Dear Madeleine,

I am a marketing director for a medical devices company. I manage all our social media and speaking engagements, which involves a lot of details and spreadsheets with tasks and tracking results. Part of my job is to conduct interviews with experts and write them up for our website, and to write articles that make the latest research accessible and engaging to our audience of doctors and nurse practioners, as well as the patients who (hopefully) need what we make.

My problem is that I block out time to write, and it always seems to get overridden by crises of the day, emergency team meetings, the limited time of the doctors I need to interview—you name it. Something always seems to get in the way. Am I just making excuses? I have tried blocking time on weekends, which works, but then I feel resentful that I am sacrificing my very limited personal time. I am behind on my writing commitments and can never seem to get caught up. I haven’t been dinged on my performance (yet), but that is only because my manager has also done a lot of writing and is sympathetic.

How does anyone manage a huge job and focus on writing projects? I worry that I have become a professional procrastinator. Any ideas here?

In Procrastinating Hell

__________________________________________________________

Dear In Procrastinating Hell,

Oh, do I ever have some ideas—because I have lived in that hell for a very long time, and so has every writer I know. Anyone whose job involves writing has to make their peace with how they make time for it. Even successful novelists have to spend part of their workdays managing administration, requests for manuscript reviews and quotes, editing finished work, etc.

I wish I had a magic wand for you, but there isn’t one. The only way, which you clearly know, is to block time. The thing you haven’t figured out is how to protect that time as if your life depends on it. I am going to share an idea that you are not going to like. I didn’t like it when I first stumbled over it (in a blog about how hard it is to get writing done as part of a full-time job that involves a million other tasks), and I still don’t.

But I can guarantee that it works.

I call it the early bird method. I deploy it when I have a critical writing deadline that I am not making progress with. Here it is:

Set the alarm for 5 AM. Do not hit snooze. Get your coffee or matcha, be at your desk at 5:15, and write from 5:15 to 6:15 AM. <Groan>

You resent giving up your personal time, which is fair, so if you want to try this, you might be able to make the case with your sympathetic manager to end your workday an hour earlier. The beauty of the early bird method is how unlikely it is that anyone will try to schedule over that time frame.

You might hate that idea so much it is an automatic no for you. You might be such a night owl that it is simply not in the cards. In that case, consider writing from 8 PM to 9 PM four nights a week. Hate that just as much? Your allergic reaction (if you are having one) to both options may provide the grit you need to aggressively guard your writing time on your regular workday calendar. If the word aggressive seems too strong, well, that might be part of the issue. It takes nerves of steel to protect your own time to focus on what is important. It is a sign of taking ownership.

Might I submit that one of the reasons you are susceptible to being pushed off course by the myriad crises du jour is that you are terrified of what I think of as the “tyranny of the blinking cursor.” This makes you normal. Writing is scary. Writing is hard. And writing, like anything else worth mastering, seems to just get harder because the better you get at it, the more you realize how much better you could be. Writing requires 100% of your focus. There is zero possibility of multi-tasking, and every interruption takes a minimum of five precious minutes of recovery.

Let’s talk about procrastination. There is compelling research from Dr. Sirois, a professor of psychology at the University of Sheffield, that proposes when we procrastinate it isn’t because we are lazy, it is because we seek to avoid negative moods around a task. So, think about it. You feel pressured (because who doesn’t?), worried about job security, nervous about your writing ability and God only knows what else. So what is needed to overcome the tendency to put off what is hard is self-compassion. Take a little walk and admit to yourself all the unpleasant emotions you have connected to writing and talk yourself off the ledge by acknowledging them, reminding yourself that all those emotions are normal, totally okay, and nobody dies trying to get writing assignments done. The upshot is that you must get better at being kind to yourself. Becoming a dependable writer is a bit of a spiritual development program, too! Unexpected bonus! The unpleasant feelings are real. One writer I work with recently admitted that the blank page gets her into such a state she sometimes takes a Xanax when she must start something brand new. I submit that idea might not be sustainable but, in a pinch, hey, I’m not judging. The point is that you must find a way to calm yourself down; intense exercise, meditation, mindfulness, prayer, singing along with Broadway shows at the top of your lungs, putting on Uptown Funk and dancing like a lunatic. Whatever it takes.

Finally, there are some little things you can do to help yourself before you sit down to write:

1. Capture ideas as you go about in meeting mode, all the stuff you do that might accommodate multi-tasking. Keep your notes app open or keep a legal pad at your side and create mind maps for each writing project as you lead up to butt-in-seat writing time. Entire outlines can come to you in the car or in the shower—don’t let those go to waste!

2. Interview yourself out loud while recording yourself on your phone. Pretend you are the interviewer who asks questions like:

• What is the big idea for the piece?
• What makes it important?
• Who needs to know this big idea?
• How would you explain it to a six-year-old?
• What is most surprising about this idea?
• What evidence can you share that supports this big idea?
• Is there a story you can share that will help others relate to it or apply it?

3. Some writers I have worked with have had some success creating small rituals to get them into writing mode; e.g., cleaning off the desk, getting tea, lighting a candle, counting your breaths. Whatever works to get you settled down and into the zone.

4. Find a dedicated writing spot. I worked with one manager who had an open-door policy and could not bring himself to turn down anyone who needed his help, so he ended up escaping to the back stairwell of his office building when he needed to write. The sheer physical discomfort helped him get the job done in record time! Some people find it much easier to focus when the silence isn’t deafening, when they must use part of their brain to tune out ambient noise. You can find them all at your local Starbucks.

5. Go for a walk. All the research shows that getting outside and walking literally doubles our creativity. It is rare to see such a startlingly clear effect in scientific research. So if all else fails, go out for a walk, take your phone (on DND), and record your genius.

Ultimately, however, there is no getting around the unpleasant fact that you must schedule and defend writing time. If you are succumbing to pressure to relinquish it, it might be due to your own unwillingness to face unpleasant emotions. Tell yourself the truth and forgive yourself. Get up early, work late at night, resort to weekends—if you can’t get it done during the regular workday, it is up to you.

Every single person who writes knows how hard it is. Experiment with some of these ideas, and, most importantly, don’t give up.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I have been a manager for a couple of years. My company provided zero training. I kind of figured things out as I went along, and took a lot of online courses. I’m doing okay.

My issue is that there is just too much work. I’ve tried putting in ten-hour days, being super organized, using time management systems—you name it. But even when I work 55 to 60 hours a week I still can’t get it all done. My partner keeps telling me I’m going to burn out, but I don’t really feel that way. I love my job and am convinced there is a better way to get things done. I keep hearing that I need to work smarter, not harder, but I don’t really know what that means.

I am beginning to think there’s something wrong with me. Maybe I’m just not smart enough.

Any suggestions you have would be welcome.

Up Against the Clock

___________________________________________________________________________

Dear Up Against the Clock,

There is nothing wrong with you.

You are smart enough.

There is just too much work.

And your partner is right. You are in danger of burning out.  In fact, I might suggest that your recent attack of self-doubt is an indication that burnout is already happening.

Humans are simply not built to sustain that much intensity 24/7/365. If you were saving orphans in a war zone, it might make sense, but even that would come to an end at some point. High intensity can work well for special projects—situations that have a beginning, middle, and end. But even CEOs and business owners have to find ways to take vacation and modulate intensity, and they are generally well compensated for their commitment. The situation you are describing sounds like a long, dark tunnel with no hope of light at the end of it.

You must take action. Now.

You have a few options.

1. Get help. I am not sure where your manager is in all of this, but if you have not escalated this situation to them already, now is the time. You can’t expect your manager to know you are overburdened unless you tell them. If they are available to you at all, ask for a 1:1 to go over everything on your plate and brainstorm how to get some of it off your plate. If they are not available to you, make a spreadsheet. List everything required of you, the time each thing takes, what you need to hand off to someone else, what you are going to do in 45 to 50 hours a week, and what you are not going to do. Then email it to your manager. If you can’t get support from your manager, you might think about escalating the situation to your manager’s boss or even HR.
2. Prioritize. Choose the deliverables that are going to make the least impact on your team and others and find a way to delegate them or just don’t do them. A client who had just completed an MBA from Harvard Business School once told me that one thing Harvard teaches in MBA programs is how to prioritize. The way they do it is by assigning so much work that it is almost impossible to do it all. The students who succeed figure out which assignments to invest their time in and which to coast on. This story may not be true, but it makes sense to me because no one can do everything that could be done, or even should be done. The dirty little secret of working smarter is that you decide what you’re not going to do or what you are going to do less well. You must choose what you will focus on and what you will not focus on.
3. Schedule and take a vacation. It sounds like you have climbed on a hamster wheel and you can’t get off. Impossible as it may seem, you must step away and get some perspective. And I don’t mean a long weekend. I mean at least one entire work week during which you totally unplug. If you can’t do it, that is an HR matter. Seriously. It means that the staffing and resourcing for your team is wrong.

You will notice I am not suggesting you delegate more, because every situation like yours I have ever seen suggests that you are either already doing that or you don’t have anyone to delegate to. If that is the case, you need more people. Fight for it.

This is a crossroads moment for you. And I know you know that, or you wouldn’t have written this letter. The only person who can put up the hand, stop the train, call a time out, and rebuild your work life so it makes sense is you. Your number one priority is personal sustainability so that you can continue to contribute to your organization, grow your career, and enjoy your life.

The moment is now.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Now that we’ve dealt with the initial implications of leadership and development in a COVID environment, L&D professionals are increasingly turning their attention to what the future will look like in a post-COVID world.

Remote working will not go away after COVID—in fact, many research firms predict that 2021 will see the number of employees permanently working from home double from pre-COVID times. If these predictions are correct, organizations will need to transform how they manage their workforce in several important areas.

For example, from what I understand from client sessions as well as research I’ve been reading, at least half of employees may look for other jobs if their current employer doesn’t provide a work-from-home option in the future. It doesn’t have to necessarily be full-time, but it must be an option. That’s going to require a major shift in the day-to-day leadership practices of managers worldwide. Although the immediate need to keep doors open and lights on has been met, there is a lot of work to do to keep working from home a viable alternative.

In some ways, the COVID-19 pandemic has exposed the need to implement a lot of policies that should have been in place before COVID. For instance, people who worked remotely used to feel like second class citizens who often were forgotten about when it came to development opportunities, being informed on what was going on in the organization, and, of course, social gatherings. Once nearly everyone was working from home due to COVID, this situation drastically improved. Many people report that they know their team members much better now than they did before.

But there are still issues to be resolved. A majority of at-home workers feel overworked and have trouble setting boundaries when there is no explicit end to the workday. Solving this problem may require more discipline around how, when, and how often we meet using online platforms.

Managers also need to be more aware of each individual’s home office setup. One colleague of mine is working out of a 400-square-foot apartment in Hong Kong with his wife and two children. They both work and homeschool their kids. That’s radically different than my home setup with a separate office and two monitors.

For managers, this means recognizing if somebody’s kids aren’t able to go to their physical school, there may be a certain time during the day when they’re in class and need their parents’ attention. That parent won’t be able to attend a meeting during that time. Kids will end up back in the actual classroom, of course, but it will still be important for remote managers to be aware of people’s personal environments.

Performance management will also change. Measuring an employee’s productivity by the amount of time they sit in an office chair was never the right thing to do. The future of work is to measure by outcomes. That means managers will have to become even more skilled in proper goal setting—clearly identifying what is to be accomplished by when, and having reporting processes that are transparent to everyone.

Management now will be seen as more of a partnership. Good managers will check in with their people instead of checking in on their people. These new post-COVID leaders will make regular one-on-ones a priority just to see how people are doing, and will ask questions such as “How’s it going?” and “What do you need from me?” In the future, we will see more shared scorecards that everyone can access and keep up to date so all members of the team can see what their teammates are up to.

L&D has an important role to play in this future. We’ve made great strides in converting content to virtual and digital formats over the past 12 months. The next step will be refining our content to address the new skills needed for leading in a virtual world.

Training can help. In addition to goal setting, performance management, and day-to-day coaching, we will help future leaders build awareness, trust, and community. You can learn more about the complete list of 12 skills The Ken Blanchard Companies has identified here.

