Dear Madeleine,

My boss is driving me nuts. I work in corporate communications at a complicated global corporation with a fast-paced, high-pressure environment. I am often given assignments with tight deadlines on top of my regular day-to-day work.

My boss will send me emails with assignments, using a request format that I thought was smart when I started. If only my boss would pay more attention when she fills it out.

The request calls for details about the audience, key messages, preferred tone, urgency level, and timing. I make the effort to weave in the company values and I put a lot of thought into each draft.

Lately, my boss has had an issue with every single piece I’ve written—but it is always because she left out something critical. Her comments contain some variation of “Oops, I forgot to mention such and such; could you redo this and weave that in?”

This throws off my schedule for the day and creates a last-minute fire drill. I feel like (1) she must have forgotten how much I have on my plate; (2) she doesn’t care enough to put thought into the original request; or, on my worst days, (3) she is trying to sabotage me.

I like the company and my co-workers, but I now dread my boss’s feedback. I have completely lost faith in her. I don’t really want to try to find another job, but I find myself fantasizing about doing just that.

How can I get her to cut it out?

Just So Annoyed

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Dear Just So Annoyed,

I hear your frustration, and I can relate—but you aren’t going to like this, so put on your seat belt.

My experience is that people who quit their job to escape an unresolved communication issue will encounter a new version of the exact same problem in their next job. You can certainly choose to jump ship, but this won’t be the last time you have to deal with an imperfect, distracted boss so you might as well use this opportunity to learn how to deal with it.

The question, as I understand it, is: how can you get your boss to give you all the information you need the first time so that you can deliver exactly what is needed?

First, it might help you to find a bit a grace for your boss by putting yourself in her shoes. I suspect this is a recent problem, as you noted that this behavior has shown up “lately.” It is possible that she also has too much on her plate, or perhaps she is wrangling with some personal problems. Regardless, the more she feels your judgment and annoyance, the higher the chance that she will make errors when working on a brief for you and eventually will start assigning the tasks to someone more easy-going so she can avoid your ire. That is a career-limiting eventuality that you probably want to avoid because, if you do decide to leave your position, you want to make sure you do it in good standing.

Once you make the choice to help your boss give you what you need in a timely manner, the next step is to figure out how to do that. One idea is to schedule a quick chat, which will give her the mental space she needs to capture all of the details before you start the work. Repeat what has been requested, and simply ask “What else?” or “Is there anything missing?” Many people think out loud, and when they become accustomed to working with someone super competent, they can start to believe (or at least hope) that you can read their minds.

If you can’t get fifteen minutes on her calendar, you might change your work style and spend less time making the first draft perfect, knowing it will need a second pass. If you go with this option be sure to mention that, in light of the recent need for revisions, you are switching up your approach and will polish the piece once you are sure that all points are captured.

Finally, I recently read somewhere that anyone who isn’t using AI in their work is almost certainly going to be replaced by someone who is. I’d like to think that isn’t true, but I suspect it is. The kind of work you are doing is exactly the kind of thing AI can help you with—so I highly recommend that you learn how to leverage it. Of course, you should check your company’s policy and use only the AI the company allows. I have spoken to many people who have avoided AI because they feel threatened by it, but that is also a career-limiting attitude.

Instead of getting mad at your boss, try a collaborative approach. Experiment with how you can help her give you what you need to do the best possible job you can. Helping her to help you will build trust—and it won’t go unnoticed. Change your work protocols to accommodate your boss’s absent-mindedness, and leverage technology to take time and effort out of your tasks. The world is only spinning faster, so anything you can do to make things go more smoothly for yourself, your teammates, and your boss will serve you well.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services as well as a key facilitator of Blanchard’s Leadership Coach Certification course. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Hello Madeleine,

I am 44, a devout Christian, on the autism spectrum, and working on my PhD at a seminary. From the day I came here I have had one job: I work at the campus post office. The pay is horrible, but I have a Patreon so I don’t need as much as others. I mainly like to interact with the students, especially in the hope of meeting a lady someday to remarry. 

Generally, I get along pretty well with my boss. She helps me in many areas with social relationships. Working with me I think has really informed her on autism.

Some time ago, I told her I wanted to learn how to count the money we receive at the end of the day. I was extremely nervous doing this, fearing I would fail, but at the same time I wanted to impress. I always had her check my work before submitting anything. One day, the account came out $200 over. We don’t know what happened, but I wasn’t allowed to help anymore.

Then we hired a new girl. Did she get to do that? Yep. Did it stab me in the heart every time? Yep. Now that girl is gone and we have hired another new girl. I heard my boss tell her that no one would handle the money but my boss. Then a few weeks ago, I saw the new girl being trained on it.

It devastated me. Not only that, but this girl and I have clashed repeatedly. She is a Miss Manners type who is highly extroverted and expects me to answer questions that I consider small talk. I never respond. I work with her only on Wednesdays and I dread them. Last Wednesday was the worst—I could hear her counting the money in the back and it caused me terrible pain.

I don’t want to be here when that girl is here. Every time I see her, I feel ashamed and get another reminder that I am seen as incapable. 

My philosophy is you should never give up on someone who wants to learn. I have been given up on, and it hurts. I know I can do the job, regardless of what anyone says. I know I can. It’s data entry. I do that regularly. If I can’t do a simple job like that, I might as well quit PhD work right now because that’s a lot tougher.

I am talking with my therapist about this and writing out a response. Until then, what can I do? My therapist says there is a triangulation in relationship now. I go to work and I feel like the outsider.

I don’t think this is malicious at all. My boss has even said it’s not personal, but I wish it was. I would rather be told “You’re not doing the money because I don’t like you” than “You’re not doing the money because I think you’re incapable.”

I know this might sound like a small thing compared to many other business struggles, but for me, it’s huge, and it’s something I’m considering as I look ahead to my career as a teacher. I never want to give up on a student who wants to learn.

Devastated

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Dear Devasted,

Thank you for sharing your experience, I think it will resonate with many people. The first thing I want to say is that this does not sound like a small thing. I think it is painful and distracting for everyone when their boss (1) passes unilateral judgment and writes them off as limited; (2) does not communicate openly when an error is made; and (3) blatantly favors other employees.

This is your job, a significant part of your life, and it’s about being seen, heard, and respected as a human being. I might even go so far as to say that it is huge. I also think if something like this happened to anyone, including me, it would be incredibly upsetting.

My first instinct when I read your letter was to go to my books and reach out to colleagues who are neurodivergent for their perspective. One in particular had this to say: “They weren’t told they made a mistake—they were shown, silently, when someone else got a chance that they didn’t. And that silent message effectively told them: I don’t trust you.

“As someone on the autism spectrum, I can relate to this. We typically experience social interactions differently, sometimes more directly, sometimes more deeply, sometimes with a heightened sensitivity to fairness, consistency, or unspoken rules.

“And it’s not a flaw—it’s a way of perceiving and processing that is valid and valuable. But it can also make situations like this one—where there’s ambiguity, unspoken judgment, or subtle shifts in trust—feel especially painful or confusing. It’s not just about what happened. It’s about what wasn’t said, and the space that leaves for hurt.”

This made perfect sense to me. I agree that when the error was made, it doesn’t sound like any effort was made to discuss it or to go back and figure out how it happened.

Mistakes are to be learned from, not punished. Your boss simply ducked responsibility as the person supervising you to get to the bottom of what happened and make sure it would never happen again.

I share your philosophy that no one should ever give up on someone who wants to learn. And I agree that if you are pursuing a PhD you must have enough going for you from a brain power standpoint to master the task in question.

You say that working with you has “informed her on autism,” but clearly not enough. I am speculating here, but I suspect that the reason she dodged telling the truth about the error is that she was afraid to get it wrong. Little does she know that her dodge has caused a much bigger issue, which is almost always the case—for anyone.

I understand that you would probably prefer to walk on coals than have the hard conversation with your boss. But I also know learning to have difficult conversations with colleagues and bosses—and, in time, with your students—is going to help you in the long term to advocate for yourself when people don’t understand how your brain works differently from theirs.

If having the conversation is simply too daunting, which I understand, perhaps you can write your boss a note explaining how this whole situation has affected you and ask for a second chance at mastering the task. If you go this route, refrain from blaming. Simply explain how you feel and that you are committed to constantly learning and improving—and the only way you can do that is with her feedback and support.

Almost everyone who works with others needs to learn to advocate for themselves, which helps bosses and coworkers understand what their strengths and communication preferences are. It can take time, sometimes years, for most people to increase their comfort level with this.

Let’s talk about the new girl (TNG). I think your strong allergy to her is based on two separate things:

1. she is oblivious to your difference and her apparently natural behavior feels like an attack to you, and
2. she was given the task you want.

The first thing you can do something about, and the second thing is not her fault, but your boss’s. I can’t speak to the triangulation issue as that is outside of my expertise. But I will share that it probably isn’t fair for you to blame the new girl for your boss’s poor communication and avoidance of her duty as your boss to be clear with you.

You can continue to try to avoid TNG, or you could practice advocating for yourself with her. The worst thing that can happen is that it doesn’t go well and you will be totally justified in seeking to avoid her.

I asked ChatGPT to help me with an example of what you might say (based on what you shared in your letter) or what you might put in writing to give to her. This is what it came up with.

“Hi! I’m on the autism spectrum, which means I process information and social interactions a bit differently from other people. I really appreciate clear, direct communication—things like being specific, saying what you mean, and avoiding sarcasm or vague hints. I also tend to be very introverted, so I can feel overwhelmed or drained in high-energy, fast-paced social settings or when interacting with very extroverted personalities. Slower-paced, one-on-one conversations help me stay grounded and engaged. I may need a bit of time to respond or ask for clarification, but I truly value connection and appreciate your patience and understanding.”

Of course this may be all wrong, but you get the gist. I got this idea from my daughter who had surgery on her vocal cords and couldn’t talk for an entire month. She created little note cards to help others understand and navigate her limitation. She would hand them out when she needed to interact with people, and they were very understanding and kind.

Finally, and I would never do this if you hadn’t shared that you are a devout Christian, I will remind you that Jesus spoke often about giving grace to others—through forgiveness, compassion, and mercy—even when it’s hard. While He didn’t often use the exact word grace, His teachings and actions were all about extending it. Jesus urged us to forgive generously:

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’” (Matthew 18:21–22 NIV)

I in no way want to minimize the pain you have endured by pointing out that the real opportunity here is for you to practice and get better at advocating for yourself by explaining to people how you are different from them and teaching them how to get the best from you. It may be the hardest task you assign yourself, and you may spend the rest of your life mastering it. But the combination of giving people grace and getting good at helping them understand you will make an appreciable difference in all areas of your life.

Love, Madeleine

PS: I just have to tell you that I once had a job in a flower shop where I had to count the money in the register at the end of the day to make sure it matched the total on the register ticket and it was a nightmare, so your predicament strikes very close to my heart.

The only way I could do it was to close the shop and go in the back room and not let anyone talk to me until I got it right. My boss always wanted to chat during this time, and she could count and chat at the same time, so she called me an idiot. TO MY FACE! People still used that language in the 80s. I thought I was one, too, at some level. I barely made it through school because of math.

It turns out that I have a learning disability called dyscalculia, but nobody knew anything about that back then. I only mention it because I had a lot of mean teachers, some of whom accused me of being lazy or willfully stupid. Nevertheless, I managed to run my own business, get a master of science degree, and I now keep the books for my family. So, keep the faith!

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services as well as a key facilitator of Blanchard’s Leadership Coach Certification course. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I work in communications in a multi-national, publicly owned company. I report to our CHRO with a dotted line to marketing. My job is to make sure our messaging is consistent across all our countries.

Our CEO and his executive team recently rolled out a complex strategic vision for the next five years, which included a small but significant reorganization and some new plans. I created the initial coms plan, which my boss took to the executive team. They made a few tweaks and signed off on it. I was so proud of the plan—I used research about change management to create it.

The big vision and the plans were announced at a town hall meeting. It went fine. Some people were freaked out, but that was to be expected. The next week I delivered the follow-up script and deck to the executive team for the FAQ meeting that had been scheduled, only to be told it had been canceled and that I should reschedule it for a month out. I complied, only to have it canceled again. I asked what date might work and got crickets. I have had it on my 1×1 agenda every week, but my boss cancels often as there are always more pressing issues. In the meantime, the entire coms plan is now a full quarter behind. In my last meeting with my boss, he informed me that the CEO doesn’t really see what he is trying to make happen as a “change” and doesn’t see the need to continue focusing on it. Our CEO apparently said, “If we keep talking about it, it will just encourage people to complain more. I want people to just get on with it.”

I get multiple emails a day from department heads asking when the FAQs are going to be ready, along with other questions I don’t have answers to. It is not my place to send anything without my boss’s say so. I feel completely helpless to influence what is looking to me like a train headed off a cliff.

I have been working in companies long enough to know anything that’s different from the status quo is a change, and change needs to be managed carefully and supported with lots of information and conversation. How can I influence my boss to influence the CEO? I am so frustrated.

Helpless

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Dear Helpless

Yours is not the first CEO to be a technically brilliant, gifted strategist who is utterly clueless about how humans operate. Nor is he the first who fails to listen to the people hired to help them accomplish their goals. Is it ego? Self-regard? Hubris? Who knows?

Your CHRO should know better than to allow what is certainly a huge change to go unmanaged. I hate to say it, but it is on his head if the whole thing flops miserably. Cold comfort, I know. But you did your job. You created the plan—it really is not your fault if it is ignored.

You must ask yourself what is within your control here. What if you were to suggest creating a site on the company’s intranet in which you can post the FAQs? Perhaps you could create an email address where people can send questions, just so you can show your boss that the problem is escalating. Instead of waiting for a 1×1, email him to suggest these things, and let him know that unless you hear otherwise, you will go ahead. That way, you take care of people who need answers and you have covered your tail in case your CEO gets upset. There is a good chance he won’t even notice.

Part of me wants to suggest that you write a letter to your CEO explaining that sharing suggestions for what he can do to vastly improve the chances that his people will “get on with it”. But I know in my heart that it will probably not result in anything positive for you. If you thought it had a chance of working, you would have already done that. Continue to surface the issue with your own boss until he tells you to stop. Maybe you could send him a letter outlining the best practices, with supporting research and statistics making the case that he could use with the CEO. But you must guard against being too attached to an outcome.

I am sure you have plenty of other work to do, so figure out what you can do without burning a bridge and let it go. If you continue to nurse your disappointment, it will only end up hurting you.

You might, of course, consider finding work at a company where the leadership is better and you think you can make an impact. There are some decent leaders out there—just not very many.

You can’t take it to heart when people in power refuse to listen to reason. Just do your best. That’s all you can do. Chalk it up to experience, try to find the humor, and move on.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services as well as a key facilitator of Blanchard’s Leadership Coach Certification course. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I work for a giant real estate company and have been selling houses in a big metropolitan city for a long time. Over the years, I’ve been heavily recruited and this is my third company. I never wanted to be in management as I really like working with clients. I’ve had terrible managers, decent managers, and everything in between.

My company has always received a percentage of the commission, which is standard. Recently the company made a change—and now my manager will be getting a small percentage of the commission on everything I sell. It is hard to say this without sounding like a jerk, but I do very well and my manager stands to make a substantial amount from this arrangement.

I guess I wouldn’t mind, except I’ve been doing this for a good twenty years longer than she has. Any time I ask my manager for any help at all, she says she is too busy. She either doesn’t respond to emails or she promises to get back to me with answers and then doesn’t. Almost all my questions are related to the inner workings of our organization, publicity budgets, etc. I do all my own research and stay abreast of the changes in local laws, so I learned early not to depend on anyone for that.

I am furious. I’ve done fine on my own for 25 years. Now this little weasel is going to get some of my hard-earned commission for doing exactly nothing. What the heck? I’m certain this change is designed to make managers engage more with their brokers, but it isn’t working.

I was thinking of talking to my manager’s boss (with whom I have a long-standing relationship) but that seems a little whiny. Or I could start looking at other companies that don’t engage in this practice. What do you think?

Working Harder, Making Less

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Dear Working Harder, Making Less,

This sounds awfully frustrating. If your manager added some value you might be able to come around to this change, but as it stands, the anger you feel is likely to grow.

Senior executives are much more likely to want to help when you have already tried to fix a situation yourself, so I think your first line of defense is to have a candid conversation with your manager. It is human nature that when there is more to do than is possible, we pay attention only to the people who insist on it. Most managers are perfectly happy to leave high performers alone to, well, perform.

