Dear Madeleine,

I work on a team that provides specialized services to the sales and marketing groups in a global organization. A lot of our work is time sensitive. My teammates and I pull all-nighters and weekends on a regular basis.

We are dedicated, passionate and skilled—but when we are involved in a big success, we inevitably are left off the list of teams and individuals who contributed. We feel completely taken for granted—because we are.

Our manager forwards the thank-you emails with a note that says “I know you guys weren’t on the list—again.” He is kind of sheepish about it. He isn’t Mr. Sensitive, but he knows it is demoralizing for us. But wouldn’t it be his job to raise the issue with his peers? He is in meetings with all of them all the time. Shouldn’t he be fighting for us to get a little crumb of recognition? I know if we hadn’t come through, we sure would be hearing about it!

Sick of Being Taken for Granted

_________________________________________________________________________

Dear Sick of Being Taken for Granted,

Yes. Your sheepish manager should be pointing out when his people go unrecognized and their contribution is overlooked. It really is his job, and the fact that he’s sheepish probably means he is vaguely aware of that. It’s hard for a manager to be equally good at managing up, working with peers, and being an excellent leader for the team. One of the most powerful things a manager can do is advocate on behalf of their team to the rest of the organization.

The fact that your manager hasn’t done anything yet probably just means it isn’t on fire for him. If he’s like most managers, his attention is entirely co-opted by what he believes to be his priorities. So your job is to raise the issue and ask him to make it a priority. If you don’t wave the flag about something that is having a seriously negative impact on you, your manager will simply focus on areas where flags are being waved.

When you make your request, be extremely mindful and generous with how you do it.

• Stay focused on the facts.
  • This situation has happened the last three times we have gone above and beyond to contribute to big wins.
  • This is how it makes me/us feel.
  • We respectfully request that you communicate this consistent oversight to the people who announce the wins and send the congratulatory emails.
• Ask some questions.
  • How do you see the situation?
  • What is your point of view on this?

Our philosophy is that managers do need to have their people’s backs. We all spend a lot of time at work. It can feel like a rugby scrum in the rain, all day, every day. We really need to know that our leader is on our side and willing to stand up for us.

Keep one thing in mind: your manager may not be able to do what you are asking. It’s possible he won’t understand the problem and will still think you should just let it go and get on with your work; or he won’t feel he has enough credibility or power in the organization to ask that his team be included. You can certainly ask him, and he may actually tell you, but probably not.

If this turns out to be true, you might consider raising the issue with his boss. Of course that will depend on the culture of your organization as well as whether you have a relationship with that person. It might really upset your manager—nobody likes a tattletale. But if you position it as a simple request, not as calling out your boss, it might be useful.

Finally, in the event that you have relationships with the heads of the teams you serve, you might be able to ask them yourself. I know that any time someone draws my attention to folks who have been overlooked, I appreciate their help and try to correct the slight immediately. But my organization is small and pretty flat.

Ultimately, I encourage you to raise the issue and take a stand. Resentment—as has been famously said by too many folks for me to give proper attribution—is like taking rat poison and waiting the rat to die.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

After surveying more than one million employees from a wide range of organizations, Adrian Gostick and Chester Elton have found that leading with gratitude is the easiest, fastest, least expensive way for managers to boost both performance and engagement in employees.

Unfortunately, it is also one of the most misunderstood and misapplied skills in business today.

During their research, Gostick and Elton heard over and over that people feel not only underappreciated at work, but sometimes even under attack. The authors call this the “gratitude gap.” In their latest book, Leading with Gratitude, they dispel common myths about leaders expressing gratitude and offer eight simple ways to show employees they are valued.

The myths Gostick and Elton identify may sound familiar:

• Fear is the best motivator.
• People want too much praise these days.
• There just isn’t enough time!
• It’s all about money.

Leading with Gratitude is filled with compelling stories featuring respected leaders such as Alan Mullaly of Ford Motor Company and retired American Express chairman Ken Chenault. The stories illustrate that these myths are simply excuses that can keep managers from building an honorable work environment by expressing their appreciation for a job well done.

The authors explain that gratitude isn’t about showering employees with thank-yous and high fives. They offer eight practical examples that demonstrate how leaders can first gain clarity about how people contribute and then show gratitude in specific ways that will be meaningful to individuals.

Practicing the act of gratitude can be as simple as letting people know their suggestions are valued by soliciting their ideas and acting on them. Another way is by assuming positive intent, especially when errors happen. Instead of getting upset or blaming someone for making a mistake, assume the person was doing their best and then use the situation to learn what you could be doing differently as a leader.

One of the most useful tips is to walk in your employees’ shoes. Getting a better understanding of what it takes for people to do their jobs will uncover ways you can collaborate to solve problems, improve processes, and enhance the customer experience as you build relationships by showing empathy. The best way to start is to look for small wins that will lead to bigger wins.