As we all step into this new virtual world together, leadership qualities such as being available and being responsive are more important than ever. These characteristics will be valued more highly than were some of the qualities we thought we needed from leaders in the past. Successful companies will work on equipping their virtual leaders to excel in more areas like these.

To learn more about some of the ways The Ken Blanchard Companies can help you on your post-COVID leadership journey, visit the Leading Virtually homepage on the Blanchard website.

The quest for high performance may be at an all-time high. With the COVID-19 pandemic turning things upside down, some people are struggling to get through the day—but others continue to thrive. How do they do it?

Brendon Burchard’s best-selling book High Performance Habits offers many answers to that question. Through extensive original research and learnings from more than ten years of being the world’s leading performance coach, Burchard has identified the six most important habits for improving performance at home, at work, and in your community.

The habits Burchard encourages everyone to build include:

1. Seek clarity. Have a clear vision, consistently set intentions for who you want to be each day, and focus on what is meaningful.
2. Generate energy. Learn to release tension while setting intention. Bring joy to your daily activities and stay physically, emotionally, and mentally healthy.
3. Raise necessity. Understand what you need to do for yourself and others to remain motivated. Build a network of peers who will support you.
4. Increase productivity. Determine the outputs that matter most to your success. Develop the skills that will help you perform at a higher level.
5. Developing influence. Ask others to challenge themselves to perform differently. Be a role model for that behavior.
6. Demonstrate courage. Learn and grow from your struggles, share your truth, and fight a noble cause for others.

Burchard describes specific practices you can begin immediately for each habit. He stresses that although these practices may be common sense, they are not commonly practiced—so it is critical to make a commitment to using these tips and techniques to start your journey to long-term success and fulfillment. He suggests people focus on one practice at a time to recognize how significant each change can be.

Each chapter is filled with thought-provoking exercises to help you integrate the six habits into your routine, and encouragement to focus on the things that will make a big difference right away. Putting it simply, this is a guidebook for people who want to get control of their lives and experience true joy. The real-life examples of people who have overcome struggles by using the practices are evidence of how powerful this work can be. They offer proof that you, too, will be able to positively impact every aspect of your life.

Burchard shares a beautiful mixture of science-backed data and heart-centered strategies to help others live a better quality life. After applying just a few of his suggestions, you’ll notice a difference—and understand how extraordinary people become that way.

To hear host Chad Gordon interview Brendon Burchard, listen to the LeaderChat podcast and subscribe today. For more information about Brendon Burchard, go to www.brendon.com.

Dear Madeleine,

The COVID-19 pandemic has been such a disruption over the past couple of weeks. At work, all travel has been put on an indefinite hold, all training classes and in-person meetings have been cancelled, and the entire workforce has been asked to work from home.

Working from home sounds like a dream to some, but it isn’t for me. I really don’t have a great setup for a home office—I share a studio apartment with my husband who is also working from home. He is on web conference calls all day and it is really loud. Where do I work? In the bathroom?

I miss my office—quiet space, dual monitors, great people. My job requires deep focus and I just have not been able to achieve it. I don’t want my manager and team to see how distracted I am, but it’s been impossible to pretend that I am on top of things. Serenity now!

Can’t Focus and Feeling Remote

Dear Can’t Focus and Feeling Remote,

A lot of people are grappling with similar situations right now. All of this togetherness is going to result in either much improved relationships between spouses—or divorce. I laughed out loud at the thought of working in the bathroom. I guess if you could sit in a bubble bath it could really raise the bar for ideal workspace. If only laptops weren’t so incompatible with water.

Your situation sounds stressful. The only way to go at this is to involve your husband and get creative. Let’s break down the different issues.

Physical Space. Okay, so you have limited space to work and the bathroom clearly is not the answer. I started my first coaching business in an apartment in Brooklyn with a tiny desk in the corner of the bedroom. It was less than ideal, but it worked until I could afford an office. Maybe you and your husband can take different corners? He can use headphones and you can use headphones? Maybe you could ask your boss if you can go to the office to borrow a monitor or get permission to buy one, so you can at least expand your work horizon. Or you might even be able to go into work if no one else is there—it’s is easy to practice distancing when there is no one around.

Focused Work Time. You might consider putting a sign up in your apartment building lobby to see if anyone is still going in to work or planning to go out of town and might let you borrow their space. Maybe your building has a basement. I once did a high-stakes sales call in the hallway when there was too much going on in my teeny Brooklyn apartment. If you have a car, maybe spend some time in the car? Or as the weather improves, maybe a park bench? Look at all the possibilities and ask for help—you never know where it might come from.

Isolation. You miss your great people, of course. So reach out. Take advantage of IM and Zoom calls. There is something about seeing each other that makes a difference. Schedule a 15-minute coffee break with a couple of your regulars. One of my team members has instituted a weekly 7 a.m. coffee call for anyone on the team to drop in and catch up on life. You can exchange ideas for coping mechanisms. Many of your neighbors may be around—you probably have some pals in the building who are also at home. Possibly this is the perfect time to deepen those relationships, even it is from six feet away. Hallway cocktails—everyone stand in your open door!

Finally, let yourself off the hook. You sound like a very serious person who is worried about appearing super professional even when trying to function in adverse circumstances.

Your boss and co-workers know that you are a serious and dependable professional. It isn’t your fault that you are required to work from home. I was on a big conference call this morning and there were three babies and a second grader joining us. Not to mention all of the cats and dogs. That’s what mute buttons are for! It just makes everyone smile!

I think the least of your worries is appearing distracted in front of your boss and co-workers. Everyone is distracted. We are all in the same boat, and parents at home with school-aged kids are now full-time educators on top of everything else.

So why don’t we all agree not to judge each other. Let’s help each other out and carry on as best we can. I wont judge you if you don’t judge me. We are all going to get our work done one way or another.

Love, Madeleine

PS: If you want a laugh on this topic, my colleague (who crushes it at work) recently posted Epic Fails From a Career Remote Worker.

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I run a very lean team and one of my people is a hypochondriac. Every week there is a new reason he needs to go to the doctor. Any cold that comes through he gets, and it is worse for him than for anybody else. He gets the flu every year. It is always something with him—he is tired, he is on some new medication that makes him have brain fog—he always has a health excuse for why he is a little behind or doing a little less than the others. He uses all of his PTO for medical situations but there is never anything visibly wrong. He has never brought in a doctor’s note, although I have asked.

I am sick of it. I recently saw a team member roll her eyes in a meeting when he was looking the other way, so I know I am not alone. We are all bored with his excuses.

I feel bad and worry that I am being a judgmental jerk because I am hardy and rarely get sick. What if he really is sick all the time? What do you say?

Sick and Tired of Sick and Tired

Dear Sick and Tired,

I hear you. It is much harder to empathize with constant health challenges when you are gifted with glowing good health and strong stamina. You are only a jerk if you act on your opinions and are mean or cruel.

A rule of thumb you might consider is that you have to be able to trust your people and give them the benefit of the doubt—that is, until too much doubt creeps in. Then you have to talk about it. To talk about it, you must separate the two different issues: the constant health complaints are one thing, and the fact that he does not carry a full workload is another. One is simply irritating but the other is unacceptable. You have to address the unacceptable first, which is the classic hard conversation. State the facts as you see them and make a request for specific change.

Here is something I have tested with both myself and clients. It is a 7-step process for a conversation, taken from the book Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott. This approach is a good way to call out behaviors that aren’t working.

1. Name the issue; e.g., “You aren’t carrying the same workload as everyone else on the team, and the issue of fairness needs to be addressed.”
2. Select 2 or 3 specific examples of the behavior or situation you want to change.
3. Describe your emotion about this issue (e.g., you are frustrated and are having trouble planning and assigning work tasks because you don’t know what you can expect of him).
4. Clarify what is at stake—and be very clear about this. What is the problem exactly and what is the negative consequence of not addressing it?
5. Identify your contribution to the problem. Is it possible you have allowed the bad behavior to go on too long? Be honest.
6. Indicate your wish to resolve the issue, being specific about what resolved looks like to you. This is critical and will provide you both with a measure so that you will know if the fix is successful.
7. Invite your employee to respond.

The thing I like most about this process is that it forces you to prepare for a conversation about one problem, and one problem only. Once the workload issue is addressed, you can embark on the one about the health complaining, which is a different kind of conversation. In that case, you are sharing an observation and making him aware that he is creating a reputation. You can leave to him what he decides to do about it, which will be his choice.

I once worked with a young man who was a little bit negative about everything. I shared with him that everyone on the team called him Eeyore. I thought he would get upset and try to change the perception, but instead he laughed and said, “Oh that is so perfect, I am totally Eeyore.” Your employee has a whole narrative going and he can decide to change it or not. It may be completely fine with him that people are rolling their eyes at him. Once you have helped him gain awareness, unless you plan to make a request for a change, your job is done.

Finally, there is an opportunity here for you to practice compassion. Next time you do feel under the weather, you might ask yourself what it would be like to feel that terrible all the time. Some people really do struggle with terrible health and you have to give them credit for carrying on under difficult circumstances.

And—the work needs to get done, so you are going to have to do whatever is needed to help him get the work done or change his schedule and workload to reflect what he can manage. To do that, you will probably have to HR involved, and a diagnosis and a doctor’s note, which nobody wants, but getting clarity will be key. Otherwise, resentment will build among the team and you will have a real problem on your hands.

Get clear. Deal with the work situation and raise awareness about the complaining. Continue to notice your own judgment and practice putting yourself in his shoes. Be persistent in getting clarity and kind all along the way.

I hope your own health continues to be excellent!

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I missed a back to school event for my kids last night. My wife called to ask where I was, and I had completely forgotten that I was supposed to be there. I saw it on my calendar and then it was gone from my mind.

My wife is really mad because I have blown through several commitments in the last few months. She is convinced I have an adult attention deficit disorder, but I don’t think so. I am just behind at work and cracks are beginning to show. I feel like I am just going in circles playing whack-a-mole. I might as well just whack myself on the head for all the good I am doing.

I have been stressed at work before, but this is a whole new level of crazy. Help?

Dropping the Ball

Dear Dropping the Ball,

A medical condition is a possibility, but I wonder if it isn’t more that you are overwhelmed by your commitments, the errors you are making are throwing you more off balance, and you are caught in a downward spiral.

Certainly you should look into seeing if you need real professional help. But while you are doing that, you have to stop the downward spiral. Just stop. Stop the crazy, turn the volume down on the noise, take a big step back, take a breath. I am going to give you step-by-step directions because you can’t think straight.

1. Get the book The 10 Natural Laws of Time and Life Management: Proven Strategies for Increased Productivity and Inner Peace by Hyrum Smith. Read it. It is an oldie but goodie. I am a time management method junkie and I have followed all of the gurus—but in my opinion, no one has topped Hyrum Smith. I read his book when it first came out and it honestly changed my life. Why not go to the best source for getting your head on straight about the absolute reality of the space/time continuum? You clearly have been a time optimist. This, combined with your desire to please everyone in your life, has resulted in chaos. Mr. Smith will help you cut it out.
2. Once you have read the book and decided what is most important to you, make a plan. Tell your boss you’re going to take two days off, then turn off your phone and take a big step back so you can think. Go somewhere no one will bother you—your local library, perhaps—and bring markers and flip chart paper. Now make a mind map of all the critical areas of your life: your health, your relationship with your wife, your relationship with your kids, other important relationships with friends and family, your job, your career, your craft, your spiritual life, your finances, etc. As you do this, all of the tasks you have to do, commitments you have made, and things you really want to do will bubble up. Write those next to each area. Get everything out of your head onto the mind map. This will help you get some perspective and it will stop the static in your head. If you need to do two maps, one for your job and another for your personal life, so be it. Decide which items are most critical and put them on a timeline/calendar and a to-do list. Decide which items are not as critical, and decide which ones you can dump. Everything else is negotiable.
3. Once you have achieved a modicum of calm and clarity, go talk to your boss about your priorities and what they see as most important. Show them your mind map or to-do list so they can see that what is being asked of you is simply not reasonable.
4. Say no to any new request unless you can be absolutely certain that you can deliver. Adopt the mantra “I under-promise and over-deliver.”
5. Review the tools or habits you can test out and possibly adopt—for example, starting a mindfulness practice, blocking 15 minutes every morning to make your to-do list for the day, or setting reminder alarms on your phone. All of these are habits of people with high productivity.

