Our mental health has deteriorated during the pandemic, demanding the attention of leaders and businesses.

Under normal circumstances, one in ten adults in the U.S. have symptoms of depression or anxiety. That number has jumped to four in ten during the pandemic—and that might be conservative. Our data show much higher numbers. In our research surveying over 1,900 people across the globe, more than 60% of respondents reported symptoms of anxiety during the pandemic.

The trouble is, emotions can be contagious. If someone is sad or anxious, we’re likely to catch the feeling and pass it on to others. That’s because our autonomic nervous system—which controls whether we are alert, anxious, or calm—interacts with the same systems in others around us. If you’re close with someone, you may experience a sort of empathic matching, where you automatically pick up on and mimic their emotional state. How sensitive you are to this is often determined by your childhood experiences and the mother-child bond. Consider the above statistics in the context of emotional contagion, and it is easy to conclude that we all have experienced a traumatic event and are experiencing collective grief.

Considering what is happening in the world right now, there’s a good chance that someone on your team is struggling. Here’s how you can help them.

Spot the Warning Signs

If you’ve ever had a mental health challenge or experienced burnout, you’re likely more attuned to the warning signs. People seem more anxious, frustrated, and angry. They may look sad. Or be quiet at work. Or be unable to focus. Or send emails far outside normal business hours.

I remember when one of my managers, someone I cared for very much, sent me an email at 2:00 a.m. I reached out to him to find out if everything was okay. I’ll stop my story here, but the point is that a caring relationship between leaders and their people is mutual. No one wants to feel isolated, regardless of their seniority or place in the food chain. And it can be very isolating to be a leader with a lot of responsibility during a difficult time.

According to Jennifer Moss, author of The Burnout Epidemic, warning signs that someone is experiencing chronic stress and mental illness typically fall into four categories:

1. Changes in work habits such as lack of motivation, errors, difficulty concentrating, or lower productivity
2. Behavior changes including mood volatility, worry, irritability, or restlessness
3. Increased absences from work from someone who is normally punctual
4. Recurring complaints of physical symptoms such as fatigue, headache, abdominal distress, or weight change

Look for the Root Cause

If your employees are experiencing burnout, chances are it’s not their fault. In fact, it may be time to take a hard look at your organization’s culture, practices, and expectations to see if they unintentionally might be adding fuel the fire. The results of this inquiry may humble you.

According to the Maslach Burnout Inventory (MBI), there are six primary causes of burnout:

1. Workload
2. Perceived lack of control
3. Lack of reward or recognition
4. Poor relationships
5. Lack of fairness
6. Values mismatch

How does your company fare in each of these categories? Which of these deficiencies could be affecting your team members? Once you have identified them, determine areas for growth or change. Then take responsibility as a leader and see what you can do to move the needle toward a healthier work environment.

Be a Role Model

One of the first things you can do as a leader is to model behaviors you want your people to adopt. We naturally imitate those in power. You can take advantage of your widespread influence by taking care of yourself and sharing this with your people. By doing this, you give them permission to care for themselves. And that is a wonderful gift.

Be Empathetic

The pandemic has taken a toll on everyone. We have lost loved ones, jobs, income, a sense of community, freedoms, hobbies that gave us joy, and on and on. The list is long and significant. Everyone is hurting to some degree.

Being empathetic at a time like this is powerful. Show genuine concern and forget about achieving an outcome. If someone chooses to share, remember they are bearing their soul and speaking from a place of vulnerability. It’s always essential to treat people with respect, but especially at these moments.

What can you do as a leader? Create safe spaces for your people. Let them know that you’ll keep their confidence and they will always have your respect. We conduct well-being conversations in our Building Resilience program. When people return from their breakout groups, they always say how good it felt to share. They also say it was uplifting to listen and be of service. You can be of great help just by listening.

Create a Safe Environment

People need to feel safe before they will share. That means creating a judgment-free environment. You can do this by first sharing how you are feeling in a team meeting. Your courageous leadership will create a path that others know they can then follow.

You may also want to consider these tips for verbal and non-verbal communication from the Canadian Centre for Occupational Health when initiating conversations around mental health and well-being:  

VERBAL TIPS

• Speak calmly, quietly, and confidently.
• Be aware of how you are delivering your words.
• Focus your attention on the other person to let them know you are interested in what they have to say.
• Use common words. Do not use official language, jargon, or complex terminology.
• Listen carefully. Do not interrupt with unsolicited advice or criticism.

NONVERBAL TIPS

• Use calm body language. Have a relaxed posture with unclenched hands and an attentive expression.
• Position yourself at a right angle to the person, rather than directly in front of them.
• Give the person enough physical space. This distance varies by culture, but normally two to four feet is considered an adequate distance.
• Get on the person’s physical level. If they are seated, try sitting, kneeling, or bending rather than standing over them.
• Pay attention to the person. Do not do anything else at the same time, such as answer phone calls or read e-mails.

Some people may be reluctant to share. My inspiring colleague John Hester has created a list of questions to help get the conversation started. Use these when checking in with someone who looks like they may be struggling.

• How are things going for you?
• How is your family?
• How are you feeling?
• What are you excited about?
• What concerns you?
• How is your connection to the team?
• What do you need more of or less of?
• How can I help?

Whether it’s children, spouses, or parents, everyone has family members they care about and love. Having loved ones is a common denominator that allows you to connect with your people. For example, if you were to ask me how I’m doing, I’d tell you that I’m struggling because my grandfather passed away. I have to process my grief while also supporting my mother, who is mourning the loss of her father.

One trust-building strategy is to start conversations with questions about the person’s family. Then, as they become more comfortable talking, ask them questions about how they are doing. By asking open-ended questions, the person may reveal something important. This also includes positive answers such as something they find inspiring.

Use the Right Style of Leadership

Effective leaders are situational—they provide the right amount of direction or support when a person needs it. Consider the alternatives: micromanaging (which destroys engagement) or hands-off management (which destroys morale).

SLII® is an easy-to-understand, practical framework that enables your managers to diagnose the development level of an employee for a task: D1—Enthusiastic Beginner; D2—Disillusioned Learner; D3—Capable, but Cautious, Contributor; and D4—Self-Reliant Achiever. Managers then use the appropriate directive and supportive behaviors to help them succeed: S1—Directing; S2—Coaching; S3—Supporting; and S4—Delegating.

My students in the Master’s in Executive Leadership program at the University of San Diego come to me elated when they’re able to get on the same page with their people and build a meaningful connection by applying the matching leadership style. Not only does their job as a leader become easier, but their people feel heard and supported, which leads to better engagement, productivity, and progress for the organization.

A good default position is to ask “How can I help?” Such a sincere question will always win the goodwill of the listener.

Leadership in the New Normal

The pandemic has changed us all in some way. We are different as individuals and as a society. We cannot and will not return to old models.

Prevention is better than cure for any well-being challenge—and especially burnout. It is much easier to recognize the warning signs of burnout and take care of ourselves than to recover from it. The key is to build trust with your people and help them thrive again. And that day will come.

A few weeks ago, my colleague Doug Glener wrote a blog regarding the results from our company’s recent survey that involved more than 800 L&D executives, managers, and specialists. We asked them about the biggest challenges they face in designing training for hybrid workers in 2022. We were able to break down their answers into three main themes:

• People are overloaded, tired, and “too busy to learn.”
• It’s getting more difficult to maintain interpersonal connections.
• Virtual/digital designs need to be more effective and engaging.

We know learning and development professionals everywhere have been working hard to address each of these challenges. Thousands of other folks continue the struggle of trying to help their organization recover in different ways from the damage caused by the pandemic. It can be tough to keep a positive attitude.

I was fortunate to work with the late, great Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, author of the mega-bestselling book The Power of Positive Thinking, when he was my coauthor on The Power of Ethical Management. In the book, we introduced five core principles of power that can be easily applied by anyone struggling to cope with today’s world.

Review Your Purpose

The best way to keep yourself on track when facing a problem or challenge is to review your purpose. A person’s life purpose is not the same as a goal—goals have a beginning and an end. Your purpose is ongoing. It keeps you motivated because it’s the life ideal you strive for—your “why.” As an example, my personal life purpose is: “To be a loving teacher and example of simple truths who helps and motivates myself and others to awaken to the presence of God in our lives, so we realize we are here to serve rather than to be served.”

An organization’s purpose is its vision, which is communicated from executive leadership. As I often say, leadership is about going somewhere. Organizations that have a clear and compelling vision know where they are going and how to get there. And people who know their life’s purpose have a reason for staying the course when things get tough. 

(By the way, if you don’t have a life purpose and want to create one, check out my blog post Writing Your Personal Life Purpose.)

Take Pride in Your Accomplishments

My definition of pride isn’t about having a big ego. It’s about believing in yourself and your abilities. It’s the sense of satisfaction you get from a job well done. It’s also the healthy self-esteem you feel when you aim high but are still aware that things may not always go the way you expect. When you believe in yourself, you have the strength to get up and get going again after you fall. And you can help your colleagues develop better feelings about themselves by catching them doing things right and praising their progress.

Cultivate Patience

Since the onset of the pandemic, I’m pretty sure we all know what patience feels like! It’s important to develop the capacity to accept, or at least tolerate, negative and unforeseen aspects of life and work. It’s about trusting that your values and beliefs will prevail in the long term—and that when you give your best effort and do the right thing, even if things are difficult right now, your struggles will pay off in the long run.

Be Persistent

Patience and persistence go hand in hand. Patience can help you get through difficult times, but persistence is essential if you want to keep moving forward toward goal accomplishment. Persistence also keeps you focused on your purpose no matter what is happening around you. It’s about having faith in yourself, honoring commitments, staying the course, keeping your eye on the finish line, and knowing things will get better.