This would mean insisting on a time to meet, either on the phone or in person, having prepared your request to create a more effective working relationship moving forward. It sounds as if all you’re really asking for is that she answer your questions or reply to your emails with the information you need. Even if this person weren’t making extra money off you, this would be a low bar.

It is fair to explain that you didn’t mind flying solo before having to pay her for her support, but now that you do, you really need her to help you when you ask. Stick to the facts and keep emotion out of it. Be clear, concise, and neutral. Practice beforehand if you need to.

One of these things is likely to happen:

• You can’t even get a meeting scheduled, or
• She disagrees that your requests are fair, or
• She agrees that your requests are fair, makes promises and becomes more responsive for a short period, and then reverts to her old ways.

Following any of these scenarios, you can then escalate and at the very least get the commission sharing decision reversed. Or start looking at alternatives. Only you will know if this is a trend that is happening among other companies—in which case, maybe you can find another company with a more helpful manager.

Of course the hope is that when you share your thoughts, your manager will see your point and change her ways for good. Ideally, you build a relationship, she takes your calls, answers your emails, and generally acts as if she has your back, which may add enough value that you don’t resent sharing a little money with her. This is best-case scenario.

Real estate is a notoriously difficult business. If you have managed to stay in it, build a reputation, and make a lot of money, you must be good at it. You probably are exceptionally good at building relationships with people and helping them to manage all the emotions that are invariably unleashed when selling or buying a home. This is not nothing. It makes sense for you to protect yourself and not let anyone take advantage of your decades of experience.

If you can’t get what you need to stop your resentment from building, you can escalate. If that doesn’t work, you can take your prowess elsewhere.

I am crossing my fingers that just being a squeaky wheel—albeit a kind and polite one—will get you what you need.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I manage a team of customer support specialists. The job requires in-depth knowledge of our products (outdoor/climbing gear, some of it very technical), so we have provided a lot of training and oversight.

In the past year we lost two of our best people, and the executive team refused to let me replace them. Things have gone okay since then; we have had to extend wait times for customers and haven’t received a ton of complaints—but now I am feeling the pinch.

Our company offers unlimited PTO and I have two employees who submitted their time-off request at around the same time. I know my team can barely cover when one person goes out on vacation, let alone two people. Normally I would just approve PTO for the first person who got their request in, but one of them is getting married and the other has a daughter who is getting married.

I just can’t say no, obviously. But the situation is not good: summer is our busiest season and I am really worried about how we are going to manage the volume. If one of my people gets sick, we will have a full emergency on our hands.

I just don’t see how this minimum staffing policy is sustainable. The whole thing is stressing me out. I am having nightmares and waking up in the middle of the night with my heart racing.

I like the company. I think our products are amazing, I love our people, and I’ve always loved my job. I get calls from headhunters all the time—which I have always politely declined—but now I’m feeling like maybe I should pay attention.

I know I need to convince the higher-ups that it would be in the best interests of the company to restore the original size of the team, but I am not sure how. I would appreciate your thoughts on this.

Squeezed

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Dear Squeezed,

This sounds tough—and familiar. The days of do more with less are clearly here to stay. In your case, it sounds like it has passed that point and now you are expected to pull a rabbit out of a hat. And it is taking a very real toll. People (including you) need to take vacations and attend big family events.

I appreciate that you are eyeing potentially greener grass, but learning to how to make and argue a business case is a skill that will serve you well.

In my experience, executives tend to not be that receptive to emotional distress. But they do pay attention to math and to issues that threaten the brand’s reputation—essentially, anything that could affect revenue.

Start tracking the data on wait times and complaints. It might also be smart to check your reviews to see if comments about slow service are showing up or have significantly increased. You say you haven’t received “a ton” of complaints, which implies you are receiving more than usual. Do a little research. Find data about wait times for support and what people are willing to tolerate. How much is too much time?

If your brand promise is built on customer service, increased wait times will absolutely erode the company’s reputation. Do whatever you can to clearly show that reduced access to customer service will eventually hurt sales, if it hasn’t already. The key is to use facts and data to create a compelling narrative. Include charts and graphs to influence the visual executives.

When it is time to make your case, be ready to state your position: customer service is understaffed and it is hurting our business and our reputation. Then concisely share how you arrived at your position. Be prepared for questions and pushback. Know what is stated in the employee handbook regarding PTO and vacation time. Practice with a friend to ensure that you stick to the facts—and keep emotion out of it.

This might get you one more person.

It would also behoove you to brainstorm other ideas with your team for how to solve the problem, so that you can offer solutions other than increased headcount. Ideas might include:

• Cross-train others in the organization so that they can cover when your people are out on PTO.
• Train temps who are willing to come in on a substitute basis. Perhaps the people who left might be willing to fill in on occasion.
• Use technology (AI, increased information on the website) to help your team manage the load with fewer people.

I found a very interesting report on customer service that might expand your thinking about solutions. It wouldn’t hurt to sharpen your own expertise in order to be as informed as possible about what other companies are doing. The more you know and are able to demonstrate you have done your homework, the greater the chance your senior team will listen to you.

Most companies have been focused on reducing expenses and becoming as lean as humanly possible. It doesn’t occur to anyone that it all works fine until someone needs a day or a week off. There must be extra coverage to account for the fact that you (inconveniently) employ humans.

Try your hand at advocating for what you need to keep your part of the business running smoothly, Squeezed. Get as smart as you can about your business to see how you might get creative.

If you can’t make headway, maybe it would be smart to take some of those calls from headhunters. If you must leave the company to maintain your own sanity, your company will have no one to blame but themselves.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I am the COO for a medium sized, mostly US-based specialty product business. Our CEO was always the idea guy and I was execution. Our business used to be straightforward, but we recently expanded with services and a couple of storefronts—against my recommendation.

Our CEO is a visionary and expects his executive team to figure things out. I thought we might be okay until I realized our CFO and the person who leads our IT department are completely in over their heads. The CFO has no experience at all with the complexities of offering services, how to get people paid, etc., and our technology guy keeps suggesting new software platforms, none of which seem to work with one another. We are spending more money than we anticipated. I feel like we are in a free fall, but my CEO has no interest in details.

I am at my wits’ end. I can’t possibly solve all our problems by myself. We had a perfectly good business, and I am furious with my CEO for blowing it all up. I told him making these big moves before we had some infrastructure in place was going to be a train wreck, but he becomes less reasonable by the day.

Part of me just wants to throw my hands up and walk away. I would lose equity but the way things are going, it will be a share of not much. The CEO and I were friends but the friendship seems to have gone down the tubes. I’m just not sure any of this can be salvaged. Thoughts?

Free Fall

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Dear Free Fall,

Well, you won’t be the first person in history to not be able to stop someone from making colossal mistakes only to end up holding the bag, and you won’t be the last. I am so, so sorry.

I think you already know what you are going to do, Free Fall. What you read next will only confirm it.

There are a few separate issues here. I will list them out and I don’t claim to have the priorities in the right order. Some of these things are more fixable than others.

1. Your people do not have the skill sets required to lead the new parts of the business. (This can be fixed. Not as quickly as you’d like, but still.)
2. There was not enough time spent planning and getting the right resources in place to pull off these big plans. (This is blood under the bridge—you can’t change the past.)
3.  Your CEO seems to have abdicated all responsibility, possibly after having lost his mind. (I suspect this is not something you can influence, since you have already tried.)
4. The relationship between the two of you seems to be damaged beyond repair (unless, over time, you decide to let bygones be bygones).
5. It sounds like you have a very lean operation with no other executives to support you. (It is hard to tell from your letter. If there are, in fact, some competent folks who can help, now is the time to call on them.)
6. Your anger and frustration are clouding your ability to think straight. (This you have control over. The sooner you get hold of yourself, the better.)

Does that sound right?

I think your first job is to find a way to calm down so that you can make your first big decision: Is this worth fighting for or not? Whatever you normally do to calm yourself down will work: meditation, prayer, exercise, listening to opera. Turn off your phone. Take a night off and calm yourself down. Get a decent night’s sleep. Then if, as you have expressed, you are truly on your own here, ask yourself whether you have it in you to tackle this situation and get it turned around. If the answer is a hard no, there you have it.

If you do think you might have it in you, decide exactly what you are willing to do and for how long. The length of time matters; otherwise you will be stuck seeing the whole mess through to either success or failure, and who knows how long that will take. You’ll want to be at your best, and if you are overcome by your anger and frustration, you will need to find a way to park that or let it go.

Accepting the stark reality of the situation is the only way you will see what needs to be done. I am not saying your CEO isn’t to blame for your pain and suffering—I am saying putting a lot of energy into placing blame is not a good use of your time.

You might consider getting your CEO to agree, in writing, to a hefty bonus if you are able to turn things around. That might help you find the motivation to save the day.

Let’s say you put a stake in the ground and decide “Okay, I am going to give this my all for three months.” Then make a list of everything that needs doing. You are smart enough to know most of what needs to be done even if you don’t know how to do it. These things might include:

• Get help: call on a friend or mentor with business savvy for advice.
• Hire someone who knows what they are doing, or at the very least a consultant who can work on a contract basis.
• Make a plan of what to do and in what order.
• Delay anything that can be delayed.
• Tackle the big problems first and knock them down, one by one.

If this all makes you feel the kind of despair that makes you want to go to bed for the rest of your life, again you have your answer: either this has gone too far to fix or you just don’t care anymore.

Once you get all the emotion out of the way, it will be much easier to see the full reality and assess your willingness and ability to rise to the challenge.

At this point you are either thinking “I can do this” or “Run, don’t walk away from this mess.”

I wish you clarity, and the courage of your convictions.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I am an HR generalist working at a REIT (Real Estate Investment Trust). Our CEO started the company about eight years ago, and I have been his right hand since the beginning. He is a genius in many ways—high IQ, a deep intuitive understanding of the real estate markets, a complete whiz with spreadsheets and how money works. He has a dazzling intellect and charismatic personality.

When I first started working with my CEO, I thought he had a flair for hiring. He spots talent and goes to a lot of trouble to pursue people and persuade them to come and work with us. He now has an executive team that he has hand-picked over time, and he depends on them.

The problem is that he falls in love with these people and can’t see any of their flaws. He refuses to hear anything negative about anyone he’s hired (although he can be ruthless with everyone else).

We have a chief financial officer who started out amazing, but is now wildly inconsistent. She comes in looking like a million bucks, prepared, and brilliant one day, and disheveled and semi-coherent the next. I suspect a serious substance abuse problem or possibly a mental health issue. Our industry is highly regulated and having our books in order is critical. I believe our CFO’s erratic behavior is going to cause some real headaches in the future.

Our chief revenue officer clearly has something shady going on. He disappears for days at a time and his direct reports must either wait for him to show up to make pricing decisions or make decisions on their own. They are often frustrated because they are held accountable for closing deals, and, in many cases, they can’t move forward without him. This is now impacting our numbers—and when troubleshooting conversations happen, the fact that our CRO is AWOL most of the time never seems to come up. His direct reports come to me to ask if I know where he is, and I never do. I swear he has another full-time job.

Our head of IT has multiple personalities. He is amazing at what he does, but all of his people are terrified of him. I am also afraid of him. You never know who you are going to get—sometimes he is perfectly normal and other times he is downright mean. It is only a matter of time before someone files a hostile work environment claim.

There’s more, but you get the idea.

I have tried to raise these issues with the CEO. I have shared my observations in writing and set meetings with him to brainstorm how to approach these problems. He is now skipping our regular one-on-one people review meetings, not opening my emails, and essentially ignoring me.

I truly care about my boss. We built this company together and he has always trusted my input. I know he doesn’t want to hear what I am saying, but I am afraid at this point that he actually may be risking everything he has worked so hard to build.

How can I get through to him? I feel like a train is coming at us and he refuses to get off the tracks.

My warnings are falling on—

Deaf Ears

__________________________________________________________________

Dear Deaf Ears,

Well, this sure sounds frustrating. The Curse of Cassandra, familiar to anyone who is paying attention, describes the frustration experienced by someone seeing disaster ahead and not being able to influence those who need to heed the warning to listen.

I think many are also familiar with the personality profile of your CEO. I have worked with many executives like this.

At the risk of offending you, I am hearing that you have a fantasy that you should simply be able to walk into your CEO’s office and dump all these problems on his desk for him to deal with. Part of what is happening is that he doesn’t want to see what is in front of his nose because he already has too much going on. I suspect he also doesn’t want to face the unpleasantness of having to hold people accountable—especially if he is still operating under his initial impression of them, which no doubt didn’t include the reality that everyone, no matter how great, has flaws and frailties.

You have been with your guy from the beginning, and yet you call yourself an HR generalist. I wonder why you aren’t CHRO? Are you not a member of the executive team? If you’ve been there since the beginning, do you not have equity in the business? If not, why not? You didn’t ask me about this, but it might be part of the problem. If you haven’t earned the CEO’s respect after all the work you have done together, it might explain why he is ghosting you at this point.

I’m really not trying to make you feel bad, just trying to get to what is really going on here. If what I’m saying resonates with you, and you can spot the pattern of letting your CEO overlook your contribution, it may be time to cut your losses and find a new environment where your experience and smarts are appreciated and properly rewarded.

If I am way off on this, please forgive me, and let’s try another angle.

I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard a senior executive say “Don’t bring me problems without some ideas for solutions.” I would be able to pay for a two-week vacation in the Caribbean. This leads me to suggest that you send your boss an email with the subject line: Some Problems I See and What I Think We Should Do About Them. Volunteer to do most of what you think needs to be done; e.g., the hard conversations that go something like “This is what I am seeing; what is going on here?” And if he doesn’t respond to that, it may be time to decide that someone must be an adult—and tackle the bad behavior yourself.

The question is: how much power do you have? If key employees are having problems, especially problems that are going to impact the organization, aren’t they in your wheelhouse? Are you not taking responsibility for what is going on because these people don’t technically report to you?

• If the CFO is acting strange, what is getting in the way of your sitting down with her and pointing out what you see and how it concerns you? Wouldn’t you say something if you smelled alcohol on an employee?
• If the CRO is AWOL and his people are coming to you, what keeps you from calling him and saying, “Where on earth are you and what the heck is going on?”
• If your CIO is awful, especially to you, where are your boundaries? As the head of HR and the employee with the longest tenure, it seems perfectly reasonable to me that you would say “You are acting kind of scary, and I request that you cut it out—and, for that matter, that you do not behave this way with anyone else in the company.”

Are you afraid these people will all go running to the CEO to have him provide cover? If that’s the case, it is time for you to leave him at the mercy of the train.

It sounds like you have given up all of your power. This has probably happened slowly over time. You have had your common sense and authority overridden for so long, you have gotten used it.

Oh. Oops. We’re back here again.

This is not the answer you wanted. I’m sorry. But somehow you have lost your power to influence your CEO. Either you have lost his respect (and because he is obviously loathe to confront anyone, he has not shared that with you), or perhaps he is waiting to see what you will do. Maybe he thinks it is your job to confront these people.

If your CEO won’t give you the time of day, you have to confront that. If you make yourself impossible to avoid, you will probably get a straight answer. Then at least you’ll know.

You have some big decisions to make. They aren’t fun or easy ones. But at least you are smart enough to get off the train tracks yourself. So, if all of your efforts fail, please do that.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I am the director of ecommerce marketing for a fairly new and innovative global digital logistics company. The marketing team is huge; there are three other directors for other kinds of marketing and we are all very busy.

My problem is with my boss, our CMO. She is brilliant, she does a great job with strategy, and all her teams have clear mandates—and apparently, we are all getting great results. The problem is that she often gets into the weeds. She has a huge job, and yet she insists on reading every blog, looking at every word of copy, and vetting every little thing we do. We end up losing a lot of time waiting for her to approve everything, which sometimes interferes with our timelines.

Things move fast in our business. We need to be able to make decisions and move quickly. Our value statements and messaging tracks have been carefully crafted, and there is very little chance that we are going to make any huge errors. But my boss always seems stressed and overwhelmed, and I am sure her insistence on micromanaging is at least partially responsible.

It just doesn’t make any sense to me. Sometimes I want to ask her if she doesn’t have better things to do than watch us like a hawk. I admire her and we have a good relationship, but I don’t know how to share this feedback with her.

Boss in The Weeds

_______________________________________________________________

Dear Boss in The Weeds,

It is incredibly common for senior leaders to have a hard time letting go. The attention to detail and dedicated oversight you describe is what got your boss promoted to her executive job. Somehow she didn’t get the memo that she can’t, and shouldn’t, do things the same way she used to. She will have to figure this out soon or she will alienate her directors or simply burn out. I recently included that exact point in an article published on the CLO website: 12 Things Your Executive Coach Wants You to Know. You may want to share it with your boss. Here is the excerpt:

“What got you here (really) won’t get you there. Marshall Goldsmith wins the award for best book title because truer words have never been said. Most people are promoted to managing others because they are exemplary individual contributors, which does not predict management talent. The next move from managing individuals to managing managers requires an entirely new perspective and a different set of skills. And the same is true when leaders move from managing managers to managing businesses. When people are promoted, they often believe they can rely on what they have always done that has made them successful. In fact, doing those things will get in the way of trying and getting good at new things.”