Perhaps my favorite suggestion in the book is to practice gratitude at home. Gostick and Elton remind readers not to get caught in the trap of putting our best face on at work and leaving it there when we go home. Showing appreciation and empathy for loved ones should be a common practice—and I think a gentle reminder is a good thing.

So remember to express gratitude often, tailor it to the individual, and ensure it reinforces corporate values. And don’t forget to praise your peers as well. Leading with gratitude creates engaged, high performing employees, a stronger organization, and better results.

To hear host Chad Gordon interview Adrian Gostick, listen to the LeaderChat podcast and subscribe today. Order your copy of Leading with Gratitude on Amazon.com.

For most, if not all organizations, their employees are their number one asset. This makes the wellbeing, the engagement of employees very important. Why?  Because engaged employees are passionate about their work.  They strive to provide superior customer service, solve problems, and find innovative approaches. 

A great way to generate a significant positive affect on employee engagement is through individualized attention and one way to get started is through coaching.

Every employee in an organization is different.  Coaching is a wonderful way to give employees individualized, customized attention.  Coaching is uniquely tailored for the person being coached. A coach works with an individual to understand what make them tick—to understand the employee’s own strengths and work passion.  Coaching helps to draw out employees’ ideas and opinions and helps employees to discover how to best make their own contribution.  It makes employees feel valued and appreciated.  All this attention gets employees to engage more in their own career.

Is engagement an issue in your organization? Consider some of these ways a coach provides individualized attention to those they serve.

A coach:

• Takes the time to build rapport with those they coach to get a sense of who they are, not just what they do. Great rapport often increases employees’ motivation to work hard in their role and on the goals of the organization.
• Values employees’ contributions and cares about their professional success.  This in turn often empowers them to take more ownership of their own continued development.
• Cares about the individual, working with them to understand their strengths and foster greater development. 
• Checks in with those they coach to see what is working, what isn’t, and what might the employee do different in the future.

Coaching gets clients to engage more in their role, their development, and the goals of the organization. When employees receive coaching, they feel positively supported and valued by their organization which in turn generates and builds more engagement. 

Engagement has been shown to increase retention, innovation, and performance, and as a byproduct, revenue.  What organization wouldn’t welcome that?

When people feel that their manager cares about their development their commitment and energy increases. This leads to growth, increases their confidence, and helps them to reach their full potential. Use a coach approach to individualize attention, either by hiring outside coaching or developing those capabilities in-house. Individualized attention pays off for the individual and the organization.

About the Author

Joanne Maynard is a senior coach with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

Left to my own natural tendencies, I’m part of the second group. When I’m chatting with a coworker or hanging out by the proverbial water cooler, after about five minutes I get the itch to get back to my “real” work.

But over the years I’ve recognized that in most cases, the most successful leaders are the ones who are all about building connections.

Several years ago, I spent a week working at our local sports arena during the Davis Cup tennis tournament. We were told parking at the arena would be limited, so I carpooled with a coworker named Dan. Turns out Dan had once worked at the arena and still knew a lot of the staff.

The first two days of work were spent preparing for the main event. Dan was able to park in front in a VIP section. Every day when we got there, Dan would stop and chat with different parking attendants about their work and life. Dan had obtained several Davis Cup commemorative pins that were very sought after, and he made sure to give a pin to each of the attendants he talked with. I noticed what Dan was doing but could only think about how I wanted to get inside and start working.

On the third day, the crowds increased and the parking lot was quite full. As Dan drove into the VIP section, a parking attendant he didn’t know told him he didn’t have the right credentials to park there. Another attendant immediately ran up to tell the first attendant it was okay. We parked in the VIP section each day for the rest of the tournament.

I never got the impression that Dan was chatting with the attendants and giving them the pins only to secure VIP parking. To me, this story is a concrete example of the power of connection.

Think you could use a little more connection in your life?  Here are three ways to get started:

1. See building connections as a valuable part of your job. I mentioned to one very successful senior leader I coached that it sounded like she spent half her time building relationships.  She agreed, but then said it really should be 90 percent of her time!
2. Regularly get up and away from your computer or other electronic devices. Go hang out by the coffee cart, invite someone to walk with you to the vending machines, drop by to say hi to a colleague, or—for the very brave—schedule some lunches. Although initiating contact might not feel natural, most people find it to be a pleasant experience.
3. Listen more than you talk. I don’t think it’s an accident that many people who don’t regularly connect happen to be introverted—maybe even shy.  The reality is that building connections often means listening to those you are connecting with.  If you are a generally shy person, think up a couple of questions you can ask, if you need to, to start a conversation.  Ask a question such as ”How was your weekend?” or “Did you see the big game?”  And then just listen.

With a little practice, you can learn to be a master at connecting, too!

About the Author

Joanne Maynard is a senior coach with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

That’s a big mistake, say Kathy Cuff and Vicki Halsey, co-creators of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ new Legendary Service training program.

