Dear Madeleine,

I am an HR generalist working at a REIT (Real Estate Investment Trust). Our CEO started the company about eight years ago, and I have been his right hand since the beginning. He is a genius in many ways—high IQ, a deep intuitive understanding of the real estate markets, a complete whiz with spreadsheets and how money works. He has a dazzling intellect and charismatic personality.

When I first started working with my CEO, I thought he had a flair for hiring. He spots talent and goes to a lot of trouble to pursue people and persuade them to come and work with us. He now has an executive team that he has hand-picked over time, and he depends on them.

The problem is that he falls in love with these people and can’t see any of their flaws. He refuses to hear anything negative about anyone he’s hired (although he can be ruthless with everyone else).

We have a chief financial officer who started out amazing, but is now wildly inconsistent. She comes in looking like a million bucks, prepared, and brilliant one day, and disheveled and semi-coherent the next. I suspect a serious substance abuse problem or possibly a mental health issue. Our industry is highly regulated and having our books in order is critical. I believe our CFO’s erratic behavior is going to cause some real headaches in the future.

Our chief revenue officer clearly has something shady going on. He disappears for days at a time and his direct reports must either wait for him to show up to make pricing decisions or make decisions on their own. They are often frustrated because they are held accountable for closing deals, and, in many cases, they can’t move forward without him. This is now impacting our numbers—and when troubleshooting conversations happen, the fact that our CRO is AWOL most of the time never seems to come up. His direct reports come to me to ask if I know where he is, and I never do. I swear he has another full-time job.

Our head of IT has multiple personalities. He is amazing at what he does, but all of his people are terrified of him. I am also afraid of him. You never know who you are going to get—sometimes he is perfectly normal and other times he is downright mean. It is only a matter of time before someone files a hostile work environment claim.

There’s more, but you get the idea.

I have tried to raise these issues with the CEO. I have shared my observations in writing and set meetings with him to brainstorm how to approach these problems. He is now skipping our regular one-on-one people review meetings, not opening my emails, and essentially ignoring me.

I truly care about my boss. We built this company together and he has always trusted my input. I know he doesn’t want to hear what I am saying, but I am afraid at this point that he actually may be risking everything he has worked so hard to build.

How can I get through to him? I feel like a train is coming at us and he refuses to get off the tracks.

My warnings are falling on—

Deaf Ears

__________________________________________________________________

Dear Deaf Ears,

Well, this sure sounds frustrating. The Curse of Cassandra, familiar to anyone who is paying attention, describes the frustration experienced by someone seeing disaster ahead and not being able to influence those who need to heed the warning to listen.

I think many are also familiar with the personality profile of your CEO. I have worked with many executives like this.

At the risk of offending you, I am hearing that you have a fantasy that you should simply be able to walk into your CEO’s office and dump all these problems on his desk for him to deal with. Part of what is happening is that he doesn’t want to see what is in front of his nose because he already has too much going on. I suspect he also doesn’t want to face the unpleasantness of having to hold people accountable—especially if he is still operating under his initial impression of them, which no doubt didn’t include the reality that everyone, no matter how great, has flaws and frailties.

You have been with your guy from the beginning, and yet you call yourself an HR generalist. I wonder why you aren’t CHRO? Are you not a member of the executive team? If you’ve been there since the beginning, do you not have equity in the business? If not, why not? You didn’t ask me about this, but it might be part of the problem. If you haven’t earned the CEO’s respect after all the work you have done together, it might explain why he is ghosting you at this point.

I’m really not trying to make you feel bad, just trying to get to what is really going on here. If what I’m saying resonates with you, and you can spot the pattern of letting your CEO overlook your contribution, it may be time to cut your losses and find a new environment where your experience and smarts are appreciated and properly rewarded.

If I am way off on this, please forgive me, and let’s try another angle.

I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard a senior executive say “Don’t bring me problems without some ideas for solutions.” I would be able to pay for a two-week vacation in the Caribbean. This leads me to suggest that you send your boss an email with the subject line: Some Problems I See and What I Think We Should Do About Them. Volunteer to do most of what you think needs to be done; e.g., the hard conversations that go something like “This is what I am seeing; what is going on here?” And if he doesn’t respond to that, it may be time to decide that someone must be an adult—and tackle the bad behavior yourself.

The question is: how much power do you have? If key employees are having problems, especially problems that are going to impact the organization, aren’t they in your wheelhouse? Are you not taking responsibility for what is going on because these people don’t technically report to you?

• If the CFO is acting strange, what is getting in the way of your sitting down with her and pointing out what you see and how it concerns you? Wouldn’t you say something if you smelled alcohol on an employee?
• If the CRO is AWOL and his people are coming to you, what keeps you from calling him and saying, “Where on earth are you and what the heck is going on?”
• If your CIO is awful, especially to you, where are your boundaries? As the head of HR and the employee with the longest tenure, it seems perfectly reasonable to me that you would say “You are acting kind of scary, and I request that you cut it out—and, for that matter, that you do not behave this way with anyone else in the company.”

Are you afraid these people will all go running to the CEO to have him provide cover? If that’s the case, it is time for you to leave him at the mercy of the train.

It sounds like you have given up all of your power. This has probably happened slowly over time. You have had your common sense and authority overridden for so long, you have gotten used it.

Oh. Oops. We’re back here again.

This is not the answer you wanted. I’m sorry. But somehow you have lost your power to influence your CEO. Either you have lost his respect (and because he is obviously loathe to confront anyone, he has not shared that with you), or perhaps he is waiting to see what you will do. Maybe he thinks it is your job to confront these people.

If your CEO won’t give you the time of day, you have to confront that. If you make yourself impossible to avoid, you will probably get a straight answer. Then at least you’ll know.

You have some big decisions to make. They aren’t fun or easy ones. But at least you are smart enough to get off the train tracks yourself. So, if all of your efforts fail, please do that.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I love my job and I am good at it. When the COVID lockdown was settling in for a then-unknown period of time and everyone in my company was working from home, my partner and I took advantage of the crisis, rented out our condo in the city, and moved to our dream location. Life was beyond perfect.

Now the CEO of my company is going hardline, insisting that everyone be back in the office at least three days a week.

It is a short flight to go to HQ, and we still have our condo. In theory, I could bunk with our renter (a relative) whenever I need to. I am in negotiation with my manager to see if I might fly in for one week a month. He is fighting for me and my request, but I am not sure if he can make it happen. Even if he does, I will have to bear the cost of travel and the disruption to my home life (there are multiple dogs involved now). On the pro side, I am getting a little lonely working from home 24/7 and would welcome seeing my colleagues again.

My problem is that our CEO said at one point that he “would never force people back to the office,” which is why we made the move. I actually have the recording of the all-hands meeting where he said it. It makes me so mad. It is affecting my motivation to even make the effort to comply. My work hasn’t suffered yet, but I can feel my resentment creeping into my attitude. Part of me feels like I would actually have a case if I wanted to sue.

Any thoughts would be helpful.

Resentful

______________________________________________________________________________

Dear Resentful,

I will tell you what I hear, Resentful. It sounds to me like you might enjoy going into HQ on a limited basis. So the change might be welcome at some level, but you feel betrayed by your CEO. If you started out respecting and being a willing follower of your CEO, that respect and willingness has been destroyed. The bald fact is that he is breaking his word. Your resentment is rooted in that sense of betrayal.

I think half the battle for you right now is in naming the emotion you are feeling—so if I am wrong about what it is, what is the right word? You might consider checking out Dr. Susan David’s website where she offers fine distinctions to get clarity about our emotions. Her book Emotional Agility provides a deeper dive.

Once you can truly name and express what makes this whole situation feel so impossible, you can own it and decide what you want to do about it. Maybe it’s a letter to the CEO. Maybe it is simply a lesson learned. Either way, it should help to clear the field enough for you to make a decision about whether:

1. you can release your resentment and comply with the mandate (or with whatever your manager can negotiate for you), or
2. you want to hang on to your resentment but still comply, or
3. you believe the loss of respect for your CEO is fatal and you need to move on to find a CEO who is more trustworthy to devote your work hours to.

To be fair, I don’t know a single CEO who was equipped to deal with what we all just went through. Every single one of them was making it up as they went and doing the best they could with no precedent to lean on. He probably had no idea what unintended consequences would result from what he said in a meeting.

So, ultimately, I don’t recommend option B, because, as has been pithily said by many, resentment is like taking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die.

I can’t speak to the viability of a lawsuit. You would have to consult an attorney for that. I can, however, caution that no matter how in the right you may be, a lawsuit will drain you of any disposable income you may have and your peace of mind. You would need to have an awfully strong stomach and be prepared for it to take years.

Check in with yourself and see if you can find it in your heart to forgive your CEO. Maybe all the brilliant and good things he has done can outweigh this one error. Or maybe the scales can’t be tipped in his favor. Only you can decide that.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I manage the US Eastern region for a global manufacturing company. Our new CEO, who is in Europe, is very frustrated at our US employees’ resistance to return to the office.

He has decreed that everyone who wants to keep their job should be in the office five days a week, and that if people want to work remotely, they need special permission to do so—even for one day. He claims that employees in Europe, Asia, and the Middle East are much more compliant with the return-to-office mandates.

My Midwest and Western counterparts are doing a little better with the mandate than I am, but we are all in the same boat.

The managers who report to me are up against it. We had a remote work culture before the pandemic where many of our people were already coming to the office only one or two days a week. Several people on the East Coast gave up their city apartments during the pandemic and moved to rural areas. Some moved to other parts of the country, having been given permission to work remotely. They are now taking care of elderly parents. Their kids are going to new schools. And the people who live within a reasonable distance are thrilled not to have to spend hours every day commuting—and I know for a fact that they work longer hours because they don’t commute.

Our productivity and numbers are exactly where they need to be and our hybrid culture works very well for us. Our former CEO didn’t focus on that kind of thing; he focused only on performance and results.

To comply with our new CEO’s unreasonable demands, we are probably going to have let go of 25% of our workforce and hire new people who live in cities that have headquarters or who are at least within commuting distance. That is going to create a laundry list of problems. First of all, we don’t have the recruiting and onboarding staff to manage that kind of volume—it’s an absolute HR nightmare to let so many people go. It also will be distracting and will cause a significant drop in productivity. And the emotional impact will be, well, awful. It just seems so willfully wrongheaded and wasteful.

I have had a long career and have a lot of experience, but this one has me stumped.

Any thoughts?

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

______________________________________________________

Dear Between a Rock and a Hard Place,

This seems to be a common problem these days.

I wonder where your CHRO or HR regional partner is with all of this. Your CEO might be getting terrible advice.

 It sounds like you are the kind of person who has already tried using facts and evidence to make the case for maintaining your hybrid culture. If you haven’t, that would be a good place to start. The cost of letting people go will be massive. It is hard to understand why anyone would want to let go of loyal, competent employees. You will want to read the fine print on the employment contracts of anyone you might have to fire as well, because if the job was originally classified as hybrid or remote, you could risk a lawsuit. And the cost of recruiting, hiring, and onboarding new people will definitely set you back productivity-wise. If you were to create a clear picture of the costs of enforcing a back to the office mandate, that might make a difference.

If your CEO refuses to be swayed by facts and evidence (which is predictable), your only next option is to try to influence by simply asking questions and getting to the root of what is driving the demands. In a very interesting book titled How Minds Change, author David McRaney postulates that the only reliable way to get someone to change their mind is, first, to create rapport. Listen to their thinking on the topic. Ask open-ended questions until they essentially persuade themselves that their thinking isn’t logical and, in fact, is inconsistent with their true values. You can find a summary here that will lay out the steps to take.

See if you can get your CEO to consider all the angles by asking questions and thinking through the issue on his own. There is a chance that he might talk himself out of his dug-in position. Here are some questions to get you started:

• What is so important about having everyone in the office every day?
• How will having everyone in the office every day change things for the better?
• What bothers you so much about people working remotely?
• What impact do you think forcing a change like this will have on our culture?
• Are you prepared to see the US workforce turn over by (at least) 25%?
• What is your level of confidence that the benefits of forcing people to come back to the office will outweigh the costs? (If it isn’t 100%, you can ask why not. This opens the door to doubt.)
• Is there a compromise you might consider, if it meant retaining our best people?

The key is to never argue or challenge your CEO’s claims. Just keep asking questions and keep him talking.

I stumbled over this method accidentally about twenty years ago by simply asking one question. I was shocked at how quickly someone changed a long-held position as a result of one simple, emotionally neutral question. I didn’t really understand the science behind it until I read McRaney’s book.

If using a strong persuasion method like this still doesn’t move the needle, you will have to consider if working in this new dogmatic culture is for you. Do you even want to work for a CEO who is so demanding and willing to sacrifice common sense to be right? I hate to suggest this, because it would cause any number of big life decisions. Of course, it is up to you. Maybe this will be a one-time thing for your CEO, but I doubt it.

You are indeed between a rock and a hard place, my friend, in more ways than you may have admitted to yourself. You have a new persuasion technique to try—and then you will have some choices to make.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I have been working for a company for a few years now. They moved to an Unlimited PTO policy just as I joined. It was heavily promoted in the recruiting stage.

Things went fine the first couple of years. I took the typical PTO breaks—December holiday time, a couple of days in the spring when my kids had a break, around 10 to 14 days in the summer—nothing that exceeded the number of vacation days I would have taken in the old model.

I work on a great team. We have always talked about time off and who would cover for the person who was out. We also have generally checked in and made ourselves available when we’ve been on PTO if there is potential for a problem. There has never been an issue.

 We got a new boss about a year ago. He is a stickler for clearing PTO, which is fine—except that whenever I put in for time off, he denies my request. This has happened a couple of times now.

He always has a different reason—the launch of a new project, heavy workloads, someone else had already requested that time (even though no one said they had). Everyone on our team has experienced this. It’s getting to the point that instead of asking, some colleagues are simply calling in sick when they need to be out.

This is stressing me out. My mother-in-law is planning a big family reunion late this summer, and my wife has made it clear that attending is not optional. But now I am afraid to even ask. Help!

Denied PTO

__________________________________________________________________

Dear Denied,

This sounds frustrating indeed. Some managers get very anxious at the prospect of a team member being out. If I have this right, it sounds like you would be asking for this time about two and a half months beforehand. It would be absurd for your boss to deny you.

So, I say, ask now. The longer you wait, the greater the risk of being denied. Make it clear that you need the time for a family event and that it will create a real problem if you don’t attend. Explain that the team has always been super cooperative when it comes to covering for each other when they take PTO, and that you will make sure to cover all contingencies before you go.

If that fails, the next step would be to have a conversation with your manager to understand the reasoning behind the denial. If he claims that somebody has already asked (unlikely), ask who it is, and maybe you can negotiate the dates with that person, if their plans aren’t set in stone.

If that gets you nowhere, it will be time to go to HR. The statistics show that employees tend to take less time under the new Unlimited PTO policies than they did under the old model that set the number of days off. The fact is that people need to take vacation. Not just taking time away from work but still checking in; I mean a real don’t-even-think-about-work vacation. Any decent HR group will know this and should offer proper guidance and support to your manager.

It is possible that your manager doesn’t understand the PTO policy or he worries that if his team appears to take too much time it will reflect badly on him. We can speculate all day long, but it would be up to the HR business partner to get to the root of your manager’s reluctance to let anyone take time off.

Based on what I have read, asking for time off with plenty of notice should work to get you the time you need. You can read here about your rights, but remember that every state and country has different laws.

Don’t let your previous experience delay your making the request. Ask now and get HR involved quickly if you are denied. Lean on the recruiting promises if you need to. If you get no joy, you might consider working for a company that sees their employees as human beings, not machines.

There are already enough reasons to get stressed out these days. Adding the potential wrath of your spouse and her family to it just makes no sense at all. If your company will not support your need to take care of yourself, find one that will.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I am in leadership development and talent management for a global manufacturing firm. A reorganization initiative will take place early in the second quarter of this year, causing some redundancies and a reduction in personnel. We know this change will bring a lot of anxiety and we’re trying to put some resources in place to help people understand and prepare for what’s going to happen.

Very specific parts of the business will be affected, which will create stress across the organization. Most of the resources I’ve seen are framed around managing a crisis. But we don’t view this reorganization as a crisis—we see it as part of our cost reduction and growth story.

How do we help leaders support their teams in this challenging time? How can we still retain our best talent and keep them engaged and focused on our long-term objectives?

It would be great to have your perspective on this topic.

Managing the Reorg

_____________________________________________________________________

Dear Managing the Reorg,

You are right—if you can help people feel that a reorganization is simply a normal part of business life, everyone will be better off. And, ultimately, the more information you can share with people, the better.

In our change model (you can find an e-book on the topic here), the first stage of concern is Information Concerns. Managers can often handle most of these concerns in groups, which can be a time saver.

People with Information Concerns want to know:

• What’s really going on?
• What’s wrong with the way things are now?
• What do we hope to accomplish?
• Why now?
• What opportunity will I have to raise questions and voice my concerns?
• How do people I respect feel about this change?

The next stage, which is often overlooked or given short shrift, is Personal Concerns. Managers might perceive employees at this stage to be overly self-absorbed or even whiny, so the urge to avoid conversations is strong; however, people may need a safe forum to share difficult emotions such as fear or guilt. Managers may also be tempted to avoid tackling personal concerns because they may not have answers to all the questions being asked. If that’s the case, they should tell the truth and commit to brainstorming and design thinking sessions to figure things out.

It can be a challenge to surface these concerns in group settings, so time-starved managers will need to schedule additional one-on-one conversations. This is an excellent investment of time early in the process, because addressing personal concerns early and well will prevent unpleasant surprises down the road. Allowing people to express their feelings generally diffuses their fears.

People with Personal Concerns want to know:

• How will the change impact me personally?
• Will I win or lose?
• Will my workload increase?
• How will my relationships be impacted?
• Will I be able to figure out how to get things done in a new way?
• How do I find the extra time I will need?

Our CHRO, Kristen Costello, invented a novel approach to ensuring that we retain our best people. It is called the Triple R Conversation. It is a powerful, focused, and detailed take on a stay conversation. The three Rs stand for Reflect, Reconnect, and Revisit. This conversation requires that manager and employee have a trusting relationship.

The employee is asked to prepare by reflecting on why they have stayed, how invested they are in the mission of the organization, what they enjoy most about their job, and what their biggest challenges are. In the conversation, the manager gets more detail about the person’s career goals and their hopes and dreams. The manager also shares ideas and plans that might be considered. They continue to show an interest in the person’s growth and evolution after the meeting. It is critical that the manager not make promises they aren’t certain they can keep—that will do more harm than good.

For more detail and some excellent questions, read this article: Take a “Triple R” Approach to Stay Interviews by Kristen Brookins Costello. The best time to start having these kinds of conversations is right now. They create an outstanding foundation that will serve to help everyone weather any storm that might be coming.

One thing I have observed over years of working with senior leaders managing change is that by the time the change is announced, they have been thinking about it and discussing it with their peers for so long that they are bored with the whole thing. It is easy to forget how disconcerting it was—and the sheer volume of adrenaline that was released—when they first heard about the change. It is easy to forget that they have had a chance to process their own concerns for months, and just because they are over it and ready to move on doesn’t mean others are. This is especially true for leaders who are not only accustomed to a lot of change but who thrive on change. It can be hard for them to remember that most of their employees are not like them at all.

To sum it up, here are some do’s and don’ts for change conversations:

Managers must:

• Share as much information as they can
• Stay positive about the reasons for the change
• Draw attention to the mission of the business and how the change will help fulfill that mission
• Trust that any employees who leave the organization will get proper support and will most likely find comparable work in other companies
• Listen for the stages of concern from the employee, reflect back what they hear, and give the person a chance to experience emotions without judging
• Answer questions when they can and commit to finding answers or coming up with an answer as a team when they can’t
• Remember that many individuals can become very alarmed in the face of change, even if the reasons for the change make sense to them
• Express empathy for how hard change can be for some people
• Prioritize group and one-on-one conversations about the change
• Show an interest in each individual who reports to them and demonstrate a willingness to help each person grow and develop by asking thoughtful questions

Managers must not:

• Allow their workload or their attitude about the tedium of change management to interfere with helping everyone understand the details and implications for the change
• Reveal negative opinions about the change – their own or other leaders
• Blame or demonize any one person or group of people for requiring the change
• Cast doubt on decisions that have been made
• Overdramatize the situation by using language that casts people who still have jobs as lucky or those who don’t as doomed
• Try to get away with superficial check-ins; e.g., asking someone how they are doing and not really paying attention to the response
• Show impatience with how much time some people need to process
• Judge voicing concerns to be naysaying or a challenge to the change
• Give in to the impulse to tell people to get on with it—people will come around at different speeds and pushing will only spark resistance

Just as we were all getting used to living in a VUCA world (Volatile, Uncertain, Complex, and Ambiguous), now we are tasked with operating in a BANI world (Brittle, Anxious, Non-linear, and Incomprehensible). If this language is new for you, or intriguing, you might like: What BANI Really Means. As a student of history, I would submit that the BANI moments are more a part of our common experience than we believe. We are all just muddling through, grappling with the human condition.

The best things a leader can do to take care of their people during a change are pay attention, listen a lot, reassure when they can, and be kind.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a team in a large company that recently went to an Unlimited PTO policy. I am glad, because tracking and trying to get people to take their PTO was a pain.

So far, it has worked pretty well. The policy is that people need to request holiday time in advance, mainly so I can cover for people and not have too many people out at the same time. As a team we try to stagger summer holidays and take turns being on call for the big ones that everyone takes, summer Fridays, etc.

My problem is one of my team members—I will call her “S”—who calls in sick almost every Monday. I didn’t really notice it until it started to happen regularly. I also have noticed that she never accepts Monday meetings. Other team members are making jokes about how we can’t have certain meetings on Mondays if S needs to be there.

When S comes in on Tuesdays, I can smell the alcohol on her. I suspect she is partying so hard on the weekends that it bleeds into Mondays and she thinks that is okay. I actually don’t know if that’s true, but something really feels off about this. Thoughts?

Monday Madness

______________________________________________________________

Dear Monday Madness,

Something is off. When other team members start cracking jokes about something, it is your cue that it is long past time to address it.

I can only assume you have an HR business partner, so you need to check in with that person to get the details on the Unlimited PTO policy. Most require the employee to clear PTO with the manager in advance (as you mentioned), and a doctor’s note is required for extended time off due to illness. The whole idea behind PTO is to give people the flexibility and freedom they need to manage their lives and choose how to manage their time to get their work done.

The fact that you and your team are having to schedule around S is an indication that she is using the policy incorrectly—so you must step in. Her cavalier “I just don’t work on Mondays” thing is way out of bounds and you need to put a stop to it pronto. The reasons ultimately don’t matter. If S actually is dealing with an illness, she needs to tell you and work with you to manage her schedule and properly support her in getting the help she needs.

The question of her smelling of alcohol is a separate issue. If she is partying like a maniac, it isn’t really your business unless it keeps her from showing up to work. And you don’t know if that is the case, even though it might seem that way. You can be prepared to share information about mental health and substance abuse support if your company has an EAP program in case S reveals anything that makes that appropriate.

There is a good possibility S is just confused about what Unlimited PTO really means.

Get the facts, get some solid language from HR, practice if you feel shaky, and then say what needs to be said without blame or judgment. Be clear with S about what is required and what is unacceptable. And offer appropriate help if it is needed.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

In the middle of the pandemic, I took a job that I love and am good at. At the time, my boss made it very clear that the job was classified as “remote” and the deal was that I would never need to work in the office. This wasn’t just because everyone was working from home at the time; the job was classified as remote so they could hire the best person regardless of where they were located. It just so happens that I live fairly close to headquarters and presumably could go to the office if I wanted to.

Now that things have eased up, my boss is insisting that I come and work at the office. At every one-on-one meeting, he mentions that he would like to see me in the office. He has no complaints about the quality of my work and has no reason to suspect that I am goofing around instead of working; he just prefers his people to be in the office.

But that wasn’t the deal. I am an introvert, I love working from home, and I have a great rhythm in my workday that doesn’t include a 45-minute commute each way—not to mention the price of gas! I enjoy many of my colleagues and meet them occasionally for coffee or happy hour. Several of them were also originally classified as remote and some do occasionally go into the office because they are super social types who like it.

I feel that there has to be some reasonable way to push back on this constant pressure from my manager, but I don’t know how to do it without harming the relationship. I am now at a point where I am actually feeling bullied and considering looking for another job. Would appreciate any thoughts on this.

Feeling Pressured

__________________________________________________________

Dear Feeling Pressured,

A lot of managers don’t realize the power they hold or the impact of subtle little remarks. Your manager might be shocked that his nudges are having this effect on you. So if you are serious about possibly leaving, I think you need to come right out with it. You can tell your boss that you are worried about harming your relationship because you really love your job, but that the pressure being exerted on you to come into the office is becoming burdensome.

Before you do that, however, it might be wise to dig up your employment contract and make sure that you are in full command of the fine print. If, in fact, you have it right and there is no indication that your remote status is at risk due to the slow receding of Covid concerns, then you have a contractual agreement to support your position. Hopefully it won’t come to the point where you have to involve HR, but if you are clear about your contract it might highlight the fact that your boss is, perhaps inadvertently, creating a hostile work environment.

As you prepare to open the topic, consider what kind of compromise might work for you. I understand your reflexive reaction that you took the job with the understanding that you wouldn’t have to be in the office, but it might not kill you to meet your boss halfway. Perhaps he wants everyone in the office for specific kinds of meetings. Or maybe he is an extrovert who has trouble bonding with people if he can’t be with them in person. In our own business, I have heard several people who have to come in the office mention that they are lonely.

Asking some questions to really understand what is at the root of your boss’s insistence will help to frame and support your own position. You will want to avoid why questions such as the most obvious and natural one, “Why do you want me to come to the office?” Why questions tend to put people on the defensive. Open-ended questions, on the other hand, help to focus the conversation. For example: 

“What would be different if I were to come into the office?”

“What would I accomplish by coming into the office that I am not already doing?”

“Is there something you would like me to do differently that you haven’t mentioned yet?”

“Are there concerns about the quality of my work that you want to share with me?”

“What would satisfy you, if I were to come in to office?”

It might be hard for your boss to admit that your going into the office once in a while would just make him happy. It might be that simple.

Once you understand what is driving your boss, it might be easier for you to consider a small concession as a peace offering. Maybe you would be willing to show up in person at the office once a month or bi-weekly. You might ask your boss to consider paying for your gas, especially since your salary was negotiated as a remote worker. In California, where I live, gas prices are so insane that they are having a big impact on household budgets.

It will take some courage to pipe up—but really, no manager wants to find out from an exit interview that they lost a good employee over something that could have been avoided. If you aren’t confident about being good on your feet in the moment, practice what you want to say with a friend to get comfortable with your points so your emotions won’t cloud your reasoning or cause you to forget. During the conversation, listen carefully to what your boss says. Maybe even take notes and repeat back what you heard so you are sure you got it right. Take your time and breathe. Remember that, in response to anything, you can always ask to take some time to think about it.

I really hope you will be able to work this out.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I am seeking your guidance. I am studying for a BA in human resource management and will be completing my degree program within the next six months. I must submit a final research paper.

I need to find a topic and put a plan together fast, but I am struggling. Will you assist me in finding the perfect topic that will make me successful?

Unsure

________________________________________________________________

Dear Unsure,

I appreciate the question. I am a little at sea as to how to answer it, though. My areas of expertise are coaching in organizations (helping leaders use coaching skills, scaling coaching, and moving an organization toward a coaching culture) and the neuroscience of leadership. I am not an expert in HR, although I do work with many human resource, organizational development, and learning and development professionals.

That being said, I urge you to choose a topic that is of great interest to you. Ask yourself: What has captured my imagination in my studies?

I suggest you speak to a couple of HR professionals to understand what the frustrations are in their jobs. What problems do they face that you might research? I Googled “top challenges HR managers face” and all kinds of interesting things came up. Here is a link to a report by Deloitte on trends in workforce management that may spark an idea for you.

I can tell you that in my work coaching leaders, the challenges that seem to come up most often these days are:

• Attracting the best talent
• Interviewing to assess the best culture and job fit
• Retaining the best employees
• Helping people get clear and stay clear about their goals and objectives
• Optimizing a team and getting people to work well together to accomplish results
• Helping people manage the sheer volume of change
• Helping people manage the stress of political mayhem, climate challenges, and the pandemic
• Encouraging people to take care of themselves while still getting the job done
• Managing conflict—both for themselves and among their team members

I hope this gets you started. I hope one of these areas will strike a chord with you.

Good luck!

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I lead a team of eight employees. One of them is dealing with a personal crisis outside of work and I can see he is struggling. This isn’t the first time I’ve had an employee dealing with crisis, given COVID, but somehow I have managed to get by.

I want to be the compassionate, supportive leader he needs, but I also don’t want to pry too much or blur the lines on our professional relationship. I just don’t have training to be a therapist or counselor and I need clear direction.

Can you help?

Wanting to Up My Game

________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Wanting to Up My Game,

The problem with managing humans is that they are—well, humans. Being human is complicated and often hard. No one is immune from accidents, illness, addiction, mental health crises, emergencies, or acts of God (Fire! Floods! Earthquakes! Tornadoes!) that happen to them or a loved one. Most employees will have a spouse/partner, children, and/or aging parents who will inevitably need the kind of attention that will bleed into workdays and cause distraction. On my own team of seven we recently had one person whose husband, a police officer, was shot and killed in the line of duty, one person whose mother was in hospice care, one whose brother-in-law died suddenly, and yet another whose brother was in a tragic accident. And the rest of us all had happy distractions—graduations, engagements, weddings. As you can imagine, getting the work done was chaotic and a team effort.

My experience is that as organizations seek efficiencies, teams get leaner and leaner and there is absolutely no wiggle room. People can’t take vacation time because there is no backup for them. Employees can’t afford to get sick, can’t afford for a child to get sick, and don’t have the time to deal with a parent who has fallen and been rushed to the hospital with a broken elbow. So not only are employees stretched to the max with work commitments, any added personal commitments can feel completely overwhelming.

How, as a manager, do you address this?

The first order of business is to get very familiar with whatever support is available to employees through your EAP. I will admit that I don’t pay any attention to all the emails I get from HR about the amazing benefits available to me and my dependents until I need to. This will be true for most people. So the more you know, the quicker you can direct people to the kinds of support that is probably free for them, and the better.

The next step is to build your relationship with your HR Business Partner (HRBP), if you have one. Again, most of us don’t think about them until we need them, but it is literally their job to help you navigate difficult situations and avoid potential legal traps. In my career as a manager, I have lost two employees to cancer and the cases were totally different. One employee wanted to come to work until she literally couldn’t anymore and another wanted to step out of the job right away. In both cases, our HR team was with me every step of the way to offer clarity on short-term and long-term disability insurance, honoring the wishes of the stricken employee as much as possible, and making sure they were properly taken care of all the while juggling the need for backup resources so the work still got done.

Once you know what your options are in terms of where and how to direct people who could use help, you need a clear guide to diplomacy so you can have the hard conversations. There is a fine line between being empathetic, having compassion for someone, and giving them the space they need to take care of a personal issue—and feeling taken advantage of. Here is an article about Leading with Empathy that sheds some light on how to avoid crossing that line.

In Leadership is An Art, Max de Pree said “The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality.” The last thing you want to do is pretend that everything is okay when it isn’t, so ultimately it will be up to you to gather your courage and take the plunge to address the situation head on. For this, I would direct you to our wonderful Conversational Capacity model that urges finding the sweet spot between candor and curiosity.

You don’t mention in your letter just how much your employee’s “struggling” is affecting his performance, so it is important for you to assess your own needs and needs of your team before you have a conversation. You want to be crystal clear on what you hope to achieve by having the conversation. So—what do you want?