It is hard for a subordinate to give the kind of feedback you want to give. I understand why you want to ask her the question you mention, but that won’t get you the result you are looking for.

You could, however, try another approach; something along the lines of “Hey, I want you to know that I think my job is to make your job easier. I notice you seem to have a hard time trusting me and my team. I wonder what evidence you would need to be able to trust that we know what we are doing and we won’t disappoint you. I would love for you to be able to focus on the 90 shmillion other things you need to be paying attention to.”

You may learn something. Your boss may share concerns she has—what she is afraid might happen. She may take the opportunity to articulate for you the evidence that would make a difference for her. Or she may take a moment to think about it and change the way she supervises you and your team.  It is entirely possible that the two of you will come up with some kind of weekly review that will maintain her comfort level and let you get on with things. Consider drafting an example of what one could look like.

Then again, she may not bite.

To solve your immediate conundrum, you could start letting her know her deadlines for signing off on things so that your deliverables aren’t late. Ultimately, though, this isn’t really your problem. She has to figure out for herself out how to let go. If she is willing to let you help her with that, great! If she isn’t, well, she will get the life she has.

It is nice that you care. It’s worth taking a shot.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I work in the communications media studio for a large company. I’m kind of entry level here, but I have a lot of experience directing video. I often end up working with very senior people to get short videos made for client work, proposals, stuff for the website, etc.

Many high level people who come in are—how do I say this?—terrible on camera. They don’t know what to wear, they are almost always unprepared, they haven’t read the script beforehand. Often they ask to use a teleprompter but don’t know how to use it, so it is obvious they are reading. If they choose not to use a teleprompter, we then get the dreaded “umm” which diminishes the authority of the speaker.

As a very junior person, how do I help these people help themselves? I’m not shy but I’m very aware that these people could get me fired if I cross the line.

Trying to Help

_____________________________________________________________

Dear Trying to Help,

Umm…

Just kidding, haha.

I can’t believe this is a new problem, so I would say your first stop to get help with this situation is your boss. There must be a precedent. In theory, when a video shoot is booked, people get a list of guidelines so they will be prepared. These should include ideas for what looks good on camera and what doesn’t. You might suggest to your boss that you invest in some clothing in a range of sizes so you have options for people who show up wearing something that doesn’t work.

If your experience is like that of many clients I work with, it’s possible that either your boss is AWOL or so many people have been laid off that these systems exist but no one is around to tell you. Find out. If you do have a functioning boss, they can give you some pointers on just how directive you can be with people. If you don’t, well, you are on your own.

 It sounds like it is your job to set people up to win and make the best possible video they can make. The thing you have going for you is that nobody wants to look bad on camera. Tell people that your job is to make them look and sound great—then ask them if they mind if you give them some pointers as you go.

Many senior leaders are overbooked, and lack of preparation is not unusual. It might help if you print out scripts so that people can read them out loud several times before trying to shoot. You can give them the script and say something like, “Why don’t you take a moment to read through this out loud while they are getting the lights right?” The more practice they get, the better they will sound.

Using a teleprompter is wildly unnatural and takes a lot of practice to get right. Here is a link to an article I found that makes a lot of sense. It offers good tips you can share with people who are struggling. I’ve found a good way to settle into using a teleprompter is to run through the whole thing five times really fast. Then try it normal speed. There is something about doing speed-throughs that gets the words settled in the brain—and then the speaker can just be themselves, use their hands, and sound relaxed.

Filler words are probably the most common issue for everyone. Filler words aren’t just limited to umm. They include “so,” “you know,” “like,” “and,” etc. Some folks get stuck on phrases especially during transitions, such as when moving to a new topic, and they have trouble with an abrupt ending. “It’s really interesting” is an example of this. For folks who use a lot of filler words, here are several tips to help eliminate them:

• Most people are not aware of their filler word habit. Tell your talent they are using too many filler words and their delivery will be stronger without them. You can let them know this is very common and can easily be fixed.
• Most people are terrified of pauses and silence, so let them know pauses can be edited out if need be. Let people know a little moment of silence is OK.
• Ask the person to raise their volume just a notch above normal. This tends to help people eliminate filler words.
• Allow for multiple takes, with several practice takes so people can raise their comfort level with what they are saying and how they want to say it.
• Encourage the speaker to breathe. Everybody must, and taking a quiet moment to breathe will help your speaker stay centered.

I think you might be overfocused on—or at least unnecessarily freaked out about—hierarchy. Yes, your customers here are extremely senior to you. But you still have a job to do, and it is to make them look and sound great in every video you are responsible for.

It might help to refocus on what your job is. Setting the stage at the beginning of a shoot and getting permission to offer direction and pointers will give you the leeway you need to help. Stay super positive—each time you need to stop and redo something, you can say “that was great, let’s try it a couple more times.” The more you make practice and repetition seem normal, the more normal it will feel. The more practice and repetition people get in a supportive environment, the better they will get. Only trained performers who have practiced and prepared get things on the first take. Set the expectation that great finished videos require lots of takes.

Worst case, you will have a cranky person who is too harried to care and will not allow you to give them the help they need. You do need to be sensitive to that and let the chips fall where they may. If people refuse help, it is on them if they show up badly in their videos.

It sounds like you have the best of intentions. Practice asking for permission and being concise with pointers. Don’t be shy about asking for several takes. Stay positive and point out what is going well. Your speakers will thank you. And those who don’t will have no one to blame but themselves.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I read your article “Celebrating Women at Work” with interest and it prompted this question. I am a female senior manager in a fast-moving tech company. I run a high-level customer success team made up of mostly older women. About a year ago, my old boss retired. I got a new female boss who was brought in from another tech company that does not have a great reputation.

She immediately challenged me to diversify my team. She said I did not have enough men, because “most of our customers are men, and men prefer to work with men.” Let me be clear here that we have never, ever received feedback on that score.

I have no reason to replace anyone on my team. Every single person is outstanding and I don’t have the budget for more people. At each of our one on ones (most of which she cancels), my boss asks me what I am doing to get more men on the team. When I tell her I will certainly keep it in mind if someone on my team does need to be replaced, she just looks at me blankly.

I think she expects me to fire some of my people so I can start fresh with young men, but she hasn’t said so explicitly. If that were true, I am pretty sure we would have an HR issue on our hands. And then there’s the sheer unfairness of it all—it has taken me years to get the team to peak performance. The whole diversification focus just seems so faddish and frankly irrelevant right now. And my boss doesn’t even seem to understand or care about what my team does.

I always thought a female leader would, if anything, advocate for having more women, especially in tech where they are an anomaly. But this one seems to be pulling in the opposite direction. I am confused and annoyed. How do I put a stop to this nonsense that has nothing to do with my team being successful?

Feeling Betrayed

________________________________________________________________________

Dear Feeling Betrayed,

I hear a couple of things going on here. The gender bias/diversity seems to be a symptom of the bigger problem, which is that your boss doesn’t seem to know or care what your team does. Nor does she seem to be inclined to offer any direction on how you are supposed to comply with her edict to diversify your team.

Considering these two issues, the fact that she does not seem to care about supporting women in the workplace seems almost beside the point.

So, what to do?

I think your first task is to help your new boss understand what your team does and why it matters to the organization, and provide her with any data you might have on how successful your team is. Any feedback you have received from customers, including the fact that no one seems to care about the gender of their customer service representative, might be useful.

It might also help to ask your boss for more detail on her position that your team needs to be diversified and how she got there. This can be hard when all you want to say is “that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard!” So try open-ended invitations or questions such as:

• Please tell me more about this point of view.
• What is it exactly that you see as a problem with my team?
• Is this a new policy you feel obligated to comply with?
• What am I not seeing that you think I should see here?

You might consider getting someone from HR involved to help you with a long-term plan for complying with your boss’s edict. Your HR professional may spot a red flag in terms of compliance with policy and may be able to help you put together a case for the total lack of need for the changes your boss wants. They may also be alert to the possibility of a big fat legal problem in the making.

This seems like such a perfect example of managers focusing on the wrong things and wreaking havoc in systems that are working just fine. We can speculate all day long—and believe me, I am. I wonder if your new boss is afraid she might be seen as weak because of the number of women under her. But as entertaining as it may be, speculation, like making assumptions, is a colossal waste of time.

You and I may both be missing something here. Try to get to the bottom of it if you can. Definitely get some help from HR, because there is just something off about this whole thing.

In the meantime, keep up the good work supporting your dream team and your customers.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I work for a bioengineering company that was a successful startup. It is now well into its seventh year and we still have our founding CEO. As the fairly new COO, I report directly to him and he is driving me insane. Every time he and the other leaders in the organization meet, we have new conversations but never follow up on past conversations. The agenda for these meetings is never clear, much less sent out in advance so that we can prepare.

I knew working for a founding CEO was going to be a challenge, but I just don’t see how anything is going to get done the way we are operating. Any tips for corralling our CEO?

Trying to Get a Grip

_______________________________________________________________

Dear Trying to Get a Grip,

It sounds like your boss fits the classic profile of the entrepreneur CEO: action oriented, risk taking, fast moving, and wildly creative. I grant these kinds of leaders can be maddening for others who are process and detail oriented. Since you are at the executive leadership level, would it be crazy for you to take on organization of leadership team meetings? Obviously you would want to ask your CEO first and get his agreement. He might just be waiting for someone else to take it on.

You could organize the meetings into sections:

• Old action items, with updates on actions taken and obstacles to be aware of
• New topics, with clearly stated owner of each topic and desired outcomes
• News and announcements

This is just off the top of my head, but these are fairly standard. If you feel strongly about having an agenda, you will probably have to put it together yourself. If your CEO has a chief of staff it would be that person’s job, but it doesn’t sound like that is the case. You would have to ask your fellow leaders to give you their agenda items in time for you to put them on the agenda.

Another thing that might help you to gain some clarity on all of the conversations is some distinction for the kind of conversation you are having at a given time. When talking about possibilities, there are three kinds of conversations:

1. Speculative: When you are brainstorming possibilities or an idea for something you might take on.
2. Planning and evaluation: When you are attracted to an idea and are now playing it out and poking at what it might look like to execute if you decided it was worthwhile. You are playing devil’s advocate, sharing examples, anticipating obstacles, and evaluating whether a course of action would achieve the desired outcome.
3. Decision making: You are deciding on a project or course of action and determining whether or not you will go ahead with it. This is where, as a team, you can use a RACI chart to make sure everyone knows (1) who is ultimately responsible for execution and achieving the outcome, (2) who needs to be accountable to that person for specific action items, (3) who needs to be consulted, and (4) who needs to be kept informed. For this conversation, you can flag specific milestone dates to put into that week’s meeting agenda so that the responsible team member can share updates.

I don’t know where these distinctions came from, but I learned them from my husband who is the president of our company and who fits your CEO’s profile. He would throw out ideas only to find out weeks later, to his dismay, that someone had started to execute them. He had to train his leadership and extended leadership team to recognize the difference between speculation conversations, planning and evaluation conversations, and decision making conversations. You might consider sharing these distinctions with your CEO so at any given moment you can ask what kind of conversation you are having.

If you try just these two ideas, I suspect you will feel a little more sane. Your CEO will still be himself, but there will be a bit more discipline in place so that the whole team will feel more grounded.

It sounds like you have your hands full but are in a position to add value and make an impact. Good luck.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I am at my wit’s end. I am pretty sure my boss has ADHD. She jokes that she doesn’t have it but causes it in others, but it isn’t funny—because ever since I started reporting to her, my life has been total chaos.

On every project, no sooner is the plan written up and sent out than the ideas come flying in. She second guesses the plan, adds action steps (most of which have already been considered and discarded), and adds more big ideas that are not in the scope of what was discussed. These ideas come at me on Slack, text, and email, and she calls me at all hours of the day and night with more. I put my phone on silent when I go to bed and wake up to a slew of random thoughts from her.

I can’t get through an hour of focused work time without at least three interruptions from her. I feel like I have to respond because she is my boss. She is always moving 100 miles an hour and asking questions she doesn’t give me time to answer. She is driving me nuts.

Otherwise, I like the job and the company. What can I do to get control of this situation?

Driven Mad

__________________________________________________________________

Dear Driven Mad,

I did a spit take at your boss’s joke because I once worked for someone who made the same one. Like you, I found it funny at first and then I wasn’t at all amused. I can relate to your situation—so let me first say I am sorry for how hard this is for you.

That being said, it might be helpful to remind yourself of some of your boss’s good qualities. The positive aspects of people who fit her profile are often intense creativity, the ability to be flexible, excellent troubleshooting and problem solving skills, and more than average amounts of energy. Clearly, she does some things well enough to have come as far as she has. But if she is wreaking havoc with your ability to concentrate, you have to find a way to protect your own sanity. Your boss obviously knows she drives people nuts, so at least she has some awareness. I think you must involve her in crafting a working relationship that you can live with.

It’s not so much about giving her feedback—she has already heard it all, I am certain. But you can get clear about exactly what she expects from you in terms of how you respond to her. It could be a series of questions. Some examples might be:

• You have a lot of ideas, which I appreciate. I wonder if you expect me to respond to each and every one of them, or are you simply hoping that I will weave them into the plan and deliverable as I see fit?
• When you send me thoughts and ideas, how do I know which ones you want me to respond to directly vs. which are simply FYI’s?
• I often plan focused work time to get things done. When you ping me during those times, I feel obliged to respond because you are my boss—but would it be okay with you if I respond when I take a break between focused work time sessions? What is your thought on this?
• It is hard for me to distinguish which communications you expect me to take action on and which are just tips you think might be helpful in my work. How do you suggest I do this?
• Is this fun speculation or is this something you want me to flesh out and include in the deliverable?

I think people like your boss just expect that others are like them—fueled by lots of activity. It might be helpful to talk about the difference in your work styles and how she expects you to navigate those differences.

It sounds like your boss’s heart is in the right place and that she is probably unaware of the impact she is having on you. The joke she made does signal that she doesn’t expect you to take her firehose style to heart. So one thing you can do when she comes at you is just breathe and listen. When she asks questions that she doesn’t give you time to respond to, it probably means she doesn’t need you to answer but is just thinking out loud. That’s okay. It isn’t personal. Just breathe, listen, take notes if she says something truly brilliant, and let the rest go.

So have that conversation. Steer away from blame or judgment—“you are driving me nuts” might not work very well as a starter. But something like “you and I have very different work styles, and I would like to find a happy medium where we both get what we need to be productive.” Create some rules of the road together and let everything else roll off your back so you can simply focus. Bosses like her depend on direct reports like you to transform great ideas and creativity into executable actions, and she probably knows that.

In my experience, a lot of very successful people with a genius level IQ behave the way your boss behaves. It’s okay. You can learn to navigate it as long as you don’t expect her to change and don’t take it personally.

Harness your sense of humor, keep being good at what you do, and protect that focused work time so you can keep your head on straight.

Breathe. Listen. Learn to ignore what you should ignore and pick out what matters most.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

A few years back, I started working for a boutique real estate investment trust (REIT) company. I was inadvertently so good at it that I was made a junior partner in two years. I relocated to California to open the West Coast office and my opening move was to land a massive deal. Now I am madly looking for a larger office space and hiring analysts and other staff, all while trying to manage the details of the deal.

I know next to nothing about renting office space and even less about hiring, but, like everything else, I seem to keep figuring things out. My boss (the CEO) thinks the world of me and is nothing but supportive.

The problem is that there is simply too much to do. I am really good at getting things done but the task list far exceeds the time I can devote to work. I have two small children and a great husband who has a less intense job and can manage without me—but I don’t see how I can keep up these 12- to 14-hour days.

Every time I turn around my boss is piling on more. In our last conversation, right after telling me he wants me to manage this year’s holiday party (I am good at that kind of thing but hate doing it), he said he thinks I should be in charge of our company culture. Our culture? I don’t even know what that means. But I do know I can’t possibly take on any more than I am already doing.

I am afraid to say no. I would hate to disappoint my boss, who clearly believes I can do anything. I have to figure out a way to deal with all of this.

Just Too Much

__________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Just Too Much,

Indeed, you do. You must figure it out. And you will. But first you are going to have to reshape your own self-concept. It seems that you pretty much can do anything, you just can’t do everything. All at once. Nobody can.

