Dear Madeleine,

I work for a giant real estate company and have been selling houses in a big metropolitan city for a long time. Over the years, I’ve been heavily recruited and this is my third company. I never wanted to be in management as I really like working with clients. I’ve had terrible managers, decent managers, and everything in between.

My company has always received a percentage of the commission, which is standard. Recently the company made a change—and now my manager will be getting a small percentage of the commission on everything I sell. It is hard to say this without sounding like a jerk, but I do very well and my manager stands to make a substantial amount from this arrangement.

I guess I wouldn’t mind, except I’ve been doing this for a good twenty years longer than she has. Any time I ask my manager for any help at all, she says she is too busy. She either doesn’t respond to emails or she promises to get back to me with answers and then doesn’t. Almost all my questions are related to the inner workings of our organization, publicity budgets, etc. I do all my own research and stay abreast of the changes in local laws, so I learned early not to depend on anyone for that.

I am furious. I’ve done fine on my own for 25 years. Now this little weasel is going to get some of my hard-earned commission for doing exactly nothing. What the heck? I’m certain this change is designed to make managers engage more with their brokers, but it isn’t working.

I was thinking of talking to my manager’s boss (with whom I have a long-standing relationship) but that seems a little whiny. Or I could start looking at other companies that don’t engage in this practice. What do you think?

Working Harder, Making Less

___________________________________________________________________________

Dear Working Harder, Making Less,

This sounds awfully frustrating. If your manager added some value you might be able to come around to this change, but as it stands, the anger you feel is likely to grow.

Senior executives are much more likely to want to help when you have already tried to fix a situation yourself, so I think your first line of defense is to have a candid conversation with your manager. It is human nature that when there is more to do than is possible, we pay attention only to the people who insist on it. Most managers are perfectly happy to leave high performers alone to, well, perform.

This would mean insisting on a time to meet, either on the phone or in person, having prepared your request to create a more effective working relationship moving forward. It sounds as if all you’re really asking for is that she answer your questions or reply to your emails with the information you need. Even if this person weren’t making extra money off you, this would be a low bar.

It is fair to explain that you didn’t mind flying solo before having to pay her for her support, but now that you do, you really need her to help you when you ask. Stick to the facts and keep emotion out of it. Be clear, concise, and neutral. Practice beforehand if you need to.

One of these things is likely to happen:

• You can’t even get a meeting scheduled, or
• She disagrees that your requests are fair, or
• She agrees that your requests are fair, makes promises and becomes more responsive for a short period, and then reverts to her old ways.

Following any of these scenarios, you can then escalate and at the very least get the commission sharing decision reversed. Or start looking at alternatives. Only you will know if this is a trend that is happening among other companies—in which case, maybe you can find another company with a more helpful manager.

Of course the hope is that when you share your thoughts, your manager will see your point and change her ways for good. Ideally, you build a relationship, she takes your calls, answers your emails, and generally acts as if she has your back, which may add enough value that you don’t resent sharing a little money with her. This is best-case scenario.

Real estate is a notoriously difficult business. If you have managed to stay in it, build a reputation, and make a lot of money, you must be good at it. You probably are exceptionally good at building relationships with people and helping them to manage all the emotions that are invariably unleashed when selling or buying a home. This is not nothing. It makes sense for you to protect yourself and not let anyone take advantage of your decades of experience.

If you can’t get what you need to stop your resentment from building, you can escalate. If that doesn’t work, you can take your prowess elsewhere.

I am crossing my fingers that just being a squeaky wheel—albeit a kind and polite one—will get you what you need.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I have a great job in a company I love. I was recently offered a promotion. Even though I thought the change in compensation didn’t reflect the increased responsibility, I was so happy to even be considered that I jumped at it. I now have four direct reports.

Here’s the problem: as the manager, I’m working on our budget (our fiscal year is April to April). I’ve just learned that some people who are doing the same job I just left are making a lot more than I made—and one of them (a man) is being paid virtually the same salary as I am.

