2022 will be remembered as a year of continued change as workers adapt to a post-COVID, hybrid work environment. This was reflected in the questions Madeleine received from her readers. Here is a list of this year’s top five, most-viewed columns. Madeleine will be back on January 7^th with a new year of questions from well-meaning managers—possibly yours? 

Feel Like a Fraud?

A reader who started at an entry-level position, got an MBA, and rose steadily in her company shares being dogged by a feeling that she isn’t quite as good or quite as smart as others think she is.  Madeleine shares how imposter syndrome troubles many well-meaning leaders and how to address it. https://resources.kenblanchard.com/blanchard-leaderchat/feel-like-a-fraud-ask-madeleine

Serious “Resting Face” Issues?

Madeleine helps a friendly, but somewhat serious, manager who has been told she told she has a resting b*%*# face. Madeleine commiserates and shares some strategies. https://resources.kenblanchard.com/blanchard-leaderchat/serious-resting-face-issues-ask-madeleine

Boss Is Always Criticizing You?

Madeleine offers practical tips for a reader dealing with a new boss who is constantly criticizing everything they do and seems to be trying to make them feel terrible in small and large ways. https://resources.kenblanchard.com/blanchard-leaderchat/boss-is-always-criticizing-you-ask-madeleine

Not Sure about Blowing the Whistle?

A reader asks a COVID-related question that begs a bigger discussion of what to do when you face an ethical dilemma. https://resources.kenblanchard.com/blanchard-leaderchat/not-sure-about-blowing-the-whistle-ask-madeleine

Considering Working with a Coach?

Madeleine helps a reader sort through the pros and cons of working with a coach—including some key questions to ask. https://resources.kenblanchard.com/blanchard-leaderchat/considering-working-with-a-coach-ask-madeleine

Do you have a question for Madeleine? Send an email to madeleine.blanchard@kenblanchard.com. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each email personally. Questions will be edited for clarity and length.

Best Wishes for the New Year!

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

As if the job of managing people in the workplace isn’t difficult enough, add in the recurring need to coach them through challenges and issues.

The skill of coaching others is not one that comes naturally to most of us; in fact, during my experience coaching within organizations, I’ve found leaders who are downright plagued by the idea of coaching! Here are a few typical comments I’ve heard:

• “I’m uncomfortable coaching others. I don’t know what to say.”
• “What kind of questions should I ask?”
• “How should I get a coaching conversation started?”
• “I always want to solve the problem right away.”

Although the idea of adding coaching to your leadership skill set may seem daunting, it’s a competence most leaders can learn and master. The art of coaching involves the use of the following tools:

• Active listening: listening with the intent of learning more
• Asking open-ended questions to help uncover the issue
• Starting questions with words or phrases such as how, when, if, what, tell me more, or what else
• Being mindful that coaching is about leading the coachee to their own conclusions, not giving them answers
• Getting curious
• Honoring personal intuition

The last tool, personal intuition, is a powerful coaching skill but you must nurture it to keep it at peak efficiency. It is similar to flexing and strengthening a muscle—when it is underused, it is hard to access maximum performance.

Years ago, as my coaching abilities began to grow, I became aware of my intuitive skills. I started to experiment with sharing intuitive thoughts with clients during coaching sessions. During my coaching training, this was known as throwing spaghetti against the wall to see if it would stick. When I would experience an intuitive thought or nudge about what might be going on with a client, I would say something like “I have a thought about this. Would it be okay if I share it with you?” Most of my intuitive pings had to do with people stepping into a new leadership role, feeling fearful, lacking confidence, or being in denial. After I would express my thought, clients would often say “How did you know that about me?”

The concept of tapping into your intuition may seem simple, but for me, it was powerful. It gave me joy to know that my gut reactions could change the coaching conversation by uncovering vulnerabilities or blind spots. I believe utilizing personal intuition can be a valuable asset for coaching in the workplace setting.