You are a poster child for an adage I think I coined: “The reward for doing great work is—more work!” It is true that if you want something done, give it to a busy person who gets things done. I have always had the (totally conscious) bias that moms with careers get more done in less time because they have to.

Your boss has become used to handing over things to you because he has ample evidence that you will get them handled. He will keep doing it until you tell him to stop. And, yes, that will probably be disappointing to him. So if you want to stop being a slave to your never-ending to-do list and start creating a life that doesn’t give you heart palpitations, the first thing you need to do is get used to disappointing people. Lots of people. For someone like you this is the hardest thing, but it is also the most necessary. I can’t promise that you will ever get fully comfortable with it, but I can promise that you can (and will) get better at it. Being the “get-it-done Golden Girl” has become a habit—one you can break as you develop new muscles.

Research shows that women tend to volunteer twice as much as men to do tasks that (1) are not in their job description and (2) will not increase their promotability or income. Here is an article that might interest you. It isn’t really a problem if you are able to do everything well that you need to do and you’re still having fun—if you love baking, by all means bring in the birthday cakes! But it is a problem if it diverts your focus from critical tasks, or if you are exhausted or resentful.

Ultimately, the way to really disappoint people is to make promises you can’t keep—so half the battle is managing expectations. In terms of revealing to your boss that you are an actual human being and not a task accomplishment cyborg, simply tell him you have reached your limit of what is possible.

Here is your step-by-step guide to properly managing expectations, including your own:

• Make three lists:
  • a. Things you are great at or really interested in and love to do that are part of your actual job. This is where you want to spend the bulk of your focus and time.
  • b. Things you are great at but not that interested in or don’t love to do that are part of your actual job, or peripheral. These are things to delegate.
  • c. Things you aren’t good at, are really bored by, or hate doing that are not even remotely connected to your job. These are things that don’t even register on the radar of very successful people (mostly men).
• Next time someone—anyone—asks you to do something, see if it falls into the (a) category. If it doesn’t, the answer is “no.” (NOTE: you can do this retroactively for the holiday party and culture creation tasks.)
  • “No, I can’t take that on right now.”
  • “No, I am much too tied up with _________, _________, and __________.”
  • “No, there must be someone else who can do that. I know Robert loves parties!”
  • “No, I am terrible at planning events.”

If just saying straight up “no” is too hard, you can build up to it over time. Try starting with what the authors of The No Club: Putting a Stop to Women’s Dead-End Work call a “Modified Yes”:

• “Is there someone else who might be able to lead that project? I will gladly contribute or consult.”
• “Let me review your request and think about what the commitment would entail. May I think about it?”
• “Maybe—let me review all of the other commitments I have and see if that will be possible.”
• “I am interested and excited by the idea, but I would need to pass one of my other projects to someone else if I were to take it on.”

This is the only way you can stay focused on what matters most to you and make partner (if that is your goal). No one ever made partner by being a doormat, so stay focused on generating revenue and building up the West Coast office. Let other people—maybe people you hire—figure out the holiday party and, eventually, hiring. And certainly recommend that the company hire a professional HR person to manage the culture, which is a full-time job even for someone who really knows what they are doing. I am astonished at how many small companies do not invest in a Chief People Officer when people are, in fact, what will make or break any endeavor.

The first step is awareness, which you have. The next is to take a good long look in the mirror and ask yourself who you want to be, what you really want, who you don’t want to be, and what you don’t want. And then begin to slowly manage your boss’s and everyone else’s expectations by signaling clearly what you will and will not do. As long as you are kind, clear, and respectful, it will lead to people respecting you. And you will find you are asked to do fewer things that do not require your special brand of brilliant.

You can choose to step up now or you can wait until you are suffering even more than you already are. Some people will only face the discomfort of change when the cost of not changing is so high that they have some kind of health crisis, they lose their sense of humor, or they find themselves actually failing at their job. I highly recommend not waiting—but it is, of course, up to you.

Good luck.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I have recently taken a job as office/operations manager for a medical practice. The managing partner is fairly new to the practice and was given the job because none of the other doctors want to deal with the day-to-day problems.

It is true that hiring and managing staff plus staying on top of the many rules, regulations, and insurance details is an endless series of issues. The practice has kept up with the times but just barely, and there is much room for improvement, efficiencies, and innovation.

The managing partner claims he wants to modernize and be more profitable, but every time I present him with a plan, he shoots it down.

How can I get him onboard with my ideas? I really just want to make things better around here.

Excited to Make Change

___________________________________________________________________

Dear Excited to Make Change,

Congratulations! You sound super excited and enthusiastic. I am sorry that the wind has been taken out of your sails with your first attempts, but with a few tweaks in your approach you will be on your way again.

It sounds like so far you have presented ideas and plans that you think are most needed—but your new managing partner doesn’t know you yet and has no reason to trust you. So your first step is to understand your managing partner. Schedule some time with him to ask questions, listen carefully to the answers, and take notes. Something like:

• What is your vision for the practice?
• If you could change one thing about the way we operate the practice today, what would it be?
• What do you think is working well?
• What do you think is not working well?
• What is important you?
• Of all the things that are important, which are the priorities?
• What was it about my previous attempts at plans that didn’t work for you?
• If I were to do my job perfectly, what would that look like to you?

Do not engage in discussion. If you must talk at all, ask follow-up questions to get more detail. Use phrases like “can you say more about that?” or “tell me more” or “can you share an example?” During your listening session, do not use the opportunity to argue for your plans. Really—I am not kidding—just listen and pay attention. After your listening session, write up your notes and send them to the managing partner. This will further cement the impression that you care and you are paying attention.

This meeting accomplishes a couple of things:

1. You will build trust: It makes the managing partner feel that he is included and you are interested in his opinions and ideas. So with just that, you are developing your relationship and making him feel like he matters. The rule of thumb here is that no one will trust the message until they trust the messenger.
2. You will learn a lot: You will get some insight into how your managing partner sees things, what is important to him, and how he thinks. You can use this information to craft a plan to tackle what matters most to him in a way that is compelling to him. You’ll learn his language: Does he speak and think in spreadsheets? Does he want to hear about best practices your competitors are using? Does he care only about money? Patient care? Customer service? Holding the doctors accountable?

When the time comes to share a plan, you can frame it as his own idea; e.g., “You said the most critical thing we need to address is patient care, so I have taken your suggestions, added a few based on my research, and would like to present some ideas on how we might tackle that.” The tactic of making the person with the power to greenlight your plans think the whole thing was their idea is as old as time—because it works. If you feel yourself balking at this notion because you want credit for your own genius, I get that. And I say get over it. Focus on how you can get stuff done, and not on who will get credit for it.

Some other thoughts to consider as you get more insight into what your manager is thinking about and how he is thinking about it:

• Create a survey for everyone working in the practice to assess what matters to them, what gets in the way of them doing their best work, and what ideas they have to “make things better around here.” Then, leverage public opinion to argue for some good ideas. You can do interviews with people or use an online survey tool like Survey Monkey, which has a free version. You don’t have to be an expert to create surveys. Just be sure to ask one question at a time. Create ways for people to respond to problems that have already been surfaced, to get a sense of which ones are the most pressing for people.
• Research what your competitors do differently (or better) than you. Study the latest best practices and be clear about how these practices make a difference. Use as much data as you can get your hands on to make your case.
• Connect your ideas to your practice’s values (if they exist), strategic plan (if there is one), and/or goals for growth (if there are any).
• If your managing partner shoots down your next attempt, you might lobby for support among the doctors and others in the practice who have influence.

Hopefully, one or more of these ideas will be helpful. Don’t give up. What seems obvious to you is probably not obvious to others. This is an opportunity for you to develop the skills of gaining supporters and building enthusiasm for your ideas and plans. I promise—having these skills will serve you well for your entire career!

You probably wish you could just have a great idea and move directly to execution. I remember feeling that way a long time ago. That works if it is just you. But the minute you try to do things for an entire group, you become a political animal, and that is a lot of work—much more work than you think it should be. But worth it in the end.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I am an EVP of sales in an organization that is growing insanely fast. I have a brand new Chief Sales Officer and my regional counterpart just quit—so I have gone from four direct reports leading 300 people to seven direct reports leading 700 people.

I would have thought my number one job would be to make sure everyone is on track with their quotas—but, as it turns out, no. I mean yes, but in addition to my new boss being hell-bent on my getting everyone to quota, I have to complete 27 projects. I am not kidding. I sat down over the weekend to create thumbnail project plans for each project and there are literally 27.

I tried to talk her out of my needing to complete all 27, and to get her to prioritize them—you know, the 80/20 rule—but she just waved her hand and said: “You are such a rock star; I know you will figure this out.”

I am so overwhelmed, I don’t even know where to start. Everyone is barely keeping up as it is because there has been so much change in the organization. I can’t even begin to imagine how we are going to get everything done.

Any thoughts will be appreciated. I think …

My Boss is Nuts

____________________________________________________________________

Dear My Boss is Nuts,

Well, she might be. Or, more likely, she is just very green. She is making the classic rookie error of so many who want to make a splash when they hit the C-Suite: too much, too soon, too fast.

If your new CSO is like any other in a fast-growing organization, she is probably being driven by a relentless CEO who is being driven by an uncompromising board and very vocal investors or shareholders. She hasn’t figured out how to discern between what really matters to her CEO and Board and what is just an idea—so she is just going to pile it on you. It is the senior leader equivalent of throwing spaghetti at a wall to see what sticks. It is a terrible strategy, but a lot more common than you’d think.

So it is up to you to figure out what matters most and what is actually doable. The first thing to do is create a matrix of all the projects and organize them by:

1. the ones that will make the biggest impact on revenue generation; and
2. the level of difficulty.

Since hitting or exceeding quota is job number one, prioritize everything that will help everyone to do that. Start with the least complicated and get a toehold on the more complex, longer term ones.

Everything else can get slotted into the calendar after these get going. You may or may not ever get to them—but if you are crushing the numbers and most important projects, it won’t matter that much. Then the projects that are still important will bubble to the top and the rest will just fade away.

Don’t forget that you have seven VPs, they all presumably have multiple directors, and you actually have 700 human beings to deploy to make this all happen. That is a lot of manpower available to you. Last time I checked, sales people tend to be very motivated by bonuses.

So sit down with your seven VPs and think this through. Spread the work. Be creative. Be clear about outcomes. Create timelines. Share them with your boss and invite feedback. You probably won’t get much—she obviously trusts your judgement.

You probably can’t get everything done, but you can absolutely get the most important things done.

Trust that your boss trusts you and that you will absolutely figure it out. Breathe, keep your wits about you, and rock on.

Love, Madeleine

About Madeleine

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response soon. Please be advised that although she will do her best, Madeleine cannot respond to each letter personally. Letters will be edited for clarity and length.

Dear Madeleine,

I work on a team that provides specialized services to the sales and marketing groups in a global organization. A lot of our work is time sensitive. My teammates and I pull all-nighters and weekends on a regular basis.

We are dedicated, passionate and skilled—but when we are involved in a big success, we inevitably are left off the list of teams and individuals who contributed. We feel completely taken for granted—because we are.

Our manager forwards the thank-you emails with a note that says “I know you guys weren’t on the list—again.” He is kind of sheepish about it. He isn’t Mr. Sensitive, but he knows it is demoralizing for us. But wouldn’t it be his job to raise the issue with his peers? He is in meetings with all of them all the time. Shouldn’t he be fighting for us to get a little crumb of recognition? I know if we hadn’t come through, we sure would be hearing about it!

Sick of Being Taken for Granted

_________________________________________________________________________

Dear Sick of Being Taken for Granted,

Yes. Your sheepish manager should be pointing out when his people go unrecognized and their contribution is overlooked. It really is his job, and the fact that he’s sheepish probably means he is vaguely aware of that. It’s hard for a manager to be equally good at managing up, working with peers, and being an excellent leader for the team. One of the most powerful things a manager can do is advocate on behalf of their team to the rest of the organization.

The fact that your manager hasn’t done anything yet probably just means it isn’t on fire for him. If he’s like most managers, his attention is entirely co-opted by what he believes to be his priorities. So your job is to raise the issue and ask him to make it a priority. If you don’t wave the flag about something that is having a seriously negative impact on you, your manager will simply focus on areas where flags are being waved.

When you make your request, be extremely mindful and generous with how you do it.

• Stay focused on the facts.
  • This situation has happened the last three times we have gone above and beyond to contribute to big wins.
  • This is how it makes me/us feel.
  • We respectfully request that you communicate this consistent oversight to the people who announce the wins and send the congratulatory emails.
• Ask some questions.
  • How do you see the situation?
  • What is your point of view on this?

Our philosophy is that managers do need to have their people’s backs. We all spend a lot of time at work. It can feel like a rugby scrum in the rain, all day, every day. We really need to know that our leader is on our side and willing to stand up for us.

Keep one thing in mind: your manager may not be able to do what you are asking. It’s possible he won’t understand the problem and will still think you should just let it go and get on with your work; or he won’t feel he has enough credibility or power in the organization to ask that his team be included. You can certainly ask him, and he may actually tell you, but probably not.

If this turns out to be true, you might consider raising the issue with his boss. Of course that will depend on the culture of your organization as well as whether you have a relationship with that person. It might really upset your manager—nobody likes a tattletale. But if you position it as a simple request, not as calling out your boss, it might be useful.

Finally, in the event that you have relationships with the heads of the teams you serve, you might be able to ask them yourself. I know that any time someone draws my attention to folks who have been overlooked, I appreciate their help and try to correct the slight immediately. But my organization is small and pretty flat.

Ultimately, I encourage you to raise the issue and take a stand. Resentment—as has been famously said by too many folks for me to give proper attribution—is like taking rat poison and waiting the rat to die.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

Ever since the beginning of this work-from-home situation, our entire department feels like it is on hold. The reason? Our seriously old school boss is not at all comfortable with meeting via phone or web conferencing. He was always a stickler for meeting in person, and has just kind of fallen apart. I can’t even get him to return calls or respond to emails.

I have serious questions about how to prioritize work—about 50% of our department has been laid off and the workload is staggering. I have no insight into what is going on in our organization and I am having a hard time concentrating.

On My Own

Dear On My Own,

Things are unsettled enough without your boss going radio silent. That must feel scary. Now is the time for managers to be spending more time with their people, not less! Here are some ideas for you.

• Ask for feedback on your communication style. Maybe you are annoying. Maybe just ask, “Is there something I should know?”

• Make your communications easy to answer, with clear subject lines and questions that can be answered with either yes or no. When people get “wall of words” emails with lots of ideas in them, they sometimes leave them for later because they require focus and time to respond. Relieve your boss of the need to think, and you might just get a response.

• If you really need your boss to think, make your emails super succinct and easy to read. One of my favorite tools is the ABC method from The Hamster Revolution. The ABC method splits your message into three parts: Action, Background and Close. A – Action summarizes exactly what you want. B – Background provides key context; why you want it. C – Close proposes next steps and how/when you expect follow-up.

• In terms of priorities, use your own judgment to lay out what you think they should be. Put your work/task list in priority order and make clear what will not get done in a normal work week. Make your subject line: My Priorities Unless I Hear Otherwise. (Well, that’s what I would say—that might feel aggressive to you. Soften if you must.)

• I have no sense of what your work life was like before the Covid crazy. Did you and your boss have a decent relationship? If so, you might ask him if he is okay and if there is anything you can do for him. Maybe tell him you are worried about him.

• If you don’t hear anything in the next seven days, go to HR or your boss’s boss. Maybe he was fired, or has gone on leave of some sort, and they forgot to tell you. Crazier things have happened—and goodness knows, these are certainly off times.

• It sounds like you are awfully isolated. Get in touch with peers and friends you have in the organization to see what you can find out, and make some connections.

Breathe deeply—and remember, before all of this you were capable, competent, and able to concentrate. Now use your best judgment about how to spend your work time and go to it. Do your best. That’s all you can do.

Love, Madeleine

About the Author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is the co-founder of The Ken Blanchard Companies’ Coaching Services team.  Since 2000, Blanchard’s 150 coaches have worked with over 16,000 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. Learn more at Blanchard Coaching Services.

Dear Madeleine,

I am smart, I work hard, and I am a pleaser. These qualities have made me very successful. I am now a senior manager in a fast-paced, high-pressure service business.

My problem is that I have created a monster in my boss. She is so used to my pleasing perfection that she pretty much expects me to be perfect all the time now—which, of course, is impossible.