I got so mad I considered quitting, but my partner convinced me to take a step back and think it through.  It all seems so arbitrary and unfair that I can barely think straight. I keep thinking this happened because I am a woman and they know I am married to someone who has a high paying job. I feel taken advantage of. 

What do you think of this?

Shortchanged

____________________________________________________________________________

Dear Shortchanged

I can understand how upset you are.  From a neuroscience standpoint, when we perceive things to be unfair, all kinds of stress hormones are released—sometimes to the point where we behave irrationally.  Your partner’s advice is smart: taking some time to calm down and look at the situation objectively is the best thing you can do right now. 

Let me just start by saying I’m not an expert on this topic but I’m a woman who has been navigating the workplace forever. I’ve worked with many clients who have found themselves in the same situation as you. My first instinct is always to look for what you can control and what you can’t control.  What you can control right now is your response to this situation.  You can also look carefully at the part you may have played in allowing it to happen.

I think I would feel exactly the way you do right now if I hadn’t heard about the work of Sarah Laschever and Linda Babcock when their first book came out in 2007: Women Don’t Ask: The High Cost of Avoiding Negotiation and Positive Strategies for Change.  The book has since been re-released as Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and The Gender Divide.

The impetus for the book came when one of the authors angrily asked her grad school professor why the guys got all the teaching assistant jobs, and he said “none of the women asked for them.”  Thus began the journey of getting to the bottom of why most women end up making so much less than their male counterparts. It starts with the fact that most young women don’t negotiate their very first starting salary. From that moment, they are behind—sometimes to the tune of more than a million dollars over a career. 

There are lots of cultural reasons for this, but probably the biggest one (in my opinion, anyway) is that women tend to do exactly what you described in your letter: “Even though I thought the change in compensation didn’t reflect the increased responsibility, I was so happy to even be considered that I jumped at it.”  You had an emotional, humble response to being offered the job, which tends to be more common in women than in men.  And you allowed your joy at being honored with the promotion to keep you from honoring your own intuition that the pay was not quite right.  I would submit to you that you probably did the same thing with your first job, the job after that, and the job you just came from.  The man who is now your direct report probably negotiated his starting salary and then negotiated every step of the way, which could be why he is now making so much more than you made for the same job.  Was he offered more money because he was a man?  You will probably never know, but I can tell you that most offers are based on salary requirements of the applicant and market norms.

I once said in this column that as a manager, my job was to acquire the best possible talent for the lowest possible price and that it wasn’t my job to remind job applicants that they could negotiate.  The fact is that most organizations have salary bands that are informed by market norms—and if a manager can get someone willing to do the job for the lowest reasonable offer, more power to them.  A colleague at my company read the column and got mad at me.  She felt that my job as a manager was to make sure that salaries were fair.  I did feel that all salaries among my staff were fair but I also wondered how I personally could be expected to be the arbiter of fairness. My point is that it is tricky.  I also am led by the philosophy that you get what you negotiate in life.  If you settle for the first offer, that is what you get. 

I realize that this sounds very harsh—and it’s really not my intention to make you feel worse than you already feel.  The fact remains that you got excited and leapt before you looked, and here you are, upset about it.  The real question is what now? 

First, I encourage you to get Babcock and Leschever’s book to understand the dynamics that keep women (especially) from negotiating in the first place.  I am not saying discrimination doesn’t exist out there. It most certainly does.  But women are culturally programmed to be rule followers, to grant authority to others when they don’t need to, and to wait to be given something instead of risking their own discomfort—and worse, the discomfort of others—to ask for it. These are the cultural norms that you will need to recognize and transcend to get what you think you deserve.  Unfortunately, no one will do this for you. 

Next, I encourage you to raise the issue with your manager. Explain that when you accepted the job your reason was clouded by excitement and you now realize your compensation does not feel equitable.  Possibly you can negotiate a bonus based on performance, and a bigger than normal raise at your next performance review.  I have worked with many employees over the years who felt their compensation wasn’t quite right. There are lots of ways to address the issue.  But, again, you have to be the one to raise it.  The key is to not blame anyone for the situation or act like a victim.

