Dear Madeleine,

I was recently promoted to executive vice president in a company where I started as an entry level coordinator right out of college. I took advantage of the company’s training and generous education reimbursements, got an MBA, and rose steadily. I never dreamed I would get this far, and I am thrilled about it.

Until I am not.

I have excellent mentors and feel very good about my plan in my new role, but in the quiet hours of the night I have serious doubts. I worry that someone will do a double take and ask “What is she doing here?” I worry that someone will look at my college record and realize I did two years at a community college (to save money and live at home) before going to University. I worry that someone will find out I didn’t get a 4.0 average in my MBA program. I worry that I am the emperor with no clothes and that someone will realize it.

My partner laughs at me, telling me I am being irrational, but I just can’t shake this feeling. Is something wrong with me?

Feel Like a Fraud

______________________________________________________________

Dear Feel Like a Fraud,

Every so often, a topic flares up everywhere I look. In a week’s period, I heard the same theme from a colleague, a couple of clients, and an old friend. The theme is imposter syndrome.

That, my friend, is what you are suffering from.

Imposter syndrome might be defined as being dogged by a feeling that you aren’t quite as good or quite as smart as others think you are. It shows up exactly the way you describe: feeling like a fraud and worrying that someday people are going to figure out you didn’t deserve to get the award or the promotion or to have your book published.

I first encountered it decades ago, in my early twenties, when my then-husband was working as an actor in a new play by a very successful songwriter and playwright. They were hanging around together during the endless tech rehearsals and got to talking and she admitted she felt like a fraud and had no idea why she had been so lucky as to have received so much recognition. She said she worried that one day soon everyone would collectively wake up and realize she had no talent at all. I was struck at the time by how horrible that must feel and worried what it meant for people who hadn’t achieved any success or recognition at all. I mean, if someone that successful felt that way, was there any hope for the rest of us?

Around that time, someone shared this Winston Churchill quote with me: “Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”

That quote kept me going, striving through crappy job after crappy job, and it sustains me to this day.

Much later, when I became a coach, I learned how common imposter syndrome is among very successful people. In my experience, it is remarkably common among folks who have undeniable achievements. It is not a sign of a mental health issue or even low self-esteem—rather, it’s a sign of impossibly high standards and of big dreams and ambitions.

Here is a little video that might be useful if this resonates with you.

The strategy that seems to work best when imposter syndrome rears its head is to talk about it with people you trust. Your partner laughing at you isn’t helpful, so find others. I suspect you will find that others share a similar feeling—people you think of as brilliant, hardworking, and wonderful! So it kind of reflects back that if others who are crushing it feel that way, absurdly, it is probably okay that you do, too. It will almost certainly give you what you need in terms of perspective.

Ultimately, I think it is probably healthy for us to sometimes wonder Am I doing my very best or am I phoning it in? Are we challenging ourselves to go the extra mile or are we coasting? Did we really work for the last stellar performance or did we get lucky? Maybe a little of both? There is no shame in any of it, as long as we are telling ourselves the truth.

I do think some feelings that come with imposter syndrome are mixed up with the confusing concept of who is deserving. Good things happen to terrible people. Terrible things happen to good people. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to it. For folks who have a strong religious grounding or spiritual practice, what we do and don’t deserve can seem pretty straightforward. But even those folks can have a strong “why me?” response to any event, good or bad. There is no way to establish what anyone really deserves. Personally, I have given up on the whole idea of what I do or don’t deserve because it ultimately seems subjective.

Martin Seligman, in his book Learned Optimism, affords some useful insight on this. Seligman’s theory is that we learn to interpret events from our parents. Natural or adapted optimists tend to interpret bad events as random or the fault of someone else and good events as a result of their own hard work or good decisions. Pessimists tend to do the opposite. An example of this is someone coming out of the grocery store to find that a shopping cart has rolled into their new car and dented it. An optimistic person might think, “Wow, what is it with people who can’t put their carts away? What a bother!” while a pessimist might think, “Oh no, I should never have parked here, this is all my fault!”

I am not advocating we all blame others for our misfortunes, but there is probably a middle ground in which we can look at, and learn from, the part we might have played in what happens to us. It is true that people should put their shopping carts away, and it is also true that it probably makes sense to be vigilant about where we park when we care a lot about our car.

Which brings us to our collective confusion about luck. What is luck? Why are some people so lucky and others not at all? There is no law that defines who gets to be lucky. But I can share this observation about luck: to get lucky, you must at least have goals. Everyone who has goals attempts and fails. Everyone who has goals is wrong sometimes. Everyone gets lucky sometimes and everyone has strokes of terrible luck. So here is the other quote that has always stayed with me: “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” (This one is widely attributed, so I am going with Seneca.)

As far as I am concerned, the only answer is to keep plugging away, keep your eye on the goal, do your best, and pray for good luck and the stars to align. And when they do, try to enjoy it. Don’t second guess it. Just say “thank you” and strive to be worthy of your good fortune.

So go ahead and enjoy your new role, knowing that you got it because you impressed enough people with your smarts, your work ethic, and your effectiveness as a leader. And go ahead and be grateful for the recognition. And keep doing your best, not because you are afraid of being found out but because it is simply what you do. A little self-doubt can be healthy. You should worry if the feeling of being not quite good enough keeps you from trying to do something you want to do and think you might be able to do. If you find it holding you back in your new role, it might be something to work on with a therapist.

Honestly—in my experience, anyway—the people who never feel any self-doubt are the ones who should be worried.

Finally, here are a few things I know for sure:

1. No one cares that you did two years at community college. Anyone with a brain knows that is just smart. You graduated with your undergraduate degree. Period.
2. No one cares what your GPA was in your MBA program. You got yourself a graduate degree. Period.
3. All anyone cares about is that you bring your education, smarts, and work ethic to the job at hand, and that you take your leadership position seriously.
4. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I promise.

Okay?

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I just read your column Feeling Overwhelmed in a New Role and I find myself in the exact same position. I recently took a role as manager, and on week one I started getting emails expecting deliverables. I came with enthusiasm wanting to bring positive impact, and of course my seven years of experience. But now on week four I already feel like I am a failure—like I am letting everyone down.

I have a to-do list the size of Africa and can’t seem to complete anything. I try to meditate and be patient with myself, but then an avalanche drops in. I am expected to make budget decisions and hiring decisions, and I am on my first month! And I feel that if I am honest and say “I need time to get it together—I can’t deliver on all these tasks,” that it’s some kind of cop-out.

I should also add that I have always had a sinking suspicion I am in the wrong career. But I don’t have a clue as to what the right career might be for me.

I am only 32 and already have early signs of hypertension. I am afraid this stress will either kill me or leave me with lifetime stress-related illnesses. Then I get so mad at myself and think, “Just quit!” But I have a dream of owning a farm and living in a tiny house. I am flustered and confused, overwhelmed, unhappy, and stressed. I feel like a failure. And I feel like I’m the only one dying in silence. PLEASE HELP.

Dying in Silence

________________________________________________________

Dear Dying in Silence,

I am so sorry you are feeling so terrible. It sounds like you have a nasty negative spiral going on, and every little thing just piles on and makes things worse. Hypertension at 32 is worrisome. Your concern that your stress level over your job might kill you is even more worrisome. Your sympathetic nervous system is on high alert, so you are in a constant state of panic 24/7.

Job one is to calm down. You have dug yourself a hole in which your anxiety has gotten the best of you. If there is any way you can work with a therapist very quickly, I suggest you do it. If you can’t, you might watch this really smart video that describes exactly how anxiety works and how to reverse the anxiety cycle you are in.

Essentially, you need to change your thinking. All your stress seems to be caused by your own expectations. My first clue was “dying in silence.” So, for the love of all that is good, speak up. Get a coach, get a therapist, talk to your boss, go to HR. SPEAK UP.

The second clue in your letter was “And I feel like if I am honest and say ‘I need time to get it together, I can’t deliver on all these tasks,’ that’s some kind of cop out.” That is a made-up story that you have to change, right this minute. And I mean right this minute. Honestly, if we were speaking on the phone, I would be raising my voice right now.

Who knows where you got that story—maybe your family of origin or a former boss. Or you came from a role/job where you were actually able to get everything done. It doesn’t even matter. All that matters is that is that story that will kill you.

You need a new story that goes something like this: “I need some time to get it together. I can absolutely do all of this, just not all at the same time, and not this week.”

One of the biggest leaps from being an individual contributor to a manager is that you never, ever get to the end of the list. EVER. The list just grows, reforms, and gets re-prioritized. Some things you will never get to, and it will be because they weren’t important enough or the person you were doing it for forgot. Either way, nobody will die—except, of course, you if you don’t get hold of yourself.