Gaining Some Perspective

Perspective is the most significant of the five principles. It’s the ability to see what is truly important in any given situation. When you lack perspective, you can start feeling and believing that your problems are far more serious than they really are. On the other hand, people who have a good perspective on life can maintain a healthy balance about what is important and what is not.

Gaining perspective can be as simple as taking time every day to assess and reflect on what’s going on in your life and work. You can do it when you first get up, just before going to sleep, or any other time that works for you. Some people pray, others meditate, some write in a journal, some read inspirational quotes. Others practice yoga, listen to classical music, or go for a walk. You can even do a combination of several of these things. There’s no one best way—whatever works for you to quiet your mind and bring you into a reflective state.

I would never attempt to downplay the challenges everyone is facing these days. All I can offer is hope and a few strategies to help you maintain a positive outlook as we all move forward together through this strange time in our lives. So give yourself the gift of reviewing your purpose, taking pride in your accomplishments, cultivating patience, being persistent, and gaining some perspective. It can’t hurt—and I hope it helps!

Dear Madeleine,

I got promoted about six months ago. My new boss, who used to be my old boss’s boss, is just not competent.

When I try to clarify priorities with her, she changes her mind so many times that I end up more confused than ever. She doesn’t attend meetings that she calls, so we all spend ten minutes in a flurry of emails and chats trying to figure out why the teleconference meeting hasn’t started. She also blows off one-on-one meetings. When she does show up, she talks endlessly about her personal life—she has a bunch of kids and one of them is always sick, or she is renovating her house, and we all have to hear the gory details. She never asks us about ourselves. She complains about how much everything costs, but we all know she makes a crazy high salary so we can’t imagine how she thinks we are going to feel sorry for her.

My former boss is now somewhat of a peer, although much more experienced than I am. I have tried to talk to her about this to get a reality check, but she really doesn’t see the problem. She just says, “yeah, (New Boss) is busy / she has a lot on her plate / she is usually very caring and clear.” She advises me to be patient, but I am not sure how long I can last.

I feel like a comedy routine on TikTok. I end every single workday thinking …

WTH?

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear WTH,

All of that hilarious material on TikTok came from someone’s real life. You’d think ridiculous bosses would recognize themselves and pause.

The way I see it, you have two avenues you could go down:

1. You can take your former boss’s advice and just be patient; or
2. You can bail and find another job, or look for another job and then bail when you get one.

I read nothing in your letter about how much you like the company in general, how inspired you are by the mission of the company, or how much you do or don’t enjoy the actual work or your coworkers. So you will want to take all of that into consideration. If you are generally happy with all of the above, there might be some value in hanging on and waiting for your boss to stabilize.

It is entirely possible that she is going through a bunch of personal stuff you don’t know about. Maybe she or someone she loves is suffering from a major health issue. Maybe her home renovation is driving her into debt (she wouldn’t be the first person to be driven to the brink by a home construction or renovation project). Or if she gives the impression one of her kids is always sick, maybe it’s true and the stress is more than she can handle.

My point is that someone you seem to trust has suggested you give your boss the benefit of the doubt. So you might just want to try that.

If you don’t like your work, your coworkers, or your company, there really isn’t much reason for you to stay, so you might as well start looking for another job. Keep in mind there’s a good chance you’ll get a substandard boss in your next job, too—there are so many of them. And there are far worse ways to be a bad boss. Maybe you’ll get a boss who is petty, mean, driven by unconscious bias, critical, or a nasty combo of all of those things. From what I can tell, yes, your boss is a flake, but she isn’t causing actual suffering.

If you do decide to stay, you will want to reach out to your coworkers to get clarity on priorities. That will help you clear up your confusion, which seems to be the thing that is really bugging you and causing most of your discomfort. Then I recommend you find a way to give your boss some grace until she can get her act together. The more you look for things to criticize, and the more you feed your judgment, the worse you will feel about your job.

You have choices here. You can choose your attitude. You can choose to learn from your boss how to be a better boss when it’s your turn. You can choose to be patient and find ways to help her out. You can choose to be kind, regardless of whether you stay or go. And who knows? You, too, may go viral with boss comedy on TikTok. It is all so funny, and things are funniest when they’re true.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

It’s hard to believe it’s been more than a year since the world was blindsided by a global pandemic. Millions of people are mourning losses due to COVID-19: family members, friends, and colleagues who have died; businesses and jobs that have been lost; savings accounts that have been depleted. Almost everyone has experienced some form of loss, whether it’s canceled weddings, graduations, and family events, or not being able to visit relatives—or even hug friends.

Acknowledging the worst parts of the past year is difficult and necessary. But it’s also important to see the upside of how things have changed from the way they were a year ago.

The Marvels of Video Conferencing

The past year was a turning point in the way much of the world does business. We had no choice at first—businesses were shut down, people were quarantined at home, and nobody was flying, so we needed to get more familiar with meeting online. The technology was already there; we only had to jump on and ride!

I love being able to sit down and get on a Zoom call today instead of packing a suitcase and getting on a plane. Walking downstairs is a great way to commute! I can talk with hundreds of people at once without leaving my chair. I’m available to drop in on training sessions to chat with participants whenever I’m asked. If a salesperson has a client who might want to meet me, I can sit in on a meeting with the CEO or the whole leadership team. Last week I was in a meeting with a salesperson in England and a client in Ireland. The next day I was on with one person in Italy and one in South Africa! I can spread myself around so much more efficiently now, which helps our sales team, serves our clients and our learners, and doesn’t require me to travel beyond my home office. That’s a win-win-win.

Because so many of the folks in our company work remotely now, our teams can meet more often because it’s much easier to get everyone together virtually. I’m seeing and getting to know people who work with us that I’ve never had a chance to meet—and they are getting to know each other better, too.

Of course, moderation is in order even with this miraculous technology. As the months have gone by, we’ve been hearing more about “Zoom fatigue,” where people get burned out by back-to-back video meetings. I like the solution of scheduling meetings for 45 minutes, not 60, so you aren’t logging into one meeting right after another. If you combine this approach with microbreaks, it could go a long way toward combating Zoom fatigue.

Even if it’s not yet a perfect science, video conferencing seems to be the best way to go for many organizations right now—and I’m not sure that will change anytime soon.

The Virtual One Minute Manager

The same technology that enables you to meet with clients and teams can be used to manage your direct reports. This is especially helpful if you’re not in an office and able to practice “Management By Wandering Around”—a technique originated by the Hewlett-Packard Company in the 1970s. When Spencer Johnson and I wrote The One Minute Manager^®in 1981, we made the practice one of our title character’s management habits, although we never used the phrase. In our original book, the One Minute Manager “never seemed to be very far away” from his people, so he could observe their behavior face to face and catch them doing things right. In 2015 when we wrote the updated edition titled The New One Minute Manager^®, we acknowledged the fact that managers were no longer always in the same place as their people. And since the advent of COVID-19, of course, remote workers are far more common.

So, what’s the virtual equivalent of Management By Wandering Around? As a manager, make sure you set One Minute Goals with your direct report so you’re both clear on expectations. Stay informed on data and performance relating to those goals, and regularly schedule virtual one-on-one meetings with them. When your direct report does something right, call the person or schedule a quick Zoom meeting to give a One Minute Praising. If you notice them moving in the wrong direction, use the same method to contact the person and help them get back on track with a One Minute Re-Direct.

The Upside of COVID-19 on Home Life

At the time I am writing this, the United States and many other countries are moving quickly toward vaccinating people as soon as possible. My wife, Margie, and I feel relieved that we have had both of our vaccinations. We are eagerly looking forward to the day when we can once again open our offices to our colleagues, have friends and family visit us at our house, and do what I miss the most—hug people. Like most others, we have had to give up some enjoyable parts of our lives to stay safe. Yet we’ve been appreciating the simple pleasures around us. Here are some examples:

Bonding with pets. Margie and I have noticed over the years that our little dog, Joy, has always seemed happiest when we’ve taken time off from traveling. She just loves it when we are home with her. You may guess that Joy has been ecstatic for more than a year now. She is also a big clown and can always cheer us up when we start feeling down. If you are a dog lover, you know how therapeutic dogs can be. Last year when people realized quarantine was going to go on for a while, there was a surge of adoptions at shelters all over the country. So many people were adopting pets that a lot of shelters ran out—I remember the news reports showing all the empty cages. It was a beautiful sight.

Watching movies. We’ve been having a lot of fun watching old movies—some favorites we had already seen several times and some new ones recommended by friends. It’s an enjoyable way to spend time together, whether the movies are good or bad.

Enjoying socially distant, outdoor gatherings. Last summer our neighborhood held a socially distant “block party.” We all brought our own chairs, food, and drinks. We wore masks, sat at least six feet apart, and had interesting conversations. Even at a distance and with masks on it was wonderful to see our neighbors and even meet a few new folks. We are looking forward to doing it again now that spring is here.

Appreciating the great outdoors.  Margie and I have been getting outdoors more often—walking with our dog, Joy, or golfing almost every week at our local Par 3 course. Anything that can get you out of the house and into the fresh air is a good thing. Going for a walk is good mental and physical therapy and it doesn’t cost a thing.

Practicing Kindness and Gratitude

The pandemic isn’t over, and we’ll all need patience until it is. One way to cope is to focus on the good that’s come out of this challenging year—not an easy task. As author and philosopher Eric Hoffer wrote: “The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.”

Meanwhile, let’s be kind to everyone we encounter. We don’t know what they may have gone through in the past year—or what they may be going through now. Let’s keep sending out thoughts and prayers to people we love and continue reaching out to help others who have suffered great losses or illness and are still hurting. And let’s not forget to be grateful for the blessings in our lives.

