As a coach, listening is one of the key tools I use with my clients. The longer I coach the more I notice what a gift just listening can be for someone—not only for my clients, but also for my family and friends.

Here are three things I keep in mind when I find myself wanting to talk instead of listen.

The listener does not have to add value. Often when someone is sharing a concern, we want to help so much that we jump in with ideas to solve the person’s problem. The truth is, most people are the best subject matter experts of their own lives. They may just need to verbalize their frustrations out loud.

Listening can help others solve their own problems. Your silence allows the other person to dig deeper. Often just listening to someone helps them to get to the root of the situation by venting versus just mentally churning at a superficial level.

The mere act of listening strengthens relationships. When you truly give someone the gift of your time—and your silence—it helps to build mutual trust and respect. Your listening can also help to increase the other person’s confidence and motivation, just by allowing them to feel heard. In the workplace, the positive implications of this simple act are endless.

Are there opportunities where you can practice listening more? Can you resist the urge to jump in with your brilliant ideas or solutions? If you can, you will be giving the exceedingly rare gift of silence. Surprisingly, giving that gift makes people think you’re a great conversationalist too!

Let me know how it goes. (I promise to just listen!)

About the Author

Joanne Maynard is a senior coach with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

Dear Madeleine,

I am a marketing manager at large consumer goods manufacturing company. I have ten direct reports and a couple of dotted-line people who work on big internal communications projects. Things move fast around here.

The HR team recently did an engagement survey of my team and one of the dimensions was something along the lines of “my manager listens to new ideas and is open to input from the team.” Well, Madeleine, they all rated me really low.

I am absolutely floored by this. I am always willing to listen to new ideas, and I always encourage open dialogue about what we should do. The problem is that most ideas people bring to me are half baked and don’t take into account the realities of the results we need to produce—or they are just terrible ideas.

I hate that my team thinks I am not open, and I really hated being rated so low—on anything. Thoughts?

—Closed-Minded?

Dear Closed-Minded,

Of course I am dying to know what your HR people told you about how to use the feedback. There is an epidemic of people getting feedback with no real idea what to do with it. I would also be interested to know what the survey’s other dimensions were and where you scored high. It would help me understand where your strengths lie. The fact that you are not perceived as particularly open probably means you are really good at staying focused and getting things done. No one is good at everything, all the time. But I do appreciate that you are motivated to improve—so here are some thoughts.

The first order of business is to discuss the situation with each of your people separately. Be as candid with them as you have been with me—tell them you were rated low on being receptive to new ideas and had always thought you were pretty good at it. Ask for examples where they think you might have behaved differently. The key—and, honestly, if you don’t think you can do this, don’t engage in the conversation—is to respond with one of three statements:

1. Tell me more;
2. I understand; or
3. Thank you.

Do not, under any circumstances, defend yourself, explain, or otherwise hijack and negate the feedback. Listen really carefully and take notes—and even if you disagree with every word, commit to thinking about it and considering what is said through the lens of this question: What if this were true? You may very well be surprised. You will certainly get some valuable insight on how your people are experiencing you. Pay attention to the little things you might be doing that would make people feel unheard or small. There may be a few behaviors you can stop—like rolling your eyes; or start—like saying “Wow, that is really unusual thinking!” It is very common for leaders to impact their people in ways they don’t intend—which brings us to the next possible step.

Carefully consider your intention. If you really think others’ ideas are half baked or downright terrible, you probably aren’t hiding your thoughts as well as you think you are. They can tell you have contempt for them even if you are trying to be respectful. I would submit to you that you think your job is to listen for what is boneheaded, or poorly thought through, and shut that thinking down.  What if you were to change your intention to something like listening for the kernel of a good idea? Or for what is original? Or really creative? Then you can drill down and focus on that conversation. You never really know when a terrible idea will be the seed for a truly great one.

Once you have shifted your intention, you can then ask your employee to further develop their idea along new lines, perhaps in light of some realities they hadn’t considered. In this way, the answer is never really no. It is either maybe or keep working on it. So instead of being perceived as closed minded, you actually shift to being a developer of others—someone who nurtures creativity and potential!

Finally, give credit even when credit is only partially due. Even if you throw out most of someone’s idea but make it work because of your own additions, always give recognition to the person who originated the thought. There is nothing less attractive than a boss who hogs all the glory, even if they are the one who deserves it.

There is value in seeking ways to change your behavior to shift perception in this area. In marketing especially, you want to attract and retain the most innovative and creative folks. Having a reputation as the person who fosters and grows talent will only help you be more successful over time.

Good luck.

Love Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

• Listen intently and ask yourself what are they asking from you? Sometimes people just need to air their thoughts, sometimes they want some direction from you.
• Make it about them not you! Ask questions to get a better understanding, show you are listening.
• Only speak and share your experiences if it adds value to them. Think, is what you’re about to say going to add value or is it just a way for you to talk about yourself.

When you want to be listened to

• Firstly no one is going to be able to listen attentively to someone who is highly emotional and talks all the time. Emotions can alter the way people listen to you. So if something has immediately annoyed you, take 10 minutes to gather your thoughts before talking about it.
• What do you want to achieve from the conversation? – Tell the person you are speaking too ie.) ‘I just need to vent’, or ‘I need your advice’.
• Ever been in a meeting , walked out and forgotten to say something really important. Write down a couple of key bullet points that you want to discuss to make sure you don’t miss something out.

One last tip – With the world at our fingertips it’s easy to get distracted and try and multitask when someone is talking to you. Don’t do it. There is nothing worse than talking to someone and they are typing away or checking their phone. It’s just rude.
Listening isn’t easy, the first step is awareness: Ask yourself, colleagues, friends and family – Are you a good listener?
Sarah-Jane Kenny – Channel Solutions Consultant at The Ken Blanchard Companies

So what’s going on? Well, leaders can sometimes be unaware of what they should and should not be doing. And this lack of awareness separates good leaders from great leaders. Great leaders know that leading is a never-ending journey that can be filled with treacherous obstacles.

So what do you need to know to become a great leader?
 

1. People are unpredictable

Your direct report may not necessarily react the same way each and every time to you. And you yourself may also change from day to day. So always using the same style of leadership may not always yield the best results. Instead, great leaders tailor their approach to each task, situation, and individual to effectively meet the direct report’s needs. So find out how your direct report is doing and what’s going on in his/her life, and then use that knowledge to better inform how you lead him/her.

2. It takes skill

It’s easy to fall into a routine. That’s why we have habits. But as people are unpredictable, you must also be flexible in your style of leadership to be able to match in each unique situation. The best way to do this is to have a learning-oriented mindset, by being on the lookout for new approaches, practicing other styles of leadership to be more flexible, and keeping up-to-date on what’s going on with your direct reports, your organization, and beyond. A great leader will always say, “I have so much left to learn in being a leader!”
 

3. It takes time

Don’t be discouraged if you aren’t able to immediately improve your effectiveness as a leader. Remember, it’s a life-long journey. As with anything, leadership takes time and patience to perfect. And this means you should constantly be trying to improve and grow as an individual. There’s no finish line, but instead a continuous evolution of who you are as a leader, being able to serve your direct reports more and more effectively with each passing day.
 
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It usually comes up when these leaders are describing how they are assisting colleagues or direct reports by fixing what they perceive needs fixing. They describe being met with resistance, defensiveness, and with non-cooperation.

The ability to judge, discern, assess and conclude are essential business skills for leaders to possess.

However, those strengths become weaknesses when leaders search for the one right way to answer a question or solve a situation.

Rather than as problems to be solved, is there another way to look at the issues and challenges you are asked to help with at work, at home, and in life?

Making A Shift

One of the best ways for a leader to move beyond “I’m right, you’re wrong” thinking is to shift from being the expert to being the curious learner. The good news is that when you resist the impulse to fix you immediately succeed in removing the other person’s fearful and reflexive defensiveness.

Wondering what that might sound like? Here are a few phrases to consider the next time you are faced with an issue or challenge begging for a solution.

• “Hmm, isn’t that interesting!”
• “What do you think?”
• “What else is important to consider?”
• “I wonder what we haven’t thought about yet…”
• “Who else could help us address this?”
• “What should we be sure NOT to do?”

Trying not to fix things is hard for many leaders. You may fear your value to your workplace will evaporate, especially if you have identified yourself as the problem solver. Remember, you are you—and being a problem solver is a skill, not an identity. (Also, a problem solver can sometimes carry the reputation of being a rigid know-it-all—so that skill could be more of a hindrance than you might have realized.)

Consider shifting from problem solver to talent incubator. Support your direct reports by helping them address their own workplace challenges.  Help them develop their leadership skills.  That’s a solution everyone will appreciate!

About the Author

Mary Ellen Sailer, Ed.D., is a Coaching Solutions Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching.

• Some feel unprepared for ad hoc phone calls, and prefer to feel in control. Emails help them document a conversation.
• Some are apprehensive about dealing with emotions on a phone call, and they don’t know how to end a phone call conversation.
• Interrupts their flow.
• They can hide behind emails and texts.
• Phone calls can take too long, and people feel emails are quicker.
• Different time zones making it hard to communicate at certain times.

Why Talking on the Phone is Important

• You get a response there and then. If you have an urgent issue that needs to be addressed talking about it will give you a quicker response.
• Talking helps build relationships. Yes a perk of email is that you don’t deal with emotions, but we are human, emotions are part of our DNA.
• It prevents conflict. Ever sent an email which didn’t get the response you were looking for? You should have phoned the person instead.

Just a few Facts for you!
Text Messaging: Results by ofcom report that text messaging is the most popular form of mobile communication. People send an average of 200 texts per month. Take a look at your phone contract, and tally the amount of minutes you used versus the amount of text messages you sent.

Emails:  By the end of 2017 it is estimated that there will be over 4.9 billion email accounts. There are over 132 billion emails sent per day worldwide.

There is so much debate about what mode of communication is best. The truth is they are all good in the right situation; normally a mixture of communication methods is best. When you go to send your next text message or email, think would it be quicker and more beneficial for both parties to pick up the phone and talk?
It might be time you lay your assumed constraints of talking to someone to bed!
Sarah-Jane is the EMEA Channel Solutions Consultant. 
Statistics Taken from Radicati Research 2013.

• Conduct weekly or biweekly one on one’s. Depending on how many direct reports you have, it is absolutely imperative that you meet with them one on one to discuss their needs. Make this a formal time; there are a number of informal meetings, chats by the lunch room, and discussions about projects. A formal one on one with a focused discussion on the needs of your direct report will open up communication. From a practical stand point, make it 30 minutes or an hour if you can swing it. Let your direct report create the agenda and don’t use this time to “dump” projects or work on them.
• Ask them about their lives outside of work. This is really important if you have a new or newer employee. Chances are they may be nervous, hesitant, and a little insecure about their new environment and work. Nothing eases that pressure  more than a manager who is genuinely invested in the lives of those who work for them. No one wants to work for a robot…
• Be invested in them professionally and personally. Not everything is a competition and not everyone is a competitor. Many times, we are our own worst enemies. Supervisors should be people who care about other people. On my boss’s wall, for example, is written, “Every person has intrinsic value.” Employees work best when they are respected, valued, and heard.

Gus is a Learning and Performance Professional at the Ken Blanchard Companies and is currently finishing his PhD in I/O Psychology. He can be reached atgus.jaramillo@kenblanchard.com

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Gus is a Learning and Performance Professional at the Ken Blanchard Companies and is currently finishing his PhD in I/O Psychology. He can be reached at gus.jaramillo@kenblanchard.com

Employee Oversupervision by Manager

Communicating to Determine the Optimal Amount of Supervision

1. Talk with your direct report. He/she knows best how much supervision you should provide. Ask about any areas of a task where he or she would like more supervision and if there are any areas where he/she would be comfortable with less supervision.
2. Show that you care. Remember that your goal is to learn how to better tailor your supervision to your direct report needs. And by meeting these needs, he/she will be more satisfied, committed, and better prepared to work well. Describe to your direct report how much you want these things for him/her.
3. Follow through. Don’t you hate when you trust someone to do certain actions (especially for something that impacts you), and he/she lets you down? Your direct report is trusting you to follow through with what you agreed. Be sure to prioritize this, as trust is easy to lose and difficult to gain.

Image Credit: 1 | 2

A collaborative approach

• It’s effective. Real, true behavioral change has been proven in organizations that utilize peer coaching. There are no gimmicks with this approach; if implemented correctly and sustained, it is a great tool for development.
• It’s free. Although executive coaching has its place, not many of us can afford coaches and most organizations won’t have the resources to supply everyone with a coach. Peer coaching is a free coaching experience that is results-based and is grounded in the interaction with people you know and trust.
• It’s an easy process to implement. Set up a recurring time and place within your organization to meet and discuss your current goals. This might be a perfect place to discuss your performance management goals or individual development plan (IDP) that your manager has set for you. If your organization isn’t ready for you to use working hours to implement this, than a 1 hour lunch break will work perfectly. It will probably be the most effective lunch hour you will have that week!

Gus is a Learning and Performance Professional at the Ken Blanchard Companies and is currently finishing his PhD in I/O Psychology. He can be reached at gus.jaramillo@kenblanchard.com

Stress in the workplace

Leading Others

That’s been one of my mantras – focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.
Steve Jobs

Brian Alexander is the Marketing Project Specialist with The Ken Blanchard Companies. 

A very accomplished friend and colleague of mine presented for our table group and when she sat down the first thing she did was ask us, “How’d I do? Was that okay? Did it make sense? I didn’t make a fool of myself, did I?” (Okay, she actually said, “I didn’t look stupid, did I?)

Well of course she did just fine, it was better than okay, it made sense and, no, she didn’t make a fool of herself. Nor did she look stupid. We all chuckled and didn’t think much of it. But apparently, it was a bit more serious to her.

During the break, which followed shortly after her presentation, she told me she’d seen a snippet of the commencement speech Oprah Winfrey made at Harvard this year (May 30, 2013). Oprah talked about one thing her interviewees had in common: one of the first questions they asked when the interview was over was a version of “How did I do? Was that okay?” Interestingly, this question cut across all categories represented by her interviewees—Heads of State, business moguls, entertainers, criminals, and victims alike. They all wanted to know: “How did I do? Was that okay?”

I was so intrigued, I went online and read the entire speech. Oprah said the common denominator she found in every interview is that people want to be validated. People want to be understood, “I have done over 35,000 interviews…and as soon as the camera shuts off everyone always turns to me and they all want to know: Was that okay? Did you hear me? Do you see me? Did what I say mean anything to you?”

Think about these questions being in the minds of people you encounter—people in your community, in your workplace, and at home. In some ways the nature of the relationship doesn’t matter and in other ways the more intimate that relationship, the more important the answers to these questions become.

Was that okay? / Do you see me? / Did what I say [or do] mean anything to you?

The world is full of messages that tell us we’re not okay. All the devices we use to stay connected disconnect us in so many ways. Take the opportunity to let someone know that they’re better than okay; you know they’re there; and yes, what they say and do does mean something to you.

Never underestimate the power of validation.

