is having trust issues with her team. Through a lifelike conversation, individuals help her see and understand the impact of her behaviors on building or eroding trust and identify the elements of trust that need improving to build and maintain trusting relationships.

The ingenious part of each scenario is that it doesn’t immediately present itself as a trust problem. It starts with how Sherri is behaving. The learner’s challenge is to figure out what Sherri can do to improve the situation. This gives learners the chance to absorb the elements of trust and practice the conversation in a realistic and safe environment. You can ask yourself what you would do if you were Sherri, and it happens through a lively and casual discussion. You can’t do this with a static medium like a video, an article, or an interactive PDF.

Why VR Works

While the Building Trust modules are available to stream via a desktop computer, experiencing the modules in a VR headset offers a massively differentiated experience, as VR allows individuals to be more focused and more emotionally connected to the content. VR also helps participants learn faster than if they were in a classroom and be more confident when applying the skills.

When you have a sophisticated VR simulation like Blanchard’s Building Trust, you get to practice what you would say, help Sherri build trust with her team, and make her more mindful of her behaviors. And when you put on the VR headset, you’re immersed in the environment. You remember Sherri’s face, the clothes she was wearing, the look of the office. Because of this, you vividly remember having the conversation. It becomes something you can recall more fluidly. It becomes an experience instead of a memory.

Research shows that learners don’t have the same sort of experience with a traditional eLearning course.

The VR Moment

VR has many benefits other than the ones I shared. It’s a way to have real interaction in a time of social distancing. It’s ideal for a global, virtual, and matrixed business world, because time and place no longer matter. Everyone has equal access to the same learning materials. VR creates equality.

Using VR to build trust is a way to help people build better relationships, which is the foundation of great leadership. It brings a human element to learning. It lets people practice and then transfer new behaviors to the workplace. It’s also scalable and immersive. And it’s going to be a key pillar in leadership development in the years to come.

Simple Truths for a New World of Work

Ken Blanchard — Tue, 22 Feb 2022 14:38:56 +0000

In my new book Simple Truths of Leadership: 52 Ways to Be a Servant Leader and Build Trust—cowritten with my colleague, trust expert Randy Conley—we take a look at some practical, day-to-day leadership principles leaders can apply in their organizations.

Simple Truths of Leadership is broken down into 52 concepts/quotes, half on the topic of servant leadership and half on trust. Each concept has descriptions and activities that will result in increased trust, collaboration, innovation, and engagement in relationships involving leaders and their team members.

A focus on both servant leadership and trust is an important consideration in today’s work environment. It’s a one-two combination that Randy and I believe will bring renewed focus to the importance of empathy and the human touch in workplace relationships.

Here’s a sample of the first three Simple Truths we cover in the first half of the book.

SIMPLE TRUTH #1: Servant leadership is the best way to achieve both great results and great relationships.

3D rendering blank book on white background.

Organizational leaders often have an either/or attitude toward results and people. For example, leaders who focus only on results may have trouble creating great relationships with their people and leaders who focus mainly on relationships may have trouble getting desired results.

Yet you can get both great results and great relationships if you understand the two parts of servant leadership:

The leadership aspect focuses on vision, direction, and results—where you as a leader hope to take your people. Leaders should involve others in setting direction and determining desired results, but if people don’t know where they’re headed or what they’re meant to accomplish, the fault lies with the leader.
The servant aspect focuses on working side by side in relationship with your people. Once the vision and direction are clear, the leader’s role shifts to service— helping people accomplish the agreed-upon goals.

MAKING COMMON SENSE COMMON PRACTICE

This one-two punch of the aspects of servant leadership enables you to create both great results and great relationships:

Let your people know what they’re being asked to do by setting the vision and direction with their help. In other words, vision and direction, while the responsibility of the leader, is not a top-down process.
During implementation, assure your people you are there to serve, not to be served. Your responsibility is to help them accomplish their goals through training, feedback, listening, and communication.

It’s important for servant leaders to establish this both/and mindset toward results and relationships.

SIMPLE TRUTH #2: Every great organization has a compelling vision.

When I explain what a compelling vision is to some leaders in organizations, they either give me a blank look or say something like “I’m sure we have one on the wall somewhere.” So what is a compelling vision?

According to my book with Jesse Stoner, Full Steam Ahead! Unleash the Power of Vision in Your Work and Your Life, a compelling vision includes three elements: your purpose (what business you are in), your picture of the future (where you are going) and your values (what will guide your journey).

A compelling vision is alive and well in companies that are leaders in their field, such as Disney, Southwest Airlines, Nordstrom, Wegmans, and Starbucks.

MAKING COMMON SENSE COMMON PRACTICE

Here’s how you can incorporate the three elements of a compelling vision in your organization:

Make sure the people in your organization know what business they are in. For example, when Walt Disney started his theme parks, he said, “We are in the happiness business.”
Confirm that your people know where they are going—what good results would look like. At Disney, the picture of the future is that all guests of the parks would have the same smile on their faces when leaving as when they entered.
Find out if the people in your organization are clear on what values will guide their journey. Disney’s first value is safety. Its next values are courtesy and “the show,” which is about everyone playing their parts perfectly, whether they are a ticket taker or Mickey Mouse. Disney’s final value is efficiency—having a well-run, profitable organization.

If you can share your compelling vision as clearly as Disney does, congratulations! You have just made common sense common practice.

SIMPLE TRUTH #3: Servant leaders turn the traditional pyramid upside down.

Most organizations and leaders get into trouble during the implementation phase of servant leadership if the traditional hierarchical pyramid is used. When that happens, whom do people think they work for? The people above them.

The minute you think you work for the person above you, you assume that person—your boss—is responsible and your job is to be responsive to your boss’s whims or wishes. “Boss watching” can become a popular sport where people get promoted based on their upward-influencing skills. As a result, all the energy of the organization moves up the hierarchy, away from customers and the frontline folks who are closest to the action.

Servant leaders know how to correct this situation by philosophically turning the pyramid upside down when it comes to implementation. Now the customer contact people and the customers are at the top of the organization, and everyone in the leadership hierarchy works for them. This one change makes a major difference in who is responsible and who is responsive.

MAKING COMMON SENSE COMMON PRACTICE

To make servant leadership come alive, implementation is key:

Communicate to your people that you work for them, not the other way around. Your job is to serve, not to evaluate.
Empower your people by letting them bring their brains to work. In this way, they become responsible— able to respond—to their internal and external customers. Your job is to be responsive to them, helping them accomplish their goals.

This creates a very different environment for implementation and makes it clear to everyone who is responsible, and to whom.

I hope I’ve piqued your interest in learning about how you can introduce our commonsense leadership practices into your organization. If I have, check out the free eBook we’ve put together that shares a little more information about Simple Truths of Leadership—and check out what others are saying about the book through retail booksellers such as Barnes & Noble or Amazon.com.

The world is in desperate need of a new leadership model—one that focuses on results and people. Trusted servant leadership is the approach Randy and I believe in. Let us know what you think!

Former Peers Not Happy with Your Promotion? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 19 Feb 2022 11:45:00 +0000

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Dear Madeleine,

I was recently promoted to lead a team I’ve been on for over a year. We started out with a very good team leader, but it became apparent that he was leading too many teams and didn’t have the time. He recommended to his boss that I take it on. He asked me if I was interested and I said yes, and the next thing I knew it was a done deal. Normally in my company, jobs are posted, people apply, and it all feels equitable. But this time, probably because we are growing so fast and there is so much going on, they skipped that step and just made the announcement. I guess because I am not getting a raise or a title change, they thought it would be okay to just cut to the chase.

Well, I wish they hadn’t. My peers—or I guess I should say former peers—are not happy about the way things went down. As I grapple with trying to find my footing, all I see on Zoom is a bunch of glum faces. When I ask questions, ask for ideas, or try to get discussion going, I get crickets. I used to have great relationships with everyone on the team and now I feel like they all hate me.

I feel very alone and there is so much work to do. I am afraid the team, in protest, will sabotage all of the good things we had going on. I am a nervous wreck. Help.

Thrown to the Wolves

__________________________________________________________________________

Dear Thrown to the Wolves,

This sounds really hard. I’m so sorry.

There are a couple of things here. It is clear that the process your former lead used to replace himself skipped some critical steps—like giving you the job description and the terms of your agreement, for starters. I wonder if you would have agreed to take on that much more responsibility without a pay raise. I am raising one eyebrow here and wondering if you might want to revisit that decision. Perhaps you should have a conversation with your old team lead (if he is still your boss) or your new boss.

Now. How to get your team onboard with you as their leader? It will take some guts, but if you don’t create a space to talk about the herd of elephants in the room, I don’t know that you will be able to get past it. Start with the truth: you were barely consulted and were tossed into the deep end. It will be hard to tell the truth without throwing your former team lead under the bus, but if you just stick to the facts about how things went down, you should be okay. You can call out that you understand how the process was unfair and that although you had no hand in creating the situation, you recognize how it must feel. Call out the weirdness of now being the boss of people who were your peers five minutes ago. If it feels right, go ahead and share the silver lining of having been peers with everyone on the team by noting the superpower of each member of the team. Say whatever you need to say about how awkward your position is, but keep it short and sweet. Give everyone on the team a chance to say whatever they need to say about it. The more you make it about them, the better off you will be.

Then share that you care about the whole team, you want success for everyone, and you can’t do it without them. Ask for their input on what it would look like if you did a good job. Listen carefully, take notes, and commit to anything that sounds reasonable. You might take their feedback, give it some thought, and create a list of commitments you feel confident you can keep.

The more you choose to come from a place of serving both the greater good of the team as a whole and the success of each individual on the team, the more they will be willing to accept you in the role. For more on servant leadership, click here. Share your vision for how great the team can continue to be. Share the values you lean on as a leader, if you know what they are. Share your expectations of yourself. Lay out a list of all the cool things the team is working on and connect each one to the goals of the organization so they are reminded of the importance of the work you are all doing.

In the next meeting, get input from the team on what has been working well and what they might want to change in the team culture, so that you all have an opportunity to build the team anew.

As you go, you will want to set up one-on-one meetings with each member of the team. Ask questions and just listen to the answers. Questions might be something like:

Other than your feeling betrayed about how the transfer of leadership happened, is there anything I have done that has broken trust with you?
What can I do to gain your trust?
What else do you want me to know?
Is there anything you see that you think I should start doing, stop doing, do more of, do less of?
Do you have any specific interests or strengths you have not been able to leverage as much as you’d like that I should know about?
What other advice do you have for me?

Meeting one-on-one with you will give team members an opportunity to vent their feelings more candidly than they might have in the group. Just really listen, reflect back what you hear, ask clarifying questions. Don’t defend yourself or get into a discussion. If you feel compelled to discuss something, make a note and loop back and do it in a subsequent conversation.

The more you are willing to be vulnerable and listen, the quicker your team will get over themselves and get back to work.

If you weren’t capable of managing this very difficult situation, your former team lead wouldn’t have chosen you. Remind yourself of what you are best at and trust yourself to be smart, caring, and attentive. You will have a cohesive wolf pack before you know it.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Providing Legendary Service in Challenging Times

Kathy Cuff — Tue, 08 Feb 2022 11:45:00 +0000

Every day there seems to be a new story about an irate customer behaving badly. These unfortunate situations create psychological stress for frontline employees and additional pressures for businesses.

What can employees and companies do to provide Legendary Service while facing the headwinds of the pandemic?

Hard Times Demand Legendary Service

We’ve all been struggling through the pandemic. Everyone is tired and cranky. Everyone is lonely. And everyone’s patience seems to be at a breaking point, including executives, managers, and employees. No matter our role, we’re all human—and no one is immune to what’s been happening in our world.

Still, businesses need to stay in business. Organizations must remind their employees about the enduring value of providing Legendary Service to their customers. In fact, now is the moment for organizations to show their true colors and prove to their customers how much they matter.

Every team member must understand the importance of being patient, kind, and compassionate. When customers are difficult or wrong, the mission is to turn a bad experience into a great one. This makes the organization shine.

Look After Your People

First, make sure your people are not burned out—that they have the energy and emotional capacity needed to provide Legendary Service. Many companies are asking their employees to do a lot more with a lot less. That’s like putting people in a pressure cooker.

Then help your team members understand why serving customers is so important. That starts with making sure they have the mindset and skills to serve customers at the highest level.

How to Create Legendary Service

The CARE model (Committed, Attentive, Responsive, and Empowered) we teach in our Legendary Service training program is an excellent framework. CARE means:

Committed: Commit yourself to helping your people. Have their backs. Never ask them to do something you wouldn’t do yourself.

Attentive: Be attuned to the needs of your people and help them feel valued. Pay attention and give them grace when you sense they are fatigued. Praise people when they do well and redirect them when they get off track. Cheer them on and celebrate their accomplishments.

Responsive: Serve your people by being there when they need you. Use the correct leadership style for the person’s development level on different tasks. There’s no such thing as over-communicating during difficult times.

Empowered: Empower your people to provide the highest level of service without needing to call a manager. Empowerment isn’t about giving a pep talk. It means providing the training and skill sets people need to succeed.

When leaders follow the CARE model, they demonstrate that they understand what it takes to give Legendary Service. They show that they believe in a service mindset and they care about their people and their customers. It’s a virtuous cycle of continuous improvement.

The Challenge of Empowerment

Empowering your people can be a challenge. As a leader, you want your people to feel empowered to solve customer problems. At the same time, you don’t want them giving away the farm.

If your team members have never been trained in customer service, it’s likely they don’t know about empowerment. One of your first goals is to make sure people understand what is in their scope of authority. They need to know what they can say ‘yes’ to, what is in-bounds, and what is out-of-bounds.

When people know the extent of their authority, they know what they are able do to help a customer. They can resolve problems on the spot. They also know when to reach out to a leader.

Ken Blanchard says, “You want people to bring their brains to work.” Make sure your people feel empowered to use their best judgment to serve their customers. Encourage them to build relationships and emotional connections with both internal and external customers. When people bring their brains to work, they can take preemptive actions to build loyalty.

The Delicate Art of Expressing Empathy

Sometimes a customer’s problem can’t be immediately resolved. When that happens, it’s a perfect time to take pause and put yourself in their shoes. When you look at a situation from the other person’s perspective, you might feel empathetic. That doesn’t necessarily mean you agree with the person—customers can be wrong sometimes. But showing empathy can go a long way in diffusing a situation.

For example, think about the mask mandate currently in place for air travel. Some people are angry about it. They feel the CDC’s rules about masks are always changing and the law is inconsistent. A flight attendant raising their voice won’t calm a passenger. But empathy might—especially if the flight attendant says something like, “I get it. I understand. I’m also tired of wearing masks. I know it can be hard to breathe.”

Practicing difficult customer interactions with your team is an excellent way to plan for them. Imagine worst-case scenarios and then have your people respond to the challenge. Customers can get aggravated, frustrated, or angry, and you don’t want people’s reactions escalating the situation. Ask your team members to imagine what customers are feeling in these situations. Uncover why they might be frustrated and what response may aggravate them. Then have people practice acknowledging the customer’s feelings instead of just apologizing.

Humor as Your Friend

Humor can take tension out of a situation. It’s like deflating a balloon. It really is the best medicine, especially in a stressful or challenging moment. But it comes with a huge caveat—never make the customer feel as if they are the target of the joke. That will make the situation even worse. Just make sure that there’s no chance your humor will be misunderstood. We all could use a good laugh sometimes to blow off steam—as long as it isn’t at someone else’s expense.

The pandemic continues to run its course. Stress levels will remain high for the foreseeable future. Customers will be frustrated. But despite these challenges, we can still provide Legendary Service and turn difficult situations into winning ones.

Manager Keeps Shooting Down Your Plans? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 05 Feb 2022 16:09:39 +0000

Female nurse showing something to doctor on tablet at the hospital – High angle view

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Dear Madeleine,

I have recently taken a job as office/operations manager for a medical practice. The managing partner is fairly new to the practice and was given the job because none of the other doctors want to deal with the day-to-day problems.

It is true that hiring and managing staff plus staying on top of the many rules, regulations, and insurance details is an endless series of issues. The practice has kept up with the times but just barely, and there is much room for improvement, efficiencies, and innovation.

The managing partner claims he wants to modernize and be more profitable, but every time I present him with a plan, he shoots it down.

How can I get him onboard with my ideas? I really just want to make things better around here.

Excited to Make Change

___________________________________________________________________

Dear Excited to Make Change,

Congratulations! You sound super excited and enthusiastic. I am sorry that the wind has been taken out of your sails with your first attempts, but with a few tweaks in your approach you will be on your way again.