Dear Madeleine,

I have been reflecting on 2020 and have just read the document with my goals for the year. I may laugh someday, but right now I am sad and demoralized. I accomplished literally not one single goal I had set for myself in 2020.

I wanted to lose some weight and get in shape. Nope. I joined a gym around the time of the shutdown and was so gung-ho that I paid for the whole year up front. Who knows what happened to that money?

A couple of my goals required money, which I am making a lot less of now than I was a year ago.

I had some developmental activity goals for my kids, but now I am just glad they are still alive after being quarantined at home, with me trying to work and them doing online school.

My partner and I had big plans for a romantic vacation—that’s off the table now.

I am thinking of just letting myself off the hook for 2021. Do you think that is a bad idea? Or is it smart? I really feel like just…

Giving In             

__________________________________________________________

Dear Giving In,

I found my goals, too! But I did laugh, because I am in pretty much the same boat as you and I have already cried a lot.

So here’s the thing, Giving In. Think about all the stuff you did accomplish that you hadn’t planned on achieving at all: You still have a job! You haven’t hurt your children! You and your partner are still together! These are all massive wins, my friend. If you had seen what was coming and your only goal had been to survive it, you would be feeling pretty great about your goal setting right now. So I think you must let yourself off the hook for 2020—you and the rest of the world.

Now, what about 2021? I say don’t give in, because here is what we know about goals: under normal circumstances people who set goals and write them down simply achieve more than those who don’t.

But the wisdom of good goal setting also tells us that our goals have to be realistic. I’ve always seen good results—for myself, my teams, and my clients—when goals are a bit of a stretch, but not ridiculous. We never really know what the future will bring, so you can only set goals with your current reality in mind. Ask yourself: what does my heart long for that I could take some steps toward right now? Find something you can actually do with just a little focus and the support of your partner, friends, colleagues, and kids. Maybe it’s a fitness routine you can do at home. I got through this year using Aaptive, an app that offers all kinds of workouts for folks at all levels. Maybe it’s walking around the block three times every day. Or maybe there’s something you could do with your kids at the end of online school every day. Given that nothing will be all that different for a while yet, setting an achievable goal will undoubtedly make you feel more optimistic and hopeful.

I would recommend this, however: Set one goal. Only one—but one you can crush. Leave the long list for another time. Or never. The biggest reason people don’t achieve their goals is that they have too many of them. There isn’t much research to support that assertion, but I am 100% convinced it is true based on my experience. Let’s tell the truth about what it takes to just get through the day, adulting and behaving yourself, paying the bills on time, showing up for work and speaking in complete sentences, and making sure dinner will happen somehow (cereal counts). Then let’s throw a pandemic on top of it and all bets are off.

You will probably need to mourn the dreams you had for 2020. It’s okay to be sad. But making some headway on a new dream, a dream that makes sense in light of our current reality, will give you a sense of control, autonomy, and mastery that will set you up to be ready when the world shifts back toward what we once thought of as normal. And history does teach us that it will shift.

So make a list of what you accomplished that you hadn’t planned to. I’ll bet it is really long, and something to be proud of. Be as sad as you need to be for the losses of 2020. And then get moving toward something you really care about that has deep meaning for you. Enlist help from anyone who can help you. It will make you feel better, I promise.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

With all of the change and disruption in today’s world, leaders are being asked to lead their teams through new situations never navigated in modern history. It can be overwhelming when everyone is looking to you for the answers. Leaders can take a cue from the coaching world on serving people and meeting them exactly where they are. Here are five things that can help you coach in a challenging time.

1. Remember, the person you are coaching is resourceful and innovative. They don’t need to be fixed, but they may need a nudge to mentally reframe their current situation. I recently coached a colleague who was dealing with all the requisite WFH challenges. She had all the tools and resources she needed, but couldn’t see them through the haze of “newness.” She came up with a structure and a plan. Now she’s on track to be highly effective and is feeling much more in control.
2. You don’t have to have all the answers. Yep, this is Coaching 101—and worth remembering. This week, a client came to her coaching session upset over, well, everything. She couldn’t get in to see her dad, who is in assisted living. Her 19-year-old son was insisting on going on spring break out of the country, her husband was now sharing her office, her grocery store was out of toilet paper, and her company was suffering the first round of layoffs in memory. Through coaching, she was able to reframe and reprioritize. She’s now focusing on the positive actions she can take and finding ways to let go of the things she can’t control. For a great book on reframing, check out Judd Hoekstra’s Crunch Time.
3. You need to take care of yourself. Psychological resilience is the ability to mentally or emotionally cope with a crisis or to return to pre-crisis status quickly. Taking care of yourself may look like finding new ways to exercise, talking to a therapist, sticking to good habits, or just giving yourself a break to have a mini meltdown and then get over it. Make sure you are checking in with yourself and giving yourself the same loving care you give to your team members. One of my colleagues practices meditation. She says it keeps her calm, focused, and yes—resilient. Find the ways that work best for you, and keep at it.
4. You have adapted, and can adapt, to change. Yes things will change. Yes there will be loss and there will be opportunity. “New normal” might look very different in four or six weeks and beyond. The truth is that ALL change, whether rapid or not, will eventually settle. We humans are pretty darned good at adapting. Trust yourself that you will be, too. My 91-year-old dad saw more change in his lifetime than I had ever realized. Before he passed on (a change in itself) he summarized for his kids some of the changes he lived through: The war to end all wars, the invention of television, common use of the telephone (and the mobile phone), desktop computers, hemlines, women in the workplace, hairstyles (although he stuck to his wonderful brush cut), the beginning of equal rights, the Berlin wall coming down, families with more than one car in the driveway, putting a man on the moon, the Great Depression and the world recovery that followed, fast food, the five-dollar cup of coffee, and a whole host of other things. He said the only thing that hadn’t changed was that old guys like him still wore suspenders. My dad didn’t like change, but he could sure adapt!
5. It’s all going to be okay. Whether you call it faith, self-determinism, hope, or belief in humankind, the label doesn’t matter as much as what does: we are all going to be okay. Find this belief in yourself. Share it. Spread it. Contribute to it. Take a deep breath, then six more. Keep breathing. We ARE all in this together. And together we will move into a post-Covid-19 world.

About the Author

Patricia Overland is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

Dear Madeleine,

I need your advice. The coronavirus is really putting everyone in my office on edge. Clients are canceling bookings. Executives are calling emergency meetings to try to figure out a course of action. And mid-level managers like me are being pulled in a dozen different directions with multiple top-priority requests from senior leaders along with direct reports looking for answers. It’s all a little too chaotic.

I’m trying to remain calm and not get pulled into the chaos, but at the same time I know we need to come up with answers and some direction to curb the general anxiety. Any suggestions on how to get through the short term?

Thanks in advance for your help and advice.

Anxious but Optimistic

Dear Anxious but Optimistic,

I know, these are crazy times. We are all feeling skittish and finding it hard to stay calm. And for folks who normally struggle with anxiety, it’s even worse. I was concerned about getting a letter like yours because I can barely keep my own wits about me and feel less than qualified to offer advice to anyone right now. The situation we are dealing with is unprecedented for most of us. The best I can do is share some principles we might all lean on until things become clearer.

First: Calm down. It is important to know that the brain is a prediction machine. When we cannot predict what is going to happen next, the parts of our brains we use to make decisions and regulate our behavior go on tilt. Our systems become flooded with the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol, which are helpful if you need to run away from a lion but overkill if you’re sitting at a desk. You probably know this as the fight or flight response. My wonderful colleague Judith Glaser suggests the alternative freeze or appease, which seems to resonate more with our modern lifestyle. It is probably most common to feel frozen as the news of the pandemic escalates.

So job one is to actively choose to calm our sympathetic nervous systems. Anything you normally would do to calm down is your friend right now. If you don’t have any good methods, now is the time to learn some.

Meditation or prayer are soothing for many, as are hobbies that can get you into a peaceful mindset such as cooking, crafts, writing, a hot bubble bath, playing games, or walking in nature. Any kind of physical exercise is a great place to start. I am grateful that I have to walk my dogs, because it would be so easy to default to staying hunched over my computer—as if staying on top of the news feed is going to help anything.

Breathing is a key calming method. If you don’t have a breathing practice, simply try breathing in on a count of 4 and breathing out on the same slow count. Repeat ten times. See? You feel better already. Try doing it with your team. Your people may think you are a loon, but it will absolutely, positively help. It is a leader’s responsibility to set the tone and be a role model, so consider staying calm to be a part of your job.

Now that you are calmer and thinking straight, remember that you have to wait for your leader’s official decisions. Once you have those, you can prioritize your own and your team’s activities and swing into action. Until then, identify what you can and cannot control. Pay attention to only what you can control and focus on that. I am sure you have regular deadlines and commitments. Just work on those. You know what you’re doing, and it will make you feel grounded and competent.

Finally, stop the incoming noise. Put down the phone. Turn off the news. Check in at pre-designated intervals to make sure you don’t miss anything critical. The media lives for this kind of crisis and their job is to ratchet up the fear so you stay glued to the screen. Don’t let someone else’s goals control your behavior—remember, you have choices.

If you get stuck at home, use the time to get to your endless to-do list of secondary chores. Change the light bulbs, clean out your closet, make the photo album from the last family trip. Do all those little things you never seem to get to. If your college-aged kids are getting boomeranged back home early (God bless you—you will require even more calming practices), plan all the stuff you never get to do as a family anymore because everyone is too busy. Play board games. Learn backgammon. Join Ancestry.com and create a family tree. Facetime with Grampy who can’t have visitors.