About the author:

Ann Phillips is a Senior Consulting Partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies where she specializes in consulting and keynoting on customer loyalty, employee engagement, leadership, organizational change, and team building.

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More than 700 of the magazine’s subscribers were asked what they wanted out of their individual meetings with their managers and how that compared to what was really happening.

Questions were asked on a wide variety of issues related to one-on-one meetings—including frequency, duration, and topics discussed.  In three key performance management areas—goal setting, goal review, and performance feedback, employees identified a serious gap between how often they discussed these topics versus how often they wish they were discussing them.

Here are some of the key takeaways:

• Goal Setting Conversations—Some 70 percent of people want to have goal-setting conversations often or all the time, but only 36 percent actually do. And 28 percent say they rarely or never discuss future goals and tasks.
• Goal Review Conversations—Some 73 percent of people want to have goal review conversations often or all the time, but only 47 percent actually do. And 26 percent say they rarely or never discuss current goals and tasks.
• Performance Feedback Conversations—Some 67 percent of people want to have performance feedback conversations often or all the time, but only 29 percent actually do. And 36 percent say they rarely or never receive performance feedback.

IMPLICATIONS FOR LEADERS

The performance management literature is clear on the importance of setting goals, providing feedback, and reviewing performance on a frequent basis. How is your organization doing with helping managers get together with direct reports to set goals, provide feedback, or discuss direction and support where needed?

If people haven’t been meeting as regularly as they should, use this survey data as a starting point to encourage managers and direct reports to schedule their next one-on-one soon. People want and need to have conversations with their immediate supervisors. It’s one of the foundations for strong, productive relationships that align people with the work of the organization in a satisfying and meaningful way. Don’t wait—your people and better performance are waiting!

PS:  You can see all of the data and charts by downloading the article PDF from the July/August issue of Training magazine.

Here’s a question I have asked in numerous workshops over the past few months: How many of you have had formal training in listening?

It never fails to stun me when only about 10 percent of the attendees raise their hands. Listening is such a critical skill—and yet so few have been trained in how to do it. Here is a short course.

What does it mean to really listen?

Dictionary.com defines the word listen as follows:

lis·ten [lis–uhn] verb

1.  To give attention with the ear; attend closely for the purpose of hearing

2.  To pay attention; heed

Yes, it means to hear; but it also means to pay attention—with our ears, our eyes, and our hearts.

Listen to more than the words

True listeners look beyond the words themselves—they search for meaning in the speaker’s tone and body language. This is especially important when the communication has an emotional component.

A study done by Dr. Albert Mehrabian at UCLA looked at the degrees to which emotional messages are sent through words, tone, and body language. Regarding the true meaning of an emotional message, Dr. Mehrabian found:

• 7 percent of meaning is in the words that are spoken
• 38 percent of meaning is in the tone of voice—the way the words are said
• 55 percent of meaning is in facial expression

If what we are hearing is different from what we are sensing from the tone or the facial expression, guess which one is correct! 

Show You Are Listening

Part of really listening is responding in a way that shows the other person we are paying attention. We can demonstrate we are truly listening in four different ways. For example, if a coworker comes to you and complains about their micromanaging boss, you could show you are listening by:

• Reflecting back the content

Example: As you see it, your boss is micromanaging you…

• Reflecting back the feeling

Example: So you feel frustrated because…

• Reflecting both content and feeling

Example: You feel frustrated because your boss is micromanaging you…

• Being silent and attentive

A helpful phrase to show you are listening might be:

So you feel ___________________ because ______________________.

Other helpful phrases might include:

• You seem…
• You sound…
• What I’m hearing is…
• As you see it…
• Tell me more…
• Is there anything else…

Not only is listening to others a key life skill, it can also have a tremendous impact on building trust in a relationship. When we take the time to listen, we show the other person that we care—that we are interested in understanding their perspective. That can go a long way toward building, or rebuilding, a relationship.

“The purpose of life is to listen – to yourself, to your neighbor, to your world and to God and, when the time comes, to respond in as helpful a way as you can find …  from within and without.”          ~ Fred Rogers

“A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he knows something.”               ~ Wilson Mizner

About the author

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in performance and self-leadership.

Back to the pain in my foot – the PA walks into the exam room, takes a look at my foot and says, “What happened? This looks like edema.” I told her I was walking and something happened in my foot – something broke, snapped, pinched, and it really hurts; I can’t walk on it.

“Well, you’ve got some edema going on,” she replied. “Which could be because when you turned your foot it aggravated something.”

“But I didn’t turn my foot. I just took a normal step and something happened,” I explained. “I felt it, and then the pain.”

She sent me next door for an X-ray and gave me a prescription for pain.   Back to the doctor’s office – the X-ray didn’t show a break. The PA calls in my doctor to have a look.

“Yes, looks like edema, could be something vascular going on, I’m going to recommend a vascular specialist.”

“But doctor,” I tried to explain. “Something happened in my foot when I was walking, something snapped, broke, pinched – I felt it.”

“The X-ray doesn’t show a break; let’s get you to the vascular surgeon,” she concluded.

At this point I had been walking/limping on this foot for about 8 days. I couldn’t do it any longer. I arrive at the vascular surgeon’s office and prop my foot up on a chair.  The surgeon walks in looking at my chart – not my foot – and says, “Why are you here Barbara?”

Once again I tell her what happened to my foot and that my doctor and her Physician’s Assistant don’t seem to think so. She said, “You’re right, something did happen in your foot. There is an excellent podiatrist across the street.  I’m going to call him right now and send you over. I’m sorry you have been so misdirected.”

A quick X-ray, taken while I was standing up (which is how it should have been ordered the first time), showed a stress fracture. It took less than 12 minutes from start to finish having the diagnosis and the black boot strapped on. Then the pain was gone.

Lessons learned

Being a very loyal consumer, it is hard for me to make a change, especially when I think there is a strong connection. But I did make a change to a new doctor.

What could these health care professionals have done differently to keep me loyal?

• Listen to me. Hear what I’m telling you. (Something happened in my foot when I took a step.)
• Acknowledge what I’ve told you. Respond as if I know what I’m talking about. (I can’t walk on my foot, and it’s swollen.)
• Care about me. Let me walk out feeling like I came to the right place and got the right answer.
• Take some action to relieve the problem.
• Follow up.  

These simple things can apply to anyone serving others in any industry. Are you leading a team of people who serve others? Are they creating loyalty?  Listening. Acknowledging, Caring, Taking Action, and Following-up are a great way to begin evaluating and building a process that keeps people coming back.

About the author:

Barbara Notre is Director of Corporate Communications and Initiatives for The Ken Blanchard Companies.  You can read Barbara’s posts as a part of our customer service series which appears twice a month here on LeaderChat.

Eventually people get there—but it comes with a cost, says Ann Phillips in an interview for The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Ignite newsletter.

“It’s one of the toughest types of issue to address because on the surface everyone’s putting on a brave face and pretending that everything is okay. But if you scratch a little underneath you’ll see the level of dissatisfaction that’s costing organizations billions of dollars in untapped productivity, creativity, and innovation.

The biggest problem getting in the way of managers delivering the direction and support people need is an overestimation of their current skills.  As Phillips explains, “Leaders often believe they are providing direction when they tell people to ‘Do this, and then do that, and be sure to get it done by this date,’ but that is only part of providing direction—and probably the lowest form of the behavior.”

The same is true when it comes to supportive behavior, says Phillips. “Managers feel as if they know what supportive behavior is and usually have their own ideas about what it looks like. But without instruction, most people default to behavior that consists mainly of encouragement.

“People are good at encouraging others with phrases such as, ‘You can do it. We’re glad you’re here. We believe in you. Use your best judgment.’ But they miss out on all of the other supportive behaviors that are just as important such as listening, sharing information, and facilitating self-directed problem solving.”

“So folks are good at telling people what to do and then cheerleading them on to accomplish the task. And that is the one-two, ‘I want you to do this, and I know you can handle it’ combination that most people are getting in terms of direction and support from their managers. On the surface this may seem reasonable, but it is a style that only works well for direct reports who are already accomplished at the task. For people who are new to a task or are running into problems or are unsure of themselves, it’s a style that actually hinders progress—and can be damaging to overall growth and development.”

For managers looking to increase their ability to offer direction and support for their people, Phillips has three key recommendations.

Recognize your own default settings. Most leaders are unaware that they have a default setting when it comes to leadership even though assessments show that 54% of managers use only one style when it comes to providing direction and support for their people—either Directing, Coaching, Supporting, or Delegating. Each of these styles is great if it is a match for what a direct report needs. Each is also a hindrance if it is the wrong style for the situation.

Expand your repertoire of directive behaviors. Leaders need to think beyond just issuing directives and holding people accountable. Phillips encourages leaders to become more skillful at goal setting and putting in the time to provide day-to-day coaching as needed..

Expand your repertoire of supportive behaviors.   Leaders need to improve listening skills and be willing to share information to facilitate self-directed problem solving. This includes listening with the intent to learn, to be influenced, and to understand—not just respond. People recognize that information is power, yet many managers still try to maintain control by keeping information to themselves even though it undermines employee development.

Start today

Phillips notes that, “Managers have the ability to bring out so much more from their people. Find out where your people are at with their tasks. What do they need from you in terms of direction and support? Improve your skills in both of these areas and see what a difference it makes.”

To learn more, read Phillips’ original article on Direction and Support: It’s harder than you think! or check out her free on-demand webinar, People Management 101: Providing Direction and Support, courtesy of Cisco WebEx and The Ken Blanchard Companies.

In an extreme case, maybe they actually punished you for offering an opinion that they didn’t want to hear. In fact, at some point in the “conversation” you actually wished you could close that open door, because with it open, the whole world could overhear the public flogging you were receiving for voicing your honest opinion.

Ever been there?

For starters, decide that you are not going to behave that way. Decide that you are not going to be the kind of leader whose door may be open, but that’s the only thing that is.

People are understandably uncomfortable dealing with opinions different from their own. It is an unusual person who looks forward to hearing what they didn’t want to listen to in the first place. And we all learn that it just isn’t worth the risk of being candid with others, particularly if they’re more powerful than we are. In short, political behavior trumps productivity improvement.

So what can you do to address this? Here are three recommendations:

1. It’s about opening your mind, not your door. Force yourself to listen to what people are telling you. As they’re talking, keep telling yourself that there is at least something correct in what they’re saying. Listen for it. Unfortunately, many of us do the opposite: we listen for the weak link in the logic chain of what people are saying. It’s fun, isn’t it, to suggest an improvement to someone else’s viewpoint or plan. It makes us feel good about our contribution, our value added, our incredible wisdom, insight, and—now that you mention it—genius. But are we reducing the personal commitment level of the person we’re talking to? And is a 5 percent improvement of the strategy worth a 20 percent reduction of the activation energy it will take to get the idea off the ground?

2. Your door may be open, but you don’t have to know everything about what’s going on.  The only thing worse than not having an open door policy at all is having one, and there are people standing in your threshold all the time. Make it clear that you want people to take responsibility for doing the right thing, not sharing it with you. Decisions should be made at the lowest operational level, by people who are closest to the action. You’re not protected by a policy that was made by someone who isn’t involved in what’s happening right now. If you are executing on something that you think is bad, even though the order came down from the top of the organization, you are abdicating your moral responsibility. Napoleon said such a leader should be seen as a criminal.

3. Tell people you really do want their best. A strategic use of the open door can be quite helpful. But you want spontaneity and candor. You want it with the bark on. Political correctness is of course appropriate, but it should be used sparingly. The focus here is getting the job done, to specification and on time.

Open doors should prompt people to collaborate appropriately, not abdicate their responsibility. These should be occasional opportunities to give and receive feedback and suggestions. Properly used, they can expedite progress. But improperly used they can be more trouble than they’re worth. As Drucker said, more or less, “So much of what we call leadership consists of making it harder for people to do their work.”

About the author

Dr. Dick Ruhe is a best-selling author, keynote speaker, and senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies. You can read his posts here on LeaderChat the fourth Saturday of each month.

Traditional learning turned upside down.

Collaboration is everything

A leader is someone who steps back from the entire system and tries to build a more collaborative, more innovative system that will work over the long term.
– Robert Reich

Brian Alexander is the Marketing Project Specialist with The Ken Blanchard Companies. 

You demonstrate you are fully present by the use of attending behaviors. One of the simplest ways to learn these attending behaviors is to observe others who model these behaviors. Think of someone in your life who makes you feel as if they are fully present during conversations. What do they do? Please share in your comments.

The movie Dead Poets Society contains a critical scene in which Robin Williams’ character, Mr. John Keating, gets a visit from Neil, a young man in his English class who comes to him with a problem. I encourage you to rent this movie and watch how in this scene Mr. Keating beautifully models the following attending behaviors:

• As Neil comes into his office, Mr. Keating stops what he’s doing and gets up from his chair.
• He makes his guest comfortable by getting him a cup of tea.
• There is an appropriate distance to show interest—but not too much interest. Personal distance is cultural, but you can tell if a person is uncomfortable.
• He squares up. By facing the person directly, you show your focus is on them.
• Mr. Keating gets the conversation started but then stops and listens.
• He makes good eye contact throughout the conversation.
• He lets his emotions show without calling attention to himself when he observes the young man’s pain.
• During pauses, he remains focused while waiting for Neil to continue. Note that Mr. Keating doesn’t look like he’s thinking about what he should say next.
• He leans in. Leaning back can appear defensive, evaluative, or disinterested.
• While you can’t see it in the frame, you can tell from Mr. Keating’s posture that his arms and legs are uncrossed. This is a universally recognizable sign of openness.
• When there is a good opportunity to say something, he asks a question rather than immediately handing out advice.
• He keeps his comments short and to the point.
• Mr. Keating keeps his voice down—not monotonous, but without dramatic fluctuations in tone or pitch. A voice that is higher pitched than one’s normal voice denotes tension. A lower tone is calmer. Calm is good. In fact, he becomes even quieter when things get emotional, but he never loses focus.
• He waits for the answer. Note that he doesn’t make a point until the answer comes back empty.

Demonstrating that you are fully present is critical to challenging conversations. Not only does it show that you are interested and that you care, it also provides you with a wealth of information from the other person’s nonverbal behaviors—body language, facial expressions, and tone. It involves engaging both your eyes and your heart in the conversation.

About the author

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in performance and self-leadership.  This is the third in a series of articles on Challenging Conversations.  For more on this subject, be sure to read John’s first two posts, Preparing for a Challenging Conversation  and  6 Ways to Get Rid of Emotional Baggage BEFORE a Challenging Conversation.

