Dear Madeleine,

I’m dealing with a very weird situation. I’m on a large cross-functional team made up of leads and managers. Our leader is the new EVP of operational excellence. He seems to really like some of the members of the team and really dislike others. He regularly forgets to include the people he dislikes in critical meetings and decisions. He makes snarky remarks when someone he dislikes floats an idea, only to compliment the next person who says practically the same thing.

He has created a division between the liked people and the disliked people. It is subtle, and I’m not sure I would have noticed it if one of my best friends at work wasn’t on team reject. When she pointed it out, I couldn’t unsee it. I feel lucky to find myself in the in-group, but can also see how the situation is headed for disaster.

I lead teams myself and can’t understand what this new guy is up to, why he is doing this, or how he hopes to succeed. He also does other things that make no sense, but this particular thing is the worst of it.

What would you do in this situation? I am at a total loss.

So Confused

______________________________________________________________________________________

Dear So Confused,

Getting operational excellence right is hard enough without shenanigans like this. One trait of a toxic leader is to play favorites. It destabilizes teams by destroying trust. There is a good chance your new EVP is totally unconscious of what he is doing and the effect it is having. In my opinion, this is the behavior of someone who needs to have power over others and achieves it by keeping people nervous and jumpy. If he bullies some people and not others, it automatically creates a reflex in the not-bullied group to stay on his good side, and slowly silences everyone.

 It sounds like this person is not your direct boss, nor the boss of your friend who has been relegated to the out-group, so it may not affect your performance review if this cross-functional team doesn’t accomplish anything. But that may not be true for your friend.

You have a few choices here, but none of them are attractive.

You can do nothing, which will inevitably impact the relationship with your friend.

You can get together with your friend and brainstorm what the two of you could do to change the situation. You might consider recruiting a few more team members from both the in-group and the out-group to engineer some kind of revolt. If you could manage to pull the whole team together, you could include HR to conduct an intervention of sorts. It would only work if the entire team was on board and unanimously demanded that everyone on the team be treated with respect.

You might consider going to the EVP and pointing out what you are observing—but that could be a career-ending move. People who need to have power over others usually aren’t keen to get feedback from anyone, especially not from someone they see as a subordinate. It depends on how much power he has and what kind of trust he has built with his peers and his superiors. Along those lines, you might practice standing up for people he is snarky with—but again, it’s possible all that will accomplish is to get yourself relegated to “team reject,” as you call it.

Look at the situation from all angles with as many of your team members as you trust. If a majority of the team agrees to stick together, you might have a chance to shift the ugly behavior. At the very least, you can probably ensure that nothing gets done, and let it reflect badly on the EVP. Does it appear that I’m condoning subversive behavior? I guess I am, because if people don’t stand up for themselves and each other, leaders like your EVP end up getting promoted and wreaking more havoc from an even stronger position.

Document every incident you remember and start keeping a running log of unacceptable behavior moving forward. This way, you will have a leg to stand on should the situation escalate. It would probably be up to your friend to take this whole mess to HR and to her boss. You might also mention the situation to your own boss, if you trust them.

The more you can get the team to stick together, the better chance you have of getting the EVP to change—or better yet, getting him removed.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services as well as a key facilitator of Blanchard’s Leadership Coach Certification course. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a team in a large company that recently went to an Unlimited PTO policy. I am glad, because tracking and trying to get people to take their PTO was a pain.

So far, it has worked pretty well. The policy is that people need to request holiday time in advance, mainly so I can cover for people and not have too many people out at the same time. As a team we try to stagger summer holidays and take turns being on call for the big ones that everyone takes, summer Fridays, etc.

My problem is one of my team members—I will call her “S”—who calls in sick almost every Monday. I didn’t really notice it until it started to happen regularly. I also have noticed that she never accepts Monday meetings. Other team members are making jokes about how we can’t have certain meetings on Mondays if S needs to be there.

When S comes in on Tuesdays, I can smell the alcohol on her. I suspect she is partying so hard on the weekends that it bleeds into Mondays and she thinks that is okay. I actually don’t know if that’s true, but something really feels off about this. Thoughts?

Monday Madness

______________________________________________________________

Dear Monday Madness,

Something is off. When other team members start cracking jokes about something, it is your cue that it is long past time to address it.

I can only assume you have an HR business partner, so you need to check in with that person to get the details on the Unlimited PTO policy. Most require the employee to clear PTO with the manager in advance (as you mentioned), and a doctor’s note is required for extended time off due to illness. The whole idea behind PTO is to give people the flexibility and freedom they need to manage their lives and choose how to manage their time to get their work done.

The fact that you and your team are having to schedule around S is an indication that she is using the policy incorrectly—so you must step in. Her cavalier “I just don’t work on Mondays” thing is way out of bounds and you need to put a stop to it pronto. The reasons ultimately don’t matter. If S actually is dealing with an illness, she needs to tell you and work with you to manage her schedule and properly support her in getting the help she needs.

The question of her smelling of alcohol is a separate issue. If she is partying like a maniac, it isn’t really your business unless it keeps her from showing up to work. And you don’t know if that is the case, even though it might seem that way. You can be prepared to share information about mental health and substance abuse support if your company has an EAP program in case S reveals anything that makes that appropriate.

There is a good possibility S is just confused about what Unlimited PTO really means.

Get the facts, get some solid language from HR, practice if you feel shaky, and then say what needs to be said without blame or judgment. Be clear with S about what is required and what is unacceptable. And offer appropriate help if it is needed.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Reading about how tired we are is fatiguing. So let’s try something different.

We’re built to want to be part of something that’s meaningful. We’re eager to learn. We love wrestling with a challenge. It’s in our nature and we can’t help it. So instead of focusing on how everyone is depleted, why not appeal to our better selves?

Here are things you can do to re-energize yourself and your team.

Make Meetings Energizing

Here’s an all-too-typical meeting: a leader doggedly works through a PowerPoint deck while a restless audience scrolls through social media, checks email, or stares vacantly at the slides.

How do you avoid this and make your meetings more dynamic? Make sure everyone participates!

• Invite people to ask questions, and then elaborate on their answers.
• Ask attendees to call on other participants to share insights.
• Compliment people when they make an insightful observation.
• Have designated people share best practices, then open it up for others to contribute their brilliance.
• Put people in break-out rooms where they work on and create solutions to a current problem (Called Highly Paid Experts Activity.)

If you really want to engage people, ask, “What can we do that will put us out of business?” The purpose of this provocative question is to identify a real-work problem that perpetually pops up. Then have your team fix it. You can end the meeting by having all team members share their inspired ideas and then piloting the best solution.

Beat Meeting Fatigue

What to do if your team is inattentive?

Here’s an obvious solution: Hold shorter meetings. Schedule meetings of 20 instead of 30 minutes or 50 instead of 60 minutes. This will reduce cognitive overload and meeting fatigue.

You could also assign a different team member each week to run the meeting. They would be responsible for gathering agenda items and creating interactive exercises.

Here’s a different suggestion: stop the meeting and ask, “Is there anything we should start doing so we aren’t so drained? What should we continue doing? How can we make sure we’re serving customers and each other at the highest level? If you were running this meeting, what would you do to keep everyone engaged?”

You want to spark a courageous conversation. Your goal is to discover why your people are frustrated. Listen to their answers and weave their solutions into the fabric the workplace.

Hold Short, Weekly One-on-Ones

What? We are recommending another meeting?! One-on-ones are something different. Hear me out.

One-on-one meetings with your people are one of the most powerful tools a leader has to re-engage a fatigued workforce. They’re also one of the greatest gifts you can give someone—you are creating a reliable space where they set the agenda and share what’s on their mind. Another benefit? Since your people know they have this time coming up, they’ll contact you less often about the little things.

Your first job is to just listen. That’s easy to say—but hard to do. Our minds are so busy planning the next big thing that we often listen halfheartedly. What are people’s favorite three words to hear from you? Tell me more.

Here’s a common example of halfhearted listening: instead of focusing on what you were saying, your manager was scrolling through their phone. Now think of a time when you talked with a boss who leaned in, heard what you had to say, and even confided their frustrations and hopes. As the direct report, how much effort would you want to give to the manager who was preoccupied versus the one who genuinely cared?

Make one-on-ones with your people meaningful by asking these questions:

• What’s most important for you to discuss today?
• What would make your life easier here?
• What is energizing to you? What would you like to do more of? What consistently drains you?
• What can we do to make our team more effective?
• What about your job makes you want to take the day off?

Foster Connectedness

Fostering connectedness is a great antidote for fatigue. We can get energy from being around other people. Leaders can create connection by building a culture where people get to know each other, celebrate successes, recognize accomplishments, and generously give praise.

One idea is do a round robin where people share the goals they are working on and you share why they are so important to the team and organization.  This not only builds community, but fosters interdependence.

The business world has historically been a conservative place. But we are living through a unique time. We all need to be inclusive and welcome one another with open arms. People will thrive when you make them feel that they truly belong and introduce them to the amazing talents on their team.

Be Caring

Show others you care. Everyone has been affected by the pandemic—and everyone needs some compassion and support.

If someone looks frustrated, request they stay after the meeting and ask: “What’s going on with you? How can I help you? Do you need more direction on anything? How would you like me to support your ideas?”

Leaders can forget to do this when they’re under pressure—or worry they may create additional stress. But that’s not true. As a leader, your caring words will energize and engage.

Take Advantage of Emotional Contagiousness

Emotions are contagious. Here’s an example that proves it.

We all know what it’s like when that certain person walks into a room. You’re laughing with your colleagues, and all of a sudden, the energy is sucked right out of everyone. The part of the brain that recognizes and reacts to these kind of signals moves incredibly quickly and is observing all the time. So how we present ourselves is extremely important.