• Do you want to simply extend empathy? Do you want to let your employee know that you have noticed that he is struggling, you can see that he is valiantly trying to cope, and you want him to know you are there for him if he wants to talk?
• Do you hope your employee will get help? And you want him to know about and take advantage of the support available to him? He might be insulted, but the fact is that it is your job as a manager to make sure that employees know and use their benefits.
• Do you need to make a request for your employee to get back on track performance-wise? Hard to do without feeling like a monster, but again, reality is reality.
• Do you think your employee should take time off? Be ready with details on short-term disability options.
• Something else?

The clearer you are about what you want to achieve going into the conversation, the better off you will be. So, in your case you might plan the conversation like this:

Start with Candor

State your position: This is what I am noticing, this is the impact on your work, this is the impact on the team, this is the impact on our ability to meet our deadlines and commitments, and something needs to be done to address the situation. Focus on what’s true with no judgment or blame.

Explain your thinking: Share the evidence you used to arrive at your position and how you have interpreted that evidence. Keep things strictly evidence-based and not personal. There is no reason you can’t say to your employee exactly what you said in your letter: “I want to be the compassionate, supportive leader [you] need, but I also don’t want to pry too much or blur the lines on our professional relationship.”

Follow with Curiosity

Test your perspective: Ask if there is anything you have missed, if you might have a blind spot, or if there is something you should know.

Inquire into the views of others: Ask if there might be another perspective. Encourage your employee to be truthful and candid without sharing anything that doesn’t need to be shared. Invite ideas on how the situation might realistically be addressed. You might say: “I need your help to brainstorm the best path forward so that you can do what you need to do to take care of yourself and I can do what I need to do to take care of the team and meet our deadlines.”

It may be very hard for your employee to face the reality of his situation and to admit his struggling is affecting his performance. It is possible that the hard conversation will help him face the truth and leave him open to considering options. If he seems to feel exposed, is sensitive and thoughtful, and seems unprepared, you will want to be ready to offer him time to think about his options and come back for another conversation. Take it step by step.

I have been teaching coaching skills for almost 30 years to managers in organizations and I have lost count of the times I have heard the statement: “It sounds like you are asking us to be therapists.”

No. Asking managers to be able to have personal conversations with other humans about the human condition, and their human experience in particular, is simply asking them to be human. Just listening to someone does not constitute therapy. You are not required to offer therapeutic services or counseling. You are required to listen, understand, offer any options and available solutions, and craft a reasonable go-forward plan to best meet the needs of all stakeholders.

Just because people experience emotions when talking about what they are going through doesn’t mean you are now a psychologist. It just means they are having emotions. It took me a long time to remember to always have tissues available in my office, but I finally got that memo. Let’s face it, we are asking our people to bring themselves—their whole selves—to work. This is how we get the passion, the innovation, the commitment, and that magical discretionary energy. We can’t then turn around and ask them to leave parts of themselves at home (or these days, in another part of the house).

And just for the record, you managed to “get by” through COVID, so I would argue that you are already doing something right.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a talent acquisition leader with a midsize tech company. I built my team from scratch in the past year. We are a high performing team that is greatly appreciated by our stakeholders.

Like many companies out there, ours is seeing the impact of inflation and economic downturn. Many organizations are putting a freeze on hiring. This means, as the TA leader, I soon may have to make selective layoffs on my team.

I went through a similar scenario during the pandemic, but it is different this time around. I am feeling emotionally burdened and wondering where to find my resilience. Our company might take the last-person-first approach when deciding who to lay off. Currently there is no underperformer on my team, even though each person is at a different level in their career.

What advice do you have for people leaders having to navigate this layoff time? Is there a framework that could be helpful? It feels too soon after what we went through as an industry during the pandemic.
Thank you.

Leader Finding Resilience

__________________________________________________________

Dear Leader Finding Resilience,

First, congratulations on building your amazing team. I acknowledge how much it must stink to have to let some of them go, first because it is hot on the heels of your last layoff due to the pandemic and then because it will almost certainly take a toll on your great team, both those who are asked to leave and those who stay. There is no question that everyone will be affected and the careful balance you have achieved will need to be rebuilt. It is a lot.

I have spoken to a few people who have a lot of experience with this (sadly, quite a large community) and have come up with a few ideas for you.

In my initial Googling around I found some potentially useful research: “Developing a framework for responsible downsizing through best fit: the importance of regulatory, procedural, communication and employment responsibilities” by Christopher J. McLachlan. It isn’t a meta study but it does have a solid literature review on the topic of responsible downsizing and, astonishingly, it provides exactly what you asked for: a framework. It hurt my brain a little to digest it, but I think will be worth your while.

The article covers the four areas of responsibility to consider as you think through your plan: regulatory, procedural, communication, and employment. One highlight that stood out, and one of the most critical things to keep in mind, is the importance of procedural, distributive, informational, and interactional justice in the course downsizing:

“… employees and stakeholders are more likely to perceive the process fair if ‘proper’ procedures have been seen to be followed. Heightened perceptions of responsibility amongst employees and stakeholders can be generated if procedural aspects such as selection criteria, transparency and accuracy of information, sufficient compensation policies and employee involvement are seen to be delivered equitably. Subsequently, perceptions of fairness can enhance the motivation and commitment of the post-downsizing workforce.”

You will definitely want to seek guidance from your HR partners to:

1. Formulate the plan according to company procedures and cultural values;
2. Ensure that your people are involved in the process, and
3. Ensure that decision-making criteria are clearly communicated.

As you begin thinking about who stays, who goes, and why, here are a few other things to consider—all from leaders who have recently been through this exact challenge.

• Yes, all of your folks are high performers—as far as you know. If you have not been getting clear feedback from their clients to assess who is demonstrating the most engagement, customer service, and cultural fit, now may be the time to do that. Pick up the phone and call your most active customers to assess their satisfaction level with the service they have been getting.
• First in/ first out is rarely the best way to go. It’s possible that it could work from a procedural fairness standpoint, but it won’t necessarily serve you, your team, or your long-term goals. It might also set a precedent you don’t want when the time comes to rebuild your team to full capacity. I hate to say it, but sometimes the most tenured people with the highest salaries have the lowest amount of flexibility and eagerness to jump in with both feet on new systems and processes, or the willingness to go the extra mile on a Friday afternoon. This is tricky to navigate but it will certainly contribute to every single remaining team member’s desire to stay relevant and add value.
• Consider speaking candidly with each person on the team to assess career goals and dreams. You might have someone who wants to retire and will be okay with going earlier than planned (with a generous severance). Or maybe you have team members who would prefer part-time work, or who would be willing to go part-time for a while as they are busy with a sick family member, or who need to take some time for their own self-care. You’ll never know if a creative compromise could serve both parties until you go looking.

In our company, at the beginning of Covid, every single employee who made over base salary took a 20% salary cut. It was a shared pain for all, but it worked.

• Possibly some of your people might find an opportunity elsewhere in the organization? This is obvious, low-hanging fruit, but an idea anyway.

Ask yourself:

• What skill sets, traits, and attributes are most important to me and to the success of this team? In the end, you want to end up with most capable team. It will depend on your own internal calculations of ROI for each person. This is cold, but true.
• Who are the fast and willing learners who will be better utility players—willing and able to cross train, to widen scope? These will be the ones to keep for the long-term roller coaster. Because it is a solid bet that the turbulence is going to continue.

Once you have formulated your approach and built your communication plan, you will need to be clear and strong. Key points here:

1. Take personal responsibility for all decisions, once made, and stand by them.
2. Don’t waiver. Be brief, kind, and to the point. Don’t allow yourself to be drawn into a debate. Just stick to the facts and the next steps. If you need to write out your script, do it.
3. Acknowledge the difficulty, the pain, and the sadness, but don’t dwell on it. Be prepared with tissues if you think they might be needed. I never have them when I need them, so now I keep a stash in my office. Having emotions is just part of being human.

In terms of taking care of yourself, I encourage you to engage in activities that bring you joy. And make sure you get enough rest, proper nutrition, and sleep. Those are the first to go under stress—and, of course, they are what you most need as you face this challenge. Here is an excellent Whitepaper: Building Resilience in Times of Crisis by Melaina Spitzer. It will provide you with more tips and the neuroscience behind them. Ultimately, you will have to step up and do your best with the things you can control and find ways to let go of the things you can’t. The madness and upheaval doesn’t seem to be slowing down, and it is exhausting. Anything you can do to take care of yourself so you can take care of your people will be good.

Thank you for sending in the question and sharing your situation. It is quite common. I hope the conversation will help our readers feel less alone and provide real value.

You are clearly thoughtful and caring. I am confident that you will make the best of these rotten circumstances while building your own resilience and that of your team. That is really all you can do.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Our mental health has deteriorated during the pandemic, demanding the attention of leaders and businesses.

Under normal circumstances, one in ten adults in the U.S. have symptoms of depression or anxiety. That number has jumped to four in ten during the pandemic—and that might be conservative. Our data show much higher numbers. In our research surveying over 1,900 people across the globe, more than 60% of respondents reported symptoms of anxiety during the pandemic.

The trouble is, emotions can be contagious. If someone is sad or anxious, we’re likely to catch the feeling and pass it on to others. That’s because our autonomic nervous system—which controls whether we are alert, anxious, or calm—interacts with the same systems in others around us. If you’re close with someone, you may experience a sort of empathic matching, where you automatically pick up on and mimic their emotional state. How sensitive you are to this is often determined by your childhood experiences and the mother-child bond. Consider the above statistics in the context of emotional contagion, and it is easy to conclude that we all have experienced a traumatic event and are experiencing collective grief.

Considering what is happening in the world right now, there’s a good chance that someone on your team is struggling. Here’s how you can help them.

Spot the Warning Signs

If you’ve ever had a mental health challenge or experienced burnout, you’re likely more attuned to the warning signs. People seem more anxious, frustrated, and angry. They may look sad. Or be quiet at work. Or be unable to focus. Or send emails far outside normal business hours.

I remember when one of my managers, someone I cared for very much, sent me an email at 2:00 a.m. I reached out to him to find out if everything was okay. I’ll stop my story here, but the point is that a caring relationship between leaders and their people is mutual. No one wants to feel isolated, regardless of their seniority or place in the food chain. And it can be very isolating to be a leader with a lot of responsibility during a difficult time.

According to Jennifer Moss, author of The Burnout Epidemic, warning signs that someone is experiencing chronic stress and mental illness typically fall into four categories:

1. Changes in work habits such as lack of motivation, errors, difficulty concentrating, or lower productivity
2. Behavior changes including mood volatility, worry, irritability, or restlessness
3. Increased absences from work from someone who is normally punctual
4. Recurring complaints of physical symptoms such as fatigue, headache, abdominal distress, or weight change

Look for the Root Cause

If your employees are experiencing burnout, chances are it’s not their fault. In fact, it may be time to take a hard look at your organization’s culture, practices, and expectations to see if they unintentionally might be adding fuel the fire. The results of this inquiry may humble you.

According to the Maslach Burnout Inventory (MBI), there are six primary causes of burnout:

1. Workload
2. Perceived lack of control
3. Lack of reward or recognition
4. Poor relationships
5. Lack of fairness
6. Values mismatch

How does your company fare in each of these categories? Which of these deficiencies could be affecting your team members? Once you have identified them, determine areas for growth or change. Then take responsibility as a leader and see what you can do to move the needle toward a healthier work environment.

Be a Role Model

One of the first things you can do as a leader is to model behaviors you want your people to adopt. We naturally imitate those in power. You can take advantage of your widespread influence by taking care of yourself and sharing this with your people. By doing this, you give them permission to care for themselves. And that is a wonderful gift.

Be Empathetic

The pandemic has taken a toll on everyone. We have lost loved ones, jobs, income, a sense of community, freedoms, hobbies that gave us joy, and on and on. The list is long and significant. Everyone is hurting to some degree.

Being empathetic at a time like this is powerful. Show genuine concern and forget about achieving an outcome. If someone chooses to share, remember they are bearing their soul and speaking from a place of vulnerability. It’s always essential to treat people with respect, but especially at these moments.

What can you do as a leader? Create safe spaces for your people. Let them know that you’ll keep their confidence and they will always have your respect. We conduct well-being conversations in our Building Resilience program. When people return from their breakout groups, they always say how good it felt to share. They also say it was uplifting to listen and be of service. You can be of great help just by listening.

Create a Safe Environment

People need to feel safe before they will share. That means creating a judgment-free environment. You can do this by first sharing how you are feeling in a team meeting. Your courageous leadership will create a path that others know they can then follow.

You may also want to consider these tips for verbal and non-verbal communication from the Canadian Centre for Occupational Health when initiating conversations around mental health and well-being:  

VERBAL TIPS

• Speak calmly, quietly, and confidently.
• Be aware of how you are delivering your words.
• Focus your attention on the other person to let them know you are interested in what they have to say.
• Use common words. Do not use official language, jargon, or complex terminology.
• Listen carefully. Do not interrupt with unsolicited advice or criticism.

NONVERBAL TIPS

• Use calm body language. Have a relaxed posture with unclenched hands and an attentive expression.
• Position yourself at a right angle to the person, rather than directly in front of them.
• Give the person enough physical space. This distance varies by culture, but normally two to four feet is considered an adequate distance.
• Get on the person’s physical level. If they are seated, try sitting, kneeling, or bending rather than standing over them.
• Pay attention to the person. Do not do anything else at the same time, such as answer phone calls or read e-mails.

Some people may be reluctant to share. My inspiring colleague John Hester has created a list of questions to help get the conversation started. Use these when checking in with someone who looks like they may be struggling.

• How are things going for you?
• How is your family?
• How are you feeling?
• What are you excited about?
• What concerns you?
• How is your connection to the team?
• What do you need more of or less of?
• How can I help?

Whether it’s children, spouses, or parents, everyone has family members they care about and love. Having loved ones is a common denominator that allows you to connect with your people. For example, if you were to ask me how I’m doing, I’d tell you that I’m struggling because my grandfather passed away. I have to process my grief while also supporting my mother, who is mourning the loss of her father.

One trust-building strategy is to start conversations with questions about the person’s family. Then, as they become more comfortable talking, ask them questions about how they are doing. By asking open-ended questions, the person may reveal something important. This also includes positive answers such as something they find inspiring.

Use the Right Style of Leadership

Effective leaders are situational—they provide the right amount of direction or support when a person needs it. Consider the alternatives: micromanaging (which destroys engagement) or hands-off management (which destroys morale).

SLII® is an easy-to-understand, practical framework that enables your managers to diagnose the development level of an employee for a task: D1—Enthusiastic Beginner; D2—Disillusioned Learner; D3—Capable, but Cautious, Contributor; and D4—Self-Reliant Achiever. Managers then use the appropriate directive and supportive behaviors to help them succeed: S1—Directing; S2—Coaching; S3—Supporting; and S4—Delegating.

My students in the Master’s in Executive Leadership program at the University of San Diego come to me elated when they’re able to get on the same page with their people and build a meaningful connection by applying the matching leadership style. Not only does their job as a leader become easier, but their people feel heard and supported, which leads to better engagement, productivity, and progress for the organization.

A good default position is to ask “How can I help?” Such a sincere question will always win the goodwill of the listener.

Leadership in the New Normal

The pandemic has changed us all in some way. We are different as individuals and as a society. We cannot and will not return to old models.

Prevention is better than cure for any well-being challenge—and especially burnout. It is much easier to recognize the warning signs of burnout and take care of ourselves than to recover from it. The key is to build trust with your people and help them thrive again. And that day will come.

Dear Madeleine,

I work for a company that required everyone to come back to the office the second week of November. I thought it was too early, and was proven right by Omicron. The company is a traditional, conservative kind of place, and the CEO lost patience with the whole remote thing. I was happy to come back to the office because I was tired of not seeing people in person. We are a government contractor so we all had to comply with the federal vaccine mandate. I didn’t care—I was first in line to get my first vaccine, and then again when the booster became available. We all had to submit pictures of our vaccine cards.

I recently overheard a conversation I shouldn’t have heard, and now I have an ethical dilemma. I heard someone I know tell a friend that she got a fake vaccine card and hasn’t been vaccinated. They were laughing about it and ridiculing our HR department, which has worked really hard to manage our return to the office. (I only know because I have a friend in HR.) It makes me so mad that people think it is OK to play fast and loose with other people’s health and safety.

I am really torn about what to do. I haven’t said anything or tried to get advice from anyone I know. This is a company town where everyone knows everyone, and it could blow up in my face.

I am losing sleep over this. What do you think?

Blow the Whistle?

_____________________________________________________________________

Dear Blow the Whistle,

Well, this is a bracing question! And such a perfect representation of these very weird times.

Let me start by clarifying that I am no expert on ethics. I read a regular column on ethics and am constantly learning and reminded of my lack of expertise. I am also forced to examine my own unconscious biases and how my politics might sway my response. (Note: Anyone who wants to see an incredibly cool compilation of unconscious biases, click here). Unfortunately, this issue has become so political and divisive that it is breaking up families. I might lose a little sleep myself over this one.

Because I tend to think in the context of organizations, my first thought was that if you are a manager, especially the person’s (shall we call her Vax Card Faker? VCF for short?) manager, you would be obligated to confront VCF and escalate to HR because managers are de facto agent of the organization and owe a duty of responsibility as such. But it doesn’t sound like this is the case in your letter. It sounds like VCF is a peer, not even a close co-worker.

Because this felt so far over my head, I consulted our CHRO, Kristin Brookins Costello, who has impeccable integrity and is brilliant. She said:

“Everyone in the workplace shares responsibility to keep each other safe. Companies can and should look at the cards to ensure that they appear to be valid. That being said, there is no incredibly effective way to ensure card validity beyond the eyeball test, and there can be no expectation that the company can or should confirm the validity of every card. In the end, this is where trust and corporate citizenship come into play. It’s a team effort to keep the workplace safe.” 

I also googled a little and stumbled over this very interesting article: How Can Employers Recognize Fake Vaccine Cards? It gave me the distinct impression that it is really up to the authorities in the organization to monitor authenticity of vaccination cards if they feel strongly about it. I know plenty of people who work in companies that are not at all committed to the enforcement of mandates. Of course, when people got their initial vaccine and were given a flimsy, hastily created card, who ever thought it would become a legal document?

Ultimately, though, I keep coming back to your description of the conversation as one that you “shouldn’t have overheard.” That leaves me to wonder if you could have made more of an effort to make your presence known. But then, I recall a moment long ago in a ladies’ room when I was in a stall minding my own business only to overhear participants in my training session (I was the facilitator) rake me over the coals. Once I realized what and who they were talking about, I couldn’t for the life of me think of any benefit to drawing attention to my presence. So I can understand how this can happen. Still, it was an accident that you overheard something potentially compromising.

Deciding to be a whistle blower is a huge, sometimes life-altering, decision. Most people who do blow a whistle on bad behavior wish they could do it anonymously. But it is almost impossible to avoid consequences of standing up for what you think is right. You must weigh the worst-case scenario of escalating what you heard. The last thing you want is a reputation for lurking around, listening to conversations you weren’t invited into, and then tattling. In my Googling, I found some research on what motivates people who report lying: Nobody likes a rat: On the willingness to report lies and the consequences thereof. Fascinating stuff, really, and far too involved to dissect here. But it does raise the questions about your motivation.

Even if you could report the violation anonymously in a way that would never blow back on you, here are some questions to ask yourself:

• What would your intentions and motivations be to report what you heard? Is it your anger at someone who feels differently than you do about how our government is handling the pandemic? Is it your sense of protectiveness for your pal in HR?
• Does the part of you that feels morally superior (and let me be clear, I am not judging you on this) want to see VCF punished? Are you 100% certain that one unvaccinated person will truly put everyone at risk? (Lately, it seems to me that everyone in California is getting COVID regardless of vaccination status!)
• What consequence do you expect might be imposed on VCF? What if she were fired and that caused any number of hardships that you can’t anticipate? Would her family suffer? Would her team be left shorthanded in the middle of a talent shortage? Would that make you feel good?

Whatever opinion you might have about the approximately 38% of unvaccinated people in the US, it is really not up to you to impose your viewpoint on others. If your organization were to directly ask all employees to report on scofflaws, it might be one thing, but no one has appointed you to be a compliance officer.

I keep coming back to tried-and-true principles that have stood the test of time:

• Judge not lest ye be judged.
• Mind your own business.
• Keep your own counsel.
• Don’t gossip.
• Nobody likes a tattletale.

If you were to follow these principles, you might decide to confront the speaker you overheard. Tell her you accidentally heard what she said, that you are going to keep your mouth shut, but that you have concerns. Even as I write this, it seems like a terrible idea. Why would anyone want to step into that bear trap? But it is an option, and at least it’s direct. I ran your question by several people and a couple of them said this is what they would do.

You have followed the rules and have done what you think is best. VCF is not following rules she doesn’t agree with. But who is to say who is in the right? Certainly not me. I would submit that it is the 100% conviction of being right that is causing strife, not just in the US but all over the globe. And I think you actually know this, or you wouldn’t be so torn.

So, here we are. I can’t tell you what to do. I am not at all sure what I would do.

I know two things for sure:

1. It is a good idea to hum or whistle as you go about your merry way so that you never accidentally overhear anything you shouldn’t, ever again. After my horrifying experience in the bathroom, I always clear my throat or shuffle my feet when people might think they are alone.
2. Every little thing a person does gives you one data point about their character and trustworthiness. Now you know a lot more about VCF than you ever wanted to, and if you ever must work closely with her, well, you know what to watch out for. Remember it is just one data point. No one is all good or all bad. We are all just muddling along trying to figure it out as we go.

I hope this helps.

I hope this will all be over soon.

I hope no one around you, or you, God forbid, gets desperately ill.

I hope we can all give each other a little more grace.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Tis the season for lists, and we offer ours: The five must-read blogs of 2021.

But our list is a little different. It shines a little light for L&D professionals trying to find their way in 2022. That’s valuable, considering that the past year has been filled with numerous challenges. Everyone is struggling to stay balanced and informed in the whipsaw environment of the pandemic.

Our five illuminating reads will leave you better prepared for the days ahead.

1. Designing Engaging Learning for a Hybrid Work Environment: Our 2022 L&D Trends Survey found that 53% of L&D professionals felt their virtual designs were not as effective as their face-to-face offerings. Ann Rollins, a solutions architect for The Ken Blanchard Companies, offers specific recommendations to lure learners and keep them engaged.
2. Keeping Your Best People from Resigning During the Great Resignation: The pandemic has unleashed a tidal wave of resignations. The cost to companies is unsustainable. Dr. Vicki Halsey shares six strategies to stem the tide of departures. One client found this post so valuable, senior leadership requested a deeper dive on the topic.
3. Does Your Team Know Who You Are as a Leader? Our chief spiritual officer, Ken Blanchard, shares what happens when people work for a Jekyll and Hyde boss. Then, in his inimitable way, he explains how creating a Leadership Point of View^TM  can bring positive results to a tricky situation. A worthwhile read no matter how your leaders are perceived.
4. Real Talk About Leading Hybrid Teams: Leading a hybrid/virtual team is different from leading an in-person one. Ask a leader now in this position. In this blog, Blanchard’s trust practice leader, Randy Conley, shares his 15 years of experience leading his own hybrid team. A timely read as the pandemic continues its unpredictable path.
5. 3 Prerequisites for Earning the Right to Coach Others: The ability to coach is what separates highly effective managers from average ones, according to the Harvard Business Review. Madeleine Homan Blanchard, master certified coach and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services, elaborates on the three mindsets leaders must have before they can become an inspiring leader/coach.

What’s keeping L&D professionals awake at night? How has the pandemic affected our ability to learn? What awaits in 2022?

We asked these questions to 800+ L&D professionals in an October 2021 survey. Jay Campbell, senior vice president of product development, and David Witt, program director, analyzed the data.

They arrived at three key insights:

1. People are overloaded, tired, and “too busy to learn”
2. The level of connection is dropping
3. L&D is stretched and dissatisfied with the converted offerings

Campbell shared the findings in a November webinar. Here’s a summary of them.

Insight #1—People are overloaded, tired, and “too busy to learn”

People are exhausted and professional development has suffered because of it—that is the key takeaway from the survey findings. Here are some comments by survey respondents that support this:

• “Understaffed and overworked. With our team on scattered hybrid schedules, team members are doing extra work.”

• “Burned out leaders who are struggling to effectively manage hybrid teams.”

• “Feelings of overwhelm and anxiety seem to be crippling our ability to get and stay focused enough to identify what learning is actually needed, learn, and apply learning.”

Respondents’ comments reflect the depth of distress across the country. About four in ten adults in the U.S. have reported symptoms of anxiety or depressive disorder during the pandemic, compared to one in ten adults who reported these symptoms from January to June 2019.”[1]

Our mental state effects our ability to learn. Someone in the throes of anxiety or depression will struggle to incorporate new information. With the country in the midst of a pandemic, leaders at all organizations are fighting to meet their daily responsibilities and setting professional growth to the side—something L&D professionals have witnessed.

Longer workdays is another culprit behind our weary state. The average workday lengthened by 48.5 minutes in the weeks following stay-at-home orders and lockdowns across the U.S. in March.[2]

The weight of the pandemic, psychological distress, longer hours at work—it’s no surprise that L&D professionals say that their people feel overloaded, tired, and “too busy to learn.”

Theme #2—The level of connection is dropping

An organization’s culture is like a tapestry. It is a weaving together of relationships based on shared values and norms.

The pandemic is starting to unravel organizational cultures.

“The tapestry is fraying. It’s weakening our feelings of social cohesion and teamwork. It’s disconcerting to see this happening,” noted Campbell.

Comments from survey respondents echo Campbell’s insight:

• “Learning how to be more connected when some are here some of the time, some are never here, and others are here all the time.”

• “Emotional disconnection, loneliness and lack of purpose…people are on a lone journey with little support and feeling very vulnerable.”

• “Weak relationships due to working remote”

Third-party data provides additional evidence of the phenomenon. An analysis of emails, calendars, instant messages, video/audio calls, and workweek hours of 61,182 US Microsoft employees over the first six months of 2020 found “a decrease in synchronous communication and an increase in asynchronous communication.”[3]

What does that really mean?

“We are connecting less frequently, working in silos, and have smaller networks. The computer screen is the only place where we do connect. Isolation is the emotional state of the moment. It’s a strong word, but it’s the right one. At the same time, though, people like the flexibility of remote work, which has so many benefits,” Campbell shared. “We are all in the middle of a huge experiment.”

Theme #3—L&D stretched and dissatisfied with converted offerings

­When the pandemic struck, L&D professionals leaped into the breech and converted face-to-face offerings into virtual ones. Yet, they are dissatisfied with what they accomplished in 2022.

“L&D professionals all share a difficult challenge: converting a growing backlog of material to virtual delivery while lacking the resources to do it. And not knowing how to make the material engaging. This is a pressing need, but many are struggling to meet the challenges of the day,” said Campbell.

Learner engagement is another pervasive problem. Findings in the survey bolster this. In fact, some 59% of respondents said more learner engagement is needed in their virtual and digital designs, with concerns about ‘engagement’ appearing in one out of six responses across this large population.

Take a deeper dive into the findings of our L&D Trends for 2022. Watch the webinar here.

[1] https://www.kff.org/coronavirus-covid-19/issue-brief/the-implications-of-covid-19-for-mental-health-and-substance-use/#:~:text=During%20the%20pandemic%2C%20about%204,June%202019%20(Figure%201)

[2]  https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2020/08/04/remote-work-longer-days/

[3] https://www.nature.com/articles/s41562-021-01196-4

Now that public health initiatives are controlling the pandemic, the return to the office is a hot topic.

The Ken Blanchard Companies wanted to know what leadership, learning, and talent development professionals felt about the return. In a June 23 poll, three questions were asked as a part of a webinar series exploring the hybrid work environment. 195 HR / L&D professionals responded.*

1. Which of the following best describes the business environment you are returning to?
2. Which of the following best describes your organization’s response to this environment?
3. What does “return to the workplace” look like in your organization?

BUSINESS DISRUPTED

Which of the following best describes the business environment you are returning to?

Some 77% of the 195 respondents experienced moderate to major disruptions to their business environment. 7% identified their environment as completely disrupted. 44% described their business world as substantially to severely changed.

MORE CHANGE COMING

Which of the following best describes your organization’s response to this environment?

Covid sent a shock through the world. Businesses are still experiencing the aftershocks and are reimagining how they’ll operate in a post-pandemic world.  Some 68.9% of respondents are making “moderate” to “major” changes in their strategy.

Covid compressed a decade’s worth of change into a year. What will the new workplace look like?

HYBRID WINS

What does “return to the workplace” look like in your organization?

The pandemic redefined the role of the workplace. Leaders must now establish the post-pandemic office. What will the post-pandemic office look like? According to the leadership development professionals polled, a hybrid arrangement where employees come in two/three days a week. (Of note: 20.8% still aren’t sure what they’ll do.)

One thing is certain. Post-pandemic work policies are evolving. Still working on yours? Check out helpful articles, blog posts, upcoming webinars and an infographic summarizing the survey results courtesy of The Ken Blanchard Companies. Access all resources at https://resources.kenblanchard.com/hybrid-work-environment

*195 HR / L&D professionals polled by The Ken Blanchard Companies on June 23, 2021

A misnomer is floating around—the concept of return-to-work. This phrase conjures up images of coming back from a sabbatical, a leave of absence, or maternity/paternity leave. But today, return-to-work is used to describe how employees should return to the location where they did most of their work prior to the pandemic.

We have to be clear: this term is not about returning to work. Employees have been working—hard.

The issue employers are struggling with is the decision to return-to-office—and to what degree they should accommodate employee preference. Just as important is the question of what employees can do when they are not aligned with their employer’s desires—and subsequent policies—about returning to the office full time. How do organizations develop a strategy that both addresses safety and shapes policy? How do leaders flex and have conversations with their employees when preference and policy aren’t aligned?

Balancing Safety and Increased Flexibility

Most organizations today are trying to determine if formal policies should dictate an employee’s work environment. Prior to the pandemic, work-from-home policies existed but weren’t widely adopted.

Now, as requirements begin to relax, organizations find themselves at a crossroads. What policy updates should be made, if any? Should organizations mandate that employees be vaccinated and return to the office? When should organizations encourage working remotely vs. working from the office? How should organizations accommodate employee preference?

For instance, Microsoft has prioritized physical, mental, and emotional well-being to guide decision making. The office is a place where employees and teams can choose to come together to innovate and collaborate. The focus isn’t on return-to-office, but on flexibility in the environments where employees and teams prefer to do their best work.

Enabling People to Do Their Best Work

Leaders have an opportunity to interpret evolved policies and navigate their people’s anxiety, uncertainty, and preferences in a way that is a win-win for both employer and employee. Keeping an open mind and flexing leadership styles based on each employee’s individual needs is leading in a way that allows for a hybrid approach to management.

To lead employees through continued change and evolution, leaders must:

• Adopt a learning-focused mindset. Employees are going to have concerns about returning to the office. Leaders need to explore the views of each employee and realize the leader’s and the organization’s views may contrast with those of the employee. Even though many employees are ready to return to the office, not all are.
• Identify blind spots. Organizations and leaders are making assumptions about what employees want right now. Some employees have strong feelings about continuing to work remotely rather than returning to the office five days a week. How might leaders partner with their employees to develop a plan that honors organizational policy as well as individual employee preferences?
• Be curious. Leaders must ask what employees want—genuinely ask, and listen to the answer. Leaders also need to ask if they see themselves remaining with the organization if there is a mandate either for continuing to work from home or for returning to the office. When leaders are sincere and humbly inquisitive, employees are more apt to share and less likely to minimize their needs and feelings.