If this is the first time you have been this far off your game, you are probably fine. But you do need to recalibrate for the fact that your life is bigger than it has ever been—and probably gearing up to get even bigger. So step back, get a grip, and reclaim your life.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

During my time as a coach, I have often utilized SWOT analyses to help teams analyze their organization’s Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats. This is a simple, user-friendly method to help a team or a board focus on key issues affecting their business. This type of analysis often can be used as a precursor to a more comprehensive strategic planning session.

One benefit of the SWOT process is that it encourages teams to not only brainstorm ideas but also face untapped opportunities and potential threats. Consistent use of this framework can give an organization a competitive advantage through dialogue regarding brand, culture, new products or services, and capabilities.

What some people don’t realize, though, is that SWOT analysis can also be an effective personal strategic planning tool. Crafting your personal SWOT matrix is a powerful technique that can be used, for example, when you are seeking a career change or facing a major shift in your life.

Here are three steps to get started:

Step 1 – Identify what exists now. List all strengths that exist now. List all weaknesses that exist now. Be honest.

Step 2 – Look to the future. List all opportunities (potential strengths) that may exist in the future. List all threats (potential weaknesses) that may occur in the future.

Step 3 – Create a matrix/get a plan. Enter your ideas in the appropriate quadrant (see figure). Notice that strengths and weaknesses are internal forces; opportunities and threats are external. See how each quadrant has a relationship with another? What strengths exist that could overcome weaknesses? What weaknesses need to be overcome in order to embrace a new opportunity? Review your matrix and think about a plan.

Here are a few helpful questions to increase your awareness around internal and external factors:

• What skills and capabilities do you have?
• What qualities, values, or beliefs make you stand out from others?
• What are the skills you need to develop?
• What personal difficulties do you need to overcome to reach your goal?
• What external influences or opportunities can help you achieve success?
• Who could support you to help you achieve your objectives?
• What external influences may hinder your success?

A SWOT matrix can provide a foundation to help you create goals and action steps. You may consider addressing your weaknesses by building skills or self-leadership capabilities. Carefully review your opportunities, as they may be used to your advantage. And consider how threats could be minimized or eliminated by shifting personal priorities or gaining new knowledge.

It’s common for people to experience blind spots around their own strengths and weaknesses, so don’t hesitate to seek out opinions from friends, family members, and colleagues. Also, be willing to share your SWOT matrix with a partner who will hold you accountable for action steps and celebrate your progress.

Best of luck—and happy personal planning!

About the Author

Patricia Sauer is a coaching solutions partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world.

Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

A common topic in my coaching sessions is work/life balance. Heavy workloads, daily abundance of emails, competing deadlines, required meetings, and other concerns can be so overwhelming that work can become the focal point and main priority in life. As a result, we can feel obligated to dedicate long hours to our work. We struggle with setting and honoring boundaries that could give us a more balanced life. Many of us know the benefits of a work/life balance, but fall short in achieving it.

The definition of work/life balance is different for each individual. For one person, it’s working a set number of hours in a day or week. For another person, it’s scheduling some longer days for more intense work and some shorter days that are easier. And some people prefer a compressed work schedule—such as four ten-hour days—so that they have an extra day off every week.

So how can you achieve much-needed balance between your work and home life? It’s usually a combination of priorities, boundaries, and structure.

Identify your priorities. Depending on where you are in life, your priorities may be different than they used to be. What is most important in your life right now? Think of what work/life balance means to you, based on those priorities. It could be something as simple as not taking work home or checking email on the weekends so that you can be fully present with your family. Or dedicating Wednesday nights to bowling with friends to keep your relationships close.

Set your boundaries. What boundaries might help you achieve work/life balance? It may be getting to work no earlier than 9:00 a.m. on Mondays and going home no later than 3:00 p.m. on Fridays.

Create some structure. What kind of structure needs to be in place for work/life balance? It could be having weekly one-on-one meetings with each staff member to ensure that you delegate more effectively.

Think before you commit. Do you sometimes say yes because you want to be seen as a team player—and instantly regret it? I’ll never forget a thought-provoking edict from my coach training: “Whenever you say yes to something, you are saying no to something else.” Pause to think about the potential impact of your answer before you respond to a request.

Honor yourself by applying any or all of these steps. You will instantly feel more in control of your daily life as you move toward the balance you need to succeed—both at home and at work.

Dear Madeleine,

I am so frustrated with myself. At the beginning of the year I set a whole bunch of goals. Then Q1 whooshed by and guess what I have done? Nothing. I stayed really focused for about two weeks and then forgot all about my resolutions.

One of my big goals was to have regular one on ones with everyone on my team, and it just isn’t happening. Something always seems to get in the way.

I feel like such a loser. I am never going to be the manager I want to be. I am racing around like a squirrel and everything seems like the most important nut. How can I reset and be successful?

Need to Try Again

Need to Try Again,

I love your metaphor. I can really relate! I’m so sorry you feel like a loser, though. I can sense the downward spiral you’re in.

The first order of business is to reverse the spiral so you can start thinking straight and get yourself back on track. To do this, make a quick list of every way you are winning—things you’re doing well, projects that are going according to plan, tasks you’re great at, goals you’re reaching, goals your direct reports are achieving. I’ll bet it’s a decent list.

The main reason you feel terrible is that you aren’t winning at some new goals. Just ponder on that for a moment. Then, if you’re still feeling like a loser, add to the list all the things you’re grateful for. It will literally change your brain chemistry.

Now let’s take a look at those new goals. How many are there? I’ll bet you an acorn you have too many. The number two reason people don’t achieve their goals is that they have too many of them. The number one reason is that they set unspecific, unclear goals.

I challenge you to choose one goal. Only one. Let’s go ahead and choose having regular one on ones with your people, since you brought it up. You may decide to choose something else on your list, but you can use this thought process.

Ask yourself: What is driving your desire to do this? What makes it important right now? Are you sure your people even want one-on-one meetings with you? What will the benefit be for them? For you? Decide for yourself what a good job looks like—how will you know you’re successful?

Then get support—who can help you with this? The obvious choice for this is your people. Ask your direct reports to take responsibility for their own one on ones. They can each put their own regular time on your calendar or otherwise make sure the meeting gets scheduled.

Finally, once you decide you’re going to commit, then really commit. Once the one on ones are scheduled, they are sacred. Nothing gets scheduled over them. (Okay, we all know that probably isn’t going to work, but you make sure the meeting gets rescheduled.) If you schedule them for every week, nobody will mind if you end up having to miss one, or even two. Then at least your people get two one on ones in a 30-day period, which maybe isn’t ideal but it isn’t bad—and it’s a lot better than none.

Take 7 minutes at the beginning and the end of each week and review your calendar to make sure those one on ones are there, and move them if needed. If you start feeling overwhelmed, remind yourself of why you decided to schedule them in the first place.

Now you can see how much work it is just to get on track with one thing—and you had a whole laundry list! No wonder it didn’t work. Get one thing nailed down, whatever it is. Get it into your daily actions, and at a certain point you will not be able to remember a time when you didn’t do it. Then you can add something else.

Calm down, take three deep breaths and choose. One thing. You can do this.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

What should I do about all of the requests I get from people who want to “pick my brain” or schedule an informational interview? My friends’ kids are all reaching the age where they are getting serious about having lucrative careers and satisfying jobs, and they’re all following the advice they’re getting to talk to people who have the jobs they think they might want some day. I have to be honest—I gave that advice to my own kid.

The problem is that if I said yes to all the young—and not-so-young—people who ask, I wouldn’t have time to do my actual job. I do have a great job. I’ve been lucky and worked hard. I don’t want to be a jerk, but one more request to have coffee will push me over the edge. How do other people handle this?

In Demand

Dear In Demand,

That’s a good question—and I had no idea how to answer it, so I asked around and did some Googling. The first thing that became clear is that the frustration is real and universal. Many report that it seems the folks who are requesting an informational interview are actually hoping you might be interested in hiring them or recommending them to someone else.

One woman I know who has a very cool job now does a 30-minute webinar once a month. When she gets a request, she just replies with an email or text invite with the date, time, and link for the next group call. She shares a couple of things that people might not know about her industry and then does Q&A. Sometimes she gets 3 people, and once she had upwards of 30. I thought that was a creative way to deal with way too many requests.

Most people I talked to came up with variations on putting the work back where it belongs—with the person making the request. Ask the requester to send you an email with their specific questions. Advise them to ask questions that they can’t get answered with a little bit of research. If enough people do this, and you write back enough answers, you can create an FAQ that you just respond with. To those who ask really insightful questions, you might offer a 15-minute phone call.

One very successful guy I know invites the interesting and insistent people to meet him at his local park to walk his two dogs with him at 5:00 a.m. That seems to really limit the field to those who are truly committed to a meeting!

You can’t be all things to all people, so you are right to set some boundaries and get a grip on this. Experiment with some of these ideas and find what works best for you. The people who are willing to meet you halfway and will be grateful and will self-select in, and those that are just checking a box will fall away.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Most people will tell you they are working as hard as they can, says bestselling business author Vicki Halsey. “The problem is, they still aren’t able to keep up with the workload. Today, people need to work smarter, not harder,” says Halsey.

“That means leaders need to (1) be sure direct reports are clear on what they have to do; (2) diagnose where they are on each task; and (3) get them the resources they need to succeed. People are doing activities—and lots of them. But the activity may not be targeted toward the critical goal, task, skill, or strategy that is actually needed for the organization to hit the target.”

According to Halsey, productivity improvement begins with observation. She likes to compare behaviors of the most productive people in organizations and the ones who struggle to keep up. One difference is that the former group has a laser focus on the work that needs to be done to achieve strategic goals.

“As Ken Blanchard says, all good performance begins with clear goals. So begin with clear expectations such as what someone needs to achieve, and by when. This is the essence of smart goal setting. Your goal is to create a crystal clear picture of what a good job looks like.”

It’s also important to check for understanding, says Halsey.

“As we think about setting clear expectations with people, it’s important to remember our differences in communication and learning styles. I teach a graduate class at the University of San Diego and also gave the same learning preference survey to my MBA students that measures if they are visual, auditory, kinesthetic, tactile kinesthetic, or auditory verbal. Results from students representing 35 different cohorts showed only 5.4 percent in the category of strong auditory learners. Consider going beyond telling—to showing. For example, in addition to explaining what a good job looks like, provide a video so that learners can actually see the behavior in action.”

Once goals are set, next comes diagnosing competence and commitment, says Halsey.

“Help people see where they are on a specific task in terms of ability and motivation, which we at The Ken Blanchard Companies® describe as competence and commitment. A person can be high or low on either scale. When these measurements are combined, the person will end up in one of four different development levels including Disillusioned Learner (low on commitment, low on competence) and Self-Reliant Achiever (high on commitment, high on competence.)

With an accurate diagnosis, a leader can put together a clear plan to accelerate the person’s productivity, says Halsey. But it requires a rethinking of the SMART goal setting model.

“I love the SMART acronym—Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Trackable. But for it to be most effective, change the “M” in the model to motivating instead of measurable.

“People want to see the impact of their work and they want to know they are making a difference. The original version of SMART begins with Specific and Measurable, which works well for identifying what needs to occur by when. But it doesn’t take into account the very human need of doing work aligned with our purpose, values, and who we want to be in the world.

“Sometimes leaders wonder why they should care how committed a direct report is to a task. When I am training a group of leaders and I hear that, I ask, ‘How many of you have something on your to-do list that you’re not motivated to do?’ Everyone raises their hand! And what happens to those things on our to-do lists? They go to tomorrow’s to-do list. And the next day’s. And what does that do to productivity? It impacts the quality and quantity of work done. So it’s critical that a leader has a very finely tuned sense of observation. They are observing their direct reports either moving toward what needs to happen, or moving away from it.”

That’s the commitment part of the equation, says Halsey—but remember it is critical to also diagnose competence.

“In its simplest definition, competence answers the question Has a person done this before successfully? If a direct report is new to a task with very little experience, the leader will need to provide a lot of direction and access to resources. If the person has accomplished the task successfully with high levels of reliability, the leader can delegate the task to them confidently. If the person is somewhere in between, the leader needs to adjust the mix of direction and support to match the person’s development level.