Each of us has to decide whether we want to be an energy vampire or an energizer. If you’ve read this far, I know you want to be an energizer.

Think about what energizes you. If you’re not sure, look for things that excite you when you talk, when you share, or when you hear an idea that piques your interest.

We need to acknowledge negative emotions so people can let them go, and also embed positive emotions by calling them out and “catching” their positivity. Energy follows focus: to create a high performing, energized team, be sure you are helping your people pay attention to what’s important.

Engage Online Audiences

Online meetings are a breeding ground for disengagement. People easily get bored staring at a screen, so they start multitasking or don’t pay attention. The fact is, people who are online need interactivity every two to three minutes to keep them focused.

Your challenge is to inspire your people to participate so they feel energized when they leave the meeting. A great way to generate interest is to ask “What was your biggest success this week?” After someone shares, ask them how they achieved it. By doing this, you are engaging and empowering speakers.

Chats, breakout rooms, and polls are other effective tactics for engaging virtual learners. A game/contest at the end of a meeting can add spice. You can create a crossword puzzle or hold an impromptu quiz show where your audience tries to stump top performers/leaders. And remember: repetition and engagement are needed if people are to transfer what they learned to the workplace.

Give the Spotlight to Your Top Performers

Have an employee who’s knocking it out of the park? Ask them to share with the team what they’re doing that helps them be so incredibly successful. Let them share their secret sauce.

When you do this, you’ll energize the person who gets to teach. You’ll also give your team a huge gift because they’ll learn how one of their peers is successfully tackling a challenge. Now all of your people will be energized because you have painted a picture of what a good job looks like and had someone show what to do to achieve it.

So there you have it: Lots of tips to fight pandemic fatigue.

We’re passing through extraordinarily difficult times, but we can still bring energy and vitality to the workplace. When you share the gift of connection and engagement with your people, you’ll inspire them and help them thrive.

About the author:

Vicki Halsey is Vice President of Applied Learning for The Ken Blanchard Companies. She is the author of Brilliance by Design, Legendary Service: The Key is to CARE, and Leading at a Higher Level. Vicki is the co-developer of Blanchard’s Legendary Service, and SLII® training programs.

Dear Madeleine,

I recently joined the executive team of my organization as an interim VP. I am pretty sure I will end up with this role because I have been getting great feedback and no one has the time or brain space for yet another search and hiring cycle. I love the job and feel that I am getting my head around it.

The executive team is a mix of both long-tenured guys who know the business but aren’t innovating, and go-getters like me. My problem is that there is only one other woman on the team—I’ll call her Jane—who, for reasons I can’t understand, behaves as if she’s everyone’s servant.

I have worked with Jane in the past and find her super competent, straightforward, and inspiring. I know many members of her team and everyone loves working for her. However, in executive team meetings, all of the VPs and EVPs treat her as if she is their administrative assistant. She has far more seniority than some of the others on the team, including an EVP. Detailed tasks that should really be taken by other individuals end up on her plate.

Just yesterday, one of the VPs (who has a reputation for being Teflon with responsibilities) actually turned to her and said, “I’m not very good at that. Jane, would you mind taking that ball and running with it?” And she said, “Sure.” I almost said something. I know how hard Jane works. I am confused as to why she is taking on tasks that really don’t belong to her. It’s clear she is being taken advantage of.

I want to convince her to push back and stand up for herself. It is driving me crazy. What to do?

Desperate to Help

______________________________________________________________________________

Dear Desperate to Help,

I can see how that might be frustrating. I don’t know that I would have had the self-regulation to not say something. There are a couple of things to think about here.

First, you might want to wait until you are appointed to the VP role before you do anything to rock the boat. Being interim means you are still being closely monitored for fit to the team and making waves is not advisable. This doesn’t apply as much when it comes to your stances on strategic decisions—your peers need to see how you arrive at your positions, how you think, the extent to which you do your homework and are properly informed, and whether or not your values are aligned with those of the organization. But interfering with existing team dynamics is risky business. You will want to be in a secure position before you take that on.

Once you have the job for sure, confirm your read on the situation. See what you can find out about the history of team and how Jane got her VP role. Perhaps she actually started out as the secretary or executive admin for the team. Old habits die hard! It’s also possible she volunteered to be the task rabbit for everyone. Of course, neither may be true, but you just don’t know—asking Jane a few questions might be a good place to start.

If, in fact, it turns out none of this is true and the men have figured out Jane is a pleaser who will keep letting them dump a bunch of tedious work on her, the next step for you is to have a candid conversation with Jane. It isn’t your responsibility to save her from herself, but you can point out what you are observing—fresh eyes see dynamics that everyone else has become inured to. You can share your observation and then ask more pertinent questions.

I guess it is possible that Jane doesn’t mind. I find that hard to believe, but hey, each to her own. If Jane does mind, you could help her hatch a plan to start pushing back. She might want to have a separate conversation with each man on the team instead of causing confusion by abruptly changing her servile ways . You could help her rehearse what she might say. Setting boundaries is excruciatingly difficult for most people and impossible for some, so practice is important.

The reason we sometimes don’t set boundaries is that the only things we can think of saying are personal and judgy and could ruin a relationship. And then the moment passes, and that’s that—an opportunity to put a stop to shenanigans missed.

The key is to simply state the facts, free of defensiveness, blame, or judgment:

You can also be alert and ready to role model this behavior if somebody on the team tries to pull the same thing with you. It doesn’t sound like anyone has done this yet, but it can’t hurt to be prepared. People who habitually take advantage of others seem to have radar for those who will comply without fuss. I know several people—both males and females—who figure that if they can delegate, why not? So be ready. The first test will send the message that you are no Jane.

Many people are pleasers and love to use their skills to help others. It can be really tricky when people rise to executive levels and they are still getting the need to please met—it is a sure path to burnout. Whatever happens with Jane, it is ultimately up to her to decide for herself what she is and is not willing to put up with—and what, if anything, she can do about it. I appreciate that you are annoyed by what you think is a gross injustice and want to be a spokesperson for shifting gender dynamics. But in the end, all you really can do is make sure you are adding value and taking responsibility for your own relationships with members of the team.

Some battles just aren’t yours to fight. I am sure you have plenty of your own ahead of you.

I hope you do get the job.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a middle-aged accounting professional; I pride myself on working quickly and accurately. I was hoping this would be my last position and I could enjoy having a solid job that would take me to my retirement.

I am in a CPA firm with three partners who are pretty much hands-off. Recently the young (mid-30s) woman who was essentially the office manager has been promoted to supervisor. It appears that a little bit of power has driven her insane. She is overly controlling, totally OCD, and acts like she owns the place. She even gives direction to the partners—my coworkers and I have witnessed them rolling their eyes. Behind her back we call her Diva. We do have a would-be HR person, and when I went to discuss with her I learned she is clearly aware of what she called Diva’s “odd personality.”

On top of everything else, Diva talks constantly about how women in their 50s and 60s “lose it” and “act weird.” Our whole group is made up of women between the ages of 49 and 59. It is insulting.

The behaviors are escalating, and I am having a hard time biting my tongue. The stress is becoming unbearable and my husband is sick of hearing me complain.

Thoughts?

Biting My Tongue

Dear BMT,

I am sorry that your nice, comfortable situation is being upended by a personality. Ultimately, you are going to have to do something to manage your stress and take care of yourself. Your HR person is clearly not going to help, and if Diva is keeping everything running smoothly, the partners aren’t likely to do anything to rock the boat.

Here are some possible choices for you:

Look for another job. I know it is daunting to seek employment in your 50s. However, I know small firms are always looking for solid, reliable professionals, especially ones who aren’t going to be agitating for development, more money, or a career path. When you leave, you can certainly state that your reason for leaving is the cuckoo behavior of the supervisor. If the partners realize she is costing them good employees, they will probably pay attention—because attrition and the need to hire and train new employees is a very real cost.

Draw some boundaries. Identify the behaviors that are beyond the pale, practice what you will say next time she does them, and be ready to say something. You should practice with someone safe so you can keep a reasonably neutral tone. An example might be: “Please don’t say insulting things about middle aged women to me” or “Please wait until I finish this task to give your feedback, it is still a work in progress.”

Suck it up. Use this as a customized spiritual development program to develop more patience, generosity, and kindness. Put yourself in Diva’s shoes and consider what is driving the behavior. Visualize a white bubble around yourself that protects you from Diva’s annoying behavior and let things just roll off your protective bubble. At the very least, this will help you to manage your stress and will contribute to your sense of yourself as a person who strives to take the high road and be the best person you can possibly be.

Fight back. It is essentially illegal for managers to insult employees based on gender, sexuality, race or age, just to state a few (check the laws in your state). Your organization is actually at risk for being sued if it hasn’t trained its managers or if top management ignores complaints (which your HR person is doing). The ageist remarks could potentially constitute a hostile work environment, and you really could sue. Who wants a lawsuit? Well, not me, and not most people. But the threat might be of use to you. Record every instance of your supervisor saying nasty personal things. Documentation is essential and will be your leg to stand on.

I would suggest you check the marketplace and see if you can get another job that pays more and has nice people. Aim high! I’ll bet you can find one. Knowing it is possible for you to move will help you to be bold—to draw boundaries and lodge formal complaints. In the meantime, breathe deep, and remember that Diva’s behavior is about her and not you. Other people’s emotionally unstable behavior isn’t personal. Let it roll off your back.

Show Diva just how “weird” a middle-aged woman can be!