“Every organization knows they need to focus on the external customer—the person who buys their products or services—but they forget two other important groups of people who need care and attention,” says Cuff.

“Before you can care for your external customers, you need to take care of your own people,” says Halsey.

Taking care of your people means providing your frontline service personnel with the direction, support, and authority they need to serve your external customers.

“This starts with a clear service vision at both the organization and individual level—a vision that spells out who you serve, how you serve, and for what purpose. Surprisingly, 19 percent of the 500 people we recently surveyed told us their organization had only some degree of a defined service vision and an additional 14 percent said they had little or no published service vision to guide the actions of employees.”

“Once you have that vision in place, you need to train your people how to deliver on that vision. We teach the CARE model: being Committed to service, Attentive to customer needs, Responsive in providing service, and Empowered to take action.”

Halsey and Cuff also reinforce the importance of getting managers involved in a customer service initiative. Why? Because frontline service people usually care for customers the same way their managers care for them.

“We teach managers to use the same CARE principles in their approach to their people: to be Committed to serving their people, Attentive to their needs, and Responsive in providing direction and support, with a focus on Empowerment,” says Cuff.

“The final person you need to take care of to provide great service is yourself. We’ve all experienced  service providers who didn’t have a service mindset. You can usually trace this back to something happening in their work environment. We teach frontline service personnel and managers how to speak up for themselves and take initiative to solve company problems and improve processes and policies instead of complaining about them.”

Halsey adds, “We also teach people the importance of self-care on a mental, physical, and motivational level to help them bring their best selves to work every day. It’s a holistic approach that brings out the best of everyone in the organization so that they can better serve the customer.”

Interested in learning more about Halsey and Cuff’s approach to improving service in your organization? Check out our customer service resource page at The Ken Blanchard Companies website where you will find eBooks, white papers, and interviews with both program authors. We also invite you to attend a complimentary webinar with Vicki Halsey on May 23: “Taking a Top-Down, Bottom-Up Approach to Service in Your Organization.” The event is free, courtesy of The Ken Blanchard Companies.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a fairly new manager for a giant tech company, with only one direct report. 

Over the last year our upper management has been consolidating departments and flattening things out. I am pretty sure my direct report and I are going to be either folded into another group or let go altogether.

I don’t want to be demoted or laid off. I know what we do is important to the business unit we are in, but I don’t know whether anyone else thinks so. 

What can I do to improve my odds?

Avoiding the Ax

Dear Avoiding the Ax,

The gears that grind giant organizations along are complex and relentless, but I appreciate your desire to avoid getting crushed in them. There are a couple of things you might consider doing.

Take a hard look at your mandate and ask yourself what would make your tiny team indispensable. If no one seems to understand what value you add, you may indeed be in trouble.  Develop your peer relationships, become more familiar with their goals, and look for ways to be useful to them. I once worked with a client who asked his CEO how he would know he was successful in his job, and the reply was that he could measure his success by how often his phone rang. Raise your own visibility among the groups you serve. Find ways to contribute that you might not have thought of before. Write something for the company blog if that is feasible. Also—and I mean this literally—if you work from home more than you work at the office (as is often the case in tech) you might consider switching up your routine and showing your face more.

You don’t mention your boss, so I do wonder what help might be there. You must have one. Talk to that person. Discuss your concerns and ask what they may be able to share with you about what is going on. Be prepared to make clear that you care about the organization and you would like to stay and continue to make a contribution.

Check out job postings in other departments. Giant companies tend to have a lot of opportunities for lateral moves. If the conversation with your manager does not increase your confidence, spiff up your resume and start looking for other options. It will make you feel better to be proactive than to sit and wait for the ax to drop. It wouldn’t hurt to start looking for opportunities outside the company as well, possibly for one where you can manage more people.

Good luck to you.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Maybe it is the CEO of your company, the principal of your local high school, or the president of your alma mater.

If I asked you about the specific qualities that made them successful, you’d probably tell me about their hard skills—teachable abilities such as vision and strategic thinking.

But I’ll bet you’d also tell me about their soft skills—interpersonal abilities such as listening, collaborating, and endorsing others.

Yes, the hard skills matter, but in my experience it is soft skills that make a leader memorable—more than their title, degree, acquisitions, or accomplishments. Let me give you an example.

Twenty five years ago, when I was pregnant with my first child, I attended a presentation by the famous Boston Children’s Hospital pediatrician Dr. T. Berry Brazelton. After delivering his speech to a packed house, Dr. Brazelton took questions from the audience. One woman had a question about breastfeeding her three-year-old child.

A sizeable number of audience members started to murmur regarding the woman’s choice to nurse a child that age. The negative energy unsettled the mother and she paused in the middle of her question. The silence seemed to last forever, but Dr. Brazelton kept his compassionate gaze upon her. It was as if they were the only two people in the room. He nodded for her to continue and she tentatively resumed speaking. When she finished her question, he answered her. He then took the next question.