It sounds like so far you have presented ideas and plans that you think are most needed—but your new managing partner doesn’t know you yet and has no reason to trust you. So your first step is to understand your managing partner. Schedule some time with him to ask questions, listen carefully to the answers, and take notes. Something like:

What is your vision for the practice?
If you could change one thing about the way we operate the practice today, what would it be?
What do you think is working well?
What do you think is not working well?
What is important you?
Of all the things that are important, which are the priorities?
What was it about my previous attempts at plans that didn’t work for you?
If I were to do my job perfectly, what would that look like to you?

Do not engage in discussion. If you must talk at all, ask follow-up questions to get more detail. Use phrases like “can you say more about that?” or “tell me more” or “can you share an example?” During your listening session, do not use the opportunity to argue for your plans. Really—I am not kidding—just listen and pay attention. After your listening session, write up your notes and send them to the managing partner. This will further cement the impression that you care and you are paying attention.

This meeting accomplishes a couple of things:

You will build trust: It makes the managing partner feel that he is included and you are interested in his opinions and ideas. So with just that, you are developing your relationship and making him feel like he matters. The rule of thumb here is that no one will trust the message until they trust the messenger.
You will learn a lot: You will get some insight into how your managing partner sees things, what is important to him, and how he thinks. You can use this information to craft a plan to tackle what matters most to him in a way that is compelling to him. You’ll learn his language: Does he speak and think in spreadsheets? Does he want to hear about best practices your competitors are using? Does he care only about money? Patient care? Customer service? Holding the doctors accountable?

When the time comes to share a plan, you can frame it as his own idea; e.g., “You said the most critical thing we need to address is patient care, so I have taken your suggestions, added a few based on my research, and would like to present some ideas on how we might tackle that.” The tactic of making the person with the power to greenlight your plans think the whole thing was their idea is as old as time—because it works. If you feel yourself balking at this notion because you want credit for your own genius, I get that. And I say get over it. Focus on how you can get stuff done, and not on who will get credit for it.

Some other thoughts to consider as you get more insight into what your manager is thinking about and how he is thinking about it:

Create a survey for everyone working in the practice to assess what matters to them, what gets in the way of them doing their best work, and what ideas they have to “make things better around here.” Then, leverage public opinion to argue for some good ideas. You can do interviews with people or use an online survey tool like Survey Monkey, which has a free version. You don’t have to be an expert to create surveys. Just be sure to ask one question at a time. Create ways for people to respond to problems that have already been surfaced, to get a sense of which ones are the most pressing for people.
Research what your competitors do differently (or better) than you. Study the latest best practices and be clear about how these practices make a difference. Use as much data as you can get your hands on to make your case.
Connect your ideas to your practice’s values (if they exist), strategic plan (if there is one), and/or goals for growth (if there are any).
If your managing partner shoots down your next attempt, you might lobby for support among the doctors and others in the practice who have influence.

Hopefully, one or more of these ideas will be helpful. Don’t give up. What seems obvious to you is probably not obvious to others. This is an opportunity for you to develop the skills of gaining supporters and building enthusiasm for your ideas and plans. I promise—having these skills will serve you well for your entire career!

You probably wish you could just have a great idea and move directly to execution. I remember feeling that way a long time ago. That works if it is just you. But the minute you try to do things for an entire group, you become a political animal, and that is a lot of work—much more work than you think it should be. But worth it in the end.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Commonsense Servant Leadership Truths: Your Invitation to Join Us

Ken Blanchard — Tue, 18 Jan 2022 12:45:00 +0000

I recently announced the February 1 publication of my new book with longtime colleague and trust expert Randy Conley, Simple Truths of Leadership: 52 Ways to Be a Servant Leader and Build Trust. Now I’d like people to know what inspired the book and why I’m so excited about it.

The beginning of my mission statement is “I am a loving teacher and an example of simple truths.” From the time I was a young college professor, I have always looked for simple truths that reflect commonsense practices people can use to make their work and life—as well as the lives of the people they care about—happier and more satisfying.

3D rendering blank book on white background.

Simple truths are not complicated but they are powerful. An example would be “All good performance starts with clear goals” or “Praise progress!” When I talk to audiences about these simple truths, I often add, “Duh!” because what I’m saying is so obvious. The audience always laughs because it’s common sense. The trouble is, too many people aren’t applying commonsense leadership principles in the workplace. When was the last time your leader took the time to review your goals with you? When was the last time your leader praised you, in specific detail, for a job well done? If it was recently, you’re one of the lucky ones.

Effective leadership is about implementing everyday, commonsense practices that will help your organization thrive. Yet so many leaders get caught up in the next urgent task that they forget to “walk the talk” and apply these basic good principles. That’s why we organized our book into 52 simple truths—one for each week of the year—which leaders can implement on the job. Each simple truth is described on a single page and can be read in about a minute. That’s brief enough for even the busiest leader!

The book also includes a discussion guide with twenty-four questions that touch on topics related to the 52 simple truths. You can use these questions to prompt discussions in a group setting or use them for independent study. Either way, the guide is intended to stimulate your thinking and help you become a wise and trusted servant leader.

When commonsense leadership is put into practice, everybody wins—leaders, their people, their organizations, and their stakeholders. If you’d like to know more, my coauthor Randy Conley and I will be talking about these common-sense practices in a webinar on Wednesday, January 26 at 7:00 a.m. Pacific Time. To sign up, click here: Simple Truths of Leadership: Becoming a Trusted Servant Leader. You won’t want to miss it!

8 Keys to Re-engaging a Fatigued Workforce

Vicki Halsey — Thu, 13 Jan 2022 12:45:00 +0000

Reading about how tired we are is fatiguing. So let’s try something different.

We’re built to want to be part of something that’s meaningful. We’re eager to learn. We love wrestling with a challenge. It’s in our nature and we can’t help it. So instead of focusing on how everyone is depleted, why not appeal to our better selves?

Here are things you can do to re-energize yourself and your team.

Make Meetings Energizing

Here’s an all-too-typical meeting: a leader doggedly works through a PowerPoint deck while a restless audience scrolls through social media, checks email, or stares vacantly at the slides.

How do you avoid this and make your meetings more dynamic? Make sure everyone participates!

Invite people to ask questions, and then elaborate on their answers.
Ask attendees to call on other participants to share insights.
Compliment people when they make an insightful observation.
Have designated people share best practices, then open it up for others to contribute their brilliance.
Put people in break-out rooms where they work on and create solutions to a current problem (Called Highly Paid Experts Activity.)

If you really want to engage people, ask, “What can we do that will put us out of business?” The purpose of this provocative question is to identify a real-work problem that perpetually pops up. Then have your team fix it. You can end the meeting by having all team members share their inspired ideas and then piloting the best solution.

Beat Meeting Fatigue

What to do if your team is inattentive?

Here’s an obvious solution: Hold shorter meetings. Schedule meetings of 20 instead of 30 minutes or 50 instead of 60 minutes. This will reduce cognitive overload and meeting fatigue.

You could also assign a different team member each week to run the meeting. They would be responsible for gathering agenda items and creating interactive exercises.

Here’s a different suggestion: stop the meeting and ask, “Is there anything we should start doing so we aren’t so drained? What should we continue doing? How can we make sure we’re serving customers and each other at the highest level? If you were running this meeting, what would you do to keep everyone engaged?”

You want to spark a courageous conversation. Your goal is to discover why your people are frustrated. Listen to their answers and weave their solutions into the fabric the workplace.

Hold Short, Weekly One-on-Ones

What? We are recommending another meeting?! One-on-ones are something different. Hear me out.

One-on-one meetings with your people are one of the most powerful tools a leader has to re-engage a fatigued workforce. They’re also one of the greatest gifts you can give someone—you are creating a reliable space where they set the agenda and share what’s on their mind. Another benefit? Since your people know they have this time coming up, they’ll contact you less often about the little things.

Your first job is to just listen. That’s easy to say—but hard to do. Our minds are so busy planning the next big thing that we often listen halfheartedly. What are people’s favorite three words to hear from you? Tell me more.

Here’s a common example of halfhearted listening: instead of focusing on what you were saying, your manager was scrolling through their phone. Now think of a time when you talked with a boss who leaned in, heard what you had to say, and even confided their frustrations and hopes. As the direct report, how much effort would you want to give to the manager who was preoccupied versus the one who genuinely cared?

Make one-on-ones with your people meaningful by asking these questions:

What’s most important for you to discuss today?
What would make your life easier here?
What is energizing to you? What would you like to do more of? What consistently drains you?
What can we do to make our team more effective?
What about your job makes you want to take the day off?

Foster Connectedness

Fostering connectedness is a great antidote for fatigue. We can get energy from being around other people. Leaders can create connection by building a culture where people get to know each other, celebrate successes, recognize accomplishments, and generously give praise.

Businessman leading team meeting in office conference room

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One idea is do a round robin where people share the goals they are working on and you share why they are so important to the team and organization. This not only builds community, but fosters interdependence.

The business world has historically been a conservative place. But we are living through a unique time. We all need to be inclusive and welcome one another with open arms. People will thrive when you make them feel that they truly belong and introduce them to the amazing talents on their team.

Be Caring

Show others you care. Everyone has been affected by the pandemic—and everyone needs some compassion and support.

If someone looks frustrated, request they stay after the meeting and ask: “What’s going on with you? How can I help you? Do you need more direction on anything? How would you like me to support your ideas?”

Leaders can forget to do this when they’re under pressure—or worry they may create additional stress. But that’s not true. As a leader, your caring words will energize and engage.

Take Advantage of Emotional Contagiousness

Emotions are contagious. Here’s an example that proves it.

We all know what it’s like when that certain person walks into a room. You’re laughing with your colleagues, and all of a sudden, the energy is sucked right out of everyone. The part of the brain that recognizes and reacts to these kind of signals moves incredibly quickly and is observing all the time. So how we present ourselves is extremely important.

Each of us has to decide whether we want to be an energy vampire or an energizer. If you’ve read this far, I know you want to be an energizer.

Think about what energizes you. If you’re not sure, look for things that excite you when you talk, when you share, or when you hear an idea that piques your interest.

We need to acknowledge negative emotions so people can let them go, and also embed positive emotions by calling them out and “catching” their positivity. Energy follows focus: to create a high performing, energized team, be sure you are helping your people pay attention to what’s important.

Engage Online Audiences

Online meetings are a breeding ground for disengagement. People easily get bored staring at a screen, so they start multitasking or don’t pay attention. The fact is, people who are online need interactivity every two to three minutes to keep them focused.

Your challenge is to inspire your people to participate so they feel energized when they leave the meeting. A great way to generate interest is to ask “What was your biggest success this week?” After someone shares, ask them how they achieved it. By doing this, you are engaging and empowering speakers.

Chats, breakout rooms, and polls are other effective tactics for engaging virtual learners. A game/contest at the end of a meeting can add spice. You can create a crossword puzzle or hold an impromptu quiz show where your audience tries to stump top performers/leaders. And remember: repetition and engagement are needed if people are to transfer what they learned to the workplace.

Give the Spotlight to Your Top Performers

Have an employee who’s knocking it out of the park? Ask them to share with the team what they’re doing that helps them be so incredibly successful. Let them share their secret sauce.

When you do this, you’ll energize the person who gets to teach. You’ll also give your team a huge gift because they’ll learn how one of their peers is successfully tackling a challenge. Now all of your people will be energized because you have painted a picture of what a good job looks like and had someone show what to do to achieve it.

So there you have it: Lots of tips to fight pandemic fatigue.

We’re passing through extraordinarily difficult times, but we can still bring energy and vitality to the workplace. When you share the gift of connection and engagement with your people, you’ll inspire them and help them thrive.

About the author:

Vicki Halsey is Vice President of Applied Learning for The Ken Blanchard Companies. She is the author of Brilliance by Design, Legendary Service: The Key is to CARE, and Leading at a Higher Level. Vicki is the co-developer of Blanchard’s Legendary Service, and SLII® training programs.

PART 2: Colleague Won’t Stop Acting Like a Big Baby? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 06 Nov 2021 10:35:00 +0000

angry little boy

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Dear Madeleine,

I read your column on an employee who is too emotional. I have a similar problem, with some big differences. I don’t know why everyone says it is women who tend to be too emotional. I have a male colleague who is constantly melting down.

I’m not sure where he got the idea that everything he says or does should be met with 100% enthusiasm and support, but whenever he gets any kind of critique or has an idea that gets turned down, he just loses it. Anytime he is treated as anything less than a total star, his response is anger. And when he gets angry, he refuses to respond to emails and drops any number of balls that others depend on his catching so they can move forward. When I or any of several other team members have brought up this ridiculous behavior to our team lead, she acts as if she’s powerless.

I’ve kind of figured out how to work around him, which sometimes means doing tasks he should be doing. My biggest frustration is that he sits next to me, so I hear about his perceived injustices all day long. I also have to listen to him whining to his wife on the phone. I can’t fathom how she puts up with it.

It is a miracle that I haven’t told him to suck it up and stop griping. I am so sick of it I am actively looking for another job, even though I really like my company, my team, and my job. I would really like to stay but I don’t know how much longer I can keep myself from doing or saying something I regret.

How do I get this guy to grow up and stop acting like a big whiny baby?

Sick to Death of a Colleague

________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Sick to Death of a Colleague,

As I promised in last week’s response , I wanted to elaborate on the crazy idea that you approach the situation with Big Whiny Baby (BWB) with compassion. To do that, of course, you will have to put aside your judgment and put yourself in his shoes. How? Ask for a conversation and get really curious. You can ask questions like:

Can you help me understand what triggers you?
What goes on for you when you get upset?
When you are upset, would it help you to talk about it or do prefer for us to leave you alone?
As a team, what can we do to help you manage your frustrations?
Have you noticed that we all throw out ideas and the ideas get better when we build on them?
How might you keep from taking everything personally?

…and see what happens. Best case, he’ll be willing to open up to you, which will help you understand him better. A little understanding may help you put his behavior in perspective and may even help him calm down.

If your colleague is willing to talk, just listen and reflect back what you have heard.

“What I heard you say is….”
“It sounds like…”

Once you have finished the conversation, you can share that it is upsetting to the team when he gets so distraught—and you all really want to find a way to work together so things can stay on an even keel.

This would be taking the highest possible road, which I always encourage, of course. But it won’t be easy unless you find a way to truly care about BWB as a person.

Good luck.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Colleague Won’t Stop Acting Like a Big Baby? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 30 Oct 2021 13:59:59 +0000

angry little boy

Dear Madeleine,

I read your column on an employee who is too emotional. I have a similar problem, with some big differences. I don’t know why everyone says it is women who tend to be too emotional. I have a male colleague who is constantly melting down.

How do I get this guy to grow up and stop acting like a big whiny baby?

Sick to Death of a Colleague

__________________________________________________________________________

Dear Sick to Death of a Colleague

Oh dear. This is a pickle indeed. It would be tragic for you to leave your job because of one annoying colleague. So right now, let’s think about just lowering the level of your frustration. It sounds as if you are almost looking for reasons to hate Big Whiny Baby (BWB) by letting his conversations into your consciousness—so first you need to tune him out. Get an excellent pair of headphones to wear so you can listen to music and put your attention on your work.

Then you’ll need a longer-term plan. I see a few possibilities here:

Option 1: Start with Yourself

This is your safest bet, because this is where you have the most control. Something about this person has triggered you and there might be some value in asking yourself what exactly is at the root of that. The more you can own the size—and frankly, the emotional quality (sorry)—of your reaction to BWB, the less of an impact his shenanigans will have on you. Maybe he reminds you of an annoying sibling. Maybe you take on too much and resent others who shirk. Maybe you grew up in a family where complaining was forbidden. What is it that has you lighting up instead of shaking your head and chuckling at the absurdity of BWB?

Once you pinpoint the source of your reaction, you can manage it. Choose to decide that you just don’t care enough to try to fix the situation. Tune BWB out; ignore him completely. Let this all just roll off your back and get on with things that really matter to you.

One crazy thought here: you might consider showing some true compassion to BWB by asking him if he would allow you to help him manage his frustration and take things less personally. This would be a sort of spiritual development program for you that would require you to somehow shelve your judgment and put yourself in service to him. I think this is a long shot, but I’ll add more on this topic as a part two, next week.

