The hybrid/virtual work world presents many challenges for leaders. One of them is creating a culture of accountability.

Some leaders still think accountability equals “butts in seats.” But that outdated belief has become completely antiquated during the pandemic. People have proven they can succeed in a remote work environment.

Considering how quickly the workplace is evolving, creating a culture of accountability requires leaders to develop a new skill set. Here are things you can do to achieve this.

Psychological Safety is Essential

Accountability starts with psychological safety. People need to feel comfortable telling their leaders that they are struggling with an assignment without fear of being reprimanded. An atmosphere of trust is essential.

An environment that isn’t psychologically safe undermines a culture of accountability. If leaders don’t trust their people, they’ll micromanage them. If people don’t trust their leaders, they won’t share.

Leaders lay the groundwork for accountability by extending trust. This can be more difficult in a virtual environment where they may not be able to see someone’s body language. Then there are some leaders who are habitually cautious. They won’t trust their team members until their leaders demonstrate that they are trustworthy.

Considering our times, leaders must take extra steps to ensure their people feel psychologically safe.

Praise Often. Redirect Judiciously.

Accountability and engagement are interdependent. One way to create engagement is to praise your people when they do something well.

Most leaders believe they give their people plenty of praise. But research shows the opposite—people don’t think their leaders praise them enough. The ideal praise-to-criticism ratio is 5:1. We’ve evolved as a species to identify danger, so we are wired to dwell on the negative. When leaders criticize, it stings more than they might think. A generous amount of praise is needed to counteract this natural tendency.

How we give feedback should be even more nuanced. I recommend leaders use our SLII® leadership development model to determine what kind of praise will be most impactful.

When someone is new to a task and either an Enthusiastic Beginner or a Disillusioned Learner, it’s your job as a leader to recognize any progress the person is making. Celebrate progress. Praise them in front of the team. Confidence is a prerequisite for mastery, and by recognizing people’s victories you’ll help them develop the self-confidence needed to tackle even more difficult projects.

When someone has demonstratable skills and is either a Capable but Cautious Contributor or a Self-Reliant Achiever, giving them increasing autonomy will deepen accountability. The person has proven they can do the task and you want to recognize and reward their achievements. As they become more experienced, your job is to ask open-ended questions and listen to their responses. Be explicit about how proud you are that they have reached this level of expertise.

No matter who you are sharing feedback with, your mindset as a leader is critical. Never act in a way that can be interpreted as punitive or demeaning. Make sure your people know that your purpose is to help them win. This helps to maintain a culture of accountability.

SMART Goals Create Accountability

Everyone is more accountable when they have SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound). People need to know what is expected of them and SMART goals can keep them on track. You can help your people attain their goals by showing them what success looks like for a specific job. This is particularly critical when you’re not in a face-to-face setting.

Regular check-ins are also a part of helping people achieve their SMART goals. If you and your team members are in the same place, you should have one-on-one check-ins at least once every two weeks. If your team is virtual, check in with each person more often—at least once a week. People working in a virtual environment need this. It ensures alignment, prevents feelings of isolation, and creates accountability.

Know Your Digital Body Language

Our digital body language, which is revealed in all our communications, affects accountability. The words we use reveal our intentions, our attitudes, and our feelings. But we often don’t take enough time to make sure we are understood. In fact, emotions in emails are misunderstood a great deal of the time. We need to be much more intentional about what we say and how we say it.

Try to make sure your communications aren’t just transactional if you want to drive accountability. Every communication should have a human element to it to demonstrate that you care for your people.

Here’s a tip I learned from experience. Don’t ever send a text message or an email without reading it through several times. Ask yourself, “Am I clearly saying what I want to say? Am I sharing my position and the thinking behind that position?” Doing these things helps ensure you have effective digital body language, which creates the psychological safety needed for accountability.

Be Available

Your availability and responsiveness are key to creating an environment of accountability. They are even more important in a virtual or hybrid environment than in a face-to-face workplace. People can see what you’re doing when you share a workspace, so they know when you’re busy. In a virtual environment, we don’t have this information and can come to any conclusion. For example, if you don’t respond to an email in three or four hours, the trust people have in you may take a hit, which can affect accountability.

One way to prevent these kinds of miscommunications is to set norms with your team. For example, discuss what constitutes a timely response. Get clear agreement and have everyone abide by it.

Good Leaders Create Accountability

Our changing workplace requires new ways of creating a culture of accountability—especially when so many leaders and their people are no longer in the same workspace. But the use of good leadership skills will inspire people to be accountable. And when that happens, your team will reach new heights of success!

Hybrid teams are nothing new. Pre-COVID, many hybrid virtual teams existed. Some team members worked from the office full time, some worked from home or from the road full time, and others did a mix of the two. So what’s so different as we look ahead to work in the future?

What’s different is the sheer volume of people who are looking to work either full time or part time from home. One of the lessons we’ve learned from the grand global experiment is that both individuals and organizations can be far more productive when people work from home at least part time.

To be effective hybrid team leaders in today’s world, we need to adopt three fresh mind shifts and four skills to guide our team members as we embrace the new future of work.

The 3 Mind Shifts

1. Remote first. Whatever we do as leaders, we must think about the potential impact on remote team members. Among other things, this means all meetings should be virtual. No more having some of the team in a conference room while others dial in. Make everyone connect remotely.
2. Recognize and mitigate proximity bias. We naturally favor those team members who are physically around us on a regular basis. This issue existed before the pandemic. Remote team members often felt left out of new projects or growth opportunities.
3. Continually experiment and learn. We saw this happening in abundance throughout the last year and a half. Let’s keep trying new things and learn from the experience.

The 4 Skills

1. Make the implicit explicit. Leaders must express their expectations to their people clearly and in detail, leaving no room for confusion or doubt. What are the core hours the leader expects everyone to be available? What are the expectations if the leader will be away from their computer during core hours? What are the expected response times for chat and email? These are just a few of the things that need to be made explicit.
2. Foster community. Many teams did this well during the pandemic. Pre pandemic you rarely saw remote team members on camera and things like virtual coffees and happy hours were unheard of. Teams have learned to be creative in the way they have fun and celebrate virtually. We need to learn from those experiences and continue to make this a priority.
3. Promote well-being. Well-being was and will continue to be an important issue in our hybrid teams. As leaders, we need to pay attention to our own well-being and promote activities that will encourage others to do the same.
4. Ensure hybrid meetings are effective and engaging. We are meeting way too much and many of these meetings are an ineffective use of our time. As leaders, we need to plan our hybrid meetings so that they are engaging. We should meet to discuss, collaborate, and do the work of the team—not just present information. Every meeting should have a clear purpose and agenda. Keep them short and end at least 10 minutes before the hour or half hour to provide time for employees to have a break between meetings.

We have learned a lot from the worldwide work-from-home experiment that is COVID. Now we need to take these lessons and apply them to our work. The future won’t wait!

Editor’s Note: Would you like to learn more about successfully leading in a hybrid work environment? Join The Ken Blanchard Companies for a free webinar series designed for leadership, learning, and talent development professionals looking to upskill their leaders for a new world of work. Learn more here.

Now that we’ve dealt with the initial implications of leadership and development in a COVID environment, L&D professionals are increasingly turning their attention to what the future will look like in a post-COVID world.

