Dear Madeleine,

I thought you might weigh in on an ongoing debate I have with a friend. We met in college, have been working at different companies, and were promoted to management at about the same time.

He believes his direct reports are lazy and will do the bare minimum if he isn’t constantly breathing down their necks. He (a millennial) frequently complains about how entitled Gen Z’ers are. I am having a totally different experience. I see the people on my team as amazingly smart. They go the extra mile and sometimes they work even harder than they need to.

My company provides a lot of training to managers and unlimited access to tons of resources on management and leadership. My buddy’s company provides no training at all. I am pretty sure there is a connection here.

I don’t want to lord it over my friend, but I do think learning basic leadership techniques has helped me to get things off on the right foot and get the best from my people. I am convinced my friend’s negative attitude is part of the problem, but I hesitate to point that out to him. I am finding him less and less fun to hang out with and am getting tired of biting my tongue. I don’t want to become just one more thing he complains about.

He wasn’t always so doom and gloom. Maybe his direct reports really are awful. I just can’t help thinking he at least partially to blame for his predicament. But what do you think?

Biting My Tongue

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Dear Biting My Tongue,

I think I hear a couple of different topics in your letter. The least direct one is “how does this happen?”, another is “do leaders affect workers motivation” and finally, “should I try to influence my friend?”

So—how does this happen? I think your friend’s attitude is the result of a combination of personal outlook, lack of curiosity, and working in an impoverished company culture. Research supports two arguments: a company that invests in its leadership will end up with better leaders, which results in an empowered, motivated workforce; and a company that promotes people because they are solid individual contributors (a standard, if misguided, norm)—without training them to be at least technically proficient managers—is going to end up with, well, people like your friend.

A culture in which people adopt a growth mindset and thrive doesn’t happen by accident. It takes a great deal of intention and relentless work. So the lack of training isn’t your friend’s fault—but neither is there anything keeping him from taking responsibility and seeking help on his own. I would submit that he has been ground down enough to invest in being a victim of circumstances, which, in turn, has contributed to the reality he is experiencing.

Which brings us to your friend’s general outlook. Most likely, your attitude about workers was fairly optimistic to begin with and has been further developed by good training. It is entirely possible that your friend might stick to his original attitude regardless of training opportunities. This difference in your attitudes is beautifully described in the work called Theory X and Theory Y. These contrasting theories, postulated by Douglas McGregor, represent different assumptions about employee motivation. 

Theory X holds that employees dislike work and need strict supervision, while Theory Y assumes that employees are intrinsically motivated and seek responsibility, preferring a more participative approach. Anyone who takes on the responsibility of managing people will either consciously or unconsciously subscribe to one of these theories or the other and will treat their direct reports accordingly.

This is an old pair of theories, and many others have refuted or built on them since this work was first published. I only mention it because you seem to be a student of leadership, and it appears that you and your friend are operating on these exact diametrically opposed theories. You can enjoy a deep dive on this topic here.

You asked my opinion, so here it is: I don’t think anything involving human beings is ever that black or white, because each individual is different and will be motivated by vastly different things. I also know—because research shows it and I have observed evidence over 35 years of managing people—that a leader’s attitude toward their people 100% affects employee engagement.

So is your friend part of the problem? You know it. Is it common sense that if you believe people are untrustworthy, and treat them as if they are, they will know it and won’t even bother trying to prove you wrong? I think so. Your friend has produced a self-fulfilling prophecy and suffers from confirmation bias, which is when humans seek evidence for what they already think is true.

One theory I have been testing for over twenty years is one of Ken Blanchard’s most enduring ideas: everything will go better if we catch each other doing things right. Not that as the person in charge we shouldn’t re-direct when something isn’t right, but that the more we focus on what is working, the greater the chance people will be inclined to repeat the winning behavior. This is true of animals and people. The more we focus on the positive and expect the best from people, the more positive things will come to our attention. I am sure you have been seeing this as you continue to have success with your folks.

Should you try to influence your friend? I appreciate that you are tempted to show your friend the error of his ways, but also that (so far) you have the wisdom not to. My experience is that most people are not willing to change a mindset they have committed to—at least not until the misery they are causing themselves becomes unbearable. And, even then, many aren’t willing.

The more salient point may be hard to hear: you are going to have to either influence your friend or stop hanging out with him. Fond as you may be of your friend, being around him has become a bummer. You can suffer his company or you can tell him the truth: he is no fun, all he does is complain, and you don’t enjoy being around him. He will no doubt be insulted to the core and maybe won’t speak to you again. If, however, he trusts you and has the wherewithal to listen, you can ask him some questions:

• What if there were a way to shift things so that work weren’t such a misery for you?
• Do you really think your people are so different from you? Are you lazy, unmotivated, and entitled?
• Do you remember how much the boomers complained about the millennials? How is Gen Z so different from us, and how might we capitalize on their strengths?

Maybe asking some decent questions—in essence, planting seeds for him to consider—will be just the ticket to get your friend to shift. Maybe not. Not all friendships last forever, and that’s okay.

I hope this provides food for thought.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services as well as a key facilitator of Blanchard’s Leadership Coach Certification course. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

It’s the new year. All my friends and colleagues are talking about New Year’s resolutions. I got nothin’.

I am plugging away at my work goals, but they don’t change much. I like my job. I am good at it. I am not gunning for a promotion. I go to the gym and eat right. I pay my bills. I stay in touch with my family. I like my friends, and we get together and have fun. I am fine with everything else in my life.

I am just questioning the obsession with constantly needing to set new goals to get better. Is it me? What am I missing?

Bah Humbug

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Dear Bah Humbug,

You’re fine. You can give yourself permission to enjoy the life you have created for yourself, which sounds very nice, indeed.

This “New Year, New Me!” time of year is a chance for people who want a change to tap into the collective psychic energy for inspiration and motivation to do something difficult. Maybe it’s something they’ve tried to do in the past and haven’t had success with.

There is no law that says you have to be constantly improving starting the first week in January. You’ll know when you are ready for a change, and it might be in June of 2027.

My point is that it will be there for you when you are ready.

Love, Madeleine

PS: For those who are resolved to make change now, here’s some advice I gave an earlier reader: Not Sure about New Year’s Resolutions? Ask Madeleine

And for those focusing on work goals, check out some advice I shared in a recent article: From Vision to Achievement: How Clear Goals Drive Performance

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services as well as a key facilitator of Blanchard’s Leadership Coach Certification course. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a supervisor and team leader in a technology company. We have several products on the market that are doing well. All my projects are in new products—a combination of market research and product testing; and all my teams are cross-functional—project management, software developers, marketing and customer support, and designers. The timelines for going to market keep shrinking and the demand to get high-quality products to the testing stage (i.e., in perfect condition) keeps growing.

I have noticed a shift in my teams. People are getting quieter in meetings, though the volume of general grumbling is growing. I finally asked someone I trust if they have noticed it, and she told me that people have developed a fear of speaking up.

When I asked her opinion about why this is happening, she wasn’t able to point to one thing. I think it may be the constant pressure to get new products to market faster—because to innovate, we have to experiment and make mistakes.

I have spoken to my boss about it and he said the only solution is to innovate faster. I get that, but I also know that getting new things right takes the time it takes. I’m not at all sure what to do to get us back into the rhythm that always worked well before.  

I would appreciate any ideas you have.

Faster & Smarter

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Dear Faster & Smarter,

Well, something happened. Is this all your teams? Something is off here. This doesn’t sound like a response to the constant “better, faster, cheaper” refrain that anyone working in business is now accustomed to. People don’t disappear like snails into their shells for no reason.

Your people are acting as if they feel threatened. You can waste a lot of time and energy speculating about what it is, or you can come right out and ask them. Britney Cole, our chief innovation officer, says that Enemy #1 of innovation is fear, so getting to bottom of what people are afraid of is one possible avenue for you. Either they are afraid of something you haven’t registered, or they are afraid of you.

You can meet with each whole team or with individual people, share your observation that something has changed, and simply ask questions:

• Did something happen that I am unaware of?
• What am I missing here?
• Is there something I have done or said that has made an impact I did not intend?
• Is there something that someone else has done or said that has resulted in people feeling uncomfortable or unsafe?
• Is there something you think I should know about?

Our Fearless Innovation program proposes that leading innovation calls for grace, curiosity, and proactivity, and that the environment as a whole needs to support innovation. Your investigation will reveal that there is something you can do to be a more effective leader, or that there is messaging/feedback from the organization that is causing the dampened spirits.

This article about leading innovation might spark some ideas for you and help you shape more targeted questions. And here is an eBook that details the factors that encourage innovation in organizations.

You may not like what you discover. Either you will hear something about yourself that you need to work on or you will see a larger pattern in the organization that will require you to step up and advocate for your teams. Hopefully, you will uncover enough intel to help you craft a plan to increase the sense of safety and trust and get your teams back on track.

It will take a lot of grace and curiosity. It will require action on your part, which will require grit and courage. If your team sees you being proactive and speaking up, it will give them permission to do the same. And hopefully that will help you all get your groove back.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services as well as a key facilitator of Blanchard’s Leadership Coach Certification course. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I am the COO and founder of what is now being called a “mature” startup. We have been around for 12 years but have not yet exceeded 100 employees or reached our revenue or valuation goals. The company still feels like a startup because we have been experimenting with our business model and the pace of innovation, and the constant pivots are relentless.

Some of our business leaders are tired of it. They are expressing attitudes that are not helpful, such as “If we were going to make it, we’d have made it by now,” or “What’s wrong with things the way they are? We seem to be doing fine.”

We are fine, but we have not achieved our full potential—nor are we as profitable as we need to be to attract investors. My original business partner, who is our CEO, has recently taken a leave of absence to deal with a family matter. He was exhausted. The last few years have been a slog and Covid was a massive setback for us. It seemed like the right time for him to take a break.

I am covering for him and struggling with the Eeyore-like outlook among some of my key people. I’ve been working on finding ways to inspire them. We put a lot more focus on self-care than any other startup I know. I’ve given feedback to some who are resistant to change and to what feels (to them) like risky ideas. It does not seem to be making a difference.

I still know in my heart that we are going to figure things out and break through, but I need everyone to be all in for this last push. How do I get my leaders on board?

Just About There

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Dear Just About There,

I’m a battle-worn veteran of a couple of startups myself—and now that I am nearing the last phase of my own career, your situation only confirms to me that startups are best suited for the young. I say this not to discriminate, but simply to point out that when the slog goes on for longer than anyone wants or expects, it can be hard to hold on to the giddy, cockeyed optimism required to stay in the game. The relentless pace of change can be exhausting, and you are going to need to find a way to tap into some of that initial startup energy you had at the beginning if you want to reach your goals.

I have a couple of ideas for you.

• Pay attention. Ask your people what specific concerns they have and listen in a way that makes them feel heard. I recently heard someone say “Clear communication is the oil that reduces the friction of living.” If your key people are turning into Eeyores (for the uninitiated, Eeyore is a character in the Winnie the Pooh stories who is depicted as having a bleak outlook on life), they probably need some attention. You may remember that Eeyore’s catch phrase is “Thanks for noticing me.” I wonder sometimes if leaders are afraid that listening and acknowledging people’s concerns means you have to do something about those concerns, when, in fact, simply listening often can make all the difference. You may think you are a good listener, and you probably are when you aren’t worn down by resistance. So if you want some technical tips on how to listen, you can find some here. For tips on managing constant innovation and change, you can access an excellent webinar here.
• Tap into personal motivations. It sounds like your leaders have run out of steam. There were specific things that drove them at the beginning, and anything you can do to help them get back in touch with those drivers will help. Maybe it was the promise of a big payout, or the ability to make an impact in the world, or the desire to be part of something cool and sexy. Whatever it was, help them remember it. Or maybe what matters to them has changed. If they are not going to be able to find it in their current role, it could be time for them to find another place that suits them better.
• Reclarify and rearticulate the vision. You and your partner had a big vision when you started. It is normal to assume that everyone has heard it and doesn’t need to hear it again, but that is incorrect. People need to be reminded of the big fat WHY all the time. It gets buried under the rough and tumble of the day-to-day slog. So dig for buried treasure, find the stories that will inspire, and tell them a lot more than you think you need to. This will undoubtedly bore you, because the vision is still so clear to you that you forget it is not as clear to others. Do it anyway.
• Stop giving feedback and start making clear requests. Feedback is tricky. We think if we do everything right when we give feedback, people will hear it, internalize it, and do something about it. That simply is not true. If you want your leaders to do things differently, you have to make a direct request. It needs to be crystal clear so that you don’t run the risk of it sounding like a suggestion. It is a request. For example: “Even if you disagree with the strategy, I need you to commit to supporting it and to make sure your team knows that you support it—even if you have your doubts.” You can point out specific dos and don’ts if you have examples. The kind of clarity you achieve with a direct request will help your leaders decide if they can commit or if they need to leave. This, of course, means some people may leave. But all you have is your people, and if your leaders aren’t with you, you need to replace them with leaders who are. This is harsh, I know. But it is true.
• Catch people doing things right. This is a classic bit of genius from Ken Blanchard and there is literally no situation in which it doesn’t apply. At the end of a long, grueling journey, it can be easy to pounce on every little thing that isn’t perfect. This can lead to an over-focus on pointing out what’s going wrong at the costly expense of directing focus on what is going right. You must make everyone feel that they are winning, even if it isn’t as fast or as evident as you would like.

It really does all rest on your shoulders, my friend. That is what leadership is. If it all goes sideways, everyone will blame you. And if you pull it off, you won’t get nearly the credit you deserve. If everyone could do it, everyone would be doing it, but it is the rare soul who has what it takes.

Put on your listening ears, share the inspiration, find and call out the best in people, and pray the gods will smile upon your efforts. Good luck to you.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I love my job and I am good at it. When the COVID lockdown was settling in for a then-unknown period of time and everyone in my company was working from home, my partner and I took advantage of the crisis, rented out our condo in the city, and moved to our dream location. Life was beyond perfect.

Now the CEO of my company is going hardline, insisting that everyone be back in the office at least three days a week.

It is a short flight to go to HQ, and we still have our condo. In theory, I could bunk with our renter (a relative) whenever I need to. I am in negotiation with my manager to see if I might fly in for one week a month. He is fighting for me and my request, but I am not sure if he can make it happen. Even if he does, I will have to bear the cost of travel and the disruption to my home life (there are multiple dogs involved now). On the pro side, I am getting a little lonely working from home 24/7 and would welcome seeing my colleagues again.

My problem is that our CEO said at one point that he “would never force people back to the office,” which is why we made the move. I actually have the recording of the all-hands meeting where he said it. It makes me so mad. It is affecting my motivation to even make the effort to comply. My work hasn’t suffered yet, but I can feel my resentment creeping into my attitude. Part of me feels like I would actually have a case if I wanted to sue.

Any thoughts would be helpful.

Resentful

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Dear Resentful,

I will tell you what I hear, Resentful. It sounds to me like you might enjoy going into HQ on a limited basis. So the change might be welcome at some level, but you feel betrayed by your CEO. If you started out respecting and being a willing follower of your CEO, that respect and willingness has been destroyed. The bald fact is that he is breaking his word. Your resentment is rooted in that sense of betrayal.

I think half the battle for you right now is in naming the emotion you are feeling—so if I am wrong about what it is, what is the right word? You might consider checking out Dr. Susan David’s website where she offers fine distinctions to get clarity about our emotions. Her book Emotional Agility provides a deeper dive.

Once you can truly name and express what makes this whole situation feel so impossible, you can own it and decide what you want to do about it. Maybe it’s a letter to the CEO. Maybe it is simply a lesson learned. Either way, it should help to clear the field enough for you to make a decision about whether:

1. you can release your resentment and comply with the mandate (or with whatever your manager can negotiate for you), or
2. you want to hang on to your resentment but still comply, or
3. you believe the loss of respect for your CEO is fatal and you need to move on to find a CEO who is more trustworthy to devote your work hours to.

To be fair, I don’t know a single CEO who was equipped to deal with what we all just went through. Every single one of them was making it up as they went and doing the best they could with no precedent to lean on. He probably had no idea what unintended consequences would result from what he said in a meeting.

So, ultimately, I don’t recommend option B, because, as has been pithily said by many, resentment is like taking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die.

I can’t speak to the viability of a lawsuit. You would have to consult an attorney for that. I can, however, caution that no matter how in the right you may be, a lawsuit will drain you of any disposable income you may have and your peace of mind. You would need to have an awfully strong stomach and be prepared for it to take years.

Check in with yourself and see if you can find it in your heart to forgive your CEO. Maybe all the brilliant and good things he has done can outweigh this one error. Or maybe the scales can’t be tipped in his favor. Only you can decide that.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a veteran employee of a large, very healthy organization. I like the company and my co-workers. I’ve had plenty of advancement opportunities and I think my comp package is fair.

I have been managing people for a long time and feel that I am skilled. I am not just tooting my own horn—I get great feedback from my people and my boss is happy with my work. I would go so far as to say that I have had a fantastic career. I only have a few years left before I retire, which I look forward to—lots of grandkids to take fishing, golf, hiking, volunteer work for my local homeless shelter—and really thought I would stay here until I retire.

However, I get calls from headhunters. All the time. I get emails, voice mails, and now, somehow, they have my cell number so I have stopped picking up numbers I don’t recognize. I did have one conversation with someone who tried to convince me that I could have a shot at a senior executive position and a lot more money if I were to consider going elsewhere.

My wife thinks I am nuts not to explore the possibilities, but it feels like Pandora’s box to me. I like things the way they are. What would be the point of starting over someplace new? But then I worry that I might regret it if I don’t at least take a look at what’s being offered.

If it Ain’t Broke

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Dear If it Ain’t Broke,

Don’t fix it.

Sorry you handed that to me on a silver platter. But seriously, don’t.

There are two questions here:

1. What is driving your wife’s agenda? Has she told you that you seem bored? Unengaged? Frustrated with your management team? Does she want you to make a lot more money? Perhaps she is bored with her own life and hopes that your making a big change will be entertaining? Does she resent, perhaps, that you don’t get enough time off to hang out with her? (Not that starting a new job will alleviate that!) The sooner you learn what is at the root of your wife’s opinion that you should turn your wonderful work life upside down, the better. There might be something to learn there.
2. If you were to stay where you are, what would you regret? Regret is yucky. Because it is wishing you could change the past, which is impossible. Do you judge yourself because you were once more ambitious? Did you once have dreams that you abandoned because of responsibilities? Would you be able to realize those dreams in a different company? Have you always wanted to be on an executive team or be the boss of everyone? If that is the case, you might want to go for it.

But what you really don’t want is to make a big leap to start over someplace else, only to find that you miss what you had. Wouldn’t that be a kick in the pants?

As a coach, I have a duty to help people get crystal clear about their values (what is most important to them), their needs (what they must have to fire on all cylinders), and their wants. In that order. For people to feel most fulfilled, they need first to be in an environment that feels aligned with their values, and then they must get their core psychological needs met. After that, they can use whatever time and energy they have left to get (or do) what they want. Anytime a person shakes up their environment, they must spend enormous brain power and energy stabilizing in a new system. This is why moving houses feels like a such a big deal. Moving jobs is even more of a big deal.

Moving jobs makes sense when you:

• can’t use your strengths,
• can’t change or grow,
• are crushed by political mayhem,
• hate what you are doing,
• hate the people you work with,
• are bored to tears,
• have too much responsibility without the autonomy or authority to use your own judgment, or
• have a fundamental problem with what the company does.

Moving jobs does not make sense to you for a reason; from your letter, it sounds like several reasons. Unless as you read this you get a flood of good reasons to move that you hadn’t thought of, I say enjoy the next few years where you are.

Have the conversation with your wife, though. You might uncover something she really wants that is causing her to push you. Then you can build a plan to help her get what she wants and let go of this conversation.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I was recently promoted to director of contracts and compliance at a global staffing organization. I have a great team, I seem to be well regarded in the organization, and I get along well with my direct boss and his boss, who is the regional CEO.

I am often tapped to lead or be part of special projects and am often consulted on issues that aren’t part of my remit. I never say “no” to anything because I worry that I will be seen as not contributing enough. I am haunted by the feeling that I just lucked into this position, and one day someone is going to realize I am really not that smart and I will be summarily fired.

My wife—a child psychologist, who you would think would be more helpful—laughs at me and tells me I have this fear because I never graduated university.

I know I need to get better at saying “no” to things so I can concentrate on my job, but I just can’t seem to get over this feeling of dread. What do you recommend?

Never Enough

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Dear Never Enough,

You, my friend, have a classic case of Imposter Syndrome. I estimate that 7 out of 10 extraordinarily successful people I have coached have suffered the same way, so you are definitely not alone. The official research statistics are all over the place—but there has been plenty of research. I have noticed this condition can be particularly acute among people who don’t tick every box on the “expected achievements” list for the position they occupy—so your lack of an advanced degree is probably exacerbating your paranoia.

Here is a short TED talk that describes what Imposter Syndrome is and how to combat it.

The way I have always worked on IS with clients is to ask them to do a reality check. The first step is to ask yourself:

• Have I received an official notice from my boss that I am not meeting performance expectations?
• Have I ever lied about my qualifications and been afraid of being found out? (This one is a doozy—I once worked with a client who had lied about graduating from college and was, in fact, found out. It was embarrassing, but she kept her job.)
• Have I received performance feedback that leads me to think I am failing at my job in some way?
• Can I point to evidence that leads me to think others suspect I am not worthy of the job I have?