I would caution you against quitting out of anger.  If you can’t get any traction, then maybe you could start looking.  But if you love the job and the company, that isn’t anything to throw away in haste.  At least give your employers a chance to hear you out and work with you to rectify the situation. If they won’t, bide your time, get your experience in the new position, and then go find something else.  And if you do go elsewhere, negotiate your first offer. As many have said—I read this in an interview with Richard Branson decades ago and it rocked my world, though I still have to remind myself all the time—“If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.”

I hope this incident helps you step up and fight for what is important to you in the future—and that you will always remember it as the moment when everything changed for you. 

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a department in a large manufacturing organization. Some parts of our business are going gangbusters, but my area is suffering from a slowdown due to the restrictions and economic impact of Covid-19.

We were able to redeploy some of my people to the busier parts of the business, but still ended up furloughing about 25% of them. The net loss is about 45% when you add up the people who were furloughed or redeployed.

Even though our workload is still reduced, and things should be balanced, my remaining people are telling me how overly busy they are. I am still trying to figure out why that is so. I am madly trying to balance workloads and hoping you have some thoughts.

Failing at Furlough

Dear Failing at Furlough,

This seems to be situation normal these days—but that doesn’t make it easier, does it? I can certainly relate. We are in the same boat and I’m getting a crash course in posting on our Instagram account—which is, frankly, hilarious. It turns out you can teach an old dog new tricks, but it’s a little painful.

It’s hard to think straight with all the high emotion, so that’s probably affecting you and your people. I would advise, first, to be kind with yourself and everyone else. Take the time to listen to everyone—the folks who moved, the ones who’ve been furloughed, and the ones in your department who are left with the work. Just listen. Breathe and listen. Reflect back what you hear, empathize, or cry with your people if that’s what makes sense.

You might feel like a therapist, but listening skills and empathizing are simply refined human skills. Using them does not make you a mental health professional. It just makes you a better human. People are sad, people are mad, and everyone is exhausted. Max Dupree, in Leadership is An Art, said “Leaders don’t inflict pain, they bear pain.” Maybe if people are allowed to express themselves honestly they will be able to think (a little more) clearly.

Once you have listened and everyone is on a more even keel, your next job (also according to Dupree) is to “define reality.” Sit down with your team, probably on Zoom, and take stock. Identify every task that each individual employee owned before, as well as all of the outstanding orphan tasks.

Make a whole list or whiteboard a mind map. Get it all down. Then, as a group, prioritize: what is absolutely, positively mission critical?

Now begin the big discussion, which goes like this:

• What must we absolutely do now—or maybe even do more of?
• What can we do less of?
• What can we stop doing, at least for now?
• What can we stop doing that we should have stopped doing it before this crisis anyway, but were in the habit of doing—because it isn’t working any more, producing a result, or adding value?
• How can we change up the systems, processes, and workflows to simplify or streamline for the non-negotiables?

Duke it out. Argue. Hold on to your top priorities. But now is not the time to focus on B-list activities. Be prepared to go to your boss with a new list of what’s possible with your new team. Don’t be bullied into trying to deliver on goals you were once going after with your full team. That is simply unreasonable. It is fine to ask people to be heroic for a week, maybe two. But we are now 100 days in—with no end in sight—so come on.

You are the boss and your people are looking to you for direction. First, listen. A lot. Then, act. If you need to take the heat from above, so be it. That is why, Failing at Furlough, I say that being a manager is hard, and being a manager who cares is even harder. And you so clearly do care.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is the co-founder of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 16,000 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

Dear Madeleine,

I recently interned at a company where my project charter was to “create a competency based interview process and standard operating process for talent acquisition.”

My project guide, who is head of talent acquisition, asked me instead to create an interview evaluation sheet based on competencies that were already in place and a process document for talent acquisition at a basic level.

I found many major gaps in the existing system including outdated job descriptions, different formats, etc., so I created my own template—but my project guide was only interested in looking at the interview evaluation sheets.

My internship lasted two months. During my final review with the VP of human resources, I was asked about the other deliverables—the ones my guide stopped me from doing.  My project guide never told the VP that she didn’t ask me to do them. I lost the job opportunity with them because my project was incomplete. Another intern who was less qualified ended up getting a job instead, because her guide supported her.