Remote working will not go away after COVID—in fact, many research firms predict that 2021 will see the number of employees permanently working from home double from pre-COVID times. If these predictions are correct, organizations will need to transform how they manage their workforce in several important areas.

For example, from what I understand from client sessions as well as research I’ve been reading, at least half of employees may look for other jobs if their current employer doesn’t provide a work-from-home option in the future. It doesn’t have to necessarily be full-time, but it must be an option. That’s going to require a major shift in the day-to-day leadership practices of managers worldwide. Although the immediate need to keep doors open and lights on has been met, there is a lot of work to do to keep working from home a viable alternative.

In some ways, the COVID-19 pandemic has exposed the need to implement a lot of policies that should have been in place before COVID. For instance, people who worked remotely used to feel like second class citizens who often were forgotten about when it came to development opportunities, being informed on what was going on in the organization, and, of course, social gatherings. Once nearly everyone was working from home due to COVID, this situation drastically improved. Many people report that they know their team members much better now than they did before.

But there are still issues to be resolved. A majority of at-home workers feel overworked and have trouble setting boundaries when there is no explicit end to the workday. Solving this problem may require more discipline around how, when, and how often we meet using online platforms.

Managers also need to be more aware of each individual’s home office setup. One colleague of mine is working out of a 400-square-foot apartment in Hong Kong with his wife and two children. They both work and homeschool their kids. That’s radically different than my home setup with a separate office and two monitors.

For managers, this means recognizing if somebody’s kids aren’t able to go to their physical school, there may be a certain time during the day when they’re in class and need their parents’ attention. That parent won’t be able to attend a meeting during that time. Kids will end up back in the actual classroom, of course, but it will still be important for remote managers to be aware of people’s personal environments.

Performance management will also change. Measuring an employee’s productivity by the amount of time they sit in an office chair was never the right thing to do. The future of work is to measure by outcomes. That means managers will have to become even more skilled in proper goal setting—clearly identifying what is to be accomplished by when, and having reporting processes that are transparent to everyone.

Management now will be seen as more of a partnership. Good managers will check in with their people instead of checking in on their people. These new post-COVID leaders will make regular one-on-ones a priority just to see how people are doing, and will ask questions such as “How’s it going?” and “What do you need from me?” In the future, we will see more shared scorecards that everyone can access and keep up to date so all members of the team can see what their teammates are up to.

L&D has an important role to play in this future. We’ve made great strides in converting content to virtual and digital formats over the past 12 months. The next step will be refining our content to address the new skills needed for leading in a virtual world.

Training can help. In addition to goal setting, performance management, and day-to-day coaching, we will help future leaders build awareness, trust, and community. You can learn more about the complete list of 12 skills The Ken Blanchard Companies has identified here.

As we all step into this new virtual world together, leadership qualities such as being available and being responsive are more important than ever. These characteristics will be valued more highly than were some of the qualities we thought we needed from leaders in the past. Successful companies will work on equipping their virtual leaders to excel in more areas like these.

To learn more about some of the ways The Ken Blanchard Companies can help you on your post-COVID leadership journey, visit the Leading Virtually homepage on the Blanchard website.

The majority of respondents are looking for either 30 or 60 minutes of one-on-one time with their manager on a regular basis.

The survey also identified six specific topics that direct reports want more discussion around in their one-on-ones:

• Goal setting
• Goal review
• Performance feedback
• Problem solving
• Soliciting support
• Problems with colleagues

Of these, the topic that is most often neglected is Problems with colleagues. An astounding 64 percent of respondents wish they could talk with their manager about problems with colleagues either “often” or “all the time,” but only 8 percent actually do.

Tips to get the most from your one-on-one

For the direct report:

• Update your manager on what has happened since your last meeting. Share progress against goals and follow up on action items from earlier meetings.
• Ask for what you need. Be open regarding any need for direction and support.
• Use the time for problem solving. Share obstacles you are facing and work with your manager to develop action plans.

For the manager:

• Use the time to listen. Listen to understand and advise only when needed.
• Give specific, meaningful praise. Look for opportunities to not only praise results but also praise progress on newer tasks.
• Redirect as needed. Help the direct report recognize possible gaps in performance and redirect their path.

Important note for managers

Do not cancel a one-on-one meeting with a direct report. Postpone it if necessary, but do not cancel. In our Situational Self Leadership workshop, I always ask participants how it makes them feel when their manager cancels a one-on-one meeting. Overwhelmingly, they say “It makes me feel as if I’m not important.” Note that they don’t say “it’s not important”—they say “I’m not important.”

What do you do to get the most from your one-on-one discussions?

__________________________________

About the author

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in productivity and performance management.

Is the solution to abandon the process? Quite the contrary. A recent survey by The Ken Blanchard Companies found a 20 to 30 percent gap between what employees desired from their leaders during performance management conversations and what they were receiving. Simply put, employees want much more from their leaders than they’re getting!

So what do direct reports want more of?

• More specificity: Be clear on expectations. People want to know what their key responsibility areas are, how they are going to be measured, and what a good job looks like.

• More coaching: People are looking for regular ongoing coaching aimed at helping them to be successful in their job. This includes timely, constructive feedback, regular one-on-ones, and specific, meaningful praise.

• More frequent evaluation: People want to know how they’re doing and what they can do to get better. Don’t wait until the end of the year—make evaluation at least a quarterly conversation. Do your homework and take the time to give meaningful feedback.

• More time spent on career development: Show an interest in your direct reports’ career aspirations. Provide development opportunities. When they participate in a learning event, follow up to see what they learned and have them share their action plan. Chat regularly to check their progress and offer assistance.

No matter what your organization’s performance management process, remember that employees want more and better quality conversations. Take the time to meet with people on a regular basis to discuss performance and help them be successful.

What other ideas do you have to improve the quality of your performance management conversations?

About the author

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in productivity and performance management.

I frequently ask participants in my workshops: “How many of you are getting too much praise?” I generally get a chuckle but rarely a raised hand. Yet time and time again, employees report that sincere, meaningful praise is a significant motivator to perform and engage at work.

A recent survey by TINYpulse asked over 200,000 employees across more than 500 organizations the question: “What motivates you to excel and go the extra mile at your organization?” The third highest response was “feeling encouraged and recognized.” Just in case you were wondering, number one was “camaraderie, peer motivation,” and number two was “intrinsic desire to do a good job.”

Research by Bersin and Associates found that employee engagement, productivity, and customer service are 14% better in organizations where regular recognition occurs. However, only 17% of the employees who participated in their study indicated that their organizational culture strongly supports recognition. Over 70% of the respondents indicated that they are only recognized once a year (a service award) or not at all. What a sad commentary on many work environments.

YES, praise and recognition are important to each of us and clearly impacts our engagement and performance. However, the recognition needs to be done in the right way. Here are six best practices for recognizing employees:

1. Recognize people for specific behavior and results. Service awards for just showing up do not impact engagement or performance in any meaningful way. Stay away from comments like “great job today” or “good work” and be more specific—what did a person do specifically and what was the impact.
2. Tailor the recognition to the individual. Know your people. Some of us (me included) love public praise. Others prefer it to be done in private. One person may want regular on-going praise during a project where another team member would find that annoying and only wants the praise at the end.
3. Give the recognition as close to the event as possible. Don’t save the praise for a meeting or performance review. Take the time to walk around and look for opportunities to catch employees doing something right and give the praise in the moment.
4. Encourage peers to recognize each other. Employees report that peer recognition is more impactful than recognition from a manager because a peer is closer to the work and it’s not their “job.” NOTE: Managers still need to give regular praise also.
5. Share success stories. Use team, department, or company meetings to highlight individual and team success. Share these on the organizational bulletin board or intranet.
6. Link recognition to your company values or goals. For example, at Blanchard, we nominate our peers for annual awards that link to our core values.