Part of what employers expect when they hire someone in a management position is that the person will have enough experience to structure their time and manage expectations given all of the demands placed upon them. So all of these crazy demands are being made of you. It is up to you to create a plan for what you can accomplish by when, and to communicate this plan to whoever needs to know. You don’t mention a boss. Presumably you have one who is not helping you prioritize—or perhaps you are not communicating your lack of clarity about priorities, timelines and expectations. If you haven’t asked your boss for help, they are going to be awfully surprised when you drop dead of a heart attack because for some reason you thought you had to be superwoman.

 It isn’t copping out to stop, think, plan, prioritize, and communicate on timelines—it is being a responsible human being. You are 32. There is a good chance that up until now you have been a “good girl” your whole life. You lived up to everyone’s expectations of you, got good grades, got a good a job in which you crushed it—which is why you got promoted into a situation where you now have to let go of that good-girl persona and stop trying to be all things to all people and perfect at all times. One of the hardest things to learn at your stage of adult development is that you will absolutely, positively disappoint people. I promise it won’t kill you. But you can also disappoint people less by properly managing their expectations and not making promises you can’t keep.

So. It’s time to take a step back and get a grip. Make a mind map of the avalanche—everything that needs to be done, everything others ask of you, everything you think you need to do. Get it all out of your head and on a piece of flip chart paper. Then organize it: break down each thing into the smallest possible tasks and create a timeline for each one. Decide what you think needs to be done first, and if you aren’t sure, ask the person who is waiting for the deliverable. Once you have your list, send it to your boss with a note that says: “This is everything that needs to be done, in priority order. If you disagree with my plan please let me know; otherwise I will proceed according to this plan.” Any new deliverables asked of you get put into the plan. If someone tells you something is urgent, ask your boss if you can bump something else. Or better yet, just say no. People will happily fob off their late requests or emergencies of their own making on to you if you let them. And, because you are the new kid, there is a good chance that people around you are testing to see to what extent they can push you around to get what they want when they want it. It isn’t their job to know how much you have on your plate and what you can and can’t do. It is yours.

Once you have calmed down and brought your new job into some kind of perspective, you can think about the fact that you may be in the wrong career. You may very well be—but I guarantee you have a better chance of figuring that out while you have a job and can pay your bills. If you up and quit, it will create a whole host of new problems that will cause new kinds of anxiety. And once you can think straight, maybe you will see how you can get to where you want to be from where you are.

It is hard to be creative when you feel like you are dying. One of my dearest coach friends, Laura Berman Fortgang, has a terrific system called Now What? to help people who suspect they are on the wrong road find the one that is right for them. You have plenty of time. I know you don’t feel that way, but truly, you do. And if you don’t face your demons head on in the situation you’re in right now, you will simply take them with you to your next situation.

Your dream of owning a farm and living in a tiny house is beautiful, and there is no reason that you can’t make a long-term plan to achieve it. But. I know some farmers, and the workload is never ending and backbreaking. And then, of course, there are massive forces out of your control to contend with, like weather. You can’t risk having a heart attack because there is too much rain. You will enjoy your dream a lot more if, when you do realize it, you have done the hard work of learning to manage priorities, getting the right kind of help, and devising standards for yourself that you can live with.

Next steps:

1. Calm down. Understand how your brain works and how to interrupt the downward anxiety spiral you are in.
2. Speak up. Get some help, any way you can. Now. You will not get fired because people around you realize you are a regular (albeit super competent) human being.
3. Change your story about what a cop-out is. Please. Please. Please.
4. Once you have settled down, start doing some career exploration.
5. Then, and only then, create your long-term plan to be a tiny house dweller with a charming farm.

My heart aches for you, Dying in Silence. I only wish your situation weren’t so common. The suffering is rampant. But the power is in your hands and you must use it to save yourself. You must.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

A couple of months ago I received a promotion I was really hoping for. Now I have fifteen direct reports where I used to have seven. Everything I am reading says I should be doing regular one-on-one meetings with each person, but my own workload has doubled and I have no idea how to fit everything in.

I’m already working twelve-hour days and checking email from home on nights and weekends. My employees constantly email and text me with questions or requests for feedback. My spouse is beginning to get annoyed with me.

I wanted this promotion and am happy for the extra money, but I am starting to really regret it. How on earth am I supposed to give everyone what they need and still get my job done? It all feels like…

Too Much

Dear Too Much,

Fifteen employees is a lot, especially when they need constant input from you. Even if they didn’t, that’s a lot of souls to support and get to know as human beings.

Is this the norm in your organization? If it isn’t, you might think about lobbying to promote one of your people and having some folks report to that person. If it is the norm, there might be an expectation about how to manage such a large team. Ask your boss if there are any classes/resources you might be able to tap into to help you handle things without feeling so swamped.

Until then, though, you need to set some standards for your team that will keep them on an even keel and lower your stress level. For someone who has as large a team as yours, the first step is to make sure everyone knows what their tasks and goals are and has what they need to do their job. You might focus on the areas where people are asking for the most feedback to help them become more comfortable using their own judgment. You can read a little more on that here.

About one on ones: yes, regular one on ones are ideal—but there is no law that says you have to do them every week or that they need to last an hour. Here are some tips that may help you.

• Start with 15 minutes every other week for each employee. You can probably work that into the calendar—that would add up to two to three hours a week.

• In an all-team meeting, announce that you expect each of your team members to be active participants in how they are managed, and that you expect them to meet you halfway. You can share this article about Self Leadership if you like. It describes leadership as a partnership.

• Let each employee know that their one-on-one meeting is their time to use any way they want. Once they get the hang of it, this will be their best opportunity to ask questions and get feedback. Let them manage the scheduling of it, or get a regular time on the calendar for each person.

• Let each employee drive the agenda for their one-on-one. Insist that each person emails an agenda for the meeting before their appointed time. This will force them to think about what they need from you in advance and use their time efficiently.

You can’t do it all. You are going to have to get your people to step up. But once you get the ball rolling, you might be surprised at how it eases the pressure.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I recently took a director level job with a huge Fortune 50 organization. I have been thrown into the deep end and I am worried about completely bombing out. I have had zero onboarding, so I am constantly making errors and spending tons of time backtracking and clearing things up.

I am really trying to do all of the things that Michael Watkins says to do in The First 90 Days, but his methods pre-suppose a sane organization. I am in back-to-back meetings all day, taking work home at night, and I have a list of deliverables as long as my arm.

When I ask my boss about how to prioritize my work, she just looks at me blankly. She clearly expects it to all get done at the same time. I have two direct reports who are already swamped and I am working on hiring a third one. 

I am used to getting things done and making an impact, but I can’t do that here. I am literally in despair that I left a great job to jump into this hell. Should I just jump ship before I get fired?

Want to Jump Ship

Dear Want to Jump Ship,

This sounds hard—regret about leaving a comfortable situation for a hellish one can really take the wind out of your sails. But take heart—you are suffering from the classic, predictable stage of disillusioned learner! In our SLII® training, we teach that we all start on a goal or a task as an “enthusiastic beginner,” and then hit the wall and become a “disillusioned learner.” This development level is marked by all the things you are thinking: “What was I thinking, leaving my old job?” “I am never going to make it here.” “Should I jump ship?”

The thing I can say to you is: this stage won’t last. You are going to figure this out and get yourself on an even keel from which you can make a rational decision. Big corporations can feel like lunatic asylums—I know, I have worked in some.

You will find your groove and fit right in. Or you may not. Either way, you will make the choice to stay or go based on the criteria you decide.

So what are your criteria for an organization you want to work for? Examples might be: amazing leadership, the company is making the world a better place, you are making more money and amazing benefits which will allow you to do something you always wanted to do. Make your list. When you feel as if you can breathe again, consult it and see if you are in the right place.

In the meantime, since your boss has no interest in helping you prioritize, you will have to prioritize for yourself. Since you are at director level, your boss probably assumes you know how to do this and expects you to do it. Decide what tasks you think are most important, find something that can get you a win, and focus on that. You might choose wrong—but honestly, what do you have to lose? Do a couple of things well and get your feet under you.

Take a few minutes a day to meditate, calm your brain down, and breathe. Take a deep breath in and exhale. Take care of yourself, eat lunch, and go home at a reasonable hour. You will wake up one day soon and realize you are fine.

Breathe.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

When I listen to organizational sponsors express their needs for leadership development, it can be framed as a need to shift people from almost ready to ready NOW. Coaching is a significant way to develop high potentials into emerging leaders. Here are three ways a coach can help:

• Identifying strengths. Coaches can assist leaders in identifying and understanding how to leverage their unique gifts.
• Practicing new skills. Coaching creates an environment in which leaders can discuss and practice new skills and behaviors.
• Developing more advanced skills. Coaching causes leaders to mature and move past problem solving toward an increased ability to manage paradoxical situations.

Coaching provides a process for helping leaders deliver on their best intentions. Supporting a high potential manager with a coach creates a double impact: as the coach draws out information, ideas, solutions, and high level thinking from the emerging leader, the leader can, in turn, draw out information, ideas and higher level thinking from their people. Thus, the emerging leader encourages self-reliance and ownership of the work that’s being done by their direct reports.