This is a time to be transparent and direct about the direction of the organization and the strategy for whether to return-to-office. It’s also a time to listen attentively to employee preferences and desires—consider it a temperature check of your team. Otherwise, all the productivity gains made with remote work will reverse and employees will look for new ways to do their best work—at a different organization.

Editor’s Note: Would you like to learn more about successfully navigating the future of the work environment? Join us for a free webinar. Over the next five weeks, The Ken Blanchard Companies® is hosting weekly webinars focused on the different aspects of work post-COVID. Join us for one, two, or all five events. The series is free, courtesy of The Ken Blanchard Companies. Learn more here.

About the Author

Britney Cole is Associate Vice President, Solutions Architecture and Innovation Strategy at The Ken Blanchard Companies. With more than 15 years’ experience in organization development, performance improvement, and corporate training across all roles, Britney brings a pragmatic and diverse perspective to the way adults desire to learn on the job.

Dear Madeleine,

I lost my identical twin brother to COVID late last spring. Of course there was no service, and I organized a Zoom event that was almost too sad to bear. A cousin was also infected, and lived, but has many brain-related long-hauler symptoms and has had to go on disability. This leads me to suspect that possibly, genetically, I may have real reason to worry.

My company just announced it will be reopening on April 1 and everyone is expected to be back in the office on that day. The way the vaccine rollout is going where I live, I can’t imagine I will have a chance to get mine by that date. I have no underlying conditions and am only 42. I am married to a health care worker and she got her vaccine, so I don’t worry about her. At the beginning we were on high alert, but thankfully she managed to stay safe.

What worries me most is that many of my colleagues are anti-mask and do not believe COVID is a real risk. Clearly, I have deep, painful experience of how real it is.

I talked to my boss about my concerns and he was not at all interested in hearing it. There are enough changes and big deals going on that he just can’t be bothered to lobby on my behalf. My performance has not given him cause to question my desire to continue working from home until I can get the vaccine. In fact, I am far more productive working from home than from the office—I never would have known that until this past year. Eliminating my commute and gaining quiet time I can’t get at the office have definitely helped me get more done.

I find myself looking for another job even though I am deeply invested in the one I have and I do like the company I work for, their rigid policies notwithstanding. My boss generally doesn’t interfere with me—but neither is he an advocate for me as a person, obviously.

I am so stressed out by this whole thing. I am losing sleep and finding it hard to concentrate on my work.

Trapped & Resentful

__________________________________________________________________________

Dear Trapped & Resentful,

Because we weren’t having enough fun, huh? Let’s review: you have been dealing with the fear of the COVID-19 virus, you were worried sick about your wife for months on end, and then you had the body blow of the loss of your brother. So even before your company’s announcement, you had adrenaline (the fight-or-flight neurotransmitter) and cortisol (a stress hormone) coursing through your system for over a year. This is not good.

Even if you didn’t have to go back to the office, I would highly recommend you do everything in your power to reduce your stress level. Google around and find some resource (there are so many!) for how to manage stress and anxiety. Mindfulness, breathing, meditation, yoga, prayer, exercise (even just going for a walk helps), journaling. If you have a dog or cat, spend some time just loving it up. It does wonderful things for an anxious brain, a galloping heart, and the soul.

Then you might want to get some support for dealing with your grief. One thing to know is grief is exhausting—and when compounded by fear and uncertainty, it is bound to feel like you are carrying a boulder around. Find a support group or a counselor and spend time taking care of yourself that way. After my mother died, I walked into walls for a year and there was nothing like COVID going on to make things even worse. Bereavement is a big deal. I urge you to take it seriously and get some help.

Now let’s talk about this work situation. I say WOW. Just wow. I am amazed your company is willing to put its people at risk. It is also hard to understand your boss’s lack of empathy. You might think about sharing this article on the importance of psychological safety with him—but would he read it? Probably not. So I say escalate to HR. They must understand the risks and possibility of a lawsuit, if not from you, from anyone who is freaked out—or worse, who contracts the virus. Possibly they can make an exception for you to work from home until you achieve maximum immunity two weeks after the second vaccine. Or they can approve some time off? Or you could take PTO if you have enough saved up?

I really think you need to take a stand for your own well-being by escalating this and involving someone who can help you out. Otherwise, your stress will continue to build and you could end up with some real regrets. I would hate for you to have regrets. I hate regrets. The best way to avoid the woulda-shoulda-couldas in the future is to take care of yourself now.

If no one in your company can help you, it probably makes sense to look for another job. Companies that aren’t willing to be flexible may have a big surprise ahead, since remote work is so much more acceptable now than it was before the pandemic. I know of several people who had to turn down jobs with their dream company before the pandemic because they didn’t have the option to move, but have joined up now that they can work remotely.

It has been said (by enough people that I can’t find a credible attribution) that resentment is like taking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die. And you don’t need any more yuck than you already have going on.

So. Do something. Take Action. You will be so much the better for it.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

An employee recently left. She worked for me for 18 months. She never really seemed to want to be here, never got very good at her job, and never developed relationships with anyone on the team. At best, she seemed apathetic. She rather unceremoniously gave two weeks’ notice right before the holidays and it was inconvenient for me to have to replace her so quickly. In her exit interview with HR, she gave no indication of why she was leaving.  

After several weeks, I got an email from her asking me if I would be a reference and write her a recommendation. I have never received this kind of request from someone I didn’t enjoy working with and who made no effort to develop a relationship with me. I don’t want to say yes, because I don’t know any positive things I would say about her. And I really don’t feel like writing a recommendation, because, frankly, she left me high and dry.

Can I just say no? It seems…

Mean and Stingy

________________________________________________________________

Dear Mean and Stingy,

You can absolutely say no. But, since you seem like a decent person, you could also meet her halfway.

It sounds like your former employee (FE) did nothing to create relationships, never committed to the job, and left you in the lurch. You could tell her you don’t feel like you got to know her well and don’t know that anything you say would make a positive impression, and therefore she may want to use someone else as a reference. If she wants to pursue the issue with you, so be it. When potential employers check references, they don’t always ask detailed questions. They are often just making sure that employment history is accurate. I got a call from an outsourced service checking a reference recently, and it was clear they just wanted to make sure my former employee showed up for work and didn’t commit any crimes. If FE still wants to take her chances, she can—or she can use your HR partner to confirm the claim of employment.

If you end up writing the recommendation, you could ask her to write one herself and send it to you so you can edit and add personal touches. Again, you would only tell the truth. She must have been good at some things. You say she “never got very good”—does that mean she got good enough?

Of course, you have no way of knowing what was going on for FE while she worked for you. Maybe she was going through a hard time. Maybe she is super private and shy, and it’s difficult for her to connect with people. You have no idea why she left you high and dry, but she must have had her reasons. I would encourage you to try not to judge her. It would only be mean and stingy if you said mean and stingy things about her to others.

The fact that you are concerned with being mean and stingy makes me think that isn’t how you see yourself or what you are aiming for as a leader. When in doubt, take the high road. You have almost nothing to gain by being stingy and absolutely nothing to lose by giving FE the benefit of the doubt.

So, be kind, don’t judge, and tell the truth. No one can ask for more than that.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am a branch manager for a regional bank. We are a small crew, and everyone reports into me. Things run smoothly for the most part. I have one team member—an older woman—who has terrible body odor. It is so off putting that I lose focus each time she comes near my desk. During our one-on-ones I have to breathe through my mouth. I am not exaggerating to say my eyes water.

This employee is fairly new, and is not a teller, so up to now it hasn’t been an issue with customers. But our lobby is closed and most customers use the drive-through. In the rare instance where we do allow customers into the bank, everyone is wearing masks. Eventually, though, we will open up again, we won’t be wearing masks, and I’m sure customers will notice.

A long-time employee that I have a great relationship with called me after work a few weeks ago and told me everyone is talking about this and I need to do something. I am a 32-year-old man and I just can’t think of how to approach this situation.

I really don’t want to hurt the woman’s feelings, but literally the entire office is looking to me to do something about it because everyone is suffering.

Delicate Situation

_________________________________________________________________________

Dear Delicate Situation,

Delicate indeed. This is a classic. Kudos to you for taking a moment to think this through. In my youth, I was an exercise teacher and my 7 a.m. class ganged up on me and told me I had to intervene with a regular who had the same problem. I was intimidated into acting with no preparation. I bungled it terribly and the member left the club and never came back. The owner of the club was furious. I was mortified. I couldn’t tell you what I said because I have successfully blocked out the entire thing. It got tucked into the same Black Box of Shame where I also store the time I asked an exercise client when her baby was due, and she snapped that she wasn’t pregnant. You only do that once, I can tell you. But I was young and stupid, and you are not.

You can’t avoid it—mainly because you have an audience and it is your job. If you don’t do something soon, someone will say something or do something offensive like spraying air freshener in the direction of the stinky employee. The next thing you know, you’ll have a hostile work environment lawsuit on your hands.

Step one is to talk to your HR representative, for a couple of reasons. If you are lucky, there might be something in the employee handbook about dress code and hygiene. That would give you a leg to stand on—to be able to point to a regulation that was shared at the beginning of the woman’s employment. It will also serve to give HR a heads up in case things go poorly and they get a complaint from this employee. You may even have an experienced and sympathetic HR person who can tell you exactly what to say, when to say it and how to say it. Wouldn’t that be grand?

I asked Kristin Brookins Costello, head of HR at The Ken Blanchard Companies, and she said:

“This is tricky, as some states have laws that specifically relate to what an employer can and can’t require regarding hygiene and appearance. Due to potential legal ramifications, HR should be consulted on any existing employer policies relating to hygiene. HR may even want to check with an attorney to ensure that the employer response is reviewed and cleared. In the end, the approach with the employee should be handled carefully due to the sensitive nature of this situation.”

If you can get your HR partner to take on this entire predicament, you should—not because you’re not capable, but to navigate any potential legal traps that exist. If you end up having to go it alone, here are some pointers:

Do:

• Find a moment when you and she can have a private conversation.
• Tell your employee that you need to discuss a delicate topic that may make her uncomfortable.
• Make clear that you are on her side, and that the situation in no way reflects on her work performance.
• Be direct. You may have to practice finding a way to say “you are too smelly” diplomatically. I grant that this is almost impossible, but something like “You have a noticeable smell, and it is distracting” might be a starting point. Try thinking about how you would want someone to tell you.
• Make a clear request:
  • “I need you to make sure that you bathe every day, use appropriate deodorant/anti perspirant, and launder your work clothes regularly.”
  • “I need you to take appropriate measures to make sure that your natural body odor is not detectable by others.”
• Be ready for any number of responses, including embarrassment or anger. Let it be okay; just listen empathetically. It never hurts to have tissues ready. Some people cry when they experience strong emotion. It doesn’t have to mean you have done something wrong.
• Practice a limited repertoire of things you can say that you can simply repeat. “I understand that you are [fill in the blank: upset, insulted, embarrassed] and I am sorry.”
• Schedule a follow-up meeting to revisit the situation as changes are made. I know you both will much prefer to pretend it never happened—but if nothing changes, you will need to discuss it again.

Don’t:

• Deal with your employee’s upset by trying to make her feel better or minimizing the issue.
• Make it about you. Ever.
• Try to ease your own discomfort by backtracking, explaining, or talking too much.
• Get dragged into an argument about whether the smell exists—your employee may very well ask who complained. So just don’t go there. Keep it about your own experience and resist the temptation to throw others under the bus.
• Get into the details, like asking questions about why the situation exists.
• Offer detailed suggestions on how to solve the problem unless you happen to be an expert on the topic, which I suspect isn’t the case.
• Assume anything. You don’t know if she comes from a culture in which strong personal smell is normal. You don’t know if she has a medical condition that is causing the smell. You don’t know if she lacks a sense of smell—it happens a lot. Who knows, maybe she got Covid and lost her sense of smell for the long term—it is apparently a long-hauler symptom.  

This is one of those management hurdles you will never forget—a rite of passage. Your employee may never know the favor you have done her, and in fact may never forgive the insult. That’s okay. Your people don’t have to like you, but they do have to play nice in the sandbox with their colleagues.

All you can do is your job. The rest of your employees will appreciate it. Be intentional. Be clear. Be kind. Be firm.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Presenting the results of our 2021 Blanchard HR / L&D Trends Report in a recent webinar was a surprisingly moving experience for me.

More than 1,000 L&D professionals participated in this year’s survey, which included questions about your response to COVID in 2020, the challenges you experienced converting face-to-face designs in a disrupted business environment, and your plans for developing people in 2021. One section of the survey included an open-ended question about the greatest challenge your L&D team faces going into the New Year.

Your responses and comments painted such a vivid picture of the past year. Reading them was like stepping into your lives—and it made me proud to be your colleague.

The Hero’s Journey

It’s clear that so many of you took the hero’s journey, overcoming challenge after challenge in 2020.

One finding from our survey shows how much terrain you covered: 85% of you converted face-to-face training to virtual and digital offerings in 2020. That is astounding. Classroom training—the most common delivery method for training—abruptly stopped. But developing your people couldn’t be put on hold.

So you pivoted at a stunning speed.

You worked valiantly to turn your F2F offerings into digital learning modalities. And most of you did it with limited experience, with inadequate resources, and under the most difficult of circumstances.

I say this with absolute appreciation because your comments and struggles reminded me of what our team had to do to convert our F2F offerings. Their efforts were nothing short of heroic and their output level was unprecedented. Sound familiar?

The hero’s journey ends with personal transformation. Perhaps you discovered something admirable about yourself and your colleagues. Our team discovered they can accomplish a year’s worth of work in two to three months when they know people they care about are relying on them.

Perfecting Accomplishments

Product developers consider three fundamental trade-offs when creating project plans: scope, budget, and timeline. All three are interdependent; each variable affects the others. For example, increasing the scope requires a larger budget and/or changing the timeline.

Normally, a team can adjust these variables to fit the project. The pandemic, however, did away with this freedom for L&D teams. Budgets were slashed so we couldn’t just shovel money at the problem. Timelines were unyielding because everything was in crisis. Scope, as a consequence, had to be reduced. Functionality, interactivity, and engagement were just a few of the casualties.

Not surprisingly, 51% of respondents in the 2021 Trends Survey felt their new digital/virtual offerings were less effective than F2F solutions. This is nothing to be embarrassed about. In fact, you may have unknowingly applied a best practice of agile development by releasing minimum viable products to your users.

Now—what to do going forward?

When setting priorities for 2021, you’ll likely want to address some of the shortcomings in the solutions your team created. Recognizing the need to revise these offerings to boost learner engagement and quality is an important step. Instead of rushing off to build new products, consider enhancing the ones you developed when resources were scarce.

A Caring Group

The L&D field tends to attract people who are concerned about the welfare and development of others. I was reminded of this again and again as I read your comments in the survey responses. The common theme was helping others—and this greatly overshadowed your personal struggles.

Here are some empathetic words your peers shared when asked about the main problem they faced during COVID:

• “Keep people engaged in times of fear”
• “Employees feeling isolated and disconnected”
• “Overworked and overwhelmed employees”

What you wrote is even more striking when you consider that Learning & Development was often considered a nonessential function during COVID downsizing. Countless organizations slashed their L&D budgets in 2020, leaving many L&D people feeling marginalized, overworked, and underappreciated.

But you remained true to your calling. You felt compassion for the people you develop. And you expressed concern about their emotional health. What a caring and dedicated group!

Your Turn

Now you can take the same journey I did: listen to the webinar, read the report, and come to your own conclusions.

I’m confident that you’ll be as proud and inspired as I am!

About the Author

Jay Campbell is SVP of Products & Content at The Ken Blanchard Companies, overseeing research and development activities. Holding degrees from Vanderbilt University and Boston College, Jay is currently pursuing a doctorate in leadership and organizational change at USC.

About The Ken Blanchard Companies

For more than 40 years, The Ken Blanchard Companies has been a global leader in management training, consulting, and coaching. Its solutions inspire leaders at all levels to create cultures of connection, unleashing talent to deliver extraordinary results. Its flagship leadership training program, SLII®, is the solution of choice for more than 10,000 organizations. Blanchard also offers a suite of other award-winning leadership solutions and coaching services to support them.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a 31-year-old female attorney who was recently promoted to manager of an in-house legal team for a giant global not-for-profit organization. One of my direct reports is a man who came to us after having been a partner at a highly respected firm. This is to be his last job, as he is nearing retirement.

We all thought he would bring enormous expertise to the job and add value; but, in fact, he has caused nothing but trouble. His work is shoddy on his best days—I spend far too much time reviewing and correcting it before it goes out. He makes errors that make no sense in light of his experience. He is clearly not paying attention. He leaves work early on a regular basis, which would be OK if his work was done; but he misses deadlines, which ends up as a crisis on my desk at the end of the day.

All of this would be simply annoying, but it is compounded by the fact that he is downright rude to me. He makes no effort to disguise his contempt for my age and gender.

I have made tremendous efforts to be a good manager, making tasks and standards clear, providing ample time for one-on-one meetings to review workload, etc. I would fire him—I have an entire page of documented incidents in which he failed at his task or was disrespectful or hostile to me personally—but, because of the economic squeeze of the pandemic, we are in a hiring freeze. We just don’t have the manpower to cover his work, cruddy as it is. I have gone to HR, but they are overwhelmed with layoffs and furloughs in other parts of the organization. I am at my wits’ end with this situation.

Shoddy Work Making Me Nuts

Dear SWMMN,

This sounds tough. I definitely used to be automatically dismissed by older men—it is a consolation of age that that kind of thing tends to fade. But that doesn’t help you right now. Right now you have a couple of separate issues, so it might help to tease them out and address them one at a time.

The first thing to tackle is the idea that, because of a hiring freeze, you are not allowed to replace an employee who can’t—or won’t—perform. That just makes no sense at all. You might think about taking the case to both your boss and HR. This is serious and will affect your team’s ability to generate required results—so I can’t believe that with enough evidence and a well-prepared argument, you wouldn’t be able to get some support to make a change.

If you absolutely cannot make that happen, you will have to get ready for a hard conversation—probably a couple of them. Start by laying out all three issues at once and setting up times to work through all three separately. My new favorite tool for hard conversations comes from Craig Weber’s work on Conversational Capacity. Craig says that to find the sweet spot in a conversation, you have to start with candor—be ready to state your position and the thinking behind it. Then, you need to practice curiosity by testing your thinking and asking questions.

You will have to decide which issue is most important and start with that. I might suggest the order of priority as competence, commitment, and attitude. The thinking behind this order is the general principle that when people do not feel equipped to do their job, they tend to lose motivation and start lashing out at others. You may see a change if you can help your employee be more successful at his job.

Competence. It seems your supposed experienced expert might be out of practice. It is fairly normal that, as people rise to executive positions, they can forget the myriad details of the job or not stay abreast of changes. That might be the case here. However, that doesn’t excuse the lack of attention to detail he is demonstrating.

Be prepared to point out several examples of errors, and then ask some questions like:

• What is your perspective on this?
• Can you help me understand what might be going on?
• How do you think this situation might be addressed?
• Is there something I can do to help?

(Questions adapted from the book Conversational Capacity by Craig Weber, pg. 97)

Be prepared to continue being curious if your employee takes a position that is different from yours. You can say something like: “I admit my perspective is different from yours; perhaps you can share what you have seen or heard that leads you to see things this way.” The more you are curious and keep him talking, the more likely you are to get to a place where he might be interested in hearing your viewpoint. But you may not be able to get a dialogue going. And if you just can’t, that’s OK. You can always default to making a simple request, such as: “please catch up on proper legal terms and double-check your documents before submitting them.”

Commitment. You can observe to your employee that he often stops work before the agreed-upon time. Make sure you have a couple of examples. If you decide to go the way of curiosity, you can ask: “is there anything in particular that is undermining your motivation or ability to hit agreed-upon deadlines?” It will be interesting to hear what he has to say. At least from that jumping off point, you might be able to renegotiate deadlines moving forward. You can also share how critical it is that he follow through with his commitments—because you also have commitments and need to be able to plan your time. The more you can stay curious and neutral, the better off you will be. Which brings us to the third issue …

Attitude. This one is tricky—and it will color the other two issues. The more you feel attacked, the harder it will be for you to stay curious and open. So anything you can do to not take your employee’s behavior personally will strengthen your position. Remember: this is not about you, no matter how cruddy it may make you feel. I suggest you ask yourself if it is truly personal. There is a good chance he is a jerk to everyone. If you find it is only you, or only women in your office, it is an example of harassment or bullying against a specific class and you really do need to take it to HR. If you are forced to keep an employee who is creating a hostile work environment, you could actually sue the organization.

Obviously you don’t want it to come to that—so start again with your observations. Then ask: “Is there something I am doing that is causing you to treat me with such contempt?” He may claim that he isn’t doing it; he may claim to be unaware of it; or he may actually be unaware of it. You can continue to practice curiosity: “Clearly we don’t agree. Let’s see what our different perspectives have to teach us about this. Can you explain in more detail how you are seeing this?”

Ultimately, if he continues to be rude and hostile, it is your right to set a boundary. But that means you have to give him specific direction on how he needs to address you. You may want to create a list of never and always statements. For example (I am making these up based on my own experience):

• Never: smirk at me, mimic my voice, swear under your breath, or roll your eyes when I speak in meetings.
• Always: keep to commitments you have made, be civil toward me, and tell me when I do or say something you disagree with.

In the future, you will know to start with tight supervision with new people, point out errors or inappropriate behavior the first time you see it, and then, as the new person settles in, you can loosen up. It is almost impossible to go the other direction.

It can be hard to stand up for yourself, but no one can do it for you. There is a good chance your employee is just waiting for you to draw the line and will continue to push to see just how much nonsense you are willing to put up with. Once you call him out on his bad behavior he may straighten up.

This won’t be your last problem employee. Get ready for many more to come. It gets easier. Not much easier, because you will always expect people to do their best and strive to get along with others, in other words, to be like you. Don’t let it make you bitter or cynical that many people aren’t at all like you. But do get comfortable with drawing the line.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is the co-founder of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 16,000 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a large team of creative professionals in a US-based advertising firm. My company went to an unlimited PTO plan 18 months ago. Covid-19 weirdness aside, I am finding that my people are not taking time off and seem burnt out. I am confused by this.

I talk to each of my direct reports on a regular basis about how critical it is for them to take time when they are not on the hook for work. Back when PTO was a liability for the company, we would force people to take at least two days around normal holidays to reduce the load. Now when I encourage my people to take time, they make excuses like “it’s so hard to come back from time off,” and “project overload.”

I tried to get all team members to commit to taking time this summer and submit dates so I can manage workload and project flows, but no one is committing. Some say they aren’t comfortable traveling, but still.

Last year, I tried to institute the second Monday of every month as a mental health day with no meetings so that people could use the time to clean up email and task lists, organize, or take a slow morning. Although my group was enthusiastic, no one ended up doing it.

The research shows that people who take time away from work are more creative and productive. I can’t force people, obviously, but I really believe in vacation and downtime. How can I encourage people to take better care of themselves?

All Work

Dear All Work,

I am so accustomed to letters about how to get people to work harder that this is a breath of fresh air! There is a lot of interesting research about the unlimited PTO experiment now that it has been around for about ten years. Here is an article I found that might be helpful to you.

Your concern about your people does you credit, but you must let them be adults and figure this out for themselves. As a manager, the only way you can make proper energy management an issue is if you can objectively call out that an individual’s performance is suffering. In this case, you can request that the person take a couple of days or even a week—but even then, it will be up to them to get their performance back to standard in the best way they see fit.

The other big influencer on this situation is whether you are role modeling the behavior you are seeking. Are you taking time off? And I mean really taking it? Or do you answer emails and take phone calls when you are supposed to be off? My favorite is the email that comes in that says “I know you are on vacation, but I was hoping you might ….” If you actually respond to those, you are literally training your people that there is no such thing as real vacation. You are also sending the message that you don’t trust people to make decisions or to operate without your supervision for a week.

I am not saying it is easy to take time off—of course, the more committed and invested you are, the more challenging it is. Take it from the woman who goes to Mongolia, where cell phones don’t work, to unplug—I know. But I agree with you that getting away is important, so I have made a big effort to make myself do it. You send a strong message about what you expect from your team by setting the example.

Some other ideas might be:

• Talk to other managers in your company. What are they doing? How are they handling the unlimited PTO thing? Counterintuitively, it does seem that the biggest problem with unlimited PTO is that people take less time off because they are worried about peer competition and perception. Possibly there needs to be a cultural message from senior leadership that people are expected to take a certain amount of time.
• Guidelines from HR? Have you received any? Maybe they were sent out and you missed them? There may be some help there.
• Make sure your people know they won’t be punished for taking time off.
• Conversely, don’t reward the martyrs who make a big, heroic show of long work hours. That would send the wrong message. I don’t mean there won’t be the occasional big push for the odd, unusual project. Constant heroics in this area means the team member either is not equipped to do the job or they have too much work. It was all fine and well to boast about all-nighters in college, but that just is not reasonable in real life.
• The two things most employees (especially parents) really want are flexibility and autonomy. They want to know that as long as they get their work done on deadline at quality, they can do what they need to do to take care of themselves and the logistics of life. I recently heard about a manager who requires her people to put on their Out of Office notice when they take a bathroom break and post on their IM exactly what they are working on at any given moment. Who wants to have someone breathing down their necks like that? Not me!
• Is performance suffering? If your people are crushing it in terms of creativity and they seem happy, maybe this isn’t even a problem; it’s just you looking for problems to solve that don’t need solving.
• Do some research on sabbaticals. You may be passionate enough about this topic that you want to propose a sabbatical program for your organization. We provide coaching for individuals who participate in a highly structured but way out of normal work paid sabbatical for a global software company. Each individual who participates reports that it is an exceptionally fun and impactful experience. Many companies provide paid time for sabbaticals. It seems to be a very effective way for employees to refresh and renew.

You are right to care about the personal sustainability of your people—but, ultimately, it isn’t your responsibility. You can only create the safest and most inspiring environment for your people. The rest is going to be up to them.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is the co-founder of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 16,000 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

Dear Madeleine,

It has recently become apparent that one of my newer direct reports is lying. In one instance, he told me a presentation was proofed and ready to go and I found out it wasn’t when I went into the document on our shared drive to make a change. In another instance, I learned from a colleague that he had claimed to her team that we were further along with a deliverable than we actually were. And there have been other, less impactful, little red flags.

The crazy thing is that the lies are so easy to uncover—especially the shared drive documents where anyone can see the last time he was in the document. When I confronted him, he claimed he had completed the deck but the changes weren’t saved. We are a technology company so claiming technical failure can work when a whole system crashes, but this is just bald-faced lying—on top of unforgivable technical ignorance. It is one thing to be caught and apologize, which is what I would expect, but now it is adding insult to injury.

I am very clear about my expectations when new people join my team, but it never occurred to me to tell people they are not allowed to lie. I am so mad that I’m having a hard time thinking straight about this. I don’t know what to do. What do you think?

Liar Liar

Dear Liar Liar,

My first thought is no. Nope. No, no, no, no. Zero tolerance for lying. Then I thought about it some more, and guess what? Still no.

It is true—you wouldn’t think you’d need to tell people they can’t lie. But then something like this happens and you realize that what is obvious to you just is not obvious to everyone. It is fair to say that all implicit expectations need to be made explicit. That way, when someone does something you simply don’t anticipate, you have your explicit expectations to fall back on. Black and white. No grey area, no confusion, no discussion.

Potential expectations and grounds for dismissal might be:

1. No lying
2. No cheating
3. No stealing
4. No drinking on the job
5. No showing up to work in a bikini top
6. No showing up to in-person client presentations in bare feet
7. Do not bring your dog to a client meeting
8. No smoking in the restrooms

Numbers 5-8 are examples of expectations I wouldn’t have thought I needed to set. I’m not that creative. Just when I think I can no longer be surprised by human beings, I am surprised!

Now, there are the little fibs that many people tell to boost their egos, hide a minor infraction, or just entertain themselves. The thing is, if it doesn’t interfere with work or create static in the system, you probably don’t even notice it. But that’s not what we’re talking about here.

You sound like a sensible person. You must have hired this man for a reason—presumably, you thought he was going to bring something worthwhile to the table. You may be considering the high cost of hiring, onboarding, and training someone new. In case you’re motivated to try to salvage this employee, and if you think this could help, you might share our extraordinary Trust Model with him. This model does what all truly brilliant models do: it clarifies and simplifies a deeply layered and complex issue. You might even share this step by step guide to rebuilding trust with him. It can be helpful for people who need to break lifelong trust-busting habits.

Or you may just be fed up enough to not want to take the time. It’s up to you.

Before you go firing anyone, though, I suggest you get HR involved and start documenting. Call out the behavior every time you see it and make a note of exactly what happens. Work with your HR person to decide in advance how many (more) chances you will give Pants on Fire. People lie for all kinds of complicated reasons, many of which would evoke your compassion. So you don’t have to be mean about it, but you must refuse to tolerate it.

Prior to his final chance, you can literally say “lying will not be tolerated.” If you feel like you just don’t have the heart, I can recommend the work of Dr. Henry Cloud, an authority on setting boundaries. His book to check out is Boundaries for Leaders.

Don’t get mad. That just hurts you. Stay calm, point out the lies, and your liar will either clean up his act or lie his way out of a job.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is the co-founder of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 16,000 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

Dear Madeleine,

I am the GM for a small brewery that has been shut down during the COVID-19 crisis as non-essential. However, the owner believes it is still worthwhile to stay open to serve take-out customers, which is allowed according to the shutdown rules. Because I am the GM, I have been designated as the lone onsite worker. I am happy to still have some work instead of going to zero revenue, but I am worried that I might contract the virus or bring it home to my roommates.

I thought staying open for takeout was a good idea until a few days ago, when the lockdown took effect in our area. The takeout business has now trickled to almost nil. I have tried to reason with my boss, but he insists that I need to show up for work and serve the few customers that are still coming in.

Before, I felt the risk I was taking was worth it to keep the business afloat. But now with sales slowed to a standstill, it just seems stupid to me.

Because I have asthma, my anxiety is ratcheting up as each day goes by. Can I be fired if I don’t want to work during this time? I would much rather stay safe at home and collect unemployment.

Agitated

Dear Agitated,

I can empathize with your anxiety. I recently watched a video on how to safely grocery shop and get your groceries home and stored properly. I have been doing it all wrong! We all need to seriously up our game to stay safe right now, and even then there are no guarantees.

I really can’t give you legal advice, as I am sure you are aware. All states have different regulations around the meaning of “lockdown” and “essential business.” You can probably get the detail you need on your state’s protections for employees online. To stay on top of California’s updates, I have been using the New York Times website that tracks all states. I poked around to find a real answer to your question and didn’t find much—probably because the situation you are in, although common right now, is still a fresh one. Here is one article that directly addresses the issue of how “essential” is defined—loosely—and what employees can do if they are forced to work under what they feel are unsafe conditions.

The most important thing right now is your assurance that it is safe for you to continue working. I assume the owners are providing you with everything you need to protect yourself—if not, I say you should leave right now.

Let’s say you do have all the protections you need. After educating yourself on all the precautions necessary, do you still believe you are taking a risk? My sense is that your answer is probably yes. If that is the case, you need to go back to your bosses and move past trying to talk reason to saying you are not signed up for this job. If the owners are so hell-bent on staying open, it is up to them to serve the odd customer who needs a growler filled. If that gets you fired, well, fine—then you can get unemployment. When this dark time is behind us, you can go get a new job in a company that makes the safety of their employees a priority.

If on the other hand you carefully review your situation and think, “Okay, this is safe enough, I can do this,” then why not? In another week or two, you will probably appreciate being able to get out of your house.

We have to balance our fear with common sense. I know it is hard to do. I keep convincing myself I am sick because I am short of breath, only to realize that it is because I am holding my breath. That isn’t helpful.