Wash your hands, clean your phone, and breathe.

So will I.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I work in a hospital. One of my colleagues always seizes the opportunity to slow me down or otherwise make me look bad. In addition, she makes personal comments about me and spreads rumors about my family members. We live in a small community, so although I try to ignore her nonsense and avoid her, it isn’t always possible. It feels silly, but it is starting to get to me.

What can I do?

Bullied

Dear Bullied,

I’m sorry you are having such troubles. It’s so draining to have to deal with this kind of petty behavior. You have two separate situations here—being targeted personally at work in a way that is hurting your job performance, and the rumors being spread.

When you are dealing with something like this, you have three potential courses of action:

Ignore it completely and pretend it is isn’t happening. She might just get bored and stop her antics.

Face it head on, talk to your manager, let them know what is going on, and get their support. Confront her. Tell her to cut it out, and that every incident will be tracked and reported. You need to be ready with the right words, so practice using them before you need them.

• “I see what you’re doing and you need to stop it right now.”
• “Cut it out.”
• “You do your work, I will do mine. Stay out of my way.”

The more ready you are to say something, the less chance you will need to.

Stoop to her level and start sabotaging her work. (Okay, I really don’t recommend this one, but it is fun to think about. Under no circumstances can you stoop to her level.)

In terms of the rumors, there isn’t much you can do except tell everyone who will listen that she is spreading rumors, nothing she says is true, and no one should believe a word that comes out of her mouth. You can also tell people if they hear anything about a family member of yours that they should come and ask you if it is true. You can build a coalition of people who are on your side and will see her for who she is.

I am a big fan of the old adage that says bullies will back down if you stand up to them—mainly because I have experienced it to be true. We generally worry about standing up to bullies because we don’t want to escalate things. But, really, what’s the worst thing that could happen? Do you think you might get into a wrestling match in the middle of the hospital waiting area? Probably not.

People will continue to engage in bad behavior as long as you allow it. Get your manager on your side, be ready with the right words next time something happens, build a coalition to fight the rumor mill, and be strong.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a team in large organization. Last spring I was diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer and I underwent intense and difficult chemotherapy. I worked from home and didn’t take any undue time off, though now I wish I had. I started back at work two months ago and things are, well—weird. And really hard.

Before my illness, I used to have lunch with my boss once a week. Now she is avoiding me. One of my peers is actually hostile—he sets me up to look unprepared in meetings and is otherwise trying to make me look bad. And one of my direct reports has started to speak to me as if she is my boss, not the other way around.

Before I got sick, I was a rock star overachiever who outperformed everyone around me. I was an idea factory and could pull all-nighters to get projects done. I am just not that way anymore. I get tired—and I still have some brain fog from the chemo. I was beautiful and young and I had gorgeous hair. All that is gone now. My confidence is truly shaken. How do I get my power back and protect myself?

So Alone

Dear So Alone,

Wow. It sounds like you feel very isolated and vulnerable. I am going to do my best to help you get centered, learn how to protect yourself, and get your mojo back.

Right out of the gate, I can tell you that you are losing ground when you compare your current self to your old self. Any time we compare ourselves with someone else—including our former selves—it isn’t going to go well. It’s not a good use of your valuable brain space or your time. Let’s ask this instead: what do you have now that you didn’t have before your illness?

You may have temporarily lost your hair and your youthful, sparky brain, but you are still the same deeply intelligent, very creative, hardworking woman you have always been. I want to emphasize that you underwent massive, absurd amounts of chemotherapy without taking time off. You are, in fact, a badass warrior goddess. Who are these people who seek to undermine you? You may not be what you once were, but here you are. You have been tested in the fire and you are, in fact, stronger than you have ever been.

So. Here is what you can do now:

• Invite your boss to lunch.
• If you are pushed to respond without adequate preparation, or are otherwise bullied, stop the nonsense and say: “I have nothing to add at this time,” or “I am happy to volunteer an opinion when I have all of the context,” or “Thank you for including me, I will certainly contribute when I feel the need.”
• When you are feeling bullied by your peer, just smile and breathe and shake your head like you don’t know what he is talking about. Saying nothing, or very little, is a tremendous source of power. Use it. Men do it all the time. Only speak when you have something really useful to say, and then say it quietly. This is so radically different from your past MO that it will feel weird—but it will work if you commit and stay strong.
• Pay attention to your direct report’s little tactics to undermine you. Record each instance and also notice the way she speaks to others. She may just be one of those people who bosses everyone around. If that is true, fine; let it go. But if it is just you, you will have to warrior up—tell her to cut it out and draw clear boundaries by making explicit statements such as: “Please don’t speak to me that way,” or “I am interested in your ideas, but please offer suggestions vs. telling me what to do,” or “Please don’t give me what sound like orders, ever—and certainly not in front of others.”

The thing to remember about people behaving badly is that they will do whatever you let them get away with. So it will be up to you to stop it. Find your own words to draw boundaries and practice out loud to get comfortable. When you are prepared, she will get the message that you are strong and she’d better stop her ridiculous behavior.

You asked, “How do I get my power back and protect myself?”

First, I think we need to rework your narrative. Yes, perhaps you made an error never taking time off and coming back to work too soon. However, here you are. So let’s change the story you are telling yourself. Right now it goes something like this:

I feel weak and tired. I still have chemo brain, I’m not as fast as I was before, and I don’t retain things the same way. My boss is avoiding me because she thinks I am a loser. My peers and direct reports smell blood in the water and are circling, gunning for my job. I feel vulnerable and alone.

What if it sounded more like this:

I am a badass warrior who slayed hideous chemo and am still standing strong. I didn’t take time off and I am crushing my job heroically. My boss is dodging me because most people simply don’t know how to talk about cancer so they avoid the whole thing—which in this case means me. My peer is simply a small-minded, nasty person who was jealous of me before and is now kicking me while I am down. I won’t let him get away with his bad behavior. My direct report may be disrespectful to me, or she may simply be super bossy. I am going to stop taking it personally, figure out what is going on, and then take corrective action. I am a warrior and these people cannot take me down.

OK? See the difference? That’s how you get your power back and how you protect yourself.

My final idea for you is to use music. Music has such power. Find some kind of music that fires you up—Alicia Keyes’s This Girl is on Fire, most of Beyonce’s stuff, Sarah Bareilles’s Be Brave—whatever appeals to you. Play it on your phone and hum it as you are walking into meetings.

I spent two years managing a massive global coaching program at a New York investment bank where it was mortal combat every day. I cried in the ladies room a lot. I somehow got the idea to hum the theme music from Raiders of The Lost Ark to get me through the worst moments, and it really helped.

Remember this: take nothing personally. None of this is about you—it just feels that way because you are feeling vulnerable. Now get your armor on, play your own heroine theme song, and go take a stand for this new version of yourself.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

My boss is really tough—I would say borderline abusive. It isn’t just to me. He is awful to everyone. Because of this, I am in a constant state of anxiety and my work has definitely suffered. I was very good at my job but I know the quality has decreased because I have no confidence and can’t seem to make a decision anymore.

I wait for the boss to tell me exactly how he wants things for fear of doing it wrong. I know in my heart that I have a lot to offer and that I could do this job very well with little or no input from him.

Some days I feel like I just want to do the job the way I think it should be done—to hell with it—I’m going to get yelled at either way. What do you think?

Sick of Being Scared

_____________________________________________________________

Dear Sick of Being of Scared,

Well, at least it isn’t personal.

Okay, Sick, there is a continuum of options here. At one far end you have cowering submission, and at the other you have open conflict. No matter where you are on the continuum, you are going to be scared and your poor exhausted nervous system is going to produce cortisol and adrenaline. Eventually, something will give and you will get truly sick and have to take a leave of absence.

If you choose confrontation, at least it would put some control into your hands. The more control you can exert over your circumstances and the more certainty you can create for yourself, the less you will produce stress hormones and the better you will feel.

Are things too crazy for you to catch your mean boss in a calm moment and create some agreements? Tell him you want only to do excellent work and make him happy. Ask him to give you input at key junctures of your work so you feel confident about being on the right track. Walk through your ideas about how the work should be done and get input from him. Show that you are receptive to his ideas and willing to compromise.

Essentially, I’m saying don’t let your fear keep you from having discussions, especially since it sounds like he is going to huff and puff and yell regardless of what you do. If you can just remember that this is just the way he is, it doesn’t actually mean anything, and you aren’t going to die, you can take a stand for yourself and your ideas.

I think you nailed it—if you are going to get yelled at either way, to hell with it indeed; you might as well go for it. Think of your boss like you do cold rainy weather: put on your metaphorical raincoat, pop up your imaginary umbrella, and just let yourself be okay with getting a little wet. Who knows—he may respect you all the more for it.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I recently took a director level job with a huge Fortune 50 organization. I have been thrown into the deep end and I am worried about completely bombing out. I have had zero onboarding, so I am constantly making errors and spending tons of time backtracking and clearing things up.

I am really trying to do all of the things that Michael Watkins says to do in The First 90 Days, but his methods pre-suppose a sane organization. I am in back-to-back meetings all day, taking work home at night, and I have a list of deliverables as long as my arm.

When I ask my boss about how to prioritize my work, she just looks at me blankly. She clearly expects it to all get done at the same time. I have two direct reports who are already swamped and I am working on hiring a third one. 

I am used to getting things done and making an impact, but I can’t do that here. I am literally in despair that I left a great job to jump into this hell. Should I just jump ship before I get fired?