The leaders I met, whatever walk of life they were from, whatever institutions they were presiding over, always referred back to the same failure – something that happened to them that was personally difficult, even traumatic, something that made them feel that desperate sense of hitting bottom–as something they thought was almost a necessity. It’s as if at that moment the iron entered their soul; that moment created the resilience that leaders need.
-Warren Bennis

Brian Alexander is the Marketing Project Specialist with The Ken Blanchard Companies. To learn more about The Ken Blanchard Companies please visit www.kenblanchard.com

So, of course, they decided to sleep in and didn’t do any physical training for the day.
And of course my team was upset that they didn’t get to sleep in and come to work at 9:30. The last thing I wanted to create was resentment across the two teams. I thought that maybe a “team building” exercise was in order, but I didn’t carry it out because I felt I would probably screw that up too.  I was upset about the whole situation, but mainly I was irritated at myself.
After looking back on the incident, here’s what I learned:

• I never really gave him full autonomy

Here’s what I really said: You can have full autonomy unless you do something I don’t want you to do or something that I disagree with you on. What I told him he could do and what I wanted him to do were two separate things.

• I shouldn’t have given him full autonomy

Giving full autonomy over everything is not really leadership at all. I thought I was doing the right thing by giving him autonomy, but what I should have done in that situation was to give him more direction as to what is expected and necessary. Autonomy has its place and limitations; using it correctly is when it’s the most impactful.

• My communication was not aligned with my expectations

I was never clear on my expectations. What was standard and status quo for me was not necessarily the same for him. Talking through each other’s expectations would have been helpful for minimizing conflict and building trust.
For any further information or questions contact me at gus.jaramillo@kenblanchard.com

1. A Leader: The person who plays the leader, captain, or coach should be a great communicator and role model. They may not be the highest performing member of the team; however they have the best people skills to keep the team moving in the right direction. They need to have empathy for people when they are struggling but also an ability to push someone when they are feeling they have hit a wall. Teams do not succeed without someone leading them toward their end goal.
2. Role Players: Although these team members are often over looked they are the most important in completing the simple tasks that lead to the overall success of the team. Role players are able to make a team’s project look appealing, function properly, or maintain a certain level of operation. It is important for the leader to establish that these people are role players on the team but also that they have individual roles assigned to them which contribute to the overall success of the team
3. A Star Performer: Every best team has its role player or leader who also turns out to be its star. The star is the person who excels at everything at a level that is higher than the rest. It is the one person who has the skills that the others strive towards. This person develops the best ideas but also has the clearest plans to execute them. The star performer is not always the leader because they may not know how to communicate how they do what they do, but they embody what a high performer looks like.

There are very high functioning teams which do not have all three of these pieces yet produce great results. However, to be the best team possible you need to have members who take on each of these positions and then work together. The leader has the greatest influence on the cohesion of the team.

The achievements of an organization are the results of the combined effort of each individual.
– Vince Lombardi

Brian Alexander is the Marketing Project Specialist with The Ken Blanchard Companies. To learn more about The Ken Blanchard Companies please visit www.kenblanchard.com

1. Communication via email is time stamped and an effective alternative to “snail mail”. It is a great way to send someone in your company a quick message, a long list of to-dos, or a detailed inquiry on any given task. Email correspondence is not always time sensitive and is a great way for multiple people to read, process, and refer back to tasks or initiatives sent to them by their manager before they respond with questions, concerns, or approval. The pitfalls of emailing revolve around missing the physical and vocal cues people unintentionally respond to face to face. Also, if there is ever an emergency situation a quick response may be difficult to come by. In speaking directly to your manager, you can convey certain concerns through the pitch of your voice and body motions which elicit emotions you are feeling. We read these signals unconsciously and they connect us to others. This is especially important when you have an urgent matter. Many times writing styles are confusing and may not be interpreted in the same manner in which it was intended. I would not suggest trying to email your leader or direct report when you need to make a quick decision.
2. Communication via telephone is one of the earliest technological advancements and is extremely effective for a number of reasons. You can get straight to the point and make quick real time decisions. It is also possible to convey emotions through the pitch and tone of your voice which does help in connecting with the person on the other end of the phone line. However you lack the ability to gain a complete perspective of what the other person is experiencing in that given moment. Environment plays a key role in connecting people through experience and can affect the productivity of communication. Someone on the other end of the line could be fighting traffic while on the phone, distracted by their surroundings, which would take their mind off of the present moment. Important urgent decisions are influenced by environment and it is important to understand all variables influencing it. It is impossible for people on opposite lines of a telephone to know what the other is going through.
3. Communication via video conference is a great alternative for people who are working together from multiple locations. Programs like Skype and Face time have brought families, friends, and colleagues from around the globe together in real time. Both parties can see each other face to face and somewhat experience their environments. You can see their facial cues and mannerisms through the video and gain a pretty accurate impression of what the other is experiencing during your conversation. While this is a great way to connect to people in your organization from around the globe it is still not the best. You miss the complete interactive feeling of being in the presence of another human being. It is often difficult to really gain full understanding of the other persons thought process because you only see the top half of their body and/or what the video screen captures behind them. Frustration may set in if the internet bandwidth is not strong enough. Complications can arise delaying the video feed and chopping the audio so I would not recommend holding high level business communications through this medium if at all possible.
4. Communication in person is of course the original form of relating to others inter-personally and remains the most productive. You just cannot beat a face to face interaction. One of my coaches told me that he would evaluate the effectiveness of his interactions by imagining himself viewing the interaction as a third person in the room looking down from a corner. While this may sound strange, it is very useful to imagine how the two of you are relating and meshing with one another. After all people are not robots and a sense of connection is important to establish the feelings needed so that you can work together. You must look at a situation from another person’s perspective. If the logistics of an in person meeting are difficult to figure out I would revert back to a video conference meeting but if at all possible do it in person. You will gain a much richer experience with the other person and really connect, which increases the likelihood that you will achieve your desired results.

To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.
– Anthony Robbins

Brian Alexander is the Marketing Project Specialist with The Ken Blanchard Companies. To learn more about The Ken Blanchard Companies please visit www.kenblanchard.com

***

Cheryl DePonte is a Human Resources Learning and Performance Specialist at The Ken Blanchard Companies and has over 15 years experience in the fields of organizational effectiveness and human resources development.

 “We know what we are, but know not what we may be.” —William Shakespeare

When recently opening a package of Green Tea, the quote, “It’s not a privilege to know others. Know yourself. That’s a privilege,” was attached to the string. Perhaps the tea manufacture was having a caffeinated paraphrasing of a Lao Tzu philosophy to push the notion that you’ll some how be more enlightened when you drink this potion.

Self Reflection?

In the workplace as well as other areas of our lives, we sometimes encounter people who apparently are stuck in the mode of complaining and unwilling to move toward resolution.  I have discovered a simple process to help complainers move from whining to action.

1. Hear them out. First, hear them out one more time. When they complain again—and you know they will—take the time to listen to them, giving them your full attention and energy. It is best to do this in a private setting where neither of you will be distracted.

2. Summarize their issue. Next, when you are sure that you understand the problem at hand and the other person feels heard, interrupt them if necessary and gently say, “Let me make sure I fully understand.” Restate the situation and their frustration as you see it. For example, if they have been complaining about being micromanaged, you might say, “What I’m hearing is that you are frustrated because your boss is micromanaging you.” Get their agreement to your summary—but do not let them continue with their rant.

3. Help them consider their options. Now ask this magic question: “Understanding that this is the situation, what are your options?” In a best-case scenario, they will have some ideas and you can help them come up with an action plan. Chances are, however, that they are too stuck to think of any options. If so, lead with some ideas of your own and solicit their feedback. Either way, help them consider their options and decide on their next steps.

4. Make them accountable for next steps. To add an element of accountability, at the end of the conversation summarize the agreed-upon action plan. Ask the person when they plan to take the first step and set up a date and time to check in with them

What do you do if, despite all your efforts, the other person refuses to move on and seems as if they want to stay stuck?

At this point, I suggest a few options:

• Try to help them understand the effect being stuck is having on them and on those around them. Hopefully, you can stir them to action.
• Refer them to someone else for counseling. Perhaps the HR department has some options for them.
• Remember to take care of yourself. It may be time to ask yourself: Is this relationship worth the emotional drain I experience each time we are together?

I hope these thoughts help you to move others to action. Let me know any other ideas you have to help others get unstuck.

About the author:

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in performance and self-leadership.  You can read John’s posts on the second Thursday of each month.

The world is indeed getting flatter. Like many organizations, at The Ken Blanchard Companies we regularly interact with coworkers and clients around the globe. In my workshops, cross-cultural communication is frequently cited as a significant challenge for leaders who have teams spread throughout the world.

Communication involves an exchange of meaning through sending and receiving of verbal and nonverbal messages, either consciously or unconsciously. For a message to be understood correctly, there needs to be a vast amount of common ground between the sender and receiver. This makes cross-cultural communication difficult, because two culturally different individuals tend to have less in common than two people who are part of the same culture.

Many variable factors get in the way of mutual understanding within cross-cultural communication—differences in language, in communication styles, and in the interpretation of nonverbal behaviors. Within each of these differences are numerous subcategories that add further difficulty.

However, effective cross-cultural communication is possible. I suggest four approaches to increase understanding:

1. Start with the assumption that you may not understand the situation or message and that cultural differences may get in the way.
2. The most accurate way to gather information is to observe and describe what is actually said and done, not to evaluate or interpret words or actions. Evaluation and interpretation are influenced by each person’s own culture and background.
3. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes, boots, or sandals. Try to see the situation from the other person’s cultural perspective.
4. Treat your explanation or interpretation as a best guess. Then, when you think you understand, check with the other person to see whether you’re on the right path or whether you need additional clarity.

What other suggestions do you have to increase understanding in cross-cultural communication?

About the author:

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in performance and self-leadership.  You can read John’s posts on the second Thursday of each month.

Ok, so we like to watch a little TV and play video games, so what’s the big deal? We live life on the edge (of reality) and love to surf (the web) and socialize (on Facebook) all day. We are the doers. We seek not war, but peace. We love reality television and hang on every word they say (even the illiterate ones). We are not better than any of you, but we are special. Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube are just extensions of our inner self. We love rap music, iPhones, and Dancing with the Stars (my wife made me put that in here). We are not all about ourselves; everyone is just all about us.
This is our motto.
Tom Brokaw accurately named the World War II generation as the Greatest Generation. After reading the book, watching the Band of Brothers series, and hearing the stories from WWII vets themselves, I can’t deny this. These men and women were some of the purist of Americans—hard-working, dedicated, and loyal to their values. I remember visiting Normandy about 10 years ago and seeing the crosses of the buried soldiers neatly displayed—such a beautiful display of sadness and pain. In my own experience as a captain in the Army and a combat veteran serving in Afghanistan, I hardly saw any sense of entitlement among the troops. There were men and women who were generally unhappy to be there (I admit even sometimes I wondered why we were there),  and hated everything about the war, but they still wanted to fight. There was a sense of pride about them and they fought long and hard. While in Afghanistan, I had a West Point Captain tell me about his 18-month deployment. He said the length of the deployment really hit him hard at the first Thanksgiving dinner. They were just about to start eating when one of his soldiers said, “Hey sir, don’t worry about saying grace. I’ll do it this year and you can say grace next year.”
I don’t claim we are the Greatest Generation but I do think Gen Y has contributed significantly more than just TV and video games. We are a young generation, but like many others we adapt, overcome, and move on. I never liked the label, “entitlement generation” because frankly I don’t think we deserve it. I hope this generation can rid ourselves of this brand and demonstrate the core American qualities that have been delivered to us from previous generations.
For any further information or questions contact me at gus.jaramillo@kenblanchard.com

• Your potential is limitless only you set boundaries on your success
• Always assume full responsibility of your actions
• Seek to be the best at what you do
• Find a role-model who exemplifies the skills and character you aspire to possess
• Nothing ever goes as planned so stay flexible
• Stay in the present moment
• Develop a warm-up routine that prepares you mentally and physically for any challenge ahead
• Seize the opportunity in front of you, it may only show itself once
• Push yourself and your team beyond what is believed to be possible
• Listen to your teammates with an open mind but act on your final instincts
• Wins and losses are a byproduct of the process; focus on the process
• Learn from a loss;  do not dwell on it
• Celebrate success and find a way to replicate it

If you believe in yourself have dedication and pride and never quit, you’ll be a winner. The price of victory is high but so are the rewards.
-Paul “Bear” Bryant

Interested in learning how some of leaderships top thought leaders manage to accomplish more tasks in less time? Visit www.leadershiplivecast.com to register today for The Ken Blanchard Companies next free event “Doing Still More with Less” on April 24^th.

As a leader, how do you judge which learning modality will lead to the most effective, quality learning experience? How do you appeal to learners on your teams at differing levels of technological savviness without discouraging their development? Or, worse, avoid humiliating anyone who is not as technologically savvy while simultaneously avoid disengaging your digital learners? Preventing yet more training materials being set up on a shelf never to be used again is key!

Steps you can take to lead your team to effectively use technology to learn include:

1. Understanding how your team learns – Become intimately familiar with how your team learns. Do you offer a learning product on a flash drive only to find you run out before you can order more or are you scheduling face-to-face classes on their behalf with little resistance? Are your most productive employees viewing recording links from live stream workshops because they want to learn in their own time in the comfort of their office? How your employees learn will help you intuit in what form content should be delivered to increase learning. Don’t discount your own observations regarding what your employees seem to gravitate toward.
2. Determine their favored modalities – Fit how the content is offered to the learner by offering it in various forms such as audio, video, face-to-face, and asynchronous. Have a workshop that you know learners on your team will love but know it’s in a format they won’t be interested in learning from? Encourage your employees to determine if they would be interested in learning the same content in a different modality. If the content is off the shelf, inquire as to whether it is offered as mp3, asynchronous, and face-to-face format. Purchase and offer multiple forms and see which format your team seems to prefer. Learn from your purchases and take note of what your employees want more of and most often request.
3. Then…limit options – mp3 audio books, asynchronous learning groups, virtual book clubs , CDs, DVDs, hard-copy libraries, face-to-face workshops…the list goes on as to how employees learn and you could potentially intimidate and confuse learners by creating modality overload. Most important after determining how your team learns is to introduce new technology and options slowly by choosing their favored modality. Then, let them get comfortable with change by limiting the options offered to those two or three favorite modalities the team gravitates toward. Don’t get caught up with the new, shinny technology if you know your employees will most likely not be interested in learning in that particular format. Perhaps you have determined your team enjoys reading hard-copy books, listening to CDs, and asynchronous learning. Invest in these three modalities by allowing your employees to show you this is how they most feel comfortable learning. If the content is then offered as a webinar with live chat, don’t spring it on the team. Wait to allow them to lead you in their own learning.
Understanding how your employees learn will help increase the benefits derived from learning in modalities that best fit the learner and resultantly most benefit the organization.
***

Cheryl DePonte is a Human Resources Learning and Performance Specialist at The Ken Blanchard Companies and has over 15 years experience in the fields of organizational effectiveness and human resources development.

• “Do unto others as you would have _____ ___ _____ ____.” (Yes, the Golden Rule)
• “Beauty is in the eyes of ____ _________.”
• “If it were me, this is what __ ______ ___.”

I trust you were able to complete these very common sayings.  While well meaning and mostly true, these are not just sayings, they are mindsets. They are beliefs that determine behavior and how we act toward other people. This is all fine except when it comes to service.