I suspect the answer to all of the above questions is no. If so, then, as I always say, stay focused on reality and let it go.

I recently came across a piece in a book that I think is worth sharing: My Friend Fear by Meera Lee Patel. Patel defines IS: “The imposter syndrome is the fear that our achievements aren’t deserved, that underneath our progress and success we’re actually fraudulent and unworthy. When we receive a raise or promotion at work, we believe we simply got lucky—it couldn’t be that our efforts and determination finally paid off.”

But Patel said something else I have never heard or read before:

“While this particular fear will do everything in its power to dismiss your successes, it also highlights your most intimate wish: to be a caring parent, a successful writer, or a trusted friend. The imposter syndrome affects those of us who wish to be of value—not because we are ego-driven, but because we want to believe we have something to offer.

Our doubt comes from our desire.

When you feel the imposter syndrome coming on, invite it to sit beside you. Close your eyes and feel the waves of self-doubt vibrate through your bones. Slowly, let them soften and subside. Watch carefully as the guilt your feel outlines the things you care about most in this world, and feel gratitude for your ability to discern what makes you feel alive. This is not easy work, but it is essential. Like all other fears, the imposter syndrome has two faces: one that can help and one that can harm. Which you choose to see is up to you.” (Pg. 87)

 I agree. Fear is data, and we can let it control us or we can interpret the data and choose what to do with it. It is amazing how common this syndrome is. The key is to not let it stop you. Fear is always there—you can depend on it. So you might as well make friends with it and take the gifts it gives not as truth but as an indication of what is most important to you. You can notice the fear, seek to understand what it has to offer you, be grateful for it, and put it in its place. I worked with one client who kept a small box in her briefcase . When she felt overwhelmed by her IS, especially before big presentations, she would take the box out, put her fear in it for safe keeping for the duration of her big moment, then take it out again and thank it for its attentive patience. It 100% worked for her.

Right now you are letting your fear—which is fueled by your desire to be a great manager and corporate citizen—control you. You are allowing it to push you to say “yes” when you know you need to be saying “no.” It is costing you; and if you allow it to continue, it could cause you to be so overextended that your job performance suffers and voilà: self-fulfilling prophecy.

Please don’t let that happen.

I am not saying you shouldn’t take on cool value-add projects that are interesting to you—it’s just that you can’t accept everything simply because your fear is saying you must. Again, a little dose of reality can be useful. Some questions to ask yourself when invited to a new project:

• Is this irresistibly interesting to me?
• Is there something important for me to learn by joining this team?
• Do I have something to add that nobody else can bring?
• Will I meet new and interesting people that will expand my network in the organization?
• Will joining this team attract the positive attention of people who can be advocates for me in the organization?
• Will I really have the time to devote myself to this project without my actual job performance suffering?

I would submit that you will want to be able to answer each of those questions with an unequivocal YES before allowing yourself to even consider accepting another invitation. I mean, seriously, I suspect your job is full-time enough. And even then, consider limiting your projects to a low number—like 2. A year. Max. Or better yet, take some time off and use that time to sit with your fear, make friends with it, and convince it that it is not the boss of you.

And tell your wife to be nicer. Your suffering isn’t funny, and she could at least try to empathize. Just saying.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I work as a senior manager reporting to a new EVP who was brought in from outside the company. She has a lot less experience than I do. She constantly talks about how strategic she is, but all I see is a lack of discipline around execution—and she seems to have no memory. 

This is how it goes: She tells my peers and me what we need to be shooting for. We come back to her with our recommendations for how to get there. She disagrees with everything we propose, tells us how she wants us to execute, waits until we have everything set up and rolling, then comes back to us and tells us she wants it done differently—often the way we originally recommended.

When this happens, she doesn’t seem to remember that she is asking us to follow the original plan. She always acts like it is her idea. It is never-ending whiplash. We live in a state of constant crisis where I am talking my people off the ledge daily. We all end up putting in late nights and weekends and it is debilitating and demoralizing. When I complain, she tells me I am anti-change and I need to get with the program. 

I have worked in high pressure environments before and am good at managing stress. But dealing with this on top of lockdown, no lockdown, tighter lockdown, in-person school, online school, no holiday get-togethers this year, and kids at home underfoot all day, I am just so fried.

How can I get my leader to be more thoughtful and consistent? She doesn’t seem to care that because of her constantly changing orders, everyone in her department is burning out. 

Burning Out Fast

_____________________________________________________________

Dear Burning Out Fast,

This does indeed sound like a constant game of “gotcha.” I hear versions of this kind of madness regularly, and you are right—it is hard enough in normal times, but on top of everything else it really makes you hang your head. It sounds like your new boss is at the very least, capricious, and at most, nuts. But it also sounds like she doesn’t change the goal as much as she changes the method by which you will achieve it. So you at least have that in your favor—the goals don’t change every ten minutes.

Please don’t be offended, but I have to ask whether you might have played a part in creating this situation. Is it possible you wanted the job and are mad that the person who was hired has less experience and is annoying to boot? Are you absolutely certain none of your upset is a little sour grapes? You may have to really look in the mirror and ask yourself. The fact that you aren’t alone, that your peers are in the same boat, is an indication that you probably are in the clear—but it won’t hurt for you to be absolutely certain about the answer before you decide how to proceed.

First line of defense here is to have the hard conversation. I know you would probably rather have dental work, but you owe it to yourself and your people to at least try. Be prepared with:

• This is what has happened now, three times in a row.
• This is the result of the constant change of plan.
• I need you to start trusting that I know what I am doing and can make a good plan to give you what you want.
• Can we try it once and see how it goes?

This approach could go okay, maybe? If she says, “No way, it’s my way or the highway,” then you know there is no hope. We’ll talk about that in a minute.

If she agrees, document the conversation carefully and email her the record of the conversation. That way, the next time she pulls a change order with no warning, you can refer to the email documenting your agreement and see if it helps. The memory slips are concerning, but the more prepared you are for them, the better off you will be.

If you try to have the conversation and she is not receptive, options to consider might be:

• Go over your boss’s head and talk to her boss. Perhaps band together with your peers and stage an intervention. This is not a fun option, and can trigger any number of unintended consequences. But I have seen it work. I coached a CEO once who thought his new CFO walked on water until his whole team came to him and outlined their grievances. The behaviors they reported sounded outlandish, and then, when he looked closely, he saw some very concerning gaps in the finances, not to mention some very alarming things on the person’s computer. A complete train wreck was narrowly avoided—and if it hadn’t been for the courage of the team, things could have gotten really ugly.

The pattern of behavior you describe rings familiar. I wonder if your new boss is so out of her depth that she is trying to act like she knows what she is doing. Or perhaps she really is suffering from memory lapses and doesn’t realize it. When behavior is this erratic, it can be a symptom of substance abuse. I have seen it all, and if you think the behavior is that terrible, this option might be a good idea.

• Ignore her plan and start executing the plan you recommended in the first place. This is risky, of course, because this could be the one time she breaks pattern. And it forces you to be dishonest, which might cause you even more stress. Some people would be okay with it as a means to an end. I am not judging. It would be a very personal decision for you.
• Flesh out your recommended plan but proceed with her plan very slowly, knowing she will change her mind, and then move to the recommended plan quickly. I learned this one from a client who figured out how to do this out of sheer self-preservation. It turned out her boss had no idea what he was doing and eventually got fired, and she got promoted into the job. 
• Brush up your LinkedIn profile and CV and start looking for another job. This all just may feel like too much noise that you have no patience for. It depends on how much you like the organization, if the mission of your work is compelling, and if you love your team. Many people in your position feel too guilty about abandoning their team to think about jumping ship, which is admirable. Again, you will have to weigh the good things against the crazy that you are putting up with. 

Best case: your boss really doesn’t know the impact she is having, and will listen to reason and see the error of her ways. (Okay, I just made myself laugh out loud with that one, because it is so rare. But, hey, it could happen!) Worst case: well—there are any number of ways this could go badly. In the end, you will have to do whatever it takes to take care of yourself and maintain your sanity.

And remember: this pandemic will end. Your children will go back to school. We will all be able to do holidays together again. You have no control over any of that. Your job situation, however, you do have some control over.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

After surveying more than one million employees from a wide range of organizations, Adrian Gostick and Chester Elton have found that leading with gratitude is the easiest, fastest, least expensive way for managers to boost both performance and engagement in employees.

Unfortunately, it is also one of the most misunderstood and misapplied skills in business today.

During their research, Gostick and Elton heard over and over that people feel not only underappreciated at work, but sometimes even under attack. The authors call this the “gratitude gap.” In their latest book, Leading with Gratitude, they dispel common myths about leaders expressing gratitude and offer eight simple ways to show employees they are valued.

The myths Gostick and Elton identify may sound familiar:

• Fear is the best motivator.
• People want too much praise these days.
• There just isn’t enough time!
• It’s all about money.

Leading with Gratitude is filled with compelling stories featuring respected leaders such as Alan Mullaly of Ford Motor Company and retired American Express chairman Ken Chenault. The stories illustrate that these myths are simply excuses that can keep managers from building an honorable work environment by expressing their appreciation for a job well done.

The authors explain that gratitude isn’t about showering employees with thank-yous and high fives. They offer eight practical examples that demonstrate how leaders can first gain clarity about how people contribute and then show gratitude in specific ways that will be meaningful to individuals.

Practicing the act of gratitude can be as simple as letting people know their suggestions are valued by soliciting their ideas and acting on them. Another way is by assuming positive intent, especially when errors happen. Instead of getting upset or blaming someone for making a mistake, assume the person was doing their best and then use the situation to learn what you could be doing differently as a leader.

One of the most useful tips is to walk in your employees’ shoes. Getting a better understanding of what it takes for people to do their jobs will uncover ways you can collaborate to solve problems, improve processes, and enhance the customer experience as you build relationships by showing empathy. The best way to start is to look for small wins that will lead to bigger wins.

Perhaps my favorite suggestion in the book is to practice gratitude at home. Gostick and Elton remind readers not to get caught in the trap of putting our best face on at work and leaving it there when we go home. Showing appreciation and empathy for loved ones should be a common practice—and I think a gentle reminder is a good thing.

So remember to express gratitude often, tailor it to the individual, and ensure it reinforces corporate values. And don’t forget to praise your peers as well. Leading with gratitude creates engaged, high performing employees, a stronger organization, and better results.

To hear host Chad Gordon interview Adrian Gostick, listen to the LeaderChat podcast and subscribe today. Order your copy of Leading with Gratitude on Amazon.com.

During my time as a coach, I have often utilized SWOT analyses to help teams analyze their organization’s Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats. This is a simple, user-friendly method to help a team or a board focus on key issues affecting their business. This type of analysis often can be used as a precursor to a more comprehensive strategic planning session.

One benefit of the SWOT process is that it encourages teams to not only brainstorm ideas but also face untapped opportunities and potential threats. Consistent use of this framework can give an organization a competitive advantage through dialogue regarding brand, culture, new products or services, and capabilities.

What some people don’t realize, though, is that SWOT analysis can also be an effective personal strategic planning tool. Crafting your personal SWOT matrix is a powerful technique that can be used, for example, when you are seeking a career change or facing a major shift in your life.

Here are three steps to get started:

Step 1 – Identify what exists now. List all strengths that exist now. List all weaknesses that exist now. Be honest.

Step 2 – Look to the future. List all opportunities (potential strengths) that may exist in the future. List all threats (potential weaknesses) that may occur in the future.

Step 3 – Create a matrix/get a plan. Enter your ideas in the appropriate quadrant (see figure). Notice that strengths and weaknesses are internal forces; opportunities and threats are external. See how each quadrant has a relationship with another? What strengths exist that could overcome weaknesses? What weaknesses need to be overcome in order to embrace a new opportunity? Review your matrix and think about a plan.

Here are a few helpful questions to increase your awareness around internal and external factors:

• What skills and capabilities do you have?
• What qualities, values, or beliefs make you stand out from others?
• What are the skills you need to develop?
• What personal difficulties do you need to overcome to reach your goal?
• What external influences or opportunities can help you achieve success?
• Who could support you to help you achieve your objectives?
• What external influences may hinder your success?

A SWOT matrix can provide a foundation to help you create goals and action steps. You may consider addressing your weaknesses by building skills or self-leadership capabilities. Carefully review your opportunities, as they may be used to your advantage. And consider how threats could be minimized or eliminated by shifting personal priorities or gaining new knowledge.

It’s common for people to experience blind spots around their own strengths and weaknesses, so don’t hesitate to seek out opinions from friends, family members, and colleagues. Also, be willing to share your SWOT matrix with a partner who will hold you accountable for action steps and celebrate your progress.

Best of luck—and happy personal planning!

About the Author

Patricia Sauer is a coaching solutions partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world.

Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

Dear Madeleine,

I heard somewhere that as a manager I should reward good behaviors and coach negative ones. I have been trying to do this, but I realize I’m not really sure what it means. While we are on the topic, how many times do I let someone make the same mistake before I stop the coaching and just let them go?

Confused About a Bad Apple

Dear CABA,

It is confusing—the term coaching is used in so many different ways. In your case, you are using the word to represent what I might call giving a reprimand, a redirection, or feedback about performance.

I use the term in a more positive sense: as a technique that a boss or manager might use to develop a valuable employee. Coaching takes care and time and is an investment in an employee. In a best case scenario, it is driven by the employee’s agenda. We have some interesting research and information on that here.

Honestly, though, the way you use the word is beside the point. The point here is that it sounds like your bad apple is either unwilling or unable to do the job the way it needs to be done. They need a combination of what we would call clear direction and a lot of support; in other words, crystal clear direction plus some open-ended questions to get to the bottom of what is getting in the way.

If you have an HR department, ask for help documenting each attempt at having these conversations where you give feedback and direction. If you don’t have HR, keep a record for yourself. Make sure you check your confirmation bias—a way we all have of seeking evidence to support what we already believe to be true—as best you can.

How many repeated mistakes should you tolerate? Well, that’s up to you. The thing is, everyone makes mistakes—you make mistakes, I make mistakes, and our best people make mistakes. It happens. That is just normal work. People get overwhelmed by their to-do list and are moving too fast, or maybe they are doing a small part of their job they aren’t naturally great at.

When the same mistake happens repeatedly, though, there has to be a conversation about what is going on and how can it be avoided in future. I personally feel like three solid attempts is about right, because after that it starts to feel like Groundhog Day. Almost every manager I have ever worked with has given an employee entirely too many chances and suffered the consequences. I have never once, in twenty-five years of coaching managers, seen anyone regret letting a person go who either wouldn’t or couldn’t do the job. It is nothing short of liberating.

One last thing you need to consider: none of this happening in a vacuum. Your other employees are watching how you deal with this situation and taking note of what you let others get away with. Some may have to do extra work to pick up the slack around Bad Apple. They will start to resent and judge you if you let it go on too long. I know that one from painful personal experience.

So first, be kind. Give your potential Bad Apple a little extra direction and support and one more chance—and then, if you need to, call it. I guarantee you will have no regrets.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I’m a mid-level manager with a large team. My boss pretty much leaves me on my own to get my job done. He knows he can trust me. My problem is that I am constantly anxious about my performance, even though no one tells me it isn’t good enough.

Everyone keeps talking about people who are strategic, and I honestly don’t know what that means. I’m pretty sure I am not. Right now we are setting our goals for the year and it’s difficult for me. I think I’m just not a very good planner.

The more I think about this stuff, the more anxious I get. I feel like it is ruining my life.

Help?

Anxious

_____________________________________________________________________________

Dear Anxious,

Okay, let’s unpack one item at a time, shall we? First things first: your anxiety. It appears there is no rational reason for you to be anxious. Your boss trusts you, you are doing your job well, and you aren’t great at planning—but very few people are.

Have you always had a lot of anxiety, or is this a new development?

If you have always been anxious, you might consider working with a therapist to get to the bottom of it and get some real help. Most organizations have Employee Assistance Programs that are totally confidential and allow for at least a couple of visits with a professional. It can’t hurt and will probably help.

If your anxiety is new, you might examine what has recently changed. Are you watching the news more? That will ratchet up anyone’s anxiety. Have you altered your living situation? It’s possible that a change in routine has thrown you off balance. Often even small changes that we think shouldn’t affect us can throw us for a loop.

One client I worked with was a wreck. When we tried to pin down what was going on, I suggested that it might have to do with the fact that she was getting married. She kept saying, “But I am so happy, this is a good thing, I don’t know why I am so emotional and worried.”

Even the best change is hard and can throw us off center. So cut yourself some slack. Identify the source of new anxiety so that you can address the root cause. Sometimes just clarity and acknowledgment will help you get back on an even keel.

As it happens, there are a few little techniques that can reduce the hold anxiety can have. One is a gratitude practice. Any time you have a down moment—walking up the stairs, taking an elevator, waiting for a light to turn green—just make a quick list of all the things you are grateful for. Your cat, your new phone, the lunch you had today, your best friend, your best employee; anything good or even kind of good that comes to mind. It literally shifts your thinking and your brain chemistry and will always help, never hurt.

Another thing to try, especially at work, is to list your strengths and everything you are good at. Is there any harder job than mid-level manager? I don’t think so. It is fiendishly difficult to be squeezed by top leadership and by the people you are sworn to protect and serve. I wrote an article about this a few years back. I’ll bet you are actually really good at a lot of things that are easy to overlook when you are super focused on your least strong suit.

Let’s talk about the strategy thing now. Strategy is a big word that means lots of things to different people. The actual definition of strategy, from dictionary.com, is: “a plan of action or policy designed to achieve a major or overall aim.”

You clearly can do that, because you have done it in the past. It may not be easy for you—but if pressed, I am certain you have a strong grasp of what your team needs to achieve and what you all need to do to achieve it. You may need to think out loud with a trusted co-worker or one of your team members, and you may have to create several drafts until you get it right.

Planning does require a lot of mental horsepower and some creativity; so, really, it isn’t easy for anyone to do. Try blocking off some quiet time, especially in the morning when you are fresh, to map out your ideas. It will be messy at first but you can put it all into order after you get all your thoughts out of your head and onto paper. It will also take a few iterations to get it right. Perhaps you are not comfortable with mess and expect yourself to get it all crystal clear and correct on the first pass. You will need to get past that expectation.

If you really feel stuck, there is no reason not to discuss this with your boss. Just because he can depend on you doesn’t mean you are on your own and can’t ask for direction and support when you need it.

When people talk about others being strategic, it can mean any number of things: they are making every decision according to a big master plan, or they have a perspective of the big picture, or they can see how multiple departments should work together to reach a common goal or how the company fits into the industry and the trends in the marketplace. Keep in mind, it could also mean the person is masterful at delegating brilliantly so that they never end up having to do any actual work.

I worried the same thing about myself a few years ago and ordered the book Learning to Think Strategically by Julia Sloan. Some of the material—more than I expected, actually—was not news to me, but the author had some good tips I had never heard of for thinking things through. I would submit to you that a book like this will help to remind you of how much you actually do know and fill in a few blanks. Strategy just isn’t that big a mystery. I think the word just scares us.

Finally, anxiety is no joke. It can color every facet of your life and make everything difficult. Don’t try to gut it out alone if this little chat doesn’t help. Get some real support. It can make all the difference.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Hi Madeleine,

Earlier this year I joined a consulting firm that works with companies in my previous industry. I had taken a break to get a management degree and got a taste of consulting doing an internship that was part of my program.

I believed consulting would be a different world where I would learn a lot—but now, seven months in, I recognize that I learned a lot more five years ago when I started my career as an entry level employee.

My workload isn’t interesting or challenging. My peers are all younger than me, and all they do is complain about their jobs and bad mouth others. And when I told my supervisor how I feel about my job during my midyear review, she didn’t seem to care.

I’ve always had opportunities in the past to work with people my own age or older—people I could learn from who knew more than I did. I’m worried that I’m stuck in the wrong job and that it will negate the five years’ experience I had when I came here.

Please help!

Feeling Stuck

Dear Feeling Stuck,

Everyone is motivated to work for various reasons—the need to pay the bills is usually number one. But it is clear that you deeply value a safe and collegial working environment. A learning environment, challenging work, and adding value also seem to be very important to you.

It sounds like you are not going to get any of those where you are now. But you are only “stuck” if you are being held hostage. It doesn’t sound like that’s the case, so … go! Go as soon as you can. You haven’t let so much time go by that you have lost the value of your previous stint. In fact, you might think about going back to your old company, perhaps this time in a management position.

Honor your own experience and instincts. Find yourself a job where you can excel and a working environment that brings out the best in people.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

In this episode, Susan Fowler explores how most companies expect managers to motivate their people to accomplish goals. Managers may try many different methods to encourage people to reach their goals, from rewards and recognition to pressure and intimidation. But research indicates that these methods just don’t work. “When did we get to the point that people have to be motivated by carrots and sticks—carrots representing incentives or bribes, and sticks representing pressure, threats and tension?” asks Fowler.

Many people may not be aware of new research showing that the real secret to motivation is creating an environment where people are optimally motivated to perform at their highest level.

“Look at your own beliefs,” says Fowler. “Do you think people are basically lazy and won’t do what you want them to do, or do you believe people want to thrive and make a contribution in their role? Do you believe people are more motivated extrinsically or intrinsically?”