As the year comes to a close, I encourage you to take the time to send a note of gratitude and praise, to recognize a staff member, colleague, or even a boss for a specific behavior or accomplishment. Then let’s start the New Year with a renewed desire to catch people doing good things!

“Nothing else can quite substitute for a few well-chosen, well-timed, sincere words of praise. They’re absolutely free and worth a fortune.” ~ Sam Walton

About the author

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in productivity and performance management.

• You made a bad hire—and the person does not have the skills or ability to learn the skills needed for the job, or is not a cultural fit for your organization; or

• The individual’s bad attitude negatively affects others and the work—no matter how much coaching and encouragement you provide.

In my experience, most of the time we can avoid letting someone go by following a simple four-step process that eliminates the problem instead of the employee.

Step 1: Set clear expectations for performance. 

People need to know what a good job looks like. Leaders must be able to paint a clear picture of the results they want employees to achieve. That includes clear measures of success. Performance is sometimes off target because clear targets were never set.

Step 2: Provide day-to-day coaching.

Make time to provide direction on new tasks, to praise progress and acknowledge results, and to listen and encourage as needed. The amount of direction and support you provide should correlate to the person’s competence and commitment on each goal or task. Make sure you get to know each individual personally so that you may effectively adapt your coaching to their situation.

Step 3: Hold regular one-on-one meetings.

At least once a month, get together with each of your direct reports to discuss how things are going. The best one-on-ones are scheduled by the manager but led by the direct report. It is their chance to share progress, talk about obstacles they are facing, and work with you to solve problems.

Step 4: Catch performance problems early and solve them together.

The sooner you catch a performance problem, the easier it is to address. As soon as you notice a pattern of poor performance, have an open discussion. Involve the person in solving the problem. Set a time to follow up to ensure that the problem is solved.

On the surface, these four steps may seem like common sense—but they are far from common practice. Take some extra time with your people. Following these four steps will not only dramatically reduce the number of performance problems in your team but also result in an increase in overall employee productivity, engagement, and retention.

About the author

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in productivity and performance management.

For many managers and their staff, the term fills them with dread. A major reason for the negative reaction comes from the typical way performance management is implemented.

Traditional performance management systems focus on evaluation. Managers set goals for direct reports at the beginning of the year, meet with them at midyear to see how they are doing and provide feedback, and meet with them again at the end of the year to assign them a grade. That grade is used to calculate pay increases and bonuses, and often to determine who to let go if there are layoffs. This process treats employees like cogs in a machine to be tweaked, oiled, and fixed if needed.

A different approach to performance management requires a different mindset—for organizations, managers, and employees. Ken Blanchard and WD-40 Company CEO Garry Ridge discuss this mindset in their book Helping People Win at Work. They suggest a new approach to performance management that’s based on a concept they call “Don’t mark my paper, help me get an A.”

This new approach to performance management creates a real partnership between managers and direct reports. With this process, the manager and the direct report work together at the beginning of the year to set meaningful goals. Then, at least every two weeks they meet one on one, which provides an opportunity for the employee to let the manager know how things are going and to ask for what they need in the way of direction and support to achieve their goals.

Throughout the year the manager provides specific, meaningful praise and encouragement, as well as redirection if needed. When this process is followed, the end of year meeting becomes a time to review and celebrate the employee’s accomplishments.

Many organizations have adopted this new approach. For example, Adobe has dumped its old performance management system with its formal review forms, rankings, and calibration systems. The new approach encourages people to collaboratively set expectations for the year, get feedback on a regular basis, and create a plan for growth and development. The process is referred to as “the check-in.” A year after instituting this new approach, voluntary attrition has dropped and the organization is seeing an upward trend in both employee sentiment and organizational performance.

Another example comes from Australian enterprise software company Atlassian. Leaders found that their old performance management system did exactly the opposite of what they wanted to accomplish. Instead of inspiring discussions about enhancing people’s performance, the old system not only caused disruptions and anxiety but also demotivated both team members and managers.

To solve the problem, the company replaced its old system with a model that emphasizes regular weekly coaching conversations. In these meetings the manager and employee discuss what the employee can do to enhance their own performance and play to their strengths. The company also removed its traditional performance incentives and moved to a motivational model that encourages performance through coaching. Atlassian is now recognized as an employer of choice.

If you are a manager whose organization still participates in the old performance management model, adopt this new coaching model for yourself. Create a partnership with each of your direct reports—and help them get an A.

About the author

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in productivity and performance management.

–Dorothy Corkville Briggs

Becoming the person we want to be is a gradual process. We learn and grow line upon line. Here is a three-step process that can help you on your journey to become the person you desire to be.

Step 1: Have a clear vision of who you want to become

The process starts by having a clear picture of who we want to be. Each of us has been given a script to play based on a combination of our genetics (what we inherited) the way we were raised, and our current environment. We can either live out those scripts, or we can choose to write and act out our own new script. (See last month’s post for a process on writing out a new script for your life.) Whose script are you acting out?

Step 2: Start each week with reflection and planning

Before the week begins, sit down and review each role in your life. For each and every role, reread your aspirational statement. (See last month’s post for more on this.)  Now ask yourself the following questions:

• Are you closer to becoming the person you want to become in that role?
• What went well last week?
• What would you like to do better this week?
• What is the most important thing you can do this week to become the person you desire to be?

The answer to the last question can be a specific action such as taking a loved one to dinner, or it might be an area to focus on such as, “listen better.”

Step 3: Forgive ourselves when we are not perfect

I love the wisdom of Mr. Rogers. He once said:

“Some days, dong the ‘best we can’ may still fall short of what we would like to be able to do, but life isn’t perfect – on any front – and doing what we can with what we have is the most we should expect of ourselves or anyone else.”

~Fred Rogers

Remember that this is a journey. There will be moments when you fall short of your goal. When you do, remember to forgive yourself and recognize the progress you have made over time. Are you closer today than you were last year to being the father or mother, husband or wife, manager or employee, you want to become? If you can answer, “YES” to that question, you are on the right path.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts and/or questions.

About the author

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in performance, productivity, and self-leadership.

It is said that we are all actors on a stage. Whose script are you acting out?

Each of us has been given a script to play based on a combination of our genetics (what we inherited) the way we were raised, and our current environment. We can either live out those scripts, or we can choose to write and act out our own new script. We also have ability to make rewrites to our scripts along the way. BUT, writing and living new scripts is an act of self-leadership and, as Mr. Rogers said, can be hard work.

How do you go about writing a new script for your life? Here is a simple two-step process I learned a number of years ago that has made a tremendous impact in my life:

Step 1: Identify your key roles. 

Most people have several roles they play in their lives – as a family member, a worker, a community member, etc. A role is a key relationship, an area of responsibility, or a contribution you make. Some roles are life-long, such as a parent or family member. Others are seasonal like a baseball coach. Take a moment and identify five to seven key roles that you play. Try to limit your work roles to no more than two.