Find your focus

In my last blog, I said that service was all about you:  your willingness to serve, your decision to serve, your instinct to serve. But what you do—your actual behavior and how you approach a situation—has to be about the customer, if you are genuinely interested in wanting your customer to feel served.

In their original form, these sayings all sound as if they are actually focused on the customer. However, with careful analysis, you will see how they are not:

• “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” (There’s an assumption here that everyone wants to be treated the way you want to be treated. Not necessarily so!)

• “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.” (Guess what? The beholder is you. The customer might see the situation in a completely different way!)

• “If it were me, this is what I would do.” (Oh, wouldn’t the world be a better place if we were all just like you!)

A better approach

If you were to finish those sayings with the customer in mind, they might sound something like this:

• “Do unto others as they want to be done unto.” (Ah yes, The Platinum Rule!)

• “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholden.” (Much better!)

• “If it were me, this is what….” (On second thought—rid your vocabulary of this one altogether!)

At least the first two can be “spun” to focus on the customer. But the last one—“If it were me, this is what I would do”—is one of the most dangerous phrases in the English language. It’s all about you in the worst possible way.

It is advocacy disguised as choice. It completely blocks you from understanding or giving any consideration to how other people think, feel, make decisions, or in any way might act differently than you would in a given situation. Unless you’re giving casual advice to a friend, stay away from this one.

A one word reminder

So what’s the cure for, “If it were me, this is what I would do” syndrome? In a word, LISTENING.

Listen to understand. Listen to be influenced. Listen to learn. And when you’ve felt that you’ve heard enough—listen just a little bit more—it really is the best way to put yourself in the customer mindset!

About the author:

Ann Phillips is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies.  You can read Ann’s posts as a part of our customer service series which appears on the first and third Thursday of each month.

, those who kept gratitude journals on a weekly basis exercised more regularly, reported fewer physical symptoms, felt better about their lives as a whole, and were more optimistic about the upcoming week compared to those who recorded hassles or neutral life events (Emmons & McCullough, 2003). Challenge yourself at the end of each day to focus on and write about three reasons you were thankful that day for people or things in your personal or professional life. Having to come up with three reasons to be thankful

each day requires you to be aware of, and even seek out, positive experiences.

 
Praise the People: Now that you are documenting your gratitude, take the next step and praise your people. When an employee believes his or her superiors are grateful for his or her work, the employee will benefit by having an improved sense of worth to the organization (Kerns, 2006). As a leader expressing your gratitude to the people you lead will be both beneficial for you and them. You will be amazed to see the positive outcomes produced by this simple action.
Remember, leaders are there to serve the needs of the people they lead. What better way to serve than to lead with positive praises?
Take the last few days of 2012 to develop a “praise plan” for 2013 that includes mindful meditation, keeping a gratitude journal, and praising people around you. It will increase the level of positive well-being in all aspects of your life and the lives of those you touch.

“It takes but one positive thought when given a chance to survive and thrive to overpower an entire army of negative thoughts.”
-Robert H. Schuller

For the past several weeks (and several weeks ahead for procrastinators) managers around the world have been meeting with their direct reports to review last year’s goals, measure performance, and determine pay increases.

If you are in the middle of performance reviews with your people, here are two radical ideas inspired by a recent article Scott and Ken Blanchard wrote for Fast Company, The Best Gift Managers Can Give Their Employees This Season.

In the article, Scott and Ken identified that two of the most important ingredients missing in today’s manager-direct report conversations are growth and considering the employee’s agenda.

In some ways, that’s not surprising considering the cautious way most companies have been operating during our slow, tepid economic recovery.  “Just lucky to have a job,” has become institutionalized after four years of a weak employment picture and little or no growth in many industries.

But 2013 feels different.  There’s a small, but flickering sense of optimism in the air.  (Maybe it’s because that Mayan calendar scare is over—it is, isn’t it?)

Are you ready to move forward?  Here are three new ways of thinking.  How could you add these components into your next performance management or goal setting conversation either as a manager or direct report?

1. Think growth.  Yes, GROWTH!  It’s time.  People can only tread water for so long.  Eventually, you have to start swimming somewhere.  Developing new skills in your present job—and seeing the next step on your career path are both important factors that lead to happiness, well-being and better performance at work.  What can you add to your list of skills during the coming year?  What move can you make (even a small one) that will get you one step closer to your next career objectives?
2. Think connection. Who can help you along the way?  There is only so much that you can do on your own and left to your own devices.  We all need some help.
3. Think helping others. The late Zig Ziglar (who passed away earlier this year) was famous for identifying that, “You can get just about anything you want out of life as long as you are willing to help others get what they want.” But it has to begin with you.  Who can you reach out to this week or next?  Who can you help take the next step toward their career plans?

In their article for Fast Company Scott and Ken Blanchard share an important paradox for anyone in business to remember.  The more you give, the more that comes back to you.

Add a little bit of giving into your work conversations in 2013.  Talk about growth issues with your direct reports.  Find out how you can help.  You’ll be surprised at how much comes back to you during the course of the year.

Typically this time of year people are feeling more emotional than usual. This is an opportunity for us to bring a little peace to people that we care about and help them relax and enjoy the holiday season versus being overwhelmed by it. It is important to know that the emotion zone in the brain is the same as the memory zone.  You can leverage emotions to create lasting memories.

So, how do you bring a little peace?

P stands for Prioritize and focus. Help people (including yourself) prioritize and focus on the tasks and goals that are truly important. When people are overwhelmed they are usually taking on unnecessary tasks, producing worry that keeps their brain on spin. Creating laser-like focus reduces stress.

E stands for Energize to act. Help those around you with the one or two steps that they need to take in order to get started on their task or goal. Getting started is half the battle and task completion will increase as people just take that first step.

A stands for Acknowledge emotion. What happens when we don’t acknowledge emotions? They can get bigger and bigger and less manageable. Sometimes just the mere acknowledgement of someone else’s emotion, or even your own, can provide relief and support. Remember the last time someone did this for you and you said, “Phew, so glad to get that off my chest!”

C stands for Cherish Successes. Try to notice where others are doing things right and call it out. Listen to people and really make them feel special for who they are and what they have achieved. Cherishing success can be a wonderful gift that you can give to those around you this holiday season.

E stands for Enjoy the holidays. Don’t forget to stop and enjoy the moments and the people that matter. Be grateful for all that you are blessed with by doing random acts of kindness. Sometimes it’s the little things we can do for people that really make a difference.

So give the gift of peace! Happy Holidays!

About the author:

Vicki Halsey is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies.  You can read Vicki’s posts as a part of our customer service series which appears on the first and third Thursday of each month.

We are so caught up in the “busyness” of life, that practicing Mindfulness appears antithetical to producing the results and productivity required in our roles.  Of course, nothing could be further from the truth.

When you notice and are aware of what is happening without judgment, you release yourself from patterns of behavior based on past experience, your dispositional tendencies, and your prejudices that limit your response.  When you do this, you have a myriad of choices for how to respond or react.  When mindful, you are able to choose a higher quality experience from your now unlimited choices.  The benefits to your own health, success, and productivity are rewards enough.

Practicing Mindfulness

Ready to practice some Mindfulness in your own life?  Here are three ways to get started:

1. Consider an important goal, task, or situation you currently have on your priority list.
2. Notice the physical sensation in your body that occurs just by thinking about it.  Does your stomach turn, your jaw clench, your chest tighten, your forehead frown?  Do you break into a smile, have butterflies in your stomach, or feel your pulse race?  Your body notices how you feel before you do!
3. Now notice the emotion attached to the physical feeling.  Is it positive or negative?  That’s judgment.  An emotion is your opinion of the physical sensation you are experiencing.  What if you were to let go of it and simply notice?  This would present you with a myriad of more choices than the one that so automatically came to your awareness.

Ripple effect with others

Donna, a participant in a recent Optimal Motivation workshop, told me that a major action step she committed to at the end of the session was to practice Mindfulness at work.  Being a woman in a leadership role in a manufacturing environment, Donna described herself as extroverted, strong, vocal, and quick to react.  She began taking a breath before calls and meetings; rather than immediately reacting to people and situations, she observed what was happening as “data.”

Donna reported that after a month of this practice her 17-year-old daughter said to her, “Mom, you seem really different; calmer.”  Donna was amazed that her practice had filtered throughout her life and that even her teenage daughter had noticed.

I hope you will experiment with Mindfulness.  Google it.  Check out the research by Kirk Warren Brown.  Travel to India and study with a yogi.  Or better yet, join us for an Optimal Motivation session and discover how Mindfulness can help you experience greater energy, vitality, and sense of positive well-being.

About the author:

Susan Fowler is one of the principal authors—together  with David Facer and Drea Zigarmi—of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ new Optimal Motivation process and workshop.  Their posts appear on the first and third Monday of each month.

Harvard Yard Autumn

Enter Wisdom

Enter to Grow in Wisdom  

As I roamed the colorful yard, painted by the tip of Autumn’s brush, gazing upon the buildings surrounding this beautiful centerpiece, I contemplated this place as the temporal home to some of the most influential leaders and thinkers since the enlightenment.  Great men and women who had entered the hallowed halls of her academia—a host of United States and International Presidents, Prime Ministers, Foreign Dignitaries, Lawyers, Authors, Poets, and Business Leaders. (It was also here that FaceBook was conceived to the delight of us contemporary learners).
As I stood at the statue of John Harvard, reaching for my iPhone to make a status update, gather some information about Mr. Harvard and the history of the university, a funny thought struck me. I pondered what he might think of the device that I, and the many people standing around me in Harvard Yard at that moment, held in our hands. Like an ephinay that Emerson or Eliot might have had in this very yard, I sensed the merging of classic learning with contemporary learning.

John Harvard

Depart to Serve

Depart to serve better thy country and thy kind. 

 And so it remains, at this cross roads of the classic and the contemporary, it requires action to advance learning into posterity. Higher learning is not about ascending up a mythological mount, it is about going out and into the world to apply what we have learned at our own personal Harvard Yard. We do not remember all of the great people who attended Harvard for entering into a campus or buildings; but rather, we remember them for what they were able to achieve after they passed back through the eye of the needle and into the world, apply what they learned in the buildings surrounding Harvard Yard.
Today, we have that same opportunity, without the need to depart; because we are already there. The wisdom is within us, and it is all about us, and we are always ready to serve thy kind.
Jason Diamond Arnold is a Learning Media Consulting Associate at The Ken Blanchard Companies in San Diego, CA, and is the Co-author of Situational Self Leadership in Action, a virtual learning programmed designed to help individuals develop personal strengths while collaborating with others for success.

In Blanchard’s experience, all leaders can benefit from examining some of the mindsets that might be operating just below the surface of their consciousness.  It can be as complex as a formal 360-degree assessment, but it can also be accomplished through less formal methods.  As Blanchard explains, “Sometimes all a person needs to do is get on the phone with a completely objective person who has their best interest at heart. Someone who is going to say, ‘Hey, what’s up with that? What’s going on?’”

“And they learn about themselves by talking. It is like cleaning out your closet and getting rid of all the old stuff that doesn’t fit anymore or that you never really liked in the first place.”

3 ways leaders hold themselves back

In an interview for the October edition of Ignite, Blanchard identifies three ways that leaders often hold themselves back.  See if any of these might be hampering your effectiveness as a leader.

Limiting self-beliefs—people often self-impose rules and expectations on themselves that don’t serve them—even when they know what to do differently.  It’s a matter of giving yourself permission. When Blanchard asks, “What keeps you from doing those things?” clients often reply, “Absolutely nothing. It just didn’t occur to me.”

Playing small—Blanchard shares another story about a client who was very comfortable in her own playing field but wasn’t seeing her own potential—or taking steps toward it—the way that others in the organization were seeing her. As a result, she wasn’t building the relationships or networks within the organization that would make her more effective.

Time orientation—finally, Blanchard often works with clients on expanding their time orientations. As she explains, “Each of us has a preferred and habitual time orientation—past, present, or future. Aspiring leaders are often very good at being in the present and focusing on what is right in front of them, but to take it to the next level, they also need to develop skills for future planning.”

Be yourself—only better!

People can and do change. And it almost never requires as big a shift as you might think. Blanchard likes to use the metaphor of a ship on a long sea voyage. If you make even a two-degree change in your direction you completely change your destination.

Where are you headed? What are some of the behaviors that might be holding you back as a leader? To read more on Blanchard’s thinking, be sure to check out Three Ways Leaders Hold Themselves Back.

Interested in learning more about identifying and changing limiting leadership behaviors?

Also check out a special Leadership Livecast on October 10.  Over 40 different business thought leaders will be sharing examples of “un-leaderlike behaviors” and how they—or others—overcame them.  The event is free courtesy of The Ken Blanchard Companies. Learn more at www.leadershiplivecast.com

Last week I was with a client teaching a session on the topic of Legendary Service.  There were people in the room from six different countries and we were beaming out to three more. The participants represented a rich blend of values, generations, depth of knowledge of technology, and history with customer service content.  It was an amazing opportunity to see what service looks and feels like given different life views.  The dialogue was frequent, fiery, and focused.  Below are a few pearls of wisdom I captured from the group’s spontaneous suggestions—with important morals for interacting with anyone.

• Some of the women felt that a mentality exists that women are not as technologically savvy as men. These very smart women feel talked down to when a product or process is being explained to them. They are left feeling insulted, irritated, and humiliated rather than cared for.  Moral: When explaining a new product or process, treat every customer as if they were the smartest person you know who is simply learning something new.

• Some of the men felt that women take too long to get to the point when sharing their thoughts. These men want to know up front what women want—their specific, targeted needs or ideas—as opposed to spending time reflecting on whys, hows, and back stories. This reminded me of a football metaphor regarding the difference in men’s and women’s communication styles. Picture the players on the line of scrimmage: “64, 56, 72, HIKE!” Like football players, these men are eagerly waiting to get the ball and run with it.  Moral: Do your work ahead of time so you can speed up the focus and desired actions from conversations.

• From an international participant:  People don’t seem to listen anymore. Most attendees agreed that people have lost the talent of listening. Many act as if they have heard every question a thousand times. They don’t focus on finding out specific details, but rush to generalize the question and dive into their prepared spiel.  We had a rich discussion on the cost of NOT listening to people—it causes rework, doesn’t solve the problem, and leaves the other person feeling uncared for.  Moral: Give people the gift of listening. Listen to learn. See each interaction as the first you’ve had with that person and clarify what you heard before you share your thoughts.

• From a brilliant Latin American woman: Many people think they are being efficient with others’ time by diving right into the task—but they forget that some people need to know that there is deep appreciation for their time, ideas, and culture before they can truly listen.  Others in the room agreed that in many Latin, Middle Eastern, and Asian countries it is crucial to build a relationship BEFORE transacting business.  Moral: Build the relationship and show respect before addressing the task.

It’s exciting to live in a generation where we can learn so much about the different ways people solve problems, leverage their history, and stay energized.  Customers expect us to know their needs.  We can learn about and leverage the rich diversity of their values, ages, and ethnicities and their competence at using our products, services and processes. Let’s deliver value to all customers by listening to their voice and communicating with them in a way that ensures they feel heard.