“So as a leader, you listen and observe very carefully. If the person is a learner, you help solve the problem for them. If they’ve had some demonstrable success but they’re a little hesitant, you flip the conversation and ask them how they think they should solve the problem.”

Halsey says in all cases, the leader needs to stay involved.

“If you leave people alone, that’s when they will move the task to the next day’s to-do list. If you want to keep accelerating their performance, you have to stay with it. Are they letting you know their status on a task, or have they gone dark? Go and check with them. If you notice you’re not seeing the person as much as you used to, you need to connect with them, figure out where they’re stuck, and get them back on track.

“Your goal as a leader is to keep the conversations flowing. That’s the secret to productivity—clear goals, people aligned on performance, and being able to diagnose then give what is needed to ensure they get the job done. When you accomplish that, you begin to work in a highly productive, aligned manner,” says Halsey. “That’s good for you, your people, and your organization!”

Would you like to learn more about creating a culture of high productivity in your organization? Join us for a free webinar!

3 Keys to Creating a High Productivity Work Culture
Tuesday, April 30, 2019, 9:00 – 10:00 a.m. Pacific Time

Research shows that most organizations operate at only 65 percent of their potential productivity. In this webinar, bestselling business author Vicki Halsey shows leadership, learning, and talent development professionals how to reduce the productivity gap in their organizations by improving the performance management skills of their leaders. Halsey will share how to improve leadership skills in three key areas:

• Collaborative goal setting—how leaders create a partnership approach that improves accountability and gets results
• Diagnosing development level—how leaders identify the skills and motivation level of a person being asked to take on a new task
• Providing a matching leadership style—how leaders flex the amount of direction and support they provide to create the perfect environment for goal achievement

Don’t miss this opportunity to learn how to equip leaders with the skills they need to align and coach people to higher levels of performance and productivity. The event is free, courtesy of The Ken Blanchard Companies.

Register today!

Want a more purposeful, aligned, and engaged organization? “Make sure managers and direct reports are taking a collaborative approach to performance,” says Susan Fowler, senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies and coauthor of the company’s Self Leadership training program.

“It starts with agreed-upon goals,” Fowler continues.

“In my early days as a consultant, I was asked by leaders of an organization to help improve telephone communication skills. I soon realized that the organization wasn’t actually interested in general telephone skills but only wanted to address the mistakes being made at their front desk—especially the negative feedback from employees and customers about one telephone operator in particular. I decided to work directly with the operator on goal setting.

“She had been in her role for a long time but her manager had never attempted to work with her on setting goals—he had only expressed frustration about the complaints. Her service position was primarily reactive and the manager had found it too challenging to set goals for a job where there was little control.

“She and I tackled the negative feedback regarding mistakes by setting a goal to reduce mistakes by 50 percent over the next two months. We identified actions she could take to improve accuracy and customer service. We also asked company employees to monitor their messages for mistakes and to report any customer complaints.

“After a couple of months, I checked in and was dismayed to learn that inaccuracies and complaints had actually increased! We attributed the bad news to the fact that we had brought attention to the problems and asked for feedback. We decided to consider the feedback a gift and began analyzing the data we’d received.

“Together, we discovered that most of the mistakes were occurring between the hours of 2:00 and 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time. When the business day ended in the Eastern and Central Time zones, calls were routed to the California office. The extra volume was too much for one person to handle, putting an unreasonable expectation on the operator and her ability to deal with calls in a friendly and effective manner.

“The data gave us the evidence we needed to ask for help. We asked the operator’s manager to put a second person at the switchboard for those two hours. Two months later, the operator had not only achieved but exceeded her goal,” says Fowler. “It was a simple solution—but without a collaborative goal-setting approach, we never would have understood the underlying cause of her poor performance. She would have continued to get negative feedback—and maybe lost her job.”

That’s why Fowler is so adamant about approaching goal setting as a joint responsibility where managers and team members work together to clarify expectations, identify challenges, and develop a plan for accessing the resources each person needs to succeed.

“Managers and direct reports need to sit down and talk about what it would look like if each of them were doing the best possible job. It is a rich, deep conversation that clarifies expectations on both sides about what the job is and how they can work together to create alignment in a way that is effective, engaging, and worth pursuing.”

Rethinking SMART goals

Fowler says this type of approach requires tweaking the SMART goal criteria used in most organizations.

“Most people know SMART as specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and trackable. At Blanchard, we recommend changing the M to motivating.”

Fowler explains that if managers don’t explore a team member’s motivation and create a way for each individual to connect their work to personally meaningful values, the manager ends up having to hold them accountable.

“Managers who focus on only being specific and measurable in goal setting end up spending their time holding people accountable. Why? Because the goals weren’t personally inspiring to the direct report. Help people be accountable so you don’t have to hold them accountable.”

Fowler teaches managers to make sure they have a conversation with each direct report where they explore the individual’s self motivation to achieve each goal. This ensures the person’s motivation isn’t dependent on external factors they can’t control.

“When someone can connect a goal to their personal values, the result will be a person who is accountable—because they have clarified, negotiated, or reframed the goal in a way that is personally meaningful and important. That’s a key learning objective in our Self Leadership program. We teach individual contributors that when they are given a goal, it is their responsibility to:

• Clarify the goal if it is unclear
• Negotiate if they don’t believe the goal is fair or relevant to their job
• Reframe a goal if it’s not personally compelling or in line with their values or sense of purpose

“Working collaboratively to clarify, negotiate, or reframe goals sets up a joint accountability between manager and direct report that leads to goal achievement.”

From goal setting to goal achievement

Clear goals set the stage and make it easier for the manager to provide the appropriate levels of direction and support a person needs to get the job done, says Fowler.

“The reality is that most managers have their own work goals at the same time they are managing the work of others. I’m always surprised when organizations expect managers to be aware of what is going on inside the heads of every one of their direct reports while they are each working on their different tasks.  We know from experience that even our loved ones—the people we are closest to—often don’t know what we are thinking. Why would we expect managers to know what each of their direct reports is thinking?

“At Blanchard, we teach managers and direct reports how to use a shared language to describe the four stages of development everyone goes through when presented with a new goal or task. This ranges from enthusiastic beginner when someone is just starting out, through the motivational dip we describe as disillusioned learner, to capable, but cautious contributor as they build competence and commitment, and finally, to self-reliant achiever when they’ve mastered the task.

“When managers and direct reports have a shared understanding of development levels, it provides them with a means to have effective conversations every step of the way. Now a person can go to their manager and say, ‘I’m at the D1 level of development (or the enthusiastic beginner stage) on this goal. I’m excited about the challenge but since I’ve never done it before, I need direction from you.’”

A shared language also makes it easier for the manager to respond appropriately and more effectively, says Fowler.

“If an individual needs direction, a manager can immediately provide it or find a resource that can. This same shared language can make it easier for a manager to say, ‘I don’t know how to do that either—let’s find a resource for you.’

“When goal achievement is pursued as a collaborative responsibility, it gives the manager permission to talk about other resources and ways of getting the team member what they need.”

An important twist when engaging in one-on-ones

One additional recommendation Fowler has for managers is to share ownership of one-on-one meetings.

“A lot of people think the one-on-one should be driven by the manager.  What we’re saying is that the agenda for the one-on-one should be directed by the direct report. If the manager is leading the one-on-one, it’s pretty hard to distinguish it from other kinds of performance management discussions, such as goal setting or feedback conversations. When the direct report sets the agenda, they are saying, ‘I understand this is my goal. Here is the progress I’m making and here is what I need, either from you or from another resource, to keep moving forward.”

A key skill for today’s successful organizations

Fowler encourages leadership, learning, and talent development professionals at companies of all sizes to consider how they can bring a more collaborative approach to leadership in their organizations.

“In the last 15 years I have seen a tremendous increase in research that identifies the importance of self leadership. In fact, increasing the proactive behavior of individual contributors has been identified as the single most important ingredient for the success of organizational initiatives.

“Teaching people how to use a shared language to self diagnose and partner with their managers is a great way to get started. It creates an engaging and motivating environment for the individual and helps the manager and the entire organization move forward more quickly to succeed.

“Don’t delay—start using a more collaborative approach today!”

____________________________________________________________________________

Would you like to learn more about taking a collaborative approach to performance management? Join Susan Fowler for a free webinar!

Partnering for Performance: 3 Ways to Help Your Managers and Direct Reports Collaborate to Achieve Goals

March 27, 2019 / 9:00 a.m. Pacific / 12:00 p.m. Eastern / 4:00 p.m. UK Time / 4:00 p.m. GMT

If you are a leadership, learning, or talent development professional, you know that it takes two to optimize performance—the manager and the direct report. As their leader, your dilemma is how to encourage and facilitate the crucial relationship between the two.

In this webinar, bestselling business author Susan Fowler shares how you can promote a collaborative approach to performance management that has been proven to get results with high levels of engagement. Fowler reveals the latest research-based strategies on self motivation and how to combine it with the time-tested principles of Situational Leadership® II (SLII®)—the most widely-taught leadership development model in the world.

Participants will learn how to position performance management as a joint responsibility—with managers and direct reports working together to make sure they set clear, motivating goals and effectively diagnose competence and commitment on key tasks so that everyone has what they need to succeed.

You will explore how to help managers and team members:

• Take a top-down, bottom-up approach to SMART goal setting with a focus on motivation and task competence
• Build mutual accountability for achieving agreed-upon goals
• Take a situational approach to performance management where direct reports self diagnose their development level and ask for the direction and support they need to succeed

Fowler will share how this joint approach achieves outcomes faster, more efficiently, and with a greater sense of engagement. It’s a 1+1 = 3 approach that yields much better results than when managers and direct reports work independently.

Don’t miss this opportunity to get your managers and direct reports collaborating for goal achievement!

Use this link to register today!

Dear Madeleine,

I have a high-stress technical job serving the sales department of a professional services company. I have one direct report I am struggling with.

Everything is an emotional event with him. He takes everything personally and even finds ways to get offended by positive feedback. He is always melting down and getting sick. I am doing more and more of his job myself, and I spend inordinate amounts of time talking him off the ledge.

In his defense, our sales people move fast—and it’s true they have dumped extra work on him, and even some work he shouldn’t be doing. I have talked to my boss about getting more help, but my boss tends to stay out of things like this as long as the work is getting done. In this case, he just smiles and tells me I can do it!

I am at my breaking point. I just don’t know what to do. Help?

At Wit’s End

___________________________________________________________________

Dear At Wit’s End,

You are clearly kind, compassionate, competent, and over-functioning for everyone else. It will feel mean when I point out that you are role modeling perfectly how to allow yourself to be taken advantage of. So, stop it. Right now.

Your battle is on two fronts: 1) the problem with your direct report 2) the problem with getting what you need from your boss.  Decide which to tackle first and then get up on your horse and charge. Remember, you say you are at your wit’s end, so at this point you have nothing to lose.

Regarding your direct report: first go to HR and get yourself some help. You need to put your direct report on a performance plan and hold him accountable for his share of the work. You can provide him with information about what the company offers in terms of psychological support. Many Employee Assistance Programs offer at least six sessions with a qualified therapist and it would at least be a start for him to address his emotional instability.

A manager can only provide so much support, and it sounds like you crossed that line a while back. The guy must get professional help or risk losing his job. I know it sounds harsh, but honestly—he is not going to have a successful career without some real help, so you are doing him a favor. The longer you cover for him and spend critical work time providing amateur psych services for him, the deeper you are digging your hole. Heck, get some of that psych support yourself—talk things through with someone and develop a strategy to protect yourself from your own niceness in the future.

In terms of your boss: it’s hard to tell, but because you are so nice, I’m guessing you aren’t being direct about all aspects of this situation. Get super clear about what you need. If necessary, use a spreadsheet to show the amount of work coming in and how many hours go into different tasks. That will paint the picture of how out of whack things are.

You may have to threaten to quit if you can’t get the support you need, which means you should be answering calls from headhunters, trolling job sites, brushing up your LinkedIn profile, and preparing to make your move. Be prepared for the possibility that you might have to go, it will strengthen your position. But don’t think you can run away from your own inability to set boundaries and stand up for yourself – if you don’t really work on this now, you will get yourself right back into a similar pinch in your next job. Use this opportunity. It will be really uncomfortable, but worth it. I promise, you will never look back.