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am about four months into a new job as a senior executive in a large global infrastructure company. I report directly to the EVP of Operations, who is the person who brought me into the company. I manage a huge team of fellow engineers, and so far, so good. (I’m an engineer also.)

The problem is that my boss and I are being bullied by my boss’s peers on the executive team. It’s true that my boss was brought in by the CEO to implement change, but the response from the rest of the executive team has been unreasonably negative. We are interrupted and challenged on every assertion we make—all of which is supported by data.

This situation has grown worse over time. After a recent meeting, one of the other EVPs actually cornered me and said my boss and I don’t belong in the organization; the CEO doesn’t know what he is doing; and the rest of the executive team is going to set him straight.

I feel threatened and confused. My boss and I are used to producing results that contribute directly to the bottom line and shareholder value, and I can’t understand what is going on here. What would you recommend?

Lost and Confused

_____________________________________________________________________

Dear Lost and Confused,

I’m sorry. Your situation sounds rough. You’ve had the great good fortune of spending most of your career working with reasonable people—which, in my experience, makes you an anomaly.

In my world view, human beings behaving reasonably is a rare and precious thing. But listen—can you blame anyone for exercising their God-given right to withhold cooperation in the face of what feels like a mortal threat? Think about it. Anyone who has made it to the senior executive ranks of a billion-dollar global company has a number of things to lose when change comes: power, money, status, influence—and that’s just for starters.

This is a straight-up political situation. You can examine it using John Eldred’s Model for Organizational Politics. Eldred, a professor at the University of Pennsylvania Wharton School of Business, says that any political situation will have two dynamics: power balance and goal confluence.

Power balance describes the degree to which each person possesses position or personal power. When the power balance is high, power is shared or is relatively equal. When the power balance is low, one person has significantly more power than the other. Goal confluence measures the degree to which each person’s individual goals are in alignment with those of the other person.

These two dynamics form a quadrant of contingencies.

• When power balance and goal confluence are both high, a dynamic of collaboration is created. Relationships are naturally easy to develop and maintain.
• When power balance is high but goal confluence is low, there is equal footing but each foot is going in a different direction. Negotiation is possible.
• When power balance is low but goal confluence is high, power is irrelevant because both parties are going in the same direction. Each person can influence the other.

It looks like this:

The most dangerous quadrant is when power balance and goal confluence are both low.

The party without the power feels dominated and oppressed by the other.

Because oppression and domination are extremely uncomfortable conditions, the individual who is dominated will respond in one of four ways: they will submit, submerge, engage in open conflict, or sabotage.

I suggest you meet with your boss and use this model to analyze your situation. The EVP who attacked you has some power, for sure, but your boss has the backing of the CEO.

Questions to ask:

• Does the CEO have the backing of the rest of the executive team?
• Does he have position and personal power? If so, is it enough to protect your boss and you?
• What are the goals of the bully in question? Is it at all possible that you can achieve some goal confluence?

It is awfully tricky to adapt to political situations when you aren’t used to them. No one wants to think of themselves as a political person, but when the sharks are circling you have to rise to the occasion or end up on the losing end of a battle you never really understood.

The good news is that you have the analytical skills to think this through and to plan smart and measured action to protect yourself and eventually achieve your mandate.

Welcome to the boardroom! It is not a place for the faint of heart.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I work for the tax collector’s office at my local county tax agency. The bulk of my efforts go to facilitating change into that environment. I am a career-driven person and I am finding it very difficult to influence others.

My job is under the umbrella of a state agency and I recently have been voted to be on a leadership board for my county. This organization has been plagued with old traditions and scandals of misuse of power. I’m optimistic and believe that I can change the environment—but at times it exhausts me.

When the HR department selected me for a grievance board committee recently, my boss asked me “Why don’t you let someone else win for a change?” I don’t know how to interpret that. What should I do differently?

Trying to Make Change

Dear Trying to Make Change,

The good news here is that it sounds like you are having quite a bit of success—but it also sounds like you are stepping on some toes to achieve it. Although a little toe stepping is probably inevitable, there might be some ways to soften your approach and make more friends than enemies.

Forgive me for generalizing, but in my experience people who have worked in local government a long time don’t love change. Government work tends to attract folks who seek predictability and stability. Even if they start out with the best of intentions—and of course, many do—if a system is in place that protects their job and benefits them in specific ways, they are loath to give that up.

You have stepped into the role of change agent, which will immediately cause others to suspect you if not outright hate you. You must realize that the role of change agent requires some advanced skills. If your boss is experiencing you as wanting to win at all costs, causing others to lose, somehow it appears that you are engineering things as win/lose.

To ease your path, you are going to have to develop more diplomacy. You’ll need to have conversations that will help people see the changes as a win/win. It is relentless, hard, and, yes, exhausting work. You sound like a logical person, so it is probably difficult for you to see why someone wouldn’t automatically understand why a change might be needed. Because it is so obvious to you, there is a good chance you may not be sharing all of the detail that might help others see things the way you do.

It wouldn’t hurt for you to be aware of Blanchard’s change model. At its core, it breaks down the kinds of concerns people have when change is needed and imminent, and it helps leaders understand the approach they need to use with each individual affected by change. In this recent blog post are ideas for some steps you might consider.

You also might be interested in Angeles Arrien’s work on change agents. In her book The Four-Fold Way; Walking the Paths of the Warrior, Teacher, Healer and Visionary, Arrien researched leaders and change agents in indigenous cultures. She found that, despite radical differences in culture and customs, they all did four things in common.

1. Show up and choose to be present
2. Pay attention to what has heart and meaning
3. Tell the truth without blame or judgment
4. Be open to outcome, not attached to outcome

This alone is worth the price of the book. However, Arrien also provides some excellent ideas on how to develop oneself if one identifies with any of the roles in the title. I would say you probably at the very least are a warrior and a visionary. These are extremely difficult roles to play in the world, and you will need to create a long-term personal development program to sustain your efforts.

In the meantime, work on developing and deepening your relationships, gathering input from stakeholders, listening, overcommunicating, and being kind. I am sure you are right about the old traditions and the bad behavior, but no one likes to feel judged. The past is the past. You represent the new. Let the new be characterized by drawing on what is best in people and what people are doing right.

And, I am sorry to say it, you’ll need to develop a thick skin because no matter how hard you try, some people are still going to hate you. It just goes with the job.

Fight on, change warrior!

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

This got me thinking. What makes us want to work with certain people? If we could choose our dream team, what would we look for? It would most likely depend on the task at hand—and, most likely, everyone’s team would be a bit different. That being said, I made a list of what I would look for if I were forming a team.

Each person I choose would:

• Have respect for one another and for me.
• Get on with things and think outside the box.
• Feel free to ask for help if needed.
• Have a solution in mind when coming to me with a problem.
• Be organized and adhere to timelines.
• Have a skill set that matches the tasks at hand.

Now I’d like you to have a think about who would be on your dream team and what qualities they would possess.  Is your list of qualities the same as mine or a little different?

In reality, of course, very rarely do we get to choose our teams. More often, teams are chartered and we learn about team dynamics as well as individual qualities of each team member after the fact. The entire team then begins the important work of understanding one another and building on each other’s strengths—which leads to the trust and confidence Ron Howard described.

Taking a minute to understand what we value, and to ask new teammates about their values, can be a great way to begin opening up to the contributions we need from others.

Practice this little exercise.  It helped me get clearer on what I want from the teams I work on. I think it will help you, too.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a regional VP in a global asset management firm. I am stationed far away from headquarters as I am responsible for all of the projects in my region. My boss and his boss hold regular conference calls I am expected to attend. I am often tasked with presenting plans and budgets to a room full of people, when I am the only one on the phone.

Here is the problem; both my boss and his boss constantly interrupt me when I am speaking on these conference calls. They also interrupt me in regular conversation—and I am used to that—but I hate it when they do it on these calls. It disrupts my flow and I think it makes me sound like I don’t know what I am talking about.

I am often the only woman in these meetings. I have tried to convince myself that that doesn’t make a difference, but I wonder. What do you think?

Interrupted

Dear Interrupted,

I did a spit take when I read your last lines, only because there are reams of research showing that men interrupt women far more than they interrupt other men. And, sadly, women interrupt other women more than they interrupt men. (See Influence of Communication Partner’s Gender on Language for more on this.)

But there is no woman working in business—wait, scratch that—there is no woman anywhere who needs research to tell her that. Ladies, I can hear you laughing out there. It is simply a fact of life. Let’s not turn this into a discussion about gender differences or inequality, because that conversation is being conducted elsewhere by people who know a lot more than I do. Instead, let’s focus what you can do.

The whole conference call thing exacerbates the situation; being the lone disembodied voice on the phone only adds to the level of challenge—and I know, because I lived it for a decade. Here are some tactics to try.

First, prepare. Get some time on the calendar with your boss and his boss before each of these meetings. Go over the highlights of your presentation and suggest places where they might chime in with additional material or add color commentary. Tell them that when they jump in on top of you it weakens your effectiveness as a presenter, and request that they let you manage the flow during your presentation. This is a completely reasonable request. Even if they don’t comply, you will have a stronger grasp of your narrative and not get distracted by interruptions. Also, you can take note of moments when the substance of what they interject might have been stronger if presented in another more structured way. Of course, that will depend on your relationship—and how much goodwill is present—with both parties in question. You will be the best judge of that.

In your preparation, make sure that you practice being loud enough, that you can be briskly paced without rushing, and that you are super concise. It might be possible that you invite interruption by being hesitant or—the kiss of death—long winded and repetitive.