Imagine that as you listen to your coachee, you sense that something is unsaid. It’s as if you can hear a note that is out of tune. You might say “Something doesn’t sound quite right here. Help me out if I’m getting this wrong, but it feels like you may be holding back something important. What’s your sense of this?” (You are trying to see if the spaghetti sticks!)

The person you are helping may be holding something back intentionally or they may not realize they are holding back. That’s why it’s important to check in, get curious, and ask the question.

• I have a sense…
• May I tell you about a gut feeling I have?
• I have a hunch that…
• See how this lands with you.
• My intuition tells me…
• Can I check something out with you?
• I am curious about…

Curiosity is essential for effective coaching. In her book Dare To Lead, Brené Brown introduces the concept of the knower in all of us and contrasts it with the concept of curiosity:

“The knower in us (our ego) races to beat everyone with an answer that may or may not address the real issues, or thinks: I don’t want to talk about this because I’m not sure how it’s going to go or how people are going to react. I might not say the right thing or have the right answers.

“Curiosity says, No worries. I love a wild ride. I’m up for wherever this goes. And I’m in for however long it takes to get to the heart of the problem. I don’t have to know the answers or say the right thing, I just have to keep listening and keep questioning.”

When coaching others, the skills of listening, questioning, and paying attention to intuitive thoughts are key to a successful outcome. Achieving mastery of these skills is worth the practice it takes.

Leaders who are great coaches are catalysts for positive change in others. They are courageous because they know how important it is to say what others cannot.

About the Author

Patricia Sauer is a coaching solutions partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world.

Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

Dear Madeleine,

I heard somewhere that as a manager I should reward good behaviors and coach negative ones. I have been trying to do this, but I realize I’m not really sure what it means. While we are on the topic, how many times do I let someone make the same mistake before I stop the coaching and just let them go?

Confused About a Bad Apple

Dear CABA,

It is confusing—the term coaching is used in so many different ways. In your case, you are using the word to represent what I might call giving a reprimand, a redirection, or feedback about performance.

I use the term in a more positive sense: as a technique that a boss or manager might use to develop a valuable employee. Coaching takes care and time and is an investment in an employee. In a best case scenario, it is driven by the employee’s agenda. We have some interesting research and information on that here.

Honestly, though, the way you use the word is beside the point. The point here is that it sounds like your bad apple is either unwilling or unable to do the job the way it needs to be done. They need a combination of what we would call clear direction and a lot of support; in other words, crystal clear direction plus some open-ended questions to get to the bottom of what is getting in the way.

If you have an HR department, ask for help documenting each attempt at having these conversations where you give feedback and direction. If you don’t have HR, keep a record for yourself. Make sure you check your confirmation bias—a way we all have of seeking evidence to support what we already believe to be true—as best you can.

How many repeated mistakes should you tolerate? Well, that’s up to you. The thing is, everyone makes mistakes—you make mistakes, I make mistakes, and our best people make mistakes. It happens. That is just normal work. People get overwhelmed by their to-do list and are moving too fast, or maybe they are doing a small part of their job they aren’t naturally great at.

When the same mistake happens repeatedly, though, there has to be a conversation about what is going on and how can it be avoided in future. I personally feel like three solid attempts is about right, because after that it starts to feel like Groundhog Day. Almost every manager I have ever worked with has given an employee entirely too many chances and suffered the consequences. I have never once, in twenty-five years of coaching managers, seen anyone regret letting a person go who either wouldn’t or couldn’t do the job. It is nothing short of liberating.

One last thing you need to consider: none of this happening in a vacuum. Your other employees are watching how you deal with this situation and taking note of what you let others get away with. Some may have to do extra work to pick up the slack around Bad Apple. They will start to resent and judge you if you let it go on too long. I know that one from painful personal experience.