So move slowly, take all precautions, breathe, and stay fully present to each moment. You will know the right thing to do.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Organizations are quickly releasing policy statements as part of their contingency response to the coronavirus outbreak around the world. In addition to having well thought out strategies, it’s important for senior leaders to be prepared for questions that will inevitably arise as soon as these policy statements are released.

When leaders are not prepared to adequately address concerns about necessary change, they may inadvertently increase people’s fear, stress, anxiety, and time spent off task. This leads to confusion, frustration, mistakes, and distrust and can result in decreased creativity, engagement, productivity, and ownership.

Fortunately, these questions typically fall into a pattern that senior executives can plan for. Research by The Ken Blanchard Companies has found that people go through five predictable and sequential stages of concerns.

Information Concerns. This is the first response people have when confronted with something new. People want to know what the change is, why it is important, and what success looks like. People with Information Concerns do not want to be sold on the proposed change; they want to be told about it. They need to understand what is being proposed before they can decide whether the change is good or bad.

Personal Concerns. The next response is personal—how will the change impact me personally, how will I learn to work in new ways, will I have the time and who can help me. People with personal concerns want to know how the change will play out for them and they want to be reassured they can successfully make the change. This is the most often ignored stage of concern and the stage where people get stalled most often.

Implementation Concerns. At this stage, concerns will focus on how the change will be accomplished. People want to know that challenges, obstacles, and barriers will be surfaced and addressed, and that they will have the time, support, and resources they need to successfully implement the change.

Impact Concerns. At this stage, the change has “gone live” and people want to know if the change is working for me, my team, the organization, and our customers. Is it worth my effort? People are focused on results and getting others on board with the change. At this stage, people sell themselves and others on the value of the change.

Refinement Concerns. At this stage, people want to know that a tipping point has been reached and that most people are on board and succeeding with the change. They also want to be assured that continuous refinement of the change is valued and they are trusted to lead the change going forward.

When change leaders effectively frame the change, discuss what is and what could be, collaboratively plan the change, strengthen the change by fixing implementation issues and sharing impact, and then entrust day-to-day change leadership to others, they:

• Surface challenges sooner
• Achieve better results, faster
• Build change leadership capability that can be used again in the future

These are important goals right now, as we manage the immediate impact of the coronavirus in our personal and professional lives. It’s also a great roadmap for future change after we get through this health crisis together.

About the Author

Judd Hoekstra is an expert in the field of change management, leadership, and human performance with The Ken Blanchard Companies. Judd is a coauthor of the bestselling books Leading at a Higher Level and Who Killed Change? Judd is also the co-creator of Blanchard’s Leading People Through Change solution.

Dear Madeleine,

I have been working for the internet arm of a retail company for almost twenty years. When I started, we were truly innovating with the speed and fierceness of a startup. I was given carte blanche because the internet business was growing more quickly than that of the actual stores. The website has really always been my baby—with my vision, my art direction, and my ideas about functionality. About a year ago, the person who had been my boss during my time here left, and a new head of retail marketing was hired. I’ll call her IG.

IG is making my life hell. She paid a branding company a ton of money to do a re-brand for us and the work is just terrible. She did not involve me in any of the decisions and is now presenting me with a whole new branding direction that I know will not work for our online buyers. She pays no attention to my opinions or even my data. She calls me at all hours and sends me nasty texts when I don’t pick up. When we do talk, all she does is berate me for anything new we are doing on the website. She questions every little thing, even though I am executing the plan she signed off on prior to the big re-brand, which definitely isn’t ready for prime time.

For a while I thought she was merely mean, but now I am beginning to think she is just plain nuts. She is all over the place with her ideas and she changes every plan we make. I say black, she says white, and then when I agree that white is the way, she says purple. She criticizes me for something and then when I do it the way she wants, she doesn’t like that either. It almost feels like she is trying to keep everyone off balance so that nobody notices she has no idea what she is doing.

I love this company and I have a big stake in making sure it continues to be successful. At this point, though, I am so beaten down that I have lost my confidence and my motivation. I am thinking about bailing.

What do you think?

My New Boss is Nuts

Dear My New Boss is Nuts,

Don’t bail. Yet. Fight first. Then bail, if you have to.

This sounds so stressful. I am sorry this person has upset what sounds like a great job. You are going to have to stand up for yourself and do something about this. Normally, I would recommend a difficult conversation with your boss that included a request for change—but it doesn’t sound like your boss is someone who can be reasoned with. It’s possible she actually may be nuts—or she could be trying to make you quit so she can hire the person she wants in your job. Or, as you point out, maybe she is in over her head and is using the crazy behavior to cover it up. It is astonishing how long some people get away with that kind of thing. I have seen people use the strategy of sowing chaos many times, and you would be surprised how often it works.

Don’t let yourself get beaten down or become a victim of this situation. If you really care about the company, which you seem to, you owe it to yourself and others to at least try to fight back. Go over your new boss’s head to her boss, or go to HR. You have twenty years of stellar work behind you—if all of a sudden you’re unable to perform, I just can’t believe you wouldn’t be taken seriously.

To the best of your ability, document the instances in which your boss has behaved irrationally in the past and in which she behaves oddly in the future. Note all of the times you felt or feel bullied. Keep every single text, as they show the date and time of events. Write up the facts about any interaction that seems suspect to you, and time and date all notes that record the facts. You can get more information about how to document appropriately here. Remember that the more rational you sound and appear, the more unreasonable she will seem.

Keep your wits about you and document, document, document. You may even be able to sue for a hostile work environment—although lawsuits are the last resort because they drag on forever, they are expensive, and you could lose. But, if your boss’s boss and your HR representative are on notice that you could make a case, that gives you a little more power.

You can allow yourself to just fold. You really can. And I’m sure that option seems quite appealing right now. That’s the long-term effect that lack of safety and constant turmoil can have. But what will happen the next time someone tries to intimidate you? If you fight now, you will be ready for the next time, and maybe the next bully will know you are not an opponent to be messed with.

I know you didn’t ask for this. We rarely ask for the trials that test us and make us grow. But I think you will continue to feel beaten down and unmotivated if you let IG win. Fighting back will restore your sense of self and your confidence. And even if you lose, you will know you tried and you didn’t make things easy for her.

Can you tell I really hate bullies? I just hate them. I am not very objective about it, and I can’t claim to be, because I feel so strongly that we can’t let them win. So feel free to take my opinion with a grain of salt.

Good luck to you.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am a middle-aged accounting professional; I pride myself on working quickly and accurately. I was hoping this would be my last position and I could enjoy having a solid job that would take me to my retirement.

I am in a CPA firm with three partners who are pretty much hands-off. Recently the young (mid-30s) woman who was essentially the office manager has been promoted to supervisor. It appears that a little bit of power has driven her insane. She is overly controlling, totally OCD, and acts like she owns the place. She even gives direction to the partners—my coworkers and I have witnessed them rolling their eyes. Behind her back we call her Diva. We do have a would-be HR person, and when I went to discuss with her I learned she is clearly aware of what she called Diva’s “odd personality.”

On top of everything else, Diva talks constantly about how women in their 50s and 60s “lose it” and “act weird.” Our whole group is made up of women between the ages of 49 and 59. It is insulting.

The behaviors are escalating, and I am having a hard time biting my tongue. The stress is becoming unbearable and my husband is sick of hearing me complain.

Thoughts?

Biting My Tongue

Dear BMT,

I am sorry that your nice, comfortable situation is being upended by a personality. Ultimately, you are going to have to do something to manage your stress and take care of yourself. Your HR person is clearly not going to help, and if Diva is keeping everything running smoothly, the partners aren’t likely to do anything to rock the boat.

Here are some possible choices for you:

Look for another job. I know it is daunting to seek employment in your 50s. However, I know small firms are always looking for solid, reliable professionals, especially ones who aren’t going to be agitating for development, more money, or a career path. When you leave, you can certainly state that your reason for leaving is the cuckoo behavior of the supervisor. If the partners realize she is costing them good employees, they will probably pay attention—because attrition and the need to hire and train new employees is a very real cost.

Draw some boundaries. Identify the behaviors that are beyond the pale, practice what you will say next time she does them, and be ready to say something. You should practice with someone safe so you can keep a reasonably neutral tone. An example might be: “Please don’t say insulting things about middle aged women to me” or “Please wait until I finish this task to give your feedback, it is still a work in progress.”

Suck it up. Use this as a customized spiritual development program to develop more patience, generosity, and kindness. Put yourself in Diva’s shoes and consider what is driving the behavior. Visualize a white bubble around yourself that protects you from Diva’s annoying behavior and let things just roll off your protective bubble. At the very least, this will help you to manage your stress and will contribute to your sense of yourself as a person who strives to take the high road and be the best person you can possibly be.

Fight back. It is essentially illegal for managers to insult employees based on gender, sexuality, race or age, just to state a few (check the laws in your state). Your organization is actually at risk for being sued if it hasn’t trained its managers or if top management ignores complaints (which your HR person is doing). The ageist remarks could potentially constitute a hostile work environment, and you really could sue. Who wants a lawsuit? Well, not me, and not most people. But the threat might be of use to you. Record every instance of your supervisor saying nasty personal things. Documentation is essential and will be your leg to stand on.

I would suggest you check the marketplace and see if you can get another job that pays more and has nice people. Aim high! I’ll bet you can find one. Knowing it is possible for you to move will help you to be bold—to draw boundaries and lodge formal complaints. In the meantime, breathe deep, and remember that Diva’s behavior is about her and not you. Other people’s emotionally unstable behavior isn’t personal. Let it roll off your back.

Show Diva just how “weird” a middle-aged woman can be!

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I run a very lean team and one of my people is a hypochondriac. Every week there is a new reason he needs to go to the doctor. Any cold that comes through he gets, and it is worse for him than for anybody else. He gets the flu every year. It is always something with him—he is tired, he is on some new medication that makes him have brain fog—he always has a health excuse for why he is a little behind or doing a little less than the others. He uses all of his PTO for medical situations but there is never anything visibly wrong. He has never brought in a doctor’s note, although I have asked.

I am sick of it. I recently saw a team member roll her eyes in a meeting when he was looking the other way, so I know I am not alone. We are all bored with his excuses.

I feel bad and worry that I am being a judgmental jerk because I am hardy and rarely get sick. What if he really is sick all the time? What do you say?

Sick and Tired of Sick and Tired

Dear Sick and Tired,

I hear you. It is much harder to empathize with constant health challenges when you are gifted with glowing good health and strong stamina. You are only a jerk if you act on your opinions and are mean or cruel.

A rule of thumb you might consider is that you have to be able to trust your people and give them the benefit of the doubt—that is, until too much doubt creeps in. Then you have to talk about it. To talk about it, you must separate the two different issues: the constant health complaints are one thing, and the fact that he does not carry a full workload is another. One is simply irritating but the other is unacceptable. You have to address the unacceptable first, which is the classic hard conversation. State the facts as you see them and make a request for specific change.

Here is something I have tested with both myself and clients. It is a 7-step process for a conversation, taken from the book Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott. This approach is a good way to call out behaviors that aren’t working.

1. Name the issue; e.g., “You aren’t carrying the same workload as everyone else on the team, and the issue of fairness needs to be addressed.”
2. Select 2 or 3 specific examples of the behavior or situation you want to change.
3. Describe your emotion about this issue (e.g., you are frustrated and are having trouble planning and assigning work tasks because you don’t know what you can expect of him).
4. Clarify what is at stake—and be very clear about this. What is the problem exactly and what is the negative consequence of not addressing it?
5. Identify your contribution to the problem. Is it possible you have allowed the bad behavior to go on too long? Be honest.
6. Indicate your wish to resolve the issue, being specific about what resolved looks like to you. This is critical and will provide you both with a measure so that you will know if the fix is successful.
7. Invite your employee to respond.

The thing I like most about this process is that it forces you to prepare for a conversation about one problem, and one problem only. Once the workload issue is addressed, you can embark on the one about the health complaining, which is a different kind of conversation. In that case, you are sharing an observation and making him aware that he is creating a reputation. You can leave to him what he decides to do about it, which will be his choice.

I once worked with a young man who was a little bit negative about everything. I shared with him that everyone on the team called him Eeyore. I thought he would get upset and try to change the perception, but instead he laughed and said, “Oh that is so perfect, I am totally Eeyore.” Your employee has a whole narrative going and he can decide to change it or not. It may be completely fine with him that people are rolling their eyes at him. Once you have helped him gain awareness, unless you plan to make a request for a change, your job is done.

Finally, there is an opportunity here for you to practice compassion. Next time you do feel under the weather, you might ask yourself what it would be like to feel that terrible all the time. Some people really do struggle with terrible health and you have to give them credit for carrying on under difficult circumstances.

And—the work needs to get done, so you are going to have to do whatever is needed to help him get the work done or change his schedule and workload to reflect what he can manage. To do that, you will probably have to HR involved, and a diagnosis and a doctor’s note, which nobody wants, but getting clarity will be key. Otherwise, resentment will build among the team and you will have a real problem on your hands.

Get clear. Deal with the work situation and raise awareness about the complaining. Continue to notice your own judgment and practice putting yourself in his shoes. Be persistent in getting clarity and kind all along the way.

I hope your own health continues to be excellent!

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

My boss is amazing. She has been a mentor for me and I admire her and learn from her every day. She has freakish stamina, is extremely bright and creative, and has a ton of experience and a huge grasp of strategy, management, and execution. There is nothing I wouldn’t feel comfortable asking her.

She is also nuts.

She wasn’t always nuts. But about eighteen months ago, she started having hot flashes in meetings and using a little iPhone-powered fan. I have also been witness to memory lapses and occasional irrational behavior. One minute she is totally normal and the next thing I know she is contradicting something she said the day before, not making sense, and seeming just plain nuts. A few days ago when I pointed out to her that she was telling me to do the opposite of what we had agreed on, she blew up at me.

I mentioned this to my mom and she said, “Oh yeah, the wild hormone shifts in menopause can make women go crazy.”

So I’m pretty sure my amazing boss is in the throes of menopause. I am hoping you can help me figure out how to deal with her when she goes off the rails. She doesn’t seem to be aware of how unreasonable she can be. Help!

My Boss is Having Hot Flashes

Dear My Boss is Having Hot Flashes,

Ah, my favorite thing: amateur family member diagnosis! And such a politically incorrect diagnosis it is! Your boss may indeed be suffering from hot flashes, mood swings, memory loss, brain fog, and insomnia—all of which are, indeed, classic symptoms of peri-menopause and menopause. Who wouldn’t be cranky? I am probably around the same age as your mom, so I happen to know all about this topic.

But really, so what? I guess it would be easier to deal with if you thought this was a finite situation that would eventually go away on its own. But the fact is, your boss’s behavior could be caused by any number of conditions or situations that are really none of your business. She might have something terrible going on at home, or she might be dealing with a serious health issue. You just don’t know, and you can’t assume.

So the question is this: how do you cope when someone who is normally a paragon of sanity behaves irrationally?

Strike when the iron is cold. One terrific book that really helped my husband and me when we were raising teenagers is Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!. The author advised readers to “strike when the iron is cold.” This means that you shouldn’t try to engage in the heat of the moment, which I think applies when anyone is acting crazy. In the moments your boss is behaving oddly, just stay calm and breathe. Don’t react or try to reason with her when she is hot under the collar. But pay attention to errors or inconsistencies—even take notes if you need to, so that when the time comes for you to talk about it, you can be super clear.

Have that hard conversation. It sounds like you have a great relationship with your boss, so in a calm moment, ask for some time and permission to share some observations. Be neutral and non-judgmental, but outline as objectively as possible what you have seen. Include the effect her behavior has on you—that it has made you confused and worried. She will probably be appalled and embarrassed. She must know her behavior has been erratic. It is really hard to watch yourself from the ceiling acting like a lunatic—unfortunately, I know this from experience. So hopefully, acknowledging it will help her. But if she shuts down the conversation and refuses to discuss it? Well, at least you tried.

Take notes and send them out. No matter what she does, try to maintain clarity about your job. One way to keep things really clear—and avoid he-said-she-said arguments about what was decided—is to take notes in every meeting, including a list of agreements, and send them to all meeting attendees. That way, you have a record and it isn’t just your memory vs. someone else’s. This is a good discipline to develop anyway, and will serve you well for your entire professional career.

Document the behavior in question. It’s possible that things may not improve and you eventually will have to go to HR. If this happens, you will need a record of incidents with dates and clear accounts of what happened. Even if you never need this record, it might help you find patterns or clues that will enable you to cope more effectively. I did this once with an employee and it helped me realize that Mondays were not good days to try to have planning conversations with her. I never could put my finger on why, but I just steered clear of anything taxing on Mondays. Apart from that quirk, she was a stellar employee.

For the love of Pete, don’t crack any jokes about menopause. We middle-aged women are not amused by being the source of others’ entertainment.
Given the high regard in which you hold your boss, I would say you can probably find it in your heart to cut her some slack while also taking care of yourself. Be kind, be patient, and keep your sense of humor.

If your diagnosis is correct, this too shall pass.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am a regional VP for a global services company. I get excellent performance reviews, have been promoted regularly, and have had some employees tell me I’m the best boss they’ve ever had. I am ambitious and on track to be a senior leader in the company.

Five directors report to me. Our organization has been growing fast and they all need to get up to speed more quickly than they have been doing, so we are all working long days and the work is intense.

My problem is one of my guys I will call M. His mother’s health started failing about nine months ago and he asked for a transfer so her could be closer to her. He is an only child and is all his mother has. I pulled a lot of strings, moved a lot of puzzle pieces, and made it happen for him.

This would all be fine and well—but now, six months later, M is in way over his head. He can’t possibly do what is necessary to both do his job and take care of his mother. He is making mistakes because he is so stressed. I’ve been covering for him and asking his peers to pick up the slack, but I’m getting exhausted. I just can’t keep up with the work. The rest of the team feels the same way.

I worry that M won’t be able to get by financially if I ask him to take a leave of absence (our company doesn’t have paid long-term family leave). I don’t know what to do. I’m going to feel like a terrible person if I force him to take leave, but I can’t go on this way. Help.

Man Down

Dear Man Down,

I’m late with my column this week because I’ve thought about this, dreamed about it, and talked to five people about it. This is heartbreaking, and I’m so sorry you are under so much pressure.

I can’t help but wonder where your boss and your HR business partner are in all of this. It appears that you are expected to deal with this all by yourself, which doesn’t seem fair. So, first things first: you need to get some other folks involved here, because something’s gotta give. I would very surprised if your HR person doesn’t have some options they can share with you. This kind of situation is a constant in HR. Ask for help, right this minute. This is an emergency.

Next, let’s take a look at how you got here. Sounds like you are over-functioning for everyone around you. I suspect you’ve done this before and, in fact, have a long track record of doing it. Over-functioning works very well—especially for the people you are doing it for—until it starts to hurt you. What would happen if you just stopped? Well, I can tell you: you’d get a very clear picture of reality.

At least you are clear on the fact that this situation is unsustainable. (May I repeat your own words back to you? “I can’t go on this way.” You’re right; you can’t.) Get help. Get a temp. Hire some backup. Call in the cavalry. Yes, it will cost a little extra—too bad. You’ll never be a senior leader if you don’t take the opportunity to learn this lesson now. And you can never let things devolve like this again.

Let’s talk about M now. Was he an amazing performer before this situation? If so, then you need to do everything possible to keep him through this terrible time. Jim Collins, a researcher on what makes great companies and great leaders, talks about getting the right people on the bus. You can’t get where you want to go by doing everything yourself; you can only do it with the right people in the right roles. If M was a perfect fit and a star performer before this situation, get him some help. Be creative—lobby for extra budget with your boss. If he wasn’t that great a fit, maybe you can find him another role he might be better suited for in the organization that he can do part time.

Is that the meanest thing you have ever heard? It might be. It feels like kicking someone when they are down. But seriously, he must be feeling the pressure of not being able to properly do his job and of watching you and the rest of the team suffer. You aren’t doing him any favors letting things go on this way. The stress is not going to go away. You are ducking the hard decisions and the even harder conversation, Man Down, and it is time for you to step up.

When you try to solve everyone’s problems for them, you create new ones. Stop being a hero and face reality head on before the rest of team starts hating you and you start having panic attacks. You are the leader here, and you are responsible for finding a way to make the situation manageable and sustainable for as many people as possible—including yourself.

Being a leader is really hard. That is so harsh, I am so sorry. But it is the truth.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I work in a very matrixed organization. My actual boss works remotely and I seldom interact with him one-on-one, but we have a team lead on every project.

In my work group, we all work on different projects as they come in. One of my peers in another group is causing real problems for me. He never keeps his agreements and tends to hold up every project he is involved with. I’ll call him B.

He agrees to his role and then makes excuses, but no one in charge seems to know or care. It isn’t my job to give B feedback—and I wouldn’t know what to say—but it’s getting to the point that everyone in my group tries to avoid working with whatever group he is in.

I was just invited to be on a really fun and interesting project that I said yes to, but I heard B will be on it. I have a good relationship with that team lead, and I’m thinking of giving him the heads up about the chaos B causes.

What do you think? I hate to tattle, but I also hate knowing what’s going to happen and doing nothing.

Tattler

Dear Tattler,

This sounds like mayhem. The only way the matrix can work is if there is some solid oversight and everyone can be trusted to pull their weight. The fact that you are having this conundrum is an indication of poor leadership—because sometimes if everyone is a leader, no one actually has to step up and take responsibility. There’s a lot to be gained in terms of nimbleness and creativity with matrix organizing principles, but this is a classic example of one the potential downsides.

I understand this doesn’t really help you.

This might: Think about your basic values. What you are reacting to is the general unfairness of the situations caused by B. Unfairness essentially reduces all of us to four-year-olds. It literally affects brain function. It is important to be aware of this so that you don’t do something that is not aligned with your values and that you may regret. You may think that reporting someone’s past bad behaviors to an authority is the right thing to do, but your choice of label for yourself – “tattler”—indicates that you would judge yourself poorly. Frankly, you seem to be judging yourself for even thinking about it.

I sense some real doubts there, which leads me to say: don’t do it. I’m not sure what you would have to gain, but you definitely would have the respect of the team lead to lose. Because, as you well know, nobody likes a tattle tale.

Here’s what you can do. As the assignments are being divvied up, ask the group what the consequences are for slipping on deadlines. Agree as a group how you will behave. Keep your own commitments and acknowledge when others keep theirs. The first time B shows up with an excuse, call out that his lateness is going to slow everyone down and refer back to original agreements of the group. If the group doesn’t step up, then you can talk to the team lead and mention it isn’t the first time you have seen this behavior from B. You don’t have to be mean about it, just truthful and factual. Then it is the team lead’s problem.

Also, I would recommend that you make it a priority to develop a relationship with your actual boss. He is probably so busy that he figures no news is good news and that if you needed him, he’d hear about it. But you don’t want to be in touch only when there is a problem.

In my world view, it is your boss’s job to know his people and make sure they have what they need to succeed—but since that isn’t happening, you need to step up and be on his radar. Get on his calendar and be prepared with a list of all your projects so that he knows who you are and what you’re up to. To the extent possible, research his goals and priorities and ways you might be able to help him. Maybe then, when you really need his influence, he’ll have your back.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I’ve been a manager for over twenty years and I am facing a situation I just can’t handle. I have an employee—my hire—who has always been great, done great work, learned fast, had a positive attitude, and worked well with everyone. A cheery ray of sunshine on the team.

About six months ago, she started missing meetings with no explanation, calling in sick, and turning in work with errors. This coincided with her getting married. She got back from her honeymoon and just started melting down.

I have given her feedback on her work and have taken her to task for missing deadlines and meetings. When I do this, she just starts to cry. We have had several one on ones where I’ve asked her how she is doing. She is not willing or able to tell me what the heck is going on.

This situation is dragging down the whole team. Speculation about what is going on—including that her new husband is abusive—has become a full-time sport around here. Everyone is worried about her and looking at me to somehow come to her rescue. Please don’t tell me to go to HR—we are a small business and we don’t really have HR; it’s just me.

I’m going to have to let her go if she doesn’t turn things around. What should I do?

Worried

Dear Worried,

You sound kind. It is awful to watch people slide into the pit of despair. But here’s the thing: you can’t save people. And you really can’t save people who don’t want to be saved.

What you can do is continue to give feedback, be kind, and tell the truth. At this point, though, the truth might be something like “you will need to get it together or I will have to let you go. I am here to help you in any way I can, but I can’t help you if you don’t ask for help.”

That’s about it, Worried. It stinks. I know you hate it. I hate it, too. But I have made almost every mistake that can be made trying to save people, so I know this is true.

I’m sorry.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I work in a professional services firm and we have an open-space concept. Almost everyone is on the phone all day or reading complicated documents.

We have one assistant who supports a whole bunch of the senior people, and she sits right near me. She is an idiot, and loud to boot. Every day she has a new theme, and she works that theme all day – Rainy Days and Mondays, happy hump day, hot enough for ya? Every person who walks by her desk, every single phone call. Clichés on repeat all day long.

I am at the end of my rope, it has gotten under my skin to the point that I can’t even trust myself not to say something rude or even mean to her. She is a scourge to everyone in the office. I have talked about it with my boss, who incidentally has an office with a door. But what would anyone say to her? I use noise cancelling headphones with loud music as much as a I can but when I am on long conference calls, that doesn’t work.

I dream of blessed silence and being able to just sit and do my work without fantasizing about slapping her. Help.

Annoyed

____________________________________________________________________________

Dear Annoyed,

Get over it. The only thing you can do right now is change your attitude about this. Play a game with yourself about what the cliché will be today. Count how many times she says it and start a betting pool. Remind yourself that all the annoying things she does are simply mechanisms to get herself through the day and she is probably dealing with stresses you don’t know about. Take the woman to lunch, get to know the woman and find something that will make you love her.

Re-frame this situation and take a deep breath and decide to let it roll off your back and smile and be kind.

Absolutely do get creative and try to find a quiet place to do focused work if you can. I worked with one manager who used to take his laptop into the emergency stairwell when he needed some quiet time.

This woman has been sent by the universe to test you. You are failing the test. I have failed this test, I kid you not, I left a yoga class I loved once because of the ridiculous breathing shenanigans of the woman on the mat next to me. Who was the one with the problem? She had a great class, so, it wasn’t her.

Let it go. Focus on what is important and you will be surprised by how the sound fades into the background.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

10 industry experts have identified some of the key trends that will be influencing strategies—read on to see how they might impact your organization’s planned initiatives.

Each trend includes a link to its full original article—be sure to click for the full story. And don’t miss the opportunity to join us for a free Trends Webinar—details after trend #10!

The coexistence of workers and Artificial Intelligence (AI)

A recent Gartner survey found that 59 percent of organizations are in the research stage of building out their AI plans while the rest are either piloting or adopting AI solutions.

The global workforce may have a reasonable fear that the introduction of AI will eliminate jobs from the economy. Nevertheless, next generation workers will eventually have to work side by side with these technologies in order to become more productive and free up time to do emotional labor, says Dan Schawbel, New York Times bestselling author and partner/research director at Future Workplace.

“There are many conflicting reports about robots having a net positive, neutral, or negative effect on the labor market. The one certainty is that the workforce is getting incrementally used to both using and communicating with robots in and out of the workplace, whether they realize it or not.

“We use voice technology outside the workplace, such as Alexa and Siri, so we are more likely to desire the same technology in the workplace,” says Schawbel. “Companies are starting to implement AI in order to add to the human experience.”

Source: The Top 10 Workplace Trends For 2019

Using mindfulness to relieve stressed workers

A shocking 94 percent of workers are stressed out at work, with 33 percent reporting that their level of stress is “high to unsustainably high,” which impacts their health and productivity. Schawbel notes that, in the same study, more than 50 percent of employees say work stress impacts their home life at least once each week. In response to these accounts of high stress and anxiety, which can lead to burnout and high turnover, companies are investing in mindfulness programs for their people.

“Mindfulness and meditation is set to become a $2.08 billion industry by 2022, with an annual growth rate of 11.4 percent,” says Schawbel. “McKinsey, Nike, Google, P&G, Intel, Adobe, Apple, and General Mills have already implemented programs for employees.” Schawbel cites a seven-week employee mindfulness and meditation program hosted by General Mills. Results of their post-program survey show 83 percent of participants taking time every day to optimize their productivity, 80 percent of senior executives improving their decision making process, and 89 percent becoming better listeners. According to Schawbel, there is clear demand for mindfulness solutions and apps such as Insight Timer, Headspace, and Calm, many of which have already amassed millions of users.

Source: The Top 10 Workplace Trends For 2019  

Making better use of existing employees

In their 2019 Human Capital Management Trends report, authors Ben Eubanks and Trish McFarlane point to how large organizations such as GE, IBM, DXC, and Dutch Royal Shell are beginning to focus on elements of jobs, such as specific skills, instead of looking at jobs as whole chunks. These companies examine the granular skill sets of the workforce to improve their understanding of how best to place people into available roles.

“In tight labor markets, employers must find ways to keep their people engaged. Development consistently shows up as one of the top items for driving employee engagement and retention,” says Eubanks. He adds that as new technology solutions have entered the market to help employers better utilize existing employees, more companies are balancing outsourcing with insourcing by using available internal talent to do project-based work.

“We are now seeing technologies with the ability to connect employees and skills in a way they have never been connected before,” adds McFarlane. “Watch for companies like ProFinda in this area. They are one example of how technology can map a new hire’s skills, expertise, and knowledge and follow those as the employee progresses and is looking for challenging opportunities internally.”

Source: 2019 HCM Trends Report

Providing skill gap training as a part of recruiting efforts

In the same report, researcher George LaRocque identifies several initiatives where learning content and capabilities are being offered externally, particularly for entry-level and more junior-level positions, to candidates who identify themselves with interest in a career path but lack core skills to qualify for a job.

According to LaRocque, by providing access to learning content incrementally, employers are not just investing in the training of a new candidate and the development of a candidate pool, they are also getting a glimpse of candidates’ individual levels of commitment. Some may be worthy of consideration for internships, apprenticeships, or employment in areas that offer a ladder to their desired career path. “This investment by employers and staffing solution providers [in] the general talent pool is an incredible opportunity to positively impact both the employer’s brand and the candidate experience.”

Source: 2019 HCM Trends Report

Company culture steps into the recruiting spotlight

More companies will focus on making sure they attract, hire, and retain people who really understand their business. Matthew Hamilton, people partner at Neueda, says, “One of the best ways to do this is by getting your company values and ethos into the public domain. This allows applicants to either select or deselect themselves by getting a better idea of what it is you do and, more importantly, how you do it.

“Not every applicant is going to be thrilled by lots of teamwork and collaboration, for example, so if your organization promotes a high degree of this style of working, make sure that message gets across.” Hamilton says self-aware candidates, especially, will think carefully about their organizational fit before applying.

Source: Three HR trends to watch for in 2019

Developing RQ (Robotics Quotient)

Robotics quotient (RQ) will be a core learning and measurement fundamental for people working alongside digital workers and artificial intelligence, says Priya Sunil, journalist at Human Resources Online.

Sunil shares Forrester research that 2019 will be the year where transformation in the business world will go pragmatic to address the scarcity of available talent in the area of harnessing the power of robots.

Source: Pragmatic transformation for 2019: 3 trends for HR to watch

More aggressive recruiting using marketing tactics

“You don’t pick talent anymore,” says Kristina Martic in a recent article for TalentLyft. “Talent picks you.” This change of paradigm brings a whole new set of challenges and recruiting trends.

The current job market is 90 percent candidate driven. Research by LinkedIn states that more than 75 percent of job seekers now investigate a company’s reputation and brand as an employer before applying. Companies with poor reputations struggle to not only attract candidates but also retain employees.

Martic says to look for companies to begin “recruitment marketing”—the process of nurturing and attracting talented individuals using marketing methods and tactics. “Your goal in inbound recruiting is to attract, convert, and engage candidates.”