Coaching has the potential to create an organizational cultural shift where future leaders continually develop future leaders.

About the Author

Mary Ellen Sailer, Ed.D., is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 120 coaches have worked with over 15,000 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

Dear Madeleine,

I have been working as a technical expert for about a decade. I have been headhunted away from where I was three times, with a substantial signing bonus and salary raise each time. I now make more than I ever thought I would—and I am still getting calls about twice a week.

I am told the sky is the limit with my technical background and skills. I like where I am, though, so I have no reason to leave. I get the budget and time I need to stay current with my skills and my boss depends on my recommendations for strategic changes to our technology.

My boss has talked to me about becoming a manager and I am intrigued by the idea. The organization I work for sees management as a tour of duty, not really as a promotion, so I am not being pressured. I have never really considered going for a manager position because I am desperately shy and congenitally introverted. The idea of having to talk to people and tell them what to do fills me with crippling anxiety. Do you think I should push myself to try managing people?

Shy Techie

Dear Shy Techie,

No. I don’t.

But you did write to me for a reason, so maybe there is more to this that you are not saying. Are you bored? Are you looking for a challenge? If you are seeking to really challenge yourself and put yourself in a situation where you will be forced to grow and change, maybe you should consider giving management a try.

I will tell you this: managing people is hard. Some managers were simply born to manage others and absolutely thrive in the job. The rest of us must rise to the occasion every day—and it is endlessly challenging because people do not act like technology or data sets. People are unpredictable. They have complicated lives and problems that keep them from focusing on work. They often have indecipherable personalities that change when they are under stress.

Even the most rational folks can turn wildly irrational. The most reasonable people can become unreasonable for no apparent reason. Everyone gets overwhelmed and has terrible days and needs to be talked off the ledge—usually all at the same time and on your worst day when patience and empathy are in short supply. It is easy for managers to say the wrong thing or have what they thought was the perfect answer be misinterpreted.

Have I talked you out of it yet?

Really, my first thought was “If it isn’t broken, why on earth fix it?” Shyness isn’t a reason not to manage people; there are a lot of wonderfully effective shy managers. But they are usually driven by a desire to serve and help others, so are compelled to work hard to overcome their own natural inclinations. If you aren’t madly driven by an internal motivation to teach, develop, and serve others, you should find other ways to challenge yourself and expand your horizons.

I would have given different advice twenty years ago when I thought everyone could do anything they put their minds to. Thirty years of coaching have taught me that just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

“The mindset is to recognize that there are two parts of servant leadership, says Blanchard. “There is the vision, direction, and goals—that’s the leadership part. Everybody needs to know where you’re going and what you’re trying to accomplish.

“The servant leadership skill set is turning that vision into action. Now you are looking at the day-today management behaviors people need from their leader to succeed.”

Blanchard shares some examples:

Developing Others: “Servant leaders are always preparing people to be their own boss by helping them own their job and be in charge. This means identifying a direct report’s development level and providing the direction and support they need to grow and develop.”

Delegating: “Servant leaders first make sure that people know what the goals are. Then they turn the organizational pyramid and the reporting relationships upside down. They ask questions like How can I help? and What can I do to make a difference to help you accomplish your goals?

Directing Others: “It’s not really about directing them,” says Blanchard. “It’s about helping them. Sometimes when people are new they need clear direction—it is a temporary leadership behavior to help someone take ownership of their job and get to where they want to go.”

Servant leadership is a journey, says Blanchard. It’s both a mindset and a skill set. Once you get it right on the inside you can begin to develop the skills related to goal setting and performance management. Blanchard points to two of his company’s flagship programs as examples of how servant leadership principles can be taught as a part of a larger leadership development curriculum.

“In many ways, servant leadership is the overarching theme that covers the concepts of two of our most popular programs: Situational Leadership® II and First-time Manager.

“For example, Situational Leadership® II has three skills that generate both great relationships and results: goal setting, diagnosis, and matching. Notice that the first skill is goal setting. All good performance starts with clear goals—which, for a manager, are clearly part of the leadership aspect of servant leadership.

“Once clear goals are set, an effective situational leader works with their direct report to diagnose the direct report’s development level—competence and commitment—on each specific goal. Then together they determine the appropriate leadership style—the amount of directive and supportive behavior—that will match the person’s development level on each goal. That way the manager can help them accomplish their goals—the servant aspect of servant leadership. The key here is for managers to remember they must use different strokes for different folks but also different strokes for the same folks, depending on the goal and the person’s development level.

“In our First-time Manager program we teach the concepts of One Minute Management. The First Secret of The One Minute Manager is setting One Minute Goals—which for a manager is part of the leadership aspect of servant leadership. Once employees are clear on goals, an effective One Minute Manager tries to catch people doing something right so that they can deliver a One Minute Praising—the Second Secret. If the person is doing something wrong or not performing as well as agreed upon, a One Minute Re-Direct is appropriate—the Third Secret. When effective One Minute Managers are praising or redirecting their employees, they are engaging in the servant aspect of servant leadership—working for their employees to help them win.

“Why are the concepts of Situational Leadership® II and The One Minute Manager so widely used around the world? I think it’s because they are clear examples of servant leadership in action. Both concepts recognize that vision and direction—the leadership aspect of servant leadership—are the responsibility of the traditional hierarchy. People need to be clear on their goals. Implementation—the servant aspect of servant leadership—is all about turning the hierarchy upside down and helping employees accomplish their agreed-upon goals.”

Mindset and Skill Set

“Saying you’re a servant leader is a good start, but it is your behavior that makes it real for people,” says Blanchard. “Servant leadership is a combination of mindset and skill set that focuses on serving others first so that organizations develop great relationships, achieve great results, and delight their customers.”

Would you like to learn more about implementing a servant leadership mindset and skill set in your organization? Join Ken Blanchard for a free online Servant Leadership in Action Livecast on February 28!

Blanchard will host 20 authors, CEOs, and thought leaders from all walks of life as they discuss strategies and offer encouragement for leadership, learning, and talent development professionals interested in discovering more about servant leadership concepts.

The event is free, courtesy of Berrett-Koehler Publishers and The Ken Blanchard Companies. Learn more here!

Blanchard points to research that shows most managers don’t receive that necessary training, however, until they are about ten years into their managerial career.

“The effects are damaging at both an individual and organizational level,” says Blanchard. “More than 60 percent of new managers underperform or fail in their first two years.  And those who survive without managerial training often find themselves with negative habits that are hard to break—which can hold them back for years to come.”

With over two million new people stepping up to leadership for the first time each year in the US alone, Blanchard believes organizations need to take management training a lot more seriously.

“It is very important that those responsible for organizational training put together an effective curriculum for developing people into trusted professional managers. As a professional manager, you are responsible for what your direct reports do, and to some degree, how they feel—especially the emotional connection they establish with their job and the company.”

While some people’s influence and communication skills come naturally, every manager can learn and develop the skills they need regardless of their starting point, says Blanchard.

“Some people naturally understand how to work with others collaboratively and how to build rapport, while others come to leadership from a less developed starting point. But you still need a system if you are going to succeed as a manager. It’s something everyone can benefit from.”

According to Blanchard, all great managers do four things:

“Great managers begin by establishing clarity for their people through clear goals, accountability, and personal responsibility.  Second, they intervene appropriately when things are going well—and when things aren’t going well. Third, they adapt their leadership style to what is needed by appropriately identifying a direct report’s development level on a task and then modifying their style to best serve the direct report at that stage.

“Finally, great managers know how to create long term, long lasting relationships that are evidenced by trust and engagement over time.  This results in people who stay with the organization, talk positively about the organization to others, and perform at high levels in a collaborative manner.”

Blanchard explains that effective managers connect the dots between the work of the person, the work of the unit, and the work of the organization as a whole. They understand the correlation of action, motivation, and commitment. They successfully manage both performance and employee satisfaction.

“Great managers help people see the bigger picture from whatever seat they occupy,” says Blanchard, “and that can be a challenge.  People’s careers rise and fall and managers need to be there with coaching skills to help people through the ups and downs—even when there isn’t a clear path forward.

“These powerful skills almost always have to be developed through training—and once learned, they can help people focus and find a way forward in any situation.”

Interested in learning more about designing a leadership development curriculum for the managers in your organization? Join us for a free webinar!

Creating an Effective Leadership Development Curriculum—3 Essential Components

Online—July 25, 2017 9:00 a.m. Pacific Time

Great managers aren’t born—they’re trained. In this webinar, best-selling business author and consultant Scott Blanchard identifies the essential ingredients of a comprehensive leadership development program, starting with a first-time manager curriculum and moving through intermediate and advanced skills managers need to bring out the best in people.

Drawing on his company’s experience successfully training hundreds of thousands of managers for more than thirty years, Blanchard will share:

• Four communication skills and four conversations new managers need to master
• Three goal setting, diagnosing, and matching skills intermediate level managers need to learn
• Four specialized coaching skills that help advanced managers cope with management situations that are shifting or otherwise uncertain

Don’t miss this opportunity to learn how to put together a proven leadership development program in your organization!