My current roles include companion, father/grandfather, family member, facilitator, client partner, and mission leader.

Step 2: Write an aspirational statement for each role.

An aspirational statement defines who you want to become in that role. One method of developing an aspirational statement is to imagine your 80^th birthday party. For each role, think of a key person you interact with and imagine what you would want them to say about you as they stand up and share the impact you have had on their life.

For example, this statement describes the father I desire to be:

“Our father loves us unconditionally. He supports us in our lives’ activities. He teaches us correct values and models them in his behavior. He plays with us and shows his love for us in his actions.”

I’m sure my children would say I’m not there yet, but hopefully I’m closer today than I was ten or twenty years ago.

As you start the new year, I encourage you to take some time away from the day-to-day grind of life and write your own script. Next month I will share some ideas for how to live out your script.

Let me know your thoughts or any questions you have on writing your scripts. Remember…

“You didn’t have a choice about the parents you inherited, but you do have a choice about the kind of parent you will be.”  ~ Marian Wright Edelman

About the author

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in performance, productivity, and self-leadership.

This advice falls into three basic categories: Reduce the amount of email you send and receive, Send clear, concise messages, and Keep your inbox clean 

Reduce the Amount 

Sure, it sounds easy enough, but how do you do it? Believe it or not, the easiest way to reduce the amount of email you receive is to send less. The less email you send, the less you receive. Here are some ways to accomplish this goal:

• Pick up the phone. When you expect a conversation, don’t use email. Pick up the phone or get up and go talk to the person.
• Use cc: and Reply All sparingly. Only copy or reply to people who really need the information.
• Use No Reply Needed in the subject line or in your signature. Too many emails are sent just to say thanks or to let the sender know their email was received. If you don’t need someone to reply, let them know in a prominent spot.
• Create an alternate email address for junk mail. Create an email account to give out to people or companies you don’t need to interact with on a daily basis. Once a month, go to that account and do a quick scan to see if there’s anything you need to read or act on. 

Send Clear, Concise Messages

Clear, concise messaging can dramatically cut down on the time we spend on email. Consider the following:

• Use descriptive subject lines. Help readers know the intent of your email in the subject line.
• Put required action in first paragraph. For example, you might type Approval needed, Information Only, or Need Help Immediately to let the receiver know what you expect.
• Only send email that’s okay to forward. If you wouldn’t want the message to be sent to others, use the phone or communicate face to face. It also helps to go with the assumption that your email will be permanently stored. 

Keep Your Inbox Clean

Manage your email so your inbox stays empty. A full inbox is a major time waster.  To keep your inbox clean, each time you open an item for the first time, do one of three things with it:

• Act on it. To act on an email, you can:  handle it immediately; delegate it by forwarding it to another person; schedule it as a task for later; or schedule it as an appointment in your calendar. Once you have acted on it, either file it for later or delete it. 

• File it. If you think you may need the email later, put it into a specific folder for that client, project, or individual. Consider saving attachments and deleting the email. If you are unsure whether you will need it later, create a 30- or 60-day Hold folder for items you might need to go back to. Periodically clean up this folder or simply set it up to automatically delete mail older than 30 to 60 days. If necessary, make a note on your to-do list or calendar to remind you where you filed the email.
• Delete it. If you don’t need the email after you’ve read or scanned it, simply delete it. 

I hope you find one or more of these ideas for managing your email helpful in the New Year. Let me know any other best practices you use to manage your email.

About the author

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in performance, productivity, and self-leadership.

A number of years ago when I went through Ken Blanchard’s SLII^® workshop for the first time, I struggled with the concept of the Directing Leadership Style. I kept telling myself that I would never use that style.

In the years since, I have discovered that my initial fear of the Directing style came from my having been on the receiving end of that style when I didn’t need direction because I was already competent at the task.

It turns out the Directing style is a great style to use as a leader when the individual you are leading lacks competence at a particular goal or task, but is highly motivated and confident to accomplish the task. In addition, the person must recognize their lack of competence or the Directing style will still feel like micromanagement.

Five Steps to Better Direction

When a Directing style is needed, remember to do the following:

1. Be clear and specific in describing the goal or task.
2. Contract with the individual to use a Directing style. Use language such as: “Since you’ve never done this before, would it be helpful if I provided some direction to help you get started?”
3. Adapt your direction to match the individual’s learning style. Ask: “How do you like to learn?” and adapt your direction to meet their needs.
4. Check in often for understanding and provide feedback. Don’t just let the person go at this point. Continually check in to see how they are doing and provide praise for progress and redirection where needed.
5. Adjust your style as the individual progresses. They won’t always need high levels of direction. As they demonstrate competence on the goal or task, gradually pull back on the direction and let them take more of a lead. 

Dealing with Disagreement

What if they don’t agree? What if they believe they are already competent at the task? When that happens, follow these steps:

1. Clarify the goal or task. Chances are the person doesn’t fully understand the scope of the goal or task. Describe the goal in greater detail and clearly identify a standard for success. At this point, you are hoping they have an “aha” moment when they realize that they haven’t actually done the task before. 

If Step 1 doesn’t work, move to Step 2.

2. Ask them for more information regarding their experience on the goal or task. Be open to the fact that they might have competence you haven’t seen and they don’t need as high a level of direction on this task. 

If you still aren’t convinced, go to Step 3.

3. Compare their past experience to a clear standard of high performance on the goal. Try to help the individual see the gap between their experience and the level of competence needed for you to “let them go” on this task. 

If the individual still believes they have demonstrated competence in the past and you disagree, move to Step 4.

4. In most instances, go with their perception and let the individual take the lead on how to accomplish the goal or task, but monitor them closely. For example, if you are asking them to lead a project team but have never seen them demonstrate competence as a project manager but they insist they are competent, give them the assignment to develop a project plan. Let them complete that “sub-task” without direction and then check in to see if they demonstrate competence. 

Remember: The Directing style is highly directive but includes low levels of support—not no support. If it was no support, it would be a Dictator style!  We’ve all been on the receiving end of a Dictator style at some point in our careers.

Share Your Experience

Recently, I asked participants in a workshop to do some field work between sessions and have a partnering conversation with one of their direct reports on a new goal or task. In many instances, they reported using a Directing style with very experienced employees on new tasks they had never done before. In the past, they had been afraid to provide direction for fear of micromanaging. What they discovered was, if used correctly, the Directing style was exactly what these individuals were looking for to help them get started.

Let me know your thoughts and experiences on using or receiving a Directing style when it matched an individual’s development level.

About the author

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in performance and self-leadership.

Working in a matrix organization with multiple bosses can create major challenges:

• Work overload. A common refrain in workplaces around the globe is, “I have too much work to do.” Things can be even worse when you have multiple managers on different projects. Each boss may treat you as if you only work for him or her.

• Competing demands. Having several bosses can mean competing demands on your time. Whose project gets first priority—especially when every boss believes his or her project should be number one?

• Conflicting messages. The more managers you have, the more opportunity there is for conflicting messages. Different bosses have different expectations and methods of communicating, and can unintentionally send conflicting messages.

What can you do to manage these challenges? I suggest these four strategies:

1. Be Clear Who Your “Real” Boss Is

It’s important to know who your real boss is. Which person do you formally report to? Who does your final performance review? Who makes decisions regarding your compensation? Even in a heavily matrixed environment, just one manager is typically responsible for these tasks. Make sure you are having regular one-on-one meetings at least once a month with your real boss. Use this formal leader as a mentor or coach in dealing with your other managers.