Research indicates that people want to thrive and that intrinsic rewards are more sustainably motivating than extrinsic rewards. Problems arise when managers don’t believe people want to succeed or when they default to extrinsic reward systems to improve performance.

Fowler describes three conversations managers can have with direct reports. Each includes a separate set of questions to help analyze a direct report’s motivation on certain projects or tasks. The first set of questions gets to the root of the psychological need for autonomy: does the direct report feel good or bad about the choices available to them on their task? Everyone needs a sense of control over what they do. The second set of questions focuses on the psychological need for connection or relatedness and helps identify values and purpose. The third set of questions relates to the psychological need for competence and describes the skills the person brings to the task.

When the manager asks the direct report questions that put them in touch with their needs for choice, connection, and competence, the direct report is able to find their own source of motivation internally—and that is the most powerful motivation.

“You must remember to be mindful and not judgmental when having these conversations with your staff,” Fowler says. “By asking these questions, you are helping people to be more self-aware and to explore what their motivational outlook is all about.”

Fowler believes managers can create an environment where their people can have a better quality of life. “It’s not that we don’t want money—we are all motivated by money, power, and status—but there are other options that serve us and the people around us more effectively. We need to become more aware of why we are motivating people the way we are, and what is motivating us.” Fowler encourages you to ask yourself these three questions: (1) Why do I make the choices I make? (2) How do I feel a greater connection? and (3) How do I learn and grow every day?

About The Ken Blanchard Companies
The Ken Blanchard Companies is the global leader in management training. For nearly 40 years, Blanchard has been creating the best managers in the world, training over 150,000 people each year. From the award-winning First-time Manager program—based on the best-selling business book, The New One Minute Manager^®—to SLII^®, the most widely taught leadership model in the world, Blanchard is the provider of choice of Fortune 500 companies as well as small to medium businesses, government agencies, and educational and nonprofit organizations.

For more information about Susan Fowler, go to http://susanfowler.com/

Or https://www.kenblanchard.com/Products-Services/Optimal-Motivation

In this episode, Alex Hutchinson shares what he learned from ten years of researching human performance. He explains that whether you are running a marathon, building a career, or raising a family, you will have fundamental struggles. And even though the situations are very different, the struggles are similar. “Human achievement relies upon the ability to endure?and your ability to push forward in any circumstance will separate the very successful times from the less successful times,” explains Hutchinson. Here are a few of the fascinating concepts he shares:

Although some limits we experience feel physical, many are dictated by the brain. That doesn’t mean we can ignore those limits, but we need to realize they are more changeable than we think. If, for example, you are struggling to win a race or fighting to stay awake during a presentation, you are hitting a limit. Being able to recognize the difference between apparent and actual limits is at the heart of understanding what endurance is all about.

Your beliefs could be the most powerful asset you have for improving performance. Believing you can do something is part of the trick. The method of creating belief doesn’t happen overnight?it takes time and effort to build confidence. And confidence improves performance. Tricking yourself that you are performing better than you actually are can bridge the gap between what your brain thinks you can do and what your body really can do. Deception is useful to show you what is possible to achieve; however, it isn’t a great method for sustaining performance.

Understand that mental fatigue is as real and as tiring as physical fatigue. Research shows that looking at a computer screen for a few hours can cause changes in your brain chemistry that result in mental fatigue?and that can damage your physical performance. So, if you are in the office powering through a project on your computer, maybe the best thing you can do is get up and take a walk outside to refresh your mental state and then get back to your project with renewed energy.

Pain causes discomfort that slows us down. An athlete experiences physical pain, but someone making a presentation or speech can also feel pain. The good news is that pain tolerance can be developed. To push the limits of your endurance, you need to get comfortable being uncomfortable.

Nutrition plays a huge role in your performance. It’s obvious that physical endurance depends on food and water, but a nutritious diet is also important for brain function. There is no silver bullet diet?you must find what works best for you.

Finally, Hutchinson explains the importance of optimism and believing in yourself. He reminds us that “The experience of a limit is a sensation in the brain. It isn’t easy to change, but it isn’t as absolute as it feels. Don’t take the feeling of hitting a limit as a signal of failure, but as a signal to look for another way to accomplish your goal.”

Dear Madeleine,

I started a new job about six months ago. My boss warned me about one of my direct reports—he said she was argumentative and difficult.

For the first few months I thought she was okay, but now I’m beginning to see what my boss meant. She is hostile in meetings. She agrees to things and then tells others how much she disagrees with me. She does not keep her commitments and then gives me lame excuses when I call her on it.

Yesterday she sent me an email calling me names that made my jaw drop. She was rude and inappropriate to the point where I wonder if she might have a mental problem.

In the meantime, my boss was let go—and I don’t really feel comfortable taking this to my new boss. I am just blown away by this woman’s insubordination and I honestly don’t know what I should do next.

Tolerating Insubordination

Dear Tolerating,

Stop tolerating. Draw some boundaries. But first, do some research and groundwork.

I always recommend starting by giving folks the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she has good reasons to behave the way she is behaving. It’s possible that your former boss’s attitude toward her has put her on the defensive. You can certainly call for a sit-down. Share your experience and ask how you might be able to craft a more productive working relationship. For more direction on having a hard conversation, you can refer to a previous post in this column. See how that goes. Maybe you can turn this around.

I think as the new manager, it is your job to give it your best effort to make this work by making clear requests for changes and giving her a chance to improve her behavior. But if you get no traction, you have to be fierce and decisive or you risk getting dragged down very quickly. She can easily poison other employees against you and the company if she hasn’t already.

Call out unacceptable behaviors as soon as they happen and provide redirection. If you find yourself unable to do so, ask yourself what you are afraid of. What power does she have that she has been getting away with this nonsense since long before you arrived at the company? Probably none, but she has somehow cowed your former boss and is now doing it to you.

Put up the hand and make it stop. Talk to your new boss and your HR partner and start the process of documenting every time she does something that undermines the team. There is no reason for you to put up with nastiness and lack of productivity—how can you possibly get your work done? Maybe she will back down—people who are just plain bullies often do when challenged. But if she keeps it up, call the game and replace her with someone who will do the job, have a good attitude, and be a pleasure to work with. As you well know, you can teach skills but you must hire for attitude.

It is my experience that managers who spend the bulk of their time on bad apples like your direct report never, ever regret showing them the door. Get your ducks in a row and keep a record of the bad behavior—how beautiful that you have concrete evidence in an email!

Sometimes people behave so badly that we question our own assessment and even our sanity or theirs. You are at that point, which is way too far past the pale. So give it one last shot to get on the same page—and if it doesn’t work, just say no. No, no, no. No.

Love,

Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am a senior manager in a large government agency that has been decimated and paralyzed by our current administration. Don’t worry, I am not going to get political.  But I do need help, because growth and opportunity have ground to a standstill in our organization and I have a whole team of mission-driven, smart, passionate folks who really should be promoted.  

We old timers are used to rolling with constant change because our senior leadership can and often does change every four years. But this is the first time things have been this dire. 

What do I do when I have four people who should be promoted to their next position and should be getting a bump in salary, but I have an available position and budget for only one?  I am afraid if I move one person, the rest will be so mad that they will quit and then I really won’t be able to get anything done. I am at a loss as to how to keep people motivated under these circumstances.

Swimming Upstream

Dear Swimming Upstream,

It sounds as if you are fighting the good fight in an impossible situation.  I’ve worked with a lot of folks in government, so I’ve had a front row seat to the four-year merry go round.  It can be hard to get anything done under the best of circumstances, which these clearly are not.

You can’t be the only leader dealing with this situation—in fact, it must be situation normal for everyone in management.  Your first stop is probably to discuss this with your boss, who I hope has some ideas for you.  Perhaps there are some underutilized development opportunities for the whole team that can be creatively deployed.  It is probably worth doing some sleuthing—you never know what possibilities have been forgotten because their champion left with the last administration.  Check the fine print!

The silver lining of this situation is that the cause of the standstill is clear to all.  In regular for-profit organizations, when this kind of thing happens it can be hard to know who to blame—and the mission is often uninspiring. Things like hiring freezes, travel bans, and pay cuts happen all the time in almost all organizations. In smaller, flatter organizations it is almost impossible to use promotion and large salary bumps as a motivator, so management must find other ways to keep people engaged.

Your team must know what is going on. They can’t be expecting you to pull a rabbit out of a hat.  I am always a big fan of telling the truth as you see it so they know what to expect.  If you can promote one person, you will want to be clear about what criteria you are using to make the choice.  The least fraught would be to promote the person with the most longevity, but we know that isn’t always how it works based on availability of openings and skill sets.  It is certainly everyone’s prerogative to quit—but if, as you said, they are mission driven, you might encourage them to hang on for a few more years when there’ll be an opportunity for the situation to turn around. It is easy to lose steam when the powers that be are not on your side, but that could change relatively quickly.  Keep the focus on what you can do under the circumstances and the differences you can make.

Courage, Swimming Upstream. Remember that everyone in your agency is in this together, and you can use the awareness of being the underdog to fire up everyone’s sense of purpose.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

For Novak, a large part of the success he had with improving performance at KFC, Pizza Hut, and Taco Bell during his tenure as CEO of parent company Yum! Brands was creating a culture of recognition.

“Recognition is a big driver of success. You have to show people you care about them,” says Novak.  “Leaders need to be heart-wired—they need to have a big heart.”

Novak shares that the higher up you go in the organization, the more you have to support other people’s ideas.

“If there is no involvement, there is no commitment.  You have to use your listening skills.  It tells people that what they do really matters.”

Novak also dispels the myth that recognition won’t play out in other cultures.

“Recognition is universal.  A lot of people were doubters, but once they saw the power of it they said ‘I’m going to try it myself.’ And then they developed their own personal recognition awards.”

Recognition reinforced behaviors that drove the business says Novak and he encourages others to give it a try in their organizations.

“It’s not that hard to say ‘Thank you.’ The more you give, the more you receive.”

Be sure to listen to the very end of the interview to hear Ken Blanchard’s thoughts and takeaways from the ideas David Novak shares.

Dear Madeleine,

I am fairly new to managing a large team in the property management industry. I was a team member for a long time. One of the reasons I was promoted was because I was a work horse. I have a lot of energy and was used to putting in ten- and twelve-hour days on a regular basis. I raced around in my truck going from task to task at different properties, helping people solve problems.

I really like the challenge of being a manager—but something has begun to worry me. I start at 7 a.m. and by 2 p.m. I am exhausted, even though I work from home most days. I’m on the phone in endless meetings dealing with strategy, budget, and gnarly personnel issues—and by the middle of the afternoon I’ve got nothing left.

What is happening to me? I am worried that my boss is going to think I am a slacker. Maybe I am not cut out for management? Help!

Out of Battery Power

Dear Out of Battery Power,

Okay, let’s review. You had a job that had constant variety, allowed you some nice mental breaks while driving around, and let you win several times a day because you knew what you were doing and got to interact with nice people who were grateful you showed up. Now you have a job that requires you to sit at a desk at home by yourself, engage in creative visualization of an uncertain future, crunch massive amounts of numbers and translate reality from them, and ponder and try to solve problems regarding the most complicated thing there is: people. What could possibly be wrong?

Your brain is tired, as well it should be. In your old job you got breaks, you spent time with people, and you got to solve solvable problems—which was fun! Now you probably get no breaks at all, you spend time alone, and you have to try to solve unsolvable problems. Also, you are new in the job so the learning curve feels brutal.

Cut yourself some slack. Give yourself a little time to get your head around the job. And try these strategies to take better care of yourself and your brain.

• Get some exercise before you start for the day. You used to be in constant motion, which was clearly energizing for you. Even a walk around the block will improve the blood flow to your brain and increase your creative problem solving.
• Get a good headset so you can pace while on conference calls. You used to be on your feet a lot. Now you are an extension of your desk chair and it’s killing you slowly.
• Remember to eat breakfast and lunch. People who work from home seem to either eat constantly or forget to eat.
• Remember to stay hydrated. Research shows that dehydration can cause lightheadedness and confusion.
• Get out of the house during your workday. Going to a nearby park would be ideal, but at least sit on your front step. When you do this, don’t look at a screen—look at faraway things; a horizon line if at all possible. Gazing at a horizon releases a very specific kind of endorphin which increases our feelings of well-being. Try to have lunch with a friend or colleague at least twice a week. You will have to resist thinking about work, but it will make you more effective in the long run. Can you work from the office a couple of days a week? Do it if you can.
• Take tiny mental breaks throughout the day. You may not realize how many breaks were built into your day in your old job—moments when you were operating on auto pilot and your brain was essentially at rest. If you are in constant meetings from 7:00 to 2:00 with no breaks built in, your brain goes on tilt.
• If possible, do your more difficult tasks before 2 p.m. and leave everything that’s easy to deal with until later in the day. I once heard a senior executive say out loud that she didn’t schedule anything hard after 2 p.m. and I was impressed with her self-awareness and honesty. Her afternoons were reserved for reading, responding to email, and administrative tasks that she could do in her sleep.

I have yet to work with a manager or leader who gets the amount of “white space” they need to just think about everything that needs thinking about. Welcome to management! You may be fried by 2 p.m., but I would bet a paycheck that you never, ever stop thinking about your job now. Before, when you finished your shift, you were done for the day. Now your job is 24/7—so you need to learn how to pace yourself and settle in for the long haul.

Until you get actual feedback from your boss about your performance, stop wasting valuable mental energy judging yourself. Devote that energy to taking better care of yourself and I’m certain you’ll notice an increase in your mental stamina.

Give yourself a break—literally.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

A low confidence level can come from something as simple as a lack of experience and expertise in a particular subject or task. When this happens, it is necessary to identify the knowledge and skills needed to progress. This is where the support of others comes in.

Situational Leadership® II (SLII®) from The Ken Blanchard Companies is a partnership model. The leader partners with the direct report in building the person’s confidence while helping increase their competence. How? By providing the appropriate leadership style based on the direct report’s development level on a specific task or goal. When the direct report receives the level of support they need, their confidence in that area increases.

To build a direct report’s confidence on a specific task, a manager should follow these steps, repeating them when needed:

1. Help create clarity on what the direct report wants to accomplish
2. Give specific direction by showing how
3. Let the direct report try to do the task
4. Observe the person’s performance
5. Praise or redirect the direct report based on their performance

How’s your confidence level? Think about your feelings and expectations about your own potential for success, remembering that when people expect to succeed—or fail—they often unintentionally rise or fall to meet those expectations. When you have the discipline to self-assess and the willingness to partner with your manager, coach, or capable colleague to build your competence on new behaviors, your confidence will grow—and your performance will follow suit.

About the Author

Terry Watkins is a coaching solutions partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Sincero shares how to stop limiting yourself and start focusing on your strengths.

Drawing on her own experience of personally trying and evaluating almost every self-help resource out there, Sincero recommends finding the approaches that work best for you and then taking action.  Don’t over-control the situation.  Have faith and trust that the “how” will take care of itself—even if it scares you.

As Sincero explains, “It’s never really the right time—but you have to decide and put yourself into motion.  Inside all of us is incredible potential.  Open yourself up to a new reality. It’s about rediscovering your true nature and tapping into the mother lode of potential available to you. That’s when you can start to make big, fat changes in your life.”

Be sure to listen to the very end of the interview, where Ken Blanchard shares his thoughts and takeaways.

Freiberg shares how organizations need to find their cause if they are going to stand out in a crowded field.

Part of the process, according to Freiberg, is having employees reclaim their dreams–moving beyond just having a job to find something bigger and more fulfilling. And once becoming reacquainted with what’s engaging, she shares how to take a dream and turn it into action. The key, says Freiberg, is to find your personal WHY, in addition to your HOW and WHAT.

Freiberg shares how leadership development experts can help reignite this type of larger thinking using a three step process that includes: Identifying Your Why, Becoming Intentional, and then finally, Measuring Impact.

Be sure to listen to the very end of this 30-minute interview to hear Ken Blanchard share his key takeaways on the information Freiberg shares.

Listen to the podcast here: 

Dear Madeleine,

I am currently in an unfulfilling job. I also have digestive health issues that are not being resolved through diet and supplements.

I am a creative person and I long to travel. I currently want to leave my job and travel around the world to heal and to write about my experiences—a blog first, a book later.

But I have fears about financially surviving; about what will happen when I return from my travels; about my safety on the road; about not being able to get rid of my health issues; and even about how to write a book. How do I get past the fear and take the leap?

Afraid to Take the Leap

Dear Afraid to Take the Leap,

Oh, I hear your cry for freedom and it resonates deeply. But I’m torn between focusing on your fears and simply yelling “Go now before it’s too late!”

Obviously, I can’t tell what to do. Here is what I can tell you. You have a vision that leaving your job and traveling will be part of your healing process. You may think this kind of inspiration or calling is something that happens to people all the time. I can assure you this is not the case. In my experience there is a lot to be gained from heeding inner wisdom like this.

But there is no getting past fear. And while fear is designed to keep you from making stupid mistakes, the trick is to not let it also keep you from your heart’s desire.

All of your fears are well founded. Use them to help you prepare. Let’s take one at a time.

• Use your financial fears to ensure that you save up, sock away a reserve, and proceed frugally. Your worry about where you will land once you are done with your travels will guide you to set up some options for a soft landing.
• Safety on the road? Well, yes, that is reasonable; the world is frightening. Ask yourself what would make you feel safer. Finding travel companions? Taking a self-defense class?
• Your health problems may not be resolved; that’s true. The fact is that they may never go away, so you need to be prepared for that. But at least you know for sure that what you’ve already tried hasn’t worked. What can it hurt to try other things?
• Finally, you should be terrified by the idea of writing a book. I can tell you from personal experience that the only way to figure out how to write a book is to start writing.

There. Still scared? Sure you are. Because that was only the tip of the iceberg, right? The thing to do with fear is welcome it into your life. Make a list of every single fear you have and do everything you can to reasonably protect yourself from worst case scenarios.

Who knows what kinds of responsibilities you are going to assume in the future—spouse, children, aging parents? I always think part of my job as a coach is to work with people toward their having as few regrets as possible at the end of their lives. So maybe the question to ask yourself is Which choice would I regret most in five years: maintaining status quo or going for the big vision? There is a good chance that if you don’t seize the moment now for your grand adventure, you will regret it.

I am very much influenced by a lovely TED Talk that a friend shared with me recently. It is by Amy Krouse, a wonderful artist and writer who died of cancer last month at 51. Her talk is called “7 Notes on Life.” I wrote them down and taped them to my wall. The seven points, represented as notes on a musical scale, are:

• Always trust the magic
• Beckon the lovely (Amy said “I tend to believe whatever you decide to look for, you will find. Whatever you beckon will eventually beckon you.”)
• We are all Connected
• Do (take action)
• Cultivate Empty space
• Figure it out as you go
• Go to what makes you come alive

She did the talk in 2010, long before she knew that she would die of ovarian cancer in 7 years. I can only imagine that she lived by this code and sure was glad she did when it was all cut short.

You sound like a smart, rational person who would first prepare properly and then, in fact, be able to figure things out as you go. I always encourage my clients—and my children, for that matter—to keep moving toward the heat. But I like the way Amy says it: “Go to what makes you come alive.” How can that be a bad idea?

I am clearly biased on this one. It is my nature. That being said, if you decide not to leap, at the very least go find yourself a job that is fulfilling. Please let me know what you decide.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

But how does this really occur? Certainly not with the coach standing there, bullhorn in hand, yelling at the leader to stay on task.

Instead, the coach listens carefully to what really matters to the leader and helps the leader connect the meaning to the activity.

I’ll give you an example. I recently worked with two leaders in different organizations who needed to improve their expense report process. Each was frustrated by a system they saw as unnecessarily complicated and burdensome.

How did each leader determine the best strength to use to get those pesky expense reports completed? Through positive psychology coaching. Founded at the turn of this century, positive psychology is the scientific study of the strengths that enable individuals to thrive. The field is founded on the belief that people want to:

• lead meaningful and fulfilling lives,
• cultivate what is best within themselves, and
• enhance their experiences in all aspects of their lives.

Through coaching, both of these leaders successfully addressed the process of completing their expense reports on time, but in very different ways: for one, it meant employing the strength of perseverance. For the other, it centered on the strength of gratitude.

Both of these strengths were identified by using the Values In Action survey. This is a scientifically validated tool that looks at 24 character strengths and rank orders the strengths of an individual through self-reporting. The VIA survey of character strengths has been taken by more than four million people and can be accessed here: www.viacharacter.org. Character strengths are positive personality core capacities for thinking, feeling, and behaving in ways that can bring benefit to oneself and others—not only at work but also in personal relationships.

The leader with the signature strength of perseverance used the fact that he takes satisfaction in completing tasks and applied that valuable perspective to his expense reports. The other leader focused on her strength of gratitude to get her reports done: she channeled her appreciation for the people who processed the reports as well as the gratitude she felt that her organization supported her travel as well as her training.

How about you? What would your day look like if you led with your signature strengths?

Leaders who purposefully employ a strengths-based approach show greater engagement in their activities including a sense of ownership and authenticity, a rapid learning curve as the strength is applied, and—key to the leaders above—an intrinsic motivation to use the strength.

If you develop the habit of consciously applying your strengths, I suggest you’ll find yourself fueled with a clean source of energy that is unique to you. Take the VIA survey and find out!