So first, be kind. Give your potential Bad Apple a little extra direction and support and one more chance—and then, if you need to, call it. I guarantee you will have no regrets.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Below are a few key skills and techniques that coaches use when working with others. Each of these skills will help your managers adopt more of a coaching approach in their interactions. If you are interested in a more extensive and detailed look, check out Coaching in Organizations – Best Coaching Practices by Madeleine Homan and Linda Miller. Also, the International Coach Federation’s list of Core Competencies for coaches are listed on the federation’s website: www.coachfederation.org

• Take a service-partnership approach. It’s not about you. The focus is on helping leaders be effective and develop.
• Be fully present. This can be a challenge even for experienced coaches—there are so many distractions in today’s world. Constantly reengage yourself. During the coaching session, nothing else matters other than the person you are working with.
• Be a sounding board. Practice active listening. Many people just need a neutral partner to listen to them so they can work it out for themselves vocally.
• Inquire for insight: Ask open-ended questions. Clarifying questions help get to the heart of the topic. Focus questions set the direction for the coaching session. Discovery questions lead to increased awareness. Challenging questions lead to new insight and action.

This list is only a highlight of what is needed to have a productive, valuable, and rewarding coaching session from the client and coach perspective. Give it a try. I’m sure that even with this exploratory approach, your managers will experience the thrill of hearing and watching their people have aha moments as they come up with their own solutions.

About the Author

Terry Watkins is a coaching solutions partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

At The Ken Blanchard Companies, we define coaching as a deliberate process using focused conversations to create an environment that results in accelerated performance and development.

Let me say that again: coaching accelerates performance and development through a deliberate process of focused conversations. It doesn’t say how much time coaching should take or where coaching needs to happen. The reality is that coaching can be used on the job, in any conversation—planned or unplanned, long or short.

There is only one requirement. You must first learn, and then intentionally practice, coaching skills so that they become a permanent tool in your toolkit. A good way to begin is by using formal coaching on a regular basis.

Formal Coaching

Regularly scheduled meetings, such as one-on-ones, are a great opportunity to formally practice coaching skills. Because these meetings are planned, you can be intentional about how you show up. You can even ask the other person to let you know ahead of time what specific development topics they may want to discuss. During the meeting, you can practice getting clear agreement on a specific topic. As you explore the topic, if you recognize that the person you’re working with is capable of finding a solution, you could then use the coaching process. At that point you would intentionally avoid being directive and instead would ask open-ended questions to allow the individual to surface options and ideas.

As you continue to identify coachable moments in these formal conversations and to practice using the coaching process, you and the other person will begin to anticipate how conversations will play out. You will get into a rhythm that will really help when the need for informal coaching arises.

Informal Coaching

The coaching process and skills you use in your formal conversations are equally useful in brief, spontaneous interactions you have with people throughout your day. As with formal coaching, you slow down to get clear agreement on the focus for the conversation. Once that is established, you ask the person what their options and ideas are for moving forward. Again, if you sense the person you’re working with can find a solution on their own, avoid being directive and just ask a couple of questions to draw out their own brilliance.

Whether you are in a formal or informal coaching conversation:

• Get clear agreement/clear focus on the specific subject
• Consider this a potential growth opportunity for the other person
• Don’t jump in with solutions—instead, encourage the person you’re working with to explore their own ideas for how to move forward.

Remember: it’s about coaching with the time you have—not about how much time it takes to coach. The small investments of time involved in having focused conversations can often result in high yields.
Coaching also creates an increasing level of self-reliance. Managers who coach provide a win for the organization, a win for the person being coached, and a win for themselves! I think that’s a good thing—wouldn’t you agree?

About the Author

Joanne Maynard is a senior coach with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

And if you were lucky enough to have someone supporting and partnering with you—someone coaching you through the experience—chances are that support really helped.

In today’s workplace, business leaders are encouraged to coach their direct reports. To do this, leaders must develop a coaching mindset—a mindset that looks for the potential in others.  Here are four ways to get started.