Second, leverage technology. Given the ease and availability of video technology these days, there is no reason for you not to be on camera. Things are always better when everyone can see each other. A global asset company must have video conferencing available; but if not, use Skype or Zoom. If you work from home, make sure the area behind you looks spiffy and professional—and make sure you also look spiffy and professional, if only from the waist up. Nobody needs to know you have bunny slippers on underneath the desk. If you don’t have an office, use a conference room. I don’t care if it is 5 a.m. your time, it really makes a difference to make the effort.

Finally, put up the hand. The truth about people who interrupt is that they generally aren’t even aware they are doing it. They are extraverted thinkers who are afraid to lose their thought or idea in the moment. Or they are impatient and excited about the topic.

Okay, some really are just jerks, but not as many as you might think.

But remember: these folks interrupt only people who allow it—plain and simple. So practice a new behavior and some language that sends the signal “cut it out.” The key is to never sound annoyed, but to keep an anticipatory look on your face like you can’t wait to hear what they have to add once you are finished. I hate to tell you to smile but it never hurts, especially in the US. In the US that is true for both genders.

Examples:

“Please let me finish.”

“Hang on a sec, I’m not done.”

“Can you hold your idea until I complete my thought?”

I mean it when I say practice, so enroll a friend or significant other and practice lines like these with different scenarios. I can’t tell you how many clients I have worked with—more women than men, but this is a fairly common situation—who have done this and have seen it make a huge difference. If you commit to becoming someone whom others do not interrupt, you can make it happen (unless you run for President of the United States, in which case, apparently, all bets are off).

To be fair, it is incredibly challenging to do this with a boss—and harder with a boss’s boss. So think about initiating this move in a private meeting, rather than in a group. Once a person gets the request once or twice, they will often cease and desist.

So be prepared to be brief, concise, and compelling in your presentations. Self identify as someone who does not get interrupted. And practice putting up the proverbial hand. Honestly, you have made it to VP in a global asset management firm—everyone thinks you are smart and worthy of respect. Be bold.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

One such game that is wildly popular is Overwatch, a game that is highly role based and teamwork dependent. A group of six players face off against another group of six, escorting a payload to its destination on some maps or capturing a designated space in others.

Overwatch reportedly has 15 million players worldwide. Its popularity is partly due to the fact that in upper-tier play, massive amounts of teamwork, skill, and strategic thinking are required to be successful. This is a game that’s easy to learn but hard to master—where working together as a cohesive team takes precedence over your individual numbers.

I play Overwatch regularly—not just in casual mode but also in competitive mode. In competitive mode, every match will affect not only your ranking but also the rankings of the other players on your team. This can, of course, be frustrating if you lose games and your rank is decreased simply because you are paired up with other players who do not work well in a team.

One night I was playing with a mix of friends and random individuals. Normally, we would call out if we saw an enemy player attempting to flank or if we wanted to focus fire on one enemy player, but the communication wasn’t happening during that particular game for some reason. Perhaps it was because we were tired from having played a few games already and it was later in the night. We ended up losing that game and one of my friends became upset. He singled out one of the random players, questioning why he had not communicated with the rest of the team. The called team member became flustered and didn’t know how to respond. I tried to compliment his performance in-game, despite the lack of communication, but my friend persisted. Then another friend said she needed to call it a night and signed off, so we all did the same.

Reflecting on this incident, I realized some of the lessons learned could be applied to virtual teams:

1. Communicate. Be sure to communicate frequently with other members of the team. The more information the team has, the better decisions your team members will make. Take the initiative—make it part of the team culture to share your progress on tasks. Effective communication is key for any team to function at a high level.
2. Ask the right questions. When things don’t go your way, it’s natural to want to ask why it happened—but this typically puts others on the defensive. Instead, ask “What could we have done better?” Ask for ideas, use the word we to reinforce your commitment to being a team, and be descriptive, not judgmental.
3. Be positive. Focusing on the negative brings the rest of the team down. Don’t be that person. Be the person other team members want to communicate with and be around. Focus on the small wins, the learning opportunities, and the things that went well. Sharing your dedication to learning and growth will encourage others to do the same.

If you’d like to learn more about Overwatch, this video provides more details.

Effective leaders must know how to conduct difficult conversations with employees. Because of the common perception that conflict at work is bad, it’s no surprise that so many leaders shy away from having these discussions.

I don’t know that I’d ever want to jump out of an airplane, but I recently had my first difficult conversation with a direct report. I knew if I didn’t address the problem, things could escalate and become worse than they already were—but knowing that didn’t make the task any easier. This was new ground and I felt uncomfortable. But because I knew how important it was, I took a deep breath, closed the office door, and we had the discussion.

Now, having made it to the other side of that conversation with the working relationship still intact, I want to share 9 things I wish someone had told me to help me prepare for the experience.

1. Don’t let fear hold you back

Before resolving to have that necessary yet uncomfortable conversation, I found myself silently seething about issues I could have easily done something about. Looking back, I know this wasn’t healthy for me or for my working relationship with the team. My regret is that I held off taking action because I didn’t want to be seen as overstepping the mark—especially because I was new to the team.

2. Manage your emotions and preconceptions

Many people have worked in environments where emotions had to be left at the door. In fact, I got in trouble at a previous job when I came to work in tears after being in a car accident! As human beings, sometimes it isn’t possible for us to hide our emotions—particularly if they are strong or have been stewing for some time. A challenging conversation is more likely than others to become emotional. What starts as annoyance may escalate into sadness, frustration, or even anger. If you notice this starting to happen during a difficult discussion, as the leader you must manage your own emotions, be professional and mindful of the direct report’s feelings, and keep things under control. Remember, the other person deserves respect—even if you disagree with what they say.

3. Preparation is key

When a challenging conversation is necessary, take time to plan how you’re going to open the discussion and approach the subject, as well as what you want the outcome to be. I found that making a few notes and having them for reference helped me remember my key points and kept the conversation from veering off topic—so don’t be afraid to use notes.

It’s important to open the conversation with the exact topic and behaviours you need to address. This allows the conversation to move forward and clarifies the reason for the meeting.

Imagine the ideal outcome for the conversation. Focus your notes on everything that needs to be covered and the meeting is more likely to come to a successful conclusion.

4. Keep things friendly, relaxed, and conversational

I asked some of my close friends with leadership experience what they would do to make a difficult conversation more successful. The resounding answer was “Have tea or coffee, and biscuits.”

If this is the first time you have had a particular conversation, it should be informal, relaxed, and conversational. Talk to your direct report as a friend, not as their manager. This first discussion is about raising the other person’s awareness and nipping the situation in the bud. It’s about redirecting, not reprimanding.

5. Ask the right questions

Ask open-ended questions—ones that require more than just a yes or no answer. You might find that the issue is not as straightforward as it seems. Also, this gives the person a better chance to express their viewpoint and maintains a relaxed atmosphere.

6. Listen carefully

It’s all very well and good to ask the right questions, but it’s useless unless you are giving your full attention to the responses coming from the direct report. Listen with the aim of understanding. If you don’t understand, ask clarifying questions.

7. Cooperate, support one another, and agree on how to move forward

The final part of your conversation should be positive. Work together to learn how you can best offer support to your direct report and what specific behaviours of theirs need improvement going forward.  If necessary, set up another meeting to review progress.

8. It might not be as bad as you think

Generally, people want to do well. Team members want to achieve and to do the right thing. Don’t underestimate the human need to succeed and to be liked. You may find that your direct report didn’t even realise their behaviour was off track. Often, poor performance or misbehaviour is a result of misunderstanding and not intentional.

9. Get higher level support

You don’t have to do this on your own. Ask someone at a higher management level if you can go to them when you have questions or need support in this area. Knowing someone has your back can work wonders, especially when it comes to gaining the confidence you need to have challenging conversations. The person doesn’t need to participate in the discussion, only to be available to give guidance when you need it.

Telling a direct report they are not meeting expectations is not an easy task but is an important part of leadership. Use these tips to help you tackle those all-important conversations with team members—no skydiving involved—as soon as problems arise. You will gain the respect of your team members by showing them you won’t shy away from conflict when a challenging conversation is necessary.

Do you have any other tips or advice for leaders about conducting difficult conversations and redirecting people’s behaviour? Make sure you share them in the comments!

Hi Madeleine,

I work in the health profession and I’ve just accepted a position in management at a new facility. I don’t know the staff at all. All I know is that the senior leadership wants a change in the management at the facility.

What advice would you have on how to tackle a new job at a new place with a heavy agenda? What should I do first???

 New Healthcare Leader

Dear New Healthcare Leader,

Well, congratulations! Isn’t this exciting? It sounds like you have a great opportunity here! I can’t tell from your letter if the facility is new overall, or if it is just new to you. If it is actually new, this could be good because you won’t have the burden of history—it can be hard to make changes when it’s “always been done that way.”

If it is just new to you, you will need to spend some time asking questions and listening to understand the culture of the organization. Working with people to change things begins with understanding and meeting them where they are.

In terms of change, you will want to press senior leadership to understand what exactly the prior management did wrong, so you don’t repeat those mistakes. If they won’t tell you, it was probably something illegal, immoral, or both. I imagine this won’t be a problem for you.

What they must tell you though is what a good job looks like. This answers the question, “How will you know you are successful?” You say “heavy agenda” but you have to make sure you know what it really is. Ask them for crystal-clear goals, and if they don’t provide them, come up with your own and present them for approval. Some senior leaders simply don’t have the skills or the patience to articulate the vision or the goals of the organization, so if they won’t do it, do it for yourself.

Once you have your goals set, work with your people to get their goals super clear. Also, spend as much time as you can getting to know your people and assessing their strengths. Work with each of them to ensure that their goals leverage their skills, interests, and talents.

