Dear Madeleine,

I am in a quandary. It may sound dumb to you, but I am interested to hear your thoughts.

I am in my mid-twenties and have been blessed with what seems to be almost incredible luck. I am smart enough, and came wired with a lot of stamina, a strong work ethic, a sunny outlook, and an ability to get along with almost anyone.

I am half Puerto Rican, but most people automatically think I am white. I have the advantage of being a minority when it serves me, but haven’t suffered from discrimination other than the kind that comes with being female—and, to tell the truth, even that hasn’t held me back. I grew up with two very decent parents, surrounded by lots of family, and went to an adequate public school where I got a good education. I was able to take advantage of affirmative action to get myself into a top college with solid financial aid and a work study job I liked. I got into an excellent grad school program, also with financial aid.

Now I have a job I love with a boss who cares about me in an organization that I respect. I have groups of friends whom I love and who love me.

What’s the problem, you’re wondering? Well—there isn’t one. I feel like everyone I meet that is my age has problems—childhood trauma, discrimination, mental illness, terrible parents, bullying—the list goes on and on. I feel boring. I wonder what I did to deserve so much luck. I am actually beginning to think it is going to run out at some point, and I’m waiting for that shoe to drop.

Don’t get me wrong, I have worked very hard and have had to overcome some challenges. It hasn’t all been easy. Do you think I’m nuts to worry?

Just Lucky

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Just Lucky,

You’re not nuts. But you need to cut it out, mainly because worrying never helped anyone or anything. Stop worrying before it becomes a habit and you are as anxious and/or depressed as everyone around you. You came into this life with everything you needed to make the best of it, and you have done exactly that. You have indeed been lucky.

What did you do to deserve so much luck? Well, that’s one of the great existential questions, isn’t it? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do good things happen to terrible people? How does who deserves what get decided? Entire disciplines are devoted to answering those questions—philosophy, religious studies, all of the arts. I have come close to formulating answers for myself, but I don’t think my answers are what you are looking for. In fact, I don’t think anyone can answer them for you, and I would recommend that you run away from anyone who claims to have the answers. At the risk of offending those who are certain of “The Truth,” I encourage you to be suspicious of anyone who professes to know it.

There might be some value in examining the language in play here. What does it even mean to “have luck”? Or to “be lucky”? Research shows it is definitely good fortune to come into the world with kind and happy parents, but you and I both know that plenty of people do not see the value in that good fortune. And plenty of people who are born into disastrous circumstances find ways to rise above them. One might say lucky people cultivate a particular skill in noticing and then taking advantage of opportunities. And lucky people work hard to be prepared for the moment opportunity presents itself. And lucky people use good judgment about whom they take advice from. I suspect you have done all of the above.

You can also examine what it means to “deserve.” The most common usage expresses that someone has earned or been given something because of something they have done or because they have certain qualities. This usage implies that the world is fair, and we all know that isn’t true. Another usage implies that to deserve good fortune, one should be worthy of it. This requires that we have a good answer for what it means to be worthy. That, of course, depends entirely on who you ask, so that might be an interesting research project.

In the end, you will have to decide what it means to you. What would it mean to be worthy of your good fortune? I have spent most of my adult life defining that for myself, and am happy to share it with you, even as I caution you to simply add it to all the answers you get in your quest and come to your own conclusion.

In my opinion, to be worthy means to put a great deal of thought into how one can be a contribution to the world, to leave every interaction or situation the better for you having been a part of it. It is that simple, and of course, on many days, that difficult.

One person who has interesting and useful things to say about how “lucky” people are a force for good in the world is Jennifer Brown. Her body of work focuses on how those with privilege can advocate for and be allies of people who have less of it. This can be a wonderful way to share one’s good fortune. But let me be clear, this is not to imply obligation. Succumbing to others’ ideas of how you should go about being worthy is a recipe for disaster.

Another source of good sense to tap is the work of Don Miguel Ruiz in his book The Four Agreements. Based on ancient Toltec wisdom, Ruiz offers a code of conduct that is hard to argue with:

• Be impeccable with your word.
• Don’t take anything personally.
• Don’t make assumptions.
• Always do your best.

Simple, right? But, given our confounding human nature, not always easy. I have been testing these four practices since the book was published in 1997 and they have never steered me wrong.

Your luck is not going to run out, JL. Lucky doesn’t mean that you get to avoid difficulty and problems. Lucky means that when difficulty and problems crop up, you will face them with your stamina, your work ethic, and your sunny outlook and you will be able enlist help from people who care about you. Will difficult things happen that are outside of your control? Undoubtedly. That is just life. But you will figure out the best way to respond when those things happen, because that’s just who you are, and nothing will change that. Don’t go looking for problems because you feel boring. You aren’t boring. You have entirely too much zest for life to be boring. Plenty of problems will come your way naturally, and when they do, you will be prepared.

You are asking the right questions, JL. Keep asking, keep searching, talk to people you respect and admire, find your own answers, and enjoy the heck out of being you.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services as well as a key facilitator of Blanchard’s Leadership Coach Certification course. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

That’s a lot of people!

I think the event is popular because people recognize we are in desperate need of a new leadership model—one that recognizes that people lead best when they serve first.

(For more information about the Livecast, keep reading.)

We have all seen the negative impact of self-serving leader behaviors. So why does this type of leadership continue to be so prevalent in today’s organizations?

In my experience, self-focused leadership is always caused by an overactive ego—one that is driven by comparative feelings of being either more than or less than others. Once you fall into one of these traps, you spend your time trying to either prove how smart you are or win the favor and approval of others.

One of my favorite books on this topic is Egonomics by David Marcum and Steven Smith. They identify four warning signs of an overactive ego that could undermine an executive’s career.

Seeking acceptance: These leaders become overly concerned with what others think, which keeps them from being true to themselves. They tend to play it safe, swim with the current, and restate others’ ideas instead of coming up with their own.

Showcasing brilliance: These leaders go beyond sharing their thoughts—they want their intellect to be the center of attention. When showcasing is allowed or encouraged, the casualty is collective wisdom. Paradoxically, the more leaders show off their brilliance, the less likely people are to listen.

Being comparative: Instead of focusing on their own personal best, these leaders feel a need to compare themselves with others. Excessive comparison turns colleagues into competitors—and competitors are not effective collaborators. Comparing strengths to weaknesses leads to either excessive self-confidence or feelings of inadequacy.

Being defensive: Instead of defending an idea, these leaders behave as if they are defending themselves personally. They focus on proving their case and deflecting alternative points of view. These leaders resist feedback and brush off mistakes to the degree that conversations with them become superficial.

The goal is not to remove ego from the equation completely—it is to keep it in balance. Marcum and Smith recommend that leaders develop their humility, curiosity, and veracity. The objective is to achieve and maintain an intelligent self-respect and genuine confidence.

In his book Good to Great, Jim Collins identifies another way leaders can keep their ego in check: focus on something bigger than themselves. Collins suggests a special type of leader who builds enduring greatness through a combination of personal humility and professional will. He describes this type of leader as a Level 5. Of special note is the underlying principle Collins sets forward—leaders at all levels need to put organizational, department, and team goals ahead of their personal agenda.

Don’t let your ego get in the way of your good intentions. Practice humility and self-acceptance. When you are able to love and accept yourself with all of your imperfections, you can do the same for others. You’ll be surprised at how well people will respond when you get your ego out of the way. People already know you’re not perfect—it’s when you become vulnerable enough to admit it that the magic will happen in both your personal and professional relationships. As Colleen Barrett, former president of Southwest Airlines and servant leader extraordinaire, says, “People will admire your strengths, but they will respect your honesty regarding your vulnerability.”