Any teeny infraction gets a comment now. Here’s an example: She asked me for an outline for a report to the board and gave me the deadline. I don’t usually miss deadlines, but I was traveling that day. My five-hour flight was delayed and the internet on the plane didn’t work, so I sent the report as soon as I landed (about 11:45 p.m. in her time zone).

In my mind, I met the deadline with fifteen minutes to spare. I expected to hear “Well done—you got it in!” Her response? “How do I get you to submit your work before five minutes to midnight?”

This is driving me crazy. How do I get her to cut it out?

Not Perfect

Dear Not Perfect,

Your boss’s behavior does indeed sound frustrating—and for a pleaser, every little criticism can feel like being poked with a sharp pencil! In short, the way to get her to cut it out is to tell her to cut it out. Nicely. But let’s rewind and think this through.

It sounds as if you have been telling yourself a story about how you have both gotten into this muddle together. I suggest a reframe. Ask yourself if the story you have made up about this situation is really serving you. Then you can go to your boss and say, “So here’s what has been happening, and this is the story I have made up about it. I am hoping we can change this dynamic.”

Is it possible the story you have created is based on other relationships you have had in the past? Most of us interpret situations based on previous experience, so that may be at play here. In this case, I think there is a new story available to you—a much simpler one about the lack of explicit expectations and clear agreements.

You interpret a deadline as midnight on that date. It’s possible that your boss assumes everybody interprets a deadline as the end of the business day. When you talk to your boss about her criticisms, tell her it is your goal to please her and make her job easier. But to do that, you need her to be crystal clear about her expectations—all of them—so that you can be sure to never disappoint her.

The next time she makes a snide comment that catches you off guard, point to where the discrepancy was between your understanding of the expectation and hers. You are allowed to stand up for yourself, and you should. She can be more disciplined about clarity, and you can say “ouch” when you feel it.

I don’t necessarily agree that you have trained your boss to expect perfection, but I do think you may have led her to believe you have a thicker skin than you have. Let go of the whole “perfect” story – and rewrite it about how unspoken expectations and assumptions can catch all of us wrong footed.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I have just started a job at a well regarded local firm. I have many years of office experience, but this is the largest firm I have ever worked for.

My job is as an admin to a senior employee—he is not quite a VP, but that is his general level of authority. Since starting, I have been told he goes through admins at a rate of one every six months. After meeting with him, I know why. He is HUGELY disorganized, but resistant to any suggestions of how to fix the problem. His unspoken message to me seems to be “I need you to fix me but I don’t want to change anything.”

I have made several suggestions of new ways to file/organize/process work items, but his responses have been negative. I asked him what he would like to do and was basically told, “You’re supposed to come up with a solution.” Okay—but if he won’t accept my suggestions and won’t offer alternatives, what solution is there?

If I can’t help/satisfy him, the company will apparently find me a job in a different department, but I would rather try to make a success of this position.

Set Up to Fail?

_________________________________________________________________

Dear Set Up to Fail,

This is such a fun question! I always check in with my executive clients about how they work with their EA’s, because once executives have reached a certain level of seniority they are really only as good as their EA. Since I am usually looking at this issue from the other side, I went to a couple of executive assistants in my own organization for their input—ones who I know for a fact have had success with some impossible people! They gave me some excellent ideas and I am really glad I asked.

First, it sounds like you are starting from a place of feeling overwhelmed and discouraged. Could it be because you are allowing yourself to be influenced by others’ opinions of your boss.? It is easy to judge him as a loser going in—he is simply measuring up to the idea you have already formed of him. He is probably used to being judged and is feeling defensive about it. So instead of assuming the others are correct about him, try giving him the benefit of the doubt. Take his less-than-great reputation as a personal challenge. Remember, you are not there to try to change him or, god forbid, fix him. You are there to make his life easier and to help him achieve his goals by doing the tasks he cannot and should not do. You can tell him as much, too. That might be a breath of fresh air for him.

Of course, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t suggest that you have a candid conversation. Try something like: “I was hired to assist you so let me assist you. I am here to be your partner, and this will only work if you are willing to partner with me.” Do whatever you can to get to know your guy. What are his goals, personally and professionally? What makes him happy, what annoys him, what makes him laugh, what is he interested in? The more you can get a sense of who he is, the more you can use language that resonates with him and propose solutions that make sense to him. Ask about times he has felt most successful at work. Ask him to give you examples of the perfect assistant—what has worked and what hasn’t. This will provide you with needed insight and build trust and chemistry between you.

If he really has no ideas, maybe you can suggest he do things your way for two weeks and then meet to tweak. Be clear and firm and, of course, kind and respectful, and keep your sense of humor. Be open to feedback, of course. Don’t take anything personally and don’t give up! After this approach, if you really can’t get it to work at least you will be able to leave knowing you did your best.

It is good that you have an escape valve. Perhaps you could decide on a time frame that you are willing to try—and if you are really suffering at your deadline, allow yourself to bail. Give it your best shot. You clearly have the will to find a way.

Love, Madeleine (with a little help from my friends)

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am the general manager of a hotel property. I have always received great performance reviews, have high employee retention numbers (a big issue in my business) and my teams seem to really like working with me.

About nine months ago I got a new boss and she is a crazy micromanager. She doesn’t seem to understand that I have been doing this job successfully for five years. She is always breathing down my neck and questioning every decision I make. It takes more time to keep her satisfied than it takes to do all the other things I need to do.

It is demoralizing and exhausting. I want to tell her to back off and let me do my job. How can I do that?

Over Managed

Dear Over Managed,

You can’t. You can fantasize about it, but it isn’t going to get you what you are looking for, which is more autonomy. Your new boss is probably just nervous about doing well herself and is operating out of old habit driven by an overabundance of caution.

Here is what I suggest. Ask for some extra time with your boss after you have addressed the day-to-day nuts and bolts. Tell her you want to check in about how she thinks you are doing and about your working relationship. Be prepared to ask some big, open-ended questions to get her talking, such as:

• Is there anything I am doing that keeps you from having confidence in me
• How can I make it easier for you to trust me with __ (fill in one of your responsibility areas)?
• What can I do to increase your belief that you can rely on me?
• What would you need to see from me to be more comfortable with less supervision?
• Why are you so uptight? (Totally kidding on this one, just checking to see if you are paying attention.)

See what she has to say. Don’t let yourself get defensive if she gives you feedback. Listen, take notes, and say thank you. Be prepared to take a stand for being left to your own devices with one or two areas that you know you have down pat—not the whole job, just a few areas, so you have someplace to start. With any luck, once you prove yourself to be dependable with one or more areas, she will ease up. The key is to consistently demonstrate competence.

Side note: In a new manager/employee relationship, it is better for the manager to start with tight supervision and then back off as the employee demonstrates competence. If the manager starts off being laid back, it is almost impossible to tighten up in the event it becomes necessary.

If it’s really hard for you to fight the urge to tell off the boss, I recommend getting it all off your chest with a good friend or your dog. Just get it all out so it doesn’t get in the way of your being open and curious when you do talk to her. Asking questions and drawing her out will get you much better results.

Your courage and openness should help get things on an even keel—but she may not change her MO. Ever. She may not be able to. If that ends up being the case, you will have a big decision to make. Good hotel GMs are in high demand!

Love,
Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

After years of working under a very bright, well organized manager who communicated clearly, I now have a new manager who is—well, a twit. He was a new hire who managed another department and when our old manager left they moved him into this job.

It is a lateral move for him and he is not happy about it. He has made no effort to understand what our department does, and he doesn’t seem to have a clue. He crashes into our regular department meetings and throws out tasks for people to do with no rhyme or reason. He does no follow-up and gives no rationale for the huge amount of “make work” he has us all doing.

A few days ago, he demanded that I create a report and said he needed it for a meeting early the next morning. I stayed late to do it although I didn’t understand what he was going to do with it. As it turned out, he didn’t do anything with it—I heard from someone who was in the meeting that he never presented it.

He constantly lectures us on how we need to work harder to compete and keep up with the digital age. It is all hot air and totally irrelevant. We all hate him.

My immediate problem is that he will soon be doing my performance review. He doesn’t know me at all and was not involved with the original goals that were set. I crushed my goals this year and I am afraid he won’t give me the top ratings or raise I deserve. I am also afraid my face won’t be able to hide the contempt I feel for him.

Battling the Twit

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Dear Battling the Twit,

Well, this sure sounds stressful. It’s hard to go from having a great manager who keeps everyone producing on an even keel to one who creates chaos. And you are not alone—I get piles of letters that begin this way: “My boss/employee is an imbecile/a cretin/a psycho/a criminal.” Your new manager sounds like a nasty combination of all the above.

Chances are that this manager is madly casting about for some direction and either too proud or too ignorant to ask for help. So here’s a thought: offer to help him! Offer to share your department’s goals and how your goals mapped to them. Be prepared to show in writing how you achieved all your goals for the year and how your work helped the department and the company. Ask how you can help him be successful in his new role. Make yourself his guide and helper. It might just work. Either way, you will know that you have taken the high road and made an effort.

If you prepare rigorously for your performance review, it will hard for him to disagree with you. Get as much feedback as possible from people you work with—peers, internal clients, matrix managers. There is a perspective that everyone is doing the best they can do given their worldview, experience, and skills. Adopting this view may help you find generosity in your heart and keep the contempt off your face. Failing that, practice iron-clad self-regulation. If you don’t get a fair rating from him, you need to be ready to escalate to HR.

Ultimately, you are going to have to either find a way to live with this situation or find another job. It won’t hurt to brush up your LinkedIn profile and your resume. It isn’t fair, but don’t let that stop you from being prepared and doing your best.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I got a new boss about six months ago and I have been watching and waiting to see how he is going to pan out. So far, so good, I think—except for one thing that is really burning my toast. Literally the first thing he did was to put a stop to all telecommuting in our entire department.

For me personally, it isn’t an issue, as I have a short commute and prefer to come in to the office. But it has thrown quite a few people in my department into chaos, as many have made plans around their work-from-home schedules.

Our company is in a huge metropolitan area and the commute times are insane—two hours each way for some people. I know that my employees are productive when they WFH—often more so, because they are less stressed and have more time to actually work.

The worst part is that the new boss isn’t following the rule himself! In fact, on a recent conference call, he talked about how great it was that he was working from home that day! We were all appalled. He lost so much of my respect in that moment.

How can I “manage up” here? What can I say to get the new boss to reverse the policy—or at the very least, understand that the rule has to apply to everyone?

I really hate it when superiors pull the “Do as I say, not as I do” thing.

Losing Respect

Dear Losing Respect,

I hate that, too. I share your belief that leaders should be role models for the behaviors they seek in their people.

There are two issues here. One is the sudden radical change in work-from-home policy. Hopefully, you have had enough time to observe your new boss to get a sense of the best way to approach him to give him feedback. You can run a little informal analysis: Is your boss an analytical thinker who will be moved by data? Or a more emotional type who will respond to a story? You can plan your tactical move here by shaping your arguments so that he can hear them.

You don’t state the why behind the change in the policy. Possibly he hasn’t shared it. You might start there and ask what prompted the change. Perhaps your boss thinks people watch daytime TV all day when they WFH. I spent over a decade as a virtual employee and I now manage a partially virtual team, and I can assure you that most people do get more done when they WFH.

Your boss may be data driven and able to be moved by actual information you have about how much your people get done when they WFH vs. coming into the office. Maybe your boss feels that face-to-face interactions are more effective. This may be true for some types of meetings, and you may find a good compromise. When you know what drives your boss’s thinking, you can mount a well-reasoned argument.

One client I worked with argued for her team members who had a regular WFH schedule, saying that she had given her word—in some cases as part of the hiring agreement—and that she felt strongly about keeping her promises. That made a big impact.

Now for the second issue: your boss’s stunning lack of self-awareness, revealed in his crowing about the luxury of working from home to people whom he has restricted from doing so themselves. Do you feel that you have enough of a relationship to say something yet? I know a lot of bosses really appreciate it when a direct report points out something they are doing that is decreasing their effectiveness. I know I sure do—we can all be a little oblivious sometimes. So, you might risk going straight at it: “Hey, may I share an observation? People are very cranky about not being able to WFH—so when you are doing so yourself, you might want to keep it on the QT.” Some people would appreciate your candid directness, but, of course, many wouldn’t.

You are going to have to trust your gut here. You may decide you don’t want to work for someone (a) who is such a numbskull and (b) with whom you can’t be honest. That would be a good data point on which to build a job search. You did say it was the only thing burning your toast. You can probably tolerate one thing. Even two things. My opinion, based on observation and absolutely no scientific research whatsoever, is that it takes five intolerable things before a person starts thinking about leaving—and the seventh one is the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

So, all in all, you are in pretty good shape. And now you know that one of your leadership non-negotiables is “Do as I do.” It will help you be clear about your own standards for yourself as a leader.

Love,

Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

I am a mid-level manager with a large team in a low-profile but significant government agency. I say significant because substantial numbers of citizens depend on us for critical services.

The chaos here has been profound over the last year or so. Senior leaders keep quitting or getting fired, mandates turn on a dime, and my boss is so demoralized that most days she just comes to work and shuts her office door. She could be playing solitaire on her computer all day, for all anyone can tell.

The mission and goals for my team are straightforward, though, so we keep plugging along and serving our constituents. I have lost some of my best people who have gone to the private sector—and because of the leadership vacuum and the budget freezes I have not been able to replace them. Of course, this has put more pressure on my remaining people.

I don’t know how much longer we can go on this way. I am very close to retirement so I know I can hang on, but I feel terrible for my people. I would need to hire at least five people in order to do the job we are supposed to be doing.

I am running out of steam here and I’m tired of fighting with no support.

Feeling Paralyzed

Dear Feeling Paralyzed,

Wow. This sounds like an exhausting and tricky situation. But you are not ready to walk away, so you might as well create a plan to keep going.

It sounds like you don’t have much to lose—which in a messed-up way could afford you an opportunity here. This would really depend on your relationship with your boss, but I wonder if you could knock on her door, interrupt her game of solitaire, and request her assistance. Tell her you need her and you need guidance, direction, and support to solve the problems you are grappling with. Maybe she’ll buck up and get her head back in the game.

If you can’t do that, I guess you are truly on your own. I mean, seriously, it sounds like there isn’t anyone paying enough attention to fire you! Go ahead and submit requests for hires to HR and see if you can get that ball rolling. If that won’t work, you will just have to do your best with the hand you’ve been given.

Look at the numbers and figure out what you can do with your limited work force. Explain your thinking to your team and inspire them to do their best with a lousy situation. You probably won’t be able to do everything you want to do, or feel you should do, but you can do something. The people you serve will really appreciate it.

What else can you do but your very best? Who is going to stop you?

Fight on!

Love,

Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I like my boss and I think she is smart—but she is a total flake.

She loses documents, she is always late, and she can’t seem to understand how our calendaring system works so she misses meetings because they aren’t on her calendar. 

This isn’t obvious just to us, her team; her peers and her boss have noticed it, too. On a recent video conference call, we were all waiting for her. I was texting her to see where she was, and I saw one of her peers roll his eyes.  It kills me. 

She is super creative and visionary, she gets a lot done, and people respect her.  But I keep seeing her shoot herself in the foot, and I can’t stand it. 

I want to say something to her.  Should I?

Want to Manage Up

Dear Want to Manage Up,

No.  You can’t go at this directly.  The only way you might have an opportunity to give feedback is if you were invited to be a participant in some kind of 360-degree feedback process.

I can tell you care about your boss and you want to help. I really can.  But this situation is just too fraught and if you get involved, you will almost certainly lose.  You have heard the old adage no good deed goes unpunished—and I can assure you this would be the case for you.

Here is what you can do:

• You can offer help with the scheduling system. Say something like “Hey, I figured out some really cool features about (name of system). Would you like me to walk you through some of them?”  Then show her things that may be obvious to you, but not to her.  I think this is a common problem. I constantly get meeting requests from people who should be able to see that I am already booked. It is maddening.
• You can send her reminders for meetings you know you are both expected to attend. You can also check in on projects she is supposed to deliver on, to see if they are on her radar.  I share some of your boss’s traits and I have a direct report who does this for me.  I really appreciate it.
• You can report behaviors you see. Say “Hey, I just wanted you to know that Joe rolled his eyes in front of everyone when you were late for the review meeting yesterday. I thought you might want to know.”

It is possible that one fine day your boss will ask you directly for feedback and you can say something. So be ready to point out ways she may be able to increase her credibility in the organization.

Until then, stay subtle, keep watching her back, offer help when you can, and report others’ reactions when possible.  She will notice—and it will add up to her knowing you have good intentions and she can depend on you.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Hi Madeleine,

I have a great job that I love in a fast paced, entrepreneurial young company.  We are a small shop, so for some projects I work directly with the CEO. I’ll call him Rob. 