About the Author

Mary Ellen Sailer, Ed.D., is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 120 coaches have worked with over 15,000 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Dear Madeleine,

I am regular reader and a fan. I’m about to graduate from my grad school program. You talk a lot about the importance of networking. I feel like I’ve been somewhat insulated from the reality and necessity of building a network and was wondering if you could give me some ideas of what I should be doing.

All the ideas I have heard so far make me feel awkward.

Novice Networker

Dear Novice,

Thank you so much for the kind words—they mean a lot to me!

Although I know for sure that building, nurturing, and leveraging a network of relationships is critical to success, I am by no means the expert on how to do this. The guy who is the expert is Keith Ferrazzi, who wrote Never Eat Alone and recently came out with an updated and expanded version. The title alone tells the story—which I hate, because I really cherish eating alone. My idea of a perfect lunch is sitting at my desk and watching a TED talk, so the fact that I crave quiet time may make me well suited to share some ideas.

Let’s start with the word. Stop using the word network and replace it with the word relationships. I used to think business was some mysterious thing that people in suits did until I heard it defined as “the exchange of a product or service between people.” So when I talk about networking, I am really referring to simply paying attention to your relationships—the ones you have, the ones you would like to have, and the ones you need to have.

Start with the ones you have. Ask yourself To what extent have I really stayed in touch and built connections with the people I already know? Liking someone’s post on Facebook doesn’t count. Picking up the phone and making a date to have coffee, to watch a game, or to take a walk—those all count. You actually have to put yourself out there. So, yes, it is work. Treat it that way.

Stay in touch. Tell people when you move. Keep your snail mail address up to date with folks. Young people typically are terrible at this, but it helps people who care about you keep track of where you are in space—especially if you move to a place where you already know people. When you graduate, send a card with the news and where you are going to anyone whose actual address you can muster. You will be one of two people in your class who do this.

When you meet a new person, follow up with them. Connect on social media, obviously, but also get actual contact information so you can email links to articles or a great TED talk you think might interest them. I met an amazing guy on a train once and told him about my favorite magazine. I ended up sending him a whole pile of back issues. It didn’t cost much and I made a new—and, as it turned out, very influential—friend.

I may sound like your mother, but if you have an interview or someone does you any kind of favor, send them a handwritten thank you note. And then let them know where you land. I have become an interviewer for my alma mater, Georgetown University, and I am astonished at the lack of follow-up from my interviewees. I spent an hour of my time which each of them, and I have not gotten a single thank you note. I’m pretty sure none of them will think to contact me when they are accepted somewhere to let me know where they have decided to attend. The reality is that I fell in love with each and every one of them and would do anything in my power to help them. For them, I will forever be an untapped resource.

All this is to say that you never know where help is going to come from. People generally love to help if they can. Neuroscience research shows that pleasure centers in the brain light up more when we give than when we receive. Sure, there are some jerks out there, but don’t let them stop you from reaching out to the people who are on your side.

I am often asked what introverts can do to overcome how hard it is to extend oneself in social situations and get to know people. This is a tough one. I think you just have to gut it out. Being an introvert is not an excuse to avoid other human beings—you just have to think of it as work. And you will actually meet some people you like and want to spend more time with. Some tips for this:

• Set yourself a goal to meet 3 or 5 or 7 people—whatever number you think will be a stretch but not impossible. Once you have met your people, you can leave. Boom. You’re done. Get cards, get contact info, and follow up in the quiet privacy of your home.
• Get out of your own head—probably a very active and scary place in social circumstances. To do this, breathe deeply and feel the soles of your feet on the floor. It works. Try it.
• Get the attention off of yourself. Part of why social situations are so stressful is that you think people are judging you. They aren’t. Every person is worried about what you are thinking about them. We are all in the same boat that way—humans are remarkably self absorbed. So stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about others. Have a list of questions you can depend on—big, open-ended ones such as:

“What is your job like? What do you actually do all day?”

“Do you love what you do? What would you do if you had a choice—what is your fantasy job?”

“What is your favorite thing about living in this city?”

People love to talk about themselves. You can depend on this.

Finally, a sure fire way to get people to engage with you as a follow-up is to go back to them and ask them for advice—about their field, about what you should do, where you should live, what you should do next. If there is anything people love more than talking about themselves, it is giving advice. I should know—here I am doing it!

Stay in touch, Novice. Let me know how it goes and how I can help.

I’m not kidding.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I love to grow and develop. I always take advantage of any 360° feedback assessments my company offers. I regularly ask my boss, direct reports, and peers for constructive feedback.

Lucky for me, my 360° scores are high and I generally hear “just keep doing what you are doing” from my coworkers. That said, I still want to stretch and grow but don’t have a clear idea of what I should do. Can you make any suggestions?

Want to Grow

Dear Want to Grow,

What a great problem to have. And I am so glad you asked—because, of course, I have loads of suggestions.

First the obvious: If your organization offers 360° feedback, there is a good chance they also offer training programs. Sign up for everything you can, and become a poster child for your favorite programs. Maybe you’ll find something you are so passionate about that you become a trainer.

Do you have an advanced degree? If not, perhaps your organization will help fund one. If you go that way, though, please don’t send me hate mail. It is worth it, but it is hard.

Ultimately, growth and development will come from creating goals and experiences for yourself that require you to be a little uncomfortable. Feedback is great and allows you to develop yourself in the context of your job and your current circle of colleagues. But that’s still only one perspective.  You’ll want to expand your thinking. Some ideas:

• Look backwards to see where you have had your biggest wins. Think about what made those moments great and what qualities or strengths you have that have gone un-leveraged.
• Move toward the heat. Notice what interests you that you enjoy and do naturally but that may not be on your radar screen. Perhaps you love to write—see if you can contribute to your company blog or newsletter. Perhaps you are an event planning genius and love throwing a great party—join a committee that might need you.
• Build your network. The thing that is most important to your career growth besides work ethic and competence is the ability to grow and nurture a network of relationships. If this suggestion is unattractive to you, it probably means it would be an excellent new area for you to develop. Make a map of people in your organization who interest you and either start a relationship or build on the one you have. Find someone you respect and admire and ask them to mentor you. Scroll through the million connections you have on LinkedIn, find people you want to get to know, and set up a call.
• Build your industry knowledge. Are you an expert in your field? If not, decide to become one. Join industry groups on social media and subscribe to newsletters to read up.
• Travel. Save up your PTO and plan a month-long trip someplace you’ve always wanted to go. I didn’t realize I wanted to do that until a colleague did it and I felt a stab of envy. Guess what? I am going to Mongolia this summer—something I have been fantasizing about for fifteen years.
• Master something. Choose one thing you are good at and you like to do and become a master at it. Mastery comes from intense commitment and repetition, and it can be extraordinarily fulfilling for some.
• Look to the “life” portion of your life/work formula. Maybe your home environment is not quite up to your standard? How about your health and physical fitness? Perhaps your spiritual life could use some attention? How would rate your satisfaction with your relationships in terms of family and friends? Are you a parent? A great parent? You could take a parenting class. Now might be the time to get your home administration and financials systemized and effortless. How about volunteering for a cause you care deeply about? Go walk and play with dogs at your local shelter. Go hold babies in the NICU. Be a big brother or big sister. Spread the wealth of your wonderfulness.

Earlier, I mentioned envy for a reason. We are all mostly uncomfortable with the feeling of envy and even deny it when we do feel it; but it is instructive. Notice what others have that you feel envious of. That is data for you. It’s data about something you secretly want or maybe even need—something you don’t have because you probably haven’t admitted it to yourself.

I hope I have provided you with food for thought. Please let me know what you decide to do—I can’t wait to hear!

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

This guest post is by Judd Hoekstra, Blanchard vice president and coauthor of the new book,

In today’s hypercompetitive world, we all face significant pressure to perform. We want to be our best when it matters most. But something happens when the pressure rises. In too many cases, we get in our own way and perform far below our capabilities.

When we’re under pressure, we can think about the situation in one of two ways—either as a threat or as an opportunity. Seeing the pressure situation as a threat cripples our performance. Seeing the pressure situation as an opportunity helps our performance.

Here’s the problem: Our reflexive, instinctual reaction is to perceive pressure situations as threats. While this fight, flight, or freeze reflexive reaction serves as valu­able protection to survive physical threats, it hurts us when applied to most modern-day pressure situa­tions where the threats are psychological in nature.

Fortunately, there is a solution. In writing Crunch Time, I teamed up with former Major League Baseball pitching coach Rick Peterson to share the secret to being your best when it matters most.

What does a pitching coach know about pressure? A pitching coach is the only coach in professional sports who provides in-game coaching on the field of play. He must calm his pitcher down with millions of people watching, with the game on the line, in 30 seconds or less. Also, everyone watching will know within minutes whether or not the coaching worked. See YouTube clip.

What’s the secret of clutch performers? Reframing. At its core, reframing describes the skill of consciously and intentionally thinking about a situation from one or more different perspectives. Reframing isn’t about donning rose-colored glasses or pretending everything is fine when it’s not. It’s about finding different ways of interpreting a sticky situation. The resulting new frame leads to a different meaning, which leads to better actions, and better results.

Better Thoughts & Emotions -> Better Actions -> Better Results

Consider the following example. When President Ronald Reagan was running for reelection in 1984, he was the oldest president to have ever served. At age 73, there were many questions about Reagan’s capac­ity to endure the grueling demands of the presidency. On October 7, Reagan performed poorly in the first debate against his opponent, Democratic candidate Walter Mon­dale. Among other mistakes, Reagan admitted to being “confused.”

Two weeks later, in the next debate, Mondale made a com­ment that implied Reagan’s advanced age was an issue voters should be concerned about. Reagan’s comeback was price­less. He joked, “I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my oppo­nent’s youth and inexperience.” Mondale himself laughed at Reagan’s joke. With that humorous reframe, Reagan effec­tively neutralized the age issue, ended Mondale’s campaign, and steamrolled to reelection. See YouTube clip.

Learn to thrive under pressure by reframing from trying harder to trying easier, from tension to laughter, from anxiety to taking control, from doubt to confidence, from failure to a learning moment, and from prepared to overprepared. Should you have any doubt about the value of reframing pressure, consider the following:

1. Reframing is not a matter of “you have it or you don’t.” It’s a skill that can be learned.
2. Reframing is a powerful life hack that doesn’t take hours to master. While the 10,000-hour rule to master a new skill is true for many skills, who has 10,000 hours to spare? Reframing is as quick as coming up with a new thought.
3. In addition to being quick, reframing is efficient. It redirects your attention away from what could go wrong and toward the opportunity before you.
4. Unlike dunking a basketball or becoming a supermodel, reframing is not limited to those who have won the genetic lottery. You don’t need to be rich, well-educated, or ultra-talented. Reframing is available to everyone.
5. Reframing can help you anytime, anywhere. The skill resides in our mind: you don’t need to be in an office, or in front of a laptop or smartphone.
6. Reframing applies in any pressure sit­uation. It applies at work as you seek to solve problems, make presentations, or beat your quota. It applies in your personal life as you sing a solo in the church choir or play in a big golf match.
7. In addition to being a skill you can use to help yourself, reframing is a key skill you can use to coach and positively influence others.

At crunch time, you can experience the pain of choking or the pure joy of coming through in the clutch. By reading Crunch Time, you’ll have the knowledge, skill, and confidence you need to consistently be your best when it matters most.

About the Author

Judd Hoekstra is a leadership and human performance expert, sales executive, bestselling author and speaker. Crunch Time, Judd’s most recent book coauthored with professional baseball pitching coach Rick Peterson, reveals the secrets of how to perform your best under pressure. For additional resources and to download a free book excerpt, go to www.juddhoekstra.com.

Dear Madeleine,

I have not once in my life kept a New Year’s resolution. And yet, here I am once again thinking about all I want to accomplish and feeling demoralized. Isn’t that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result? How can I be successful this year? Does anyone ever succeed at sticking to a resolution? Help!

New Year’s Loser

Dear New Year’s Loser,

I am glad you asked this question because I have an explicit opinion on this topic. There is a lot of research on New Year’s resolutions. You can Google it—but for all intents and purposes no one really sticks to New Year’s resolutions. Okay, maybe 8 percent of people do, but my guess is that’s even a stretch. The whole thing is a nasty set up to ensure we all start the year feeling terrible about ourselves.

I say, let’s cut it out. No goals in 2017. None.

NO GOALS for 2017.

Wait. What? “That’s crazy!” you argue. “I have to set goals or I will never achieve anything and I will wake up in three years sitting in this exact chair with this exact life.” Not true. Life has a way of carrying you along and will provide plenty of occasions for you to rise to. And you will rise to these occasions by committing to becoming more effective, nicer, better organized, or by learning something new.

Life will provide you with many reasons to change. You will lose weight or go to the gym when you get sick of not fitting into any of your clothes or when your doctor says you have to. You will quit that terrible habit (smoking, running late, watching “Real Housewives” shows) when you are so compelled that you will get help from any possible corner—your family, your friends, a support group, a clinic, or all of the above.

The problem with New Year’s resolutions is that we always choose the things that are hardest to do—the stuff we have already failed at, often several times. So now we are actually conditioned to fail at those things.

The only way to change that mindset and break the pattern is to set New Year’s resolutions that are fun and easy. Seriously. Some of my most successful resolutions have been exactly that. For example:

• Never stand in a line if I can help it
• Drink good champagne any time I get the chance
• Spend a minimum of five minutes a day rolling around on the floor with my dogs

You will set a goal to do something new, different, and difficult when you are good and ready to do it and not a moment sooner. In the meantime, find something fun and easy to commit to in 2017. Easy means, well, not hard. Effortless. Something that is literally so easy and pleasant that you will actually do it.  And only one thing. I mean, you have enough going on.

Try it. Win at your New Year’s Resolution this time. And do it again next year. Do it every year. You won’t believe how this can add up to a life filled with joy, amusement and pleasure. And really, what more could we ask for?

Happy New Year and Love,

Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Trust and empower employees. Respondents identified they look for leaders who believe in them enough to trust them with significant responsibilities and to empower them to use their experience and knowledge. As one respondent put it, “When my manager trusts me, it makes me want to do an extremely good job so I don’t let her down and so that trust increases.”

Provide regular feedback to everyone. Respondents indicated a strong desire for positive feedback when it is deserved—for example, when they show advances in learning a new task or when they offer ideas that benefit their company. They also want to know when they make mistakes or do things wrong. The important caveat? They want the person giving the feedback to respect them as someone who wants to grow and improve.

Make sure goals and expectations are clearly stated—and hold people accountable for achieving outcomes. Survey participants identified that they want leaders to hold them accountable but they don’t want surprises. As one respondent put it, “People don’t like surprises, so managers should make expectations clear up front.” Another survey respondent said, “When the manager explains goals, the employee can take ownership.”

Be open to hearing new ideas and input from everyone. As one respondent stated, “When managers listen to people’s ideas, energy levels can soar. It makes employees feel important and valued.” Respondents also indicated that Millennials want active, involved leadership, a feeling of collaborative teamwork, and unstructured access to information. Implicit in this finding is that information and ideas flow in both directions—from manager to employee and from employee to manager.

Do not micromanage. One respondent noted, “Leaders need to trust their people to do their jobs, but they also need to be available for help when needed—such as when an employee is new in a task.” One key point that came out of the research: the majority of those surveyed expressed a desire to be allowed space for trial and error. This allows the employee freedom to learn from mistakes while having their manager nearby to ward off larger problems.

The report highlights that the growing Millennial generation of workers is looking for clear definitions of expectations, regular feedback, and a receptive ear by managers about their ideas. They do not want to feel micromanaged, but trusted and empowered. They embrace transparency from their managers and want the opportunity to contribute.

You can access the complete report, Millennials in the Workplace: How Do Managers Inspire Them? at the Blanchard website. It contains additional analysis as well as advice for Gen Xers and Boomers, and is available free of charge courtesy of The Ken Blanchard Companies.

Pew Research even has a quiz called “How millennial are you?” that shows where you fit on the scale and how you compare with others in your generation. I’m not entirely sure how scientific this is, but I scored a whopping 99 out of 100.

The definition  of a millennial varies depending on where you get your facts and figures—but the consensus seems to be that it’s a person born between 1980 and the mid-1990s. I particularly like Fortune’s definition: “those aged between 18 and 34 in 2015.”

Dan Schawbel has collated a list of some facts about millennials, if you want to do further research about this generation. Some of the facts are shocking, including their collective $1 trillion in student debts; or that only 6 out of 10 millennials have jobs—and half of those jobs are part-time. The article is a couple of years old now but it’s a good starting point for an overview.

It doesn’t take a scientist to identify that the stereotypical attributes of a millennial I outlined above could easily be interpreted to be negative traits; but millennials are getting fed up of getting a bad rap. A quick search online of the word millennial brings up a plethora of articles and blogs about how the negative view many people have of millennials is probably not deserved.

As workplaces move into the future, they’re going to need to start looking at millennials a little differently. This generation currently makes up one-third of the world’s workforce and by 2025, they will account for 75%. If business leaders continue to look at millennials with the aforementioned negative slant, they won’t be able to utilise this growing workforce to the best of their ability.

The growing proportion of millennials in business actually isn’t bad news at all. They’re set to be the most educated generation in history. Growing up in a world filled with negativity and recession has made them resilient, adaptable, and innovative when put in the right environment. They’re more determined than previous generations to prove themselves worthy in the job market because they’ve grown up without knowing job security. And, as the first generation that doesn’t remember what life was like before smart phones and the internet, they’re an excellent resource when it comes to understanding and harnessing the power of technology.

To get the best from the millennial generation it’s important to be able to understand them fully. Business leaders will need to adapt their ways of working to harness the millennial contribution.

Millennials are notable for their unwavering commitment to friends, family, and hobbies—even at the expense of face time at work. Research conducted by Bentley University found that 75% of millennials see themselves as authentic and are not willing to compromise their family and personal values. Companies on the “100 Best Workplaces for Millennials” list are more likely to offer flexible scheduling (76% vs. 63% for other companies), telecommuting options (82% vs. 74%), paid sabbaticals (15% vs. 11%) and paid volunteer days (46% vs. 39%.) More winning millennial-friendly companies offer perks like massages (65% vs. 26%) and fitness classes (70% vs. 24%) to their workforce. You would need to be living in a bubble to have missed the reports on Google’s employee perks or Virgin’s unlimited holiday policy.

The more you dig into the research behind the millennial generation, the more it seems that what they’re looking for is fairness, flexibility, and tolerance. They’ve grown up knowing insecurity. As a result, they’re inclined to work harder and they expect to be rewarded and recognised for their achievements. They are happy to look for work elsewhere if their workplace doesn’t provide a work-life balance that allows them to prioritise things that are important to them—which is not, necessarily, their work.

Millennials are a highly skilled, highly informed workforce with a lot of potential—so being an employer that stands out to them is important. If your organization can offer them:

• a focus on the shorter term (to attract and retain those pesky job-hoppers);
• compensation that is based on their own performance and assurance that the only bar to their success is their own ability;
• greater flexibility for an optimal work-life balance; and
• access to an abundance of growth and learning opportunities…

…you’ll send out a positive, inviting message. And you will harness the power and potential of this intelligent, productive generation as they become a larger and larger share of your workforce.

In The Ken Blanchard Companies Situational Leadership® II training program, we teach that a Disillusioned Learner (D2) development level is part of the natural progression of learning any task that involves some challenge.

We all typically start a new task or goal with a level of interest, excitement, and sometimes unrealistic expectations. Most people overestimate their transferrable skills. “This will be easy” is a typical comment from people at development level one (D1), the Enthusiastic Beginner. It is easy to be optimistic when you don’t have a true understanding of what it will take to be successful. I have a tee shirt that reads “Confidence is the feeling you have when you don’t fully grasp the situation.” That is a classic description of an Enthusiastic Beginner.

We move to the Disillusioned Learner stage when we know enough to be discouraged—and that is a good thing! It is a much more realistic place, even though it is not fun. At this D2 stage you may feel frustrated with your lack of progress or even overwhelmed with what it will take to move forward. You get stuck on a problem because you don’t have the knowledge or skills to solve it yet. If you ask your leader for help, they may be so focused on not micromanaging you that they simply express confidence in you and tell you that you will succeed. Nice—but not helpful at this stage.

So why celebrate disillusionment? The best reason is that it means you are learning something new and challenging yourself! If you are an expert at everything you do, you are not learning. Disillusionment also means you have more knowledge about the task than you did at D1. It means you are moving forward even though you may feel like you are in reverse.

But celebrating disillusionment does not mean you should linger there.  Here are some suggestions for helping yourself move through the D2 stage:

1. When you feel discouraged, frustrated with your lack of progress, or stuck on a problem you can’t solve, remember that you are at D2 and this is a normal part of the learning process. There is a way through it.
2. Keep forward momentum by seeking out what you need when you are at D2: You need someone to listen to your frustrations and not judge you. You need a mentor who will show you how to solve a problem and ask you for your ideas. And if you have an idea that is off track, you need to be told why it may not work so that you can learn.
3. Keep your eyes focused on your goal. Imagine how you will feel when you are fully competent, motivated, and confident about your ability to do the task.

With some persistence (and the right leadership style from a knowledgeable manager) you will move through the D2—Disillusioned Learner stage, on to D3—Capable but Cautious Performer, and finally to D4—Self Reliant Achiever.

And while you know that you will experience D2 again as soon as you challenge yourself with that next big learning opportunity, you’ll also remember how you got through it last time. Lifelong learners know how to welcome D2 and see it as simply a short pause on the road to D4.