2. Be Open About Your Workload

Your bosses don’t know what’s on your plate unless you tell them. Be open about your workload. Share your calendar with all of your managers so they know your schedule. Create a shared document that updates them on each of the projects you’re working on so they see your progress and have a better understanding of your workload. Have quick weekly check-in meetings to stay connected and address any concerns.

3.  Set Clear Boundaries on Your Time

Constant interruptions are a major time waster. It’s difficult to focus on your projects if your bosses keep coming by to ask questions or make additional requests. Encourage them to use email or text for questions and requests. Block off specific time on your calendar to work on projects. Let your managers know this is sacred time and you should not be interrupted unless it is an emergency.

4. Set Clear Standards for Communication

Get your bosses together to develop one set of standards for communication. Do you prefer to get requests through email, text, Outlook tasks, face-to-face, or some other way? What is the expectation for timely response to an email or text—for you and for them? How often will you meet one-on-one? How are you going to report project status? If possible, come up with one way that works for all of your managers so you don’t have to deal with different expectations for communication.

Working in a matrix environment can be fun and invigorating. I enjoy working on multiple projects with multiple managers. It gives me a greater sense of autonomy, provides access to a larger network, and allows me to grow and develop in my career.

Having more than one boss can have its advantages—but it needs coordination. By using these four simple strategies, you can minimize the challenges and reap the benefits of working in this stimulating environment.

About the author

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in performance and self-leadership.

A common leadership challenge I hear in our workshops is: “How do I lead when I don’t have authority?”

Even when we do have formal authority, we often need to influence up and across the organization. But should we use our authority to coerce others to do what we want or need them to do? I believe the answer is a resounding no, except in two situations:

1. In a crisis or emergency—there is no time to influence right now.
2. As a last resort—when you have tried everything to influence, it isn’t working, and “no” is not an option.

Think about those times when your boss used position power to get you to do something. How did you respond? How did it make you feel?

Having autonomy—a feeling of choice—is critical to motivation. When we use position power to get something done, we remove the other person’s sense of autonomy. We may or may not get compliance, but we rarely get commitment.

One key way to influence, whether or not you have authority, is to develop personal power with those you need to influence. Personal power is a product of the trust and respect others have for you based on your actions toward them. The more personal power you have in a relationship, the easier it is to influence. Think of people you truly trust and respect. When they ask you to do something for them, you rarely think twice about it—you just do it.

Four key behaviors can help build your personal power with others:

1. Take the time to truly listen—and listen to understand (see my prior post on What Does It Mean to Truly Listen?).
2. Be authentic—make sure your actions align with your stated values.
3. Treat everyone with respect—not just those you want to influence, but everyone you interact with.
4. Keep commitments—develop a reputation for follow-through.

When you need to influence without authority—or even with it—remember the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson:

“What you are shouts so loud in my ears I cannot hear what you say.”

What other thoughts do you have about influencing without authority?

About the author

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in performance and self-leadership.

Here’s a question I have asked in numerous workshops over the past few months: How many of you have had formal training in listening?

It never fails to stun me when only about 10 percent of the attendees raise their hands. Listening is such a critical skill—and yet so few have been trained in how to do it. Here is a short course.

What does it mean to really listen?

Dictionary.com defines the word listen as follows:

lis·ten [lis–uhn] verb

1.  To give attention with the ear; attend closely for the purpose of hearing

2.  To pay attention; heed

Yes, it means to hear; but it also means to pay attention—with our ears, our eyes, and our hearts.

Listen to more than the words

True listeners look beyond the words themselves—they search for meaning in the speaker’s tone and body language. This is especially important when the communication has an emotional component.

A study done by Dr. Albert Mehrabian at UCLA looked at the degrees to which emotional messages are sent through words, tone, and body language. Regarding the true meaning of an emotional message, Dr. Mehrabian found:

• 7 percent of meaning is in the words that are spoken
• 38 percent of meaning is in the tone of voice—the way the words are said
• 55 percent of meaning is in facial expression

If what we are hearing is different from what we are sensing from the tone or the facial expression, guess which one is correct! 

Show You Are Listening

Part of really listening is responding in a way that shows the other person we are paying attention. We can demonstrate we are truly listening in four different ways. For example, if a coworker comes to you and complains about their micromanaging boss, you could show you are listening by:

• Reflecting back the content

Example: As you see it, your boss is micromanaging you…

• Reflecting back the feeling

Example: So you feel frustrated because…

• Reflecting both content and feeling

Example: You feel frustrated because your boss is micromanaging you…

• Being silent and attentive

A helpful phrase to show you are listening might be:

So you feel ___________________ because ______________________.

Other helpful phrases might include:

• You seem…
• You sound…
• What I’m hearing is…
• As you see it…
• Tell me more…
• Is there anything else…

Not only is listening to others a key life skill, it can also have a tremendous impact on building trust in a relationship. When we take the time to listen, we show the other person that we care—that we are interested in understanding their perspective. That can go a long way toward building, or rebuilding, a relationship.

“The purpose of life is to listen – to yourself, to your neighbor, to your world and to God and, when the time comes, to respond in as helpful a way as you can find …  from within and without.”          ~ Fred Rogers

“A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he knows something.”               ~ Wilson Mizner

About the author

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in performance and self-leadership.

You demonstrate you are fully present by the use of attending behaviors. One of the simplest ways to learn these attending behaviors is to observe others who model these behaviors. Think of someone in your life who makes you feel as if they are fully present during conversations. What do they do? Please share in your comments.

The movie Dead Poets Society contains a critical scene in which Robin Williams’ character, Mr. John Keating, gets a visit from Neil, a young man in his English class who comes to him with a problem. I encourage you to rent this movie and watch how in this scene Mr. Keating beautifully models the following attending behaviors:

• As Neil comes into his office, Mr. Keating stops what he’s doing and gets up from his chair.
• He makes his guest comfortable by getting him a cup of tea.
• There is an appropriate distance to show interest—but not too much interest. Personal distance is cultural, but you can tell if a person is uncomfortable.
• He squares up. By facing the person directly, you show your focus is on them.
• Mr. Keating gets the conversation started but then stops and listens.
• He makes good eye contact throughout the conversation.
• He lets his emotions show without calling attention to himself when he observes the young man’s pain.
• During pauses, he remains focused while waiting for Neil to continue. Note that Mr. Keating doesn’t look like he’s thinking about what he should say next.
• He leans in. Leaning back can appear defensive, evaluative, or disinterested.
• While you can’t see it in the frame, you can tell from Mr. Keating’s posture that his arms and legs are uncrossed. This is a universally recognizable sign of openness.
• When there is a good opportunity to say something, he asks a question rather than immediately handing out advice.
• He keeps his comments short and to the point.
• Mr. Keating keeps his voice down—not monotonous, but without dramatic fluctuations in tone or pitch. A voice that is higher pitched than one’s normal voice denotes tension. A lower tone is calmer. Calm is good. In fact, he becomes even quieter when things get emotional, but he never loses focus.
• He waits for the answer. Note that he doesn’t make a point until the answer comes back empty.