Option 2: Take a Stand with Your Manager

Go to your team lead and clearly lay out the extent of your frustration, focusing on BWB’s inability to do his job which forces you to work around him or sometimes even do his job. Make it clear that if you have to tolerate the situation much longer, you will be looking elsewhere for opportunities—but do not, under any circumstances, pull that card unless you truly intend to follow through.

If your direct supervisor refuses to do anything (it really is her job) or is simply incapable of doing anything, you might go up a level—but, of course, this is tricky. It could be a political faux pas in your company’s culture, or it could damage the relationship between you and your supervisor (although it sounds like you have already lost respect for her). However, if you do end up leaving, the reason would probably come out in the exit interview, so either way it will be a bit of a ding for her. It all depends on your level of relationship with your boss’s boss and your confidence that your own excellent work carries enough weight to make this feasible.

Option 3: Make a Direct Request of Your Coworker

Have a wildly uncomfortable but courageous conversation with BWB. If this option seems doable, use these guidelines:

DO:

Ask if you can share your observations about what it is like to work with him, and ask if you can be frank.
Keep your tone neutral. Stay, calm, cool and collected.
Start all of your sentence steps with “I” vs. “you,” which can seem accusatory
Stick with direct observations of his behavior and how they impact you; e.g., when he allows his emotions to distract him, it keeps him from completing critical tasks that you depend on; when he complains to you or to his wife on the phone, you get frustrated because it distracts you from your work.
Make clear requests for how he might change his behaviors—but only the ones that directly affect you.
Frame it that you find your working relationship with him suffering and that you are asking for changes to make it go more smoothly.
Be sure to keep your judgment about gender or maturity out of it.
Prepare by practicing clear statements that you simply repeat.

DON’T:

Fall for his attempts to get you to say more.
Reveal that “everybody feels the same way.”
Let yourself get dragged into an argument—it will not go well.

Make your observations and/or requests and then clam up. You can literally say, “I have shared my requests with you and I am not saying anything else about it. I hope we can find a smoother way of working together.” And walk away. BWB will almost certainly want to turn it into another drama about him, so be stoic and strong.

As I write this, it is feeling like a terrible idea, because this would be an example of advanced boundary setting. If you don’t think you can keep your wits about you and stay composed, it probably won’t go as planned. I am not even sure that I would be able to do this—not that I am some boundary black belt, but I have been managing people for 30+ years and have raised four kids, so I do have some experience. It will help if you are first able to defuse your own anger and your attachment to your appraisal of BWB (which I guess I must share, since I keep calling him BWB). Either way, do not attempt it off the cuff. Only try it if you can prepare extensively.

The argument for this approach is that sometimes people have no idea whatsoever of the impact their behavior has on others. It sounds like BWB lives in his own little world and gets caught up in his own drama and is oblivious. Possibly a little straight talk will be a gift to him. Possibly not. There really is no way of knowing. Part of me even wonders if things could shift by you simply saying what you want to say: “Oh stop complaining; no one wants to hear it; suck it up, bub,” and be done with it. It’s not really mean, just straight and to the point. Clearly, his wife isn’t going to do this.

The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that finding a way to shift your own attitude about this situation seems, at the very least, the best first step. Water off a duck’s back. This won’t be the last coworker who drives you mad. It’s just part of life, so learning to let people be who they are without letting it bug you will be a skill that will serve you well.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Determining Your Leadership Point of View with Pat Zigarmi

Vicki Stanford — Tue, 26 Oct 2021 15:38:53 +0000

“The most successful leaders have a clear understanding of what leadership means to them. They are able to articulate this viewpoint to colleagues and direct reports for the purposes of building stronger relationships,” says Pat Zigarmi, a founding associate of The Ken Blanchard Companies.

Zigarmi recently sat down with Chad Gordon of the Blanchard LeaderChat podcast to share a three step process from Leading at A Higher Level the bestselling business book coauthored by the founding associates and consulting partners of The Ken Blanchard Companies.

Identify key people and events that have shaped and influenced your thoughts about leadership.
Describe your leadership values by explaining specific behaviors.
Share your expectations of yourself and of others.

“The process is purposefully thoughtful and requires time to complete,” says Zigarmi. “The first step is to spend some time thinking about people who have influenced your life, such as parents, grandparents, coaches, or bosses. Also, think about key events that might have been turning points for you. Then describe what you learned about leadership from these people and events.”

Next, Zigarmi suggests you identify your core values.

“But don’t just create a list of words. Create a narrative that defines your core beliefs and how they influence your behaviors as a leader.”

“The last step focuses on describing what you expect of yourself as a leader, what you expect of others, and what the people you lead can expect from you. When people know the expectations, you have for yourself and for them, all goals are easier to reach.”

“Sharing your leadership point of view with your direct reports is the ultimate indication that leadership is a partnership—something you do with people, not to people.”

To hear more from Zigarmi’s interview, listen to the LeaderChat podcast and subscribe today.

Does Your Team Know Who You Are as a Leader?

Ken Blanchard — Thu, 21 Oct 2021 12:58:40 +0000

If you ask some people how they feel about their boss as a leader, they might say “It depends on what day it is.” Some leaders’ moods and behaviors are subject to things as random as their morning commute, the day’s financials, or whether they skipped breakfast. They can be relaxed and pleasant one day and snarling the next. I once worked with a company where a few managers who reported to a vice president confided in me that they never knew which version of the boss was going to appear. Sometimes the VP would be fun and other times he would attack. The managers even took bets on which one of them was going to trigger his wrath that day! Sound familiar?

When leaders show up in different ways on different days, direct reports can’t help but be confused. They don’t know what to expect from their leader or what their leader expects from them. This can be detrimental not only for the workers, but also for the leaders and their organizations in terms of employee retention—especially now during the “Great Resignation.” In fact, studies show that less than half of employees don’t know what is expected of them—and 75% of workers say the most stressful aspect of their job is their immediate boss.

A Proven Approach for Leadership Success

In his book The Leadership Engine, Noel Tichy proves through his extensive research that the most effective leaders have a clear, teachable point of view they are willing to share with the people they work with. These leaders know what to expect from themselves and their people so that, together, they and their organizations can succeed.

My wife, Margie, and I realized that leaders who identified and shared their leadership point of view had a crystal clear picture of their intentions as a leader. We were so fascinated with this approach that, along with our company cofounder Pat Zigarmi, we created a course called “Communicating Your Leadership Point of View” and teach it as part of the Master of Science in Executive Leadership degree program at the University of San Diego.

Determining Your Leadership Point of View

When reflecting on and composing your own leadership point of view, focus on these three elements:

Think of key people and events that have influenced your life and your beliefs about leadership
Identify and define your values in terms of your leadership
Detail your expectations of yourself and of others, as well as what others can expect of you

It’s important to take your time with this exercise. As you write, think of the effect sharing your leadership beliefs, values, and expectations will have on your people—how they will feel knowing you care enough to share your feelings about yourself as a leader. Good leadership is a side-by-side partnership. Communicating your leadership point of view to your team members gives them a sense of connection with you because it clarifies the leader you endeavor to be.

Following Up is Crucial

This point may seem obvious, but I believe it needs to be emphasized: great leaders must walk their talk.

After you share your leadership point of view, your people will be watching to see whether your behavior matches your words. Get ahead of this by giving them permission to give you feedback. After all, you have just finished telling them who you really want to be as a leader—now show them. Let them know you are accountable and want your actions to align with your values. Say something like “Now I need to ask you for your help. Even though I strive to achieve these standards every day, I sometimes fall short. Anytime you see me diverting from the behaviors I’ve just described, let me know. Your honest feedback will help me be more consistent in my leadership style so that I can be the leader you need me to be.”

Sharing your leadership story means your people won’t have to guess how you will show up each morning. You have stated in your own words the kind of leader you want to be and have given them permission to hold you accountable. It’s a powerful way to define and demonstrate your leadership style, to instill trust, confidence, and loyalty in your team members, and to strengthen your own feelings about yourself as a leader.

What’s your leadership legacy? How do you want to be seen as a leader? How do you want to be remembered? Your leadership point of view is something only you can give. It’s your signature—your unique perspective on leadership. Let your people know who you are.

Editor’s Note: Looking for more information on the Leadership Point of View process? Visit the Leadership Point Of View information page on the Blanchard website.

A Look Inside the Leadership Point of View Experience

Doug Glener — Tue, 19 Oct 2021 12:49:24 +0000

In a perfect world, your leaders are inspiring, people know how to succeed, and everyone is engaged. In the real world, leaders are a source of tension, people aren’t sure what to do, and employees are disengaged.

A few distressing facts show how dysfunctional the typical office is

75% of workers say the most stressful aspect of their job is their immediate boss_[1]
54% of workers are “not engaged” and 14% of workers are “actively disengaged”_[2]
50% of employees don’t know what is expected of them_[3]

Leaders not understanding either their leadership points of view or how they affect others is a cause of these troubles.

Most leaders haven’t taken the time to reflect on their leadership values or how they want to lead. Because of this, direct reports have little insight into a leader’s motivations. This can leave them confused by their leader’s actions and suspicious of their intentions. Misunderstanding, lack of trust, and disengagement quickly follow.

But you can create a dynamic workplace with Leadership Point of View (LPOV): a transformative learning experience that takes leaders on a journey of self-understanding.

LPOV helps your leaders identify experiences that shaped how they lead. Blanchard coaches assist them in developing a compelling narrative that turns these pivotal events into a leadership story. Leaders then share their journey with their colleagues.

Sharing a Leadership Point of View is a deeply personal experience that wins the hearts of listeners. By being vulnerable, leaders reveal themselves and their leadership philosophy. People gain a new perspective of their leader and a better understanding of their motivations. A leader is freed to be more authentic and inspiring. Their people find a renewed commitment to working with them.

Several Blanchard leaders recently participated in the LPOV. We asked them to share their experiences.

What was your biggest challenge before sharing your LPOV?

Lindsay Ray, Senior Director of Client Services: Before discovering my LPOV, I had never taken the time to dig deep and really consider what life experiences have defined how I lead today. I get stuck in the trap of thinking “there is nothing that interesting about me,” so I had to do some real reflection. I felt a bit nervous and unsure about what the outcome would be.

Diana Johnson Urbina, Head of Coaching Services: I tend to be action oriented. I make fast decisions, with the intent to test each idea. It’s rarely a final decision when I make one. Some of my people were struggling to believe this. They perceived me as dictating how things should be done, and I never intended them to feel this way. I was disappointed to learn that some had made these assumptions and I was frustrated with the resulting dynamics on my team.

Richard Pound, Vice President of Indirect Sales: People knew me, but didn’t know how I became the person I am. Sometimes, they didn’t understand why I considered something important. That could be frustrating to me and those that I work with.

What was your LPOV experience like?

Richard Pound: It was a discovery experience. I say “discover,” as your LPOV is already inside you, but the process I went through helped me surface, clarify, and articulate what is important to me as a leader. It helped me understand my core personal values and share the events in my life that have shaped me as a person and as a leader.

It was a very safe, supportive, and rewarding experience—and a challenging one because I had really dig deep to explore the experiences that made me who I am.

Diana Johnson Urbina: The experience I had with my coach was wonderful. It felt like a chat with an old friend about how I came to be the leader I am today. I was given an opportunity to share how my experiences shaped me and what I value. I was able to draw a clear line between my values and expectations.

Lindsay Ray: It gave my colleagues a frame of reference about me that they never would have had otherwise. It put language to my values, and gave me something to refer back to, especially when things at work are challenging.

What changed after sharing your LPOV?

Diana Johnson Urbina: Everyone was so appreciative that I was willing to share and be so open and vulnerable. It helped them connect with me. Some of my team members who were guarded became more open and felt more comfortable with my leadership approach. I asked them, “Given my values and expectations, where are we aligned and where are we at odds? How can we navigate the gaps we have?” They felt comfortable to answer honestly.

Lindsay Ray: My people reacted very positively! Everyone was supportive, asked great questions, and was genuinely interested in learning more about me and my story. We felt closer because of it. Some of the stories I had shared only with the people close to me, so it was a big step to share them professionally.

Richard Pound: My team had a better understanding of what to expect from me. They also knew what I would expect of them. This deeper understanding was extremely valuable. My people also really appreciated me showing that kind of vulnerability.

Sharing my key values was also helpful. People understood why I do what I do, and why I am what I am.

Because my people now had a much better understanding of my priorities, they are more committed to accomplishing things I consider important. I feel empowered to be a better leader. And being a better leader improves the lives of the people you lead.

Anything else you’d like to share?

Richard Pound: This has been an invaluable discovery process for me, and I see the real impact that it has had on the way that we work as a team. Going through the LPOV process with my work colleagues was also very rewarding. I learned more about them and built deeper relationships.

Lindsay Ray: It was thoughtful, deep, and inspiring to hear the story of others. Overall it was a wonderful experience!

Diana Johnson Urbina: To sum up the impact it had,it improved psychological safety for my team. It gave them permission to be real. Now we all operate at a much more authentic and appreciative level.

How about you?

Ready to start your leaders on their journey of self-discovery with Leadership Point of View? Visit the LPOV information page on the Blanchard website. Interested in learning more about the LPOV process from a first-hand experience? Join us for a complimentary webinar on October 20, Creating and Sharing Your Leadership Point of View. The event is free, courtesy of The Ken Blanchard Companies.

[1] https://www.mckinsey.com/business-functions/organization/our-insights/the-boss-factor-making-the-world-a-better-place-through-workplace-relationships

[2] https://www.gallup.com/workplace/313313/historic-drop-employee-engagement-follows-record-rise.aspx

[3] fastcompany.com/90679528/i-spoke-to-5000-people-and-these-are-the-real-reasons-theyre-quitting

“Mean Girls” Team Running Amok? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 09 Oct 2021 11:24:18 +0000

office shoot

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Dear Madeleine,

I manage a small group of what we call WMS professionals—Website Marketing Specialists. They all work remotely, and the group has developed into an extremely effective team.

I am very proud of our work; together we have found a way to really add value to sales and to the company. Taken individually, each woman (the team is all female, totally randomly) is delightful, professional, and easy to work with.

My problem is that, together, they fan the flames of their worst instincts, and—there is no other way to say it—they are a group of “mean girls.” I have gotten several complaints; from other marketing teams, from salespeople, even from our service representatives, who are responsible for serving the contracts when we land them.

On our weekly team calls, the WMS women talk smack about other people in the company. They have nothing nice to say about anyone. As a group, they send out rude emails when colleagues don’t do things the way they think things should be done. Several have been forwarded to me with “WTH” and multiple question marks.

On a recent call with our head of sales—who is my boss—they were goofing around in the chat and paying no attention at all to the presentation. I was amazed—this was their boss’s boss. He mentioned that he noticed it and was put off. It was just straight up bad behavior that none of these women would tolerate from their children, let alone colleagues.

I don’t want to de-motivate anyone by criticizing, but the reputation of the team is starting to suffer and undermine our excellent work. I need to do something; I just don’t know what. Where would you start?

Mean Girls Running Amok

_________________________________________________________________________

Dear Mean Girls Running Amok,

Although the Mean Girl reference made me laugh, I would argue that you have a slightly different problem. A little research on the Mean Girl phenomenon revealed that the term defines the behavior as “relational aggression” or using friendship as weapon. So, if a couple of bullies on the team were terrorizing one of its members, that would technically be a Mean Girl situation. The good news here is that you have a powerful intact team versus a potentially trickier situation, where some of the women on the team are ganging up on other team members. The bad news, of course, is that your team has closed ranks against other teams. I would describe your phenomenon as one where a team has formed such a strong, even tribal bond and feels so great about itself that it sets itself apart, above and beyond other teams and others in the organization. This is the dark side of strong team bonding. You may think I am splitting hairs here, but I believe the distinction is important. Plus, most adult women would object to being called girls, regardless of the context.

You are right not to criticize—the last thing you want is for your team to gang up on you, which is a very real risk. But you must have the hard conversation—with the whole team. If there is clear ringleader, you might be tempted to start with her. But that could backfire by undermining the cohesion of the group—which you want to continue to maximize. So that means having the conversation with the whole group. For that you will want a model for how to have a challenging conversation, and my favorite one comes from Conversational Capacity by Craig Webber.

Blanchard’s Conversational Capacity program defines conversational capacity as the ability of an individual or a team to engage in open, balanced, non-defensive dialogue about difficult subjects and in challenging circumstances. It is also the sweet spot where innovation happens.