PS: Interested in learning more about servant leadership? Join us for the Servant Leadership in Action Livecast on February 28. The event is free courtesy of Berrett-Koehler Publishers and The Ken Blanchard Companies. Twenty servant leadership experts—authors, CEOs, and thought leaders—will share how servant leadership concepts work in their organizations and how you can be a servant leader in your workplace. You can learn more here!

Basically, skill acquisition of the new and the better is expected by the sponsoring organization.

But what executive coaches have always known is what Ken Blanchard and Renee Broadwell zero in on in their new book, Servant Leadership in Action: leaders need support to look at what they need to eliminate from their behavior. This radical assessment is a critical first thing to address on the path to effective leadership.

In examining the impediments to true leadership, Blanchard states that the essential problem is the leader’s ego, and a preoccupation with how one is perceived. Specifically, he identifies the leadership-limiting implications for leaders as either over-promoting or over-protecting themselves.

Executive coaches resoundingly agree with you, Ken Blanchard!

Truly effective leaders are focused on the needs of those they are leading, which is what Ken calls servant leadership. Working with a coach can expand a leader’s focus from narrow and self-centered to include and, in fact, prioritize a focus on the needs of others. This requires a priority step in the coaching process of the leader’s honest assessment of the extent to which they are over-promoting or over-protecting themselves.

A great coach will “hold the mirror” for the leader, and ask them to honestly answer questions such as:

• What have you learned about yourself recently that was surprising?
• What other surprises could be waiting for you?
• What do you do when you hear something new about yourself that you do not like?
• What do you most fear people will discover about you?
• What do you most want people to know about you?
• What does it cost you when you behave in ways that you do not understand and cannot control?
• What is the significance of a leader in the life of an employee?
• If you were exactly the leader you wanted to be, what would be the difference between that image and who you are right now?

Coaching questions like this ask executives to consider the role of ego in their behaviors. With honest self-assessment, the leader can see where false pride or self-doubt have derailed their effectiveness.

With increased knowledge of self, the mirror can be replaced by a window and the gaze of the leader can confidently focus on the needs of others. Expanding skills and leveraging underused strengths is possible now, as the leader’s focus is off of their ego maintenance and on to meeting the needs of their followers and the organization.

Editor’s Note: Would you like to learn more about implementing a servant leadership mindset and skill set in your organization? Join Ken Blanchard for a free online Servant Leadership in Action Livecast on February 28!

Blanchard will host 20 authors, CEOs, and thought leaders from all walks of life as they discuss strategies and offer encouragement for leadership, learning, and talent development professionals interested in discovering more about servant leadership concepts.

The event is free, courtesy of Berrett-Koehler Publishers and The Ken Blanchard Companies. Learn more here! 

About the Author

Mary Ellen Sailer, Ed.D., is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 120 coaches have worked with over 15,000 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Power accompanies leadership. No matter how lofty or humble your title, whether you manage 3 people or 3,000, regardless if you lead a girl scout troop or you’re the CEO of a multi-million dollar company, you will be faced with choices on how to use your power. And the way you wield your leadership power will determine whether or not people choose to trust and follow you.

“Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men.” ~ Lord Acton

You’re probably familiar with the above quote from Lord Acton. Unfortunately, there is much truth to his quote. One only has to look at the news headlines for the latest example of a leader who has misused power for his/her own personal gain.

A good friend of mine, who has spent his entire career developing other leaders, once shared a keen observation with me. He said that people who need to be in power probably shouldn’t be. His experience has been that those people who craved power, who had an inordinate desire to be in control, were the ones most likely to use power in unhealthy ways.

Of course my friend’s statement caused me to wrestle with the concept of power. Do I need to be in power? If so, why? Is it because of ego, status, or enjoyment of the privileges it affords? Is it a bad thing to want to be in power? Would I be unhappy or unfulfilled if I wasn’t in power? One question begets the next.

As I’ve pondered this question, the following ideas have become clearer to me:

1. The best use of power is in service to others. Being a servant leader, rather than a self-serving leader, means giving away my power to help other people achieve their personal goals, the objectives of the organization, and to allow them to reach their full expression and potential as individuals. I love the servant leadership example of Jesus. When two of his disciples came to him seeking positions of power and authority, he chastised them and challenged them to remember that “Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave.” (Mt. 20:26-27) One of the paradoxes of leadership is that by placing others before ourselves, and using our power to serve, rather than dominate, actually brings us more power, respect, commitment and loyalty.

2. Followership is just as important, if not more so, than leadership. Learning to be a good follower is an essential component of being a wise leader who uses power appropriately. A person who learns to submit to the authority of others, collaborate with teammates, and sees first-hand the good and bad effects of the use of power, will have a greater appreciation for how power should be used in relationships. We can all probably think of examples of people who were bestowed leadership positions without ever being a follower, who then went on a “power trip” and showed just how ill-prepared they were to handle the power given them. Followership is the training ground for leadership.

3. The ego craves power. My leadership experiences have taught me that I need to be on guard to keep my ego in check. The ego views power as the nectar of the gods, and if leaders aren’t careful, their ego will intoxicate itself with power. In Ken Blanchard’s Servant Leadership program, he does an “Egos Anonymous” exercise that helps leaders come to grips with the power of the ego to make them self-serving leaders rather than servant leaders. Effective leadership starts on the inside and that means putting the ego in its proper place.

4. Power is held in trust. The power I have as a leader is something entrusted to me, both from my boss who put me in this position and by my followers who have consented to follow my lead. This power is not mine to keep. I’m a temporary steward of this power as long as I’m in my leadership role and it could be taken away at anytime should something drastic change in the relationship with my boss or followers. We’re all familiar with “consent of the governed,” the phrase that describes the political theory that a government’s legitimate and moral right to use state power over citizens can only be granted by the consent of the citizens themselves. The same concept applies to organizational leadership, and the minute our people no longer support our leadership, we have a serious problem.

So, do I need to be in power? I don’t think I need it to be fulfilled in my work, but it’s a question I haven’t yet fully answered. Do I like having power? Yes, I do. It allows me to help others in significant and positive ways. But if I’m being honest, I have to admit that I struggle with the shadow side of power and the temptation to use it to feed my ego.

Let me ask you the question: Do you need to be in power? Feel free to leave a comment and share your thoughts.

Randy Conley is the V.P. of Client Services and Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies and his LeaderChat posts normally appear the fourth or last Thursday of every month. For more insights on trust and leadership, visit Randy at his Leading with Trust blog or follow him on Twitter @RandyConley.

• “Do unto others as you would have _____ ___ _____ ____.” (Yes, the Golden Rule)
• “Beauty is in the eyes of ____ _________.”
• “If it were me, this is what __ ______ ___.”

I trust you were able to complete these very common sayings.  While well meaning and mostly true, these are not just sayings, they are mindsets. They are beliefs that determine behavior and how we act toward other people. This is all fine except when it comes to service.

Find your focus

In my last blog, I said that service was all about you:  your willingness to serve, your decision to serve, your instinct to serve. But what you do—your actual behavior and how you approach a situation—has to be about the customer, if you are genuinely interested in wanting your customer to feel served.

In their original form, these sayings all sound as if they are actually focused on the customer. However, with careful analysis, you will see how they are not:

• “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” (There’s an assumption here that everyone wants to be treated the way you want to be treated. Not necessarily so!)

• “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.” (Guess what? The beholder is you. The customer might see the situation in a completely different way!)

• “If it were me, this is what I would do.” (Oh, wouldn’t the world be a better place if we were all just like you!)

A better approach

If you were to finish those sayings with the customer in mind, they might sound something like this:

• “Do unto others as they want to be done unto.” (Ah yes, The Platinum Rule!)