Demonstrating that you are fully present is critical to challenging conversations. Not only does it show that you are interested and that you care, it also provides you with a wealth of information from the other person’s nonverbal behaviors—body language, facial expressions, and tone. It involves engaging both your eyes and your heart in the conversation.

About the author

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in performance and self-leadership.  This is the third in a series of articles on Challenging Conversations.  For more on this subject, be sure to read John’s first two posts, Preparing for a Challenging Conversation  and  6 Ways to Get Rid of Emotional Baggage BEFORE a Challenging Conversation.

Here are a few creative ways to get the emotions out. Any number of these may work for you—so pick one you like, or try them all.  (Preparation is also important—if you could use some help in that area, see my earlier post on Preparing for A Challenging Conversation.)

Fast Writing

This is a 30-minute “brain dump” in which you simply write down anything and everything that comes to you. This stream-of-consciousness style keeps you from making a real discourse out of your thoughts, and frees you to just “get the emotions out,” regardless of how incoherent they may be. Most authors suggest doing this writing longhand as opposed to on a keyboard. The purpose is to clear your mind.

Write whatever your head says and don’t edit yourself. If you go blank, write dots on the page until something comes into your head, and then write whatever shows up. Keep writing. Then, when you’re done, throw it away. Physically destroy the paper. Sometimes the more physical action feels more “real.” Burn the paper, if it helps.

The process is the important thing, not the product. The point is to do something that gives you enough relief that you can have the conversation without the distraction of strong emotions that you haven’t addressed yet.

Email to No One

This is similar to fast writing in that you won’t be keeping it, but here you are writing the email intentionally and specifically—as if you were saying all the hard things you need to say to this person or telling your best friend how you feel. Having those thoughts and feelings out where you can look at them helps dissipate the emotional impact of them. It may also clarify any still-foggy areas.

IMPORTANT: Make sure you don’t put anyone’s address in the “To:” box!

The good thing about email is that if you don’t save it, and you don’t send it, it goes nowhere. Once you’re done writing and you feel some relief, delete the email permanently. Then when you have the actual conversation, you can set these feelings aside, knowing you’ve already gotten them out and dealt with them.

Journaling

When you can take the time to write down your thoughts on paper, sometimes they become clearer. Even a little bit of this can be useful. The difference between journaling and fast writing is that the journal is intended for future review. You may find it useful to reflect later on what you were thinking before the conversation and how things changed afterwards.

Your journal entry doesn’t have to be shared with anyone. This can be especially helpful for more introverted people who really aren’t comfortable letting others in on their personal thoughts and feelings.

Talking to a Trusted Friend

All of us get by with a little help from our friends. This is one of those things a good friend can do for you. Make sure the friend isn’t entangled in the issue you need to talk about—just someone you trust to help you get your emotions out without judgment. What you need is a chance to work things out verbally. If you want advice, that’s fine, but if it’s not useful at this point, let your friend know what you need before you start.

A Picture Paints a Thousand Words

Even if you believe you have no artistic talent, making a picture of what you’re feeling can go beyond trying to talk about it. You may just be scribbling, but you can express your feelings deeply by scratching out lines or painting colors on a receptive surface. If it feels dark, make it dark. If it feels sharp and angular, make it sharp and angular. You can make it look angry, hurt, frustrated, afraid, concerned—whatever you’re feeling.

Then, when you’re done, once again, leave your emotion there. Now you can set the art aside, or destroy it—whatever feels best.

Physical Activity

Lots of people feel great emotional relief when they do something physical. A good workout can help clear your head before a difficult conversation. Go for a run or a bike ride, or shoot some hoops. Swimming always helps me clear my head.

I hope these ideas have helped. What other ideas do you have to let go of the emotional baggage prior to having a challenging conversation?

About the author:

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in performance and self-leadership.  You can read John’s posts on the second Thursday of each month.

Most challenging conversations are more effective when we take the time to prepare for them. I’d like to suggest five things you can do to be better prepared to guide your next challenging conversation to a successful outcome.

Gather the relevant information.

First of all, collect the relevant information pertaining to the topic of the conversation—the who, what, and why. Ask yourself:

• Who do I need to talk to?
• What is the problem?
• Why might this problem be occurring?

Envision the desired outcome.

Imagine the best possible outcome. If the conversation goes well, what will be the result? Be specific as you visualize this. Being keenly aware of your intentions will make preparation easier—and keeping those intentions in mind will guide the conversation in the direction you want it to go.

Anticipate the other person’s reactions and your response.

Think about ways the other person might react to the conversation to guard against the possibility of being blindsided by their words or actions. If you have considered their probable reactions and determined how you will best respond , you will be ahead of the game. Remember, though, that you can’t predict every reaction—even from someone you know well.

Pay attention to logistical issues.

The environment surrounding a difficult conversation can affect its outcome. A bit of forethought and preparation can have a significant positive impact. Here are some best practices for handling the logistics of the conversation.

• Schedule more than enough time – 30 minutes more than you expect.
• Hold the conversation in a private, safe, neutral location if possible.
• Make sure you will not be interrupted.
• Turn all phones and devices off.
• Have tissue available if tears are a possibility.
• Have a glass or bottle of water handy.
• If the conversation is with a direct report, be prepared to give the person the rest of the day off if needed—and do not have the conversation at the end of the day on Friday.

Decide if the conversation is worth having.

Note that I put the decision about actually having the conversation last.  Sometimes you find that the conversation itself is not as important as the deliberations you went through to prepare for it. What you really needed was to sort out your own thoughts and feelings. After all of your preparation, if you determine that you don’t need to have the conversation, you will lose nothing by changing your mind.

What other ideas do you have for preparing for challenging conversations?

About the author:

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in performance and self-leadership.  You can read John’s posts on the second Thursday of each month.

In the workplace as well as other areas of our lives, we sometimes encounter people who apparently are stuck in the mode of complaining and unwilling to move toward resolution.  I have discovered a simple process to help complainers move from whining to action.

1. Hear them out. First, hear them out one more time. When they complain again—and you know they will—take the time to listen to them, giving them your full attention and energy. It is best to do this in a private setting where neither of you will be distracted.

2. Summarize their issue. Next, when you are sure that you understand the problem at hand and the other person feels heard, interrupt them if necessary and gently say, “Let me make sure I fully understand.” Restate the situation and their frustration as you see it. For example, if they have been complaining about being micromanaged, you might say, “What I’m hearing is that you are frustrated because your boss is micromanaging you.” Get their agreement to your summary—but do not let them continue with their rant.

3. Help them consider their options. Now ask this magic question: “Understanding that this is the situation, what are your options?” In a best-case scenario, they will have some ideas and you can help them come up with an action plan. Chances are, however, that they are too stuck to think of any options. If so, lead with some ideas of your own and solicit their feedback. Either way, help them consider their options and decide on their next steps.

4. Make them accountable for next steps. To add an element of accountability, at the end of the conversation summarize the agreed-upon action plan. Ask the person when they plan to take the first step and set up a date and time to check in with them

What do you do if, despite all your efforts, the other person refuses to move on and seems as if they want to stay stuck?

At this point, I suggest a few options:

• Try to help them understand the effect being stuck is having on them and on those around them. Hopefully, you can stir them to action.
• Refer them to someone else for counseling. Perhaps the HR department has some options for them.
• Remember to take care of yourself. It may be time to ask yourself: Is this relationship worth the emotional drain I experience each time we are together?