Why has this stayed with me for twenty-five years? In that moment, I saw Dr. Brazelton as an awesome leader because he didn’t do anything. He cared enough to wait. He held the space for her. The woman at the microphone felt his connection—and I did, too, as an observer. He didn’t play to the audience. He didn’t diminish the woman or her question. And by doing so, Dr. Brazelton allowed me to observe the transformational power of caring by truly listening. That evening, I learned so much from him—far beyond the topic of his speech.

Obviously, listening, caring, and creating a connection are important to me as a coach. It was not Dr. Brazelton’s education or professorships or thirty-page resume that affected me the evening I heard his speech. I was transformed by seeing a self-aware individual care to hear the question of another. It was powerful—and it remains powerful all these years later.

As the years have passed, I recall that night often and use it as a calibration in my own work by asking myself: In what ways am I creating connections like that?

How about you? Taking the opportunity to continually improve is essential to becoming a better, more self-aware leader. Unlike a hard skill, we’re never finished when it comes to improving our ability to listen, to be present, and to validate others. Consider how you can model both the hard and soft sides of leadership in your conversations. You’ll help yourself and others in working together more effectively—and isn’t that wonderful!

About the Author

Mary Ellen Sailer, Ed.D., is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 120 coaches have worked with over 15,000 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Dear Madeleine,

I lead large teams in the field and partner with a core team at the headquarters of my organization. My boss is at HQ and largely ignores me because all of my projects come in on time and under budget. I have literally been told I am a “dream employee.”

The fly in the ointment is that I am constantly having run-ins with another member of the core team at HQ—I’ll call her F.

We disagree on what is her responsibility and what is mine and we are constantly butting heads. She doesn’t have the same skill set and knowledge base as I do, nor does she have the experience or seniority. She argues endlessly about some of my decisions—or worse, reverses them without talking to me about it. Then I have to come back in, re-direct everyone and get the project back on track.

This is causing delays and making other members of the team crazy. She gets upset when I don’t agree with her or alter her changes and runs down the hall to my boss to complain. Then I get a call from my boss, who tells me I need to find a way to get along with F and work it out. I have really been trying, but she just won’t see reason.

The final straw was my annual performance review. After glossing over all the good stuff—on time, under budget, my teams like and respect me, the customers are all happy—I get dinged on my bonus because of this situation with F! I just want to scream. Or quit. What say you?

Dinged

Dear Dinged

I am so sorry for your frustration. I know it well. I worked in the field for many years and suffered from being out of sight and out of mind. As a manager now at HQ, I know the difficulty of trying to protect team members in the field from the natural solidarity of folks who can have a quick and impactful chat at the coffee station.  I have experienced and been responsible for the problems that can arise due to lack of clarity about roles and responsibilities among team members.. I mean, who doesn’t suffer from lack of clarity about roles and responsibilities?

People who have responsible managers, that’s who.

It is absolutely your boss’s responsibility to get in there and mediate between you and F—to figure out who is responsible for what and who makes exactly what kinds of decisions, and to craft the process for what to do when there is a grey area. It is not appropriate for him to delegate that job the way he has, with you left holding the bag.

Okay, great, so we can blame your boss—which helps you not at all. What can you do? Here are some ideas:

• Fight hard to schedule an in-person mediation meeting with your boss, F, and you for the next time you are at HQ. Make it as soon as possible. Be prepared with a list of what you think is your job and what you think is F’s job. Use a RACI chart to help you. A RACI chart (Responsible-Accountable-Consulted-Informed) is a way to plot out—with absolute clarity for each task and decision—who is ultimately responsible, who needs to be consulted and included, and who needs to be kept informed at each step. It is an amazing tool and I encourage you to use it. Argue it out and abide by the consequences.
• Make it priority to improve your relationship with F. I know, right now you are mad at her and thinking Why should I take the high road? If you are going to quit, you don’t have to do this. But if you are going to stick around, you must turn F from an enemy into an ally. Up your communication with her. Have weekly meetings where you catch up on projects and review decisions and haggle things out. If the relationship is there, she won’t go running to your boss every time she is annoyed with you. If the relationship is there, when she has a problem with you she will pick up the phone and say “Hey, what the heck?”
• Spend more time at HQ. I know it is inconvenient, disruptive to what you consider your real work, and a colossal pain—but there is no substitute for showing up. Be there in person for team meetings. Show your face. Go to happy hour. Meet with your boss so you are real to him—as real as everyone else on his team.
• Share regular business updates with your peers and your boss about what you’re working on and what you do all day—because in the absence of information, people make stuff up. The more your colleagues see, hear, and get information from you, the more they will understand your work—and the more likely they will be to trust your authority and be comfortable that you know what you’re doing.