Source: 15 New Recruiting Trends You Should Implement in 2019

Equal pay and unconscious bias

According to Terry Salo, senior HR consultant at strategicHRinc.com, the issue of equal pay and unconscious bias will continue to impact the workplace in 2019—and will require HR professionals and business leaders to stay ahead of the curve.

A recent Harvard Global Online Research study that included more than 200,000 participants reports that 76 percent of people—both men and women—are gender biased and tend to think of men as better suited for careers and women as better suited for homemakers.

Gender bias—and numerous other unconscious biases—spill over into the workplace every day. Look for more companies to implement employee training programs to show how bias can affect the success of employees as well as organizations.

Source: Emerging Trends in HR for 2019        

Predictive analytics and virtual reality

“The percentage of companies using predictive analytics and advanced reporting has nearly doubled since 2014,” says Adam Rogers, CTO of Ultimate Software. “I expect to see predictive functionalities in future recruiting and learning platforms. I’m also excited about analytical benchmarking, where organizations can compare themselves to their peers and competitors in terms of L&D spending, recruiting, organizational design, and other talent measures.”

Virtual reality is the next frontier of employee training, adds Rogers. “Think about flight simulators. It’s far too dangerous and expensive to risk training pilots in real airplanes, so they train repeatedly in these digital simulations, honing their muscle memory and ingrained reactions.

“This is essentially what VR can bring to everyday corporate training. These simulations may not be necessary for every role, but many organizations will benefit from the opportunity to teach employees how to handle crucial, hard-to-replicate scenarios such as managing unruly Black Friday crowds or containing and disposing of hazardous substances.”

Source: What HR tech trends will we be discussing in summer 2019?

Refinements to digital and mobile learning

Employees today are used to YouTube and Netflix algorithms that provide content based on their consumer behavior and viewing patterns. If you want to engage them on their level you need to start doing the same, say researchers at Knowledge City Learning Solutions.

To do this, you can either provide training materials on platforms like YouTube that already use these algorithms or build similar ones into your current digital training materials to customize learner experiences based on levels of engagement.

Source: Six Learning and Development Trends You Need for 2019.

Industry expert Josh Bersin expands on this topic. “Remember, corporate learning is very different from music and TV. We don’t watch learning to be entertained; we watch it to really learn something. We don’t want people to [become] addicted to the learning platform—we want them to learn something, apply it, and then go back to work.

“What we ultimately want to do is embed learning into the platform in which [people] work, so the systems can coach and train [them] to be better on the job.”

Bersin believes that by providing the principles of spaced learning, designed repetition, practice, and competency-driven recommendations, tools like Salesforce, Slack, and even Outlook can deliver conversational interfaces right into employees’ work environment.

Source: A New Paradigm For Corporate Training

Looking ahead—share and learn!

2019 looks to be an exciting year with technology advances, a tight labor market, and an increased need for skill development-shaping plans and strategies. What about you?  What are your plans for 2019?  Please share them by taking the 2019 HR/L&D Trend Survey. It’s a short, three-minute survey—and all participants will receive a copy of the results when they are published on December 13 as a part of the webinar below.

2019 Leadership, Learning, and Talent Development Trends

Thursday, December 13, 2018, at 9:00 a.m. Pacific Time

In this free webinar, Blanchard program director David Witt will share the results of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ 2019 HR/L&D Trend Survey.  Witt will detail responses received from leadership, learning, and talent development professionals who participated in the November trend survey to identify the #1 new initiative L&D professionals anticipate addressing in 2019.

Attend the webinar and see how your planned initiatives stack up against those of your peers! Together with L&D professionals from around the world, you’ll learn:

• The #1 new L&D initiative identified for 2019
• Other top initiatives and how they rank order against existing priorities
• How to build a business case and present your recommended solution for budget approval

Don’t miss this opportunity to learn what your peers are focusing on for 2019 and how to get funding for your initiative.

Register Today!

Dear Madeleine,

I spent a decade of my career at a very sexy, high profile tech company and rose to a senior position. I worked 24/7 and my commute was a horror show. When my kids were little, my husband was traveling a lot for his job, and things started fraying around the edges, I decided to dial things back. I found a great position—a demotion—in a much smaller, not-at-all-sexy company. It took me a while to get used to a slower pace and a much more conforming, less creative culture. They have been doing things the same way here forever, and one of the reasons I was brought in was to pull us into the twenty-first century. I feel like I have finally settled in and am now doing really interesting and exciting things in my job.

My problem is one colleague.

She is at the same level as I am—a peer, essentially—but she has been at this company forever and doesn’t have much experience out in the modern world. I need to collaborate with her to accomplish my goals. I’ve tried several approaches, but she has literally ignored my emails, not returned my calls, and made herself inaccessible. I know she screens my calls and doesn’t pick up when she sees it’s me.

I’ve never had a problem creating relationships before now. I’ve always found a way to get along with everyone, even if it was hard. I finally came out and asked her what I was doing to cause her to be so hostile to me. I was shocked when she told me, straight out, that she is jealous of me—and therefore doesn’t like me and is committed to not working with me! She added that it was nothing personal and there was nothing I could do about it.

I was speechless. It would be one thing if she was unconscious about why she didn’t like me—that, I would understand. But how can someone just be okay with admitting to envy and accept that it’s okay to sabotage entire work projects because of it? It seems so childish and pathetic.

The worst thing is, I have no idea what to do now.

Green Eyed Monster at My Door

Dear GEM@MD,

Wow. This is a new one. Just when I think I can no longer be surprised by how frail and small human beings can be, I am as stunned as you are. I have often worked with folks who have had a badly behaved, envious colleague who seems to be unconscious of their motivations. But I agree—to be fully aware and conscious of such a low motive, and then consciously choose bad behavior and admit to it seems beyond the pale!

I immediately stooped to being as small and awful as your Green Eyed Monster—my first thought was that you should pour Elmer’s glue on her computer keyboard. But fun as that might be, it will not solve your problem. I had to go out to my advisory team* on this one, because I was stumped. Responses were quite varied, but I was not alone in my childish “glue on the keyboard” reflex.

Margie Blanchard wanted to know if you have a boss, and if there was any reason you couldn’t get some help there. She said: “Generally, I haven’t seen situations like this one resolve themselves and they can be very toxic to colleagues. This is why bosses exist.” My thought is that you probably don’t want to involve your boss unless you absolutely must, and you are trying to figure out how to deal with this yourself. To that end, the Blanchard Coaching Services team consensus is well summed up by Patricia Overland. We call this the “kill her with kindness and make her love you despite herself” approach.

• Always take the high road. Continue to invite—but not wait for—collaboration.
• Make your advocates aware. Don’t necessarily spill the beans about the conversation, but do ask for some advice on how you might engage the jealous person.
• Ask the person to imagine a situation where the two of you were working together incredibly well to create something spectacular. What would that look like? Then work to co-create that reality. (This one takes some Emotional Intelligence that the jealous person might not have, but it’s worth a shot!)
• If all else fails, don’t stop being fabulous. Make visible your intent to include and collaborate and find small ways to give the other person some credit, if possible.
• This is a relationship that will take time to build. Start small, build trust, and keep at it.

My approach would be to just plow ahead and tell the truth: go around her, above her, or below her to get done what you need to get done. If anyone asks why you are going about your business that way, tell the truth. Say, “Oh, Marci won’t work with me, but I have to carry on despite that.” No blame, no judgment, just a statement of fact.

When in doubt, it never hurts to take the highest possible road. No matter what happens, you will always know you did the right thing, did your best, and were the bigger person.

And if you do put glue on her keyboard, please don’t tell anyone it was my idea.

Love, Madeleine

*The unofficial Ask Madeleine Advisory Team is made up of the staff of Blanchard Coaching Services (Patricia Overland, Terry Watkins, Mary Ellen Sailer, Joanne Maynard, and Sally Smith), my sister, Mia Homan, and my mother-in-law, Margie Blanchard. My husband, Scott Blanchard, is also consulted on a regular basis but never gets any credit.

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Does training really work?

“If we as leadership, learning, and development professionals can’t answer that question with an enthusiastic yes, we’re all in trouble,” says Dr. Paul Leone, ROI expert at Verizon and author of the book Measuring and Maximizing Training Impact: Bridging the Gap between Training and Business Results.

“The truth is, HR people don’t always know if training is working,” says Leone. “Often we ask for budget at the beginning of the year, but at the end of the year we aren’t able to show the training has had an impact on the bottom line. That’s not a good position to be in.

“Imagine how much better you would feel if you could go into meetings with senior leaders and stakeholders saying, ‘This time I have some data—and I can show that we are impacting the bottom line by X amount of dollars.’ I think that’s where we all want to be in the industry.”

The good news, according to Leone, is that you can demonstrate the impact of training if you know where to look, how to set up your initiative, and how to present your data.

“Begin with the end in mind,” says Leone. “What are the leadership behaviors you want to impact and what is the benefit in terms of increased sales or productivity, decreased costs from better alignment or efficiencies, or improvements to the customer experience?

“Senior leaders want to know that the money they are spending on training is generating a good return on investment. If you don’t clearly identify the benefits along with the costs of training, it creates some pretty lopsided equations and makes it difficult to talk about ROI—because training is seen only as a cost. That’s a vulnerable position.”

Start Small and Be Conservative in Your Approach

For L&D professionals just getting started with measuring ROI, Leone suggests focusing on a small, manageable test case, such as a pilot study with a group of managers who have direct reports with easily quantifiable key performance indicators (KPI).

“Two things are important here,” says Leone. “First, remember that you are measuring the benefit of better leader behaviors by looking at the improvement in performance of that leader’s direct reports—that’s where the bottom-line impact will show up. For example, better leader behaviors from a call center manager will translate into better performance from that manager’s frontline associates. Better goal-setting and coaching skills from a sales manager will translate into better sales performance from that manager’s individual salespeople.”

“Second, choose managers whose direct reports have KPIs that are easier to convert into bottom line impact. Don’t try to quantify the impact of better research and development performance among a group of engineers as your first project. Choose a group where you can measure shorter-term impact and easily convert improved performance into dollars and cents.”

Use a Proven Model and Process

Leone also recommends using a proven approach such as the Phillips ROI model and the Kirkpatrick levels of change. He suggests focusing on levels 3, 4, and 5 in the Kirkpatrick model which cover leader behavior changes and bottom-line impact.

Leone uses a survey administered 90 days after training to measure perceived changes in manager behavior. To corroborate answers and provide a more airtight case when presenting evidence of changed behaviors to senior executives, Leone surveys both the managers who participated in the class and their direct reports.

“It’s important to not only ask the managers if they have changed their behavior, but also ask the direct reports if they have experienced changed behavior from their manager. This provides a corroborating data point.”

To isolate the impact of the changed behaviors on business performance, Leone recommends comparing the financial performance of the treatment group (the managers who went through the training) with a control group (similar managers in an identical business unit who have not yet gone through the training).

“Comparing the treatment group with a control group allows you to isolate the benefits of the training. When senior leaders know that everything else between the two groups is identical, they are more at ease attributing the improved performance to the training initiative.”

Keep the Presentation Simple for Best Results

Leone also has a tip for how to present the data to senior leaders: keep it simple!

“When I first began presenting data after graduate school, I thought it was necessary to show things like multiple regressions and multivariate analysis in my presentations. But in reality, it had the opposite effect. When I made my presentations more understandable, they started to go higher and higher in the organization.

“If you want to squash your story, throw in a lot of numbers and tables,” says Leone with a smile. “But if you want to push that story up the hierarchy to the highest levels, make it simple and it will get up there.”

Establish Credibility that Lasts and Builds Confidence

“The goal with your ROI presentations is to create credibility within the organization—where you can say, ‘If we are going to keep a program, we are going to run a pilot and we’ll measure it. If it’s great, we’ll scale it across the organization. If it’s not so great, we won’t.’ I can guarantee you that at some point in the very near future, someone is going to ask if a training worked. You will want a study and some data to show that it did.

“Remember, you don’t need to measure everything at first,” says Leone. “Go in and measure one or two programs and do it right. Once you get your foot in the door as a credible evaluator, you’ll have a much easier time securing budget in the future.”

Would you like to learn more about calculating ROI and measuring the impact of training? Join us for a free webinar!

Leadership Training—Calculating ROI and Making the Business Case

Thursday, November 29, 2018, 9:00 a.m. Pacific Time

Improving leadership skills is one of the best ways to impact your organization’s bottom line. Still, many leadership, learning, and talent development professionals struggle with both identifying the expected return on investment for training expenditures and measuring impact after an initiative.

In this webinar, David Witt, program director at The Ken Blanchard Companies, teams up with Dr. Paul Leone, author of Measuring and Maximizing Training Impact: Bridging the Gap between Training and Business Results to show you how to identify anticipated fiscal impact of a leadership training initiative and how to measure it in a cost-effective manner after the class has been conducted.

You’ll learn:

• How to calculate the ROI for your leadership training initiative using Blanchard’s Leadership Training ROI Worksheet. (Worksheet provided to all registrants.)
• How to measure the impact of training using the methodology outlined in Leone’s book Measuring and Maximizing Training Impact.
• How to improve the adoption of new leadership practices from the classroom to the work environment.

Don’t miss this opportunity to learn how to quantify the impact of leadership training in proposals—and how to set up your training to deliver on expectations.

Register today using this link!

That statistic is unnecessarily high, say organizational coaching experts Madeleine Homan Blanchard and Patricia Overland. As leaders in the Coaching Services division of The Ken Blanchard Companies, both coaches have seen the research and witnessed firsthand the failure that can occur when leaders are not provided with the support they need to succeed.

“I can’t tell you how many times we’ve coached leaders who were newly promoted because they had a set of skills and good relationships with people,” says Blanchard, “and when they got on the job, they failed.”

It’s not that surprising, she says, given the high expectations set for new leaders and the minimal support they actually receive when transitioning into a new role.

“Leaders are under a lot of pressure to produce results, but they often don’t get the mentoring support they need.  The thinking is that at this level they should be able to just do it.”

In conducting interviews with 2,600 Fortune 1000 executives, organizational and leadership consulting firm Navalent found that 76 percent of new executives indicated that the formal development processes of their organization were, at best, minimally helpful in preparing them for their executive role. What’s more, 55 percent of respondents indicated that they had little if any ongoing coaching and feedback to help them refine their ability to perform in an executive role.

“It’s a challenge for HR professionals,” says Overland. “And with the level of change and the number of executives transitioning into new roles, especially in larger organizations, the problem becomes magnified. It’s not uncommon for larger companies to have five executives in transition from five different parts of the company at the same time.

“Even one or two levels below the executive team, all kinds of change is occurring at the VP and director level. It’s always difficult when decision makers move. Now HR finds itself managing several different coaches from different companies, each with their own approaches, contracts, conditions, etc. It can be overwhelming, and that much harder to ensure quality and a return on the investment.

For HR leaders facing this challenge, Overland offers four words of advice: “Don’t go it alone—especially if you are managing a large number of executives in transition across a wide geographical area. This is where working with one company with global reach and a single point of contact really helps. Having one contact person who can help ensure quality, vetting, reporting, and ROI can position an organization to provide successful coaching to every leader who needs it.

“A larger, experienced coaching organization can provide a consistent quality of coaching. Not only is this good for the client and the leaders being coached, it also permits the coaches to talk to each other about how the coaching is going or about the challenges they encounter, and to ask for help when necessary—all without breaching confidentiality.

“This keeps the coaching aligned with organizational objectives and keeps the people focused on priorities,” says Overland.

Be especially careful about going it alone if you are looking to bring the executive coaching function in-house, says Overland.

“In my experience, executives tend to have a real hesitancy to work with an in-house person. They see a risk in disclosing potentially sensitive information to someone junior to them in the organization. Let’s say a senior executive is feeling stressed about a major strategy change, the sale of the company, or a pending merger. The executive won’t want to talk to an internal person about that.  An external person is almost always a better choice.”

Blanchard agrees. “Coaching gives people the direction and support they need for the complex, high level leadership and management skills used in a senior role. When I’m thinking about the role of coaching, I always go back to Jim Collins’s book Good to Great,” explains Blanchard. “Collins said that a leader’s job is to get the right people on the bus in the right seats and make sure that the bus is going in the right direction.

“That’s what you are accomplishing when you bring coaching into an organization. You are ensuring that the bus is going in the right direction and all the right people are in the right seats.”

Would you like to learn more about how coaching can improve the success rate of your executives in transition?  Join us for a free webinar!

Supporting Leaders in Transition with Coaching

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

9:00 a.m. Pacific Time / 12:00 noon Eastern Time / 5:00 p.m. UK Time

When leaders are in transition—moving from one role to another within the organization, or moving in from an outside organization, ensuring their success is critical.  Leaders in transition can’t afford to fail—yet statistics show that a large percentage do.

In this webinar, organizational coaching experts Madeleine Homan Blanchard and Patricia Overland will show you how to leverage transition coaching during an executive’s first 90 to 120 days to ensure your leaders succeed.

Participants will learn:

• The 3 types of executive transition
• What the latest research reveals
• The 4 critical elements you need to build into your transition strategy

Blanchard and Overland will also share best practices and examples from two large company client initiatives.  Don’t miss this opportunity to learn how to put these success strategies to work in your organization.  This event is free, courtesy of The Ken Blanchard Companies.

REGISTER TODAY!

Dear Madeleine,

I am a senior leader in a large nonprofit. My big struggle is with one employee who seems emotionally unstable. One day she is completely reasonable and easygoing, and the next she is reactive and flying off the handle for no apparent reason.

I’ve learned to expect it, but her behavior is affecting the rest of the team. They are walking on eggshells and one of them recently came to me for help on dealing with the situation.

It feels really personal to talk to someone about this, and I don’t know where to start.

Walking on Eggshells

Dear Walking on Eggshells,

It is your job as a leader to make sure everyone feels safe. It is not okay that your direct report is freaking out other employees. So, I am afraid you are going to have to get personal here.

• First, since you are in a large organization, involve HR and start documenting. Document every complaint, every outburst, and every disruption.
• Your employee may be going through a rough time personally. If so, encourage her to avail herself of counseling through your Employee Assistance Program.
• If it is a self-awareness issue, work with your training department to find her a class or some coaching.
• If it is bigger than a rough time, she might be suffering from a mental illness. I am not a doctor but I can tell you that one of the books about Borderline Personality Disorder is called Stop Walking on Eggshells.

In any case, you have to set some distinct boundaries by clearly stating to her which of her behaviors are acceptable and which are not. Be direct, be concise, be clear, and keep the tone neutral. Tell her you will be paying attention and will let her know when you see behavior that is over the line. Be strong and fierce.

If she can get it together and behave herself at work, great. If she can’t, she gets a couple of warnings and then she’s out. Just because you can let her behavior roll off your back doesn’t make it acceptable. It would be one thing if your employee weren’t disrupting others, but she is—so you are obligated to do something to make it stop.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

I am a mid-level manager with a large team in a low-profile but significant government agency. I say significant because substantial numbers of citizens depend on us for critical services.

The chaos here has been profound over the last year or so. Senior leaders keep quitting or getting fired, mandates turn on a dime, and my boss is so demoralized that most days she just comes to work and shuts her office door. She could be playing solitaire on her computer all day, for all anyone can tell.

The mission and goals for my team are straightforward, though, so we keep plugging along and serving our constituents. I have lost some of my best people who have gone to the private sector—and because of the leadership vacuum and the budget freezes I have not been able to replace them. Of course, this has put more pressure on my remaining people.

I don’t know how much longer we can go on this way. I am very close to retirement so I know I can hang on, but I feel terrible for my people. I would need to hire at least five people in order to do the job we are supposed to be doing.

I am running out of steam here and I’m tired of fighting with no support.

Feeling Paralyzed

Dear Feeling Paralyzed,

Wow. This sounds like an exhausting and tricky situation. But you are not ready to walk away, so you might as well create a plan to keep going.

It sounds like you don’t have much to lose—which in a messed-up way could afford you an opportunity here. This would really depend on your relationship with your boss, but I wonder if you could knock on her door, interrupt her game of solitaire, and request her assistance. Tell her you need her and you need guidance, direction, and support to solve the problems you are grappling with. Maybe she’ll buck up and get her head back in the game.

If you can’t do that, I guess you are truly on your own. I mean, seriously, it sounds like there isn’t anyone paying enough attention to fire you! Go ahead and submit requests for hires to HR and see if you can get that ball rolling. If that won’t work, you will just have to do your best with the hand you’ve been given.

Look at the numbers and figure out what you can do with your limited work force. Explain your thinking to your team and inspire them to do their best with a lousy situation. You probably won’t be able to do everything you want to do, or feel you should do, but you can do something. The people you serve will really appreciate it.

What else can you do but your very best? Who is going to stop you?

Fight on!

Love,

Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I started a new job about six months ago. My boss warned me about one of my direct reports—he said she was argumentative and difficult.

For the first few months I thought she was okay, but now I’m beginning to see what my boss meant. She is hostile in meetings. She agrees to things and then tells others how much she disagrees with me. She does not keep her commitments and then gives me lame excuses when I call her on it.

Yesterday she sent me an email calling me names that made my jaw drop. She was rude and inappropriate to the point where I wonder if she might have a mental problem.

In the meantime, my boss was let go—and I don’t really feel comfortable taking this to my new boss. I am just blown away by this woman’s insubordination and I honestly don’t know what I should do next.

Tolerating Insubordination

Dear Tolerating,

Stop tolerating. Draw some boundaries. But first, do some research and groundwork.

I always recommend starting by giving folks the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she has good reasons to behave the way she is behaving. It’s possible that your former boss’s attitude toward her has put her on the defensive. You can certainly call for a sit-down. Share your experience and ask how you might be able to craft a more productive working relationship. For more direction on having a hard conversation, you can refer to a previous post in this column. See how that goes. Maybe you can turn this around.

I think as the new manager, it is your job to give it your best effort to make this work by making clear requests for changes and giving her a chance to improve her behavior. But if you get no traction, you have to be fierce and decisive or you risk getting dragged down very quickly. She can easily poison other employees against you and the company if she hasn’t already.

Call out unacceptable behaviors as soon as they happen and provide redirection. If you find yourself unable to do so, ask yourself what you are afraid of. What power does she have that she has been getting away with this nonsense since long before you arrived at the company? Probably none, but she has somehow cowed your former boss and is now doing it to you.

Put up the hand and make it stop. Talk to your new boss and your HR partner and start the process of documenting every time she does something that undermines the team. There is no reason for you to put up with nastiness and lack of productivity—how can you possibly get your work done? Maybe she will back down—people who are just plain bullies often do when challenged. But if she keeps it up, call the game and replace her with someone who will do the job, have a good attitude, and be a pleasure to work with. As you well know, you can teach skills but you must hire for attitude.

It is my experience that managers who spend the bulk of their time on bad apples like your direct report never, ever regret showing them the door. Get your ducks in a row and keep a record of the bad behavior—how beautiful that you have concrete evidence in an email!

Sometimes people behave so badly that we question our own assessment and even our sanity or theirs. You are at that point, which is way too far past the pale. So give it one last shot to get on the same page—and if it doesn’t work, just say no. No, no, no. No.

Love,

Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a fairly large group in engineering.  My team has a good reputation with the rest of the company and works well together. 

Except for one person. 

I have one direct report that I just don’t know what to do with.  “K” has always been a little bit prickly and unpredictable, but people put up with it because she is bright and creative and always brings—or rather, brought—fresh perspectives to the table.

Over the last few months though, things have gotten worse.  A couple of my other employees have mentioned that they are avoiding working with her.  I tried to give her feedback, but she literally got up and walked out of my office.  She is rude to her team mates, and to me.   I am going to have to put her on a performance plan but the fact is that I am really worried that she is having some kind of break down and I feel like I should somehow be able to help her.

Want to Help

Dear Want to Help,

When a good employee starts behaving erratically it is almost always a sign that something has gone severely sideways in their personal lives.   A scary health problem for the employee or one of their loved ones, substance abuse that has gotten out of control, a deterioration in a relationship with a significant other.

If you are lucky, your employees will let you know what is going on so you can assist with connections to appropriate HR support, and helping to manage workload and workflow.  But so many folks come from work environments that punish them for needing support or assistance that they might have trust issues.  If the employee isn’t talking it is hard to know how to help, although I applaud your desire to.

First of all, do your homework. Start keeping a record of all incidents in which K’s actions affect the success of the team.  Find out from HR what kind of assistance is available to K. So many good workers are promoted to management without any training whatsoever about what to do when an employee’s personal life affects their ability to work, so this is your opportunity to get a crash course.

Then, go at it head-on with K.  You will want to express that you are committed to keeping K’s wellbeing in mind as you also try to balance that with the success of the team. Tell K that her behavior is keeping team mates away and that she is no longer adding value to the team, and that things need to change right away if she wants to avoid consequences.

Be clear about what the consequences might be – it isn’t mean, or kicking someone while they are down to share the truth of the situation.  Share that your intention is to help in any way that you can, if she is willing to accept help.  Share whatever information you get from HR about what kind of help might be available through your EAP, if any.  Possibly offer K paid or unpaid leave so she can take the time she needs to get back on an even keel.

So many employees who are suffering in their personal lives are paralyzed by their inability to cope, or they are ashamed, or they are simply so private that it just doesn’t occur to them to tell anyone about what is going on, let alone their boss.

K may just not be able to receive help from you, no matter how kind you are or how much you try.  Do your best—that is all you can do.  Ultimately, your job is to do everything in your power to help your whole team succeed so you will have make decisions based on that in the long run.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

You have to resist the temptation to treat a servant leadership initiative as just a training intervention and instead see it, ideally, as a gradual way of being—a slow, consistent approach that embraces hiring practices, vision and values work, and teaching and encouraging the skills that allow leaders to enter into a deeper trusted partnership with their people.

“A mindset of partnership and safe conversations are the cornerstone of any successful program—but you need to have the vision and values in place first,” says Freytag. “You also need alignment at the top.”

In developing a holistic approach, Freytag points to research conducted by The Ken Blanchard Companies that looks at the connection between leader behaviors, impact on the work environment, and the way employees make decisions about whether or not they will support the mission of the company.

“People always have a choice —we call it discretionary effort,” says Freytag. “Compliance may work in the short term, but if you truly want the type of commitment and effort that sustains high performance, you have to tap into something more. You have to meet people’s needs. You have to make it safe for people to tell you what they need. It’s about reciprocity. If you can identify and help others take action on what they hold most dear, they will do the same for you.”

Freytag believes a partnering approach—managers and direct reports working together to achieve goals—is best.

“A partnering approach requires higher skill levels in conversation, listening, receiving and delivering feedback, and coaching—but it’s the only way I know to consistently deliver sustainable results and achieve high levels of performance with the workforce,” says Freytag.

Turning into people’s needs

Freytag says servant leadership is a partnership that makes it safe for people to express their needs on the job. It’s about leaders being approachable and turning toward their direct reports in a spirit of partnership to discuss those needs and provide support.

“As a leader, you must realize you don’t have to know it all. You must listen to learn—and make every person you talk to feel heard. When you do that, you set up a sense of approachability. People start bringing their concerns to you because they see you are not only well-intentioned but also available to listen. Your focus must be more on them and less on yourself. This is an essential of coaching. Servant leaders understand that they are always leading by example. Servant leaders also choose and behave so that they reflect the very behaviors they wish to see in the workforce.”

“When having discussions with some leaders in my past, I’ve had some give me their full attention and acknowledge my position only to let my suggestions fall on deaf ears and go nowhere. As a result, I didn’t really feel heard. The leaders I have had the highest affinity and respect for are those who were willing to have a discussion and to do more than just acknowledge my point of view. They got their arrogance and pride out of the way so they could hear my comments. They didn’t have to agree but they certainly made me feel heard.”

“As a servant leader, you have to raise your hand and show others it’s okay to raise their hand if they don’t know the answer. Leadership is about leading by example. You’re always doing that—it’s your choice whether the example is a good one or a bad one.”

Once you give yourself a heart check and are working on being more open, approachable, and available, Freytag says you’re ready to return to the basics of performance management—goal setting, coaching, and review—but with a different mindset.

“So what does it mean to serve—and what do you do differently? We use an operational leadership model called Situational Leadership^® II (SLII®.) SLII® teaches leaders first that people have needs and how to diagnose the different levels of needs people go through on various tasks and goals, and then how to help their people with those needs at their level.

“When aspiring servant leaders take a situational approach, they learn how to help their people grow and develop by meeting their needs for competence and autonomy. It’s a great model that lets leaders know where they are in a conversation. Using this approach puts the leaders focus on the needs of their people first and foremost.”

Freytag asks himself a simple question at the end of every performance related conversation to make sure he stays focused on meeting the needs of others.

“I ask myself: is this person more or less dependent on me on this topic as a result of this conversation? If they are more dependent on me, I’ve missed an opportunity. If they are less dependent on me, I’ve helped them grow and develop competence—which meets a basic psychological need. Now they feel more viable and are able to thrive. That’s a practical, real time, conversation-based perspective. It’s how you stay valuable to others.”

For leadership, learning, and talent development professionals considering a servant leadership initiative in their organizations, Freytag offers some caution on going too big at first.

“Don’t start with the training initiative right away. Start a little smaller—begin with vision and values. Where are you going? What’s important and why? Where are the gaps? I always guard against going too large or too fast with the aspiration of a large-scale training intervention, especially at the beginning of the conversation.”

Freytag also encourages senior leaders to walk the talk.

“It can be as simple as catching others doing things right. Develop recognition programs that recognize when others exhibit behaviors that serve the needs of others. Demonstrate that you value both relationships and results. Slowly you will plant the seeds and prepare the soil for a larger initiative. Once that gets rolled out through the ranks, you can focus on feedback, listening, and accountability.

“Now, piece by piece, you are building a servant leadership culture—and creating a work environment where people can grow and thrive.”

Would you like to learn more about creating a servant leadership curriculum for your organization? Then join us for a free webinar!

Creating a Servant Leadership Curriculum

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

9:00 a.m. Pacific Time

Join Blanchard senior consulting partner Bob Freytag as he explores how to create a servant leadership curriculum in your organization. In this special session designed for leadership, learning, and talent development professionals, you’ll learn:

• What servant leadership is—and what it isn’t
• Research on self-oriented vs. others-oriented leaders
• The power of vision, values, and purpose
• Identifying your Leadership Point of View
• Taking a 4-step head, heart, hands, and habits approach to skill development

Don’t miss this opportunity to learn how to apply servant leadership principles to improve satisfaction, performance, and engagement in your company. You’ll walk away from this session energized and encouraged with fresh ideas to apply in your organization.

Register using this link!

Dear Madeleine,

I am a sales leader in charge of half of the US and I have a counterpart who runs the other half.  We have a good relationship. We support each other and share ideas and information.

I recently figured out that our newish boss, the EVP of sales and marketing, is playing us off each other—or at least he’s trying to.  He seems to think we will work harder if we are competing.  He tells me things about my counterpart that I don’t think he should be telling me, which makes me wonder what the heck he might be telling her about me.

Do you think I’m crazy? What’s up with this?  How do I make him stop?  Everything has been going well and I don’t want him to ruin it.

Feeling Off Balance

Dear Feeling Off Balance,

I guess you might be crazy—but if you are noticing this and you aren’t usually paranoid, you probably aren’t crazy. I always regret it when I don’t pay attention to my instincts, and so does pretty much everyone I know.

The most obvious option is to talk to your boss about this. Explain that you and your counterpart work well together and thrive on your collaborative relationship.  Do you feel like you can trust him enough to have that kind of conversation?  Again, trust your instincts on that.  You can use our handy TRUST model to assess how much you trust him.

If talking to your boss is not an option, you might consider bringing up the subject with your counterpart. Make a pact to create a united front and stick together by not allowing your boss to drive a wedge between you.