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About the author:

Vicki Halsey is one of the principal authors—together with Kathy Cuff—of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Legendary Service training program.  Their “others-focused” posts appear on the first and third Thursday of each month.

Innovation also requires collaboration.  Very few ideas can be successfully implemented without the cooperation and buy-in of others.  Unfortunately, innovators often struggle in this area–especially if they fall in love with their idea and become defensive about feedback.

In an upcoming Leadership Livecast on Un-Leaderlike Moments I share a story about the way this sneaks up on unsuspecting innovators.  See if this has ever happened to you.

The birth of an idea

You come up with an idea—it’s one of your best ideas—and you can’t wait to share it with the other people on your team. So you do. And you know what? They’re just as excited about it as you are. You decide to go in together and make this idea a reality.

But soon after, something you didn’t plan on starts to occur. Your teammates like your original concept, but they have some thoughts for making it better.  They begin to share their thinking and give you some feedback.  How do you react?

Dealing with feedback–two typical paths

If you are an experienced innovator, you take some time to really listen to what your team is sharing with you.  You explore what they are saying, you ask for details, and you draw out the essence of their ideas.  You realize that no matter how good your original idea may be, it’s always smart to treat feedback as a gift and to listen closely with the intention of being influenced.

If you are a relatively new innovator—and you are really attached to your idea—you may see feedback from your team in a completely different light.  Ego can often get in the way and now you become defensive when others suggest changes.  You dismiss their feedback as uninformed, uninspired, or just plain limiting. Instead of listening with the intent of being influenced, you listen just long enough to respond and remind everyone why the team should stay on course with your original concept.  You become so focused on leading change that you don’t notice the energy, enthusiasm and participation of team members falling off as you march to the finish line.

It’s not until you get there and turn around for a group high-five that you see their weary exasperation with your leadership style.  They congratulate you on your project.

A better way

Don’t let that happen to your next idea. Here are three ways to innovate and collaborate more effectively:

• Create space for other people to contribute. Take advantage of everything that people bring to a team.  Utilize their head and heart as well as their hands.
• Listen to feedback.  Explore and acknowledge what people are suggesting.  Listen in a special way—with the intent of being influenced.
• Recognize that no matter how good your idea is, it can always be made better through the input of others. As Ken Blanchard likes to say, “None of us is as smart as all of us.”

True innovation requires passion and collaboration.  Create some space for others. It will make your ideas stronger, give you a better chance for success, and create needed buy-in along the way.

****

PS: You can learn more about the 40 different thought leaders presenting in the October 10 Un-Leaderlike Moments Livecast here.  It’s a free online event hosted by Ken Blanchard.

Learn more.

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—Sometimes You Can’t Make It on Your Own, U2

Nike’s Find Your Greatness Campaign

Release Your Greatness

This might keep the line moving, but it is not going to do much in meeting a person’s need to be heard.

Could your listening skills use a brush-up? 

Here’s a three-step model designed to help managers slow down and focus on what people are sharing. The magic in this process is remembering to take the time to explore the issue raised by a direct report by asking clarifying questions, then acknowledging what is being said and the emotion behind it, before going on to the third step of responding.

Explore—ask open-ended questions such as “Can you tell me more about that?” and “How do you think that will go?” and “What does that really mean?”

Acknowledge—respond with comments such as “You must be feeling …” or “So, if I’m hearing you correctly, what you’re saying is ….”

Respond—now that you have a good understanding of the direct report’s point of view, you can carefully move forward with a possible response.

Use this EAR model to stop and take an extra minute to make sure you really understand the situation before responding.

You also need the right attitude

In addition to a good model, you also need the right attitude when it comes to listening.  Otherwise, you end up going through the motions but not having anything truly penetrate the noise in your own head.

To combat that, quiet yourself and focus.

Now, listen in a special way. Listen with an expectation of learning something you didn’t know and possibly being influenced by what you find out.  This is especially important if someone is sharing a new idea or feedback with you.  Remember to WAIT and ask yourself, “Why Am I Talking when I should be listening?”

Managers have to be open to being influenced and surprised by what they might hear. Sometimes it’s hard for managers to listen—especially if they have been doing the job for a long time—because they are sure that they already know what the direct report is going to say.

Remember: Listening means remaining silent. This will create a little space where you can explore and acknowledge before responding. Be sure to think about whether your thoughts are really needed, or whether a direct report just needs “air time” to process his or her thoughts. With a combination of the right attitude and the right skill set, you’ll still get to the answers, but you’ll do it in a way that allows you to make the best decisions and in a way that allows everyone to be heard.

Current research points to the benefit of employing people’s hearts as well as their hands. But to do that skillfully, managers and team leaders have to be prepared for all of the situations that occur when you truly engage people.  If you want everything that people can offer, you have to deal with everything that people will bring.

Eryn Kalish, a professional mediator and relationship expert believes that there are two keys to successfully negotiating the emotional workplace.  In an article for Blanchard’s Ignite! newsletter, Kalish identifies staying centered and open as the key skills.  But what she has been seeing more commonly is an unbalanced approach where managers and organizations go to extremes.

As she explains, “Organizations are either taking a ‘confront everything, address it, and do it now’ overly intense approach, where there is no time or space to reflect, or they are taking a ‘let’s wait and see’ tactic, in hopes that the situation resolves itself, but in reality not dealing with difficult issues until it’s way too late.”

The wait and see strategy works occasionally, according to Kalish, although most of the time things get worse. “Plus, when something is left unaddressed, there is a cumulative organizational effect where everyone starts shutting down, living in a place of fear and contraction.”

That is a huge loss, from Kalish’s perspective, because most issues in companies are resolvable.

“If issues are handled directly, clearly, and in a timely manner, something new can emerge. That’s what I see that is so exciting,” she shares. “When people normalize these types of conversations, it is amazing to see the transformations that can occur.”

Next steps for leaders

For leaders looking to get started in improving their abilities, Kalish recommends assessing where you are currently at.

“It all depends on whether you have the skills to conduct a sensitive conversation. If you have the skills, take a cue from Nike and ‘Just do it!’ See what happens. If you do not have the skills, then it is important to get additional coaching or training.

“In any case, openness and transparency is the key. Many times it helps to just be candid with staff and saying, ‘I think that we have been avoiding this and I’d like that to change’ will help.

To learn more about Kalish’s thoughts on dealing effectively with emotion in the workplace, check out Dealing effectively with emotion-filled work environments in the August issue of Ignite.  Also be sure to check out a free webinar Kalish is conducting on August 22, A Manager’s Guide to the Emotional Workplace: How to stay focused and balanced when dealing with sensitive issues.  It’s a free event courtesy of Cisco WebEx and The Ken Blanchard Companies.

• Job Factors – Autonomy, Meaninful Work, Feedback, Workload Balance, and Task Variety
• Organizational Factors – Collaboration, Performance Expectations, Growth, Procedural Justice (process fairness), and Distributive Justice (rewards, pay, and benefits)
• Relationship Factors – Connectedness with Colleagues and Connectedness with Leader

Without question, all of these factors are vital toward achieving an engaged and passionate workforce. What jumps out at me, and with most other’s research on the subject, is that the focus areas all tend to be very, for lack of a better word, work-centric. Whether you subscribe to the notion of work-life balance or work-life integration, my belief is that, in addition to these crucial work-centric factors, any number of outside personal factors may significantly influence an individual’s level of engagement and passion at any given time. And yes, this may even include an individual’s reaction to the weather outside.
It’s important to remember that regardless of your industry, you’re in the people business. Your colleagues and customers are human beings who are affected by other life experiences, both good and bad, besides those that occur while they’re working. We are individuals with unique needs, wants, situations, and emotions. In future posts in this series, we’ll further discuss situations and possible solutions to achieve a deeper understanding of what drives the engagement and passion of the unique individuals who make up your workforce.
Follow me on Twitter: @adammorris21 | Add me on Google+: gplus.to/AdamMorris21

A few seconds later, just as we feared, the deer jumped out into the road.  Paula shouted, “The deer!” and the next thing I knew we crashed into the animal (or he crashed into us), which damaged the front end of our rental car. Amazingly, we were not hurt. The same cannot be said for the poor deer.

As we were waiting for the tow truck, we discussed what happened. It was a classic case of not being specific in our communication. When I asked Paula if she saw the deer, I was referring to the one in the median in the middle of the highway. When she responded “Yes, I do,” she was referring to a second deer, which she saw ahead in the lane to our right.

A better, more specific form of communication would have been:

JOHN:       “Do you see the deer in the median?”

PAULA:     “No, but I see the one on the right side of the car about to jump into our lane.”

Too many times we are not specific in our communication, make assumptions, and don’t double-check for understanding.  While not as traumatic as hitting a deer, here are a few examples where not being specific enough can lead to hurt feelings, unnecessary conflict, and negative outcomes.

• “I need your report as soon as possible.”  What does that mean? The manager asking for the report might be expecting it within the hour. But the other person may already have a full plate and “as soon as possible” is sometime next week.
• “I would like you to be a better team player.” What does that look like? This manager may want the person to attend all team meetings, show up on time, actively participate in team discussions, and support team decisions. The person receiving this message may think that being a good team player means hanging out with the team after work.
• (To a teenager): “I would like you to go and clean your room.”  What is the definition of clean? To you, it means picking up clothes and putting them away, making the bed, vacuuming, and dusting. To the teenager, it may mean shoving everything under the bed and calling it good.

Being more specific

One simple way to be more specific is to add the phrase “…by that I mean…” to the end of the request.  For example:  “I would like you to go and clean your room, and by that I mean…” and then include the specific details.

The level of specificity needed is dependent on the person and the task, so think about both as you clarify the request or assignment.

As you become more specific in your communication, you will be amazed at the corresponding decrease in interpersonal conflict, increase in fulfillment of expectations, and positive outcomes for yourself—and for deer—everywhere.

About the author:

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies.  You can read John’s posts on the second Thursday of every month.

Imagine going into a job interview or pitching a new project with the premise of retaining an individual’s services through the commitment to a steady dose of procrastination and indifference toward key tasks and reasonabilities. It’s an absurd notion. That organization would be foolish to hire for such a promise. It would be foolish for a person to settle for being average as an employee.
So then, why do organizations hire for excellence and settle for mediocrity? Why do teams within organizations get away with doing just enough to “get the job done?” Why do so many individuals settle for coming to work and being average, at best?
While modern thinkers like Jim Collins, in Good to Great, have evolved the meaning of the word “good” to mean something less than great, ancient writers, teachers, philosophers like Aristotle defined “good” as something extraordinary – exceedingly great. The classic notion of good is manifest excellence—actively pursuing behavior that excels beyond the normal, everyday basics of our mere existence—encouraging us to thrive, rather than simply survive. The pursuit of excellence has led individuals to a greater happiness in living and working throughout history.
The Nicomachean Ethics is one of the most important books in the whole history of philosophy and certainly the most influential works of Aristotle. It is a collection of his most profound thoughts and was based on an exhortation to his son to live the best possible life.
Though taught thousands of years ago, Aristotle’s thoughts on excellence—becoming exceedingly good, still serves as a call to action for those who desire and are willing to lead themselves at a higher level. Although there are many narratives that can be culled out from Aristotle’s epic work, there are a several broad narratives that have practical application in our modern workplace.
A Greater Good
For an individual to perform exceedingly “good,” they must believe that “good” is something beyond just their own need, but also the good of the community, organization, or society they live in. According to Aristotle, excellence is a mindset rather than just a set of activities. Most activities are a means to a higher end, or at least they should be, and our work is no exception.
When individuals start showing up to work just to pull a pay check or organizations get too focused on the profit margins, they loose site of why they exist—to serve a greater good. Excellent employees focus on using their skills and knowledge to serve a purpose greater than themselves and in the process meet their basic needs while achieving excellence.
Virtue, Vision, and Values
Excellence depends on living in accordance with appropriate virtues, vision, and values. A virtuous individual is naturally inspired to behave in the right ways and for the right reasons, finding happiness in behaving according to a set of higher standards of excellence—personal standards as well as the standards expected of them by their community.
The Excellent Employee performs all of their duties with clear expectations of their role and responsibilities, in alignment with the core values of the company. Aristotle is not referring to some imaginary notion of perfection, and neither should organizations expect that of employees. But striving for higher levels of behavioral excellence, creating a greater value in products and projects, should be the goal of every employee.
Know Thyself
The phrase, Know Thyself was inscribed above the entrance to the Lyceum that Aristotle attended as a young man in Athens. Most historians attribute the phrase as an admonition to those entering the sacred temple to remember or know their place before entering into the learning process. Modern philosophies and leadership theories have expanded the notion of self awareness as a means to become more in tune with one’s own personal strengths and weaknesses, beliefs and behaviors.
Excellent employees are committed to knowing themselves through a daily process of understanding the vision and values of the organization, and then aligning them with their own Key Areas of Responsibility. They are also keenly aware of their own assumptions about the organization or a project that may be holding them back. They are aware of where they are at in their own learning process, and what they need from others to successfully complete their daily tasks. Most individuals struggle to move beyond periods of disillusionment and conflict, settling for something less than exceedingly good. The Excellent Employee is equipped to understand their own needs and move through those periods of doubt and disillusionment efficiently and effectively.
Relationships
Aristotle believed that the bonds that tie citizens together are so important that it would be unthinkable to suggest that true happiness can be found in a life isolated from others. This understanding applies to the modern workplace as well. But excellent employees aren’t just good at building effective social and professional networks on Facebook and Linked In, they are dedicated to building intimate and meaningful relationships through personal one on one communication. They’re also aware of the fact that there are more ways to getting a job done by gaining the support of people in positions of power, but rather influencing peers and colleagues through other types of personal power in order to meet the needs of the greater good and do an exceedingly good work.
Action
Aristotle did not think that virtue could be taught in a classroom down at the local Lyceum or simply by means of a “good” argument, but rather by applying virtue and values to your daily actions. His claim that virtue can be learned only through constant practice implies that there are no set rules we can learn from in just a workbook or a presentation alone; rather we must find a means of transferring that knowledge into action. The Excellent Employee is committed to training in the skills sets that will help them excel beyond average. They are consumed with creating solutions and meaningful results, rather than wallowing in the challenges, setbacks, and conflicts that arise in the workplace.
Become Excellent
The Excellent Employee has a strategy to consistently align their vision and values to the organization’s vision and values, through a clear understanding of themselves and their needs. They also utilize key relationships and apply their knowledge and skills to their everyday workflow, aligning it with the greater good of their company and their clients.
Life is short. Be activly committed to living and working at a higher level, for yourself and the greater good. Aristotle would challenge today’s modern employee to become excellent by doing excellent acts.
Jason Diamond Arnold
Co-Author of Situational Self Leadership in Action

What would happen if your direct reports “secretly shopped” you as a leader?  What would they report back?  Here’s an exercise to help you find out.  You are going to “meta-cognate” or watch yourself by designing a personal secret shopper scorecard.