• Talk on a regular basis. Leaders with a coaching mindset intentionally have regular conversations with direct reports in service of their direct reports’ development, learning, and growth. Don’t wait for midyear or yearend reviews—shoot for weekly or biweekly conversations.
• Understand that developing your people is as important as meeting deadlines. Focus on people and Remember, it’s not an either/or question—the more you develop your people, the more valuable your organization will become.
• Value learning. Create a safe environment where everyone on your team has permission to be a learner and to try out new skills. Be a role model—share times when something didn’t go well for you, and talk through lessons learned.
• Slow down to draw out your direct reports’ brilliance. Sometimes giving people the answer seems quicker and more efficient—but in reality, doing this can create dependency.  Slow down and take the time to teach your people how to complete a task. It’s a front-loaded investment that can really pay dividends.

As the Chinese proverb says: “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.”  Using a coaching mindset is like teaching your people to fish. Embrace a coaching mindset!

About the Author

Joanne Maynard is a senior coach with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Here are five of the most important techniques coaches use in their conversations with clients.

Consider how these techniques could help the managers in your organization be more coach-like in their communication style.

• Be fully present. Practice being fully present in your conversations with people. Avoid distractions, give undivided attention, and show you care. Of course, we all know this is easier said than done—but this alone can go a long way toward building trust.

• Get, and keep, the conversation focused. It is easier to help a direct report move forward, faster, if they are the one who declares a specific focus for the discussion. Having them establish a focus creates a more deliberate and intentional conversation. Keep in mind there will be times when the conversation goes off topic. When it does, the manager is expected to get the conversation back on track.

• Ask mostly open-ended questions, especially those starting with what and how. Open-ended questions promote discovery for the other person. The most essential questions coaches ask are what and how questions that help direct reports discover their own answers or course of action.

• Stay action focused. Help the direct report create a plan of action that will move them forward. Share coaching questions such as “What do you think you need to do now?” As much as possible, keep the ownership of the plan, and any actions, in the direct report’s court. Actions they take may turn out to be excellent growth opportunities. Keeping the ball in the other court allows managers to get on to other things on their to-do list.

• Follow up. Check in with direct reports on their progress, their learnings, and any challenges they might be facing. Doing this helps them keep what they said they would do top of mind. It also shows them again that you care—which is never a bad thing.

There are many ways for managers to incorporate a coaching style to help people develop more competence and confidence. The ideas above are in no way a complete list, but I encourage you to have the managers in your organization give them a try. Practicing coach-like behaviors in your conversations creates a learning environment not only for those you coach, but for you as well.

Let me know how it goes!

About the Author

Joanne Maynard is a senior coach with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

As the availability of coach training programs has increased, so has the variety of coaching models and coaching processes that coaches are using as a framework or process. For example:

GROW Model. This model is based on performance relating to problem solving and goal setting to maximize and maintain personal achievement and productivity.  It is a framework and a process to tap into inner potential through a series of sequential coaching conversations.

Newfield Institute Way of Being Model. This is a model based on ontological coaching relating to the way of being that incorporates language, emotions, and body that influence behavior.  The Way of Being is the underlying driver of communication and behavior based on one’s perceptions and attitudes.

The Coaches Training Institute. This organization’s Co-Active Model is a methodology and framework based on the idea that individuals are naturally creative, resourceful, and whole.  It suggests individuals are capable of finding their own solutions, with the support of a coach in a collaborative relationship, that result in courageous action.  The model is centered on fulfillment, balance, and process.

Every coaching model and worldwide coaching professional association has its set of required core competencies which must be achieved for one to be considered an effective coach.  But are there any common ingredients across all coaching models and coaching professional associations?  Here’s what I came up with. How do these match with your experience?

1. Flexibility – Remaining flexible and agile to adjust your coaching model, process, and style based on your client’s needs. For example, allowing more time for a deeper connection before moving forward, or brainstorming to identify next actionable steps when a client is stuck.
2. Coaching Presence and Active Listening – Having a target focus on the client and eliminating distractions. Listening at a deeper level that involves words, nonverbals, body language, surroundings, and silence.
3. Coach’s Toolbox – Having available several coaching models and processes that can be incorporated into the coaching based on the client’s need. Being able to flex and adjust your coaching style.