Now, I would be remiss to not mention a potential political reality that I have seen too many times: it’s possible your boss is doing this because he either wants, or is being pressured from above, to eliminate one of you.  This tactic of creating competition could be a way to help him decide who the proverbial best man is. It may cause some real static for the two of you to try to stick together if this is the case—so you are going to want to pay attention to the way the wind is blowing here and assess the situation carefully before doing anything.

This sounds stressful.  I’m sorry.  Pay close attention, keep your eye on the ball (your goals and your people), and see what happens next. And take notes—it will help you ascertain if you are crazy or not.  Stay grounded and don’t let your boss throw you off kilter.

Good luck.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I have a great job that I love.  My problem is a colleague—let’s call him H—who is spreading rumors about me.

When I first started, he was super friendly and I thought we would be friends.  

We went out for drinks after work a couple of times and he gossiped about people in the company. He kept encouraging me to accept his friend requests on all kinds of social media. That was easy to decline because I am taking a break from it.

He must have realized I wasn’t going to spill all of the details of my dating life and he kind of dumped me.  I recently had lunch with another colleague in our department and she told me that he is telling people all kinds of things about me—such as: I got really drunk at a party and locked myself in the bathroom with his friend, and my boyfriend dumped me and I threw all his clothes out the window—outlandish, crazy, totally made-up stuff.   

I want to walk up to him and punch him in the nose. What the heck should I do?

Hopping Mad

Dear Hopping Mad,

Well, don’t do that!  I understand the urge, but don’t punch him. What he is doing is a form of bullying that is mostly deployed and perfected in middle school, as many of us shudder to remember.

The good news is that in the world of adults, everybody sees H for what he is and no one believes a word he says.  If he is doing it to you, he is doing it to others. Aren’t you glad you never got on social media with him and never revealed anything that might make you vulnerable?

You could tell your boss but (1) they probably already know and (2) they may or may not be committed to a culture that specifically states gossip/spreading rumors is not acceptable.

You might consider reporting it as harassment or hostile work environment to HR.  But ultimately, if he doesn’t have power over you and it doesn’t interfere with your doing your job, I would say laugh it off and ignore him.

And stay as far away from him possible.  His nastiness will catch up with him eventually.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I have a wonderful team. They are all very different, with different strengths and skill sets, which I think makes us well rounded. They lean on each other when they need to problem solve. My problem is that my boss seems to have it in for one my people—let’s call her “B”.

We just finished performance review time and I rated B as “meets or exceeds expectations” on all of her goals, which is accurate. She needs to improve in a few areas, but so does everyone else on the team, including me!

My boss thinks I am too soft on B and that I should put her on a performance plan and try to manage her out of the organization. I am mystified by this because B does a respectable job, is dependable, and everyone on the team seems to like working with her.

How should I handle this situation?

Stumped

Dear Stumped,

This is not good and confusing indeed. I think you need to go back to your boss with all of B’s goals and competencies and walk through them together to get more detail on exactly what B needs to improve. Tell your boss you can’t do a PIP if there is nothing you see that needs that much improvement. Ask if they have heard feedback they haven’t shared with you. Hopefully this will shed some light.

If your boss just can’t explain things to your satisfaction, it may be that they have personal ulterior motives. If this is the case, you have a real problem—probably one you can’t solve. What ulterior motive could your boss possibly have, you ask? I have a bit of a jaded view on this, having been coaching in organizations for twenty years. I keep thinking nothing can surprise me anymore, only to find myself being surprised, once again, by how badly people can behave. I will resist the temptation to speculate, but ask yourself Why on earth would my boss want B gone?

You might ask B what her experience with your boss has been without revealing that your boss is not a fan. That might tell you something.

It’s possible your boss is responding to organizational pressures. I recently worked with a client who was in the same position as B and it was because she was an early employee who had a very large base salary. It was very clearly a policy from top brass to thin the ranks of folks with high salaries. But here I go, speculating.

As you explore possible motives, you will have to decide whether to take your boss’s side or stand up for B. So now is a good moment to examine your values—and possibly brush up your LinkedIn profile and resume. Now I am sounding alarmist and I’m sorry, but I want you to be prepared.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am the business unit CEO of a global consumer goods company. My CFO—let’s call him AG—is literally a genius; one of the smartest people I have ever worked with. I brought him with me from my previous company because he is good with numbers and he thinks strategically. He stays on top of industry developments and I can count on him to play devil’s advocate in a good way that consistently leads us to the best decisions. I really depend on him.

The problem is that over the last two years or so, AG’s life has fallen apart. A few years ago, something went really wrong in his marriage and he and his wife separated. Soon after, he started packing on the pounds, smoking, and coming to work looking exhausted and disheveled. He is so unhealthy now that when we sit at the conference table I can hear him breathing. I can also tell he drinks during the day even though he tries to keep it hidden.

His work is suffering as well. He is distracted and has been missing deadlines with the senior executive team of the company. I am worried about him both personally and professionally—he is going to lose his job and seems to be on track for a heart attack or a stroke.

I feel that I owe him the benefit of the doubt, and have been pretending everything is okay because we have been good friends and tight colleagues for so long. I don’t know where to begin with this—and my trusted HR partner is out on maternity leave.

Worried About a Friend Who is a Mess

Dear Worried,

You have two issues here: one is that you are worried about your friend and the other is that you fear losing your dependable CFO with the amazing skill set.

First things first. Get the professional support you need to go at this very distressing situation properly. If I were your HR partner, I would want you to call me even I were on leave. She will have good advice for you and will help you to stay out of trouble from a legal standpoint. If you just can’t bring yourself to interrupt your HR person’s leave, you have no choice but to go discuss it with her backup person.

In a huge company like yours there are too many variables to navigate, so you must man up and talk to AG right away. Don’t worry about being wrong or offending him—there is simply too much to lose here.

As his friend, you owe it to AG to be direct. Tell him what you have observed and that you are worried about his health and his reputation. As his boss, it is your job to tell AG that his performance is not what it used to be and he needs to get it back up to standard. He may get defensive and deny there is a problem. If this happens, you have a real predicament on your hands and will have to talk about a performance improvement plan. Hopefully, he will respond with relief that he can finally talk about his stress level and his lack of ability to manage it. You can share that much help is available and there’s no shame in using those resources when life has knocked us sideways.

Almost no one gets through a long career without a challenging illness or terrible loss. It is the ones who least expect it and think they are exempt that often respond the worst to unexpected crisis. Show your friend how much you care by being straight with him and helping him get the support he needs to get back on an even keel. It may be difficult to speak the truth to your good friend, but I can guarantee you will really regret it if you continue to pretend that nothing is happening.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

In a sense, developing a servant’s heart is a lifelong journey. It is my belief that you finally become an adult when you realize that life is about what you give rather than what you get. The shift from self-serving leadership to leadership that serves others is motivated by a change in heart. Servant leadership is not just another management technique. It is a way of life for those with servant’s hearts.

When some people hear the phrase servant leadership, they associate it with soft management—they think you can’t lead and serve at the same time. Yet you can, if you understand that there are two kinds of leadership involved in servant leadership: strategic leadership and operational leadership.

Strategic leadership has to do with vision and direction. This is the leadership aspect of servant leadership. The responsibility for this visionary role falls to the hierarchical leadership. Kids look to their parents, players look to their coaches, and people look to their organizational leaders for direction.

Once people are clear on where they are going, the leader’s role shifts to a service mindset for the operational leadership task, which is all about implementation—the servant aspect of servant leadership.

How do you make your vision happen?  In a traditional organization, all the energy in the organization moves up the hierarchical pyramid as people try to be responsive to their bosses instead of focusing their energy on meeting the needs of their customers. Bureaucracy rules, and policies and procedures carry the day.

This creates unprepared and uncommitted customer contact people who are trying to protect themselves, and it leaves customers uncared for at the bottom of the hierarchy. This scenario doesn’t do much to move the organization in the desired direction toward accomplishing a clear vision. Servant leaders, on the other hand, feel their role is to help people achieve their goals. To do that, the traditional hierarchical pyramid is theoretically turned upside down so that the frontline people, who are closest to the customers, are at the top. Now the frontline people are responsible—able to respond—to the needs of the customers. In this scenario, leaders serve and are responsive to their people’s needs, training and developing them to accomplish established goals and live according to the vision.

Servant leadership is not soft management; it is management that not only gets great results but also generates great human satisfaction.

Interested in learning more about the relationship between servant leadership, customer service, and the role of managers and senior executives?  Join me for a free webinar on Creating a Culture of Service.  I’ll be sharing thoughts, strategies, and tips on how to create an organization with a servant leadership mindset and a servant leadership skill set.

I was recently convinced by senior team members to hire someone for my team who is overqualified for the position.

I am trained in Situational Leadership® II and it has served me well – but my new hire won’t let me use it.

He is competent in some aspects of the job, but he is totally ignorant of our culture and the way things get done here. This person is in such a hurry that he is not listening to my direction. He continuously challenges my decisions and authority.

He undoubtedly has skill and experience, but his enthusiasm is not being applied where it will serve the team and his onboarding success. I’m afraid he’s going to step off in front of the wrong people and land us both in hot water. Any advice would be appreciated!

Thanks!

Struggling Leader

Dear Struggling Leader,

Oh dear. May we all, please, be spared having a new employee pressed upon us by the higher-ups? It so rarely ends well. Overqualification isn’t always a terrible thing—but the person you hire needs to have a secure enough ego to come in with a beginners’ mindset and have some respect for the person who hired them.

But here you are holding the bag, so it is probably in your best interest to at least try to salvage the situation. You need to go at this head on. Sit this guy down and tell him that his unwillingness to listen to you is going to cause big problems for both of you—and that if he doesn’t slow down and pay attention, you will have no choice but to let him go during his probationary period.

You can also have compassion for his position. He has great transferable skills, knows what he is doing, and has tons of experience.

You can also ask him to appreciate your position better. Explain that you don’t believe he understands how he needs to do things to be successful in this particular environment. Be clear that you are on his side and that your intention is to help him be successful. Share your concerns about his inability to take advantage of your experience in the organization.

Finally, share the Situational Leadership® II model with him. Explain that although he has transferable skills, he still needs to learn the ropes in the new organization and your job is to make sure he knows how to do that.

Explain that you want to start with tight oversight and supervision and that you will back off and loosen up as soon as you see ample evidence that he isn’t going to step off in front of the wrong people and land you both in hot water.

In all cases, stay neutral and non-judgmental. If he just can’t hear it, nip it in the bud and let him go. If he seems to get it and yet still doesn’t comply, you owe him one more try. He may genuinely not get it. But he also may be “yessing” you, in which case—nip it in the bud.

Document every infraction, every conversation and agreement, so that if you are called to account by these higher-ups you can explain exactly how things went down.

Be fierce, Struggling Leader. Good luck.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am the new regional sales head of a large pharmaceutical company. I have put together a team of real stars. One of my team members (I’ll call him Bob) is a young man I brought with me from my old company. He is a fast learner and a hard worker, and we get along really well.

Here’s my problem. My boss has informed me that Bob is regularly taking meetings with my boss’s peers, which he has no business reason to do. My executive assistant, who also works for two other execs and is dialed into to everything and everyone, has told me point blank that Bob is talking trash about me to others outside the department.

What the heck? Why is this kid stabbing me in the back? And what should I do about it?

Fly in The Ointment

Dear Fly in The Ointment,

Congratulations on your new gig. Isn’t there always a fly? Here is what you should do:

Who knows why Bob is doing this—but the better question is: who knows if he really is? You don’t want to jump to conclusions. So first, take a big breath, step back, and make sure you have your facts straight. Regarding the skip-level meetings, maybe Bob is being smart and looking for a mentor. Perhaps your EA has an ulterior motive and is feeding you incorrect information. It’s also possible someone is being really Machiavellian and the EA is being manipulated. You may think I am kidding, but I have seen it. There is really no end the political shenanigans in organizations—and in big pharma the mayhem is legend. It’s hard to know what is essentially rumors and gossip. You may find that the drama is being created by someone else and it has nothing to do with Bob. Put on your detective hat, enroll some people you trust, and get the scoop.

If it turns out that you are being stabbed in the back, discuss it with your boss so you know he or she has your back no matter what. Then go at it head-on and confront Bob. Tell him you know what is going on, that you won’t tolerate it, and that it needs to stop right now. Don’t discuss it—he will deny and ask for an explanation and you will fall into the trap of making your case. Don’t do it. Just say, “I know what you are up to and I won’t tolerate it, and you need to stop it right now. If you have feedback for me I expect you to give it me, and I request that you not discuss it with anyone else. If you continue to trash me to others, I will be forced to take action.” I am a fan of this approach because it models direct communication and courage. Of course, if the behavior continues, you will have to fire him.

Now, you could go subterfuge and make it hard for the kid to succeed. Just slowly, quietly, reduce his access to you and resources and accounts. This is what most people would do. Employees are frozen out of their jobs all the time by managers who can’t face a direct conversation. I am not a fan of this approach because you are stooping to his level with the same type of indirect behavior he is using to hurt you. Is this the behavior you want to role model for your team of stars? I think not. But it is an option.

What you can’t do is nothing. You did the kid a favor, so it might be hard to get your head around the fact that he might be intentionally hurting you and gunning for your job—but that also happens all the time.

What you also can’t do is try to have a deep, heartfelt conversation with him about it. If Bob is out to get you, he has lost the assumption of best intentions and goodwill. You do not owe him the courtesy of a challenging conversation. You are smart to worry, but don’t launch into action until you know exactly what you are dealing with. Then decide your approach and be strong and firm.

Courage!

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am a university student who moved to the U.S. from India about 7 years ago. I recently completed an internship for a 1500-person company in which the CEO wanted to have more diversity.

In retrospect, I can see the company offered me the internship in part to show that they were focused on being more diverse.

The problem is, from the beginning my boss didn’t seem interested in utilizing me at all, and I was given only a few tasks that I completed quickly.

When I asked for more work, my boss told me I was too pushy. Then, after letting me sit at my desk with nothing to do for a few days, she told me I didn’t have enough drive.

I thought about leaving, but I stuck it out because I wanted a recommendation. But at the end of the internship my boss told me she couldn’t write me a recommendation because I hadn’t actually done any real work.

I’m trying to figure out what happened and what I could have done differently, but I also feel that the cards were stacked against me from the start.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

Rejected

Dear Rejected,

Well, that sounds horrible. I am so sorry this happened to you. It does sound a little like you were hired to be the diversity poster child and that possibly you were foisted on your boss.

As a boss myself, it is my experience that managing interns is time consuming and often unproductive. Managers who do well with interns have usually asked for one to complete specific projects and are natural teachers who have a desire to nurture and mentor. Being a great boss for interns requires the willingness to take the time and an unusual generosity of spirit.

It sounds as if the person who was your boss didn’t sign up for an intern in the first place and was not interested in teaching, mentoring, or showing generosity of any kind. This may be the root of the problem.

She may also have had an aversion to your differences. It is entirely possible that you have been the object of conscious or unconscious bias. When people are not like ourselves—people of different religions, socio-economic backgrounds, race, etc.—it is easy to view them negatively without even realizing it. This is often called in-group bias.

There are so many different kinds of unconscious biases. It is fascinating and we are all susceptible to some, if not all, of them. You can read more about it here. It might not even be this complicated—it’s possible that your boss just didn’t like you. It happens. Even so, she should have been enough of a grownup to be civil and professional.

I am surprised you didn’t have a contact in HR you could have talked to. Even a small company should have had someone for you to go to. You may feel it is too late now. But ultimately, there are a couple of big things to take away here:

• You should not, and cannot, take any of what happened personally. It is always the leader’s job to adapt to the temperament of the employee and meet them where they are to help them succeed. Your boss wasted your time and left you feeling left out and confused. Her behavior was unconscionable and is absolutely on her.
• You must learn from your experience. Next time make sure the person you are going to be working for truly wants an employee and has a hand in hiring you. Never take a job unless you have a job description with clear tasks and goals. Make sure there is agreement up front about what a good job looks like so that you can do a good job! This helps avoid being at the mercy of a boss who isn’t on your side. Do your homework about the company beforehand—especially their efforts at diversity—so you aren’t an unwitting pioneer trying to blaze a new trail.
• Pay attention to your own biases. We all have them. The more you are aware of your own, the more effective you will be as you move forward in your career.

You are still a student, so you have time on your side. Best to chalk this up to experience, take what you can as learning, and move on. Most of us learn a lot about what not to do from terrible bosses, so there is value in that: you will never do to some poor kid what was done to you!

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I have been described as a high achiever—and a lone wolf—for much of my career. After more than 20 years as an individual contributor, I finally succumbed to the pressure to become a people manager.

Here’s my problem. Most of my people are fewer than five years away from retirement and not very interested in growing and developing. It is clear to me that not everyone is as driven as I am or as willing to put the time in to produce the quality of work I expect. Am I too demanding?

Driven

Dear Driven

I understand your frustration. Of course, I wonder what leeway you might have to replace a couple of your worst offenders. You don’t mention that as an option but I have never, not once, experienced a client having regret after letting go of a low performer. Jim Collins, in his research of companies who do well over decades talks about getting the right people on the bus, which sounds simple, but it is in fact really hard. So, shaking up your team and adding a little new blood might be an option. You will probably have to document substandard performance over a period of time to do this which means performance expectations would need to be crystal clear.

You might benefit from understanding temperament theory. It outlines the way in which people are different, why it matters, and what to do about it. I suspect you are a very specific personality type and your employees are not like you at all. Understanding how you approach work and communication—and how you are perceived by others—will almost certainly clarify things for you.

Your people might be roused by a compelling goal. Do they know how they are contributing the greater good? How important their hard work is? Do they know the why? It’s possible they are not in touch with the bigger picture—in which case, you might share it. Bear in mind if this is what’s missing, you will have to share it on a regular basis. It’s human nature to forget the long term in favor of focusing on short-term rewards.

You also might consider articulating and sharing your Leadership Point of View, in which you outline your values and what you expect of your people. In it you can state your standards—perhaps they have not been made explicit?

Finally, maybe you do need to chill out. I have worked with many perfectionist clients who have had to ratchet back their standards because they were causing themselves (and everybody else) unnecessary pain without adding any value. Are you too demanding? Very possibly. The person who might be able to help you with this is your boss. You might as well ask and see what he or she says about it.

You may not be able to stand being a manager for long unless you can inspire your people to be the best they can be. But if you can harness your drive to do just that, what a win that would be!

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

About three months ago, my boss told me that I was in line for a promotion. It is now the middle of December and I haven’t heard a word. I asked about it at my last one-on-one and he looked at me funny and then changed the subject. I don’t think he remembers the conversation.

My boss is usually great and nice, but also sometimes moody and weird—and he often doesn’t remember conversations. I once submitted a report he had asked me to create – I spent four nights and a weekend putting it together. Again he gave me that blank look and it was obvious he had no idea what it was and no memory of having asked me to do it.

In the meantime, I really want that promotion. What do I do now?

Boss in a Fog

Dear Boss in a Fog,

Wow, this is tricky. We all have memory lapses and stress can make the problem worse, but this seems beyond the norm.

It doesn’t appear that the behavior comes from bad intentions, so you are going to have to prioritize which is more important to you right now: that your boss gets the help he needs to be clearer, or that you get the clarity you need to be as effective as possible in your job.

It all depends on the relationship you have with your boss. Clearly he has a problem, and some would tell you to go to HR to report it. The key, if you want to go with that course of action, is to keep track of incidents with dates and details.

I would only recommend this course of action if you don’t feel like you can have an honest conversation with your boss. I can tell you that if my employees noticed that I was being odd and inconsistent, I would very much want them to mention it to me. This option would require some practice and courage. I am a big fan of Susan Scott’s method from her book Fierce Conversations.

1. Name the Issue. He has said specific things which he then does not seem to recall.
2. Select a specific example that illustrates the behavior. The ones you shared here should do it.
3. Describe your emotion about this issue. You feel you do a lot of work that doesn’t make any difference to anyone. You got all excited about a possible promotion and now have no idea what is going on.
4. Clarify what is at stake. This is tricky. You can stick with how it is affecting you personally, or you can go out on a limb and share that you are worried about your boss’s health. The angle that you are worried about him can easily backfire, though, so take stock of the relationship. If you don’t have the history, he could easily get defensive.
5. Identify your contribution to this problem. Is it possible you are misinterpreting things? Be honest.
6. Indicate your wish to resolve the issue and be specific about what “resolved” looks like to you. This is critical and will provide both of you with a measure so you will both know that the fix is successful. In your case, I would suggest repeating back what you hear to make sure you got it right. Then document all conversations and email them to your boss for confirmation on what was agreed to.
7. Invite the other person to respond.

The thing I like most about this process is that it forces you to prepare for a conversation about one problem, and one only. You can’t pile on with everything your boss does that drives you crazy, but you can, maybe, make an impact on one thing he does that is impacting your success.

Maybe try a conversation first. If that doesn’t yield anything, then go to HR. You are not the first person to notice this, and this may even be a known problem. Regarding the promotion, you may just have to deal with the fact that it was never a real possibility in the first place. You won’t know until you tackle the fundamental problem with your boss or talk to someone in HR about it.

Happy holidays to you. I hope you get your promotion, and I really hope your boss is OK.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I have just been promoted. This has been my career ambition and it has been a long time coming.  

I have been leading a large team of individual contributors and will now be managing three other managers in addition to some individual contributors.  Two of these managers had been my peers and both seem to support my promotion.  Neither of them applied for this job, so I don’t have that awkwardness to deal with.  

The other manager—let’s call her Hesha—is quite new. Her team was moved into my area shortly before my promotion as part of a reorganization.  I don’t know her at all, but from looking at her social media it does not seem that she has the experience for the job. Her former boss left the organization at the beginning of the reorganization. I don’t know if he left on his own or if he was let go.  

This former boss got in touch with me on social media and asked if we could talk.  In a short conversation he told me point blank that Hesha was the daughter of an old friend of our CEO, he had been forced to hire her, she had no idea how to do the job or manage people, and she was hostile to feedback.  He went on to tell me that she has a lot of power, she was the reason he got fired, and I’d better watch my back. Yikes.

I was flustered enough that I got off the phone before asking the useful questions that occurred to me after we hung up—but I have a bad feeling about calling him back. Frankly, I have a bad feeling about all of it.  What do you think?

Been Warned

Dear Been Warned,

Yuck.  Bad feelings indeed. What a cruddy way to start off on this exciting leg of your journey.

You really have no way of knowing if Former Boss was telling the truth or what his ultimate agenda is.  His getting in touch with you seems extreme and smacks a little of a desire to sabotage by sowing seeds of doubt.

It is entirely possible that Hesha does have power and that Former Boss was a terrible manager, or worse.  Perhaps he was truly motivated to help you—but I have to trust your bad feeling that clearly comes from something seeming not quite right.  You may be able to locate some folks in the organization who worked with Former Boss—they may be your peers now, so you should get to know them anyway—and learn from them whatever you can about Former Boss’s character.

Remember that the rumor mill must have been working overtime when this drama went down. Use the information you hear only to give you an impression; don’t expect it to be reliable.

I think the key thing to do is to file away the whole incident as a data point that may or not be useful in the future.  Make your own decision about Hesha.  Do an amazing job as a manager and be above reproach.  Take extreme care to set up the beginning of the relationship by setting crystal clear goals with her and having regular one-on-one meetings to check in.  Make clear from the start that you see part of your job as giving feedback and that she should expect to get timely and specific feedback from you.  Tell her that she is also welcome to ask for feedback any time.  The more intentionally you set things up in the beginning, and the more clarity you provide, the less room there will be for suspicion.

Give it some time and trust your gut.  You’ll know the truth soon enough.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Here are the three biggest challenges L&D professionals face—along with some resources to successfully address each challenge.

Adding Credible Numbers to Your Proposal. The first challenge is how to quantify the bottom-line impact of improved leadership behaviors. There are three areas to focus on, says Paul Leone, author of Measuring and Maximizing Training Impact. “Key in on performance indicators that produce revenue, cut costs, or avoid future costs.”

When measuring programs designed to increase the effectiveness of leaders, Leone reminds practitioners to focus on improvements made by the direct reports of the leader in question.

“A leader’s productivity is really an accumulation of their direct reports’ productivity. I measure the impact of leadership training performance by looking at increases in direct reports’ performance and productivity.”

Leone shares more in his interview and webinar on Measuring the Impact of Training.

Convincing Others. Once you have your numbers together, you need to practice your financial presentation skills. “It shouldn’t be an adversarial meeting,” says Craig Spitz, chief financial officer at The Ken Blanchard Companies. “It’s about connecting the dots. Anytime learning and development professionals come prepared with models, numbers, and rationale that help make the case for training, they make the CFO’s job easier. If a training professional can show the impact of training, everyone is going to be interested in that.”

Spitz shares more in his interview and webinar on Presenting Your Training Initiative to the CFO.

Getting Out of Your Own Way. Finally, it’s important to recognize that there is a certain amount of guesswork when making assumptions about the impact of training. L&D professionals are often their own toughest critics, says Leone.  “Maybe it’s because we come from the social sciences or a more academic background. Maybe we tend to be harder on ourselves or hold ourselves to a higher standard—almost as if we think we need to write a thesis or a dissertation. That’s not the case. We just need to show value.”

But as CFO Spitz reminds L&D professionals, “Even the most thorough proposals are based on assumptions. Present your proposals confidently.”

Are you getting ready to submit a leadership training proposal? Don’t let these three challenges hold you back. For more on calculating impact, refining your presentation, and making the business case, check out these free resources available at the Blanchard website.

Blog Posts

Measuring the Impact of Training

Presenting Your Training Initiative to the CFO

Getting Buy-in for Leadership Development Training

Webinar Recordings

Making the Business Case for Training: Talking to a CFO

Leadership Training: Calculating ROI and Measuring Impact

Making the Business Case for Leadership Training

The leader does the heavy lifting.  To be effective, a coaching conversation must be a two-way discussion.  Both the leader and the person being coached (i.e., the direct report) need to be engaged.  However, if the coachee doesn’t fully participate, it’s easy for the leader to do more of the heavy lifting.  This is like the leader driving a car with the direct report in the back seat, enjoying the ride.  It’s the opposite of what is meant to happen. Both parties must be active participants in the discussion.  When using a coach-like style, the leader’s job is to draw out the brilliance of the person being coached.

The leader creates dependency.  When a leader does all the work, it can create a dependency on the part of the direct report.  For instance, the direct report asks the leader to help with issues they can easily handle themselves—or they delay action or avoid a decision on a task.  In extreme cases, the direct report starts abdicating all decision making to the leader.  When this happens, a leader’s own work time gets eaten up, which can result in their needing to bring home work that could have been completed at the office.

The leader talks when they shouldn’t.  When leaders facilitate a coaching session, some find it hard not to offer up good ideas—especially if the coachee is quietly contemplating what to say. This scenario is fairly common since most people need time to think about a topic before they chime in.  A leader who wants to be more coach-like needs to give people the gift of silence—which is easier said than done.  One tactic I’ve suggested to clients is to envision themselves sitting on their hands versus jumping in to help.  If the coach can stay silent, they are less likely to impart their own knowledge and more apt to draw out brilliance from their direct report.

When appropriate, using a coaching style can be instrumental to the development of others.  When leaders encourage their people to do the work and to come up with their own ideas and solutions, direct reports become engaged and step into their growth, which is a beautiful thing!

Are there any other traps you’ve seen leaders fall into when trying to be more coach-like? Please share in the comments section below!

About the Author

Joanne Maynard is a senior coach with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

But this isn’t true, says Paul Leone, senior ROI consultant at Verizon and author of the book Measuring and Maximizing Training Impact: Bridging the Gap between Training and Business Results. In Leone’s experience, financial executives are receptive when anyone in an organization shows that money being spent is producing a return.

“Senior executives just want to make sure money is well spent. They are not necessarily looking to reject the proposal. If it will generate results, it’s in everybody’s interest for the organization to do it.”

It’s important for HR and L&D professionals to realize that they are not the only ones coming in with proposals based on assumptions, says Leone. Even the most tangible projects are based on best-guess scenarios.

“Let’s suppose marketing is proposing spending budget making a commercial. They have to ask for budget just like any other department. So they do some predictive analytics and some research, but in the end they are making an educated guess that the commercial will produce an uptick in sales.”

L&D professionals shouldn’t feel that everyone else is going in with rock-solid assumptions and metrics, says Leone. Everyone is in the same boat more than they realize.

“Maybe it’s because we come from the social sciences or a more academic background. Maybe we tend to be harder on ourselves or hold ourselves to a higher standard—almost as if we think we need to write a thesis or a dissertation. That’s not the case. We just need to show value.

“I can honestly say that I think it’s safer to bet on a training experience to improve performance than to take a chance on a commercial. We are adding bottom-line value with training—it’s just that we never measure it.”

When Leone looks at the typical measurements organizations can use to measure the impact of leadership training—employee retention, customer satisfaction, and employee productivity—he recommends a rank order on how to use each of these common measures to make the case for training.

“Productivity is the best and most immediate indicator of training impact. If you send someone to training, increased productivity can happen as fast as the next week or the next month. That’s where your business case should focus. Key in on performance indicators that produce revenue, cut costs, or avoid future costs.

“Customer satisfaction is also good to show, but it’s second down from productivity. In many organizations, there’s not a dollar value assigned to customer satisfaction.

“Employee retention is number three because it is long-term. By the time you show that your training had a positive effect on employee retention, so many other things over the same period of time could’ve happened in the business that could take credit for that.”

When measuring programs designed to increase the effectiveness of leaders, Leone reminds practitioners to focus on improvements made by the direct reports of the leader in question.

“A leader’s productivity is really an accumulation of their direct reports’ productivity. I’m not talking about the leader’s ability to make better presentations, better speeches, or better contributions to teams—even though those things could be counted as gains in productivity. I measure the impact of leadership training performance by looking at increases in direct reports’ performance and productivity. I look to see how these leaders are impacting their frontline people who have the tangible Key Performance Indicators we are tracking every day—sales, repeat calls, phone-ins, customer satisfaction, and the like.”

Leone is also passionate about what he calls Level Six measurement—identifying factors that lead to high levels of ROI.

“After a training event, certain factors in a training participant’s immediate work environment can make or break your training initiative’s overall impact. These factors have nothing to do with your training content, or your trainers, or with how well you planned out your delivery. This is about the manager that the training participant is returning to in the workplace.

“We conducted a recent training where the overall return on investment was about 6 percent—a modest positive return.  But when we focused on a subgroup of 50 people who reported to one specific manager, we found that group had an 1800 percent return on investment! This was directly attributable to what the manager was doing with participants after the training—things like bursts, boosts, contests, and sit-downs, with the manager shadowing people to see if they were handling the calls in the way they had been trained.”

For leadership, learning, and talent development professionals still on the fence about including projected impact numbers in their training proposals, Leone offers encouragement.

“You always get the biggest bang for your buck with leadership training, because you’re sending one person through and influencing the ten people who report to that person. You’re paying for one person and influencing so many others.

“Don’t be afraid to measure the impact of your training. If you don’t, people will never know the value you bring to the organization. Speak up and show your value!”

Would you like to learn more about calculating ROI and measuring the impact of training?  Then join us for a free webinar!

Leadership Training—Calculating ROI and Measuring Impact

November 29, 2017, 9:00 a.m. Pacific Time

Improving leadership skills is one of the best ways to impact your organization’s bottom line. Still, many leadership, learning, and talent development professionals struggle to identify the expected return on investment for training expenditures and to measure impact after an initiative.

In this webinar, David Witt, program director at The Ken Blanchard Companies, teams up with Dr. Paul Leone, author of the book Measuring and Maximizing Training Impact: Bridging the Gap between Training and Business Results to show you how to identify anticipated fiscal impact of a leadership training initiative and how to measure it in a cost-effective manner after the training is finished.