• “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholden.” (Much better!)

• “If it were me, this is what….” (On second thought—rid your vocabulary of this one altogether!)

At least the first two can be “spun” to focus on the customer. But the last one—“If it were me, this is what I would do”—is one of the most dangerous phrases in the English language. It’s all about you in the worst possible way.

It is advocacy disguised as choice. It completely blocks you from understanding or giving any consideration to how other people think, feel, make decisions, or in any way might act differently than you would in a given situation. Unless you’re giving casual advice to a friend, stay away from this one.

A one word reminder

So what’s the cure for, “If it were me, this is what I would do” syndrome? In a word, LISTENING.

Listen to understand. Listen to be influenced. Listen to learn. And when you’ve felt that you’ve heard enough—listen just a little bit more—it really is the best way to put yourself in the customer mindset!

About the author:

Ann Phillips is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies.  You can read Ann’s posts as a part of our customer service series which appears on the first and third Thursday of each month.

“What?” you may be asking. “No, it’s about my client.” True … kinda. But it can’t be about them until it’s about you.

The service experience begins and ends with you. That experience is primarily within your control. You get to decide the kind of experience you want it to be. It’s your vision, values, and behavior that drive the service experience.

A case in point

Many years ago, on February 14, I was flying from Chicago back home to San Francisco. I remember the day not only because it was Valentine’s Day, but because I had a reason to be excited that it was Valentine’s Day. (HA!—a rare occasion at that time in my life.)

I arrived at Chicago O’Hare Airport in what I thought was plenty of time to catch my flight, only to discover that I had misread my flight time as my boarding time. Now, instead of being early, I was running late. Once through security, with my briefcase and coat in one hand and my purse in the other, I started running to my gate. As I was running, a felt someone take my briefcase.

I stopped, looked up, and a guy with his hand on my briefcase said, “Where are you goin’?”

I said, “To Gate 75.”

He said, “Let’s go.”

He then took my briefcase and coat and ran all the way to Gate 75 with me. Once we arrived, he handed me my briefcase and coat, wished me well, and left.

Thinking beyond the job description

I don’t know who he was or what he did at the airport. From the jumpsuit, my guess is that he worked in engineering, facilities, or something of that nature. My guess is also that no place in his job description did it say,  “When you see a woman running frantically through the airport with a coat and briefcase in one hand and a purse in the other, stop whatever you’re doing, take her coat and briefcase, and run to Gate 75 with her.” I would wager big bucks those words did not exist in his job description anywhere—but he did it anyway.

Service experiences are visceral. What will that experience feel like, look like, and sound like, with you? As a trainer, facilitator, speaker, and consultant, I want to leave participants feeling inclined, compelled, perhaps even inspired to act—to learn more, share information, try something new, DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!

So, decide:

•             What’s your goal for the service experience?

•             How do you want to leave people feeling?

•             What do you want people saying about you?

Since decisions can become behaviors and behaviors can become instinct—decide  carefully.

About the author:

Ann Phillips is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies.  You can read Ann’s posts as a part of our customer service series which appears on the first and third Thursday of each month.

In Blanchard’s experience, all leaders can benefit from examining some of the mindsets that might be operating just below the surface of their consciousness.  It can be as complex as a formal 360-degree assessment, but it can also be accomplished through less formal methods.  As Blanchard explains, “Sometimes all a person needs to do is get on the phone with a completely objective person who has their best interest at heart. Someone who is going to say, ‘Hey, what’s up with that? What’s going on?’”

“And they learn about themselves by talking. It is like cleaning out your closet and getting rid of all the old stuff that doesn’t fit anymore or that you never really liked in the first place.”

3 ways leaders hold themselves back

In an interview for the October edition of Ignite, Blanchard identifies three ways that leaders often hold themselves back.  See if any of these might be hampering your effectiveness as a leader.

Limiting self-beliefs—people often self-impose rules and expectations on themselves that don’t serve them—even when they know what to do differently.  It’s a matter of giving yourself permission. When Blanchard asks, “What keeps you from doing those things?” clients often reply, “Absolutely nothing. It just didn’t occur to me.”

Playing small—Blanchard shares another story about a client who was very comfortable in her own playing field but wasn’t seeing her own potential—or taking steps toward it—the way that others in the organization were seeing her. As a result, she wasn’t building the relationships or networks within the organization that would make her more effective.

Time orientation—finally, Blanchard often works with clients on expanding their time orientations. As she explains, “Each of us has a preferred and habitual time orientation—past, present, or future. Aspiring leaders are often very good at being in the present and focusing on what is right in front of them, but to take it to the next level, they also need to develop skills for future planning.”

Be yourself—only better!

People can and do change. And it almost never requires as big a shift as you might think. Blanchard likes to use the metaphor of a ship on a long sea voyage. If you make even a two-degree change in your direction you completely change your destination.

Where are you headed? What are some of the behaviors that might be holding you back as a leader? To read more on Blanchard’s thinking, be sure to check out Three Ways Leaders Hold Themselves Back.

Interested in learning more about identifying and changing limiting leadership behaviors?

Also check out a special Leadership Livecast on October 10.  Over 40 different business thought leaders will be sharing examples of “un-leaderlike behaviors” and how they—or others—overcame them.  The event is free courtesy of The Ken Blanchard Companies. Learn more at www.leadershiplivecast.com

Innovation also requires collaboration.  Very few ideas can be successfully implemented without the cooperation and buy-in of others.  Unfortunately, innovators often struggle in this area–especially if they fall in love with their idea and become defensive about feedback.

In an upcoming Leadership Livecast on Un-Leaderlike Moments I share a story about the way this sneaks up on unsuspecting innovators.  See if this has ever happened to you.

The birth of an idea

You come up with an idea—it’s one of your best ideas—and you can’t wait to share it with the other people on your team. So you do. And you know what? They’re just as excited about it as you are. You decide to go in together and make this idea a reality.

But soon after, something you didn’t plan on starts to occur. Your teammates like your original concept, but they have some thoughts for making it better.  They begin to share their thinking and give you some feedback.  How do you react?

Dealing with feedback–two typical paths

If you are an experienced innovator, you take some time to really listen to what your team is sharing with you.  You explore what they are saying, you ask for details, and you draw out the essence of their ideas.  You realize that no matter how good your original idea may be, it’s always smart to treat feedback as a gift and to listen closely with the intention of being influenced.

If you are a relatively new innovator—and you are really attached to your idea—you may see feedback from your team in a completely different light.  Ego can often get in the way and now you become defensive when others suggest changes.  You dismiss their feedback as uninformed, uninspired, or just plain limiting. Instead of listening with the intent of being influenced, you listen just long enough to respond and remind everyone why the team should stay on course with your original concept.  You become so focused on leading change that you don’t notice the energy, enthusiasm and participation of team members falling off as you march to the finish line.

It’s not until you get there and turn around for a group high-five that you see their weary exasperation with your leadership style.  They congratulate you on your project.

A better way

Don’t let that happen to your next idea. Here are three ways to innovate and collaborate more effectively:

• Create space for other people to contribute. Take advantage of everything that people bring to a team.  Utilize their head and heart as well as their hands.
• Listen to feedback.  Explore and acknowledge what people are suggesting.  Listen in a special way—with the intent of being influenced.
• Recognize that no matter how good your idea is, it can always be made better through the input of others. As Ken Blanchard likes to say, “None of us is as smart as all of us.”

True innovation requires passion and collaboration.  Create some space for others. It will make your ideas stronger, give you a better chance for success, and create needed buy-in along the way.

****

PS: You can learn more about the 40 different thought leaders presenting in the October 10 Un-Leaderlike Moments Livecast here.  It’s a free online event hosted by Ken Blanchard.