Enjoy the journey!

About the Author

Kathleen Martin is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies. You can read Martin’s posts as a part of Coaching Tuesday here at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

But that’s not true. In fact, that kind of misinterpretation of the research can lead to assumptions that actually perpetuate disengagement, such as the concept of organizations needing to use incentives, rewards, promotions, praising, perks, status building, pay raises, games, competition, or prizes to get anything accomplished.

Knowing the truth behind the nature of human motivation will not only help you reframe the research and rethink your basic beliefs, it will also allow you to embrace new practices that result in employee engagement and work passion. Let me explain.

People’s Basic Nature is to Thrive

In the 2014 movie Gravity, Sandra Bullock’s character goes into space because she has no reason to live on planet Earth. When circumstances spell certain death, she contemplates giving up. But then we witness her remarkable resilience and creativity as she fights to return to Earth.

As we learn watching the plot unfold in the movie, our true human nature is to thrive by making choices, finding meaning, and developing skills to cope with what the world throws at us. But is that a struggle we have to take on alone? I don’t think so.  In fact, I think leaders can greatly accelerate the process by developing strategies to help people experience what every human being needs to thrive: the three psychological needs for autonomy, relatedness, and competence.

For example:

• Define boundaries people need to know and then help them explore the choices they have within those boundaries.
• Demonstrate you care about people through proactive listening.
• Encourage people to develop new skills on a regular basis. Even mundane work is brought to life when people identify transferable skills they can develop such as learning how to focus, improving people skills, practicing different communication styles, etc.

Nobody Wants to be Bored and Disengaged

People want to make worthwhile contributions. People appreciate meaningful challenges. Two of the world’s leading researchers on motivation, Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, wrote a beautiful explanation of human nature*:

“The fullest representations of humanity show people to be curious, vital, and self-motivated. At their best, they are agentic and inspired, striving to learn; extend themselves; master new skills; and apply their talents responsibly. That most people show considerable effort, agency, and commitment in their lives appears, in fact, to be more normative than exceptional, suggesting some very positive and persistent features of human nature. Yet, it is also clear that the human spirit can be diminished or crushed… “

What does this mean for leaders? That it’s important to engage in one-on-one conversations to help people explore their inherent interests, align tasks with their deepest values, and connect their work to a sense of purpose.

Promote Human Thriving

If you believe the high number of disengaged employees reflects a natural state of being, you probably tend to depend on traditional means to fix disengagement—like the incentives, rewards, promotions, etc., I mentioned earlier.

But as you run out of resources and find your workforce is still disengaged, you may need to stop looking for different ways of motivating people and rethink your basic beliefs about human nature and disengagement. Only then will you spark the innovation to develop strategies that promote human thriving—and true engagement—in the workplace.

About the Author

Susan Fowler is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies, co-creator of the company’s Optimal Motivation and Situational Self Leadership training programs, and the author of the bestselling book, Why Motivating People Doesn’t Work … And What Does: The New Science of Leading, Engaging, and Energizing.

*Self-Determination Theory and the Facilitation of Intrinsic Motivation, Social Development, and Well-Being, https://selfdeterminationtheory.org/SDT/documents/2000_RyanDeci_SDT.pdf

In it, Angela writes “Grit is about working on something you care about so much that you’re willing to stay loyal to it.” She elaborates on the two components of grit: passion and perseverance. Grit is more about commitment, endurance, and consistency over time than it is about talent.

Grit is needed to accomplish goals—especially stretch goals—and to change behavior. When I first started thinking of people who have grit, I thought about the TV shows Spartan Race and American Ninja Warrior. The participants and athletes in those competitions must have grit in order to fail and come back again and again.

Grit also applies to Olympic athletes. Consider the grit displayed when a young girl commits at an early age to be one of the best gymnasts at the Olympics—like Simone Biles and Laurie Hernandez on the 2016 US Olympic Gymnastics team.

In another way, grit can come into play when we are coaching clients toward achieving their goals. It begins with helping them create a SMART goal they are passionate about that will cause them to stay committed and consistent over time. For example, a client had a goal to take a situational approach to leadership in order to create a high performing team.

We discussed the passion and motivation the client had to become a situational leader. We also discussed his perseverance and commitment to intentionally flex his leadership style regardless of high pressure situations. The coaching lead him to  increase his commitment by creating a structure to remind himself to flex his leadership style, identifying accountability partners, and asking for regular feedback from his team. Over time, the client increased his grit to be a situational leader—and subsequently increased his success.

Could a rediscovery of your own grit level help? You can apply grit principles to your goals by answering these questions:

• What is the motivation for this goal?
• Is this a goal that will stand the test of time?
• Are you passionate enough to remain committed if you start getting distracted by other ideas or goals?
• What will cause you to hold steadfast to this goal?

I think you’ll find that when you increase your level of grit, you’ll set yourself up for success—just like my client.

About the Author

Terry Watkins is a coaching solutions partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Did he think I was fat? Did he not love and admire my beautiful self anymore? Or was it something else entirely?

Turns out he saw how hard I work, putting long hours in the office and then even more hours in the evening, all sitting at a computer. He’s read the studies about sedentary lifestyles and has been thinking about being an empty-nester.

Turns out he wants to spend time with me doing fun things that are going to take some physical strength—like hiking Half Dome in Yosemite!

Constructive feedback can be hard to give and hard to receive. Here are 3 ways  to make giving feedback a bit easier.

Be aware of your own feelings and intentions. Are you angry? Frustrated? Worried that your feedback will derail the receiver? Nervous about giving feedback? There are lots of reasons we avoid giving feedback—and our own mindset plays a big part in how the feedback will be received. Be aware of this and manage it effectively. Trust me; my husband would never say “You look fat in those jeans”—but he does notice if I complain about being out of breath when I take a quick walk around the block with the dog.

Here are 3 lines to say to yourself in preparation for giving feedback.

1. Describe your feelings about the upcoming feedback: “I’m feeling…”
2. State how you want to feel: “I want to feel…”
3. Be clear about your intentions: “I’m giving feedback because…”

3½. (Bonus tip): take a couple of deep breaths before the feedback conversation.

Be authentic. Yes, it’s an overused word, but that’s because it’s effective.  Even though feedback isn’t all about you, your feelings and thoughts do play a critical role in the conversation. My husband bought the membership but never said “Hey, let’s plan a romantic getaway to Yosemite. I want you to enjoy it, and I’m concerned that right now you won’t be able to.”

Share what you are feeling, but sparingly. Try variations of these 3 statements:

1. “I care about you, and I’m a bit (feeling) about giving you feedback.”
2. “I want (desired outcome) for us in this conversation.”
3. “I think (a thought about  giving feedback).” Example: “I think this feedback will help us work together more effectively.”

Listen, listen, listen. The person receiving feedback may have an emotional reaction. They may want to process their feelings by explaining context, or they may just need to talk through the feedback.  Ask these 3 questions—and follow with deep listening.

1. “Can you say more about that?”
2. “If you were to do something differently in the future, what would it be?”
3. “What can I do to help us avoid this in the future?”

When I didn’t act excited about the gym membership, my husband was surprised—until he listened to my thoughts and feelings about it.  The more he heard from me, the more chagrined he was.  His ability to listen gave us the opportunity to have a really great conversation. Now we are on the same page—and Yosemite was fabulous!

About the Author

Patricia Overland is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a fairly experienced senior manager at an organization that was acquired about eighteen months ago. The larger organization makes a new acquisition about every eight months, with no end in sight. The changes are really hard to keep up with. There seem to be new processes and procedures every day.

I have a wonderful employee—I’ll call him Bob. I like Bob a lot and he has been a dependable producer. His team respects him and he consistently gets the job done with a minimum of fuss.

Recently, though, it’s as if Bob has run out of steam. When I asked him about it, he told me the pace of change here is wearing him down and he is beginning to think he might be happier at a more stable organization.

I am afraid to lose him, but how can I talk him off the ledge when I am kind of feeling the same way?

Trying to Keep Up

Dear Trying to Keep Up,

My first reaction was to laugh and think Good luck finding an organization where change isn’t constant! But seriously, I really understand this. The pace of relentless change can be exhausting.

It is said that many employees leave organizations because no one asked them to stay—so let’s not let that happen.  The first step is to share with Bob how much you understand his feelings and how important you think he is to the success of the organization. Then have the conversation about what it would take for him to stay.

If he insists that the organization would have to stop growing by acquisition—well, that’s probably non-negotiable.  But what is negotiable? Possibly Bob is burnt out and needs to take a vacation—a real one—meaning at least two weeks, maybe even three, with no checking in. Burnout is a real thing. A change of scene and perspective can do wonders.

Maybe the way you manage change could use a tweak. We know from recent neuroscience studies that the brain craves clarity and certainty. There is a ton of research, some of it from The Ken Blanchard Companies, about how to better support people who are dealing with change. Perhaps the two of you could take a class together to get better at it—or at the very least, you could read up and discuss it together.

Here’s the thing. Even if Bob does go somewhere else, he’s probably not going to be able to escape constant change—it is simply a fact of organizational life these days. He seems like a bright guy, so maybe the rate of change isn’t what is really bothering him. You may need to have a different conversation to really get at what the true problem is.

Start by asking the simple question “What’s really bothering you?”

And then keep digging: “What bothers you so much about that?”

“Say more about that.”

You never know what you’ll learn by following this line of questioning, but give it a try. You may actually get to what is really going on—and then you can work out how to proceed.

I hope you figure this out—and I hope you get to keep Bob so that he can help with all the changes to come.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Doing this also removed me from the seemingly endless and snarky commentary that accompanies any substantial story these days.  It reminded me that anyone can point out what is wrong, what doesn’t work, and what is unfair.   The insidiousness of the critical perspective is that it attracts additional criticism. Then, a big pile of what’s wrong is mounded up on the table.  It’s hard to see anything else!

But is that useful?

A good coach will tell you to take a different approach.  Instead of judgmental, negative commentary, consider looking around and focusing energy on what is working to make things better.

Focusing on what works doesn’t sacrifice your smarts, or your work ethic:  it shifts your energy towards the positive.  Here are a few other attributes I’ve noticed that make positive leaders more generative than other smart, hardworking leaders.

• They bring curiosity to the table.
• They are as interested in learning from others as they are in sharing their knowledge.
• They understand the value of enthusiasm!
• They are of good will, and see the good in others.

Their successes are not born from an angry, judgmental, know-it-all style.  Yours shouldn’t be, either. Infuse your smarts and hard work with kindness, curiosity, and enthusiasm.  I assure you, it is worth it.

About the Author

Mary Ellen Sailer, Ed.D., is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

But now for various reasons, you or your direct reports may be struggling to stay afloat. Perhaps as a manager you have reached a stage where you feel discouraged or frustrated—or perhaps you see your team’s morale or performance floundering.

Marcus Buckingham says that people who are truly successful in their roles are doing work where they find the majority of their tasks to be enjoyable. A good balance for success is a job where about 70 percent of tasks are enjoyable and only about 30 percent are not as enjoyable. If much of your work consists of tasks you don’t enjoy doing, you may find yourself getting frustrated and beginning to dislike other things around you. Soon you may see decisions made by your company as inefficient and your team members annoying—and your first thought when you get humorous emails from your colleagues is Don’t they have anything better to do?

If you are already at this gloomy phase, here are three things you can do to help move past it.

1. Identify the strengths and weaknesses of your team members—and yourself.Whether you are constructing a new team or have been working with the same team for years, it’s time do a diagnosis of each person’s individual strengths and weaknesses. Based on your findings, determine if moving people into certain areas or roles would accomplish tasks or goals more efficiently. Evaluating your team members this way will allow you to place people in projects they like, have strengths in, and enjoy doing.In the same vein, do an honest evaluation of your own strengths and weaknesses as a manager. What are you good, and not so good, at? Do you take on too much because you would rather do things yourself to ensure they are done right?
2. Create a list of all your tasks and put them into two categories: Like/Can live with and Dislike. How do they match up? If you have a long list of things you dislike, you may be on the way to burnout. Look back at your team members’ strengths and decide which of your tasks you can delegate, and to whom. Your high performers will enjoy the challenge of being empowered and you will be able to focus on activities you find more enjoyable.
3. Think of ways to create new experiences to motivate yourself and your team members when doing those necessary but mundane tasks. Work with your team to come up with creative and fun ideas for games or contests associated with the work. Or go a different direction and create a dialogue with your people to bring understanding to the deeper meaning and purpose of these tasks in terms of the bigger picture. Taking the time to make work meaningful and fun can result in a new perspective for each person around the importance of their place in the organization.

Exercise Choice

Remember that being a great leader is a choice you get to make every day.  Skills such as diagnosing strengths and weaknesses in yourself and your team, assigning and delegating work that will play to everyone’s strengths, and being creative with daily responsibilities will not only help your team run more smoothly, it will also improve team productivity and morale while helping propel you toward long-term leadership success.

The time has now come. The infamous London to Brighton ride is upon us this Sunday, the 19^th of June. The bike is ready to be transported to London. The padded shorts are laid out on my bedroom floor. I have a race number and a start time. It’s all become very real.

I’m part excited and part nervous. I know I must be prepared to go though four inevitable development levels on Sunday:

Stage 1: Enthusiasm

I’ll have my brand new padded shorts on, along with my bright pink cycling t-shirt. The bike will have pumped up tyres. The crowds will be gathering at the start line bright and early. And I’ll be ready to go! How hard can this be, right? This is the first stage of my journey. I’m convinced I can do it and the crowds around me will be fuelling that self-belief. Loads of people do this ride every year. I’m sure I’ll whizz along the course and be in Brighton by lunch time! Lots of enthusiastic newbie cyclists like me will be there, starting the day determined and confident.

Until we cross that start line.

Stage 2: Disillusionment

With my legs pushing hard on the pedals, I’ll be out of breath and sweaty while battling against the swarms of other cyclists on the road out of London. Seeing the mile markers count down the route will be off-putting. I know my thoughts, even now: Forty-four miles to go? Still? How have I only done 10 miles? The signs must be wrong. It’s a trap! I’ll be tired and miserable. I also love food, so without a doubt by this point I’m bound to be hungry too (or even hangry—a word that is now officially in the dictionary). Despite my positive start, I’ll begin realising that I’m probably not going to do as well as I thought I would. Everything in my being will be telling me to give up—but something inside me will recognize the need to keep pushing for success. It will probably be the knowledge that I’ve raised money for charity—The British Heart Foundation—and the thought of how many lives this challenge might save. However, a little support from the seasoned cyclists I’m riding alongside wouldn’t hurt. This is the stage when I’ll really need their encouragement to keep me going.

Stage 3: Improving

At this point, I’ll start accepting how I’m getting on. Sure, my seat will be starting to hurt a little, my legs may burn, and I’ll be running out of bananas, but it’s okay because the mile markers will be counting down. I won’t give up. I’ll settle into the ride and find my own rhythm. I’ll look back at what I’ve achieved so far, and I’ll know that I can finish the last little piece. I’m getting the hang of this! Maybe I’ll do London to Paris next! Okay, maybe that’s taking things too far—but it will be clear to me that my confidence and ability are growing stronger with each circle of the wheels. I know there are some large hills on the route, though, and this makes me nervous. I’m going to keep relying on the support of my team to help me get through those hills—but by now I’ll be feeling a lot better about things.

Stage 4: Confident and Competent

This is the stage where euphoria really starts to build. The last few miles are all downhill, so it’s bound to be an easy ride from this point. Having made it this far, I will be confident in my ability to go the distance. I will mentally review what I’ve achieved and feel assured of my competence at cycling. I won’t need anyone to tell me to push the pedals anymore, or to tell me I’m doing great—because by now I’ll feel great about my progress. (An occasional cheer from someone in the crowd might still be nice, though!) I think this must be where they put all the photographers en route—because capturing the grins on cyclists’ faces as they head toward the finish line is the best photo opportunity!

Recognising these stages is the key to my success. The people on my team are all far better at cycling than I am. I’ll need their help to guide me through each of the development levels. I can’t do it alone. I’ll be looking to them for the right amounts of direction and support as I pedal along the route.

Knowing about these four development levels is applicable in far more areas of life than just a race. Whether it’s learning to drive a car, starting a new health and fitness program, or leading a project team at work for the first time, anyone can identify these four stages in any task or goal they seek to accomplish. With the right leadership and self-leadership, you, too, can progress through these stages toward the achievement of your goals.

Editor’s Note:  Jemma will be riding the 54-mile London to Brighton Bike Ride 2016 this Sunday together with six Blanchard colleagues to raise money for the British Heart Foundation.  Want to help the cause? Click here to contribute

But when they became a manager, their role shifted.  They now needed to focus on what needed to get done and leave the how to the individual contributors they managed.  As a manager, they needed to be more strategic and less tactical.

Many managers struggle with this change.  They had established numerous great methods, processes, and ideas for how to accomplish work. What are they supposed to do with these concepts now?

For a fair share of managers, the natural answer is to pass on their ways to their direct reports by staying hands-on.  It doesn’t occur to them that as a manager their role is to figure out and communicate what needs to get done, leaving the how to their direct reports as their capabilities allow and giving direction and support only as needed. Unfortunately, some managers never make this shift.

If this sounds like you, there are numerous benefits when you shift from how to what.  Leaving the how to your direct reports:

… gives them the chance to develop their skill set.

… is motivating.  Research conducted by Blanchard for our Optimal Motivation training program uncovered that employees feel motivated when they perceive that what they are doing is of their own volition and that they are the source of their own actions.

… gives you more time and space to work on the what.

What can you do to make the shift?  Lots!  Here are a few suggestions:

• Acknowledge to yourself that the change won’t be easy. It helps if you recognize that the benefits far outweigh the uncomfortable process of change.
• Do a little soul searching. Why do you want to keep your fingers in the pie?  Is it a lack of trust, a need to control, or a wish to add value?
• Learn the art of partnering with direct reports to facilitate their independent problem solving. Ask your capable people a question such as “What do you need to do to get the work done?”  Then figuratively sit on your hands and listen as they figure it out.  You might need to ask a few more open-ended questions—but resist offering solutions.
• Practice, practice, practice. This will not happen overnight.  Two steps forward, one step back—but stick to it and you will be able to make the change.

I love the quote “Mediocre coaches are those who remain attached to their own opinions and feel the need to be right or even useful.”  To me this applies not only to coaches but to managers, colleagues, parents, spouses, friends, etc.  Are you unnecessarily keeping your hands on the work your direct reports should be doing themselves?  If so, what are you going to do about it?  Let me know!

About the Author

Joanne Maynard is a senior coach with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Is your organization experiencing heart trouble?  This can be not only frustrating, but also damaging to performance in today’s fast paced business environment that requires a lean and agile approach.

Blanchard explains, “Managers working in the heart of the house play a couple of different roles. First, senior leaders look to middle managers to put goals and action plans in place to achieve strategic results.  But that is just one side of the coin.  Middle managers are also responsible for the environment in which the work is accomplished. So the middle manager’s job is twofold: to get things done and also to manage people’s emotional relationships to their work, their company, and their coworkers. Middle managers set the tone for the workplace.”

Blanchard says that to be successful, middle managers must be skilled in communicating what is expected and how it is to be achieved.  That means connecting the dots from the boardroom to the frontlines. If middle management is ineffective, the staff both above and below this level suffers.

This can be a challenge if managers don’t get the training and support they need.

“If managers are not getting the support they need from the organization to grow and to meet challenges, they can feel stuck in the middle. When this happens, mid-level managers can become disengaged and fall back into transacting business with their people in a way that causes the people to not care as much, to not understand as much about the importance of their work, and to not be as connected to the mission and vision of the company as they could be.”

The good news, according to Blanchard, is that there are approaches organizations can use to help mid-level managers get things done and build commitment in a way that creates positive regard and advocacy from employees.

Blanchard points to a couple of programs in The Ken Blanchard Companies portfolio as examples.

“It’s important to take a foundational approach when helping managers develop skills. The goal is to provide a framework managers can use to guide performance. Two of our training programs can help: Situational Leadership® II, which is our flagship product and the most widely taught leadership framework in the world; and our new First-time Manager program, which is designed specifically for people stepping into leadership for the first time. Both programs teach managers important skills including how to effectively set goals, how to provide day-to-day coaching and support, how to engage in a partnership with direct reports, and how to have effective discussions around performance.”

On the emotional side of the equation, Blanchard refers to the Building Trust and Optimal Motivation programs as examples of content designed to help managers create a safe and engaged environment where people thrive.

“It’s about having useful conversations.  Leadership is about getting things done with and through people. Performance and results are one side of the coin and environment and commitment are the other side. You can’t do one without the other.”

You can read more of Blanchard’s thinking on taking care of your middle managers in the May issue of Ignite.  Also, check out a complimentary webinar he is conducting on June 1, Designing a Leadership Curriculum for the Heart of Your Organization.  It’s free—courtesy of Cisco WebEx and The Ken Blanchard Companies.

I’m relatively new to a managerial position; I’ve been in my role for around two years. I was promoted from the ranks and am now leading a team that I was a member of when I first came to the company. This has created some interesting challenges—some I’ve overcome, others remain a work in progress.

My latest battle is the battle of the breaks. The company provides two paid break periods, 15 minutes each, in the morning and afternoon for all team members. At least half of the people on my team regularly—I mean twice a day, every day—help themselves to an extra 10 minutes, extending their breaks to 25 minutes each.