Craig says that to get yourself into the right mindset, you need to find the sweet spot between minimizing behaviors and winning behaviors. Minimizing in your case might sound like: “Hey team, I think we have a pattern that might be hurting us,” while winning might sound like: “Team, you are all behaving badly, and you need to fix it or else.” You are going to want to find that sweet spot between the two that might sound something like: “Team, I have observed some behaviors—and have gotten feedback from others—that some things being done are tarnishing our reputation and undermining our great work. I want to share those with you and think through together what we might do differently.”

You will want to strike a balance between candor and curiosity. You can rely on candor to outline the problem as you see it and the potential negative consequences you all face. Then, you can apply your curiosity to understand the underlying reasons for the damaging behaviors and really hear all points of view on the topic. Craig says we can achieve this balance by:

Stating our clear position
Explaining the underlying thinking that informs our position
Testing our perspective
Inquiring into the perspective of others. (pg. 78)

Some sample inquiries might be:

How do you guys see this situation?
What is your take on this?
What is your reaction to what I have just laid out?
Does what you are hearing sound like the way you want to be perceived as a team?

There is a good chance that some members of your team will be appalled and embarrassed, and you will need to be okay with that. You will also need to be okay with the person who minimizes by getting defensive and claiming that people are too sensitive and should get over themselves.

Once you have gotten some input and allowed your team reflect a little, you will have to make an official request for a change in behavior. You may be able to lean on the company values, if they exist. In our company we have a value we call Kenship (I know, isn’t it adorable?), which is defined as: “We value Ken [Blanchard]’s spirit of compassion, humility, and abundance. Kenship describes a sense of connectedness, a commitment to serve others, and a desire to have fun.” We also have the value Trustworthiness, which is described as: “We do the right thing. We are fair and ethical and do what we say we’re going to do.” Values like these make it easy to call out behaviors that are not aligned and help to keep the conversation objective. If your company doesn’t have stated values, now might be the time to craft a team charter, working together to define team values that will serve to guide everyone’s conduct moving forward. You obviously have a lot going for you already, so this could be a great way to develop the team into something even better.

Trashing everyone outside of the team is a way for the team to build connection; it is a habit the group has formed together. It is also a form of unhealthy entertainment. The key will be to help them shape new, good habits to replace the old bad habits, while continuing to nurture their connection.

What you can’t do is nothing. It is up to you to work with your team to repair the damage that has been done and lead them to become a team whose success is celebrated across the whole organization. It sounds like your team members are all fundamentally good and decent people. Once they see their dysfunctional behaviors reflected back to them, they will probably be willing to change. Lead on!

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Colleague Dropping the Ball? Manager Won’t Help? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 02 Oct 2021 12:58:50 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I am a regional sales director for a company that installs gutters for houses. I have spent endless time training my people to map out exactly what is needed for each house. We created beautiful online templates so salespeople could provide the detail that the install team needs to show up with the right equipment and the proper product cut into proper lengths.

The install teams seem to ignore all the information we give them. They show up with the wrong products, install things haphazardly, and the customers all call to complain that their gutters are not what was promised to them.

It is ridiculous. My salespeople are so tired of all their hard work being disregarded, and of course the unhappy customers call them to complain.

The director in charge of the install teams refuses to admit any fault and won’t force his people to use the information we provide. At this point, he is not answering my emails or phone calls.

We have a sales quota to meet, but the morale of my folks is at an all time low. I have talked to my boss about it, and his attitude is basically that it is my problem and I should figure it out. I just don’t know what I can do to change this situation without his support.

Thoughts?

Powerless

__________________________________________________________________________

Dear Powerless,

This sounds so frustrating. And this is a classic point of tension in most companies—the disconnect between what is sold and what is delivered keeps a whole lot of people up at night. It sounds like you have hit a brick wall with your boss, which is absurd, because it sounds like an organizational problem. But short of tackling your counterpart in the parking lot, I think you probably are on your own.

The only thing I can think of is to somehow get the salespeople to create relationships with their install team leads. Instead of simply sending a bunch of information to an install team, a salesperson needs to actually communicate—by phone, zoom meeting, or a quick conversation. I think we have all the evidence we need that nobody can keep up with all of the communications coming at them. People need to talk to each other, and that is something you can work with. Possibly create an offsite meeting to do some relationship and team building. I do think that, absent support from anyone else, your best hope is making sure people on both teams meet, get to know each other, maybe even brainstorm how to solve the problem as a group.

Once relationships are established, install teams are much more likely to be open to influence from the salesperson.

We all tend to look to processes and systems to fix big problems—and long term, you may be able to influence enough to get those in place. But until you can get there, your problem is still people needing to work with people. And for people to work well together, they need to know and care about each other. So that may be a place to start.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Need to Slow Down the Rumor Mill? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 18 Sep 2021 13:43:52 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I am an EVP for a major insurance company where I have been leading a large team for five years. I was just getting the hang of things when COVID hit, and since then it has been a mad scramble to keep up with all of the changes. I have a hybrid workforce now, with over 50% of our employees working from home most of the time. Our CEO resigned and we have an almost completely new executive team.

We are just now getting back on an even keel, but I’ve noticed something unpleasant happening. I am lucky to have relationships all over the company so I hear things through the grapevine—and I’ve been hearing weird gossip and crazy rumors.

One rumor was that we are selling an entire section of the company. Another whopper was that I am planning to leave. None of it is true—but what is true is that my people are on edge and the gossip mill isn’t helping.

How can I stop this nonsense?

Hate Gossip

______________________________________________________________________

Dear Hate Gossip,

So do I—unless I am the one doing it. It’s so much fun to gossip! I spent a full year a long time ago abiding by a “no gossip ever” rule and it was excruciatingly difficult. I defined gossip as talking about anyone who wasn’t in the room, or repeating news that I wasn’t 100% sure was true. In an organizational setting it wasn’t sustainable, but my experiment certainly shed some light on where the fine lines are.

Gossip itself isn’t all bad, all the time. It’s the way humans seek to understand the world—what is acceptable or unacceptable behavior in the shared culture. Anyone who is the parent of a middle or high schooler can see budding gossips at work as their kids seek to get their arms around the unspoken rules.

Evolutionarily, gossip is a survival mechanism—a way for us to manage uncertainty and plan how to navigate our own path. Gossip is the way to spread information (and, of course, misinformation) across large social networks. And it is one of the ways we create relationships and connections—bond with others. Our brains absolutely love gossip because it releases little bursts of dopamine that hit the reward center just like chocolate, shopping, alcohol, and drugs—in short, gossip can become addictive.

Humans tend to share information that provokes strong feelings, even if we’re not sure it’s true. It’s fun and entertaining to provoke strong feelings in others and it deepens relationships. In fact, just receiving gossip can make us feel like we’re part of the “in group.” It’s simply the way we’re wired. So shutting down all gossip is probably an unachievable goal.

But here’s what you can do: you can tackle the situation head on. Tell your team it has come to your attention that some people, both inside and outside of the team, are spreading rumors that are not true—and that this is triggering negative feelings for no reason and causing enormous distraction and damage. Then make a clear request, something like:

“When you hear something, please…

Notice how it makes you feel.
Check it out with someone who knows the truth. Feel free to start with me. If I don’t know, I will try to find out.
Don’t spread information that you are not 100% certain is true.
Be a force for bringing us together, not creating division.”

Then, when someone does come to you, thank them for checking it out with you. Don’t shoot the messenger!

You could also make a commitment to being a role model by noticing how and when you engage in gossip yourself. You may be inadvertently condoning gossip by sharing questionable info with your own team members or peers without even realizing it—after all, you’re only human.

Finally, gossip (especially the whopping, tall-tale type) tends to increase when people are stressed by extreme and rapid change. So you can probably take it all with a grain of salt knowing that it will subside. Your being a role model for telling the truth and holding a safe place for people to share their fears will help them feel more settled and focused on what matters most.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Giving Feedback to a “Firehose” Communicator? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 11 Sep 2021 10:45:00 +0000

Desperate woman in office for too many e-mail

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Dear Madeleine,

I am a senior executive at a fast-growing regional bank. One of our employees (I’ll call her Mae), who doesn’t report to me but on whom I rely on for several big deliverables on a regular basis, is driving me nuts. We are all very “nice” around here and no one gives anyone feedback, so I don’t know what to do about this.

All of Mae’s communications are delivered like a firehose of information: five-minute voicemails or three-page emails. She works in compliance, so most of what she is doing is CYA stuff.

It takes me way too long to hunt through her communications to figure out what I need to know and what I need to do. I am not alone. There is a joke around the branch that when you see an email from Mae, you can’t hit delete fast enough. She is oblivious. Help?

Stop the Firehose

___________________________________________________________

Dear Stop the Firehose,

Look. Just because the culture of the organization is that no one gives anyone feedback doesn’t mean you can’t. This is about your quality of life of work—and Mae’s ineffective behavior. You could chicken out and talk to her boss. That’s what most people do in “nice”—a.k.a. indirect, passive-aggressive cultures. Or you could act like the senior executive you are and make a request. After all, you must rely on her for work product. You have every right to do so.

Be kind, be gentle, be clear and direct. Take Mae aside, making sure you have privacy and won’t be disturbed. Tell her you find her communications hard to follow and too time consuming to digest. Then request that any and all communications to you follow this format:

Brief Hello,

A – Action: Exact action needed. Clear, concise, with deadline.

B- Background: Purpose for action, context for request. Use bullet points, numbers, or section headings if very detailed.

C- Close: Next steps and thank you.

This ABC model comes from The Hamster Revolution by Mike Song, Tim Buress, and our own Vicki Halsey. Our company has been using this format since the book came out, and it really makes a difference. People use it mostly when they are sharing critical information that requires action from the recipient. I can tell you that it takes a great deal of time and focus to write this way, because it forces the sender, not the recipient, to do all the organizing of ideas and thinking.

It works just as well for voicemails (who is still using voicemail?) and is excellent for texts and for Slack or Teams.

Tell Mae that if she sends you a communication that doesn’t follow the ABC format, you will return it to her and ask her to format it properly if she wants you to pay attention to it. I don’t know much about banking, but I imagine that being on top of compliance probably matters.

After your meeting, send her an email with the format you want—whether it is this one or another you prefer.

If you have an HR person, ask them to announce the new communication norms for the whole office as well. This would get everyone onboard with higher professional standards.

People aren’t born knowing this stuff, so you really do need to tell her. It is the fault of her manager and anyone else who is senior to her that she is oblivious. You will be doing Mae, yourself, and everyone else a big favor when you teach her how to craft effective communications. Don’t be critical or tell her that others are making fun of her. Just make a request and make it clear it is not optional.

Step up on this one. It is the right thing to do.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Boss Keeps Interrupting? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 08 May 2021 10:36:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I just read your blog Boss Talks Over You? and wow—can I relate! My problem is similar. My boss constantly interrupts me while I am speaking in meetings. She causes me to lose my focus by introducing a new, relevant topic even before I’m done with my introductory remarks.

I am so tired of it and need to make it stop, but have no idea how.

What to do?

Losing Patience

_______________________________________________________________

Dear Losing Patience

This is clearly an epidemic. We can hope that all of the folks reading this column who are interrupters might recognize themselves and cut it out. But most people are oblivious to their tendency to interrupt; rather, they think of themselves as being excited and creative.

It is one thing to handle interruptions from peers—but when it’s your boss, it’s extra tricky. I offer a few possible approaches, all of which involve either taking a stand or letting it go. I suggest you develop a plan for deploying one of them, or a combination of all of them, depending on your circumstances.

Set expectations with your audience before you begin. It’s possible that when you set yourself up properly, you won’t need any other tactic. Before you start your presentation, say to everyone: “I am going to present the results of the survey, share the thinking my team has already done about the results, and then I’ll open the floor for questions and brainstorming. Does that work for everyone?” Basically, you are saying: I have a plan here, so please let me go ahead with it. That might just do the trick.

Speak to your boss offline. This takes some guts and is an option only if you have a decent relationship. To access your courage, you will want to script out what to say and practice with someone safe—a friend, partner, or colleague. You will need to state your position and make a request: “When I am presenting and you interrupt, it really throws me. You always have value to add and your topics are always relevant, so I really want to hear what you have to say. My request is that you save your new topics for after we have finished with the task at hand.” Honestly, if one of my people said that to me, I would be mortified and would be on my best behavior, at least for a while.

There is a very good chance that your boss has no idea she is interrupting and is, therefore, oblivious to any effect it has on you. She probably does it to everyone—so you actually could end up making life better for your entire department. Of course, you run the risk of offending your boss and damaging the relationship, so it will be a judgment call for you.

Practice dealing with it in the moment. You might combine this approach with #1. When you are interrupted, gently redirect:

“That’s a great idea—let’s put it up on the white board parking lot so we can come back to it in the debrief.”

“Would you mind holding that thought for right now, so we can focus on ____________?”

“Please let me finish my thought.”

“It would be really helpful if we could stay focused on this part—but I look forward to getting to your great idea in a moment.”

There is no guarantee it will work, but it won’t be a good look for your boss, and it probably will.

Prepare for an interruption. Be emotionally ready for it. Find a way to maintain focus and manage your negative emotions. Be prepared to be interrupted and decide it doesn’t matter. Breathe, let it go, engage in the new conversation, and just let it be okay. If you are worried you will lose focus and forget where you were, jot down a note to yourself with the beginning of what you were about to say. When it makes sense, jump back in: “Okay, great! Let’s get back to the results. The next thing I wanted to share is …” This approach is an option only if you can really let it go, not hold a grudge and let resentment build. Resentment is corrosive and will end up ruining the relationship if left to fester. So if you really like your boss and respect her quick mind, her creativity, and how her thinking improves everyone else’s thinking, you might be able to make this one work.

At least when you are a boss, you won’t interrupt. You have that going for you. Good luck with this.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Boss Talks Over You? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 01 May 2021 12:21:24 +0000

Business people talking in meeting

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Dear Madeleine,

I just read your blog Boss Keeps Interrupting You? Ask Madeleine. Excellent points there, particularly the pre-meeting meeting. My problem is a boss who talks over me chronically.

I am the EVP of Marketing. My CEO believes he has a high and authoritative understanding of every marketing topic. My experience is that you can fake marketing until it comes to results. Although I have a good rapport and mutual respect with my colleagues, I’m often left flustered in a group meeting.

Unfortunately, results get compromised as the CEO changes his mind on campaigns or events at the worst possible time despite briefings, confirmations, and published timelines. I am not a good advocate for myself in this situation, as I know challenging or correcting the CEO would be a career limiting activity.

I could use an idea or two.

CEO Whiplash

___________________________________________________________________________

Dear CEO Whiplash,

Thanks for the kind words. I love it when past articles prompt interesting questions!

There are two separate issues here. One is your CEO wreaking havoc. The other is your self-assessment that you get flustered and that you are not a good advocate for yourself.

Let’s start with your CEO who is frustrating you. CEOs usually fit one of two personality profiles:

The very cerebral, analytical, organized thinker who probably is a lot smarter than anyone else in the room (and—weirdly—usually taller). This CEO is seeking sound logical thinking and accuracy, and Excel is their first native language.

The visionary, super creative entrepreneur who moves way faster than everyone else and changes the plan with no thought as to how it will affect the troops. This CEO thinks in pictures and stories and gets really excited by new ideas.

These two profiles present very different challenges. It sounds like you would do very well with Profile #1, but your CEO is #2. So how do you successfully keep up and manage the personality profile I like to think of as “Taz”? (Based on the cartoon character Tasmanian Devil, this happens to be a profile I’ve become extremely familiar with.)

The thing to understand about folks with this profile is that they tend to think out loud, which can cause real confusion.

A client of mine recently was appalled that one of his direct reports spent an entire weekend creating a full plan to deliver on an idea that had been floated in a Friday meeting. My client didn’t even think it was a good idea and forgot all about it, but he felt terrible that it ruined someone’s weekend. After some thought, he went back to his team and said, “In my mind, there are three kinds of idea conversations: the speculation conversation, the evaluation conversation, and the planning conversation. All of these conversations need to happen before anybody takes dedicated action—especially time-consuming action.”

I suspect your CEO has the same thing going on, but doesn’t have the self-awareness to realize it. So when he is throwing out ideas and speculating on potentially changing your carefully crafted plans, he could very well be simply brainstorming. Speculating. You are right that correcting or challenging your CEO, especially in front of others, would not be good for you. But there is a big difference between a confrontation in the moment and acting on everything that comes out of your CEO’s mouth. Right now those are the two options you have created for yourself. I recommend you expand your options because both of those are bad for you. You need alternatives that not only ensure your CEO feels heard and validated, but also keep you from being overwhelmed with change orders that aren’t going to produce the desired results.

