Dear Madeleine,

I am the CEO of a mid-sized business. I was the COO for many years and stepped into the CEO role six months ago. The good news is that the business is in good shape—there is a high demand for our products. The bad news is that it could be so much better.

Our former CEO was a bit technophobic and totally risk-averse, so he resisted my efforts to upgrade things when I was COO. He knew he was stepping down, so he figured I could just do what I wanted when I took the CEO job. But he left me in a bit of a fix. All of our systems are antiquated to the point that some versions of some software are no longer supported by the developers. Literally every process and system we use needs to be overhauled. Some can be consolidated with new software and some can be eliminated.

I am getting an endless stream of reports, many of which are incomplete or simply irrelevant. I worry about how much time is being wasted by the people who create them. My current leadership team is  mixed—some are as frustrated as I am and expect me to fix things fast, and some don’t see any need for change and are worried about my urgency.

I have a big vision for what is possible and feel a lot of responsibility to bring us into the twenty-first century, late as it may be. As I said, the business is in good shape, but that isn’t going to last if we don’t up our game.

My question is: How much is too much? How fast is too fast? How do I go about making change without breaking things beyond repair?

Where to Start?

______________________________________________________

Dear Where to Start?

I can feel your commitment and your frustration. If I am understanding you correctly, the question actually is: How do I prepare the business to be competitive in the future and ensure its longevity without disrupting its current success?

It would almost be easier if the business were already showing signs of distress caused by the lack of modernization. But in most cases (as you well know), by the time that happens it is already too late. The problem is that people generally aren’t willing to change until the cost of not changing becomes unbearable.

I’m sure you wish you could wave a magic wand—but I’m not sure that would get you what you really want. Because the due diligence, research, coalition building, and other work you do to gain support for your vision will help you refine that vision and ensure that you get it right in the long run.

The first order of business is to articulate your big vision, craft a high-level strategy for how to achieve it, and get unequivocal support from the top. You don’t mention a board or owners, but presumably there are people who care as much about the long-term success of the organization as you do. You will need their support to do even a fraction of what you envision.

Then you will need a long-term plan. In this case, start with three years. Get input on the plan from your board, your leadership team, outside consultants who specialize in business transformation, and any other smart people who are willing to take the time. You probably have some smart individual contributors in the organization who see what you see. Get them involved.

Once you have a plan, share it with the entire organization. Once again, seek input. This is almost impossible in large organizations but there are ways to do it in smaller ones. There will be a lot of resistance—some of it short-sighted but also some that might point to flaws in the plan. Truly listen, don’t just act like you are listening.

Then go. Slowly, carefully, respond to concerns, talk to people, encourage them, and remind them what the point is.

You may very well have to replace some members of your leadership team. You cannot attempt full-on transformation without united leadership. This is tricky, because you also don’t want to surround yourself with yes-men. People who mindlessly agree with you are not the answer. You will want to encourage dissent and contrasting views and consider all viewpoints. Your leaders don’t have to agree with every change, but they do have to agree to support it once the team has decided on the best course of action. Without leaders who can inspire, role model new behaviors, patiently explain the why for any new change, empathetically talk people off the ledge when they are freaking out, and hold people accountable, nothing good will happen.

You also will want to be on the lookout for leaders who feel coerced and resentful, who say one thing to you and something else to their team. In the interest of keeping their jobs, they say yes to your face and then discredit you to others. They duck responsibility and blame the powers that be—in this case, you. They build their own coalitions of people who are loyal to them but not to the organization, which creates a hopelessly siloed organization with departments working at cross-purposes. These pockets of discontent in your organization will weaken it slowly in ways that will be hard to pinpoint. But if we agree that whatever is going on in any unit is about the leader, that is your clue.

The more work you put into planning, inviting input, re-designing the plan, and mapping out the steps to execution in a timeline, the better off you will be. Spend time talking to people and listening to them. Use a phased approach. It will take more time than you want it to, but trying to move too fast won’t get you the results you want. Be prepared for roadblocks and setbacks, and use them to learn and get better.

CEOs who manage turnarounds aren’t known for their patience or their empathy. And most get it spectacularly wrong.

Get support. Invite input. Win hearts and minds. Tell stories. Use examples. Communicate more than you think you should. Take it slow and steady, one foot in front of the other, one step at a time. Respond to new information as it comes in. Track and praise progress, take obstacles in stride. Reward persistence and grit.

Oh—and keep your sense of humor.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

My boss is the Chief Revenue Officer for a billion-dollar, publicly traded company, and I am watching her melt down in real time. She has been in the job for two years and has made one spectacularly bad decision after another.

Sales have tanked to an all-time low. I know for a fact that the earnings reporting is…not accurate. The stock price is slipping.

On Zoom calls she is manic, erratic, often making bizarre proclamations. I watch the faces of my peers and to a person the eyes are wide, lips tight. But no one is saying anything.

I can’t understand why our CEO, whom everyone acknowledges is a genius, put her in the job to begin with or has tolerated performance that has gone steadily downhill. It makes no sense.

Things have just gotten so weird; I don’t know who I can get a reality check with. It feels like I am losing my mind. I have been with the company a long time, and it has always been on a healthy upward trajectory. The CEO never would have tolerated such poor performance in the past.

I have a lot of stock options as part of my comp, and I am thinking now would be a good time to vest, with the stock price so low. I get calls from headhunters all the time, and I am beginning to think I should take them. I would feel bad abandoning my team, all of whom I love and care for. I am so conflicted.

Should I Bail?

________________________________________________________________________

Dear Should I Bail?

It sounds like a topsy-turvy world. I think when people start behaving strangely, especially when the CEO is asleep at the wheel—either actively ignoring an obvious problem or, as you imply, is somehow misrepresenting the numbers—you must assume something shady is going on. If no one is pointing out that the proverbial Empress Has No Clothes but you see it clearly, I would say you should trust your own judgment.

I can’t tell you to leave your job but I can ask you this: If your best friend told you all of what you have told me, and you trusted his judgment, what advice would you give him? If your immediate answer is “are you kidding, get the heck out of there!” —well, there is your answer.

There is no harm in taking the calls from recruiters, exploring your options, and getting a sense of what opportunities are available out there. You can brush off your resume and update your LinkedIn profile to be poised and ready to exit if your instincts prove correct. The only person who is going to care about your career and financial stability at this point is you, so preparing is smart. I applaud your concern about your team; it would be painful to feel like you are letting people down. If you do bail, you must trust that they will take your lead, start looking for options, and all land on their feet.

I often ask successful people what their biggest mistake was, and fascinatingly, almost to a person, it is a variation on “I didn’t pay attention to my gut and went along when I knew I shouldn’t.” You have been with the company for long enough that you can tell when you are seeing things that don’t add up. If you are not habitually negative and think something is going terribly wrong, then you are probably right.

Good luck to you.

Love,

Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I am really worried that my company is going to replace my entire team of graphic artists with AI. What can I say to people who have spent decades to get really good at their craft only to see themselves replaced by technology?

I am literally losing sleep over this. I would appreciate your thoughts.

Losing Sleep

_________________________________________________________________________

Dear Losing Sleep,

Boy, do I get it. I am old enough to remember seeing the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey in which the Heuristically Programmed Algorithmic computer (HAL) famously takes over the spaceship.  It made a huge impact on me.

Have you asked ChatGPT? I did, and the answer was pretty good! The first four suggestions were almost exactly what I might have proposed. What AI did not do is add the color commentary that I will.

1. Stay Informed – on this one, AI did not suggest, but I do, that you talk to your boss and listen to what is happening through the grapevine to gauge how realistic your concerns are. Are other jobs in the company being replaced by AI? Is there an overall intention and strategy to replace humans with AI? The more you know, the better you can prepare for what is coming.
2. Encourage Your People to Develop Their Skills – The people who can bring something to the table that AI cannot (yet) are the ones who will keep their jobs. With graphic design in particular, I would imagine that those individuals who can ask the right questions and hone in on exactly the feel that is desired will be irreplaceable. The ability to create fresh, new, and original work will be valued.
3. Foster Continuous Learning – Identify things that only humans can do and help people find ways to get better at them. Problem solving and devising new ways to express things will be in demand.
4. Cultivate a Practice of Flexibility and Adaptability – In our industry, we have often expressed the constant change people have to deal with as “the cheese has moved,” based on Spencer Johnson’s book Who Moved My Cheese. The pace of change has been a challenge for the last couple of decades, and it appears that it is only speeding up. Those who can find a way to build their resilience and roll with change will have a much higher quality of life. The question, of course, is how?

Neuroscience research shows that the brain is a predication machine and is much more comfortable with certainty. However, experience shows that nothing is ever certain, so we can predict all we want but we can’t ever be sure what is going to happen next. The best advice I ever heard on this topic came from Ben Zander, the co-author of The Art of Possibility.  Best known for being a charismatic and brilliant conductor, he is also a wonderful and very entertaining speaker. Ben suggested that instead of giving into our impulse to panic when the unexpected pops up, we should stop, take a breath, observe, and say to ourselves “how fascinating!” Essentially, he encourages us to be curious—to engage in whatever is happening with an attitude of inquiry.

So. Losing sleep is not going to help you now. Read up. Talk to people in your company. Listen to podcasts. Get informed. Get curious, stay curious, and encourage curiosity in your people. They are artists, so by definition they must be creative. You might lead with the question “What can we create in this new paradigm?”

I am going to try to follow this advice myself, believe me.  And I will admit the whole thing scares me too. I’ve spent the last twenty years getting better at writing only to find that nobody reads anymore. There are some who are concerned that my entire industry might be replaced by AI.

I really think the only way to deal with today’s world is to keep growing, learning, and changing ourselves. It isn’t comfortable for most of us, and it isn’t easy. As a leader, you can choose to be a role model for your people.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I am at the end of my rope with all of the new software platforms my company expects me to use as part of my job. Every time I turn around, there is a new app introduced but never any training. Or, if the app itself does provide training, it takes time to watch the videos and learn—which means doing it on weekends or at night because I still have my job which takes up all of my workday.

The other problem is that some people I work with never bother to learn the new systems and continue to use the old processes. So instead of being proficient with the same amount of platforms, the number just keeps growing. My organization recently rolled out a new platform for one process only to realize it didn’t do everything they needed it to do, so they scrapped it and brought in another one. Those of us who took the time to sign up, get the lay of land, and start using it were literally punished for being good organizational citizens.

I feel like my brain is going to explode. I imagine this is true everywhere. How are people putting up with this in other organizations? I should note that I am a Millennial, so this isn’t a technophobe Boomer talking.

I can’t imagine you have any wisdom here except for “suck it up buttercup,” but at least I got to vent.

Can you help me to…

Manage the Madness?

_______________________________________________________________________

Dear Manage the Madness,

Considering I am suffering from the same systems whiplash, and I am a “technophobe Boomer,” you are right: I don’t have much for you on this. (Just for the record, I prefer the term digital immigrant to technophobe Boomer as a label. But don’t worry, I am smiling as I mention that.)

You are right, I haven’t talked to a single person who isn’t bedeviled by the overwhelming number of new systems and technologies to master. And, at least in my case, every one of them requires email and cell phone authentication and my company’s firewall makes that an adventure in total frustration.

I brought your topic to a couple of folks to get some ideas for you—although, again, you are right, there are precious few. But here is what I have for you:

• Maybe stop being such a good organizational citizen, and let others be early adopters when possible. Why can’t you be one of the people who stick with the old system until the company gets rid of it? If your experience is one of being punished, maybe take better care of yourself and lag with the rest of the laggers.
• Escalate your frustration to your boss or the executive team. If you are lucky, your organization has a CTO or a VP of Technology who might listen if enough people beg for some relief. Or maybe your organization will provide some kind of recognition for early adopters and possibly some training during the workday so that keeping up is seen as part of the job and not extracurricular.
• Lobby the powers that be to work with vendors of new platforms to go the extra mile and build in a single sign-on so all of the platforms are more easily accessible. (You didn’t mention this as one of your issues, but it sure is one of mine!)
• If you continue to be an early adopter, provide early feedback on the system to whoever is requiring you to use it. That way you might at least get recognized for your efforts.
• I have no problem with your venting, but consider venting to someone who can do something about it—like a senior executive who can insist that everyone get on board with new systems at the same time so you don’t have to wrestle with the old and the new.

Finally, much to my chagrin, I am pretty sure this type of thing is here to stay and is just another new fact of life. As I write this, there are developers madly coding new (“improved” haha!) platforms for us to have to learn. The only silver lining I can see—and, believe me, I remind myself of it often—is that all of this constant learning is good for our brains. As a millennial, that isn’t something you are concerned about yet. But if you are lucky, you will be soon enough.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I need your professional advice on career goals or growth.

I worked in the construction industry for 25 years, starting out as an electrician and moving up to a field manager. I essentially went from pulling wiring through conduit to managing the entire field operation on very large, multi-million-dollar commercial and industrial projects. During this time I also was in the US Army National Guard and was called to active duty in 2002. I was wounded in combat and spent the next three years in and out of hospitals and physical therapy.

When I went back to work, I had a hard time with the physical aspects of my job. I decided to use my VA benefits and found a new job with the federal government as an engineering technician. I was technically still in the field, but now I was just making sure others did what they were contracted to do. It was easier work, fewer hours, and a much more secure future. I have done government work now in various roles for 15 years and have moved up the GS ladder in pay and responsibility.

The government is always pushing for individual and leadership development—“grow up, not down” kind of stuff. To be honest, I’m happy where I am. I don’t want more responsibility and I don’t really want to be a supervisor any longer. When I have said this to my current boss and to some past bosses, they have all asked me why I don’t just go back to the private sector if I feel that way. I don’t understand this, because the growth and development situation was essentially the same in the private sector.

Here’s my question: am I wrong? Should I grow even though I’ll be miserable? I know I won’t be the best I can be. I’m a very good leader but not a good manager. I can inspire others and motivate them to be part of the team, to be themselves, and to contribute all they can in their way. I have an open, creative, teaching mind but I hate the daily grind of supervising people, the miasma of mundane paperwork and budgets, and the sand in my eyes at the end of a long day of computer work.

I have 10 years left before retiring to just work when I want to work, so should I give the government 10 good years doing what I want or should I give them 10 years doing what they want? I’m at the most common rank in the management levels of government service. I have been more senior and could easily keep going on up, but I’d rather just take it easy and slack off on growing and doing.

I know it sounds like I don’t care, but that isn’t it. I just really like the way the job is at this level. Am I wrong in wanting this?

Done Pushing

________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Done Pushing,

No. Just No.

Thoughts and feelings are what they are and simply can’t be wrong. The only thing you can do that’s wrong is take an action you may regret without having carefully consulted your thoughts and feelings.

I tried to shorten your letter but I wanted our readers to get the whole picture. It seems to me that you have done more than your duty to your government by anyone’s standards. You’ve earned the right to create your life exactly the way you want it to be. And just who, I ask, is the arbiter of what anyone has earned or deserves? It also sounds like you do your job well and are satisfied with the compensation, so it is a fair exchange.

Long ago I worked with an opera singer who was immensely gifted and had put in long hours to develop her natural talent. She was on the brink of stardom when she realized that the life and career of an opera star wasn’t what she wanted. She was extremely religious and tortured herself with the thought that because God gave her the gift of an extraordinary voice, she was obligated to use it. At the time, I was specializing in working with creative geniuses, many with the overwhelming problem of having been born with multiple gifts. This includes the singer, who was also good at many other things. So the notion that you are obligated to develop and use your gifts just doesn’t compute when you have entirely too many. It took seeing the world through the eyes of these clients for me to realize a principle that I lean on to this day:

“Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.”

And that goes for everyone. Including you.

In the singer’s case, she felt beholden to God. In your case, you feel somehow beholden to your government. I can’t speak for God, obviously, but I will say that his ways are inscrutable and mysterious, so you have to listen to your inner voice and your heart. I say the only debts you owe are to yourself and the people you have made promises to.  It doesn’t sound like you are breaking any promises you made to your employer. And you would not be putting your integrity at risk for failing to accept a promotion.

Let’s face it—growth requires discomfort. Some people love being in a constant state of growth and relish the challenge. Others don’t. You might take a few years off to rest and then get bored and change your mind. Or you might not. It is not for anyone else to judge your choices; not that they won’t (ha ha), but it really makes no material difference to you. You can take the pushy advice lightly, say thank you, and change the subject. No use burning bridges, so keep your options open.

The most miserable, unhappy people I have worked with were almost all in a state where they had created a life that others wanted for them, not one they wanted for themselves. And the higher you go, the harder it is to undo those choices.

So no. You aren’t wrong. You get one life, my friend. Are you going to live it the way you want, or the way others want?

I hope this is helpful.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

It’s a common workplace belief: You should be able to handle anything that lands on your desk.

The specifics don’t matter. You’re a professional and you can tackle the challenge, no matter how long you’ve been at a job. Admitting you need help in a competitive work environment can be career suicide.

But this belief ignores reality.

Let’s start with new hires. According to Training Industry Quarterly, a new hire will need one to two years to become “fully productive.”[1]

So anyone who’s been at a job for less than 24 months is almost guaranteed to struggle at times.

Longevity at a job also doesn’t make one immune to needing help. The increasing pace of change almost guarantees that knowledge and skills will quickly become obsolete. Here’s what McKinsey & Company said about the steamroller of change: “Compared with the Industrial Revolution, we estimate that […] change is happening ten times faster and at 300 times the scale, or roughly 3,000 times the impact.”[2] 

Then there’s the speed at which knowledge accumulates. The amount of knowledge doubled about every 100 years, until 1945, when it started to double every 25 years. It now doubles every 13 months and will double every 12 hours once the Internet of Things becomes widespread.[3]^,[4]

What about the 10,000-hour rule (the amount of practice needed to reach mastery)?

The 10,000-hour rule has been misrepresented. According to researchers, the rule may be a predictor of success for activities with fixed rules (like chess). But it falls apart when applied to entrepreneurship and artistic endeavors.[5]

These facts are not meant to be discouraging, but they do reveal an important truth:

Being able to learn and grow is essential for success.

SLII®, the world’s most taught leadership development solution, recognizes that organizations and teams succeed as people get what they need to grow, learn, and succeed. It categorizes our capability for a given task into four categories:

• D1—Enthusiastic Beginner. We’re usually at D1 when we’re starting to learn something new. Remember how you couldn’t wait to ride a bike?
• D2—Disillusioned Learner. We inevitably discover that what we’re trying to learn is harder than we first thought. Pedaling, steering, and keeping your balance is trickier than you thought.
• D3—Capable, but Cautious, Contributor. We need to build our confidence in using the new skill. You can now ride around the block, but your first outing to a crowded park is a bit intimidating.
• D4—Self-Reliant Achiever. You’re highly competent at a task and committed to doing an excellent job. Now you can help your younger sibling learn to ride.

When someone asks you to do something at work and you freeze, you may be at D2 at the task.

People at D2 often feel anxious and neglected. They may think their progress is slow and they’re not getting the help they need. It’s such a lousy feeling that it can make people want to give up on the tasks and even quit their jobs.

But there’s help ahead. Here are some tips for not getting stuck in the D2 rut.

• Know when you’re feeling you’re at D2. Doing this can take the edge off and the discomfort out of the situation. A good leader who knows SLII will understand this and give you the support and direction you need.

• Minimize the power of D2 by knowing it is a natural stage of development. It will pass and you will eventually attain mastery.

• Know that your colleagues are going through these stages. It can be helpful to recognize that everyone is having a similar experience. You are not alone.

• Remember your past successes. Think of the many times when you’ve felt you were at D2 and how you overcame those challenges.

• Celebrate being at D2. It means you’re learning and growing. That’s hard work—you’re rewiring your neural network. But your effort will result in a better you.

We sometimes hear our clients say, “We hire only those at D4.” Given the unrelenting pace of change, that strategy seems quaint. Everyone is going to be at D2 at something. It is unavoidable.

The ability to learn and grow is a skill required for success. Becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable—the D2 dip—is the best way to survive and soar.

Editor’s Note: To learn more about helping others grow and succeed in today’s changing work environment, be sure to download the new eBook, Turning New Hires into Top Performers… Quickly. It’s free, courtesy of The Ken Blanchard Companies.

[1] https://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/trainingindustry/tiq_2012winter/index.php?startid=40#/p/40

[2] https://www.mckinsey.com/business-functions/strategy-and-corporate-finance/our-insights/the-four-global-forces-breaking-all-the-trends

[3] http://www.ega.edu/images/uploads/College_Readiness_Tour_February_2015.pdf

[4] https://lodestarsolutions.com/keeping-up-with-the-surge-of-information-and-human-knowledge/

[5] https://www.businessinsider.com/new-study-destroys-malcolm-gladwells-10000-rule-2014-7

First released in 2015, Under the Hood: Fire Up and Fine-Tune Your Employee Culture by Stan Slap offers a message to leaders that is even more important in today’s work environment. Slap indicates that if you really want your business to operate at maximum performance, you need to understand the critical difference between your employees and your employee culture.

Unfortunately, employee culture is one of the least understood concepts for leaders to embrace. Slap’s comprehensive research shows that leaders who do understand it are able to energize their workforce and build loyalty even through difficult times. He provides specific steps managers and leaders can put into practice immediately to improve employee culture.

The first part is to recognize that employee culture is a viable living organism with its own purpose, beliefs, and rules. It has the power to make or break any plans management wants to put into place. Leaders who learn to serve that organism service the organization as a whole. Part of that is treating people with the honor and respect they are entitled to, regardless of their position in the hierarchy.

As Slap says, “Be human first and a manager second.”

To hear host Chad Gordon interview Stan Slap, listen to the LeaderChat podcast and subscribe today.

To hear Stan Slap and Blanchard thought leaders talk about employee culture and the currently changing work environment, join us for a complimentary, five-part webinar series on Returning to the Workplace: Exploring a Hybrid Model. Register for any single event—or all five—using this link: https://www.kenblanchard.com/Events-Workshops/Returning-to-Workplace-Series.

A misnomer is floating around—the concept of return-to-work. This phrase conjures up images of coming back from a sabbatical, a leave of absence, or maternity/paternity leave. But today, return-to-work is used to describe how employees should return to the location where they did most of their work prior to the pandemic.

We have to be clear: this term is not about returning to work. Employees have been working—hard.

The issue employers are struggling with is the decision to return-to-office—and to what degree they should accommodate employee preference. Just as important is the question of what employees can do when they are not aligned with their employer’s desires—and subsequent policies—about returning to the office full time. How do organizations develop a strategy that both addresses safety and shapes policy? How do leaders flex and have conversations with their employees when preference and policy aren’t aligned?

Balancing Safety and Increased Flexibility

Most organizations today are trying to determine if formal policies should dictate an employee’s work environment. Prior to the pandemic, work-from-home policies existed but weren’t widely adopted.

Now, as requirements begin to relax, organizations find themselves at a crossroads. What policy updates should be made, if any? Should organizations mandate that employees be vaccinated and return to the office? When should organizations encourage working remotely vs. working from the office? How should organizations accommodate employee preference?

For instance, Microsoft has prioritized physical, mental, and emotional well-being to guide decision making. The office is a place where employees and teams can choose to come together to innovate and collaborate. The focus isn’t on return-to-office, but on flexibility in the environments where employees and teams prefer to do their best work.

Enabling People to Do Their Best Work

Leaders have an opportunity to interpret evolved policies and navigate their people’s anxiety, uncertainty, and preferences in a way that is a win-win for both employer and employee. Keeping an open mind and flexing leadership styles based on each employee’s individual needs is leading in a way that allows for a hybrid approach to management.

To lead employees through continued change and evolution, leaders must:

• Adopt a learning-focused mindset. Employees are going to have concerns about returning to the office. Leaders need to explore the views of each employee and realize the leader’s and the organization’s views may contrast with those of the employee. Even though many employees are ready to return to the office, not all are.
• Identify blind spots. Organizations and leaders are making assumptions about what employees want right now. Some employees have strong feelings about continuing to work remotely rather than returning to the office five days a week. How might leaders partner with their employees to develop a plan that honors organizational policy as well as individual employee preferences?
• Be curious. Leaders must ask what employees want—genuinely ask, and listen to the answer. Leaders also need to ask if they see themselves remaining with the organization if there is a mandate either for continuing to work from home or for returning to the office. When leaders are sincere and humbly inquisitive, employees are more apt to share and less likely to minimize their needs and feelings.

This is a time to be transparent and direct about the direction of the organization and the strategy for whether to return-to-office. It’s also a time to listen attentively to employee preferences and desires—consider it a temperature check of your team. Otherwise, all the productivity gains made with remote work will reverse and employees will look for new ways to do their best work—at a different organization.

Editor’s Note: Would you like to learn more about successfully navigating the future of the work environment? Join us for a free webinar. Over the next five weeks, The Ken Blanchard Companies® is hosting weekly webinars focused on the different aspects of work post-COVID. Join us for one, two, or all five events. The series is free, courtesy of The Ken Blanchard Companies. Learn more here.

About the Author

Britney Cole is Associate Vice President, Solutions Architecture and Innovation Strategy at The Ken Blanchard Companies. With more than 15 years’ experience in organization development, performance improvement, and corporate training across all roles, Britney brings a pragmatic and diverse perspective to the way adults desire to learn on the job.

As so many industries are beginning the long challenge of recovering from the pandemic, organizational change seems to be happening everywhere. The first issue many organizations must deal with when planning a change is finding an effective leadership approach that encourages large numbers of people to buy into a change at the same time. What most leaders don’t understand is that change will not succeed when:

• Top executives make all the decisions behind closed doors,
• They announce the change in an all-company meeting, and
• Everyone is expected to immediately get on board.

The best way to initiate change is to involve as many people as possible in the change process. Why? Our research shows that when you invite your people to participate in a change initiative, they will be much more likely to embrace the change and to influence their coworkers to participate. This high involvement, collaborative approach that involves all parties is far more effective than the minimal involvement, top-down strategy—which, according to Gartner Research, is still used by more than 80 percent of organizations. Top-down change typically results in short-term compliance, slower implementation, and marginal results. But involving people at all levels of an organization in the change results in faster implementation, increased commitment to the change, and more sustainable results.

When change initiatives go well, they improve innovation, creativity, productivity, engagement, and employee retention. When they don’t go well, it’s a waste of time, energy, and resources—and company morale plummets.

Contrary to what some believe, people don’t actually resist change. They resist being controlled. High involvement in the change process by those who will be impacted by the change lessens their feelings of being controlled and builds momentum for the needed change.

Leaders working with people during a high involvement change process must anticipate and manage the five stages of concern people are likely to go through: Information (What is the change about?), Personal (How will the change affect me?), Implementation (How is this change going to work?), Impact (Is the change worth our effort?), and Refinement (Are we trusted to lead the change going forward?).

Change leaders who are effective at addressing these five stages of concern can often minimize or resolve these concerns. When you use a series of change leadership strategies to create an inspiring vision for your people, build a clear plan, show proof the change is working, and ultimately allow people to lead the change, your organization will be more successful at navigating the process of change.

1. Frame the case for change/create an inspiring vision (Information/Personal concerns)

In order to frame a compelling case for change, leaders need to first describe the gap between what is and what could be. When leaders paint an inspiring vision—a picture of the future where people can see themselves succeeding—people will have fewer personal concerns and be more likely to support the change.

2. Build the change plan and infrastructure (Personal/Implementation concerns)

High involvement change leaders work with people to uncover obstacles to implementation and create a realistic change plan. When they get to collaborate this way, people feel better about the change because they have some influence on successfully implementing it.

3. Strengthen the change (Implementation/Impact concerns)

This is where leaders share information, stories, and data to prove the change is working. They model the mindset and behaviors they expect from others and have discussions with anyone who remains resistant to the change to ensure that everyone is accountable for implementing the change.

4. Entrust the change leadership to others (Impact/Refinement concerns)

Once people’s concerns about the success of the change are taken care of, leaders can begin to rely on their people to help lead the change. Daily responsibilities can be delegated to others while the leader remains available for support if problems arise.

I’ve been known to say that great leaders treat their people as their business partners. High involvement change leadership is a perfect example of this. When leaders involve their people in making important decisions throughout the change process, their people feel respected—and respect leads to trust. When your people truly trust you as their leader, they will want to do their best work to ensure the success of your organization’s change initiative.

The rapid onset of COVID-19 forced all of us in the leadership and talent development space to quickly create new ways of thinking, learning, and working; it affected every fiber of our world. In essence, the pandemic has forced the birth of new ways of doing just about everything, from parenting to schooling to working.

On the work front, organizations are being called upon to reimagine the way they do business, care for their employees, grow, and more. But rising tensions and stress cause people to withdraw from true dialogue or try to dominate it. The consequences are costly: Some 77% of employees say poor communication hinders their company’s ability to compete.¹

As a result, leaders became learners again, rediscovering how to build trust, manage in a remote setting, and engage in authentic, straightforward dialogue. Along the way we’ve gained more clarity around what’s truly important, found the ability to quickly change course, and become skilled at doing things that were once uncomfortable. We’ve also discovered new ways of building and fortifying human connections for living, learning, and leading in a time of unprecedented upheaval.

This experience has helped The Ken Blanchard Companies develop and refine a fresh, modern approach to effective, human-centered leadership development experiences at a time when effective leadership matters more than ever. Just like you, we’ve had to ramp up quickly to meet the changing needs of learners—and what a change it’s been, as we are now averaging over 500 virtual sessions per month! We’ve also accelerated our time to launch exciting new modalities designed to extend our ability to reach more leaders more effectively with human connections woven in. As industry has made the rapid-fire shift to virtual, in many organizations the human connection is diminished or completely missing. We saw this as the perfect opportunity to reach more leaders, to democratize leadership development, and to leverage what we’re best known for: building the most productive relationships between people at work using our timeless, enduring content that is beloved the world over.

It’s been a great opportunity to partner with clients to design new ways to reach individuals and leaders, distributed across locations and time zones, with the helping hand of smart technologies. The result has been learning experiences that are deeply rooted to our clients’ leaders and learners: who they are, what they do and when, and how they work. Together we’ve created experiences that improve awareness and capability, and move their businesses forward by imparting the skills their leaders need right now—not to survive, but to thrive.