This all adds a lot more to your to-do list, I know. But the first order of business in getting things done is to build and nurture relationships. It would be so nice if you could just do your job without interference, but that just isn’t the way it works.

Don’t quit. Maybe scream a little. But then pick up the phone and work it out.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am young game designer living in LA. I know I have talent and drive, and I have had some success. But there just doesn’t seem to be any hope for me because it is so clearly who you know, not what you know, that counts.

I see peers getting opportunities I should be getting but I just don’t have the connections they have.

I know I should be networking but I feel funny about doing it—and I just can’t stand all of the fake sucking up that goes on. What do you think?                 

—Discouraged

Dear Discouraged,

You’re right—it is who you know. Career success will come to you as a result of your talent and work ethic plus your ability to create and nurture a strong network of relationships. That’s just the way it is. People like to work with people they know and like. And if they don’t know and like someone who can do a job, they will ask other people they know and like if they know of anyone who can do the job.

When I was a young actress in New York, I used to lament along with my friends that it was all about who you know. Nothing drove us crazier than the children of stars. Now I see so many successful people who had parents who worked in their industry. It often takes two or more generations to get someone properly positioned. Some professions are just that competitive. However, I’ve also seen the most unlikely success from people who had no connections or support whatsoever. So anything is possible, truly, with talent and hard work—and the willingness to connect to the people who are looking for exactly you.

What I am saying is this: if your success hinges on who you know, you’d better get cracking on getting to know people. Find networking opportunities that involve contests so you get to show your work. Get interested in others: decide who is doing work that is interesting to you and ask them for an informational meeting. Many will blow you off, but you’d be surprised how many people are inspired to help young talent. You have to play the “No Game”—set out at the beginning of each day trying to get as many “No’s” as you can. In many entry level jobs, this is done by cold calling. Is it hard? You bet it is! It depends on the industry, but in the New York theatre world the ratio was approximately 24 “No’s”—auditions, calls to agents and casting directors—for every “Yes.” Create a relationship map of all the people you need to know and create a strategy to move each of them from a stranger to a power fan. For an article telling you how to do this, click here.

Get clear about your goals and make them super specific. Tell them to everyone who will listen—you just never know where your break will come from. Identify the companies you want to work for and ask for an informational interview at all of them. Stay on top of their websites and apply for any job you can get. One young woman at our company interviewed for four different jobs before she got hired. She didn’t land exactly where she wanted, but she is making a splash and I am sure will get there shortly.

You don’t have to be a fake suck up, but you do have to figure out a way to be interested in others and find something to like about every person you meet. And you have to apply all of your analytical thinking and discipline to finding ways to stay in touch with people who interest you—and to keep them interested in you. If this sounds like a full time job, that’s because it is. And everyone has to do it: every person in sales, every person who has a regular job in a regular company, everyone who wants to do well and get promoted at their job. Everyone.

You may have heard that fortune favors the brave. In my experience this is true, but I would add that fortune also favors those who set specific goals and enroll others in helping them to achieve those goals. You can’t do it alone, so start building your army of fans right now.

I’m quite certain this is not what you wanted to hear. Nobody wants to hear that talent and hard work are not enough. But it’s true.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Trust and empower employees. Respondents identified they look for leaders who believe in them enough to trust them with significant responsibilities and to empower them to use their experience and knowledge. As one respondent put it, “When my manager trusts me, it makes me want to do an extremely good job so I don’t let her down and so that trust increases.”

Provide regular feedback to everyone. Respondents indicated a strong desire for positive feedback when it is deserved—for example, when they show advances in learning a new task or when they offer ideas that benefit their company. They also want to know when they make mistakes or do things wrong. The important caveat? They want the person giving the feedback to respect them as someone who wants to grow and improve.

Make sure goals and expectations are clearly stated—and hold people accountable for achieving outcomes. Survey participants identified that they want leaders to hold them accountable but they don’t want surprises. As one respondent put it, “People don’t like surprises, so managers should make expectations clear up front.” Another survey respondent said, “When the manager explains goals, the employee can take ownership.”

Be open to hearing new ideas and input from everyone. As one respondent stated, “When managers listen to people’s ideas, energy levels can soar. It makes employees feel important and valued.” Respondents also indicated that Millennials want active, involved leadership, a feeling of collaborative teamwork, and unstructured access to information. Implicit in this finding is that information and ideas flow in both directions—from manager to employee and from employee to manager.

Do not micromanage. One respondent noted, “Leaders need to trust their people to do their jobs, but they also need to be available for help when needed—such as when an employee is new in a task.” One key point that came out of the research: the majority of those surveyed expressed a desire to be allowed space for trial and error. This allows the employee freedom to learn from mistakes while having their manager nearby to ward off larger problems.

The report highlights that the growing Millennial generation of workers is looking for clear definitions of expectations, regular feedback, and a receptive ear by managers about their ideas. They do not want to feel micromanaged, but trusted and empowered. They embrace transparency from their managers and want the opportunity to contribute.