My problem is that Rob seems to expect me to read his mind. He rarely gives me any specific direction.  If I try to go it alone, he finds fault with my approach.  But if I try to explain the situation so he can advise me, he gets frustrated and testy with me and says, “Oh forget it, I will just do it myself.” 

Everyone has been under a lot of pressure to perform. I know I can do better with just a little extra direction but I don’t know how to get it. 

Not a Mind Reader

Dear Not a Mind Reader,

You have perfectly described the classic CEO of a fast paced, entrepreneurial start up.  Wildly energetic, visionary, creative leaders make big cognitive leaps and connect dots that others don’t. They are rarely able to slow down long enough to think through their own thought processes, much less take the time to articulate them as step-by-step directions for someone else. Often this type of person simply can’t understand that what is obvious to them is not obvious to everyone else. This can be extremely frustrating for employees and, in some cases, has been known to actually derail the growth of an organization. People like Rob are successful in the long term only if they can depend on people like you to be the bridges between them and the rest of the world.

The good news is that it isn’t personal. He doesn’t seem to be holding your mistakes against you, so he must know he needs you.

The key to being successful in this situation is to make it easy and quick for Rob to give you clear direction.  Just asking “What should I do?” will put him on tilt, as you have experienced, so meet him halfway. When you are unsure how to proceed, stop and check in with Rob. I suspect he prefers texting and is okay with any hour of the night or day.  Give him a brief, brief, brief outline of the situation and the ways you think you could respond to it as two or three multiple choice options.  If one is spot on, he will text you back “C” and will maybe add some quick additional thoughts.  If you are completely missing the boat, he may pick up the phone and explain how. But you will have at least thought it through to the point that he doesn’t have to start at square one with you, and you will likely get you what you need to move forward.

It sounds like you are having a lot of fun, and I hope this approach makes it even more so.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am a fairly new marketing manager for a large consumer goods firm. I have three great people who work for me—I inherited them, so I lucked out. We function like a well-oiled machine.

The problem is my boss. She was promoted about two years ago and now oversees several managers of different teams. She has always been a great boss and excellent work partner. She is smart, creative, and talented—everybody acknowledges that. However, over the last year she has become progressively more difficult. I send her drafts for feedback and she doesn’t get back to me until way after the agreed upon deadline, if at all.

Because our pieces are always part of something larger, we often have to submit our work without her feedback. But then she gets upset and wants to make changes, which puts the whole marketing department in an uproar. On top of everything else, her feedback is often inconsistent with what she had said she wanted in the first place.

I know she has a lot on her plate and is probably overwhelmed, but this situation is causing serious stress for me and my team.

Boss Acting Weird

Dear Boss Acting Weird,

You are probably right about your boss having too much on her plate and being overwhelmed. Being a senior marketing leader is a massive job. The field has become complicated and consumer goods is a fiercely competitive area. In addition, it sounds as if she might have something going on at home or with her health that she isn’t talking about. I hate to speculate, but this is usually the reason dependable people suddenly change their pattern.

So first, I would say: cut her some slack.

Second, because of your long history together, I think you owe it to your boss to ask for a one-on-one and share your concerns with her. If no one is giving her feedback, she may think she is coping better than she actually is. This plan, of course, is risky. Practice what you might say to make sure you don’t sound critical—no one likes to be criticized. Stay focused on events that have transpired and the effect they have had on your team. Be clear and concise and don’t repeat yourself. Tell your boss that you are sharing with her not to complain but because you thought she would want to know.

You may choose to do nothing, but that would be easier to do if you were the only one who was suffering. Ah, the joys of leadership. At the risk of repeating myself in every column, communication is almost always the solution, and in this case it will uncomfortable but will most probably pay off.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I’ve recently been promoted to my first managerial role. Prior to my promotion, I had been an individual contributor here for more than 14 years.

My new role has me climbing a steep learning curve because I am not working in the same group I had been in before. I’m not worried about being able to do the new work; however, it has been very challenging. In addition to learning the job and getting to know my team, I’m in meetings five to six hours each day.

The time I’m spending in meetings is causing me to fall behind in my individual work and in responding to email, not to mention that it leaves me very little time for working with my direct reports or thinking strategically.

To keep up, I’ve been logging in for one to three hours every night after my kids go to bed to answer emails, get work organized, etc. I usually spend time working on the weekend as well. I don’t think this is physically sustainable.

Any advice on reducing meetings? I am sure if there were fewer meetings in the day I could get more real and substantive work completed.

Sleepless in Philadelphia

Dear Sleepless,

Congratulations on your promotion. You probably didn’t realize you were signing up for meeting purgatory. Meetings are the scourge of the modern workplace, there is no doubt.

How did we get here? As organizations have flattened and become more matrixed, most of us are on several different teams and have several dotted line reporting responsibilities. And business has become more complex, which means everyone needs to stay abreast of fast paced change. However, it is the organizations who move from complexity to simplicity who are going to win in the future.

So mastering the meeting thing is a key move to helping your organization be more nimble, which would be extremely valuable.

It doesn’t sound as if you are experiencing a lot of value from these meetings, so it is entirely probable that people included in most of them have simply gotten lulled into the habit of meeting. It really is up to the leader of the meeting to answer the following:

• What is the purpose of this meeting?
• Is the purpose still critical?
• Is this meeting actually achieving the original purpose?
• If no, what needs to change?
• If yes, could the purpose be achieved in less time, or with less frequent meetings?
• Are the right people in this meeting?
• Does the meeting start and end on time?
• Does each meeting have a clear agenda?

If some of these endless meetings are led by you because your predecessor held them, you have the power to change them. Forge ahead! Make change!

Even as the newbie in meetings led by others, you have a few choices:

1. Do nothing and suffer.
2. Accept that this is the way things are done at your organization and figure out how to get all of your other tasks done in less time.

And…my favorite:

3. Educate yourself on how to eliminate as many meetings as possible and how to make the remaining ones more valuable. Designate yourself as the proponent for meeting reform in your business area. Become an expert on good meetings. Build a plan to get buy-in and support from all stakeholders and create a new culture of meetings. I can’t imagine that everyone isn’t as fed up as you are – who isn’t begging for meetings that are interesting, productive, useful, and—dare I say it—fun? You would be doing your organization a huge favor.

There are several excellent resources to help you up your meeting acumen:

Death by Meeting by Patrick Lencioni. He says there are really only four kinds of meetings anyone needs: The Daily Check-In (I have been on fast moving project teams that held “Black Jack” meetings—no more than 21 minutes long!), The Weekly Tactical, The Monthly or Ad Hoc Strategic, and the occasional Off Site Review. Lencioni talks about how to make meetings meaningful and engaging through proper planning and encouraging participation.

Another great resource is The Hamster Revolution for Meetings by Mike Song, Vicki Halsey, and Tim Burress. The authors offer some great tips, including making sure there is an objective and agenda for each and every meeting, and how to deal with common types who derail meetings. This book also addresses the absurdity of many virtual meetings.

There are many wonderful resources out there if you just ask our BFF, Google. You will recognize the good suggestions especially quickly if you know what problems your organization really needs to solve.

You are probably thinking that you can’t possibly add this task to your already overloaded schedule, and you are probably right. So discuss it with your boss—it might spark some energy for change. If you do take it on, take things slow but stick with it and don’t give up. There could be no more worthy cause.

Love,

Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am a manager of a large team. I like my work, the mission of the company is meaningful, and we make a difference in the world. I have a reputation for being a good manager and getting things done on time and under budget. My boss, who is fairly new—and, frankly, in over his head—is constantly coming to me with new projects and never seems interested in the projects we are already working on. He says he trusts me to get it all done.

My problem is that the strategic direction and priorities are constantly shifting and I can’t keep up. I can’t possibly get it all done, and my team is maxed out. I am becoming demoralized by not really understanding the point of what we are being asked to do. I know I need to talk to my manager, but I don’t want to come off as a whiner. How to proceed?

Shifting Winds

Dear Shifting Winds,

This must be so frustrating. It sounds like you do need to talk to your manager and get some clarity on what to focus on and the timelines for each item. You appear to have a low opinion of your new manager’s capabilities—and you may be right about him—but you also don’t know what he is up against. Until you actually know what is going on, I’d suggest to start off by assuming the best of intentions.

In any case, definitely get a meeting on the calendar and set the context carefully. Make it clear to your manager that you appreciate his trust; however, there is more work here than can be done and you need direction in prioritizing the projects. Tell him that to set priorities you normally use your knowledge of the strategic focus for the company—but lately you have been confused about what that is and you need his help.

To communicate with your boss as effectively as possible, first you need to assess his style. Which do you think would work best: Charts outlining all of the different projects on a big whiteboard? An excel spreadsheet with all of the project plans? A presentation with a little bit of story? Your manager needs a quick and easy way to grasp all of the assignments you are working on and how many hours are needed to complete each project. That will help him see how overworked your team is and will help you make the case for getting another person on board to ensure you can complete everything.

Having each project visually represented might also make it easier for you to see the point of each one—but even if it doesn’t, it will make it easier to talk to your boss. You can explain that your people get inspired when they understand the reason they are working away at something. Most people—especially millennials, research is showing—want to know the context and meaning for their tasks.

Next, rehearse, prepare, and be succinct. You won’t be perceived as a whiner unless you actually whine.

You are going to have to stand up for yourself and your people at some point. Many managers are so overwhelmed themselves that they will just keep throwing work at their people until someone cries uncle. He may be waiting for you to do just that.

Good luck.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am a regional VP in a global asset management firm. I am stationed far away from headquarters as I am responsible for all of the projects in my region. My boss and his boss hold regular conference calls I am expected to attend. I am often tasked with presenting plans and budgets to a room full of people, when I am the only one on the phone.

Here is the problem; both my boss and his boss constantly interrupt me when I am speaking on these conference calls. They also interrupt me in regular conversation—and I am used to that—but I hate it when they do it on these calls. It disrupts my flow and I think it makes me sound like I don’t know what I am talking about.

I am often the only woman in these meetings. I have tried to convince myself that that doesn’t make a difference, but I wonder. What do you think?

Interrupted

Dear Interrupted,

I did a spit take when I read your last lines, only because there are reams of research showing that men interrupt women far more than they interrupt other men. And, sadly, women interrupt other women more than they interrupt men. (See Influence of Communication Partner’s Gender on Language for more on this.)

But there is no woman working in business—wait, scratch that—there is no woman anywhere who needs research to tell her that. Ladies, I can hear you laughing out there. It is simply a fact of life. Let’s not turn this into a discussion about gender differences or inequality, because that conversation is being conducted elsewhere by people who know a lot more than I do. Instead, let’s focus what you can do.

The whole conference call thing exacerbates the situation; being the lone disembodied voice on the phone only adds to the level of challenge—and I know, because I lived it for a decade. Here are some tactics to try.

First, prepare. Get some time on the calendar with your boss and his boss before each of these meetings. Go over the highlights of your presentation and suggest places where they might chime in with additional material or add color commentary. Tell them that when they jump in on top of you it weakens your effectiveness as a presenter, and request that they let you manage the flow during your presentation. This is a completely reasonable request. Even if they don’t comply, you will have a stronger grasp of your narrative and not get distracted by interruptions. Also, you can take note of moments when the substance of what they interject might have been stronger if presented in another more structured way. Of course, that will depend on your relationship—and how much goodwill is present—with both parties in question. You will be the best judge of that.

In your preparation, make sure that you practice being loud enough, that you can be briskly paced without rushing, and that you are super concise. It might be possible that you invite interruption by being hesitant or—the kiss of death—long winded and repetitive.

Second, leverage technology. Given the ease and availability of video technology these days, there is no reason for you not to be on camera. Things are always better when everyone can see each other. A global asset company must have video conferencing available; but if not, use Skype or Zoom. If you work from home, make sure the area behind you looks spiffy and professional—and make sure you also look spiffy and professional, if only from the waist up. Nobody needs to know you have bunny slippers on underneath the desk. If you don’t have an office, use a conference room. I don’t care if it is 5 a.m. your time, it really makes a difference to make the effort.

Finally, put up the hand. The truth about people who interrupt is that they generally aren’t even aware they are doing it. They are extraverted thinkers who are afraid to lose their thought or idea in the moment. Or they are impatient and excited about the topic.

Okay, some really are just jerks, but not as many as you might think.

But remember: these folks interrupt only people who allow it—plain and simple. So practice a new behavior and some language that sends the signal “cut it out.” The key is to never sound annoyed, but to keep an anticipatory look on your face like you can’t wait to hear what they have to add once you are finished. I hate to tell you to smile but it never hurts, especially in the US. In the US that is true for both genders.

Examples:

“Please let me finish.”

“Hang on a sec, I’m not done.”

“Can you hold your idea until I complete my thought?”

I mean it when I say practice, so enroll a friend or significant other and practice lines like these with different scenarios. I can’t tell you how many clients I have worked with—more women than men, but this is a fairly common situation—who have done this and have seen it make a huge difference. If you commit to becoming someone whom others do not interrupt, you can make it happen (unless you run for President of the United States, in which case, apparently, all bets are off).

To be fair, it is incredibly challenging to do this with a boss—and harder with a boss’s boss. So think about initiating this move in a private meeting, rather than in a group. Once a person gets the request once or twice, they will often cease and desist.

So be prepared to be brief, concise, and compelling in your presentations. Self identify as someone who does not get interrupted. And practice putting up the proverbial hand. Honestly, you have made it to VP in a global asset management firm—everyone thinks you are smart and worthy of respect. Be bold.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

I grew up with a cat, and she was quite the opposite. She roamed the house when she wanted to and would occasionally come to me if I had something of interest (i.e., food), but otherwise would generally leave me alone.

Leaders’ behaviors can be very similar to the behaviors of cats and dogs. Some constantly hover around and pull you out of your work for status updates, meetings, and side projects, while others leave you completely to your own devices and are nowhere to be found when you need them. And it can be quite frustrating to deal with either.

Do you work with someone like this? Here are ways to cope:

Dog Leaders: These leaders don’t necessarily understand how disruptive their behaviors can be. They simply want to ensure that progress is being made and work is getting done, but they also want to make sure they’re giving you what you need. Perhaps they are new to their role or are unsure of their own leadership capabilities. Be sure to provide plenty of positive feedback for the good that they do while also letting them know a few things that could be done even better. To keep them informed, use a simple virtual communication/collaboration/project management tool where you can post updates on your work. You can direct them to this tool for any updates, leaving yourself to work distraction-free.

Cat Leaders: These leaders require much more work on your part. When they give you your task, you must think several steps ahead, anticipate any questions you may have later on, and then ask the questions while they are with you. Be sure to ask the best way to contact them if you do have any urgent questions since they may have a preferred method of communication. Also, take the initiative and schedule regular meetings with them that last 15-30 minutes for the purpose of providing quick status updates. If any questions come up, you can ask them during these meetings.

By understanding these two types of leaders, you can work with them more effectively and get more done with less fur-ustration.

Cat Owner Life VS Dog Owner Life

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaU4a86aYb4

Dear Madeleine,

I’m a senior leader in the marketing department of a large consumer goods company and I report to the VP of operations. My boss is tough as nails and pays attention only to numbers, not people. I can’t stand her style. I’m much more of a people person and I believe that the environment I create for people is really important. When I try to discuss this with her, she just laughs.

She often comes to my team meetings and yells at my people for trivial, irrelevant things. But my people work really hard and we had an amazing year last year.

She is effective in her job and has the ear of the executive team. I know I need her approval to get the promotion to VP that I believe I deserve. But I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m a big softie and will never be top leadership material. How can I win here?

Big Softie

Dear Big Softie,

The first question you need to ask yourself is “Do I want to win here?” You will be swimming upstream constantly, fighting your leader on nothing less than the culture of the organization. I’m not saying you can’t do it—you totally can—but you need to first understand what you are taking on. It might be easier for you to go find a culture that better suits your world view than to try to change the one you are in.

If you decide to stay, you will need to suit up—preferably with armor. And if you have a big horse you can ride into battle and a sword to wave around, all the better. I am only partially teasing. Honestly—you are in for a fight and you will need your warrior energy.

First, you will need to learn to speak the language of numbers. You can be a people person and speak numbers at the same time—it’s just another skill. Pay attention to the numbers your boss cares about most and start every meeting with them, pointing out how you and your team have influenced them for the better.

At the same time, make sure every single one of your people has clear goals with milestones so you can measure exactly how amazing they are. Share those metrics with your boss. But be ready: you just may find that your people aren’t as amazing as you thought they were. Providing some course correction in this case will make you a more effective manager.