I hope these thoughts help you to move others to action. Let me know any other ideas you have to help others get unstuck.

About the author:

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in performance and self-leadership.  You can read John’s posts on the second Thursday of each month.

The world is indeed getting flatter. Like many organizations, at The Ken Blanchard Companies we regularly interact with coworkers and clients around the globe. In my workshops, cross-cultural communication is frequently cited as a significant challenge for leaders who have teams spread throughout the world.

Communication involves an exchange of meaning through sending and receiving of verbal and nonverbal messages, either consciously or unconsciously. For a message to be understood correctly, there needs to be a vast amount of common ground between the sender and receiver. This makes cross-cultural communication difficult, because two culturally different individuals tend to have less in common than two people who are part of the same culture.

Many variable factors get in the way of mutual understanding within cross-cultural communication—differences in language, in communication styles, and in the interpretation of nonverbal behaviors. Within each of these differences are numerous subcategories that add further difficulty.

However, effective cross-cultural communication is possible. I suggest four approaches to increase understanding:

1. Start with the assumption that you may not understand the situation or message and that cultural differences may get in the way.
2. The most accurate way to gather information is to observe and describe what is actually said and done, not to evaluate or interpret words or actions. Evaluation and interpretation are influenced by each person’s own culture and background.
3. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes, boots, or sandals. Try to see the situation from the other person’s cultural perspective.
4. Treat your explanation or interpretation as a best guess. Then, when you think you understand, check with the other person to see whether you’re on the right path or whether you need additional clarity.

What other suggestions do you have to increase understanding in cross-cultural communication?

About the author:

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in performance and self-leadership.  You can read John’s posts on the second Thursday of each month.

So what do you do when you have a manager who is not providing the leadership you need or deserve? I suggest three key strategies for managing your boss.

Key #1: Manage Yourself First

What? “I thought this was about managing my boss,” you say? It is difficult, if not impossible, to manage others if you’re not managing yourself first. That means being accountable, keeping commitments, supporting other team members, and doing what you can to make a contribution—to add value. The more you are seen as a valued member of the team, the greater influence you will have in managing up.

Key #2: Communicate Regularly

If you don’t do this already, I recommend that you schedule regular one-on-one time with your manager. At least once every two weeks, sit down together for fifteen to thirty minutes and share progress reports, obstacles and concerns you face, and needs you have for direction and support. Start each one-on-one meeting with an update of commitments both you and your manager made during the previous one-on-one.

Key #3: Ask for What You Need

Managers are not all-seeing, all-knowing human beings. Just like everyone else, they are generally horrible guessers when it comes to what others need. Do you need more clarity about a recent assignment? Do you need direction on where to start? Do you need your manager to trust you and give you the autonomy you deserve on this assignment? Then ask. Be clear and specific and ask for what you need. For example: “Hey boss, do you have five minutes to provide some more detail about what you need from me on this assignment?” Or “Hey boss, since this is something I have done before, I would really like to lead this activity.” Most managers are willing to help but wary of micromanaging so they don’t offer. Remember to just ask.

What if Your Boss Refuses to be Managed?

You can be a solid performer with superior communication and people skills and your manager can still choose to be unsupportive, or even worse: A seagull manager. Seagull managers are never around until you make a mistake. Then they fly in, make a lot of noise, dump all over you, and fly away again. If you have done everything you can to get the leadership you need and it is not working, you have two choices: (1) accept it and let it go; or (2) remove yourself from that manager.  (See an earlier blog post for more information regarding these options.)

What other strategies do you use to manage your boss with integrity, in a way that builds the relationship? I’d love to read your comments.

About the author:

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in performance and self-leadership.  You can read John’s posts on the second Thursday of each month.

I started experiencing back pain around the time I turned 50. When I went to the doctor she told me, “John, you are at that age where every morning you will wake up with pain somewhere.” Wow! Talk about a wake-up call. Luckily, she didn’t leave it at that. She also gave me some specific stretching and strengthening exercises to help with the pain—and when I take the time to do them, they do help.

The reality is that without care and attention, things break down – our bodies, our minds, and our relationships. As we start this new year, I suggest that we each increase our capacity by taking time to regularly renew ourselves in each of the four dimensions of life – physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.

• Increasing or maintaining your physical capacity includes getting regular physical activity, taking time for rest and relaxation, eating a balanced diet, and doing other activities that revitalize the body and give you energy. For many, getting too little sleep is a culprit. Remember what Andy Rooney said: “Go to bed. Whatever you’re staying up late for isn’t worth it.”

• To increase your mental capacity, consider activities such as keeping a journal, reading, taking up a hobby, or continuing your education—anything that broadens and strengthens the mind. Be a student of whatever field you choose. Read voraciously. Mark Twain stated: “The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.”

• Activities that increase your emotional capacity can include regular social activity with friends and family, learning to listen with empathy, valuing the differences in others, increasing your circle of friends, and forgiving yourself and others. Forgiveness can be a power tool for increasing emotional capacity. As Lewis Smedes said: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

• Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz, authors of The Power of Full Engagement, define spiritual capacity as “the energy that is unleashed by tapping into one’s deepest values and defining a strong sense of purpose.” Your spiritual capacity is a powerful source of motivation, focus, and resilience. You may build your spiritual capacity by connecting with nature, reading inspirational literature, living in integrity, listening to uplifting music, engaging in meditation and/or prayer, or other activities that nourish the soul.

Author Rumer Godden may have said it best: “Everyone is a house with four rooms:  physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.  Unless we go into every room every day, even if only to keep it aired, we are not a complete person.”

What are some things you plan to do in the new year to renew yourself?

About the author:

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in performance and self-leadership.  

Peter Drucker said the only valid purpose for a business is “to create a customer.” Yes, profits are necessary, but Drucker adds that “the customer is the foundation of a business and keeps it in existence. He alone gives employment.”

What does Wiki Answers say? According to Wiki, “the purpose of a business is to fill a need. Money comes after.”

These are all well and good. And yes, profits ARE necessary.

However, in Charles Dickens’ classic A Christmas Carol, the ghost of Jacob Marley warns Ebenezer Scrooge of the perils of focusing only on profits at the expense of his responsibility to others.  He tells Ebenezer:

“Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence were, all, my business. The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!”

So… what is the business of any leader? To make a difference in the lives of others– employees and their families, customers, suppliers, and even shareholders.  Yes, we need to ensure the organization is profitable AND do well by our fellow men and women.

During this holiday season, what can you do to demonstrate that mankind is your business? Let me know your ideas.

About the author:

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies.  You can read John’s posts on the second Thursday of every month.

One day I noticed that Sue left at 1:30 in the afternoon without saying a word. The next day, she left at 2:00. The next, 1:30 again. I started to get a little annoyed and, despite all previous evidence to the contrary, I began to wonder if Sue was slacking off. Unfortunately, I let this go on a few more days until another employee came to me to report that Sue was leaving early each day. Now I needed to handle the situation.

I called Sue into my office and said, “I noticed you have been going home between 1:30 and 2:00 every day for the last week. Help me understand.”

Notice the language. I did not say, “I noticed you have been leaving early.” That is a judgment. I simply said what I had observed. Note that a neutral tone is critical in this type of conversation.

Sue’s response: “I’m so sorry, John. I forgot to tell you that I have been coming in at 5:00 a.m. each day for the past two weeks to let our trainers into the building and get them set up. I let Julie (our admin) know, but I forgot to tell you.”