Register today!

The most shared topics include coaching tips for leaders, biggest mistakes, and “the #1 thing I’d wish I known before becoming a manager.” A great cross section of advice. Be sure to check each out—and maybe share with the people you know also!

The Number One Thing I Wish I’d Known BEFORE Becoming a Manager

By Randy Conley

Becoming a manager for the first time is a significant career milestone. It is both exciting and nerve-wracking stepping into a role where you are now responsible for others and not just yourself. If that’s you, a new manager, remember the number one priority.

What Is The Biggest Mistake Leaders Make When Working with Others? (Infographic)

By David Witt

It is essential for new managers to develop good communication skills as they step into their first leadership roles. Becoming skilled in each of these areas not only helps new managers get off to a great start but also can help them succeed for years to come. How are your managers doing in these critical areas?

8 Personal Qualities for Success: A Coach’s Perspective

By Madeleine Blanchard

With focus, assistance from others, and a disciplined, patient, persistent approach, a coach can help a client attack each component and stay with the job as long as it takes. And a little pinch of luck never hurts!

10 Ways Leaders Aren’t Making Time for their Team Members (Infographic)

By David Witt

Researchers from The Ken Blanchard Companies teamed up with Training magazine to poll 456 human resource and talent-management professionals. The purpose was to determine whether established best practices were being leveraged effectively.

Four Tips for Being Fully Present with People

By Terry Watkins

When you are fully present with team members, you listen more deeply and also from a curiosity perspective. As a result, team members—like clients—feel heard, understood, and acknowledged. This leads to people feeling safe and secure in their partnership with you. It also increases trust.

At the top, managers identified communication skills, help with transitioning to a leadership role, and interpersonal skills as the most needed training.

In the middle, they identified setting goals, directing others, and managing conflict as next most important.

In the last four slots, the respondents identified training on delegating tasks, dealing with performance issues, understanding HR policies, and conducting performance reviews as somewhat less important.

Scott Blanchard, a principal with The Ken Blanchard Companies and coauthor of the company’s new First-time Manager program prioritizes a similar list in the September issue of Ignite.

“A new generation of managers is moving forward. But we’ve found that first-time managers are not getting the training they need in key areas—including communication skills, transitioning to a new role as manager, and interpersonal skills. As a result, more than half of the people we surveyed said they were not prepared for their first manager role.”

Blanchard highlights results from the same survey showing that only 39 percent of new managers with fewer than 3 years on the job reported having received any leadership training. Just 34 percent had received any mentoring. And a mere 31 percent had received coaching.

According to Blanchard, if new managers are going to succeed, organizations need to be more consistent and proactive in their approach. Otherwise, managers are left to their own devices with mixed results. In fact, research from CEB indicates that as many as 60 percent of new managers underperform or fail within their first two years.

“With over two million millennials stepping into first time leadership roles each year in the US alone, we need to take steps immediately to better train new managers for their first roles,” says Blanchard.

To address this, Blanchard recommends that organizations focus their new manager training curriculum on two areas: communication skills and conducting work-related management conversations.

“We teach communication skills drawn from our Coaching Essentials program—including Listening, Inquiring, Telling Your Truth, and Expressing Confidence.  Then we take a deeper dive into four conversations we feel are foundational for new managers: Goal Setting, Praising, Redirecting, and Wrapping Up.

Blanchard’s goal is to increase the winning percentages of new managers one conversation at a time.

“Our work relationships are contained and maintained in our conversations. Every interaction you have with an employee moves that relationship in a positive or negative direction. We believe the quality of a relationship over time is a result of the net impact of all the different conversations that have occurred.”

You can read more about Blanchard’s approach to first-time manager development in the September issue of Ignite.  Also be sure to check out the webinar Blanchard is conducting later in the month, Management 101: Developing a Leadership Curriculum for New Managers.  It’s free, courtesy of Cisco WebEx and The Ken Blanchard Companies.

PS: Use these links to download a PDF or PNG version of the infographic.

One challenge organizations face is when individual contributors, who are Self-Reliant Achievers in most of their work, are tapped for leadership roles.  While they may be experts in their previous individual role, they are rarely at the Self-Reliant Achiever level when they move into their first leadership position.

More realistically they start out as beginners commencing a long leadership development learning journey.  This shift from being master of their previous universe to “wet behind the ears” can often be challenging.  If new leaders don’t recognize that they aren’t, nor should they expect to be self-reliant it can create self-doubt.  And self-doubt can eat away at their confidence which can hinder needed learning.

As a coach—or anyone helping someone else step up to leadership for the first time, here are a few ways you can help someone along that journey.

Set reasonable expectations.  Growing and developing leadership skills is a learning journey. Recognizing that can help.  Truly acknowledging that our first attempts will likely not be our best attempts allows us to give ourselves the “grace” to be a learner.

Practice, practice, practice.  We don’t learn through osmosis or simply by knowing.  We learn by applying what we know.  We try, fail, and if we are smart, get up and try again taking note of what we did right.

Ask for help.  We need to embrace our role as a learner and courageously ask others for help and guidance.  Learn from our boss, or a mentor, or those who have leadership skills we admire.  When asked, most relish the opportunity to share their wisdom.  Let’s not struggle in silence.

In working with clients, I’ve always believed the old saying Success is 1 percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration. When you lead, mentor or coach a first-time manager, let them know that learning to be an effective leader requires a lot of effort—and it will only be harder if they become their own worst enemy. Help them realize they will need to give themselves a break and understand there is no quick or easy path to skilled leadership.  Actually I think we all need to remember this because in today’s rapidly changing world –learning something new is likely a common occurrence.

What are your thoughts and experiences about coaching new leaders?

About the Author

Joanne Maynard is a senior coach with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

They talked about how it’s up to the individual to manage their development and get the direction and support they needed.  They shared that self leadership is about setting goals and achieving them.

Next, I asked what advice they would give to a first-time manager who was stepping into a new role of leading others. They came up with three things.

1. Learn what’s expected. What is expected of someone in the role of a manager? What does a good job look like?  Where does formal training fit in the plan?
2. Observe other good managers. Observe what a good manager does. For example, the star player on an athletic team shows their talent in many ways for the team to see.  Teammates know what good performance looks like by observing what the best player does in practice and during the game.
3. Talk to your guidance counselor. In the same way a guidance counselor provides direction and support for a student’s needs to help the student reach their goals, a new manager can look to their boss, an experienced peer or mentor, or a professional coach for guidance.

I was surprised by the good, simple, straightforward ideas they took away from the session—and what a great reminder this advice was for me. How about you? I welcome your thoughts.

About the Author

Joni Wickline is Vice President, International Growth with The Ken Blanchard Companies. You can read Wickline’s posts as a part of Coaching Tuesday here at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

In a new article for Training Industry Magazine, “Why Do We Wait to Train Our Managers?” leadership experts Ken Blanchard and Scott Blanchard share that companies rarely think about providing training to someone making the transition into their first leadership position until the individual actually settles into their new role—or later. For example, the average tenure of people enrolling in their new First-time Manager training program is two years.

And research by Jack Zenger of leadership consultancy Zenger Folkman has found that most managers don’t receive training until they have been in a leadership role for almost ten years!

This is much too long of a delay—and it underestimates just how difficult it is to manage the work of others. As a result, CEB research has found that 60 percent of new managers underperform in their first two years—with negative consequences for both new manager and direct reports.

That’s a shame, say the Blanchards, considering how much better things could be for everyone if leaders would receive the training they need when they step into a new job on day one.

So Why Do We Wait?

Why don’t organizations train new leaders earlier in their careers?  The Blanchards believe it may be a holdover from the past, when training was cost prohibitive and organizations would invest only in people who were definitely going to remain with the company.  Although this may have made some sense in the past when training was a two-or three-day classroom event, the arrival of blended and virtual options has dramatically reduced the cost involved. Their advice?

“Don’t hold your best people back—in fact, don’t hold anyone back. Why not train everybody who desires it? One thing we’ve learned in working with clients is that the people who raise their hand and ask to be included in leadership training are the people who end up being the best leaders in your organization. Show everyone you value them and are willing to invest in their development.

“We can do better than allowing 60 percent of our new managers to underperform.  With inclusive policies that identify and provide people with the training they need, we can greatly improve this statistic to the benefit of new managers, their direct reports, and organizations as a whole.”

You can access the complete article from Training Industry Magazine here.  For more information on the Blanchard approach to first-time manager training, take a look at the extended article “Essential Skills Every First-Time Manager Should Master”.

A survey of 450 human resource and talent management professionals by Training magazine and The Ken Blanchard Companies found gaps of 24–39 percent between what employees wanted from their leaders and what they were experiencing in 10 key areas.