Identify your ideal self

First, take a few minutes and think of your vision of yourself as a leader. On your best day—the one you would like to be recorded for the nightly news as a model for leaders everywhere—what do you see yourself doing? In interactions, are you focused on the other person? Are you listening to their world and trying to help them succeed in the important work they are doing? Do you recognize their effort and courage?  Do you help your people gain clarity around their purpose and goals? What exactly is your vision of YOU at your best?

Create your secret shopper questions

Second, reframe a few of your observations (no more than three) into your own secret shopper questions, such as:

1. To what degree did the leader use the word you versus the word I?
2. Were listening strategies used to enhance communication?
3. Was specific praise or recognition used to build the relationship?
4. Did the leader make the individual feel important?
5. Did the individual leave the interaction ready to act?

Create your scorecard

Third, create a small, written assessment that you can use to remind and assess how close you are behaving to your ideal self in your interactions with people. This self-assessment should include four items—the top three things you intend to do, your self-assessment of your success, the level of care the individual felt as a result, and the chances that they will come back again for a similar experience.  Here’s mine so you can see an example:

My Secret Shopper Leadership Scorecard

Upcoming interaction:  Discussing goals with Lisa

Three things I want to observe myself doing:

1. Taking some time at the beginning of the meeting to reconnect
2. Keeping the conversation focused on goals, tasks, and the work we need to accomplish
3. Reviewing agreements and letting Lisa know that I am available for direction and support

Self assessment of this interaction: (on a scale of 1 to 10)

Level of CARE the individual felt: (on a scale of 1 to 10)

Chance s/he will want to come back for a similar experience: (on a scale of 1 to 10)

Being your own secret shopper is a great way to begin the task of creating and becoming the leader you want to be. Use this scorecard  to purposely plan and notice yourself in action.  Self-reflect on each interaction with an employee.  Ask yourself the questions you generated and strive toward higher and higher ratings. With a little bit of practice, you’ll soon notice the impact that being “customer focused” can have on your performance as a serving leader.

About the author:

Vicki Halsey is one of the principal authors—together with Kathy Cuff—of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Legendary Service training program.  Their other-focused posts appear on the first and third Thursday of each month.

I was in the airport in Calgary, Alberta, waiting for a flight home and started talking to an elderly man who was waiting for the same flight.  We had to walk quite a distance to actually board the plane, so I took my time walking with him, mostly because I thought he might need some help carrying his baggage at some point.

We were making the usual small talk, he asking me why I was in Canada and me asking him where he was going.  I found out that his wife of 50+ years had passed away not too long ago and he was going to visit one of his daughters.  When he heard that I conduct workshops and speak on topics such as customer service, he said he wanted to share a story with me that he thought I might like.

He told me that when his wife died, he went to visit his other daughter that lives a few hours away from him to get out of the house and be around family for a month or so.  When he finally decided it was time that he faced reality and go back to his home, he started his drive back home.  About halfway through the drive, he said he was so overcome with such sadness and the reality that he would be going back to his home without his wife, that he had to pull off of the road.  He stopped at the first place he saw which was a McDonald’s.

He walked up to the counter and a young girl asked if she may take his order.  He said he stood there, for what seemed like forever, just staring at the menu on the wall.  When she asked again, he apologized, saying that he really wasn’t hungry, and he proceeded to tell her that he just had to get off the road because he couldn’t bear the thought of going home alone yet.  He shared that his wife had passed away, and this would be his first time being in the house without her.

At that moment, without any hesitation, the young girl walked around the counter and gave the elderly man a big hug.  He was so taken aback by her compassion, he said that he thanked her because that one act of kindness gave him the strength to go home.

When the man finished telling me the story, his final comment to me was, “Who would have guessed that a young girl at a McDonald’s could leave such an impression on me?”

I love that this young woman had such a kind heart to notice, in that moment, that her customer really just needed a listening ear and somebody showing that they cared.  I also love that this young woman felt empowered to step out of her usual role in a way that was appropriate.

I know that young woman created a customer for life from that man just by showing him she cared.  Can you say the same about your employees?

About the author:

Kathy Cuff is one of the principal authors—together  with Vicki Halsey—of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Legendary Service training program.  Their customer service focused posts appear on the first and third Thursday of each month.

Of all of the seven habits, none has changed my life more than Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood. As a husband and father, leader, teacher, and friend, the skill of listening with empathy has not only made me more effective, it has transformed relationships.

Stephen Covey described empathic listening as, “Reflecting what a person feels and says in your own words to their satisfaction so they feel listened to and understood.”  It means listening with your whole being—ears, eyes and heart.

When you make the time to truly listen to another person and make sure they know they were heard, you:

• Build trust—I believe nothing builds trust as deeply as truly listening to another person and trying to understand what they are saying and feeling from their perspective.
• Solve the “real” problem—Most of us tend to jump too quickly into problem solving without getting to the “real” problem first. Taking the time to listen for understanding, then reflecting what you have heard and felt, allows the real problem to surface.
• Diffuse feelings—Listening allows the other person to get their feelings out.
• Have greater influence—When the other person feels understood, they are more open to listening to you and you have a greater opportunity to influence them in a positive way.

Stephen Covey will be missed, but his spirit will live on through his books, his teachings, and his personal example.  The next time you are dealing with an angry customer, an excited coworker, a troubled friend, or even a happy five year-old child, I encourage you to take the time to listen to their story. It’s a great way to honor Stephen Covey’s memory.  You will be amazed by the impact truly listening has on the results, and more importantly, the relationship.

About the author:

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies.  You can read John’s posts on the first Monday of every month.

Ask most bosses what their management style is at work and you’ll hear them talk of a supportive style that features active listening, coaching, and problem solving.  From their point of view, they feel that they are very active in providing high levels of direction and support to their people on a regular ongoing basis.

However, ask most employees what type of management style they are experiencing and they will tell you it’s more like concentrated periods of attention at the beginning and end of a cycle (think goal setting and performance review) with long stretches of time in between where they are basically left on their own.

This isn’t a problem if the employee is a self-directed, self-reliant high achiever on a task.  For employees with this level of competence, clear goal setting and an occasional check in to evaluate progress may be all they need.  But what about employees who are new to a task, developing new skills, or pushing to stretch themselves?  For these employees, goal setting and evaluation isn’t enough.  They also need direction and support along the way.  It doesn’t have to be a lot, but it does have to be present in some degree if you want them to make progress toward goals and feel cared for along the way.  Otherwise they can feel alone, abandoned, and on their own.

How are you doing with meeting the needs of your employees?  Here are a couple of things you can do this week to open up lines of communication and provide people with the direction and support they need to succeed.

1. Talk to them.  Set up time this week for a quick one-on-one to discuss where your people are at with their goals and tasks.  Even though the context of the conversation is being framed by what they are currently working on and how it is going, be sure to provide some room for them to share obstacles they may be facing and how you can help.  Watch for non-verbal signs—especially if you get an “everything’s fine” initial response from them.
2. Evaluate their development level with each task.  As they discuss each of the tasks they are working on, consider if this is something that is routine for them or a bit of a stretch.  If it’s routine, listening and support are all that is necessary.  If it’s a stretch, listen even more closely and consider how you can provide additional resources that can speed their progress.
3. Repeat on a weekly basis. Close out the meeting by setting up some time to meet again the following week to do it again.  Better yet, make it a recurring appointment on your calendar.  It doesn’t have to be a lot of time.  15-20 minutes will usually get the job done.

Time matters

Very few employees will tell you that they meet too much with their supervisor to discuss their issues.  (Micromanaging to discuss the needs of the manager is another story.)  But many will tell you that they haven’t had a discussion with their boss in weeks or months.  Sure, time is precious, but it is also the way that we signal interest, importance, and value in what people are working on.  Don’t let your relationships at work atrophy.  Set up some time to talk with your direct reports today.

The same thing can happen when it comes to matching your leadership style to the needs of the people you’re leading. In this case, leaders often overdress by over-supervising (providing too much direction and support) or under-dress by delegating (providing too little direction and support) when their help is most needed.

How do you make sure that you’re always in style in both instances? Here are a few tips:

Make sure that you understand the situation. Being in style starts with information. What can you find out about the event that would give you clues to what would be most appropriate? When it comes to clothing choices, ask yourself: Who is going to be there? What is the situation? Where is it being held?

When it comes to leadership style, the same questions, slightly altered, can help in a management situation.

In this case, ask yourself: Who am I meeting with today? What are their specific needs in this situation? Where are they at in terms of competence and commitment for the goal or task? Find out as much as you can about the situation so you can match your style to the needs of the person you are working with.

Develop some flexibility—give yourself some options. Knowing that you need a certain style doesn’t help you if you don’t have that available in your wardrobe. The same is true when it comes to your leadership style. You need a variety of options that you are comfortable wearing. Most leaders play only one note—in essence, they wear the same style regardless of the situation. As a result, they are only in style a portion of the time.

This means that they might be on track when it comes to delivering a high direction style to someone new to a task, but completely off-track when they try using that same style with a highly-experienced, long time employee.

The best leaders have a full wardrobe at their disposal and are comfortable suiting up in a variety of styles to match the occasion.

Double-check that you’re on track. Once you’ve identified what you think is the perfect choice for the situation, be sure to double-check. Ask others, “Here is what I’m thinking would be appropriate in this situation, how does that sound to you?” Watch for a positive response. It might be subtle, so watch carefully. Some visible signs such as a release of tension, return of a confident look, or even a smile will tell you that you are moving in the right direction. If you don’t see that, return to step one—maybe you need some additional information to understand the situation more completely.

Creating a comfortable, natural leadership style takes work. But if you focus on the situation, develop your skills, and work together with people to make the right choices, you’ll find that you can develop an authentic, lasting style that will serve you well in any situation.

It’s easy for leaders to fall into the trap of thinking they need to have the answer to every problem or situation that arises. After all, that’s in a leader’s job description, right? Solve problems, make decisions, have answers…that’s what we do! Why listen to others when you already know everything?

Good leaders know they don’t have all the answers. They spend time listening to the ideas, feedback, and thoughts of their people, and they incorporate that information into the decisions and plans they make. When a person feels listened to, it builds trust, loyalty, and commitment in the relationship. Here are some tips for building trust by improving the way you listen in conversations:

• Don’t interrupt – It’s rude and disrespectful to the person you’re speaking with and it conveys the attitude, whether you mean it or not, that what you have to say is more important than what he or she is saying.
• Make sure you understand – Ask clarifying questions and paraphrase to ensure that you understand what the person is trying to communicate. Generous and empathetic listening is a key part of Habit #5 – Seek first to understand, then to be understood – of Covey’s famous Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
• Learn each person’s story – The successes, failures, joys, and sorrows that we experience in life weave together to form our “story.” Our story influences the way we relate to others, and when a leader takes time to understand the stories of his followers, he has a much better perspective and understanding of  their motivations. Chick-fil-a uses an excellent video in their training programs that serves as a powerful reminder of this truth.
• Stay in the moment – It’s easy to be distracted in conversations. You’re thinking about the next meeting you have to run to, the pressing deadline you’re up against, or even what you need to pick up at the grocery store on the way home from work! Important things all, but they distract you from truly being present and fully invested in the conversation. Take notes and practice active listening to stay engaged.

My grandpa was fond of saying “The Lord gave you two ears and one mouth. Use them in that proportion.” Leaders can take a step forward in building trust with those they lead by speaking less and listening more. You might be surprised at what you learn!

This is one in a series of LeaderChat articles on the topic of trust by Randy Conley, Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies. For more insights on trust and leadership, visit the Leading with Trust blog or follow Randy on Twitter @RandyConley.

My wife has started a new job recently.  Like many people, it involves working in a cubicle interacting with customers primarily by telephone or email.  Even though she works in a large office setting, she is by herself for the most part and doesn’t see her boss in person very often except for a short weekly meeting. Most of their conversation between those times is via email only.

A recent customer issue she was working on was something new she hadn’t done before.  She did her best to figure it out but couldn’t come up with a solution that satisfied the customer.  In the end, the customer spoke those dreaded words, “Can I speak with your manager?”  Maybe that was best, my wife thought to herself, and so she transferred the call to her manager’s voice mail.  She also sent her boss an email documenting some of the supporting information.  Maybe her boss would have some additional resources or ideas on how to handle the situation.

The next morning my wife had an email waiting for her from her manager.  Her manager had sent the customer issue back to my wife with the reply, “Didn’t you see the recent company memo regarding the procedure for escalating customer service calls?”

A pretty standard (if slightly cryptic) type of response that goes out from bosses thousands of times each work day.  A simple reminder to review some earlier policy memo detailing the steps for handling situations like this.

Off to the races

“What did this mean?” my wife thought to herself. “What was her manager trying to say?”  She had seen the memo and it described how to evaluate and escalate calls to supervisors when necessary.  She felt she had followed the procedure.  She reread the memo, looking for details she might have missed.

By the time she talked to me about it that evening after work, the issue had escalated in her mind.  “Why do they make this so hard?” she asked me.  “Can’t they see I’m just trying to help the customer?”

“Maybe I’m not a good fit for this company,” she finally told me.  “This just isn’t the way that I work.”

The solution

“Have you talked to your manager?” I asked.

“I sent her a second email, but I haven’t heard back yet.”

“Okay, let’s wait and see what she says before we get too far ahead of ourselves,” I responded.  “Give me a call when you find out.”

I never did get that call, so at dinner that night I asked how it was going.

“Oh, that’s all set,” my wife replied.  “My manager stopped by and we talked about it.”

Managing By Wandering Around

Time is a precious commodity at work these days.  Everyone has a lot on their plate.  Still, managers can do a lot of good for their organizations by occasionally getting out of their offices for a little stroll.  In addition to regularly scheduled one-on-one meetings, check in with the people who report to you at least one other time each week by stopping by their desk, checking in with them via telephone, or just making yourself accessible.

Don’t let small things blow up into big things.  Nip them in the bud and make it easy for people to get back to work. It will make your company more productive and it will increase your connection with your people too!

Mud Time

Circles of Work and Play

–Robert Frost, Two Tramps in Mud Time

About the Author: Jason Diamond Arnold is a Consulting Associate with The Ken Blanchard Companies, and Co-Author of Situational Self Leaderhip in Action

What are you probably thinking while they are talking?

A. What you were doing before the person ran in, even though it means only half-listening to their story?

B. Internal brainstorming on how you would handle X?

C. Preparing to respond with all the things others have done in a similar situation so you can share them as soon as the person is done talking?

D. Carefully listening to the situation to be sure this person gets the help he or she needs on X?

Answers A, B, and C are SELF-focused, and answer D is OTHER-focused.

Now, ask yourself, “Which one do you think will best meet the needs of this person, over time? Which one might make them a ‘customer’ who feels cared for?”

Yes, answer D.

Changing your focus

To improve your ability to focus on the needs of others instead of your own, here are four questions to consider when someone comes to you with an issue or situation.