I am a Solutions Architect, part of our Solutions Architecture Center of Excellence. We partner with our clients to co-create the perfect experience for your scale, timeline, technology needs, and budget. We begin our engagements with a design session that is collaborative and co-creative and incorporates the tenets of design thinking (specifically, Empathize, Define, and Ideate) to clearly understand your audience—in other words, who we are solving for. That who drives each set of decisions we make as we define the goals, craft the learning experiences for your various target groups, and determine how we will prove the value of our work together. Focusing on your audience early and often allows our design team to connect closely with the learner, develop relevant content, create context, and build world-class experiences for all levels of leaders.

We’ve been using this approach successfully with all of our content including our flagship offering, SLII^®, plus other core offerings such as Self Leadership, Blanchard Management Essentials^®, Building Trust, Leading People Through Change^®, Conversational Capacity^®, and Team Leadership. This approach allows us to create a common language and provide frameworks that are easy to apply from one level of leadership to another.

And we’ve packaged the content in ways that meet the demands of different learner groups:

• For small cohort groups up to 20 people, we’ve been suggesting Virtual Instructor Led Training experiences that will leave your leaders feeling as though they, well, went to class! Click here for a close-in view of how we “do” virtual learning at Blanchard.
• For larger audiences that need to learn new skills in a way that scales broadly and quickly:
  • We’ve developed a Collaborative Online experience that unfolds over time, usually six weeks, combining self-driven learning with the hallmarks of the best the classroom has to offer: peer discussions, application, and reflection, guided by a Blanchard expert. Click here to learn about our Self Leadership Collaborative Online experience and its impact on our most recent cohort.
  • Our new Interactive Keynote Collections target core concepts in a way that allows you to reach a large number of learners quickly.
• For more in-depth experiences, our Digital Learning Journeys provide a turnkey way for you to deliver leadership-level-specific learning, quickly. Many of our core programs are available in this format now and can be used individually or with intact teams.
• And to keep the learning at the forefront after the formal learning moments end, we’ve been layering in our sustainment offerings such as our multi-week SLII^® chatbot, called Kenbot^®, that extends the learning from the classroom into the flow of work. There is no easier way to reconnect and recommit than offering the chatbot as a performance support tool for your leaders.
• Blanchard’s Coaching Solutions provide additional rigor to all our offerings and turn newly formed skills into new habits and ways of working. Designs range from a peer coaching model that aligns to the journeys of different levels of leaders, to group coaching in groups of 8 to 12, to individual One on One coaching and executive coaching.

As we look to the future, it’s only natural to ask, “Will the classroom make a comeback?” That’s a question we all are asking. Our answer is, “Yes, in some form,” but what comes next will undoubtedly look different than it did prior to COVID-19.

We envision a leadership development experience that blends every modality, curated specifically to address the needs of your various audiences.

Perhaps it’s Building Trust in Virtual Instructor Led Training in small cohorts for your people in EMEA, the same content served up in Digital Learning Journeys with live group coaching sessions in the Americas, and again, the same content served up in face-to-face sessions in Asia.

Reaching further out into the flow of work, picture Interactive Keynote Sessions for your large, synchronous, global audiences on critical topics that resonate around the globe—or envision Blanchard’s digital licensed content served up in journeys your L&D team creates and presents on your LMS or LXP platform.

No matter what your learning platform, LXP, or LMS is, Blanchard can help you leverage your investment. We’ve incorporated much of our digital content and experiences in mainstream LXPs that scale the leadership development experience instantly. And for those of you with an LMS platform, we have a public API that can be used to integrate our content into your platform.

Learn more about offering our programs in plans and pathways on your instance. Together we can create a blueprint to build communities of connected, inspired leaders speaking the same language, as part of a unified approach to leading your people forward.

Our Solutions Architect team members are some of the most accomplished professionals in the industry. They can help you:

• Co-create a learning experience that meets your timeline, technology needs, and budget
• Develop à la carte options to fill in the gaps in your leadership development curriculum
• Create a leadership development journey that unfolds over time and incorporates Blanchard content, your custom content, and content from other providers
• Deploy a new leadership development experience on a learning management system, a learning experience platform, or other innovative learning technologies

I am ready to help. There’s a bright future of leadership development ahead of us. Schedule an initial design consultation with me or one of the other Solutions Architects to explore what the future of leadership development could look like in your organization. Or download our new Solutions Brochure. We’d love to share designs we’ve created for other clients and explore what your organization’s leadership development experience could look like.

About the Author

Ann Rollins is a solutions architect with The Ken Blanchard Companies. A modern learning champion with more than 25 years of industry experience helping form and execute learning strategy for Fortune and Global 500 companies, Ann always has her eyes on the technology horizon. Her passion lies in helping clients sort out the learning angles and attainability of technology in workforce learning and performance to build future-forward, human-centered experiences.

_{^1. Dynamic Signal, The Cost of Poor Employee Communication, 2018.}

Dear Madeleine,

My boss recently left the company. It was very sudden—I can’t tell if he left on his own or if he was fired. We had a good relationship, so I would have thought I would be more in the know. Anyway, my boss’s boss asked me to fill in until they find a replacement and gave me some high-level information on the other two business units I am now suddenly overseeing. I know very little about these other business units, as we have always been siloed. My old boss, it turns out, seems to have engineered it that way.

My new direct reports are literally jamming my inbox with questions about decisions that should have been made weeks ago and are expecting me to tell them what to do. My boss’s boss has gone AWOL. I have asked several trusted friends for advice, but they are fixated on getting me to ask for the title and salary that goes with the job, when what I really need right now is a way to make good decisions.

I have scoured our internal learning portal for some guidance and found some classes on decision making that I don’t have time to take. I have never been super confident in my decision-making ability, and now I am in a state of terror. What do you suggest?

Stunned and Terrified

Dear Stunned and Terrified,

This sounds awfully daunting. I honestly don’t know how you can be expected to make a bunch of decisions without at least some background. And yet, here you are.

I think there are two things to look at here: (1) a quick, short-term fix for your spot between a rock and a hard place, and (2) ideas for the long term.

Short Term: Lean on Your People

Set up meetings with your brand new direct reports to get a clear picture of decisions that need to be made right away. Meet with each of them one on one to get the lay of the land, and then meet with all of your leaders as a group to examine each decision and get input from everyone on the options available and recommendations for best approaches. It is always good to consult experts when making decisions—and these folks are as close as you can get to that right now. You will also want to ask them who else in the organization should be included or consulted in the decision. They will know.

Some of these decisions may not be as urgent as they initially appear, so make sure you focus on each one in priority order and defer those that don’t require attention right this minute. How on earth do you do that? Ask:

• What is the problem we are trying to solve?
• How do we know it is a real problem?
• What terrible thing will happen if we don’t address it right now?
• Do we have informed ideas about how to solve the problem?
• Is it feasible to make a plan right now, or do we need more information, need to consult others, or wait to see what happens next?

It seems that there is some kind of intense situation going on at the top levels of the organization. Anything you can do to get things done and make life easier for your boss’s boss will be a good thing all around. Create a clear, concise communication for them about each decision, why it needs to be made right away, options for ways to go, and any pro/con thinking you have done either with the team or on your own. In essence, you are telling your boss’s boss what decisions you are going to make if you hear nothing back from them. That way, if something goes wrong later, you at least have written evidence that you made an earnest effort to get direction from above. I hate to think in terms of covering your butt, but in this case it seems like a really good idea. Put “URGENT: decisions that need to be made, with my recommendations” in the subject line.

While you are at it, in a separate communication, send a list of upcoming non-urgent decisions with any thoughts you have on those, too.

You have some story going on in your head that you aren’t confident in your decision-making ability. There are some methods to learn, for sure, and we will discuss those in a moment. For right now, remind yourself that you have a perfectly good brain that has brought you this far. People who are super confident in their decision-making ability either have unusual self-assurance, lots of experience making decisions, or both. You are about to get some experience, so you have that going for you!

Long Term: Develop Your Decision-Making Ability

Once you get through the immediate Class 5 rapids, you can give some attention to improving your decision-making ability. It isn’t some mysterious Spidey sense—there are proven models you can use to inform your thinking. Go ahead and take the classes offered through your company; you will absolutely find some good content there.

One of my favorite resources is The Owner’s Manual for the Brain by Pierce J. Howard. You don’t have to be a neuroscience wonk to love it. It really is quite an amazing overview. Chapter 26 is all about decision making, including how your personality affects your decision-making style and all kinds of models to define various types of problems and how to break them down to solve them. It is a bit expensive but, honestly, it will cover pretty much anything you would get if you bought 10 other books on this topic. Dr. Howard’s genius is in providing an excellent high-level overview of the topic and then drilling down into the most critical detail without getting lost in the weeds.

The other option, of course, is the internet. The resources are endless, but it is totally overwhelming. Hopefully, someone will put some good ideas for the ideal place to look in the comments below!

A couple of things I know for sure:

1. The more you doubt your ability to make decisions, the harder it will be to make a good one. The key is to stay grounded, breathe, and trust that you are smart enough so that you can think straight. Swat away the transient negative thoughts and worries about the future to help you stay present.
2. There is such a thing as decision fatigue. The pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain we need to see the big picture and analyze details) does get tired. So make your final decisions when you are rested, hydrated, and have steady blood sugar. Roy Baumeister, one of the foremost researchers on the topic, asserts that people who consistently make the best decisions aren’t necessarily smarter than the rest of us—they just know when not to make an important decision.
3. Mistakes will get made. It is inevitable. And it will be OK as long as nobody dies. It doesn’t sound like you are being asked to review the engineering for a bridge or to do neurosurgery, so chances are any mistakes won’t be fatal. There will be consequences to every decision that gets made, and some will be unintended and unforeseeable. There just is nothing to be done about that. You will just have to learn to be OK with it.

Nothing like a little trial by fire to strengthen your mettle! But really, it is the only way to really grow and expand your capabilities. I wish it weren’t so, but there you have it. What I want is for you to be able to look back on this as a time when you rose to the occasion and made yourself proud.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

By Pat Zigarmi and Judd Hoekstra

The coronavirus pandemic upended our world in a matter of weeks.
Businesses closed. Stores shuttered. Unemployment soared. And worst of all, the virus took our loved ones.

Companies were forced to reinvent the way they worked in just a few days. IT departments scrambled to provide equipment for employees. Managers and their people struggled to adjust to the new reality.

For those of us fortunate to keep our jobs, the boundaries between work and home vanished. Spare rooms became offices. Some of us worked exceptionally long hours. Some had little to do.

When historians chronicle these dark days, they will write how fear and uncertainty cast a pall over the world. They will also share that there were surprising pockets of innovation as employees exercised their newfound autonomy and rose to the challenges of the moment.

Now, organizations around the globe are reopening, sort of. Unevenly for sure. Making decisions without complete information. Uncertain about the future.

This creates an opportunity for all leaders to embrace the changes ahead in a radically different way.

The Business Case for High-Involvement Change

The pandemic acted like a microscope.

It magnified how courageous, curious, agile, and resilient we (individuals and organizations!) can be. It gave us new ways of thinking about how and where work gets done.

So what are some of the lessons we’re learning?

The command-and-control leadership style looks like a relic from the past. The idea that a few at the top know what is best for the many seems untenable. Additionally, unlike hierarchical organizations of the past, today’s frontline employees have more access to information than ever before. The Internet has become a great leveler, empowering employees and making command and control look slow and old.

The conclusion is that leaders must invite all stakeholders to conversations about change.

We also know that the pre-pandemic status quo suppressed employee engagement and enthusiasm. Creative solutions emerged when employees took ownership of problems. An inclusive, high-involvement environment is the only way to keep alive the surges of creativity, resourcefulness, and collaboration we’ve witnessed in the last months.

The coronavirus pandemic also showed that employees could co-create solutions and implement changes that met organizational and individual needs.

When employees return to the office, it will be a critical time for leaders to capitalize on their creativity and rethink how and where work gets done.

Essential Conversations Ahead

Change means different things to different people. We define it in our Leading People Through Change® (LPTC) workshop as “the gap between what is and what could be.”

In the case of the pandemic, change is the gap between what was, what is, and what could be. The challenge facing all companies is jettisoning what didn’t work (like endless face-to-face meetings) and embracing what did (like agility and empowerment).

To understand what did and didn’t work before and during the pandemic, leaders need to have meaningful conversations with their people. Before leaders announce any change, they need to share what they saw/see with their peers and understand the implications. Finally, they need to ask employees what they saw/see and know.

These conversations will help your organization define potential changes about where and how work gets done going forward and ensure that the proposed solutions solve the right problems.

The goal of these conversations is to help each other appreciate different perspectives about work before and during the pandemic so you can co-create the “what could be” for your workplace.

Why is this so important?

Change initiatives are notoriously difficult undertakings—they fail 75% of the time. And most are unsuccessful for the same reason: 80% of companies use a top-down, minimally inclusive approach. And yet we’ve also learned this from our change work over the years: “Those who plan the battle rarely battle the plan!”

Involving others to develop realistic and right-resourced change plans will also let you discover potential implementation problems before you reopen. Casting a wide net has inherent value. Our founder Ken Blanchard powerfully summed up the reason: “None of us is as smart as all of us.”

Once you reopen and/or adapt some blended solution of working from home and at the office, your employees will have concerns that arise in a predictable sequence. The Leading People Through Change® Stages of Concern model, below, illustrates this.

Perhaps the most important conversations you’ll have with employees when you reopen are what we call Concerns Conversations. These surface people’s unanswered questions with the proposed changes.

When you think about reopening your organization, we bet that these are the questions keeping people awake at night. But if you use a high-involvement approach to change, you don’t have to have all the answers. The answers come from bringing those affected by the change into the conversation.

In reality, the only thing fast about a top-down approach is decision-making. However, the speed of implementation and realization of results are significantly slower with a top-down approach because those outcomes rely on the commitment of those being asked to change.

An African proverb captures the essence of Blanchard’s high-involvement approach to change: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

Get Ready to Go Far

The pandemic is demanding change in your organization. Leading People Through Change® can make it a transformative moment.

Joe Dunne, director of sales enablement at Global Industrial, recently went through LPTC training with forty sales leaders. Here’s what he had to say about it:

“Leading People Through Change® has been a game changer for us. The highly interactive virtual sessions were delivered flawlessly, under a tight time frame, by our trusted partners at Blanchard. We’re seeing immediate on-the-job application of the mindsets and skillsets we learned as our people return to the office from working remote.”

Leading People Through Change® can be conducted as a one-day face-to-face session, a seven-hour virtual instructor-led training (four virtual sessions), a two- to four-hour executive overview, and a soon-to-be-released 35-minute digital overview.

Please contact your Blanchard sales consultant if you would like to learn more about our Leading People Through Change® solution.

“So many of us are dealing with changes to our work routines. It’s generating a mountain of new requests and tasks that require us to get things done using new guidelines, practices, and procedures,” says bestselling business author Dr. Vicki Halsey, VP of Applied Learning at The Ken Blanchard Companies.

“Leaders need to: (1) be sure direct reports are clear on what they have to do; (2) work with each of them to diagnose where they are on each task; and (3) get them the resources they need to succeed,” explains Halsey. “Managers need to be as clear as possible about what a good job looks like.

This can be more difficult than it seems on the surface—for example, when there are conflicting priorities. Managers are often asked to hit output quotas at a high level of quality but under a certain budget. In a call center, this might translate to workers being urged to solve every customer’s problem the first time they call while also maintaining a call volume of more than 20 calls answered per hour. That’s a huge challenge. The best organizations get clear on what is most important and set specific, trackable, and attainable goals while striving to maintain motivation and avoid burnout.”

Once goals are set, leaders need to be attentive to each individual’s level of competence and commitment for the new task or new way of doing things. Diagnosing development level is key, says Halsey.

“Help people see where they are on a specific task in terms of ability and motivation, which we describe as competence and commitment. A person can be high or low on either scale. When these measurements are combined, the person will end up at one of four development levels such as Disillusioned Learner (low on commitment, low on competence) and Self-Reliant Achiever (high on commitment, high on competence).

“As a leader, you need to listen and observe very carefully. If the person is a learner, you help solve the problem for them. If they’ve had some demonstrable success but they’re a little hesitant, you flip the conversation and ask them how they think they should solve the problem.”

Halsey says in all cases, the leader must stay involved.

“If you leave people alone, that’s when they will move the task to the next day’s to-do list. If you want to keep accelerating their performance, you have to stay with them. Are they letting you know their status on a task, or have they gone silent? Go and check with them. If you notice you’re not seeing the person as much as you used to, you need to connect with them, figure out where they’re stuck, and get them back on track.

“Your goal as a leader is to keep the conversations flowing. That’s the secret to productivity—clear goals, people aligned on performance, and being able to diagnose and then give what is needed to ensure they get the job done. When you accomplish that, you are working in a highly productive, aligned manner,” says Halsey. “That’s good for you, your people, and your organization!”

Would you like to learn more about helping the leaders in your organization have effective conversations in a changing work environment? Join us for a free webinar!

3 Performance Conversation Skills All Leaders Need to Master
Wednesday, June 10, 2020, 7:00 a.m. Pacific Time

Join Dr. Vicki Halsey for an in-depth look at the three skills today’s leaders need to master in our changing world—goal setting, diagnosing, and matching. Halsey will show you how to help your leaders diagnose people’s development levels on new tasks and goals and how to provide the proper amounts of direction and support to get people up to speed quickly. You’ll explore how leaders can:

• Structure new goals, tasks, and processes for team members
• Diagnose a direct report’s current development level for mastering a new skill
• Provide a matching leadership style with the right amount of direction and support

Don’t miss this opportunity to get people performing at a high level quickly in a changing world.

Register today!

Dear Madeleine,

I lead a marketing department for an operating company of a massive global conglomerate (yes, those still exist). When the shelter-in-place rule was announced, I did a really good job of making sure my team was set up to work from home, and have figured out the flex time/PTO situation for those who have school-aged kids.

A couple of my people have come down with COVID-19 and they have been fully quarantined. Thank God none of them have had to go to the hospital and all are recovering—albeit some more slowly than others. I am a 57-year-old man with asthma, so I am being ultra-careful myself.

The initial panic seems to have passed. I am no longer running on coffee and adrenaline. But now what I feel is dread. For a while we were talking about “when this is over,” but no one is talking about that anymore. Now I only hear “get ready for a new normal.”

I still worry that I might get the virus. It seems to be harder on men, and I live alone and don’t have anyone to take of me. I really like my job—although I suspect that I will be cut soon. I am not ready to retire, financially or energy-wise. But if I do get laid off, who wants to hire an old guy?

I’m not sleeping well. When I do sleep, I have nightmares.

Any ideas for finding some peace?

Need Peace

Dear Need Peace,

So here we are—in the US at least—about six weeks into about as weird a state as we all ever, collectively, have been. We seem to be pretty much through the sheer terror part of the program—some are managing the loss of their income, and, far worse, some have lost loved ones. In a best-case scenario, we are (I hope) about halfway to some kind of return to normalcy. We are being told that nothing will ever be the same, the economy will tank, we will never shake hands again.

Back in the day, when the only way to cross the Atlantic was to sail, sailors would often hit the doldrums. Around the equator, the wind would just stop blowing—sometimes for a few days, often for weeks. But that didn’t mean there weren’t storms. There were often more than usual, and they would spring up with no warning. It caused deep unease. Sailors would start wondering if they would have enough food. Or water. (I can’t imagine they were worried about toilet paper.) Before the discovery that limes could combat scurvy, which is a lack of vitamin C that causes the gums to soften among other symptoms, sailors would wonder why their teeth were falling out. This was the time that nightmares about sea monsters would set in. It was pure, unadulterated, existential dread.

We are in the doldrums. Uncertainty is exhausting for our brains. Our brains are prediction machines, constantly scanning the environment for new threats. And these days, all they find is potential and even actual threats. It is totally normal to feel like you are on tilt most of the time. I don’t know anyone who isn’t feeling it. One of my colleagues who has been through some serious challenges and has perfected the art of self-care recently wrote: “I am noticing my self-care practices are not enough some days to get me out of a funk of negativity.” If she, who is a role model for sunny resilience, is feeling this way, we normal people are going to have work extra hard!

So. You have your work cut out for you. I am no medical professional, but I am a fellow human and I will share some ideas of what has worked for me, my clients, and my loved ones.

• Right now, take a few minutes and write down everything you are afraid of, everything that is driving you nuts, everything you are putting up with, everything that is making you mad. Get it all out, all on paper. This isn’t to dwell on the negative—it is to get all of the nasty little dust bunnies hiding in the dark places of your soul out into the sunlight. You probably think you don’t have that many, but you might be surprised. Now, look through all the things on the list and identify the ones you have some control over. See what actions you might be able to take that might shore up your sense of autonomy and control.

• One technique that has been extraordinarily helpful to many of my clients, especially the creative ones, is called Morning Pages, from a book called The Artists Way by Julia Cameron. You can hear Julia on the topic here. The technique couldn’t be simpler. When you wake up in the morning, you write three pages, just stream of consciousness, in longhand (a stretch for the younger generation but probably not for you!) I have used this technique to get me through some of darkest days and it really clears the mind.

• Try meditation. My husband, who has never been a fan of meditation, finally found one that works for him. He recently sent it out to our whole company and got some really nice feedback. Mooji, a renowned meditation master, just posted a new one specifically for these times. It might not be your cup of tea—but when life gets this strange, you never know where help might come from.

• Call your regular doctor and discuss your options for getting better sleep. I personally find that brutally difficult exercise can help. The one thing available to almost everyone is a long walk. Walking is always good, never bad.

• Talk to a mental health professional. One big company, a client informed me, is offering 16 therapy sessions to all executive employees and all their family members. I was shocked! But I’ll bet your company is offering some kind of help. Do some digging, find out how to avail yourself of it, and unburden yourself. If that is not an option, you might find some help on this great mental health/COVID-19 resource page.

• Regarding your fear about losing your job—marketing is essential, now more than ever. You must figure out how to make yourself indispensable and mission critical to the success of the business. This would be a really good reason to work with a coach—someone who can help you figure out your personal brand, your strengths, and a solid PR campaign that helps your boss (and anyone else who matters) understand how you add value. I’ll bet you could hire a good coach for six sessions to just accomplish that one goal. Here is a link to The International Coach Federation Coach Finder. It will help you manage your anxiety and take intentional action, and it will be super helpful to get you through to the next opportunity if you do get let go.

• As for the language you use about yourself, cut it out. Language shapes our thoughts, and thoughts become our reality. As my mother-in-law, the extraordinarily wise Margie Blanchard, says: “Don’t say it if you don’t want it.” So please stop calling yourself an old guy. Reframe your self-concept around what you have to offer. Lots of people want to hire people with the right experience and skills. Nobody wants to hire Eeyore.

The one thing I recommend you take very seriously—as in do now—is what you said about there being no one to take care of you if you get sick. I encourage you to take the leap and have this conversation with someone in your life who cares enough about you to check in, bring you cans of soup, and generally show up on your behalf—a colleague, a neighbor, a friend. You sound self-sufficient and proud, which is fine, but not when you need help. So ask for help before you need it, so that you can put your mind at ease. No one should be totally alone right now, and you have the capacity to change that feeling. If you do nothing else for yourself, do that, please.

These are hard times. There is no denying it and no getting around it. But there are no sea monsters here, and your teeth aren’t going to fall out. I promise.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is the co-founder of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 16,000 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

Dear Madeleine,

I lead a team at a global bank that is going through constant upheaval and change. I have used Blanchard’s change model in the past to try to meet my people where they are and address their concerns. The problem with the latest change is that I don’t have any answers for my people. I really have no idea what is going to happen next. I’ve tried to get answers from my own boss about strategic direction, but he is either clueless or just not talking.

I’m so tired of trying to take care of everyone. I feel like saying “Look, I don’t know any more than you do. Please just do the job in front of you and be patient.” I feel like I’m failing as a leader because I just don’t know what to do.

Leading in the Dark

Dear Leading in the Dark,

Uncertainty is so uncomfortable. Neuroscience research reveals that we get flooded with stress hormones in the face of constant uncertainty and it does make it hard to persevere. You are experiencing that your people need to be talked off the ledge all the time, and it just takes it out of you.

For some perspective, I offer the story of Ernest Shackleton. He headed up an expedition to the South Pole during which his ship was crushed in the ice. He led his crew through quite extraordinary hardships and, remarkably, did not lose a single man. He didn’t know what the heck he was doing at any given moment either, but he kept a good attitude. This might make you feel better because at least none of your folks are going to starve, freeze to death, or drown.

I realize this sounds like I am being facetious, but I really am not. It is important to continually remind yourself that (generally, stock market crashes aside) nobody dies in banking. The most important thing you can do for your people is to do whatever you can to stay calm. Act as if everything is fine until you have definitive evidence that it isn’t. If you stay calm, your people will stay calm. So breathe, go for walks, meditate, play music in your office—anything you can do to get a grip and lighten the mood will be helpful.

Next, get your team involved in finding a way to deal with the uncertainty. You shouldn’t have to carry all of this by yourself. You are absolutely allowed to say “Look, I don’t know any more than you do. Please just do the job in front of you and be patient.” Your people aren’t children, so treat them like grownups and get them involved in figuring out how you can all thrive in this crazy environment. Sit down with the whole team and make a big flip chart picture of what you all can control and what is out of your control. Gain agreement as a group to stay focused on what you—as a team and as individuals—can control. Agree that you will all redirect each other to stay focused on what is within your control at any given moment.

Finally, get everyone focused on what is working and what they do well. If you use team meeting time to focus on the positive, you will literally change their brain chemistry. For example:

• Have everyone point out people they enjoy partnering with to get things done.
• Ask each person to list two of their top skills and how they are able to leverage them in their job.
• Get each team member to take the VIA Character Strengths assessment and share the results with the team. It is free and fun.

You may have some nay-sayers who give you a hard time (there’s always at least one in every bunch). Who cares? At least you’re being creative by trying to lift everyone’s spirits instead of just being a victim of circumstances.

You can get through this, Leading in the Dark—and you and your team will be the stronger for it when you all get to the other side.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

A new year is upon us. For many people, this time of year represents “out with the old, in with the new”—a new start or a new opportunity. I believe right now is the best time for self-reflection toward creating goals and identifying behaviors you need to become the person you want to be in 2020!

Imagine your desired future self. Who is the person you want to be? Is it someone who exudes executive presence, communicates eloquently, is a subject matter expert, is outgoing, or has confidence? Think big! Don’t limit yourself!

Next, what are the qualities you need to become this person? For example, would you like to be seen as charismatic, direct, self-aware, self-assured, sociable, empathetic, sincere, determined? It may help to think of the behaviors and qualities of a person you admire. Identify one or two behaviors to focus on to move toward your authentic future self.

Being your authentic self means being genuine and real. The way someone chooses to express confidence may be interpreted by others as cocky, fake, or power hungry. Be sure you are authentic and that you exhibit behaviors that complement your style. Let me share a story to help illustrate this point.

As an introvert, my natural tendency is to be a quiet observer and very guarded with what I say during a conversation. My goal is to be more outspoken and social. I once received feedback from team members who felt I was disengaged at times and who wanted me to share my opinions more often. I realized I was slow to respond and sometimes missed the opportunity to respond, which led to their perception that I was not engaged. I decided to make a change—and, most important, to do it in a way that was consistent with who I am.

I made an agreement with myself that I would start sharing my thoughts early in discussions, even if I did not have all the details or the time to process input from others before I stated my opinion. I gave myself permission to be vulnerable and uncomfortable with being more outgoing and outspoken.

Since then, I have been intentional with initiating conversations in social settings and speaking up during meetings and in group settings. I share my thoughts when appropriate, but I still engage through listening and processing what others say before I give my opinion.

Fast forward to today. During a large gathering of family and friends over the holidays, I was part of a discussion about the differences between introverts and extroverts, and being reserved versus outgoing. I stated I am an introvert, reserved, an observer, and not very comfortable in large settings. I was surprised to hear many state they disagreed with me. They gave me examples of when I was outgoing, displaying behaviors of an extrovert and a “social butterfly.” Looking back, I was happy I had accomplished an authentic behavior change, becoming more outspoken and social in a way that was still me.

How about you? Are you ready for a genuine change? Here are four steps to authentically change a behavior:

• Identify a behavior you want to change, such as shifting from timid to confident.
• Link the behavior to your values to be authentic. For example, being confident helps build positive relationships.
• Visualize the effectiveness of the behavior—a situation where you are confident and receive positive feedback from others.
• Create a plan of action. For example, be prepared for meetings, practice positive self-talk, learn presentation skills, etc.

It takes time, focus, and determination to change a behavior. But through self-awareness and being intentional with your actions, it can be done!

About the Author

Terry Watkins is a coaching solutions partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

Dear Madeleine,

I hate New Year’s resolutions and I don’t feel like making any this year. I have had some success with them in the past, but this year I just feel overwhelmed with everything I have on my plate. Still, I feel so much pressure to make some.

What do you think?

Cranky

Dear Cranky,

I’m with you. Forget it. No NYR’s for 2020. None. Zip. Nada. ZERO. Okay?

Where is this pressure coming from? Your community? Family? Work? Your own self? Does it matter? No, it doesn’t. The pressure is totally manufactured.

Sometimes you just have to let things go. Set a new goal, go for a new habit, stop something bad, or start something good when you are good and ready and not a moment sooner.

Look, the whole construct is totally made up. Completely and totally made up. You can do whatever you want. The gift of NYR’s are that they inform you of what is really important to you.

For example, if you set the same resolution every year—let’s hear it for ”lose 10 pounds!”—it is data. It tells you that you care about it, you cared last year, and you still care this year. Unless right now, you don’t. I am still working on resolutions I originally set for January 1, 2000 because they are still important to me. I have absolutely mastered one out of the three, but they all still matter, and I still care. But it is just information. That’s all.

The number one reason people don’t achieve their goals is that they have too many of them. So. let it go, Cranky, you are off the hook. I said so.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am uber conscientious and a perfectionist—and I can’t seem to stop. I was promoted a year ago and have a very professional and trustworthy team, but I am addicted to reviewing everyone’s work and making small edits and changes. I am staying way too late at the office and my husband is getting really annoyed with me. I know I’m overworking—but maybe more critically, I’m focused on the wrong things. I’m not paying enough attention to the tasks that are going to advance me professionally.

I know intellectually that I can’t dot every I and cross every T, but I just don’t know how to change. I keep telling myself I’m going to do things differently, but I just continue these compulsive behaviors. I’ve never found myself in this kind of situation. I used to be much more adaptable.

What do you suggest?