You can do it. Apply the same fierce analytical skills and high-level competence to this situation that you use in the technical parts of your job. Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I always get a little overwhelmed during the holiday season, but this year I am at the brink. I have a big team at work and I usually try to create some kind of fun event for us—but this year it just isn’t happening. There is a massive problem with our technology and my team and I are having a hard time doing our jobs. My printer stopped working and so did the key card I use to go from building to building. Two of my people are out sick and another needs to be talked off the ledge every hour on the hour. 

In my personal life, my car’s check engine light is on and my mechanic won’t return my calls. My dryer at home is broken, and I have two kids coming home from college with suitcases full of laundry. Our Christmas tree is up, but it isn’t decorated, and I usually have the house all ready for the kids. I haven’t even ordered Christmas cards, let alone sent any! The dog is limping for some unknown reason and the cat keeps throwing up on my bed.

I just got off the phone with a colleague who told me that one of my direct reports dropped a big ball and really screwed up. I am this close to picking up the phone and letting my direct report have it, but I know it wasn’t really his fault. So I am writing you instead.

I feel like everyone and everything is letting me down and I am pushing a huge rock uphill by myself. I can’t even think anymore. Help?

Melting Down

______________________________________________________________

Dear Melting Down,

Oh my dear, this sounds hard. And so familiar. When you start feeling sorry for yourself, it is time to stop. Just stop. Take a deep breath. Say out loud: “This is not neurosurgery, no one is dying.” Repeat three times.

Then, take action.

Make a list of everything you are tolerating. You can read about tolerations in one of my old posts here. Essentially, a toleration* is every little thing you are putting up with. When the list gets too long, one tiny straw can break the camel’s back. This is where you are right now.

Once you have your lists—one for work and one for home—look at each item one by one. Decide whether you are going to deal with it, dump (ignore) it, or delegate it. Some things are simply outside of your control and you will just have to suck them up. Others you can either do something about yourself or get others to handle.

Before you get to it, though, you need to consider your standards—your expectations of yourself and others based on both what you think is important and marks you have hit in the past. Remember: standards are not laws. Gravity is a law. I must have the tree decorated by the time the kids come home is not. Do you see the difference? You have made up that some of the standards you hold yourself to are a priority—when, in fact, your reality is making them impossible. For right now, as you go over your list of tolerations, ask yourself where can I lower my standards, just for this year? I remember one year when I was similarly overextended, I just didn’t do Christmas cards. My sister-in-law was horrified—but you know what? Nobody died.

So lower your standards and your expectations of how things should be. Deal with the real problems—like your car—the ones that won’t resolve themselves and will probably turn into bigger, more expensive problems. Find a new mechanic. If the dog is still limping, make a vet appointment. Assuming the cat is feeling better, close the door to your bedroom just in case.

Let the kids decorate the tree when they get home and take their clothes to the laundromat. Send them a warm text to explain your situation and to warn them so they aren’t surprised. They may moan, but they will also probably rise to the occasion—especially if you manage their expectations. Send a nice email to your work team thanking them for their hard work and promising a fun event in February—which, honestly, is when people really need one. The technology problems will resolve themselves eventually, and you aren’t going to get fired.

Tom Magliozzi, one of the co-hosts of NPR’s Car Talk show, says: “Happiness equals reality minus expectations.” Deal with the incontrovertible reality, and remember the rest is all made up. Be the model of grace, humor, generosity, and patience you know yourself to be, especially with your team. Keep breathing. Your kids and you will be fine.

I wish you great peace, healthy pets, a functioning car, and upgraded technology in the New Year.

Love, Madeleine

* Thomas Leonard, a pioneer of the coaching profession and the founder of Coach University, the ICF, and Coachville, coined the term tolerations in the late 1980s.

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I recently took a director level job with a huge Fortune 50 organization. I have been thrown into the deep end and I am worried about completely bombing out. I have had zero onboarding, so I am constantly making errors and spending tons of time backtracking and clearing things up.

I am really trying to do all of the things that Michael Watkins says to do in The First 90 Days, but his methods pre-suppose a sane organization. I am in back-to-back meetings all day, taking work home at night, and I have a list of deliverables as long as my arm.

When I ask my boss about how to prioritize my work, she just looks at me blankly. She clearly expects it to all get done at the same time. I have two direct reports who are already swamped and I am working on hiring a third one. 

I am used to getting things done and making an impact, but I can’t do that here. I am literally in despair that I left a great job to jump into this hell. Should I just jump ship before I get fired?

Want to Jump Ship

Dear Want to Jump Ship,

This sounds hard—regret about leaving a comfortable situation for a hellish one can really take the wind out of your sails. But take heart—you are suffering from the classic, predictable stage of disillusioned learner! In our SLII® training, we teach that we all start on a goal or a task as an “enthusiastic beginner,” and then hit the wall and become a “disillusioned learner.” This development level is marked by all the things you are thinking: “What was I thinking, leaving my old job?” “I am never going to make it here.” “Should I jump ship?”

The thing I can say to you is: this stage won’t last. You are going to figure this out and get yourself on an even keel from which you can make a rational decision. Big corporations can feel like lunatic asylums—I know, I have worked in some.

You will find your groove and fit right in. Or you may not. Either way, you will make the choice to stay or go based on the criteria you decide.

So what are your criteria for an organization you want to work for? Examples might be: amazing leadership, the company is making the world a better place, you are making more money and amazing benefits which will allow you to do something you always wanted to do. Make your list. When you feel as if you can breathe again, consult it and see if you are in the right place.

In the meantime, since your boss has no interest in helping you prioritize, you will have to prioritize for yourself. Since you are at director level, your boss probably assumes you know how to do this and expects you to do it. Decide what tasks you think are most important, find something that can get you a win, and focus on that. You might choose wrong—but honestly, what do you have to lose? Do a couple of things well and get your feet under you.

Take a few minutes a day to meditate, calm your brain down, and breathe. Take a deep breath in and exhale. Take care of yourself, eat lunch, and go home at a reasonable hour. You will wake up one day soon and realize you are fine.

Breathe.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I started a new job about six months ago. My boss warned me about one of my direct reports—he said she was argumentative and difficult.

For the first few months I thought she was okay, but now I’m beginning to see what my boss meant. She is hostile in meetings. She agrees to things and then tells others how much she disagrees with me. She does not keep her commitments and then gives me lame excuses when I call her on it.

Yesterday she sent me an email calling me names that made my jaw drop. She was rude and inappropriate to the point where I wonder if she might have a mental problem.

In the meantime, my boss was let go—and I don’t really feel comfortable taking this to my new boss. I am just blown away by this woman’s insubordination and I honestly don’t know what I should do next.

Tolerating Insubordination

Dear Tolerating,

Stop tolerating. Draw some boundaries. But first, do some research and groundwork.

I always recommend starting by giving folks the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she has good reasons to behave the way she is behaving. It’s possible that your former boss’s attitude toward her has put her on the defensive. You can certainly call for a sit-down. Share your experience and ask how you might be able to craft a more productive working relationship. For more direction on having a hard conversation, you can refer to a previous post in this column. See how that goes. Maybe you can turn this around.

I think as the new manager, it is your job to give it your best effort to make this work by making clear requests for changes and giving her a chance to improve her behavior. But if you get no traction, you have to be fierce and decisive or you risk getting dragged down very quickly. She can easily poison other employees against you and the company if she hasn’t already.

Call out unacceptable behaviors as soon as they happen and provide redirection. If you find yourself unable to do so, ask yourself what you are afraid of. What power does she have that she has been getting away with this nonsense since long before you arrived at the company? Probably none, but she has somehow cowed your former boss and is now doing it to you.

Put up the hand and make it stop. Talk to your new boss and your HR partner and start the process of documenting every time she does something that undermines the team. There is no reason for you to put up with nastiness and lack of productivity—how can you possibly get your work done? Maybe she will back down—people who are just plain bullies often do when challenged. But if she keeps it up, call the game and replace her with someone who will do the job, have a good attitude, and be a pleasure to work with. As you well know, you can teach skills but you must hire for attitude.

It is my experience that managers who spend the bulk of their time on bad apples like your direct report never, ever regret showing them the door. Get your ducks in a row and keep a record of the bad behavior—how beautiful that you have concrete evidence in an email!

Sometimes people behave so badly that we question our own assessment and even our sanity or theirs. You are at that point, which is way too far past the pale. So give it one last shot to get on the same page—and if it doesn’t work, just say no. No, no, no. No.

Love,

Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

Our company went to “unlimited PTO” about 16 months ago.  The idea was to try it out for a year and re-evaluate.  The re-evaluation period was moved to the 18-month mark, so it hasn’t happened yet.   

You would think the problem would be people abusing the policy but I have the opposite one: my people are not taking any vacation.  Back in the day when we had a “use or lose it” policy, I had to stay on people’s cases to take their PTO and they would, but now that time off is at the employee’s discretion, I can’t get people to take their vacation. 

I have a team of nine folks and every single one of them seems to feel worried about taking reasonable time off. I am worried that people are going to burn out.  Can I make my people take time off?  What to do? I feel like I need to call a…

Time Out

Dear Time Out,

This is certainly an interesting and trending topic, and you are not alone trying to navigate the dynamics that come with such a big change.  I found an interesting post on this that may help you.

Based on my experience with clients and my own team, I would have anticipated that people not taking time off would be the problem with unlimited PTO.  In fact, the first time I heard of it a couple of years back, I thought, “Oh God, people are never going to stop working! They’re just going to work themselves into an early grave.” In some cultures this is literally true, but that is because of a cultural expectation that people work massive amounts of overtime.  

In Western cultures at least, it would seem that giving people the option to manage their own workload, get their jobs done in the agreed upon timeframe, and take care of their personal lives with flexibility could only be a good thing.  Such an approach treats people like responsible, sensible adults.  But in some organizations many people are burdened with unreasonable workloads.  Some employees are poor judges of how long certain tasks will take, so they take on too much.  Other employees burden themselves by taking on more than they should.  The very ambitious sometimes seek to assure their promotability by simply outworking their peers.  It is up to the manager to figure this out and gauge the proper workload for each person.

In certain sectors people are going to be more affected by high performance pressure than others, making it feel unsafe for people to take time off.

People avoid taking time off for many reasons: For example, they:

• Feel they are indispensable and believe nobody else can do the job they do.
• Worry their customers will be upset by their absence.
• Succumb to FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out)—they don’t want to miss getting in on an exciting project.
• Fear being judged—they don’t want to be seen as a slacker.
• Bank their hours for a “rainy day”—rather than taking a big vacation, they save their hours in case an unexpected illness or emergency requires them to be out of the office

You, as the manager, need to discuss PTO with every person you lead.  Each individual is going to have a different concern and you can work with them to alleviate those concerns.  You can also work as a team to assure that plans are made in advance and people are properly covered during their time off.

The benefit of the unlimited PTO policy is that it provides people with flexibility in their work day to attend to family or other personal matters without having to submit paperwork.  The danger is that people won’t take the time they need to rest, play, and get a change of scenery—activities that research shows are critical to mental and physical health.

You are the leader of your group.  Make it clear to your people that you expect them to take vacation time, rest time, time to go to doctors’ appointments, and other kinds of self-care. Show them you mean it by doing these things yourself. Have you planned your own vacation?

Love,

Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am an experienced manager but I am in a situation that is stumping me. I have a large team, and we have a reputation for getting a lot done, very efficiently. One team member—L— has been with the team since before I took it over. She is in her early 40s, a single mom, and very good at her job.

The problem is that she is too nice. People on the team who are behind on their tasks always go to her for help. She is a wiz at certain obscure programs that we must use from time to time, and people get her to help them instead of learning the programs themselves.

L is very active with our company foundation and is often involved in big events that take up her time. She participates in several other committees for the company as well. I can’t keep track of them all. She is always the one to show up with a home-baked cake when there is something to celebrate. She even made gluten-free cupcakes recently for my birthday! She has to leave at a set time to pick up her kids from daycare and I know she goes home and does volunteer work.

This would be all fine and well if L didn’t miss her deadlines on a regular basis. We recently met for her performance review and I was chagrined to see that she hadn’t hit any of her goals at 100%. I was forced to give her a lower rating than I would have liked. I feel like a jerk because she is such a strong addition to the team. I don’t want to demotivate her. How can I fix this?