Performance management is a key leadership responsibility. This survey suggests that significant gaps exist between employee expectations and what they are experiencing at work. And research shows that left unaddressed, these gaps represent a drain on overall organizational vitality through lowered employee intentions to stay, endorse, and apply discretionary effort as needed.

Better Communication Is the Key

For leadership development professionals, these survey results point to the need for including workplace communication skills as a key part of any leadership curriculum. For example, in Blanchard’s First-time Manager program new leaders are taught four key conversations:

Goal Setting: All good performance begins with clear goals. New managers usually prefer to be seen as supportive and try to avoid appearing overly directive—but that approach can backfire as soon as the first project deadlines are in jeopardy or performance standards aren’t being met. Being skilled at goal setting helps people start off on the right foot.

Praising: Ask some people how they know they are doing a good job and they will say, “No one yelled at me today.” Don’t make the mistake of not noticing. Are managers taking the time to catch people doing things right by calling out a team member’s specific behavior and the positive impact it had when they do things right?

Redirecting: When managers are not skilled at redirecting, they tend to be either unduly critical or so vague that the direct report walks away not sure what to do next. Do managers know how to use open ended inquiry questions to get the other person to talk about what is happening and ways to get back on track? Redirecting conversations are best when the direct report is doing most of the talking.

Wrapping Up: Are managers providing feedback on a frequent and consistent basis? A wrapping up conversation allows managers to measure success, review performance, and keep things moving forward. This is not a once-a-year conversation—it has to happen after the completion of each task or project if you want good results.

A renewed focus on improving workplace communication can have significant results on the performance of an organization. How’s the everyday leadership in your organization? Strong operational leadership with a focus on better communication is the key.

But when they became a manager, their role shifted.  They now needed to focus on what needed to get done and leave the how to the individual contributors they managed.  As a manager, they needed to be more strategic and less tactical.

Many managers struggle with this change.  They had established numerous great methods, processes, and ideas for how to accomplish work. What are they supposed to do with these concepts now?

For a fair share of managers, the natural answer is to pass on their ways to their direct reports by staying hands-on.  It doesn’t occur to them that as a manager their role is to figure out and communicate what needs to get done, leaving the how to their direct reports as their capabilities allow and giving direction and support only as needed. Unfortunately, some managers never make this shift.

If this sounds like you, there are numerous benefits when you shift from how to what.  Leaving the how to your direct reports:

… gives them the chance to develop their skill set.

… is motivating.  Research conducted by Blanchard for our Optimal Motivation training program uncovered that employees feel motivated when they perceive that what they are doing is of their own volition and that they are the source of their own actions.

… gives you more time and space to work on the what.

What can you do to make the shift?  Lots!  Here are a few suggestions:

• Acknowledge to yourself that the change won’t be easy. It helps if you recognize that the benefits far outweigh the uncomfortable process of change.
• Do a little soul searching. Why do you want to keep your fingers in the pie?  Is it a lack of trust, a need to control, or a wish to add value?
• Learn the art of partnering with direct reports to facilitate their independent problem solving. Ask your capable people a question such as “What do you need to do to get the work done?”  Then figuratively sit on your hands and listen as they figure it out.  You might need to ask a few more open-ended questions—but resist offering solutions.
• Practice, practice, practice. This will not happen overnight.  Two steps forward, one step back—but stick to it and you will be able to make the change.

I love the quote “Mediocre coaches are those who remain attached to their own opinions and feel the need to be right or even useful.”  To me this applies not only to coaches but to managers, colleagues, parents, spouses, friends, etc.  Are you unnecessarily keeping your hands on the work your direct reports should be doing themselves?  If so, what are you going to do about it?  Let me know!

About the Author

Joanne Maynard is a senior coach with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

The company will be sharing the results of the research as a part of the rollout of its new First-time Manager program, but some of the initial top level statistics are ready for sharing now (see infographic).

These experiences, reported by the managers, paint a picture of the challenges new leaders face and help explain why 60 percent of new managers underperform—or even fail—in their first two years.

With over two million people stepping into leadership roles for the first time, it is essential for organizations to put together a structured program that prepares these new managers for the challenges they will face when they become responsible for the work of others in addition to their own.

Blanchard recommends that new managers focus on four performance-related conversations—Goal Setting, Praising, Redirecting, and Wrapping Up, as well as four essential communication skills—Listening, Inquiring, Telling Your Truth, and Expressing Confidence.

Three of the four conversations are drawn from the three key principles in Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson’s best-selling book The New One Minute Manager®—and they are joined by a new, fourth conversation, Wrapping Up, which is about bringing closure to goals and tasks. The four communication skills come from Blanchard’s coaching services practice and represent the listening skills most needed by managers.

In a recent webinar, Master Certified Coach Linda Miller, who serves as Blanchard’s global liaison for coaching, asked participants which of the four conversations and which of the four skills they thought were most difficult for new managers.  The number one most difficult conversation identified was Redirecting—getting somebody back on track when performance wasn’t where it should be.  The second conversation identified as difficult was Goal Setting. Among communication skills, Listening and Telling Your Truth ended up in a tie as most difficult.

How does the information in the infographic match up with your experience?  Does your organization have a structured program in place to get new managers off to a good start?  Don’t let your new people sink.  Provide them with the support they need to succeed.

I’m relatively new to a managerial position; I’ve been in my role for around two years. I was promoted from the ranks and am now leading a team that I was a member of when I first came to the company. This has created some interesting challenges—some I’ve overcome, others remain a work in progress.

My latest battle is the battle of the breaks. The company provides two paid break periods, 15 minutes each, in the morning and afternoon for all team members. At least half of the people on my team regularly—I mean twice a day, every day—help themselves to an extra 10 minutes, extending their breaks to 25 minutes each.

These breaks are a perk that is not mandated by any award or law. I feel annoyed that people abuse this privilege with such audacity. I have tried every tactic I can think of to keep my team on track with their breaks—carrots, sticks; you name it, I’ve tried it. They mend their ways for a few days but soon fall into bad habits again.

I’m at my wits’ end – how do I get them to stop chatting and get back to work? Please help.

At the Breaking Point

Dear At the Breaking Point,

I can appreciate how truly frustrating this situation is. It is really, really hard to go from being a peer to being a supervisor, as anyone who has done it will tell you.

I am pretty sure you were the one chosen to be manager because you were the most diligent and well behaved. Of course, these are the exact traits that make it easy for your former peers to torture you. Let’s stop making it so easy for them.

First, some questions. What exactly is the result of them taking these longer break times? What is not getting done? Are quotas suffering? Are clients being ignored? Are you being sanctioned by your boss? Other than you being driven insane by the disrespect, what is the problem?

I hate to be the one to tell you, but you have become the entertainment. Because you are hyper-focused on the misbehavior of your people and on your own annoyance, it wouldn’t surprise me one bit if they were doing it on purpose to see what kind of a rise they can get out of you. Maybe they are even taking bets and keeping score on who can push the envelope the furthest.

I am going to take your word that you have tried everything, because that means you’ll be ready to try the radical tactic I am going to propose.

Stop the cycle of you being the cross nanny who catches the children doing something wrong. Just stop. Stop paying attention to the breaks. Look away.

Instead, pay attention to the work that needs to get done. Pay attention to how people are stepping up and adding value. As Ken Blanchard so eloquently says, focus on “catching people doing things right.” Now, I can feel your blood pressure rising at the mere thought of this. As a card carrying control enthusiast myself I can seriously relate. But the more you try to control people, the more they will assert their God-given right to resist you.

I guarantee that once you take your attention off of the break shenanigans, the energy will change. Once that shift in dynamic has happened, you can gather a couple of folks you respect and ask them for feedback on the break times and what it would take for people to respect the guidelines. Once you figure that out, ask them to help solve whatever the real problem is.   If it is really just you being annoyed, then the problem has been solved.

If you treat people like ten-year-olds, they will behave like ten-year-olds. Instead, treat them like the adults they are and harness their wisdom. You clearly care deeply about the organization and about fairness. I hope they know how lucky they are to have you.

It is time to step up from being a clock-watching supervisor to being a leader. You will get much better performance from your people and your health will improve.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am a fairly new manager in a great organization. I just love the people side of being a manager.

My problem is that I don’t really understand the numbers part of the job. I really want to ask my boss to help me understand, but don’t want to reveal my ignorance.

I literally live in fear of being demoted if anyone finds out how incompetent I am with Excel. What do you suggest?  —Afraid of Numbers

Dear Afraid,

Boy, can I relate to this one. I used to have a completely unreasonable fear of numbers until I realized that I just didn’t know the language.

Few managers are strong at every management task—but you will need to develop a basic working knowledge, so at some point you are going to have to come clean with your manager. I’m guessing that since you probably haven’t demonstrated competence through prior opportunities, your boss may already know about this situation. It obviously isn’t too important, or this topic already would have come up.