Can you imagine how that conversation would have gone if I had assumed the bad—that Sue was slacking off and leaving early? What impact would that have had on our relationship and the trust we felt toward each other? Instead, I assumed the good— that there had to be a reasonable explanation for her behavior.

The next time you encounter behavior that does not fit what you expect—an unfriendly grocery clerk, a colleague who doesn’t return your call, a senior manager who passes you in the hall and doesn’t say “hi”—assume the best. There’s a good chance that the clerk is having a difficult day, the colleague has been so swamped they have not listened to their voice messages, and the senior manager was distracted and didn’t see you.

Give people the benefit of the doubt as you would have them do to you—a good relationship may hang in the balance.

About the author:

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies.  You can read John’s posts on the second Thursday of every month.

It doesn’t have to be this way. A key skill in managing your time (and your boss) is learning to say NO when appropriate. But, how do you say NO, especially to your boss, in a way that maintains the relationship and builds trust?

First, you need to know your commitments. In order to know when to say no, you need to know what’s on your plate. You should have a running list of all your current projects/assignments. Once you see this list of commitments, you can decide whether the new request fits into your schedule, and if it’s of high enough priority to add to your list.

The real secret to saying “NO” is to have a greater “YES” burning within you!

Next, when a request is made, take the time to listen and fully understand what is being asked and why. Then you can decide if the request fits into your schedule and your priorities.

Last, when appropriate, you need to say NO in a respectful way. Here are five strategies:

• Negotiate a later date for completion – “I would be happy to do that task. With all of my other priorities I could complete it by this date.”
• Ask how it fits into your current workload, then negotiate – “I would be happy to do that task. Would you help me see where this fits in with my other priorities?”
• Suggest someone else who might be able to complete the task for you – “I don’t have time for this at the moment. You might check with Pat or Chris.”
• Be polite, yet firm in saying “no” when “no” is your only option – “I’m sorry, I can’t do this right now.”
• Pre-empt the request by keeping people informed regarding your workload and priorities.

Don’t let your work life get to the point where you feel burned out and ready to quit. Take responsibility for creating the work environment that keeps you engaged by learning to say “No” when appropriate.

Remember…

“A ‘No’, uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a ‘Yes’, merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.”

~ Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

*****

About the author:

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies.  You can read John’s posts on the second Thursday of every month.

He did not want to go but felt he had no choice.

I asked: “What would happen if you CHOSE not to go?” He replied that his wife would be very upset and it would harm their relationship.

Next, I asked: “How do you think your current attitude will impact the quality of your time together at this wedding?” He pondered this for a minute and admitted that he would have a miserable time and that would have a negative impact on his wife’s experience – not too much different than if he stayed home.

Finally, I asked: “Knowing that you really DO have a choice, what would happen if you looked at your options and CHOSE to attend the wedding and make this a great experience for your wife?” He admitted things would probably be better and he made the choice to attend.

When he came back from his trip, I asked him how it went. He hit me in the arm and then said “I hate it when you’re right. We both had a wonderful time.”

Exercise choice

There is power in the words we tell ourselves and others. Think about the last meeting you feel you HAD to attend – you felt like you had no choice. How did you act during that meeting? What was your attitude? What did you get out of the meeting? What would happen if you made the CHOICE to attend instead? You looked at your alternatives – go or not go – and decided it was worth attending. (NOTE: You may want to contact the meeting organizer and have a discussion about your attendance before making a final decision!)

Think about these examples and how reframing your words can impact the quality of your experience:

Instead of                     Consider

I have to…                              I choose to…

They made me…                    I’ve decided to…

It can’t be done…                  There has to be another way…

As you go through the rest of the week, notice your language and the impact it has on your attitude. See if you can reframe your experience by changing your language. Let me know how it goes.

“Change your language and you change your thoughts.” ~ Karl Albrecht 

About the author:

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies.  You can read John’s posts on the second Thursday of every month.

A few seconds later, just as we feared, the deer jumped out into the road.  Paula shouted, “The deer!” and the next thing I knew we crashed into the animal (or he crashed into us), which damaged the front end of our rental car. Amazingly, we were not hurt. The same cannot be said for the poor deer.

As we were waiting for the tow truck, we discussed what happened. It was a classic case of not being specific in our communication. When I asked Paula if she saw the deer, I was referring to the one in the median in the middle of the highway. When she responded “Yes, I do,” she was referring to a second deer, which she saw ahead in the lane to our right.

A better, more specific form of communication would have been:

JOHN:       “Do you see the deer in the median?”

PAULA:     “No, but I see the one on the right side of the car about to jump into our lane.”

Too many times we are not specific in our communication, make assumptions, and don’t double-check for understanding.  While not as traumatic as hitting a deer, here are a few examples where not being specific enough can lead to hurt feelings, unnecessary conflict, and negative outcomes.

• “I need your report as soon as possible.”  What does that mean? The manager asking for the report might be expecting it within the hour. But the other person may already have a full plate and “as soon as possible” is sometime next week.
• “I would like you to be a better team player.” What does that look like? This manager may want the person to attend all team meetings, show up on time, actively participate in team discussions, and support team decisions. The person receiving this message may think that being a good team player means hanging out with the team after work.
• (To a teenager): “I would like you to go and clean your room.”  What is the definition of clean? To you, it means picking up clothes and putting them away, making the bed, vacuuming, and dusting. To the teenager, it may mean shoving everything under the bed and calling it good.

Being more specific

One simple way to be more specific is to add the phrase “…by that I mean…” to the end of the request.  For example:  “I would like you to go and clean your room, and by that I mean…” and then include the specific details.

The level of specificity needed is dependent on the person and the task, so think about both as you clarify the request or assignment.

As you become more specific in your communication, you will be amazed at the corresponding decrease in interpersonal conflict, increase in fulfillment of expectations, and positive outcomes for yourself—and for deer—everywhere.

About the author:

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies.  You can read John’s posts on the second Thursday of every month.

Of all of the seven habits, none has changed my life more than Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood. As a husband and father, leader, teacher, and friend, the skill of listening with empathy has not only made me more effective, it has transformed relationships.

Stephen Covey described empathic listening as, “Reflecting what a person feels and says in your own words to their satisfaction so they feel listened to and understood.”  It means listening with your whole being—ears, eyes and heart.

When you make the time to truly listen to another person and make sure they know they were heard, you:

• Build trust—I believe nothing builds trust as deeply as truly listening to another person and trying to understand what they are saying and feeling from their perspective.
• Solve the “real” problem—Most of us tend to jump too quickly into problem solving without getting to the “real” problem first. Taking the time to listen for understanding, then reflecting what you have heard and felt, allows the real problem to surface.
• Diffuse feelings—Listening allows the other person to get their feelings out.
• Have greater influence—When the other person feels understood, they are more open to listening to you and you have a greater opportunity to influence them in a positive way.

Stephen Covey will be missed, but his spirit will live on through his books, his teachings, and his personal example.  The next time you are dealing with an angry customer, an excited coworker, a troubled friend, or even a happy five year-old child, I encourage you to take the time to listen to their story. It’s a great way to honor Stephen Covey’s memory.  You will be amazed by the impact truly listening has on the results, and more importantly, the relationship.

About the author:

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies.  You can read John’s posts on the first Monday of every month.