Once everybody knows what they are supposed to be doing, make sure they are getting the proper direction and support they need to do it. Make sure everyone, including you, has a short-term goal that they can achieve so that you all have the experience of early success together. Share stories of any and all wins. People will remember stories and it will feel good.

Finally, we have a lot of books here at The Ken Blanchard Companies, but the definitive one on this topic is not by Ken or any of us. It is The First 90 Days by Michael Watkins and I have worked through the book with many clients. Google it, read summaries, and be sure to look at the templates of what to do in your first 30, 60, and 90 days. I highly recommend it.

Best of luck in your new role!

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Unless your laptop camera is very high quality resolution, people meeting with you virtually probably won’t notice the bags under your eyes from staying up the previous night with a sick child or that you didn’t have time to take a shower after your morning run.

The key to leveraging the world of virtual work is to be well known as a productive and personable team member. These 12 practices will ensure you consistently show up as positive, focused, and energetic. How many of these best practices are true for you?

1. Before calling or emailing, I plan what I want to communicate and consider the best approach considering the personality and the perspectives of the recipient.
2. When I answer the phone, I look away from my computer so that email and instant messages don’t distract me.
3. When I speak up on a conference call or virtual meeting, I deliberately smile so I sound more pleasant and approachable. (Yes, people can see and hear the difference!)
4. I use IM status codes deliberately to communicate when I need to focus and don’t want to be disturbed and when I am open for conversation.
5. I show genuine interest in my colleagues’ lives outside of our immediate project work by asking questions about their interests and sharing a bit about myself to build trust.
6. When I work on a project or task with someone, I take time to collaboratively share expectations and agree on deliverables to prevent misunderstanding and conflict. I do not promise what I may not be able to deliver.
7. I have a way (phone app, computer screen, etc.) of quickly recognizing the current time zone of a colleague and I modify my communication appropriately. (For example, you could start an email request with I know you are probably ready to leave for the day, so when would be a good time to chat about xx?)
8. I demonstrate respect for others by adapting my behavior based on their availability and workload, and I show appreciation for their efforts.
9. My shared team calendar is always up to date so that my team knows when I am available for meetings.
10. If I write an email when am annoyed, angry, or frustrated, I save it as a draft and review/edit it later before sending it.
11. I never multitask on one-on-one meeting calls and limit my multitasking when on large conference calls or meetings. (Exception: forwarding someone a document to facilitate discussion is acceptable since it supports the conversation.)
12. I only use the Reply All email feature when I am confident everyone on the list wants or needs to know the information I am sending.

In addition to reducing commuting time and saving money on a wardrobe, working virtually also allows you to choose how you show up to others. Use these behaviors to be the person everyone wants on their virtual team!

About the author

Carmela Southers is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in increasing organizational, team, and leader effectiveness in the virtual work world.

Using the acronym UNITE, the authors explained that the creation of a collaborative work environment rests on five foundational principles.

Utilize differences. Organizations need to appreciate and be open to people and ideas that may seem at first to be outside of the mainstream. The best companies seek out creative thinking from all corners of the organization. The focus for leaders is to make sure that all ideas are surfaced for consideration.

Nurture safety and trust. New ideas will flourish when people feel safe to share them freely without fear of judgment. Leaders need to give people space to experiment and innovate, view mistakes as learning opportunities, and encourage risk taking. Trust is also generated through transparency—when leaders share knowledge about themselves and are clear about expectations.

Involve others in crafting a clear purpose, values, and goals. Instead of seeing purpose, values, and goals as something always originated by senior leaders, the authors recommend that everyone be involved in the process. Doing it this way encourages a sense of camaraderie and ownership in the group. Leaders follow through by reinforcing what was agreed upon, demonstrating supportive behaviors, and walking the talk.

Talk openly. Underlining the importance of utilizing differences and creating an environment of safety and trust, the authors shared the benefits of people talking openly without worrying about upsetting the status quo. There are benefits to creative conflict—but only when people can vigorously debate ideas without getting personal.

Empower yourself and others. Some leaders need to learn how to let go. True collaboration can never exist if people constantly look to the leader to solve problems. So don’t wait for someone else to decide it’s time to collaborate—everyone is responsible for creating a collaborative environment.

When people are busy, it’s normal to want to focus on getting individual work done. To combat this urge, the authors remind us of an old adage: “If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

Collaboration Begins with You: Be a Silo Buster shows the way. The book is now available online and in bookstores. You can learn more on the book’s website—or, if you’d like to listen to the author webinar I attended, be sure to access the full recording.

Interested in getting your team together for a live event? The authors will be conducting a second live webinar on October 21 as a part of the monthly webinar series from The Ken Blanchard Companies. The event is free. You can learn more or register using this link.

“Collaboration is often hardest within polite groups of people because they don’t tend to express differences openly,” explains Parisi-Carew. “True collaboration is built on the appreciation of diverse opinions. In many departments or project groups, the standard behavior is to shy away from conflict or debate. People are afraid to speak their truth.”

Parisi-Carew, a coauthor with Ken Blanchard and Jane Ripley of the new book, Collaboration Begins with You, (on sale October 12) explains that one key to creating a collaborative environment is a department or project leader who models what constructive disagreement looks like. For leaders interested in taking some first steps toward improving collaboration in their organizations, here are seven suggestions—drawn from the book—for promoting healthy debate in your organization.

Seven Ways to Encourage Healthy Debate

1. Promote the idea that disagreement is constructive.
2. Encourage respectful debate around issues; support differing viewpoints.
3. Take a facilitator role if difficulties arise; seek to understand concerns behind each stated position.
4. Get training and train others in giving/receiving feedback and in conflict resolution.
5. Ask questions and praise candid answers.
6. See feedback as a gift, without judgment or defensiveness. Give constructive feedback and be open to feedback from others.
7. Show your colleagues what values look like as behaviors. Speak up in meetings. Encourage others to speak freely without fear of judgment. Welcome all ideas and consider them before decisions are made.

“As a leader, you have a large sphere of influence,” says Parisi-Carew. “That means not only modeling desired behaviors but also providing the environment, structure, strategies, and practices that support collaboration.”

Utilize differences. Many people think if a group working together allows differing viewpoints, it might create disagreement and that would be a bad thing. However, conflict in collaborative groups is good, as long as it focuses on the issues and doesn’t get personal. Do you actively seek different points of view, encourage debate and feel comfortable moderating conflict?

Nurture safety and trust. Trust is key to effective collaboration. Be sure you are accessible, authentic and dependable. Do you consider all ideas before decisions are made and view mistakes as learning opportunities? Are you clear about your expectations for others?

Involve others in crafting a clear purpose, values and goals. Leadership is about going somewhere. Work with others to create a clear purpose, values and goals. Then, set them in place for your department, project team or organization. Do you hold yourself and others accountable for adhering to the agreed-upon purpose, values and goals? Have you included collaboration as one of the stated values?

Talk openly. This ties back into safety and trust. People need to know it’s safe to express themselves, and that their opinions will be respected. Encourage everyone’s contribution. Are you a good listener? Do you share information about yourself? Are you open to feedback?

Empower yourself and others. Empowerment is all about people being able to take initiative, be accountable and bring their brains to work. Do you continually work to develop your competence? Is everyone empowered to contribute their opinions, even if they disagree? Are people encouraged to network across all levels and departments?

Blanchard shares that the main barrier to a collaborative culture is silos — people and departments hoarding information and power. In siloed organizations, people are more interested in organizational hierarchy and their own interests than in working together toward a common goal. When you put self-interest aside and commit yourself to the greater good, you become what Blanchard and his coauthors call a “silo buster.”

Establishing a culture of collaboration isn’t easy. It requires everyone to step forward with a completely new mindset. To read more about Blanchard’s thinking check out his column in the September issue of Chief Learning Officer.  For more about his new book (and to even pre-order) visit his book page at Amazon.com.

As Blanchard reminds his readers, “Collaboration begins with you, and it can begin today!”

This occurs in the “dissatisfaction” stage of team development when the team recognizes the discrepancy between what is expected of them and the reality of getting it done.

It is not a pleasant stage.

As a leader it’s important to differentiate between the different types of conflict teams experience and to have a plan for helping the team move forward.  Here are four examples of team conflict and some advice on how a leader can intervene properly from Dr. Eunice Parisi-Carew, teams expert, and coauthor of the upcoming book, Collaboration Begins With You.

Conflict over positions, strategies or opinions

If two or three strong, but differing, positions are being argued in the group and it is getting nowhere, a leader might stop the group and ask each member to take a turn talking with no interruption or debate.  The rest are just to listen and try to understand where they are coming from and why they are posing the solution that they are.  It may go something like this.

Leader: “Let’s stop for a minute. I want each of you state what is underneath your argument.  What is your desire, your concern, your goal, your fear or your need that leads you to that conclusion?”

In this instance, the leader’s job is to make sure everyone is heard. When the exercise is completed the leader should look for concerns or goals that people have in common. Once all are uncovered, the leader can build on any interests that are shared.  In most cases this becomes the new focus and it turns the situation from conflict to problem solving.

Mistrust or uneven communication

If some people on the team are dominating the conversation while others sit silent or appear to have dropped out, a leader might stop the process and ask each person what they need from others to feel effective in the group and how others can help.

Another simple practice is to appoint a process observer whose job it is to focus on how the team is interacting.  If the teams gets out of kilter—it might be tempers are rising or communication is not flowing—the process observer is allowed to call time and point out their observations.  For example, “In the last five minutes we have interrupted the speaker 10 times,” or, “We keep talking over each other.”  Just knowing this fact can alter the team’s interaction.  Soon the team will catch itself.  It is harder to misbehave once you know what the impact of your behavior is.