At The Ken Blanchard Companies, we focus on a deliberate process using focused conversations to create a safe environment that results in individual growth, purposeful action, and sustained improvement.  As a coach working within that model, I intentionally incorporate flexibility, presence, and active listening to enhance my ability to serve and coach each client.

How about you?  What is your experience with the different coaching models currently available?  How do you tweak each to flexibly serve the needs of your clients?

About the Author
Terry Watkins is a coaching solutions partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

One of my favorite coaching books, The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever, by Michael Bungay Stanier just might be the solution every well-meaning manager has been looking for. Stanier, an acclaimed executive coach and former coach of the year in his native Canada, shares seven questions any manager can use to increase their leadership effectiveness—especially during One on Ones.

I originally read the book last summer and I picked it up again when I heard that the book was celebrating its one year anniversary (see special offer below.) I don’t want to give it all away here—you really need to read the book to appreciate the nuance and genius of what Stanier shares, but in a nutshell the seven questions are

1. What’s on your mind? A brilliantly simple way to open up a one-on-one conversation, invite people to share, and get at what is most important in the moment
2. And what else? Three little words that open up possibilities, insights, and increased self-awareness
3. What’s the real challenge here for you? The question that slows down the rush to find the first answer instead of solving the real problem
4. What do you want? Taking the time to discover the need and the desired outcome that makes charting the journey easier
5. How can I help? Insisting on a clear direct request that you as a leader can respond to
6. What will you say no to if you’re truly saying yes to this? Life is about choices. This question identifies the tough trade-offs.
7. What was most useful for you? Gathering feedback and extracting value from the conversation

If you are a well-meaning manager who wants to have more-productive conversations with your people, try these questions. Bonus: They also work great for those work-related conversations at home—you know, right after you ask, “How was your day?” You’ll see the power of these questions immediately.

For those interested in learning more about the method behind the magic, be sure to check out all the praise and positive reviews on Amazon. See why Dan Pink, Brené Brown, and Dave Ulrich, along with 500 other positive reviewers, are so excited—including me!  Special Anniversary eBook offer: The Coaching Habit eBook will be available for purchase for just 99 cents on Amazon from March 1 to 3.

The ability to conduct successful One on Ones is a key leadership competency. Learn how asking these seven questions can help you be the manager you want to be.

About the Author

David Witt is the Program Director for The Ken Blanchard Companies. A business-focused writer, researcher, and speaker, David is the editor and lead columnist for The Ken Blanchard Companies Ignite! online newsletter, moderator of the company’s LeaderChat blog, and host of the company’s monthly webinar programming.

“Think about your best boss,” asks coaching expert Madeleine Blanchard. “Your best boss is a person who helped you to deliver phenomenal performance, but they also helped you to really grow and develop yourself.”

In a short video interview Blanchard explains that, “Managers who have no idea how to use coaching skills, or use a coach-approach with their people, tend to be very task-focused and very transactional—which is fine—the job gets done. But they don’t retain their people and they don’t get the kind of engagement and discretionary energy that we are all looking for in our organizations.”

One of the biggest challenges is feedback.

“The hardest thing for most managers is giving the hard feedback. It’s saying, ‘This is good but it needs to be better.’  It is so hard for people because they are afraid of damaging the relationship or de-motivating people.”

In a new Coaching Essentials program, Blanchard and coauthor Linda Miller teach managers to build relationships and earn the right to give the hard feedback—and then learn ways to say what needs to be said without being terrified.

Blanchard and Miller’s approach is to teach a mindset, a coaching process, and a skill set—three main things that managers and leaders need to know to build trust, improve workplace positivity, and boost employee work passion.

A new eBook by The Ken Blanchard Companies shares the four essential skills and a four-phased coach-approach for activating the conversation process.

To learn more, download a free copy of the eBook here.