Feel Like a Jerk

Dear Feel Like a Jerk,

You clearly value your “giving” employee, as well you should. Adam Grant, a highly regarded organizational psychologist, has researched the phenomena he calls givers, takers and matchers, and has established that givers make organizations better. According to Grant, it is not unusual for givers to do less well on their performance metrics than takers or matchers. The key here is to find a way for L to win at work doing what she does naturally and well.

What if you were to shape into goals the things L does naturally, so that she is measured on things she will definitely excel at? Make her Team Den Mother (or come up with a name that suits) so remembering and honoring notable events among the team is a task she is measured on and acknowledged for. Make being a high contributing organizational citizen a goal and map out a limited number of committees she will be on and what her goals will be. Again, she will no doubt knock that out of the park.

Finally, you can designate one of her key responsibility areas as being an expert on certain processes or programs that the team uses. This way, when she spends time helping others, it is actually part of her job. This means some of her other tasks or goals will have to shift to others on the team.

Discuss this idea with L. She will probably help you think it through so that you can arrive at a fair way to recognize her contribution.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

How do you decide when to take on a new task or a new job? Could we thrive with a little bit more intentional thought? According to best-selling business author Dan Pink, there is a large and growing amount of research that gives clear guidance on how to get systematically better and smarter about making decisions on when to do things.

“We all experience Peak moments, Trough moments, and Recovery moments.  The key is to schedule the right type of work for each of these times. Our cognitive abilities change throughout the day. Do your analytic work during the Peak, administrative work during the Trough, and creative work during Recovery.”

Simply following this pattern can result in a 20 percent improvement in how people perform a job, says Pink.

Peak times should be used for analytic tasks and those that require head-down, focused attention and energy—for example, writing a report or analyzing data.  Save Trough time—which usually occurs later in the day—for routine administrative work.

“That’s when we should answer routine emails, fill out expense reports, or do the kinds of things that don’t require a heavy cognitive load,” says Pink.

Recovery time is best suited for certain types of insight work or brainstorming.

“Our mood is higher, but at the same time we tend to be less vigilant.”

Pink also shares insight on research that highlights the importance of taking breaks throughout the day. He offers a couple of best practice guidelines.

1. Something beats nothing. “Even a one- or two-minute break can restore energy and mental acuity.”
2. Moving is better than stationary. “Get up and move around—don’t sit at your desk and look at your phone.”
3. Social beats solo. “Breaks with other people are more replenishing than breaks on our own—even for introverts.”
4. Outside beats inside. “Nature has incredible replenishing benefits on our mental acuity and on our well-being.”
5. Fully detached beats semi-detached. “When you take a break, leave your phone at your desk.”

Finally, Pink shares timing recommendations for starting new projects and keeping teams performing at their best, and also discusses how to be intentional when setting up the beginning, midpoint, and ending of projects.

Be sure to listen through to the very end of the session, where Ken Blanchard shares his key takeaways from the interview!

Dear Madeleine,

I am a marketing professional who manages a whole crew of kids—really.  Age-wise, I could be the parent of each of these people. My team is tasked with providing movement and content across all of the social media platforms.   We are very successful at what we do.

Here is my problem: I feel like social media has eaten my brain.  I go on all the different platforms to assess trends, see how our work is showing up (vs. depending on analytics) and get ideas for new strategies. I often find myself getting hijacked where 15 minutes can go by and I am not doing anything useful, just clicking on what I know is click bait. 

I have mentioned this, kind of jokingly, to my team. Everyone laughs because it happens to all of us.  I know we could be much more productive but I have no idea how to manage what feels a lot like an addiction.

Addicted to the Internet

Dear Addicted,

Well, in my efforts to research the effects of the internet on the brain I found out a lot. I also ended up reading several articles about unrelated items and checking out the bathing suits the Kardashian sisters are sporting on their spring trip to Mexico.  It sounds like I am kidding, but I am not.  I actually had to slap my own face and remind myself what the heck I was doing. Guess what? Forty minutes had gone by, which was the entire amount time I had allotted for this post!  So you are playing with fire here—and what a good thing it is that you realize it.

From a neurological standpoint, your brain has a natural tendency to seek out novelty and stimulation.  The internet provides the perfect mix of both. Now add in the irresistible pull of instant gratification—the little bursts of dopamine being released with each new click. Dopamine is the feel-good neurotransmitter and without the activity that produces so much, our brains produce less.  This all happens pretty quickly. Once the loop is created, it is fiendishly hard to break.

Your problem is that you are addicted to something you have to use.  In fact, it is your objective to leverage this exact effect to get eyeballs to your site—so understanding this effect will help you control it.  In most cases we can step away from what we can’t control – gambling, shopping, booze, drugs, gossip.  You don’t actually need those things to live.  But you have to use the internet to do your job.  Your closest parallel is food: you have to eat, so you can’t eliminate food altogether.  But you can eliminate sugar—the most addictive food of all, according to some research.

So here are some ideas along those lines to help yourself and your team manage your forays into the bizarre funhouse quicksand that is the internet:

• The first step in dealing with addiction is admitting your powerlessness. The second step is getting support to deal with it. Discuss the nature of addiction with your whole team.  Encourage each person to talk about the struggles they have and how they manage them.  They will have ideas you can test as a group and improve with experimentation.
• Before you go out into the fray, make a clear list of sites and topics to be covered.  Allot finite time periods to accomplish specific tasks.  Set an alarm and try to beat your time.
• Meditate at least once for 10 minutes at the beginning or in the middle of your work day. Use an app like headspace (https://www.headspace.com) if you can’t do it alone.  It will rest your brain and stop the crazy.
• Insist that everyone on your team print out any can’t-miss articles on paper for others to read. (I know it’s an ecologically unsound practice—use scrap paper and recycle it.)
• Make sure everybody has tasks to do that do not involve being on the internet.
• When weather permits, hold staff meetings while walking outside to get everyone to look out at the horizon—this releases endorphins and changes your brain state.
• For other meetings, make sure everyone’s phones are absent—either put in a basket or left at their desks. Be fierce about this.
• You can’t insist your employees turn off their devices at bedtime, but you can do it for yourself. It will at least give your brain the entire time you are asleep to let its guard down.
• Forbid the use of Candy Crush-type competitive online games during work hours. These are the most egregious and addictive time wasters. I only recently learned players are rewarded for getting friends to join these games.  If you personally play any such games, eliminate them immediately—and if you don’t, don’t start.

Good luck.  You are on the front lines of a phenomenon we don’t fully understand. You are right to take it seriously.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am the new CEO of an asset management firm. I am concerned that my executive team is not up to speed and I am nervous about delegating to them.

They are all super talented, bright and experienced. The problem is the former CEO was a micromanager who was punitive when people asked for help. Now I need to change the culture in the group to make sure people ask me for help before they dig themselves in too deep.

I have told them to feel free to come to me if they have doubts, but they don’t—and then there is a mess to clean up.

This is a critical juncture. The eyes of every board member are on us. But I am traveling too much and doing work my team should be doing because I don’t trust them not to screw things up.

I know I have to stop this, but I don’t know how. Ideas?

Can’t Delegate

Dear Can’t Delegate,

It is true that most new leaders would prefer to shoot off like a rocket to where they are going and send a postcard from the destination. Welcome to the brave new world of getting things done through others. This is the transformational journey that you unwittingly signed up for, and it will be fraught, difficult, and intensely rewarding. It will require patience and generosity and—probably most challenging for you—slowing down right now so you can go faster later. Here are a few ideas:

• Shift your mindset. It’s hard being a genius (I use Immanuel Kant’s definition of genius as someone who creates new things with existing materials or ideas.) I know this because for 25 years I have specialized in coaching them—and I have been married to two. I’m guessing you have an exceptional ability to make connections between big abstract ideas that are obvious to you. Because they are obvious to you, you assume they are obvious to everyone else—but this is where you are wrong. You have to slow yourself down enough to articulate the steps and connections between your big ideas. You have to draw pictures, show the progression of logic, and connect the dots between your big cognitive leaps. Tedious? Yes. But a critical part of your job right now.
• Address the problem head on. Pull your team together and articulate the problem as you see it. Talk about the former CEO and his method of operating, making clear that your approach is not the same as his. Be explicit about how you will reward people when they ask for help. Scott Blanchard, who works on many complex deals, has a mantra he repeats: “Don’t lose a million dollar deal by yourself.”
• Remember that you are suggesting a big change. Asking for help makes some people feel vulnerable and can require fairly intense personal development. Challenge each of your people first to figure out what gets in the way of their asking for help—and then to push themselves past it. Introduce them to Brene Brown, who is at the forefront of the research showing that learning to be vulnerable makes better leaders.
• Apply a method to assess competence and confidence. In our flagship model, Situational Leadership® II, we teach leaders how to work with people to zero in on exactly where they need help to become the wiz they are. Remember that the tasks you are delegating are highly complex. How come you don’t screw up? Are you that much smarter? No, but you learned a lesson along the way—figure out how to help people identify their development level on a task.
• Allow the team to reason through complex situations even if you already have the answer. Let them work it out together, learn from each other, and grow as a team. If you absolutely must, you can throw in your wisdom at the end.
• Share your thinking. Anytime you learn something new, send the learning to everyone on your team. A short email is all it takes. When you travel, take someone with you and share your every thought on what you are learning and experiencing along the way. You think they can read your mind,—or you wish they could—but they can’t and they won’t. So tell them everything you think they need to know.

You were made CEO because it was assumed that you will be able to do what you do and empower your executive team to be brilliant. If you apply only two of these ideas, you will be well underway.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

“Procrastination is the thief of time”

I procrastinate. I’ll admit it. I have a bad habit of taking on easy tasks first and leaving more challenging things until last. Or I’ll put off a job until later because I’ve found something more desirable to do—but I won’t define when later is, exactly. I’m even procrastinating now; writing this blog instead of doing something more useful, such as answering emails!  (Don’t tell my manager.)

I had always thought of myself as a proactive person until I went to University. It was there I realised I did nothing a lot of the time, except when an essay paper was due— and then I’d start it a couple of days before it needed to be in. As it turned out, procrastinating was not the answer. I came to that conclusion as I broke down in tears in the library one day. I sobbed even harder when the library attendant told me off for crying in the ‘quiet zone.’ (True story.)

In preparation for writing this blog post, I unearthed an article on why procrastinators procrastinate in the first place. I immediately got distracted by the excellent cartoons. Do you see my problem? The article can be found on WaitButWhy.com if you’re looking for some light-hearted background on the mentality of procrastination (or some great cartoons).

Reasoning aside—as a leader, you’ll be expected to make decisions. When people are unsure of what to do, they look to their leader for direction and insight. They don’t want to be faced with a leader who will procrastinate on decisions until the last minute—especially when the problem is a priority for them.

So how can leaders avoid delaying decisions that will guide their team?

The key is careful planning. Careful is the operative word in that sentence. For procrastinators, planning isn’t usually a problem. They love planning because planning involves not actually doing! Procrastinators’ plans often have little actual thought, are vague or open-ended, and can lack detail or direction. Instead, you’ll need to make a detailed plan. The following steps will guide you.

1. Establish the objective.

Specifically identify what you want to achieve. You may be familiar with the concept of SMART goals—but if you aren’t, here’s a link to a previous blog post from David Witt. When you know exactly what you want to achieve, you’ll be able to lay out a clear path on how you want to get there.

2. Prioritise what you want to achieve, putting the most important task first.

As a leader, you’ll need to balance your priorities with the priorities of the team. It’s really easy to establish a list of 15 things to do and then have no idea where to start because they all seem equally important. So first identify the things you need to do. Remember that priorities evolve as you move forward on your tasks. Therefore, you’ll need to review your and your team’s priorities from time to time to see if they have changed.

3. Gather the information you need to make a decision.

Having relevant information means that you’ll be able to justify and explain your decision when the time comes. And the more information you have, the more confident you’ll be in making that decision. Don’t lose sight of your objectives here. It’s easy to fall into a trap and think you can’t make this decision because you don’t have all of the information. Don’t put off a decision because you’re waiting for arbitrary details.

4. Consider all of the sensible options and select the best one.

With any good plan, there are likely to be a number of choices you can make. Identify your options and remove those that aren’t logical. Then choose the best option—the one that is going to help achieve your objectives whilst meeting your priorities.