From lose/lose to win/win.

What this means for you is that you have to listen carefully to your CEO, reflect back all of his ideas (no matter how silly or absurd), and make sure he feels fully heard. How to do this? Use classic negotiating techniques: mirror back everything your CEO says, and label.

A conversation from the past might have gone something like this:

CEO: “Hey, that email campaign should include the new product idea we are considering.”

You: “Uhhhhh.” (You’re thinking it’s a terrible idea.)

CEO: “You know, so we can share info on the one we are launching, but also seed the newest ideas and maybe get feedback.”

You: “Well …” (You’re thinking, oh god, that will never work.)

CEO: “Yeah, don’t you think we could share news on the new stuff but also be doing market research?”

You: “Actually, it doesn’t really work well to do that.”

CEO (cutting you off): “I think we should totally try it.”

Chris Voss, author of Never Split The Difference: Negotiating As if Your Life Depends on It accurately says that people hear your inner voice as well as they hear your outer voice. So if you are thinking, “OMG this guy is a complete moron,” your CEO will hear it and then dig his heels in to drive his point home. So keep that inner voice in its corner, keep the judgment off your face, and try mirroring.

A future conversation could go something like this:

CEO: “Hey, that email campaign should include the new product idea we are considering.”

You: “Include the new product?” (Taking notes.)

CEO: “You know, so we can share info on the one we are launching, but also seed the newest ideas and maybe get feedback.”

You: “Get feedback.” (Nodding yes.)

CEO: “Yeah, don’t you think we could share news on the new stuff but also be doing market research?”

You: “Market research.” (Looking intrigued.)

CEO: “Actually, you already have a whole market research project going on, don’t you? That’s probably a bad idea.”

When you use mirroring and keep your curious/open-minded hat on, chances are that your CEO will either come to the reasonable conclusion himself or forget all about it. So how do you keep your curious hat on, you ask? Remember that your CEO is, in fact, the CEO—so he probably isn’t a complete idiot. He may even throw out a truly innovative idea occasionally. So keep your ears open for it!

This will keep you from having to worry about arguing, correcting, or advocating for your own ideas in the moment, which is fiendishly difficult for most of us. Even if that doesn’t quite work out, it will be worth developing the skill.

Mirroring is the next step.

You: “It sounds like you feel strongly that we should alter the email campaign for the release to do double duty, is that right?”

CEO: “Yeah, what do you think of that?”

You: “I hadn’t considered it. There might be a good idea there. Let me take the idea and flesh it out to see how it could work, okay?”

The beauty of this approach is that you aren’t caving in immediately to his demands—you are saying “maybe.” “No” feels like a loss, while “maybe” feels like possibility. Nobody likes “no.” Shifting to “maybe,” “let me think about it,” “wow, good thinking, let me consider that,” or “let me research that and get back to you” is an excellent move for people who are struggling to maintain boundaries.

Then, jot down a quick outline of the fleshed-out idea with all the reasons it is a bad idea (research, experiences you have had) and have it in your back pocket for the moment your CEO asks about it. Be ready with your excellent arguments that show “that idea won’t get us the results we want, and here’s why.” You probably won’t ever need this because I am willing to bet money on his forgetting about it immediately.

If push comes to shove with your CEO, you can take better care of yourself by being ready to ask “What do you really want me to do with this idea? Do you want me to create a plan to show you, or is this an idea you simply want me to consider carefully?” The key to managing conversations with people who cut you off and never let you talk is to keep your contributions either short or in the form of a question.

As you say, the key is your results. If you nod your head yes, listen carefully, and change absolutely nothing about what you do after the meeting or how you are delivering, there is a very good chance that all will be well. And you’ll have some new skills you can use with a cranky neighbor, a teenager, or the next customer service representative you have to wrestle with.

Let me know how it goes.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Want to Lead a Successful Change? Involve Your People!

Ken Blanchard — Wed, 28 Apr 2021 01:39:39 +0000

As so many industries are beginning the long challenge of recovering from the pandemic, organizational change seems to be happening everywhere. The first issue many organizations must deal with when planning a change is finding an effective leadership approach that encourages large numbers of people to buy into a change at the same time. What most leaders don’t understand is that change will not succeed when:

Top executives make all the decisions behind closed doors,
They announce the change in an all-company meeting, and
Everyone is expected to immediately get on board.

The best way to initiate change is to involve as many people as possible in the change process. Why? Our research shows that when you invite your people to participate in a change initiative, they will be much more likely to embrace the change and to influence their coworkers to participate. This high involvement, collaborative approach that involves all parties is far more effective than the minimal involvement, top-down strategy—which, according to Gartner Research, is still used by more than 80 percent of organizations. Top-down change typically results in short-term compliance, slower implementation, and marginal results. But involving people at all levels of an organization in the change results in faster implementation, increased commitment to the change, and more sustainable results.

When change initiatives go well, they improve innovation, creativity, productivity, engagement, and employee retention. When they don’t go well, it’s a waste of time, energy, and resources—and company morale plummets.

Contrary to what some believe, people don’t actually resist change. They resist being controlled. High involvement in the change process by those who will be impacted by the change lessens their feelings of being controlled and builds momentum for the needed change.

Leaders working with people during a high involvement change process must anticipate and manage the five stages of concern people are likely to go through: Information (What is the change about?), Personal (How will the change affect me?), Implementation (How is this change going to work?), Impact (Is the change worth our effort?), and Refinement (Are we trusted to lead the change going forward?).

Change leaders who are effective at addressing these five stages of concern can often minimize or resolve these concerns. When you use a series of change leadership strategies to create an inspiring vision for your people, build a clear plan, show proof the change is working, and ultimately allow people to lead the change, your organization will be more successful at navigating the process of change.

Frame the case for change/create an inspiring vision (Information/Personal concerns)

In order to frame a compelling case for change, leaders need to first describe the gap between what is and what could be. When leaders paint an inspiring vision—a picture of the future where people can see themselves succeeding—people will have fewer personal concerns and be more likely to support the change.

2. Build the change plan and infrastructure (Personal/Implementation concerns)

High involvement change leaders work with people to uncover obstacles to implementation and create a realistic change plan. When they get to collaborate this way, people feel better about the change because they have some influence on successfully implementing it.

3. Strengthen the change (Implementation/Impact concerns)

This is where leaders share information, stories, and data to prove the change is working. They model the mindset and behaviors they expect from others and have discussions with anyone who remains resistant to the change to ensure that everyone is accountable for implementing the change.

4. Entrust the change leadership to others (Impact/Refinement concerns)

Once people’s concerns about the success of the change are taken care of, leaders can begin to rely on their people to help lead the change. Daily responsibilities can be delegated to others while the leader remains available for support if problems arise.

I’ve been known to say that great leaders treat their people as their business partners. High involvement change leadership is a perfect example of this. When leaders involve their people in making important decisions throughout the change process, their people feel respected—and respect leads to trust. When your people truly trust you as their leader, they will want to do their best work to ensure the success of your organization’s change initiative.

Having Trouble Sharing Performance Expectations? (Part 2) Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 17 Apr 2021 10:45:00 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I was promoted to VP of sales a few months before the pandemic hit. I feel like I have been in an industrial washing machine ever since, and am just starting to come up for air. There was a lot of training at the beginning but then our entire book of business and go-to-market strategies shifted. It has been mayhem, but things are starting to settle now.

I have an amazing team. I physically moved in order to take over a new region, so all of my people are relatively new colleagues, which is nice. About two years ago, our company changed CRM (Customer Relationship Management) systems. [Note: This is the system that sales leaders and marketing use to gain visibility into prospects, contact info, opportunities/pipeline, forecasting, account plans, competitive intelligence, etc.]

The new system is fine; not any worse or better than the old one. My people have figured out how to make it work for them and comply with requirements. But there are exceptions.

One sales rep, who creates amazing relationships with his customers and crushes his quota, cannot for the life of him get his info into the system. It’s great when he suddenly brings in huge projects, but then there is a scramble to deliver on the contract. Then there’s another rep who puts everything into the system beautifully but can’t seem to get anything done other than that—and she certainly can’t close.

My boss is giving me a hard time about both of them, but very little guidance on how to get them to where they need to be. Thoughts?

CRM Conundrum

______________________________________________________________________________

(If you missed last week’s blog, Part 1 of the response can be found here. This is Part 2 of the response.)

Dear CRM Conundrum,

Last week we discussed how to deal with the rep who won’t use the CRM. Now let’s take a look at the other two situations you are dealing with.

One rep who is very good at CRM management but doesn’t seem to know how to actually sell.
A boss who isn’t very helpful.

Your rep who can’t sell probably needs some training on mechanics as well as a ton of support to boost her confidence. If she already has been through training, and can tell you what she should be doing but can’t seem to do it, you have a confidence issue. Perhaps she used to be good at selling and something happened that made her start doubting herself.

However, if she’s never been successful, she probably doesn’t know exactly what to do and how to do it. Whatever your company’s sales training is, she will need to attend. She will also need super clear direction from you, and then extra time. If you can attend some of her sales calls with her as a fly on the wall and then give her feedback, that would be ideal. Or, if she could tag along with some of your superstars and see how they do it, that would also be great.

In the last post, I floated the idea that this rep might apprentice with your sales rock star who can’t (or won’t) use the CRM, and they could tutor each other on their strengths. Role play is also a terrific tool—it is much easier to say certain things if we’ve practiced.

If she was once great and lost her mojo, you’ll need to ask some open-ended questions to help her talk things through so that you can gain some insight into what is getting in her way. Ask questions like:

What happened that shook your confidence?
What do you think might be going on?
What might help you get back on track?
What would be helpful to you right now?
What kind of help would feel right?

Make sure your employee knows that you are on her side, you really want her to win, and you’ll do anything in your power to help her get there. Help her build a step-by-step action plan that will get her to her goal.

If there is still no improvement over time, just as with your other situation, there will need to be consequences. Not everyone is cut out for sales and it won’t serve you to belabor things. If that is the case, the faster everyone comes to terms with a mismatch, the better off everyone will be.

Now. Let’s talk about the fact that your boss offers neither direction nor support, just a “hard time.” That isn’t a shocker, but it does mean you are probably on your own. If you are like most managers, you were promoted because you were an amazing salesperson, not because you demonstrated skill at managing people. The sad and kind of scary fact is that most managers are in their jobs for ten years before they get any kind of training. You sound like you have great instincts, but why learn by trial and error if you really don’t have to? There is no shortage of brilliant advice out there for new managers. Of course, I think ours is top notch, but I wouldn’t want to limit you. I guarantee your organization has some kind of training available. Attend. Pay attention. Take notes. Formulate intentions and practice new skills.

You are probably thinking you don’t have time. You won’t remember the opportunity cost of the time you took, and you will remember three or four tidbits that will change your work life. Your people will thank you and you won’t regret it. I promise.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Nervous and Anxious about Work Presentations? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 27 Mar 2021 12:09:12 +0000

Late man waiting for moment to come in

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Dear Madeleine,

I read your article called Terrified about Doing a Presentation at Work? and I am writing to see if I can get some help.

I have spent 23 years in the IT industry and am still nervous about presenting. I have challenges remembering the right words during the presentation. I tend to rush and get it over with. I get the feeling the audience is going to attack me. I’m also fearful of running out of time. What if I can’t answer a question?

I have a tendency to say yes to everything. I don’t like to beat around the bush; hence, my communication is more direct. I have lot of energy, which is a problem because I get excited and it increases my anxiety. I get stressed out if I am tasked to do a presentation alone but if I am a co-author and co-presenter, I am a bit more comfortable.

I attended a few Toastmasters sessions, but those are generally for speeches that are prepared and rehearsed. I can do five-minute speeches with no problem. But doing a tech presentation is a challenge because there is so much detail involved. I am also thinking my age could be the cause of my inability to remember things.

Still Anxious

_________________________________________________________________

Dear Still Anxious,

I hate to say it, but you may always be nervous. Some people just never get comfortable with presenting. I still get incredibly nervous when I have to present, and my husband does, too. We call it the Wave. The Wave starts the day before. You just have to ride the nerves until the moment you start, and then leave it behind. I almost never sleep the night before a big presentation.

The fear won’t kill you. The key is to not let it control you.

Based on what I hear from clients, people who have trouble presenting think it should be easy because some people make it look easy. Don’t be fooled. It is isn’t easy for anyone who cares deeply about being organized, coherent, and useful. It is a ton of work.

Let’s start with remembering the right words. To me, this is all about preparation and rehearsal. As you say yourself, in Toastmasters when you are prepared and rehearsed you have no problems. So when you know you are going to have to present, take the time to work on your slides. Walk through them at least 3 times, speaking the points out loud. (Doing it in your head doesn’t count—you don’t hear how well your language works unless it is out loud.) Figure out the key points as you go. My memory is hopeless and always has been, so I print out my slides three to a page and write the key points next to each slide.

Because you get yourself into such a muddle, you might want to prepare handouts for each person in the audience. This gives people something to look at other than you and it gives you a way to provide in-depth answers to questions you anticipate without having to remember every little detail.

If you are going into a meeting where you know you will be asked questions, but you aren’t presenting per se, it will serve you to:

Consider who will be in the meeting and what questions they are likely to ask. If you look back, you will see there is a pattern to people’s questions. You may not be able to prepare for all of them but I’ll bet you are better at anticipating than you realize.
Prepare by writing up the questions you anticipate, along with the answers.
If someone asks a question you aren’t prepared for, and you aren’t confident about answering, just name it and claim it. You are allowed to say something like “That’s a good question that I hadn’t anticipated. Let me think on that. I’ll do a little research and email everyone the answer.”

I think part of what has you so worked up is that you think you have to have all the answers, perfect, all the time. You can let that expectation go. You’re only human.

Preparation and rehearsal will also help you to manage your concern that you might run out of time. The best way to help yourself is to break your presentation down into shorter sections with Q & A at the end of each section. Your prepared presentation should only take about 55% of the time you have so you’ll have plenty of time for questions. The worst case is that you will have time left over—and nobody minds that.

Is this time consuming? Indeed. And you are going to spend all that time obsessing anyway, so you might as well spend it preparing, which will lower your anxiety by 100%.

You mention that you have a lot of energy and get excited, which adds to your anxiety. Managing energy is half the battle for many. It would probably help you stay on a more even keel if you were able to release some energy before a high-pressure meeting. Take a walk or a jog, do yoga, practice meditation—whatever calms you down. Exercise tends to really help with that. A few other little tips will help you as well:

Having too much energy is so much better than not having enough. Talking too fast is better than too slow. Just stay focused on others, and on your material.

Now let’s talk about your anxiety. You say it causes you to rush and to be overly direct, and that you fear you literally might be attacked. I once worked in an organization where it was a badge of honor if you could make someone else cry. What a crazy place to work! I mention this because my question is: what evidence do you have that you might be attacked? Is your concern rational because it actually happens that people attack each other in these meetings? Or is it irrational—just your anxiety talking? If it is a norm in your organization that people attack each other, I think you just have to be prepared. Think of yourself as a warrior who is prepared to defend yourself, and remind yourself that you aren’t going to die. You know who the bullies are and probably can predict how they will attack you. You can come to the meeting with a prepared handout just for those people.

If it is really just your anxiety, it’s good to remind yourself of that as well. You must find ways to calm yourself down. Right now you are anxious about being anxious, which causes your brain to release adrenaline and cortisol and then more of it. Your autonomic nervous system gets highjacked and makes you feel like you are going to die. The best way I know to stop the spiral and calm down is to use your breathing. You don’t have to be a meditation master. You just have to pay attention to your breath and be intentional about it.

Try this:

On a count of 3, breathe in through your nose. Release the breath on a count of 6.

Repeat at least 2 more times, or as much as needed.

I learned this from my daughter who has taught it to her 13-year-old students. If they can do it, so can you. It works. It short circuits the fight-or-flight response in the brain and helps you get hold of yourself.

Okay. Now allow me to yell at you for the ageist attitude about your memory. Cut it out. It isn’t age. It is that you have too much stuff in your head and you have run out of room. That’s my story and I am sticking to it. But seriously, come on. You really do have a lot going on, so if you are having trouble remembering a ton of technical detail, write it down. Have it on your phone, your tablet, or print it out. Just lower your standards about needing a brain like a supercomputer and take care of yourself.

I know a lot about this—I have always had a very odd memory. I can remember the name of a client’s childhood dog but not where the client worked. So I developed memory aids long ago, in high school, and I still use them. I feel bad for people who have always had an amazing memory but now have too much to remember and no coping mechanisms. So start writing notes to yourself. Keep a book or journal. Whatever you need to do. And stop calling yourself old.