Personality clashes

If personal styles are very different and causing conflict among team members, a team leader might administer the DISC, MBTI, or another behavioral assessment tool to help people better understand each other and learn to work together.  These tools help people understand what the other person needs.  They can also provide a common frame of reference for dealing with individual differences.

Power issues and personal agendas

Conflict that involves power issues, or strong personal agendas must sometimes be dealt with also.  The reality is that some people just do not fit on a team and a leader needs to be willing to remove them or offer them another role. This doesn’t happen often, but occasionally it is needed.  The good news is that once it is dealt with, the team usually takes a leap forward.  This should be an option only when other attempts to work with the person have failed.

Conflict can be healthy for a team when it is channeled properly.  The challenge for leaders is knowing how and when to intervene.

Editor’s Note: This post previously appeared in LeaderChat as The Challenge of Working In Teams—Dealing With Conflict.

Dear Madeleine,

I am at my wits’ end. I worked hard in college and graduate school and have what some people might call a “Type A” personality. I take on a lot, I work really hard and I complete my work by the agreed-upon deadline.

For the past few years I have been working for a huge organization with a great reputation—but I realized quickly it has a culture of non-accountability.

This didn’t bother me much until recently, when I was promoted to be a department head. I have inherited several folks who clearly have been getting away with less than standard performance for some time. I really do not have the option to clean house—I am going to have to make do. Help!  —Making Do

Dear Making Do,

This is definitely a tough one, but there is an opportunity here. If you play your cards right, you could earn yourself a reputation as a leader who can turn a department around.

The first thing to remember is this: horrified though you may be to have inherited a whole staff of people you didn’t choose, neither did your new staff choose you. Imagine what it must be like for them to have yet another new boss, someone they know nothing about, who is coming in to crack the whip. They will absolutely sense your disapproval and will respond by proving you justified in your negative assessment. No one wants to be judged a slacker—and even if you try to cover it up by being nice, people will think you believe you’re better than they are.

So first things first. Take a big deep breath and keep an open mind. Put aside the hearsay about this group’s previous performance and make it your business to get to know these people and find their best so you can leverage it. The most important thing you can do is learn each person’s strengths and interests and then figure out how you can make the best of the situation you are all in.

To understand your people and get them moving forward in a positive way, start by having everyone in the department take the VIA strengths assessment. It is free and easy to complete. Once everyone—including you—has completed the survey, ask each person to craft a self-introduction with personal stories that show up each of their top strengths. You can share one or two at each staff meeting. You might also be interested in having each person complete the StrengthsFinder 2.0 survey—but this one has a charge, so you would need to have the budget for it. Focus on what is best in each person and also what is already working well, and then you can tackle the other stuff.

The next step is for you to create an environment in which your people will get to know you, be inspired by you, and sign up to follow you. The best tool to do this is the Leadership Point of View (LPoV). You can find complete instructions on how to create your LPoV here. An LPoV is essentially a statement of your beliefs and values around leading others. It helps to paint the picture of the future where there is consistency between your values, your words, and your actions. It is ultimately a course on you that teaches people what you expect from yourself and from them. To create your LPoV, think about these things:

• What drives you as a leader?
• Who are the key people who have influenced you? They can be real people, like your Uncle Pat who was the first in the family to go to college, or they can be fictional. For example, I was deeply moved and inspired by the protagonist of To Kill a Mockingbird because he stood up for someone who was unfairly accused and was willing to put himself and his family in danger to do the right thing.
• What are the events in your life that shaped you and your attitudes?
• What do you believe about what a leader’s job is?
• What are your leadership values? Which value is most important to you?

Boss watching is a hobby of just about anyone who has a boss. People are always trying to figure out what their boss is really thinking and what their boss really wants. Most bosses keep people guessing. Make it easy for your people to understand you by being explicit about what they can expect from you and what you expect from them. You probably think these things are obvious, but they are not—and in the absence of clear expectations, people will make things up about you. In the worst case scenario, they will continually test you to see what they can get away with. So, if you want people to be on time, tell them. If you expect people to meet their deadlines or to come to you early in the process to explain what will keep them from meeting their deadlines, tell them.

A caveat about sharing your LPoV: you must give your people permission to call you out on it if they experience behavior that is not consistent with your LPoV.

Your people will certainly be interested in your LPoV, and may be surprised by it. Their knowing your LPoV will increase the chances that they will trust you, follow you, and give you their best. People want to do good work and make their bosses happy. The more clear and consistent you are up front, the more successful your connection will be with your people.

Your best option with this new group of folks is to hold yourself to a high standard of leadership. This shouldn’t be a stretch for you, since you are already a hard worker. You can win them over and be role model for higher standards all round. Instead of bemoaning your fate, rise to the occasion! Good luck.

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

How do you as a virtual team leader balance the need for team member involvement with the need to accomplish results in a timely manner? You create the right team structure to efficiently leverage diversity of thought. Instead of inviting everyone to every meeting, organize your team for the right level of involvement at the right time.

How to Tell if Your Core Team is Too Big

Wondering if your current team is too big? Here are a few telltale signs:

• if you have trouble scheduling meetings;
• if getting everyone’s input is too time consuming; or
• if only a few members of your virtual team are speaking up in meetings;

… your virtual team is too big!

Generally speaking, the most effective virtual teams are not the largest. Because the dynamics of virtual teams are more complex than those of face-to-face teams, efficiency actually requires fewer team members and different support structures. 

Use a 3-Tier Model

An ideal structure leverages large-group diversity while a using a small group to speed decision making and action. Individuals participate in levels of teamwork (Core—Extended—Advisory) based on the criticality of the subject, the responsibility level of the individual for the results, and the authority to make progress.

Core Team: The ideal virtual team consists of three to five people—the right amount to accomplish results efficiently. These individuals compose the Core Team, where decisions are made and each person has a high level of involvement and accountability.

Extended Teams: Individuals in Extended Teams offer expertise as needed, provide valuable input to decisions, and help on task-specific sub-teams. Instead of spending hours in team meetings, Extended Team members stay aware and connected to the work of the team, doing their work on sub-teams and staying in touch as needed depending on the relevance of the task at hand.

Advisory Team members are still important, but less involved. They may be asked to share expertise, to assist with a sub-team project in a short term way, or to be used as sponsors and sounding boards to test ideas.

If your team is not accomplishing the results you need, consider whether your team size or structure are barriers to your success. A 3-tier virtual team structure leverages diversity while accomplishing results faster and more efficiently. And nothing keeps energy and enthusiasm higher than being on a team that accomplishes results.

When it comes to virtual teams, small is beautiful!

About the author

Carmela Southers is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in increasing organizational, team, and leader effectiveness in the virtual work world.

Dear Madeleine,

About 80% of my work day is spent in meetings.

I’ve got no time to regularly connect with my staff of 15, although I know it would be beneficial.

Can you suggest what I might do?

No Time

Dear No Time,

Boy, as someone who has spent the last twenty years in a corporate environment, I can really sympathize with your dilemma. It looks like you have two problems: a meeting-choked schedule and a high number of direct reports.

Your Meeting Situation

Let’s tackle the meetings first. I have a couple of suggestions:

1. Change the meeting situation in your organization
2. Change the way you deal with meetings

If you think of meetings as time wasters, you’re not alone—many people in organizations share your complaint. Patrick Lencioni covers the topic of painful meetings in his book Death By Meeting. You can read how he analyzes different types of meetings here on his website.

But, collectively, we all have created this problem. Consider becoming a voice for change—and change the way meetings are conducted in your organization. Push for clearer, more disciplined agendas as well as shorter time frames. Change project updates and problem solving meetings to Blackjacks—meetings that last a maximum of 21 minutes.

When you facilitate these meetings, either require that everyone stand, or make them bi-weekly, or both. Set a goal to reduce your meeting time percentage from 80% of your day to 25%—the average in organizations.

On the second point; Review the meetings you are attending. Do you really need to be at all of them? Which ones are you multitasking through? This is a clue.

You have 15 people reporting to you. Can any of these people attend some meetings on your behalf and email you a four-line summary of what you need to know? This will reduce the time you spend in meetings and serve to develop your people by helping them to build new relationships and expand their own knowledge base. 

Your High Number of Direct Reports

Fifteen direct reports is a lot. In some environments, the more direct reports you have, the more perceived power you have. In others, a huge crew is simply a burden—especially if you are expected to develop and grow your people. A quick review of the blogosphere (okay, I know this is not exactly scientific, but I am mixing it with 25 years of experience as an executive coach) reveals that the ideal number of direct reports is between 7 and 9. This will make sense when you consider the next point.

At The Ken Blanchard Companies we advocate that all managers meet with their direct reports weekly—or, at a bare minimum, bi-weekly. These meetings should be driven by the direct reports; i.e., they craft the agenda and come prepared to get what they need from you. More on this topic here.

In closing, it’s important for you to see your time as a limited resource. The more senior you become in your organization, the more you will need to do a brutal cost/benefit analysis of how you spend your time. Take a look at your meeting situation. Are there areas where you could save time? Take a look at your current number of direct reports. Does the size of your staff affect your ability to really devote the time necessary to direct and support your team members’ success? Remember that their success is critical to your success—and to that of your organization.

Perhaps now is the time to take control of your daily calendar so that you have more time for your people. I’d be willing to bet that you—and your direct reports—will notice a positive difference right away.

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

There are three phases in selling ideas or initiating a new approach. There is the pre-sell. Then there is the sell. And then there is the after-sell. The actual sell may be the least important element.

Persuading people to adopt something new is tricky. It requires them to move away from their current thinking and embrace something different. Sometimes the real challenge isn’t getting them to like the new way—it’s getting them to let go of the old one.