6. Take action.

This is the hardest part—but now that you’ve clarified your decision, you’ll find it easier to take action. You’ve established a clear and sensible path to achieving a specific outcome instead of our procrastinating leader’s vague, open-ended to-do list.

Overcoming procrastination, especially as a leader, is important. Much of what makes people happy or unhappy is affected by procrastination. The time to start improving is now. If you are a former procrastinator, how did you conquer it? Let us know in the comments!

Often, 20 to 35 percent of value-added collaborations come from only 3 to 5 percent of employees, according to a recent study shared in a Harvard Business Review podcast with Rob Cross, University of Virginia professor and coauthor of the article Collaborative Overload.

“As people become known for being both capable and willing to help, they are drawn into projects and roles of growing importance,” says Cross.

The downside? This kind of collaboration usually comes at a cost—not only to the person who is shouldering the load but also to the organization. Here’s why.

When someone is called on to be involved in everybody’s projects, sooner or later an organizational bottleneck is created when numerous groups are waiting for the person to work on their job. This is not healthy for the organization or for the overworked individual, says Cross. When one person is in extreme demand from several sources, that person will eventually suffer from burnout.

Wondering if you may be an excessive collaborator? Your calendar can offer some hints. Over the past four months, how many times have you:

• been involved in projects outside your core responsibilities?
• received routine informational requests about projects that you don’t need to be part of anymore?
• been asked to make routine decisions when you are not adding value?

All three of these questions point to signs of either a poorly designed role or one that has experienced scope creep. For example, you are unable to let go of old projects that could now be handled by others or you are still part of an archaic approval process put in place years ago that doesn’t really serve the organization any longer.

Cross explains that bottlenecks, burnout, and turnover can affect the performance of an entire organization. Don’t let yourself become a pinch point. Begin in small ways to remove yourself as an assumed collaborator by saying no, shifting priorities, and placing buffers in your work life.

Finally, if you are a manager, make sure you are not inadvertently asking people to become overloaded bottlenecks themselves. For example:

• Do you ask people to be always on?
• Who do you pick for assignments—is it typically the most connected, overworked people?
• Do you ever choose people for tasks who are less busy and could quickly learn the job?

Take a look at your culture and what kind of work ethic it encourages. Don’t put yourself, your people, or your organization at risk of burnout.

To learn more about the risks of collaborative overload, check out the complete article at Harvard Business Review. Are you a podcast listener? You can hear Rob Cross discuss these concepts on the HBR Ideacast.

What she was encouraging me to do was to take a helicopter ride. Speaking metaphorically, I was spending all of my time driving furiously up and down the highways and byways of our business trying to get stuff done, but it caused me to spend a lot of time in traffic jams and the progress was slow. What I needed to do was periodically rise above the daily chaos and take a helicopter ride to gain a different perspective of our work.

Taking time to work on the business…taking a helicopter ride…has several key benefits that will accelerate your productivity and passion for your job.

1. It provides perspective — A few years ago I was painting several rooms in our house and I noticed a trend. The quality of workmanship of the trim at the top of the walls was less than stellar, but I hadn’t noticed it before because I rarely look up. That tends to happen when you live life at eye level. Spending all of your time working in the business can lead to tunnel vision and you run the risk of losing sight of the end goal. We can easily get distracted with fire fighting and stop paying attention to higher level priorities and metrics that drive the success of our organization. An occasional helicopter ride snaps you out of the day-to-day routine and forces you to view your business at a macro-level.
2. It relieves stress — Each of us has a different level for stress tolerance but we all have one thing in common—we will eventually crash and burn when our tank reaches empty. The daily grind of work can be stressful and it takes its toll. Studies have shown that workplace stress is far and away the number one stressor we face in life. It’s imperative for your health to find productive ways to relieve stress and taking the metaphorical helicopter ride is an excellent way to accomplish that goal. Regardless of how you do it – devoting an hour a week to strategic planning, one day a month, or having a periodic retreat with your leadership team – the important thing is you do it. Helicopter rides allow you to clear your mind of pressing priorities and helps you re-calibrate your approach to work.
3. It sparks creativity and problem solving — Many of my best ideas come to me when I’m away from the office. Whether I’m in the shower or cycling in the back country, the ideas flow when I’m relaxed and letting my mind wander. Helicopter rides afford you the opportunity to think in a different way, unencumbered by the routines and demands of the office. Constantly working in the business keeps your mind focused on the immediate and urgent problems, whereas working on the business allows you to creatively brainstorm new approaches to your challenges.
4. It nourishes your soul — Leaders set the tempo for their teams. If you want a team that is engaged, energized, and committed to their work, then you need to model that behavior. That means you’re constantly pouring yourself out for others. If you aren’t replenishing your own energy you won’t have any left to give others. Sometimes helicopter rides mean getting away from work entirely by taking a vacation. Work can wear us down to the point where we develop an attitude of cynicism or a defeatist mentality. If you notice yourself going down that road then it’s a clear warning sign your soul needs some nourishment.

As leaders we are often motivated to always be on the go…get things done…make stuff happen. There’s a time and place for all that activity, but there is also a time and place for rising above the day-to-day and taking a helicopter ride to look at your business, and your leadership practices, in a new and fresh way.

Feel free to leave a comment about your own strategies for taking helicopter rides.

Randy Conley is the Vice President of Client Services and Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies. His LeaderChat posts appear the fourth or last Thursday of every month. For more insights on trust and leadership, visit Randy at his Leading with Trust blog or follow him on Twitter @RandyConley.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a leader who is conscientious, caring, and committed. Now, at the middle of my career, I find myself becoming a bit resentful of working long hours. I am constantly in danger of losing my PTO and yet the stress of preparing to be off work, along with the avalanche of work when I return, makes it very hard to disconnect completely. 

I’ve read the research and I know I’m not being a good role model for my people when I take vacation time and then end up working through it—which just breeds more resentment. I have a great team and I delegate a LOT to them, but the amount of work we are all expected to do is intense. 

My boss says I need to take vacation and just not worry about it. Any ideas on how I can do that and not kill myself with work when I return? 

—Just Can’t Take a Vacation

Dear Just Can’t Take a Vacation,

Being at the middle of your career, in middle management, and feeling like the proverbial hamster on a wheel is notoriously common and really, really hard. In, fact, I wrote an article about it recently. I hope it will help a little.

The short story here is that you absolutely must must must must take care of yourself for the long haul or you will be a miserable human being. Before you know it, you will not be the wonderful conscientious, caring, and committed person you are now. You will die inside because resentment is like taking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die.

So.

I am going to challenge you to go to your calendar app right now and schedule two weeks off. When you book your vacation, leave on a Tuesday and spend that Monday tying up loose ends, preparing everyone for you to be away. Then come home on the following Wednesday, and spend Thursday and Friday catching up. But DON’T TELL ANYONE YOU ARE DOING THIS. Leave all your emails in your outbox and let them go the night before you are supposed to be back.

That gives you a good week away and some nice padding on both ends to keep you sane.

You can decide you are going to work while on vacation—there’s no shame in that—but set some boundaries. For example, designate just one hour a day to check in and do not attend a single meeting. Keep in mind that when you do this, though, you train people to not let you take a vacation. If you decide not to work, I hate to tell you this—but you are going to have to turn your phone off. It can be done—I know because I have done it. And I have made my husband do it. You have kind of a little mini nervous breakdown on Day 2, and then you get over yourself and relax in way you haven’t experienced since before the internet. (You may still vaguely remember that.) I highly recommend it. And honestly, unless you are the only person on the planet who is curing cancer or engineering world peace, nobody will actually die if you take some time off. Including you.

You are a leader. And I really don’t want to be mean to you, but you are acting a little bit like a victim. It is time for you to make a choice to take care of yourself, defend your choice and stick to your choice. You will be smarter, more creative, and more interesting. You may feel a little buried when you get back, but you’ll have two full days to dig out. If you plan your vacation properly—meaning, it is something you really want to do with someone you really want to do it with—you won’t regret it.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am a staff manager at an academic institution. Of my eleven direct reports, seven have been with the University for more than thirty years and the rest have also been here for a long time.

They are smart and capable and very good at what they do, as they should be—they have been doing essentially the same job for most of their working lives. And that is the problem. I can get my people to do exactly their jobs and nothing more.

I read about work passion and engagement and achieving great things by harnessing discretionary energy, but this feels impossible with the culture in my department. I would bet that most of my people could get their jobs done in twenty hours a week and use the rest of the time for special projects that would enhance the department and benefit the organization. But anytime I throw out ideas for projects and ask for volunteers, I get blank stares and silence.

When I try to force the issue, I get constant pushback: “the busy season is just starting,” or “so and so is out on maternity leave and covering for her is overwhelming me.” You know the drill. It is so frustrating. How do I get these people inspired and energized?

Discouraged

Dear Discouraged,

You are not going to like what I have to say about this. (I don’t even like it.) But I know from research and vast experience that it is true. Ready? Here goes: any institution that has not had to keep up with constant change can become a safe harbor for people who are set in their ways and happy to stay in their comfort zones. What you are actually talking about it is total culture change. You can never underestimate the power of culture to kill any plans you might have to change things. The culture you are fighting has been shaped over years and it does not welcome anything new including variations that might require a little extra effort. Revolution is not welcome here. You might be able to shift the culture to get people to step up—but I warn you that you will need both some serious grit and the following:

1. A fundamental shift in expectations for work production that is passed down from the highest possible leadership. If your department hasn’t been targeted for budget cuts, it is only a matter of time before it is. You can ask your boss what the future holds and get senior leader support for adding tasks or even whole key responsibility areas to individual workloads.
2. A plan to match people with tasks and projects that are interesting to them. You will need to have conversations with each person and ask big, open-ended questions that will get them thinking about what would make something new and different feel exciting instead of burdensome, or worse: scary. Examples of such questions:
   • “What would make you feel like jumping out of bed in the morning?”
   • “What made you interested in working in this field in the first place?”
   • “What do you read about/learn about in your spare time?”
   • “If you could wave a magic wand and do anything you want for work, what would it be?

Using this information to shape the right project for the right person will require some creativity but it should help your people feel some initiative and ownership for any new tasks.

3. An extremely compelling reason for people to change. In this way, motivation is less of a mystery and you can tap into what really motivates each individual person on your team. Each person will have core needs that get met at work—and it will be critical to understand what those are so that any change won’t affect them. In addition, the science of motivation tells us that people are most impacted by changes in their autonomy, relatedness, and competence, so focusing on how change will affect people in those areas will be key. Click here for more information on the art and science of motivation.

Finally, you might want to consider your own motivation—it sounds like your department is getting along just fine. Why fix something that isn’t broken? Perhaps your people are just dandy but you crave the excitement of a fast-paced, super challenging environment? It might be easier to move yourself to a new location than try to change the one you are in.

I warned you that you weren’t going to like it. I’m really sorry. I’m not saying you can’t do it—I’m just saying it will be the fight of your life and you’d better really, really want it.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I’m not sure what my exact problem is, except that I am in a constant state of overwhelm.  I have a wonderful job that I love, with a great boss who gives me plenty of challenging opportunities and always has my back.  My employees are all excellent and hardworking.  I have a lovely home—which usually looks like a toy and laundry bomb went off in it—with a spouse who works as hard as I do.  We run from day care drop-off to work, race back for kid pick-up and then home to fall into bed only to get up at dawn and start all over again.

My head is spinning.  I didn’t realize how exhausted I was until this holiday season when I took a few days off and could barely get off the couch. 

I feel like my life is whizzing by and I am missing it.  My kids aren’t even in school yet and I have serious career ambitions, but I don’t see how I am going to keep up this pace.   —Can’t Keep Up

Whoa there, Can’t Keep Up!