Prepare. Rehearse. Breathe. Repeat. You will be okay.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Scared of Your Boss? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 06 Feb 2021 12:45:14 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I am a team lead in the R&D department of a pharmaceutical company. We are all scientists and engineers and the work is interesting and fun. I really like managing my team and they seem to be happy with me.

My problem is that my new boss is just awful. We loved our former boss; he was kind and smart and took us to new levels of creativity and problem solving. The new guy—we all call him the “Ice King”—came in from the outside and doesn’t seem to care about any of us. He is cold and mean.

I dread being in meetings with him. He walks in right on time and hands out the agenda, which he sends in advance with clear instructions about who should prepare what. He never smiles, never laughs. When he is okay with something, he just nods his head with a frown on his face. If he disagrees or, God forbid, catches an error, he looks thunderous and says, “That’s incorrect, fix that.”

Most managers I have worked with have one-on-one meetings with their people. I do them with my team, but honestly, my boss is so off-putting that I am grateful he doesn’t have them with me. I dread the performance review I have coming up in a few months.

How can we get him to lighten up and be nicer?

Scared of My Boss

_____________________________________________________________________

Dear Scared of My Boss,

You can’t. Okay, you could try, but it probably isn’t worth your time and energy. You can’t really fix people. People can change—but in my experience, it is rare, and they need a really compelling reason.

You will have a much better result if you put your attention on changing yourself.

Here is the thing, Scared—you are taking your boss’s behavior personally when, in fact, it has absolutely nothing to do with you. You miss your former warm and fuzzy boss. I get that. And I am sorry for your loss. But your new boss just sounds like a personality that is way down on the “introverted and analytical” end of the continuum. IT. ISN’T. PERSONAL.

So what would happen for you if you told yourself that the Ice King is super analytical, is only interested in accuracy and facts, has zero people skills, and is probably mystified by all of his direct reports who are wanting him to be something he is not?

It doesn’t actually sound like there’s anything to be afraid of except maybe showing up with anything but impeccable work. And even then, it sounds like he will simply point out your mistakes so you can fix them. Ice King is at least offering you clarity, consistency, and certainty. Those are good things.

The minute you stop wishing Ice King would be different, just accept that he is the way he is, and let that be okay and not about you, you will feel a lot better. At least you know where you stand with people like this. Just the facts, ma’am. No politics, no hidden agendas; just get the work done, accurately, on time and under budget.

Prepare diligently for your performance review. Make sure it is well thought through, comprehensive, and above all, correct. You will be fine. Once you stop judging him, he might just surprise you.

You clearly prefer a warm and fun, collegial atmosphere. Fine, you can nurture those things within the culture of your team. They aren’t important to your new boss, and that’s okay. There’s a big difference between a real problem and something you don’t like. This is only a problem if you decide to let it be one.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Employee Reacted Poorly to Your Feedback? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 23 Jan 2021 13:34:38 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I am a manager at a fairly new and fast growing software-as-a-service company. I have been managing people forever and nothing like this has ever happened to me.

I recently gave some feedback to a new employee I’ll call LK. Despite having received step-by-step directions on a certain task, she had done it completely wrong. The feedback was standard and simple—specifics on how to do the task: “Do it this way, not that way, for these reasons.” She seemed to take it fine.

The next day I received a call from HR saying LK had complained that I am micromanaging and mean. It was like she had been part of a completely different conversation. I am a big user of SLII®, so after she was hired I let her know I would be giving her lots of specific direction and re-direction over the first few months until she got the hang of the job. Also, I made it clear if she ever has an issue she should come to me right away.

I am just blown away that instead of coming to me to talk about it, she went straight to HR. Is this a generational thing? I have always received good feedback from my people and have never had a complaint. I feel like she must be nuts, or maybe she has some kind of vendetta against me. What should I do now? If I try to talk to her, who knows what she might do? This has left me shaken.

Thrown for a Loop

_____________________________________________________________________________

(Note: For the uninitiated, SLII® is my company’s flagship management model that helps managers figure out what combination of direction and support an employee needs to competently achieve a specific goal or task.)

Dear Thrown for a Loop,

Wow. I can see how this would be upsetting. I am not going to give you a primer on giving feedback—it sounds like you know what you are doing. But somehow, things have gone sideways.

It is always my job to ask what part you might have played in creating this situation. It is easy to think someone might be “nuts” when they experience a shared event differently from the way we do. And I guess that is possible—there are, in fact, people with mental health problems who wreak havoc in the workplace. I have had a front row seat to some spectacular wreckage myself. But that isn’t going to be helpful as a starting place for you. Assumptions can be such a trap. You might assume that you look and sound like LK’s Mean Aunt Mabel and she got triggered. Or maybe she’s having issues at home, wasn’t sleeping well, and the conversation was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Or maybe she was just having a spectacularly bad day. It happens. Is it possible that you missed some signs? Did you, in fact, ask “Hey LK, is now a good time to go over the process for …”? I know sometimes I get so task focused that I blow right by the signs that now is not the moment to offer a re-direction.

It is also true that some people simply have a really hard time receiving feedback. People who are perfectionists and expect themselves to do everything perfectly right out of the gate can really suffer when getting feedback. Younger people who are entering the workplace and are used to getting straight As in school may experience any feedback as a personal attack. Be sure when you do re-direct, the critique is of the actions, not the person; for example, “This way of doing it can cause inaccuracies” vs. “You are causing inaccuracies.”

Before you do anything, you probably need to loop back with HR to find out exactly what LK’s complaint was and what they think you should do about it. But, in the long run, if you are going to salvage the working relationship, you are going to have to have the hard conversation. I am a fan of our Conversational Capacity program, and you can also check out this book by Craig Weber. The whole idea is that you have to balance candor with curiosity. And remember, the person who has the power (you) has to create the safe environment.

Prepare for the conversation by parking your defensiveness and assumptions. Make sure you have privacy and enough time for the conversation. Get grounded however you can: take a walk, do some deep breathing, pray. Prepare to listen—and by listen, I mean NO TALKING. You can say your initial piece to set up the conversation, ask a few questions, and then just listen.

Start with candor:

My job is to do everything possible to help you be terrific at your new job. That’s what is important here.

I am sorry you were so upset.
I am sorry you didn’t feel comfortable coming to me to tell me you were upset.
I really care about you and your success.

And then move to curiosity:

Help me understand what I did that made you so upset.
Please tell me what would make it easier for you to accept necessary direction from me in the future.
What can I do to make it easier for you to trust me?

Make sure to share what you hear LK saying—not only so that she knows you are really listening, but also to make sure you are getting it right. Hopefully, you can both commit to some shared practices moving forward.

If you don’t feel safe, if she doesn’t feel safe, or if you believe there may be some underlying issue, you can certainly ask someone from HR to sit in on the meeting. You will need to take the high road at every possible choice point. If she truly is unbalanced and emotionally unable to function at work, it will reveal itself. Or—best case scenario—if it is all a big misunderstanding, you and LK could end up with a great working relationship and laugh about this someday.

Don’t you just love being a manager? Just when you think you know what you are doing—BAM, it turns out there are new adventures to learn from.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Creating A Compelling Vision for Your Team

Ken Blanchard — Thu, 21 Jan 2021 13:37:58 +0000

It’s a timeless truth that bears repeating: Good leadership starts with a vision. Why? Because leadership is about going somewhere. If you don’t know where you’re going, your leadership doesn’t matter. Great leaders understand this and mobilize others by coalescing them around a shared vision.

A compelling vision will help you and your team get focused, stay energized, and achieve results. Your vision will also keep everyone going during times of adversity.

Can a Team or Department Create a Vision When a Company Doesn’t Have One?

Yes! Vision can start anywhere. You don’t have to wait for the rest of the organization.

Creating Your Team Vision

There are three aspects to a compelling vision: your purpose, your picture of the future, and your values. If you are a team leader, help your team create a team vision by working together to define and establish these three elements.

Purpose. To begin, start by asking, “What is our team’s reason for existence?” Your team’s purpose will answer this question.

When writing your team’s purpose, don’t simply describe your roles and activities. For example, if you’re in the automobile business, don’t say, “Our team exists to sell cars.” That purpose is hardly inspiring. Take a cue from Tesla, whose purpose isn’t simply to sell cars; it’s “to accelerate the world’s transition to sustainable energy.” Notice how those words inspire excitement and commitment? An inspiring purpose makes work meaningful and fun. It also helps everyone stay the course when things get tough.

Picture of the Future. What is your team’s picture of the future? What do you want to be true in the future that is not true today? Picture the end result of your efforts.

Your team’s picture of the future should be something you can actually see when you close your eyes. Don’t define your picture of the future in vague terms, such as “being great.” Use precise words that bring an image to mind. Walt Disney’s picture of the future for his theme parks was to “keep the same smile on people’s faces when they leave the park as when they enter.”

As you and your team work together on your picture of the future, keep it positive. Focus on what you want to create, not what you want to get rid of.

Finally, don’t get bogged down in describing the process for getting to your envisioned future. Just focus on a visual image of the end result.

Values. Values are deeply held beliefs that certain qualities are desirable. They define what is right or fundamentally important to your team. They provide guidelines for decisions and actions.

What will be the core values by which your team operates? Here is a small sampling of some values you might consider: integrity, knowledge/expertise, accountability, success, relationships, kindness, humor, creativity, innovation, dependability, service to others. There are countless others.

To determine your team’s values, answer the question, “How will we behave on a day-to-day basis?” Then describe the behaviors that demonstrate what that value looks like when it is being lived.

Be careful not to select too many values. Zero in on a maximum of six. Also, your values must be rank ordered to be effective. Why? Because life is about value conflicts. When conflicts arise, people need to know which value gets the highest priority.

Once your team has agreed on the shared values, it’s up to you as the team leader to model these values in your behavior and to encourage the other team members to do the same.

A Worthwhile Investment

Teams with a shared vision work in harmony and generate positive energy that creates extraordinary results. These are the teams that others notice, admire, and emulate. If your team is working without a vision, take the time to create one. It’s an investment you won’t regret.

Editor’s Note: For a deeper discussion of vision and how it can focus and energize your team, read Full Steam Ahead: Unleash the Power of Vision in Your Work and Your Life by Ken Blanchard and Jesse Stoner.

Afraid of Mistakes When Delegating Work to Others? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 12 Dec 2020 13:16:32 +0000

Business manager assigning tasks to subordinates

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Dear Madeleine,

I’ve been managing a couple of teams located around the globe. Recently, our business has exploded, and I find that I am losing control of things. My question is: how do I help my people clarify when they need to include me in big decisions and when they don’t? I’ve never had this issue in the past—but we are doing so much and things are moving so fast. I need to find another way, because mistakes are being made and I am held responsible. I really don’t want to make anyone feel bad or demotivated. I actually appreciate that people are taking things into their own hands—until of course, they mess up.

I’ve never had any management training, but I assume people who do learn how to deal with this kind of thing. Any ideas?

Big Mistakes

__________________________________________________________________________

Dear Big Mistakes,

I wouldn’t worry about training; you seem to be doing awfully well on your own. At least you have the right mindset—which, frankly, no amount of training can shift for some people. And at least the problem you are grappling with is a good problem to have. Nothing succeeds like success!

I know of three concepts/models that might be helpful to you here. One is our time-tested, research-based flagship model, SLII®. Essentially, it helps managers and direct reports break down all goals and tasks, diagnose the competence and confidence of the employee in relation to each task, and then identify exactly what kind of leadership style is needed. You can access a cool e-book about it here.

Things have changed in the last few months. If people are making bad decisions, it’s because they are doing new tasks that they aren’t competent enough to fly solo with. That’s all. They are perfectly able to develop their competence, but first they need clear direction from you as well as some practice that you can supervise at critical stages. Ultimately, you will be able to trust them to have good judgment. So first read up on the model, then get super clear about where people are making mistakes and what is new about those instances. When you have conversations, you can own that you hadn’t given clear direction before and you wouldn’t expect a person to know something you had never told them. That way, you aren’t criticizing—you are simply correcting your own oversight while creating an environment in which the commitment is to transfer the capability for the future. It is good for them, and it frees you up.

Another concept, which I wrote about recently in this column, is Waterline. I learned this concept from W.L. Gore & Associates, where it is a company value. Your people need to know in no uncertain terms where their decision-making authority ends and when they need to consult you or others. If they understand the big picture well enough, they can assess the risk of each decision and know when the consequences of a mistake will be unacceptable.

The last model you may find useful is the RACI Chart. The RACI Chart, sometimes called a matrix, is used in project management for complex operations such as software design—but it is also good to use when working to create something new as a group. If you are growing in leaps and bounds, this is a great way to create clear agreements about exactly who is doing what and who they need to involve, consult, or work with. Once again, it’s up to you to gain clarity on all tasks and who is responsible for executing on the actions to achieve them. You also know who they need to consult with and gain input from on the plan, and who ultimately is accountable for making sure things are done correctly and according to timeline. You probably did this intuitively before, but didn’t have a chance to revisit everything as things began to change.

Since it seems like you generally trust your people and care about making them feel appreciated, no one will mind your pushing for increased clarity. Nobody wants to make mistakes—it is embarrassing! You can be crystal clear about decisions that need to be run by you as you develop your people and eventually empower them to make decisions on their own. In the end, you will have much stronger people and be able to grow that much faster.

Let me know which model is most useful to you.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Concerned You’re Becoming Impatient with Your Employees? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 10 Oct 2020 13:43:35 +0000

Hi Madeleine,

I just got off the phone and immediately realized that I need some help. I spoke to an employee in a way I am ashamed of. I didn’t yell or flip my lid, but I was curt, demanding, and unsympathetic, and I interrupted him several times.

I have some things going on in my life that have me down in the dumps. I’m beginning to get impatient with my employees because they ask so many questions and eat up so much of my time. This is not me. I consider myself a very supportive manager and a happy person under normal circumstances.

I’m hoping you can give me some advice on how to leave my personal issues at the door so that I can avoid speaking to my employees in a way I will regret.

Need to Nip it in the Bud

Dear Need to Nip,

Thank you for this beautiful letter. I am sorry you are having such a hard time. I hate it when I am not my best self! Of course, it is a 24/7 job to stay on my game—as it is for most people.

You are only human. Please cut yourself some slack. These are hard times: pandemic, civil unrest, election, fires, floods, hurricanes, tornadoes. Anything extra going on in your personal life can tip the scale.

Before you do anything else, contact your employee and apologize for having a bad moment. It doesn’t have to be a big deal—but a little apology can go a long way. Just send an email or a card. I have a small supply of cards that I use for apologies. This could relieve your remorse in the short term.

In the long term, though, it is important to get to the crux of what has put you so off center. I think there are two sides to consider here. One is that your employees are asking too many questions and taking up too much of your time. The other is that you want to be better at compartmentalization so that you are able to leave your irritation at the door.

Your employees. It might be true that you had a bad day, your employee just needed to vent and whine, and it was an isolated incident. I always thought my whole team melted down on my worst days. But it is also possible that your employees are actually annoying and when you are feeling on top of your game you don’t notice it. As a resilient, high energy person, it can be easy to let bad behavior slide off your back. But just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Your bad days can be the gift that helps you see that maybe you shouldn’t be so easy going. You may actually be tolerating and allowing behaviors that you shouldn’t.

Ask yourself: How have I allowed my employees to become so dependent? What could I do to get them going in the opposite direction?

Perhaps you could invest some time in making sure that each employee knows exactly what their tasks are, and exactly what a good job looks like. It works really well when you have employees set up regular 1×1 meetings with you. The 1×1 is their meeting time with you and they can do whatever they want with it. Make sure they drive the scheduling of it and send you a brief agenda before the meeting. They must understand that this is their time—if they squander it by not preparing, they will have to wait until the next meeting.

If your employees are asking too many questions, it may be because they are looking for certainty. You may want to have a Q & A with the whole team about whatever is uncertain, using a team chat or email.