You can access the complete report, Millennials in the Workplace: How Do Managers Inspire Them? at the Blanchard website. It contains additional analysis as well as advice for Gen Xers and Boomers, and is available free of charge courtesy of The Ken Blanchard Companies.

How has thankfulness and gratitude made a difference in your life?

As Ken reminds us, “We all have an opportunity to make a difference in the world.” What a great reminder to recognize how blessed we are and to share those blessings with others!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OiBjRsz9po

As I read through the results, I realised how important it is to ask questions like this. People are obviously looking for different things from their companies and their leaders.

To that end, I have a question for you: As a leader, have you ever sat down with each of your employees, one to one, and asked, “What makes you feel valued?” or “How can I serve you?”

This is the starting point. After you receive an initial answer, dig a little deeper. You may be surprised at what you learn. Let me give you some examples from three of the topics identified above.

Appreciation/Recognition

Suppose someone answered your question by saying “I want to be appreciated.” You might think you know what they mean by that statement, but keep in mind that everyone is different. One person may define appreciation as a pat on the back and another may be thinking of a raise in salary. Take the time to find out what appreciation means to that person. Assume nothing. 

Flexibility

The same goes for flexibility. If a person says “I need more flexibility,” are they asking for more control over their schedule, over their tasks, or both? Keep an open mind. (Note: as of June 30, 2014, all employees in the UK have the right to request flexible working hours.)

When the Olympics were held in the UK, many employers let their people work from home to beat the traffic. The mayor of London at the time, Boris Johnson, said he thought working from home would encourage people to waste time. However, companies surveyed by the Telegraph said during that time their employees actually were more productive—and it fostered a positive work-from-home perception. So don’t be afraid to test out new ideas on a trial basis!

Opportunities for Growth 

Growth is a big issue these days. However, it gets tough when a company that is not performing well isn’t able to offer traditional growth opportunities such as promotions. Instead of throwing up your hands, consider other ways you could get creative with growth. This will not only help employees feel valued but also could assist the company in exploring different options.

A recent Gallup survey showed that, worldwide, only 13 percent of employees are engaged at work. This is a scary number. Five of the questions Gallup uses to measure engagement are directly aimed at leaders asking questions and caring about the answers.

So get together with each of your people and ask them questions about what they need and value. You’ll not only learn what makes them tick, you’ll also let them know you care about them as individuals.

Dear Madeleine,

Help. I am confused. I have a great job and I really like my boss. We have been working together for years—in fact, I followed him to our current company.

The trouble is that he tends to always give me, and everyone else who reports to him, really nice presents at the holidays. For example, one year he gave all the women Kate Spade handbags. Last year, he gave each of us a half case of really good wine. I am always caught a little by surprise.

It is really nice, but I do not have the budget to reciprocate. Other people on the team don’t seem upset by it; in fact some say mean things about how pretentious they think it is. They think he is lording over us how much more money he makes than we do. The holidays are coming up and I am getting anxious already about what to do.

Dear Anxious,

I totally get how the disparity between your boss and yourself can throw you for a loop. So let’s break this down and see if we can’t raise your comfort level with this situation. The first thing I wonder is whether you feel you need to say something to your boss about how snarky your peers are about the gifts. And to that I would say, emphatically: no. Just let that one rest, because as we have discussed in this column recently, no good deed goes unpunished.

Now—how can your reciprocate without blowing your holiday budget before you’ve even gotten to your personal list? Clearly your boss doesn’t expect you to come through in the same price range, so the only way to really compete is to make your gift totally personal. For example, you could bake cookies. Even if you aren’t a cook, you can make chocolate truffles; I used to do that long ago and it requires only the ability to read and follow simple directions. You could also give him a homemade Christmas card telling him three things that make him a great boss. He must have a lot going for him if you followed him from another job! If both of you are readers, you could get him a copy of the book that was your favorite read this year. Even just a framed photo of his team would be fun, and not very expensive. Nobody prints and frames photos anymore! My point is that you can’t let the monetary value throw you. Focus on how much you care about your boss and what is important to him, and a good idea will come to you.

Finally, I would say enjoy the largess while it lasts! And of course, Happy Holidays.

Love Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

It is coming up on one year since I started this column. On the occasion of the Thanksgiving holiday, I want to take a moment to thank you so very much for checking the Ask Madeleine post every Saturday. In my travels to conferences and gatherings, I have met a few fans in person and I cannot tell you how it makes my day. I would also like to take a moment to thank Renee Broadwell, my delightful and talented editor, for polishing my words without stifling my humor and David Witt, our marketing program director, who finds all those great images and wrestles WordPress into submission on my behalf. They are both a delight to work with–it just goes to show that half the battle in being consistently productive is having the right team!