1. What is the issue/focus for this person?
2. What is their understanding of the situation? Who, what , when, where, how, etc..
3. What does he or she think should be done—or what is the help he or she needs?
4. How can you help them follow through with their solution, or deliver what is needed?

Let’s replay the scenario and see how this works in practice.  Once again, someone runs into your office (or calls on the phone) and says, “I need help with X.”

Step 1: Understand the Focus—You immediately stop what you are doing, becoming present and focused on that person. Then, as the person is sharing, you are listening carefully to ensure that you understand what the issue is. When he or she is done talking, you say, ”Ok. Your situation/issue is….”

Step 2: Get Information—Before generating a list of what to do, the next step to empowering this person over time is to get him or her to share the background or other pertinent information about the situation so all are clear. Before jumping in with your solutions ask what he or she thinks is the best possible outcome for the situation.  (This is not as easy as it seems!) Reflect back what you hear.

Step 3: Identify Options—To get the best possible outcome, now you ask what options can be considered.  What does the person think or feel should be done? What does he or she need to do that? What learning is necessary? Who could help? By when could it be done? What else?

Step 4: Follow up—Your final job is to follow-up to help the person deliver the solution that’s been generated. Your follow-up is to ensure that he or she acts on his or her best intentions.  Checking in within 24 hours to see how it is going is an uncommon practice that will generate a lifetime of gratitude.

First, you engender collegiality. Second, you act as a catalyst to help the person move on his or her idea—or revisit the situation, in case the person needs additional help to move forward.  The important thing to remember is, it’s all about them.

In these days of rapid communication and overload of tasks, it is easy to forget that people like to be smart, and they like to know that others trust them to do their best work.  By being a sounding board, instead of a solution board, you inspire others to feel powerful and claim their greatness.

About the author:

Vicki Halsey is one of the principal authors—together with Kathy Cuff—of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Legendary Service training program.  Their other-focused posts appear on the first and third Thursday of each month.

One of the first things to think about then, as we look at creating a culture of service, is how well do we ask for and listen to feedback from teammates on how we are serving them.  Let me give you a great example I heard just this past week to illustrate this point.

I have a very good friend who is a professional golfer on the PGA Tour. My husband and I had dinner with him last week and he shared with us how he meets with his team at the beginning of each year to set goals for the season.  I was surprised to hear that in addition to his caddy, he has a personal trainer, a swing coach to help him with his golf swing, a short game coach to help him with his short game, and his agent.  While in their meeting, my friend gave his swing coach some feedback about how he would like to see him out on the golf course more to be able to better analyze his swing and offer suggestions.  The swing coach did not like the feedback his team member (as well as his boss!) gave him, and became very defensive about the feedback and was clearly not open to hearing it.  The end result was that my friend hired a new swing coach who was committed to delivering on the service my friend was looking for.

Good service begins at home

Just because we work for the same company doesn’t mean we should treat our fellow employees as second class citizens. On the contrary, we need to listen to them and thank them for their feedback the same way we would to an external customer.  My friend’s swing coach didn’t understand the idea of “serving the golfer” to help him get better and it cost him his job.

Ideally, this internal customer focus will start at the top of the organization with senior leaders recognizing the importance of consistently providing both the positive and constructive feedback to employees about what is expected of them, praising them for what they do well, and giving them ideas where they can improve.  Next, individual department leaders should continue the process by encouraging team members to ask for feedback from each other, as well as from other departments on how well they are serving them.

Learn from the positive and the negative

One important note about negative feedback.  When someone complains about your service, or shares some unpleasant feedback with you, remember they must care enough about you to share it and want you to improve, so thank them for the feedback!  If my friend’s swing coach had done that, he probably would still have his job!!!

About the author:

Kathy Cuff is one of the principal authors—together  with Vicki Halsey–of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Legendary Service training program.  Their customer service focused posts appear on the first and third Thursday of each month.

While some of the factors that contribute to disengagement need to be addressed at an organizational level, there is one action that managers at all levels can take that will help the situation.  Talking about it.  Staying quiet on the subject and hoping that it gets better on its own never works out.  In fact, usually, things will get worse.

As the late great business author Peter Drucker pointed out, “Only three things happen naturally in organizations: friction, confusion, and underperformance. Everything else requires leadership.”

First Steps

Having a conversation with someone who has fallen into a state of disengagement can be a challenge.  There is usually some history that has to be dealt with, as well as some shared responsibility for the situation.  As a leader though, you have to address the situation squarely. That means setting up some time to have a conversation.

It will also be important to put some structure around that conversation.  One great framework that you can use are the 12 employee work passion factors identified by Blanchard as the factors which most impact employee intentions to perform at high levels, actively endorse the organization, and be a good corporate citizen.   Some thinking on your part, and some gentle inquiry around these areas in your first conversation, will help to provide that structure.

It’s also important to keep things positive and assume the best intentions.  Even though things may be in a difficult spot currently, it’s important to remember that very few people want to go into work to see what they can screw up.  That’s almost always a long term reaction to the environment.

Don’t wait and hope for things to get better.  Take some action today.  Most people, if given the chance, want to be magnificent.  What can you do to help bring out that magnificence in your people?  You’ll never know unless you ask.

PS: Interested in learning more?  Don’t miss this special online event!

On January 25, over 40 thought leaders from a wide variety of organizations will be getting together to share their ideas on how to address the quit and stayed phenomenon in a unique Leadership Livecast.  This is a free online event being hosted by The Ken Blanchard Companies and over 5,000 people have already registered to hear how to address the problem from an individual, team, or organization-wide point of view.

To learn more—or to participate in this complimentary online event, check out the information on the Quit and Stayed Leadership Livecast here.

Here are three ways to honor the spirit of Dr. King’s message in your corner of the world.

Be inclusive. It’s never a good idea to create artificial divisions between people even though, as humans, we seem to love to do it.  People have a fundamental need, and a right, to be included in decisions that affect them.  No one likes to be left out.  Go out of your way to bring people into the process.

Listen.  Once you’ve brought people together, make sure that you take the next step and truly listen to them.  One of our favorite reminders for leaders is to occasionally stop and remember the acronym WAIT—Why Am I Talking? And one of our favorite recommendations for leaders is to “listen with the intent of being influenced.”  Use both in your interactions with people.

Act with integrity. Even though people may not always agree with the final outcome, it’s important that we always agree with, and respect, the process.  Leaders need to be especially conscientious in monitoring the ways that decisions are reached.  Resist the tendency to cut corners.  Ken Blanchard recommends that leaders hold themselves to a high standard by using a 3-step ethics check with all major decisions.  Start with the basics—is it legal and is it fair?  Then hold yourself to a higher standard by asking, “Would you be proud if your decision-making process and result was published and widely known?”

As you go back to work this week, take a minute to review the way you are interacting with people.  Are you including all stakeholders in the process?  Are you truly listening to everyone’s ideas and concerns?  Are you being fair and ethical in the way you are making decisions and allocating resources?

Today, more than ever, we need a process that includes, instead of excludes, people.  See what you can do in your areas of influence this week.  You’ll be surprised at the difference you can make.

With that kind of attitude, it’s no wonder why performance reviews are a dreaded event, both from the supervisor’s and employee’s perspective! The reality is that performance reviews are one-of-a-kind opportunities for leaders to build trust and commitment with their followers. Having the right supporting processes and systems in place are helpful, but regardless of your organization’s approach to performance management, you can build trust with your team members by doing these four things:

1. Deliver candid feedback with care – One of the biggest mistakes you can make as a leader is to sugarcoat your feedback to an employee. Your employees deserve honest and sincere feedback about how they’re performing so that they have the opportunity to improve, otherwise you are handicapping them and limiting the capabilities of your organization by accepting sub-par performance. Unfortunately, many employees don’t hear about their poor performance until the situation has become critical and they’re put on a performance improvement plan. A look back through their personnel file reveals a series of performance reviews where they’ve met standards and suddenly they’re surprised with this bad news. There shouldn’t be any surprises in a performance review. Through regular conversations during the year, the employee should have received regular feedback about how they’re performing relative to their goals and competencies of their role. I think most people know if they aren’t performing up to snuff. Your people will trust and respect you more if you’re honest with them about their performance.

2. Listen – Don’t do all the talking during the performance review. Yes, you have to review their performance and deliver feedback, but you should also take the time to ask your employees how they felt about their performance. Ask open-ended questions like: “What did you learn this year?” “What would you do differently?” “What did you feel were your biggest successes?” Soliciting the thoughts and opinions of your employees sends the message that you care about what they think and that you don’t assume you have all the answers. You’ll learn valuable insights about what makes your people tick and you can use that information to help plan their future performance. Lending a listening ear is a great way to build trust.

3. Focus on the future – Wait…aren’t performance reviews about reviewing the past? Yes, they are, but in my opinion the real bang for the buck is using that information to focus on growth and development opportunities for your people. Learning from the past is essential, but it’s only valuable if we apply it to the future. What training or education is needed? What are some new stretch goals that can be established? In what ways can the employee leverage his/her strengths with new opportunities? Demonstrating to your employees that you are committed to their career growth builds trust in your leadership and commitment to the organization. Don’t miss this valuable opportunity by solely focusing on the past!

4. Ask for feedback on your leadership – I’m not suggesting you shift the spotlight from your employees to yourself and hijack their review in order to feed your ego, but I am suggesting you ask them two simple questions: “Am I providing you the right amount of direction and support on your goals/tasks?” and “Is there anything I should do more or less of next year to help you succeed?” One of your primary goals as a leader is to accomplish work through others. Their performance is a reflection of your skill as a leader so it’s only appropriate that you use this time to recalibrate the leadership style(s) you’ve been providing. It may come as a surprise, but have you thought that the reason why your people aren’t achieving their goals is because you’re not leading them properly? Make sure that’s not the case and get feedback on how you’re doing. Asking for (and graciously receiving) feedback from others is a trust-boosting behavior.

Performance reviews don’t have to be a painful, tedious, mundane task. If you approach them with the right mindset, they can be prime opportunities to build trust with your followers which in turn will help them, and you, to not only meet expectations but exceed them!

This is one in a series of LeaderChat articles on the topic of trust by Randy Conley, Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies. For more insights on trust, visit the Leading with Trust blog or follow Randy on Twitter @RandyConley.

Dilbert by Scott Adams

• It significantly reduces costs. Gas is expensive. A plane ticket is, in most cases, even more expensive. And, don’t forget about travel expenses (especially if you have 5 star tastes). This, of course, doesn’t include the high cost of day rates you’d either be on the receiving end of as a client or, on the billing end as a service provider.
• It significantly saves time. Time is money so, by extension, travel time is very expensive. Does it really make sense to meet in person when that four hour meeting ultimately costs you three full days after you factor in the travel time?
• It allows you to build and develop relationships. Generally speaking, healthy, positive, productive relationships require a certain amount of face time. When you can’t physically be in the same room, this is how you can get it (with frequency and regularity).
• It forces you to be present. When you’re on the phone only, it’s easy to tune out or multi-task. When you’re on video, you’re engaged…you’re conscious of your body language and emotions because you’re observing the same from others.
• It forces you to improve your personal hygiene. If you’re working from home and know you have a video conference, you’re forced to get out of bed, get dressed, do your hair, and, well, look professional.
• What used to only be possible in sci-fi cartoons is now a reality for YOU. And you gotta admit, that’s pretty cool.

Follow me on Twitter: @adammorris21 | Add me to your Circles on Google+: gplus.to/AdamMorris21

• Are you an Avoider, unsure about how to deal with feelings so you retreat from the situation? 
• Are you an Ice Man, and believe that feelings don’t really have a place in the work environment?
• Are you an Over Indulger and tend to get a little too wrapped up in emotional situations?

Going too far in any of these three directions can lead to problems at work.  The best approach is to find a balance.  Make sure that people are clear on performance expectations, but at the same time let them know that you are there to help and support them when necessary.

Looking for a way to do this regardless of your personality type?  Here’s some good advice from Ken Blanchard, best-selling author of more than 50 books on management and leadership.  When asked what he hopes people remember most from his body of work, Blanchard identifies one concept that goes back to his best-selling book, The One Minute Manager, written together with Spencer Johnson. 

“Catch people doing things right.”

Take the time to notice when someone who reports to you is doing something right.  This one simple gesture says volumes.  Imagine it for yourself.  How would your day be impacted if your boss stopped by and shared a kind word about something you’re working on? How would that make you feel, impact your morale, and subsequent performance? 

Now, imagine what a kind word from you would do for your direct reports.  No matter what your personality type is, a kind word is always appropriate and appreciated.  Try it today.  You’ll be surprised at the difference it makes.

Good leaders know they don’t have all the answers. They spend time listening to the ideas, feedback, and thoughts of their people, and they incorporate that information into the decisions and plans they make. When a person feels listened to, it builds trust, loyalty, and commitment in the relationship. Here are some tips for building trust by improving the way you listen:

• Don’t interrupt – It’s rude and disrespectful to the person you’re speaking with and it conveys the attitude, whether you mean it or not, that what you have to say is more important than what he or she is saying.
• Make sure you understand – Ask clarifying questions and paraphrase to ensure that you understand what the person is trying to communicate. Generous and empathetic listening is a key part of Habit #5 – Seek first to understand, then to be understood – of Covey’s famous Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
• Learn each person’s story – The successes, failures, joys, and sorrows that we experience in life weave together to form our “story.” Our story influences the way we relate to others, and when a leader takes time to understand the stories of his followers, he has a much better perspective and understanding of  their motivations. Chick-fil-a uses an excellent video in their training programs that serves as a powerful reminder of this truth.
• Stay in the moment – It’s easy to be distracted in conversations. You’re thinking about the next meeting you have to run to, the pressing deadline you’re up against, or even what you need to pick up at the grocery store on the way home from work! Important things all, but they distract you from truly being present and fully invested in the conversation. Take notes and practice active listening to stay engaged.

My grandpa was fond of saying “The Lord gave you two ears and one mouth. Use them in that proportion.” Leaders can take a step forward in building trust with those they lead by speaking less and listening more. You might be surprised at what you learn!

This is one in a series of LeaderChat articles on the topic of trust by Randy Conley, Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies. For more insights on trust, visit the Leading with Trust blog or follow Randy on Twitter @RandyConley.

1. How clear were you with expectations?  Don’t expect an accountability conversation to go well if there is any fuzziness about what the goals were.  If you have concerns, use the time to re-clarify expectations.
2. How is your relationship with the team member?  The right to be candid with a person about their performance is the byproduct of a strong working relationship featuring frequent conversations.  If your relationship has been more of a “no news is good news” relationship in the past, shore that up first.

If you are feeling good about where you stand with these first two questions, congratulations—this meeting should go well.  (I’m also guessing that your good work in these first two areas means you don’t have to have many of these types of conversations in the first place!) 

Now, there are just a few more finer points to consider when delivering potentially sensitive feedback.