You. What are “normal circumstances”? What is keeping you from being your happy self? It’s one thing to leave your personal life at the door; it’s another to put it into perspective. If you are pushed so far off center, it is probably one—or a combination—of these three things:

Your needs aren’t being met. You were getting a core need met in your personal life, and something has changed and that need is no longer being met. A core psychological need is one that must be fulfilled for you to feel 100% functional. The current theory on needs is that we all share three: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Additional theories hold that every individual has needs that are specific to them as part of their temperament or their individual makeup. From a coaching standpoint, the more you set up your life to get your needs met, the more energy you have to fling yourself at your goals. Needs can be tricky. It’s hard to notice a need when it is being met, and that’s why people who have mastered getting their needs met seem so even keeled. Your meltdown moment provides an opportunity to examine what need wasn’t getting met leading up to it. You may know exactly what it is, or it may be news to you. If you do identify it as a needs issue, ask yourself how you could get it met in a new way. Ask your friends and loved ones for help. Getting your needs properly met is not really optional; it is something you must do as a prerequisite for being the person you want to be and having the life you want.

You have too many tolerations. You are tolerating entirely too much in your personal life. Ask yourself: What am I putting up with? If each toleration is a marble in your pocket, one or two is easy. Twenty-five is a problem. (You can read about how we allow tolerations to accumulate here). Make a list of everything you are putting up with and figure out what you can fix, delegate to someone else to fix, or shift to make it more tolerable. More detail on how to eliminate tolerations here.

Your self-care is out of whack. Your normal self-care routine has been disrupted. Self-regulation is 100% dependent on our pre-frontal cortex (PFC). This part of your brain is located right behind your forehead, and is the seat of judgment, choice, analytical thinking, strategic thinking, and our ability to inhibit undesirable behaviors. Neuroscientists call the PFC a resource hog. At the very least, it needs you to:

provide it with a constant supply of glucose from high quality foods;
stay hydrated;
allow it to rest and sleep (two different things); and
do physical exercise.

Now ask yourself: What can I do—even as I get my personal life under control by getting my needs met and eliminating tolerations—to take care of my PFC and thereby enhance my ability to self-regulate at work? Some ideas:

Take more breaks
Make sure you are drinking water
Take a walk around the block when you feel yourself getting irritable
Bring snacks and plan time for lunch
Review what has helped you in the past: Meditation? Four deep breaths? Stretching?

Good luck to you. Know that you are in very good company. There is much required of all of us to stay on an even keel these days.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Stepping into the Future of Leadership Development

Ann Rollins — Wed, 30 Sep 2020 12:45:49 +0000

The rapid onset of COVID-19 forced all of us in the leadership and talent development space to quickly create new ways of thinking, learning, and working; it affected every fiber of our world. In essence, the pandemic has forced the birth of new ways of doing just about everything, from parenting to schooling to working.

On the work front, organizations are being called upon to reimagine the way they do business, care for their employees, grow, and more. But rising tensions and stress cause people to withdraw from true dialogue or try to dominate it. The consequences are costly: Some 77% of employees say poor communication hinders their company’s ability to compete.¹

As a result, leaders became learners again, rediscovering how to build trust, manage in a remote setting, and engage in authentic, straightforward dialogue. Along the way we’ve gained more clarity around what’s truly important, found the ability to quickly change course, and become skilled at doing things that were once uncomfortable. We’ve also discovered new ways of building and fortifying human connections for living, learning, and leading in a time of unprecedented upheaval.

This experience has helped The Ken Blanchard Companies develop and refine a fresh, modern approach to effective, human-centered leadership development experiences at a time when effective leadership matters more than ever. Just like you, we’ve had to ramp up quickly to meet the changing needs of learners—and what a change it’s been, as we are now averaging over 500 virtual sessions per month! We’ve also accelerated our time to launch exciting new modalities designed to extend our ability to reach more leaders more effectively with human connections woven in. As industry has made the rapid-fire shift to virtual, in many organizations the human connection is diminished or completely missing. We saw this as the perfect opportunity to reach more leaders, to democratize leadership development, and to leverage what we’re best known for: building the most productive relationships between people at work using our timeless, enduring content that is beloved the world over.

It’s been a great opportunity to partner with clients to design new ways to reach individuals and leaders, distributed across locations and time zones, with the helping hand of smart technologies. The result has been learning experiences that are deeply rooted to our clients’ leaders and learners: who they are, what they do and when, and how they work. Together we’ve created experiences that improve awareness and capability, and move their businesses forward by imparting the skills their leaders need right now—not to survive, but to thrive.

I am a Solutions Architect, part of our Solutions Architecture Center of Excellence. We partner with our clients to co-create the perfect experience for your scale, timeline, technology needs, and budget. We begin our engagements with a design session that is collaborative and co-creative and incorporates the tenets of design thinking (specifically, Empathize, Define, and Ideate) to clearly understand your audience—in other words, who we are solving for. That who drives each set of decisions we make as we define the goals, craft the learning experiences for your various target groups, and determine how we will prove the value of our work together. Focusing on your audience early and often allows our design team to connect closely with the learner, develop relevant content, create context, and build world-class experiences for all levels of leaders.

We’ve been using this approach successfully with all of our content including our flagship offering, SLII^®, plus other core offerings such as Self Leadership, Blanchard Management Essentials^®, Building Trust, Leading People Through Change^®, Conversational Capacity^®, and Team Leadership. This approach allows us to create a common language and provide frameworks that are easy to apply from one level of leadership to another.

And we’ve packaged the content in ways that meet the demands of different learner groups:

For small cohort groups up to 20 people, we’ve been suggesting Virtual Instructor Led Training experiences that will leave your leaders feeling as though they, well, went to class! Click here for a close-in view of how we “do” virtual learning at Blanchard.
For larger audiences that need to learn new skills in a way that scales broadly and quickly:
- We’ve developed a Collaborative Online experience that unfolds over time, usually six weeks, combining self-driven learning with the hallmarks of the best the classroom has to offer: peer discussions, application, and reflection, guided by a Blanchard expert. Click here to learn about our Self Leadership Collaborative Online experience and its impact on our most recent cohort.
- Our new Interactive Keynote Collections target core concepts in a way that allows you to reach a large number of learners quickly.
For more in-depth experiences, our Digital Learning Journeys provide a turnkey way for you to deliver leadership-level-specific learning, quickly. Many of our core programs are available in this format now and can be used individually or with intact teams.
And to keep the learning at the forefront after the formal learning moments end, we’ve been layering in our sustainment offerings such as our multi-week SLII^® chatbot, called Kenbot^®, that extends the learning from the classroom into the flow of work. There is no easier way to reconnect and recommit than offering the chatbot as a performance support tool for your leaders.
Blanchard’s Coaching Solutions provide additional rigor to all our offerings and turn newly formed skills into new habits and ways of working. Designs range from a peer coaching model that aligns to the journeys of different levels of leaders, to group coaching in groups of 8 to 12, to individual One on One coaching and executive coaching.

As we look to the future, it’s only natural to ask, “Will the classroom make a comeback?” That’s a question we all are asking. Our answer is, “Yes, in some form,” but what comes next will undoubtedly look different than it did prior to COVID-19.

We envision a leadership development experience that blends every modality, curated specifically to address the needs of your various audiences.

Perhaps it’s Building Trust in Virtual Instructor Led Training in small cohorts for your people in EMEA, the same content served up in Digital Learning Journeys with live group coaching sessions in the Americas, and again, the same content served up in face-to-face sessions in Asia.

Reaching further out into the flow of work, picture Interactive Keynote Sessions for your large, synchronous, global audiences on critical topics that resonate around the globe—or envision Blanchard’s digital licensed content served up in journeys your L&D team creates and presents on your LMS or LXP platform.

No matter what your learning platform, LXP, or LMS is, Blanchard can help you leverage your investment. We’ve incorporated much of our digital content and experiences in mainstream LXPs that scale the leadership development experience instantly. And for those of you with an LMS platform, we have a public API that can be used to integrate our content into your platform.

Learn more about offering our programs in plans and pathways on your instance. Together we can create a blueprint to build communities of connected, inspired leaders speaking the same language, as part of a unified approach to leading your people forward.

Our Solutions Architect team members are some of the most accomplished professionals in the industry. They can help you:

Co-create a learning experience that meets your timeline, technology needs, and budget
Develop à la carte options to fill in the gaps in your leadership development curriculum
Create a leadership development journey that unfolds over time and incorporates Blanchard content, your custom content, and content from other providers
Deploy a new leadership development experience on a learning management system, a learning experience platform, or other innovative learning technologies

I am ready to help. There’s a bright future of leadership development ahead of us. Schedule an initial design consultation with me or one of the other Solutions Architects to explore what the future of leadership development could look like in your organization. Or download our new Solutions Brochure. We’d love to share designs we’ve created for other clients and explore what your organization’s leadership development experience could look like.

About the Author

Ann Rollins is a solutions architect with The Ken Blanchard Companies. A modern learning champion with more than 25 years of industry experience helping form and execute learning strategy for Fortune and Global 500 companies, Ann always has her eyes on the technology horizon. Her passion lies in helping clients sort out the learning angles and attainability of technology in workforce learning and performance to build future-forward, human-centered experiences.

^_1. _{Dynamic Signal, The Cost of Poor Employee Communication, 2018.}

New Team Member Is Yelling at You? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 05 Sep 2020 14:27:49 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I have a new team member who is constantly melting down. Our whole team is under a lot of pressure, and we’ve had to put our heads down to get the work out. Everyone has been able to do this—including me—except for my new team member who needs to be talked down from the ledge almost every day.

Lately a new pattern has emerged and I’m not sure what to do. She’s been yelling at me that I’m not doing a good enough job of managing our processes and that I don’t know what I am doing. It is kind of shocking the things she says. Then she calls me back 10 minutes later and cries and apologizes, and we walk through the process plan calmly. We make up and everything is okay until it happens again.

When she does the work it is good, but the cost is so high. Why does this keep happening? What can I do to stop it?

Constant Drama

Dear Constant Drama,

It keeps happening because you allow it. Being a manager is hard, and you do want to create an environment where people can be human, but that is different from allowing yourself to be treated like a doormat.

Call your employee and tell her that you have thought about it and you realize that it is not appropriate for her to speak to you the way she has in the past—and that the next time it happens you will calmly end the meeting and remove yourself from the situation until she can calm down.

That’s it. People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Just because you are a nice person and you feel bad that your employee is having a hard time with the increased workload doesn’t mean she is allowed to yell at you. If she can settle down and do the job the way it needs to be done, great. If not, she can take her drama elsewhere.

Don’t overthink this. Document each incident and if she can’t grow up and control herself, let her go. Life it too short to tolerate this kind of nonsense.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Wish You Were Getting More Feedback? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 22 Aug 2020 13:46:48 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I get no feedback. I have done well in my career. I have some big goals and I think I am doing OK at my job. My manager is a big-picture person who is constantly on the move and is only interested in my results, not in me. I think if I asked her about my long-term prospects here, she would roll her eyes at me. (She rolls her eyes any time anyone digresses from the numbers and the key results.)

Recently, my spouse went through a program with her company where they sent out a questionnaire to the people she interacted with at work. She got a ton of insight into how she is perceived. There weren’t a lot of surprises, but she learned some useful info.

They don’t do that kind of thing in my company—but I was thinking it might be a good idea to ask some key folks I work with for some feedback, just to see if I might be missing something. Could it be risky? Would people tell me the truth? What if I find out something I wish I hadn’t?

If you think it might be a good idea, how would you suggest I go about it?

In the Dark

Dear In the Dark,

There is a school of thought that says “no news is good news.” Then again, Ken Blanchard says “feedback is the breakfast of champions.” I say that it never hurts to really see the full landscape—your playing field, if you will—to make sure you understand the exact game being played, the rules of the game, and how to win it. Too many folks who don’t pay attention are surprised when they find out they were playing the wrong game or they missed the memo about the rules changing.

I don’t think ignorance is bliss; I think it is a naïve choice. So, short answer: Yes.

Yes, I think it is a good idea to make the effort to get some insight.
Yes, it can be risky, but there are ways to mitigate the risk.
Some people will tell you the truth and some won’t, and that’s OK.
You will almost certainly find out some things that will make you uncomfortable.
And yes, I have some ideas about how to go about it.

Long answer:

Why feedback? It sounds like you think it may be useful to simply get the lay of land so that you have the information you need to move toward your big goals. You’ll want to assess for yourself where you think insight would be helpful. Is it something specific, or are you going for a more general picture? It’s a good idea to clarify your own intent and motives, such as:

Are you seeking insights to help you achieve your goals? Asking for feedback can help you build support for your long-term goals.
Do you want to build or protect your ego? There’s nothing wrong with that; just be ready to hear some things you wish you hadn’t.
Do you want to enhance or defend your self-image and your image in the organization? Again, information on how you are perceived is fine and often useful.

Getting clear on your intent will help you to shape what you decide to do with the feedback you get. Remember—feedback says more about the person giving it than it does about you. So understanding someone else’s perspective is a useful window into where they stand and what they see from that vantage point. It also tells you what is important to them, which may be the most illuminating insights of all.

The whole mission to get feedback can also be an opportunity to create an environment in which you signal that you are accessible and open to feedback, which will increase the likelihood that people will offer it without your having to ask all the time. This also means you will get feedback you don’t necessarily want—but if you know how to deal with it, that’s OK.

Who to get it from? You’ll want to decide who to ask. 360 degrees is upward, sideways with functional peers, and downward with your direct reports, if you have any. The more thorough you are, the clearer a picture you can get of your whole landscape. You might also consider approaching customers, internal and external, who depend on you. You can approach your boss via email—not to discuss your brilliant career (which she doesn’t seem to care about) but to give her the opportunity to provide input should she choose to do it. What you don’t want is for her to hear that you are asking around for feedback and didn’t include her!

Method: My favorite cut-to-the-chase method of asking for feedback is to ask for a meeting. Clearly state that you are seeking intel on how to improve all of your working relationships and that you want answers to the following questions:

In your opinion,

What should/could I do more of?
What should/could I do less of?
What should I start doing?
What should I stop doing?
Is there anything else you think I should know?

This gives some direction without too many guard rails. My big beef with the exhaustive online multi-rater 360s is that they are so in-depth that respondents are mentally exhausted before they get halfway through it. Provide the questions prior to the meeting—it gives people time to think over their answers. It is always nice to have these kinds of meetings over a coffee or a beer, but these days it will probably be web conference.

Risks: You only really make yourself vulnerable if you signal your intent—which you don’t need to do. All you have to say is that you want to be as effective as you can be in all of your working relationships, which is probably the truth and totally plausible. But yes, you do make yourself vulnerable, because you will expose yourself to anyone who has an axe to grind and takes advantage of the moment to give it to you right between the eyes. But my experience is that is much more common when people can hide behind a screen of anonymity.

How to receive feedback? This may be the hardest part. The whole exercise will absolutely backfire if you get defensive or attempt to explain or justify your position. Doing so will guarantee that the person will never give you feedback again. You must absolutely, positively practice almost superhuman self-regulation in response to all feedback.

You have a choice of the following responses. (Do not deviate from this plan.)

Thank you.
Tell me more.
I understand.

Do: If you hear about behavior or an event in which someone’s feelings were hurt or the apple cart was upset in some way, you can apologize for your part in it. Just say “Wow, I am sorry. I didn’t know and I am so glad you told me.” THAT’S IT. Don’t explain, don’t fall apart, don’t make a big deal out of it.

Don’t: make promises about changing. You are going to want to collect all of the feedback before deciding what you want to do with it. Making promises without really thinking through what you are willing to commit to will box you in. Only make promises you are certain you want to keep and can keep.

Will there be moments of discomfort? You bet there will, and that’s OK. You won’t die from it. You are going to need to be tough to achieve your big goals, and the key to toughness is practicing not taking things personally. Take notice of what makes you defensive—it gives you information about your own secret vanities and insecurities. That’s OK, too. We all have them, and the more aware you are of your own, the less they will drive your behavior and sabotage you when you least expect it.

What to do with feedback: You have to think of feedback as data, not the truth about you. Ask yourself: what does this tell me about this person that is useful? What does it tell me about our systems and processes that I hadn’t considered? What does it tell me about myself that is valuable? What might be true and worth taking under advisement?

Only after some deliberation and analysis will you decide what to do; and even then, you will want to choose only two or three things to focus on. Start small, with one thing—something you can do without getting a personality transplant—one thing you think will make a real difference. Maybe it is to stop interrupting. Or to start consulting others when making decisions. Something simple and doable.

Still up for it? I applaud your courage. It will be quite a journey, but one I think you will find worthwhile.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is the co-founder of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 16,000 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

Time to Move Beyond “Winging It”? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 01 Aug 2020 12:55:29 +0000

Dear Madeleine,

I am a senior business leader for a global manufacturing company. I recently was on a panel with an officer of our company—not my boss, but a peer of my boss. He was very impactful with his remarks; I was okay but not nearly as sharp. Later, when I complimented him on his presence and remarks, he graciously thanked me and asked if he could give me some advice.