I feel extremely hurt and depressed. The insights I had about this company were tremendous—but to save face for my project guide in front of her boss, I never mentioned this. My guide spent only five minutes giving me feedback. She never gave me areas for improvement; just kept saying I was doing excellent work. I wrongly assumed she would help me get this job.

Ms. Depressed

Dear Ms. Depressed,

I am so sorry you had such a rotten experience with your internship.  I am not going to spend a lot of time on what you could have done differently, but will illuminate some rules of thumb for the future.  No good will come of too much regret—or “shoulda, coulda, woulda” as they say—but there is much to be learned from this experience.

First things first. I understand this experience has set you back on your heels. But when you say you are hurt, it leads me to believe you are taking this experience personally.  Stop it. You just can’t take this kind of thing personally. You have your whole career ahead of you—and if you learn this lesson now, you will be much more likely to thrive.

Internships are always a bit of gamble.  You just don’t know what kind of a sponsor you are going to get.  I know it is a big stretch for me to be a decent boss for interns. I am used to managing professionals who really don’t need me at all.   Being a great boss for interns requires the inclination to teach, pay close attention, and give feedback.  Your guide apparently had little patience and zero generosity – I would even go so far as to say she was kind of a jerk where you were concerned.

My question to you is: what made you think it was your job to help her save face?  In the future, I would say you can always tell the truth without blame or judgment – it is not your job to lie to cover for anyone at any time.  You owed her nothing as far as I can tell. If we could rewind, I would have recommended you submit the work to the VP that you did for your original charter.  In fact, I recommend you go ahead now and submit to the VP your tremendous insights for the company and whatever other work you did.  You don’t have to say anything about your guide other than she wasn’t interested in your original charter, but you were, so you did the work anyway.  It probably won’t change anything—but what do you have to lose?

I am sorry you assumed your guide would have your back. She clearly didn’t.  In fact, I would say that in the future, you can never assume anyone will have your back unless you have direct evidence they will.  Cynical?  Probably, but very real.  Better to assume the worst and be pleasantly surprised when you are wrong than the other way around.

So, Ms. Depressed, pick yourself up off the floor and get back out there! Deploy your considerable smarts and work ethic and find a guide or a boss who will appreciate what you have to offer.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I recently found, left behind on the photocopier, a list of performance evaluations, pay, and bonuses for all of my coworkers.

Turns out new hires are being brought in at substantially higher pay and bonuses than what the old timers are getting. Also, a person who is universally viewed as a total slacker is getting paid more than some of the really good employees, including me.

I have been here several years and am well regarded—but I am in the middle of the heap in terms of salary, not near the top where I would expect to be. Now I am wondering why I bother spending all of those extra hours, nights, and weekends going the extra mile.

 I am tempted to pass this information around so everyone knows about this injustice, which seems to be borderline unethical. I am also considering just quitting and finding a job where I am truly valued for my talent and hard work.

Should I hit print and spread the word? Should I meet with my boss and demand a raise? Should I quit?

Really Ticked Off

Dear Really Ticked Off,

It can be painful, stumbling over an unpleasant truth. And my response may not make you feel better, so buckle up.

First some questions: did your company ever promise to be transparent about salaries? Did it ever promise that salaries would be commensurate with talent and effort? Does the organization pride itself on being a meritocracy?

No. No. And No.

Some more modern companies do promise this, so if you stumbled over this kind of information at Qualtrics or Buffer, for example, you would be right to be furious and self righteous about it and you would foment a revolt.

However, it appears that you work for a fairly normal organization, where salaries for similar job titles and roles fall within a wide band. The reason executives don’t want the natives talking about salaries is because compensation is usually unjust. Why?