In any case, do yourself a favor and get help. You’re not alone—as evidenced by the massive amount of books, classes and online tutorials devoted to finance basics for managers. Read up on Excel and take a class. Who knows? Your company may have training available in-house. Identify resources that will allow you to improve your finance skill set so that it equals your people skill set.

The critical thing is to not expect yourself to know something if you’ve never actually learned it. Even people who excel (no pun intended) at financials had to start somewhere. You might surprise yourself by not only catching on quickly, but being terrific at it. Just because you are great at the people side of things doesn’t mean you will be terrible with numbers. The best way to deal with fear of almost any sort is to get educated, get support from others, and dive in. If the dread of being demoted persists, refer to my previous response to a question about feeling like a fraud. Good luck!

Love Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

• I thought I needed to have all of the answers
• I thought I needed to be authoritative and hard otherwise people wouldn’t respect me
• I followed all of the rules & guidelines the company set to the T, 100% of the time
• I never really listened or was open to be persuaded
• I shied away from conflict, until it blew up in my face
• The company set the goals which were very day-to-day focused, e.g., call handling times, etc. I never as a manager set any long term goals for my team or development goals, I simply followed the script, mainly because I didn’t know any different.
• We didn’t celebrate achievements enough.

Knowing what I know now, there are lots of things I would have done differently in my first time manager role. I won’t write them all, because I could be here for days but I’ve noted just a few a below.

• Breathe – You don’t have to answer everybody’s questions straight away. Take five minutes to reflect and stay calm even when stressed.
• Listen – Not just for the sake of letting others talk, but really listen to what people are saying. Be open to being persuaded.
• I wouldn’t have pretended to be something I wasn’t. I am not hard faced and authoritative, quite the opposite. People see through masks, I would have told my truth about who I am, and what I expect from the team.
• I would have set clear expectations and goals for my team, to help them grow and develop. Worked hard to create growth opportunities for my team.
• I would have told myself – Don’t take things so personally! I know that’s easier said than done but I used to beat myself up about not being everything to everyone. Remember you are only human.
• When things weren’t going to plan with the team or team member, I would’ve dealt with the situation there and then and thought about my words very carefully. Asked them about what went wrong, ensure no judgement or blame.
• Asked for help. Quite often in life, we are ashamed to ask for help. I don’t know why, because everyone in life at some point needs direction and or support.

My experience of being a first time manager, and feeling completely overwhelmed happens all of the time. People are promoted because they are good at what they do, many forget that a manager’s role requires a completely different skill set to that of an individual contributor.
What would you have done differently in your first time manager role?  Or if you haven’t been a manager yet, but looking to become one, what is your greatest concern about being a first time manager?
Sarah-Jane Kenny – EMEA Channel Solutions Consultant at the Ken Blanchard Companies

When these same respondents were asked to look at a list of common mistakes and choose the five biggest missteps by leaders, two responses stood out.

Not providing appropriate feedback was chosen by 82 percent of respondents. Failing to listen or involve others came in a close second, cited by 81 percent. (Failing to use an appropriate leadership style, failing to set clear goals and objectives, and failing to develop their people rounded out the respondents’ top five of things leaders most often fail to do when working with others.)

A 700-person follow-up study conducted by Blanchard in 2013 with readers of Training magazine found similar results. In that survey:

• 28 percent of respondents said they rarely or never discussed future goals and tasks with their boss—even though 70 percent wished they did.
• 36 percent said they never or rarely received performance feedback—even though 67 percent wished they did.

Why are communication and feedback such a challenge in today’s workplaces? The fast pace of work and increased workloads are certainly part of the equation—but another possibility is that new managers are not trained in either of these essential skills. Research conducted by the Institute for Corporate Productivity found that 47 percent of organizations do not have a formal training program in place for new managers. Research by leadership development consultancy Zenger Folkman has found that most managers don’t receive training until they are ten years into their managerial careers.

That’s too late. Harvard Business School professor Linda Hill has found that most managers who survive their first year develop habits—good or bad—that they carry with them for the rest of their careers.

The Ken Blanchard Companies believes it is essential for new managers to develop good communication skills as they step into their first leadership roles. In a new first-time manager curriculum, Blanchard identifies four communication skills new managers need to develop as well as four conversations new managers need to master.

Four Essential Communication Skills

• Listen to Learn—a deeper type of listening where the goal for the manager is to hear something that might change their mind, not just prompt a response.
• Inquire for Insight—when the manager uses questions to draw people out and probe for understanding that might not be shared at first.
• Tell Your Truth—being direct in communication in a way that promotes honest observation without assigning blame.
• Express Confidence—conveying a positive attitude toward the other person and toward future conversations, regardless of the subject.

Four Performance Management Conversations to Master

• The Goal Setting Conversation—setting clear objectives: all good performance begins with clear goals.
• The Praising Conversation—noticing and recognizing progress and good performance: catch people doing things right.
• The Redirecting Conversation—providing feedback and direction when performance is off-track: seize the opportunity before the problem escalates.
• The Wrapping Up Conversation—conducting a short, informal review after a task or goal is finished: savor accomplishments and acknowledge learnings

Becoming skilled in each of these areas not only helps new managers get off to a great start but also can help them succeed for years to come. How are your managers doing in these critical areas? You can read more about the Blanchard approach to first-time manager development in the white paper Essential Skills Every First-Time Manager Should Master.

Being trained up, I was released into the wild to manage the team. Run free, new manager! Go lead your team!

But there was a problem, and it was a big one. My training lacked one critical component: how to actually manage people.

If you’re a manager, my experience probably rings true for you as well. Most new managers don’t receive adequate training when they move into their new roles. A study by CEB shows 60% of managers under-perform their first two years, resulting in increased performance gaps and employee turnover.

Beside wishing I had been provided training on how to manage people, I wish I had known what my #1 priority should have been as a new manager: building trust. If you have your team’s trust, you open the doors to all kinds of possibilities. Without it, you’re dead in the water.

But how do you actually go about building trust? Most people think it “just happens,” like some sort of relational osmosis. That’s not the case. It’s built through the use of specific behaviors that demonstrate your own trustworthiness as a leader. You are a trustworthy leader when you are:

Able—Being Able is about demonstrating competence. One way leaders demonstrate their competence is having the expertise needed to do their jobs. Expertise comes from possessing the right skills, education, or credentials that establish credibility with others. Leaders also demonstrate their competence through achieving results. Consistently achieving goals and having a track record of success builds trust with others and inspires confidence in your ability. Able leaders are also skilled at facilitating work getting done in the organization. They develop credible project plans, systems, and processes that help team members accomplish their goals.

Believable—A Believable leader acts with integrity. Dealing with people in an honest fashion by keeping promises, not lying or stretching the truth, and not gossiping are ways to demonstrate integrity. Believable leaders also have a clear set of values that have been articulated to their direct reports and they behave consistently with those values—they walk the talk. Finally, treating people fairly and equitably are key components to being a believable leader. Being fair doesn’t necessarily mean treating people the same in all circumstances, but it does mean that people are treated appropriately and justly based on their own unique situation.

Connected—Connected leaders show care and concern for people, which builds trust and helps to create an engaging work environment. Leaders create a sense of connectedness by openly sharing information about themselves and the organization and trusting employees to use that information responsibly. Leaders also build trust by having a “people first” mentality and building rapport with those they lead. Taking an interest in people as individuals and not just as nameless workers shows that leaders value and respect their team members. Recognition is a vital component of being a connected leader, and praising and rewarding the contributions of people and their work builds trust and goodwill.

Dependable—Being Dependable and maintaining reliability is the fourth element of trust. One of the quickest ways to erode trust is by not following through on commitments. Conversely, leaders who do what they say they’re going to do earn a reputation as being consistent and trustworthy. Maintaining reliability requires leaders to be organized in such a way that they are able to follow through on commitments, be on time for appointments and meetings, and get back to people in a timely fashion. Dependable leaders also hold themselves and others accountable for following through on commitments and taking responsibility for the outcomes of their work.

Building trust is the first priority of new managers but it isn’t the only one. Managing takes place through conversations, minute by minute as the dialogue unfolds. As a new leader I wish I had learned the critical skills a first-time manager needs to master. I wish I had known how to have conversations with purpose and direction. I wish I had known how to set goals, give praise or redirection, or wrap up conversations in a way that reinforced clarity and commitment to action (all skills, by the way, addressed in our newly released First-Time Manager training program…where was that 25 years ago when I needed it?!).

Becoming a manager for the first time is a significant career milestone. It is both exciting and nerve-wracking stepping into a role where you are now responsible for others and not just yourself. If that’s you, a new manager, remember the number one priority: building trust. That’s the foundation upon which all your other managerial skills and abilities rest.

Randy Conley is the Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies and his LeaderChat posts appear the fourth or last Thursday of every month. For more insights on trust and leadership, visit Randy at his Leading with Trust blog or follow him on Twitter @RandyConley.

Now ask that same learning professional a second question: “What common mistakes do good leaders make?”