Want to Jump Ship

Dear Want to Jump Ship,

This sounds hard—regret about leaving a comfortable situation for a hellish one can really take the wind out of your sails. But take heart—you are suffering from the classic, predictable stage of disillusioned learner! In our SLII® training, we teach that we all start on a goal or a task as an “enthusiastic beginner,” and then hit the wall and become a “disillusioned learner.” This development level is marked by all the things you are thinking: “What was I thinking, leaving my old job?” “I am never going to make it here.” “Should I jump ship?”

The thing I can say to you is: this stage won’t last. You are going to figure this out and get yourself on an even keel from which you can make a rational decision. Big corporations can feel like lunatic asylums—I know, I have worked in some.

You will find your groove and fit right in. Or you may not. Either way, you will make the choice to stay or go based on the criteria you decide.

So what are your criteria for an organization you want to work for? Examples might be: amazing leadership, the company is making the world a better place, you are making more money and amazing benefits which will allow you to do something you always wanted to do. Make your list. When you feel as if you can breathe again, consult it and see if you are in the right place.

In the meantime, since your boss has no interest in helping you prioritize, you will have to prioritize for yourself. Since you are at director level, your boss probably assumes you know how to do this and expects you to do it. Decide what tasks you think are most important, find something that can get you a win, and focus on that. You might choose wrong—but honestly, what do you have to lose? Do a couple of things well and get your feet under you.

Take a few minutes a day to meditate, calm your brain down, and breathe. Take a deep breath in and exhale. Take care of yourself, eat lunch, and go home at a reasonable hour. You will wake up one day soon and realize you are fine.

Breathe.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am fairly new to managing a large team in the property management industry. I was a team member for a long time. One of the reasons I was promoted was because I was a work horse. I have a lot of energy and was used to putting in ten- and twelve-hour days on a regular basis. I raced around in my truck going from task to task at different properties, helping people solve problems.

I really like the challenge of being a manager—but something has begun to worry me. I start at 7 a.m. and by 2 p.m. I am exhausted, even though I work from home most days. I’m on the phone in endless meetings dealing with strategy, budget, and gnarly personnel issues—and by the middle of the afternoon I’ve got nothing left.

What is happening to me? I am worried that my boss is going to think I am a slacker. Maybe I am not cut out for management? Help!

Out of Battery Power

Dear Out of Battery Power,

Okay, let’s review. You had a job that had constant variety, allowed you some nice mental breaks while driving around, and let you win several times a day because you knew what you were doing and got to interact with nice people who were grateful you showed up. Now you have a job that requires you to sit at a desk at home by yourself, engage in creative visualization of an uncertain future, crunch massive amounts of numbers and translate reality from them, and ponder and try to solve problems regarding the most complicated thing there is: people. What could possibly be wrong?

Your brain is tired, as well it should be. In your old job you got breaks, you spent time with people, and you got to solve solvable problems—which was fun! Now you probably get no breaks at all, you spend time alone, and you have to try to solve unsolvable problems. Also, you are new in the job so the learning curve feels brutal.

Cut yourself some slack. Give yourself a little time to get your head around the job. And try these strategies to take better care of yourself and your brain.

• Get some exercise before you start for the day. You used to be in constant motion, which was clearly energizing for you. Even a walk around the block will improve the blood flow to your brain and increase your creative problem solving.
• Get a good headset so you can pace while on conference calls. You used to be on your feet a lot. Now you are an extension of your desk chair and it’s killing you slowly.
• Remember to eat breakfast and lunch. People who work from home seem to either eat constantly or forget to eat.
• Remember to stay hydrated. Research shows that dehydration can cause lightheadedness and confusion.
• Get out of the house during your workday. Going to a nearby park would be ideal, but at least sit on your front step. When you do this, don’t look at a screen—look at faraway things; a horizon line if at all possible. Gazing at a horizon releases a very specific kind of endorphin which increases our feelings of well-being. Try to have lunch with a friend or colleague at least twice a week. You will have to resist thinking about work, but it will make you more effective in the long run. Can you work from the office a couple of days a week? Do it if you can.
• Take tiny mental breaks throughout the day. You may not realize how many breaks were built into your day in your old job—moments when you were operating on auto pilot and your brain was essentially at rest. If you are in constant meetings from 7:00 to 2:00 with no breaks built in, your brain goes on tilt.
• If possible, do your more difficult tasks before 2 p.m. and leave everything that’s easy to deal with until later in the day. I once heard a senior executive say out loud that she didn’t schedule anything hard after 2 p.m. and I was impressed with her self-awareness and honesty. Her afternoons were reserved for reading, responding to email, and administrative tasks that she could do in her sleep.

I have yet to work with a manager or leader who gets the amount of “white space” they need to just think about everything that needs thinking about. Welcome to management! You may be fried by 2 p.m., but I would bet a paycheck that you never, ever stop thinking about your job now. Before, when you finished your shift, you were done for the day. Now your job is 24/7—so you need to learn how to pace yourself and settle in for the long haul.

Until you get actual feedback from your boss about your performance, stop wasting valuable mental energy judging yourself. Devote that energy to taking better care of yourself and I’m certain you’ll notice an increase in your mental stamina.

Give yourself a break—literally.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I recently interned at a company where my project charter was to “create a competency based interview process and standard operating process for talent acquisition.”

My project guide, who is head of talent acquisition, asked me instead to create an interview evaluation sheet based on competencies that were already in place and a process document for talent acquisition at a basic level.

I found many major gaps in the existing system including outdated job descriptions, different formats, etc., so I created my own template—but my project guide was only interested in looking at the interview evaluation sheets.

My internship lasted two months. During my final review with the VP of human resources, I was asked about the other deliverables—the ones my guide stopped me from doing.  My project guide never told the VP that she didn’t ask me to do them. I lost the job opportunity with them because my project was incomplete. Another intern who was less qualified ended up getting a job instead, because her guide supported her.

I feel extremely hurt and depressed. The insights I had about this company were tremendous—but to save face for my project guide in front of her boss, I never mentioned this. My guide spent only five minutes giving me feedback. She never gave me areas for improvement; just kept saying I was doing excellent work. I wrongly assumed she would help me get this job.

Ms. Depressed

Dear Ms. Depressed,

I am so sorry you had such a rotten experience with your internship.  I am not going to spend a lot of time on what you could have done differently, but will illuminate some rules of thumb for the future.  No good will come of too much regret—or “shoulda, coulda, woulda” as they say—but there is much to be learned from this experience.

First things first. I understand this experience has set you back on your heels. But when you say you are hurt, it leads me to believe you are taking this experience personally.  Stop it. You just can’t take this kind of thing personally. You have your whole career ahead of you—and if you learn this lesson now, you will be much more likely to thrive.

Internships are always a bit of gamble.  You just don’t know what kind of a sponsor you are going to get.  I know it is a big stretch for me to be a decent boss for interns. I am used to managing professionals who really don’t need me at all.   Being a great boss for interns requires the inclination to teach, pay close attention, and give feedback.  Your guide apparently had little patience and zero generosity – I would even go so far as to say she was kind of a jerk where you were concerned.

My question to you is: what made you think it was your job to help her save face?  In the future, I would say you can always tell the truth without blame or judgment – it is not your job to lie to cover for anyone at any time.  You owed her nothing as far as I can tell. If we could rewind, I would have recommended you submit the work to the VP that you did for your original charter.  In fact, I recommend you go ahead now and submit to the VP your tremendous insights for the company and whatever other work you did.  You don’t have to say anything about your guide other than she wasn’t interested in your original charter, but you were, so you did the work anyway.  It probably won’t change anything—but what do you have to lose?

I am sorry you assumed your guide would have your back. She clearly didn’t.  In fact, I would say that in the future, you can never assume anyone will have your back unless you have direct evidence they will.  Cynical?  Probably, but very real.  Better to assume the worst and be pleasantly surprised when you are wrong than the other way around.

So, Ms. Depressed, pick yourself up off the floor and get back out there! Deploy your considerable smarts and work ethic and find a guide or a boss who will appreciate what you have to offer.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I supervise five people in a global logistics company. I am three years out of school with an accounting degree, and I really like the job.

Here’s my problem: My boss just came to me and asked if I can do a presentation to the senior leadership at their offsite retreat this summer. I have some time to prepare, but I am stricken with terror just thinking about this.

I am quiet person and have never been much of a performer. I don’t want to decline— I don’t think that would be a good idea for my career here. But I honestly am afraid that I will faint or throw up.

How can I step up to this opportunity when just thinking about it puts me in such a state? I don’t even know where to start. Help please.

Terrified

Dear Terrified,

You are in good company, my friend. Speaking in front of a group is up there with death and big furry bugs on most people’s list of fears. I will tell you what you need to do to rise to this occasion; then you can decide whether or not to decline.

I agree with you that declining would send the wrong message. It would also deprive you of an amazing opportunity to develop yourself. I suspect, because you have been tapped for leadership at such a young age, that you have a lot going for you—so developing this skill really matters.

I know you want be perfect out of the gate, but no one will expect perfection. Your first move is to find someone to coach you. Trying to go it alone is simply a mistake, so please hear me on this. Your coach will help you shape your material to draw out the key points and help you get rid of the fluff. Your coach will make you practice. Your coach will make you eliminate all of the evil filler words or phrases that signal a rookie.

Now let’s talk about fear. Many people think if they wait long enough, the fear will go away and then they’ll be able to do the things that scare them. They will wait a long time—because in my experience, the fear never goes away. People who do things in spite of the fear simply keep finding new ways to scare themselves. They keep upping the ante. Others think that if they find the right formula, they can move through the fear. This is also not a good strategy, because—let me reiterate—the fear never goes away. The only thing to do with fear is get used to it. Befriend it. Welcome fear as the messenger who tells you that you are really trying. Let fear walk with you on your path. Hold its hand, put it in your pocket, let it sit on your shoulder—whatever image works for you.