If you are looking to launch an initiative and are hoping to get buy-in and agreement, it’s important to take a realistic approach. None of this is apt to happen if this is an agenda item that only gets ten minutes at a one-hour meeting. It’s even less likely if the meeting is virtual—it’s hard to read people when you can’t see them. Double this if people routinely multi-task. And triple it if there are political implications to the issue.

Focus on the Pre-Sell and the After-Sell

To increase the chance of a successful sell, it’s important that there be time and opportunity for some pre-sell activity. Most success stories don’t come from magic answers and silver bullets. It’s rare that you’ll be able to merely announce “Do this and your problems will be over. This will fix everything.”

Give people significant time to get up to speed on the upcoming proposal before any meeting is held.  A useful concept to keep in mind is what the Japanese call nemoashi. It means “building consensus and respecting the individual.”  Maximizing the likelihood of success requires some pre-sell effort to let people know what the issue is. This includes advocating a solution and making your case ahead of time.

During any sell meeting, manage the agenda to avoid snap decisions with little opportunity for meaningful discussion.

Most important, leave ample time for after-sell discussions. After the sell, attendees may be thinking about potential drawbacks of the new process or decision or the unforeseen disadvantages that the new order of things could cause. They may begin to regret what they agreed to. Of course, we know this as buyer’s remorse.

To avoid this, restate objectives and clarify goals to assuage fears and support the new decision. Give attendees an opportunity to state their concerns. Be responsive to their resistance. Be grateful that they are willing to surface their candid objections. And then deal with resolving those objections.

Take Time So Decisions Stick                             

If you really want to advocate progress, you have to do whatever it takes. “Let’s just wait until the Friday meeting and decide when we’re all together,” sounds good, but how realistic is it, really? Even if you do get it on the agenda, even if there is a discussion, there is a good chance that the final outcome isn’t going to work. Attendees may agree with it. There may be a show of hands or a successful vote. But will it really happen?

Increase your chance of success by taking the time to get people up to speed. Allow them the opportunity to surface concerns and resolve issues.  It’s the thoughtful approach that leads to better results.

About the author

Dr. Dick Ruhe is a best-selling author, keynote speaker, and senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies.

Alexander studied the knot, drew his sword, and slashed the binding, freeing the chariot.  He then went on to conquer the continent as the legend had foretold.

Over 2250 years later, at a plant owned by the Western Electric Company, a young statistician named Walter Shewhart worked together with W. Edwards Deming, another mathematician, to create a model for improving productivity. The end result of their effort was called the Plan-Do-Check-Act cycle. They applied what they learned at a factory known as the Hawthorne Plant, whose major function was assembling telephone relays. It’s difficult not to digress about all that went on during that research, but suffice it to say it was groundbreaking stuff, at many levels. My guess is that readers of this blog probably have a good feel for all that.

The rest is history.

The Challenge of Doing

In most organizations, the Do portion of the Plan-Do-Check-Act model is the biggest challenge.  Instead of trying out an idea in a relatively small way and then drawing conclusions regarding how well it is working, most people end up studying an issue ad nauseum, delaying action that could shed light on the problem. Meetings lead to discussion, research, and requests for more information, but action is always delayed.  After a while the whole project begins to take on the complexity of a self-created Gordian knot.

Don’t let this happen to you. Instead, just try out the idea. Pilot it with a small group of people, then look at the results and make decisions around how you can improve them. In other words, experiment your way into improvement.

Four Things to Consider

You’ve got to get inside your own brain to be sure you can handle this kind of progress. Here are a few things to consider:

1. Be prepared for scrutiny and expect to look a little goofy when you’re going through the initial trials. It’s going to seem weird to colleagues and bosses. It’s likely to save everybody a lot of money, but … it’s still different, isn’t it? That makes it subject to much tighter observation.
2. Expect naysayers to find things that are wrong during the pilot. It’s easy to point fingers when someone is trying something new. Don’t let early criticism keep you from completing your initial pilots. Remember Seward’s Folly during the U.S. purchase of Alaska? I wonder what those critics would say now.
3. Be willing to change your mind during the pilot. A good mantra is No decision is final. That’s one of the reasons we call this a pilot. You can tinker with it.
4. When in doubt, err in the direction of taking bold action. Talk is cheap. The world expects and rewards action. As Albert Einstein said, “Nothing happens until something moves.”

Act as though it is impossible for you to fail. Don’t try to persuade the organization into making change. Simply pilot the idea, and then explain what happened. It’s better, cheaper, and much faster.

About the author

Dr. Dick Ruhe is a best-selling author, keynote speaker, and senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies.

Here’s why:

1. If you create the agenda, you have a vested interest in pushing it through and will probably miss meaningful clues about others’ agendas and goals—which may be as important as yours.

2. If you are working to summarize key points and check understanding so the team can move on, it’s tough to listen openly to ideas and perspectives that don’t fit nicely into your plan.

3. When you facilitate every meeting, it may communicate to attendees that they can be passive and participate only on occasion, when needed.

4. If you do most of the talking, it’s easy to miss subtle clues like vocal tone, hesitation when speaking, or careful choice of words. This deeper listening takes great inner silence and focus.

Instead of running your own meetings, focus on being a great process observer.

This helps you anticipate problems and concerns in the team, react early and thoughtfully to conflicts and challenges, as well as take advantage of opportunities to build team spirit.

Certainly you have agenda items to add, but try delegating this responsibility to your team members. Let them set the agenda and facilitate the meeting. This way:

• You learn what is important to your team. Although their agenda may not align with yours, theirs probably includes items you hadn’t considered.
• When team members create and manage your team meeting, you are more likely to get new ideas and perspectives.
• When team members alternate meeting leadership, it develops their skills and increases their commitment to the team and its work.

Most importantly, when you allow others to facilitate your team meetings, you can lean back to observe what is really going on instead of having to constantly lean forward to push the agenda.

Delegate the facilitation of your next team meeting. You’ll be surprised at what you see and hear when you focus your attention on the dynamics of building a healthy team. 

About the author

Carmela Sperlazza Southers is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in increasing organizational, team, and leader effectiveness in the virtual work world.

–If I do it alone, I can make decisions quicker. I don’t have to sort through alternative ideas. I don’t have to persuade people to change their opinions. I don’t have to wait for others to do their part before I can do mine. Besides, chances are it will be a pretty good result—even if I do work on it by myself. But on the other hand … 

–If I do it with others, there could be a better output because more ideas are on the table. A debate over issues will identify potential blind spots. The more involved people are in a decision, the more likely they are to support the final decision, even if it didn’t go the way they would have preferred. 

To summarize, going it alone is probably quicker, but doesn’t consider as many alternatives. Doing it in a group probably results in a better outcome, but has the potential challenges of dealing with people.

The good news is that you don’t have to make it an either/or decision.  Here are three strategies that combine the best parts of both approaches:

1. Keep everyone focused by addressing bystander effect. When people are working in groups, they are less likely to feel the same sense of responsibility for results than if they were acting alone. They are less inclined to take action. For example, if a group of people sees an individual struggling to carry a heavy load, each of those people is less likely to jump in and help than if it were only one person making the same observation. “When all are responsible, no one is responsible.” Focus responsibility. Don’t say, “Everyone should be more present at our meetings.” Instead, say, “We need each one of you to increase your level of involvement on this agenda.”
2. Replace competition with collaboration. Competition is not as big a problem within groups as it is among groups.  The same individuals can act very different in the two settings. Specifically, research indicates that people are 50 percent more competitive when on a team. Rarely do you hear someone say “it’s him or me”; but you do hear “it’s us or them.” The root cause seems to be trust. People are suspicious of other groups, reasoning that the individual members may be okay but the group can’t be trusted.
3. Reduce inattentional blindness. Minimize outside distractions during discussions. You’ve probably seen the Simons and Chabris video of the gorilla that walks through a basketball scrimmage and isn’t noticed by most observers because they are watching the ball. People are already overloaded with stimuli. Put them in a meeting, and it turns into chaos. That chaos ends the focus on results. 

Teams need great performers, but great performers need teams. Those teams need leadership. When leaders hold teams and individuals accountable, foster collaboration instead of competition, and maintain team as well as individual focus, they bring out the best in both.

About the author

Dr. Dick Ruhe is a best-selling author, keynote speaker, and senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies.

The room was impressive. The huge wall screens provided a full view of participants at tables in other locations. The ceiling-mounted microphones and speakers and the large, locked cabinet of sophisticated controls showed the effort and expense invested in this facility.

The only problem was that this room—like most expensive videoconference facilities I’ve toured—was rarely used, required an IT person to assist with the complex setup, and was so precious that executive approval was required for use.

Sometimes, the same attitude prevails when shopping for virtual team technology. But what I’ve found is that the best technology for virtual work isn’t the most elaborate—it’s the most easily used. This prioritized list is based on the belief that for effective virtual teamwork and collaboration, accessibility and simplicity are most essential.

1.     Phone headset. When we don’t have visual cues, we need to listen more carefully for tone, hesitation, word choice, and what isn’t being said.  A speaker phone simply doesn’t have the microphone and speaker quality needed for deep listening.  If you can add only one piece of technology, this provides the greatest return on investment.

2.     Shared calendar. Working across time zones to coordinate meetings is often cited as one of the most challenging issues virtual teams face. A shared calendar that displays availability and automatically places the meeting in the time zone of each participant saves hours of coordination time. 

3.     Phone rollover. Rolling your office phone to a home line or a cell phone means that your customers and colleagues only place one call to find you. Make sure that a voice mail feature is automatic if you aren’t available. 