That’s exactly the question that was asked of a network of executive coaches affiliated with The Ken Blanchard Companies. More than 40 coaches from around the world responded.

And while their answers varied depending on their experience and the different cultures they worked in, three common themes emerged. The biggest mistakes good leaders make are:

• An over-focus on the people aspect of the business at the expense of operational necessities
• Trying to solve all of the problems of their people or doing the work themselves
• Neglecting personal growth

An over-focus on the people aspect. In describing behaviors they had seen in their work with executives, the coaches shared several examples. These typically included some form of avoiding hard conversations that need to occur—either by not setting clear expectations or steering clear of difficult feedback. The net result of this conflict-avoiding behavior is a culture that accepts mediocre performance. The key, according to the coaches, is maintaining the correct balance between meeting the needs of people and those of the organization.

Trying to solve all of the problems of their people. Mary Ellen Sailer, a coach who participated in the survey, points out that leaders have a hard time letting go of their identity of being the expert. As she explains, “The leader is often the leader because they are the expert. They are accustomed to being the smartest person in the room. It can be a real challenge to control a lifelong habit of being the solver of all problems.”

Unfortunately, this approach deprives direct reports of the opportunity to grow. It also inadvertently sends a message that the leader doesn’t trust people to solve their own problems.  The coaches suggest leaders find moments when they can let their people figure things out for themselves—even if they do it a little differently from the way the leader might.  It keeps things off the leader’s plate and provides employees with often welcome challenges.

Neglecting personal growth. The third mistake the coaches identified was how easy it is for smart, caring leaders to forgo their own development. When leaders put their own growth on the back burner, it decreases personal engagement and effectiveness and serves as a poor role model for others. This can take many forms, including behaviors where the leader stops building and nurturing relationships in the organization, stops paying attention to what is going on politically in the organization and in the industry, loses objectivity and focus by getting too much in the weeds of day-to-day business, or loses sight of their own needs. Any of these well-intentioned sacrifices can show up later as health problems or stress-related behaviors.

A leader who stops growing unintentionally decreases their value to the organization and its people. Giving up the time to recharge and create some white space in their schedules can result in tunnel vision, lack of innovation, and poor problem solving skills.

Helping Others Begins by Helping Yourself

Good leaders can be harder to help than bad leaders. When using standard measures, they can seem to be doing everything right. They are generally self aware and focused on meeting the needs of their people, and they generally have a successful track record. But that doesn’t mean they are as effective as they could be. With a little bit of extra help, by paying special attention to their unique problems, learning professionals can help good leaders continue to grow and build individual, team, and organization competency.

About the Author

Madeleine Blanchard is the co-founder of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Consequently, I am often the first person to stand shoulder to shoulder with the leader in assessing what is working well, and what isn’t, in their leadership function.

An example of this is a brilliant person I recently worked with who had quickly ascended the corporate ladder in her organization and now supervised a large group of people.  This leader was miserable, however, as were the people on her team.  Essentially, she always had loved being the smart one—but had never learned how to share that role.

As a result, she had fallen into some bad leadership habits, which included squashing the smarts of the folks on her team by hoarding information, micromanaging, and getting the last word.  Her efforts made her team feel insignificant and demoralized, and they were becoming passive and resentfully compliant.  How smart is that?

In my client’s defense, though, prior to my working with her the only professional feedback she had ever received was praise regarding her individual efforts to figure things out.  The concept that her entire team could shine brightly was unfathomable to her. My job as her coach was to ask her provocative questions to illuminate the discrepancy between where she was and where she really wanted to be.

The good news for her, and for her team, was her declaration to me that the discomfort of the current situation needed to end.  Through coaching, she saw that her new leadership position required not just the cultivation of new behaviors focused on developing others, but also an end to her old behaviors.  She was willing to stop behaving as the sole contributor, and she committed to start creating an environment to bring out the best in all of her team members.

How about you?  Are you still employing behaviors that served you in the past but now need to end?  What do you need to do—or stop doing—to get out of your own way?

About the Author

Mary Ellen Sailer, Ed.D., is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Dear Madeleine,

What’s the best way to give correction to a sensitive top performer?

I have a senior person on my team who is good at her job and takes great pride in performance excellence.

But when I try to give her anything less than positive feedback she’s practically in tears and proceeds to beat herself up for days: “Oh, I should have known better! I’m such a loser! You should just get rid of me!”

I’ve become hesitant to say anything that hints of criticism because of the emotion it produces. –Withholding Feedback

Dear Withholding,

This is a tough, but fairly common, situation when dealing with top performers. Many are driven by a need to avoid being criticized.

But before putting this all on her, let me first ask you a question: Is it possible your feedback comes across as harsh? The distinction can be as subtle as “You were late turning in that brief” vs. “That brief was late.” Using you can make people feel defensive, as can asking why.

If you are confident your delivery is not the problem, plan for the conversation thoughtfully. Be sure to broach the subject when things are going fine—in other words, strike while the iron is cold. Now be clear, concise and forward-focused. Here are some guidelines:

1. Identify the pressing concern. For example, “When I give you redirection or make suggestions for possible improvements, you seem to take it to heart, and very personally.”
2. Clarify the issue. Cite specific examples of the behavior in question. Keep things neutral by sharing only your observations.
3. Tell her how you feel the current situation affects both of you. Share with her that her behavior has caused you to become hesitant to give her important feedback you believe would be to her benefit.
4. Find out if she believes the problem lies with you. Ask her if she has any observations on how you might be contributing to the situation.
5. Determine the future implications. Have a discussion about what may happen if nothing changes.
6. Commit to making a request. Think about what you want her new behavior to look like and then ask for exactly what you want. Offer to support her in making the change.
7. Describe the ideal outcome. Talk about the difference it would make for both of you if her behavior were to change.
8. Reinforce her value. At the end of the discussion, it’s essential to endorse the things she does well and share the ways in which she is an asset to the team. This step is even more important when you are dealing with a high performer.

One caveat, though: following these eight steps doesn’t guarantee a quick change. Her behavior could be a lifelong habit born from a need to protect herself. But by following the eight guidelines above, you should find yourself in a better position to offer necessary redirection while avoiding most of the emotion. It’s worth the effort. Let me know how it works out.

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I think I have made a big mistake. I have been a manager for about five years. At first I enjoyed the challenge, and I have worked hard to become a really good manager. I get good reviews from my people and excellent performance reviews from my boss.

The problem is, I have realized I really don’t like being a manager. I go from wiping runny noses and managing minor crises at home (I have two young children and a spouse who travels) to talking people off the ledge and putting out brush fires at work.

I really miss the old days of settling in to do focused work that really made an impact. I find myself feeling jealous of my direct reports because they get to do fun work while I am stuck with endless drudgery. It seems as if the only way to make the kind of salary I need is to keep rising in the management ranks, but thinking about that makes me miserable. – Made a Mistake

Dear Made a Mistake

First things first—you haven’t made a mistake. What you have done is explored a pathway and discovered it’s the wrong one for you. The great news is, now you know! At least you’ve figured this out before you feel totally locked in golden handcuffs. So many people work like dogs to climb a ladder only to find that it is up against the wrong wall, and this won’t be happening to you. You have the chance to climb right down that ladder and move it somewhere else before it’s too late. Before you engineer a big change, though, let me suggest a couple of ways where you might not have to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

One possibility is that you simply may be burnt out. You say you enjoyed managing at first, but now you sound fairly well exhausted. Have you taken all of your vacation time? Probably not. The statistics regarding how many vacation days go unused are staggering.

Something else to consider: is it possible that altering your management style a bit could make managing others feel less burdensome? Here are some ideas:

• Learn basic coaching skills so that you can gradually move your people toward solving their own problems instead of running to you every ten minutes.
• Challenge and empower your direct reports to put out the fires they start with little or no input from you.
• Put the responsibility for one-on-one meeting agendas on the other person to allow them to take responsibility for themselves.
• Reserve a couple of plum tasks for yourself so you actually do get to do some of the fun stuff.

If you do a few of these things and find, in fact, that you still don’t like managing people, you will have to give yourself some time to develop and execute a fairly complex plan.

Start by having a conversation about the situation with your manager, who might be willing to suggest ways you can continue to make a substantial contribution to the organization without having to manage others. Perhaps you could score a position that wouldn’t require a big reduction in pay, such as a subject matter expert or technical specialist.

If, though, you learn that you will need to take a serious pay cut to have a job you love, talk with your spouse. Maybe getting by with a smaller salary is more feasible than you think, if you both were to commit to reducing household expenses.

I understand that this large a change could involve some substantial life changes, but the alternative—doing something you dread to support your lifestyle—will take an incalculable toll eventually. The key is to give yourself time to make a change and move toward your goal in small steps. Enlist friends and family members to support you on your journey toward enjoying your days more. It takes a lot of grit to create the life you want—and it will be worth it.

Good luck!