Where else can you track numbers to show how effective you are? Find out and nail them.

The hardest thing for you to do in this whole process will be to push back on your boss. For example, you have the right to draw a boundary and ask your boss to stop yelling at your people. Practice this with a friend and get the wording just right. Point out that she is undermining your authority by superseding you in meetings. Ask her to give you the feedback and to trust you to share it the way you see fit. It sounds like she is a bit of a bully—and bullies tend to back down when challenged. She will probably respect you for it.

Give yourself six months and see if there is any change. You can always ask her what she needs to see for you to be promoted, but given the profile you have provided I suspect she expects you to read her mind and simply start doing the job you want to be promoted into. Show her how capable you are instead of asking for her approval.

I understand if you decide you aren’t up for all of this—after all, your full time job is plenty. You just need to decide for yourself how hard you want to work.

Good luck.

Love Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I’m a regional VP of sales for a very high-pressure software company. My people are amazing. We have reached goal every year for the last five years and are 100% to goal right now, at the beginning of Q2.

My people are not my problem; my problem is that I can’t seem to get right with my fairly new boss. Every time I try to talk with him, he doesn’t really engage. I always feel like I’m annoying him. The only feedback I get is that I am too soft on my people and need to be more focused on the metrics.

A long-time colleague with whom I had been friendly is head of another region and I’m pretty sure our boss is trying to create competition between us. That would be okay, except she seems to have become really tight with the boss while I am being shut out. She is not returning my calls.

I wonder if I am being pushed out—but why would that be happening when my numbers are so good? I feel off-center and paranoid and have never felt like this before in a long and successful career. How do I fix this?

Paranoid

Dear Paranoid,

Why indeed, would anyone want to get rid of such a successful sales leader? Most companies would kill for your track record. There is an old New Yorker cartoon that shows a guy in an office wearing boxer shorts and sunglasses, smoking a cigarette and drinking a martini, saying to a shocked colleague, “When you’re nailing the numbers, they don’t ask questions.” It still makes me laugh.

It’s so interesting to me that anyone as tenured and experienced as yourself would doubt their own experience. Cut it out. Stop second guessing yourself, and instead ask yourself What’s really going on here, and what am I going to do about it?

Let’s focus on what you can control—your own actions.

Possibly, because you feel so alienated from your boss, you are not giving him enough information about your day-to-day activities and he is left wondering. You can fix that by making sure he has a weekly written report detailing the metrics he cares so much about and highlighting important decisions you have made.

You can also make sure any other peers or superiors you work with are saying glowing things about you to your boss.

Ultimately, you have no way of knowing your boss’s motives. Many people who are hired into senior positions want to bring in their own posse. Or maybe he just doesn’t like you. If you have really made the effort to communicate with him and have asked for feedback that is not forthcoming, I recommend you read the writing on the wall. There is nothing but opportunity for someone who can lead a sales team and blow away the numbers, so all you need to do is pick up the phone and call some of those recruiters back.

To paraphrase Joseph Heller in Catch 22, just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.

Good luck.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

My boss never gives anyone else any credit. It’s driving us all crazy.

We recently completed an almost impossible job for him with an absurd deadline and very little direction. He didn’t give us any feedback along the way until swooping in at the last minute with all kinds of changes. A couple of my people and I practically pulled an all-nighter to fix the presentation. He casually wandered in the next morning, picked up the materials, and did the presentation to great acclaim.

He didn’t thank us and didn’t even put in a good word for us to his peers. He just basked in the glory. (I know this for fact because I’m friends with someone who was there.)

I took my team out to lunch to celebrate their hard work and success, but it would have meant so much to them, and to me, if he had said something. How can I give him this feedback?

Resentful

Dear Resentful,

This is another variation on the extremely common theme of “my boss is a jerk” that I read on a very regular basis from readers. It sounds as if you are really letting this get to you. You know what they say about resentment: it’s like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. So let’s look at some alternatives to that approach.

• Focus on the positive: It is interesting to me that you don’t mention anything else about your boss such as what other flaws he might have or, for that matter, what his good qualities might be. You sound generally motivated to make him look good (even if this last turn of events has impacted that) so he must be doing something right. Make a list of what your boss does well and be grateful for those things. This will help to reduce your resentment and change your brain chemistry on this topic, which will make it easier to have that difficult conversation with him.
• Manage up: Essentially, this means communicate with your boss. He really needs to know the effect of his recent behavior—because the next time he needs heroics, he isn’t going to get them. So tell him. Request permission to share an observation, and then share your point of view about what happened. Remind him that you and your people want to do a great job for him and that a little acknowledgement goes a long way. Tell him exactly what you told me: how much a word from him would have meant—to all of you. Make sure to keep things neutral, light, and informative.
• Learn from it: I really think we learn more from bad bosses than we do from good ones because they give us such insight into what we don’t want to be or do when we become the boss. So put “always give credit to others” on your list for the future.

Who knows why your boss doesn’t give credit? He might be moving too fast and focused on the next thing. Maybe it just never occurs to him. Hopefully this will change if you give him the feedback. Good luck.

Love Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am a new manager in a fairly small startup who is just now getting my feet under me. I fought hard to get a new employee—I had to show exactly what he would do and make a business case for him. My new hire, Bill, is great—smart, hard working, and easy going. I’m working hard, too. We’ve set clear goals with weekly to-dos and we have weekly one-on-one meetings where we talk about each goal, how things are going, and what he needs from me to succeed.

Things were just fine until a new person joined the company. I’ll call her Linda. She is senior to me and needed someone to help her so it was decided that 30 percent of Bill’s time could go to Linda’s projects.

What a disaster. Linda has still not given Bill any clear goals; she kind of throws stuff at him and is constantly interrupting him for help with little things like technology stuff for social media. Bill can’t plan out his work and is no longer getting anything done on my projects! He is making mistakes and is clearly stressed out. He says some personal issues are throwing him off, but I’m pretty sure Linda is just driving him crazy.

I have tried talking to Linda on a couple of occasions and she keeps promising to set goals and get more organized in her directions for Bill. Months have passed and Bill is running out of steam. I am his official manager but I have no control here because Linda is above me and has the ear of the founder and president. I feel so angry that our excellent setup has been ruined and I feel powerless to fix it.

Powerless

Dear Powerless,

Wow. You are certainly getting an education in management right out of the gate! No honeymoon period for you. Sharing a direct report is tricky at best and a total curve ball in this instance.

It sounds like your basic managing got off on the right foot, but now you are struggling with a situation that is outside of your control. Of course I wonder whether you have thought of enlisting your boss’s help with this situation—presumably they would have the seniority to confront Linda on her slipshod management methods. But it sounds as if your boss might not be textbook management material either.

So let’s talk a little about power, and allow me to challenge you a bit.  Many people—more often women, but not always—think power is bestowed by someone else, someone more senior. It is not. The dirty little secret about power is that it belongs to those who take it. And even though the rest of us wonder “who the heck does she think she is?” seized power is rarely challenged. And it is certainly not challenged if the person who seizes it is trustworthy and an all-around decent person.

You are thinking of power as position power. A lot of power in organizations, especially these days with matrixes and herds of very young leaders, is actually personal power. Personal power is built on strong convictions with well thought out rational arguments to support them. Those with personal power are able to ask for what they need, draw clear boundaries, and make specific requests. They are trustworthy because they are competent, relate well to others, pay attention and keep their promises.

You may have more power than you think—after all, you did fight for your employee and you are his official manager. You had the wherewithal to get yourself a new hire, and now your job is to fight for your person and your own sanity.  Plan to articulate what you need to say, in clear language and a neutral tone. Practice with a friend. Think through all arguments and be ready to negotiate.

Brook no opposition—mark your territory and be ready to hold it. Step up. Stand up for yourself and your employee!

Love Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

I manage the creative design department for my company and have for years. We have a reputation for offering inspired and visually arresting products—because of me, basically. My boss is a great guy; I actually followed him here from another company. In fact, that may be the problem—my boss is just too nice.

I have the kind of job that requires my team and me to deliver on tight, time-sensitive deadlines. Everyone who works with me knows that sometimes we will have to work late or come in early, and that we can’t take undue time off during crunch periods. I am also extremely rigorous about the work we produce—after all, our reputation depends on it! I often give direct reports hard feedback to help them bring their work up to standard.

Sometimes when one of my people wants to take time off and I have told them no, they go running to my boss. The next thing I know, he calls me on the carpet for being too tough. What’s worse is when he tells a person they can take the time off they want, even when they are working on a big fat deadline. Of course, he doesn’t talk to me about how I am supposed to meet the deadline! I recently was admonished by HR when a direct report exceeded their PTO and it was because my boss told the person they could!

It is impossible to get things done when my boss doesn’t support my decisions. He wants everyone to love him, but it is at my expense.

Overridden

Dear Overridden,

So many middle managers are busy protecting their people from the slings and arrows of the folks upstairs—but you seem to have the opposite problem. This is definitely a tough one. Your boss wouldn’t be the first leader to be undone by their own need to be liked.

I hear the anger and resentment you are feeling and it is probably getting in the way of what really needs to happen—you need to sit down with your boss and hash out some boundaries.

Here is something I have tested with both myself and clients. It is a 7-step process for a conversation, taken from the book Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott. This approach is a good way to call out natural, forgivable human behaviors that everybody engages in at one time or another.

1. Name the issue (g., your people go running to your boss when they don’t like what you’ve said).
2. Select 2 or 3 specific examples of the behavior or situation you want to change.
3. Describe your emotion about this issue (e.g., it makes you feel unsupported by him).
4. Clarify what is at stake—and be very clear about this. Is this a problem because you can’t get your job done or because you are losing credibility?
5. Identify your contribution to the problem. Is it possible that you are too tough on your people? Be honest.
6. Indicate your wish to resolve the issue, being specific about what resolved looks like to you. This is critical and will provide you both with a measure so that you will know if the fix is successful.
7. Invite your partner/boss to respond.

The thing I like most about this process is that it forces you to prepare for a conversation about one problem and one only. You can’t pile on with everything your boss does that drives you crazy—but maybe you can get him to change one thing he does that is hindering your success.

Good luck to you.

Love Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I am a relatively new manager at a not-for-profit organization. During my first two years working here, my boss told me exactly what to do all the time. A classic micromanager, he constantly breathed down my neck.

He left the organization and I now I report to the woman who was his boss. She is the polar opposite of my old boss and gives me zero direction.

This, it turns out, is even worse.

All she does is pile on more work, saying things like, “Oh, could you just take care of this? You are so smart and you always get things done.” Nice to hear, but how can I do it all?

To make matters worse, because of her constant piling on of work, I have no real idea what I am supposed to be focused on at any given time. She keeps claiming an open door policy, but in real life her door is never open—and I can’t get on her calendar to get the clarification I need. I feel lost. This situation is affecting both my own work and my ability to set goals for my new hire. Help! —Overburdened and Feeling Lost

Dear Lost,

Don’t you just hate that—one manager drives you crazy breathing down your neck and the next one drives you crazier by paying no attention to you at all. If nothing else, you have two excellent models for how not to manage your own direct report.

I am thrilled to hear that you are working on goals with your new hire—this is an excellent first step. Ken Blanchard, in his book The New One Minute Manager, says the first step to success is to write down crystal clear goals and post them someplace extremely visible. Ask your new person to double check all of their activities against those goals on a regular basis to make sure everything they are doing is moving them toward accomplishing the right things. If you are familiar with Situational Leadership® II, be very clear about what leadership style your employee needs for each task and goal. This is so that you can provide extra direction when needed, but you also can leave them alone when appropriate. When used correctly, extra direction when your employee is new to a task won’t be perceived as micromanagement—and extra autonomy when they are competent at a task won’t be perceived as abandonment, which is how it probably felt when each of your bosses used only one style with you in all instances.

Now this is specifically for you: Anyone who has a clueless boss must take the reins and bring the boss up to speed by any means possible. This will mean you, alone, need to clarify the goals and tasks you are currently working on. Take your best guess to start. Write them in the briefest, simplest way possible and put them in front of your boss. Get creative and use several types of communication to find one that gets her attention—a hard copy left on her desk, an email, or even a text if that makes sense. If she listens to voice mail, leave your goals and tasks in a message. Then write them big and bold and put them over your desk so your boss sees them when she passes by. If you are on the wrong track, she will notice and tell you.

Once you’ve clarified your goals, communicate with your boss often and without fail. I recommend weekly, but bi-weekly will do—or, worst case, monthly. This communication should list your goals and all actions taken in relation to those goals. As a side note, list in a Miscellaneous bucket any tasks you are working on at your boss’s request that aren’t connected to your goals. That should be instructive.

If your boss won’t provide clear goals, direction, and support in the proper amounts, you’ll have to take the bull by the horns and provide them for yourself. Hopefully, your boss will get the message—and in the meantime, this exercise will remind you of how important it is to provide the same for your direct report. Let me know how it goes.

Love, Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

Due to a recent move to another country, I had to find a new job. Obviously I had to step down professionally, and now I found myself in an awkward situation: I have more knowledge, qualifications, and skills than my new boss. I see him struggling with his job. Things like time management, getting organized, delegation, and customer service are a few areas where he is lacking. 

How do I tell him what he is doing wrong and teach him what to do without making him feel I’m a threat? –Cautious Teacher

Dear Cautious,

Your situation definitely sounds frustrating. I am a little confused by your use of the word obviously when you describe how you had to “step down professionally.” What made it obvious? Are you navigating in a second language? Or are your academic qualifications not accepted somehow in your new country? Whatever the case, I would encourage you to continue to look for the right job that suits your level of experience and expertise.

That said, you still have to make a go of it where you are—so here are some general principles to keep in mind.

Smart employees know part of their job is to help their boss be successful and look good. This will reap the most rewards all around. Any ideas you have to help your boss get organized and consider other perspectives probably will be welcome, but only as suggestions. Nobody wants to be told what to do or to feel judged or inadequate.

It sounds as if the biggest gap for your boss is in the area of professional versus technical skills. You can be a role model for flawless professionalism by simply behaving in all the right ways consistently, day in and day out. This includes delivering amazing customer service, using your time effectively, and being civil and respectful to your boss even when you feel contempt.

You can also rely on power of attraction. As the late Dr. Wayne Dyer, one of the most influential personal development teachers often said: “You don’t attract what you want; you attract what you are.” I would suggest you use this situation as an opportunity to grow yourself in the area of acceptance, patience, and kindness.

In the meantime, use your time away from work to find the right spot for yourself, if you can. By the time another job shows up, you might have rubbed off on your boss enough that it’s more appealing to stay than to leave.

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

As a sales and marketing manager in my company, I have been raising flags regarding the way we are responding to the market shrinking and business conditions.

I see us headed for a critical situation soon and have suggested several solutions to our GM. He simply doesn’t listen. He refuses to take any risk, even if it’s calculated.

He seems to want to just stay in his comfort zone while clock is ticking. Should I prepare to leave, or what? – Eyes Wide Open 

Dear Eyes,

Many human situations can be found in Greek mythology. This situation is covered in the ancient tale of Cassandra, who is given the gift of prophesy but then cursed so no one will listen to her or believe her. Poor Cassandra was driven insane—but let’s not let that happen to you! I think you have two courses of action here, and you may want to pursue them both simultaneously.

The first is to try, one last time, to get through to your GM. It’s possible that your communication style is not resonating with him—so before you approach him this time, observe him carefully to understand how he thinks, learns, and processes information. Is he data driven? Prepare your argument with spreadsheets. Is he a big picture person? Tell a story about where your company has been and where you see it going—you could make comparisons with famous now defunct businesses such as Tower records, Blockbuster Video and Kodak. Is he visual? Use images to make your point. As you note, your boss is not a risk taker so you will want to start with very low risk proposals and be prepared to show how small risks could pay off. Finally, many people have very fragile egos so it won’t hurt to show respect for what he does well and find ways to build on any good ideas he has.

The second course of action is to dust off your resume, update your LinkedIn profile, and start looking for a new job. You may not need one, but you should always be prepared.

Of course, there is the possibility that you are wrong—both in your assessment of the business situation and in your GM’s reasons for not listening to you. It might be wise to discuss your feelings with colleagues and get a reality check before working yourself into too much of tizzy.

Madeleine

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Dear Madeleine,

I’ve been in my job for 18 months and I’m good at it. I’m basically pretty clear about what I’m supposed to be doing, and I know my coworkers see me as dependable.

My problem is that I can’t get any time with my boss. I send emails and leave voicemails with questions, but seldom get an answer from him. Even when he responds, he doesn’t answer my questions.