You can also try one of my favorites—the worst case scenario: walk through, preferably out loud, the worst possible thing that could happen around your presentation.

• I could throw up on the CEO
• I could pass out
• I could wet my pants
• I could forget my whole presentation
• I could forget my name and how to speak altogether and they will call the psych EMT’s and cart me away.

You get the picture. The nutty part is, I know people who have experienced each of these things—and worse. And guess what? Nobody actually ever died or got fired.

With your fear properly managed and your coach to help you, make an outline of the key points you need to cover and then write out your initial speech. As you shape your material, keep in mind this question: What do you want your audience to know, think, feel and do as a result of your presentation?

Now you will want to refine and practice your presentation. When I’ve worked with clients on their first-time presentations, here is the protocol for practicing that I have seen work for most people.

1. Read your speech word for word and make corrections until it is right.
2. Reduce your speech to key points with bullets, except for your opening and your close.
3. Create your slide presentation if you are using slides. Use slides only to provide visual support and inspiration, not to express reams of data. If you need to share reams of data, get help to turn the data into something visually compelling and informative. Use handouts for details.
4. Practice until all you need is your key points on one piece of paper. Practice in front of someone—your coach, if possible, but anyone will do. Make sure a total stranger understands and can keep up with what you are saying.
5. Practice your speech three times the night before, just before bed.
6. Right before your presentation, run through your opening three times.

This sounds like an awful lot of work because it is. But this is what it takes for you to feel over-prepared and to deliver really well in spite of your terror. And if you do even half of this, you will be a rock star.

Finally, when it’s time to stand and deliver, remember to:

• Breathe. When you feel yourself panicking, breathe. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Three times. It always helps and never hurts. If you lose your place, breathe. The next point will come to you on the breath. If it doesn’t come in on the first breath, it will come in on the second. I promise.
• Feel your feet. I got this tip from an autobiography by Lawrence Olivier, who was the Brad Pitt of British theatre in the mid twentieth century. At the peak of his fame, he was struck with paralyzing stage fright. The thing that finally allowed him to function was to feel the soles of his feet connected to the ground. I have used this myself for decades, and everyone who has ever tried it swears by it.
• Control your eyes. Look at one person, then another, then another. Make a point to one person, then move to someone else for the next point. Don’t look down.
• Speak up. Talk a little louder than feels natural. Don’t try to hide or pretend you aren’t there.
• Find your light. Figure out where the light is going to be best and stand in it. Your instinct will be to find the shadow, so work against that.
• Speak to your supporters. Your tendency will be to find the people who look like they are bored or annoyed and try to change their minds. Don’t do it. Find the people who are engaged, smiling, and with you. Speak to them and let your appreciation show—and pretend the other people are not there.

So are you going to do it? I hope so. Let me know how it goes.

Love, Madeleine

Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation. Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I work in HR in a small company and recently had to let someone go. The process is never pleasant—and to make matters a bit more complicated, the terminated employee was a bit of a gossip. 

Now that she is gone, many employees are upset and have been speculating out loud about the reason she was terminated. Those who were involved in the decision are professional enough to not share the details that would make the reason clear—and, of course, as an HR professional I am also unable to do that. 

The objective side of me sees that I cannot be responsible for the perceptions of so many people and that I need to accept the damage that has been done, keep a strong visage, and stand by the company’s decision. However, I am human and I cannot help but feel that the loaded comments and meaningful glares I’m receiving are unjustified and there has to be some solution. I knew coming into the HR field that not everyone would like me, but in a small company I feel this could have a lasting negative impact on my image. 

What do you think? 

Quite Vexed

Dear Quite Vexed,

Being in HR is tough. You know way more about people than you ever wanted to know, and you have to keep it all to yourself. You are constantly fighting a deep psychological need to be included as part of the “in group”—a need that will never be adequately met at work.

I recently read a thread on a LinkedIn HR group about being friends with people at work. The folks in that group definitely seemed to agree that when you are in HR you can’t be true friends with anyone at work, although you can have friendly acquaintances. I have received the same advice being married to an owner of a family run business—but I will confess that I am hopeless at not bonding with people I really like and respect.

Your solutions, I would say, are as follows:

If in fact the employee was fired for cause, then you do have a problem because you really can’t share details.

If it was a position elimination, work with your colleagues to craft a statement explaining the business reason for the change. In the absence of information people make things up, and what they make up is usually way worse than the truth. People might be treating you poorly because they are afraid about their own jobs, so it would help a lot if people knew that their jobs were safe. Providing some kind of brief, reasonable explanation will help.

If this person was fired for being a nasty gossip and there is nothing you can say, you must face the comments and the looks head on. Get the veiled aggression out on the table by saying something like “Please don’t judge me based on assumptions you are making.” The response will almost certainly be denial, but this should stop the behaviors. When you feel as if you are being subtly bullied, calling the bully out is often the best way to make him or her back down.

Finally—and this is the most critical thing—remember that to survive in HR you are going to have to develop a very thick skin—thicker even than you expected. You also must take care of yourself by building and nurturing a very strong network of friendships outside of work so that you can get your needs for inclusion and social connection met.

You can also develop connections with others of your HR tribe online. Check into the LinkedIn group I mentioned: Linked: HR #1 Human Resources Group, or find a group like it.

There are a lot of people out there like you, many in small companies feeling a little lost, lonely and isolated. And there is a lot of support to be had.

Hang in there!

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I was hired five months ago by a local business. I had no experience in finance but my new boss assured me that he could teach me what I needed to know.

Five months have gone by and my boss has just told me that he doesn’t have time to train me after all, and he is going to let me go and hire someone who already has the skills he needs.

I don’t know what to tell people as I apply for my next job. Can you help me?

Cut Loose

Dear Cut Loose,

Tell the truth. You haven’t done anything wrong. Your former boss made an error and underestimated how much there was to teach you. It happens. Because he hired you with no skills or experience relevant to the job, he must have thought you had a lot to offer—so you have that going for you. You probably found a way to add some value in your five months, so focus on that.

I encourage you to reassess your actual skills and interests. I am curious as to how much effort you put into learning things on your own since you were hired. It is astonishing what is available on the internet—much of it free! So if you were not inclined to teach yourself, it’s possible that finance is not your sweet spot anyway. I think you are lucky you didn’t waste more than five months.

Good luck.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

The time has now come. The infamous London to Brighton ride is upon us this Sunday, the 19^th of June. The bike is ready to be transported to London. The padded shorts are laid out on my bedroom floor. I have a race number and a start time. It’s all become very real.

I’m part excited and part nervous. I know I must be prepared to go though four inevitable development levels on Sunday:

Stage 1: Enthusiasm

I’ll have my brand new padded shorts on, along with my bright pink cycling t-shirt. The bike will have pumped up tyres. The crowds will be gathering at the start line bright and early. And I’ll be ready to go! How hard can this be, right? This is the first stage of my journey. I’m convinced I can do it and the crowds around me will be fuelling that self-belief. Loads of people do this ride every year. I’m sure I’ll whizz along the course and be in Brighton by lunch time! Lots of enthusiastic newbie cyclists like me will be there, starting the day determined and confident.

Until we cross that start line.

Stage 2: Disillusionment

With my legs pushing hard on the pedals, I’ll be out of breath and sweaty while battling against the swarms of other cyclists on the road out of London. Seeing the mile markers count down the route will be off-putting. I know my thoughts, even now: Forty-four miles to go? Still? How have I only done 10 miles? The signs must be wrong. It’s a trap! I’ll be tired and miserable. I also love food, so without a doubt by this point I’m bound to be hungry too (or even hangry—a word that is now officially in the dictionary). Despite my positive start, I’ll begin realising that I’m probably not going to do as well as I thought I would. Everything in my being will be telling me to give up—but something inside me will recognize the need to keep pushing for success. It will probably be the knowledge that I’ve raised money for charity—The British Heart Foundation—and the thought of how many lives this challenge might save. However, a little support from the seasoned cyclists I’m riding alongside wouldn’t hurt. This is the stage when I’ll really need their encouragement to keep me going.

Stage 3: Improving

At this point, I’ll start accepting how I’m getting on. Sure, my seat will be starting to hurt a little, my legs may burn, and I’ll be running out of bananas, but it’s okay because the mile markers will be counting down. I won’t give up. I’ll settle into the ride and find my own rhythm. I’ll look back at what I’ve achieved so far, and I’ll know that I can finish the last little piece. I’m getting the hang of this! Maybe I’ll do London to Paris next! Okay, maybe that’s taking things too far—but it will be clear to me that my confidence and ability are growing stronger with each circle of the wheels. I know there are some large hills on the route, though, and this makes me nervous. I’m going to keep relying on the support of my team to help me get through those hills—but by now I’ll be feeling a lot better about things.

Stage 4: Confident and Competent

This is the stage where euphoria really starts to build. The last few miles are all downhill, so it’s bound to be an easy ride from this point. Having made it this far, I will be confident in my ability to go the distance. I will mentally review what I’ve achieved and feel assured of my competence at cycling. I won’t need anyone to tell me to push the pedals anymore, or to tell me I’m doing great—because by now I’ll feel great about my progress. (An occasional cheer from someone in the crowd might still be nice, though!) I think this must be where they put all the photographers en route—because capturing the grins on cyclists’ faces as they head toward the finish line is the best photo opportunity!

Recognising these stages is the key to my success. The people on my team are all far better at cycling than I am. I’ll need their help to guide me through each of the development levels. I can’t do it alone. I’ll be looking to them for the right amounts of direction and support as I pedal along the route.