Stuck

Dear Stuck,

It sounds like you’re in a hard place where your behavior is causing you real suffering. The good news is that your self-awareness is breathtaking, so you have that going for you. One of two things is going on here: you are simply stuck in a big fat rut that you can succeed in blasting yourself out of, or you’re going to need some professional help to get back on an even keel.

There’s no shame in getting help. If your company has an employee assistance program, I’d highly recommend that you take advantage of it. Just a couple of sessions with a trained therapist might do you a lot of good. I’m not implying there is anything wrong with you—but you sound overwhelmed and unhappy. I don’t think it would hurt to talk things through and get some perspective.

On your own, you can do a few things immediately to shift your situation.

First, stop. Just stop. Your brain has gotten into the habit of being on an endless loop, and you have to interrupt it. Neuroscientists have a saying: “Neurons that fire together, wire together.” This means you have well-worn neural pathways that make it easy for your brain to simply default to your usual way of operating. So STOP. Change your routine, change the scene, change it all up. Take a couple of vacation days and go for walks. Look at a horizon. Spend some time in nature. These aren’t just nice-to-haves—they all have been proven to change brain chemistry.

Next, make a list of all the habits you have created (most of which have made you successful, by the way) that need to change. It feels counterintuitive, but it is critical. You have to stop doing things that don’t serve you, so you can start doing things that do serve you. This sounds shockingly obvious, right? And yet—not everything that is simple is easy. If you want to learn more about the way we create and undo habits, you can read up on it here.

As you look to undo habits that aren’t serving you, remember that you can’t change everything at once. Prioritize the one or two things you want to stop or start that will make the biggest impact on your work processes. Maybe it is simply making a commitment to stop checking your people’s work. For example, you could announce that you will no longer be checking certain kinds of work. You can tell your team that you realize you have been overdoing the control thing, and it’s time to stop. Make sure they all understand your standards for what a good job looks like. (Please note: I don’t mean this has to be the first thing you do; it is just an example.)

Be sure to enlist others. You’ll need some support to make the changes you want to make. Discuss the situation with your manager if you can. Ask for a coach if that is possible. Enlist the help of a good friend you trust who knows you. It can be hard, but you should ask for exactly what you want and need.

Remember your past success. You know you have changed and have been adaptable in the past—you might think about looking back on what has helped you before. Self-awareness is the first step and you have that. Don’t stop there. You can do this, Stuck. You have done it before, and you can do it again. Take a step back, take a deep breath, get some perspective, set your goals, decide what to change, enlist others, and get help where you can. Help is available to you, and help is good.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am what’s called a “people leader”—I lead individual contributors at a global software giant. I am also a technical contributor as a subject matter expert in a specific application.

I don’t love managing people. I am quite reserved and I find it tiring—but it is the only way to get ahead in this company. I’ve always thought I would stay here forever and rise through the ranks. But there has been so much change over the last 18 months that I have had three different bosses. The last one barely seems to know I am alive and has no idea about my technical expertise.

The person who runs the team on which I am an SME disagrees with the strategic direction of the organization and is planning to leave. He wants to take me with him. He is convincing me that if I went, I would make a lot more money and be able to focus on my technical expertise. I am single and could move, although I would be leaving my family and friends.

I have gotten myself into a state and have no idea what I should I do. Thoughts?

Stay or Go?

Dear Stay or Go,

Ah, these big life decisions. Of course, I can’t recommend a course of action one way or the other. I personally have a bias toward action, which has brought me enormous joy and probably more than my fair share of really bad mistakes. But I can help you review the situation as you have laid it out.

You enjoy the technical part of your job, but you have been pressured into managing people. The company you work for is unstable and you get no attention or support from management. The one senior person who seems to grasp and appreciate your value is leaving the company and wants to take you with him. So far, he has made promises, but as yet you have received no official offer. If you were to agree to an attractive offer, you would have to move and leave a settled life with an established community.

Essentially, you just don’t have enough information yet. I think before you do anything rash, you have to get a solid offer that includes a substantial raise, a clear job description, and your moving expenses covered. Until then, it is all pure speculation.

But this event is a bit of a wake-up call that everything is not quite right in your current position. And it’s an opportunity for you to define for yourself what would be better for you. To make these big life decisions, it is helpful for you to understand your core psychological needs and your values.

Values are important. What makes you smile? What do you gravitate to naturally? What gives you energy and pleasure? Ask yourself: Will I be more aligned with my values in this new situation?

Your needs are even more critical. They are what you have to have. To figure out your needs, think about what you must have to be fully functional. It sounds like you might have a need to pursue your mastery of your technical expertise, but you have no need to be in charge of other people.

Some needs don’t really become apparent until they aren’t met. One of the best ways to identify your needs is to think about a time when you behaved badly or became almost sick with unhappiness. Chances are some fundamental need wasn’t being met. What was it?

Do you like to be appreciated or do you need it? Do you like having a close community near you, or do you need it? If you get a reasonable offer, you will want to ask yourself Will I be able to rebuild a life in a new place where I can get what I need to be stable?

If I could be so bold, I’d like to recommend my book Leverage Your Best in this column. It has some great detail on needs and values and it might be worth your while. The more you understand about yourself, the easier it will be to make these big life choices.

If in the passage of time and events you decide to stay where you are, this exploration will still be useful and will help you shape your career path and inform the requests you make of your current management.

I hope you do a little self-reflection and learn more about who you are and what you really want out of life. The more thought you put into it now, the more likely you will be able to create an extraordinary life with few regrets.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

If someone asks my opinion about their organization making a shift to a coaching culture, I won’t say “think again, my friend”—but I will say “let’s think this through before you go spending a lot of money on consultants and a lot of time and energy rallying the troops.”

Who am I to say anything? I am a passionate advocate for all things coaching. I have devoted the last thirty years of my life to the ideas and technologies that have emerged from the birth and maturity of the coaching profession. I am a champion for leveraging coaching professionals in all areas of life and work. I have created classes and taught managers and leaders to apply coaching tools to increase their effectiveness with their people. I have taught coaching skills, the coaching mindset, and variations of coaching processes to HR and OD professionals—folks who are tasked with being mentors in organizations. I have spent the last twenty-five years deploying coaching in diverse forms in companies all over the world. And I have worked with several organizations seeking to implement a coaching culture.

Here are a few things nobody (except me) will tell you about creating a coaching culture:

Culture Change Is a Very Big Deal

Creating a coaching culture is culture change. That statement alone should make any experienced organizational citizen pause and cringe. It is not unlike asking an individual human being to change—to literally alter their personality. And we all know how rarely that succeeds. Culture change is huge and it is difficult. It takes years of dedicated—actually, let’s go ahead and call it obsessive—focus. And never mind senior level support: if the CEO isn’t frothing at the mouth to make it happen, forget it. In fact, the CEO will need to fire any senior executive who isn’t walking the talk, and for that they will most likely need Board approval. Do you see the problem here? There just isn’t a way to do it halfway. It’s all or nothing, from the very top to the guy who delivers the water.

A Coaching Culture Is Not for Everyone

Each organization must define what coaching culture means to them. I can tell you what I think it means but that won’t help you; it will only give you ideas. Many organizations I’ve worked with became so bogged down trying to get agreement on the definition that the effort actually died of its own weight before it got past the first stage. Other organizations, through their efforts to define and distinguish exactly what kind of culture they wanted and needed to succeed, realized they did need culture change—but the culture they needed was not a coaching culture. It was something else. I considered this outcome a success.

Coaching Is Service

The dirty little secret of coaching that nobody really talks about is this: being an effective coach involves being a better person. Asking people to coach is quite literally asking people to become the absolutely best part of themselves. Many people are drawn to being a coach. Many describe it as a calling. And this is accurate—because coaching is a form of service. It requires the coach to practice enormous self-regulation and demonstrate a highly refined way of relating to others. It requires the coach to put aside all distraction and be fully present in service to another. It requires the coach to manage their impulses to interrupt, solve the problem, or give the answer. These things are much easier for a professional whose only agenda is the success of the individual they are coaching. To do this as a manager or a leader—to constantly balance the needs of the organization, the team, and the individual—requires a very special kind of person. Most people who are successful in organizations are successful precisely because they do have good answers, they do forge ahead, they do solve problems, and they do not let the development of others get in their way. So for them to shift to a coaching culture, we are literally asking these folks to stop the behaviors that have made them successful and exchange them for behaviors that will make others successful. The top sales manager who crushes the numbers every year by scaring the living crap out of his people cannot be exempt. Good luck with that, my friend.

Every Employee MUST Buy In to the Culture

A coaching culture only works if every single individual contributor is fully engaged, bought in, and ready to give 100% to the job. This might seem obvious, but it must be said: for coaching to succeed, the players have to want to be coached. They have to have a strong desire to grow, develop, and improve. They have to be eager for feedback. They have to have a deep locus of control. And these are all traits the organization will need to hire for—they cannot be instilled in people. They can, however, be coaxed from folks who have been beaten into numb submission by nasty, stupid, or just plain careless managers. So a certain number of employees will need to be asked to leave and replaced. Can you imagine a more unpopular reality?

For a long time, coaching was a fad. I am thrilled to report that it seems to be here to stay. But I want to be clear: creating a coaching culture in an organization isn’t a quick fix, and it isn’t easy.

About the Author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is the co-founder of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

Dear Madeleine,

What is your opinion about New Year’s resolutions? I have a list of goals as long as my arm for the New Year, and I realize I am probably overdoing it. How do I know how much is enough, and how much is too much?

Feeling Ambitious

________________________________________________________________________

Dear Feeling Ambitious,

There is something so inspiring about the feeling of a fresh start, isn’t there? But we know good intentions alone aren’t going to get us where we want to go. A ton of research has been done on the topic of goal setting and achievement. The newest entry to the field is from Charles Duhigg, author of The Power of Habit. His most recent book, Smarter, Faster, Better, is a fairly standard take on the topic but fresh for today. To be fair, though, he stands on the shoulders of Steven Covey (The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People) and Hyrum Smith (The 10 Natural Laws of Time and Life Management). These two books caused me to radically change my life twenty-five years ago. Both Covey and Smith insist that every choice you make must be rooted in your deepest values in order for you to be successful. For example, losing weight won’t work if you are doing it to please someone else. A goal must be important to you or you are not likely to accomplish it.  

Here are a few quick tips if you aren’t up for a stack of books—although a little Googling will uncover many good summaries!

• Pick one big thing. Probably the main reason people don’t achieve their goals—other
  than lack of deep personal commitment—is that they have set too many. So your angst
  that you may be loading up on goals is probably spot on. As you swing back to
  normal after a big holiday season, you are already behind, so you must manage
  your own expectations. Choose one big thing and let the rest go.
• Get Support. Lots of it. Change is hard, no matter what it is—and if you’re
  trying to break an addiction like nicotine or sugar, it is doubly hard. The
  brain craves anything that causes a predictable release of dopamine, so you’ll
  need more support than you think you do. Tapering off can help, as can support
  groups, a buddy, keeping a journal, daily acknowledgment, or asking for help
  from your guardian angel or whatever you know to be your higher power.
• Break it Down. You have one big goal. Break it down into small sub-goals or daily
  commitments. Ask yourself: What can I do,
  every day, to keep myself on track? Make a chart and check off something every
  day. (I’m sure there’s an app for this, but I’m committed to reducing my screen
  time, so I go with paper.)
• Be Clear.
  You may have heard of the SMART model—it’s been around for years and still offers
  good guidelines for goal setting. Here’s the way I learned it: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timebound. Other interpretations for the model exist but I won’t go into a long analysis here, because so many have done it so well. Again, Google can shed more light on this if you’re interested.

I mention the SMART model because I have observed in myself and in my coaching clients that specificity has tremendous power, and so does a timeline. It’s fairly easy to set a SMART goal with something like losing weight, because we can use numbers. With other things, it can get foggy. So specificity and clarity are key. For example, “I want to get better at my job” is not going to help you. “I am going to achieve ‘Exceeds Expectations’ on the following three competencies at my job” will take you much further.

Note: before you start, you must ask yourself: How will I know I am successful in the end? You can only really celebrate your success if you have answered this question in the beginning.

• Make it Compelling: Now let’s loop back to my first point, which is that you really
  have to care about doing the work to
  achieve your goal. You can’t do it for your spouse, your kids, your dad, or
  anyone else, no matter how much you care about them. So, choose something you really, really want. It doesn’t matter
  if it isn’t a big deal to anyone else, or if it isn’t going to make you a
  better person. If you really care, there is a chance you will succeed.

I will leave you now so that I can decide how to be nicer, more productive, a more patient mom, a more inspiring boss, thinner, healthier, and a more committed recycler. I only wish I were kidding.

Here’s to miracles for all of us in the New Year!

Love, Madeleine

PS. I was kidding. Kind of. But seriously, my big goal in 2019 is for this “Ask Madeleine” column to be more widely read. So I am asking for your support. If you like my column, please share it every week with three (3) other people whom you think would like it. Thank you so much!

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I work for the tax collector’s office at my local county tax agency. The bulk of my efforts go to facilitating change into that environment. I am a career-driven person and I am finding it very difficult to influence others.

My job is under the umbrella of a state agency and I recently have been voted to be on a leadership board for my county. This organization has been plagued with old traditions and scandals of misuse of power. I’m optimistic and believe that I can change the environment—but at times it exhausts me.

When the HR department selected me for a grievance board committee recently, my boss asked me “Why don’t you let someone else win for a change?” I don’t know how to interpret that. What should I do differently?

Trying to Make Change

Dear Trying to Make Change,

The good news here is that it sounds like you are having quite a bit of success—but it also sounds like you are stepping on some toes to achieve it. Although a little toe stepping is probably inevitable, there might be some ways to soften your approach and make more friends than enemies.

Forgive me for generalizing, but in my experience people who have worked in local government a long time don’t love change. Government work tends to attract folks who seek predictability and stability. Even if they start out with the best of intentions—and of course, many do—if a system is in place that protects their job and benefits them in specific ways, they are loath to give that up.

You have stepped into the role of change agent, which will immediately cause others to suspect you if not outright hate you. You must realize that the role of change agent requires some advanced skills. If your boss is experiencing you as wanting to win at all costs, causing others to lose, somehow it appears that you are engineering things as win/lose.

To ease your path, you are going to have to develop more diplomacy. You’ll need to have conversations that will help people see the changes as a win/win. It is relentless, hard, and, yes, exhausting work. You sound like a logical person, so it is probably difficult for you to see why someone wouldn’t automatically understand why a change might be needed. Because it is so obvious to you, there is a good chance you may not be sharing all of the detail that might help others see things the way you do.

It wouldn’t hurt for you to be aware of Blanchard’s change model. At its core, it breaks down the kinds of concerns people have when change is needed and imminent, and it helps leaders understand the approach they need to use with each individual affected by change. In this recent blog post are ideas for some steps you might consider.

You also might be interested in Angeles Arrien’s work on change agents. In her book The Four-Fold Way; Walking the Paths of the Warrior, Teacher, Healer and Visionary, Arrien researched leaders and change agents in indigenous cultures. She found that, despite radical differences in culture and customs, they all did four things in common.

1. Show up and choose to be present
2. Pay attention to what has heart and meaning
3. Tell the truth without blame or judgment
4. Be open to outcome, not attached to outcome

This alone is worth the price of the book. However, Arrien also provides some excellent ideas on how to develop oneself if one identifies with any of the roles in the title. I would say you probably at the very least are a warrior and a visionary. These are extremely difficult roles to play in the world, and you will need to create a long-term personal development program to sustain your efforts.

In the meantime, work on developing and deepening your relationships, gathering input from stakeholders, listening, overcommunicating, and being kind. I am sure you are right about the old traditions and the bad behavior, but no one likes to feel judged. The past is the past. You represent the new. Let the new be characterized by drawing on what is best in people and what people are doing right.

And, I am sorry to say it, you’ll need to develop a thick skin because no matter how hard you try, some people are still going to hate you. It just goes with the job.

Fight on, change warrior!

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I’ve had my eye on a position that might be opening in my company. It would be a big step for me, but I think this is the job I have always wanted.

My problem is that the minute I start even thinking about applying, I feel overcome with anxiety and literally break into a cold sweat. Then I hear a voice in my head saying, “Who the heck do you think you are?”

How do I get up the nerve to pursue this? I am not even sure I want the job, but how will I ever know if I get so anxious I can’t even think about it? Help!

Riddled with Doubt

Dear Riddled,

It is rare to have so many topics covered in such a short question, so I will take them in turn, in order of priority.

1. You need to get some help with your anxiety before you do anything else. We all deal with some anxiety, but yours is interfering with your life. This is the definition of an emotional or psychological condition that needs to be addressed. Anxiety is tricky. It creeps up on you slowly and backs you into a corner before you even realize what is happening. So I am telling you, point blank, you are in a corner and you need to get some help. There are some excellent tools available to help you tame your anxiety. If those don’t work…well, a professional can help you.
2. You have had your eye on this job, so clearly you can see yourself in it. Do you think you have the skills and competencies required to apply and be taken seriously? More important, do you trust yourself to be able to learn quickly and grow into the job in a reasonable amount of time?

In another part of your email you stated you are a female. As a woman, your social conditioning does leave you at a disadvantage when it comes to putting yourself out there. The statistics are varied, but the one I see most consistently says that men tend to apply for opportunities when they have just 60 percent of the qualifications, while women generally don’t apply unless they are 100 percent qualified. The various reasons for this are outlined in this article that might interest you.

Ultimately, the rules that make someone successful in school don’t really apply to working in large systems. The way to get ahead and continually find challenges for yourself will require you to take risks. You will fail, but you will also succeed. As many have said, if you don’t ask, the answer will always be “no.”

3. I was struck by your use of the language “Who do you think you are?” This is language we hear from people in childhood designed to keep us in our place. It is cruel and demeaning. And here you are, using it on yourself! Cut it out. Honestly. It isn’t as if you are proposing to perform brain surgery with no training. You are simply thinking about maybe trying for a new and different job that may be interesting.

I would ask you to answer that question realistically. Who do you think you are? What are your skills and strengths? What experience do you have? What do you bring to the table that maybe no other applicant has? To get a new perspective on this, you might try taking that Values in Action Strengths Assessment—it’s free and fun. It will help you answer that question more positively than you otherwise might.

This is kind of old news, but I love it so much and it has not lost its power—and you may never have seen it. It is from Marianne Williamson’s A Return to Love and it was quoted by Nelson Mandela in his inauguration speech:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone—and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Finally, Riddled, get your friends and family on board here. Ask anyone for support that you know loves you and wants the best for you. Get a handle on the anxiety, stop playing small, get support, and go for it. Start with some deep breathing. Breathing never hurts, and always helps.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

If you are a leader looking to improve your organization’s current culture and work environment, here are five steps used by change practitioners that can help with your next change initiative.

1. Look at what needs to change. Ideally, a leader should do this collaboratively with the organization’s leadership team or the entire management team. Examine culture and behavior norms as well as strategic goals. Ask these questions: “How big is the gap from where we are today to where we need to be?” “What cultural behaviors do we want to keep?” “What behaviors do we need to get rid of?” Describe the ideal state. Now ask: “What will people be doing differently?”
2. Create a scorecard. What are the leading—and lagging—indicators of success? Prioritize short-term as well as long-term goals. What are expectations within the next six months? By year one? By year three? A scorecard allows everyone to see the targets as well as the progress.
3. Get feedback. Leaders need to embrace feedback to understand where they may be helping or hurting the change process. Leaders set the tone for organizational culture. When the culture isn’t working, the leader must look in the mirror and ask “What am I doing that may be either serving or not serving our culture?” It may be time for a 360° leadership assessment.

A good 360° assessment is one that gets specific. The best ones I’ve seen have the leader  work with a coach to create questions for the leader’s direct reports, peers, and boss. The coach conducts the interviews, pinpoints themes (similar responses from three or more people), then prepares a report and delivers it to the leader.

4. Be a role model for receiving feedback. A best practice for receiving feedback is for the leader to share with their team what they learned and what they are committed to improving, and then to ask the team to help keep them accountable. This is where the shift in culture begins to take shape. The leader is demonstrating that they are serious about the change and that they personally believe it “starts with me.” Leaders who take responsibility for what’s working and what’s not, and for the behaviors they personally need to embrace, will be the ones who can look back months or years later and be proud of the culture they helped create.
5. Get a coach. You’ve heard that behavior change, no matter how small, can be difficult. Habitual behaviors are often years in the making. Regular coaching sessions help leaders not only make needed behavior shifts but also practice those new behaviors. Some coaches will even shadow a leader and give them timely feedback.

Today’s companies need to be agile and reinventive to keep up with the changing demands of their clients—and the organizational culture plays a significant role in whether those demands will be met. The culture can determine whether people will embrace a change or block it.

The leader sets the tone for leading the change to create a new culture. When implementing change in your organizational culture, use these five steps to get management and employee commitment to making a difference!

About the Author

Joni Wickline is a Vice President with The Ken Blanchard Companies. You can read Wickline’s posts as a part of Coaching Tuesday here at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Dear Madeleine,

I have been working as a technical expert for about a decade. I have been headhunted away from where I was three times, with a substantial signing bonus and salary raise each time. I now make more than I ever thought I would—and I am still getting calls about twice a week.

I am told the sky is the limit with my technical background and skills. I like where I am, though, so I have no reason to leave. I get the budget and time I need to stay current with my skills and my boss depends on my recommendations for strategic changes to our technology.

My boss has talked to me about becoming a manager and I am intrigued by the idea. The organization I work for sees management as a tour of duty, not really as a promotion, so I am not being pressured. I have never really considered going for a manager position because I am desperately shy and congenitally introverted. The idea of having to talk to people and tell them what to do fills me with crippling anxiety. Do you think I should push myself to try managing people?

Shy Techie

Dear Shy Techie,

No. I don’t.

But you did write to me for a reason, so maybe there is more to this that you are not saying. Are you bored? Are you looking for a challenge? If you are seeking to really challenge yourself and put yourself in a situation where you will be forced to grow and change, maybe you should consider giving management a try.

I will tell you this: managing people is hard. Some managers were simply born to manage others and absolutely thrive in the job. The rest of us must rise to the occasion every day—and it is endlessly challenging because people do not act like technology or data sets. People are unpredictable. They have complicated lives and problems that keep them from focusing on work. They often have indecipherable personalities that change when they are under stress.

Even the most rational folks can turn wildly irrational. The most reasonable people can become unreasonable for no apparent reason. Everyone gets overwhelmed and has terrible days and needs to be talked off the ledge—usually all at the same time and on your worst day when patience and empathy are in short supply. It is easy for managers to say the wrong thing or have what they thought was the perfect answer be misinterpreted.

Have I talked you out of it yet?

Really, my first thought was “If it isn’t broken, why on earth fix it?” Shyness isn’t a reason not to manage people; there are a lot of wonderfully effective shy managers. But they are usually driven by a desire to serve and help others, so are compelled to work hard to overcome their own natural inclinations. If you aren’t madly driven by an internal motivation to teach, develop, and serve others, you should find other ways to challenge yourself and expand your horizons.

I would have given different advice twenty years ago when I thought everyone could do anything they put their minds to. Thirty years of coaching have taught me that just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

1. If you believe others control your future
2. If you hate to learn new things—especially about yourself
3. If you believe you have all the answers
4. If you believe feedback is a waste of time
5. If you believe the coach is there to give you advice (that you wouldn’t want to take anyway)
6. If you have been greatly successful without help from anyone else

However, if you are open to new ideas, are willing to try new things, and have an unshakeable belief in your ability to get better, a coach can help you take your first steps in a new direction. If this describes you—or someone you know—then don’t waste a minute. Find a coach who can help you along the way. A bigger life awaits you!

About the Author

Patricia Overland is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

Dear Madeleine,

Soon I will be joining a large HR consulting firm as a consultant. My new job is focused on organization design and transformation.

I have three years of work experience as an HR business partner but consulting is an altogether different world for me.

I am excited but scared about how I should I put my previous experience to use in my new job and what I should prepare for as I join the consulting world. Any words of advice?

I hope you can help,

Scared New Consultant

Dear Scared New Consultant,

Congratulations on your new job! I understand that you are nervous and scared—that is to be expected when starting something totally new. The good news is that consulting firms are notoriously picky, so the fact that you actually got hired means you probably have the stuff to succeed.

I have some general rules of thumb for you, and then some HR-specific ones—some of which I have learned the hard way.

First, general:

• Pay attention to who’s who in your new organization and notice which people others listen to. The power structure is often informal and you need to know who is respected.
• Get your boss to express as clearly as possible what a good job looks like. Make sure you know what your boss’s priorities are, and to the extent possible find something you can do that will give you an early win.
• Notice what you like to do and are good at, and make sure you don’t over-focus on these at the expense of the stuff you don’t like as much. Get help with things you aren’t naturally good at.
• If your boss doesn’t pay much attention to you, you need to provide them with a weekly checklist of everything you are focused on. Ask to be sure there is nothing missing and that you are focused on the right things. Once you get comfortable, you can check in less frequently.
• If you are coming into the organization with a cohort or class, as is common in consulting, make friends with everyone (or at least don’t make enemies) and spend more time with the people who have a good attitude, don’t complain, and work the hardest.
• Turn in impeccable work. Proof obsessively. If possible, get someone to proof for you. I have known consultants who started together who were each other’s proofing buddies because it is so much easier to catch other people’s errors than our own. For Power Point presentations, always (always, always) review the slides in presentation mode, because the errors leap off the screen that way.
• I am a big fan of the book The First 90 Days – Critical Success Strategies for New Leaders at All Levels.

Now, HR consulting specific:

• Try to get examples of slide decks and cases where things seem to have gone particularly well. This will help you understand what is valued by the clients as well as the organization.
• Clients often have no idea what they want or need, but will act as if they do. Don’t be fooled – listen deeply to what they say the problem is and ask good, open-ended questions until they get to the truth. Never ask why questions—they make people defensive. Instead, ask, “How did you get to that conclusion?” The best way to get people talking is to say “Tell me more.”
• Many clients will say they want culture change without understanding how much work it is. Changing the culture in an organization is similar to helping an individual manage a personality disorder. That sounds terrible, but I am serious. Most clients think they are ready for some big change but they really aren’t. Be aware that most clients will get excited and bite off more than they can chew—and then blame you when the whole project dies of its own weight.
• Again, a book. Don’t be thrown by how old it is as its value has stood the test of time: The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook. Peter Senge’s book The Fifth Discipline is so erudite it is almost unreadable, but the Fieldbook is chock full of practical tools and models and will be a valuable resource for you.

Good luck to you. Remember that you will have some really rough days when you will think the job is much harder than you expected. You will wonder what you were thinking when you took it. You will despair about ever getting the hang of it. You will think you made a terrible mistake and that you will never succeed.

Remember that this is normal and it will pass. Patience and persistence will be your best friends—and one day you will wake up and realize you know what you are doing.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

That’s wishful thinking, says Sanborn.

Sanborn recommends that people practice “positive discontent” in their lives and says that life gets interesting when you ask yourself, “How much better could I be?”

He offers four reasons for getting started sooner rather than later:

1. Change: If you stay the same, you get left behind
2. Customers: The more you do, the more they expect—you have to keep improving
3. Competitors: They keep getting better—you need to, also
4. Capability: It gives you a chance to offer more to the world

Sanborn discusses his Potential Matrix, which focuses on both your inner world and your outer world. In the outer world you have performing and learning.  In the inner world, thinking and reflecting. Sanborn explains that most people have a preferred quadrant, but it’s best to work on all four and look for improvement in all areas.

“Start with what you most need to improve. Where would you see the most benefit?  This makes it easier to create momentum.”

Next, Sanborn recommends finding people who can help you along your journey.

“Engage others—think who before how. Who can help you get better?  Find an expert who already knows.”

Sanborn also discusses how to disrupt your present thinking, refocus on what is important, and increase your capacity.

“You need to disrupt yourself before someone else does.  You probably have a relationship, process, or problem that you know isn’t working very well.  It’s always better to initiate disruption yourself than to wait for things to get worse—then you have to act.

Sanborn specifically encourages leaders.

“Leaders know what matters—the key is to make it matter to others—that’s what makes you a leader. Focus on the important things. Grow yourself and grow your team.  Learn how to accomplish more in the same amount of time.”

And finally, some personal advice.

“Each morning make it a goal to go to bed that night a little bit smarter than you were when you woke up.  Learn something new.  Try something different.  Make a new a new friend. Pursue a new idea. Don’t go through life status quo.”

Be sure to listen to the very end of the interview to hear Ken Blanchard’s thoughts and takeaways from the ideas Sanborn shares!

Dear Madeleine,

Can you clear something up for me? I have been told by a former coach and others that I need to be more “authentic.” But I have also just received feedback in a performance review that I am too brusque, condescending, and cold. And if one more person tells me they are intimidated by me, I am going to scream.

True, I’m not warm and fuzzy—I never have been and never will be. I am extremely analytical and I do tend to cut to the chase whenever possible. I get an amazing amount of work done, I always hit my goals, and people come to me for answers. And yet, it appears that my direct reports and some peers want me to be nicer.

So which is it? Should I just go ahead and be authentic? Or should I try harder to be nice?

Confused and Fed Up

Dear Confused and Fed Up,

Oh, how I loathe the exhortation to be authentic. There are simply too many individual interpretations of what that word actually means.

All kinds of agendas are behind the call for authenticity, but the only one I agree with is that we all need to avoid trying to be something we’re not at the risk of being seen as fake or insincere.

I completely understand your confusion, so let’s clear this up: You should be as much yourself as possible—but the best possible version of it—and never totally yourself. And in your case, smile a lot more than is natural.

The key is to observe yourself. Reflect on what your true self really is and what behaviors are most natural to you. Then pay attention to what others are most comfortable with and regulate your natural behavior to the extent possible to increase their comfort level. This is called Emotional Intelligence—and the more you practice, the better you will get at it.

For a little more depth, I recommend a deep dive into understanding personality types so that you can figure out how you are different from other people, why it matters, and what to do about it. Here are a few resources:

David Keirsey on personality types

Linda Berens’ work on Temperament Theory

Jim Harden and Brad Dude’s What Makes You Tick

For example, I suspect you will find you have a dominant temperament that Keirsey calls Rational. It is driven by core psychological needs to achieve mastery, self-control, knowledge, and competence.

Your gifts of being an excellent systems thinker, a natural problem solver, and someone generally unaffected by regular conventions have a shadow side. People who are not like you (approximately 93 percent of the world) may perceive you as cold, unemotional, and condescending.