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

It brings me back to the day I learned about the original The One Minute Manager. Like so many people, I was introduced to the book by someone who loved it—a client who had stumbled upon it and found that its lessons really helped her to manage her three assistants, something she had been struggling with. I immediately got the book and was stunned at the simplicity of the ideas and how actionable the steps were. The new book is so exciting because the basics have been updated for a new generation of leaders. It feels current and just as relevant now as it has ever been.

For example, I recently worked with a client who was complaining about a new employee—she called him “the kid,” and, in fact, he was just nineteen years old. “I tell him the stuff I want him to do and he forgets,” she told me.

It reminded me, once again, that most managers just don’t start with the basics.

One Minute Goals

In The New One Minute Manager the first secret is to set One Minute Goals. The critical step here is to have your employees write goals down and put them where they can refer to them every day. Nobody ever thinks they are going to forget their goals and tasks, but the fact is that our days get away from us, the unexpected crops up out of nowhere, and life is filled with distractions. Everybody, from an entry level kid to a CEO, has to stop, take a moment, refer to their big goals, and make a to-do list for the day. It is the only way to make sure the right things—not simply the distractions—get done.

One Minute Praisings

The second secret is One Minute Praisings. This is particularly pertinent for managers who want to be more like a coach. Taking a minute to praise a person for something well done is simple and easy to do, but for some reason most people just don’t do it. Certainly, as an executive coach working in organizations, I was considered a freak because I gave so much positive feedback. I couldn’t help it—it was simply part of my training. But the crazy thing is that praising works. It helps make employees more confident, more creative, and more willing to take risks. One of the phrases that struck me when I first came to The Ken Blanchard Companies was that a manager should “catch people doing things right.” I thought, “Okay, I’m going to get along just fine here.”

One Minute Reprimands Re-Directs

The third secret is the biggest change from the earlier book. Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson have changed the One Minute Reprimand to a more time-appropriate One Minute Re-Direct. Back in 1982 when the original book was published, when a direct report made a mistake, the in-command manager told them what they did wrong and took steps to see that it didn’t happen again. The tone of a reprimand was well meaning but parental. Today, people at all levels are in a constant learning mode. A reprimand isn’t appropriate for someone who is continually learning new skills. Personally, I have never been comfortable reprimanding anyone, so the Re-Direct works better in today’s world—it re-clarifies goals and gets people back on track faster.

Better than Ever

I generally don’t recommend books to clients, especially to those who don’t have the time or inclination to read—but Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson’s ability to boil down the complexities of management and leadership to simple, doable steps has been a gift to all of us for over 33 years. If you never experienced the original book, The New One Minute Manager is a great place to get started. It just doesn’t get old!

About the Author

Madeleine Blanchard is the co-founder of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

As co-author Ken Blanchard explains in an article for Ignite!, “When The One Minute Manager came out, the early 1980s leadership was really command-and-control. The One Minute Manager was in charge. He set the goals. He decided who to praise. He decided who to reprimand. Today, leadership is much more side-by-side. In The New One Minute Manager, leadership is much more of a partnership.”

Created as a fun, easy-to-read parable, the heart and soul of the new book are three One Minute Secrets that make a big difference in helping people succeed.

The First Secret: One Minute Goals

“There are three parts to managing people’s performance,” says Blanchard, “planning, coaching, and evaluation. In so many organizations, managers spend all of their time in evaluation. If people do have goals, they are usually set at the beginning of the year and then filed away.

“In The New One Minute Manager we say that no, you need to keep goals front and center so you can look at them continually to see if your behavior is matching your goal. And if it isn’t, then you change it.”

The Second Secret: One Minute Praisings

As Spencer Johnson explains, “The power behind The One Minute Praising is caring. When you care about another person’s well-being, then take the time to notice when they’re doing something right and comment on it, people appreciate it. The key is to be honest. Don’t praise to flatter. Just take a moment to comment on something they have done that you value.”

The Third Secret: One Minute Re-Directs

One of the most dramatic changes in the new book is that the One Minute Reprimand is now the One Minute Re-Direct. As Ken Blanchard shares, “The difference between a reprimand and redirection is whether a person is a learner or not. A Reprimand is for when a person knows better than what they are doing. A Re-Direct is for a person who is a learner. Today, with the constant need for skill development, everyone is learner.”

Got a Minute?

The book’s practical, action-oriented model has been designed to inspire a new generation. You can read more in the feature article, A Minute Can Change Everything.  To learn more about The New One Minute Manager and download the first chapter, visit the book’s special pre-release website.

– You don’t want people to think you are bossy and you don’t think people like to be bossed around;

– You’re afraid of damaging the relationship or demotivating the employee so you don’t give developmental feedback;

– You’re so sympathetic and empathetic to the needs of individual employees that you—perhaps inadvertently—put them ahead of the needs of the team or the business;

– You have such a high value for fairness that you treat everyone the same way regardless of competence or skill level;

– You have such a high need for freedom that it blinds you to the fact that not everyone has the same needs;

– You’re simply incredibly patient and kind;

OR…

– Maybe you’re a wuss—defined by Dictionary.com as a weakling or wimp.

The first step to changing is awareness. I once had an employee tell me that I was a wuss because I was being blatantly taken advantage of by someone who was lying about a health situation. I had been giving the person the benefit of the doubt only to find out that I was, in fact, a complete patsy. Now I understand why HR requires managers to get doctors’ notes.

If this is you, you may already know it because people (your best friend, your spouse, your kids?) have told you.

Are you conflict averse? Training seminars with titles such as Challenging Conversations are available, as well as some wonderful books including Boundaries for Leaders by Henry Cloud and The Coward’s Guide to Conflict: Empowering Solutions for Those Who Would Rather Run Than Fight by Tim Ursiny.

Perhaps you have a core personal need to be well liked. This is certainly understandable, but if you feel this may be the case, just acknowledge it to yourself and make a concerted effort to get that need met at home and with friends rather than at work.

Ultimately, wuss behavior easily can become a habit and a default. Keep in mind that it is possible to be empathetic to others while still advocating for your own position. Half the battle is simply understanding this and giving yourself time and permission to do so.

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard, and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Her break turns out to be a permanent relocation to sunnier climes while Horton sits on the egg through wind, rain, and snow, faithfully caring for Mayzie’s baby.

Because it is a children’s book, Horton ends up being rewarded, but in real life, sometimes it can feel like “no good deed goes unpunished.”*

Many managers I work with end up taking on their people’s work simply because they are nice. When pressed, here are some reasons they give—followed by a coaching question I might ask.

Client Response 1: “I don’t think it’s fair to ask people to stay late or work on weekends.”  Coaching Question 1: Perhaps not, but is it fair that you are doing it?

Client Response 2: “I’m so familiar with the task that it will take me far less time than it will take him.” Coaching Question 2: How will he ever get as good and fast as you if you won’t let him figure it out?

Client Response 3: “My people are already overwhelmed with the new project.” Coaching Question 3: There may be some overstating on this score. How long has that excuse been milked?

Some managers take the message of being the servant leader so much to heart that they end up working a lot harder than any of their team members. And not to be cynical, but some employees will take advantage of the situation if they know their manager is a really nice person.

Are you Horton? Cut it out.

Chances are, someone has you pegged for a softie and is taking full advantage of it. It’s also possible that by being too patient and taking on more work than you should, you are thwarting your employees’ development. There is a huge gap between being such a big meanie that you burn people out and being such a softie that your employees are never challenged to rise to the occasion, learn new things, and become more efficient. A couple of rules of thumb to follow:

• Set a standard for how much work, outside of regular work hours, is acceptable to you and check in with individual team members to assess how much is acceptable to each of them. Make group standards and your expectations crystal clear if there will be times when all team members will need to put in a few late days or extra hours on weekends.
• Keep everything up front and transparent and make sure everyone is carrying a fairly equal load. The more that things are above board and clear, the less likely it is for one or two people to fly under the radar and get away with doing less.
• Keep careful track of who goes above and beyond, and publicly acknowledge and reward them when they do.
• Develop your team—specifically so that you can use the right leadership style to develop each of your team members to do tasks that are a no-brainer for you.
• If you can’t get the work done within your own and your group’s standards, this is an indication that you have a different problem to solve; for example, perhaps you are not setting limits with your own boss.

Help yourself and your people by setting clear expectations, and then promoting growth, transparency,and fairness.

*Attributed to Oscar Wilde and Clare Booth Luce

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard, and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation. Previous posts in this series:

Are You A Workplace Freedom Fighter?

Empowerment—One Time When It’s Not a Good Idea

Are You TOO Nice? 4 Ways to Be Compassionate and Fair

Delaying Feedback? No News Is Not Always Good News

Providing Clear Direction—You’re Not Being Bossy; You’re Being A Boss

Setting Boundaries: 7 Ways Good Managers Get It Wrong

The Well-Intentioned Manager’s New Year’s Resolution: Have More Fun

The Top Three Mistakes Good Managers Make

Managing Polarities: A Key Skill for the Well-Intentioned Manager