These breaks are a perk that is not mandated by any award or law. I feel annoyed that people abuse this privilege with such audacity. I have tried every tactic I can think of to keep my team on track with their breaks—carrots, sticks; you name it, I’ve tried it. They mend their ways for a few days but soon fall into bad habits again.

I’m at my wits’ end – how do I get them to stop chatting and get back to work? Please help.

At the Breaking Point

Dear At the Breaking Point,

I can appreciate how truly frustrating this situation is. It is really, really hard to go from being a peer to being a supervisor, as anyone who has done it will tell you.

I am pretty sure you were the one chosen to be manager because you were the most diligent and well behaved. Of course, these are the exact traits that make it easy for your former peers to torture you. Let’s stop making it so easy for them.

First, some questions. What exactly is the result of them taking these longer break times? What is not getting done? Are quotas suffering? Are clients being ignored? Are you being sanctioned by your boss? Other than you being driven insane by the disrespect, what is the problem?

I hate to be the one to tell you, but you have become the entertainment. Because you are hyper-focused on the misbehavior of your people and on your own annoyance, it wouldn’t surprise me one bit if they were doing it on purpose to see what kind of a rise they can get out of you. Maybe they are even taking bets and keeping score on who can push the envelope the furthest.

I am going to take your word that you have tried everything, because that means you’ll be ready to try the radical tactic I am going to propose.

Stop the cycle of you being the cross nanny who catches the children doing something wrong. Just stop. Stop paying attention to the breaks. Look away.

Instead, pay attention to the work that needs to get done. Pay attention to how people are stepping up and adding value. As Ken Blanchard so eloquently says, focus on “catching people doing things right.” Now, I can feel your blood pressure rising at the mere thought of this. As a card carrying control enthusiast myself I can seriously relate. But the more you try to control people, the more they will assert their God-given right to resist you.

I guarantee that once you take your attention off of the break shenanigans, the energy will change. Once that shift in dynamic has happened, you can gather a couple of folks you respect and ask them for feedback on the break times and what it would take for people to respect the guidelines. Once you figure that out, ask them to help solve whatever the real problem is.   If it is really just you being annoyed, then the problem has been solved.

If you treat people like ten-year-olds, they will behave like ten-year-olds. Instead, treat them like the adults they are and harness their wisdom. You clearly care deeply about the organization and about fairness. I hope they know how lucky they are to have you.

It is time to step up from being a clock-watching supervisor to being a leader. You will get much better performance from your people and your health will improve.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

I was out of town with a friend of mine who is building a new home and we needed a measuring tape to measure some things in the kitchen. We found the tape at a nearby store and took it to the counter to check out. The young man checking us out picked up the item to scan, but the price did not show up. As we all know, this happens from time to time, so he paged a runner to go to the aisle and find out the price.

After a couple of paging attempts, it was apparent no one was going to answer the call. Since the cashier could not leave the counter to check on the price, he told us to just take the measuring tape—for free. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. My friend felt strange about taking it and offered to walk back and get another one or write down the information for him, but he kept insisting she take it for free, saying, “No one will ever know.”

This item was under four dollars—not a lot of money in the grand scheme of things—but think about the underlying attitudes this behavior represents.

• Does this sound like an employee who was surprised no one answered his store page for a price look-up? What does this say about an internal expectation of responsive service in this store?
• Does this sound like an employee who was proud to work at this store and who felt like a part of the team? Or was he just trying to move things along—even to the point of giving away merchandise?

Attitudes matter. If each employee at the store felt this way and allowed at least one customer a day to take something for free—or a similar scenario—think about how quickly those cases would add up and impact the store’s profitability. Sure, some customers may have said “Great, thanks!” and left, but no one feels good when standards are lowered. It reflects poorly on the store, the individual employee, and even the customer if they accept the trade-off.

Serving customers is not about giving away the store. It’s about demonstrating a genuine, caring attitude toward them and making them feel taken care of and responded to. If you want your employees to know the difference, do these three things to help them serve your customers at a higher level—a level that makes everyone proud of every interaction.

1. Onboard your people with the right amount of training before they have customer contact so that they are ready to answer questions and serve customers with the right information.
2. Share company financial information with employees—it will educate them and give them a sense of ownership in the business.
3. Train all employees on the skills you would like them to demonstrate in providing legendary service to customers. Don’t expect people to know what a high level of service looks like—show them what it looks like in your work environment. Then hold all employees accountable for using those skills on the job.

While the young man probably thought he was serving the customer, my friend felt uncomfortable not paying. She gave him four dollars, saying she knew it wasn’t more than that, and asked him to ring it up when he found out the information. But the damage was done. My friend didn’t feel good about the experience at all. She walked out of the store vowing to find a better place to shop the next time she needed similar products.

Low standards don’t benefit anyone. Teach your people to serve at a higher level. When they do, everyone will feel better about the experience—and your customers will come back.

About the author

Kathy Cuff is a customer service expert and coauthor, together with Ken Blanchard and Vicki Halsey of the book,Legendary Service: The Key is to Care.

I remember the first time my coach shared the problem of the why question with me. My eyes opened wide and I felt as if I had just been let in on a big leadership secret. I knew this new knowledge would help catapult my communication effectiveness to the next level.

I spent several months eradicating the word why from my language, and it did help. Challenging conversations were, well, less challenging.

Yet in certain situations, something was missing. I didn’t feel as though I was getting to the root of the difficulties some clients were facing. It wasn’t until I read Simon Sinek’s Start with Why, Edward Deci’s, Why We Do What We Do and, finally, Susan Fowler’s Why Motivating People Doesn’t Work—and What Does that I realized what the problem was.

The very reason we refrain from asking why questions is also the reason they can be so powerful: they engage both emotional and cognitive levels in a way that other questions don’t. Used carefully and appropriately, why questions can help clients get unstuck and cause a shift by identifying basic psychological needs of Autonomy, Relatedness, and Competence.

When appropriate, here are five ways to mindfully use a why question:

1. When a person is stuck and helplessly procrastinating or placing obstacles in the way, ask a question such as Why do you think you’re holding on to the status quo? Use a caring, nonjudgmental tone.
2. Be prepared to ask a question starting with why up to five times. This is known as the Power of Why technique, which is helpfully described in Fowler’s book.
3. Listen for ways to connect values to the desired end state. Ask clients how they can reframe the situation so values remain intact.
4. Listen for psychological needs being undermined. Ask clients how they could be reconnected in a different way. For example, if the quarterly sales meeting has been canceled due to cost saving and your client is complaining about that lack of connection, ask how else they might get that relatedness with colleagues.
5. Finally, ask permission to use the Power of Why. This helps take out any feeling of being judged the client might have.

I don’t often use why in my everyday language—but when I do, I use it thoughtfully and mindfully to open up new possibilities.  As a coach, consider whether a why question might open up new possibilities for you as well.

 About the Author

Judith Donin is a Senior Consulting Partner and Professional Services Mentor for North America with The Ken Blanchard Companies. You can read Judith’s posts as a part of Coaching Tuesday here at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Dear Madeleine,

I am in my early 30s, new to management but with 11 years’ experience in high profile financial roles—private equity, investment banking—coupled with an MBA from a top school.

I work for a midsized nonprofit as executive director of their affordable housing division comprising two functions. I run one function and a director named “Sarah” runs the other, which has 100 employees.

Sarah reports to me. She is in her mid-40s and has 25 years of experience in the industry—two with our firm. She barely finished high school but grew her career over a few decades with, no doubt, hard work. She is very good at her job. Sarah also carries a considerable amount of emotional baggage as she has been a victim of domestic abuse and poverty in the past—experiences that make her an authentic nurturer to the low income residents we work with. Please note that Sarah was involved in the hiring process for my position.

On my second day in this new role, Sarah entered my office to vent about an issue involving our department and an employee of another department. It was clear to me the issue stemmed from this employee’s lack of specific training. When Sarah made it clear she had no solution to the problem, I asked her if she thought this employee would benefit from training in this particular issue. Sarah’s face turned red and she stormed out of my office and into hers, closing the door. I approached her after a 15-minute cool down and she asserted that I was taking the side of this external employee. She also stated that when she is angered, she prefers to leave the situation. I asked her to consider talking through her frustration with me next time.

Day seven on my job, Sarah and I had our first formal one-on-one meeting. We reviewed some minor proposed changes to our mission statement, at her request. We had agreed to pick two or three versions and let our CEO give direction from there. After listening to her thoughts and putting a few of them on the list, I offered my off-the-cuff version—a near duplicate of our parent company’s mission statement. Sarah immediately said my version was a nonstarter for her and she would never work for an organization with that mission statement.

I asked Sarah to expand on her perspective. Once again, her face went red and she said, “You are so frustrating, I don’t even know what to say to you.” I could feel another walkout coming on, so I sat forward in my chair and said, in a gentle yet serious tone, that we needed to find a way to handle conflict in a healthy and respectful manner. She went quiet and the meeting ended shortly thereafter.

I was called into the CEO’s office later that morning. Sarah had reported to him that when I leaned forward in my chair, because of her background of domestic violence, her instinct told her I was going to attack her. I explained the situation, highlighted her walkout from day two, and asked for the CEO’s guidance. He told me I needed to earn people’s respect, be accommodating to interpretations of my behavior, and, essentially, tread lightly around Sarah.

Over the next few months, my relationship with Sarah improved only slightly but was cordial. The CEO continued to reinforce to me that I was to be no more than an open door and check signer to Sarah. This confused me as it is a direct contradiction to my job description—and the board looks to me as the executive director of the entire group. Sarah also highlighted to me a few times, including once in front of top executives, that I have no idea what goes into her job.

This toxic relationship is painful, and even worse is my CEO’s lack of support. I am sure it stems from his fear of losing Sarah—she is very good at her job and would be hard to replace.

This is the most confusing and anxiety-producing environment I have ever been in. If it continues, either: 1) I’ll get fired, 2) I’ll quit, 3) Sarah will quit, or 4) we will endure a painful existence together and the toxicity will grow.

What are my options?

Feeling Young and Dumb

Dear Feeling Young and Dumb,

Never underestimate the fury of the person passed over for the top job after years of excellent performance. As you said—twice—Sarah is very good at her job. People who do well at their jobs expect the big promotion. The fact that a whippersnapper Ivy League MBA born with a silver spoon in his mouth (which is, I am certain, her assessment) ended up with the job is probably eating her alive with resentment. That is the real issue here. It’s not important whether or not she was involved with your hiring. This is not rational—and the truth is, you will probably never win with her. It doesn’t help matters that you clearly feel superior to her, which I deduced from the language you used about her education and background.

We tend to think that if we are kind and respectful, people won’t be able to tell if we have contempt for them—but we are wrong. People, like dogs, know it when you don’t like them or when you have some kind of judgment about them. Even if you show zero signs of the condescension you obviously feel, Sarah is going to sense it and feel threatened. So one thing you might try is taking a cold hard look at yourself. Examine your nonverbal behaviors including facial expressions—even the teeniest ones—as well as the language you use that might give away that you know you’re smarter and more educated than she is. And just so you know: because you do this with her, you probably do it with others as well. Now would be an excellent time in your career to get a handle on what could be a career limiting character flaw.

I appreciate that you feel you are in an impossible position, because you pretty much are. Sarah is not only deeply aggrieved, but also dedicated to seeing you fail—and she probably doesn’t even realize it. Everything you tell me about her history and her behavior points to a downward spiral and puts her in a fight-or-flight state whenever you are near. Your CEO’s advice may be confusing, but he is right—and you have to follow it if you want to keep this situation from devolving further. As you implied, Sarah will be harder to replace than you will. The only way you are going to earn her trust is to back off and stay out of her way. A few months? I would say it will take you a minimum of three years of staying out of her way and you may just win her over. Your assessment of the four options sounds about right, although I would add a fifth: Find ways to add value to the organization and prove your worth in ways that do not involve Sarah or her group. This may be difficult, but it is your best bet if you want to stay with the organization.

I am afraid I am being awfully tough on you, and for that I am truly sorry. This is a really hard situation. There is a good chance you won’t be able to find a way to win, but what would be really tragic is if you didn’t learn an awful lot about yourself and others in the process. Growth experiences are usually fairly painful, and this is certainly one of those.

Love Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am a staff manager at an academic institution. Of my eleven direct reports, seven have been with the University for more than thirty years and the rest have also been here for a long time.

They are smart and capable and very good at what they do, as they should be—they have been doing essentially the same job for most of their working lives. And that is the problem. I can get my people to do exactly their jobs and nothing more.

I read about work passion and engagement and achieving great things by harnessing discretionary energy, but this feels impossible with the culture in my department. I would bet that most of my people could get their jobs done in twenty hours a week and use the rest of the time for special projects that would enhance the department and benefit the organization. But anytime I throw out ideas for projects and ask for volunteers, I get blank stares and silence.

When I try to force the issue, I get constant pushback: “the busy season is just starting,” or “so and so is out on maternity leave and covering for her is overwhelming me.” You know the drill. It is so frustrating. How do I get these people inspired and energized?

Discouraged

Dear Discouraged,

You are not going to like what I have to say about this. (I don’t even like it.) But I know from research and vast experience that it is true. Ready? Here goes: any institution that has not had to keep up with constant change can become a safe harbor for people who are set in their ways and happy to stay in their comfort zones. What you are actually talking about it is total culture change. You can never underestimate the power of culture to kill any plans you might have to change things. The culture you are fighting has been shaped over years and it does not welcome anything new including variations that might require a little extra effort. Revolution is not welcome here. You might be able to shift the culture to get people to step up—but I warn you that you will need both some serious grit and the following:

1. A fundamental shift in expectations for work production that is passed down from the highest possible leadership. If your department hasn’t been targeted for budget cuts, it is only a matter of time before it is. You can ask your boss what the future holds and get senior leader support for adding tasks or even whole key responsibility areas to individual workloads.
2. A plan to match people with tasks and projects that are interesting to them. You will need to have conversations with each person and ask big, open-ended questions that will get them thinking about what would make something new and different feel exciting instead of burdensome, or worse: scary. Examples of such questions:
   • “What would make you feel like jumping out of bed in the morning?”
   • “What made you interested in working in this field in the first place?”
   • “What do you read about/learn about in your spare time?”
   • “If you could wave a magic wand and do anything you want for work, what would it be?

Using this information to shape the right project for the right person will require some creativity but it should help your people feel some initiative and ownership for any new tasks.

3. An extremely compelling reason for people to change. In this way, motivation is less of a mystery and you can tap into what really motivates each individual person on your team. Each person will have core needs that get met at work—and it will be critical to understand what those are so that any change won’t affect them. In addition, the science of motivation tells us that people are most impacted by changes in their autonomy, relatedness, and competence, so focusing on how change will affect people in those areas will be key. Click here for more information on the art and science of motivation.

Finally, you might want to consider your own motivation—it sounds like your department is getting along just fine. Why fix something that isn’t broken? Perhaps your people are just dandy but you crave the excitement of a fast-paced, super challenging environment? It might be easier to move yourself to a new location than try to change the one you are in.

I warned you that you weren’t going to like it. I’m really sorry. I’m not saying you can’t do it—I’m just saying it will be the fight of your life and you’d better really, really want it.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

There are a number of definitions for the word pain. For our purpose, let us consider the Old French verb pener, which means “to strive for or endeavor.”

At its most basic purpose, pain is an indicator—a messenger, if you will—from the body to the brain.  It’s uncomfortable. It hurts. So we tend to shy away from it. We want to ignore it, downplay it, medicate against it, and in every way try to block the message.

But consider what would happen if we embraced pain. If we listened to what pain was trying to tell us.  What if we heard a message that shouted, “Strive! Endeavor!”

I recently met with a client who was about to embark on a huge project. As we discussed the outcomes and the mechanics of delivery, she became increasingly quiet. When I asked her what was going on for her, she said, “I’m in pain. My neck hurts and I’m really uncomfortable.”

Then I asked, “What message do you think your body is trying to send?” and she had a realization.  The upcoming work would require new skills, lots of effort, and longer hours—perhaps, in the short term, involving evenings and weekends.  Once we pinned down what was making her so uncomfortable, we were able to focus on how to address these issues. She put a plan in place to ensure she had backup and support, especially in the areas where she felt she wasn’t strong. We also looked for ways to alleviate at least some of the long hours such as dividing up some work, offloading other work, and moving back deadlines that were less critical.

By exploring the underpinning reasons for the pain, she was able to shift into a place of excitement. She was ready to strive. She became excited about the project and ready to endeavor, stretch, and grow.

Pain is a message. It is your body clamoring to be heard.  When you listen, you can discover so much more than if you ignore it.  What are your pain points? What is your body trying to tell you?

About the Author

Patricia Overland is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

To test a theory they had developed, the researchers used a ring-toss game and gave each group the following instructions: Take these three rings and go into the adjoining room. You will find a stake on a stand in the center of the room. Practice getting the rings on the stake.

The researchers then watched through one-way glass to see if the high performers approached the task of practicing differently than the low performing group. They noticed a striking difference.

The group identified as low performers didn’t do much goal setting for themselves. Some members of the group saw the stake in the center of the room, walked right up to it and placed all three rings on the stake and left the room–they set goals that were too easy and not very motivating.  At the other end of the spectrum, some members of the low performing group saw the stake in the center of the room, moved away from it as far as they could and tried to hit the stake from all the way across the room–they set goals that were too difficult or even impossible to reach.

The behavior of the high performing group was distinctively different. The members of the high performing group saw the stake in the middle of the room and placed themselves a couple of feet away for their initial toss. If they missed, they tried again, or moved a little closer. If they made it, they moved a little farther away for their next toss. This group set practice goals for themselves that were just the right amount of difficulty.  They went to great lengths to keep themselves engaged in the task by setting goals that took them just to the edge—or a little beyond—their present capabilities.

How are your goals looking for the coming year?

As you set goals for the coming year, it’s important to find the right amount of difficulty. Have you set goals for yourself that are too easy? Too easy may seem like a smart play but it is unlikely to bring out your best performance.  Chances are you’ll put the task on auto-pilot and follow a routine similar to the previous year.  Have you blindly agreed to goals that are too difficult? You’ll probably deem the task as unrealistic, not make a serious effort toward attaining it now, and hope to reset properly later on.

Get yourself off to a fast start in 2016. Set goals that are just the right amount of difficulty.  Challenge yourself to higher levels of performance.  Goals that are just out of reach are usually the ones we are most compelled to achieve!

PS: Still working on your 2016 goals? Could you use a little encouragement? Join Ken Blanchard for a free webinar on January 27. Managers and teams from around the world will being joining Ken for a hands-on goal setting class where everyone will set their goals for 2016. The event is free courtesy of Cisco Webex and The Ken Blanchard Companies. Learn more here.

Blanchard recommends that goal setters increase their chances of success with New Year’s resolutions by applying three of the principles of Situational Leadership^® II (SLII^®) to the process—goal setting, diagnosis, and matching. Using his own experience in setting goals for managing his physical health, Blanchard shares how we can all apply a situational approach to our planning.

Goal Setting

All good performance starts with clear goals. Blanchard recommends the SMART approach along with a compelling reason that motivates you to achieve the goal. “I had set the goal to become fit many times,” Blanchard explains. “But this time, I found a compelling reason to get healthy: my new dog, Joy. I was just turning 70 when I got her. Knowing dogs can live 15 years or more, I decided I needed to stay healthy through my mid-80s, so not only would I be around for my family, but also for Joy. Most people worry about outliving their dog; I worried about my dog outliving me!”

When it came to making sure his goals were SMART—specific, motivating, attainable, relevant, and trackable, it was very helpful for Ken to have the direction of his trainer and Fit at Last coauthor, Tim Kearin. By taking Ken’s measurements and monitoring his progress bit by bit, Tim saw to it that Ken’s goals were achievable.

Diagnosis

Once goals are set, the next step is to diagnose your development level on each of the tasks related to your goal. Blanchard explains that development level is a function of competence (your skills and experience) and commitment (your motivation and confidence).

“It was important for me—and it will be important for you—to realize that you’ll need different leadership styles, or help, depending on your development level on each task.

“For example, suppose your New Year’s resolution is to become physically fit: strong, lean, aerobically conditioned, and flexible/balanced. Let’s say you’re excited about learning to lift weights. That makes you an enthusiastic beginner in strength training—you have no competence but high commitment. When it comes to weight control, you may be a disillusioned learner—you not only lack competence but you’ve also lost your commitment. In the area of aerobics you could be a capable but cautious performer—you know how to use a treadmill but your commitment fluctuates with your mood. And if you’ve taken yoga for years, in the area of flexibility and balance you would be a self-reliant achiever—both competent and committed.”

Matching

The third step Blanchard explores is matching. When it comes to New Year’s resolutions, matching means finding someone who can provide you with the directive behavior or supportive behavior you need, given your development level on various tasks.

Drawing on his previous example, Blanchard explains, “When you’re an enthusiastic beginner in weight training, you need direction—someone to tell you what, when, where, and how to lift weights. As a disillusioned learner about diet and nutrition, you would need both direction and support—someone to listen to you and also praise you as you change the way you eat. As a capable but cautious performer in aerobics, you don’t need much direction but you do need support—an accountability partner—to get on the treadmill or jogging path. Your passion for yoga makes you a self-reliant achiever in the area of flexibility and balance, so just keep hitting the yoga mat!”