Learn more.

****

In a special presentation on Don’t Let Your Ego Hijack Your Career: 4 Warning Signs, David will be sharing some of the latest research on ego, personality, and its impact on leadership behavior.  You’ll learn four warnings signs of an overactive ego and three ways to keep your ego in check. The webinar is free and seats are still available if you would like to join over 500 people expected to participate.

Immediately after the webinar, David will be answering follow-up questions here at LeaderChat for about 30 minutes.  To participate in the follow-up discussion, use these simple instructions.

Instructions for Participating in the Online Chat

• Click on the LEAVE A COMMENT link above
• Type in your question
• Push SUBMIT COMMENT

It’s as easy as that!  David will answer as many questions as possible in the order they are received.  Be sure to press F5 to refresh your screen occasionally to see the latest responses.

We hope you can join us later today for this special complimentary event courtesy of Cisco WebEx and The Ken Blanchard Companies.  Click here for more information on participating.

“One is false pride—when you think more of yourself than you should. When this occurs, leaders spend most of their time looking for ways to promote themselves.

“The other is fear and self-doubt—when you think less of yourself than you should. These leaders spend their time constantly trying to protect themselves.”

Surprisingly, the root cause of both behaviors is the same, explains Blanchard in the July issue of his Ignite newsletter.  The culprit?  The human ego.

Egos Anonymous

To help executives identify the ways that ego may be impacting their effectiveness as a leader, Blanchard often incorporates an “Egos Anonymous” session into his workshops and two-day intensives.

“The Egos Anonymous session begins with each person standing up and saying, ‘Hi, I’m Ken, and I’m an egomaniac. The last time my ego got in the way was …’ And then they share a false pride or self-doubt moment or example.”

EA sessions have become so popular with executives that some graduates of the Blanchard program use the technique to kick off meetings when they get back to their offices.

“They find it really helps their teams operate more freely. It’s very powerful when people can share their vulnerability and be more authentic and transparent,” says Blanchard.

“Ego is the biggest addiction in the world. So many people think of their self-worth as a function of their performance plus the opinions of others. But that’s a dead-end deal. When your self-worth is somewhere ‘out there,’ it’s always up for grabs.”

Start building good habits

For leaders looking to address the impact that ego may be having on their lives, Blanchard recommends asking yourself a couple of key questions:

1. “Am I here to serve, or be served?” According to Blanchard, your answer to this question will reflect a fundamental difference in the way you approach leadership. If you believe leadership is all about you, where you want to go, and what you want to attain, then your leadership by default will be more self-focused and self-centered. On the other hand, if your leadership revolves around meeting the needs of the organization and the people working for it, you will make different choices that will reveal a more “others-focused” approach.
2.  “What are you doing on a daily basis to recalibrate who you want to be in the world?”  “Most people don’t think about that,” explains Blanchard. “This could include how you enter your day, what you read, what you study—everything that contributes in a positive sense to who you are.”

“Consider your daily habits and their impact on your life. Take time to explore who you are, who you want to be, and what steps you can take on a daily basis to get closer to becoming your best self. Your leadership journey begins on the inside—but ultimately will have a tremendous impact on the people around you.”

To learn more about ego and how it positively—or negatively—impacts your development as a leader, join The Ken Blanchard Companies for a webinar on July 25—Don’t Let Your Ego Hijack Your Career—Four Warning Signs.  This event is free, courtesy of Cisco WebEx and The Ken Blanchard Companies.

One of the four key elements of establishing trust in a relationship is being “believable,” which means acting with integrity. In polls and surveys I’ve conducted with hundreds of people, this one element is often cited as the most important element in building trust. It’s also the element of trust that takes the biggest hit if your ego is left unchecked. An out of control ego signals to other people that you believe you’re more important than them, place your interests ahead of theirs, and that others can’t be vulnerable with you without fear of being taken advantage of.

There are three key areas leaders can focus on to keep their ego in check, increase their “believability” with others, and build trust.

• Honesty — The basics apply here: don’t lie, cheat, or steal. But being honest also means not stretching the truth, telling half-truths, omitting facts out of convenience, or failing to speak the truth when needed.
• Values — Do you know what your core values are? What motivates you as a leader? When faced with a difficult choice, what are the values you use to filter your decision? Developing and articulating your values, and asking others to hold you accountable to living out those behaviors, will help keep your ego in check and allow others to gain confidence in the consistency of your behavior.
• Fair Process — Do you treat people fairly? Egotistical leaders love to play favorites. Trustworthy leaders treat people ethically and equitably. Being fair doesn’t mean treating people the same across the board, no matter the circumstances. It means treating people fairly according to their specific situation and upholding consistent principles and ideals with your entire staff.

A believable leader is someone who acts with integrity and is a role model for the company’s values. We commonly describe believable leaders as credible, honest, and ethical. When someone is believable, he or she tells the truth, holds confidences, is honest about his or her skills, and gives credit when credit is due. Notice that egotistical doesn’t appear anywhere in that description. Egotistical leaders “bust” trust, whereas as believable leaders “boost” trust, and by focusing on developing honesty, values alignment, and acting fairly, leaders can keep their ego in check and build trust in the process.

This is one in a series of LeaderChat articles on the topic of trust by Randy Conley, Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies. For more insights on trust and leadership, visit the Leading with Trust blog or follow Randy on Twitter @RandyConley.

The culprit?  The human ego.

As they explain, “When people get caught up in their egos, it erodes their effectiveness. That’s because the combination of false pride and self-doubt created by an overactive ego gives people a distorted image of their own importance. When that happens, people see themselves as the center of the universe and they begin to put their own agenda, safety, status, and gratification ahead of those affected by their thoughts and actions.”

Fortunately, the two Blanchards share a four-step process that can help keep an overactive ego in place.

Name it and claim it—taking a page from popular 12-step programs, the Blanchards describe a well-known opening they use when they conduct “Egos Anonymous” meetings for senior executive groups.  They have the executives, in turn, share the last time they let their egos get in the way of their leadership effectiveness. What they usually find is that the ego-driven episodes are a result of fear or false pride. By having the leaders “name and claim” the ways that their ego has derailed their behavior in the past, they give the leaders their first tool to begin to neutralize the ego’s power.

Practice humility—another way to recalibrate an overactive ego at work is to practice humility. For a leader, this means recognizing that it is not all about you; it’s about the people you serve and what they need. To illustrate their point, the Blanchards use a great story from fellow consultant Jim Collins on how to tell the difference between serving and self-serving leaders.  As Collins describes it, “When things are going well for self-serving leaders, they will look in the mirror, beat their chests, and tell themselves how good they are. When things go wrong, they look out the window and blame everyone else. On the other hand, when things go well for great leaders, they look out the window and give everyone else the credit. When things go wrong, these serving leaders look in the mirror and ask themselves, ‘What could I have done differently?’”

Find truth tellers in your life—these people are essential to a leader, “Especially as you climb into the higher ranks of an organization,” explain the authors, “where honest feedback becomes scarce and everyone treads lightly. These are the people who know you well, don’t have anything to gain from being less than honest with you, and who you can count on to give you the straight scoop.”

Be a learner—the final strategy the Blanchards recommend for rebalancing your ego is to become a continual learner. You need to be open to learning from other people and listening to them. For leaders who are used to being the smartest person in the room, they recommend starting a joint project with someone who has the skills and energy to do what the leader doesn’t know how to do yet.  It’s a great way to discover what it’s like to be a learner again.