It would indeed be very inauthentic for you to try to be warm and fuzzy, but there is an argument to be made for being polite, which is simply a discipline, and kind, which may be more of a stretch and will require fairly intense self-regulation.

To avoid being fake, use your analytical skills to investigate each of your colleagues and pinpoint something to admire and thus a reason to respect them. Find something to care about for each person you work with by using your considerable intellect to put yourself in their shoes. And remember, it takes all kinds.

Do tell the truth as you see it—just not the way you are hearing it in your head. You will have to translate your thoughts; e.g.: “Good grief, that is the stupidest idea I have ever heard,” to something like “another idea might be to…”.

The good news is that you can leverage your drive for mastery and competence to become easier to get along with, without having to fundamentally change who you are—which is good, because that isn’t possible. The bad news is that it will require some effort on your part. And the other bad news is that we are all going to have to hear more about authenticity in the future.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a large team in Silicon Valley. My peers and I recently went through a 360 degree feedback process and I received a big report with everyone’s opinion about how I can be more effective. The feedback was fine; nothing too negative.

Here’s my problem.

I know I need to work on some areas, but I am completely overwhelmed by this report. How do I choose what to focus on? We have internal coaches in the company, but it takes weeks to get an appointment. And how will they even know how to help me? Right now I am just kind of stuck.

What do you think?

Stuck

Dear Stuck,

Those reports are indeed overwhelming. Many organizations provide 360 recipients with a coach to help process and debrief the reports and build an action plan for exactly this reason. You didn’t mention which assessment was used so I can’t give you detailed instructions, but I do have a few ideas.

Does your report provide you with any information on how to read and interpret the results? Some competencies are more critical than others for your particular job role, and the report should point those out to you. You might have to read through the report a couple of times and get used to how the data is laid out. Here are some key places to look:

• Blind spots: The areas where you rate yourself higher than everyone else may indicate a blind spot where you may think you are more effective than anyone else does. The bigger the difference in how you see yourself and how others see you, the more attention you may want to pay to narrowing the gap.
• Hidden strengths: Similarly, the areas where you rate yourself lower than all of the other raters may indicate hidden strengths. These are areas where you are doing well and aren’t that aware of it. Hidden strengths are good to understand—these are areas to lean on and possibly build on for your future career.
• Trust your gut: I would submit to you that before you did the 360, you already knew where you might need to focus to be more effective. Most of us know what we need help with and are hoping nobody notices, and a 360 feedback report will confirm what we probably already knew.
• Low hanging fruit: Perhaps there is one area you could work on immediately that wouldn’t be that difficult. The one thing I know for sure is that no one succeeds at giving themselves a personality transplant no matter how hard they might try, so I suggest you choose something to work on that you can actually do. To figure out what that might be, make a short list of things you know you should be doing or you should stop doing and then choose one of those things you can commit to. Maybe it is as simple as stop interrupting people, or more complicated like spend 15 minutes of dedicated time per week with each direct report.
• Ask your boss: Put a short list of all the different things you could work on and ask your boss which of those things he or she thinks is most important.

As you read through your report again—slowly, while breathing—one or two things will present themselves as possibilities to you. If you stay calm you will notice them. Don’t choose more than three things to work on; that’s about the limit of what you will be able to do. Ultimately, no matter how much help you get, you will have to be the one who decides where to put your focus and energy.

Finally, don’t worry too much about it. Take what you can from the experience and leave the rest. A person can only do so much.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

When leaders allow their ego to go unchecked it can erode their effectiveness, says Ken Blanchard, co-editor of the new book, Servant Leadership in Action. “When that happens, leaders see themselves as the center of the universe and they put their own agenda, safety, status, and gratification ahead of people who are affected by their thoughts and actions.

Blanchard explains that when a leader’s sense of self-worth is tied up in their achievements and the perceptions of others, “their self-worth is up for grabs on a daily basis.”

“It becomes increasingly difficult for a leader with this mindset to maintain a healthy and centered self-determined image. Since their performance varies from day to day, they shift back and forth between feelings of fear and false pride.

“Leaders dominated by false pride are often seen as controlling. Even when they don’t know what they are doing, they have a high need for power and control. They tend to insist they are right even when it’s clear to everyone else they are wrong.

“Fear-driven leaders are often characterized as do-nothing bosses. Their people say they are seldom around, always avoiding conflict and not very helpful. Their fear of making a mistake and feelings of inadequacy keep them from taking action when they should.”

Practice Shining a Light on Others

For better ego balance, Blanchard recommends keeping things in perspective and looking for opportunities to catch people doing things right.

“The best leaders know it’s not about you—it’s about the people you serve. You finally become an adult when you realize that life is about what you give rather than what you get. Don’t let an overactive ego keep you from being your best self or bringing out the best in others.”

PS: You can learn more from Blanchard and 20 other authors, CEOs, and thought leaders who have contributed to the Servant Leadership in Action book at a free online webcast on February 28.  Blanchard is hosting the event to help spread the word about an others-focused approach to leadership.

Register for this event at the Servant Leadership in Action Livecast registration page.  The event is free, courtesy of Berrett-Koehler Publishers and The Ken Blanchard Companies.

Coaches at Blanchard have learned a few things over the years about performance coaching.

• Instead of asking for help early, managers tend to either go it alone in trying to improve performance or they spend too much time documenting problems and talking to HR about their frustrations. By the time they call for a coach, they are hoping for a miracle.
• When performance coaching is done too late, it does not work. Often at this point an employee is interested only in seeking another position within the firm or even creating an exit strategy to get out of the organization altogether.

When we arrive late in the process to coach valued employees who are struggling with performance, we often find a seriously damaged relationship between boss and employee that simply can’t be repaired with a few sessions. In this situation there are 3 options.

1. Coach the employee – but with realistic expectations. Coaching does not offer a personality transplant. If the employee isn’t a good fit for the organization, recognize it, discuss it, and help the employee find a better fit.
2. Coach the manager – it is a better investment and can have positive impact on leader growth. Put the investment with the person who will stay, not the person who will probably leave.
3. Get clear about the ideal outcome. If the manager feels in their gut or heart that the employee’s performance will never be up to par, then do what needs to be done so all parties can move on.

The best time to work with a coach is well before performance slips far enough to warrant an improvement plan. If you really truly need and want to save an employee, review the information above and bring in a coach early on, when performance problems are still able to be resolved.

About the Author

Patricia Overland is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

In working with 149 adults from different business and networking groups, Matthews found that

• Those who wrote their goals accomplished significantly more than those who did not write their goals. (+18 percentage points)
• Those who sent their commitments to a friend accomplished significantly more than those who wrote action commitments or did not write their goals. (+21 percentage points)
• Those who sent weekly progress reports to their friend accomplished significantly more than those who had unwritten goals, wrote their goals, formulated action commitments or sent those action commitments to a friend. (+33 percentage points)

Importantly, Matthews found that the improvement held up on goals ranging from completing a project, increasing income, increasing productivity, getting organized, enhancing performance/achievement, enhancing life balance, reducing work anxiety or learning a new skill.

Ready to stack the deck in your favor with a key goal for this year?

1. Write it down.
2. Email it to a friend.
3. Set up a recurring meeting to send your friend a progress report.

Yes, you’ll be making yourself vulnerable and accountable—but you’ll also be setting yourself up for success.  Here’s to a successful and goal achieving 2018!

Learn more about Matthews study here.

Dear Madeleine,

I made a resolution for the New Year that I was going to stop eating sugar and lose ten pounds. Sugar is my great weakness and I know if I cut it out I will stop craving it, lose weight, and feel better.

My problem is a colleague at work. Ever since I shared this information, this person who I thought of as a friend has been bringing in sugary treats. She comes by my desk and shows me the yummy thing of the day – truffles, fresh donuts still warm from the shop, etc. Yesterday it was her grandmother’s pear strudel. She has brought in treats before—that is her thing, homemade cookies and cakes for people’s birthdays—but this is now verging on the ridiculous.

It seems obvious that she is trying to sabotage me. So far I have resisted, but it feels like the more I resist, the harder she tries to tempt me. I am hurt and angry that she is doing this and am starting to avoid her. What is her problem? But more importantly, what to do?

Holding Strong

______________________________________________________________

Dear Holding Strong,

For starters, congratulations on your resolution and keeping to it. Sugar is addictive for some people and I know how hard it can be to give up. A true and embarrassing story: I recently hid a candy jar that was on a colleague’s desk that I had to pass several times a day because I had such a hard time resisting. She was not amused. I had to apologize for my infantile behavior.

I cannot tell you what your friend’s problem is, but I can tell you how weirdly common it is for people to want to test those who are making a real effort to change. Perhaps your friend viewed a shared pleasure in treats as a bonding element between you that might be lost now. There is a very good chance it is completely unconscious behavior and she thinks it is all in fun. But, really, the person to ask is your friend.

I suggest you don’t go right at it with “What is your problem?” Instead, start with how important the friendship is to you, tell her how important her support would be, and ask respectfully that she stop trying to tempt you. It is perfectly acceptable for you to request that she bypass you with offers of anything not on your program right now and leave treats in the break room for anyone who wants them. State how you feel without criticizing, and make a clear request for a change in behavior.

Good luck in your quest to be sugar free—you are an inspiration!

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Here are some commonly overused leadership habits and alternatives we might put in their place.

Giving Advice.  I love Benjamin Franklin’s quote about giving advice: “Wise men don’t need advice.  Fools won’t take it.”  Instead of jumping to give advice, consider asking questions to draw out the brilliance of the other person. Facilitate them finding their own answers.  It will require some practice with open-ended questioning and real listening, but doing this keeps the other person front and center in discovering their own wisdom.

Problem Solving.  Instead of sharing your own “winning ways,” consider empowering the other person to find their own answers.  In coaching we call this letting the other person do the heavy lifting.  What’s amazing is that when someone does their own heavy lifting, they are usually much more invested in the actions and outcomes.  No, you didn’t get to provide solutions, but you also didn’t add anything to your own to-do list—which can often happen if you are the problem solver.

Being the Devil’s Advocate.  I used to work for a manager who always played the devil’s advocate.  I knew he did it in an attempt to bring out our best on projects we were working on—but, boy oh boy, was it draining.  Instead, consider Ken Blanchard’s advice and spend your time catching people doing things right. I know when someone catches me doing something right, it feels so good I start thinking about what else I could do to keep that feeling going. And as a friend of mine said, who wants to work for the devil’s advocate, anyway?

Giving advice, problem solving, and helping people consider alternatives all have their place in a manager’s toolkit—just don’t overdo it. Replacing our old tried-and-true ways is never easy.  But if we are willing to consider change, to behave more intentionally, and to be patient with ourselves while we practice, we can empower others like nobody’s business.  They will be grateful and really appreciate to us for what we are often not doing.  And who wouldn’t like to do less and get—and give—more?

About the Author

Joanne Maynard is a senior coach with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

Here are 10 potential things to stop doing in the next year, and what to start doing instead.

Stop taking the monkey. Volunteering to take on problems that are not yours to solve or projects that somebody else should be doing is thankless and diverts your attention from the work that you are accountable for. It is one thing to occasionally step in to help out in a pinch, but it is another to feel constantly overwhelmed because you are stepping in where you shouldn’t.  If you find yourself doing this, start putting your hand over your mouth next time a call for a volunteer goes out and let everyone be uncomfortable in the silence until somebody else pipes up.

Stop booking every minute of the day. Research shows that people who take a minimum of 15 minutes in the morning to plan their day and an hour at the end to tie up loose ends are much more productive than those who don’t. Start booking those times out before they get booked by other stuff that is less important.

Stop keeping your head down and not developing relationships. Getting your work done is important but creating relationships with people who can help you get work done is even more so. Leave time as you come and go to stop and chat with people, make lunch and coffee dates.  Start making a list of all the people in the company you like and are interested in and reach out with invites.

Stop complaining. Yes, there are serious problems in the world and you have more work than you can do, but chances are you actually have a completely decent job and are safe at this moment. Moaning “Ain’t it Awful” never helped anyone – stop focusing on stuff you can’t control and start paying attention to what is  If you must, stop listening to the news and listen to podcasts or books on tape instead.

Stop using email for a dopamine hit. Scanning your email, texts and Twitter feed is not actually the same as responding to them. It is a habitual way to create a dopamine hit in your brain and it is wildly unproductive.  Start making yourself take breaks from your electronics.  Schedule time to look at and respond to email and texts. Don’t look at any other social media during the work day unless it is part of your job.

Stop ignoring administrative tasks. Doing HR paperwork and submitting expenses is about as tedious as work gets but the only person who suffers when you procrastinate is you. Start saving rote admin work for late in the day when your brain is shot—or even better, don’t let yourself do anything high value until the boring stuff is done.

Stop being indirect. Yes, it is hard to tell it like it is, or to say no when you need to. It is so much easier to keep your head down and your trap shut. Going along to get along muddies the waters and is the path to mediocrity. Start having an opinion. Once you are clear about what you are willing to take a stand for and why, practice making your case and then speak up and don’t equivocate.

Stop being too busy to learn something new. “I don’t have time” is an old story and rarely true. We are all constantly barraged with new operating systems, software, and apps. Start taking twenty minutes to watch a YouTube video on something that will help make you more efficient and your work easier and will keep you humming and relevant.

Stop multi-tasking. Split focus means no focus. There are some rote things you can do and multi-task: like driving a regular route, cleaning, knitting, crocheting, doodling.  But the minute you drop a stitch, spill the Clorox, or have to hit the brakes unexpectedly it’s all over and you will absolutely miss whatever is being said. Start deciding what you are going to focus on and for how long.  Set your timer for seven minutes to do a work burst, and shut your laptop when in meetings that you need to pay attention to.

Stop putting off your time off. Burnout is real. And the more burnt out you are, the less likely you are to realize it. If you notice that you are cranky, apathetic, or unusually emotional, you are probably burnt out. Everybody knows this is true, and yet somehow they think it is true for everyone but themselves. Start stepping away from work. Take your paid time off, even if you must check in an hour a day to stay relaxed.

One little change can make all the difference.  Use this stop/start list to identify a new habit for the New Year. Choose one thing and stick with it.

About the Author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is the co-founder of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every other week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Dear Madeleine,

I had my first baby three years ago and now have another one on the way. I am an attorney in a New York law firm and the main breadwinner in our family. My spouse works from home and does the lion’s share of the child care.

As soon as I started showing and announced my pregnancy, the managing partner of our firm—who has been my mentor since I was a third-year associate—called me into his office and talked to me about going “mommy track” and not being serious about my career. He told me he was dumping me as a mentee and was going to find someone else.

I am tough, but it was everything I could do not to burst into tears. I had thought he understood my plans. I feel betrayed and I want to go back and confront him—but I’m not sure he isn’t right. I resent how much I am missing of our first child’s babyhood and am often jealous of my husband. I’m not sure what to do. Help.

Mommy Tracked?

Dear Mommy Tracked,

It is awful to be rejected by someone who you were sure had your back—and also to be questioning your own big plan on top of everything else. From a social neuroscience standpoint, your brain is on tilt right now. It is probably best to take a step back, think things through, and get yourself on an even keel before making any rash decisions.

Let’s start with the personal rejection piece. There are a couple of techniques you can use to lessen the emotional impact of what the managing partner did. If you are like most of us, ever since it happened you’ve been thinking about the things you should have said. Regrettably, this creates a loop that is self-perpetuating—the more you think about it, the more you think about it.

To reduce the emotional grip the conversation has on you, I have a couple of techniques you might want to try. The first is called labeling. To do this, you simply tell the story of what happened and label each emotion you experienced at each moment. For example: “When my managing partner started out with ‘I see you have another bundle of joy on the way, and I am disappointed in you,’ I was shocked at his rudeness.”

Another method is called distancing. You recount the events as if they happened to somebody else. For example: “She walked into the managing partner’s office expecting to talk about the holiday bonus and instead was attacked out of the blue. She was utterly dumbstruck…”

Now let’s address the ambiguity of your future, given that you are doubting your original plan. Uncertainty is very destabilizing so be gentle with yourself. I am not an expert in gender politics so I can only share my point of view here. Having been born at the very tip of baby boom tail, I grew up hearing the assurance that I could have it all: not just work but significant work that generated revenue—and romance and marriage, and children.

Having worked the entire time I raised my kids (who are now in their twenties), I found that women can have it all, just not necessarily at the same time. And not necessarily in all institutions. For example, if you want to have a front row seat to your kids’ childhood, you can be an attorney—but you may not be able to be a partner in a big NYC law firm. It has been my experience that moms who struggle to give 100 percent at home and 100 percent at work benefit most from doing what they love and are good at, in a way that offers them flexibility.

My point here is, now that you have experienced the reality of your dream, you may want to revise it and possibly shift your priorities. Let me be clear: I am not advocating the merits of one path over another. I am advocating that you choose your turn at this crossroads with your eyes wide open.

Take stock. Talk with your spouse about how you feel—just airing your feelings may reveal something important. You may decide to go the warrior route and prove yourself to your managing partner with renewed vigor. Or you may decide to make some changes to your plan. Either way, if you tell yourself and your spouse the truth as you are experiencing it right now, you will soon know what is right for you.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Then reality hits. Hundreds of emails, 22 meetings, and 17 “I just need a minute of your time” conference calls later and I struggle to recall what I was going to do differently. Where did I put my action plan? Oh, and that hour I booked into my calendar to take time to reflect and prepare? Well it just got sucked up by the boss asking me to (fill in your own situation here.)

The point is that we all have good intentions about applying learning—but those intentions can get waylaid by our work environment. What on earth might help? How can we get back on track?

Enter the coach. A coach will help you review what you learned and what excited you, and will discuss with you how to apply back on the job what you learned in training. A coach helps transfer learning from the classroom to the work environment in four ways.

• Accountability. Telling someone else what you are going to do is a powerful way to keep those intentions top of mind. A coach supports you in taking action to apply what you learned.
• Removing Obstacles. What is getting in the way of application? A coach helps you identify ways to overcome obstacles.
• Aligning Actions with Values. What makes this new skill important enough for you to apply the new learning? A coach will help you identify why taking action is a priority.
• Creating a Workable Plan. Finally, your coach will help you apply new skills incrementally, so that over time you will learn more, create new habits, and begin to see the results of your learning and application.

Don’t go it alone. Ask for a coach. A coach who is focused on supporting your learning will help you change your world by turning your learning experience into real action.

About the Author

Patricia Overland is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Dear Madeleine,

I hate my job. I am just bored to tears. When I completed graduate school, I was recruited into what I thought was the perfect job for me—the job description was exactly what I was looking for. A year later, I am doing a ton of mindless administrative work and almost none of what was in the original job description.

I have tried to speak to my boss about this, but she says I need to pay my dues and that she will consider me for the next project that would suit my skills. In the meantime, my peers keep dumping their admin work on me.

I dread going to work. I have stopped going to the gym and I fear I am sliding into full-on depression, which I have a history with. It scares me. I would quit, but of course I have crushing student debt now. What do you think?

Bored to Tears, Maybe to Death

Dear Bored to Tears, Maybe to Death,

This is a terrible situation and I am so sorry. It must be really demoralizing to spend the money and make the big effort to complete an advanced educational program and then find yourself in a job that is killing your soul.

It sounds as if you are in a very bad way. Depression is no joke. I highly recommend that you find a therapist right now, I mean right this minute, to talk to and get some perspective. Given the details you provided, I suspect your company has an Employee Assistance Program and that you can probably get six sessions with a therapist. It will be totally private and will get you back on an even keel, back in the gym, and able to think straight. Exercise has been proven to be an excellent hedge against anxiety and depression, so get moving.

Once you have stopped the downward spiral, you will need to start an upward spiral. I hate to say it, but this probably involves looking for a new job. You may be able to make a go of it where you are now, but you would need to set a whole lot of boundaries and train everyone around you to see you in a new way.

Unfortunately, your boss and your peers have been getting away with treating you unfairly. I really don’t want to be mean, but people will continue unacceptable behavior as long as you allow it—and you have allowed it. Unless there was an upfront disclosure about having to pay dues with tasks that were not in your original job description, you seem to be the victim of some kind of bait-and-switch situation.

You didn’t say anything about salary, but I suspect they are underpaying you as well. And they will keep doing it as long as you put up with it. You may choose to have the hard conversation with your boss about how she needs to either upgrade all of your work assignments—now—or risk losing you. That conversation will go a whole lot better if you feel safe to leave, meaning you have another option.

The good news is that you have a graduate degree and a year’s worth of work experience under your belt. I think it is worth the push to brush up your resume and try hard to start over with a new organization and a new boss—who won’t take advantage of you because you won’t let them.

Get into action. In this order:

1. Get immediate help. Talk to a therapist, talk to friends, go to the gym.
2. Once stable, start applying for other jobs.
3. Use the new job possibility as leverage to fix your current situation; or simply walk away from people who do not have your back and go toward people who do.

It is really hard to stand up for yourself, Bored TTMTD, so you are going to need a lot of support. You are going to want to nurture your inner warrior. You might consider looking at Amy Cuddy’s work—her book is Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges. The validity of some of her research has been challenged, but that does not diminish the power of her experience and work helping people who feel powerless to rise to a difficult occasion.

I am glad you wrote. I am sorry you are in such a rough spot. Get help. Now.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

A low confidence level can come from something as simple as a lack of experience and expertise in a particular subject or task. When this happens, it is necessary to identify the knowledge and skills needed to progress. This is where the support of others comes in.

Situational Leadership® II (SLII®) from The Ken Blanchard Companies is a partnership model. The leader partners with the direct report in building the person’s confidence while helping increase their competence. How? By providing the appropriate leadership style based on the direct report’s development level on a specific task or goal. When the direct report receives the level of support they need, their confidence in that area increases.

To build a direct report’s confidence on a specific task, a manager should follow these steps, repeating them when needed:

1. Help create clarity on what the direct report wants to accomplish
2. Give specific direction by showing how
3. Let the direct report try to do the task
4. Observe the person’s performance
5. Praise or redirect the direct report based on their performance

How’s your confidence level? Think about your feelings and expectations about your own potential for success, remembering that when people expect to succeed—or fail—they often unintentionally rise or fall to meet those expectations. When you have the discipline to self-assess and the willingness to partner with your manager, coach, or capable colleague to build your competence on new behaviors, your confidence will grow—and your performance will follow suit.

About the Author

Terry Watkins is a coaching solutions partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

I am a senior leader in a large commercial services organization. I spent many years learning how to make good use of an assistant and I’ve always made sure I had a great one. Over the last few years, the company has been reducing the size of the administration group and I have had to share an assistant with other executives. That was okay because I was self-sufficient, had my act together, and would set things up so my stuff always got done.

Until now. Two other executives and I were recently given a new assistant and he is a walking disaster.

He doesn’t write things down, he doesn’t remember anything, and he doesn’t seem to understand the most basic office software—for example, I had to teach him some basic calendaring skills and then he didn’t remember. Some days I think he is on some kind of drug because he is so laid back and spaced out.

My problem is I have started to take back all the tasks I would usually delegate, which is adding an extra 90 minutes to my already packed days. Why not just go to HR and replace him, you ask? He is the nephew of the CEO and sucks up shamelessly to the other two executives, who don’t really know how to use an assistant so they don’t really care that he is incompetent.

I need help! What do you think?

My Assistant is Terrible

Dear My Assistant is Terrible,

Wow—I am so sorry. I tell my clients all the time that they are only as good as their assistant, so I can certainly understand your predicament. It sounds like you are dealing with a bunch of different issues here—and one of them is political.

Your first line of defense is to sit down with your new assistant, explain what a good job looks like, and create a step-by-step plan for him to get up to speed. Be kind and patient—we can’t have nephew Fred reporting negative things about you. Document each and every interaction, task, and goal, every dropped ball, every instance of incompetence. You might be surprised that he is not the numb nut you think he is when he has proper direction. On the other hand, if he IS what you think he is, you will have flawless documentation to support your case. The most entrenched nepotism can’t ignore terrible performance, but you must have your documentation.

In the meantime, do meet with HR to lodge your initial complaint and let them know what you are doing. You can ask nicely to be reassigned to a real assistant as well. Are there any terrific assistants working for others? Maybe get yourself moved to one of them. You might also make the case for needing your own full-time assistant if you can show how much more you produce when you have the right kind of help. That 90 minutes a day adds up to more than a week’s work each month—and goodness knows what else you could be doing with that 45 hours. One more option, and I know this sounds nuts but I have seen it done: consider hiring a virtual assistant outside of the organization and paying for that person yourself. It may be impossible because it would require access to calendars and email, so the organization would have to approve, but there may be a variation on the idea that could work.

Don’t despair. If the nepotism situation is as out of control as you think, your guy will be promoted soon. If it isn’t, he will be gone, and you will still have your reputation.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Here are the top three (with Madeleine’s advice) in ascending order.

Click the title or picture to see the complete question and response.

#3 Don’t Really Like People? Ask Madeleine

Madeleine’s advice: “You made me laugh out loud with your concern. People are tough; there is no question. However, you can’t be in business without them—so you are going to have to extend yourself just a touch….”

#2 Afraid You Might Be a Wimp as a Manager?  Ask Madeleine

Madeleine’s advice: “Here’s the thing. You have trained your people to think they can get away with making a commitment and not following through. The result is, when you give out work assignments, your team members know there isn’t much of a consequence for shoddy planning, so they plan shoddily. This needs to be corrected or you will just keep repeating the same pattern….”

#1 Co-Worker Won’t Shut Up?  Ask Madeleine

Madeleine’s advice: “Generally, people who are that oblivious to social cues are in the grip of some huge need that they are not able to get met. You are the one who’s going to have to either do something or risk losing the respect of your team. It stinks. I think you need to go at it head on—don’t soft-pedal or pull any punches….”

About Ask Madeleine

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Sincero shares how to stop limiting yourself and start focusing on your strengths.

Drawing on her own experience of personally trying and evaluating almost every self-help resource out there, Sincero recommends finding the approaches that work best for you and then taking action.  Don’t over-control the situation.  Have faith and trust that the “how” will take care of itself—even if it scares you.

As Sincero explains, “It’s never really the right time—but you have to decide and put yourself into motion.  Inside all of us is incredible potential.  Open yourself up to a new reality. It’s about rediscovering your true nature and tapping into the mother lode of potential available to you. That’s when you can start to make big, fat changes in your life.”

Be sure to listen to the very end of the interview, where Ken Blanchard shares his thoughts and takeaways.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a senior manager in what is essentially a call center. I am hoping you can help me. I am too nice. 

I am a giver; I come from a long line of nice, generous givers. My Mom ran a dentist’s office and headed several volunteer committees, headed up events at our church and was forever dropping off casseroles for someone in the neighborhood who was having a crisis. 

People were always calling her and asking for help, money, favors. And while it irked me watching people take advantage of her sweet, patient generosity, I have somehow turned into her. People are taking advantage of me at work and in my personal life. 

The result is that I am a worn down frazzled wreck. I am exhausted all the time. I am neglecting the people I really care about, and certainly myself. My friends tell me that I need to have boundaries and say no, but I just don’t know how to do it. Help?

Worn Out

Dear Worn Out,

Givers are critical to communities and organizations, so on the behalf of humanity, I thank you.  And, I hear your pain and I have the prescription for you. Dr. Henry Cloud literally wrote the book on this: Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life and you should get it STAT.

It is written specifically for Christians, but it works even if you aren’t Christian. Dr. Cloud helps people understand how to manage in a culture that encourages people to be nice and giving.

Having trouble with boundaries is often tied to deep seated psychological needs paired with strongly held values and requires more expertise, time and space to address than I can offer in a short blog post.  Dr. Cloud’s book will help you understand what is driving your behavior, and offer tips to help you overcome your resistance to changing it.  I can however, offer a couple of tactical tips that you might think about trying out immediately.

From this moment on don’t say “yes.”  To anything.  You don’t have to say no, not yet, that is the advanced class.  But when someone–anyone– asks you to do something, say “maybe, let me check my schedule and my commitments,” or “I would love to help out, let me think about it, check with my boss, discuss with my spouse…” Then say:  “Please check back with me next week and I will let you know.”  You may not want to do this with your boss, but you certainly can with anyone else.  This last part is important because it keeps the responsibility for follow up on the requestor – it isn’t one more thing you have to remember to do.

Make a list of what is most important to you and put everything in priority order.  Here is an example I have seen from others.

1. My Spouse and Kids
2. My Faith
3. My Parents
4. My Health & Well being
5. My Career

I personally have struggled and don’t always succeed at putting my own health and well being in the top three but I highly recommend that you try it.  Every time you help someone else, you are actually putting their needs before your own and causing more stress in your life. You need to ask yourself the hard question—are they worth it? You may be surprised that many of the people you go out of your way to help are at the bottom of your list, or not actually even on it.

Every time you consider something someone has asked you to do, check your other commitments to determine what is most important to you and see if you can fit it in.  Chances are you can’t without compromising your commitments to what you have said is at the top of your list.  Put your list on post it notes and place them everywhere you hang out, as a constant reminder.  This is just something to think about for now, when you start your serious work on boundaries, it will come in handy.

Reset expectations. You have trained untold amounts of people to believe that you will jump immediately to help them.  You will need to re-train them, and they will resist. Start by getting time on your side. Do not pick up the phone unless it is someone on your list.  Do not respond to texts right away from anyone not on your list.  Do not even open emails from someone not on your list except for at designated moments in your work day.  Take a deep breath, choose to do something that is a priority and move along.

If you put some time and space between yourself and the person who needs your immediate help, they will almost always find somebody else to help them by the time you loop back to them.

Repeat to yourself “I am not an infinite resource.” Remember, nobody is going to be served if you end up in the hospital with a case of whatever from wearing yourself down.

You are going to have to make some hard changes – get Dr. Cloud’s book or any other book on this topic and get to work. I am rooting for you Worn Out, truly I am.  You are an amazing, kind, and generous person.  You are also an endangered species that must be protected.  We need more people like you in the world, so please treat yourself like the precious resource you are.

Love,

Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

“No. It’s not a panacea,” says coaching expert Patricia Overland in an article for Chief Learning Officer. “Determining when coaching is a good investment can be challenging.”

Overland shares a couple of examples from her experience when a leader may not be ready to learn and apply coaching skills. Overland explains that offering coaching without addressing these underlying beliefs is usually a recipe for failure.