You’ll learn:

• How to calculate the return on investment for your leadership training initiative using Blanchard’s Leadership Training ROI Worksheet. (The worksheet will be provided to all registrants.)
• How to measure the impact of training using the methodology outlined in the book Measuring and Maximizing Training Impact
• How to improve the adoption of new leadership practices from the classroom to the work environment

Don’t miss this opportunity to learn how to quantify the impact of leadership training in proposals—and how to set up your training to deliver on expectations.

Register today!

Some might say, “This is where coaching comes in!”  Wrong.

This is, however, a scenario in which organizational sponsors—a person’s leader and an HR partner—may call on a coach as a last-ditch effort to fix someone they see as a problem employee.  How unfortunate for coaching to be framed as some kind of desperate measure!  The employee hasn’t been trained well, hasn’t been clearly communicated with, likely knows they are failing, and probably feels anxious.

The purpose of coaching is not to “fix” people. People don’t want to be fixed. Even attempting such a thing would be a misuse of coaching. The value of coaching is it accelerates the achievements of capable people through partnership with a professional coach.

So, what should a coach do in the scenario above? Tell the truth. Have a compassionate truth-telling session with the organizational sponsors before the individual in question is even involved.

• In considering the opportunity, a skilled coach needs to make sure the sponsors have given the person crystal-clear feedback on what is not working, behavioral examples of what a change would look like, and some clear consequences if the employee fails to change.
• The sponsors need to know that they may not ask a coach to tell the person being coached something that person has never heard before.
• Even if the person being coached does make significant changes, people around them may not see or acknowledge the changes. It is difficult to change stakeholders’ impressions, even in the face of direct evidence.
• There is always the possibility that the employee is in the wrong job or the wrong organization. Some people realize through coaching that they need a different environment in order to be successful. The sponsors should know that one of the results of coaching may be the employee choosing to leave the organization. Conversely, if it is determined thorough coaching that the employee simply is not capable of making the necessary changes, they may need to be let go.

A capable professional coach will courageously address all these points with the organizational sponsors and ask them to honestly consider the viability of coaching success at this point. If sponsors and coach agree to proceed, all stakeholders must work together up front to identify and agree to clear and measurable outcomes (i.e., success measures), which the sponsors would share with the employee prior to the launch of coaching.

Finally, for all concerned, there should be a check-in meeting between the coach and the organizational sponsors 45 days into the coaching. At this meeting, the coach would offer to stop the coaching if they feel the employee is not willing, ready, or able to make the required changes.

Unfortunately, turnaround coaching is often proposed too late for an employee’s success. However, with true partnership between the coach and organizational sponsors in creating clarity, the coach can provide exceptional service and value to both the organization and the employee receiving coaching.

About the Author

Mary Ellen Sailer, Ed.D., is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 120 coaches have worked with over 15,000 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Hi Madeleine,

I run a business where we manage large projects and serve customers all day long. I have a new hire who just isn’t working out. She is rude to customers and makes constant errors. She needs to have instructions repeated again and again and just can’t seem to retain anything.

Last week I told her that it is possible she is not suited for our business and she might be happier doing something else. I was as diplomatic as I know how to be. She insisted she loves it here and that this is what she wants to do. Then she went and told everyone that I think she is terrible and I hate her.

What a mess. What on earth do I do now?

Made a Mess

Dear Made a Mess,

I’m not sure you can salvage this situation—and even if you could, I’m not sure you should. You may be right that your employee is not suited to the role if she not only has the undesirable qualities you first mentioned but also gossips to anyone who will listen.

My first instinct is to advise you cut your losses and let her go.

My second, more kind instinct is to suggest you sit down with her to have the difficult conversation. Explain that you don’t hate her; in fact, you want to help her succeed and do a reset.

My third instinct is to let you know that in my 28 years of coaching, I have not once had a client regret letting go of an employee that was taking up the bulk of their waking hours. So there you go.

To avoid this kind of thing in the future, put some focus on business fundamentals.

Hiring: My experience and research shows that hiring is 90 percent of the battle in getting the right fit for the role. Attention to detail and service orientation are inborn traits that are hard—maybe impossible—to train to people who don’t have them. As they say, it is easier to hire a squirrel than to train a chicken to climb a tree. It sounds like you could use some behavioral interviewing techniques. Once you find a new employee who seems to be a good fit, start with a three-month trial before going to a full time contract. This will give both you and the new hire time to assess the job and culture fit.

Onboarding: When you find that you’re always repeating yourself, it may be best to use checklists or put step-by-step instructions in writing. Create a manual accessible for new employees to review. You will also want to state your values, in writing. For example, if it is not okay for employees to gossip, this should spelled out in your values.

Use Situational Leadership® II: Our flagship product at The Ken Blanchard Companies is essentially a prescription for foolproof performance management, in which a leader provides exactly what the employee needs to be successful at any task or goal. You can read more about it here. In your case, you would need to provide consistent and repeated clear direction to help your employee succeed. Perhaps you aren’t good at that—or maybe she just can’t or won’t follow directions. In any event, this is a very worthwhile leadership model to know about.

It sounds as if you have been flying by the seat of your pants when it comes to performance management up until now. You’ll avoid trouble like this again in the future if you put some processes and systems in place to protect yourself from time sinks and embarrassments moving forward.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Blanchard has worked with a number of clients who are using this strategy along with external coaching for executives and senior leaders.

What are the must-have skills and qualities an HRBP needs to be an effective coach?

A desire to serve others. In the coaching world, we call this the C gene. It’s a coaching mindset that is bent toward facilitating learning and growth for others.

Formal training and practice in coaching skills. Anyone can call themselves a coach, but skilled coaching requires formal training and a lot of practice. Great coaches know that continuous learning—honing of the craft of coaching—makes us better able to serve our clients.

A clear directive. A qualified internal coach can answer these questions: Who do I serve? What are the expected outcomes? What responsibility do I have regarding working agreements with the client and the organization?  For example, if an internal coach is coaching an individual and also that person’s manager, whose agenda takes priority? What information can and cannot be shared?

The ability to compartmentalize. When we coach inside an organization, we hear all manner of stories that are juicy, relevant, inspiring, and horrifying.  An internal coach can keep it all in a box without judging the content. A coach is a vessel. We don’t judge. We serve.

Awareness of when to seek external support. Blanchard has trained coaching skills to hundreds of HRBPs in many different industries. HRBPs consistently say it’s hard to coach upward—that senior leaders and executives just won’t open up to an internal coach because it feels too risky.  We also hear that when the HRBP isn’t a good match for the person in need of coaching, the coaching doesn’t work. HRBPs who coach need to know when to leverage outside support.

A good coach can make all the difference for an individual, a department, and an organization.  It’s the thoughtful use of skills in the right place at the right time that will make the HR business partner successful in serving others.

About the Author

Patricia Overland is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a VP of international sales in technology. We are a fast-paced and very lean startup, so we barely have any HR department and no employee manual yet—certainly no one who can help me with this.

I recently hired a young woman who is just great. She is smart, quick, she goes the extra mile, and she’s crushing her numbers and making friends in the organization. She is quickly becoming my secret weapon. But she has no idea how to dress.

Her taste in work clothing is wildly inappropriate. She dressed perfectly for the interview phase, but now the heels are sky high, the skirts are too short and tight, and the necklines are way too low. People’s eyes literally go wide when she walks by.

I am no fuddy-duddy. I don’t care how she dresses on her personal time. I just don’t want people to get the wrong idea about her. She is so smart and talented and I want to keep her from hurting herself professionally. But I feel the need to reel her in before clients start judging us for her lack of judgment.

What can I say and how can I say it without hurting her feelings or having her think I am somehow judging her or harassing her? I know people in the company have begun to talk about her. I need to do something about this fast.

Victoria’s Secret Not Welcome Here!

Dear Victoria’s Secret Not Welcome Here,

Well, there is some good news: she dressed appropriately for the interview, so you know she has some sense about what is suitable. You have that going for you.

You absolutely must give her feedback and make a clear request. Be clear, direct, and nonjudgmental, make a direct request, and give her a timeline for compliance. Let her know you think her work is terrific and this is not a reflection on her overall professionalism. If you have enough of a relationship, you might go so far as to note that you are partially motivated by your desire to see her succeed and grow as a professional and that you don’t want her choice of clothing to undermine others’ perceptions of her credibility and competence.

You have to have someone else with you in the meeting—preferably someone from HR, even if they are in benefits. If you really don’t have anyone, try to find a trustworthy female peer. This conversation needs to be private, but not hidden.

Your new star may very well have only one or two appropriate outfits and may be trying to get by with her regular wardrobe. Clothes are expensive, and it is time consuming to shop. You may consider offering her a wardrobe allowance so that she can get herself up to snuff quickly.

She may also be trying to express herself and build a brand, which is a thing these days. In this case you can acknowledge her strong sense of style, but say that you need to ask her to channel it. It is hard to get it right for women, but there are excellent sources for guidelines.

If you Google images of “professional attire for young women” you will find lots of helpful photos. You can suggest she find a couple of looks that suit her and build from there. You might also suggest a role model in your organization—a woman who dresses appropriately—if there is one.

Timeless rules of thumb exist for women who want to look impeccable at work. When I was first starting to work in the corporate environment, I had almost no professional clothes and I got feedback from my boss. “Your blouse has to have sleeves; your skirt needs to be no higher than 2 inches above the knee and your heels no higher than 2 inches.” I still remember it because it was so specific, and I have used it ever since. My boss was kind and nonjudgmental. I was embarrassed but I was grateful because I just didn’t know.

She may get defensive and that’s okay—just let her vent. Don’t get caught up in any drama. But you must be clear, direct, and neutral. Remind her that you are on her side and want nothing but success for her. Decide exactly what you are going to say in advance—and do not fall into the trap of discussing it. You will only get yourself into trouble. Tell her you are only going to give her this feedback once and you aren’t going to be the wardrobe police because you didn’t sign up for that job—but you expect to see some changes.

I expect this will do the trick. I sure hope so.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

The current requirements to achieve the designation of Master Certified Coach are 200 hours of coach-specific training, 10 hours of working with an MCC mentor coach, a credible log documenting 2,500 hours of coaching with at least 35 clients, a performance evaluation based on audio recordings and written transcripts of coaching sessions, and the completion of the Coach Knowledge Assessment.

Certainly, 2,500 hours of coaching is a lot of experience. But what does it actually mean? And what should clients expect when they hire a coach who has been designated as a master? What would make it worth the extra money?

A master coach should be able to work with any kind of client, even if the match isn’t perfect. Any good coach will help their client identify goals, map out the steps to achieve them, pinpoint strengths to leverage and weaknesses to mitigate on the journey, and help keep the person on track. The master, however, will ensure that the journey is shorter, more efficient, and fun.

A masterful coach will

• Make the client feel heard and understood
• Leave the client with new learnings that are useful and actionable
• Provide direct but kind feedback when possible
• Tell the truth without blame or judgement
• Share context, information, a new model, or relevant research to help the client think something through or expand perspective
• Be a stickler for professionalism and crystal clear agreements
• Keep the coaching conversation laser focused
• Understand what motivates the client to challenge them effectively
• Meet the client exactly where they are
• Be an advocate and champion for the client’s best self
• Have achieved some kind of success themselves
• Be a Swiss bank vault for confidentiality

Many perfectly adequate coaches will do most of these things. It might be easier to identify a master by what they won’t do.

A masterful coach will not

• Have a pre-determined agenda about who or how the client should be
• Judge or criticize the client
• Get defensive in the face of feedback from the client
• Whip the client into temporary action by using fear or ego to generate adrenaline
• Ask why questions or questions that serve to only satisfy the coach’s curiosity
• Over-focus on the past
• Indulge in philosophizing—or worse, therapy
• Obsess about accountability
• Withhold an opinion or information that might be helpful
• Give specific advice, especially in areas where they are not expert
• Answer the question What would you do?
• Tell the client what to do
• Speculate about other people’s motives
• Get bogged down in the client’s story
• Create dependence on the coach
• Discuss other clients or boast about client successes—or worst case, take credit

A master coach will never forget that every client success is achieved by the client—and as good a coach as they may be, the coach is only as good as the client.

Master coaches are insatiable lifelong learners and are constantly adding to their knowledge and skills. I can’t imagine why anyone would hire a coach who isn’t constantly striving to improve and grow themselves.

The thing that is so hard to pin down, and impossible to teach, is what some might think of as wisdom. The master coach will have deep experience in several disciplines and have the flexibility of intellect and creativity to synthesize seemingly random concepts into useful ideas.

Any client, no matter how accomplished or brilliant, should be able to expect that a Master Certified Coach will be an intellectual equal and an emotionally well-adjusted grownup who takes full responsibility for their own frailties.

About the Author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is the co-founder of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

The best way to reduce turnover and increase engagement is to make sure managers set aside time once or twice each month for employee-directed one-on-one meetings. In these meetings, the manager sets the time but the employee sets the agenda.

Your role as manager is to simply show up and ask questions such as “How’s it going?” or “What’s on your mind?”  Then—this is important—fight the urge to talk. Instead, simply listen. That’s it! (For more on listening, check out the blog post 3 Reminders on How “Just Listening” Is Sometimes the Best Approach by Joanne Maynard.)

A Case Study from a High Turnover Industry

At The Ken Blanchard Companies, we know that listening to your people can make a critical difference.  We were once called upon to help a fast food chain in Southern California with a problem prevalent in the quick service industry—high turnover.

This restaurant chain’s turnover rate hovered close to 100 percent—with one glaring exception. The rate at one location was found to be significantly lower than that of all the other stores.

In talking to the manager of the exceptional store, we learned that he ran his store in exactly the same way as all the other managers except for one thing: this manager met with each of his employees for a few minutes every week to see how they were doing.  He encouraged each worker to talk about how things were at the store, what was going on at home, or how they were doing at school—whatever happened to be on their mind at the time. Except for these casual meetings, every procedure at this location was identical to those at other stores in the chain.

When asked why he conducted these one-on-one meetings, the manager said, “I figure if my workers know that I really care about them as individuals, they’ll be less likely to go down the street for a new job just because it might pay a little more.”

This really intrigued Dr. Margie Blanchard, cofounder of our company.  She wondered if weekly one-on-one meetings could really make that much of a difference.

To find out, she conducted a test with 20 Blanchard managers.  She asked every manager to meet with each of their direct reports for 20 to 30 minutes at least every other week.  She specified that the direct report set the agenda and decide what to talk about during their time with the manager.

At the end of six months, Margie separately interviewed three different groups—the managers who had set up the meetings; the department heads who had ensured all the managers participated; and the direct reports who had guided the discussions—to get their feedback on the process.

Several managers told Margie that at first they were disappointed in their abilities as a manager. When their employees had questions or asked for direction, they felt ineffective when they couldn’t immediately fix a problem. One of the managers said, “I don’t know what I was doing before, but I don’t think I was managing very well. I believe I’m a better manager now because I know the people on my team on a more personal level.”

Next, Margie asked the department heads if they had noticed any changes in the relationship between managers and direct reports. All of them said yes—there had been a noticeable positive difference in the level of communication taking place.  There was a better overall vibe.

Finally, Margie talked to the direct reports. This group had the most telling feedback, summed up by one person: “It’s been good. My manager doesn’t always know the answers, but I still appreciate that she takes the time to ask about what’s going on in my world. It’s been a very positive experience and has helped our work relationship.”

We Spend Time on What We Care About

You don’t need to have all the answers to create a connection—just make the time once or twice a month to sit down and find out what people are thinking about.  It’ll make a big difference! Consider how much it means to you when someone shows an interest in what is happening in your life.

In a busy world, the way you spend your time reveals what is important to you. People stay with managers and organizations that care about them.  Ask your managers to help you demonstrate that care.

What happens on the front end of coaching is critical for identifying results on the back end. Depending upon which role you play related to coaching, properly setting up coaching can go a long way towards meaningful measures of coaching. Let me share four perspectives with some questions that will help.

The Organizational Sponsor. This is the person who is providing the coach for someone in their work environment.  Beyond connecting client and coach, the sponsor must be able to articulate the expected outcomes of the coaching.  Two questions that will help are “How will we measure effectiveness?” and “Who gets to evaluate that effectiveness?”  It is the role of the sponsor to ask both of these questions to ensure that coaching achieves the desired outcomes. You can’t expect the client and coach to hit the right target if you don’t show them the bullseye—but it is surprising how often this is not clearly identified up front.

The Internal Coach.  This is the person working in the same organization as the client, and responsible for the coaching.   In addition to meeting the individual needs of the client, the internal coach must be able to show direct value—even when not specifically tasked to do so—for keeping a coaching initiative alive in an organization.  Questions for the internal coach to ask include “How am I expected to show value for the work I am doing?” and “What contribution does this work make to the company’s vision, mission, and strategy?” It is imperative that the internal coach address these questions to the satisfaction of the people making budgetary decisions.

The Client. This is the person being coached.  If the client’s organization is making the coaching investment, there is usually an automatic—yet unspoken—expectation about outcomes. In more than twenty years as an executive coach, I rarely have seen an organization that can readily describe desired outcomes. The client must be willing to engage in conversations with their leader and others in the organization to say “Here is what I’m working on, and why” and “This is the outcome I achieved.” The client should able to complete this sentence “The impact on our business was…”

The External Coach. This is the person who has been asked to coach someone, sometimes at the request of the client, sometimes at the request of the organization. The external coach has a responsibility to help the organization and the client determine a clear line of site between desired outcomes and what happens in coaching (aka the outcome.) It is important to ask the client “What expectations does your organization have regarding outcomes?” and “What expectations do you have?” It is also important to ask “What methods will we use to show that you have achieved your objectives and goals?” as well as “Who needs to know?” Of course there is a whole series of questions that will help the client determine the link to business outcomes and impact as well. Asking “What impact will meeting this objective have on your team and your business?” is a great place to start.

Because external coaching is often a significant investment, showing the value makes an important difference in how coaching is perceived. In all cases, it is important to understand the purpose of coaching—the ultimate reason for the investment in time, effort, and dollars. Equally important is to understand what needs to change and how that change will be measured and, finally, articulating an outcome that shows impact on both the person being coached and the organization. When these factors are addressed appropriately up front, the coach and client are much more likely to be able to show measurable success.

About the Author

Patricia Overland is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Dear Madeleine,

I have been asked to participate in a 360 degree feedback program.

My boss and the HR team will see the results—and I think the results are going to be used to make promotion decisions.

I have a bad feeling about this. I’m not that worried about someone giving negative feedback, but the whole process feels very unsafe to me.

My participation seems to be optional. What do you think?

Unsafe

Dear Unsafe,

Well, this is a can of worms if there ever was one. There are entire books on this topic!

The best practice in most organizations is to give the results of a 360 report only to the person who is the subject of the feedback, and to offer the support of a trained professional to debrief the report with the participant and create an action plan based on the results. I have heard of organizations including 360 results in personnel decisions, but it is not a recommended practice. The problem with any feedback is that it usually says as much about the person giving it as it does about the person receiving it, so the results can be tricky to interpret. You can’t always be certain about anyone’s agenda, especially if that person has an ax to grind or is competing for a job with the subject of the feedback.

In your situation, I would say get more information to help you make the decision about whether or not to move ahead with the program. Questions to ask include:

• What is the assessment, and is it a validated tool? (We have seen some 360 tools created “in house” that are really poorly written and confusing! This can invalidate any results.)
• What does the assessment measure?
• How will your raters be chosen and will you have input on the choice?
• Will you get to see and learn from the results?
• Will you get help to interpret the results and create an action plan based on them?
• Who else will be doing this process?
• Who exactly will be seeing the results?
• How will the results be used to make decisions?
• Just how optional is this opportunity?

Ultimately, declining a development opportunity never makes you look good. And properly sourced feedback can be a gift, so I am inclined to say go for it. But if you feel unsafe, I suspect there is a good reason for it.

Sit down with your boss and get answers to your questions. Share your uncertainty and ask your boss what he or she thinks you should do. A candid conversation about the whole thing will increase your confidence and ability to make the right decision for yourself.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Why don’t more managers schedule regular one-on-ones? Time pressure is one factor but sometimes uncertainty on what to discuss can also be a problem. But as this story explains, managers are not expected to have all the answers.

Ready to take a second look at one-on-ones? Here are three posts to offer you help and encouragement if you are ready to make one-on-ones a part of your management skill set in 2017.

Could You Be More Coach-like in Your One-on-One Conversations? Consistently, the data shows strong correlations between a leader’s coaching effectiveness and measures of employee commitment…

Need More Time? How Recurring One-on-One Meetings Can Help I recently coached an ambitious sales person with ten direct reports after he attended a three-day Managing People workshop…

Getting the Most from Your One-on-One Conversations: 6 Tips for Managers and Team Members A recent survey conducted by Training magazine found that 89 percent of those polled want to meet with their manager at least monthly, and 44 percent want …

For a leader, the annual office holiday party can be a tricky event to navigate. Whether it’s making small talk with Barry from Finance about how much he loves spreadsheets or looking after increasingly tipsy Pam from Marketing, the holiday party can be a real minefield for leaders.

Well, fear not, modern managers! Here’s a handy list of DOs and DON’Ts to ensure this year’s party is a success. Or, if this year’s party has already passed in a blur of Jägerbomb-induced regret, pin this list on a bulletin board and begin preparing yourself for next year’s shindig.

DO: Show up!

It’s very important that you, the leader, attend the party—at least for a little while—no matter how much you might not want to. Your colleagues will expect it and appreciate it. It’s a great way of showing your team you’re invested in them not only professionally but also personally. Understandably, finding the time to attend an office party outside of business hours can be challenging for leaders who have families, but you should be able to do it if you do a little advance planning.

DON’T: Be the last person standing

For some of you avid party-going managers, this might be difficult—especially if you are one of the younger attendees. Even if it’s tempting to party until the break of day, when you are a leader it’s better for you to arrive early and leave early. The reasons for this are twofold: First, if alcohol is served, leaving early minimises the risk that you’ll over-imbibe. Second, it’s important to step away and allow your team to let their hair down in your absence (even if you do have the best moves to the Whip/Nae Nae). Of course, this is dependent on office culture and team relationships. Your team might be more than happy for you to shake your booty until the wee hours with them—but be wary of outstaying your welcome. As a leader, it’s never a bad idea to step back from partying at some point during the evening and gather the team to reflect for a few minutes on what you’ve all built together. Then say your goodbyes and either go home or continue your evening elsewhere, away from your colleagues. Preserving a little mystery can be a good thing.

DO: Behave like a leader—not a parent

Make sure you devote some time to contributing to a good party atmosphere: Show a sociable interest in your colleagues. Mingle. Have conversations about topics other than work. This is an excellent opportunity for you to build a friendly rapport with individuals on your team. Don’t forget to let yourself have a good time—but always keep in mind you are still a leader. If one of your colleagues has a few too many drinks and starts making a fool of themselves, do the responsible thing—call them a taxi and don’t talk about it on Monday. Be cautious not to cross the boundary between leader and parental figure. Remember, everyone is an adult. Don’t berate others for their alcohol intake or scold them for misbehaving.

DO: Know your limit

This should go without saying, but it takes some experience to drink responsibly when there is an open bar. If you decide to drink, be sure you don’t overdo it. Your team will be expecting you to remain in control. You work hard all year to gain the trust and respect of your team—don’t blow it by having one drink too many. A good tip is to be proactive: fill your stomach with a good meal before you go to the party.

DON’T: Discuss tricky topics

For some people, alcohol combined with the casual atmosphere of a company party can remove the filter between a person’s brain and the words that come out of their mouth. People may be inclined to come to you with a complicated work problem after they have had a couple of drinks. But if you find yourself discussing a difficult topic with either a team member or your own boss, be careful. When underlying issues flare up in a party environment, it’s easy to over-share—which could damage your reputation.

DO: Get to know your team and have a good time!

The holiday party is an excellent opportunity for you to get to know your people away from the office atmosphere and the pressures of work. It’s a chance for you to find out new things about your team members, and for them to see what your personality is like on the other side of your desk. Take this opportunity when people are more relaxed to find out about their hobbies and their families, and realise how terrible their jokes are. Also, let your team find out more about you and your life outside of work. A relaxed party environment is a great place to find out whether you have more in common than just working together. Perhaps you and a colleague both have children, or a love of pets, or enjoy the same music. These kinds of conversations deepen your relationship with your team. Sharing personal information is a good way to build trust, and remind your team that you may be their leader, but you are still human.

What do you think? Do you have any tips for leaders to ensure they can enjoy the annual holiday party and keep things professional at the same time? Do you have any success stories about great parties? Share them in the comments!

I am a COO in a multi-national import business. Our founding CFO has a foot out the door and we want to promote our comptroller, Bridget, into the job. She is lightning fast, ahead of the curve on international issues, articulate, and can really stand up for herself in what is—let’s face it—pretty much a man’s world. She has her MBA and she seems to be ambitious.

The problem is, Bridget has no idea how to dress. This may seem superficial, but we are all charcoal-suit- with-the-white-shirt guys. She dresses like she buys her clothes at Victoria’s Secret and she wears way too much makeup. Her unprofessional appearance totally distracts from her good qualities.

So far she has worked behind the scenes so no one has said anything. But if she were promoted we would need her to take part in client meetings—including in Asia and the Middle East—and she would need to look professional and upscale.

No one knows how to approach Bridget about this. We are actually considering just passing her over and starting a search. What do you think?

Buttoned-up Suit

___________________________________________________________

Dear Buttoned-up,

I think it would be sad for both Bridget and you—not to mention expensive in both time and money—to pass her over and launch a new search before making an attempt to solve this problem. What a waste if you have someone already on staff who is almost perfect.

I have to wonder: where is your HR department in all of this? I can only assume they are also buttoned-up suits and don’t even see this as their problem since you are the one writing. You obviously believe in this woman and want to see her succeed, so I encourage you to make the effort—but you will need to tread lightly.

It would be absurd to overlook someone who knows and gets along well with all of you, who will have zero learning curve about the company, and who is incredibly competent. But I understand the dilemma and I believe Bridget needs to hear the feedback and act on it. This is no small feat, but it can be done. It is not that unusual a situation but there are some big hurdles here—so you have to decide if they are worth the effort.

Have the talk.

It would be ideal if you could find a female executive who could have a talk with Bridget—but it sounds as if that might not be an option. So someone—maybe your HR person, maybe you—is going to have to man up and sit down with your whiz kid. In the conversation, make it crystal clear that her current way of presenting herself may well be holding her back—and that she needs to literally show the executive team that she is willing and able to up her game to be considered for this promotion.

This needs to be handled sensitively, but if it is clear to Bridget that the person giving the feedback really has her best interests at heart, it could work. I am speaking from experience. I went from being an actress to working in the corporate world and had no idea how to dress. My new boss, whom I trusted, gave me feedback after my first client session: my skirt was too short, my heels were too high, and I shouldn’t wear sleeveless blouses. I was truly embarrassed, but I knew it wasn’t personal and I was grateful because I knew my boss had my back. I went shopping and started a collection of what I considered work uniforms.

Be specific.

When talking to Bridget, use neutral language to describe the problem. Be very specific without adding value judgments. An example: “We think you are great at your job—but in order to consider you for any promotion, we need you to dress more professionally. You’ll need to wear blouses that have short or long sleeves and that fit properly, are not revealing and do not gape. Your heels should be no higher than 3 inches, and the length of your skirts and dresses should be no shorter than 2 inches above the knee.” (I would say no higher than fingertips of extended arms, but some people have short arms and anyone over 50 really should not be using that rule anyway.) Emphasize that clothes should fit properly and not be tight.

If you aren’t really sure, consult a website—there are tons. Here is one: What Is Professional Business Attire for Women?

Offer assistance—and understanding.

You might consider offering Bridget a wardrobe budget so that she can quickly and completely rebuild her work wardrobe. This process takes years for most of us. It would help to suggest a personal shopper as well, and equip Bridget with pictures of what you would consider to be appropriate. Also, think about gifting her with a lesson from a professional makeup artist to help her find a daytime appropriate work look.

Dress and presentation are rooted in culture and deeply personal. Many people see how they dress as a fundamental form of self expression. You can have conversation about this. Women who dress provocatively in the workplace are often following a role model that makes sense to them; or they really enjoy making an impact; or they simply believe it is what is expected of them. I have worked with many employees over the years who see the way they dress as a political statement and feel, therefore, that clients should be okay with it. But nothing will ever make it okay for an outside consultant to wear Birkenstocks to a meeting at Goldman Sachs. I often compare dressing for success to wearing a costume to make the right impact on a specific audience.

Present rationale—and time line for the shift.

Make it very clear that this is not personal—it’s because you believe she will be more effective if she is able to match the way she presents herself to the culture of the organization. Certainly remind her that in her personal life she can, of course, wear whatever makes her happiest.

Set a reasonable target date for when you expect to see a substantial change in how she presents herself. Expect that you will need to give her a few second chances—and when she shows up at work wearing something unsuitable, gently but specifically point out to her what is inappropriate.

Be realistic about the outcome.

Finally, keep in mind that she may not be able to make the shift. I have seen it happen a couple of times. This would also be sad but at least you will have made the effort, and she will have been given the  opportunity. Some people will never compromise their self image for any reason.

This is a tricky situation. It touches on gender equality issues, personal identity, and the compromises we all make to fit into our tribes of choice. But it is not as if you are a nasty boys’ club asking her to wear tighter, shorter skirts. That would be a real problem. You want to invite her to be in your executive level club—where you know she deserves to be. But to get that invitation, she needs a costume change.

Let me know how it goes—and good luck!

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am worried about my boss. He has always been super bright, ahead of everyone else, with a mind like a steel trap. He has been an amazing boss and a real mentor for me; I have a lot of respect and affection for him.

Lately he has been forgetting critical things, like big decisions we’ve made and meetings that have been scheduled forever. Just yesterday he showed up at a client meeting with potential customers whom he’d met several times and it was clear that he did not remember them. I am constantly covering for him. I try to make sure he is prepared for things, but then he forgets our conversation. I am running myself ragged trying to do my job and his. Others on the team are noticing it, and people are starting to talk. He really seems too young for this to be happening and I don’t know what to do. I would never want to hurt him, and it would break my heart if he thought I was talking about him to HR or anyone else. What do you think?

At a Loss

Dear At a Loss,

Well, heartbreak is ahead for you in this situation any way you look at it. I couldn’t be more sorry. Truly. You absolutely must, must, must go to your boss’s boss or to HR. If you won’t go right now, at the very least start documenting every incident so that you have a clear record of what is going on.

The best case scenario would be that your boss sees a doctor and finds out he has a correctable condition that is impairing his cognitive function. This is actually possible, and I hope that is what is going on. The worst case scenario would be that he has some kind of early onset dementia that will not improve with medical attention. Either way, you owe it to your boss and to your organization to make sure he gets help. If you have any relationship at all with his significant other or spouse, you might want to have a heart to heart talk with that person as well.

It is critical that someone have your boss’s back and makes sure he is properly taken care of. I have heard horror stories about senior leaders in organizations who learn a colleague is impaired and take advantage of the situation by having that person sign away their rights to pensions, insurance, etc. Perhaps you think this would never happen at your organization—and that would be a good thing—but keep your eyes open.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

I manage a small team at a software company. It’s go-go-go, constant crazy all the time, but that’s okay—it’s what I signed up for. I like the work and the atmosphere.

My problem may sound odd to you: my boss wants to be my friend. She is always asking me to lunch and saying things like “We have the same taste, we should totally go shopping together.”

I like her—she is a good boss, she works hard, and I respect her. I am happy being friendly with her, but it just doesn’t seem like a good idea for us to be buddy-buddy. I like all of my team members but keep things very professional with them as well. 