And because I can’t help myself, I will take this opportunity to remind you that gratitude is good for your brain. Check out this Harvard Mental Health Letter if you don’t believe me.

My father-in-law left the following list on our company voice mail recently. (And yes, in case you are wondering, Ken and Margie Blanchard and—while we’re at it—their daughter Debbie are the best, best, best in-laws ever.) In case you are stuck in a rut and need to expand the ways to think about things to be grateful for, answer these questions.

1. Who do I appreciate in my life?
2. How am I fortunate?
3. How have I experienced the divine and sacred in my life?
4. What abilities do I have that I am grateful for?
5. What is it about my surroundings–home, neighborhood, city, etc.—that am I thankful for?
6. What experiences have I had that I’m grateful for?
7. What opportunities do I have that I’m thankful for?
8. What have others in my life done that I’m thankful for?
9. What am I taking for granted, that if I stop to think about it, I am grateful for?
10. What is there about the challenges/difficulties I have experienced or am currently experiencing that I can be thankful for (i.e., what have I learned and how have I grown from those experiences)?
11. What is different today than it was a year ago that I am thankful for (what happened this year versus last year)?
12. What am I able to offer others that I am grateful for?

I am grateful for the opportunity to work with amazing, brilliant clients, for your heartfelt letters, and for being able to write this column every week. And, of course, for you, my readers. Thanks for reading and sharing, reblogging, retweeting, etc. I hope you have a wonderful holiday time.

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Whenever I conduct trust workshops with clients and discuss the role that rewards and recognition play in building trust, I will ask participants to raise their hands if they feel like they receive too much praise or recognition on the job. No one has ever raised a hand.

So on this day of giving thanks, take a few minutes to review this list and commit to using one of these methods to tell your employees “thank you.” I’ve used many of these strategies myself and can attest to their effectiveness.

1. Let them leave work early – This may not be feasible in all work environments, but if you’re able to do it, a surprise treat of allowing people to leave early does wonders for team morale and well-being. I use this technique occasionally with my team, usually when they’ve had the pedal to the metal for a long period of time, or if we have a holiday weekend coming up. Allowing folks to get a head start on the weekend or a few hours of unexpected free time shows you recognize and appreciate their hard work and that you understand there’s more to life than just work.

2. Leave a “thank you” voice mail message – Don’t tell my I.T. department, but I’ve got voice mails saved from over ten years ago that were sent to me by colleagues who took the time to leave me a special message of praise. The spoken word can have a tremendous impact on individuals, and receiving a heartfelt message from you could positively impact your employees in ways you can’t imagine.

3. Host a potluck lunch – You don’t have to take the team to a fancy restaurant or have a gourmet meal catered in the office (which is great if you can afford it!), you just need to put a little bit of your managerial skills to practice and organize a potluck lunch. Sharing a meal together allows people to bond and relax in a casual setting and it provides an excellent opportunity for you to say a few words of thanks to the team and let them know you appreciate them.

4. Give a small token of appreciation – Giving an employee a small memento provides a lasting symbol of your appreciation, and although it may cost you a few bucks, it’s well worth the investment. I’m talking about simple things like giving nice roller-ball ink pens with a note that says “You’ve got the write stuff,” or Life Savers candies with a little note saying “You’re a hole lot of fun,” or other cheesy, somewhat corny things like that (believe me, people love it!). I’ve done this with my team and I’ve had people tell me years later how much that meant to them at the time.

5. Have your boss recognize an employee – Get your boss to send an email, make a phone call, or best-case scenario, drop by in-person to tell one of your employees “thank you” for his/her work. Getting an attaboy from your boss’ boss is always a big treat. It shows your employee that you recognize his/her efforts and you’re making sure your boss knows about it too.

6. Hold an impromptu 10 minute stand up meeting – This could be no or low-cost depending on what you do, but I’ve called random 10 minute meetings in the afternoon and handed out popsicles or some other treat and taken the opportunity to tell team members “thank you” for their hard work. The surprise meeting, combined with a special treat, throws people out of their same ol’, same ol’ routine and keeps the boss/employee relationship fresh and energetic.

7. Reach out and touch someone – Yes, I’m plagiarizing the old Bell Telephone advertising jingle, but the concept is right on. Human touch holds incredible powers to communicate thankfulness and appreciation. In a team meeting one time, my manager took the time to physically walk around the table, pause behind each team member, place her hands on his/her shoulders, and say a few words about why she was thankful for that person. Nothing creepy or inappropriate, just pure love and respect. Unfortunately, most leaders shy away from appropriate physical contact in the workplace, fearful of harassment complaints or lawsuits. Whether it’s a handshake, high-five, or fist bump, find appropriate ways to communicate your thanks via personal touch.

8. Say “thank you” – This seems like a no-brainer given the topic, but you would be amazed at how many people tell me their boss doesn’t take the time to express thanks. Saying thank you is not only the polite and respectful thing to do, it signals to your people that they matter, they’re important, valuable, and most of all, you care.