• If they prefer command and control: They just want people to do their jobs.
• If they don’t value innovation: They just want people to do things the way they’ve done them before.
• If they have a negative attitude about people: They believe that people only do what they have to.
• If they have a negative attitude toward coaching: They know all the answers and think coaching is a flavor-of-the-month methodology.

For those leaders ready for coaching, Overland points to a research study conducted by Human Capital Institute and The International Coach Federation which found, “A strong coaching culture positively correlates with employee engagement and financial performance. Nearly two-thirds of respondents from organizations with strong coaching cultures rate their employees as being highly engaged, compared to only half from organizations without strong coaching cultures. In terms of financial impact, 51 percent of respondents from organizations with strong coaching cultures report their 2015 revenue to be above that of their industry peer group, compared to 38 percent from all other organizations.”

To be successful at coaching, Overland identifies five must-haves that need to be in place:

Environment: Before coaching, managers should let direct reports know they’ll be doing things a bit differently. Set the stage, get permission to coach and check in frequently to ensure this new way of leading is hitting the mark.

Trust: Trust is a foundation for any coaching relationship. The manager’s role can be especially hard because they have both perceived and real power over direct reports. Getting people to talk openly and honestly about their needs, motivations and skill level takes patience, practice and trust.

Intent: It is important to begin by being very clear about objectives and goals. If a manager notices that coaching is going off track, they should examine their own motivations and beliefs. It can be powerful to say, “That didn’t go the way I intended” and start again, working to be more supportive and encouraging.

Action: Development is good. Development with focused action is better. The purpose behind great coaching is to influence some kind of change in mindset and behavior. Encourage others to take specific actions that are focused on achieving a desired outcome. This moves coaching beyond much disdained navel gazing to a strategy with real bottom-line impact.

Accountability: Leaders who use coaching skills help others commit to behavior change. Even with the best of intentions, people get sidetracked, work gets reprioritized, and sometimes life just gets in the way.

Coaching effectively supports long-term and sustained employee development encourages Overland. “Consider the higher engagement levels, trusting relationships and financial health to be gained from a shift to a coaching culture — and say yes!”

To read the complete article at Chief Learning Officer, click here.

The International Coach Federation describes presence as the “ability to be fully conscious and create spontaneous relationship with the client, employing a style that is open, flexible, and confident.”

Being present is about being in the moment with a laser focus on the client. To do this, eliminate any potential distractions and filters—including your own preconceived thoughts and judgments. Being fully present means listening to understand and asking open-ended questions to help your client explore himself or herself more deeply.

Here are a couple of tips that can help you be more present in your coaching conversations.

Remember, it’s not about you. I like to say to my clients “It is not about me as a coach; it is all about YOU!” The coach is confident about not knowing or identifying the solution—their focus is on shifting perspective and exploring possibilities. The client is in the lead with the coach as a solid support partner.

Silence is okay. Often we feel the need to fill in the gaps during a conversation. But truly being present may involve periods of silence, which a coach will often do intentionally. This allows clients more space to share what’s on their mind.

Listen to understand. Too often, people listen only enough to respond. Instead of really hearing what the other person is saying, energy is spent preparing an answer or response. Effective coaches practice active listening—listening with the expectation of hearing something new or surprising.

Tell your truth. Coaching presence means the coach calls out what they are observing and trusts their intuition to support the client in gaining clarity, increasing self-awareness, and finding the right solutions.

I have learned over the years that the most important thing I can do in my coaching relationships as well as my personal relationships is to be fully present and in the moment. It is about showing I care, listening to understand, and controlling my thoughts, judgments, and responses.

Imagine being fully present with your spouse, partner, kids, family members, friends, and co-workers. Consider listening to truly understand the other person’s perspective—what they are saying and feeling—without quickly forming a judgment or jumping to share your thoughts. How would your relationships change?

If you haven’t tried coaching presence, try it!

About the Author
Terry Watkins is a coaching solutions partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Step 1: What is the goal? What outcomes do you want coaching to achieve? Is a behavior change required? Is a shift in thinking necessary? What exactly has to change? Being specific about outcomes is surprisingly hard for people. Earlier this year, we worked with an organizational sponsor to set up coaching for an executive. When we asked the desired outcome, the sponsor replied, “I’ll know it when I see it.” Needless to say, the target was constantly changing. Coaching is an exploratory process but it must be done with a clear target in mind.

Step 2: Prepare the person to be coached. This includes going over a set of expectations prior to the launch of coaching. Be sure to include expectations around feedback. Share that requests for behavior change will be made in a clear and specific manner along with discussions that ensure feedback is understood and acted upon. Discuss how to create the space for the person being coached to reflect how they might best use coaching and what outcomes they want to achieve.

Step 3: Stick with it. Discuss follow-up. Organizations often expect overnight results. Coaching does not replace the need for internal organizational support—in other words, the manager of the person being coached is not off the hook. In fact, this is a time for the manager to step up, lean in, and follow through. Set up a plan to recognize and acknowledge the growth of the coachee and then support that growth with positive and specific feedback.

Step 4: Gather success stories. Ensure your coaching interventions have some method or process to capture the successes brought about by coaching. Use a post-coaching interview process to capture the changes made and their impact on not only the person being coached but also those around her. Help the coachee to link those successes to business strategies or imperatives. Document the successes and leverage them as a way to influence others to take advantage of coaching.

Coaching will have an impact on people who engage in the process. Careful thought, planning, and follow-through can dramatically increase the effectiveness of coaching, which will pay off a hundred fold in your organization.

About the Author

Patricia Overland is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a marketing professional who manages a whole crew of kids—really.  Age-wise, I could be the parent of each of these people. My team is tasked with providing movement and content across all of the social media platforms.   We are very successful at what we do.

Here is my problem: I feel like social media has eaten my brain.  I go on all the different platforms to assess trends, see how our work is showing up (vs. depending on analytics) and get ideas for new strategies. I often find myself getting hijacked where 15 minutes can go by and I am not doing anything useful, just clicking on what I know is click bait. 

I have mentioned this, kind of jokingly, to my team. Everyone laughs because it happens to all of us.  I know we could be much more productive but I have no idea how to manage what feels a lot like an addiction.

Addicted to the Internet

Dear Addicted,

Well, in my efforts to research the effects of the internet on the brain I found out a lot. I also ended up reading several articles about unrelated items and checking out the bathing suits the Kardashian sisters are sporting on their spring trip to Mexico.  It sounds like I am kidding, but I am not.  I actually had to slap my own face and remind myself what the heck I was doing. Guess what? Forty minutes had gone by, which was the entire amount time I had allotted for this post!  So you are playing with fire here—and what a good thing it is that you realize it.

From a neurological standpoint, your brain has a natural tendency to seek out novelty and stimulation.  The internet provides the perfect mix of both. Now add in the irresistible pull of instant gratification—the little bursts of dopamine being released with each new click. Dopamine is the feel-good neurotransmitter and without the activity that produces so much, our brains produce less.  This all happens pretty quickly. Once the loop is created, it is fiendishly hard to break.

Your problem is that you are addicted to something you have to use.  In fact, it is your objective to leverage this exact effect to get eyeballs to your site—so understanding this effect will help you control it.  In most cases we can step away from what we can’t control – gambling, shopping, booze, drugs, gossip.  You don’t actually need those things to live.  But you have to use the internet to do your job.  Your closest parallel is food: you have to eat, so you can’t eliminate food altogether.  But you can eliminate sugar—the most addictive food of all, according to some research.

So here are some ideas along those lines to help yourself and your team manage your forays into the bizarre funhouse quicksand that is the internet:

• The first step in dealing with addiction is admitting your powerlessness. The second step is getting support to deal with it. Discuss the nature of addiction with your whole team.  Encourage each person to talk about the struggles they have and how they manage them.  They will have ideas you can test as a group and improve with experimentation.
• Before you go out into the fray, make a clear list of sites and topics to be covered.  Allot finite time periods to accomplish specific tasks.  Set an alarm and try to beat your time.
• Meditate at least once for 10 minutes at the beginning or in the middle of your work day. Use an app like headspace (https://www.headspace.com) if you can’t do it alone.  It will rest your brain and stop the crazy.
• Insist that everyone on your team print out any can’t-miss articles on paper for others to read. (I know it’s an ecologically unsound practice—use scrap paper and recycle it.)
• Make sure everybody has tasks to do that do not involve being on the internet.
• When weather permits, hold staff meetings while walking outside to get everyone to look out at the horizon—this releases endorphins and changes your brain state.
• For other meetings, make sure everyone’s phones are absent—either put in a basket or left at their desks. Be fierce about this.
• You can’t insist your employees turn off their devices at bedtime, but you can do it for yourself. It will at least give your brain the entire time you are asleep to let its guard down.
• Forbid the use of Candy Crush-type competitive online games during work hours. These are the most egregious and addictive time wasters. I only recently learned players are rewarded for getting friends to join these games.  If you personally play any such games, eliminate them immediately—and if you don’t, don’t start.

Good luck.  You are on the front lines of a phenomenon we don’t fully understand. You are right to take it seriously.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Wondering what people want to talk about most often during times of uncertainty? And how coaching can help? Below are a few common topics managers discuss with their coach when things get stressful.

Managing emotions. A coach creates a safe environment to encourage a manager to deeply self-reflect about his or her true thoughts and feelings. Discussions will center on what is causing the emotion and how to manage it. A coach will also help the manager identify resources and strategies to help control the emotion.

Executive presence. In order to minimize the uncertainty that comes with change, a manager’s attitude, poise, body language, agility, and patience are key. A coach will help a manager gain clarity on how they need to show up in order to lead effectively.

Communication. To build trust and lessen concerns during uncertain times, it is crucial for a manager to be as transparent as possible with information. Direct reports experience several levels of concern during change that a manager needs to address, such as “What is causing the change?” “How will the change impact me?” or “How do I manage all the details?” A coach will support a manager in creating a communication plan and being an effective listener.

Lack of control. A coach will help a manager gain clarity over what is and is not within his or her control. Discussions will center on how to be impactful, influential, and forward focused.  This allows a manager broaden his or her perspective and think differently managing in uncertainty. The coach will support the manager in being creative and finding ways to remain effective and be a guide, leader, and resource for direct reports and colleagues.

All of us deal with self-doubt and uncertainty when faced with turbulent times. A coach can often act as a calming influence and help us find alternatives and resources we might not be able to find for ourselves.

How about you? Have you tried to go it alone? For those who are open to it, a coach can provide an extra layer of individualized one-on-one support for leaders at every level.

About the Author
Terry Watkins is a coaching solutions partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Dear Madeleine,

I am currently in an unfulfilling job. I also have digestive health issues that are not being resolved through diet and supplements.

I am a creative person and I long to travel. I currently want to leave my job and travel around the world to heal and to write about my experiences—a blog first, a book later.

But I have fears about financially surviving; about what will happen when I return from my travels; about my safety on the road; about not being able to get rid of my health issues; and even about how to write a book. How do I get past the fear and take the leap?

Afraid to Take the Leap

Dear Afraid to Take the Leap,

Oh, I hear your cry for freedom and it resonates deeply. But I’m torn between focusing on your fears and simply yelling “Go now before it’s too late!”

Obviously, I can’t tell what to do. Here is what I can tell you. You have a vision that leaving your job and traveling will be part of your healing process. You may think this kind of inspiration or calling is something that happens to people all the time. I can assure you this is not the case. In my experience there is a lot to be gained from heeding inner wisdom like this.

But there is no getting past fear. And while fear is designed to keep you from making stupid mistakes, the trick is to not let it also keep you from your heart’s desire.

All of your fears are well founded. Use them to help you prepare. Let’s take one at a time.

• Use your financial fears to ensure that you save up, sock away a reserve, and proceed frugally. Your worry about where you will land once you are done with your travels will guide you to set up some options for a soft landing.
• Safety on the road? Well, yes, that is reasonable; the world is frightening. Ask yourself what would make you feel safer. Finding travel companions? Taking a self-defense class?
• Your health problems may not be resolved; that’s true. The fact is that they may never go away, so you need to be prepared for that. But at least you know for sure that what you’ve already tried hasn’t worked. What can it hurt to try other things?
• Finally, you should be terrified by the idea of writing a book. I can tell you from personal experience that the only way to figure out how to write a book is to start writing.

There. Still scared? Sure you are. Because that was only the tip of the iceberg, right? The thing to do with fear is welcome it into your life. Make a list of every single fear you have and do everything you can to reasonably protect yourself from worst case scenarios.

Who knows what kinds of responsibilities you are going to assume in the future—spouse, children, aging parents? I always think part of my job as a coach is to work with people toward their having as few regrets as possible at the end of their lives. So maybe the question to ask yourself is Which choice would I regret most in five years: maintaining status quo or going for the big vision? There is a good chance that if you don’t seize the moment now for your grand adventure, you will regret it.

I am very much influenced by a lovely TED Talk that a friend shared with me recently. It is by Amy Krouse, a wonderful artist and writer who died of cancer last month at 51. Her talk is called “7 Notes on Life.” I wrote them down and taped them to my wall. The seven points, represented as notes on a musical scale, are:

• Always trust the magic
• Beckon the lovely (Amy said “I tend to believe whatever you decide to look for, you will find. Whatever you beckon will eventually beckon you.”)
• We are all Connected
• Do (take action)
• Cultivate Empty space
• Figure it out as you go
• Go to what makes you come alive

She did the talk in 2010, long before she knew that she would die of ovarian cancer in 7 years. I can only imagine that she lived by this code and sure was glad she did when it was all cut short.

You sound like a smart, rational person who would first prepare properly and then, in fact, be able to figure things out as you go. I always encourage my clients—and my children, for that matter—to keep moving toward the heat. But I like the way Amy says it: “Go to what makes you come alive.” How can that be a bad idea?

I am clearly biased on this one. It is my nature. That being said, if you decide not to leap, at the very least go find yourself a job that is fulfilling. Please let me know what you decide.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

I was surprised at how few responses I got on this particular question—because I have so many on my list.

This possibly could be because I started coaching before there were any books about coaching. So I turned to other disciplines for guidance.

The Career Counselor’s Handbook by Howard Figler and Richard N. Bolles.

JoAnne Maynard, PCC, Blanchard staff coach, says: “There is so much great coaching advice in this book, which is not a coaching book, that it surprised me.  Neither author is technically a coach, but they present many key principals coaches can use.”

A General Theory of Love by Thomas Lewis, Fari Amini, and Richard Lannon.

Renee Freedman, MCC, former director of the SupporTED Coaching Program, offers: “This is a lovely book about our emotional system and how we connect with others—recognition, resonance, and revision. It is a great book for people who want to build relationships and intimacy or to understand chemistry.”

The Agony and the Ecstasy by Irving Stone.

This is the surprising suggestion from Tony Klingmeyer, MCC, executive coach and past president ICF–GA.   Tony says this book “inspires about the lengths one must travel to be masterful at one’s art or craft.”

Several folks volunteered that the Bible had made a significant impact on their coaching, in that so many of the teachings seem to represent universal laws, such as ask and you shall receive.

The books that have made the biggest difference for me are these:

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron.

Several other people chose this book as well.  Renee Freedman said “I cannot imagine coaching without this book as a referral to my clients. It’s so great for so many things—self care, exploration, creativity, a process for transformation and transition, inner awareness and connection.”  I agree.  I have lost count of how many times I have recommended Julia Cameron’s practices to clients who need to reconnect with their creative selves.

Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.

Csikszentmihalyi (whose name is pronounced Me-high Chick-sent-me-high in case you were wondering—and now you can impress your friends) is known as one of the pioneers of positive psychology and has written many books worth checking out. This was an early entrant to the conversation about what we now think of “getting into the zone.”   It is not a mass-market read, but if you are interested in the science of optimal productivity this could be for you.

Creating Minds by Howard Gardner.

This was my introduction to Gardner’s work, and to be fair, my first coaching company was devoted to creative geniuses.  However, I would submit that anyone who is chasing a dream is a creative force.  This work examines the lives of brilliant innovators who essentially created entirely new domains or art forms—Picasso, Freud, Stravinsky, Einstein, Graham, and others—looking for common threads.  Gardner noted what he called the ten-year rule (which pre-dated Malcolm Gladwell’s 10,000 hours hypothesis [http://gladwell.com/outliers/the-10000-hour-rule/]), evidenced by most true innovators spending ten years mastering their domain before breaking through to a completely revolutionary new one.   Gardner has also researched and written extensively on multiple intelligences, which is extremely useful for coaches who need to ask not if the client is smart, but how the client is smart.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

Coaches often collect and share what one might think of as universal laws, and this book offers some of these based on ancient Toltec wisdom. The agreements are: Be Impeccable with Your Word, Don’t Take Anything Personally, Don’t Make Assumptions  and  Always Do Your Best. Don’t let this keep you from the book, because there is a lot more to offer than just the agreements. But I mean, seriously, how can anyone go wrong adopting these rules?

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.

Okay, I know, it is hokey as all get out.  But I was so moved by it that I gave it to all of my clients for the holidays in 1990.  It is simply a fable about a young man following his dream, and his classic hero’s journey.  It is a fun and easy read for those who don’t like to read.  People who decide to work with a coach do it because they have a dream that they are not moving toward for various and sundry reasons, all of which show up in the story.  There is plenty of inspiration here.

Leadership and The New Science by Meg Wheatley.

About 23 years ago, I asked my new friend Alexander Caillet, who is now the CEO of Corentus [http://www.corentus.com/founder/ ], what one book he thought I should read and this was it. It absolutely rocked my world for a host of different reasons, but mainly for helping me understand that chaos is essential before order can be achieved.   Wheatley was one of the first to borrow ideas drawn from quantum physics, chaos theory, and molecular biology and apply them to leadership and organizational strategy.  It was revolutionary at the time, and pretty much still is.

The Four Fold Way: Walking the Paths of the Warrior, Teacher, Healer and Visionary by Angeles Arrien.

Arrien researched leaders and change agents in indigenous cultures and found that despite radical differences in culture and customs, they all did four things in common.  This alone is worth the price of the book.  However, she also provides some excellent ideas on how to develop oneself if one identifies with any of the roles in the title.  I have lost count of how many times I have bought this book and given it away.

The Pleasure of Finding Things Out by Richard Feynman.

It is one of minor tragedies of my life that I just don’t have the right brain to do physics, because I absolutely love physics.  But Richard Feynman is a genius who can discuss physics in a way that people like me can actually understand, and along the way address fascinating topics like creativity and even thinking itself.  The sheer beauty of the way he is able to get to simplicity on the other side of complexity is spellbinding.

A Theory of Everything by Ken Wilbur.

Ken Wilbur is not for everyone. He is a true philosopher who has spent his entire life thinking about how things really work.  He has created elegant models that visually represent all of his logic. His work is guaranteed to expand and broaden your thinking and make it more likely that, as a coach, you will be able to understand pretty much anyone you work with.

That’s my list. What’s on your bookshelf?  Please add books you’d recommend in the comments section below!

About the Author

Madeleine Blanchard is the co-founder of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

When this scenario happens, despite your best intentions it’s likely the session materials—along with your new learnings—will end up on a shelf.

Does it have to be this way? No! What if you had returned to your workplace with the same pressing deadlines, and discovered that your company had assigned a coach to support you and help integrate your learnings back on the job. Wouldn’t that be helpful? You bet it would! In fact, people who get coaching to support new learning exhibit up to two-thirds more improved productivity than those who didn’t have coaching following their training.

Wondering how to get started? Here are three of the ways I work with coaching clients to help them apply what they’ve learned in class. Consider how these strategies could help your people.

• Stop and think about development. We don’t often have someone to brainstorm with regarding where we should focus our development time. One of the first things I do is create that space and environment. This helps my client sort out and declare their development goals.
• Recognize that it’s okay to be a learner. Most of my clients are high achievers. When they get back to work and start to apply what they’ve learned, they often wrestle with not having already mastered their new learning. Coaching can set realistic expectations and help the person embrace being a learner instead of internally berating themselves for not being an expert at the new material right from the start.
• Set aside practice time. Clients are often tempted to abandon what they’ve just learned because it’s too time consuming or too hard. I recommend that my clients identify one or two people to initially practice with. Once the client has practiced and gained some mastery, they are more comfortable rolling out their new skills on a larger scale.

The key to successfully providing coaching to support learning is to first help class participants carve out time and then provide a safe space for them to focus on applying new learnings in the workplace. Organizations that provide coaching to support learning signal that the training is important and that the company is invested in the person’s ongoing development. It also sends a subtle signal that the organization is expecting to hold the training participant accountable to use what they have learned.

Providing coaching turns a training event into a learning process. It makes the learning stick!  Could your people benefit from some coaching to support their learning? We would love to hear your thoughts.

About the Author

Joanne Maynard is a senior coach with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a director in a global consumer goods company. I recently went through six months of coaching because my boss told me I was an excellent manager, but I needed to be more of leader.

The coach did a 360° interview process and uncovered some areas that I needed to work on. Together we developed a plan and then implemented it.

I adopted a whole bunch of new behaviors and made some real headway. At the end of the coaching, my coach and I created a list of things that had been accomplished. Then I discussed it with my boss and she seemed pleased.

Now, a few months after the close of the coaching, my boss told me she is disappointed that the coaching did not produce the results she had hoped for. She acknowledged that yes, I get things done (we had our best year ever last year), but I am still not reaching the mark. In addition, I will not get the promotion I feel I really deserve. My boss also said if they don’t see some radical changes in the next few months, they will eliminate my position.

I am absolutely stunned. I really thought I had been on the right track and now the rug has been pulled out from under me. What to do?

Stunned and Hurt

Dear Stunned and Hurt,

Well this stinks and I am so sorry. There are a lot of layers to this and I am sure I will miss a few, but I’ll do my best to be helpful right now.

Let’s start with the idea that your boss needs to see something radical or your job will be eliminated. I read that as your job is going to be eliminated and you should start looking for your next gig this minute. Don’t wait, and don’t try to guess exactly what the correct radical change is that would save your job. Based on the experience you just had, that will almost certainly fail.

Next, addressing the change of heart your boss seems to have had about the results of the coaching. I am afraid this is more common than you’d think and I have a hypothesis as to why that is. Many times we, as coaches at Blanchard, are tasked with coming in to coach one person who needs to upgrade skills and make some changes. We hate this kind of work because the manager/organization often refuses to be crystal clear about exactly which changes are needed or the serious negative consequences if the coaching participant is unable to make the changes.

It sounds like this has been the case for you. Yes, you made some changes, but apparently they weren’t exactly what your boss was looking for. It must have been a kind of “I’ll know the change when I see it” approach, and since she didn’t see what she was looking for, you are out of luck.

As for the changes you did make, it is my experience that organizations are like small towns, and no matter what you do or how you change, people are always going to see you as the way you were, not as who you have become or how you’ve grown. Many people need to leave the environment they are in to make the leap to the next level. It is just how it is.

Finally, what exactly was meant by the word leader? Was this ever made clear to you? Are you expected to become an inspirational, charismatic visionary? It is possible that your boss wants you to get a personality transplant—I can assure you everyone is highly unlikely to succeed at that.

I think you should pack up your excellent management skills and your ability to get things done (not to mention all of your new skills) and go somewhere where they need exactly who you are and what you bring to the table right now.

You can thank your boss for at least one thing: giving you a heads-up, which is a rare gift.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

“As a leader, you need to be on your best behavior all of the time,” says coaching expert Madeleine Blanchard.  “What’s unfortunate is that just when a leader needs increased self awareness, the quality of honest feedback they receive plummets.

“As the leader assumes increased power, followers in the organization start to modify the feedback they provide.  Feedback is more positive.  The boss’s jokes are always funny and their ideas are always good. People begin to suck up to power in a way that distorts reality for the successful executive, who no longer receives the straight scoop.”

“That can lead to blind spots, especially in the areas of communication and trust,” says Randy Conley.  As trust practice leader for The Ken Blanchard Companies, Conley has seen how leaders can struggle—and how they often can be unaware of how they are coming across to others.

“The problems can usually be traced back to one of four areas,” explains Conley.  “A leader’s style can cause negative perceptions of their Ability, Believability, Connectedness, or Dependability.  Negative perceptions in any of these four areas can lead to decreased trust.

That’s why Conley recommends that leaders take the time to conduct a trust audit, which helps them evaluate where they currently stand, make amends where necessary, and modify their behavior going forward.

“It’s a three-step process where leaders assess their current behavior, apologize if they need to, and act more consistently.

“Assessing behavior involves looking at your conduct in four areas,” explains Conley. “In our Building Trust training program we have leaders look at how they are perceived by others in terms of being Able, Believable, Connected, and Dependable.  A problem in any one of these four areas will have a negative impact on relationships and the ability of people to work together successfully.

“Able refers to how people see you as being competent in your role.  Do people think you have the skills and experience to get the job done?  Sometimes it is a perception issue; sometimes it is a gap in experience.  Either way, it needs to be addressed.

“Believable is always a perception issue—do you act in ways that are consistent with someone who is honest, truthful, and forthcoming?  This can be a challenge for leaders as they move up in an organization and feel it necessary to share some information on a need-to-know basis.  The problem is that people may perceive the leader is hiding information or not being completely transparent.

“Connected is the relationship aspect of trust.  Do you demonstrate that you care about people—or do you come across as all business?  Working together requires a heart and head connection.  In addition to following you for logical reasons, people also want to follow you for emotional reasons.  Leaders need to check their style and make sure that they aren’t coming across as cold or aloof.

“Dependable means following through on your good intentions.  This trips up a lot of well meaning executives—especially the people pleasers who can’t say ‘no.’  They overcommit themselves and start missing deadlines. They are often surprised to discover how this diminishes people’s trust that they will do what they promise.”

Both Conley and Blanchard caution leaders to be prepared to act on gaps uncovered by the trust audit.

“Make sure you are ready for what you hear,” says Blanchard.  “When you invite people to discuss these potentially sensitive areas, you have to be ready to listen.  Feedback is a gift.  There are only two things an executive should say when they receive feedback—either “thank you” or “tell me more.”

Also, explains Conley, be ready to acknowledge and apologize when necessary.

“You have to own up to areas where you have fallen short. In our program, we train that the most important part of apologizing is being completely sincere—don’t explain, rationalize, or make it the other person’s problem.”

“It’s a simple concept, but one that leaders screw up all the time,” adds Blanchard.  “How many times have we heard a senior leader qualify an apology by saying, ‘I’m sorry if my behavior made you feel that way,’ or by explaining, ‘I was only trying to…’

“Less is more when it comes to apologies,” explains Blanchard. “Just say ‘I’m sorry. I hope you will forgive me for the way I have acted in the past.’ If you need to say more, save it for the next step when you explain how you will act differently in the future.”

“Most leaders are trustworthy.  It’s just their behavior that gets in the way sometimes,” says Conley.

Interested in learning more about adding trust and coaching skills into a leadership development curriculum?  Be sure to check out the Building Trust or Coaching Essentials pages on the Blanchard website.

You can also download copies of the new eBooks

 Do Your Managers Build or Erode Trust

 Great Leaders Don’t Tell You What to Do—They Develop Your Capabilities

Trustworthy behavior leads to trusting relationships. With increased awareness, the willingness to hear feedback, and the humility to apologize for times when trust has been broken, leaders can take a huge leap toward building the types of relationships where people work together to move the organization forward!

It’s a common experience, explains best-selling business author Ken Blanchard.

“Nearly all of us have made a New Year’s resolution and then not followed through. Why is it that most New Year’s resolutions don’t work? Two reasons—the first is that accomplishing the goal is tougher than we thought.”

The second reason? “We rarely get help from the people around us,” says Blanchard. “People smile and say ‘I’ll believe it when I see it,’ and then walk away to let us tackle the resolution on our own.”

If you’re already thinking of giving up on your fitness goal, Blanchard urges you to first ask for help from a coach or a friend—someone who will help you maintain your commitment to your commitment.  Then apply this 3-step process to give yourself the best chance of succeeding:

Set clear goals. All good performance starts with clear goals. Blanchard recommends the SMART approach, along with a compelling reason that motivates you to achieve the goal. “I had set a goal to become fit many times,” Blanchard explains. “But this time, I found a compelling reason to get healthy: my puppy, Joy. I was just turning 70 when I got her. Knowing dogs can live 15 years or more, I decided I needed to stay healthy through my mid-80s, so not only would I be around for my family, but also for Joy. Most people worry about outliving their dog; I worried about my dog outliving me!”

Diagnose your current status. Once goals are set, the next step is to diagnose your development level on each of the tasks related to your goal. Blanchard explains that your development level is a function of competence (your skills and experience) and commitment (your motivation and confidence.)

“For example, let’s say you’re excited about learning to lift weights but don’t know anything about it. That makes you an Enthusiastic Beginner—you have no competence but high commitment. You’ll need a lot of direction. But when it comes to eating healthy, maybe you’re a Disillusioned Learner—you lack competence and you’ve also lost your commitment. You’ll need both direction and support in this area.”

Get the help you need.  The fact that you have different development levels on different tasks or goals means you need to find someone who can provide you with the directive behavior or supportive behavior you need for each task or goal.

Drawing on his previous example, Blanchard explains, “As an Enthusiastic Beginner on weight training, you need specific direction—someone to tell you exactly how to lift weights. As a Disillusioned Learner on diet and nutrition, you need both direction and support—someone who not only will help you learn how to eat right, but also will listen to you and praise you as you change the way you eat. Enlisting a partner who will give you the proper amounts of direction and support will keep you accountable and reap great benefits. If your partner also has a goal similar to yours, that’s the perfect match—you can keep each other on track!

Don’t Go It Alone

Few people can accomplish a major life change by themselves. Ken Blanchard finally succeeded when he asked for help to achieve his fitness goals. He turned to a friend, fitness expert Tim Kearin, for direction and support.

Kearin helped Blanchard establish goals and diagnose his current state in six key areas:

1. Aerobics
2. Strength training
3. Balance
4. Flexibility
5. Weight control/Nutrition
6. Sleep/rest

“The only aspect of fitness where I was an expert was rest and sleep,” laughs Blanchard. “I can sleep anywhere! So that wasn’t an issue for me.”

But when it came to both strength training and balance, Kearin identified Blanchard as an Enthusiastic Beginner—excited about the idea of getting stronger, but needing a directing leadership style.

“In terms of aerobics, flexibility, and nutrition/weight control, Tim and I determined I was a Disillusioned Learner. I had started programs in these areas at various times over the previous 30 years but hadn’t kept up with them, so I was frustrated. In these areas I needed a coaching leadership style—which means I needed direction and also caring support.”