Of course I said yes.

“You need to prepare,” he said. “You have no idea how much I prepare when I need to speak—in any venue, including executive team meetings. It makes all the difference.”

It got me to thinking, and I realized that I have been basically winging it. All the time. I talk way too much. I start talking and keep talking until I figure out what my point is. I am smart enough to have gotten away with it so far—but now that it has been called out, I really want to improve. I am not sure where to begin. Thoughts?

Winging It

Dear Winging It,

The first step is self-awareness, so congratulations for realizing that you can improve. It is my experience that the less people talk, the more others tend to pay attention when they do. There is tremendous power in silence, and in taking the moment to think before you speak.

The next step is clarifying your own motivation for improving, because it will require sustained attention and effort. Since you have gotten away with winging it till now, it would be easy to slide back into old habits. So remembering the point of the exercise will help to keep you on track. Ask yourself:

Why bother improving?
What are my long-term career goals, and will my improving impact those goals significantly?
How will I deal with it when I get disillusioned with how much time and effort preparation takes?

Once you have given this a little thought, you will be ready for the next step. This may be the hardest part: deciding what meetings/events you want to be more prepared for and blocking time off on your calendar to prepare.

The key to preparation is taking the time to do it—and you’ll find that it really doesn’t take that long. Once you have your system down you might very well be able to do it on your commute, or your morning walk, or even in the shower. Personally, I prepare by creating mind maps using pen and paper. Many people need to think out loud and take note of what comes out of their mouths that is useful and what can be consolidated or edited out. You will have to experiment.

Taking the time to prepare also means reviewing the supporting documents that are shared before a meeting. Most people who are used to winging it figure they can do a quick scan once the meeting starts, which is probably what you do now. But reviewing early will allow you the time to develop an opinion with supporting arguments that will be three steps ahead of what you can get to in real time.

Once you have blocked a little time out, run some tests: What method is going to serve you best? Are you a writer? Do you need markers and flip chart so you can think big? Do you need to think out loud with a peer or team member? Perhaps the recording feature on your phone would help you?

To organize your preparation, regardless of your method, consider:

Who is your audience?
What is their agenda? Why are they there?
What is the main topic or decision that needs to be made?
Do you have one or two key messages you want people to remember?
Are there related side topics that may be missing, and can you explain why it is critical to address those at this time?
What are the most important points people need to hear to grasp your opinion?
Do you want/need research or statistics to support your point(s)? It’s much better to Google beforehand and be ready with links.
Is there a personal story or example you might share to support a point?
Can you tell that story succinctly and make sure it circles back to the point? Stories are very effective but all the more when they are short, sweet, and relevant.
If your audience remembers only one thing about what you say, what do you want it to be?
Is there a call to action and is it clear?
What questions do you anticipate being asked, and how will you answer them?

If you start with just these, you will be way ahead of the game. Even if you focus yourself on the way to a meeting (or in our current Zoom world, take five minutes before the meeting) with some thinking about who the audience is and what you need them to know, you will be on the road to being prepared. Success breeds success, so start small and build.

If at all possible, consider asking the gentleman who gave you advice how he prepares—he may have some brilliant tips for you. And almost everyone likes being asked for advice.

Finally, you can practice keeping your hand over your mouth until you figure out exactly what needs to be said. I spend a great deal of time with my hand over my mouth—as a former “winger,” it serves me well. It is much easier to circle back to share something you didn’t get a chance to say than to take back something (or worse, a lot of stuff) you wish you hadn’t.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Boss Has Gone Silent? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 25 Jul 2020 12:36:13 +0000

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Dear Madeleine,

Ever since the beginning of this work-from-home situation, our entire department feels like it is on hold. The reason? Our seriously old school boss is not at all comfortable with meeting via phone or web conferencing. He was always a stickler for meeting in person, and has just kind of fallen apart. I can’t even get him to return calls or respond to emails.

I have serious questions about how to prioritize work—about 50% of our department has been laid off and the workload is staggering. I have no insight into what is going on in our organization and I am having a hard time concentrating.

On My Own

Dear On My Own,

Things are unsettled enough without your boss going radio silent. That must feel scary. Now is the time for managers to be spending more time with their people, not less! Here are some ideas for you.

Ask for feedback on your communication style. Maybe you are annoying. Maybe just ask, “Is there something I should know?”

Make your communications easy to answer, with clear subject lines and questions that can be answered with either yes or no. When people get “wall of words” emails with lots of ideas in them, they sometimes leave them for later because they require focus and time to respond. Relieve your boss of the need to think, and you might just get a response.

If you really need your boss to think, make your emails super succinct and easy to read. One of my favorite tools is the ABC method from The Hamster Revolution. The ABC method splits your message into three parts: Action, Background and Close. A – Action summarizes exactly what you want. B – Background provides key context; why you want it. C – Close proposes next steps and how/when you expect follow-up.

In terms of priorities, use your own judgment to lay out what you think they should be. Put your work/task list in priority order and make clear what will not get done in a normal work week. Make your subject line: My Priorities Unless I Hear Otherwise. (Well, that’s what I would say—that might feel aggressive to you. Soften if you must.)

I have no sense of what your work life was like before the Covid crazy. Did you and your boss have a decent relationship? If so, you might ask him if he is okay and if there is anything you can do for him. Maybe tell him you are worried about him.

If you don’t hear anything in the next seven days, go to HR or your boss’s boss. Maybe he was fired, or has gone on leave of some sort, and they forgot to tell you. Crazier things have happened—and goodness knows, these are certainly off times.

It sounds like you are awfully isolated. Get in touch with peers and friends you have in the organization to see what you can find out, and make some connections.

Breathe deeply—and remember, before all of this you were capable, competent, and able to concentrate. Now use your best judgment about how to spend your work time and go to it. Do your best. That’s all you can do.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Diversity Beyond Lip Service by La’Wana Harris

Vicki Stanford — Tue, 21 Jul 2020 11:39:35 +0000

Diversity, always a weighty topic, has become a profoundly important concern over the past several weeks. Nevertheless, many people and businesses continue to struggle in their attempts to address the issue. In her latest book, Diversity Beyond Lip Service, La’Wana Harris relies on her experience as a Certified Diversity Executive, ICF Certified Coach, and global leadership development professional to offer guidance to help individuals, leaders, and organizations effectively navigate this crucial period in history.

Harris explains that to build a sustainable culture of inclusion, we all must become aware of our own biases and then do the self-work to move forward with actions that have a positive impact. The brilliance of the book lies in Harris’s COMMIT model, which is designed to serve as a call to action for those who want to be part of the solution. This process emphasizes the following directives:

Commit to Courageous Action. First, determine the contribution or difference you want to make by creating a culture of inclusion. Then define what success looks like and how you will measure it, and set specific goals.

Open Your Eyes and Ears. Become mindful about what you see, what you overlook, and what you will stop tolerating.

Move Beyond Lip Service. Decide what you need to take responsibility for in order to raise the bar on inclusion and define your actions.

Make Room for Controversy and Conflict. Address what scares you about diversity and inclusion and identify both what you can stop doing and what you can say no to in order to become the best version of yourself.

Invite New Perspectives. Recognize the ways you are changing, the choices you are making, and how you will stay aware of the perspectives of others to remain vigilant.

Tell the Truth Even When It Hurts. Understand how being inclusive honors your values and how the stories you tell yourself represent cultures different from your own.

Above all, Harris recognizes there isn’t a quick fix to this issue. She reminds us that true change will take place only when people make a fundamental shift in how they approach diversity. She points out that traditional efforts have been oriented from the outside in—we’ve spent decades telling people what they should think, say, and do in relation to diversity and inclusion.

Harris suggests an inside-out approach instead—one that helps individuals go deep within their own beliefs to first understand their biases and then do the self-work to begin their journey to diversity appreciation.

The best part is the how-to steps provided by Harris in this thoughtful and important book. If you want to be a leader who ignites innovation in your team and brings out the best in everyone, read Diversity Beyond Lip Service today.

To hear host Chad Gordon interview La’Wana Harris, listen to the LeaderChat podcast and subscribe today. For more information on La’Wana Harris, go to lawanaharris.com or find her on LinkedIn.

The Coronavirus: An Unexpected Opportunity to Change the Way We Change

David Witt — Thu, 16 Jul 2020 12:00:00 +0000

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By Pat Zigarmi and Judd Hoekstra

The coronavirus pandemic upended our world in a matter of weeks.
Businesses closed. Stores shuttered. Unemployment soared. And worst of all, the virus took our loved ones.

Companies were forced to reinvent the way they worked in just a few days. IT departments scrambled to provide equipment for employees. Managers and their people struggled to adjust to the new reality.

For those of us fortunate to keep our jobs, the boundaries between work and home vanished. Spare rooms became offices. Some of us worked exceptionally long hours. Some had little to do.

When historians chronicle these dark days, they will write how fear and uncertainty cast a pall over the world. They will also share that there were surprising pockets of innovation as employees exercised their newfound autonomy and rose to the challenges of the moment.

Now, organizations around the globe are reopening, sort of. Unevenly for sure. Making decisions without complete information. Uncertain about the future.

This creates an opportunity for all leaders to embrace the changes ahead in a radically different way.

The Business Case for High-Involvement Change

The pandemic acted like a microscope.

It magnified how courageous, curious, agile, and resilient we (individuals and organizations!) can be. It gave us new ways of thinking about how and where work gets done.

So what are some of the lessons we’re learning?

The command-and-control leadership style looks like a relic from the past. The idea that a few at the top know what is best for the many seems untenable. Additionally, unlike hierarchical organizations of the past, today’s frontline employees have more access to information than ever before. The Internet has become a great leveler, empowering employees and making command and control look slow and old.

The conclusion is that leaders must invite all stakeholders to conversations about change.

We also know that the pre-pandemic status quo suppressed employee engagement and enthusiasm. Creative solutions emerged when employees took ownership of problems. An inclusive, high-involvement environment is the only way to keep alive the surges of creativity, resourcefulness, and collaboration we’ve witnessed in the last months.

The coronavirus pandemic also showed that employees could co-create solutions and implement changes that met organizational and individual needs.

When employees return to the office, it will be a critical time for leaders to capitalize on their creativity and rethink how and where work gets done.

Essential Conversations Ahead

Change means different things to different people. We define it in our Leading People Through Change® (LPTC) workshop as “the gap between what is and what could be.”

In the case of the pandemic, change is the gap between what was, what is, and what could be. The challenge facing all companies is jettisoning what didn’t work (like endless face-to-face meetings) and embracing what did (like agility and empowerment).

To understand what did and didn’t work before and during the pandemic, leaders need to have meaningful conversations with their people. Before leaders announce any change, they need to share what they saw/see with their peers and understand the implications. Finally, they need to ask employees what they saw/see and know.

These conversations will help your organization define potential changes about where and how work gets done going forward and ensure that the proposed solutions solve the right problems.

The goal of these conversations is to help each other appreciate different perspectives about work before and during the pandemic so you can co-create the “what could be” for your workplace.

Why is this so important?

Change initiatives are notoriously difficult undertakings—they fail 75% of the time. And most are unsuccessful for the same reason: 80% of companies use a top-down, minimally inclusive approach. And yet we’ve also learned this from our change work over the years: “Those who plan the battle rarely battle the plan!”

Involving others to develop realistic and right-resourced change plans will also let you discover potential implementation problems before you reopen. Casting a wide net has inherent value. Our founder Ken Blanchard powerfully summed up the reason: “None of us is as smart as all of us.”

Once you reopen and/or adapt some blended solution of working from home and at the office, your employees will have concerns that arise in a predictable sequence. The Leading People Through Change® Stages of Concern model, below, illustrates this.

Perhaps the most important conversations you’ll have with employees when you reopen are what we call Concerns Conversations. These surface people’s unanswered questions with the proposed changes.

When you think about reopening your organization, we bet that these are the questions keeping people awake at night. But if you use a high-involvement approach to change, you don’t have to have all the answers. The answers come from bringing those affected by the change into the conversation.

In reality, the only thing fast about a top-down approach is decision-making. However, the speed of implementation and realization of results are significantly slower with a top-down approach because those outcomes rely on the commitment of those being asked to change.

An African proverb captures the essence of Blanchard’s high-involvement approach to change: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

Get Ready to Go Far

The pandemic is demanding change in your organization. Leading People Through Change® can make it a transformative moment.

Joe Dunne, director of sales enablement at Global Industrial, recently went through LPTC training with forty sales leaders. Here’s what he had to say about it:

“Leading People Through Change® has been a game changer for us. The highly interactive virtual sessions were delivered flawlessly, under a tight time frame, by our trusted partners at Blanchard. We’re seeing immediate on-the-job application of the mindsets and skillsets we learned as our people return to the office from working remote.”

Leading People Through Change® can be conducted as a one-day face-to-face session, a seven-hour virtual instructor-led training (four virtual sessions), a two- to four-hour executive overview, and a soon-to-be-released 35-minute digital overview.

Please contact your Blanchard sales consultant if you would like to learn more about our Leading People Through Change® solution.

One of Your Direct Reports Is Lying? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard — Sat, 13 Jun 2020 11:28:52 +0000

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Dear Madeleine,

It has recently become apparent that one of my newer direct reports is lying. In one instance, he told me a presentation was proofed and ready to go and I found out it wasn’t when I went into the document on our shared drive to make a change. In another instance, I learned from a colleague that he had claimed to her team that we were further along with a deliverable than we actually were. And there have been other, less impactful, little red flags.

The crazy thing is that the lies are so easy to uncover—especially the shared drive documents where anyone can see the last time he was in the document. When I confronted him, he claimed he had completed the deck but the changes weren’t saved. We are a technology company so claiming technical failure can work when a whole system crashes, but this is just bald-faced lying—on top of unforgivable technical ignorance. It is one thing to be caught and apologize, which is what I would expect, but now it is adding insult to injury.

I am very clear about my expectations when new people join my team, but it never occurred to me to tell people they are not allowed to lie. I am so mad that I’m having a hard time thinking straight about this. I don’t know what to do. What do you think?

Liar Liar

Dear Liar Liar,

My first thought is no. Nope. No, no, no, no. Zero tolerance for lying. Then I thought about it some more, and guess what? Still no.

It is true—you wouldn’t think you’d need to tell people they can’t lie. But then something like this happens and you realize that what is obvious to you just is not obvious to everyone. It is fair to say that all implicit expectations need to be made explicit. That way, when someone does something you simply don’t anticipate, you have your explicit expectations to fall back on. Black and white. No grey area, no confusion, no discussion.

Potential expectations and grounds for dismissal might be:

No lying
No cheating
No stealing
No drinking on the job
No showing up to work in a bikini top
No showing up to in-person client presentations in bare feet
Do not bring your dog to a client meeting
No smoking in the restrooms

Numbers 5-8 are examples of expectations I wouldn’t have thought I needed to set. I’m not that creative. Just when I think I can no longer be surprised by human beings, I am surprised!

Now, there are the little fibs that many people tell to boost their egos, hide a minor infraction, or just entertain themselves. The thing is, if it doesn’t interfere with work or create static in the system, you probably don’t even notice it. But that’s not what we’re talking about here.

You sound like a sensible person. You must have hired this man for a reason—presumably, you thought he was going to bring something worthwhile to the table. You may be considering the high cost of hiring, onboarding, and training someone new. In case you’re motivated to try to salvage this employee, and if you think this could help, you might share our extraordinary Trust Model with him. This model does what all truly brilliant models do: it clarifies and simplifies a deeply layered and complex issue. You might even share this step by step guide to rebuilding trust with him. It can be helpful for people who need to break lifelong trust-busting habits.

Or you may just be fed up enough to not want to take the time. It’s up to you.

Before you go firing anyone, though, I suggest you get HR involved and start documenting. Call out the behavior every time you see it and make a note of exactly what happens. Work with your HR person to decide in advance how many (more) chances you will give Pants on Fire. People lie for all kinds of complicated reasons, many of which would evoke your compassion. So you don’t have to be mean about it, but you must refuse to tolerate it.

Prior to his final chance, you can literally say “lying will not be tolerated.” If you feel like you just don’t have the heart, I can recommend the work of Dr. Henry Cloud, an authority on setting boundaries. His book to check out is Boundaries for Leaders.

Don’t get mad. That just hurts you. Stay calm, point out the lies, and your liar will either clean up his act or lie his way out of a job.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author