Don’t let your ego derail your career

Talent, competitive drive, and confidence are the skills that often ear-mark people for leadership positions.  If balanced with a healthy dose of reality and humility, these skills can lead to a long and successful career that benefits the leader and the organizations they serve.  Unchecked, they lead to self-centered behavior and a stunted career path.  To accomplish great things, you are going to need the cooperation and talents of other individuals.

So name your ego lapses. Practice humility. Invite honest feedback. Learn from others. These practices will not only eliminate your blind spots, they’ll also open the way for you to accomplish more for yourself and others.

To read the complete article, check out Don’t Let Your Ego Hijack Your Leadership Effectiveness on Scott and Ken Blanchard’s page at Fast Company.

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See if this sounds familiar. Our family is going out to dinner.  My husband is driving.  We pull into the parking lot and I see a fabulous parking place right in front. (I love to find great parking places and I think everyone else should also.)

So I start to share my expert-parking-place-finding-radar-response and guess what happens next?  He is NOT interested and says, “Don’t even think about it!”

Why the quick response?  Because he and I have been over this ground many times before and I know I am not to speak during parking lot time unless we are going to die.  But changing behavior is an ongoing challenge and just because we know what people want us to do, that doesn’t make it any easier.

3 ways to help yourself change

Still, my experience working with many different leaders over the years has convinced me that we can change anything we want if we put our mind to it. Here are three tips if you are committed to changing some hard-wired behaviors. 

1. Focus on the other person’s wishes—be clear not only on what the other person wants, but why he or she wants this.  In my example above, after realizing this situation had come up numerous times before, I decided to find out why my significant other wasn’t interested in my brilliance. He said it distracts his driving when he has to look where I want him to look.  (Well that was informative.  And to be honest, I actually would rather be safe than have the closest parking place also.)
2. Practice what you want to replace your usual behavior with by rehearsing what you are going to do in a similar situation the next time. For me, rehearsal meant chanting, “Never miss an opportunity to exercise,” as I practiced parking as far away as possible while my hard-wired brain kept pointing out, “There’s one, there’s another one, and oh look, still another one.”  (I also kept reminding myself of why my husband doesn’t share my passion for prime parking spots—his value of family safety is more important than that front row space.)
3. Recognize when you do it right by celebrating when all goes well.  Embed your new skill into your brain by creating a pattern for your new behavior so next time it won’t take as much energy. Even though your new behavior may leave you feeling somewhat dissatisfied—or underutilized in my case—take your attention off of yourself and celebrate how you made the other person feel.  Mentally go over what you did, why you did it, and what the fabulous results were.  (This actually creates a stronger neural connection to the behavior that makes it easier to access next time.)

It takes practice and time

Figuring out what others want and acting on that knowledge is a rare, but powerful, way to build lasting relationships—at work and at home. It takes focus, practice, and a recognition of results.  Everyone likes to be treated in the way they like to be treated.  Our challenge as leaders is to flex what we want to do to meet the needs of others.

About the author:

Vicki Halsey is one of the principal authors—together with Kathy Cuff—of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Legendary Service training program.  Their other-focused posts appear on the first and third Thursday of each month.

Chris will be exploring three actionable steps leaders can take to self-diagnose, assess, and change unwanted behaviors in a special presentation on The Biggest Mistakes Leaders Make and How to Avoid Them. The webinar is free and seats are still available if you would like to join over 600 people expected to participate.

Immediately after the webinar, Chris will be answering follow-up questions here at LeaderChat for about 30 minutes.  To participate in the follow-up discussion, use these simple instructions.

Instructions for Participating in the Online Chat

• Click on the LEAVE A COMMENT link above
• Type in your question
• Push SUBMIT COMMENT

It’s as easy as that!  Chris will answer as many questions as possible in the order they are received.  Be sure to press F5 to refresh your screen occasionally to see the latest responses.

We hope you can join us later today for this special complimentary event courtesy of Cisco WebEx and The Ken Blanchard Companies.  Click here for more information on participating.

With great power comes great responsibility.  In the unsettled atmosphere of the American Revolution between the victory at Yorktown in 1781 and the signing of the Treaty of Paris in 1783, a movement arose from officers in the Continental Army to proclaim George Washington as King George I of America.

As incredible as it might sound today after 200 years of U.S. democracy, it was a very real possibility and opportunity for Washington.  As the military leader of the fledgling republic, he had the ability and the backing of the colonists who had put their faith and future in his hands.

And yet, Washington quickly dispelled the idea. Upon learning of the proposal, Washington sincerely and admonishingly responded to the officer who had written the original proposal saying that, “…if you have any regard for your Country, concern for yourself or posterity, or respect for me, to banish these thoughts from your Mind, and never communicate, as from yourself, or anyone else, a sentiment of the like Nature. “

For Washington, leadership was not about personal gain or ambition, but instead, service to a higher purpose and a greater good.  And to confirm his intentions eight years later, when the people wanted him to run for a third term—Washington  again voluntarily gave up his power when he refused to be nominated.

Why did George Washington do what he did? What was in the man’s mind? What can we learn from it during a time when egotistical self-serving leadership seems all to common? Those are the questions that Richard Archer explores in his post, The Spirit of Cincinnatus: George Washington and the Triumph of the Self.

Archer points to a couple of great resources for all of us to consider and reflect upon:

• In His Excellency, his heralded biography of Washington, Joseph J. Ellis underscores “the truly exceptional character” of Washington’s act. “Oliver Cromwell had not surrendered power after the English Revolution. Napoleon, Lenin, Mao, and Castro did not step aside to leave their respective revolutionary settlements to others in subsequent centuries. … Whereas Cromwell and later Napoleon made themselves synonymous with the revolution in order to justify the assumption of dictatorial power, Washington made himself synonymous with the American Revolution in order to declare that it was incompatible with dictatorial power.” Ellis thus reminds us that Washington, in relinquishing power — not just once, but twice — was bucking an imperialist pattern that stretched back to the days of the Roman and English republics, and which, sadly, continues to this day.
• Joseph Campbell might have called this pattern “ego imperialism,” “trying to impose your idea on the universe.” “That’s what’s got to go,” Campbell insisted in The Hero’s Journey. “Your ego is [only] your embodiment and your self is your potentiality and that’s what you listen to when you listen for the voice of inspiration and the voice of ‘What am I here for? What can I possibly make of myself?'” The great task of the hero, Campbell tells us, is “not to eliminate ego, it’s to turn ego and the judgment system of the moment into the servant of the self, not the dictator, but the vehicle for it to realize itself. It’s a very nice balance, a very delicate one.”
• Unfortunately, too many of us allow our egos unlimited rule. The tragic result, as Jung’s colleague Alfred Adler once warned us, is a life within “a self-centered world, a world in which one will never find true courage, self-confidence, communal sense, or understanding of common values.”
• In The American Soul, Jacob Needleman urges us to read Washington’s words as “referring to the need for both the nation and the individual self to turn within for strength, not to the egoistic impulses of one or another self-serving part of human nature, but to the inner self that represents the fountainhead of inner unity.”

In his words and actions, Washington’s beliefs were clear.  As Archer concludes, “… his words and actions in stepping down as commander of the army and as Commander in Chief show us the importance of taming our venal, egoistic ambitions, passions and prejudices in the service of a greater good.”

We’ve all seen the limitations and results of self-serving behavior.  On this U.S. observance of President’s Day, let’s consider what’s possible with leadership focused on serving others as exemplified by America’s first President.  For ideas and inspiration,  check out Archer’s complete post at Examiner.com

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Sometimes, nothing is more damaging to a career than success.  It’s not always easy to see this at work in your own life, but you can certainly see it in others.  In the movie, The Artist, one of this year’s Oscar-nominated films, silent screen star George Valentin falls victim to this when his past success make him blind to changes in the industry.  His pride, success, and arrogance keep him from even experimenting with the new technology of “talkies” and it costs him everything as he sabotages his own career.  Fortunately for Valentin, rising star Peppy Miller never loses faith in him, and eventually she helps him grow, change, and adapt.