With Kearin’s help, Blanchard was able to finally make progress in all six areas.  And at the conclusion of the journey they wrote a book together about the experience—Fit at Last: Look and Feel Better Once and for All.

How about you?  Struggling with fitness goals?  It’s not unusual.  Consider Blanchard’s approach.  You don’t need a personal trainer—just someone who is willing to work with you to help you set goals, identify your development level and what kind of help you need on each goal, and then take the steps to achieve those goals.

It’s all about managing your journey to health and fitness—and committing to your commitment—with a little help from your friends.

PS: You can learn more about Blanchard’s journey here: Fit At Last book page.

Ken Blanchard likes to say “Feedback is the breakfast of champions.” But if this is true, why is this meal avoided by some as though it consists of rotting fish and raw eggs?

Most of us have a similar reaction when we hear the words “I have some feedback for you”—a feeling of dread in the pit of the stomach; a fine sheen of sweat that forms at the brow. Feedback may be breakfast, but nausea often follows.

I am now a self-professed feedback junkie, but trust me—I have not always loved feedback. I can still remember the first bit of really tough feedback I received in my professional career. I fought it with a vengeance, sought excuses to explain it away, and railed against the person who delivered it.

I didn’t change—and I didn’t care—until several weeks later. That’s when, during a meeting, I heard the exact type of comment come out of my mouth that I had been given feedback about.

It was a watershed moment for me. I committed to voraciously seeking feedback from others and to treating pieces of feedback as compass points for professional and personal expansion. Over time, I learned to love it.

How about you? What’s your response to feedback? Here’s what I learned:

Be proactive in asking for it. This is the most critical step to harnessing the power of feedback: take the initiative to seek it out frequently from people you interact with. Be transparent about your desire to learn and improve—and express your gratitude to them for helping you grow. By doing so, you make it safe for others to share observations—and for them to perhaps feel brave enough to ask the same favor of you!

Choose the right questions. When requesting feedback, avoid questions that are broad or vague. Consider the areas where you would like to grow and craft thoughtful questions that will garner an equally thoughtful response. Some of my favorite questions are:

• How can I be a better partner to you?
• How do you feel about my communication style? Am I giving you everything you need?
• Is there anything you’d like me to understand about how your job works?
• One goal I am working on right now is (insert goal here). Would you be open to providing me with ongoing feedback about my progress toward this goal?

Take time for reflection. Sometimes, even when we ask for it, feedback can be tough to digest. That’s okay. Give yourself time and grace to process these types of responses and unpack your feelings. Compare your own beliefs to the feedback and talk to a trusted friend or family member about it. Remember: we all have blind spots about ourselves and there is power in discovering them so that we are blind no more. Knowledge is power—and information on how others perceive you is invaluable.

Incorporate the feedback into your goals. Once you have processed the feedback, brainstorm concrete behaviors or actions you can adopt that will allow you to address the areas at hand. Perhaps you can take a class, begin steps to break a bad habit, or incorporate a new practice into your workday. Share your intentions with your manager or a trusted colleague and ask for their help in accountability tracking your progress.

Feedback doesn’t have to be something to be avoided. On the contrary; it can be a great gift from one person to another. Take control of feedback: actively pursue it and make it work for you!

This extra step is important in today’s busy work environment. Many organizations don’t have the resources to provide managers the time to grow and develop their people. And employees often don’t have enough room in their schedules to practice training concepts when they get back to work.

Done right, coaching to support learning sends employees a clear-cut message: Your leaders believe training is important—and we want to provide you with the support you need to be able to apply your new learnings back on the job.

Here are three best practices to provide coaching that supports learning in a way that works.

• Support and reinforce behavior change after learning new skills. Post-training coaching sessions keep training concepts top of mind for a much longer period of time. During coaching, participants choose one, two, or three of their newly learned skills they believe would benefit most from practice. The skill(s) they select become the focus for their ongoing development plan.
• Support learners in taking action and using training concepts back on the job. Coaching provides the gift of time and space as well as a neutral partner to help them think through how to practice and implement what they learned in training. So that their new learning doesn’t feel overwhelming, coaching participants are encouraged to begin their new skill practice on a small scale, choosing one or two trusted colleagues to practice with. During coaching, participants strategize with their coach exactly what they will practice and with whom. Once the person is more confident, their new skills can be rolled out more broadly.
• Create a learning lab environment where employees can safely review and practice training concepts. Confidential coaching allows employees the opportunity to define their own customized learning plan—to declare how they are going to structure their own development. It allows employees to define a customized approach to their learning.

Looking back on training you have received in the past, try to recall how much information you retained and were able to apply on the job after training. How might things have been different if you had reviewed the training content every few weeks—with someone who was solely interested in supporting you in utilizing what you learned? We’d love to hear your thoughts!

About the Author

Joanne Maynard is a senior coach with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

How about you? Is there anything about yourself that you want to change for the better in 2017?

If so, here are some suggestions I picked up from Ken Blanchard about keeping my commitment to my good intentions. I know they will help me.  See if they might help you also.

1. Write your goals down. Research shows that people who write down their goals accomplish significantly more than people who do not write their goals. As Ken shares, “In the working environment, writing goal statements is a common practice. However, many times when people are setting personal goals, they think about what they want to do but they don’t write anything down.”
2. Review your goals on a regular basis. Ken suggests reviewing goals each morning and reflecting on how you did each evening. “Give yourself the gift of thinking about your day for a few minutes. What did you do during the day that was consistent with your resolutions, and what got in the way?”
3. Ask others to help you stay on track. We all need help accomplishing our goals. Find an accountability partner—someone you can check in with on a regular basis. “Accomplishing the goal is usually more difficult than we think it will be, yet we rarely ask for help from others who can support us. Be systematic about checking in with your helpers. Set up a specific time each week to talk about how you are progressing. This can be as simple as a ten-minute phone call or even a quick text.”

In 2017, I will be more patient and loving, and will embrace the curve balls life throws my way. I won’t sweat the small things in life and I’ll trust that the big things will work themselves out. I plan to be more centered on who I am, not on what others think of me. I’m not interested in being someone else’s perception of what they want me to be. I want to be a better version of myself.

Okay, step 1 accomplished—writing goals down—now on to steps 2 and 3!

Why don’t you take a minute to reflect over the year and ask yourself who you will be in 2017.

Now take your first step!

Dear Madeleine,

I manage the logistics department of a global aeronautics engineering company. My job is intense—my whole team works like crazy when we are on deadline and relaxes a little bit when things aren’t so hot, which still means 50-hour workweeks. I think it is important for people to get a bit of a break because when we are on, we are 100% focused and we cannot make errors. 

So I came in to work on Monday to find that my boss—who has been amazing—has been fired! No reason given. Enter a new boss, someone who was apparently hired to vastly increase our output. I am sick at heart at the unfairness of it all, and I have no idea why they let my boss go. He was smart and funny, really cared about us, ran a tight ship, and always made really good decisions. I want to call my former boss to find out what happened and to share how sad I am to see him go. Is this something I can do? I am so worried about my team. 

 Shell-shocked

Dear Shell-shocked,

I am so sad for you; it is terribly jarring to come in to work thinking it is business as usual only to find someone that important is simply gone.

You have no way of knowing why he was let go, so be careful of assumptions. The fact that your boss’s replacement is already in place leads me to believe it was all very carefully planned. Your company has probably just given no thought whatsoever to managing the human side of big change. That is pretty normal.

There is no law that says you can’t contact your old boss. There is no reason whatsoever not to maintain the relationship with someone who was obviously an excellent leader and someone you admire. You might ask him to be a mentor to you. He may be able to share what happened or he may not; either way, it’s possible he will have some tips to offer on managing your political landscape.

Be careful of rumors about why the new person was brought in. You don’t actually know what your new boss’s mandate is, or how he will execute on it. I understand that you are worried about your future—the brain, after all, hates uncertainty—but give yourself a break and try to relax until you know what is going on.

You can, however, prepare. Get your ducks in a row and update the job description, performance plans, scorecard, or output stats for each of your people so you are ready when the new boss asks for them. Be ready to make your case for the ebb and flow of work being critical to the work product.

Finally, try to manage yourself. Change is hard under the best of circumstances and it sounds like your company is scoring an epic fail on helping you and your team with this one. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be a good leader for your people, providing them with perspective and reassurance until you all know more. You can also be a role model for staying open to possibility and the potential of new and better ways of doing things.

Breathe deeply and stay grounded.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Then again, truth can be hard to define. Thomas J. Leonard, a pioneer in the coaching field, identifies some distinctions on truth in his book The Portable Coach:

—Not all truth is provable by standard measurements.

—A personal truth may not be provable by facts.

—Truth may change and evolve over time.

As coaches, we help clients recognize their personal truths, develop self-awareness, and have the courage to take positive risks. We create a safe environment where people can tell the truth without fear of negative consequences. But even with this encouragement, clients aren’t always as truthful as they could be.

So how can coaches encourage more truth-telling behavior among our clients?  Here’s a 3-step process I use:

1. Pay attention to the client’s tone of voice and energy level—and question statements that don’t ring true.
2. When it sounds like a client is spinning a tale, it is okay to interject and challenge them.
3. Challenge by asking, not telling, since even the best coaches can be off base. You can do this by repeating the client’s statement back to them and asking them how it sounds.

I’ve had a number of clients burst out laughing when they hear their own statement repeated back to them. They often realize that they have convinced themselves of something that may not be true or is an outdated belief.

Give this process a try. Once people recognize the truth, the most natural response is to start changing behavior to align with it. Celebrate the truth and the freedom that comes from being honest with ourselves!

About the Author

Kathleen Martin is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies. You can read Martin’s posts as a part of Coaching Tuesday here at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

When you find yourself in a leadership failure or debt, here are a few things you can do to get out of it:

First, own your leadership debt. You dropped the ball; you made a leadership mistake. It might have been a personnel decision, an ill-timed comment, or a lack of action on a situation that required your attention. Take responsibility.

Rebuild one step at a time. Attack the highest impact issues first. If people perceive you as a low-trust micromanager who can’t let go, start there. Begin with baby steps—don’t try to fix things overnight. Decide to first give small projects to your direct reports that they can handle and that you are comfortable with them managing. Start small and work on it over time. Practice giving clear direction and support.

Don’t repeat the mistake. This may sound simplistic, but you’d be surprised how difficult it is for some leaders to change the bad habits—lack of communication, mistrust, poor listening—that have stunted their leadership development. If needed, find someone who can help you be accountable.

Whatever you do, don’t ignore your leadership debt. Many leaders spend time blaming others for project deficiencies and low quality work. Frustration leads to complaining and then often to bitterness directed at the workgroup. No one wins in this situation and the problem still lingers.

In the words of Ice Cube, “Check yourself before you wreck yourself.”

IMPROVING LEADERSHIP ONE CONVERSATION AT A TIME

Executive coach Madeleine Blanchard held the phone to her ear, listening attentively as her newest client explained the problem she was having communicating with her direct reports. “They say that I’m not a good listener. I’m trying to connect, but it just doesn’t seem to be working. Any suggestions?”

Blanchard thought for a moment and replied, “Well, I can hear you typing right now, so I suspect you are actually answering emails while we talk. Do you do that when you are with your people? What would it be like if you actually gave each person your undivided attention?” READ MORE 

MANAGING IN A BUSY WORLD

Managers are struggling to find the time to have needed conversations with colleagues and direct reports. Ann Phillips, a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies, knows this firsthand.   “I always ask leaders ‘How many of you have enough of your own work to do each day?’

The leaders in class typically tell me that every day they have 8 to 12 hours of their own work that doesn’t include addressing the needs of their direct reports.  Lack of time kills many good intentions.” People want to be better leaders, says Phillips, but they don’t have the open space in their schedules. READ MORE 

CREATING A DEEPER CONNECTION AT WORK

You have to put yourself out there if you want to create an authentic connection with people. Sharing your Leadership Point of View is one of the most powerful ways to accomplish that, according to coaching expert Joni Wickline.

“Your Leadership Point of View is about the people and events that have shaped who you are. It also speaks to your values, your beliefs, and what drives you as a leader.” Wickline says creating a Leadership Point of View is an emotional journey and a lot of leaders play it safe when first given the chance to share. READ MORE

MID-LEVEL MANAGERS: TAKING CARE OF THE HEART OF THE HOUSE

Scott Blanchard, principal and EVP at The Ken Blanchard Companies, likes to use the phrase heart of the house to describe the important role middle managers play in an organization. In Blanchard’s experience, if mid-level management is neglected, the result is a slow-moving organization that doesn’t respond well to feedback.

Blanchard says that to be successful, middle managers must be skilled in communicating what is expected and how it is to be achieved.  That means connecting the dots from the boardroom to the frontlines. If middle management is ineffective, the staff both above and below this level suffers. READ MORE

ALL GOOD PERFORMANCE STARTS WITH CLEAR GOALS

The ability to set goals effectively is a key managerial skill. It’s also the key to being a successful individual contributor, according to leadership expert and best-selling author Ken Blanchard.

“All good performance starts with clear goals. If people don’t know what you want them to accomplish, what are the chances they will be successful? Not very good. “Peter Drucker used to say, ‘If you can’t measure something, you can’t manage it.’ Measurements are important to give both managers and direct reports more clarity when assessing performance.” READ MORE

For the first time since high school, I am enrolled in an art class: Mosaics in the Indirect Method.

I spend Tuesday evenings in a huge studio surrounded by shelves replete with bins upon bins of colored glass and tiles. I am learning to use wheeled nippers and side biters to create my shapes. I’ve drawn sketches of what I want to create, and am already aware of the new ways that I think about light, texture, and composition.

Although I’m only halfway through the course and my completed work is a month away, I am struck by how aligned this creative process is with the work I do as a coach.

Here are some thoughts:

The process of learning something new has its own rewards. It is humbling to be a true beginner! I’ve chosen to enjoy the process and benefit from the instruction of the teacher. I’ve learned new words such as tesserae (tile shapes), andemento (movement and flow), and yes, even wheeled nippers! I’m in a new environment—an artist’s studio—with other students who all have more experience than I do. I benefit from observing them and I appreciate their encouragement.

The first-time managers I coach have a similar experience in their work environments. I can see how adopting the perspective of being a learner is freeing for them and facilitates their success.

Pieces can be rearranged. In my class I can lay out all the pieces from which to select. What size tesserae should I use here—or here? How shall I represent the leaves on this tree? Because the grout hasn’t yet been applied, I can move and place the pieces again and again.

When I am coaching executives, we work together to assess their strengths and then choose which strengths to lead with in different scenarios. Not every strength “piece” needs to be in the foreground.

Sometimes you have to step back. Perspective isn’t just for artists! Yes, stepping back helps me see my creation from a new angle—and it is just as important for a leader in the workplace. It is great when leaders ask themselves Am I too close to this? What am I not seeing? How can I get a new perspective here?

What you plan may not be what you create. This is an expected truth for a first time mosaicist, but I think it is often true in work settings, too. As a leader works with a team, requesting and then listening to input from team members may shift the plan—and the shift is often for the better. Plans are good, but involving others is essential. Trust that.

Take a break. In the studio, I find it is sometimes good to walk away from my project. I stretch, get some tea, and enjoy viewing the progress of the other students’ work. When I return to my workstation, I have renewed energy and a fresh outlook on my own project. The same holds true at work! A job can be satisfying, frustrating, and a lot of things in between. But as valuable as it is, it shouldn’t be everything in your life. Take a break!

I know I’ll be experiencing more insights as I complete the second half of the course and my completed work will be a great reminder of what I’ve learned along the way. How about you? What have you learned as a student that has made you better at facilitating the success of others? Please share in the comments section.

About the Author

Mary Ellen Sailer, Ed.D., is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 120 coaches have worked with over 15,000 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

What do you need to say and do differently for your team to believe change is real? How do you demonstrate your commitment to achieving the change target? How do you personally demonstrate initiative to gain support for the resources needed?

Here are a few other coaching concepts to consider if you are a leader managing change.

1. Identify challenges. What needs to be solved? When we ask clients what problem needs solving they will usually identify what they see only through their lens. Who else and what stakeholder groups should also be consulted? Make sure you have clearly articulated the problem before you begin to focus on the change needed.
2. Listen. Listen and listen some more. In addition to asking questions, enter each conversation with the intention of learning something new and being influenced. Consider writing out your list of questions to help identify what you want to learn from the conversation.
3. Identify top areas for change. Narrowing a long list of potential change areas down to an important few is hard. When you look across the stakeholders your team serves, what change will have the greatest return? As an example, one leader I coached saw a need for information sharing that spanned across sales, project management, and professional services. This leader knew if she could create a system for information sharing across those groups, it would be a significant win. She focused on the problem and need for each group and worked with Information Services to create a system that gave everyone access to the information they needed, which saved time and reduced frustration.
4. Create goals that align with the new direction. It may go without saying that in order to have everyone aiming for the same bull’s eye, each person needs to understand their own role and responsibility for achieving the goal. Goal setting is often suggested; yet, in our research, alignment is rarely better than 80 percent. Spend the time to identify what each person on the team needs to do—their key responsibilities and goals—in order for the team to be successful.
5. Create a metric dashboard and manage to it. What do you need to measure to ensure you are succeeding in the change effort? What are the leading and lagging metrics that paint the picture of success? In team and one on one meetings, put up the top areas for change and discuss the metrics.

What I’ve focused on here are some tools a leader can use when managing a team through change. Note that all of these concepts require effective and productive relationships—because change happens through people. Take a coach approach to increase your success with your next change effort. It works well for individual change as well as organizational change.

About the Author

Joni Wickline is Vice President, International Growth with The Ken Blanchard Companies. You can read Wickline’s posts as a part of Coaching Tuesday here at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Dear Madeleine,

I am the new CEO of an asset management firm. I am concerned that my executive team is not up to speed and I am nervous about delegating to them.

They are all super talented, bright and experienced. The problem is the former CEO was a micromanager who was punitive when people asked for help. Now I need to change the culture in the group to make sure people ask me for help before they dig themselves in too deep.

I have told them to feel free to come to me if they have doubts, but they don’t—and then there is a mess to clean up.

This is a critical juncture. The eyes of every board member are on us. But I am traveling too much and doing work my team should be doing because I don’t trust them not to screw things up.

I know I have to stop this, but I don’t know how. Ideas?

Can’t Delegate

Dear Can’t Delegate,

It is true that most new leaders would prefer to shoot off like a rocket to where they are going and send a postcard from the destination. Welcome to the brave new world of getting things done through others. This is the transformational journey that you unwittingly signed up for, and it will be fraught, difficult, and intensely rewarding. It will require patience and generosity and—probably most challenging for you—slowing down right now so you can go faster later. Here are a few ideas:

• Shift your mindset. It’s hard being a genius (I use Immanuel Kant’s definition of genius as someone who creates new things with existing materials or ideas.) I know this because for 25 years I have specialized in coaching them—and I have been married to two. I’m guessing you have an exceptional ability to make connections between big abstract ideas that are obvious to you. Because they are obvious to you, you assume they are obvious to everyone else—but this is where you are wrong. You have to slow yourself down enough to articulate the steps and connections between your big ideas. You have to draw pictures, show the progression of logic, and connect the dots between your big cognitive leaps. Tedious? Yes. But a critical part of your job right now.
• Address the problem head on. Pull your team together and articulate the problem as you see it. Talk about the former CEO and his method of operating, making clear that your approach is not the same as his. Be explicit about how you will reward people when they ask for help. Scott Blanchard, who works on many complex deals, has a mantra he repeats: “Don’t lose a million dollar deal by yourself.”
• Remember that you are suggesting a big change. Asking for help makes some people feel vulnerable and can require fairly intense personal development. Challenge each of your people first to figure out what gets in the way of their asking for help—and then to push themselves past it. Introduce them to Brene Brown, who is at the forefront of the research showing that learning to be vulnerable makes better leaders.
• Apply a method to assess competence and confidence. In our flagship model, Situational Leadership® II, we teach leaders how to work with people to zero in on exactly where they need help to become the wiz they are. Remember that the tasks you are delegating are highly complex. How come you don’t screw up? Are you that much smarter? No, but you learned a lesson along the way—figure out how to help people identify their development level on a task.
• Allow the team to reason through complex situations even if you already have the answer. Let them work it out together, learn from each other, and grow as a team. If you absolutely must, you can throw in your wisdom at the end.
• Share your thinking. Anytime you learn something new, send the learning to everyone on your team. A short email is all it takes. When you travel, take someone with you and share your every thought on what you are learning and experiencing along the way. You think they can read your mind,—or you wish they could—but they can’t and they won’t. So tell them everything you think they need to know.

You were made CEO because it was assumed that you will be able to do what you do and empower your executive team to be brilliant. If you apply only two of these ideas, you will be well underway.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Coaching a senior leader can be complicated. They have lots of demands on their time, huge decisions to make, and often do not get a lot of direct, honest feedback from people around them.

In fact, coaching anyone can be complicated—because humans are complicated. We are constantly scanning our mental and physical landscapes for what we can and can’t do, what we want and don’t want to do, how we feel, who we like, or who we struggle to work with. Joy, disappointment, fear, boredom, and a host of other bits of noise can get in the way of normal functioning.

In spite of our constant scanning, we are fundamentally designed to grow and change.  Like a butterfly that emerges triumphant from its chrysalis, someone being coached can emerge from the experience ready to spread their wings.

As coaches, our job is to help cut through the noise in people’s lives and support change—sustainable, real, down-to-the-wings change. Sometimes we settle for surface change because that’s all our client is capable of in the moment. But sometimes we get to that deep change—which is always what we’re going for. We are the person who helps in this metamorphosis. Coaching is the catalyst that facilitates growth. The way a coach arrives at that change is threefold.

1. Listen. A coach listens not only to the surface story, but also to what is unsaid. We listen for values, beliefs, cognitive dissonance, and the heart’s yearning. These things form the client’s foundation from which all behavior stems. As a coach, when I listen at my best, deepest ability, I have a quiet mind and am empty of solutions. I provide a calm place for the client to express thought, emotion, and action.
2. Provoke. A coach provokes learning, new ideas, excitement, thoughtfulness, mindfulness, and a belief that change can and will happen. This is done by asking simple, open ended questions with no judgment, no solutions, and no necessity to explain, confirm, or normalize.
3. Partner. We are in the thick of it with our clients. We care. We hold them to be their best selves. We believe completely and wholly that our clients can learn, grow, change, and achieve.  My success as a coach comes when my clients have that moment of clarity, commit to new actions, and really believe, fundamentally, that they can achieve a new outcome.  I am an accountability partner. I am a mirror. I am the person who believes in them even when they don’t or can’t believe in themselves. I am a truth teller—not of my truth but of their truth. I am a conduit. I am a funnel. I am, in essence, what the client needs in that moment to be able to change.

Coaching can create great beauty in the world. You don’t have to be a professional coach—anyone can use coaching behaviors. Be the one to help your people spread their wings and create positive change in their lives!

About the Author

Patricia Overland is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Drama – Someone who craves drama loves stirring up passion, adventure, and controversy to make their life more interesting or to create problems to solve. A drama addict can smell potential scenarios a mile away. This person enjoys the producer role and likes to create new opportunities whenever possible. Drama is very seductive.

Obligation – This is an excessive and unhealthy need to do good, help, or even crusade for someone or something. I am not suggesting that doing good deeds for others isn’t admirable; however, some people seek out situations where they will be seen as a hero. They crave the starring role of rescuer because it feeds their ego.

Worry – When someone sees the possibility of problem or disaster in any given situation and allows it to magnify in their mind, it’s an extreme form of worrying. This type of stimulation creates a high degree of friction within the person, causing the adrenaline to flow freely. Everyone has worries in their life, but this is more than that . This type of worrying is done at the cost of joy, creativity, and peace of mind.

Busyness – Compulsive busyness has become an epidemic in our culture. We seldom hear anyone say the words I don’t have enough to do or I’m not busy. And while many people moan bitterly about how busy they are, some seem to wear it as a badge of honor. They judge their value by their busyness.

So how do we help ourselves and others escape from these unhealthy obsessions? Here are ideas for how to break free:

Instead of Drama:

1. Spread good news, not rumors or gossip
2. Choose to be compassionate
3. Stick to the facts—refrain from embellishing

Instead of Obligation:

1. Learn to say No
2. Set clear boundaries
3. Make time in your daily routine to do something for yourself

Instead of Worry:

1. Praise yourself when you do things right
2. Celebrate daily what is going well
3. Ask others to be specific about their expectations of you

Instead of Busyness:

1. Make white space a priority in your schedule
2. Under-promise and over-deliver
3. Give yourself more time than you think you will need

As coaches, we are in a unique position of helping our clients recognize and overturn negative compulsions such as these so that they can achieve their full potential. We also have a responsibility to evaluate our own needs in these areas and take steps as necessary.With a little bit of work, anyone can break away from unhealthy, negative pursuits and move toward a more positive future.

About the Author

Judith Donin is a Senior Consulting Partner and Professional Services Mentor for North America with The Ken Blanchard Companies. You can read Judith’s posts as a part of Coaching Tuesday here at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a VP of sales for a global software organization. I love my job, which is good because I work constantly and have for the past 25 years. It has been rewarding and I have saved enough to be able to think now about maybe slowing down. I have been discussing retirement with my wife and she is excited to have me around more and to travel, visit our kids and grandkids, etc.

My boss recently shared with me that he wants to groom me to take over his job. I was absolutely surprised by this as I never imagined I would be even as successful as I am, let alone considered for the senior leadership team.

This has sent me into a tailspin. I am just a sales guy. I never completed my degree because I did so well at my first sales job, which I had taken only to pay for college. At that point I was married with a kid on the way; you know how that goes. The next thing you know, 25 years has flown by.

All the people on the senior leadership team have MBAs from fancy schools, drive fancy cars, and go to fancy places. That just isn’t me. I don’t see myself being able to relate to these people—and I know my wife would not be comfortable with these folks. I haven’t even told her about this possibility because I know she will be disappointed at the prospect of the shift in our plans. It would mean, I am sure, ten more years of my working like a dog. Also, I don’t see myself as particularly strategic; I don’t know how I would add value to that team.

On the other hand, what an opportunity! I am trying to think this through logically but am barely able to think straight. Help?

In a Tailspin

Dear In a Tailspin,

Wow. As problems go, this is such a wonderful one! And I know how overwhelming this must be, so I don’t want to minimize that. I can offer you a plan for tackling this decision that will hopefully set you up to be at choice. This is a coaching term we use to express the process of looking at the whole picture, understanding what you can control and what is most important to you, and then choosing what actions you will take to achieve what you most want.

1. The first order of business is to establish what you want. Right now it is about what your boss wants (a successor) and what your wife wants (more time with you). Just because you never dreamed something would happen doesn’t mean it isn’t possible—and this magical thing is happening for you now. The question is: do you want it? Right now you can’t even access your own voice because it is getting lost in the noise of your fear. So let’s address that.
2. Face your fear: You say you are “just a sales guy.” Sales is arguably the most valuable competency in any organization—after all, there is no business without customers. People who are good at sales are astonishingly good at relating to other people. And successful sales leaders are excellent at directing and supporting others to do the same. Of course you are strategic—you don’t get to be VP in a global software company if you aren’t strategic! Because you are unclear about your strengths, you might want to ask your boss what it is about you that makes him think you should be promoted. That would help you understand what he values in you and get you past the notion that you are simply a regular guy who is lucky.
3. Stop focusing on the past: Let’s talk about this story you are telling yourself that everyone on the leadership team is too fancy for you. Cut it out. This is just complete hogwash. Maybe a couple of them have some made some fancy lifestyle choices, but that doesn’t make them different from you. I have worked with enough executives to know that almost to a person they are not only grateful for the opportunity they had to be educated but also still pinching themselves at their luck. Most of them know they aren’t better or much smarter than anyone else and many suffer from imposter syndrome. Almost everyone who achieves a position in senior leadership feels as if they don’t quite measure up for some reason and don’t quite belong. So you didn’t finish college. So what? Your boss doesn’t care. Maybe some other people will; but you can’t control that. Trust that you will be able to leverage your people skills to find something you have in common with each and every one of them, and trust that your wife will be able to do the same if she knows it is important to you. People are just people. You know that. So stop putting them on a pedestal.

To cut through the noise here, take yourself out for a long walk and ponder these questions:

• What is interesting or exciting to you about this opportunity?
• Are you signed up for the learning curve it would entail?
• Which of your strengths would you be able to leverage?
• What kind of an impact would you be able to make on the organization?
• What would you be able to accomplish?
• What would you have to give up to avail yourself of the opportunity?
• Are you willing to do that?

Once you have some clarity about your answers and decide you want to go for it, you can have a serious sit-down with your wife. If she is as eager to spend time with you as you say, she probably still actually likes you, is your best friend, and has your back—so I suspect she will be willing to support your quest.

Finally, I want to challenge your assertion that accepting this job would mean you can’t travel and visit your kids and grandchildren. Possibly the real opportunity here is for you to get creative—find a way to achieve undreamed-of success at work and have more space and time for your family. This is the ultimate senior leadership challenge, and you seem to have enough going for you that you are probably up to it.

Breathe deep, my friend—and congratulations!

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Cloud shares the importance of recognizing the impact that others have on your success. He explains how every significant act in your life always includes someone else.  How are you being influenced by others—and how are you influencing the key people in your life?

Cloud also shares a unique “four corner” model that helps you identify relationships that are toxic and lead to feelings of disconnectedness, inferiority, or feeling fake.  He describes how to move beyond these three negative corners and lead yourself and others into honest, authentic relationships where people thrive.

Cloud discusses strategies for moving beyond a good/bad mindset by creating a language and using a process that leads to real conversations that help people move forward. Whether it’s in a one-on-one conversation, or in a team setting, you’ll learn strategies to improve trust, feedback, and performance.

And don’t miss the final minutes of the podcast when Ken Blanchard joins in at the end of the interview to share his thoughts and key takeaways!

Listen to the podcast here:

In their book Coaching in Organizations, master certified coaches Madeleine Homan Blanchard and Linda Miller devote a chapter to tips that help ensure a productive coaching relationship and also create a nurturing environment for the person being coached.

In addition to making sure the potential coachee has a clear understanding of what to expect from the coach as well as the coaching process, the authors recommend that anyone pursuing a coaching relationship have seven additional qualities.