I asked my dad about this and he said I should play along— that it’s always good to be friends with the boss—but it just doesn’t feel right to me. What do you think?

Too Close for Comfort

Dear Too Close,

Not so odd, actually. A lot of people find the dynamics of workplace relationships confusing. And things only get more complicated when we spend more time at work than anywhere else!

I think you are right and your dad is wrong. There is clearly something that feels off for you about this situation, or you wouldn’t be giving it a second thought. If you have an intuitive sense here, I urge you not to ignore it. It is very tricky to be BFFs with the person who has control over your salary, your work assignments, and your professional destiny. I am a big fan of boundaries—keeping things friendly without crossing the line to true intimate friendship.

The question is this: how do you draw a boundary without hurting her feelings or seeming snotty? It sounds as if your boss throws out ideas but doesn’t extend any real invitations that force you to turn them down. So when she throws out ideas like shopping, you can laugh and smile and change the subject. Lunch is trickier; but as long as you pay for your own, you should be okay. If there ever was a good time to start bringing your lunch to work, this would be it. And you’ll save time and money as a bonus!

Even if something isn’t off and your boss just really likes you, it’s best to keep things cordial and professional. Maybe someday if you get promoted to her level and she no longer has any power over you, you can revisit the situation.

Finally, I applaud you for being thoughtful and considerate—and for not seeking to turn this situation to your own advantage.

Good luck,

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Recently, we began implementing a company-wide change process that included redefining our organization’s values. As you might imagine, leading a change initiative in a company that teaches change management poses a unique set of challenges.

I helped lead the rollout of our new values. In the process, I learned three things I want to pass along in case your organization is considering a similar move.

Don’t be afraid of top down. Vision and direction need to be set in stone by executive management. People may get nervous or annoyed that the ones at the top are making these decisions, but it doesn’t need to be framed that way. It’s really a matter of perspective.

When I was young, I took a trip to Washington and climbed to the top of Mt. St. Helens. The view at base camp, where hundreds of people were checking their gear, stretching, and prepping to make the ascent, was very different from what I saw when I reached the summit. By far, the best views of the abundant vegetation, wildlife, and beautiful Spirit Lake could only be seen from the top of the mountain. In the same way, a change initiative must start with the people who have the responsibility for the larger view of the company. Take advantage of that perspective. Have senior leaders begin the conversation on the vision, mission, and values that correspond to the organization’s five, ten, or twenty year plan.

Get buy-in early: The biggest misconception people in organizations have is that buy-in should happen toward the end of their change process. On the contrary! The buy-in process needs to start at the beginning of the initiative. This part should be a collaborative effort with everyone’s input. In our company, we rally around the phrase Feedback is the breakfast of champions. Once the initial vision is formed by senior leadership, others need to be involved in shaping the plan.

For our values initiative, we conducted several half-day online workshops so that everyone in the company would have the opportunity to review, discuss, and weigh in on the proposed values. More than 80 percent of our total workforce participated. Senior leaders were delighted to hear the many ideas shared during the process and enthusiastic about the values that ultimately rose to the top—including two that were dubbed Kenship and Getting to D4. (Email me at gus.jaramillo@kenblanchard.com if you want to see the final list.) Taking the time for feedback and buy-in made for a stronger final product.

Fully integrate values into systems and procedures. Values are great to display on the wall—and trust me, we are posting them everywhere! But if they stay on the wall without actually being integrated into organizational systems and procedures, they will end up merely as outdated décor. No one wants that. Ultimately, values drive behavior. To this end, we are working to develop ways that our performance management system, recognition programs, and hiring procedures will fully integrate with our new values.

The steps we are taking in this direction include a redesign of our annual recognition program that includes the addition of specific awards that match values-based behaviors. We have also created a private Facebook page where all Blanchard associates can share real-time praise of colleagues (to highlight a sale, great teamwork, successful training) for all to see, along with a hashtag to the particular value that is being demonstrated such as #Trustworthiness. These are two great ways for us to reinforce the positive behavior that we believe will drive success in the organization—and there’s more to come.

That’s Us—How about You?

That’s how we are approaching our change initiative. How does it match up with your approach? We know the process of implementing organizational change is never easy or quick. But we also know if we work together, make the effort, and take the time to do things right, we will succeed—and our organization will be the better for it.

Dear Madeleine,

I read last week’s column with interest because I am also a fairly new manager in a small organization who isn’t sure whether to speak up about a problem. I have five direct reports. Two of them have come to me to say they have seen an employee who reports to another manager stealing things such as office supplies, toilet paper, and teabags and coffee from the break room.

I was going to stay out of it—until I actually witnessed her emptying half a box of artificial sweetener packets into her purse! I was sitting close by, and she didn’t even seem to care that I saw her do it.

This behavior strikes me as really odd. I would assume people know they are not supposed to help themselves to items meant to be used by people at work.

I have no experience in how to deal with this. Should I tell my manager? Should I tell the person’s manager? I kind of hate to get her in trouble, but I also don’t want to send the message that the behavior is okay.

Unsure

Dear Unsure,

You really need to say something. As a manager, you represent the organization so your silence has power. Now that you personally witnessed this behavior, to not report it would be seen as condoning stealing. Stealing is a strong word for this kind of petty theft, but it is technically the truth.

I guess it might be possible the offender doesn’t realize what she is doing is wrong. It may simply be that her own manager needs to talk to her about it.

The more likely scenario is that she does know it’s wrong and either has some kind of underlying compulsion she needs to deal with or is hostile in some way toward the organization. Perhaps she feels she is underpaid and therefore entitled to these extras.

So you need to tell someone—it could be your own manager, the manager of the offending party, or if you have an HR person you could start there. Even if you feel a little like a rat, it is the right thing to do.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

I’m one of two managers at a small company.

Recently, a couple of the other manager’s employees shared some feedback with me—in confidence—that their manager is micromanaging them and doing other things that make their jobs more stressful and less enjoyable. 

None of them are willing to bring this to their manager and they want me to..

I’m uncomfortable bringing it to her because I don’t think it would be well received. And I don’t want to go to my boss because I’ve said negative things about her before and I don’t want to seem like I’m competitive or have a vendetta. At this point I’m planning on doing nothing, but I know that’s not what’s best for the organization. Help! 

-Good Intentions

Dear Good Intentions,

I recently heard the expression “Not my circus, not my monkey.” It made me laugh out loud. You need to make this expression your mantra right now.

I love your plan. It is an excellent plan. Do nothing is exactly what you should do.

You are dead right on almost every count. It would not be well received for you to give the offending manager the feedback. Even if he or she were your best friend in the world, it would be impossible.

I disagree that your going to upper management with the feedback would be what’s best for the organization. In my opinion, what would be best for the organization is for employees to be able to give feedback to their boss or, worst case, their boss’s boss. The kind of workaround you are suggesting would just set the stage for more gossip and whining.

Ultimately, there is simply no upside for you to take on this monkey. However, here is what you can do: encourage the complainers to complain to someone who can do something about the problem. It is incumbent upon them to share the feedback with their manager—and the next time they come to you, you must tell them that. You need to draw a boundary and not allow them to complain to you about anything but you or your people. If they continue to wuss out, tell them they should go to their boss’s boss. If they refuse to do that, they are on their own. They can continue to be victims of their own cowardice and suffer in silence. Plenty of people do it.

If I were your coach, I would ask you a few challenging questions:

• What are you doing that makes another manager’s employees think it is okay to talk to you instead of their own manager?
• How are you implicitly condoning the behavior of these employees?
• Are there other areas of your life where you take on problems that aren’t really yours to solve? If the answer is yes, what does it get you other than more headaches?

As you may have heard, no good deed goes unpunished. Heroics from you at this point will probably not help anyone or anything to get better—and will probably hurt you. Stay focused on your own circus and your own monkeys, and let the chips fall where they may.

Good luck.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

In a new article for Training Industry Magazine, “Why Do We Wait to Train Our Managers?” leadership experts Ken Blanchard and Scott Blanchard share that companies rarely think about providing training to someone making the transition into their first leadership position until the individual actually settles into their new role—or later. For example, the average tenure of people enrolling in their new First-time Manager training program is two years.

And research by Jack Zenger of leadership consultancy Zenger Folkman has found that most managers don’t receive training until they have been in a leadership role for almost ten years!

This is much too long of a delay—and it underestimates just how difficult it is to manage the work of others. As a result, CEB research has found that 60 percent of new managers underperform in their first two years—with negative consequences for both new manager and direct reports.

That’s a shame, say the Blanchards, considering how much better things could be for everyone if leaders would receive the training they need when they step into a new job on day one.

So Why Do We Wait?

Why don’t organizations train new leaders earlier in their careers?  The Blanchards believe it may be a holdover from the past, when training was cost prohibitive and organizations would invest only in people who were definitely going to remain with the company.  Although this may have made some sense in the past when training was a two-or three-day classroom event, the arrival of blended and virtual options has dramatically reduced the cost involved. Their advice?

“Don’t hold your best people back—in fact, don’t hold anyone back. Why not train everybody who desires it? One thing we’ve learned in working with clients is that the people who raise their hand and ask to be included in leadership training are the people who end up being the best leaders in your organization. Show everyone you value them and are willing to invest in their development.

“We can do better than allowing 60 percent of our new managers to underperform.  With inclusive policies that identify and provide people with the training they need, we can greatly improve this statistic to the benefit of new managers, their direct reports, and organizations as a whole.”

You can access the complete article from Training Industry Magazine here.  For more information on the Blanchard approach to first-time manager training, take a look at the extended article “Essential Skills Every First-Time Manager Should Master”.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a senior director at a big pharma company. Our company has grown quickly through mergers and acquisitions—four in the last four years, in fact. I’ve noticed a big problem with what seems to be an “us and them” culture. Even some of my peers forget that we are all one company now. We’ve spent a lot of time talking about values and strategy, and people seem to be on board with it. It’s the little stuff that concerns me. 

For example, some of my colleagues still come to work wearing shirts that have their old company logo on them. They’ve been given new gear, but still think it’s okay to wear the old stuff. I’ve also noticed that there is a lot of “we/you” language: “We’ve always done it this way.” “We’ve been successful, and you need to think about…” It’s very frustrating. What can I do to convince my peers that these small, subtle things actually have a big impact? 

—Trying to Shift Things

Dear Trying to Shift Things,

You are frustrated by something that is nothing more or less than fundamental human nature. We are essentially tribal. We automatically create “in-groups” made up of the people we see as most like us—and we prefer them to anyone else. This is a well known phenomenon; there are reams of research proving it. The minute you have teams made up of the shirts vs. skins, team members will fight on behalf of their own. It made me laugh that in your situation you are literally dealing with shirts! So classic.

You are clearly a senior person on the acquiring side, so you have an expectation that the conquered nations will bow to the triumphant one. But it doesn’t work that way. Essentially, you are asking people to shift loyalties, which can certainly happen—but it does take time.

What you are dealing with here is affecting culture change. There about a million books and blogs available to you on this topic, so I am not going to try to be an expert on it here. But I do have one approach that can get things moving in the right direction.

Put the problem, as you see it, to your group. Ask for their perspective on it. As a group, agree on one or two behavioral changes that support a feeling that you all are pulling for the same team. Get the conversation going and have them talk to their own people about the impact of the subtle things. You cannot convince anyone, but you can arrange for dialogue with your peers.

And get help! Since you are big pharma, I am almost certain that you have at your disposal an HR partner who lives and breathes this kind of problem and would be delighted to work with you to solve it. This is so much bigger than something you can accomplish by yourself—but you certainly can be a champion for change.

Good luck,

Love Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

This interesting video points out how every weakness has a flipside—a strength. And vice versa.

When you understand not only the strengths but also the weaknesses of your direct reports, you can better tailor their work to help them achieve their goals. For example, someone who is extremely creative and bright may lack organization. When providing this person with a project, give them a short outline to help them stay on track or set up regular check-ins to ensure they are making progress.

Next time you feel let down as a leader, learn to find the strength within the weakness. Practicing this skill will demonstrate your appreciation for each person’s value and make you a better leader.

Dear Madeleine,

As you’ve probably noticed, the political situation in the US has gotten completely out of hand, with presidential candidates running amok. I don’t know what your political opinions are, but I am hoping you can help me with my untenable situation.

Both my boss and one of my direct reports are super, emphatically, enthusiastically—let us go so far as to say insanely—supporting one political candidate whom I find repugnant. In the past we have had witty repartee about politics, but nobody has a sense of humor about this anymore. It is beginning to feel personal; almost dangerous.

Yesterday, I was standing in the hallway and saw my boss pass my employee’s cubicle. They laughed about some new development and high-fived each other. My boss caught the look of horror on my face.

I am actually worried about my job now. What can I do?          

—Surrounded

Dear Surrounded,

Well, I guess it is too late to warn you to strap on your seat belt. We knew it would be a bumpy ride, but who saw this crazy fun house ride coming? On the other hand, I have been listening to the new musical Hamilton, which has drawn my attention to the fact that political opponents used to challenge each other to duels, which often ended in a death. Did you know that in 1804, US Vice President Aaron Burr shot and killed US Treasury Secretary Alexander Hamilton in a duel? They had been lifelong friends and colleagues. I find this remarkable. So, as nutty as current affairs may feel, we have actually come a long way.

Are you really worried about your job? Because if you are serious, you should probably have a chat with HR and start documenting every event that makes you feel unsafe. You could have a hostile workplace on your hands. At the very least, HR could deliver a warning to your boss.

But to answer your question “What can I do?”—it is an age-old adage that you should never talk about politics or religion in polite social company. This is your opportunity to practice extreme self-regulation. This means:

1. Keep your mouth shut.
2. Find and maintain your sense of humor. Just because nobody else has one doesn’t mean you can’t.
3. Absolutely refuse to take any of it personally. Develop a mantra—something like This is not personal—that you can repeat to yourself when you start feeling hot under the collar.

It’s hard to do this when you care as much as you obviously do. But taking the high road will make you feel like the better person. Perhaps you could channel all of that passion into volunteering for your candidate.

And for goodness’ sake, VOTE!

Love Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

I’ll summarize the major buckets as I saw them, but I encourage you (after you read this, of course!) to click on the graphic and read what people said in their own words.  This exercise paints a very human picture of the challenges new managers face when they first make the jump from individual contributor to supervising the work of others.

Here’s how I categorized things:

The vast majority of challenges dealt with people issues—things like managing former peers (about 20% of responses), managing conflict, improving morale, building trust, earning respect (about 15%), or working with older or more experienced team members (about 13%.)

The second biggest bucket contained performance management issues. This included setting goals, providing day-to-day feedback, coaching, redirection, and year-end performance review (about 13%.)

The topic of the third big bucket was personal concerns about the new role and included time management, prioritization, and finding balance along with trying to do it all and live up to expectations (about 15%.)

These findings are similar to what we have been seeing in an ongoing survey we’ve been conducting to inform the development of The Ken Blanchard Companies new First-time Manager program.

That research, combined with extensive interviews of managers and client organizations, helped us develop a curriculum for first-time managers that focuses on four essential communication skills—Listening, Inquiring, Telling Your Truth, and Expressing Confidence—together with four performance related conversations all new managers needs to master.

The four conversations were drawn from the three key principles in Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson’s best-selling book The New One Minute Manager®— Goal setting, Praising, and Redirecting—and joined by a new, fourth conversation, Wrapping Up, which is about bringing closure to goals and tasks.

What categories do you see when you look at the responses?  How do they match up with your experience as a first-time manager?  If you would like to participate in our ongoing research, please use this link to take a short five-minute survey, or just use the comments section below to share a thought or two.  What was your biggest challenge as a first-time manager?

Unfortunately, research shows that new managers are usually promoted without the skills needed to be a good manager and that 47% of companies do not have a new supervisor training program in place.

As a result, 60% of new managers underperform in their first two years according to a study by the Corporate Executive Board resulting in increased performance gaps and employee turnover.

More importantly, research by Harvard Business School professor Linda Hill has found that negative patterns and habits established in a manager’s first year continue to “haunt and hobble them” for the rest of their managerial careers.

It’s critically important that learning and development professionals help new managers get off to a fast start—both for their immediate and long-term future.  What type of support are new managers experiencing in your organization?  If it’s not what it should be, the new Blanchard infographic can help open up a conversation and encourage some steps in a better direction.

You can download the first-time manager infographic here—and be sure to check out a new Blanchard first-time manager white paper that explores the issue more completely—including suggestions for a first-time manager curriculum.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a manager at a large commercial real estate company with nine people reporting to me. I really try to stay connected to them and I want the best for them. 

Recently, my boss came to me and severely criticized one of my people—and I understand his point.  “Pete,” the employee, is really smart and works hard. In a lot of ways he is an ideal worker.  But when he gets in front of a group, both internally and (worse) with clients, he starts running off at the mouth.  He gets going and he just can’t shut up.  He hijacks the conversation and doesn’t let anyone get a word in edgewise.  This recently happened in a meeting with my boss and things got out of hand. The weird thing is that it doesn’t happen when he and I are one on one, or even in our small team meetings. 

I have given Pete feedback on this problem before. But when I went to him to give him feedback this time, he broke down.  He knows he gets anxious and out of control. He has no idea what takes hold of him or what to do about it. 

All of the next moves for him and his career involve the kinds of situations that seem to set him off.  I am at a loss for how to help him. What can I do?  —Want to Help

Dear Want to Help,

Boy, is Pete lucky to have such a nice boss.  It sounds like Pete has a strong anxiety behavior that is going to tank his career if he doesn’t get a grip on it.  The good news is that the first step is awareness. Both you and Pete have that, and you already have opened a dialogue about it.  So there is real hope here. Some thoughts for next steps:

• Most large companies have excellent Employee Assistance Programs. Pete would really benefit from working with a behavioral therapist who can help him both identify the triggers for his offending behaviors and practice strategies for self regulation.  Most EAPs offer between six and ten sessions, so Pete could make real headway with a competent professional.
• Research supports that the practice of mindfulness is an excellent stress management technique and there are many free resources available for the truly motivated.
• You can work with Pete to prepare for his next meeting by getting him to take deep breaths and asking him to simply be aware of his anxiety. You can also help him to come up with a measurable goal for his behavior. For example, “If I can’t say what needs to be said in one sentence, I will not say it.” This works well for many people who interrupt, wax on inappropriately, or overreact to colleagues.

Good luck to Pete, and to you.

Love Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am a director (eighteen years with the organization) in an old, well established, multinational firm. I have actually worked with a coach who helped me become a better manager and expand my network. My boss—let’s call him Tom—has always been a fan of mine and has helped me to grow and develop. Up until now, that is. A while back, it became apparent that Tom was having an affair with his secretary. It was painfully obvious to everyone, and people were talking about it. He was married, with kids and a golden retriever, and his secretary would literally giggle when she was around him.

At a certain point he was really becoming quite the talk of the town. So, at the end of a one on one with Tom, I told him that he should pay attention to how he and his secretary were behaving because they were headline news on the gossip channel. I thought we were friends and that I was watching his back.

Well, big mistake. First of all, he categorically denied it. That should have been my clue that we were not, in fact, friends. He then proceeded to remove me from all of the strategic meetings he had been sending me to, to take away a couple of direct reports, and finally to give me a crappy performance review that was totally fiction and uncalled for. I know this because I have never received a poor performance review in my entire working life. Worst of all, I wasn’t even considered for a promotion that he had been openly grooming me for.

This all happened over a long period of time. He was so good at masking the truth of what was going on that it actually took me awhile to put two and two together. My attempts to discuss this with him and work it out have met with total stonewalling. But the bottom line—and this is where I am now—is that I have been punished. Severely punished. I am heartsick over the loss of someone I thought was a friend and the unfairness of it all. I will never find a job like this one in my geographical area, I have kids and don’t want to have to move them. Help.     —Trapped

Dear Trapped,

Is there anything worse than doing something with the best of intentions only to have it blow up in your face? Talk about the adage “No good deed goes unpunished.” So let me first say I am so sorry about this situation. It absolutely stinks. You might want to call up that old coach just to have someone to talk to about this and get some support in deciding how you are going to proceed. In the meantime, here are some ideas of ways you could go.

1. You could go to HR and be a whistle blower. It depends a lot on your company’s policies, but an old established company probably has a rule about relationships in the workplace—especially between manager and direct report. At the very least there almost certainly are implicit rules regarding common decency and decorum. Although it is true that nobody likes a rat (refer to last week’s post), in this case you really might have a leg to stand on.
2. Get legal advice. Get some advice from an employment attorney—and getting the scoop on your state laws can’t hurt. You may very well have a case for harassment in the form of retaliation, especially if you had impeccable performance reviews before this happened. Of course, this would initiate a long journey through the legal system that might just end your career—so be very honest with yourself about just how angry you are and to what extent you are willing to go to remedy the unfairness and hurt feelings.
3. Put yourself on the market. Brush up that resume and create a LinkedIn profile. Return those calls you have been getting from headhunters. If nothing else, you will put the intention out there and get a reminder of just how experienced and skilled you are. You say there is no way you will get another job—but you don’t really know that for sure.
4. Keep your head down and wait it out. I have heard this story before, and I can guarantee this is not going to end well for Tom. So, you could focus on getting your work done, developing your people, and creating relationships with as many people in the organization as possible, and just ride out the soap opera. Take some classes to brush up your skills. Don’t forget about your career aspirations; just put them on the back burner for now.

Finally—and you probably really don’t need to hear this—I feel obligated to underline something here, if only for my readers. When you like someone and have an easy, amicable relationship, it is easy to overestimate their level of self awareness and ability to tell the truth about themselves—especially when they are behaving badly. Almost always—and certainly when the person has the ability to make your life a living hell— it is the wiser move to keep your mouth shut even when you have the best of intentions.

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

For this reason, I prefer to label these as core skills instead of soft skills. I’ve been using the term for 25 years, since I first heard a speaker extol their virtues. After the session, I suggested to the presenter that if these skills are so central to communication and maximizing effectiveness and contribution, they might be better regarded as core skills. To make a long story short, both the speaker and I used that term from that day on.

People are invariably the most expensive ongoing investment an organization makes—and a critical potential asset, if managed properly. Often, though, the management of this asset is treated as an afterthought until things go wrong. For example, recently in the U.K. a newly promoted manager successfully sued her company for not providing the promised training of leadership skills she needed. The result, she claimed, was stressful conflict in the office as well as sleepless nights, resulting in divorce and ill health. She won a substantial settlement.

While that may be an extreme case, many people are not adequately equipped for new management positions and subsequently leave organizations. When this occurs, it is a loss to the individual, the people they are supposed to manage, and the organization as a whole.

As a learning professional, how are you treating core skill development in your organization?  Is it an afterthought or is it a strategic directive?  Here are three ways to find out.

Evaluating your current situation

• Do you understand the organization’s key organizational goals, strategies, and objectives?
• Has the organization articulated a strong focus on people skills development as a critical part of its future success? How well are you positioned to affect this?

Identifying first steps

• Ensure that you have assessed the critical skills, competency needs, and current capabilities of your present and emerging leaders to meet present and future business objectives.
• Gain active support from senior leaders and line operations to ensure top priority of core skills training and the establishment of a learning culture.

Taking action

• Formulate company and individual training and development plans and obtain resources and programs as needed.
• Provide a comprehensive road map to acquire and support the application of core skills in the workplace.

Don’t let the development of so-called soft skills become a second-tier priority. These core skills are essential to the company’s vitality and effectiveness—and without them, your organization will not be able to meet the needs of the future.

About the Author

John Slater is a Senior Director, Client Solutions for The Ken Blanchard Companies working out of Blanchard’s Toronto, Ontario regional headquarters in Canada.

Dear Madeleine,

I have an excellent employee who has been working for me for over three years. She has always had a good attitude and she meets her deadlines, turns out reliable work product, and gets along with others—truly a model employee. 

The problems started about four months ago when she started coming in late, leaving early, missing deadlines, and making excuses.  I have been cutting her a lot of slack because she has always been so great, but now her peers are coming to me with complaints and I need to do something. I don’t want to hurt her feelings or make things worse by de-motivating her. I don’t know where to start. – Cutting Slack 

Dear Cutting Slack,

This is a classic situation—and boy, is it tough. When excellent employees like this one start letting you down, it is almost always because of something going on in their personal life. It could be a health problem or some kind of big transition involving herself or someone close to her, or serious money trouble. Sometimes there is a mental health or addiction problem at play that might cause your employee to be secretive because of embarrassment. The usual instinct for a great employee is to buckle down and try to tough it out without making a big deal of it at work, which is often not realistic or sustainable. If your employee is a very private person it will be even harder for her to talk about what is going on, even without sharing details.

Your big job is to not let this situation go on—especially since others have noticed. You must confront her, gently and kindly, with the truth. And HR needs to get involved, for several reasons. You have to document what has been going on so that you have a reasonable and objective record. When your people are going through tough times it’s really easy to cut them a break for a little while, but over the long term you may be left holding the bag. So after you understand the situation, set up a timeline for getting back to normal and create a contingency plan in case getting back to normal is not an option. Your employee may benefit from EAP offerings, or she may need some kind of compassionate or long-term unpaid leave.

I know it will feel like you’re kicking her when she is down, but most workplaces are set up to require 100 percent from each person. It is ultimately unfair to you and your team members to let someone underperform too long for any reason. If your employee really does have a big problem, you can organize your team to support her outside of work by setting up a meal delivery schedule, for example.

Don’t delay, Cutting Slack. Deal with this situation with compassion and care—but deal with it head on.

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

New leaders need to take the time to share information and build trust says Dessalen Wood, VP of Talent Development at Cineplex Entertainment. In an interview for the June issue of Ignite she shares a personal example to illustrate her point.

”At Cineplex I was hired to replace someone who had been with the company for 20 years. Two of my new direct reports were senior people who had been working with the outgoing leader for close to 15 years. I was at the end of the interview process when the hiring committee let me meet the team as the preferred candidate so that we could get to know each other.

“So I sat down with them and said, ‘What would you like to ask me?’ Like most people, they wanted to know what I was going to be like as a leader.”

Wood knew she had an opportunity to share a model of what their leadership journey would look like. Using the only piece of paper available—a napkin—Wood quickly drew a box and divided it into four quadrants which she labeled S1, S2, S3, and S4 to correspond to a Directing, Coaching, Supporting, and Delegating leadership styles. Next Wood shared that her natural style of leadership was the S3 Supporting style.

“I pointed to the quadrant labeled S3 Supporting and I said, ‘This is who I am. I like to participate in your decisions and support you in your decision making. I love to chat and I love to understand and I’m really excited about what you are doing. I want to support you.’

“’But here’s the catch,’” Wood continued. “‘That is the type of leader I am when I know how to do my job well and I am very comfortable in my environment. That’s who I am going to be. But the person you are going to be working with for the next few months is going to need a lot of details and information, which will look more like S1 or S2, or what you would call a micro-manager. The S3 Supporting and S4 Delegating leadership style, which is who I really am, will come only after I have a lot of trust and faith and feel I can responsibly let go.’”

This is important to identify and call out early, explains Wood. Even leaders who are by nature more hands-off and delegating will appear more hands-on and micromanaging when they step into a new role. That’s not because they’ve changed who they are. It’s because they are new to the situation and need more information and understanding before they can responsibly delegate.

Wood’s recommendation?  Help new leaders get off to a fast start by discussing the leadership journey early in the on-boarding process. Then encourage new leaders to share what they’ve learned with their direct reports. Wood even goes so far as to suggest leaders set a “go live” date when they expect to be leading as their real selves.

“People need to see new leaders as learners on their own development journey and understand that the leadership style they are displaying when they are new and a learner is not necessarily going to be the inspiring and wonderful leadership style they’ll use later. This allows the natural empathy and optimism to come out—which is so important in a new relationship. It helps both parties build a really wonderful bond.”

Interested in helping your leaders to a faster start?  You can learn more about Wood’s recommendations by reading her complete interview in On-Boarding New Leaders, Also be sure to check out the complimentary webinar Wood is conducting on June 24 where she will be sharing more information on taking a development-based approach to on-boarding mid-to-senior level leaders.

Dear Madeleine,

I am at my wits’ end. I worked hard in college and graduate school and have what some people might call a “Type A” personality. I take on a lot, I work really hard and I complete my work by the agreed-upon deadline.

For the past few years I have been working for a huge organization with a great reputation—but I realized quickly it has a culture of non-accountability.

This didn’t bother me much until recently, when I was promoted to be a department head. I have inherited several folks who clearly have been getting away with less than standard performance for some time. I really do not have the option to clean house—I am going to have to make do. Help!  —Making Do

Dear Making Do,

This is definitely a tough one, but there is an opportunity here. If you play your cards right, you could earn yourself a reputation as a leader who can turn a department around.

The first thing to remember is this: horrified though you may be to have inherited a whole staff of people you didn’t choose, neither did your new staff choose you. Imagine what it must be like for them to have yet another new boss, someone they know nothing about, who is coming in to crack the whip. They will absolutely sense your disapproval and will respond by proving you justified in your negative assessment. No one wants to be judged a slacker—and even if you try to cover it up by being nice, people will think you believe you’re better than they are.

So first things first. Take a big deep breath and keep an open mind. Put aside the hearsay about this group’s previous performance and make it your business to get to know these people and find their best so you can leverage it. The most important thing you can do is learn each person’s strengths and interests and then figure out how you can make the best of the situation you are all in.

To understand your people and get them moving forward in a positive way, start by having everyone in the department take the VIA strengths assessment. It is free and easy to complete. Once everyone—including you—has completed the survey, ask each person to craft a self-introduction with personal stories that show up each of their top strengths. You can share one or two at each staff meeting. You might also be interested in having each person complete the StrengthsFinder 2.0 survey—but this one has a charge, so you would need to have the budget for it. Focus on what is best in each person and also what is already working well, and then you can tackle the other stuff.

The next step is for you to create an environment in which your people will get to know you, be inspired by you, and sign up to follow you. The best tool to do this is the Leadership Point of View (LPoV). You can find complete instructions on how to create your LPoV here. An LPoV is essentially a statement of your beliefs and values around leading others. It helps to paint the picture of the future where there is consistency between your values, your words, and your actions. It is ultimately a course on you that teaches people what you expect from yourself and from them. To create your LPoV, think about these things:

• What drives you as a leader?
• Who are the key people who have influenced you? They can be real people, like your Uncle Pat who was the first in the family to go to college, or they can be fictional. For example, I was deeply moved and inspired by the protagonist of To Kill a Mockingbird because he stood up for someone who was unfairly accused and was willing to put himself and his family in danger to do the right thing.
• What are the events in your life that shaped you and your attitudes?
• What do you believe about what a leader’s job is?
• What are your leadership values? Which value is most important to you?

Boss watching is a hobby of just about anyone who has a boss. People are always trying to figure out what their boss is really thinking and what their boss really wants. Most bosses keep people guessing. Make it easy for your people to understand you by being explicit about what they can expect from you and what you expect from them. You probably think these things are obvious, but they are not—and in the absence of clear expectations, people will make things up about you. In the worst case scenario, they will continually test you to see what they can get away with. So, if you want people to be on time, tell them. If you expect people to meet their deadlines or to come to you early in the process to explain what will keep them from meeting their deadlines, tell them.

A caveat about sharing your LPoV: you must give your people permission to call you out on it if they experience behavior that is not consistent with your LPoV.

Your people will certainly be interested in your LPoV, and may be surprised by it. Their knowing your LPoV will increase the chances that they will trust you, follow you, and give you their best. People want to do good work and make their bosses happy. The more clear and consistent you are up front, the more successful your connection will be with your people.

Your best option with this new group of folks is to hold yourself to a high standard of leadership. This shouldn’t be a stretch for you, since you are already a hard worker. You can win them over and be role model for higher standards all round. Instead of bemoaning your fate, rise to the occasion! Good luck.

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!