• People who negotiated for a higher salary in their very first job will have a huge advantage by the time they get to their third or fourth gig. Men in particular tend to negotiate at every step of their career. It can add up to more than million dollars over a career. It might be maddening, and feel unfair, but all it really means is that nobody gets what they deserve, they get what they negotiate.
• Newer employees are probably getting paid more because it is what marketplace benchmarks are dictating. The organization will pay whatever it needs to acquire new talent and grow headcount as required in the moment.
• Perhaps there is shortage of talent in your geographical area, or of people with the desired skill and experience set at this particular time. This will benefit you if you want to look for a job elsewhere.

If you are in the middle of your pay band, it is probably because you have not negotiated your salary at every step, that you have settled for what you were offered, possibly even from your first job out of school. I am sure your employers are delighted to have such a hard worker for such a reasonable price. Put yourself in your boss’s shoes – he or she is managing a budget and is always looking for ways to trim. I hate to say it, but as a manager, I will pay as little as an employee will tolerate, because it helps my budget, and might even mean I can afford an extra person. Don’t tell anyone.

On the ethics question I would offer the following: consider the repercussions of sharing information you found on the copy machine. What could happen? Possibly the careless person responsible could be fired. How would make you feel? It could unleash chaos; if everybody revolted and demanded a higher salary it could tank the budget and result in a layoff. Would that be a good thing? One of the best ways to parse an ethical question comes from the book Ken Blanchard wrote with Norman Vincent Peale, The Power of Ethical Management. Would you be pleased to see the story of what you have done pop up as the lead story on Google news? If you say “No!” you have your answer. A good rule of thumb when you think something is borderline is to err on the side of caution.

Once you have considered all of this perspective, if you still feel strongly about it, go talk to your boss. I would say that “demanding” is probably not the best approach, but do be prepared to negotiate hard. Read up on negotiation tips—the internet is bursting with them. Practice with a friend before going in so you feel confident. Also, it would give you leverage to have an offer on the table from a competitor for the salary that feels fair. If your boss agrees with your assessment of your value, great—he can match the offer. If not, you can leave knowing that you used serendipitous information to bravely and ethically stand up for yourself.

Love,

Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I manage the logistics department of a global aeronautics engineering company. My job is intense—my whole team works like crazy when we are on deadline and relaxes a little bit when things aren’t so hot, which still means 50-hour workweeks. I think it is important for people to get a bit of a break because when we are on, we are 100% focused and we cannot make errors. 

So I came in to work on Monday to find that my boss—who has been amazing—has been fired! No reason given. Enter a new boss, someone who was apparently hired to vastly increase our output. I am sick at heart at the unfairness of it all, and I have no idea why they let my boss go. He was smart and funny, really cared about us, ran a tight ship, and always made really good decisions. I want to call my former boss to find out what happened and to share how sad I am to see him go. Is this something I can do? I am so worried about my team. 

 Shell-shocked

Dear Shell-shocked,

I am so sad for you; it is terribly jarring to come in to work thinking it is business as usual only to find someone that important is simply gone.

You have no way of knowing why he was let go, so be careful of assumptions. The fact that your boss’s replacement is already in place leads me to believe it was all very carefully planned. Your company has probably just given no thought whatsoever to managing the human side of big change. That is pretty normal.

There is no law that says you can’t contact your old boss. There is no reason whatsoever not to maintain the relationship with someone who was obviously an excellent leader and someone you admire. You might ask him to be a mentor to you. He may be able to share what happened or he may not; either way, it’s possible he will have some tips to offer on managing your political landscape.

Be careful of rumors about why the new person was brought in. You don’t actually know what your new boss’s mandate is, or how he will execute on it. I understand that you are worried about your future—the brain, after all, hates uncertainty—but give yourself a break and try to relax until you know what is going on.

You can, however, prepare. Get your ducks in a row and update the job description, performance plans, scorecard, or output stats for each of your people so you are ready when the new boss asks for them. Be ready to make your case for the ebb and flow of work being critical to the work product.

Finally, try to manage yourself. Change is hard under the best of circumstances and it sounds like your company is scoring an epic fail on helping you and your team with this one. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be a good leader for your people, providing them with perspective and reassurance until you all know more. You can also be a role model for staying open to possibility and the potential of new and better ways of doing things.

Breathe deeply and stay grounded.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!