Ever wonder if you would be a good candidate for coaching?  How would you score yourself in these seven areas?

1. I am enthusiastic about the concept of continuous professional development and learning.
2. I am willing and able to identify at least one key area in which I can commit to change.
3. I am open to finding a minimum of one hour of company time per week to speak to my coach.
4. I am willing to share openly about myself and my perceptions with someone outside the company.
5. I am an early adopter of new ideas and behaviors.
6. I see myself as a trailblazer, risk taker, or leader.
7. I am fundamentally proud of working at my organization.

A successful coaching relationship is not something that should be entered into lightly.  A person being coached not only must have a clear sense of what is to be gained from the investment of time, but also must be prepared to enter into a full partnership with their coach.

So—are you coachable?  Would you add any other characteristics/statements to this list? Use the comments section below!

Hi Madeleine,

I work in the health profession and I’ve just accepted a position in management at a new facility. I don’t know the staff at all. All I know is that the senior leadership wants a change in the management at the facility.

What advice would you have on how to tackle a new job at a new place with a heavy agenda? What should I do first???

 New Healthcare Leader

Dear New Healthcare Leader,

Well, congratulations! Isn’t this exciting? It sounds like you have a great opportunity here! I can’t tell from your letter if the facility is new overall, or if it is just new to you. If it is actually new, this could be good because you won’t have the burden of history—it can be hard to make changes when it’s “always been done that way.”

If it is just new to you, you will need to spend some time asking questions and listening to understand the culture of the organization. Working with people to change things begins with understanding and meeting them where they are.

In terms of change, you will want to press senior leadership to understand what exactly the prior management did wrong, so you don’t repeat those mistakes. If they won’t tell you, it was probably something illegal, immoral, or both. I imagine this won’t be a problem for you.

What they must tell you though is what a good job looks like. This answers the question, “How will you know you are successful?” You say “heavy agenda” but you have to make sure you know what it really is. Ask them for crystal-clear goals, and if they don’t provide them, come up with your own and present them for approval. Some senior leaders simply don’t have the skills or the patience to articulate the vision or the goals of the organization, so if they won’t do it, do it for yourself.

Once you have your goals set, work with your people to get their goals super clear. Also, spend as much time as you can getting to know your people and assessing their strengths. Work with each of them to ensure that their goals leverage their skills, interests, and talents.

Once everybody knows what they are supposed to be doing, make sure they are getting the proper direction and support they need to do it. Make sure everyone, including you, has a short-term goal that they can achieve so that you all have the experience of early success together. Share stories of any and all wins. People will remember stories and it will feel good.

Finally, we have a lot of books here at The Ken Blanchard Companies, but the definitive one on this topic is not by Ken or any of us. It is The First 90 Days by Michael Watkins and I have worked through the book with many clients. Google it, read summaries, and be sure to look at the templates of what to do in your first 30, 60, and 90 days. I highly recommend it.

Best of luck in your new role!

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

This powerful moment in the film sheds light on the fact that leaders don’t apologize much, making this scene even more striking. And yet, there are times where leaders make mistakes—and in those moments, it can be difficult to apologize. Whether it is ego, whether it is because they had been confident of the process and outcome, or whether it is simply forgetfulness, apologies are not commonplace.  Still, there are many dissatisfied employees in workplaces today who may feel they are deserving of an apology.

Even though it’s not easy to apologize, saying “sorry” can make you more transparent and allow a deeper level of trust to occur between you and your direct reports. It can also show that you are relatable and human, as well as demonstrate your integrity and willingness to change. Of course, this doesn’t mean you should apologize every day—but sometimes when a mistake is made an apology should follow.

Have you done something that led to a less-than-favorable outcome? Perhaps you passed a person up for a raise, reprimanded someone a bit too harshly, or gave a direct report so much work they became overwhelmed and stressed. Remember that even if your intentions weren’t to harm, if the other person perceives your behavior as hurtful they will feel hurt. In these moments an apology is important. It acknowledges your own wrongdoing and communicates to the other person your commitment to growth and improvement.

When you do apologize:

1. State the context. Outline the situation by starting with phrases like “Remember when…” or “That other day when…” and describe the behaviors that took place. Especially if the event happened a while ago, it may be good to refresh the person’s memory.
2. Acknowledge the other person by stating the impact of your behavior on them. Say, “When I did that, you looked…” or “I noticed you didn’t go to lunch like you usually do after what happened.” Remember to be objective and focus on the behaviors you directly observed, leaving out any inferences.
3. Avoid explanations and focus on the future. No one wants to hear an apology that is followed by the word but. Don’t offer reasons for what you did—instead, provide reassurances that you are working to grow and improve so that such an event doesn’t happen again.

Apologizing is not easy, but when you learn how to do it properly, it becomes less difficult over time. And when you do say “sorry,” you—and the person you say it to—will be glad you did.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a senior project manager in a service organization. I manage client-facing work as well as hundreds of independent contractors. 

I recently got behind on my list—the endless small tasks that add up to outstanding service—and I shelved a few items to take care of when I came back from a week’s vacation. 

Big mistake. 

I returned to a debacle with one of our significant internal clients and her handful of potential clients.  A whole incident had been escalated to the colleague who was covering for me, then to my boss.  

My boss was pretty nice about it but I can tell I have lost her trust.   I was disappointed in myself—but more than anything I was really embarrassed.  I don’t know what I was thinking. I misread the time frame and the requirements and thought the matter could wait. 

Here is the bigger problem: I now have constant anxiety that I might be dropping a ball. I feel like I can never take a vacation again.  I have gotten myself into a trap of working all hours and checking email and texts constantly out of fear that I might miss something. My husband and kids are really getting annoyed with me.  I feel the stress ratcheting up—like I am losing control of my life. Help!

Losing Control

_______________________________________________________

Dear Losing Control,

I am sorry. I so know the feeling. And so does every other member of PA—“Perfectionists Anonymous.”   You really do need to be a perfectionist to be a project manager; it is an impossible job that never ends.  You are apparently very good at, and you are now experiencing the dark side of being naturally detail oriented and what I call a control enthusiast.

The bad news is that you are destined to burn out dramatically if you don’t take some significant steps to get yourself back on an even keel.   Constant anxiety will take a toll on your health and ultimately will cloud your thinking and make you less effective at your job.

First stop: your boss.  Have the hard conversation that starts with your feeling of losing her trust.  You actually might be making that up.  If you aren’t making it up and you do need to rebuild trust, you need to set clear milestones that the two of you can track.  Make it concrete—get the “feeling” out of it.  I think it is also important for you to discuss your stress level with your boss.  As you get yourself to a better place, you may need help managing your workload—and you will need your boss’s support to do that.

Which brings me to the next step:  tell yourself the truth about how much work you can do.  Then draw a boundary and do not say yes to more than you can reasonably take on.  You may worry that this could put your job in jeopardy, but honestly—most bosses will just keep loading it on until the employee cries Uncle. And, ultimately, if you find that more is expected of you than you can give, it’s time to find another job. You can’t live your life as a total nervous wreck.  Life is too short—and too long—for that.

Everything is easier with stress management techniques.  There are many methods. Explore them and find one thing you can do to ratchet down the stress.  A short walk at lunch time, ten deep breaths three times a day, prayer, a gratitude practice, yoga, meditation, mindfulness, homeopathic remedies.  None of this has to take a lot of time, but you have to find something and practice it religiously.  This is not optional.

Finally, stop trying to go this alone. Here is a new mantra for you: GET HELP.  Ask a colleague to help out when you are overwhelmed with to-do’s. Ask your boss for help. Use your Employee Assistance Program and go get 6 therapy sessions. Talk things over with your spouse, sibling, parent, or best friends.  Don’t hide your situation from anyone who cares about you. I guarantee the right kind of help will come your way.

Now take a deep breath.  You are going to be okay—but you do need to put your sanity first.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Recently, we began implementing a company-wide change process that included redefining our organization’s values. As you might imagine, leading a change initiative in a company that teaches change management poses a unique set of challenges.

I helped lead the rollout of our new values. In the process, I learned three things I want to pass along in case your organization is considering a similar move.

Don’t be afraid of top down. Vision and direction need to be set in stone by executive management. People may get nervous or annoyed that the ones at the top are making these decisions, but it doesn’t need to be framed that way. It’s really a matter of perspective.

When I was young, I took a trip to Washington and climbed to the top of Mt. St. Helens. The view at base camp, where hundreds of people were checking their gear, stretching, and prepping to make the ascent, was very different from what I saw when I reached the summit. By far, the best views of the abundant vegetation, wildlife, and beautiful Spirit Lake could only be seen from the top of the mountain. In the same way, a change initiative must start with the people who have the responsibility for the larger view of the company. Take advantage of that perspective. Have senior leaders begin the conversation on the vision, mission, and values that correspond to the organization’s five, ten, or twenty year plan.

Get buy-in early: The biggest misconception people in organizations have is that buy-in should happen toward the end of their change process. On the contrary! The buy-in process needs to start at the beginning of the initiative. This part should be a collaborative effort with everyone’s input. In our company, we rally around the phrase Feedback is the breakfast of champions. Once the initial vision is formed by senior leadership, others need to be involved in shaping the plan.

For our values initiative, we conducted several half-day online workshops so that everyone in the company would have the opportunity to review, discuss, and weigh in on the proposed values. More than 80 percent of our total workforce participated. Senior leaders were delighted to hear the many ideas shared during the process and enthusiastic about the values that ultimately rose to the top—including two that were dubbed Kenship and Getting to D4. (Email me at gus.jaramillo@kenblanchard.com if you want to see the final list.) Taking the time for feedback and buy-in made for a stronger final product.

Fully integrate values into systems and procedures. Values are great to display on the wall—and trust me, we are posting them everywhere! But if they stay on the wall without actually being integrated into organizational systems and procedures, they will end up merely as outdated décor. No one wants that. Ultimately, values drive behavior. To this end, we are working to develop ways that our performance management system, recognition programs, and hiring procedures will fully integrate with our new values.

The steps we are taking in this direction include a redesign of our annual recognition program that includes the addition of specific awards that match values-based behaviors. We have also created a private Facebook page where all Blanchard associates can share real-time praise of colleagues (to highlight a sale, great teamwork, successful training) for all to see, along with a hashtag to the particular value that is being demonstrated such as #Trustworthiness. These are two great ways for us to reinforce the positive behavior that we believe will drive success in the organization—and there’s more to come.

That’s Us—How about You?

That’s how we are approaching our change initiative. How does it match up with your approach? We know the process of implementing organizational change is never easy or quick. But we also know if we work together, make the effort, and take the time to do things right, we will succeed—and our organization will be the better for it.

Most organisations have mission statements—a clearly defined and articulated purpose to focus energy and help leaders make decisions.

But what about a clearly defined and articulated personal purpose? While most of us have some idea about what we want to do with our lives, many of us don’t have a personal mission statement.

This is an important concept. A personal mission statement harnesses energy and enables us to have a greater sense of well-being—especially if we can connect our personal purpose with our department’s purpose as well as our organisation’s purpose.

Let me give you a personal example. In the mid-nineties while I was in the Royal New Zealand Navy, I attended a Situational Self Leadership training session. As part of the workshop, I spent some time developing and refining my life purpose statement. It required reflection and effort, and eventually I came up with a statement that felt right:

“My life purpose is to use my knowledge, skills, and abilities to work with others in order to create an environment in which people feel valued, content, and fulfilled as they contribute to society.”

Creating my purpose statement was just the first step. In order to leverage and maximise my personal and professional alignment, I printed out the statement, put it into a picture frame, and placed it on my desk. This was a very important second step for me. When it came time to make significant career decisions, I would look at my purpose statement and ask myself What course of action will best help me fulfil my life purpose? 

The framed statement was a great reminder—and it helped immensely when I had difficult decisions to make, such as changing roles and up-skilling in support of training and development. It was an area that fulfilled my purpose more than the operational role for which I was initially selected.

How about you? Have you identified a clear sense of where you want to be, or is it more of a general idea? Why not challenge yourself? Develop a purpose statement for your life. Then align your role with that of your organisation, reflect, and make adjustments as necessary.

I’ve long since left the Navy and am currently a director and consulting partner with Blanchard International New Zealand. In part, I can trace my journey here to the decision I made years ago to identify, write down, and reflect daily on my life purpose statement.

Your future is waiting for you. Don’t wait. Take the first step by writing down your personal mission statement. You never know where it will lead!

About the Author

David Cordery is a Company Director and accredited Consulting Partner with Blanchard International in New Zealand.

Unfortunately, most leaders don’t realize that this first step, knowing yourself, should never end.

Why? Because as you grow and develop as a human being and as a leader, aspects of you will inevitably change—as is the nature of growth and development.

As a result, the knowledge of who you are can become outdated quickly.

It may be surprising to find out that even the building blocks of your physical being change quite frequently. Find out more here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQVmkDUkZT4

When was the last time you took some time for self-discovery?

As a leader, remember to make time periodically to rediscover yourself and figure out how you’ve changed and grown.

It’s a great way to measure your development progress, to better understand who you are, and to determine how you can best serve your direct reports.

It’s a phenomenon that is quite common in many organizations—one that business author Barry Oshry describes as the “Dance of the Blind Reflex” in his book Seeing Systems: Unlocking the Mysteries of Organizational Life.

Oshry’s contention is that leaders and direct reports can become locked into a dysfunctional, self-sustaining cycle when each group has behavior patterns that are the result of unconscious behaviors in the other group. For example, leaders complain about the burdens of extensive responsibility but cling to that power for fear that a planned system or change initiative will fail. And frontline workers complain about non-involvement, oppression, and lack of responsibility while they cling to the same things.

Might this dysfunctional dance be occurring in your organization? Here are some of the telltale signs.

At the senior leader level:

Leaders worry about losing control during change—that their team won’t feel as responsible, skilled, or passionate as the leader does. As the leader’s fears and responsibilities increase, they worry about letting their people down and compensate by taking even more responsibility away from direct reports. Signs leaders must watch for in themselves include:

• Checking up, not checking in, on team members
• Frustration in thinking that the team doesn’t care

As a result, these leaders lie awake at night thinking about what they still have to accomplish on a never ending to-do list.

At the frontline level:

The perceived lack of trust, respect, sensitivity, and insight from their leader frustrates team members and they yield responsibility quickly. They feel they have no role in the change and have lost their autonomy and their value. When this occurs, they begin to withdraw, self-preservation kicks in, and they simply keep their heads down and do what leaders say. Typical behaviors include:

• Increased scrutiny on what leaders are doing and not doing
• Anger and resentment at having things done to them—instead of with them

If these underlying beliefs are not surfaced and acknowledged, organizational culture can remain stuck in this cycle. But it doesn’t have to go that way. Here are some strategies to help interrupt this dance.

1. When a one-on-one relationship feels inequitable, each person needs to notice their language and thoughts as they converse and ask themselves: What is my intent and how might my words be misinterpreted?
2. Leaders need to think about how they are dragging the responsibility upward rather than across their team.
3. Direct reports need to think about how to repackage their message so that the leader recognizes their honorable intentions and willingness to accept responsibility.
4. Finally, both sides need to understand that these behaviors are often subtle and hard to self-diagnose and consider enlisting a qualified coach to help identify patterns and develop an action plan.

Note to coaches: Remember—you are not immune to the Dance of the Blind Reflex and can actually become an unwitting dance partner. Are you working harder in your sessions than your client is? Are you taking on their burdens? If so, you may want to consider changing the record and dancing to a different tune.

About the Author

Judith Donin is a Senior Consulting Partner and Professional Services Mentor for North America with The Ken Blanchard Companies. You can read Judith’s posts as a part of Coaching Tuesday here at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a senior director at a big pharma company. Our company has grown quickly through mergers and acquisitions—four in the last four years, in fact. I’ve noticed a big problem with what seems to be an “us and them” culture. Even some of my peers forget that we are all one company now. We’ve spent a lot of time talking about values and strategy, and people seem to be on board with it. It’s the little stuff that concerns me. 

For example, some of my colleagues still come to work wearing shirts that have their old company logo on them. They’ve been given new gear, but still think it’s okay to wear the old stuff. I’ve also noticed that there is a lot of “we/you” language: “We’ve always done it this way.” “We’ve been successful, and you need to think about…” It’s very frustrating. What can I do to convince my peers that these small, subtle things actually have a big impact? 

—Trying to Shift Things

Dear Trying to Shift Things,

You are frustrated by something that is nothing more or less than fundamental human nature. We are essentially tribal. We automatically create “in-groups” made up of the people we see as most like us—and we prefer them to anyone else. This is a well known phenomenon; there are reams of research proving it. The minute you have teams made up of the shirts vs. skins, team members will fight on behalf of their own. It made me laugh that in your situation you are literally dealing with shirts! So classic.

You are clearly a senior person on the acquiring side, so you have an expectation that the conquered nations will bow to the triumphant one. But it doesn’t work that way. Essentially, you are asking people to shift loyalties, which can certainly happen—but it does take time.

What you are dealing with here is affecting culture change. There about a million books and blogs available to you on this topic, so I am not going to try to be an expert on it here. But I do have one approach that can get things moving in the right direction.

Put the problem, as you see it, to your group. Ask for their perspective on it. As a group, agree on one or two behavioral changes that support a feeling that you all are pulling for the same team. Get the conversation going and have them talk to their own people about the impact of the subtle things. You cannot convince anyone, but you can arrange for dialogue with your peers.

And get help! Since you are big pharma, I am almost certain that you have at your disposal an HR partner who lives and breathes this kind of problem and would be delighted to work with you to solve it. This is so much bigger than something you can accomplish by yourself—but you certainly can be a champion for change.

Good luck,

Love Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

But when they became a manager, their role shifted.  They now needed to focus on what needed to get done and leave the how to the individual contributors they managed.  As a manager, they needed to be more strategic and less tactical.

Many managers struggle with this change.  They had established numerous great methods, processes, and ideas for how to accomplish work. What are they supposed to do with these concepts now?

For a fair share of managers, the natural answer is to pass on their ways to their direct reports by staying hands-on.  It doesn’t occur to them that as a manager their role is to figure out and communicate what needs to get done, leaving the how to their direct reports as their capabilities allow and giving direction and support only as needed. Unfortunately, some managers never make this shift.

If this sounds like you, there are numerous benefits when you shift from how to what.  Leaving the how to your direct reports:

… gives them the chance to develop their skill set.

… is motivating.  Research conducted by Blanchard for our Optimal Motivation training program uncovered that employees feel motivated when they perceive that what they are doing is of their own volition and that they are the source of their own actions.

… gives you more time and space to work on the what.

What can you do to make the shift?  Lots!  Here are a few suggestions:

• Acknowledge to yourself that the change won’t be easy. It helps if you recognize that the benefits far outweigh the uncomfortable process of change.
• Do a little soul searching. Why do you want to keep your fingers in the pie?  Is it a lack of trust, a need to control, or a wish to add value?
• Learn the art of partnering with direct reports to facilitate their independent problem solving. Ask your capable people a question such as “What do you need to do to get the work done?”  Then figuratively sit on your hands and listen as they figure it out.  You might need to ask a few more open-ended questions—but resist offering solutions.
• Practice, practice, practice. This will not happen overnight.  Two steps forward, one step back—but stick to it and you will be able to make the change.

I love the quote “Mediocre coaches are those who remain attached to their own opinions and feel the need to be right or even useful.”  To me this applies not only to coaches but to managers, colleagues, parents, spouses, friends, etc.  Are you unnecessarily keeping your hands on the work your direct reports should be doing themselves?  If so, what are you going to do about it?  Let me know!

About the Author

Joanne Maynard is a senior coach with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Dear Madeleine,

I was recently hired as regional manager of a large retail company. I come with lots of experience and a successful track record. In fact, my new company actually approached me and made me such a good offer, I couldn’t refuse. 

Unfortunately, I expected to be able to make some much needed changes and to have much more autonomy than I do. Now I feel like I’m stuck here with nowhere to turn.

People are resistant to change, I’m being micromanaged, and I’ve been given one of the toughest regions to turn around.  I’m not getting the support I expected at all. In fact, I can’t even get time on my boss’s calendar. He just says, “We hired you to do a job. Just do it.”

I feel like I’m drowning.  What should I do? 

—Drowning

Dear Drowning,

It sounds like the first order of business here is to recover from how terrible it feels to have expected one thing and ended up with something altogether—well—kind of awful.  It feels terrible because your brain goes a little haywire when expectations go unmet. You are in a constant state of fight-or-flight caused by a surplus of stress hormones.   So you’ll need to immediately calm down and take stock of your current reality without comparing it to what you expected.

If you really can’t let go, you can do a little ceremony to mourn your dream of what your new job would be.  It might sound a little nutty, but it can really help.  Write down your expectations on a piece of paper and then burn them in a fireplace, or cut them into little pieces and release them into the ocean, or bury them in the sand.  Get creative.  Give yourself a moment, have a cry if you need to, and let it go.  Then you will be ready to face your new reality and make the best of it.

To take stock, make a mind map of everything you feel needs to be changed and find the tiny pockets where you have some control.  Decide what you can actually do and start doing it.  Have one on ones with each of your people, listen to them carefully, and get a sense of their strengths.  Work in whatever change you can with one small change and one person at a time.  Change takes constant repetition and support. I am always surprised by how much constant effort it requires.  Buckle down and do one thing at time.

I am a little confused that you say you can’t get time with your boss, but you also say you are being micromanaged.  Is it that your boss expects you to get different results using the same methods that got the results currently being produced?  If that is the case, you’ll have to choose one big change to take a stand for, write it up carefully with a special focus on the outcomes you expect to produce, and basically tell your boss you are going to try it.  That is doing your job. The worst thing that can happen is that he says no.

You aren’t actually drowning; it just feels that way.  The good news is that nobody dies in retail.  Let go of what you expected, get crystal clear about your current situation, and decide what you can do and what you are going to do. Look at yourself in the mirror and remind yourself of your experience and your track record.  Choose to step up and win in this situation.   Swim.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

However, in our conversation she didn’t lead with her standards.  Instead, she questioned her boundaries.  She was uncomfortable because she had always heard that boundaries are needed to keep other people away—and that weak people had weak boundaries and pushy people had pushy boundaries.

As we spoke, I shared the truth about boundaries:  the reason we need boundaries is to protect and uphold our standards.  The purpose of boundaries is supportive, not defensive.

The illustration that I feel best symbolizes the relationship between boundaries and standards is that of a lighthouse. A lighthouse is solidly constructed and tall.  It is illuminated 24 hours a day and visible no matter what the weather.  A lighthouse is also well fortified, typically set on the summit of a rocky island with large rocks buttressing the impact of the waves of the ocean well before they can hit the lighthouse.

The lighthouse is you, with your standards in place. Your boundaries are represented in the care with which you have situated the lighthouse for support and protection.  Your boundaries keep you and your standards visible for all to see.  Nice, eh?

Your boundaries help you define who you are.  To effectively protect and support your standards, it’s likely that your boundaries will address two basic categories:  your time and your emotions.  Please consider the following questions to help you zero in on the boundaries you will need to claim and fortify.

• Do you have enough time?
  • If not, why not?
    • Is it because you say “yes” when you want to say “no”?
    • Are you everyone’s go-to person for support or advice, or to get things done?
      • Even though it tires you, do you secretly enjoy this go-to status?
    • How do the demands others place on you—which raid your time and emotional strength— support your standards?

To counter against her previous tradition of giving away her time and emotions, my client appropriately set boundaries bigger than she initially thought she’d need.  Here’s an example:  Rather than thinking how everyone is counting on you to chair a committee, remind yourself that you have a standard of telling the truth without becoming defensive.   You can practice a response (“I won’t be accepting any more committee work”) and have it ready to repeat as often as necessary.  It will be uncomfortable, and it may surprise some people, but it is worth it.

Benefits of extensive boundaries:

• You show you have respect for yourself
• Caring friends, colleagues, and family members will endorse you for extending your boundaries to support your standards
• You’ll attract like-minded people
• You will no longer feel drained or violated
• Your standards will have the room to rise when you so choose

By the end of the call, my client was pleased to have shifted her thinking about the role of boundaries— from pushing others away to supporting herself and her standards.

Will setting boundaries work for you?  Yes, it will. Give it a try and let me know how it goes.

About the Author

Mary Ellen Sailer, Ed.D., is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Dear Madeleine,

I run a small creative services business with a partner. We’ve had many long years of almost freakish success. We’ve accomplished amazing client work with great employees who have been dependable and excellent at their jobs.

Over the years, we’ve also had our ups and downs—but lately it has been mostly downs. My partner is the creative genius and I’m the business guy. I’ll spare you the gory details, but over the course of the past year we’ve lost several employees to clients—and with them has gone some critical business.

I want to rebuild, but I am becoming more and more concerned with my partner’s behavior. He has always been a little flaky—he is a brilliant artist, after all—but he is becoming more and more erratic. He is either late for client meetings or doesn’t show up at all; he misses deadlines; and, worst of all, he shows substandard work to clients because he changes direction at the last minute.

When I take him to task, he tells me that I don’t know how hard it is to come up with good ideas and that he can’t rush the creative process. He confuses our remaining employees, who we can’t afford to lose, by giving them feedback that conflicts with mine.

I am losing heart and finding it hard to pitch new business when I have less and less confidence that we will be able to deliver. This business is our livelihood and I feel like I’m watching the whole thing swirling the drain. I’m torn between feeling resentful and feeling incredibly guilty for thinking about dissolving the partnership. I have some savings so I would be okay, but my partner has a large family to support and has zero cushion.

I feel terrible about the idea of cutting him loose but feel like I might have to in order to save myself. What to do, Madeleine?

Guilty

Dear Guilty,

Being in business for yourself is hard. Being in a business partnership compounds the complexity. Many people dream of starting their own company, but tales like yours are a powerful deterrent. It sounds as if you and your partner have had a great thing going for a long time with the sum adding up to more than the parts. And now one of you is not fulfilling his end of the bargain.

What, if any, agreements did you make in the beginning about the eventuality of one of you becoming unable to perform? Of course, your partner would first need to be accountable for his lack of productivity before you could bring up any agreements you might have made together.

The next option is the difficult “crossroads” conversation. This conversation needs to be identified as a critical juncture in the road, not just hard feedback. This is the big kahuna discussion where you both get everything on the table, hash things out, sift through it all, and start to work out a solution. I highly recommend you consider using the Heart to Heart Process created by Paul and Layne Cutright, a couple who have devoted their lives to helping people in partnerships of all kinds. You can find a step-by-step description of the process here.

I have used this process myself many times—I have a business partnership with my husband and I work in his family’s business, so I have an arsenal of communication tools! And I have used it to facilitate many difficult conversations for others. The key is for both you and your partner to trust each other enough to say what needs to be said so you can face reality together.

Hopefully you have enough history, respect, and affection for each other that you will be able to do it. You may discover some things that cause you to change your mind about ditching the whole business. You may very well fix the situation and get yourselves back on track. You may even hear some feedback that helps you to be a better partner yourself. Or you may hear enough to convince you that it is time to go your separate ways.

Ultimately, you will learn what you need to learn to make a sound decision and to do what you need to do to take care of yourself without guilt. And if you really make your best effort to talk things through, you will have nothing to feel guilty about.

Good luck.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

These words came at the end of a presentation I gave where I shared a new strategy—a strategy that would require change, including new roles and some sacrifice, from everyone. I wasn’t sure how everyone would respond but I knew I would have my best chance of successfully leading the initiative if I were transparent about the thinking.

Transparency plays a significant role in leadership—especially when leading change. The simple definition of transparency is to be seen through, easy to notice or understand, honest and open, not secretive. Leading change, big or small, requires people to behave differently, to shift and get on board with the change, and to actively support and progress the change.

But it has to be thoughtful transparency. I say thoughtful because being transparent, if not well thought out, has the potential to backfire.

For me, thoughtful transparency takes time and preparation. I need time to reflect and prepare for questions that may come up in conversations. It’s easy for a slipup to happen during stressful situations. A comment or explanation taken the wrong way could be just the excuse people need to sit tight, dig in their heels, and keep things as they are.

As I work to be thoughtful and intentional with my transparency, I begin with a few questions: What is the change? Why are we doing it? What is my role in leading it? A leader needs to be prepared for these questions.

Another important thing to remember is that taking a transparent approach doesn’t mean you have to go it alone. Involve in confidential conversation others who can help you, including your manager, peers, and an external coach.

I also find it helpful to think through a couple of elements of the message I need to share.

What is my overall message? Reflect and get clear on what you want to share with your stakeholders. A message that is clear and compelling includes sharing the current situation and the future state. It helps explain why the change is happening, why now, and what outcomes are expected.

How will roles change? This answers the question How will this change affect me? Prepare to share what roles are needed and how current roles will be impacted. Also, share any new expectations for these roles.

What conversations need to occur? Think about the conversations you will have with key stakeholders. What are the potential gaps? What alignment is needed? What questions do you still have to answer? What still needs to be figured out? Ultimately, conversation is where transparency comes alive—both in a one-on-one situation and as a group. It’s where your ability as a leader can shine as you engage in discussion that needs to happen to facilitate movement toward goals and outcomes.

In my case, transparency served me well. It helped the people affected by the change to be involved, heard, and respected.

I hope you find this approach helpful as you lead change efforts. People can always tell if you are holding back in any way. With a little preparation, transparency can be the best way to approach any sensitive change effort.

Do you agree? Disagree? What would you add? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

About the Author

Joni Wickline is Vice President, International Growth with The Ken Blanchard Companies. You can read Wickline’s posts as a part of Coaching Tuesday here at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a staff manager at an academic institution. Of my eleven direct reports, seven have been with the University for more than thirty years and the rest have also been here for a long time.

They are smart and capable and very good at what they do, as they should be—they have been doing essentially the same job for most of their working lives. And that is the problem. I can get my people to do exactly their jobs and nothing more.

I read about work passion and engagement and achieving great things by harnessing discretionary energy, but this feels impossible with the culture in my department. I would bet that most of my people could get their jobs done in twenty hours a week and use the rest of the time for special projects that would enhance the department and benefit the organization. But anytime I throw out ideas for projects and ask for volunteers, I get blank stares and silence.

When I try to force the issue, I get constant pushback: “the busy season is just starting,” or “so and so is out on maternity leave and covering for her is overwhelming me.” You know the drill. It is so frustrating. How do I get these people inspired and energized?