Has success made you resistant to growth?  Here are three places to look.

1. Have you lost sense of who you really are?  Success changes people.  After years of striving and hard work, when fame and fortune finally arrive, it’s easy to step into the success, immerse yourself, and completely believe what everyone is telling you about how great you are.  Yes, you do have great strengths, but don’t let them atrophy, or even worse, turn into weaknesses through overuse.  Take some time, now and then, for self-reflection.
2. Have you become isolated?  A lot of leaders will tell you that it is lonely at the top. One of the great things about rising up the ranks is that you always have colleagues and peers to share experiences or commiserate with.  Once you get to the top though, you’re on your own—at least in your own organization.  Who do you talk to now?  Make sure you still have mentors and friends that you can discuss things with.  Make an effort to reach out and connect again.
3. Do you keep trying to recreate the past?  In The Artist, George Valentin responds to the introduction of sound into movies by spending his own money to produce the world’s greatest silent film.  It’s a vain attempt to hold on to the past and it only ends up making him look foolish and dated.  The world is constantly evolving.  Make sure that you are evolving too.

Don’t let success in the past keep you from success in the future.  Follow the example of leaders who are still growing.  Gain an understanding of yourself, reach out to others, open your world, and step into your future.  Don’t wait until you’ve hit rock bottom to dust yourself off and take your first steps.  The new path is there.  Use your strengths and find it!  Get started today.

_______________________________________________________

PS: I’m just getting started watching this year’s Oscar nominated films.  Which ones have you seen?  Recommendations?  Any lessons you’ve learned?

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As Blanchard explains, “When people get caught up in their ego, it erodes their effectiveness. That’s because the combination of false pride and self-doubt created by an overactive ego gives people a distorted image of their own importance. When that happens, people see themselves as the center of the universe and they begin to put their own agenda, safety, status, and gratification ahead of those affected by their thoughts and actions.”

That’s a deadly combination in today’s business environment where organizations need people to work together collaboratively.  If you think that ego might be taking up a seat on your team and holding back everyone’s effectiveness, here are three ways to recalibrate:

• Be a learner: The first way to recalibrate an overactive ego is by becoming a continual learner. Whether you’re a leader or an individual contributor, you need to be open to learn from other people and to listen to them. As Blanchard explains, “If people think they’ve got all the answers and don’t need any help, they’re not likely to be interested in collaborating.” That’s why having an attitude that you don’t have all the answers and you’re open to learning is so important. “None of us is as smart as all of us,” explains Blanchard. “This really means that one plus one is a lot bigger than two.”
• Be courageous in your selection of team members:  Seek out people who have skills and energy that are different—and preferably superior— to your own.   So often people are afraid to work with teammates who possess superior skills.  Resist the urge to be the smartest person in the room.
• Build a shared purpose: Finally, the third key to achieving healthy organizational collaboration and minimizing individual ego is to rally people around a shared vision—something bigger than themselves. When everyone shares a clear sense of purpose, process, and practice, it’s amazing what can be accomplished.

Don’t let egos get in the way of your team’s success. Your ability to overcome these self-serving tendencies will determine to a large degree your ability to work effectively with others toward a common goal.

Would you like to learn more about working together collaboratively and creating teams that work?  Here are a couple of additional resources:

Why Teams Fail—and What to Do About It (new article by Dr. Eunice Parisi-Carew in latest edition of Human Resource Executive Online)

Ken Blanchard on the Power of Collaboration (a free, one-hour, on-demand webinar recording featuring Ken Blanchard)

]]> https://leaderchat.org/2011/11/21/got-room-on-your-team-not-if-this-person-already-has-a-seat/feed/ 2 2364 https://leaderchat.org/2011/11/14/good-to-great-you%e2%80%99ll-never-make-the-jump-until-you-deal-with-this/ https://leaderchat.org/2011/11/14/good-to-great-you%e2%80%99ll-never-make-the-jump-until-you-deal-with-this/#comments Mon, 14 Nov 2011 14:40:42 +0000 http://leaderchat.org/?p=2333 There is one aspect of a leader’s personality that is both their greatest asset and greatest potential liability at the same time.  And if it is not dealt with correctly, it has the ability to stop a promising career dead in its tracks.

That element of human personality is ego, and its power is seductive.

Early in a leader’s career, it helps a young executive seek new innovations, stay the course when others would quit, and push through to higher levels of excellence where others would settle for less.  But if a leader does not channel their ego properly it can also lead to a willful disregard of reality, a lack of self awareness, and an unquenchable need to be the best.

When that happens, the results can be disastrous. In their book Egonomics, authors David Marcum and Steven Smith point to Ohio State research that shows

• Over one third of all fatal business decisions are driven by ego.
• Nearly 2/3 of executives never explore alternatives once they make up their mind.
• 81% of managers push their decisions through by persuasion or edict, and not by the value of their idea.

So how can you draw on the benefits of ego while avoiding the pitfalls?  How do you find the combination of intense professional will and extreme personal humility that Jim Collins describes in his best-selling book, Good To Great?  For Collins, part of the solution includes

1. Self-reflection
2. Conscious personal development
3. Help from a mentor

Madeleine Homan Blanchard, cofounder of Coaching Services at The Ken Blanchard Companies agrees and recommends a similar course of action.  In a recorded webinar on Leaders: Avoid These Fatal Flaws, Homan-Blanchard recommends that leaders keep their ego in check through three strategies.

Name it and claim it—Without self awareness there can be no restraint or modulation. Know your least desirable traits and own up to them. Learn what triggers you and leads you to engage in your worst behaviors.

Get feedback and commit to development—Ask questions. Sit down with direct reports and find out what you could do to be a more effective boss. Listen carefully and say, “Thank you,” when they offer feedback. Take action on trouble spots.

Surround yourself with people who are smarter than you—Be courageous when hiring. Make sure you have colleagues and direct reports who think differently from you. Also make sure you have at least one colleague you can count on for an honest opinion and who serves as your “truth teller.”

You can watch Homan-Blanchard’s complete recording of Leaders: Avoid These Fatal Flaws here courtesy of Cisco WebEx and The Ken Blanchard Companies.  Also be sure to see this week’s live webinar being conducted by Scott Blanchard on Cultivating Employee Work Passion: The New Rules of Engagement

The only problem is that some of these characters don’t disappear on the day after Halloween.  Instead, they continue to haunt and torment people in workplaces everywhere.  See if you recognize some of these personalities working in your organization.  See anyone familiar?

• Frankenstein’s Monster: Functioning at a basic level. Has all of the pieces, but missing the emotional intelligence to function successfully in the work environment.
• Dracula the Vampire: Vain, self-absorbed, and elitist.  Operates in their own sub-culture, focused mostly on their own needs.   Uses people.  Sucks the life out of everyone around them.
• The Mummy: Mostly asleep. Spends most of their time unaware of what’s going on, but once you disturb them, or slight them in some way, watch out.
• Wicked Witch: Always plotting and concocting schemes.  Spends most of their time engaged in office politics and manipulating things behind the scenes.
• Werewolf: Generally destructive.  Given to emotional outbursts.  Unable to control urges. Often acts without thinking.

While these labels are seasonal, the behaviors behind them are not. If you report to one of these personality types it can be especially challenging.