4.     Instant conference lines. These services provide global toll-free numbers and access codes and don’t require a reservation. This is the best resource for an instant or planned conversation within a team. 

5.     Webcam. Most modern laptops have a built-in webcam and many types of communication software allow its use. If you want people to truly collaborate, handle conflict, and build relationships, encourage your team members to see each other while chatting. Seeing facial expressions increases trust and personal connection. 

6.     Two screens or large computer display screen. The ability to have your calendar, document, and video connection up at the same time makes it easy to collaborate, share thoughts, and coordinate work. 

7.     Shared document site. This is the most complex of the technology tools listed here. Shared sites require team agreements around maintenance and use (such as document-naming conventions). Whether your team uses a public or private platform for sharing is an important decision. But when used well, these sites can reduce email, provide a way to instantly update project plans, and allow around-the-clock collaboration with a single focus and product. 

There are many other innovations that are also useful. Technological platforms that allow screen sharing and polling, project tracking software, and, yes, even video conferencing can be useful and worth the investment if used and readily accessible.

Well, that’s my list—what’s on yours? Any other tools you would add as accessible and cost-effective?

About the author

Carmela Sperlazza Southers is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in increasing organizational, team, and leader effectiveness in the virtual work world.

We all know leaders aren’t perfect. But why do they continue to hold those interminable, aggravating, and results-free “walks in the park”? One theory is that leaders use meetings to provide confirmation of decisions they’ve already made. Consciously or subconsciously, they push conformance to their decisions and plans—and that occupies a lot of meeting time.

So attendees, wanting to “get this thing over with,” learn to become members of the dutiful herd. They go along with whatever seems to be the politically safe outcome.

A Brief History of Herd Behavior

Let’s recount a summary of Dr. Solomon Asch’s research on conformity and herd behavior, starring you. (Asch was a social psychology pioneer in the mid- to late twentieth century.) Dr. Asch puts eight people, including you, around a table in a meeting room. You think all attendees are just like you, but actually the other seven are actors. Asch has scripted their roles. So you’re the only real subject.

Photo by Nyenyec Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0

Asch walks to the front of the room and says he wants to find out about visual perceptions. He puts two posters in front of the group: a benchmark poster depicting a single vertical line, and a selection poster showing three lines of different lengths that are labeled A, B, and C.

Then Asch asks all eight attendees, individually, to select which of the three lines (A, B, or C) on the selection poster match the length of the benchmark line. He repeats this through several trials, with different posters. You are positioned so you hear most of the actors’ answers before you choose. Sometimes the others unanimously select what is clearly the wrong answer, all of them choosing the same distractor.

What would you predict happens in this experiment?

One-third of the “lone” subjects select the same wrong answers the actors choose. They cave in and join the herd.

Three-quarters of the lone subjects conform with the wrong answer at least once.

Separate research at New York University comparing “yes-sayers” to “straight-shooters” corroborates Dr. Asch’s findings.

Remember that in Asch’s research, the wrong answers were obviously incorrect. Most topics at meetings are nowhere near as tangible. Imagine how much easier it would be to go with the herd on issues that were more vague, particularly when the leader has taken a firm position. If the meeting were addressing strategies or mission accomplishment or similar topics, it would be much easier to abandon one’s position and elect a compromised solution.

Three Tips for Better Meetings

Here are three steps to counteract the tendency toward herd behavior at meetings:

1. Concentrate. There must be a focused clarity on the real issue. This should begin with pre-meeting agendas as much as possible, so people can start objectively thinking about potential positions to take. At the meeting, keep the focus on the agenda item under discussion.
2. Collaborate. Communication and idea sharing need to occupy a major part of the meeting. Leaders should encourage people to stand up and be counted. Add transparency to your team’s group norms. Hold each other accountable for candor. Anything else is unethical. Fraudulent. Unacceptable.
3. Initiate. Meetings ultimately should result in an action plan for the team—a roadmap that includes who, what, and when. If you employ laser clarity on post-meeting behavior, chances are high that the team will deliver to the meeting’s expectations.

When describing the attributes of an outstanding team member, we frequently include the word loyalty. Some well meaning leaders see candor and honesty as potential indicators of disloyalty—but actually, it’s the other way around. Pioneers should be honored, but frequently they are punished. Leaders should be informed, but frequently they are shielded. High performing teams are willing to tell it the way it is. This may be uncomfortable initially, but the long term payoffs are priceless.

About the author

Dr. Dick Ruhe is a best-selling author, keynote speaker, and senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies.

When I observed the team calls, it was noticeable that the group had a very positive and sociable climate. Team members were very polite and most of the conversation sounded like “Yes, yes, thank you, good idea.”  It was quickly clear, though, that individuals were not surfacing concerns or proposing alternative approaches.  As a result, the team was missing out on the benefits of diverse thinking and the new ideas that can result when team members promote different points of view.

In the course of the team intervention, we discussed how their polite culture, though positive in many ways, was impacting honest information sharing and effective decision making.

Together we created a strategy to pressure test all decisions and make sure that opposing points of view were surfaced. To facilitate this, the group would make a “temporary” decision, as they had done before. Then for the next 15 minutes, each team member was required to brainstorm every possible reason the decision might not be a good one. Questions such as “Who else in the organization will not like the decision?” “What could possibly go wrong?” and“What potential unintended consequences might result?” helped to identify possible objections and weak spots.

After exploring the pressure test list, the team would change or modify the decision, confident that all information available had been factored in.

Team decision making dramatically improved as a result of this strategy.  When I revisited the team two months later, many team members privately thanked me for making the sharing of critical thoughts part of their team responsibility.

Leveraging Diversity in Your Teams

Many virtual teams, like this one, struggle to leverage the diversity of their team members for effectiveness. Most often, it’s because people have a natural tendency to avoid conflict and suppress respectful and healthy differences of opinion. A virtual setting only adds to the problem, as it creates even more of a challenge to break in and suggest an opposing point of view. Without the body language clues and the information relationship that happens face to face, the leader and the team often do not realize what is missing.

Here are three ways to ensure your virtual team truly leverages the value that diversity brings.

1. Create team agreements that encourage a healthy conflict of ideas.  Consider using the pressure test format, or something similar, to create a structure for surfacing concerns and testing alternatives. Another great technique I often recommend is Edward de Bono’s “Six Hats” thinking process. You can learn more through his book Six Thinking Hats.
2. Reward clear and gentle truth telling.  Demonstrate this behavior as a team leader and acknowledge others when they do so.  This will encourage team members to speak up about important issues, particularly when it is uncomfortable.
3. Pay close attention and address personal conflict immediately.  It’s important to make a clear distinction between personal conflict (a disagreement between people) and idea conflict (a difference of opinion or new idea). Ensuring you have a conflict of ideas without personal conflict takes emotional intelligence and a clear focus on team dynamics.

Great virtual teams leverage their diversity by bringing together the best thinking across organizations, specialties, and cultures. Use these tips to ensure your team has more healthy conflict and better results.

About the author

Carmela Sperlazza Southers is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in increasing organizational, team, and leader effectiveness in the virtual work world.

1. Team members must develop a learning attitude. Everything that happens in the team is “grist for the mill.” There are no failures–only learning opportunities. 
2. The team must build a trust-based environment. Trust is built by sharing information, ideas, and skills. Building trust requires that team members cooperate rather than compete, judge, or blame. Trust is also built when team members follow through on their commitments. It is critical that team members communicate openly and honestly and demonstrate respect for others. 
3. The team must value differences. Team members should encourage and honor differences. Different viewpoints are the heart of creativity. 
4. People must view the team as a whole. By seeing the team as a living system rather than a collection of individuals, team members begin to think in terms of “we” rather than “you” and “me.”  
5. Team members must become participant observers. To work well in a team environment, members should develop the skill of participating and, at the same time, observing. This practice, akin to being in a movie at the same time you are watching the movie, can give team members valuable perspective.  

How’s your team doing in these areas? Knowing the characteristics and needs of a high performing work group is critical. It gives people a target to shoot for as they progress from a collection of individuals to a smoothly functioning, high performing team.

1. Lack of a sufficient charter
2. Unsure of what requires team effort
3. Lack of mutual accountability
4. Lack of resources
5. Lack of effective and/or shared leadership
6. Lack of planning
7. Lack of management support
8. Inability to deal with conflict
9. Lack of focus on creativity and excellence
10. Lack of training

How do you avoid these pitfalls? Here’s a checklist of seven key elements (represented by the acronym PERFORM) that can help you remember the components of a high performing team: 

• Purpose and values. A high performing team needs both a clear sense of what the desired  goal is, combined with a common set of values that will serve as the ground rules for how the group will work together.
• Empowerment. The team needs to have the authority to act and make decisions and choices with clear boundaries. Groups that are limited in their ability to carry out recommendations suffer.
• Relationships and communication. A high performing team is committed to open communication. People need to feel that they can take risks and share their thoughts, opinions, and feelings without fear.
• Flexibility. Successful teams prepare for shifting conditions by making sure that everyone has responsibility for team performance, development, and leadership.
• Optimal productivity. This includes a commitment to high standards and quality. Team members hold each other accountable and strive for continual improvement.
• Recognition and appreciation. High performing teams take the time to provide feedback and recognition. Recognition reinforces behavior, builds esteem, and enhances a feeling of value and accomplishment.
• Morale. Finally, high performing teams monitor morale to make sure that team members are enthusiastic about their work, proud of their results, and feel pride in belonging to the team. 

How’s your team doing when it comes to these seven elements?  To learn more about the ways you can improve your current—or planned team projects—be sure to check out the teams resources available in the Outcomes section of the Blanchard website.