To be fair, he travels all over the world so he is always on a plane or in an airport, managing time zones. And since the company downsized he now has about 15 direct reports, so I’m guessing he’s basically overwhelmed. But I know I could be more useful if I could just get clarity on my objectives sometimes.

A Voice in the Wilderness

____________________________________________________________

Dear Voice,

Wow. I feel for you and I feel for your boss. But here’s the thing—when a manager is running around with their pants on fire like yours is, all they have the bandwidth for is dealing with the real problems. So in your case, no news is probably good news—your boss trusts you to keep things humming.

Could there be a reason you don’t trust yourself? Perhaps you simply lack confidence. In our celebrated leadership model, Situational Leadership® II, you would be at development level three—a capable, but cautious, performer. Here are a few ideas that could help you feel like you are on more solid ground:

• Tighten up your communication with your boss. Put your question in the subject line of the email and make it easy for him to give you a yes or no answer.
• Instead of asking questions, explain the situation and offer up a suggested solution. This lets your boss reply with either a quick “Go for it” or “Wait, have you thought about …”.
• Find a mentor in your organization who might have more time for you and can help you develop.
• Identify a peer or colleague that has more experience than you with whom you can brainstorm solutions.
• Put yourself on your boss’s calendar when you know he will be in the office. Be prepared with an agenda so you can get through your issues with lightning speed.

Good luck!

About the author

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard is a master certified coach, author, speaker, and cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. Madeleine’s Advice for the Well Intentioned Manager is a regular Saturday feature for a very select group: well intentioned managers. Leadership is hard—and the more you care, the harder it gets. Join us here each week for insight, resources, and conversation.

Got a question for Madeleine? Email Madeleine and look for your response here next week!

Ever wonder why promising new managers end up becoming micro-managers?  The problem is often under-supervision. Many times, new managers don’t get the direction and support they need from their immediate boss to learn and gradually master their new role. After a basic orientation, it is assumed that they will figure out the nuances of the position on their own.

If you are like me, when left to your own devices, consciously or unconsciously you revert to what has worked in the past. Lacking specifics and encouragement in a new role the new manager may slip back into doing the jobs of their direct reports instead of providing direction and support. Ever had a leader take over a task or project you thought was yours? It leaves you with strange feelings of resentment and inadequacy.

Don’t be the under-supervised micro-manager! If you find yourself unclear about your new role and in need of some help yourself, it’s time to take action. Here are a few ideas:

• Make your leader lead. Ask for the specifics you need. Set up ongoing one-to-one meetings with your own boss. Let your leader know that you need more time, information, and support. Prepare an agenda and keep the meetings to thirty minutes.
• Organize your projects and resources. What is urgent? What can wait? Who can guide you? Which of your team members should be involved?
• Let leadership trickle down. Once you’ve seen the personal benefit of one-on-one meetings with your immediate manager, schedule ongoing meetings with your direct reports to be sure you are giving them what they need. Ask them for feedback.
• Trust your team members. If you are certain they have all the information they need, step out of the way and let them work. You can make adjustments later.

Even the most promising new managers need some help from time to time. It will take self-reflection, asking for what you need, and taking a chance on yourself and others. You will need guidance and feedback—and you will make mistakes. Ask for help and provide help.  It’s all part of the process and it’s all worth it.

About the author:

Cathy Huett is the Director of Professional Services at The Ken Blanchard Companies.  This is the sixth in a series of posts specifically geared toward new and emerging leaders. To read more, be sure to check out:

• Step Up As You Move Up: 3 tips for new managers
• Two Ways to Consider A New Manager Role
• Redirection Redefined – 5 Steps to Stay on Track
• When a Great Boss Says Goodbye – 5 Ideas to Salvage Support
• New Managers–Don’t Let The Job Steal Your Life

So what do you do when you have a manager who is not providing the leadership you need or deserve? I suggest three key strategies for managing your boss.

Key #1: Manage Yourself First

What? “I thought this was about managing my boss,” you say? It is difficult, if not impossible, to manage others if you’re not managing yourself first. That means being accountable, keeping commitments, supporting other team members, and doing what you can to make a contribution—to add value. The more you are seen as a valued member of the team, the greater influence you will have in managing up.

Key #2: Communicate Regularly

If you don’t do this already, I recommend that you schedule regular one-on-one time with your manager. At least once every two weeks, sit down together for fifteen to thirty minutes and share progress reports, obstacles and concerns you face, and needs you have for direction and support. Start each one-on-one meeting with an update of commitments both you and your manager made during the previous one-on-one.

Key #3: Ask for What You Need

Managers are not all-seeing, all-knowing human beings. Just like everyone else, they are generally horrible guessers when it comes to what others need. Do you need more clarity about a recent assignment? Do you need direction on where to start? Do you need your manager to trust you and give you the autonomy you deserve on this assignment? Then ask. Be clear and specific and ask for what you need. For example: “Hey boss, do you have five minutes to provide some more detail about what you need from me on this assignment?” Or “Hey boss, since this is something I have done before, I would really like to lead this activity.” Most managers are willing to help but wary of micromanaging so they don’t offer. Remember to just ask.

What if Your Boss Refuses to be Managed?

You can be a solid performer with superior communication and people skills and your manager can still choose to be unsupportive, or even worse: A seagull manager. Seagull managers are never around until you make a mistake. Then they fly in, make a lot of noise, dump all over you, and fly away again. If you have done everything you can to get the leadership you need and it is not working, you have two choices: (1) accept it and let it go; or (2) remove yourself from that manager.  (See an earlier blog post for more information regarding these options.)

What other strategies do you use to manage your boss with integrity, in a way that builds the relationship? I’d love to read your comments.

About the author:

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies who specializes in performance and self-leadership.  You can read John’s posts on the second Thursday of each month.

1. I am not really here. (Well, maybe my body is, but my mind is elsewhere.)
2. I am being paid to be here. (And if I wasn’t being paid—or receiving some other type of reward—I wouldn’t be here.)
3. I have to be here; I’d be afraid of what might happen if I wasn’t.
4. Being here aligns with my values and will help me and my organization reach important goals.
5. Being here resonates with me; I feel it could make an important difference to others in my organization and/or help me fulfill a meaningful purpose.
6. I am inherently interested in being here; it is fun for me.

A quick survey found that people were attending for a variety of reasons including all six of the possible choices above. Fowler went on to explain that the first three choices were all “Sub Optimal” motivational outlooks that generated poor results. She also shared that outlooks 4, 5 and 6 were the “Optimal” motivational outlooks that most closely correlated with intentions to perform at a high level, apply discretionary effort, and be a good corporate citizen.

What motivates you?

What’s motivating you on your tasks at work?  Is it a “carrot” (External #2) or a “stick” (Imposed #3) approach?  If so, what’s the impact been on your motivation and performance?  Chances are that you’re not performing at your best.  Even worse, you could find yourself feeling somewhat manipulated and controlled, which rarely brings out the best in people.

For better results, think about what it might mean to employ a more Aligned, Integrated, or Inherent approach.  Find ways to connect the dots for yourself to create a more intrinsically satisfying strategy.

3 ways to enhance motivation

Fowler suggests beginning by evaluating the quality of A-R-C in your life.  Looking back at over 40 years of motivation research, Fowler shared that the answer to creating a more motivating environment is a combination of increased Autonomy (control of your experiences), Relatedness (working together with others), and Competence (developing and refining new skills).  The good news is that anyone can change their motivational outlook with some self-awareness and self-regulation.

Could you use a little more motivation in your life?   Most of us could.  To find out more about Fowler’s thinking on motivation and bringing out the best in yourself and others, be sure to check out Fowler’s free, on-demand webinar recording, A Closer Look at the New Science of Motivation.  You’ll discover some of the common mistakes people make when it comes to motivation and what you can do to improve your outlook.  Recorded on October 3 for an audience of 700 participants, the download is free, courtesy of Cisco WebEx and The Ken Blanchard Companies.

It doesn’t have to be this way. A key skill in managing your time (and your boss) is learning to say NO when appropriate. But, how do you say NO, especially to your boss, in a way that maintains the relationship and builds trust?

First, you need to know your commitments. In order to know when to say no, you need to know what’s on your plate. You should have a running list of all your current projects/assignments. Once you see this list of commitments, you can decide whether the new request fits into your schedule, and if it’s of high enough priority to add to your list.

The real secret to saying “NO” is to have a greater “YES” burning within you!

Next, when a request is made, take the time to listen and fully understand what is being asked and why. Then you can decide if the request fits into your schedule and your priorities.

Last, when appropriate, you need to say NO in a respectful way. Here are five strategies:

• Negotiate a later date for completion – “I would be happy to do that task. With all of my other priorities I could complete it by this date.”
• Ask how it fits into your current workload, then negotiate – “I would be happy to do that task. Would you help me see where this fits in with my other priorities?”
• Suggest someone else who might be able to complete the task for you – “I don’t have time for this at the moment. You might check with Pat or Chris.”
• Be polite, yet firm in saying “no” when “no” is your only option – “I’m sorry, I can’t do this right now.”
• Pre-empt the request by keeping people informed regarding your workload and priorities.

Don’t let your work life get to the point where you feel burned out and ready to quit. Take responsibility for creating the work environment that keeps you engaged by learning to say “No” when appropriate.

Remember…

“A ‘No’, uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a ‘Yes’, merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.”

~ Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

*****

About the author:

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies.  You can read John’s posts on the second Thursday of every month.

In Fowler’s experience, you have to understand your own reasons for performing at a high level before you can help others do the same. Without that understanding, most managers attempting to “motivate” others will resort to imposed or extrinsic techniques that may only make the matter worse—for example, a “carrot” approach which dangles incentives in front of people in exchange for desired behaviors—or a “stick” approach which applies sanctions and negative consequences for undesired behaviors.

A new understanding on what motivates people

Fowler maintains that the reason for our dependence on external rewards to motivate people, especially in the workplace, is not just because they were easy and the “fast food” of motivation, but because we didn’t have alternatives—we didn’t know what truly motivates people.

That’s been changing rapidly the past couple of years as research about intrinsic motivators have begun to make their way into the work environment.

Building on the pioneering work of Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, researchers and practitioners have begun exploring the powerful impact that intrinsic motivators such as Autonomy (being in control of one’s own life), Relatedness (to interact, be connected to, and experience caring for others) and Competence (experience mastery) can have.

For example, researchers at The Ken Blanchard Companies have established that employee perceptions of increased Autonomy, Relatedness, and Competence are positively correlated to intentions to stay with an organization, endorse the organization as a good place to work, and apply discretionary effort in service of the organization’s goals.

As Fowler explains, “The latest science of motivation gives us an entire spectrum of options beyond the carrot and stick. People want or need money and rewards, but when they believe that is what motivates them, they are missing out on much more effective and satisfying motivational experiences.”

How are you motivated?

Wondering how you can apply this latest research into your own work life?  Here are three area to explore:

1. What’s your motivation? What’s driving your performance on key work goals and tasks—is it in pursuit of rewards, avoidance of punishment, or something more meaningful and personal to you?
2. How are your needs for Autonomy, Relatedness, and Competence currently being met?  Are you growing and developing skills?  Do you get a chance to work together in community with others toward a shared goal?
3. What can you do to create a more satisfying work environment for yourself and others? What small step can you take this week to start moving things in the right direction?

Work can—and should be—a motivating experience.  Sometimes we forget, or become resigned to, a transactional relationship.  It doesn’t have to be that way.  Re-examine your beliefs, reframe your experience and rediscover your passion. Break out of carrot and stick thinking.  Consider the impact that increased Autonomy, Relatedness, and Competency can have on your life.

PS: You can learn more about Susan Fowler’s approach to motivation in the article Motivation As a Skill.  Also be sure to check out a free webinar that Susan is conducting on October 3, A Closer Look at the New Science of Motivation.  It’s a free event courtesy of Cisco WebEx and The Ken Blanchard Companies.

He did not want to go but felt he had no choice.

I asked: “What would happen if you CHOSE not to go?” He replied that his wife would be very upset and it would harm their relationship.

Next, I asked: “How do you think your current attitude will impact the quality of your time together at this wedding?” He pondered this for a minute and admitted that he would have a miserable time and that would have a negative impact on his wife’s experience – not too much different than if he stayed home.

Finally, I asked: “Knowing that you really DO have a choice, what would happen if you looked at your options and CHOSE to attend the wedding and make this a great experience for your wife?” He admitted things would probably be better and he made the choice to attend.

When he came back from his trip, I asked him how it went. He hit me in the arm and then said “I hate it when you’re right. We both had a wonderful time.”

Exercise choice

There is power in the words we tell ourselves and others. Think about the last meeting you feel you HAD to attend – you felt like you had no choice. How did you act during that meeting? What was your attitude? What did you get out of the meeting? What would happen if you made the CHOICE to attend instead? You looked at your alternatives – go or not go – and decided it was worth attending. (NOTE: You may want to contact the meeting organizer and have a discussion about your attendance before making a final decision!)

Think about these examples and how reframing your words can impact the quality of your experience:

Instead of                     Consider

I have to…                              I choose to…

They made me…                    I’ve decided to…

It can’t be done…                  There has to be another way…

As you go through the rest of the week, notice your language and the impact it has on your attitude. See if you can reframe your experience by changing your language. Let me know how it goes.

“Change your language and you change your thoughts.” ~ Karl Albrecht 

About the author:

John Hester is a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies.  You can read John’s posts on the second Thursday of every month.

Here are the top reasons Fournies heard most often and which he described in his book, Why Employees Don’t Do What They’re Supposed To and What You Can Do About It.  As you review the list, consider what you believe might be some of the root causes and solutions for each road block.

In Fournies’ experience, the root cause and solution in each case rests with the individual manager and employee.  Fournies believes that managers can minimize the negative impact of each of these potential roadblocks by:

1. Getting agreement that a problem exists
2. Mutually discussing alternative solutions
3. Mutually agreeing on action to be taken to solve the problem
4. Following-up to ensure that agreed-upon action has been taken
5. Reinforcing any achievement

Are your people doing what they are supposed to be doing?

What’s the level of purpose, alignment, and performance in your organization?  Do people have a clear sense of where the organization is going and where their work fits in?  Are they committed and passionate about the work?  Are they performing at a high level?  Take a look at the conversations and relationships happening at the manager-direct report level.  If performance is not where it should be, chances are that one of these roadblocks in getting in the way.

PS: You can learn more about Ferdinand Fournies and his two books, Why Employees Don’t Do What They’re Supposed To and What You Can Do About It, and Coaching for Improved Work Performance here at Amazon.  Both books are highly recommended for your business bookshelf.

“It is always my choice: to change what I cannot tolerate, or tolerate what I cannot—or will not—change.”                     

“If only…”—you fill in the blank. It is a frequent comment I hear from clients as they are engaged in our Situational Self Leadership workshops:

• If only my manager would take this training (or would apply it) …
• If only my organization supported this …
• If only I had more time …
• If only …

The first time I hear any sort of “if only” remark in a workshop, I stop and introduce the concept of choice. We all have choices, no matter what our circumstances. The challenge is acting on those choices.

For example, imagine you are feeling oppressed by a micro-manager. (Maybe you don’t need to imagine too hard.) What are your options? I believe Self Leaders—people who proactively take responsibility for getting what they need to succeed at work—look at three options that are always available:

1. Influence. What can you do to influence your manager to provide a leadership style that matches your development level on your goals and tasks? First, communicate your status on a regular basis so your manager doesn’t feel the need to micro-manage. If that does not work, have a direct, respectful conversation where you ask for the leadership style you need.

Remember—in the end, managers have the choice to be influenced or not. That leads to our second option.

2. Accept. Acceptance means we give up the right to moan, groan, or complain to others. Acceptance means “I am willing to let this go – for now.” It does not need to be a permanent choice, but for now, you are willing to accept being micromanaged because you love your work, the people you work with, your paycheck, etc.

A warning: Acceptance of a less-than-tolerable work situation is difficult to sustain, especially for a long period of time. At some point you may try to influence again. If that doesn’t work, you may have to resort to the third option.

3. Remove. No, you cannot remove your manager—all you can remove is yourself. This means you make a choice to leave the team or the organization.

Don’t choose to be stuck

When we refuse to choose from these options, we are actually making another choice: to be stuck. Many people don’t recognize that being stuck is a choice we make, not a circumstance we are put in. It means we are unwilling to pay the price to either influence, accept, or remove. What happens when we are stuck? Not only are we miserable, but we bring everyone around us down with us—our team, our friends, our family.

The foundation of Self Leadership is to take responsibility for our lives and our choices. I encourage each of you to get unstuck and choose your response to your circumstances.

About the author:

This is the first in a series of posts by John Hester, a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies.  You can read John’s posts on the first Monday of every month.