If you are currently dealing with a personality like this in your work environment, authors Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elster of Working With You Is Killing Me have a great four step “unhooking” process that can help you deal with monstrous behavior. Here’s their advice from an interview with Good Morning America:

Unhook physically: Release unwanted negative energy so that you can see your situation more clearly. For example, you come out of a business meeting feeling upset because your boss unfairly bashed you in front of your peers. You know you need to cool down. You look at your options. If you can grab a brisk five-minute walk outside, you go for it. If you can’t go outside, you go to the bathroom, splash your face with cold water, and BREATHE. When you’re in a distressed physical state, the last thing you want to do is calm down, but the fact is that if you want to change your life at work, you have to focus on relaxing physically first.

Unhook mentally: Unhooking mentally is the internal version of talking yourself down off the ledge. It involves looking at your difficult situation from a fresh perspective. Start with a quick inventory of the situation:

• What’s happening here?
• What are the facts of the situation?
• What’s their part?
• What’s my part?
• What are my options?

Unhook verbally: Verbal unhooking involves finding ways to say no without jeopardizing your job, speaking up when you feel overlooked, or tolerating your boss’s temporary silence immediately after you ask for a raise. To unhook verbally, you must be willing to focus on your overall goal in any situation rather than staying stuck in the petty details. It’s a high-road approach to communicating. The goal is to express your ideas and convey information in a manner that resolves problems rather than perpetuating them. High-road communication contains no judgment, no anger, and no accusations. It includes taking responsibility for your side of the situation.

 Unhook with a business tool: A business tool is any standard procedure or written document used in a business setting. It includes contracts, timesheets, job descriptions, memos, performance reviews, company policies and procedures, and other forms of documentation. Business tools help depersonalize challenging situations by providing objective ways to track events and measure performance. To unhook, survey the business tools available to you and identify which ones can help improve your situation.

Don’t let a boss’s bad behavior keep you from being productive at work. To learn more about the unhooking process, be sure to check out more information about  Working With You Is Killing Me here.

Now, instead of a healthy confidence that is attractive to followers, you come across as “conceited, boastful or pretentious. You often monopolize conversations. You may belittle or look down on people you perceive as inferior. You may have a sense of entitlement. And when you don’t receive the special treatment to which you feel entitled, you may become very impatient or angry,” according to researchers at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota.

How can you tell the difference?  Here are ten warning signs. While all of us could probably see something of ourselves in this list, identifying closely with more than five of these characteristics could signal an overactive ego and an at-risk leadership style.

10 Symptoms of Narcissism

1. Believing that you’re better than others.
2. Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness.
3. Exaggerating your achievements or talents.
4. Expecting constant praise and admiration.
5. Believing that you’re special and acting accordingly.
6. Failing to recognize other people’s emotions and feelings.
7. Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior.
8. Being jealous of others. Believing that others are jealous of you.
9. Setting unrealistic goals
10. Having a fragile self-esteem. Being easily hurt and rejected.

Regaining your balance

Is your ego on overdrive?  If that’s the case, here are some suggestions for keeping things in perspective.

Practice humility.  Mathew Hayward, author of Ego Check recommends that before you make any big decision, ask yourself three questions.  “Am I getting the right input into this decision?”  “Do I have someone whom I can trust to tell me when I’m wrong?” “Am I the very best person to be making this call?” 

Be curious. David Marcum and Steven Smith, authors of Egonomics encourage you to, “Give yourself permission to test what you think, feel, and believe to be true.  Remember that you aren’t expected to know everything about anything.”  They also recommend that you seek the truth. Find out what is really going on.  It helps close the gap between your perception and reality.

Practice self-compassion. Authors Jean Twenge and Keith Campbell of The Narcissism Epidemic remind you to be kind to yourself while accurately facing reality. Also, be mindful. Practice living in the present. It keeps the self from entering every experience in your life. Mindfulness quiets the self-absorbed voice in your head so you can see the world more clearly. Finally, acknowledge commonalities with others.  Research shows that when narcissistic personalities discover something in common with others, egotism dissipates.

Best-selling business author Ken Blanchard often tells his audiences that EGO stands for Edging Good Out.  Don’t let an overactive ego limit your effectiveness as a leader.  Keep things in perspective for best results.

References

Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms from Mayo Clinic website

Ego Check by Mathew Hayward

Egonomics by David Marcum and Steven Smith

The Narcissism Epidemic by Jean Twenge and Keith Campbell

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• “I want to take this organization in a new direction.”
• “I want to be able to ask anyone on the street who is the number one service provider in our space and hear…”
• “I have a great idea on how to improve things.”

A serving leader, by contrast, will look to serve the goals that the organization wants to achieve. This is what Jim Collins referred to as “Level 5” leadership in his book Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap… and Others Don’t.  It is a combination of fierce resolve and will, combined with humility and a desire to serve the needs of the organization that delivers long term results.

For anyone involved in the evaluation and selection of leaders for their company, the challenge is to find people with that combination. 

We are just leaving the era of charismatic leadership.  We have all seen the effects of self-centered leadership.  It’s an effective entrepreneurial start-up strategy, but it can also create a rapid rise and fall cycle centered on the personality and drive of one person. 

Today we need a new leadership model—one that is focused on accomplishing the goals of the organization, as opposed to meeting the needs and aspirations of just the individual leader. The best leaders find and identify the strengths latent within people and organizations and lead them to a place that they couldn’t get to on their own.  In this way they truly serve.  And if they do it well, the people will say, “We did it ourselves.”

What attributes are you looking for in your new leaders?  To learn more about identifying leadership attitudes and beliefs check out these previous posts:

Are You a Serving, or a Self-Serving Leader?

Rebuilding Trust, Commitment, and Morale

Ego and the Dark Side of High Achievement

We all have bad days.  We are always going to rub some people the wrong way.  Should that really be the measure of our sense of well-being? 

If you are still answering yes, consider that those two viewpoints are consistent with two of the four warning signs that you might have an overactive ego that is holding you back in other areas.  In their wonderful 2007 book, Egonomics: What Makes Ego Our Greatest Asset (or Most Expensive Liability), authors David Marcum and Steven Smith identify the following warning signs that your ego may be out of balance. 

1. Constantly seeking acceptance—you find yourself becoming overly concerned with what other people think.
2. Feeling the need to constantly showcase your brilliance—you go beyond “tooting your own horn” to making your brilliance the center of attention. 
3. Being overly comparative—instead of being your own individual best, you find yourself focusing instead on just being better than someone else. 
4. Being overly defensive—instead of defending an idea, you find yourself making things personal.

One key point in the book is that an out of balance ego doesn’t feel dramatically different from an in-balance ego.  In fact, you might not even notice at first—even though other people will.  That’s because ego takes your strengths and subtly changes them into close counterfeits.  Now everything seems a little self-serving and things that people appreciated about you—like being able to come up with an alternative viewpoint, being able to objectively compare your point of view to someone else’s, brainstorm good ideas, and seek and welcome feedback—things that make you a good team member—are subtly changed. 

So how do the authors of Egonomics recommend rebalancing your ego?  Three ways:

1. Humility: Don’t think less of yourself—just think about yourself less.  Remember that too little ego is just as much out of balance as too much ego.
2. Curiosity: Ask, instead of tell. None of us is as smart as all of us.
3. Veracity: Find truth-tellers in your life.  People who will be straight with you and tell you what you need to hear.

Ego can be our greatest asset, or it can be our biggest liability. It’s all about keeping it in balance.

That’s a deadly combination in today’s business environment where organization’s need people to work together collaboratively to meet the ever increasing expectations of customers.

The good news is that there is an antidote according to Ken Blanchard, best-selling business author and co-founder of The Ken Blanchard Companies.  Here are four tips from Ken to help you identify an overactive ego and put it back in its place if it has been getting out of hand.