Discouraged

Dear Discouraged,

You are not going to like what I have to say about this. (I don’t even like it.) But I know from research and vast experience that it is true. Ready? Here goes: any institution that has not had to keep up with constant change can become a safe harbor for people who are set in their ways and happy to stay in their comfort zones. What you are actually talking about it is total culture change. You can never underestimate the power of culture to kill any plans you might have to change things. The culture you are fighting has been shaped over years and it does not welcome anything new including variations that might require a little extra effort. Revolution is not welcome here. You might be able to shift the culture to get people to step up—but I warn you that you will need both some serious grit and the following:

1. A fundamental shift in expectations for work production that is passed down from the highest possible leadership. If your department hasn’t been targeted for budget cuts, it is only a matter of time before it is. You can ask your boss what the future holds and get senior leader support for adding tasks or even whole key responsibility areas to individual workloads.
2. A plan to match people with tasks and projects that are interesting to them. You will need to have conversations with each person and ask big, open-ended questions that will get them thinking about what would make something new and different feel exciting instead of burdensome, or worse: scary. Examples of such questions:
   • “What would make you feel like jumping out of bed in the morning?”
   • “What made you interested in working in this field in the first place?”
   • “What do you read about/learn about in your spare time?”
   • “If you could wave a magic wand and do anything you want for work, what would it be?

Using this information to shape the right project for the right person will require some creativity but it should help your people feel some initiative and ownership for any new tasks.

3. An extremely compelling reason for people to change. In this way, motivation is less of a mystery and you can tap into what really motivates each individual person on your team. Each person will have core needs that get met at work—and it will be critical to understand what those are so that any change won’t affect them. In addition, the science of motivation tells us that people are most impacted by changes in their autonomy, relatedness, and competence, so focusing on how change will affect people in those areas will be key. Click here for more information on the art and science of motivation.

Finally, you might want to consider your own motivation—it sounds like your department is getting along just fine. Why fix something that isn’t broken? Perhaps your people are just dandy but you crave the excitement of a fast-paced, super challenging environment? It might be easier to move yourself to a new location than try to change the one you are in.

I warned you that you weren’t going to like it. I’m really sorry. I’m not saying you can’t do it—I’m just saying it will be the fight of your life and you’d better really, really want it.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Blanchard recommends that goal setters increase their chances of success with New Year’s resolutions by applying three of the principles of Situational Leadership^® II (SLII^®) to the process—goal setting, diagnosis, and matching. Using his own experience in setting goals for managing his physical health, Blanchard shares how we can all apply a situational approach to our planning.

Goal Setting

All good performance starts with clear goals. Blanchard recommends the SMART approach along with a compelling reason that motivates you to achieve the goal. “I had set the goal to become fit many times,” Blanchard explains. “But this time, I found a compelling reason to get healthy: my new dog, Joy. I was just turning 70 when I got her. Knowing dogs can live 15 years or more, I decided I needed to stay healthy through my mid-80s, so not only would I be around for my family, but also for Joy. Most people worry about outliving their dog; I worried about my dog outliving me!”

When it came to making sure his goals were SMART—specific, motivating, attainable, relevant, and trackable, it was very helpful for Ken to have the direction of his trainer and Fit at Last coauthor, Tim Kearin. By taking Ken’s measurements and monitoring his progress bit by bit, Tim saw to it that Ken’s goals were achievable.

Diagnosis

Once goals are set, the next step is to diagnose your development level on each of the tasks related to your goal. Blanchard explains that development level is a function of competence (your skills and experience) and commitment (your motivation and confidence).

“It was important for me—and it will be important for you—to realize that you’ll need different leadership styles, or help, depending on your development level on each task.

“For example, suppose your New Year’s resolution is to become physically fit: strong, lean, aerobically conditioned, and flexible/balanced. Let’s say you’re excited about learning to lift weights. That makes you an enthusiastic beginner in strength training—you have no competence but high commitment. When it comes to weight control, you may be a disillusioned learner—you not only lack competence but you’ve also lost your commitment. In the area of aerobics you could be a capable but cautious performer—you know how to use a treadmill but your commitment fluctuates with your mood. And if you’ve taken yoga for years, in the area of flexibility and balance you would be a self-reliant achiever—both competent and committed.”

Matching

The third step Blanchard explores is matching. When it comes to New Year’s resolutions, matching means finding someone who can provide you with the directive behavior or supportive behavior you need, given your development level on various tasks.

Drawing on his previous example, Blanchard explains, “When you’re an enthusiastic beginner in weight training, you need direction—someone to tell you what, when, where, and how to lift weights. As a disillusioned learner about diet and nutrition, you would need both direction and support—someone to listen to you and also praise you as you change the way you eat. As a capable but cautious performer in aerobics, you don’t need much direction but you do need support—an accountability partner—to get on the treadmill or jogging path. Your passion for yoga makes you a self-reliant achiever in the area of flexibility and balance, so just keep hitting the yoga mat!”

Enlisting a partner who will give you the proper amounts of direction and support, and help keep you accountable, can reap great benefits. And finding someone who has a similar goal to yours is ideal—you can keep each other on track!

Don’t Go It Alone

Few people can accomplish a major life change by themselves. Ken Blanchard finally succeeded when he accepted more direction and support to achieve his fitness goals.

How about you? How much direction and support do you need to succeed? Don’t go it alone—find someone who can help you push through the giddy enthusiastic beginner, paralyzing disillusioned learner, and apprehensive capable but cautious performer stages so that you can reap the rewards of becoming an autonomous self-reliant achiever!

You can read Ken Blanchard’s column, Why New Year’s Resolutions Don’t Work, in the January issue of Chief Learning Officer magazine.

Here’s what I’ve rediscovered: Leaders often engage a coach when they are faced with opportunities and challenges such as a significant hurdle to overcome, an opportunity to be promoted, or a career that is stalled. The basis for coaching is to assist the leader from going from point A to point B and help them grow and learn throughout the process.

While each coach has their own unique approach, coaching in general has universal guidelines that are embraced by the industry and designed to help clients get the most value from their investment. Thinking about a coach for an opportunity or challenge you may be facing? Here’s what to look for.

• Confidentiality. It’s critical for the coach to create a secure environment so that the client feels safe to speak freely.
• Action oriented. Coaching is about personal growth and achievement. In order to have that, the client must take action between meetings.
• Discovery process. The best answers lie within the client, so it’s important for the coach to lead the discovery process for the client.
• Client’s agenda. The client should always lead the agenda for what they want to accomplish through the coaching. The client needs to articulate what will be different as a result of being coached.

Organizations today are in a constant state of change. They need leaders who can adapt and change with them. Coaching has become a sought after development tool because the change it achieves with leaders is visible and significant. If these guidelines are embraced and both coach and client are committed to the process, coaching can be a life changing experience. I know coaching will benefit me in my new role—and I’m sure it will also help you with challenges and opportunities as you take on the new year.

About the Author

Joni Wickline is Vice President, International Growth Strategy with The Ken Blanchard Companies. You can read Wickline’s posts as a part of Coaching Tuesday here at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

We spent several days, each taking turns on the hot seat to examine a big goal and troubleshoot the obstacles keeping us from achieving it. The group offered ideas, perspective, and loving support—and, to a person, we all had amazing breakthroughs.

At one of our meals as a fun way to engage all of us in conversation together, I asked a question (a Blanchard tradition, as anyone who has ever shared a meal with a Blanchard will attest). The question was: What is one of your biggest regrets?

We went around the table, each woman answering the question in turn. I was astonished when I realized that every single person had the same essential regret. Each story was different in terms of the details so it took me awhile to grasp that all of the stories were alike in one fundamental way. One woman regretted that she had let a toxic relationship go on too long. For someone else, it was a business venture she had known from the outset was doomed to fail. One person lost a business; another, a staggering amount of money. For me, it was both.

It wasn’t until my turn came that I recognized the common theme. At the root of each regret was that, at the outset, we hadn’t listened to the small voice that piped up in the quiet moments. The voice that said, “Don’t do it—this person does not have your back.” The voice that said, “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.” The voice that said, “Stop. Look again. Slow down.” The voice that got buried under the excitement of the moment, the time constraints, the unbridled passion and enthusiasm for an idea, and the clutter of countless daily tasks. The voice of intuition that registered the tiny red flags in an otherwise perfect scenario. The voice of the “gut” that detected a pattern it had experienced before, even if the brilliant brain in our head didn’t. In every single case, stopping the action to avoid what would ultimately be a major life regret would have involved disappointing others, disturbing a well-laid plan—generally upsetting the apple cart.

I would submit that if any of us had been working with a coach at the moment of impact, we might have avoided the heartaches, the headaches, and the losses. A coach would have encouraged us to think through to that extra deep layer. A coach would have heard the uncertainty in our voice and asked what was beneath it. A coach might have noticed the red flags we were unable or unwilling to see ourselves. Where was my amazing coach, who once yelled into the phone “Mad, I am standing up now, that is how strongly I feel that you are making a mistake. I don’t stand up very often, Mad. Mad, are you listening to yourself? Explain to me how this is going to work out well for you!”

Of course, the operative phrase there was: Are you listening to yourself?  This story makes me laugh today. I don’t even remember what I was thinking of doing, but I can guarantee I didn’t do it—and today it’s one regret I don’t have.

Many misconceptions still exist about what a coach really does. I would say one of the most important things they do is help us listen to that small voice we often ignore—the one that keeps us from making terrible mistakes. For those who are moving at lightning speed and juggling responsibilities and opportunities, I really can’t think of a more valuable service.

About the Author

Madeleine Blanchard is the co-founder of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Want to get the most out of your leadership training investment? Here is a three-step process using coaching to support learning that helps leaders  master new skills after they complete a training program.

1. Start with valid feedback. Use a validated assessment to identify the leader’s strengths as well as areas that need improvement. Be sure the information you are starting with is credible in the eyes of the leader.  It can be difficult for someone to make behavioral changes if they have any doubt about the accuracy of the information.
2. Focus. Review the training materials and the assessment data and identify a few carefully chosen areas to work on in coaching. Customized attention to a relevant business need creates direct application of learning.  Focused sessions with a coach provide the opportunity to practice new responses, which helps a leader build skills and confidence.
3. Use a coach as an accountability partner. To support the learner’s practice and mastery, plan on at least two or three phone coaching sessions within eight weeks of the leader’s training sessions. Doing this allows the learner to not only get the dedicated focus of how to apply new concepts but also use their coach as their accountability partner. The leader/learner can sharpen their skills between coaching sessions.

Make sure your organization is getting the most out of its training dollars. Using a coach provides an opportunity for the leader to master newly learned skills while it gives the organization a way to improve communication, relationships, morale, and the retention of good people.

About the Author

Mary Ellen Sailer, Ed.D., is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

So what’s going on? Well, leaders can sometimes be unaware of what they should and should not be doing. And this lack of awareness separates good leaders from great leaders. Great leaders know that leading is a never-ending journey that can be filled with treacherous obstacles.

So what do you need to know to become a great leader?
 

1. People are unpredictable

Your direct report may not necessarily react the same way each and every time to you. And you yourself may also change from day to day. So always using the same style of leadership may not always yield the best results. Instead, great leaders tailor their approach to each task, situation, and individual to effectively meet the direct report’s needs. So find out how your direct report is doing and what’s going on in his/her life, and then use that knowledge to better inform how you lead him/her.

2. It takes skill

It’s easy to fall into a routine. That’s why we have habits. But as people are unpredictable, you must also be flexible in your style of leadership to be able to match in each unique situation. The best way to do this is to have a learning-oriented mindset, by being on the lookout for new approaches, practicing other styles of leadership to be more flexible, and keeping up-to-date on what’s going on with your direct reports, your organization, and beyond. A great leader will always say, “I have so much left to learn in being a leader!”
 

3. It takes time

Don’t be discouraged if you aren’t able to immediately improve your effectiveness as a leader. Remember, it’s a life-long journey. As with anything, leadership takes time and patience to perfect. And this means you should constantly be trying to improve and grow as an individual. There’s no finish line, but instead a continuous evolution of who you are as a leader, being able to serve your direct reports more and more effectively with each passing day.
 
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Dear Madeleine,

As a sales and marketing manager in my company, I have been raising flags regarding the way we are responding to the market shrinking and business conditions.

I see us headed for a critical situation soon and have suggested several solutions to our GM. He simply doesn’t listen. He refuses to take any risk, even if it’s calculated.

He seems to want to just stay in his comfort zone while clock is ticking. Should I prepare to leave, or what? – Eyes Wide Open 

Dear Eyes,

Many human situations can be found in Greek mythology. This situation is covered in the ancient tale of Cassandra, who is given the gift of prophesy but then cursed so no one will listen to her or believe her. Poor Cassandra was driven insane—but let’s not let that happen to you! I think you have two courses of action here, and you may want to pursue them both simultaneously.

The first is to try, one last time, to get through to your GM. It’s possible that your communication style is not resonating with him—so before you approach him this time, observe him carefully to understand how he thinks, learns, and processes information. Is he data driven? Prepare your argument with spreadsheets. Is he a big picture person? Tell a story about where your company has been and where you see it going—you could make comparisons with famous now defunct businesses such as Tower records, Blockbuster Video and Kodak. Is he visual? Use images to make your point. As you note, your boss is not a risk taker so you will want to start with very low risk proposals and be prepared to show how small risks could pay off. Finally, many people have very fragile egos so it won’t hurt to show respect for what he does well and find ways to build on any good ideas he has.

The second course of action is to dust off your resume, update your LinkedIn profile, and start looking for a new job. You may not need one, but you should always be prepared.

Of course, there is the possibility that you are wrong—both in your assessment of the business situation and in your GM’s reasons for not listening to you. It might be wise to discuss your feelings with colleagues and get a reality check before working yourself into too much of tizzy.

Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

I was reading the obituary of the late and great Sir Christopher Lee this past week (The Times, Friday 12 June), who had a 70 year career on screen and made more than 300 films. One of his best known roles was Dracula, a role which he played 10 times.
In doing so I was reminded of a Freakonomics podcast called ‘what can vampires teach us about economics’ (October 2014), a light-hearted, yet oddly fascinating look at how we can turn relationships with vampires and the undead into advantages in society.
In memory of the iconic role of Dracula I thought it only my duty to ponder the link between vampires, and the ‘undead’as a whole, and what they can teach us about leadership.
Everyone fears a vampire
You may not be sucking people’s blood in a literal sense, but you may be sucking the life out of your co-workers each day. Treating your colleagues with a lack of respect or using a top-down leadership approach could lower morale and erode trust.
Promote open conversations and build relationships – put those fangs away!
Be a visual leader
Vampires are well known for having no reflection and living ‘in the shadows’.
Make yourself a visual leader, whether via webcam or being in the office regularly. People like to chat face-to-face and you may be working hard, but from my experience a lack of ‘visual presence’ can make others question what you are achieving and distance you from the highs and lows of office life day-to-day.
It’s amazing what you overhear or the conversations you can have when you are in the same room as your colleagues.
Need blood? Let’s chat about it and find a solution
Listen to your team’s needs and wants.
The Freakonomics podcast touched on the subject of the desire for blood – a possible solution is to stop the killing of innocent victims by selling vampires blood. Providing them with the one thing they need; if they don’t get it from you, they will certainly find it elsewhere.
Your team may not want blood, but they do have needs and wants that need satisfying. Understand your team and what each individual values. It may surprise you, not everyone is motivated by money. They may want career progression or a new challenge.
Satisfying you team’s needs will make the team and organisation more successful, it will reduce staff turnover and prevent bad habits from affecting the business (i.e. boredom and therefore shirking from tasks…or attacks to the neck!).
Vampires are the epitome of power dressing
Vampires dress to impress, the chances are they will get a job over the zombies and werewolves of this world. We may not deliberately judge rotting skin and hairy feet, but they are hard to ignore.
Dressing well also boosts your confidence – so shave those feet and grab your suit!
Werewolves work as a team and vampires work solo: try both and the art of delegation
There are times when we are more productive working alone, there are also times when team work or delegating tasks are a better option. I hear so many people say ‘I could get it the job done so much quicker myself, so I didn’t delegate’.
Think about the best use of your time and that this may be a great development opportunity for someone else. You are doing them a favour by providing a new challenge, teaching them a new skill and believing in their abilities. You are also doing yourself a favour by honouring your own time.
The ‘unknown’ causes panic
The fear of things unknown can cause mass hysteria, widespread gossip and for people to draw their own conclusions. Are you creating your own zombie apocalypse by not communicating effectively during times of change, addressing individual’s concerns and being transparent? There needs to be trust and communication is the key.
I am going to end this lighter look at leadership with something Sir Christopher Lee said, ‘I decided to make Dracula more believable and sympathetic’ (The Times, 12 June 2015) –  it sounds like Dracula would make a great leader after all!

In today’s rapidly changing world we are all learners. And our busy lifestyles can make it hard to find the time for development. Three people that can help you succeed with your development plans are your boss, a mentor, or your own professional coach if you know how to employ each properly.

Each of these relationships is different by nature and all have their pros and cons.

Your Boss: In an ideal world your boss facilitates your ongoing development, assisting you to be as self-reliant in your role as possible. Many leaders offer this type of support and since they interact with you fairly frequently they have a sense of your development needs.

Unfortunately learning goals often take a back seat to the more pressing day-to-day objectives. Even the most well-meaning managers have to balance your needs with the needs of the organization. This dual focus—either consciously or unconsciously—can prejudice where they ask you to spend your time. Feedback can be a problem as many leaders are hesitant to provide negative feedback when you need to make significant changes.  Additionally, you may be less than willing to identify personal weaknesses when you are concerned how it might negatively impact a performance review.

To make this a more effective growth relationship think about where you want to stretch and grow.  Then think about how that growth would benefit not only you but your manager, your team, and your organization.  Share all this with your boss and ask for his or her thoughts, help, and support.

A Mentor: Establishing a relationship with a mentor—someone other than your boss—can remove some of the previous obstacles. Where a boss has organizational objectives to balance with your development, a mentor is someone who is focused solely on providing help and advice based on their past experience. Mentors serve as counselors and guides.

In my work as a coach, I have heard  many of my clients share stories of the positive impact mentors have had in their lives.  The only regret these clients mention is that they often find themselves hesitant to ask for more as the mentor is “gifting” what time they do give.

Here’s how to get the most out of this relationship. Think about what you most want to develop and where you think your mentor’s wealth of knowledge might specifically help.  Focus on one or two areas. Having this focus will help you and your mentor know how to best utilize their gift of time.

A Professional Coach: So what about a coach?  As you can imagine I am somewhat bias toward what a coach can do. Where a boss is a stakeholder, and a mentor is gifting their time, a professional coach is neither.  A coach is completely in service of your development.  They are not looking for you to take any action or path except for one of your own choosing. This allows the coach to be very curious about who you are and what you truly want.

Coaching clients can candidly share their aspirations, limitations and fears.  They see that the sole purpose of the relation is their own growth and learning.

Here’s how to get the most out of a coaching relationship. Just as with your boss or a mentor, target what you want to learn and develop.  This will make the time spent with a coach more impactful. Coaching requires your commitment of money, time, effort, vulnerability, etc. so thinking ahead about the path you want to take will help you get the most from your investment.    

Multiply Your Abilities

Focused growth and development doesn’t happen without effort and it usually doesn’t happen nearly as effectively when done on your own.  When thinking about your own continuous path as a learner, consider where and how your boss, a mentor or coach—or maybe all three—can support you so you can “inherit the earth.”

About the Author

Joanne Maynard is a senior coach with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

We want to keep up a good attitude. We don’t recognize that we have them or how much they are bothering us. To admit we are tolerating a lot may feel like whining or complaining. Dwelling on tolerations and complaining about them without taking action would be negative. To tell the truth about what’s bugging you is not complaining, it is exposing your legitimate gripes to harsh light, and creating an environment in which you can eliminate them.

It’s too hard to get rid of them. We feel it’s going to take too much time, be too inconvenient, or cost too much money to eliminate our tolerations. Because the need to take care of tolerations is a constant, like maintaining your fitness level or caring for another, we are afraid that once we start down that road, it will never end. In fact, that’s true. Like fitness, maintaining a toleration-free life is a lifestyle, a series of active, committed choices. The result of these consistent choices is a lot more energy to put toward what is important to you. Instead of focusing on how much it costs you to rid yourself of tolerations, you need to consider the cost of not taking care of them over the long run.

We don’t know how to get rid of them. Sometimes a toleration is so big, or so overwhelming, that we can’t imagine how to get rid of it. So we reconcile ourselves to powering through and living with it instead. The hold-your-breath-and-clench-your-jaw approach can get you through in the short term, but it’s a tough act to keep up indefinitely.

We feel that we don’t deserve to address what we are tolerating or that we are not worth spending the necessary time and/or money on. We feel that we should be selfless, more charitable, less demanding. This is connected to how you see yourself; the story you tell yourself about what you do and do not deserve.

Give Yourself Permission

Every time I work with a client or a group on tolerations I see the faces light up with the possibility of sloughing off a bunch of little annoyances. The vast improvement in quality of life is worth taking the time, spending the money, getting help with a problem, or simply giving yourself permission to make that list and start crossing things off it. Start right now. Grab a piece of paper and just start writing down everything that you are tolerating—and don’t forget the dripping faucet in the kitchen!

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I’ve painted myself into a bit of a corner. I’ve never insisted on having the latest equipment, software, or even outside help at work. I’ve pretty much worked with the equipment I was given and made do with the resources I’ve had.

The problem is, everything is old—my laptop was designed for Windows XP, my software is from 2007 -2010, and I’ve gotten so good at doing everything myself that I don’t know how to begin to ask for more resources. What can I do?  –Creaking Along

Dear Creaking,

It sounds like you’ve gotten good at tolerating a less than ideal work environment. Tolerations are small, seemingly inconsequential things that drain your energy. They have a way of accumulating like barnacles on a ship—a few aren’t a problem, but layers and layers over the years take a toll on a vessel’s speed and performance.

One of the most famous examples of a small but exasperating toleration is found in the classic film It’s A Wonderful Life.  Jimmy Stewart—as George Bailey—constantly grabs the newel post at the bottom of the staircase in his house only to have the top come off in his hands.  He is only slightly distracted the first time we see it happen; yet, as things go increasingly awry and the stressors mount, he becomes more and more annoyed.  Ultimately, he dissolves into a completely irrational rage when the top of the post comes off one more time.

We all can recognize ourselves in that progression, can’t we?

Later in the movie when George comes back from his adventure of seeing what the world would have been like without him, the top of the post comes off in his hand once again. This time he kisses it in recognition that his petty problems are nothing compared to all that is good and wonderful about his life.

It isn’t an accident that this is one of the most popular movies of all time. We can all use the reminder—but if you can turn a toleration into something that reminds you how lucky you are, you are a rare being indeed!  The rest of us are going to have to grab the tool kit and hammer down the top of that darn newel post after throwing a little wood glue on there for good measure.

Ready to get started?  Here’s a three-step process that will help.

• The first step in eliminating tolerations is to name them. Think about all of the things you are putting up with at work.  Think of as many as you can.  Write quickly. Aim for twenty-five. Start with your old laptop, outdated software, colleagues who don’t return calls, resources that get allocated to other people.  They are usually things that, on their own, are not large enough to require your immediate attention—but they bug you just the same.
• Next, triage and organize. Review your list and identify what you can change and what you can’t.  Remember that listing what you are putting up with doesn’t make you a whiner—it’s actually the beginning of the process of eliminating what drains you and keeps you from focusing on what is really important.
• Take action. The power of tolerations comes from their buildup and their subsequent removal. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your state of mind is to literally change a light bulb in the hallway, clean out your file drawer, or get the hem fixed on your favorite pants. Dealing with tolerations has a magical way of putting a spring back in your step so you can get back to the business you most need to focus on.

A lot of tolerations don’t cost much to fix, but they do require that you put a little focus, time, and energy into taking care of yourself. There’s a certain pride in being low maintenance—and you have probably even earned a reputation for it—but you are now paying the price. Don’t let old, outdated equipment, poor work habits on the part of your colleagues, or any other toleration keep you from being as productive as you can.   Make your list, start with the biggest tolerations first and continue to chip away at them steadily. Going forward, identify and eliminate tolerations on a regular basis.  In the long run, it’s better for everyone.

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

As Blanchard shares, “The advent of the functional MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) is giving us a peek into the workings of the brain, and the new science of motivation is helping us better understand what engages people. These developments, combined with ongoing research into well-being, are all beginning to converge on a new holistic model for leading others effectively.

“For the past fifty years we have used a left brain/right brain model to explain the way our brains work. While that’s been helpful, functional MRIs have vastly improved our ability to see which parts of the brain light up in different situations. The new focus is on the prefrontal cortex. It is the seat of judgment, emotional regulation, and executive functioning.”

According to Blanchard, the prefrontal cortex is also a “resource hog.” It uses a large share of the body’s glucose and oxygen and is very sensitive to external factors like sleep, diet, and stress.

“Stress causes the release of cortisol and adrenaline, which shuts down the brain’s higher level thinking abilities,” says Blanchard. “People revert to a more basic fight, flight, or freeze mode. That’s not the kind of thinking that leads to innovation, creativity, and collaboration. Instead, leaders want to look at creating safe environments that increase the production of the neurotransmitters that promote feelings of wellbeing, like dopamine and oxytocin. This makes it easier for people to consider new ideas, take risks, relate to others, and perform at their best.” 

ENGAGEMENT AND APPRAISAL

Blanchard will also be sharing new approaches to the problem of stubbornly low employee engagement scores in many organizations—including research his company has done that has garnered academic awards for research excellence and cutting-edge thinking.

“Organizations have become good at measuring levels of engagement, but not at improving those levels. Our research has found that there is a significant correlation between twelve work environment factors and five important employee intentions: the intention to perform at a high level, to apply discretionary effort when needed, to stay with an organization, to endorse it to others, and to work collaboratively as a good organizational citizen. Leaders need to intimately understand these environmental factors, the connection to intentions, and the individual appraisal process if they want to make lasting improvement to employee engagement scores.”

OPTIMAL MOTIVATION

The third area Blanchard will cover in his presentation is the latest research on motivation and the continued shift on discovering intrinsic motivators that tap into the motivation people already have. Blanchard will be highlighting the work of Susan Fowler, a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies, who is the author of Why Motivating People Doesn’t Work … and What Does.

“Susan Fowler has literally written the book on how motivation from external rewards and sanctions impacts six different motivational outlooks,” says Blanchard. “Including how extrinsic motivators lead to one of three suboptimal motivational outlooks, while intrinsic motivators lead to optimal motivation.” 

A CRITICAL JUNCTURE

Blanchard believes the leadership learning and development space is at an important inflection point.

“We are at a critical point in our industry where there are tens of millions of people who are either in, or soon to enter, their first management job. This huge thundering herd of people is moving into leadership at a time when direct reports will be expecting a lot from them. It’s never been more important to take a second look at methods that have worked in the past and combine them with the latest thinking about how to enhance leadership practices for a new generation in the workforce.”

If you are attending this year’s ATD Conference learn more about The Blanchard Companies’ complete schedule of activities. If you are not travelling to this year’s conference, be sure to check out a free online event on May 27 where Blanchard will be sharing key points from his presentation.

You cycle through the loop by observing the results of your actions, reviewing and revising your initial decision, and moving to your next action. It needs to be a smooth, continual process, and the faster you can move through each stage the better. In fact, if you were to sit down and map out each step, it would slow down instead of speed up.

The initial concept was based on military combat operations. Consider a fighter pilot trying to shoot down an enemy aircraft. Before the enemy is even in vision, the pilot considers information of the enemy pilot (level of training, cultural traditions, etc). When the enemy aircraft comes into the radar, our pilot gets more information on speed and size of the enemy plane. A decision is made based on the available information. Our pilot can then loop back to observation: is the attacker reacting to the action of our pilot? Then to orient: is the enemy reacting characteristically? Is his plane exhibiting better-than-expected performance? Based on these, he can cycle back through the loop to making a decision on his next course of action, and carry it out.

If you’re looking to work on your leadership, and become a better leader, your first step might be to create an action plan. “In order to be a better leader, I want to do this, this, and this”. Whilst this action plan might focus your efforts, and provide a roadmap; it is just that: a plan.
When it comes to leadership, the way to produce the change of mindset – to improve the skills you require to become a better leader – is to act differently, rather than just think about it.
In fact, acting differently is more likely to make you think differently.
Someone once told me that, if I act like someone that I would like to meet, in time, I’d become a person that other people want to meet (and this is now written on a piece of A4 paper, stuck on the ceiling above my bed, and I read it every morning when I wake up). This is Boyd’s OODA Loop theory applied to being a ‘nicer’ person; but the same can apply to leadership. Act like the leader that you would like to have leading you, and in time, you’ll become the kind of leader that others want leading them.
You can try something new and, after action, observe the results – how it feels to us, how others around us react – and only later reflect on what our experience taught us.
In other words, we “act like a leader” and then “think like a leader”.

It’s a common pattern anytime people take on new tasks that require time, persistence, and effort.  Initial enthusiasm turns into disillusionment as beginners realize the task is more difficult than they anticipated, progress is slower, and the time required to accomplish the goal looks like it will be greater. Leaders and coaches need to be aware of this natural dip in motivation and take steps to make sure that this little dip doesn’t turn into a big fail with people quitting the task before accomplishing the goal.

In the health club industry, the best gyms keep a close eye on new members, noting attendance patterns and making sure to call, encourage, and check on progress that new members are making.  They know that without this type of support they can lose 30-50 percent of their people.

Managers need to do the same thing when their team members are starting projects that may be new to them or a stretch of existing knowledge and skills.   And while leaders don’t usually have to worry about someone physically quitting a task or goal, there is a very real possibility of a team member quitting it mentally, putting it on the back-burner, and moving on to other things that are easier to accomplish.  This “quit and stay” mentality is well known in business and difficult to root out once it settles in.

Leaders can head off this common occurrence by recognizing that this motivational dip is normal and by taking steps to provide direction and support to help people continue moving forward toward their goals.  For example, in The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Situational Leadership II training program, managers are taught to help Disillusioned Learners by:

1. Listening and acknowledging concerns
2. Brainstorming possible solutions
3. Identifying action steps
4. Reminding learners of the importance of the task
5. Providing support, reassurance, praise, and encouragement

Leader as a coach?  By providing direction and support when people need it most, managers can help their people move along a steady path toward progress.