Enlisting a partner who will give you the proper amounts of direction and support, and help keep you accountable, can reap great benefits. And finding someone who has a similar goal to yours is ideal—you can keep each other on track!

Don’t Go It Alone

Few people can accomplish a major life change by themselves. Ken Blanchard finally succeeded when he accepted more direction and support to achieve his fitness goals.

How about you? How much direction and support do you need to succeed? Don’t go it alone—find someone who can help you push through the giddy enthusiastic beginner, paralyzing disillusioned learner, and apprehensive capable but cautious performer stages so that you can reap the rewards of becoming an autonomous self-reliant achiever!

You can read Ken Blanchard’s column, Why New Year’s Resolutions Don’t Work, in the January issue of Chief Learning Officer magazine.

This issue presents a tremendous challenge for organizational leaders. Even worse than dealing with the effects of people who leave your organization (studies show replacing employees can be 1.5 to 3 times their annual salary), you have to manage these disengaged workers who have decided to “quit and stay.” You’re still paying them to under-perform and ultimately undermine the effectiveness of your organization!

In conducting over 19,000 exit interviews of employees who voluntarily left their jobs, Leigh Branham, author of The 7 Hidden Reasons Employees Leave, identified four basic needs that weren’t being met that started people on the path to disengagement and ultimately quitting a job.

The Need for Trust — The number one priority for any leader is to build trust with his/her team members. Trust is the foundation of any successful relationship, and in the workplace it’s a non-negotiable if leaders desire to tap into the full effort and passion of their employees. Employees won’t give you their best if they don’t believe you have their best interests in mind. They will shy away from taking risks or making themselves vulnerable if they don’t feel safe and trusted. They expect company leadership to deliver on their promises, to be honest and open in communication, to invest in them, and to treat them fairly. The ABCD Trust Model is a helpful tool for leaders to understand what it means to be trustworthy and build trust with others.

The Need to Have Hope — I’ve had the privilege of meeting football legend Rosey Grier, a member of the “Fearsome Foursome” when he played with the Los Angeles Rams, and now a Christian minister and inspirational speaker. He said something I’ve never forgotten. When speaking about his work with inner city youth in Los Angeles, Rosey said “Leaders aren’t dealers of dope, they are dealers of hope!” So true…leaders are dealers of hope. We need to instill a sense of hope in the people we lead. Our people need to believe they will be able to grow, develop their skills, and have the opportunity for advancement or career progress. It’s our job as leaders to foster that hope and support our employees in their growth.

The Need to Feel a Sense of Worth — Despite its struggles and challenges, work is an intrinsically rewarding experience for people. We derive a tremendous amount of self-worth from our work, whether it’s something we’re employed to do or whether we volunteer our time and effort. Employees have a need to feel confident that if they work hard, do their best, and demonstrate commitment and make meaningful contributions, they will be recognized and rewarded appropriately.

The Need to Feel Competent — Employees need to be matched in jobs where their talents align with the challenges of the work. If the work is too simple, then it’s easy for people to lose interest and become disengaged. If the employee is in over his/her head and the work is too challenging, it can lead to discouragement and frustration. Leaders are on a constant quest to find ways to place employees in that sweet spot where they are challenged at just the right level. But it’s not all on the shoulders of leaders to do this work. Employees need to take responsibility for their own development and learn how to manage their motivational outlooks.

Ignore these four needs at your own peril! Poor leadership results in tremendously high costs to organizations, as my colleague, David Witt, discussed in a webinar yesterday. I encourage you to view and listen to the recording. He shares a wealth of research and information that illustrates the importance of effective leadership. You’ll be exposed to several resources, including additional research from Leigh Branham, that will help you improve your own leadership practices.

Randy Conley is the V.P. of Client Services and Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies and his LeaderChat posts normally appear the fourth or last Thursday of every month. For more insights on trust and leadership, visit Randy at his Leading with Trust blog or follow him on Twitter @RandyConley.

So what’s going on? Well, leaders can sometimes be unaware of what they should and should not be doing. And this lack of awareness separates good leaders from great leaders. Great leaders know that leading is a never-ending journey that can be filled with treacherous obstacles.

So what do you need to know to become a great leader?
 

1. People are unpredictable

Your direct report may not necessarily react the same way each and every time to you. And you yourself may also change from day to day. So always using the same style of leadership may not always yield the best results. Instead, great leaders tailor their approach to each task, situation, and individual to effectively meet the direct report’s needs. So find out how your direct report is doing and what’s going on in his/her life, and then use that knowledge to better inform how you lead him/her.

2. It takes skill

It’s easy to fall into a routine. That’s why we have habits. But as people are unpredictable, you must also be flexible in your style of leadership to be able to match in each unique situation. The best way to do this is to have a learning-oriented mindset, by being on the lookout for new approaches, practicing other styles of leadership to be more flexible, and keeping up-to-date on what’s going on with your direct reports, your organization, and beyond. A great leader will always say, “I have so much left to learn in being a leader!”
 

3. It takes time

Don’t be discouraged if you aren’t able to immediately improve your effectiveness as a leader. Remember, it’s a life-long journey. As with anything, leadership takes time and patience to perfect. And this means you should constantly be trying to improve and grow as an individual. There’s no finish line, but instead a continuous evolution of who you are as a leader, being able to serve your direct reports more and more effectively with each passing day.
 
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Consequently, I am often the first person to stand shoulder to shoulder with the leader in assessing what is working well, and what isn’t, in their leadership function.

An example of this is a brilliant person I recently worked with who had quickly ascended the corporate ladder in her organization and now supervised a large group of people.  This leader was miserable, however, as were the people on her team.  Essentially, she always had loved being the smart one—but had never learned how to share that role.

As a result, she had fallen into some bad leadership habits, which included squashing the smarts of the folks on her team by hoarding information, micromanaging, and getting the last word.  Her efforts made her team feel insignificant and demoralized, and they were becoming passive and resentfully compliant.  How smart is that?

In my client’s defense, though, prior to my working with her the only professional feedback she had ever received was praise regarding her individual efforts to figure things out.  The concept that her entire team could shine brightly was unfathomable to her. My job as her coach was to ask her provocative questions to illuminate the discrepancy between where she was and where she really wanted to be.

The good news for her, and for her team, was her declaration to me that the discomfort of the current situation needed to end.  Through coaching, she saw that her new leadership position required not just the cultivation of new behaviors focused on developing others, but also an end to her old behaviors.  She was willing to stop behaving as the sole contributor, and she committed to start creating an environment to bring out the best in all of her team members.

How about you?  Are you still employing behaviors that served you in the past but now need to end?  What do you need to do—or stop doing—to get out of your own way?

About the Author

Mary Ellen Sailer, Ed.D., is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

 “Come On” Leaders:

• Inspire and motivate others by showing them how things are done. They demonstrate that something can be achieved, and encourage others to ‘have a go’.
• Innovate and develop new and original ideas – challenging those who argue that “this is how we’ve always done it”.
• Focus on people, their skills, talents and expertise, and utilizes those.
• Inspire trust between others. They don’t need to continually check in on those they lead.
• Have a long-range perspective and can see a clear long-term goal or vision.
• Ask “what?” and, most importantly, “why?”
• Challenge the status quo.
• Do the right thing.

“Go On” Leaders:

• Plan, organize and coordinate, instead of jumping in head-first.
• Focus on systems and structure to ensure that everything is in place, and running as it should.
• Rely on control – they know their team will follow instructions because of their position.
• Can focus on the short-term view, and concentrate on the here-and now; ensuring they have all of the relevant data, and not ‘jumping ahead’.
• Ask “how?” and “when?”, not only looking at what needs to be achieved, but detailing out how we can get there.
• Accept the status quo.
• Do things right.

An employee is likely to follow the directions of a “Go On” leader for how to perform a job because they have to – they lead others by virtue of their position, and people will follow because of his or her job description and title. However, an employee will follow the directions of a “Come On” leader because they believe in who they are as a person, what they stand for and for the manner in which they are inspired by their leader.
“Go On” leaders will have subordinates, but “Come On” leaders will have followers – and perhaps this highlights a key point, that – to be a “Come On” leader, a person doesn’t necessarily need to be in a leadership position. Think about someone on your team who is always coming up with the new ideas, and continually raising the standards.
“Go On” leaders have an ability to get their team as prepared as possible; making sure they are clear on the objectives, and then ‘get out of the way’. They don’t go away completely, but they allow the people they are leading to take responsibility – a leadership style which can give others on a team the opportunity to step into a leadership role.
The key skills of “Come On” leaders include:

• Honesty and integrity – these are crucial to getting people to believe you and understand where they’ll be following you to.
• Vision for the future – “Come On” leaders need to know where they are, and where they want to be.
• Inspiration – a “Come On” leader won’t be able to ensure the success of a team unless they can win their hearts and minds and make sure they understand their role in the bigger picture.
• Ability to challenge – they can’t be afraid to challenge the status quo, and to do things differently. They need the skills to think outside the box.
• Communication skills – they need to be able to keep their team informed of where they are, and share openly any problems they encounter along the way.

Skills which might suggest being a successful “Go On” leader include:

• Being able to execute a vision – take a strategic vision, and then break it down into a roadmap or an exact process to be followed by the team.
• Ability to direct – they need to be able to step back and oversee, day-to-day work efforts, review resources needed, and anticipate needs along the way.
• Process management – establish work rules, processes, standards and operating procedures, essential to holding people accountable and ensuring people are responsible.

Paul Morin writes on Company Founder of the benefits of ‘leading from behind’, as a “Go On” leader might do – and gives some specific examples of how it might work to take a step back; and even Nelson Mandela demonstrated a love for being a “Go On” leader with his quote: “It is better to lead from behind and to put others in front, especially when you celebrate victory when nice things occur. You take the front line when there is danger. Then people will appreciate your leadership.”
Yet, Fred Hassan speaks in the Harvard Business Review about the importance of having “Come On” leaders on the front line.
No single type of leader is better than the other – both “Come On” leaders and “Go On” leaders have their individual merits; and very often, they work hand in hand.

People go through predictable stages of concern during any organizational change initiative.*

Early on, people have both information concerns and personal concerns—they need to know what the change is, why it’s happening, and how it will affect them. Don’t make the mistake of avoiding people’s personal concerns until you can share all the detailed information about the change. People sense when change is coming: word leaks out, rumors and half-truths are spread, and people make up their own stories in absence of full knowledge. If people smell the smoke of change, they are already fearing the fire. If leaders do not effectively address these concerns early in a change process, the change may likely fail or succeed painfully. Neither of those options is optimal.

To address personal concerns, ask three questions: What choices do you have? What meaning can you make from all this? and What can you learn? When you facilitate people’s answers to these questions, you help them satisfy three basic psychological needs and activate their optimal motivation—despite experiencing disruptive change in their workplace.

Question #1: “What choices do you have?” encourages Autonomy, the first of the three psychological needs.

People forget they have choices when they are faced with a change made without their input or consent. But people always have choices. They can choose to come to work or not; to give their all or bide their time working in fear and expecting the worst; to learn, grow, and contribute or hold back out of resentment and retaliation.

Leaders with the skill of facilitating a motivational outlook conversation are able to guide their employees’ understanding of their situation and potentially shift their perspective. As a leader,  you can help your people connect the choices they have to values they hold dear. Change initiatives and a lack of security are less likely to be seen as threatening when people experience a  sense of autonomy.

Question #2: “What meaning can you make from all of this?” deepens Relatedness, the second psychological need.

People need to attribute meaning to the madness around them. Consider taking a proactive approach to helping people identify opportunities to serve others, deepen relationships, and make a contribution for the greater good.

Don’t underplay your role in connecting what people do every day to a higher purpose. Instead of simply driving for results, challenge people to examine higher quality reasons for why results are important. A leader who does this is more likely to generate results that were previously lacking—and that probably prompted the change in the first place.

Question #3: “What can you learn?” promotes Competence, the third psychological need.

It is in our human nature to learn and grow every day. However, without a conscious effort, adults don’t tend to notice what they are learning—or even that they are learning at all. Asking people what they stand to learn from a change prompts their awareness of their innate desire for continued growth—and how important it is to their sense of well-being. As a leader, you can help rekindle people’s innate enthusiasm for learning.

Take Advantage of Motivation Science During Times of Change

Remember, your job is not to shield people from what’s happening, to prevent their pain, or to obfuscate the truth in hopes of protecting them. Your role is to create a workplace where, despite the chaos or conditions, people are more likely to satisfy their psychological needs and experience optimal motivation.

By paying special attention to personal concerns at the beginning of a change process, you can help people grow and develop in ways that are beneficial to them and the organization before, during, and after the change. The greatest gift you may ever give—or personally experience as a leader—is to help people thrive in the midst of change, uncertainty, and ambiguity.

* Blanchard consultants Pat Zigarmi and Judd Hoekstra have written extensively on the predictable stages of concern people go through when asked to change.  You can learn more in their co-authored chapter of the best-selling book Leading At A Higher Level or via their Leading People through Change model and process.

About the Author

Susan Fowler is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies and author of the best-selling book, Why Motivating People Doesn’t Work… And What Does.  She is also the co-author of Blanchard’s Optimal Motivation training solution which teaches leaders how to create a workplace where employees thrive.  You can learn more about Susan Fowler and Optimal Motivation at The Ken Blanchard Companies website.

Yes, you already knew all of this. But I learned something new last week and I want to pass along the knowledge in the hope it will benefit you, too.

Everyone has little tricks they use to finish a project. My kids will tell you I like to make a list when I have many steps to complete, and I place a check next to each task when it’s accomplished. I’ve endeavored to get them to consider this process (especially when completing homework). Our phrase for it is “get a satisfying check.”

When reviewing my work list last week, I saw I had a deadline today. I had already completed tasks that had deadlines last week, so I had discretion in where to apply my time and effort. I thought of the “satisfying check” and decided it would be especially satisfying to get this particular project done sooner rather than later. It required having multiple programs open as well as logging into a secure site. I opened all the spreadsheets and programs and was about to begin when, as sometimes happens, I was called to join other meetings. Since I have a home office, I decided to leave all the resources open overnight and start my project first thing the next morning.

You can guess the rest. The spreadsheets were tabbed and ready. My check list was ready. Even my coffee cup was filled! The secure site took my credentials, but wouldn’t open the resource I needed. I tried, and tried, and tried again. I called a colleague to see if he was having troubles with the site. He said he had had a problem but eventually was able to get on.

He then suggested, “Why not reboot your computer?”

WOW! So obvious, yet not on my radar. And that’s my point: sometimes the desire to beat a deadline can beat out common sense.

I knew enough not to work all night on the project, but my tools—in this case, the laptop—needed to be refreshed, too. Turning things off allows for a fresh start. It’s wry to note that I even was ahead of schedule, yet still overlooked the obvious solution. I had to close the spreadsheets and other documents only to open them again—big deal! The computer needed a fresh start to be of service to me in completing my task. And yes, after I rebooted, I got right into the resource and finished the task five days ahead of schedule.

You need to keep yourself in good order to produce good results. Assessing whether you need a break for a fresh start is part of planning for good results. But remember to assess the functionality of your professional work tools as well. Don’t sacrifice common sense in pursuit of a satisfying check!

About the Author

Mary Ellen Sailer, Ed.D., is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

At Blanchard we’ve learned that leaders benefit from identifying and clarifying their values because—consciously or unconsciously—they serve as a motivating force, both professionally and personally. We’ve also learned that if leaders are willing to bravely share their values with their team, it not only allows people to better understand what makes the leader tick, but also bonds the whole group closer together.

How might you identify and clarify your own values? Here are a couple of ways:

Do a little exploration. An internet search will uncover various lists of identified values. Read through a few of them to produce your own list of ten values that really resonate with you. Then go through your list, pare it down to your top five values, and rank them in order of importance.

Open up to possibilities. Write your answer to these questions:

• If money weren’t an object, how would I spend my time or use my talents?
• Other than money, what gets me out of bed every morning?

As you write, try not to allow self-limiting beliefs or thoughts to restrict your answers. When you are finished answering the questions, go back and read what you wrote. As you do, pick out the values within your answers. Having a list of values nearby can help.

Pay attention to absorption. Ever find yourself completely absorbed in an activity, where you’ve lost all track of time? You look at the clock and can’t believe you’ve been doing it for hours. Often when we find ourselves completely engrossed in something, it means we are living one or more of our values. When this happens, stop and take note of what you are doing to see what values may be in play.

Why bother with all this? Because whether you are conscious of them or not, your values strongly influence how you show up in the world. Identifying your values allows you to gauge whether or not you are living your life in line with them. When your values and the way you live your life are in harmony, you are in the flow versus fighting to swim upstream. You are being true to yourself and to who you are. And there’s no better feeling than that.

About the Author

Joanne Maynard is a senior coach with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a fairly experienced manager. I have worked in several different companies and am nicely settled at my current job. I learned Situational Leadership^® II at my last company and I have been using it with my ten direct reports.  It is working out well.  

My company has recently instituted a set of manager competencies that I will be held accountable for. I’m running into a problem with one of them—Coaching for Development. 

Here is how it is defined on our HR website:

This is actually my favorite part of the job—except with two people on my team who don’t seem to care at all about developing themselves. I have tried to encourage them but they refuse to engage in conversations about their own growth and careers. 

They are both very good at what they do. I really need them in their roles but I don’t see them doing anything outside their job description any time soon.  I am tired of pushing and prodding them and they are also getting cranky about it. I am frustrated.  –Tired of Pushing 

Dear Tired,

Stop. Just stop. I so appreciate your care and diligence—but seriously, you have led these horses to water and you just cannot make them drink.  People are ready to grow when they are ready and not a moment sooner.

Communicate to your two recalcitrant folks that when they are ready to develop themselves you are at their service for direction and support, and leave it at that.

If the time comes that staying relevant in their jobs requires them to grow, let them know that they will need to change their attitude or risk losing their jobs.  This is usually a powerful motivator, but even then not powerful enough for some. Your employees have an obligation to meet you at least halfway when it comes to development. Until then, relax and expend your energy on those who value it.

Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

As Blanchard shares, “The advent of the functional MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) is giving us a peek into the workings of the brain, and the new science of motivation is helping us better understand what engages people. These developments, combined with ongoing research into well-being, are all beginning to converge on a new holistic model for leading others effectively.

“For the past fifty years we have used a left brain/right brain model to explain the way our brains work. While that’s been helpful, functional MRIs have vastly improved our ability to see which parts of the brain light up in different situations. The new focus is on the prefrontal cortex. It is the seat of judgment, emotional regulation, and executive functioning.”

According to Blanchard, the prefrontal cortex is also a “resource hog.” It uses a large share of the body’s glucose and oxygen and is very sensitive to external factors like sleep, diet, and stress.

“Stress causes the release of cortisol and adrenaline, which shuts down the brain’s higher level thinking abilities,” says Blanchard. “People revert to a more basic fight, flight, or freeze mode. That’s not the kind of thinking that leads to innovation, creativity, and collaboration. Instead, leaders want to look at creating safe environments that increase the production of the neurotransmitters that promote feelings of wellbeing, like dopamine and oxytocin. This makes it easier for people to consider new ideas, take risks, relate to others, and perform at their best.” 

ENGAGEMENT AND APPRAISAL

Blanchard will also be sharing new approaches to the problem of stubbornly low employee engagement scores in many organizations—including research his company has done that has garnered academic awards for research excellence and cutting-edge thinking.

“Organizations have become good at measuring levels of engagement, but not at improving those levels. Our research has found that there is a significant correlation between twelve work environment factors and five important employee intentions: the intention to perform at a high level, to apply discretionary effort when needed, to stay with an organization, to endorse it to others, and to work collaboratively as a good organizational citizen. Leaders need to intimately understand these environmental factors, the connection to intentions, and the individual appraisal process if they want to make lasting improvement to employee engagement scores.”

OPTIMAL MOTIVATION

The third area Blanchard will cover in his presentation is the latest research on motivation and the continued shift on discovering intrinsic motivators that tap into the motivation people already have. Blanchard will be highlighting the work of Susan Fowler, a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies, who is the author of Why Motivating People Doesn’t Work … and What Does.

“Susan Fowler has literally written the book on how motivation from external rewards and sanctions impacts six different motivational outlooks,” says Blanchard. “Including how extrinsic motivators lead to one of three suboptimal motivational outlooks, while intrinsic motivators lead to optimal motivation.” 

A CRITICAL JUNCTURE

Blanchard believes the leadership learning and development space is at an important inflection point.

“We are at a critical point in our industry where there are tens of millions of people who are either in, or soon to enter, their first management job. This huge thundering herd of people is moving into leadership at a time when direct reports will be expecting a lot from them. It’s never been more important to take a second look at methods that have worked in the past and combine them with the latest thinking about how to enhance leadership practices for a new generation in the workforce.”

If you are attending this year’s ATD Conference learn more about The Blanchard Companies’ complete schedule of activities. If you are not travelling to this year’s conference, be sure to check out a free online event on May 27 where Blanchard will be sharing key points from his presentation.

Dear Madeleine,

I’ve got a member of my team who has “retired in place.” No matter what I try, I can’t get him to engage. Any thoughts?

Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

I think the only thing to do in this situation is to have a serious sit-down with your disengaged team member. First, put the facts as you see them on the table and let him know you’re looking for a substantial change in attitude and behavior. Be prepared with:

• A clear vision of what it would look like if he were to “come out of retirement”—a picture of a job well done.
• Concrete observations of how his disengagement is affecting both the team and the results the team is trying to achieve.
• Clear requests for the changes you want to see, with a timeline. This is a critical piece—there has to be a deadline.
• Unambiguous consequences—what will happen if you see no change?

Now I’ll add a second component.

All the latest research about motivation makes it clear that people can choose to be more engaged—it is an internal proposition. Blanchard’s research into Optimal Motivation focuses on three key psychological needs all people have—needs for Autonomy, Relatedness, and Competence.

Consider what you could do to encourage autonomy and perception of choice; deepen relatedness (quality of relationships, meaning and purpose); and increase competence (a sense of growing and learning) for this employee. Exploring these areas with him could get at some of the root causes of his disengagement.

This kind of conversation takes a certain amount of courage—but I guarantee it will bring about results of one kind or another. Your only alternative is to allow the situation to continue, which would eventually cause resentment among the rest of your team.

For detailed help on how to have Challenging Conversations, see our white paper Challenging Conversations–Strategies for Turning Conflict into Creativity. And let me know how things work out!

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Grit

The other reminder came this week from my daughter’s fourth grade teacher, Mr. Cameron, who talked about having grit in his Tip of the Week.

Both shared how grit helps us push through challenges. They believe grit means hard work, not giving up, and always trying your best. Linda Kaplan Thaler shared the latest research on success and the strategies that helped her succeed at the highest levels in both her career and her personal life. Mr. Cameron was preparing the students for state testing. When I asked him about grit, he said, “There will be times when a question or task is going to be very challenging, and it’s important for our students to have a strong sense of what grit can do to help. Having grit means you’re not going to just guess and move on—it means you dig down, try your hardest, and work your way through the problem.”

Action Steps for Leaders

As leaders, we need to develop grit in ourselves as well as our people. In addition to digging down and trying hard, I’d like to suggest a third strategy—finding meaning. Here are a few ways to get started:

• Identify true passion. We inspire grit when we help our direct reports identify their true passion—something they love to do so much, they lose track of time. Think about the activities you love to do. When you are doing them, do you find yourself working harder to break through the barriers?
• Shift the motivational outlook. In our newly released Optimal Motivation learning program, we assist people in shifting their motivational outlook—finding a higher purpose for engaging in a goal or task. Susan Fowler, one of the authors of the program, talks about the importance of helping people discover how their jobs can meet deeper psychological needs. She shares scientific evidence that proves people find sustainable motivation when this discovery happens.
• Push the boundaries. Some of my best coaching experiences have been when a coach has said things such as “why not you?” and “write your ideal job and then go after it” and “manage your career to leverage your strengths and your passions.” More often than not, our self-talk limits our ability to push the boundaries. It’s that inner voice that says “I can’t” or “I’ll never be able to.” Help your people to push their perceived boundaries and set stretch goals. Be the positive voice and accountability coach they need.

Inspire your people

As Linda Kaplan Thayer shared, grit is showcased by people who have a deep motivation to do what they do. As managers, we can help our people tap into that motivation.

What do you believe inspires people to have grit? In my experience, it is a combination of a meaningful purpose and a will to succeed. Leaders have a role to play here. At the end of the day, leadership equates to influence and influence can inspire and generate motivation. Your leadership could be just what your people need to be able to push through challenges and showcase their grit.

About the Author

Joni Wickline is Vice President, Professional Services with The Ken Blanchard Companies. You can read Wickline’s posts as a part of Coaching Tuesday here at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

1. Doing more = getting less – We do not have an infinitive capacity for work – more work and more targets do not automatically mean more output.
2. Learn when to say no, be selective for the right reasons – Don’t over-commit yourself, it’s sometimes OK to say no and remember that there are trade offs (if I do X, I cannot do Y – am I OK with that?).
3. Add more time to your commitments – give yourself extra time to do a good job (we all think things take a lot less time than they actually do), are you being realistic about what can be achieved?
4. What are your optimum levels – Think about ‘optimum’ levels – are you in balance? Review goals and your ‘to do’ list.
5. Think about your quality – for example, this could be the impact on customer service and quality assurance. Don’t spread yourself or your team to thinly – make a ‘quality contribution’.

So the question is: where are you on the U-curve?
Lisa is the EMEA Client Services Manager at the Ken Blanchard Companies. The Client Services Team specialise in delivery; Project Management, Learning Services (virtual learning and online assessments) and Staffing (trainer allocation).

The 950-person study looked at the correlations between three different motivational outlooks—Disinterested, Suboptimal, and Optimal—and five subsequent intentions to act in a positive manner—apply discretionary effort, perform at a high level, endorse the organization, remain with the organization, and be a good organizational citizen.

As expected, people who identified their motivational outlook as Disinterested showed no measurable correlation to exhibit the five desirable behaviors. However, the research showed that people with a carrot and stick (gain reward or avoid punishment) motivational outlook, labeled Suboptimal by the researchers, also showed no measurable correlation back to positive intentions.

Only people who identified their motivational outlook as Optimal—participating in a project or task because they were able to link participation to a significant value, life, or work purpose—showed a strong correlation.

Implications for Leaders

For managers—especially those using rewards and sanctions as performance management tools—this new data requires a rethinking of the best way to go about encouraging long term high performance. For best results, the Blanchard researchers suggest six ways managers can build stronger links to positive intentions.

• Encourage autonomy—by inviting choice and exploring options within boundaries
• Deepen relatedness—by sharing information about yourself and the organization, showing empathy and caring, and discussing your intentions openly
• Develop competence—by emphasizing learning goals and not just performance goals and by providing training and appropriate leadership style matching a person’s level of development
• Promote mindfulness—by encouraging self-reflection and asking open-ended questions that identify options
• Align with values—by helping individuals align goals to their identified values and by exploring natural interest and enthusiasm for a goal
• Connect to purpose—by providing rationale and big picture overviews to help individuals connect the goal to a work or life-related purpose

The research cautions leaders that taking motivational short cuts may spur action short term, but may do more harm than good long term. Instead, take the time to connect and align work goals in a way that builds autonomy, relatedness, and competence. You can learn more about the research—including source materials and additional tips for leaders, by downloading the 12-page white paper, A Business Case for Optimal Motivation.

In a new article, Missing the Point on Motivation, Fowler stresses not to wait until people have become disengaged before taking action. Instead, begin at the source of people’s engagement journey.

She explains that people are always appraising their workplace and coming to conclusions on whether they feel safe, positive, and optimistic about the environment, or threatened, unsure, or fearful. These appraisals lead to conclusions about well-being, intentions, and subsequent behavior.

“A leader’s role is to help people manage their appraisal process now so that people get on the path to employee work passion rather than the road to disengagement,” says Fowler. “Every day is an opportunity for leaders to help individuals shift their motivational outlooks. Day-to-day motivation holds the key to long-term engagement.”

According to Fowler, a primary reason engagement initiatives haven’t been as successful as hoped is that leaders do not understand the role motivation plays in the engagement process. That, and the outdated beliefs leaders have about motivation.

“I think many leaders are afraid of changing traditional methods of motivation because they are worried about how people might react,” explains Fowler. “However, our experience has been that when leaders are exposed to proven best practices and develop skills to use them, they are more inclined to move outside their comfort zone and try an alternative approach.”

Guidelines for Getting Started

For leaders ready to try a new approach, Fowler recommends finding ways of satisfying deeper psychological needs and focusing in six key areas.

• Encourage autonomy. Give people options. Even when you are discussing deadlines, frame them as useful information for achieving important goals rather than ways for applying pressure.
• Deepen relatedness. Appreciate the vital role emotions and feelings play in creating connection. This interconnectedness is something we all long for.
• Develop people’s competence. At the end of the day, it’s not just about what a person accomplishes; it’s also about what they are learning and how they are growing.
• Promote mindfulness. Prompt awareness of options that a person may not have considered. Ask open-ended questions to help individuals see options and rise above old, unhelpful patterns of behavior.
• Align with values. Help others align their work to meaningful values that generate positive energy, vitality, and sense of well-being.
• Connect to purpose. Few things in life are more powerful than acting from a noble purpose.

The quality of people’s day-to-day motivation is the source for the quality of their engagement. For best results, intervene earlier and use more effective and enduring approaches to motivation. You’ll be surprised at the impact you can have as a leader when you meet deeper and more satisfying needs.

To read more about Fowler’s approach to motivation, be sure to check out Missing the Point on Motivation.  You can also learn more via a free, online Leadership Livecast Fowler is hosting on Motivating People Doesn’t Work … What Does? The online event is free, courtesy of The Ken Blanchard Companies.

It’s a common pattern anytime people take on new tasks that require time, persistence, and effort.  Initial enthusiasm turns into disillusionment as beginners realize the task is more difficult than they anticipated, progress is slower, and the time required to accomplish the goal looks like it will be greater. Leaders and coaches need to be aware of this natural dip in motivation and take steps to make sure that this little dip doesn’t turn into a big fail with people quitting the task before accomplishing the goal.

In the health club industry, the best gyms keep a close eye on new members, noting attendance patterns and making sure to call, encourage, and check on progress that new members are making.  They know that without this type of support they can lose 30-50 percent of their people.

Managers need to do the same thing when their team members are starting projects that may be new to them or a stretch of existing knowledge and skills.   And while leaders don’t usually have to worry about someone physically quitting a task or goal, there is a very real possibility of a team member quitting it mentally, putting it on the back-burner, and moving on to other things that are easier to accomplish.  This “quit and stay” mentality is well known in business and difficult to root out once it settles in.

Leaders can head off this common occurrence by recognizing that this motivational dip is normal and by taking steps to provide direction and support to help people continue moving forward toward their goals.  For example, in The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Situational Leadership II training program, managers are taught to help Disillusioned Learners by:

1. Listening and acknowledging concerns
2. Brainstorming possible solutions
3. Identifying action steps
4. Reminding learners of the importance of the task
5. Providing support, reassurance, praise, and encouragement

Leader as a coach?  By providing direction and support when people need it most, managers can help their people move along a steady path toward progress.

Me: Thank you, Santa, for taking the time to meet with me. You must be exhausted getting ready for Christmas Eve.

Santa: Ho, ho, ho! It’s my pleasure Randy! I’m not exhausted, I’m energized! I love the work I do and consider myself blessed to be able to bring happiness and joy to so many people.

Me: You are one of the most trusted and revered leaders in history. Why do you think that is so?

Santa: Well, I’m humbled by that compliment. I believe a large part of it has to do with my dependability. In all my years I’ve never missed a Christmas delivery. I know that millions of young boys and girls are relying on me to bring them gifts and I never want to disappoint them. If you want people to trust you, you have to be reliable and follow through on your commitments.

Me: How in the world do you manage to make all your deliveries in a single night?

Santa: I can’t reveal all my secrets, otherwise FedEx and UPS might give me a run for my money! Let’s just say that I have to be extremely organized. Any successful leader knows that you must have a clear plan of action. It’s a cliché, but it’s true: People don’t plan to fail, they just fail to plan. I maintain trust with kids and parents by being organized and methodical in my approach to work. It helps me stay on track.

Me: I’ve heard that you keep a list, you check it twice, and you know who’s been naughty or nice. Is that true? Why do you do that?

Santa: Of course it’s true! In leadership terms I consider it my way of “managing performance.” I like to stay in touch with how all the girls and boys are behaving and I think it helps them stay on their best behavior if they know there are consequences for their actions. The parents are the front-line “supervisors” in charge of their kids, so they send me regular reports about how things are going. I partner with the parents to help them set clear goals for their children so the kids know exactly what’s expected of them.It’s not fair to evaluate someone’s performance if they didn’t have defined goals in the first place.

Me: How do you keep all the elves motivated to work throughout the year?

Santa: I have the best team in the world! I’ve always tried to help the elves realize the importance of the work they do. They aren’t robots who work on an assembly line. They are fine craftsmen who are bringing the dreams of kids to life and that’s a very meaningful job. I also look for opportunities to praise their performance and encourage them to praise each other’s performance as well. It’s creates an environment in our workshop where we cheer each other on to greater success. Finally, I put them in charge of achieving the goal. I make sure they are sufficiently trained to do their particular job and then I get out of their way. The elves have a great degree of autonomy to do their work as they see fit.

Me: Santa, I know you’re tired and eager to get back to the North Pole and Mrs. Claus, so I’ll ask this one final question. If you could give one piece of advice to leaders reading this article, what would it be?

Santa: I would encourage leaders to remember the purpose of their position – to serve those they lead. Leaders set the vision and direction for their team, provide the necessary resources and training, and then look for ways to support their team members in achieving their goals. Successful leaders remember that the most important thing they have is their integrity and the trust they hold with their followers, and they continually look for ways to build and maintain trust with others. If they focus on that, they’ll be successful in the long run.

Randy Conley is the V.P. of Client Services and Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies and his LeaderChat posts normally appear the fourth or last Thursday of every month. For more insights on trust and leadership, visit Randy at his Leading with Trust blog or follow him on Twitter @RandyConley.

Blanchard goes on to explain that the same principle applies at work, yet many people who’ve been in a job for a while see the days ahead as something to endure rather than an exciting opportunity. These workers do their jobs at a basic level, but are sullen and unmotivated in a quiet way that can be hard to remedy. Fortunately, there is a solution according to Blanchard.

Refiring in Four Key Areas 

While working on his most recent book, Refire! Don’t Retire, Blanchard and his co-author Morton Shaevitz began to wonder why so many people take the “best is behind us” approach to life. When they looked at people who were loving life and compared them to those who were struggling, they found that when people think differently in four key areas—Intellectually, Emotionally, Physically, and Spiritually, they behave differently—and those behaviors lead to greater engagement and satisfaction in life. Leaders who encourage people to refire in these four areas can help them find meaning and joy in their work, as well. And when people thrive, organizations thrive.

• Refire Intellectually. Continuous learning is vital to organizational health. Companies like Apple and Google have figured this out, offering stimulating environments, free educational seminars, and tuition reimbursement. Blanchard reminds readers that it’s imperative that leaders also continue to refire intellectually themselves.

• Refire Emotionally. Everyone needs emotional nourishment. Blanchard research shows that people who have meaningful connections at work are happier, more loyal, and more productive. The most successful leaders create opportunities for meaningful connection at the office by offering workshops, retreats, and celebrations, and encouraging work friendships. Creating an emotionally connected culture not only gives people a morale boost, it also increases innovation and collaboration. 

• Refire Physically. Work requires energy—and energy comes from having a healthy body and a sense of well being. While many organizations give lip service to wellness, those that back up their claims with health-friendly policies enjoy higher levels of employee engagement and productivity. Sufficient vacation leave, reasonable workloads, and wellness education programs need to be implemented, not just talked about. Blanchard recommends getting creative by instituting walking one-on-one meetings, after hours yoga classes, or lunch-and-learn sessions with guest speakers.

• Refire Spiritually. Boredom and dissatisfaction spring from a focus on self, says Blanchard, so give people an opportunity to focus on something outside themselves. As Chief Spiritual Officer of his company, Blanchard shares how he leaves a morning message every day to praise and inspire people. Leaders who provide opportunities for giving and spiritual growth help people understand that it’s not all about them.

By encouraging behaviors that refire people intellectually, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, and by modeling these behaviors themselves, leaders can inspire people with the idea that life is good—and the best is yet to come. To learn more about Blanchard’s thinking, be sure to read Relight That Work Fire in the January edition of Chief Learning Officer.  Interested in learning more about Ken’s new book, Refire! Don’t Retire: Make the Rest of Your Life the Best of Your Life.  Check out the pre-order page at Amazon.com.

Researchers from The Ken Blanchard Companies teamed up with Training magazine to poll a cross-section of 456 human resources and talent management professionals. The survey found gaps of 29 and 39 percent between how often direct reports had career conversations with their leaders when compared to how often they wanted to have those conversations.

29% Gap in Job Development Conversations

Survey questions in this section asked respondents if their immediate manager conducted performance planning in a way that resulted in at least one developmental goal that would help a direct report progress in their current job. Questions asked respondents to evaluate the frequency with which their leader discussed job assignments that would help to broaden the direct report’s job experience and knowledge. Questions also asked respondents to evaluate how often their leader discussed the training needed to improve the direct report’s performance during the current performance period and whether the leader made time and resources available to help the employee get the training they needed.

39% Gap in Career Development Conversations

In this section respondents were asked to evaluate the degree to which their leader prepared them for career advancement. Questions asked respondents to evaluate the degree to which their boss understood the steps needed to prepare the direct report for career advancement, explained the organization policies and procedures that impacted career development, and discussed potential career opportunities for the direct report. Questions also specifically asked if the leader clarified the steps a direct report could take and whether the boss felt those steps were fair and reasonable.

Make sure managers are taking the time to have “stay” interviews so they can avoid having “exit” interviews

Leaders play a key role in job and career growth. This survey suggests that significant gaps exist between employee expectations and what they are experiencing at work. Left unaddressed, these gaps create a drain on overall organizational vitality through lowered employee intentions to stay, endorse, and apply discretionary effort as needed.

Retention experts Beverly Kaye and Julie Winkle Giulioni, authors of Help Them Grow or Watch Them Go, believe that job and career growth conversations are one of the most powerful and under-utilized tools at a leaders disposal.  In an article for Executive Excellence, they identify that:

• Conversation has the power to touch employees’ hearts and minds.
• Genuine career development isn’t about forms, choreographing new assignments, or orchestrating promotions. It’s about having quality conversations that facilitate insights and awareness, explore possibilities, and inspire responses that drive employee-owned action.
• When leaders reframe career development in terms of ongoing conversations—rather than procedural checkpoints or scheduled activities—theyhave more flexibility and the chance to develop careers organically.

Mirroring the sentiments of the respondents in the Blanchard survey, Kaye and Giulioni identify that:

• Shorter conversations fit better with the cadence of business today
• Frequent, ongoing dialogue communicates a genuine commitment to the employee and development
• Iterative conversations allow employees to layer awareness, insights, and action more naturally
• The ongoing nature of the conversation keeps development alive in everyone’s mind (vs. tucking it away for a formal meeting.)

Growth opportunities at the job and career level are important drivers of employee work passion and one of the better ways that leaders can show team members that they care and are invested in them. Be sure that your leaders are taking the time to discuss ways that employees can improve their skills in their current role and also how they can continue to advance in their careers.  You can learn more about the Blanchard research by accessing the white paper, Ten Performance Management Process Gaps (and How They Negatively Impact Employee Intentions).  Read more of Beverly Kaye and Julie Winkle Giulioni’s thinking by reading Career Conversation: It’s today’s common sense competency.

“There is a huge difference between seeing your job as holding people accountable for results versus helping them to be accountable. People want to be accountable. They want to make a contribution and do the right thing. If you, as a manager, find yourself having to hold people accountable, there is a breakdown in the process and in the way that goals, metrics, and the work environment have been defined.”

“People are always motivated,” explains Fowler. “Your job as a leader is to understand why a person is motivated the way they are and then help them understand their choices, opportunities, and options.”

Fowler encourages leaders to recognize different Motivational Outlooks—or reasons people are motivated. Motivational Outlooks fall into two broad categories with significantly different implications: Optimal and Suboptimal.

Suboptimal Motivational Outlooks are generated by external incentives such as money, rewards, status, and power, or negative repercussions if targets aren’t met.

Optimal Motivational Outlooks describe motivation based on work aligned with higher-level values or connected to a noble purpose, or inherent joy and pleasure. Fowler explains that when people act from Optimal Motivational Outlooks, they see the value of their work and how it helps them experience an increased sense of control, enhanced relationships, and new skills.

Organizations whose practices promote Suboptimal Motivational Outlooks not only suffer long-term performance, productivity, and innovation loss, but also find themselves dealing with the aftermath of thwarting people’s psychological needs: namely low morale, high turnover, absenteeism, inventory shrinkage, and other ways of people acting out to make up for what they are missing. It leads to an attitude of work as a transaction, “I will only do this if I get that.”

“There is a huge opportunity loss with this approach,” explains Fowler. “We are not getting the best from people under those conditions. Workplaces based on Suboptimal Motivational Outlooks—carrots or sticks—to increase results may achieve short-term behavior change but end up with compliance, not commitment.”

Take a Different Approach

Fowler encourages leaders to take a different approach. To begin, Fowler recommends promoting autonomy, relatedness, and competence. “A good place to start is to change the way you present goals and deadlines that too often undermine people’s sense of autonomy. Reframe goals and deadlines as vital information that will help people succeed instead of techniques for holding people accountable.

“Promote relatedness through values conversations; help people align their work with meaningful values and a sense of purpose. Tap into what is inherently rewarding to people. The best leaders create an alliance with their people that goes beyond compliance.

“Develop people’s sense of competence by asking, ‘What did you learn today that will help you be better tomorrow?’ instead of only focusing on ‘What did you get done today?’”

It’s about having Motivational Outlook Conversations with people to surface the type of motivation people already have and guide them to better choices—for their own well-being and the benefit of the organization as well.

To learn more about Fowler’s approach to motivation, download a free chapter of her book, Why Motivating People Doesn’t Work … And What Does or check out her complete interview in Ignite, Employee Motivation: Focus on Process Instead of Results.  Also be sure to take a look at a complimentary webinar Fowler is conducting on October 22, Rethinking Five Beliefs That Undermine Workplace Motivation.  It’s free courtesy of Cisco WebEx and The Ken Blanchard Companies.