• Only give feedback on behaviors that can be changed (not on traits or personality).  Feedback works best when it is focused on behaviors instead of personality traits.  You shouldn’t be asking your people to make personality changes like,  “be more extroverted, or more feeling, or less linear in your thinking.”  Instead, focus on the things you see someone doing, or the things you hear someone saying. 
• Remember that people are okay—it’s just their behavior that is a problem sometimes. As a manager you need to separate the behavior from the person.  Don’t be judgmental.  Keep the focus on the behavior that needs to change. Say what needs to be said and let it sink in.  Then reaffirm the person and move on with expectations that behavior will change and that the person is up to the challenge.
• Help employees monitor their own behavior going forward.   Whenever possible, you want people to learn how to monitor their own behavior.  Teach them how to solicit feedback and be “participant observers” in their interactions with others.  Your goal is to help employees become self sufficient. You don’t want to create a dependent relationship where they are constantly looking for you to tell them how they are doing.

Providing feedback is one of the key ways that managers can improve performance and make things better at work. Don’t avoid feedback—even negative feedback. Done well, it will actually enhance your relationships at work. People will know you care and that their work is important.

PS: If you’d like to learn more about the finer points of delivering effective feedback, be sure to join The Ken Blanchard Companies for a free webinar on October 19.  That’s when senior consulting partner Phil Reynolds will be speaking on How to Deliver Feedback in a Way that Gets Results.  (Over 2,000 people are registered!) Click here for details.

The SPEAK model is a helpful tool to navigate challenging conversations.

S – State your concerns directly. Speak in private and face-to-face whenever possible and use “I” language to voice your concerns, thoughts, and feelings about the situation. A common myth about handling challenging conversations is that you should be objective and only stick to the facts. While you certainly want to be factual, you also need to share your feelings, without blame, so the other party understands the impact of the situation. Don’t make sarcastic or belittling remarks and be sure to share the consequences if the issue isn’t resolved. How it sounds: “Since we missed our deadline, I’m concerned that we may not meet our project goals.”

P – Probe for information to gain deeper understanding. Talk with an open and interested tone of voice and use open-ended questions to probe for more information to help you understand behavior that may seem incomprehensible. Pause long enough to give the person time to respond and listen with the intent to understand and be influenced by her point of view. How it sounds: “I’m confused about why we missed the deadline. Can you tell me more about what you thought our agreements were?”

E – Engage each other through whole-hearted listening. Be mentally present and intentional about listening. When people feel fully heard, they are more open to creative solutions, alternatives can be explored, wounds healed, and defensiveness lowered. Paraphrase to make sure you’ve heard and understood correctly and be sure to reflect the person’s feelings and values. How it sounds: “So you are saying that when I spoke with you about your performance that I was not clear about your goals and responsibilities?”

A – Attend to body language. Make sure that your body language matches your words. Sometimes leaders force themselves to be too relaxed when the situation is actually quite serious and that sends confusing signals to the other person. Pay attention to the other person’s body language and challenge inconsistent verbal and non-verbal messages with “I” statements. How it sounds: “I’m confused. I hear you saying that you think we don’t have a problem, yet I notice you sitting in a way that I’m interpreting as being angry.”

K – Keep forward-focused when possible. Once past issues have been addressed and the air cleared, focus the conversation on what each of you are going to do moving forward. Ask directly if the other person is ready to move forward, and if she isn’t, return to step E to explore any other issues or concerns that may be unresolved. How it sounds: “From my perspective, we have cleared up past misunderstandings. I am ready to move forward if you are. Is there anything on your end that we have not addressed yet?”

Working through difficult situations is an opportunity for leaders to build trust. It’s during these times that followers can feel most vulnerable to leaders because of the disparity of power in the relationship. Leaders who use their power in the service of others by demonstrating care and concern in handling challenging conversations will increase engagement, commitment, and trust with those they lead.

This is one in a series of LeaderChat articles on the topic of trust by Randy Conley, Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies. For more insights on trust, visit the Leading with Trust blog or follow Randy on Twitter @RandyConley.

How are you doing with the double challenge of accomplishing your own work while still managing the work performance of others?  If you’re afraid you’re seeing a little seagull behavior in yourself lately, here are three ways to get back on track with a more helpful approach:

1. Make sure you know what your people are working on.  Manager’s shouldn’t be surprised at what their people are working on but this often happens because goals are unclear, or are not in alignment with overall department objectives.  Make sure that everyone in your group has a clear set of 3-5 objectives and that they are mapped to a specific organizational objective.
2. Identify everyone’s development level for their specific tasks. A good group of goals will include tasks that are familiar and routine to an employee plus one or two stretch goals that will require some growth on their part. Review each of your direct report’s goals.  Which tasks can they easily accomplish on their own—and which tasks will they need help with?  Their development level on each task will determine the proper amount of input you’ll need to provide.
3. Schedule regular meeting time.  A weekly check-in for 20-30 minutes can do wonders for putting out all of the small daily brush fires that occur before they turn into raging infernos.  A little bit of structured time to review how your people are doing in each of their key areas is a great way to get started.   Don’t turn this into a weekly evaluation though.  Let the employee guide the conversation.  The idea here is to create a safe space for employee’s to ask for help when needed.

Even when people work together in the same building, it is still surprising to see how little conversation can occur between managers and their direct reports.  With today’s increased workload, it is often easier to keep your head down and your door closed.  Don’t let that happen to you and your people.  Schedule some time to meet with your direct reports on a regular basis.  It can save a lot of screeching and wing-flapping later on.

In case you’ve gotten off- track with this, here’s a short acronym to help you remember to stop and take the time to show that you CARE about the people you work with, and who report to you.

Connect. Take the time to lift your nose from the grindstone today and check in with your people.  How’s it going?  What’s happening in their life?  What are they excited about?  You might be surprised at how long it’s been since you checked in, or how much has changed in their lives.  Take a minute to reconnect.

Acknowledge. Listen to what people are telling you.  Truly hear what they are saying.  As a leader, it’s easy to get caught up in telling instead of listening.  How are your people doing on their tasks and key responsibility areas?  Chances are that they are just as busy as you are.  Take a minute to acknowledge the work they are doing and the effort they are putting into it.

Respect—the skills, effort, challenges, and needs that your people have.  What are their strengths?  What challenges are they facing? Where do they need help?  What can you do to help them succeed?  Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that your primary job is to evaluate performance.  As a leader, your primary job is to help your people succeed.

Encourage.  Everyone can use a kind word, a pat on the back, and a word of encouragement.  Who in your group has been up against it, fighting fires, chasing deadlines, and making sure that things get done?  Who seems burnt, or worn out, from all the work they’ve had to accomplish? Take a minute to show your appreciation, offer some encouragement, and let them know that you appreciate what they’ve been doing.

In today’s hectic work environment, it’s easy to neglect the people side of work.  Don’t let that happen to you.  Relationships are an important ingredient to an engaging work environment.  If you’ve been out of touch lately, use these four practices to reconnect and show people you care.

“Many people have been taught to avoid or gloss over difficult issues,” explains Kalish. “Sometimes they are afraid that if they have these conversations they will make the situation worse. So managers will often avoid confronting situations hoping that by suppressing or ignoring the ‘negative’ feelings and thoughts that they will somehow go away. But it rarely gets better on its own.”

To help improve their skills in dealing with challenging conversations, Kalish teaches managers how to SPEAK up without alienating the other person.

• State concerns directly. Don’t alienate the other person, but get at the essence of what needs to be discussed.
• Probe for more information to gain a deeper understanding. Gently, but firmly, probe and learn more about the situation.
• Engage others through whole-hearted listening. Listen to the other person’s responses, even when it is uncomfortable. Learn how to work with your reactions so that you can focus and understand what the other person is saying.
• Attend to body language. Pay attention to body language and be able to spot discrepancies between what you are hearing and what you are seeing. How many times have you been sitting in a meeting when somebody said everything was fine but his or her body language was saying that it is clearly not? Avoid the temptation to say, “Oh, good, everything is ok. Let’s move on.”
• Keep forward focused, but only when the other person is ready to move forward. Resist the urge to move forward prematurely. In challenging conversations the real issues often don’t come to light at first. 

Is there a conversation that you’re avoiding because you’re unsure how it will turn out?  Stay focused, open, and forward-leaning for best results.  For additional tips on handling challenging conversations with skill check out Kalish’s presentation on Challenging Conversations: 5 Communication Skills for Transforming Conflict into Productivity

It was about this time a couple of years ago and I was working on getting in shape.  I had bought a couple of books on nutrition, some new running shoes and workout clothes, and I had printed off some recommended exercise routines with space to chart my progress.   With every purchase I made, I explained to my wife how this book would help me eat better, how this exercise would impact this certain muscle group, and how this equipment would speed up the process. All through January I studied and read and researched my subject until I knew exactly what I needed to do to get back in shape. 

Once I had learned everything, it was time to put all that information into action.  I wasn’t quite as gung ho about this part of the process.  In February I only went to the gym a couple of times and by March I was going only once a week (if it worked out with my schedule.)

My wife was good natured about all of this until we were visiting my parents toward the end of the month.  My dad and I were talking about health and exercise when the topic of yoga came up.  I explained to my dad that I was incorporating yoga into my exercise routine.  My dad shared that he got great benefit from alternate nostril breathing and practicing the cobra position while watching TV.  As my wife watched the two of us drinking beer, eating chips, and talking about the benefits of yoga she had finally had enough.  She asked both of us to lift our shirts so she could see the results of all of our yoga training.  Considering that we were both about 20 pounds overweight at the time and with most of it settled into generous spare tires around our midsections, we looked at each other sheepishly and politely declined.    It was a good reminder that knowing and doing are two different things.

Since then, “Lift up your shirt,” has been a fun reminder in our family to move beyond talking to actually doing something different.  Knowing what to do is an important first step, but actually changing your behavior is where you need to get to.

Are you ready to get started on putting your good intentions to work?  Here are three tips to help you along the way:

1. Decide on what you want.  This all about goal setting.  Since this is a leadership focused blog, let’s use a leadership skill example.  Listening is a skill many executives want to get better at.  Find a good model and stick with it.  In this case, we can use the EAR model—explore what the other person is saying, acknowledge you heard what they said by paraphrasing, and then respond in your normal fashion.
2. Put it into practice. In as many conversations as possible, start to use and practice the new skill you want to develop.  At this stage remember to be easy on yourself. Maintain your humor and esteem while learning.
3. Emotionalize only the good.  You are going to have good days and bad days.  The key is to “catch yourself doing things right” as often as possible while you are developing your new skill.

Changing behavior is difficult.  But if you focus on a couple of key things, practice them on a regular basis, and are easy on yourself along the way, you’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish.

One of the biggest reasons why open leadership is feared and avoided is a concern that open leadership may lead to a lack of control. But in her book, Li explains that openness and control are not an either/or proposition. In fact, it requires a leader be both open and in command.

To help leaders get started with this, Li recommends evaluating where you stand on two important dimensions; Optimism versus Pessimism; and Individuality versus Collaboration. By assessing yourself in these two areas you can begin to understand your starting point on the journey to being a more open leader.

Optimism vs. Pessimism

The first dimension is optimism versus pessimism.  On this scale, Li asks leaders to evaluate their basic assumptions about people. In Li’s model, pessimistic leaders tend to see people as needing to be controlled because people can be harmful, negative, and untrustworthy with information. Optimists, on the other hand, believe that if given the opportunity, people will be positive and constructive, will do the right thing, and can be trusted with confidential information.

Key question: Where do you stand on this first important dimension?

Individually Focused vs. Collaboratively Focused

The second dimension is whether a leader is more individually or collaboratively focused. Individually focused leaders will believe in involving fewer, more knowledgeable people, and in relying on personal initiative—both in themselves and others. These leaders prefer to limit decision-making authority to people who have the knowledge and responsibility for that function in the organization. Collaborative leaders will believe more in the collective wisdom of the group, will tend to depend on others when times are tough, and will personally point to collaboration with others as a key reason for their own success.

Key question: Where would you put yourself on this continuum?

Changing your mindset

An open leadership strategy requires you and your organization’s leadership to be more open and collaborative. But transforming existing mindsets requires time, patience, and repeated small successes to build confidence. To help you get started, Li recommends four strategies: 

• Develop guidelines around the sharing of information. When you share information or push down decision-making, what are your expectations about what will be done with this power? What responsibilities do you want employees to take on? 
• Partner with others who are optimistic and collaborative. Seek out other leaders in your organization whom you regard as an optimistic and open leader. Sit down with this person understand his or her perspective and outlook on the world. What does this person do to ensure being in control while opening up? How does this person make openness work in your organization? 
• Examine your beliefs. As Li explains, “Your mindset is developed through crucial personal experiences, so talk with people who know you well on a personal level. Every person harbors some optimism, so turn to the people whom you trust to help you find that starting point where you will feel comfortable engaging with people.” 
• Start small and build.  Personal change is difficult and old habits die hard. You can’t simply announce, “From today forward I will be collaborative; I will be optimistic.”  It takes time to shift the mindset, and it happens only with repeated successes.

For leaders looking to be more open, Li recommends taking it one step at a time.  In doing so, you can build confidence in sharing information and collaborative decision-making with an ever widening circle of people.  To learn more about Charlene Li and her thoughts on open leadership, check out her book here, or visit www.charleneli.com.  You’ll find a host of great resources that can help you in your journey.

This is the time of year in most organizations when people are gathering to celebrate the end of the year, the upcoming holidays, and some time off.  This is a great opportunity to get to know someone a little better.  If you are like employees at most companies, you are soon going to find yourself with a piece of cake in your hand, standing next to a fellow co-worker wondering what to talk about.  Instead of seeing it as another challenging “small talk” situation, see it as an opportunity to strengthen a relationship and create a connection.

The best way to break the ice is to ask a question.  Here are a couple of suggestions to help you get started:

• Do things quiet down in your department this time of year—or is there a mad rush to get things done?
• Are you taking any time off this month?
• How’s your holiday shopping going?

Don’t be an interrogator, but keep the ball in their court.  Once they’ve responded to your initial question, ask a follow-up.  What was interesting about what they said?  What would you like to find out more about?

After they’ve shared for awhile, be sure to give them a break and share a little about your experience and plans.  A little bit of disclosure and a little bit of sharing can go a long way to help create the personal connection that just about all of us crave.

The holidays are a great time to connect.  Take advantage of this opportunity to create stronger work relationships.  It’s good for you and the organization.

Handle Challenging Conversations with Confidence–a short online article featuring the thinking of Eryn Kalish, mediator, conflict resolution expert, and co-author of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Challenging Conversations program.  Introduces five skills Kalish recommends as a way of feeling comfortable and being open to others’ feelings.

Challenging Conversations: Strategies for Turning Conflict into Creativity –a four page white paper that takes a look at common misconceptions about challenging conversations, six types of conflict, and why managers avoid emotionally charged situations.

Challenging Conversations: 5 Communication Skills for Transforming Conflict into Productivity–a free 60-minute webinar recording where Kalish shares a 5-step model that explains how to handle the most challenging, intense, and emotionally-charged types of conversations.

Whether the topic is delivering a difficult message, giving tough performance feedback, or confronting insensitive behavior, managers need to step into the “uncomfortableness” of each situation.  Check out these resources.  They can help.