9. Send a thank you note to an employee’s family – A friend of mine told me that he occasionally sends a thank you note to the spouse/significant other/family of an employee. He’ll say something to the effect of “Thank you for sharing your husband/wife/dad/mother with us and supporting the work he/she does. He/she a valuable contributor to our team and we appreciate him/her.” Wow…what a powerful way to communicate thankfulness!

10. Give a handwritten note of thanks – Some things never go out of style and handwritten thank you notes are one of them. Emails are fine, voice mails better (even made this list!), but taking the time to send a thoughtful, handwritten note says “thank you” like no other way. Sending handwritten letters or notes is a lost art in today’s electronic culture. When I want to communicate with a personal touch, I go old school with a handwritten note. It takes time, effort, and thought which is what makes it special. Your employees will hold on to those notes for a lifetime.

What other ways to say “thank you” would you add to this list? Please a share your thoughts by leaving a comment.

Randy Conley is the Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies and his LeaderChat posts appear the fourth Thursday of every month. For more insights on trust and leadership, visit Randy at his Leading with Trust blog or follow him on Twitter @RandyConley.

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a fairly large team of supervisors. The days are long and hectic but I have a good flow going with the group. 

Recently, though, it has become clear that one of my best people—the person I am grooming to take my job, as I am up for a promotion—is looking for another job.  I know this because her coworkers and one of her direct reports have overheard her talking on the phone, and she has been taking long breaks in the middle of the day with no explanation.

I guess I wouldn’t mind so much, but she is not discussing it with me. I always thought we had an open relationship—in fact, we have often talked about her career and how I can help her to develop.  I also wish she were being more discreet.  I feel kind of mad about the whole thing and don’t know how to proceed.  Thoughts?     —Kind of Mad

Dear Kind of Mad,

I don’t blame you for being mad. It sounds as though you’ve gone the extra mile for this employee and she’s now going behind your back—and it doesn’t feel good.  But this isn’t really about you. Your best bet is to continue being as open as you always have been.

Set up a meeting and tell your employee what you have heard and what you are thinking and feeling.  She must have her reasons for looking for another job, and it is up to you to create a safe environment so she can help you understand what they are.  The best way to do this is to ask an open ended question and then stay quiet long enough for her to answer it.  Examples of questions that might feel right:

“What is going on that makes you want to leave?”

“What is missing for you in your current job?”

“Is there something I should know that I have been missing?”

Stay quiet for as long as it takes – the less you talk, the more your employee will talk. Don’t argue or judge, simply seek to understand. You may find out she is really upset and frustrated with something in her current situation, or you may find that her job search has nothing to do with that.  Either way, the only way to find out is to ask—and, again, don’t judge.

It is an accepted wisdom that many employees leave jobs because no one asked them to stay. You can certainly do that if it makes sense.  If it doesn’t—and it is, in fact, time for her to go—you can certainly offer to provide an excellent reference.  And then you can ask her to be more discreet.

Consider this a good wakeup call. You can leverage it by reviewing who your best folks are and crafting a plan to retain them.  One good tool is the stay interview—a regular conversation you have with each of your high performers to assess their engagement and job satisfaction and what you might be able to do to make staying with the job continually attractive to them.  To be ultra-prepared, it might serve you to understand more about motivation. Susan Fowler has literally written the book on the topic, and here is an excellent white paper to get you started.

So don’t get mad, get smarter about retention!  Good luck.

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

As we continued on the topic, she told me how this leader wants to be very encouraging of other people in his company—and often joins team meetings to hear about the latest ideas, projects, and plans. In his enthusiasm to endorse the thinkers, he told the coach that he always “adds value.”

That’s a potential problem.

What do you think happens when he comes in as an outsider and tries to improve on a team’s decision? Our coach is going to ask, but I’d say it’s a safe guess that when this leader speaks, others stop speaking. It’s pretty hard to disagree with a VP.

While this leader has a great idea to recognize and endorse the good work of others, I’m glad he’s working with a coach to support him in this plan, because even the best intentions can sometimes have the opposite impact. Rather than offering to add value by improving others’ ideas, the real value he could add in these meetings would be to really listen. Here’s why:

• Through listening, the VP shows team members he values what they have to say.
• This creates a safe environment for team members to speak up and share ideas.
• He could model the benefit of asking open-ended questions.
• He could share the floor by soliciting input from others around the table.
• Active listening will result in higher quality decisions that originate directly from team members.

Adding value is wonderful—but the VP isn’t the only voice of value at the table. By stopping his own reflex to fix or improve and instead truly listen to others, this new VP can generate even greater value—and more opportunities to catch people doing things right!

About the Author

Mary Ellen Sailer, Ed.D., is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team. Since 2000, our 130 coaches have coached over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.