• Recognize that it’s not about you. The first way to recalibrate an overactive ego is through humility. In organizations, humility means recognizing that work is not all about you; it’s about the people you serve and what they need. For leaders, this means seeing your job as creating and maintaining a motivating work environment that engages employees so they can engage customers.
• Be a learner. The second way to rebalance ego is by becoming a continual learner. Whether you’re a leader or an individual contributor, you need to be open to learn from other people and to listen to them. If people think they’ve got all the answers and don’t need any help, they’re not likely to be interested in collaborating. That’s why having an attitude that you don’t have all the answers and you’re open to learning is so important.
• Find a partner. Next, find somebody to work with. Find somebody who has the skills and energy in doing what you don’t know how to do yet. So often people are afraid to share because they feel they are going to be competing with each other.
• Build a shared purpose. Finally, the fourth key to achieving healthy organizational collaboration and minimizing individual ego is to rally people around a shared vision—something bigger than themselves. When everyone shares a clear sense of purpose, process, and practice, it’s amazing what can be accomplished.

There are many benefits to collaboration. The most noticeable is better customer service inside and outside the organization. In today’s fast-paced business environment you can’t afford the time to develop all of the competencies required to keep customers satisfied and business growing. Today, you have to collaborate with people both inside and outside your organization who have the skills and capacities that you don’t. The result is a one-plus-one synergy that equals a lot more than two, and provides the competitive advantage needed to serve customers, grow, and prosper.

1. Bosses are, like everyone, self-deluding. All human beings tend to be poor judges of their own actions and accomplishments. Sutton points out that we all suffer from “self-enhancement bias,” where we believe that we are “better than the rest.” In one study he cites, for example, 90% of drivers reported that they had “above average” driving skills. In a US College Board survey of nearly a million high school seniors, 70% claimed “above average” leadership skills; only 2 % believed they were “below average.”

2. Bosses are naturally heedless of subordinates. When someone is put in a position of power, subordinate members of the group watch that individual very closely but the attention is not reciprocated. As Princeton psychologist Susan Fiske discovered in her workplace research (reported in American Psychologist), “Secretaries know more about their bosses than vice versa; graduate students know more about their advisors than vice versa.” Sutton calls this combination of overattentive subordinates and inattentive bosses “the toxic tandem.”

3. Bosses are insulated from reality. Drawing on research from his book Hard Facts, Dangerous Half-Truths And Total Nonsense, (co-written with Jeff Pfeffer ) Sutton identifies that leaders in organizations routinely “shoot the messenger.” As Sutton explains, “Bearers of bad news, even when they aren’t responsible for it in any sense, tend to be blamed and to have negative feelings directed toward them. The result is the “Mum Effect”: subordinates with good survival instincts soften bad news to make it sound better, or avoid passing it along to their bosses at all.”

Sutton concludes that even when you consider just these three tendencies, you begin to appreciate how easy it is to be a terrible boss. At the same time, you get a glimpse at one of the keys to leading well—a clear sense of who you are and the impact your position has on the people around you.

To read the entire post, check out Some Bosses Live in a Fool’s Paradise here.  To see what else Bob is thinking on a regular basis, be sure to take a look at his blog Work Matters.

In Know What You Don’t Know: How Great Leaders Prevent Problems Before They Happen author Michael Roberto, a professor of management at Bryant University and former faculty member at Harvard Business School, advises managers to be on the lookout for small problems that could potentially lead to disaster down the road. 

BNET blogger Stacy Blackman recently interviewed Roberto to find out the four issues leaders need to be on the lookout for. You can see what he recommends by reading Blackman’s post on Why Managers Don’t See Problems Until It’s Too Late 

Blanchard’s own Madeleine Blanchard, who heads up our Coaching Services division, recommends a second book called Why Smart Executives Fail: and What You Can Learn from Their Mistakes by Sydney Finklestein.   Madeleine has been recommending this book to leaders because it does a good job illustrating how admirable leadership qualities can be a double edged sword. As Madeleine writes in her blog post, “Confidence and willingness to take risks is a hair’s breadth from arrogance. Will you know when you’ve crossed the line?”  

You can see what Finklestein identifies as the seven key mistakes—along with Madeleine’s commentary—by reading her post, What Not to Do

How do we protect ourselves from such failures? It’s a complex issue that is influenced by a person’s spiritual, mental, and emotional makeup, but we can ask ourselves a few simple questions that will help us to evaluate the impact of our decisions. Is it legal? Will this decision break any civil laws or company policies? Is it balanced and fair? Will this decision or action promote win-win relationships for those involved and is it fair to everyone in both the short-term and long-term? How will it make me feel about myself? If this decision or action was published on the home page of CNN, would I be proud? What would those closest to me think about it? Of course these simple questions won’t completely resolve all the moral and ethical dilemmas we face, but it certainly can put us on the right track.

Most recently I saw the behind-the-scenes impact of ego described in Jim Collins new book, How the Mighty Fall.

In a section on The Dynamics of Leadership-Team Behavior, Collins explains some of the subtle changes that take place in the way teams operate once ego—expressed as “hubris” sets in.  The result is behavior that is defensive, self-promoting, comparative, and resistant to new ideas. See if you recognize any of these behaviors starting to creep into your team dynamics:

According to Collins, in teams on the way down: 

• People shield those in power from unpleasant facts, fearful of penalties and criticism for shining light on the rough realities
• People assert strong opinions without providing data, evidence, or a solid argument
• The team leader has a very low questions-to-statements ratio, avoiding critical input and/or allowing sloppy reasoning and unsupported opinions
• Team members acquiesce to a decision but don’t unify to make the decision successful—or worse, undermine it after the fact
• Team members seek as much credit as possible for themselves, yet do not enjoy the confidence and admiration of their peers
• Team members argue to look smart or to further their own interests rather than argue to find the best answers to support the overall cause
• The team conducts “autopsies with blame,” seeking culprits rather than wisdom
• Team members often fail to deliver exceptional results and blame other people or outside factors for setbacks, mistakes, and failures

Are you looking for a way out of this vicious cycle?  Start by looking at where your focus is as an organization.  Is it on serving yourself, or on serving others?  Ego plays a big part in this.  Looking for some ideas?  Be sure to check out Ken Blanchard’s interview in Ignite or better yet, join us for Ken’s webinar tomorrow on The Power of Collaboration.  You’ll learn some ways to get your organization back on track.

In the first article, Focus on Individualism Creates MBA “Monsters”? Dr. Peggy Cunningham identifies that “Too much focus on individual success and competition between companies makes people forget that they’re part of a larger social system to which they are accountable.” 

In the second article, Are You a “One and Done” Leader? authors Steven Smith and David Marcum ask, “If two people were debating or competing, and one was egotistical and the other was humble, who would win? The majority of people answer, “The egotistical person.” Why? Because while humility is an admirable trait, there’s suspicion about its weaknesses—who wants anything to do with humility if it’s incompatible with winning?”

I think that both of these articles raise questions about the wisdom of seeing business as an individually focused quest for short term goal accomplishment.

While leaders can be successful in the short run by emphasizing goal accomplishment, what tends to fall by the wayside is the condition of the human organization. Those leaders don’t always take morale and job satisfaction into consideration—only results.

This type of thinking is too short-sighted and will not position a company for long term growth or success.  To succeed long term you need to have a both/and philosophy. The development of people is of equal importance to performance. The leader of the future will need to balance a focus on results together with respect, care and fairness for the well-being of all involved.  The result is an organization where people and profits both grow and thrive.

If you’d like to learn more about a more balanced approach to leadership and a more thorough explanation of what we mean by the “triple bottom line,” check out our article on Leadership: The Key To Organizational Vitality.