Knowing about these four development levels is applicable in far more areas of life than just a race. Whether it’s learning to drive a car, starting a new health and fitness program, or leading a project team at work for the first time, anyone can identify these four stages in any task or goal they seek to accomplish. With the right leadership and self-leadership, you, too, can progress through these stages toward the achievement of your goals.

Editor’s Note:  Jemma will be riding the 54-mile London to Brighton Bike Ride 2016 this Sunday together with six Blanchard colleagues to raise money for the British Heart Foundation.  Want to help the cause? Click here to contribute

Grit

The other reminder came this week from my daughter’s fourth grade teacher, Mr. Cameron, who talked about having grit in his Tip of the Week.

Both shared how grit helps us push through challenges. They believe grit means hard work, not giving up, and always trying your best. Linda Kaplan Thaler shared the latest research on success and the strategies that helped her succeed at the highest levels in both her career and her personal life. Mr. Cameron was preparing the students for state testing. When I asked him about grit, he said, “There will be times when a question or task is going to be very challenging, and it’s important for our students to have a strong sense of what grit can do to help. Having grit means you’re not going to just guess and move on—it means you dig down, try your hardest, and work your way through the problem.”

Action Steps for Leaders

As leaders, we need to develop grit in ourselves as well as our people. In addition to digging down and trying hard, I’d like to suggest a third strategy—finding meaning. Here are a few ways to get started:

• Identify true passion. We inspire grit when we help our direct reports identify their true passion—something they love to do so much, they lose track of time. Think about the activities you love to do. When you are doing them, do you find yourself working harder to break through the barriers?
• Shift the motivational outlook. In our newly released Optimal Motivation learning program, we assist people in shifting their motivational outlook—finding a higher purpose for engaging in a goal or task. Susan Fowler, one of the authors of the program, talks about the importance of helping people discover how their jobs can meet deeper psychological needs. She shares scientific evidence that proves people find sustainable motivation when this discovery happens.
• Push the boundaries. Some of my best coaching experiences have been when a coach has said things such as “why not you?” and “write your ideal job and then go after it” and “manage your career to leverage your strengths and your passions.” More often than not, our self-talk limits our ability to push the boundaries. It’s that inner voice that says “I can’t” or “I’ll never be able to.” Help your people to push their perceived boundaries and set stretch goals. Be the positive voice and accountability coach they need.

Inspire your people

As Linda Kaplan Thayer shared, grit is showcased by people who have a deep motivation to do what they do. As managers, we can help our people tap into that motivation.

What do you believe inspires people to have grit? In my experience, it is a combination of a meaningful purpose and a will to succeed. Leaders have a role to play here. At the end of the day, leadership equates to influence and influence can inspire and generate motivation. Your leadership could be just what your people need to be able to push through challenges and showcase their grit.

About the Author

Joni Wickline is Vice President, Professional Services with The Ken Blanchard Companies. You can read Wickline’s posts as a part of Coaching Tuesday here at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

When the stars line up perfectly, you have a great boss and your growth and success seem assured.  You have a person who guides and directs you, supports you, listens to you, laughs with you, shares disappointments with you, and brainstorms solutions with you. You have a leader who sets your goals and career path, opens doors, shares insights, paints the future picture and provides hope.  As the country song goes, “You’re gonna miss this.”

What can you do when you learn you will lose your best boss? Here are some actions you can take to keep an element of control and keep your career on track.

Download. Proactively set up time to gather important information and advice from your boss. What is the big-picture plan? What are the important projects, steps, and details? Ask for career advice relative to your company. The short term left for your boss may create a safer space to share more openly and honestly.

Mine. I have always believed that there is opportunity in chaos and churn. With some digging you may uncover new ideas, vistas or needs. There may be a promotion for you in this wave of change.  Are there projects you can take over? Could a conversation be had about reorganizing your department? Discuss possibilities proactively with your boss’s boss.

Interview. Ask to be part of the interview process to find your next boss. Prepare a list of benefits to your being on the interview panel. For instance, you know the makeup of the team and the projects in process. You have a unique ability to gauge cultural fit.  You deserve to be part of the process. Believe it—and ask for it.

Stay positive. As a manager, it is your job to soften the blow of the news for your team. If you admired your boss, it is likely others did too. Steer the ship through this choppy sea. Model confidence in the future, keep people focused, and provide hope.

Emulate. If your boss is someone you will remember ask yourself what made her so special. What did she do or say that brought out the best in you? How did he navigate the system for the good of the team? How did she break through obstacles while maintaining positive relationships? What made him wise? Remember and emulate the impressive characteristics, habits, relationships and style your good boss had.  Notice, learn, emulate, repeat.

Losing a terrific leader can shake up anyone. If you accept and manage the new normal, you’ll survive, New Manager, and so will your team.

About the author:

Cathy Huett is Director, Professional Services at The Ken Blanchard Companies.  This is the fourth in a series of posts specifically geared toward new and emerging leaders.

Feeling a little overworked and under-resourced yourself?  Check out what the experts recommend.

Make time to think. Mark Sanborn, president of Sanborn and Associates and best-selling author of eight books including The Fred Factor and You Don’t Need a Title to be a Leader, suggests a simple ritual.

Whenever Sanborn is in his office in Denver, he’ll schedule some time to visit his favorite coffeehouse with one intention in mind–some quiet time to think. In Sanborn’s experience, most executives don’t think as much as they react to their environment.

It’s harder than you think, says Sanborn. “Within the first 10 seconds, you’ll think of a phone call you need to make or a meeting you need to attend or something else you need to do. You will find, as I do, that proactive thinking about your business and your life is far more difficult than it seems.”

In Sanborn’s experience, taking the time to think and evaluate your progress will almost always turn up a couple of areas where you are spending time on projects and activities that are not generating much in the way of return. The question now is what to do about it.

Learn to say no. Charlene Li, author of the New York Times best seller Open Leadership and founder of Altimeter Group, says that achieving focus means knowing what you will do and also what you won’t do to achieve a particular strategy.

As Li explains, “In so many ways, it’s the very first and most important thing. In order to get more done, you actually have to do less things but–very importantly–the most important things.”

Leadership coach, speaker, and writer Tanveer Naseer shared that this can be tough, especially when there are so many seemingly important tasks in front of today’s leaders.

For Naseer, the answer to maintaining his focus is to discipline his attention. In addition to getting more done, Naseer has also noticed a great side benefit: consistency, because everything he does is centered around a common objective instead of a reactionary response.

Communicate efficiently. Elliott Masie, an internationally recognized futurist, analyst, researcher, and organizer who heads The MASIE Center think tank recommends frequent—but shorter meetings. Masie believes that leaders often default into 30 or 60 minute meetings when something much shorter would suffice.

“When was the last time you scheduled a five-minute–or better yet, four-minute–meeting with a colleague or direct report? At first it might feel as if there’s not enough time to collaborate, but in a busy organization, five-minute conversations might work well. Used correctly, that five minutes could focus on working on a theme or a title for a new product, or talking about the upcoming meeting you are going to.”

Avoid organizational anorexia. Finally, consultant, speaker, and multimedia designer Steve Roesler recommends that leaders take a closer look at the whole concept of doing more with less to make sure they haven’t slipped into a distorted view of what’s normal. Roesler believes that many organizations have reached a stage of organizational anorexia—basing their success on just being as lean as possible. That might make them appealing to Wall Street, but it’s shortsighted and potentially dangerous to their long-term health.

Roesler’s advice?   If you’re a manager, next time the phrase “do more with less” pops into your head as you begin a meeting or make a speech, pause for a moment. Consider what your objective is. Then, instead of simply reacting with a doing more with less shrug, say:

“Here’s our situation. This is what our strategy is all about and here’s what our company is all about. How can we achieve the goal that goes along with this strategy and be as satisfying to our customers as we possibly can, make this as profitable for ourselves as we possibly can, and [yet] keep our costs down?

“While we’re doing all of this, who can be included and what can we do with this particular situation or project so we’re building talent at the same time?”

As Roesler sums up, “If you’re the person in the room who stands up and does that instead of using the [doing more with less] phrase, people are going to know that you’re the one who is the leader.”

To read Scott and Ken Blanchard’s complete column for Fast Company (and their archived columns also) check out Doing More With Less: 4 Ways to Cope (and Even Succeed) in a Downsized World.

That’s a limiting perception. The job of managing people includes managing roles, goals, and day-to-day performance. Redirection is a part of that process.

In some ways it’s like flying airplanes where flight plans are set and frequent corrections in the air keep the airplane on course. The goal is a smooth flight that will arrive at the desired destination safely. But a surprise bout of turbulence may force the plane to change altitude to find smoother air space.

The same is true in the workplace. We all hope for a smooth ride in the course of achieving our goals but people sometimes experience turbulence and need “in-flight” corrections, too. This type of correction is what I call redirection.

A Closer Look at Redirection

A redirection is used for learners in a “can’t do” situation, not in a “won’t do” situation. With constantly evolving priorities, technology, and demands, many a worker is learning something new every day. Add in unclear vision, goals, or roles, and a worker can fall behind or make mistakes.

How should a new manager approach a person who needs redirection? Ken Blanchard shares a five-step process in his bestselling book, Whale Done! The Power of Positive Relationships.

Here are Ken’s five steps for redirection:

1. Describe the error objectively, without blame and without drama.  Example: “Your report was two hours late.” No eye-rolling, desk-pounding, or sarcasm. Just the facts.
2. Describe the negative impact of the error.  Example: “As a result, I had to cancel an important meeting because I did not have the data I needed in time.” Again, no emotion. Just the facts.
3. If appropriate, take the blame for not being clear.  Example: “I was giving you a lot of direction about several projects at once. Perhaps I wasn’t clear about the absolute deadline for your report.” This is an important step and can be a powerful, face-saving, loyalty-building action to take. It’s entirely possible that a new manager was not clear or specific enough.
4. Go over the task or goal again.  Example: “To be sure that I am clear this time, let me review with you what I need and when I must have it. I need….” It’s important to give very specific information and also to get agreement that what you are asking for is possible.
5. Express continued trust and reaffirm your belief in the person’s abilities.  Example: “Now that we have talked about this, I’m sure we’ll have no problem next time.” People need to know that an error will not permanently taint them.