Boy, do I sympathize with your situation—and I am sure most of my readers do, too.  My kids are all young adults now and I look back on those early years and wonder how I did it.  You are absolutely right in thinking you aren’t going to be able to keep up the pace. You are behaving as if you signed up for a sprint when, in fact, you are in the first stretch of an endurance marathon.  And what that means, my friend, is that you must pace yourself.  Here a few keys for doing just that:

Put yourself first. This is counterintuitive, I know. But seriously—our culture is so child-centered these days, it can be really hard to focus on yourself and your own needs.  The way you are feeling makes me think there may be some fundamental needs you are not getting met.  Maybe it is time to exercise; maybe it is simply quiet time to think.  Whatever it is, the operative word is going to be time. So whether you carve it out of your workday or your family time, I guarantee that you can find two hours a week where you can do something you need to do to take care of yourself.  And while we’re on the topic of needs—your family will only make it through these years in one piece if you and your spouse pay some attention to each other.  Date nights might be corny and it might be hard to get a sitter, but you simply have to spend some time together when you’re not both comatose.

Let something go. You can have everything, just not all at the same time.  So for any given interval of time—say any week, month, or quarter—decide what is going to get the largest percentage of mindshare.  Sometimes it will be a big project at work; sometimes it will be prepping for the holidays. Decide and prioritize and stick to your guns.  Look at everything you are spending time on—and if it isn’t that important, dump it.  I skipped sending Christmas cards this year—even though I really enjoy it—because guess what? There is no big rule book in the sky that says I have to do it every year.

Get help.  A rule of thumb I learned from entrepreneur guru Michael Gerber is that if somebody else can do something, delegate it—and stay focused on the things only you can do.   If both you and your spouse are working full-time, chances are you can afford a laundry service.  And if I could go back in time and do one thing differently with my kids, I would have been better at making them clean up their toys before bed every night.

Practice mindfulness.  Mindfulness can be defined as the self-regulation of attention or awareness to internal or external events with an orientation of curiosity, openness, and acceptance.  There is a lot of noise on this topic, but the research shows that people who regularly practice mindfulness experience less stress and more joy than those who don’t.  You don’t need to go take a class or become an expert. All you need to do is breathe deeply and notice. Pay attention to what is going on—both within you and around you.  That’s it.  It will lower your stress level and blood pressure; it will be make you feel like a sane person instead of a lunatic.

Practice gratitude. Instead of scanning your phone while waiting in line at the grocery store or rehashing your to-do list while driving around, come up with a mental list of all the things in your life you are grateful for.  It will change your brain chemistry and improve your quality of life in measurable ways.

Take a snapshot. I learned this from my mother-in-law, Margie Blanchard, who has taught me a treasure trove of cool things. This is just a goofy little technique that will help you put some shape to the blur your life has become.  Every night, just as you are getting settled in bed, ask yourself What is the snapshot from today?  It could be a triumphant moment in a meeting; it could be one of your kids saying something hilarious.  It can be sublime or ridiculous, but it is one thing that happened today that is a hallmark of this small regular day that will never happen again.  Some days you might get two snapshots.  And some days your one snapshot will be absolutely prosaic.

The fact is, your life is whizzing by—and it will go even faster as it goes along.  Try some of these small easy habits, one at a time. I think they will help you slow down and enjoy each moment in 2016 just a little more!

Love Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

I recently coached an ambitious sales person with ten direct reports after he attended a three-day Managing People workshop customized for his employer by The Ken Blanchard Companies.

This leader was very busy, working an average of twelve hours a day. Due to scheduling conflicts, we set his first coaching session three weeks after the workshop took place. Research indicates that you lose 70 percent of what you learn within one week if you don’t use it, so we started the session by clarifying his top two challenges.

The first challenge was that he wanted to contribute more to his company and achieve a higher leadership position. The second was his desire to have his direct reports take over more of the routine problem solving so he could better balance both his managing up and managing down duties.

I asked him, “From what you learned in the workshop, what do you think would help you with your priorities?”

After a little time with him not really answering the question, I gently asked again, “So in your opinion, which of the workshop concepts would help most with your priorities?”

It took a few more seconds of thought, but then the answer came to him: “I feel that I need to strengthen my relationships with both my boss and my direct reports.”

“How do you see this happening?” I asked.

“I think I can achieve it through the one-on-one meetings they talked about in the workshop,” he replied.

From there, he swiftly identified how implementing one-on-one meetings could help him both upstream and downstream:

1. Strengthening relationships through more communication: One-on-ones would allow him to spend more time with his boss learning about corporate projects and identifying opportunities where he could contribute more to the organization. The one-on-ones with his direct reports would help strengthen relationships by allowing a time to discuss their needs in a more scheduled way than through quick hallway consultations.

2. Improving competence all around: He could learn from his boss how to manage big picture items and projects, and his direct reports could gain competence through his increased direction, coaching and support to help them solve problems that arise from day-to-day operations.

3. Increasing delegation: As his direct reports’ competence improved, he could delegate more to them—and thereby open up time for him to be involved in big picture projects. Also, with the one-on-one meetings’ recommended best practice of the manager setting the time and the direct report setting the agenda, direct reports would become more empowered and would take more charge of the items under their responsibility.

4. Clarifying expectations: One-on-one meetings would also provide the occasion for him to clarify his direct reports’ goals as well as to provide feedback on desirable behaviors within the organization. Additionally, these meetings would present a great opportunity for him to catch his people doing things right!

One-on-meetings become time savers with the mentioned relevant benefits for all parties involved when used on a recurring basis. Follow these five tips for getting started:

1. Make one-on-one meetings short: 15 to 30 minutes in length.
2. The leader sets the meeting date and time and the direct report provides the agenda.
3. Meet at least once every two weeks.
4. Focus on what the direct report wants to talk about; i.e., progress reports, obstacles, concerns.
5. Show direct reports that meetings are valued and important by treating them as a priority. If a meeting has to be postponed, reschedule promptly.

It was fascinating how this leader—by identifying the need for one-on-one meetings with his supervisor—also recognized how this could help his direct reports. Need more time in your work life? Make sure one-on-one meetings are a managerial resource in your toolkit.

About the Author

Antonio Estrada, MBA, Certified Professional Coach is a member of Blanchard Coaching Services network of executive and leadership coaches.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Because many of the coaches at first didn’t notice the distinction of good managers, I got a lot of responses about managers who put themselves first, who are inconsistent, or who simply don’t take the time necessary to be clear about expectations. The narcissists, the bullies, the lazy, the petty, the dictators, the volatile, the jerks—we’ve all had at least one boss that fits the bill there. These are the people who become horror stories at the dinner table and who cause stress-related illness in others.

But these were not the people I wanted to write about. There is already a great deal of literature about terrible bosses.

I was focused on the mistakes good managers make. The person who works as hard as their people, views employees as human beings with thoughts, feelings and lives of their own, and works hard to be a good communicator; the manager who is self aware, aware of others, and tries really hard to take the best possible care of his or her people.

So what are the top three mistakes?

Once we made the good distinction clear, we heard back from over 50 coaches and collated all of the responses to come up with the top three mistakes good managers make. The top three were (drum roll please):

1. Not setting proper boundaries. In an effort to be liked, it is easy for a manager to let people get away with things they shouldn’t. Employees can feel it when they have a “nice” manager who really isn’t in charge. In the end, it actually makes people feel unsafe. Dr. Henry Cloud literally wrote the book on this topic: Boundaries for Leaders: Results, Relationships, and Being Ridiculously in Charge. Articulating and defending clear boundaries is a skill and can be made into a habit.
2. Adding value. As a manager, sometimes you have to let employees rise to a challenge. If you step in to rescue them too much, you aren’t doing them any favors. For example, when an employee has an idea or plan that you determine to be good enough, think twice about tweaking or adding your thoughts unless it is truly mission critical. Marshall Goldsmith talks about this in his wonderful book What Got You Here Won’t Get You There. He also has a terrific blog post on the topic.
3. Ignoring personal growth. When you are taking care of everyone else all the time, it can be really easy to forget about yourself. When was the last time you thought about your own brilliant career? What have you wanted to learn that you haven’t made the time for? Do your employees see you as a role model for development—an inspirational learner?

Have we missed anything?

When you’re focused on the development of others, it can be easy to forget about yourself. Over the next few weeks, we will look at the different ways these mistakes get made—and how you can avoid them in the first place.

Are there other mistakes good managers make that you would like to add to this list? Please add them in the Comments section and we will discuss them in this column.

About this new column
Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned is a new Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard, and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here next week to look at another challenge (and possible solution) for this unique group.

At work our team has been stuck trying to choose between spending money on one strategy and finding out more information about an alternative choice. It’s been on our meeting agenda for almost a month now and, really, it’s not that big a deal.

Ever been there? The more you think about the options, the more it seems like a tie. One is just as good as the other, but you can only pick one. So you pick nothing. You procrastinate. Well, not exactly—because after all, you are doing something: you’re thinking this over. Right?

This dilemma has been around for a while.

Fourteenth-century French philosopher Jean Buridan suggested that if you put an ass (the donkey type, not the human type) between two identical piles of hay, it would be unable to choose between the two and would die of hunger. This became known as the Paradox of Buridan’s Ass, whose picture you see above. (We can’t guarantee the authenticity of the photo.)

Even further back—in 350 B.C., to be exact—Aristotle proposed that a person who is equally thirsty and hungry and has to choose between food and drink might stay exactly at that position and starve to death.

More recently, the character Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof had trouble making decisions because of his annoying habit of always saying “…but on the other hand, this, and on the other hand, that …” Fiddler opened in New York in 1964.

You may notice that all these observations happened long before multi-tasking as we now know it, incoming cell phone calls, being buried in emails, etc. By the way—should you pay to drive in the car pool lane today, or stay right where you are?

So what’s a procrastinator to do? Here are three suggestions:

1. Just do something. Anything. Have you ever noticed that if you are trying to push a stalled car off the road, it’s very difficult to get it moving initially? But once it is moving, it’s relatively easier to keep it going. Physicists call this “static friction.” It’s harder to move things that are currently stationary than things that are already in motion. You might think of it as activation energy.
2. Don’t delay. There is a business theory that delay is better than error. Actually—no, it isn’t. First of all, the opportunity you’re putting off now will not be identical to what might be the case in the future. It will likely become more complex as you hold off taking action. Conditions change, and dilemmas usually intensify. Secondly, doing something provides you with some helpful information because you’ve got observed data. Call it a “pilot,” if you prefer. Keep in mind that very few decisions are absolutely final. During implementation, there will be opportunities for adjustment.
3. Pick a small first step and add that to your to-do list. Don’t write “Income tax.” Write “Get forms,” or perhaps “Gather expense receipts.” The smaller the line item, the more doable it will seem. And put a deadline on it.

Of course, having a goal is helpful. In fact, it’s downright essential. But it’s not enough. Progress is all about taking action. Goals without action are merely dreams. So if you’re serious about productivity and execution, you’ve got to get active. As Einstein said, “Nothing happens until something moves.”  Inactivity breeds discouragement. In real life Buridan’s ass acts and sounds a lot like Eeyore.

Finally, to close the loop after you’ve done something—even an eensy, teensy, stupid little something—celebrate. Even if your celebration is merely a private party in your brain that you hold for yourself. Take a breath, smile in satisfaction, and feel good. And then move on. Come on, we don’t have all day here.

About the author

Dr. Dick Ruhe is a best-selling author, keynote speaker, and senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies.

• Ask employees to introduce themselves. If you don’t know someone’s name, don’t embarrass yourself, the person you’re introducing, or the person you’re introducing them to. After introducing the new hires, Elizabeth could have given the ‘your turn’ glance to Patrick and allowed him to chime in on his own. Or, she could have turned to Patrick and said something like, “why don’t you introduce yourself and tell them a little bit about who you are?”
  (Or, of course, she also could have glanced at the name plaque on the wall outside his office for assistance.)
• Ask employees to describe their role in their own words. If you don’t know what someone does, simply have them describe it in their own words. By saying, “I have no idea what you do,” it implies that Patrick’s contributions aren’t noticeable, and by extension, not appreciated. Or, as a Human Resources representative, it implies that you’re not in tune with the actual work being done by the employees in the trenches.
• If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. All these years later, Mom’s advice still rings true. Never introduce someone by pointing out their flaws, faults, or negative traits. By focusing on Patrick’s bad habit, Elizabeth effectively eroded any trust she had with Patrick and demonstrated to the new employees that perhaps they should be cautious around Elizabeth.

What other advice would you have for Elizabeth? Do you have any stories of introductions gone wrong?
Follow me on Twitter: @adammorris21 | Add me to your Circles on Google+: gplus.to/AdamMorris21