It’s normal to occasionally get off course—especially when you are learning a new skill or taking on new goals and projects. Redirection is a natural part of the process even though it can be uncomfortable at times.  As Winston Churchill said, “I am always ready to learn, but I do not always like being taught.”  When a correction is required, this 5-step redirection can get things back on track.

About the author:

Cathy Huett is Director, Professional Services at The Ken Blanchard Companies.  This is the third in a series of posts specifically geared toward new and emerging leaders.

In addition to regular traffic signs, drivers often encounter other types of signs.  For example, have you ever been surprised by a key route that has recently been designated one-way, or that there’s a temporary detour? In those instances, you have to follow the signs, adjust plans, and adapt to all of these new inputs to get to the destination.

Here’s the bad news about looking for signs in business. There usually aren’t any. Sure, you have market studies, and feasibility studies, and cost-benefit studies, and compliance studies, and studies of other studies, but very rarely do they clearly tell you when and where to turn.

In business, you are on your own most of the time.  And when you’re on the business road you’ve got to keep going—even when you are in uncertain territory. And sometimes you have to fix the bicycle while you’re riding on it.

But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.  Here are three action items to help you reach your destination successfully.

1. Make it clear to everybody on your team that it is part of their job to look for the clues that it is time to make a turn. And tell them that sometimes that turn isn’t even on the current agenda. You need gutsy people out there where the rubber meets the road. They’ve got to deal with reality.
2. Make it safe for people to communicate with you. Very few trips come off exactly as planned.  But how many times have people followed along with a driver obviously going the wrong way until everyone’s completely lost, and then said, “I had a feeling we weren’t going in the right direction.”  There are always going to be glitches in the plan, and even times when the original plan should be downright scrapped.
3. Do what you can to improve the signal-to-noise ratio. Protect people’s time. They can’t be nimble and ready for change if they are buried in bureaucratic distraction and static. They can’t do every last thing that somebody dreams up in a “perfect world.” There is no such thing as a perfect world. Don’t just keep adding to their to-do list; you need to add to their not-to-do list.

Seeing and reporting signs is challenging. Dealing with them successfully depends on having the information in the first place and the initiative to share it in the second place. This stuff isn’t easy. But it’s the stuff that business is made of.

About the author

Dr. Dick Ruhe is a best-selling author, keynote speaker, and senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies. You can read his posts here on LeaderChat the fourth Saturday of each month.

The program explains the link between three basic psychological needs for autonomy, relatedness, and competence and what we call Motivational Outlooks—the actual motivational experience someone develops around a particular task, goal, or situation. And it teaches people how to shift from suboptimal motivation to optimal motivation anytime they want.

And that’s what I need right now.

As I write this, it is the end of a very long Sunday—a day, some say, for rest. But I worked fifteen hours today after working six yesterday. It is now 12:53 a.m. on Monday morning. I have hardly eaten. I missed phone calls from my dad and from my friends Emily, Alison, and Anthony. I have a meeting 90 miles from home tomorrow morning at 9:00 a.m., which means being up at 5:30. I am exhausted.

Low Quality Motivation

The aggravation I feel is akin to one of the six Motivational Outlooks—the Imposed Motivational Outlook. It is a feeling of resentment that the deadline is so tight, that I feel as if we are in a fire drill, and that it is seen as unreasonable to ask for a weekend free of work and have that reasonable request honored. The Imposed Motivational Outlook tonight comes with a sound track. It plays Noooobody knoooows the troubles I’ve seen…

High Quality Motivation

But, I also feel exhilaration knowing this program is onto something big and important. We are not only tapping a vein—we are shaping the conversation about how motivation in the workplace could be experienced and how the conversation among leaders in HR and business ought to operationalize motivation in everyday programs, systems, and conversations. This is the Integrated Motivational Outlook because all of this vast work is linked to my deepest values and sense that we are making a real difference.

I’m thinking about how my sense of relatedness has been both undermined and supported today. I have felt pressured to get this work done, but I also have felt free to do it using my personal flair and creativity. My sense of competence is soaring because something that used to seem daunting now just seems like any other big project that takes a lot of time, focus, and skill—a project that pretty much anyone could master given the right skill, mindset—or Motivational Outlook—and environment.

Now at nearly 1:00 a.m., writing, expressing, and sharing requires a great deal of self-regulation—to remain focused, to remain sanguine, and to remain awake!

Shift if You Want To

Through it all, I have an incredible tool to help me monitor and manage my Motivational Outlook—and shift it if I want to. Which experience will win this very late night? With what perspective will I color this very long day? Will it be aggravation and exhaustion, or exhilaration from the knowledge that I, as well as the program, have taken strides today toward a higher level of performance and contribution? Will I choose Imposed or Integrated around the time requirements, values, and purpose of this work?

With the last flickers of my synapses, with the final shallow breaths of my groggy self, with the last blinks of my bloodshot and bleary eyes, on the roller coaster of well-being, I choose Integrated and I think to myself, “Physician—heal thyself!”

About the author:

The Motivation Guy  (also known as Dr. David Facer)  is one of the principal authors—together with Susan Fowler and Drea Zigarmi—of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ new Optimal Motivation process and workshop.

One of the main themes of her story is that businesses are asking employees to work harder without providing the kinds of rewards—financial and psychological—that were once routine. As Semuels explains, “Employers figure that if some people quit, there are plenty of others looking for jobs.”

Paul Osterman, co-director of the MIT Sloan Institute for Work and Employment Research, who was quoted in the story, agrees. He says, “Wages are stagnant, jobs are less secure, work is more intense — it’s a much tougher world.”

For example, Semuels quotes Matt Taibi of Providence, Rhode Island, who routinely works twelve-hour days as a driver for UPS. “There’s more and more push toward doing more with less workers,” says Taibi. “There are more stops, more packages, more pickups. What’s happening is that we’re stretched to our limits and beyond.”

All workers are being impacted

Semuels reports that salaried workers are also experiencing the harsher work environment. While an over-forty-hour work week has routinely been a part of salaried positions, workers often enjoyed a measure of autonomy in their schedules.

That’s increasingly rare, says David Tayar, who spent a decade on salary as an associate attorney at a Manhattan law firm. He says that the demands of his job grew so much in that time, he eventually felt that he could never take a break.

When he started, Tayar says, “I checked my voice mail every few hours. Today, lawyers must check their BlackBerrys every few minutes — and be prepared to cancel a dinner, a weekend trip, or a vacation at a moment’s notice.” Tayar says he took just one day of vacation in a five-year stretch.

“You could never totally relax — you could be called at any time, unless you were officially on vacation,” Tayar says. “And even if you were, there were times when you would be called in to work.”

In defense of the common tactic of reducing headcount, cutting costs, and driving higher levels of productivity, Tim Meyer, an executive with private equity firm Gores Group of Los Angeles, explains, “Sometimes you have to make dramatic changes to save the jobs that you can.”

But it’s come at a cost, says HR Specialist Donna Prewoznik . “The relationship between employers and employees has changed,” she says. “Employees haven’t had raises. They’re tired. Their hours are reduced. They feel a little bit betrayed.”

What’s your experience doing more with less in today’s work environment?  Share your comments below—or check out the hundreds that have been posted online in response to Semuels’ article.  You can read more by checking out The Tougher Workplace series here.

Harvard’s Shawn Achor poses this dilemma in his book The Happiness Advantage. Your interpretation of this experience could go in several directions. There are understandable reasons why you might explain this in a negative way, as the majority of people do—the research shows that the approximate distribution of responses to this incident is 70 percent negative, 30 percent positive.

The problem is that your interpretation of this experience will directly shape how you deal with it and what the future looks like for you and the people around you. In short, you have every right to be depressed, discouraged, and down for an extended time. But why do you do this to yourself? Snap out of it, Eeyore!

I define resilience as the capacity to carry on—to withstand, persevere, or recover from challenging circumstances. Here’s a model I offer clients who are struggling through interesting times. It applies to individuals, teams, and organizations.

1. Get a Grip. When you’ve had to deal with significant issues, it’s important to keep your head on straight. People often obsess over why things aren’t perfect. Don’t allow yourself to do that. The sun will rise tomorrow.
2. Stay in the Game. Life goes on. No matter where you are, be there. It’s easy to lose your focus on what you’re working on right now. Don’t let yourself get emotional and scattered. We know that when people are under stress they tend to be somewhat distant or even downright aloof. Be cue-sensitive to what’s going on. Staying connected is therapeutic.
3. Deal With It. Get in there. Mix it up. Throw yourself at what you’re working on. Don’t use the situation as an excuse to procrastinate making decisions in the here and now. The world has no time for mere thinkers; it wants action.
4. Get Over It. All right, something happened. Don’t dwell on what could have been or what should have been. Don’t go there. Move on to the next challenge. It’s all about getting things done, not second-guessing yourself after the fact.

Resilience involves acting as though it is impossible for you to fail. This may sound counter-intuitive, but dealing with challenge may be the best opportunity to tilt the game in your favor. Don’t look at crisis as something to survive. It’s actually an opportunity to thrive.

About the author

Dr. Dick Ruhe is a best-selling author, keynote speaker, and senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies. You can read his posts here on LeaderChat the fourth Saturday of each month.